


Fight Me, Bite Me

by Rhov



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Acnephilia, Aftercare, Amusement Parks, Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Angry Natsu, Angry Sex, Angst, Animal Play, Arguing, Armpit Kink, Awkward Flirting, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bathing/Washing, Begging, Belting, Biting, Blindfolds, Blood Drinking, Blood Kink, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Bloodlust, Bloodplay, Blow Job in a Shower, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Breaking Up & Making Up, Butt Plugs, Butt Slapping, Candle Fucking, Candles, Cat-o-nine-tails, Caught in the Act, Chastity Device, Choking, Cock Bondage, Cock Rings, Cohabitation, Collar Ceremony, Collars, Come Eating, Come Shot, Coming Out, Coming in Underwear, Crossdressing, Crossdressing Gray Fullbuster, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cunnilingus, Dark Fantasy, Dark Past, Death Threats, Desperation Play, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Drinking Piss, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Exhibitionism, Explicit Sexual Content, Face Slapping, Face-Fucking, Ferris Wheels, Finger Sucking, First Time Topping, Flashbacks, Flogging, Food Kink, Foot Fetish, Frottage, Futanari, Genderbending, Graveside Confessions, Hair Washing, Hair-pulling, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, Handcuffs, Hip Biting, Hot Springs & Onsen, Hotel Sex, Human Furniture, Human Trafficking, Humiliation, Ice Play, Immobility, Impact Play, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Imprisonment, Incomplete Sex Change, Jock Straps, Keeping Quiet For The Kids, Kitchen Sex, Leashes, Licking, Loss of Virginity, Love Bites, Love Confessions, M/M, Makeup, Marking, Masochism, Masturbation, Masturbation Sleeve, Masturbation in Shower, Mating Bites, Meeting the Parents, Mental Breakdown, Morning Cuddles, Multiple Partners, Natsu Makes a Sexy Girl, Neck Kissing, Nightmare Fuel, Nightmares, Nipple Play, Noise Cancellation, Non-Consensual Groping, Non-Consensual Touching, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Non-Graphic Violence, Not Really Safe Sex, Omorashi, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay, Orgasm Denial, Outdoor Sex, Painplay, Panic Attacks, Partner Swapping, Past Torture, Peeing on Each Other, Pet Play, Polyiterophilia, Pool Sex, Psychological Horror, Public Blow Jobs, Public Claiming, Public Collaring, Public Hand Jobs, Public Masturbation, Public Sex, Punishment, Rape Fantasy, Rape Roleplay, Ravishment, Recovered Memories, Repressed Memories, Restraints, Riding Crops, Rimming, Role Reversal, Roleplay, Romantic Fluff, Rope Bondage, Rough Sex, S&M, Sadism, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Safewords, Salirophilia, Scary Natsu, Scent Kink, Self-Flagellation, Sensory Deprivation, Sex In A Cave, Sex Toys, Sex in a Forest, Sex in a Hot Spring, Sex on a Ferris Wheel, Sexual Slavery, Sexual Violence, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Shower Sex, Slave Trade, Small Penis, Snowballing, Sounding, Spanking, Stalker Juvia, Strangulation, Sub-Drop, Subspace, Sweat, Sweat Licking, Switching, Table Sex, Temperature Play, Tender Sex, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Tickle Fights, Tissue Warning, Touch-Starved, Triggers, Uke Comforts Seme, Underwater Blow Jobs, Underwater Sex, Unheard Love Confession, Unsafe Sex, Urination, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Verbal Sex, Vibrators, Voyeurism, Wake-Up Sex, Water Sex, Watersports, Wax Play, Welts, Wet Dream, Wetting, Whip Marks, Yaoi, ear biting, ice dildo, paddles, river sex, sweat kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-22 09:34:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 65
Words: 483,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhov/pseuds/Rhov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gray has a secret kink for immobilizing people. Natsu is too scared to let himself get intimate with anyone unless he is restrained. When a nightmare brings them together, the two rivals realize that the only partner who could handle their bizarre fetishes...is each other!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ice Play and Bondage

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for Gratsu Week 2013 [on DeviantArt](http://gratsu-week.deviantart.com) and [on Tumblr](http://gratsu-week.tumblr.com).  
>  Day 5 was the Theme **[-18]** (in other words, "lemon day," yay!)
> 
> WARNING: This story contains many elements of "hardcore" BDSM and develops into chapters about fetishes that may be disturbing to some people. It's not meant for anyone under legal age.
> 
>  **SERIOUSLY READ THE FUCKING WARNINGS!** \- Those tags aren't there for my health, guys. If you are triggered by absolutely anything, just go ahead and assume that thing will be in this story. You can face the discomfort in a fictional environment and grow from that experience of personal victory, or you can run away now to your safe space. There are no safe spaces in my stories, and there will be no further trigger warnings. Don't bitch to me if something offends you.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail, and he will murder me if he knew I wrote this. Then Natsu would burn my soul, and Gray would encase it in ice and toss it into the 9th level of Hell.
> 
> The book cover is by [Rhov Anion](http://fav.me/d713a9y).

Natsu twisted in his sleep, moaning, flinching, struggling against some invisible monster that haunted his dreams. Sweat glistened on his tense brow, and occasional fiery flickers lit the night as he fought a nightmarish demon. His nocturnal terrors woke Happy, who rubbed his massive eyes and walked over to the bed. In the darkness, he saw Natsu twitching, his breathing fast, his body stiff as it pulled against some horrific fantasy.

Before the Exceed could rouse him—and Happy had learned in the past that waking a sleeping Dragon Slayer was a dangerous thing to do—Natsu bolted upright with a scream. His eyes bulged, and flames shot out his mouth, scorching the wall across from him. He was pale with fright as he stared into the darkness of his bedroom.

"Natsu!"

He jolted and looked down to those huge eyes of his best friend. "Happy? What…?" Natsu felt his throat, and then his wrists.

"It was another nightmare."

Slowly, Natsu's breathing calmed down. He swallowed hard, gulping the terror down his dry throat. Happy hopped up onto the bed and patted Natsu's leg comfortingly.

"Was it that dream again?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, ashamed that he, of all people, would be plagued by nightmares. "I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll probably see you in the morning."

Happy watched silently as Natsu pulled on his clothes, wrapped his scarf around his neck, and held onto that scarf just a little longer, drawing some comfort from it. Natsu never spoke about his nightmare, but Happy knew that somehow the scarf was a comfort.

Natsu usually sneaked into Lucy's place when he felt like this. Her bed was comfortable, her smell soothed his mind, and it was usually the only way to fall back to sleep. So that was where he headed. When he turned onto Strawberry Street, he heard Lucy's shouts. That worried him, and he rushed forward. Fearing for her, Natsu leaped into the closed window, only to see something he never expected.

There was a man on top of Lucy. That horrified Natsu at first—surely he must be an attacker—until he saw the green Fairy Tail crest on the man's back. Then in the moonlight, he saw orange hair, and as if there might still be confusion, Lucy moaned his name.

"Oh God, Loke!"

The Lion's haunches tensed as they thrust against her, making her bed creak. "Order me, master. What more can I do to please you?"

"Touch … more."

With a lilting tease, Loke asked, "Touch where? Show me, Lucy. Point to where you want it."

Natsu moved away with flushed cheeks. Seeing those two made him aroused, but he still felt troubled by the nightmare. He thought about seeking out Lisanna—he used to snuggle in her bed after nightmares before Lucy arrived—but he figured he probably should not be around women while horny.

"Loke! Yes, there. Oh … oh God. I can't…"

Natsu ran away as the grunts and moans made him tingle. He needed a place to stay. Going back home led to more nightmares. He thought about just crashing in the guild's infirmary, but he really wanted someone to talk to. He shivered as the memory of the nightmare returned.

Who could he go see? Not a woman, not with how he felt after seeing Loke and Lucy. What man did he know well enough to seek out?

There was one, but he would be furious if Natsu woke him up. Then again, pissing off the popsicle was a good reason to go bug him.

Natsu raced through the dark streets to Gray's apartment and hopped up to the window, partly climbing some ivy to reach it. Looking in, he saw Gray's bed in the center of the room, away from the window. Natsu lifted the windowsill, and it slid up noiselessly. He slipped inside and rubbed his arms. Gray always kept his apartment icy cold. Natsu crept up to the bed and gazed down at the naked wizard. Gray was curled on his side, the sheets cocooned around him, his arms and knees curled up in a fetal position. Natsu had to smile. This was the only time that Gray looked so cute.

Natsu pulled the blankets aside just a little and slipped into the bed. The Dragon Slayer spooned against him, sidling up against Gray's chest and letting that iciness cool his back. Gray's breath tickled his neck. He smelled like a snowy forest, and Natsu decided that it was a reflective scent, something quiet and peaceful. His mind eased, and he felt the night terror fading.

* * *

Gray felt warm. He kicked off the covers, but still he felt hot. It annoyed him. Why would his bed be so warm? His eyes opened just a crack, and he saw a lumpy shadow in bed beside him.

Did he get drunk and pick up some chick at a bar? He did not recall drinking too much, but then again, he never recalled the details after a drunken party. He wondered who she was, if she was at least a little pretty, and if they actually had sex. He felt a slight nighttime arousal, so he guessed sex was not an issue. That was good. He hated using someone like that.

Gray reached forward and stroked the hair. It was soft, and in the dark he guessed it was either red, orange, or maybe an exotic pink. He wouldn't mind a pink-haired little sakura!

The sleepy moan was deeper than he expected, though. Gray's hand drew back fast. Only then did he notice the white muffler.

"What the hell!"

Gray leaped back, got wrapped up in his sheets, and tumbled out of bed onto the floor. Natsu rolled around and looked down at him.

"Oh, did I wake you?"

Gray pointed a shaking finger. "You! What … what are you doing in my bed? Oh God, don't tell me I got _that_ drunk!"

"You're not drunk, or at least I don't smell any alcohol on you," Natsu said, stretching and yawning. "I wanted a place to sleep."

"Then go bother Lucy."

"She's busy."

"She's probably asleep, like any sane person would be."

"No, she's … busy. With Loke."

Gray blinked in surprise. "Her … and Loke?" He looked aside, stunned by the news. "Wow! I knew he's been after her skirt for ages, but I didn't think they were like that."

"Yeah, they definitely are," Natsu grimaced.

"You saw?"

"Too much!" Natsu sat up in the bed and pulled his knees up.

Gray scrambled up and discarded the twisted sheets, exposing his fully naked self. "Don't tell me you had a crush on her, and now you're depressed, so you came here to sulk and annoy me."

"No, nothing like that. It's just … weird, seeing someone you know like that."

"I bet! So, what is the reason for you being here?"

Natsu gave a petulant shrug. "Bad dream."

"Bad dr-… Wait a moment! You had a nightmare, so now you need to sleep with someone?"

"Got a problem with that?"

"When I'm your security blanket, yeah! Why not Lisanna or Erza or … or some other lady who'd hold you through the night?"

"After seeing Loke and Lucy, I couldn't go to a girl."

"Sheesh!" Gray exclaimed, running his hand through his hair. "So you're scared of the dark and horny now? Great! Just great!" Gray flopped back onto the bed and glared at Natsu. However, that pensive face was something he could not hate for long. Gray's lips twisted up. He hated to see any friend looking sad. "Do you need to talk about it?"

Natsu looked over in confusion. "About Lucy? It's not a big deal, really. I wasn't in love with her or anything."

"I mean the nightmare, idiot!"

Natsu looked away again. "Just something I dream about."

"Something bad? Was it something that happened to you?"

Natsu shivered and his brow tensed.

"Hey, it's fine if you can't say. Just stay here. Whatever." He sighed and stared around at the dark bedroom. "Do you need anything? Some warm milk?"

"I'm not a frigging kid!"

"I'm just asking. Sheesh! I've never calmed someone from a nightmare."

Natsu and Gray stayed quiet for a while, both staring into the dark night.

"Hey, Gray," Natsu finally muttered. "You thought I was a girl you picked up while drunk, right?"

"Something like that," Gray admitted.

"Have you done that before?"

"Gotten drunk?"

"Had sex?"

"Sure. Haven't you?" When Natsu did not answer, Gray understood. "Hey, we're still teens. You don't have to have sex this young. Lots of people wait until they're married."

"Yeah, but you have, and Lucy's at it now, and there are rumors about Erza and Jellal—"

"Never mention them to her. She hits hard!"

Natsu had to laugh at the idea of Gray getting hit for prying into Erza's business.

"So you feel left out, huh? Is there any girl you're interested in?"

"Not really," Natsu mumbled. "I thought about Lucy, but I found out she isn't that way."

"What way?"

Natsu choked a little and went pale. Gray heard him breathing quickly as he tried to think of an excuse.

"So what sort of girl do you fantasize about?" asked Gray.

Natsu squirmed a little. "Not so much girls, necessarily."

Gray jolted again. "You're into guys?"

"I wouldn't say that either. It doesn't matter if it's a guy or girl, although I guess it depends on the situation."

"Situation? What sort of weird fantasies do you have, anyway? I totally can't imagine you thinking about sex."

"Of course I do! I'm a guy! It's just…" Natsu shrank down into his muffler. "Maybe it's perverted."

"They're sexual fantasies. Of course they're perverted."

"Do you have any weird fantasies, stuff you know is probably impossible?"

"You mean like tentacles and identical triplets?"

"Eww, seriously?" Natsu cringed.

"No! I'm just saying as an example. Eww, no! Well, not tentacles, at least. Triplets would be fun."

"Then what about … you know … being restrained?"

"You mean tied up?"

Natsu gave a meek nod.

"Not my sort of thing, but it's pretty normal for masochists." It took Gray a moment for it to dawn on him. "Wait, _you_? You have sexual fantasies about being tied up?"

Natsu squirmed away to the edge of the bed. "It's stupid, isn't it?"

Gray gulped hard, and his hands began to sweat. "Tied up how? Ropes? Handcuffs?"

"I dunno. Each dream is different. Once it was a dream that you restrained half my body in ice."

Gray choked out a cough. "Wait, you had an erotic fantasy about _me_?"

"Oh, come on! Don't tell me you've never had a fantasy about your teammates."

"Well…" Gray blushed, feeling decidedly uncomfortable with this conversation. "Sure, but … but sheesh, did you have to _tell_ me?" Gray squirmed and pulled the covers over his naked legs and torso before Natsu noticed that he was getting aroused. "So, I restrained you in ice, huh?"

"In the dream, yeah. And I used to have dreams about Lucy and her whip, or Erza in that Seduction Armor she has, or—"

"So just about anyone?"

"Well, mostly they were just—you know—people you don't know, you can't really see them clearly, they're just … there."

"And they … they tie you up?"

"Or just restrain me somehow."

"And do what?"

Natsu paused for a very long, very awkward moment. "Stuff…" He twisted his hips as he felt himself hardening. That nightmare was long gone now with memories of erotic fantasies. "Not always sex. Sometimes they just tease me, you know. Or sometimes they make me do embarrassing things."

Gray gulped hard again and fisted up his hands to keep them from touching himself. "Like, what?"

"I'm not telling you _that_ part!" Natsu frowned as he realized Gray was acting weird. "It's perverted, right? It's strange and not normal."

"Maybe," Gray whispered hoarsely. "But it's not that weird. Some people have fantasies about being submissive, and some … have dreams about being dominant over someone else."

"Yeah, but I've not met a girl like that. I thought Lucy was, what with that whip, but when I tried hinting around, she wasn't that way at all."

Gray felt heat coursing through his body. "Does it have to be a girl?"

"Nah, but no one would want me like that. Girls are always 'Oh Salamander, you're so strong, give me babies' and shit. They have no idea just how messed up I am inside, what I want … what I need."

Gray forced his breathing to be calmer. "Do you really want it?"

Natsu looked over quizzically. "It's just a weird fantasy."

"But…" Gray could hardly control himself. His eyes gleamed dangerously. "Do you want someone to tie you up, have their way with you, make you tremble and beg to stop while screaming for more? Do you really want that?"

Natsu shivered at the hesitant offer. "You … you do that stuff?"

Gray held back from answering as he spent a moment to fortify himself. "No, not with someone else. Not yet. Only _light_ bondage. I've never met a girl who wanted to go as far as I wanted."

Natsu's heart raced as his mind swirled with fantasies. "How far is that?" he asked breathlessly.

Those icy blue eyes gazed up under dark brows. "So far that I'd make you scream to stop."

A small gasp shuddered out. Fire raced straight down to Natsu's groin.

"So far…" Gray leaned forward and caressed that burning hardness hidden in Natsu's boxers. "…I'd leave you begging for more, and then deny it, until you'd do anything—anything at all—just to feel me touch you again."

Two fast breaths shuddered out before Natsu steeled himself. Those eyes were dangerous, and he craved them! "Gray, would you … do you want … to hurt me?" He sounded uncertain about that.

"It doesn't have to hurt. I could do things to you…" Gray said in a sinfully sweet threat, "…that would feel _very_ good, although you'd think it'd hurt. Or if you want, I could really hurt you. But if that's too much, I can just restrain you and fuck you senseless."

Natsu blushed at how bluntly he put it. "I think … I'd want … at least a little. Yeah. A little bit."

Gray eyed him up and down, lightly licking his lips. "Damn!" He shook his head and looked away. "This is crazy. I've gotta be dreaming. You're the last man on Earthland I'd thought would be a submissive masochist. Or are you just teasing me? Don't you dare tease me about this, Natsu. Anything else, you can fight me over, but not this."

"No, I … I didn't know that … you…" Natsu blinked and shook his head. His heart was racing so fast, it was making his head light and his ears ring. "You're not pulling my leg, right? I'll burn your whole apartment down if you are."

"I wouldn't tease about this. I never would have said anything at all, but you sound serious, and I've never met someone who might actually let me do what I've always wanted."

Natsu's breath caught at that. "What—?" His voice cracked at the unendurable sexual strain. "What would you do to me?"

Gray had a devilish grin. "Ideally? Anything I want. Anything that pleases me and pleasures you." Gray glanced down at the flame-print boxers. "You're excited just hearing about it. You're getting all wet down here." He fingered a moist spot on the boxers. "If we do this, there are a few rules."

Natsu quirked his head to the side. "Rules?"

"Number one: I'm an exclusive person. If you're with me, you don't do anything sexual with anyone else."

"Yeah, of course," Natsu shrugged. That seemed a given to him.

"Number two: you don't tell anyone about this. You can say whatever you want about us, tell people we're dating, or not and just keep it a secret. That doesn't matter to me. But not a word about anything kinky we do together. We do this only here, in this room, or in another room we agree upon. I'm not gonna act kinky in the middle of the guild or in some random alleyway."

"Oh, hell no!"

"Number three: we'll need safewords. If something I do is something you're not ready to try, and you want me to back off, say the word _avalanche_. If something I do is truly too much for you to withstand, say the word _inferno_."

Natsu looked confused. "Can't I say _stop_ and _no_?"

Gray grinned fiendishly. "You'll be yelling at me to stop a lot, and you might yell _no_ as an instinctive reaction without really meaning it. I can't let what you yell confuse me. _Avalanche_ if you're not ready to go that far, but you're willing to try more of something else; _Inferno_ , and I stop everything."

Natsu's breathing was getting deeper at the thought of it. This sounded far more than he had ever fantasied about … so deliciously more! "How far would you be willing to take it?"

"As far as you want to go, and I mean so much more than just sex."

Natsu tensed up at the sensual threat.

"Is there anything I absolutely can't do, anything you hate or that terrifies you?"

Natsu wondered what he was referring to. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you're a virgin," Gray realized. "Well, is there any place I can't touch? Or any way I can't touch you? Can I touch your chest? Your nipples?" His fingers brushed over the stiffening nubs. "You obviously don't mind me touching your cock."

"I'm … I think I'm fine with anything like that."

"And inside?"

Natsu flushed heavily. "Yeah, that's fine."

"Can I hit you?"

Now Natsu looked suspicious. "How?"

"Can I spank you?"

Natsu lost his breath. He was dizzy again. "Y-yeah, that's … I think it's okay. I've never done it for real, but … but I think I'd like that."

"Can I use other things to hit you? Like a whip or a paddle?"

"I don't really know."

"Okay, we'll wait on that. Maybe later."

"There's one thing," Natsu said softly. "That nightmare I had … don't … don't choke me. Don't make it so I can't breathe."

Gray frowned at the fear in Natsu's eyes, but he knew not to push Natsu into talking about it. "That's good to know. Okay, no suffocation. What about blindfolding?"

"Yeah, that seems fine. Are you gonna have to make a checklist?"

"That would be ideal, but not tonight. You need to work off some issues, and now you've got me insanely aroused. We'll keep it light today. Maybe more later."

"And can you do one thing? Not at first, but … later on."

"A request, huh?" Gray looked amused, wondering what the naïve little virgin might want.

Natsu squirmed a little before getting the courage to say it. "When I'm built up, when I'm about to … to come…" Those narrow green eyes glanced up with feral passion. "Bite me!"

An eyebrow lifted in surprise. "Bite you?"

Natsu nodded fervently. "Neck, shoulder, doesn't matter, just … bite me. Hard. Try to break the skin, if you can."

"So, I can leave marks on you?"

"Lots of them!" Natsu breathed heavily.

"And it's okay if I make you bleed?"

"Well, not a lot, but … just at that point." He gave a meek shrug. "It's a Dragon Slayer thing. I want you to mark me. Bite hard and then lick the blood. I might want to do the same to you."

Now it was Gray's turn to be stunned. "That's a lot more than I imagined."

Natsu felt a little disappointment. "Is it something you don't want?"

"No, not that, it's just … I always figured not to leave anything permanent, but if that's what you want—"

"Yes!" Natsu answered quickly and eagerly.

Gray nodded, taking all this into his plans. When he felt ready, he leaned over into Natsu's ear.

"I'm gonna tie you up," he said in a sizzling simper.

Natsu's body tensed at the threat.

"I'm gonna bind your wrists in ice, restrain you to the bed, and then"—Gray leaned even closer—"I'm gonna _ravage_ you!"

A whimper slipped out.

"Take off your clothes," Gray ordered, and he grinned mischievously. "I'll give you what you need."

With shaking muscles, Natsu rose from the bed and slowly stripped. Gray reclined, propping his head on a hand as he gazed upon the toned muscles with approval.

Ice did not caress. It bound! It froze things in place so they could not move.

Gray always wanted to bind a person with his ice. Not some random enemy, but a lover. The girls he had dated hated the pain of the ice against their skin. He had to resort to some kinky fuzzy handcuffs he bought at an adult store. Three girls let him try that, but without sex. Just handcuffing and teasing. Gray craved more! And he had a feeling that the only person who would—or could—let him do all he wanted was someone used to pain, someone who could handle his ice, someone who trusted him explicitly … someone like Natsu.

Years of fighting together assured him that even if he trapped half of Natsu's body in ice, the Dragon Slayer could handle it. He would brave the pain, and hopefully Gray could cull out pleasure from within that agony.

"The muffler, too," Gray ordered.

Natsu choked up. Without his muffler, the nightmare from earlier threatened to rear up again. However, he knew Gray was there. He trusted Gray. Gray would not allow the demons of his dreams to hurt him. Only Gray would hurt him, and he knew it was a pain that would not agonize him too much. Gray's ice, his touches, anything he did: that was pain Natsu knew he could bear. With that implicit trust in his rival and teammate, Natsu unwrapped the white scarf and set it aside.

Finally, Natsu was naked and standing with a hard-on to be proud of. Gray licked his lips as he thought of all the things he could do with this body. Most of that had to wait. Natsu was a virgin. He had cravings and desires, kinky fantasies and wet dreams, but no actual experience. Push him too hard or hurt him too badly, and he would flee.

"Sit," Gray ordered, patting the bed. Natsu immediately obeyed, and Gray shifted over. "Lie on the pillow." Natsu scooted down over the sheets. "Hands together, like you're praying to God."

Natsu prayed Gray would really do this, and this whole thing wasn't some elaborate prank to humiliate him.

Roughly, Gray forced Natsu's hands back against the headboard of his bed and formed ice to hold them in place. Natsu hissed at the cold handcuffs, but the frigid pain only highlighted the intensifying desire building inside him.

"Yes…" Natsu whispered. "Make it strong. I wanna fight it."

Gray quirked an eyebrow. "Fight it?"

Natsu nodded with his eyes closed with anticipation. "I wanna struggle against it, be bound, that feeling of helplessness. You've felt it in fights, right? Some overpowering enemy, you know you can't win, you can't escape, and victory is impossible. Suddenly, all your nerves become alive. You feel and hear and smell everything."

"Strong it is, then!" Gray added an extra layer of ice, completely encasing Natsu's wrists and forearms, leaving only his hands to clench and claw at the headboard. "Now, what to do with you?"

The way he said it was enticing alone. Gray stood up, dominating over Natsu's prone body, and eyed him like a toy he wanted to play with. He tapped his chin, exaggerating his pondering.

"I could always start with this." Gray held up his hand, and with a brief spark of blue magic, an ice cube was in his fingers. "I always thought this hot body of yours could use some cooling off."

Gray began with the ice cube on Natsu's lips, rubbing around like he had seen Lucy draw on her lipstick. Natsu flinched away from the cold. The ice cube traced over his forehead, cooling his worries. Then it went down to the neck, trailing down his adam's apple and across the ragged scar. The cube slipped wetly down his chest, lazily wandering over his skin, until Gray circled it around the nipples.

"Gaaah!" Natsu shouted, and he yanked at the restraints.

"That's a sexy sound," Gray purred in pleasure. "You have no idea how thrilling this is, seeing you bound up, under my control, mine to do with as I please. My own little flaming bitch."

Purely as a fighting instinct, Natsu yanked hard on the icy bonds. "You droopy-eyed bastard!"

However, Gray had made sure the ice was thick enough and imbued with a magic so it would not break completely. It cracked, but it did not shatter apart. Gray knew that, had the Dragon Slayer truly wanted to break loose, he could have flamed that ice into steam, or even broken apart the whole headboard to get loose. The fact that Natsu only pulled a little was encouraging.

Natsu felt that ice, so cold it burned, rubbing over his sensitive chest, around the pink dots stiffening with pleasure and pain. He yanked on the ice restraining his wrists until he felt an ache in his shoulders. He was trapped, helpless … well, not truly, but it was nice to give up control once in a while, stop being the person who always came to the rescue, and instead be at someone else's mercy. It felt thrilling to be the one trapped and needing to be rescued.

Subconsciously, he could not give up his control over his body on his own. He knew this from his own touches. Reaching that blissful peak meant surrendering to his own lust, and he simply … couldn't! It had to be forced, taken, stolen. That was what happened only in dreams. He needed to be tied up. He needed someone to force him to do what he did not want—what he _desperately_ wanted—what he craved and feared. He feared the inner dragon, how it could possibly hurt someone. He feared his own lust. He needed to be restrained, or else who knew how he might lash out against his lover-victim.

He _needed_ this!

Gray continued to slip the ice cube over Natsu's body, drawing a line straight down the taut muscles. His tongue followed, licking a hot stream that supplanted the cold. He circled the cube around the belly button, making sure some water melted within, and then further down.

"Don't you dare!" Natsu growled.

"On your dick, you mean? No. That might make you lose this delicious arousal."

Gray leaned over and licked from root to tip of the stiff member. That hot tongue, after so much cold ice, made Natsu's hips thrust up, seeking more of Gray's mouth. Instead, Gray backed away, and Natsu growled in frustration.

"No, I had something else in mind."

With speedy fingers, before the Dragon Slayer could figure out what he had planned, Gray slipped the ice cube up into Natsu's ass. The melty wetness, smoothed down into a bullet shape by Gray's cunning rubbing, fit perfectly inside, no resistance at all. Natsu jerked upward and yanked on the restraints so hard, he heard the wrought iron bars of the headboard creak.

"I want to challenge you, Natsu."

That caught the Dragon Slayer's attention. A challenge, eh?

"How many ice cubes can you hold inside your ass? If you can hold ten, I'll give you a special reward."

Natsu's breath was ragged from the icy pain inside, but as his body melted the cube, he figured he could tolerate this sort of teasing. "Bring it on, ice princess!"

Gray chuckled softly. Still so defiant! He would punish Natsu … later. He formed another cube in his hand, also shaping it into something like a bullet to fit inside easily. This time, he rubbed it around the puckered star. Natsu's eyes went huge, and he cried out at the coldness against the hottest part of his body. Then Gray pressed the ice cube inside.

"One."

"That's two!" Natsu argued.

"There was hardly anything left of the first one. It doesn't count. One." Gray formed another ice cube, but instead of playing, he slipped it right inside. "Two."

Natsu flinched. Inside him, he felt the chill. As one ice cube bumped into another, it pushed the first one higher up within. He could _feel_ the ice in there.

"Three," Gray said in a seductive whisper.

The third pushed the other two even further up inside, and Natsu's spine arched. His teeth clenched to keep from screaming at the icy pain wracking the inside of his colon.

Slowly, sadistically, Gray pressed another inside. "Four."

Now the ice hit his prostrate, and any attempts at holding back were lost. Natsu screamed.

"What are the safewords, Natsu?" Gray asked sternly.

Natsu's brain could hardly think. Ice was inside him, melting, floating, rubbing nerves deep within.

"Avalanche and inferno! You need to know this."

"Too hard to remember," Natsu shouted in sensual desperation.

"Fine. Well, I can't use _cold_ and _hot_ , since this is ice play, but … okay, yellow and red, like a street light. Yellow means slow down but you can handle more, you just need it slower. Red, it all stops, everything."

"Yellow, red, fine," Natsu yelled.

"You'll need to say _yellow_ if it's truly too much for you. I don't know your limits."

Limits? Natsu did not even know his own limits! He had never done something like this before. He had never even _dreamed_ of Gray using his ice like this.

He must have been numbed, because he hardly felt the next cube enter. "Five."

"I'm good," Natsu shouted, although his whole body was cringing. "More!"

"Damn," Gray hissed. This was getting almost too erotic for him. Women had let him enjoy his little ice play before, but most shouted to stop after three. Gray focused again and made another cube in his fingers. He thrust it up fast. "Six!"

Natsu screamed, and Gray's heart felt ready to explode, let alone the burning desire in his groin. To have this much control over someone, to force this much of his ice—a part of himself—inside, was beyond just kinky. It was intoxicating.

When Gray slipped the next cube in—" _Seven!_ "—Natsu felt all those other cubes shift and squeeze together inside his body. His innards were quivering with cold pleasure. It hurt … horribly! Wonderfully! But then, an ice cube shifted wrong and wedged right against his prostrate.

"Yellow! Yellow!" Natsu shrieked. "Shit!" He swung his hips, trying to move the cube inside him to get that ice off such a sensitive zone.

Two hands rubbed over his body. They were cold, but nowhere near as chilly as the freezing liquid pooling in his ass. Gray suddenly leaned over, and much to Natsu's surprise, those chapped lips pressed against his in an uncharacteristically tender kiss. Natsu's eyes widened, but then slowly drifted down, enjoying the sweetness of this first kiss between them. Then Gray rose up, hovering over Natsu's body, and gazed down at him with lowered eyes sparkling with lust.

"We can stop," he assured gently.

"No, I just needed to wait. I'm good."

"Don't be stubborn."

"I won't be. I'll tell you if it's really too much."

Gray looked hesitant, but then again, Natsu had used a mild safeword. He at least knew the limits of his own body. Of course, he was also a stubborn flame-brain who would push those limits.

And Gray wanted to push them!

Slower this time, Gray pressed in the next cube. "Eight," he breathed, as if he had to listen for any discomfort from his partner. Natsu moaned a little, and his body flinched, but he seemed comfortable with that. Another cube. "Nine. Damn, Natsu, you're almost there."

"Quick," Natsu warned. "Make it quick."

Gray complied and slammed the last one in. "Ten. Wow! I can't believe you did it."

Natsu looked a little paler than when they started off, and he was oddly quiet. "Gray, they're … melting. Inside. It … it needs to drip out."

"I know," he smiled, wondering how he could express how immensely proud he was that Natsu managed to fulfill this longtime fantasy of his. "This is where shit gets kinky."

Natsu peeped an eye open. Wasn't this kinky enough? He had frigging _ice_ up his ass!

"Can you stand?"

Natsu wondered if he could even move. He felt the ice restraint dissolve, and he slowly shifted. As he did, the ice in his colon moved, and he could feel some pieces floating up, while the liquid moved down.

"Gaaah!" Natsu yelled. The ice … inside him … moving, shifting. The warmer water further in got cold anew as the fresh ice cubes floated up.

Two arms grabbed him and lifted him. Natsu was stunned to feel Gray carry him—and fucking _princess style_ at that—to the bathroom. However, he walked past the toilet and to the bathtub. He set Natsu down on his feet, and with a stern face, Gray yanked Natsu's arms up to the shower head. He used the pipe to freeze Natsu's hands above his head once again.

"The hell is this?" Natsu shouted. He felt cold liquid already seeping out his ass and dripping down his inner thigh. "Gray, seriously, I need to let this out."

Gray stood back with a cruel smile. "Then do it. Right here. You're in the tub, so it's fine."

"Hell no!" Natsu shouted. "With you watching? That's humiliating."

Gray leaned right up into Natsu's face. "I know."

The way he said it, with those cruel blue eyes, so cold and calloused, made Natsu's knees weaken. "Gray," he whimpered. He felt a little bit more leak out, and the cold stream was a horrific indicator of just how much trouble he was in.

"I want to watch," Gray purred. "Natsu, my ice is inside your ass. You're about to shoot my ice out of your body. Can you even imagine how erotic that is for me? When you come, that'll be your own liquid, but this … this is my liquid, my own. And it's inside of you, trying to escape. I want to watch."

"But…" Natsu whimpered as another drop slipped out. "It … it could be … you know, messy."

Gray gave him a sadistically evil grin. "I hope it is!"

Natsu gulped hard. He almost wanted to use a safeword on this, but … Gray looked really riled up by the thought of seeing this, of humiliating him this deeply. Natsu wanted to please Gray. For letting his fantasy come true, he could do at least this much in return.

Natsu's body shivered. The pressure in his ass was hurting, but natural instincts were to hold on, clench tight, and not release, not here, not in a bathtub, and not standing up. His thighs squeezed tighter together.

"Nu-uh," Gray warned. He forced Natsu's knees apart and used ice to trap his ankles on either side of the tub. "There. I can really see now."

"No…" Natsu sobbed.

"There's no yellow on this, Natsu. You do it, or you go red."

Red. Red and it all stopped. Natsu did not want this to stop. Even the humiliation was thrilling in a sick way. He had wanted to lose control. Now, he did not even have control over his own body's functions.

He felt more cold liquid leak out. He clenched up instinctively, but he felt Gray's hand rub his back.

"Let it go, Natsu. I'm here. I'm not going to make fun of you or hurt you. I'm going to pleasure you, humiliate you, make you hurt, and make you happy. So just let go. Trust me."

Trust him? He did trust Gray, with his life! So why not with his pride as well.

Natsu gulped, and slowly he relaxed. He felt the liquid again, trickling out of his ass and down both thighs. He sniffled; he knew he could back out, but … he didn't want to! It felt … good. To let go. To be ashamed. To feel tiny and disgusting. It felt oddly good.

An ice cube popped out along with the water, and Natsu cried out, sobbing now. Gray's arms were instantly around him.

"You are so sexy, Natsu. So insanely erotic. That's my ice coming out of you. Mine! My ice and my water. Inside you. Leaking out of you." Natsu felt Gray shudder with intense lust. "You have no fucking idea how erotic this is!"

Another mostly-melted ice cube popped out and dropped with a shatter to the bathtub. Natsu shivering another cry.

"Shit…" Gray suddenly released the ice restraints. "Toilet. Squirt it all out, Natsu. Fast."

"Huh?" Natsu felt too dizzy to realize he was free.

"I need you. Now! Shit them out or they're getting rammed in with my cock."

Gray left the bathroom, and Natsu gladly raced to the toilet, where the last of the ice came out along with the water in his ass. He barely had time to wipe before Gray returned, ripping a condom open with his teeth.

"Do you want it?"

"It? Oh!" Sex? He meant sex, right? Sex with Gray! "Um, yes?"

"Good. Bed or bath, your pick."

Natsu realized playtime was over. "I'm still a mess."

"Bath it is."

Gray grabbed Natsu harshly and practically threw him into the bathtub again. Natsu just barely stopped himself from a face-first collision.

"Hey, bastard…"

"Shut the hell up," Gray growled. "Spread your legs. Now!"

Natsu saw him roll the condom onto his leaking cock. Being tossed around, manhandled, and ordered around … it made his heart race with salacious desires. So weirdly arousing! Then Gray took the shower head, detached it from its holder, and turned the water on hot.

"Turn around. I'll clean your ass."

Natsu did, and Gray changed a setting on the shower head to a high pressure pulse. Water jetted out and onto Natsu's rump. That hot water, after all the cold ice, burned his skin like no fire ever could. He shouted again, and then Gray's body pressed up against his.

"How are you this damn erotic, Natsu?" he whispered. "You're never like this in the guild. How are you so fucking hot?"

The shower head hit his ass again, like a fire hose against flames, and Natsu tensed up with a cry.

"So … fucking … hot," Gray repeated slower, growling insanely. "Just warning you, this is going to hurt."

"Make it burn," Natsu challenged.

Gray smirked. Still feisty, after all that?

He twisted the shower head until the water came out as a light drizzle and returned it to the clamp that held it up near the water pipe. It rained down on the two, a warm wetness that tickled Gray's body. Their hair, stiff from sweat, plastered down as rivulets of water streamed over Natsu's bronzed body.

"You're probably not prepped as good as you should be, but I can't wait," Gray warned. "Spread your legs more."

Natsu did, and he felt that stiff hardness press against the crack of his ass.

"No, wait," Natsu warned. "My hands. I … I need to be restrained."

Gray looked confused. "Even for this?"

"Especially for this," he whispered. "I can't lose control. You have to take it. You have to force it out of me."

Gray groaned at what he was asking. "Force it, huh? If that's what you need."

He grabbed Natsu's wrists with an iron grip and slammed him painfully against the tiles of the bathroom wall. The bathtub was right next to a window, and standing like this, Natsu could look out into the night. It was too dark to see much, but there was a street lamp that lighted a small orange circle of sidewalk.

"If someone comes by, they can see your face," Gray said in a low, dangerous tone. "I wonder what sort of face you'll show."

"Exhibitionist!" Natsu snarled.

"Damn right I am!"

Then suddenly, Natsu felt Gray enter him. It was hot, scorching compared to the ice that had been in him just a minute ago. Natsu cried out as that massive cock pierced into him. It hurt! It burned! It felt so … damn … good!

Gray did not wait, and he did not go gently, despite knowing it was Natsu's first time. He rammed in hard, stretching him, forcing his way in. The shower water and the lingering cold moistness within was all the lube he had. Gray did not stop. He pulled back, and then slid in deeper. Natsu cried out in what was surely terrible agony, but Gray no longer listened to the shouts. Only one word mattered.

Natsu had better not say _red_. Not now. Gray was unsure if he could stop.

His hips tensed as he thrust in, pinning Natsu's chest to the tile wall, his hands trapped above his head, and Gray listened with rapture as that sexy roar echoed through the bathroom. If there truly had been anyone on the street below, they would have heard the sound of a man losing his virginity.

And it was delicious!

Natsu pulled. No ice restraints this time. It was only Gray's hand, but his fingers crunched into Natsu's wrists. There would be nasty bruises come morning.

The thought of those bruises, those little badges of their lust, made Natsu quiver inside.

"So … hot," Gray snarled as he pounded in.

"Gray, touch me," Natsu moaned. The cold tile that pressed against his cock was annoying and did not give him the friction he needed.

"No," Gray growled.

"Please!" Natsu screamed.

"No … I'm … coming!"

Natsu shouted in protest. No! He was not anywhere near close. Yet he felt Gray's haunches stiffen, his cock rammed in hard, and hot—so hot—fluid filled that latex condom, expanding it. That heat was like a relieving balm to a sore pain. Natsu shivered as heat was allowed back inside his body. He felt Gray's head rest against his shoulder, and cold puffs of air frosted his back.

He was still horny. Hellishly horny! "Gray?" Natsu whined.

"I know," Gray assured him. "That was greedy, but I needed it, and I'm not done playing with you."

Natsu felt a thrilling spike through his nerves. Not done?

Gray pulled out. Blood now dripped down Natsu's thigh, only to be washed away by the shower. Gray grabbed a washcloth and, being as gentle as possible, he washed Natsu clean. Then Gray turned off the shower. They were both dripping wet, and Natsu saw no towels around.

"Go back to the bed," Gray ordered.

Natsu looked at his body covered with pearls of water. "Like this? Wet?"

"Yes." Gray eyed that toned body, and his gaze lingered on the aching erection. "Like this. Don't worry about it. It's not like you get cold."

He had a point.

Natsu padded back to the other room and laid down. Gray took a moment longer, needing to dispose of the condom first. When he walked back in, Natsu's breath caught. Gray looked devilishly sexy, with his wet hair hanging in his face, that sculpted body, the scars of battles, and the swagger in his steps. And his smell! Natsu knew Gray's smell well, like mint and pine trees and snow. Now, there was a deeper scent to his aroma. Gray smelled of…

Cinnamon? Campfire?

 _'He smells like me!'_ The thought pleased Natsu, but it also brought up the wild, animalistic, territorial side of him. _'He is mine!'_

Natsu shook his head. He hated that side of him, a deep inner personality that wanted to dominate, destroy, claim, ravage, fuck…

"Gray," he whispered. "Restrain me again."

Gray saw in those lowered eyes, this was more than just a kink. For Natsu, this was a necessity if he wanted a sexual encounter.

"Hands up," he ordered, and Natsu quickly complied. "Now, legs up. Hold your ankles."

Natsu was confused by this. Instead of being above his head, he had to reach down to get his ankles. Luckily, his years of missions and fighting left the Dragon Slayer shockingly flexible. He grabbed his ankles, and immediately Gray grabbed Natsu's feet. With a light blue glow, Gray formed bondage that not only trapped the wrists, but the feet as well.

"There," Gray smiled with immense pleasure. "You're helpless now."

Natsu shivered and let out a soft moan as he realized Gray was right. No arms, no legs, folded over himself, trapped…

Gray pushed Natsu's hips, rolling him upward, until Natsu rested on his shoulders. Then Gray bent down on the bed, spread Natsu's butt cheeks apart, and examined the tiny opening. "Nice and clean now. The only thing that's been in there is my ice and my cock. Mine!" He leaned over and kissed the tiny hole. There was still some blood, and Gray wiped it aside. "I hurt you earlier. Sorry about that. I promised you a reward if you got all ten ice cubes inside. So here it is."

Gray laid two kisses on each of Natsu's butt cheeks. Then he licked right over the bruised and sore hole. The Dragon Slayer flinched and squirmed at the moist, warm feeling.

"Whoa, wait … what?" he shouted.

_'Gray … is licking me … down there. He's kissing my asshole.'_

Natsu could hardly help but laugh loudly. "Oh my God, you're actually kissing my ass!"

Gray glared through the space between Natsu's legs, where his head was still on the pillows, although the rest of his body was contorted. "Do you think that's funny, bastard?"

Suddenly, Gray slapped Natsu's butt. The raucous laughter stopped sharply, and Natsu's eyes widened.

"Holy … damn," Natsu whispered.

Gray watched the reaction with puzzlement. This was something else he wanted to try, but he had figured to leave spanking and—oh how sinfully scrumptious—maybe even whipping and paddling until a later time, after Natsu had a chance to consider the world of pain and pleasure Gray could offer him. However, those huge eyes and the stunned expression mixed with a deepening flush all showed that Natsu enjoyed it, but his brain had not fully registered how a hit could feel good.

"I'm trying to give you a special present, yet you laugh at it. That's very rude. You should be scolded."

Gray drew his hand back dramatically and slapped Natsu's ass again.

"Yaaaaargh!" Natsu cried out in a strained gurgle. "Damn … Gray!"

"You've been disobedient," Gray said in a dire tone. He spanked Natsu again.

Something like a hiss and a snarl bubbled out of Natsu's throat. "More!" he screamed.

"Che! Why should I give you something you want?"

Instead of spanking him again, Gray pulled his pinkened—and now tender—butt cheeks apart and licked again. Natsu jolted almost out of the rolled position Gray had folded him into. Then Gray pressed his tongue in. It was nowhere near as filling and scorching as his whole cock, but that lapping tongue gliding in and out of Natsu's ass made him cry out with ecstasy. It was smooth, slippery, wet, and warm. Instead of pain at being ripped open, this was pure and utter pleasure.

"Gray." He whinnied like an animal in heat. "Touch me!"

Instead, Gray spanked him again. With his tongue inside, he felt Natsu clench tightly at that.

"Gray!" Natsu shrieked.

"Maybe I should spank you until you come," he teased.

"No … touch … please," Natsu begged breathlessly.

Gray kissed Natsu's sack softly. Finally, he reached around and gripped the thick shaft. "It's hot," he hissed as his hand stroked the full length.

"Bite … bite me," Natsu gasped. "Not the big bite at the end. Little bites."

"Like this?" Gray asked, and he leaned over to his chest and nipped on the perky pink nub.

Natsu let out a string of cries mixed with profanity. "Mmm … Make me!"

Gray glanced up in confusion while still holding the nipple in his teeth.

Natsu was sweaty and flushed. "Force me." His eyes cracked open and looked down. "I … I won't … want to come. Make me!"

Gray's eyes darkened. The restraints on Natsu's ankles cracked apart, and Natsu unrolled from the awkward position. Before he could moan in relief, Gray slammed Natsu's hands against the headboard and roughly forced those hot feet apart with his own cold legs. Natsu felt ice creeping over his skin. Slowly, from his feet and his raised arms, the ice crackled inward, covering ankles, wrists, knees, elbows, on to his thighs and shoulders. Ice covered half the bed, leaving Natsu partially encased. Only his hips, torso, neck, and head were free.

"You are completely mine, Natsu," Gray said in heavy tones. "This body…" He rubbed his hands up and down the chest and stomach, avoiding all sensitive areas. "…is under my control. Do you understand? I will make you come when I want you to come. I will deny it if I want, or I will force it." He leaned right into Natsu's ear, whispering his velvety threats. "I will ravage you, and rape you"—Natsu gasped heatedly at that—"and make you beg. Fight me, Natsu. Fight me all you want. Your body is mine, now."

He could see that his words, sweet as honey and dripping with poison, affected Natsu's body. Now, it was all about mental state. Natsu needed to think, on a subconscious level, that he was not in control, when in reality Gray had to watch carefully, judging every untold command. Right now, those eyes, like some feral creature, were daring Gray to keep the Dragon Slayer captive.

Gray reached down and stroked the stiff, hot cock. At the touch, Natsu's spine arched up.

"No!" Natsu yelled. "Stop!"

It was all psychological, and Gray had to remind himself of that. "I'm gonna make you come, Natsu."

"No!" he snarled, and Gray saw a flash in those narrow eyes.

"Whether you want it…" He grabbed Natsu's hair and yanked the pink strands up hard, snapping Natsu's head up. "…or not!" Gray licked from Natsu's adam's apple up to his chin, over that, and to his lips.

Natsu yanked on the icy binds, and Gray watched with wry amusement. What a complex little dragon he snared! One minute he was begging for it, the next he was fighting against it. Gray released Natsu's pink hair roughly. Natsu surged at him, pulling forward, and his teeth snapped. Not even thinking, Gray slapped him across the face.

"You better enjoy this," he whispered darkly.

Then he slid down to the waiting cock. Natsu tried to shake his hips, but they were trapped. Gray smirked as he felt flames on Natsu's skin, yet his ice held. He had developed this particular type of ice to withstand Natsu's flames in their fights. It regenerated, so no matter how Natsu melted it, it froze again and became harder. There was no way Natsu could break free.

He wasted no time. Natsu had a need, and Gray desperately wanted to fulfill it. He took Natsu's cock into his mouth, sucking, swallowing, using his hand to rub the base, while his fingers occasionally stroked his balls.

"Stop!" Natsu yelled. "Oh God, yessss!"

Needing release, yet not wanting to lose control: the two forces clashed in Natsu's mind as he felt that cold yet hot mouth pump him, that hard tongue stroking, those icy hands rubbing … all of it was Gray, and … forced! He had to let his mind think that. He wanted it, of course, but his body fought the release building inside.

Forced!

Raped!

Bound!

Humiliated!

Fight it!

Natsu roared out, and Gray's mouth pulled off.

"No!" Natsu gasped. So close … so very close…

"Didn't I tell you? I'll only let you come when I want it."

"Bastard!"

Natsu pulled more, but Gray's hand still held on to his dick. His body slipped up the bed and rested on top of that burning body.

"I believe there was a request." Gray sounded so arrogant, it pissed Natsu off … and turned him on!

Gray's hand was rough on Natsu's cock, yanking, squeezing, stroking long and fast. Natsu's hips bucked at the hand. He wanted more. He wanted harder. He wanted it to end. Now!

"Gray!" he screamed.

Suddenly, that cold head was against his neck, and Natsu felt teeth bite down into his skin. Being marked! Him! A Dragon Slayer! It was the ultimate form of humiliation, to be marked by another. Those teeth were not strong enough to break skin, though, and that was a small victory for Natsu because…

His teeth could!

With no warning, Natsu leaned into Gray's shoulder and chomped … hard! His canines pierced, and Gray's scream mixed with Natsu's snarl. Natsu sucked on the bite and lapped up the blood. He tasted the hormones of lust and sex in that blood. A delicious flavor! It drove him over the edge.

Need, greed, desire, passion: it all burst out in white ribbons of fluid.

Finally, Natsu released his bite, and Gray pulled back. Blood still streamed from the piercings, and Natsu licked his lips in satisfaction.

"Bastard! You didn't warn me about that part."

"I said I might want to. I didn't know if I'd do it or not," Natsu shrugged. "Never done this with a partner before. I only knew what I've always craved. That was pure instinct."

"Your instinct sucks!" Gray reached to his shoulder, but when he felt wetness, he pulled his fingers back up to see them shiny red. "Shit, I'm really bleeding."

"Release me," Natsu ordered. "I'll tend to it."

Gray let the ice go, and Natsu slowly moved his weary body. He turned Gray around to inspect the bite. Pride surged in him again. Gray had marked him, but he marked the Ice-Make wizard deeper. Natsu licked the streams of blood, and then licked over the punctured wounds.

"That's probably filled with bacteria," Gray grumbled.

"Shut up. It heals."

"Dragon Slayer saliva heals?"

"Only when we're like this. Igneel told me about it. Dragon saliva heals after sexual arousal so the dragons can tend any wounds given during the fight of coupling."

"Your dad taught you about dragon sex? Sheesh!"

"Igneel taught me lots of things," Natsu smiled fondly, lapping at Gray's skin. The wound had already begun to heal, but he liked the salty taste of Gray's skin. "I need to hold you now."

"Need it? I should clean you up. You have cum all over your chest."

"Lick it!" The tone in Natsu's voice left no room for argument.

"Che! And here I thought you were a perfect submissive." Gray did not argue, though. He licked Natsu's chest, cleaning away the sexual residue.

Natsu watched him eating up the cum, and warmth spread over him. A mate cleans up the mess, and the dragon protects the mate, cures any wounds, and stays with the mate until both recover. Maybe Igneel told him that, too, or maybe these were instincts whispered into Natsu's brain. Whatever the case, Natsu stroked Gray's hair as he watched his mate clean him. Then Gray looked up, and he leaped on top of Natsu, forcing him down as his tongue thrust in.

That tongue! The tongue that licked his nipples, thrust into his ass, sucked his cock, and now it was bathed in Natsu's own cum. The Dragon Slayer moaned as that naughty, busy tongue shared all those tastes with him.

Natsu grabbed Gray and hugged him close. "Enough," he whispered tiredly. "I really need to hold you." Definitely, it was an instinct. To hold. To love. To protect his mate.

"You're a weird bastard," Gray muttered, yet he did not mind too much. Natsu's arms were a little too hot, but they were strong and comforting. Was it some pheromone Natsu was giving off that made Gray so immensely sleepy?

"Gray?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I sleep here?"

"Mm-hmm," Gray agreed.

"Good. Gonna sleep. And Gray?"

"Gmmm," he moaned in annoyance.

"…Thanks."

Gray smiled, and he nuzzled into that hot chest. In under a minute, both were asleep, wrapped in one another's arms.

**End of Chapter 1**

  
[FMBM Fanart by Blissful-birdy](http://fav.me/d6pk6qz)


	2. Exhibitionism

When Gray woke up, he spent a few minutes staring at the ceiling, feeling a huge drain on his whole body. He looked over at the alarm clock. Eleven in the morning. He was never one for waking up early, but this was sleeping in even for him. He felt like maybe he woke up in the night and—

A memory jolted him fully into wakefulness. Natsu! His whimpers, his growls, the cries that had echoed through this room: all of it returned to Gray's mind.

He looked over to the side of the bed, but no one was there. He felt the mattress, hoping it was still warm from the Fire Dragon Slayer's burning body, but nothing. He wished he had a nose like Natsu so he could smell if the pink-head had been there or not.

He rose off the tussled bed and shuffled into the bathroom, fully naked, although that was normal. He remembered Natsu hanging from his shower head with water dripping out of his ass. No, definitely something that erotic must have been a dream. But a dream about Natsu? Of all people!

Gray urinated and glanced down at his penis. _Thrusting Natsu against the bathroom wall…_

"Shit," Gray hissed as the yellow stream halted from arousal. He took a moment to calm his mind before he could finish pissing.

As he shook off the last drops, he recalled Natsu biting him. He should have a mark, a scab from where the Dragon Slayer's teeth sank in. Yes! That would be proof. However, when he looked in the mirror over the sink, there was only a very faint pinkness, more like a mosquito bite, rather than the puncture wounds he knew should be there.

"Was it really just a dream?" he muttered, rubbing the pink dots. They did not even hurt. "Must've been. Natsu as a masochist … that's impossible!"

He took a colder shower than usual, ate some cereal, dressed—he at least started off his day fully clothed—and made the long trek to the guild hall. He needed to clear his mind from those erotic dreams. A mission would do it. Or a strong drink. Or both.

Immediately upon entering, his eyes saw pink, and he glanced quickly over to Natsu sitting to the side, not on a stool by the bar, not leaping around challenging everyone to fight him, but in a booth eating some lunch.

Natsu glanced to the door, and their eyes met. Gray swallowed hard. He waited for a sign, a smile, a scowl … something. Anything! Instead, Natsu looked away with no expression, not even an insult like usual. He bit into his sandwich and chewed while looking over at a conversation between Lisanna and Elfman.

Gray shook his head. Must've been a dream!

He went in and ordered only a protein shake for breakfast-slash-lunch. Lucy was not there that day, so Erza decided they would hold off on accepting a request. Gray slurped the shake, but he had no one with whom to talk. Without Natsu to fight him or Lucy to keep him distracted, his only choices in entertainment was Juvia hiding behind a pillar and staring at him in her creepy-stalker way, or Cana, who only wanted a drinking match. Gray had nothing better to do, so he stupidly accepted.

Fifteen mugs of beer later—a new record for himself—Gray lost consciousness in a puddle of spilled beer and a mountain of empty glasses.

* * *

He came to for a moment and felt heat all around him. Two arms held him, and he leaned on someone's back. Somebody was carrying him.

"You're a real idiot," Natsu grumbled.

Gray felt the softness of the white muffler and nuzzled into it. "Did we do it last night?" he asked groggily.

He felt Natsu's muscles stiffen. He was unsure if Natsu heard him or not, or if he ever eventually gave an answer, because Gray passed out again.

* * *

When he woke up, he knew how Natsu felt while on a train. Barely conscious, Gray rushed to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. Fifteen mugs of beer plus the protein shake he drank that morning all came back up.

"I had a bucket by your bed."

Still heaving, Gray recognized Natsu's voice coming from the bathroom entryway, but before he could answer or even look over to him, Gray retched again.

"I'll make some broth," Natsu offered, and he left Gray alone to clean up.

Finally, the heaves stopped, and Gray cleaned out his mouth. Natsu must have carried him home. Why him? Maybe Erza ordered him to drag Gray's pathetic, drunken ass back. That sounded likely. Still, there was a flash of a memory, himself carrying Natsu princess-style from the bed to this bathroom.

"Shit," he moaned. Damn erotic dream!

He walked into the main room and heard noise in the kitchen. He also noticed the home was hotter than he usually liked it. The idiot Fire Dragon Slayer had messed with the thermostat! He marched into the kitchen, ready to yell at him, until he saw Natsu by the stove wearing an apron. His mouth dropped a little at the sight. When Natsu turned around from the stove and grinned hugely, Gray could have leaped on the bastard right then and fucked him against the sink.

"Feeling better?" asked Natsu.

"Marginally," Gray grumbled, holding himself back by reminding himself that if he did anything strenuous—like grabbing Natsu around the hips, thrusting him up against the counter, dry-humping against the guy's groin until he hardened and moaned his name in a lusty whimper— _Shut up! Just shut up!_ —anything like that would likely cause his stomach to lurch again.

"There's tea on the table."

Tea. Yes, drink tea. Tea was a good distraction and might settle his stomach, too.

Gray muttered thanks and sat down to a cup of steaming green tea. He took a sip but immediately shouted and spit it out. Way too hot! He made a couple of ice cubes in his hand and dropped them in.

Ice cubes. Ice cubes in Natsu's ass…

_Goddammit, shut up!_

"Oh, is it hot? Sorry. I wasn't sure how hot you like your tea. I made it cooler than I usually take it."

"Idiot," Gray grumbled.

After a minute, Natsu brought over a bowl of chicken broth and a chunk of bread. "So, was Cana that convincing when she challenged you, are you that stupid, or was last night that bad?"

Gray choked on the tea and sputtered out a few drops. "Last … last night?"

Natsu blushed and looked away. "If it was bad, I can't help it. It was my first time, after all."

Gray's lungs shivered out all air in them. Then it _did_ happen! Those visions, those scenes in his head, all the erotic fantasies … they were real!

"You … you weren't there when I woke up," Gray whispered.

"I woke up earlier. I stayed around for two hours. You were sound asleep. I didn't want to wake you. Then I realized Happy would be worried, so I left to go tell him I was okay. When I came back here, I heard you in the shower, so I went on to the guild."

"But you didn't say anything when I entered."

Natsu looked frustrated. "What was I supposed to say? 'Hey Gray, good morning, thanks for fucking me last night.' Idiot, obviously I didn't say anything. I was waiting for you to come up to me, but instead you drank yourself comatose. What the hell am I supposed to think?" He looked away angrily. "If it was that _… disgusting_ to you, you didn't have to do it with me."

Gray shook his head. "I … I thought … it was a dream, too good to be true. You weren't there in the morning, you didn't say anything, and there weren't even marks on my neck."

Natsu caressed the skin where he had bitten Gray. "I healed it. I would've rather had you showing off the bite I gave you, but you mentioned that you weren't too sure about leaving permanent marks, so I made sure it healed up completely."

"It's fine if there's a bruise. I just meant … I have enough scars, ya know," he said, touching the slash above his eyebrow. "I don't need to look like I got mauled by a dragon, too."

Natsu loosened his scarf and pulled it away from his neck. When Gray looked over, he saw a huge purple mark where he had bitten Natsu.

"Can it look like this?"

Seeing his mark on Natsu's skin made a thrilling rush shiver over Gray's body. If Natsu's own words and his own vague memories were not enough to convince him, that mark on Natsu's neck was proof that last night really happened. He reached forward and gently rubbed the bruise.

His bruise! His love mark!

Natsu flinched, but even that looked arousing to Gray. Natsu must have been dealing with that lingering pain all day. Every twinge of ache would have been a reminder of their kinky coupling.

"Yes," Gray whispered. He leaned in to kiss the mark. "It can look exactly like this." He kissed again, and then worked kisses up Natsu's neck, lightly sucking on his skin.

The Dragon Slayer moaned softly and moved his head to the side, giving Gray better access. Those cold lips tingled and made Natsu's heart race with memories of the night before. After worrying that Gray had hated it, to feel his touch again was heavenly. Desires surged through his hot blood. He wanted more!

Gray pulled back to look into Natsu's face. Already, his cheeks were flushed and his mouth slightly opened as he panted fiery breaths. It looked so erotic.

He wanted to tie Natsu up. He wanted to chain him, watch him struggle, listen to him scream, while he delivered pain and pleasure all over his body. Gray licked his lips at the thought of it. Then he forced his eyes closed, and he backed away. He had to pace himself, after all.

Gray sat back in his chair and sipped some of the broth Natsu made. "How's your body?"

"Huh?" Natsu looked confused. Why had Gray stopped? He wanted more! Then Natsu realized that maybe he still felt ill.

"I was pretty rough on you, plus it was your first time. Are you okay? Does it hurt bad? Is it hard to move?"

"Oh," he realized, and Natsu blushed slightly. "I'm okay. Well, a bit sore when sitting, but it's bearable."

"That's good. I should give you a break for today."

Natsu squirmed a little. "You … don't have to," he said hesitantly. "We could do other stuff, right? Not just s- … sex."

Gray found swallowing the bread Natsu got him to be almost impossible. "Sure," he said, forcing his voice to sound neutral when in reality his throat was constricting in sexual tension. "Did you have anything in mind?"

Natsu looked stumped. "I … I don't really know."

Gray slurped some more broth. "Think about it while I eat. If there's something you want to try, just tell me."

Gray's mind raced with all the naughty, dirty, sexy things he could do to Natsu. The way the boy's cheeks turned pink, Natsu must also be thinking about some things. Gray wondered what turned Natsu on, besides his need to be tied up.

What was that about, anyway? It was not just a kink, not how Natsu had acted. Rather, it seemed to be a psychological necessity. Plus that whole thing about needing to feel like he was being raped…

Seriously, what was up with that?

"There is one thing," Natsu whispered bashfully.

Gray ate some more soup. If they were going to play, he needed energy. "Yeah? What?"

"You're right, I still hurt, so I was wondering … could we soak in the bathtub together?"

Way … too … cute! "Soaking, huh? Sure, we could do that."

Natsu's eyes lit up. He imagined him and Gray cuddled together in the bathtub, maybe a sensual massage that could lead to more.

"But my bathtub isn't big enough. There's barely room for one person in there. How about we go to the bathhouse?"

That was not as appealing, but Natsu made himself smile. Spending any time together with Gray, even in public, was enough for him.

* * *

An hour later, Natsu and Gray entered Magnolia's public bathhouse. It was famous, and like usual, it was a bit crowded. More and more, Natsu was disliking this idea. He wanted something romantic, and that was not going to happen in a crowded pool filled with sweaty men.

They entered the cleaning section and casually stripped from their clothes. Natsu had seen Gray naked so many times, he really had no reaction to the idea of the Ice-Make wizard getting naked.

Gray, on the other hand, was really struggling with the temptation to look over and watch Natsu as he undid his pants. He had to scold himself. Getting erect in public was simply out of the question, at least not until they were underwater and he could hide himself. Still, by the time he got out of his clothes, he was semi-hard. It was not enough to stand out. With any luck, people would just think he was naturally that long while soft. Still, he walked quickly over to the bathing stools, sat at an empty one, and made the water extra cold before dumping it over his head.

That helped!

Natsu saw that the other washing areas were filled, so he walked over to Gray. "I'll get your back," he offered, and he grabbed the soap out of the ice wizard's hand.

Gray tried to ignore him. He was the one who suggested coming to a public place, after all. However, he had a reason to come here … and thinking about that reason was what made him tingle. He let Natsu scrub his back, and he washed the suds away with more cold water. Dumping the water over his head splashed it onto Natsu.

"Gyaaa! Did you put ice cubes in there?" the Dragon Slayer cried out.

"Just because it's not boiling," he scoffed.

In return, Gray scrubbed Natsu, rubbing the soapy cloth over that bronzed skin while Natsu shampooed his pink hair. The water he used to wash off felt like it had come right out of a steaming kettle. Once they were clean, they headed out to the soaking pool. Gray wrapped a towel around his middle—something he normally never bothered doing—and watched Natsu jump right on in, not at all bothered by the steamy heat. Gray was ambivalent about hot springs, but for Natsu's sake he would put up with it. Even if the Dragon Slayer had seemed less than happy about a public bath at first, he sure looked giddy now. It made what Gray had planned even sweeter, and seeing the other bathers around only heightened his arousal.

Gray discarded the towel and lowered into the water quickly before anyone saw how stiff he was. The heat helped to soften him a bit, but then Natsu had to make it bad again by sliding over to him. Although they were not sitting necessarily too close, Natsu's hand slipped over and touched Gray's knee under the water. That hot caress tormented his composure.

"Sorry if it's not what you had in mind," Gray said, trying hard to sound casual.

"It's fine. I like hot springs."

Natsu's fingers squeezed Gray's knee a little more, and the ice wizard knew he was fully aroused now.

Natsu glanced down and saw the pink head sticking straight up. It made him smirk, seeing how he affected Gray. "You're going to have a problem with that," he teased quietly.

"Probably," he agreed. "Maybe you should touch somewhere else."

Natsu released the leg with a guilty look. "S-sorry."

Gray's hand rushed over through the water and took those fingers. "I meant…" He carefully brought the hand back over, keeping movement above the waterline to a minimum as he brought Natsu's hand a little behind him and to his ass. "…somewhere else."

Natsu's eyes went wide. He glanced around nervously at the busy bathing pool.

"Since it's crowded, nobody will be looking at us closely."

Gray moved Natsu's hand to bring just one finger forward. He pretended to be merely stretching out a stiff muscle, while his hips lifted a little, and he slipped Natsu's hand under him. Slowly, he lowered back into place, and Natsu's index finger slid into his ass. Gray closed his eyes and forced his face to remain unmoved as he carefully settle down onto Natsu's hand. Natsu looked horrified, too scared to pull away. He had never touched another person like this, and feeling inside Gray's ass made him instantly rock hard.

"What are you doing?" he hissed. Had he been speaking at normal volume, Natsu's voice would have cracked. That made Gray a little smug.

"Like this, no one will see." He kept his breathing calm, although it was a little too steady. "Does this hurt your hand?"

Natsu shook his head. "You really are an damn exhibitionist."

"It's not that I want to put on a show. I like the thrill, knowing someone might catch me."

"Do you _want_ someone to see?"

"No! I'd feel ashamed if someone truly did see. What I want is to do as much as I can, push it as far as I can, without getting caught." He smiled over to Natsu, sharing this horrible little secret with him. "That's the thrill: knowing someone might see me, but not wanting someone to see. The dread, the fear, the anticipation that electrifies every touch, being fully aware of my surroundings while I indulge my inner desires, living on that dangerous edge of perversion and discovery, hiding from the whole world what a sick bastard I am … that's all part of the fun."

Natsu did not see how it was fun, but if this was what would make Gray happy, he could indulge him. After all, the ice wizard had given in to Natsu's own perverted kinks last night.

"Do as much as you think you can without attracting attention," Gray whispered, "but when I say stop, you sure as hell stop."

"You're not gonna come?"

"They put magic in the water so if anyone pees or comes, it makes that person's skin look like the Glitter Fairy just pissed all over him."

"Has that ever happened to you?"

"Of course not! I saw it happen to some gay couple once, but they were being obvious. Just stop when I say, and if you think you're about to lose control, get out of the water."

Natsu held still, looking around at the other men soaking. It was separated by gender, so at least no girls were around. If there had been, then having two young, muscular men in the pool would have attracted attention. Instead, it was a pool full of men, people soaking either quietly in their own little area, or clustered in groups, middle aged businessmen mostly, discussing work, women, and politics over the relaxing atmosphere of the onsen. No one looked their way, or if they did, they saw only two youngsters enjoying the hot water. If Natsu's cheeks were a little pink, or if Gray let out a sigh that hid a moan, it was apparently only due to the heat that relaxed everyone.

Natsu wiggled his finger around, feeling the heat and softness inside. The thought of being _inside_ Gray was enough to drive him crazy. No wonder Gray also warned him to leave the pool if Natsu himself felt overwhelmed.

"I … I don't know where to touch," Natsu breathed, paranoid at thinking that everyone was secretly watching them.

"Feel around," Gray whispered, keeping his breaths even, although he gulped hard. "You'll feel something that's a little different. Hold on." He shifted again, raised his hips ever so slightly, so Natsu go reach in deeper. "Try to go in more."

Natsu readjusted his hand. Suddenly, there was a different texture.

"Mhn," Gray grunted, keeping his lips closed tightly. His body stiffened, but slowly he relaxed. "There," he breathed out, but the air went fast, hiding a moan. Again, he gulped thickly. "How do you like this, Natsu? It's not physically being tied up, but you're restrained through social taboos."

"I thought you said you wouldn't be kinky in public."

"I never said that. I said I wouldn't in the guild, purely out of respect, or a random alley, where it's almost assured that you'll be seen or at least heard. I won't do this where people can see me."

"Gray, a dozen people can see us right now. At least two are looking right at me."

"They won't realize we're doing anything weird so long as you don't screw up. Now, keep doing that. It feels really good. Your finger feels so hot."

"Gray, don't talk," Natsu hissed out. Words like that would certainly undo his composure.

Natsu thrust his finger in, trying not to show anything. Then he saw Gray's hand move down and, ever so secretively, he stroked himself. His face never showed anything. Above the water, all was still. Only Natsu could hear the labored breaths as Gray got excited.

Gray looked around. Everywhere, there were people. Men sometimes glanced over, just casually scanning the pool. Gray wondered if others were doing stuff like this. Could others tell what they were doing? If they were caught—

That was what made his heart race. If he was caught … if people found out … if they knew what a twisted man he was—

He wanted to push that thrill, and doing this with Natsu was the best way. Natsu, who had never touched a man like this before … Natsu, who had been a virgin just yesterday, no experience, so obviously nervous … Natsu, who now had his whole secretive self literally in the palm of his hand. Oh yes! Doing this with Natsu was a hundred times more thrilling than merely masturbating in public.

Now, he could share the experience!

Gray's other hand reached over to Natsu's cock, stroking the shaft with unendurable slowness, just a mere tease. Natsu's eyes fluttered down. Gray's hand felt cold, even under such hot water. Natsu fought the desire to thrust into those chilly fingers. Then his eyes widened. He needed to keep watch. He needed to make sure no one was coming over to them, no one was watching too closely, or looking suspicious. He needed to protect Gray's secret, just as Gray was keeping secret the fact that Natsu liked to be tied up.

If not for the magic in the water, Natsu felt he would have loved to stroke off Gray, just to see if he could stay this passive even during such an overpowering moment.

Gray's eyes stayed forward, focused on the group of businessmen who were starting to get rowdy. "Damn noisy old men!"

"G-Gray…"

Hearing the shudder in Natsu's voice, he looked over in a jolt. "Are you okay?" He saw Natsu was really having a hard time holding back. "You don't have to push yourself. Get out if you need."

"No, I'm fine."

"Natsu, you'd humiliate me as well if you came in this pool."

"I wouldn't do that to you, Gray." When his eyes opened, they were calmer and shined with confidence.

Seeing that face, realizing the utter trust he was giving to Natsu, suddenly overwhelmed Gray. "Okay, stop _… stop_ ," he warned, letting go of Natsu and moving his hips up again. "Pull out slowly." Reluctantly, Natsu pulled his hand back. "As I thought, it's harder to last a long time when I'm with someone rather than on my own."

"Sorry—"

"No, it just means you're too good."

Hearing Gray say that boosted Natsu's ego.

"If you climb out facing the bamboo over there, no one will see your front."

"You picked this spot for that purpose," he realized.

"Yes. I don't want anyone to see either of us erect. There's a love hotel across the street."

"I thought you didn't want to do anything to my ass."

"I won't. You need to heal that part or it can be bad."

"Then why a love hotel?"

Gray smirked with dangerous eyes. "I only said I'd leave your ass alone. I didn't say anything about the rest of you. I have something planned, something I think you'll _really_ like."

Natsu gulped hard. A threat like that shot fire right down to his groin.

"Leave the pool two minutes after me, get dressed, and then head over to the hotel. I'll be waiting."

"Why wait two minutes?" Deep inside, Natsu wanted to rush over to the hotel right away, without drying off or even dressing.

"Idiot, so no one suspects anything. Try to get that boner settled before you go. And don't look at me with that childish pout. I'll have it back up for you in no time."

Gray turned carefully, so no one could see his arousal, and stepped out. Quickly, he wrapped his towel around his waist. Then he walked away, and if anyone saw some stiffness in his towel-covered lower half, they thought it was merely a natural reaction to the heat and cold. Natsu waited, wondering what Gray had planned. How would he restrain him this time? What was he going to do?

 _I have something planned, something I think you'll_ really _like._

No, he couldn't think about that! He needed to calm down. Looking around at these strange men got his erection to go down quickly. None of them appealed to him, even the younger ones. None of them would want to tie him up. Or if they did, they would not be fierce enough. They could never be as cold as Gray.

Once he was totally flaccid again, he climbed out and returned to the dressing room. He dried, dressed in his clothes, and went out of the bathhouse. Right across the street, he saw the love hotel. It had a private back entrance, but if a person knew which alley to look into, anyone could still see that someone was heading to the hotel.

Gray was waiting for him in that building. Gray wanted to tie him up and do something kinky, something that had made his eyes glitter like frost. Natsu's whole body burned hotly by the thought of it. His cock threatened to stiffen again. He hurried forward, vanished into that alley, and followed arrow signs to the back entrance of the hotel.

Gray was standing in the lobby, arms folded impatiently, a key already in his hand. His eyes flicked over at the sight of pink hair, and Gray gulped when he saw the lust simmering in Natsu's narrow eyes. Silently, with just a crook of his finger, he beckoned the Dragon Slayer to follow him. Natsu stalked after him, his heart pounding, his cock twitching already, curious what the ice wizard had in store for him.


	3. Forcing, Watching, Belting

They got into the hotel room, and instantly Gray slammed Natsu up against the door, not even waiting for it to fully close. He tore the white muffler off and immediately began pulling at Natsu's clothes. Natsu fumbled with Gray's shirt, lacking the dexterity of the stripper. Gray pulled back, his mouth dripped with Natsu's saliva, and he yanked his shirt off fast. Then he pulled Natsu's shirt off and hungrily slid his hands up the burning torso.

"Nngh … ahh," Natsu moaned as Gray gave him kisses down the neck. "Gray…"

The ice wizard suddenly bit right on the pulse and sucked hard on it. Natsu cried out with a little pain. He was being marked again, and it made him want Gray…

Too much.

"Tie me up," he begged.

Gray chuckled at his eagerness. "Can't I enjoy it?"

"Please…" Natsu squirmed as Gray twisted his nipples. "I'm gonna go crazy. I need to be tied up first."

Gray peered down into Natsu's flushed face. "I brought handcuffs."

"Mmmm … yeah," he groaned.

"Have you ever tried handcuffs, Natsu?"

He squirmed a bit. "Nnngh … no. But I want to. I had dreams about it. About being handcuffed."

"Yeah," Gray purred. "That's what I want to do to you." He had remembered Natsu telling him that. It was why he brought them along, as a special treat to make up for the mess of getting drunk earlier. "That bag. I brought the handcuffs in that."

He stepped away and picked up a bag he had carried with him to the hot springs. Buried on the bottom were steel cuffs. They clanked as Gray pulled them out, and he showed them to Natsu, dangling them like both a threat and a promise.

"I'm going to cuff you," he sneered, and the lust within him was nearly at a breaking point. "Get out of your clothes and onto the bed. Now!"

Natsu scampered over to the bed, unbuckling his pants as he went and yanking them off his legs as he collapsed onto the love hotel's firm mattress. Gray also loosened his leather belt and dropped his trousers and boxers to the ground, stepping out fully naked. He stalked over to the bed, and Natsu watched him with bated breath.

"Hands up," he ordered, and Natsu snapped to obey.

Natsu watched the ice wizard pull the metal handcuffs out from behind his back, holding them between his fingers like a sinful treat. Gray sat on the side of the mattress, stared down hard at the anxious pink-head, and then he suddenly yanked Natsu's hands up a little harder, making the Dragon Slayer grunt. He clasped one cuff around Natsu's left wrist, wrapped the chain around the bars of the cast-iron headboard, and snapped the other cuff tightly around the right wrist.

"Ow!" Natsu yelped as the metal bit into his flesh. "Hey, careful."

Gray just laughed. "They're metal. They hurt. They're not like the fuzzy ones I have. These are the type that will leave dark bruises on your skin."

Natsu licked his lips lustfully at the thought.

"So don't pull too hard. You'll really bruise yourself, and then what will Lucy and Erza say?"

Flippantly, Natsu stated, "Who cares what they say?"

Gray just smiled down at his captured dragon. "Yeah, but if they ask, what would you tell them?"

"I wouldn't tell them about us," Natsu promised. "You don't have to worry about that."

"Good," Gray said seriously. He definitely did not want people in the guild to know he had these sorts of tendencies, but then again, he was sure Natsu felt the same way. What would people say?

Gray gazed over the muscular body, his eyes taking it all in, yet he lingered on the stiff mast sticking up through wiry, dark-pink hair.

"You're really hard, Natsu. Just look at that cock," he breathed in admiration. If Gray ever wanted to worship anything, this was certainly praiseworthy. "You're wet already." He swiped a pearl of pre-cum off and licked it.

"Gray…" Natsu shuddered.

Gray stroked Natsu's cock slowly, lazily enticing it. "Did you like touching me in the hot spring?"

"Mm-hmm," Natsu nodded fervently.

"I liked it," Gray moaned breathlessly. "I like to feel you in me." He looked down sternly. "I want to feel you in me, Natsu."

The trance Natsu had fallen into suddenly shattered, and he jolted with wide eyes. "Wait … _what?_ "

Gray smirked playfully. "You heard me."

"Gray!"

"I … want … you … to … fuck … me," he said slowly.

"No…" Natsu yanked on the handcuffs. "Please, Gray. Not that."

Gray chuckled lightly. "What's wrong with you? You were okay using your finger."

"That's … different."

Gray squeezed Natsu a little harder, stroking faster. The Dragon Slayer's body arched up off the mattress. He yanked on the handcuffs again, rattling them against the metal headboard.

"Nnngh … Gray…"

"Do you like me touching you?"

"Ye- … mmm…"

"You feel ready, Natsu," Gray moaned in a whisper. "You feel ready for my ass. I need to be ready for you." Gray reached to the nightstand. Being a love hotel, it always had lube ready, and he smeared a little onto his fingers. Then he reached under him and pressed a finger inside his ass. He hummed at the slippery middle finger slid in.

Natsu stared, enthralled by the sight of that finger disappearing into the ice wizard's body. He remembered the feel, how only a few minutes ago, it was his finger in there. Pure amazement and shuddering lust filled him.

"Gray," he whispered in awe.

"Do you like watching me touch myself?" Gray slipped out, and then he forced a second finger in. "Nnngh! Fuck." He opened his eyes and saw that Natsu had calmed down just watching him. He smirked at the reaction. "Do you like to watch me— _nngh—_ slide my fingers— _mmh—_ inside?"

Natsu felt embarrassed that he liked watching so much. "I … I don't—"

"Shhh." Gray had an understanding smile. "I'll take care of the prepping. You don't have to worry."

"Th- … that's not it," Natsu stuttered.

Gray tenderly caressed the flushed and anxious face. "Don't worry, Natsu." Then he realized something. "You've never entered someone, have you?"

"N- … no," Natsu admitted awkwardly.

"It's okay. It's normal to be nervous your first time."

Natsu looked frustrated. "Gray, that's not it."

"Shhh," he hushed again, stroking the pink hair. "It'll be okay. I'll take care of you. I think I'm spread wide now." He straddled over Natsu and crawled to sit right on his groin. Then he took the bottle of lube and drizzled some onto Natsu's cock.

"Gray, please!" Natsu begged in desperation, trying to draw back, away from the cold, thick liquid.

"Hey, it's not going to hurt _you_." Then he softened his voice. "And it's not going to hurt me too badly. It's going to feel good. You're going to make me feel … _very_ good. You want to make me feel good, right?"

"Well, yeah, but—"

Again, Gray hushed him. He smiled down with confidence. "Here we go."

He took hold of Natsu's arousal, stilling it as he sank down onto the cock. Natsu cried out at the tightness around him and all that warmth covered over him. He shook his head, but still Gray sank down, gritting his teeth as he spread open wider.

"Gray…" Natsu sobbed.

"Almost … ooh … yeah…" Gray felt himself sitting full on the cock. Goddammit, it hurt! "I can do this," he said to himself. Then he smiled down at the quivering boy. "Your _little dragon_ is hungry." He chuckled at the annoyance in Natsu's face. Even glaring at him like normal, he was cute. "All right. Just give me a moment. Shit, you're huge."

"Gray…"

"Do you like to feel inside of me?"

"Yeah."

"How does it feel?"

"Nngh … I don't know," he mumbled. "You're … tight."

Gray chuckled softly. "Well, that's good."

Natsu peeked an eye open. "Have you ever … ever done this?"

Gray frowned a bit. "Let's not talk about that. It's just us here."

Natsu pouted. "Then you have."

"Please, let's not talk of the past." Still, as he tried to adjust to Natsu's size, he saw the Dragon Slayer giving him a demanding look, silently ordering him to confess. "Fine," he groaned in annoyance. "Once. It didn't mean anything, just … an experiment."

"You mean like this, tied up?"

"Oh hell no. Look, I … I don't want to get into that."

"Who was it?" Natsu demanded quietly, clenching his cuffed fists.

Gray looked away. "Dammit—"

"Tell me who."

"Look, I really—"

"Who!"

Gray began to feel angry by the jealousy in those narrow eyes. "I don't even know. Okay?" he shouted. "It was just … someone. A one-night stand." Natsu still glared. "I'm telling the truth. I didn't get his name … or I was too drunk to remember. I just recall meeting him, going home, it happened, and in the morning he was gone and my ass was killing me. Look, I really don't want to think about that. I want to be with you. I want to feel you, and I want you to like this. Okay? Do you like it?"

"I … I don't know," Natsu admitted.

Gray chuckled softly. "Well, that's because I haven't moved yet. I think I'm adjusted. Here we go."

He raised his hips, and Natsu's cock slid along the lubed hole. The Dragon Slayer shuddered at the feel. It was so amazing, far better than anything he had ever experienced before. Then slowly, gripping the sheets, Gray lowered himself down again.

"Nnngh!" Natsu clenched his teeth as the ring of tight muscles squeezed him. There was something … familiar. Something dark that loomed just behind the bright pleasure. Natsu wanted to ignore that shadow and indulge in Gray.

Gray felt loosened now, and the face under him kept him relaxed as he began a rhythm, riding slowly on top of Natsu, sliding up and down, letting his thighs do the work, while under him the Dragon Slayer writhed in pleasure.

"You like that, don't you?" Gray panted through the pain. "Up— _uuuugh—_ and down— _nngh_ , God! Shit, you're huge. _Nngh!_ " He panted. The smile of euphoria Natsu had pleased him. "Do you like that? Do you like how I'm squeezing you? I'm gonna make you come."

Natsu suddenly tensed up. The shadow in his mind lunged forward. A face. Cruel words. _I'm gonna make you come, boy…_

Gray saw those squinty eyes widen, filled with panic. Natsu shuddered violently and choked out a suppressed cry. His mouth opened like he wanted to scream, but the squeezing tenseness of fear silenced him.

"Natsu?" he asked sternly. What was happening? Natsu looked horrified. No, beyond just being scared. He looked like he had just seen Death … or worse.

"Ru- … reh…"

"Natsu—?"

"RED!" he screamed, thrashing under Gray, trying to get away. "Red, red, red!"

"Shit!" Gray quickly pulled away, not caring how much doing that hurt his ass, and he sat to the side with Natsu still screaming the color over and over, convulsing in terror. "Natsu!"

"Red, red, red—"

"Hey, it's over, okay? It's all over."

Natsu suddenly sneered at him with flames dancing on his skin. In an animalistic growl, he snarled, "Release me, you sick bastard!"

Gray flinched hard, feeling like he got punched in the gut. He quickly reached up and unlocked the handcuffs. He thought Natsu might actually attack him. Instead, the teen curled into a ball, rubbed his wrists, lightly felt his neck, and huddled down, shuddering, breathing heavily, snuffling his nose.

"It's okay, Natsu," Gray whispered, trying to comfort him by wrapping his arms around that hot body. "It's all over."

"Gray…" he shivered.

"I'm right here." He began to caress Natsu's neck and shoulders.

"NO!" Natsu screamed, pulling away again. "Don't touch my neck."

Gray's hand drew back. He watched in confusion and fear, wanting to help Natsu, but he had no clue what to do. He began using those safewords, after hearing that they were the best way to make sure a lover did not go too far, but he never had a partner use the highest level on him. Not only that, but Natsu seemed to be reliving something.

Something really bad.

Something that worried Gray.

"S-sorry," Natsu muttered, not fully calmed down yet, but a little better. "I'm sorry for freaking out like that."

"It's fine." Gray tried to sound understanding, although he did not comprehend the situation at all. "That's what those words are for."

But no one had ever gone the highest level.

What the hell was going on?

With the dread fading, something else filled Gray. Guilt! He had pushed Natsu too far, and he felt like a wretched asshole for traumatizing him like that. It was not what this sort of sexual play was about. Not at all! It was supposed to be about having fun, indulging in the quirks that made sex more enjoyable. It was meant to be fun play, not agony, and not something to induce a panic attack.

Yet with the guilt came anger. Why had Natsu not warned him? Why did he freak out? If it was so bad—

"You should have said Yellow before it got that bad," he yelled in accusation. "I don't know your limits. I don't know—" Gray broke off, tears choking his throat, truly shaken by this. "I don't know what's okay and what's not."

He really did not know anything about Natsu, not on this level of intimacy. Traumatizing him was the ultimate betrayal of the trust that was vital for any encounter involving bondage. Without trust, there could be no relationship. Pushing Natsu this far was a sign that he could not read the body language of his partner. It meant he was a failure as a Dominant. He did not deserve someone to be submissive and obey him!

Still, failure in his role was secondary to being a failure toward Natsu. He knew Natsu had issues. This was only their second time together, and already he was pushing Natsu's limits to this degree. To go Red! The last thing Gray wanted was for Natsu to leave because he fucked up.

_I pushed him too far. It's my fault! It's my fault! It's my—_

"It's my fault," Natsu mumbled, echoing Gray's own thoughts. "I thought I was okay. I thought I could handle it … and then suddenly … I couldn't. It just … hit me too fast."

"Can I ask what triggered it? Whatever it was, I won't ever do it again."

Natsu snuffled moistly. "A combination. What you were doing. What you said."

"What did I say?" Gray asked quietly, truly worried now.

Natsu squirmed around, trying to loosen up his tensed muscles. "You said … 'Do you like that' and … and about squeezing and…" He was practically in tears. "…and 'I'm gonna make you come.'" His voice cracked as he repeated those dreaded words, and he rubbed his neck again. "You said it while … while doing that to me."

Gray's brow tensed up. "Natsu—?"

" _Don't ask!_ " he screamed in shuddering panic. Natsu curled into a tighter ball and whispered, "Just … don't ask. Please."

"All right." Hesitantly, Gray hugged Natsu around from the back and pulled him up into his chest. He kissed the sweaty, salty shoulder and rested his cheek on the warm back, making sure to avoid contact with Natsu's neck. "I'm right here, Natsu. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not gonna pry. I'll just stay right here with you."

"Thank you," he sighed weakly. "I'm so sorry."

"No, it's fine. We all have our limits, so don't worry about it."

"But…" Natsu twisted around to look at him. "I did like it," he assured with a smile.

That gave Gray a little relief. "That's good."

Natsu glanced down at the other's turgid cock. "Y-you still need it, right?" he asked hesitantly.

"Don't worry about me," Gray quickly assured, ignoring the aching arousal.

"I … I thought … m-maybe I could watch you."

Gray saw the excitement return to Natsu's eyes. He was shaken, but he was still eager, biting his lower lip with uncertainty. "Do you mean you want to watch me touch myself?"

"Mm-hmm," Natsu nodded eagerly. "Keep me handcuffed, and then touch yourself while kneeling over me. But don't touch me."

"You just want to be teased," Gray realized, and already his heart was beginning to thump at the prospects.

"I … I want you to … come on me," Natsu whispered heatedly. "I want to feel it drip all over me."

"Shit!" Gray hissed quietly, steeling himself back as his cock surged due to Natsu's erotic gaze and salacious words. His breathing came faster, and he licked his lips as they began to dry out from panting. "You want to watch, huh? Want to see how I touch myself?"

"Mm-hmm," Natsu practically whimpered. His chest was also moving faster.

"But no touching?"

"Nn-ngh." He shook his head firmly.

Gray picked up the handcuffs and chained the Dragon Slayer to the headboard again. Natsu gave a pull on his wrists, making sure he was secured, while Gray crawled down his body.

"Knees together," he ordered.

Natsu obeyed quickly, clamping the legs together. Gray settled over his thighs, his knees on either side, and smiled down at Natsu's enthralled gaze.

"You want to see how I like it?" he whispered. "Want to see how I do it to myself?" His hand slid down his torso, running over the taut muscles and scars. "I don't start right away. I have to build up the energy, y'know. It's really like pushing all that sexual energy … down." His hand caressed down his lower stomach, skipped over the groin, and went to his thighs. "Then up." Both hands now dragged up his thighs, and Gray shuddered, as if he really was directing a magical flow of erotic power through his whole body. "When I do this, my whole body feels colder than usual. Except here." He did not touch yet. He looked down at the strain of his erection. "That part's burning hot. But I still don't touch there yet."

He spread his legs a little more, reached down, and cupped his balls hanging heavy with building need.

"Here first. Just a little bit. Just stroking them." He closed his eyes as his fingers rolled the balls gently. "But then, quickly here." His right hand kept massaging, but his left hand grasped his cock, pumping with rough speed. "No pretext. Quick and hard, right from the start."

Natsu gulped through his dry throat as he watched Gray jerking himself fast. This was not the way he had expected. Natsu had never really been able to jerk himself off, not with his issues, so watching someone else do what he always wished he could freely do was exciting, yet also made him jealous. Natsu knew he had a serious issue. He couldn't come from desire alone. He had to mentally think he was being forced. But Gray … Gray wanted release, and he indulged in it. Natsu imagined, what if he could do that, too? What if he could simply touch himself and pleasure his own body?

Gray glanced down and saw those narrow eyes glaring with longing. "Wanna touch?" he teased.

The desperation in Natsu's brow tightened. "I … can't."

"I could release one hand. You could touch yourself—"

"I can't!" he shouted with frustration growling in the back of his throat.

"Okay," Gray said instantly, keeping his voice calm, although Natsu's issues were disconcerting. "Just keep watching me. It feels good," he groaned. Then Gray smirked at him. "I like to have you watch."

The fast rhythm began again, skin slapping skin. Although he had already been hard for at least half an hour—hell, he'd been hard off and on since waking up that morning—he wanted to put on a good show. Having Natsu watch him fulfilled the slight exhibitionist tendency within him. In public, Gray did not want anyone to find out, but here, in private, having someone watch him was thrilling.

"Oh God, Natsu," he moaned. His back arched for a moment, and the pace slowed down. "I don't like coming too soon," he said, as if he had to narrate the whole act. "But I like it fast."

He began again, a steady but quick stroking. Then when it seemed like his wrist might tire out, his hips did the work instead, snapping into his hand just as he had been thrust into Natsu the night before, slamming him into the tiles of his bathroom.

"Oooh, fuck yeah," he groaned.

Natsu watched with near agony. He remembered the physical sensations of sliding into Gray, and as he watched, he imagined himself doing that. He wanted to do that to Gray, to thrust into him, to snap his hips and pound into that cold ass. Mental fuckery aside, he wanted the physical _pleasure_ that was so close, yet so astronomically out of his reach.

Then Gray sat back on his haunches. "God, I'm so close. So close," he panted heavily. "I don't want to come too soon, though. I like to keep feeling it. I like to make it last. Shit, but my balls are so tight." He gasped as he realized this really was far more amazing than his usual solo sessions. Gray licked his lips, and then he lazily opened his eyes to look down at Natsu. The sight of the pink-haired Dragon Slayer handcuffed under him was almost too much. Gray felt a stab of need, and he grabbed his cock harder. "Do you want me to come?"

Natsu did not answer right away. He was trapped in a daze and hardly aware that Gray had even spoken.

"I won't if you don't want me to. This is all for you, Natsu. It's your own private show. So tell me what you want to see."

Natsu tried to speak, but his throat was parched like a man who had not drank in days. He swallowed a couple times before words could escape.

"I want you to come. I want it to splatter all over me."

That stabbing need became a goddamn spiked battering ram, slamming into Gray's libido and breaking apart the ramparts. He almost doubled over as his body shuddered at Natsu's words. His hand instinctively moved faster, and his hips began to work in tandem.

Natsu smirked as he saw the look of being overwhelmed. "I wanna watch you lose it. For me, Gray. All over me. I want to feel it dripping over my skin—"

"Shut up, Natsu!"

He chuckled playfully. "Did I find your weakness?"

Gray glared down at him. "Bastard."

Natsu licked his lips, savoring having a little control over him. "Come for me, Gray," he urged.

"You don't have to— _nngh—_ tell me. Almost there. Almost … gyaaah!"

The slap of flesh against flesh got faster, and Gray no longer tried to make moans that would turn Natsu on. He growled and cursed. Then his head flew back.

"N-Natsu…"

He went silent. His breath caught, his body tense, and Gray did not even breathe as strings of whiteness shot out, splattering across Natsu's chest.

Gray felt incredible. He needed that release … so much!

The searing heat that had built up in his cock eased away, melting back into the rest of his body. He shuddered out a breath, utterly overwhelmed … amazed at how much better even masturbating was when it was with Natsu. He looked down and saw those squinty eyes staring massively and an insanely aroused cock leaking with Natsu's own excitement. The Dragon Slayer's torso and chest were covered in white wetness.

"Good show?" Gray asked arrogantly.

Natsu gulped hard, enthralled. "That … was the hottest thing I've ever seen."

Gray had to laugh, feeling a little smug that he had been such a good spectacle. Then, still catching his breath, he nodded to the _little dragon_. "Do you need help with that?"

Natsu shook his head. "Is it weird: not wanting to be touched?"

"No," Gray shrugged. He climbed off the bed and walked to the adjoined bathroom. "Some people simply have a kink for unresolved sexual tension."

"Is that what it's called?" Natsu mused. Gray returned with a hand towel and wiped up the mess. As Natsu watched, he was amazed Gray fought the temptation to also rub his cock and the pre-cum dripping clear from there. Gray was truly taking care of all Natsu's needs, even the mental mess. "I just want to feel myself hard like this, but I don't want it to end. I don't want to be touched, but I want to stay aroused."

"Just teased, huh?" Gray asked. "Hmm…" He set the towel aside and thought about it. Then he got an idea, a devious and utterly perverted idea, and his voice deepened as he leaned into Natsu's face. "You know, I could _really_ tease you," he whispered in a threatening, seductive voice. "I could tease you … and not even touch you."

Natsu gulped hard. Gray had that look in his face again, a gleam to his eyes like a storm ready to break and sweep away all sanity. "What do you mean?" he asked hesitantly with a tremor in his words.

"I could use something else. Something other than my hands."

Gray looked around, searching the hotel room, and spotted the discarded clothes. Amongst his jeans was his leather belt. He walked over, slowly threaded the belt through the pant loops, and checked out the quality of the leather. Not too frayed, but well worn in. Perfect! He glanced back over to Natsu. The teen's eyes widened as he saw what Gray held in his hands.

"I could use this," Gray smirked. "I could _belt_ you."

Natsu stared, transfixed by the sight of the leather running through Gray's fingers. "Yeaaah," he whispered in rapture. Then he caught himself and shook his head. "I … I mean—"

"Is it too much?"

"No! No, I … I think…" His eyes raised off the belt and up to Gray's face. "I'd like that."

Gray grinned down at the naked, sculpted body and ordered, "Flip over."

Natsu rolled over onto his stomach. Gray set the belt down for a moment and readjusted the handcuffs so they were not twisted and uncomfortable. Then Gray stepped back and gazed on the taut back, firm buttocks, and muscular thighs. Natsu's flesh was so perfect on the backside, a sign that he never turned his back to an enemy.

Gray wanted, so badly, to be the one to mark up that flesh!

Then, in a teasing jeer, he said, "You could always just frot against the sheets."

"Shut up," Natsu snapped. He placed his cheek against the pillow and looked over to where Gray was standing. "Just … do it."

Gray picked up the belt again, grasped the metal buckle in his left hand, and began to wrap the leather around his palm, coiling it until just the right amount of strap dangled in his fist. Slowly, Gray dragged the tip of the leather belt up Natsu's thighs, over the buttocks, and across the back. Natsu's breathing was heavy, but leveling, building tension as he felt the roughness of the leather. He squirmed just a little at the feel of it.

"It's rather tempting, isn't it?" Gray said in a low purr. "Tempting and teasing." He looked down at the half of Natsu's face that he could see. A moment of pity tickled his mind. "This is going to hurt, you know."

"Yeah, I … I can take it," Natsu insisted stubbornly.

"Are you sure? If this is too much, after what just happened … if you even get a _hint_ that it's too much, just say Yellow."

"Yeah, I know."

Gray glared at him. "I'm serious, Natsu. Don't do what you did before. Don't be afraid to say Yellow."

"Okay, really, I got it."

Gray hoped he really did. He dragged the belt over Natsu's skin some more.

"You feel the leather on you, waiting for it." He looked once more at Natsu's face. "Are you ready for this?"

The Dragon Slayer gulped thickly. "I think so."

Gray raised his left hand above his head and swiftly swung the belt across the pale ass. The crack of the leather striking flesh was clear and sharp. The skin jiggled just for a moment before Natsu tensed up.

"Aah!" he cried out in shock.

Gray leaned down into Natsu's ear. "Do you like that?"

"Yeah," he gasped, nodding frantically.

"Are you okay?"

Natsu spent a moment to make sure, and Gray was thankful that the fire-idiot was actually taking this seriously. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm okay."

Gray dragged the leather across the tender skin. Natsu tensed, then relaxed, but as the belt went over the pink stripe slowly rising to the surface, he tensed again, only to slowly release the taut muscles.

"It's a bit of a teasing effect, isn't it?" he said lightly. "The fear. You fear the pain. You wonder when it's going to happen again … and you _want_ it to happen. You want to feel it, and you don't want to feel it, and you're wondering when is it going to—"

_Crack!_

"Ayyy … heeeh," Natsu cried out with a shuddering exhale at the end. This time, his whole spine arched at the pain.

"—when is it going to hit again," Gray concluded smugly. He laughed sadistically. Then Gray looked down at the twin stripes on Natsu's ass. "Well, this is leaving a bit of a mark on here. I like to see you marked. I want to touch it and rub it out. Kiss your flesh. I'm not going to, though," he said decisively. "You told me not to, so I'm not going to. The only thing that will touch you is the tip of my—"

_Snap!_

"Nngh!" Natsu groaned, fisting up his hands.

"—of my belt." Gray sneered as he looked down at now three angry imprints of his belt. "God, Natsu, I want to touch you," he growled in frustration. He heard another groan from the pink-haired man. "Are you okay?" he asked in worry.

"Yeah," Natsu replied quickly.

"If you're not, then—"

"Nngh … No, I'm fine."

"We can stop right now—"

" _No!_ " Natsu cried out in desperation. "Mmh … more. I … I want more."

Gray bit back his lust. "Shit, Natsu. You really drive me crazy, you know that? But you want more, do you? Do you like the pain?"

"I … I don't think it's so much the pain as … as how it makes me feel. Not pain, but…" He shrugged slightly.

"Pleasure?" Gray asked.

Natsu laughed and shook his head. Of course he would think that next. "I don't think it's even that."

"…Punishment?"

By the way Natsu froze, Gray could tell he had guessed it precisely.

"You like the punishment after what just happened earlier. You feel you need to be punished, right?"

"Mhn … something like that. I didn't want to … I really didn't mean to—"

"Shh. Don't," Gray said soothingly. "Don't do it anymore. Don't punish yourself. _I'll_ be the one to punish you."

Natsu gasped and let out a shuddering moan. "Yeah…"

"You want to be punished. You feel guilty, and you want that guilt beaten out of you. You want to be … _purged_. Cleaned. Of all the filth inside you, all the perversion. _All of it._ "

He cried out desperately, "Yes. Please!"

Gray raised his arm again, and the belt came down with two fierce smacks. This time, Natsu shrieked, and his body shuddered at the stinging agony.

Gray smiled down sadistically and chuckled. "That's what you want, huh? Then ask me," he demanded arrogantly. "Ask to be punished."

Tears were in Natsu's eyes. Gray's words hit deeper than he could imagine, piercing straight to his heart. Now that he realized just why this felt so good, he could focus on that. Focus on being punished. Focus on having those dark feelings beaten out of him.

"Punish me, Gray," he sobbed.

Gray felt his cock leap. "Shhhhhit." He laughed at his own weakness against Natsu's tears. "You're really going to drive me crazy, you know that?" He leaned over Natsu's back and smelled the skin. "I want to touch you so badly. Are you starting to want it, too? Want me to rub out the sting?"

Natsu sniffled. "I … I do but I don't."

"It's okay. You don't want to be touched, so we can stay just like this. But … you're driving me crazy now." His voice took on a more sinister snarl. "You're not letting me touch you. Which means I have to punish you _more_."

His arm lifted, the belt struck down, twice in a figure eight, two sharp, singing, staccato snaps. Natsu's head lifted back as he moaned wantonly.

"Dammit, Natsu! I really want to fuck you," Gray growled.

Despite his earlier release, Gray was starting to get hard again, aching in his groin that was already worn out. He had to pause. He needed to collect himself, calm down, and regain his wits. He looked back down. The two recent strikes had hit wide, one to the lower back, the other closer to the thighs. They joined the other five that striped Natsu's buttocks. The lashes looked like they were ready to bleed.

"You're … really getting red," he said softly, worrying if he had once again taken things too far. "We should probably quit."

Natsu tried to look back, his eyes moist, but panic in his face. "But Gray—"

"No. I'm just going to keep hitting you, and it'll hurt. Too much."

Natsu fisted up his hands in frustration. "I … want more. Please. Just … a few more." Gray looked at him questioningly. "Um … gimme three?" Natsu proposed.

"Three?" Gray asked in amusement. That would make ten total. Gray had not imagined that they would even get more than five. "You really are a masochist."

"I … don't feel right yet," Natsu mumbled, not understanding it fully.

Gray hummed, debating what to do. Any more and Natsu really might get a permanent mark. Then again, perhaps he needed this more than Gray imagined. He needed the guilt beaten out. He needed pain to cleanse him of whatever made him feel so disgusting, he did not even want to be touched.

"All right. I'm going to give you three. They're going to be quick … and _hard_. The first one will purge out all of your guilt. The second one will purge out all your shame. The third will purge every bit of disgusting filth in you. Is that okay?"

"Yes," Natsu said, sounding solemn, like this was a pact with the Devil.

"Okay. Only three. After those three, no more guilt, no more shame, and you won't be disgusting. You're just going to be Natsu. You'll be the same Natsu you were before any of this happened. Okay?"

Natsu didn't sound all that convinced when he mumbled, "Okay." He added, "Just make them really hard. Really punish me. I want to remember it."

Gray nodded seriously. "All right."

He dragged the belt over the flesh some more. He teased Natsu so he would not know when it would come. Natsu laid on the bed, tensed up, wondering when it was going to strike, feeling the slow drag of the leather over his sensitive skin, stinging him whenever it went over one of the burning lashes. He realized Gray was right; he was going to hurt _bad_ in the morning. Right now, the pain felt so good. It was a reminder that he was human.

Without any warning, the strikes came. They were loud, and they hit the skin so hard, Gray thought for sure it would leave behind blood. Three brutally hard slaps tormented Natsu's flesh, one to the lower back, one to the ass, and one went diagonal across the buttocks to the upper thigh.

_Smack, smack, smack!_

Natsu screamed by the third one, and Gray was panting too hard. Even if Natsu wanted more, Gray probably would not be able to go on any further.

Sure enough, the belt dropped to the floor and Gray collapsed on top of Natsu, not holding him, but caging him in with his body, keeping just high enough so that nothing touched the Dragon Slayer's back, only the coldness of the ice wizard's skin radiating down to his flesh, a soothing coolness against the hot, marked, aching skin.

"Natsu, you're going to be the end of me one of these days," Gray panted. "Fuck, you are too … damn … hot!"

Natsu was lost in a world of pain and pleasure, purged of all guilt, feeling normal again. He felt aching, but the ache was a good sort of pain. It felt good to hurt. It felt good to be punished. He felt like he could walk out of that room and all that had happened—freaking out, nightmares of the past—all of that was gone. All of that had been beaten out, purged. There was a certain euphoria that flowed in, like water filling a hole that had been shoveled out of his soul. It was such a sweet feeling after the pain, so sweet it made him want to cry.

With the beating over, Gray's cock was realizing it really was too tired, and it shank quickly. However, the adrenaline was still thrumming through his veins.

"Gray?" Natsu muttered after a long silence. "Cuddle me."

Gray laughed in weariness. "You and cuddles, huh?" he asked teasingly.

"I just … I need it."

"All right," Gray smiled, "but … you still don't want to be touched, right?"

"Oh! I mean … down there. You can wrap your arms around me."

Gray snorted out a laugh. "Natsu, you're probably hard as a rock."

"Yeah, but … I just don't…" Natsu shifted around uneasily. "It's weird, isn't it?"

"No," Gray assured him, stroking his hand through Natsu's hair. "I told you, it's not weird. Nothing we do is weird. I mean, it's sex. Everything is weird. Everything is perverted. There's no such thing as _normal sex_. It's all perverted. Even plain vanilla sex, it's still perverted, right? So this, what we do, it isn't weird. It's just our way of … of … of having sex."

Natsu looked around over his shoulder. "Having … sex?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, we sort of are, in our own way." Gray paused and thought it over. "I guess it is a little weird to think of it as having sex with you, rather than just play, but … but that's what it is, right? It's our way of expressing…" His words broke off again as Gray found himself stumped.

"Expressing what?"

He considered it, but Gray pouted as he gave up trying to explain it. "Hell if I know."

He was done talking. He unlocked the handcuffs, and Natsu rubbed out his wrists. Then cold arms wrapped around him.

"Are you really sure you're okay?" Gray asked tenderly.

Natsu snuggled down into that embrace. "Yeah, I think I'm over everything that happened earlier."

"Well, if you ever need to talk things ov—"

"No!" he shouted, and then he muttered, "No, not…" He sighed in frustration. "Not yet."

"Okay. Just letting you know."

"Yeah … and thanks, Gray. I really do appreciate it, but … but I … can't talk about it. Not yet. Just hold me."

Gray squeezed him a little tighter. "I'll hold you, Natsu. I'll hold onto you for as long as you need me."

Natsu sighed and relaxed into Gray's arms. The ache of arousal slowly drifted away. For some reason, leaving that tension unresolved felt like even more punishment, and thus more thrilling. It all melted apart. The arousal, the doubt, the fears, it all shank and went away, drifting through the universe, never to haunt his mind again.

Not until the next time.

But for now, he was free of the past, and all that existed was a present of corporeal aching, emotional catharsis, and soul-rending weariness. He was not even sure when he fell asleep. He was simply out, conscious then not, drifting on a lake that reflected his own face, and it was not a dark face anymore. It was peaceful, relaxed … all thanks to Gray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  [FMBM art by Rhov](http://fav.me/d713a9y)
> 
> _This chapter was way too fun to write. It became so intense, I stopped typing and just monologued. That's how I write really intense scenes. I visualize things and start to speak in the characters' voices with occasional descriptives as my head gushes out ideas. When that happens, attempting to type would slow me down, and I'd lose the power of the moment. So I'll grab my cellphone and record myself. Once I finish the "fantasy," I listen back and begin transcribing, filling in where I paused, imagining what they were doing without describing it, but it's still there in my head. I decided to save this recording, simply because it's damn hot! This is me making stuff up as I go, but if you listen and follow along, you'll see that almost all of this ended up in the story. I recommend you listen with headphones. It's NSFW. Profanity, belt cracks (actually, it's me slapping the hell out of my legs) and lots of sexy Rhovy moans. I should do an audiobook of this fanfic!_
> 
> <https://soundcloud.com/rhov/fight-me-bite-me-ch-3-full>  
>  _(And to assure everyone … NO, I was NOT masturbating while acting this out. My mind simply gets that wrapped up in the scene.)_


	4. A Fucking Checklist

Natsu woke up already handcuffed to the hotel bed's headboard. Drowsy and cranky with sleepiness, he glared around the room until he saw Gray sitting in a chair by a desk, writing on a piece of paper. At the sound of the metal links clanking, the ice wizard set his pen down and looked over.

"Sorry for the cuffs, but I wanted to make sure you didn't escape from me again like you did last night. We need to talk."

Natsu frowned. "Uh-oh. Whenever someone says that, it usually means I'm in trouble."

Gray laughed silently and shook his head. "No, more like I'm the one who messed up and _should_ be in trouble. I messed up bad earlier. I've spent the past hour coming up with that checklist you mentioned yesterday," he explained, tapping his finger on the sheet of hotel room stationary. "Most of the points on my usual checklist are stuff we've already tried, so this list is shorter than normal."

"A fucking checklist? Seriously?"

"A checklist of fucking, yes," Gray said with complete solemnity. "I have some really bizarre kinks, so something like this is needed."

"Do you do this every time you wanna fuck around with someone?"

Gray stared hard at him for ten whole seconds before quietly whispering, "Is that what this is to you? Fucking around?"

Natsu froze at the caustic words. "I … I don't even know. I mean, yesterday was just so random and sudden. I haven't really had time to think clearly."

"Then we'll skip to question number five. Are you okay with an exclusive sexual relationship?"

"Exclusive?" Natsu muttered. Him and Gray … being exclusive. It made him blush. "A-are you asking me out?"

"If that's what you want. This isn't _fucking around_ to me, Natsu. Still, asking you out doesn't necessarily mean we'd be exclusive. Some couples prefer not to be."

"I consider dating as meaning exclusiveness. I thought that's what we agreed upon."

"So we did. Okay, then let's back up to question four: Are you okay with an open relationship?"

Natsu felt dizzy. He also felt an urge to go to the bathroom. "Can we discuss this after I pee?"

"No. Look, I only take one partner at a time, but if you want more than one, then that's something I need to know. I can compromise to some extent, but I don't want you cheating behind my back."

"No! No, just one at a time."

"Would you want a threesome if I suggested it?"

Natsu blinked in shock. "I … guess I'd be okay with that. So long as it's someone we both know, someone who we can definitely trust with … with … this secret." The handcuffs clanked again, as if needing to remind Gray that Natsu felt ashamed about his need to be restrained.

"I don't have anyone in mind at the moment. It's just a question. Can I kiss your lips?"

"Haven't we done that?"

"I have a whole list of locations. Lips, cheeks, neck, nipples, belly button, cock—"

"I have to pee here. It's fine, all of it."

"Touching: we've done just about all that," he hummed. "Are you okay having your nipples licked, and with licking my nipples?"

"Yes to both."

"Would you be okay licking or sucking my feet?"

"Whoa … uh, yeah. Totally."

"Can I lick your feet?"

"If you really want to, but I don't think that'll get me off."

"Can I touch you in a sexual way without asking permission?"

"Not in public!"

Gray skimmed down and checked off something. "Noted. No public sexual touching without permission. But in private?"

"Sure, if you wanna touch, do it. You don't need to ask."

"Some people are sensitive about that. Are you okay touching me in a sexual way in public?"

"Like earlier in the hot springs?"

"Yes."

"I … well … only if no one can see us."

"Can I touch you in a sexual way in public _if_ I ask permission?"

Natsu thought about it, and his brow began to tense up.

"It's like what we did earlier today."

"I know," he snapped, but still he thought it over. "It's okay so long as no one sees, but I'll probably have to stop you before I get to the point of needing to be restrained."

"Can I touch you in a nonsexual but still romantic way in public, both with or without permission?"

"Do you mean like holding hands?"

"Yes, or caressing your face or rubbing your thigh. Just friendly or romantic touches."

"Do we want others to know about us?"

"That's up to you," Gray replied. "I'm fine if our friends know about us, just not the kinky stuff. If you want to kiss or hug or hold hands in public, I'm okay with a little PDA, so long as we keep it discreet."

Natsu's brow creased as he thought about it. "I'll say yes for now, but I need to think about whether I actually want the guild to know. If they know we're lovers, they'll question how I got bruises around my wrists, and it'd be harder to keep everything else secret."

"Good point. We'll discuss that more later, so a provisional 'yes' to public romantic touches, both with and without permission."

As Gray wrote in some notes, Natsu thought about how a relationship like that would be, to hold hands walking down the streets of Magnolia, to sneak in kisses while cuddled together in a corner of the guild hall, openly discussing romantic dates with their friends— _We haven't even gone on a real date, unless the hot spring counts_ —and overall just being a normal couple … on the outside. In private, they could do all the kinkiness they wanted! It was such a nice thought, a happy future, and it made Natsu blush warmly.

"Are you okay having semen on your body?"

That warm, fuzzy feeling was instantly set ablaze in a sea of embarrassment. "I thought I made that obvious just now."

"I want to make sure. Are you okay with _your_ semen on _my_ body?"

"Yeah."

"Fruits or other food items on your body?"

"If you want, but isn't that weird?"

"Licking chocolate sauce off a lover is actually really fun. We'll try it some time. What about things like oil, lotion, juice, champaign, caramel, slime, foam, or mud on your body?"

"Uhh … I'm not gonna ask, but … sure, why the hell not!"

"What about urine, feces, or vomit on your body?"

"Wait, you mean pissing and shitting on me?" Natsu cried out. Warm fuzzy feelings: officially obliterated.

"One or the other, or all of them."

Natsu cringed down. "Vomit and poop, no. I don't want you to poop or puke on me."

"Would you want to piss on me?"

"On … you?" Natsu eyes widened. "Uh, actually … yeah. That sounds hot. Weird, but hot."

"Can I piss on you?"

"Only if we're in a shower and I can wash off right away."

Gray jotted the conditions down. "Would you be willing to drink my urine?"

"Now you're just screwing with me," he pouted.

Gray looked up from the chart, and his face was dead serious. "I'm not. It's something I think would be really erotic, making you drink my piss. It's sterile and safe, I don't have diseases, and obviously I wouldn't do that if I had a kidney infection or anything, but I have to warn you, it doesn't taste good. Still, it'd be really hot to make you do that."

Natsu's stomach twisted. He used to think his kinks were bizarre, but Gray was on a whole other level. "I honestly have no clue what piss tastes like, but I'm gonna say let's put that one as a _maybe_ for way in the future, and only if you're willing to drink mine in return."

"Noted, and actually, I'd love to."

When Gray said that, Natsu's jaw dropped. The urge in his bladder increased as he thought about letting loose and pissing into Gray's eager mouth. However, the arousal that thought created made the urge to pee hurt. His thighs twisted together as his bladder began to ache.

Gray slowly raised his eyes from the paper and watched Natsu twisting with urgency. He unconsciously licked his lips as he saw the discomfort in the Dragon Slayer's face. "Do you really have to pee?" he asked quietly, feeling his pulse increase.

"I already told you I did," Natsu snapped crankily.

Gray swallowed hard as he felt heat pooling in his groin. "How bad is it?"

"Not so bad where I'm gonna piss myself yet, but my bladder is starting to hurt." Natsu noticed a change in smell in the room, and he looked over to Gray in shock. He smelled the hormones of arousal, and Gray's face looked almost completely overcome by lustful fascination. The stiffness in the boxers was a sure sign that the smell was coming from him. Was he really getting aroused seeing Natsu needing to pee? Natsu smirked a little. "You're one kinky bastard."

"You're one to talk!" Gray snapped defensively. He tried to focus back down on the checklist and ignore the way his heart pounded at the thought of Natsu struggling not to piss himself. "Okay, you managed to flush the ice water out of your ass, but would you be willing to do more? Are you okay taking a crap while I watch?"

Natsu twisted again, but this time he curled his lips. Between his need to pee, the way some of these things Gray listed made him hard, and the pure disturbing images some of the suggestions evoked, he was having one of the worst cranky wake-ups of his life.

"M-maybe. I never really thought about that. But, not standing up like that time. If I happen to be taking a dump on the toilet, and you happen to be in the bathroom, that's fine."

"Would you be okay watching me take a crap, and not in the toilet?"

Natsu grimaced. "I … wouldn't be utterly against it if you got off that way, but I can tell you, it's not gonna turn me on."

"Don't know unless you try. Can I watch you piss?"

"I'm ready to piss now, bastard!" He yanked on the handcuffs harshly.

That gleam of lecherous fascination returned as Gray smirked seductively. "Can I watch?"

Heat seared Natsu's cheeks. The twitching in his cock increased as the cold air against his naked body became even more pronounced. "Fine, I guess that's okay. And I know you're gonna ask, so same for watching you. Watching others use the bathroom isn't arousing to me, but if you want to have me watch, I will."

"What about using catheters?"

Natsu raised a wary eyebrow. "How the hell does that work?"

"I stick a catheter up your dick and either don't let you piss or force you to piss where I want."

"I … don't think so. Actually, no. Big no."

"Okay. Saves me money on buying them. Ice was fine. What about fire?"

Natsu arched an eyebrow. "Really? You have to ask?"

"Okay, dumb question. What about wax?"

"Uh, wax?"

"Dripping hot candle wax on you."

Natsu's gaze drifted, and as Gray watched, he noticed the Dragon Slayer's arousal grew.

"Natsu?"

"Fuck yes," he said hoarsely.

Gray chuckled at the eagerness. He drew a star next to that one. Definitely something to try in the near future! "Um … okay, this will sound weird, but just let me know if any of these are okay: razors, needles, knives, swords, hot pokers, branding utensils, or other hot metal surfaces or piercing utensils used on your skin."

"Hell no!"

"Good. Those are hard limits for me, as well. I don't like getting permanent marks, but if you're into that, I can do that to you. Biting until the skin breaks is a big yes for you. I'm usually not into that, but so long as you can heal it with that dragon-lust-spit-healing-thing, then it should be fine. Let's see … ah! You freaked out when I entered you, but it was only triggered by me speaking. Would you be okay if we tried anal sex again, with you as the giver, if we do it without speaking?"

"I dunno. Maybe."

"Would it be better if the lights were off?"

"No, lights on. I want to see you there."

"Can I turn the lights off other times?"

"Not if I'm inside you. If you're the one pounding into me, we can try it, but it's not as fun, right?"

"Depends. Can I blindfold you?"

"I'll give it a try, but I might need to see depending on the situation."

"Can I gag you?"

"Gag me?" Natsu shivered a bit. "No. No gags."

"Okay. You're obviously fine with me masturbating for you, but would you be okay masturbating for me?"

"I … guess so. At least a little bit, but I can't actually get myself off that way. It's never worked. I can't come unless I'm tied up and forced."

"Are you okay giving manual sex? You know, touching me."

"Touching inside your ass was really nice, but I think I can only do that for a little while, and I'd prefer to have at least one hand restrained."

"Same with touching my dick?"

Natsu stiffened. "I … I don't know. Through your clothes is okay, but when we're _in the moment_ … I don't think I trust myself."

"Okay, limited cock touching. Can I use sex toys: dildo, vibrator, butt plug, anal beads, cock rings, testicle cuffs, artificial vagina…?"

"NO!" Natsu screamed, then suddenly he jolted in shock by his own paranoid reaction. "That … that is…"

"See, this is why I have a checklist. Sex toys are a hard limit." He began to write that down.

"A what?"

"It means I absolutely won't use them on you. Do you think you could use a sex toy on me?"

Natsu was still shaking from the near panic attack. "I … I don't know. Probably something like a … a … what are the plastic cocks called?"

"Dildo."

"Yeah, that might be okay. Maybe okay to use something like that on me, too. I think a vibrator would be nice," he muttered, blushing slightly, "but something like a fake vagina … no. Hell no."

Gray watched the tightness in Natsu's brow and the way his eyes flitted back and forth. He really wanted to ask what sort of trauma happened in Natsu's past. The curiosity was killing him! However, he had to be respectful. This was not the time for prying into a bitter past.

"Let's go through one at a time. Dildos are okay. Vibrator, yes. Butt plug?"

"What the hell does that do?"

"What it says. It's like a mini rubber dick, plugs your ass, fills you up, so I can use my cock elsewhere."

"Okay, that's fine."

"Anal beads and cock rings?" By Natsu's confused face and silence, Gray realized he truly was inexperienced and likely too innocent for all these kinks. "Anal beads are a string of balls that go up your ass. I don't own any, but I'm willing to buy some. A cock ring goes around your cock, keeps your erection up and prevents you from coming so you last long enough to fully enjoy what I have to give you."

"Oooh! I like that idea."

Gray chuckled at the brightness in Natsu's eyes. "I'll have to buy one."

"Oh, don't go out of your way."

"Nah, I don't mind. I know a little shop. So yes on both." Gray wrote that down and dragged his finger down to the next on the list. "Are you okay with cock and ball restraints?"

"How the hell does that work?"

"Wraps around your cock, usually to keep you from coming, or around your balls to pull them away from your body. You know how your balls draw up just before coming? The restraint makes you really feel that."

"That's kinda … hardcore, I guess. Still, I don't think I'd have a problem with it."

"I'll put that as a maybe. What about nipple clamps?"

"Umm … probably?" Natsu gave a shrug. "I'm not sure what that would be like, but it'd probably be okay."

"How about wearing a chastity belt?"

"Can I still pee in one of those?"

"Of course you can. You just can't touch yourself. I'd like to make you wear one if I have to go on a solo mission. That way you can't masturbate while I'm gone. You'll save all that sexual frustration for me, and only I can release you from your prison."

Natsu felt a wave of dizziness. "Holy crap, I want that," he gasped, and his cock surged at the thought of being trapped, imprisoned, locked away so no one could touch it. He hissed in pain as the attempted arousal reminded him that he had to pee. "Hurry up! I'm ready to piss."

"Oh God…" Gray gasped so softly, a normal person would have missed it, but Natsu's sensitive ears heard the soft hiss. "Okay, um … next one…" Instead, he looked up with interest. "Are you really ready to piss yourself?"

"I can hold it for a few more minutes. Just hurry up."

Gray twisted his hips in the seat to adjust for his arousal. "Erotic electrostimulation?"

"No clue what that is."

"Short version: I zap you. The pain and stimulation can be really pleasurable."

"I'll give it a try, I guess."

"Are you okay with terms of endearment?"

"Call me your cute snuggly dragon and I will punch you in the balls." He watched as Gray began to write that down. "Dude, I was joking!"

"I'm not," Gray said seriously. "I'll let you know right now: don't call me Ice Boy, Snow Daddy, Polar Bear, Shades, and sure as hell, don't you dare call me Gray-sama." He shivered slightly at that.

"Juvia would hate that."

"Juvia is why I added that to the list."

"And the others on the list?"

"Old girlfriends or people I don't like."

"I'll probably just keep calling you Droopy-eyed Ice Princess," Natsu said with a cocky smirk.

"Asshole!" Gray chuckled.

"I don't have any name I particularly hate, just nothing overly sweet. Oh and…" Natsu's eyes darkened again. "Don't ever refer to me as _Boy_. Just … don't."

"Noted. Next question. Are you okay with saying _I love you_ or hearing me say it to you?"

Natsu blinked in shock. "You … love me?"

"It's just a question. Some people really freak out if they hear someone tell them that, or they think it's too embarrassing to say it out loud."

"So then, you don't love me?" If Natsu had been a dog, his ears would have drooped. That was the sort of face Gray saw, and it was precisely what he imagined.

"Just answer the question."

"Not until you answer mine. Do you love me?"

Gray rolled his eyes in frustration. "Something like that…" This was not the time to discuss something so deep. He wanted to get through the checklist. "I'm still trying to sort you out, Natsu. I can determine my own feelings later. I'm not the kind of guy who says words like that on a whim. I can tell you right now, I probably won't say it, or if I do, it won't be often."

Natsu had to admit, he felt disappointed hearing that. He always wanted to have someone who would whisper _I love you_ in his ear. Hesitantly, he mumbled, "Are you okay if I say it to you?"

"It'll embarrass me, so not in public, but in private it's fine."

"I … would probably say it. If I meant it," he added quickly. "And … I'd like to hear it being said to me, but only if you want to."

"Okay." _Well, that wasn't awkward or anything!_ "How do you feel about roleplay?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Pretending to be something else. Like, dressing up as a police officer, a little schoolboy, a pirate, or pretending you're the dark wizard and I'm the Magic Council soldier."

Natsu began to laugh. "Seriously?"

"I'm not actually into that," Gray assured him. "I just remember that was on my list. Some girls are really into those sorts of things."

Being reminded that Gray had enough sexual experience to even _need_ a list like this, and to have categories geared for women, made Natsu pout with jealousy. "I'm not against it, I guess. Not really my thing, though."

"How about dressing up and acting like an animal, like a dog or cat?"

"Uhhh … not against it, but I don't think that would turn me on."

"We might get you an outfit. Sometimes it's nice to set aside your humanity and act wild like an animal. Are you okay being collared?"

"Just wearing one? Sure."

"Would you be willing to wear one in public?"

"No! Nothing kinky in public."

"What if you wore it under your scarf, so no one can see?"

Natsu paused as his heart suddenly fluttered. To wear something as kinky as a collar, a sign that he was the property of Gray Fullbuster, a kink-fanatic, a sexual deviant, to wear that out in public, hidden from sight, feeling the constant fear that his scarf might suddenly shift, someone might see it, and if they saw it, he alone would come under scrutiny … yes, Gray could easily ignore the incident. Natsu wouldn't tell anyone that the collar belonged to Gray. He would suffer the shame alone. Suffer public humiliation! The whole guild would think he was sick, twisted, a pervert … it was the same erotic thrill as earlier that day, fingering Gray in the hot spring. Doing something so naughty, but in a way so no one could see…

"Yeah…" he whispered with a shudder. "I … I'd like that."

Gray had honestly thought he would still say no. Personally, the thought of Natsu wearing his collar, a sign of ownership, out in public was really pushing Gray's comfort level. Then again, what fun was BDSM if you didn't push your limits a bit? Now, as he watched the enthralled gleam in Natsu's eyes as his mind plunged into some sort of masochistic fantasy, Gray put a little star next to _Public Collaring_ and made a mental note to go buy Natsu a nice leather collar. He twisted his hips on the seat as his cock became harder just thinking about it. He needed to keep focused, though. There were still some questions to go.

"Do you mind cross-dressing?"

Natsu snapped out of the fantasy. "What? You want to see me in a dress?"

"More like a corset and stiletto high heels."

"God, that sounds weird," he whispered to himself. "I'll have to think about that. For special occasions, maybe. I don't want to make a habit of it, though. But I'm not buying the clothes. And before you ask, I don't really want to see you dressed as a girl, but if you really wanna, I'm not against it."

"Noted. Now, I just want to make sure: you're okay with whipping, caning, belting, paddling, riding crops, and other forms of impact play, right?"

Natsu smirked seductively. "I liked when you belted me. It hurt … and it felt so good. My ass is still tingling from that."

This time, Gray was the one who felt his cheeks go hot. "I liked that, too. I want to do more to you." He gulped down those fantasies for another time. "What parts of your body can I absolutely not touch?"

"Normally, I'm fine with anything, but I might be a little sensitive about my neck. Only touching it. Kissing there is awesome."

"What parts of my body are you not willing to touch?"

Natsu looked over Gray's sculpted body, wearing only boxers with an opened robe draped on. He wanted to touch every inch of it, but … "It's gonna depend. I'm okay with just about anything until I feel too aroused."

"If I were to restrain you, but left you able to move your fingers, could I make you touch me places?"

"I … think that's okay. Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing if I could touch inside your ass so long as my hands are cuffed."

"We'll have to try that."

"Oh, but … not your cock. I mean, at the beginning, I'd like to touch you there, especially through your clothes and watch you enjoy it like that, and _maybe_ if I'm touching you but you're not making me aroused, but … I … I'll probably … hurt you, especially when I'm too horny."

"We'll have to see how far is _too horny_. Are you okay with me coming in your ass?"

"That … it was okay."

"Can I do it without a condom?"

"Honestly, I might prefer that."

"Are you okay coming in my ass?"

This time Natsu cringed.

"That's a no," Gray realized. "Maybe with a condom?"

"No," he whispered. "Actually, it'd be worse with the condom."

Something about fake vaginas and condoms … Gray would be lying if he said he wasn't curious—and worried—but he let it go. "Would you be okay giving me oral sex?"

Natsu hesitated for a long time. "Maybe if restrained and if you don't touch me."

"Would it be okay if I came in your mouth?"

"Yes, definitely."

"I already tried sucking you and you were okay, but would you be okay if you came in my mouth?"

Natsu again shifted uncomfortably. "Only if you swallow it."

Gray arched an eyebrow. "Mandatory swallowing?"

"Yes. Don't spit it out."

"Wow … okay, I'll note that." _What the hell sort of mandate is that?_ "Would you be okay licking my ass?"

"Actually, that sounds better than sucking your cock."

"And you were okay when I licked your ass, right?"

Natsu's cheeks went bright pink. "That was pretty damn hot."

"I'm glad you liked it. Last ones: Are there any other kinks you specifically enjoy?"

"I don't really know. You've listed a lot that I never even thought about before."

"Are there any you specifically are against?"

"Well, the obvious stuff. No kids, animals, or dead bodies. Don't choke me, that's one I am absolutely against. Nothing that might restrict my breathing, like a gag or covering my nose. Oh, and … okay, this isn't a fetish, but I'd like it if you at least attempt to smell good before we do this. My nose is sensitive, so if you haven't bathed in a week, it's gonna really turn me off. And no using weird smells. No scented candles, incense, strong-smelling oil, and although I can handle light cologne, too much will make me sick. What about you? We should go through this with you, so I know what you want."

"We can later. My normal checklist is longer."

He watched Gray jot down some final notes. "Also," Natsu whispered, "you … you don't have to … make me come. I just want you to know that. Don't feel like that has to happen. I'm … a little afraid."

"About coming?"

"About…" He turned his head aside. "I can't say."

"Natsu, if something is scary, then I definitely need to know about it so I won't do it. I won't ask _why_ it scares you. You're okay with coming, but it seems like you have a lot of specific limitations. That's perfectly fine, but I need to know what those limits are so I don't cross them. The pressure is on me, not on you."

Natsu shifted around on the bed, pulling weakly at his restrained wrists. "It's … about … m-my … _stuff_."

"Your semen?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. "If you swallow it, that's fine. If it splatters on me or you or on the floor or … if it's _out_ , that's fine. But … when … when it's _in_ something, if it's in your ass, or in a condom, or in a sex toy, or even in a tissue … just … _in_ something … that … that would really make me flip out."

"In … something? Like, if you came in a cup?"

Natsu flinched so hard, the headboard bowed, and his hands began to shake at they clenched tight enough to leave nail marks in Natsu's palms.

"Whoa, okay! Calm down, calm down. I'll put that as a hard limit. We'll never do that. Just keep calm." Gray wrote down everything Natsu had listed along with _no semen collection_ in big letters. He guessed that was the general issue here. "You know, if you have a thing against condoms and your cum being in something, like a vagina, you're gonna have a hard time getting into a relationship with women."

Natsu forced himself to smile weakly over at Gray. "Then maybe I should forget woman and stick to men."

Gray smiled back at him. "Works for me."

"I bet it does!" He yanked on the handcuffs. "Now let me go! I'm seriously ready to piss."

Gray finished the last notes, set the checklist aside, then crossed one leg over his knee and folded his hands together. "Go ahead."

Natsu stared at Gray's cruel smile, sadistic eyes, and domineering posture.

_Oh … fuck!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The "Checklist of Fucking" is based on the checklist used by Charlie and Jamie in the webcomic Khaos Komix, which itself is based on a list of rules and boundaries in a relationship:_   
>  <http://www.khaoskomix.com/komix/yesnomaybe3>


	5. Omorashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If you are repulsed by watersports (pissing in erotic situations) you might want to skip the first part. I warned you guys, this story is hardcore BDSM. I have a fetish for omorashi (watching a person desperately needing to pee) so this chapter explores my little kink._

Natsu felt himself go pale. Suddenly, the bed under him, the metal handcuffs, and his own nakedness were brutally obvious to him. The tinge in his bladder increased merely at the thought of what Gray had just said.

"W-what?" he whispered with a shudder.

Gray had a sadistic smirk as he leaned back in his chair like a prince observing the suffering of a bad slave. "Relieve yourself. Right there."

"In bed? Hell no!" Natsu yanked on the handcuffs harder, clanking them against the headboard, not caring that they were leaving bruises. "Let me go."

Gray rose, walked over imperiously, roughly grabbed Natsu's wrists, and encased the Dragon Slayer's arms in ice that would not shatter easily while also prevent him from really damaging his wrists with the metal restraints. "There. Now you can struggle to your heart's content."

"Gray!" he screamed. Was the ice wizard really going to force him to wet the bed? Rage and humiliation made Natsu's blood boil. "Why the hell are you doing this?"

Gray sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at him. With a gentle hand, he stroked Natsu's chest, feeling the rapid rise and fall of his lungs and the frantically pounding heart. "I warned you, my kinks are extreme. I won't do this to you all the time, but since I have you here, it's the perfect moment. I'd never want you to ruin my bed like this, but a love hotel's bed gets thoroughly cleaned after every use, so it's okay."

"It's _not_ okay."

"You know how to end it."

Natsu froze in his struggles. He could use a safeword to wiggle his way out of this, but … did he really want to deny Gray from his little guilty pleasure? Did he want to _run away_? It was humiliating, but it wasn't traumatizing. Then he remembered something.

"I had a dream like this," whispered Natsu. "One of my fantasies. A lady tied me to a chair and made me sit there until I pissed myself. I woke up just before I actually did and had to race to the bathroom before I had an accident."

"Then this is secretly one of your erotic fantasies too, to be humiliated like this."

Natsu frowned, not liking the thought that some part of him got horny thinking about pissing himself. At least he wasn't wearing clothes, and he wasn't in his own bed. Still, having Gray watch was embarrassing.

Then Gray reached down. Natsu thought the ice wizard might start trying to get him aroused—oh, _that_ would just be the worst thing ever—but instead, his cold hand laid flat on Natsu's lower belly … and pressed. The need to pee tripled, and Natsu tensed up to hold back his bladder.

"Yes," Gray moaned. "The more you squirm and try to hold it in, the more turned on I get. So don't piss yourself too soon."

Natsu pulled at his wrists with snuffles already shaking his lungs. "No…"

"Say no and cry, Natsu. Be humiliated, sob, and beg. You know that's what turns me on. Having you completely at my mercy, being in control of you, even controlling when and where you piss, shaming you, making you piss yourself like the bad little brat you are." He pressed on Natsu's bladder again, and the pink-haired teen gave a cry as his thighs twisted.

"Gray, stop it! That fuckin' hurts."

"How about this, then?" He leaned over into Natsu's face. "Don't you dare wet the bed, or I'll have to spank you."

Natsu's eyes bulged, and instead of needing to pee, he suddenly felt like he might get aroused.

Gray chuckled at the reaction. Then he rose and walked toward the bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower. Seriously, don't piss yourself while I'm in there or I honestly will be angry. Be a good boy and wait until I come out."

Natsu glared hard. "I told you, never call me _boy_."

Gray's swaggering steps froze, and he looked around in shock. "Oh! I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I honestly forgot. I'll work on remembering that. Are you okay?" He looked guilty at forgetting a hard limit so soon.

Natsu rolled his eyes. It was not that the name would drive up an instant panic attack. More like hearing that degrading term made him unreasonably furious, and he did not want to feel anger toward Gray when they were playing like this.

"I'm fine. Just hurry up," Natsu snapped. "I'm seriously ready to piss."

Gray clenched his fists as lust surged through him. "Don't piss, Natsu. I'm serious. Don't you dare pee the bed while I'm gone." Then he shut the bathroom door.

Now that Gray wasn't there to watch, Natsu panted hard. He really had to pee, but now he almost _wanted_ Gray to see. He wanted to hold it for Gray. However, when the shower turned on, the sound of the running water tortured his bladder. His thighs twisted, and he tried desperately not to think about the dire need to piss.

His bladder felt so full, he could feel the liquid inside of him. When was the last time he had peed? Sometime before Gray woke up with that hangover. That had been hours ago. It felt like it was past midnight now.

"Oooooooh…"

Natsu's torment froze when he heard Gray moan. "Oh my God, is he jacking off in the shower?"

"Ah … mmm, damn. Ooooh Natsu…"

Natsu's cock went firmly hard, and he realized he could not piss like this even if he wanted to. Gray kept moaning, so loudly that Natsu _knew_ he was messing with him. Gray did _not_ moan like that during sex.

"Oh God … ooooh fuck, yeah. God, I love being in your burning hot ass."

Natsu flushed, and his stomach began to cramp with dire need. He yanked hard on the ice and handcuffs restraining him. Although normally he could not stand touching himself, he desperately felt the need to make himself come, if only so he could piss.

But … he shouldn't piss. He should wait for Gray.

"Ahh … _nnngh_ , yeah … _fuck!_ "

Natsu's cock stiffened and grew hotter. "Dammit," he groaned in agony. "Idiot, Gray. Don't do that."

He rolled over to his side, the best he could do with his hands like this, and curled his legs up to put pressure on his cock to hold it in. The minutes ticked by way too slowly. He had to pee, and it was pure torture to listen to that shower with Gray moaning. His gut burned, his bladder was ready to burst, and he felt like sobbing.

The pressure began to build. Natsu shook his hips, trying to distract himself, and he squeezed his thighs together harder to hold back.

"Fuck it! Goddammit," he whined as the need to go went beyond mere desperation.

He whimpered, clenching tightly, but he felt pressure building in his penis. It filled with piss and engorged painfully. Then Natsu felt a little bit of hot liquid drip out. He clenched down harder to stop it and curled his legs up tighter. Still, he felt the droplets of piss drip down the length of his semi-hard cock.

"Oh shit! Dammit … n-no! _GRAY!_ " he screamed.

Mere seconds later, the bathroom door crashed open, and Gray ran out dripping wet and pale, the shower still running behind him. He feared that maybe Natsu was panicking again, but instead he saw the teen curled against the mattress and a small wet spot on the sheets.

"I … can't … hold it," Natsu sobbed with gnashing teeth.

Gray relaxed the tension in his shoulders. "You were this close, huh? You've been good, holding it this long. Good…" He almost said _good boy_ again, but he recalled that Natsu had an issue with people calling him _boy_. "Good Natsu."

"Gray…"

He stroked the pink hair. "Just a little longer."

"No! I can't hold it."

"Yes you can."

"No … ahhhh!" A little more dripped out, but Natsu clenched hard to stop it. "Let me go already!"

"Not yet, Natsu. Hold it more."

"I seriously have to pee," Natsu screamed.

"I know. Not yet. Don't piss yourself."

Gray stared at the squirming body, utterly enthralled. Natsu's cock had hardened with the need to pee, and with his arms restrained, unable to grab himself to stop it, his cock leaped and danced its own version of _the potty dance_. Gray licked his lips greedily as he watched a few more drops dribble out. Already, he was painfully hard from touching himself in the shower, and his breathing was getting deeper, desperate, shuddering.

"Gray," Natsu whined in a strained, high pitch voice. He felt ready to burst, and a tiny splash shot out before he could clench down. The mini shower spritzed his thighs with the potent smell of urine. "Fuck … dammit! I … I wanna piss."

Gray gasped in arousal when he heard Natsu say that, and he grabbed his cock firmly in his hand, stroking himself frantically. "Don't pee yet, Natsu. God, don't you dare pee yet."

Natsu glanced over, and although normally watching Gray frantically touching himself might have aroused him, now it only made his lower stomach coil, which shot white pain through his bladder.

"I … I need to go … now!"

Gray was getting more frantic as he watched Natsu struggle. "Not … yet…"

"Gray … Damn! I'm totally ready to piss myself. This isn't funny anymore." Natsu felt more trickle out, and then more. He tried to clench, but the dripping increased. "Dammit … I can't stop it." Shame made his whole body burn. At the same time, he wanted to fully let go. He wanted to spray everywhere. Somehow he managed to regain control, but the mattress under him was getting wet. "G-Gray … it's … warm. Oh God, I'm pissing myself." Tears of shame streamed down his face.

"All right. You can do it, Natsu. Go ahead. Let it g—"

"GRAY!" he screamed, but this time in real anger. "Don't encourage. Discourage. Tell me not to."

Gray smirked even more at the frantic demands. Such a masochist! "Don't piss yourself. Filthy little brat. Would you really wet the bed at your age? Aren't you a grown man? Keep holding it. Don't let your cock drip."

Natsu seemed to react better to that, although it made him squirm much harder. A small spritz came out, but he clenched it off.

"I c-can't … I can't…" Natsu was in tears. The heat in his bladder made his legs feel cold. Natsu bit hard on his lip and curled his legs up to put more pressure on holding it in. "Hurts … it really hurts."

"Keep … holding it." Gray was so close now. He stroked frantically as he watched that cock bouncing with its need to let loose. More small spurts shot out, and Natsu groaned with a high whine each time, trying so hard to hold it in.

"Gray … gonna piss…"

"No, Natsu. Don't wet the bed."

"Fu- … damn … gaaah!"

Acidic burning shot backward and up to Natsu's kidneys. He screamed in true physical pain, and he lost the pinch he had on his self-control. His eyes went wide as he felt the piss jet out. He felt like he could have pissed everything out in one massive explosion to rip his cock in two. Instead, the pale yellow stream shot up with a burst of pressure, drenching his belly and thighs and spraying onto Gray's skin. Natsu felt the wet heat dripping over him, dribbling down to the sides of his body, and saturating the bed under him in moist warmth. He smelled it, potent to his sensitive nose, and he heard the hissing as it shot up and rained back down onto him.

He let out a long, shuddering sigh of relief. It felt … so damn good! Almost as good as an orgasm, but on a totally different level, an erotic euphoria in his penis and bladder, spreading through his thighs and lower stomach, growing until the relief covered his whole body in tingling warmth. The release of that pressure against his bladder, prostate, and everything else inside him, his swollen belly slowly loosening as the piss drained: it was all so amazing. It also hurt. He had held it so long, maybe too long. His bladder was in serious pain.

"Natsu!" Gray shouted through lust-clenched teeth. Seeing the bliss on Natsu's face, the shame immediately after, and the helplessness—totally vulnerable, unable to stop himself, unable to cover himself, unable to save his own dignity—was so enthralling, Gray wanted to join in with the release. Instead, he leaned over, put his mouth by the bursting cock, and let it shoot onto his tongue.

Seeing that made Natsu's cock lurch and sputter for a moment in arousal, except now he was too far gone pissing to even try getting hard. He could not push Gray away, and he could not stop his bladder from pouring out. He was helpless … so utterly powerless. The humiliation made the heat of shame intensify.

He heard Gray swallow down the piss and growl deep in his throat. "God, you really are burning hot. That's like drinking piping kettle water. Tastes disgusting." Then he leaned back up and continued to jerk off with a rapid wrist, leaning over a little so the piss shot onto his own cock, moistening it, burning it with hot liquid. "So dirty. So disgusting. So … fucking … hot! Oh _God!_ "

With a grunt, he came, and the white streams mixed with the yellow piss still coming out, mixing atop of Natsu's torso. Gray hung his head in relief, but as he looked down, he saw the liquid still pouring.

"You're not done?"

"A-almost," Natsu whispered.

"That's seriously a lot of piss."

"Shut up," he mumbled in shame.

Yet it kept going. When he thought he must be done, it kept leaking, not even with pressure to squeeze it out. He wanted it to stop already, but it kept going. He wanted to curl into a ball and sob like a child, like a naughty little boy who had pissed the bed. But it wouldn't stop. It wouldn't end. Seriously, how much had he drank today?

At last, the stream came to a light trickle. It kept dribbling, warm and smelly urine dripping over his thigh, across his narrow hips, and pooling under his butt, soaking away into the sheets and mattress in a warm, disgusting puddle. Natsu wanted all of it out, and he pressed with his abdominal muscles. His cock sprang and shot a bit more, but that one movement made his low back hurt. He teased up at the pain.

Gray's hand rested tenderly on the Dragon Slayer's chest. "Natsu, are you all right?"

Suddenly, a memory returned to Natsu.

* * *

_"Natsu," came the basso, rumbling voice of his adopted father. "Are you all right, son?"_

_He must have been no more than five, just a scrawny boy wearing clothes that were too big for him, something Igneel had pilfered off the clothesline of a farmhouse. His baggy pants hung heavily with wetness. A dark stain spread all over his crotch and dripped down his legs. He sat in the middle of a puddle of piss, crying into his arms, knowing he was going to get into big trouble. These were the pants Igneel gave him, and he had pissed in them._

_"I'm sorry," he wailed. "I tried to hold it. I really did, but you were gone and I didn't wanna go out there alone, not after … after … that time. I … I was scared." Confessing that made his tears bubble out more. He clutched at his massive white scarf, his one protection from the scary things. "I was_ scared _," he sobbed._

_"I know, Natsu. I'm sorry I was gone for so long. Something … bad happened. It's okay now. I took care of it, and now I'll take care of you. Get out of those pants and leave them there. Come out of the cave and follow me to the river."_

_Tiny Natsu snuffled up his snotty nose, undid the pants, and let them fall into the reeking puddle. He walked out naked, not ashamed since it was only him and Igneel. He followed the massive red dragon to a stream that ran by the cave where they lived, and he let the flowing water clean away the filth._

_"See, we'll wash you, so it's okay this time. Don't worry, Natsu. Your father will protect you. It's all right."_

* * *

The memory faded. He was in a wet bed reeking of fresh urine, with Gray smothering him, grabbing Natsu's shivering body.

"You did good, Natsu. You held it as long as you could. It was just an accident."

Igneel's voice echoed in his ears. " _It was just an accident. I'll clean you up._ "

Gray raised, looked down at Natsu, and wiped the tear tracks that traced down his flushed cheeks. Seeing this level of humiliation was so arousing, he almost had an urge to ravish Natsu right here, in a urine-soaked bed. However, coming three times in under twenty-four hours … seriously, if Gray wasn't a strapping, virile, horny-as-hell eighteen-year-old, he'd probably be spent for a whole week.

"I'll clean you up," he whispered, unknowingly mimicking the gentle, parental tenderness in Natsu's memory.

Suddenly, Natsu felt like that little child again, a helpless child who wet himself because he was too scared to go outside on his own. He began to cry all over again.

"Father," Natsu whispered. "I'm sorry."

Reverting back to childhood: it happened sometimes in BDSM, a common issue. Gray tenderly stroked back the pink hair. "It's okay, Natsu. You did well."

"Gray," he sighed as the memory and the reality bled into one another. "I … I pissed the bed," he sobbed. "You told me not to. You told me … to hold it."

"Yes, I did. I said I would spank you if you didn't. That can wait. Let's get you washed. Can you stand?"

The ice on Natsu's wrists evaporated, and Gray unlocked the handcuffs. Natsu tried to sit, but the ache in his bladder was pure agony. He grabbed his lower stomach and gritted his teeth to hold back any moans.

"It really … seriously hurts," he warned.

"I'm sorry if it was too much," Gray whispered, giving Natsu some help. As the teen rose to his feet, his knees nearly gave way. "Easy. Up you go. Slowly now. Let's walk to the bathroom. I'll clean you."

Memories of Igneel washing him in the stream returned. Natsu recalled that those pants had somehow been washed too, although Igneel usually just burned any old clothes. That one time, the fire dragon had somehow washed the pants, knowing Natsu would feel worse if the clothes were ruined because of his incontinence.

Now again, Gray was taking extra care to attend him. Since the shower was still running, he helped Natsu inside to let the urine wash away. Gray grabbed a bath sponge and soap provided by the hotel, and he began to scrub Natsu's body, gently cleaning the stomach, hips, thighs, and wherever the urine might have touched. He knelt in front of Natsu, not washing erotically—they were both too drained for that—but wanting to take some responsibility for putting the Dragon Slayer through that humiliation.

Natsu stood there, watching the attentiveness with blank eyes as his brain tried to recover from the emotional overload. "You have one weird kink," he muttered.

Gray's rubbing faltered as he looked up at that weary face. Maybe he should have just watched Natsu pee into the toilet, or had him piss himself in the shower. Going this far on their very first venture into omorashi and watersports was likely too much. He would not be surprised if it completely turned Natsu off from the idea.

Gray's head dropped back down. He was eye level with Natsu's cock, and he looked at how cute it was limp and hanging so wearily. His conscience stabbed him at being so abusive to this poor, untrained penis, tormenting it so much. Still, Gray could hardly help it. He had been Natsu's rival for so long, hearing him whine and beg was tantalizing. Still, as a Dominant, he had to put that rivalry aside. He could be sadistic, but he should not be plain cruel.

"How is your stomach?" he asked in concern.

"Sore. If I tense my lower muscles at all, it's painful."

"I'm really sorry. For the next three days, as soon as you get an urge to pee, get to the bathroom immediately. Don't try to hold it in. Drink a lot of water, too." Gray hugged Natsu around the legs, leaning in tenderly to his lower stomach and resting his cheek there, wishing he could ease away all the pain he put Natsu through. "I'm really sorry," he repeated in a whisper.

Then he felt fingers in his wet hair. When he looked up, Natsu was stroking his head with a tiny smile. It was enough to lift Gray's spirits. He had not completely broken Natsu.

"Will you want to do it again?" The words blurted out, and immediately Gray wished he had held back. Right after a BDSM scene, both would be in an emotionally altered state. Natsu's answer might be affected by that hormonal turmoil, and if he said no here, he might concrete in his mind that what just happened was a bad thing, not a good thing.

Natsu had to admit, for all the humiliation, the relief had been incredible. "Maybe," he whispered. "Not any time soon."

"No, you shouldn't do that too often. You'll wind up with a urinary tract infection. Those can be nasty."

Gray was glad that at least Natsu was not utterly repulsed. He knew that a fetish for pissing was really hardcore, and most people found the whole thing repulsive rather than arousing. He had to go easier, slowly build up to more.

He had been too eager all day, giddy with the prospect of exploring his fetishes. Despite that, he had to take Natsu's needs, wants, and desires into consideration, first and foremost. That was the duty of the Dominant, and the most important rule was to always, _always_ , be in control. That meant having control over himself before he could even think about being in control of his Submissive.

His duty right now was to ensure Natsu regained emotional stability and to tend to any physical pains. Gray stood back up, ready to be in control once again.

"Let's have you soak in the tub. It should help."

Gray started a bathtub of extra hot water, how he figured Natsu would like it, and helped the Dragon Slayer in. The heat made the pain in his lower stomach soothe away. Gray stayed beside the tub, crouched on the floor, watching Natsu, waiting to find out what he needed to do next. He had thought Natsu might use this moment to guilt him into doing anything at all; instead, Natsu leaned back in the tub and stared ahead, still processing what happened.

"Did that really turn you on?" he asked quietly.

Gray sat on his heels and stared at that dazed face. "It did. A lot. Just thinking about you needing to pee … it turns me on. I don't know why. It just does. That's why I had to leave the room and take a shower. I was getting overwhelmed, and I didn't want to humiliate you too much. If I had stayed there, watching you twist around … I don't know what I would have done, but I'd've probably hurt you. I didn't want that. Not this time."

"You … wanted more?" Natsu whispered.

Gray wondered if he should actually confess this. Then again, in a relationship like this, honesty was vital. "What I really want to try is pounding into your ass when you have a full bladder. I've only heard about it, never tried it, but supposedly it's way more intense for you and more tight for me."

Thinking about that tingling pressure at the same time as Gray filled him made Natsu squirm, and his hand drifted down to the aroused cock under the bath water.

"Ah, that happens, too," Gray noticed. "Holding it that long puts pressure on the prostate, so releasing that pressure…"

"It was almost as good as coming," Natsu finished with a dazed voice. "Only, the feeling lasted a lot longer. Ya know, like when you come, you feel it for … what, twenty seconds? That, though … that just kept on going. Damn—" He was lightly stroking himself now, but only to relieve the ache.

"Exactly. But what I really want to try," Gray whispered in a dark voice, "is to have you bang me with your bladder ready to burst. You can't piss when you're aroused, so you have to go fast. You'll be driven on by pure desperation, needing so badly to piss, but too hard to let it out. You know you need to work it off fast before your bladder totally bursts. You'll pound in fast, screaming with how desperate you are for your release, crying from the pain in your belly, and when you finally do come, it'll feel so good, way more intense. Right afterward, as soon at the tightness in your balls releases a bit, you'll piss so hard, still inside me. You'll fill my ass with cum, then flush it all up into me with your piss. That's something I've always wanted to try. Rather than just a spoonful of spunk, you'd fill me with a whole bladder full of your liquid."

Natsu shifted in the tub and scowled. "That … probably isn't something I can do," he muttered hesitantly. "The whole _my cum can't be in something_ issue, ya know."

"Oh," Gray realized, admittedly a little disappointed. "Well, you know, if you do it that way—coming in me but then pissing—you'd destroy all the semen."

Natsu's eyes widened, and he swung his head over. "What?" he asked with a shiver.

For a moment, Gray wondered if he was about to freak out, but then he realized that the hand Natsu had under the water was jerking harder. "The acid in the urine would kill any sperm you have in there. It'd destroy the semen."

A hesitant but ecstatic smile twitched on Natsu's face. His eyes were wild with glee. "It'd … destroy it? Destroy all the sperm? The cum would be useless?"

_Useless?_

With shivering arousal, Natsu whispered, "I wanna try that some day. Pissing in your ass. I think, if we did it that way, maybe I could come inside you."

"Then we'll do it another time."

Gray felt a flush over his whole body. Natsu was actually willing to try one of his wildest, most hardcore fantasies! Despite how happy he was to hear that Natsu was game for more adventure into watersports, that one word troubled him. Useless…? Was that part of his issue?

"You do realize, cum is useless to a man anyway. I can't get pregnant."

"Idiot, of course I know that, but you can still … you can—" Natsu gulped down the words and looked away sharply. "You wouldn't though. I know that. Dammit, I _know_ that!"

Gray realized the hand below stopped stroking. _'He's losing himself in the past again. God, did some lady try to force him to give her babies? I can imagine Juvia attempting that, but who would do that to a flame-brain like Natsu?'_

"Whatever it is, I'm probably not even interested," Gray mumbled cautiously.

"I know. Dammit, I wish I could just tell you."

Gray wished that, too. It would make knowing what he could and couldn't do so much easier. "Did you promise not to?"

"Not exactly. I just … can't tell anyone. They … they said it'd … be better … if no one knew—"

Icy fury crackled in Gray's eyes. "The bastard who did that to you told you that?"

Natsu looked up in surprise. "No. Makarov did."

Gray jolted back. Master Makarov? That meant the guild master knew about Natsu's past, whatever this trauma was. Why the hell would Makarov tell Natsu to keep it a secret? Seriously, what happened?

Natsu grimaced with anger. "I don't want anyone to know that … that I … did that." He shivered and pulled his knees up to his chest. "I don't even like to think about it. It still gives me nightmares. All the blood—" His voice faded away.

"Blood?"

Definitely, this was some huge trauma, probably violent in nature. But who was the violent one? What if the fault was actually on Natsu? Dozens of possibilities swarmed Gray's worried mind, everything from Natsu was raped to Natsu was the one who raped someone. In every scenario, Gray knew only one certainty: no matter what had happened, he wanted to stay with Natsu and keep doing what they were doing. If he could possibly help Natsu overcome his trauma, that would be great; however, at the least, Gray wanted to be the one who accepted Natsu's past and still stayed by his side.

"Natsu, you can trust me," Gray said, feeling sad that, after all this intimacy, Natsu still felt he could not confide in him.

"I want to tell you," Natsu muttered into his drawn up knees. "I can't yet. Maybe someday. Just don't make me think about it yet."

How could he possibly help Natsu not think about something Gray didn't know? It was so frustrating, but Gray still wanted to help. He yanked Natsu over in the bathwater, pulling him out of the fetal position he had curled into, and hugged around those warm shoulders.

"I don't want your cum, Natsu. I want only to pleasure you, to torment you, humiliate you, make you cry for me, make you beg for more, and then comfort you afterward, care for you, wash you up, pamper you like my fiery prince." He leaned over, kissed Natsu's wet neck, and leaned up to his ear. "Even if you gave me your cum, I'd pour it out. Or maybe I'd swallow it. Even if you came in my ass, I'd shit it out. A few drops of fluid aren't interesting to me. It's watching you build up to that moment of release, watching you be aroused, listening to you whimper and cry. Not your cum, but your pleasure, and I'll milk that out any way I can," he growled softly. "If I have to beat you, whip you, torture you, make you desperate, make you hurt, humiliate you to tears, whatever it takes to siphon all that pleasure out of you, I'll do it. I'm greedy, and I want it all." He glanced down at the erection trying to poke through the surface of the bath water. "You're hard again just thinking about it."

"I was hard before, idiot."

"Do you want me to take care of that?"

Natsu flinched. He had denied himself release earlier, so he felt he really did need it this time. However, his body felt weak from the violent struggle to hold back his bladder and the emotional upheaval.

"Nothing kinky this time," Gray promised. "We don't have to be kinky. Just a plain blow job should be enough. I promise to swallow it, too. Sit on the edge of the tub."

Natsu rose out of the water and swung his legs over, sitting on the ledge. Gray knelt between his legs and caressed the needy shaft while smiling up at Natsu.

"You really are something, you flame-brain idiot."

"Oh? And what am I?"

"I dunno…" Gray kissed the cockhead, mouthed gentle sucks down the veined length, and admired the pearl drop leaking on the slitted top with a sparkle in his silver-blue eyes. "…but I wanna figure it out." He opened his mouth and slipped down the shaft all in one go.

Natsu hissed and clenched the side of the tub. Gray definitely had a talent with his mouth. His fingers were cold, callused, and they dug into Natsu's butt cheeks as he let just his mouth do the work. His lips were tight, his tongue curled around the underside of the head, and his throat took on the pounding as he bobbed down as far as he could without deep-throating. Natsu's fists clenched so hard against the tub, he heard a crack.

"Gray, restrain me."

The black-haired young man pulled up with saliva and pre-cum on his lips. "You're damn lucky I'm an ice wizard and can bind you on a whim." He grabbed Natsu's wrists and frosted them over, trapping Natsu to the rim of the tub. "Is that good enough?"

The Dragon Slayer nodded frantically. So long as he was restrained … so long as he couldn't use his hands … so long as he couldn't reach out and hurt the person pleasuring him…

Gray now sucked and used one hand to stroke the lower half of the cock, while his other hand reached around and slipped inside Natsu's tight hole, fingering his ass until he found the prostate. The Dragon Slayer cried out at that, and one leg suddenly crashed down in an attack-style kick. His heel rammed into Gray's back, making him cry out around the cock and pull off angrily.

"What the hell?" Gray shouted.

Natsu cringed guiltily. "I'm sorry. Instinct. Restrain my legs, too."

With pain-fueled anger, Gray roughly yanked Natsu's thighs apart wider, gripped his ankles tight enough to leave bruises, and froze Natsu's feet to the bottom of the tub. "There. Now you can't fuckin' kick out my kidney."

"Yes…" Natsu hissed in pleasure. "Can't move. Can't fight. Can't do anything." He suddenly sneered down at Gray with a flame dancing on his skin. "Don't you dare touch me, bastard."

However, Gray heard the purr of lust hidden behind the words. This was not like earlier when Natsu demanded to be released from the handcuffs. His face was totally different. This was him starting on that journey he had to mentally travel, thinking he was being forced so that he could release. As Gray ignored the protesting threat and sucked on him, he began to piece together what little bits he knew about this complex pyromaniac.

Natsu did not want to be called _boy._ Could that be because the trauma happened in his youth? Whatever this trauma was, Makarov told Natsu to keep it a secret. That was truly perplexing, and if the tiny guild master felt the guild should not know about this issue, then directly asking Makarov about Natsu's past was out of the question.

He mentioned that his trauma included blood. Had it been Natsu's blood, or someone else's? He did not want anything gagging him, nothing restricting his air, and even touching his neck could trigger reactions. Kissing and gentle fondling were okay, but there was some invisible threshold where he flipped, attacking the one touching him. At that point, Natsu demanded to be tied up. He didn't _trust himself_. The ache in Gray's kidney showed that the demand was probably because Natsu knew he reacted violently to anything too sexually stimulating.

He demanded his semen to be swallowed, not spit. He could not allow his semen to be in any form of receptacle, and even the thought of it led to panic attacks. This included anal sex, condoms, some sex toys, and although Gray did not bother with asking directly, he guessed this included semen inside a vagina, probably to panic-inducing levels. That was the most confusing part of this. Natsu could be romantically attracted to either men or women, but he was not okay with ejaculation, or at least he had a lot of restrictions. He was _afraid_ his semen might wind up _in_ something.

He liked orgasm denial, and if he was going to orgasm then he had to indulge himself in a rape fantasy. He needed to fight against the impending orgasm. As he had put it on their first time together, "I can't lose control. You have to take it. You have to force it out of me." However, when Gray said 'I'm gonna make you come' last night while just touching Natsu, that increased the level of pleasure, yet when he said the same thing tonight with Natsu's penis inside of him, it evoked a massive panic attack. The pieces to this puzzle were falling into place, but something did not add up.

"Gray! Gray … _nngh_ … Gray."

Natsu kept saying his name, over and over. Gray glanced up and saw in his face, Natsu was not chanting his name to be erotic. He was repeating it to remind himself who he was with, to reassure himself that this would be okay. Gray decided to test something. He pulled off the cock and only rubbed it with his hand.

"I'm gonna make you come, Natsu." He observed a slight flinch, but not on the same level as before. "I'm gonna swallow it down. All of it. I won't let a single drop stay behind." A definite change now happened, with Natsu shivering and the tension loosening. "I'll force you to give me every last drop. I won't let you hold back. There is no way you can fight me, no way you can escape. You're my own little sex slave, so I can use you however I want…" That brought up a harsh flinch. "…and right now, I want you to feed me. I'm gonna use your cum as my dinner."

"No, don't eat it." There was a small smile on Natsu's face that showed, behind the struggles, he was enjoying this idea.

"I'll swallow it all down, let my stomach acids dissolve all of it, digest that filthy cum of yours, and tomorrow I'll shit it out."

"Oh God!" Natsu cried out, and the cock in Gray's hand surged, twitching with need.

Gray made some mental notes. Telling Natsu he was going to force ejaculation only worked if Natsu knew the cum was going to be _out_ , as he put it, or swallowed. The idea of sex slavery was toeing some invisible line; that was something they would have to discuss later, perhaps as a subcategory under roleplay. However, the thought of destroying semen really turned Natsu on. Gray had no idea what a sexual fantasy like that was called—maybe a form of spermatophobia?—but he could definitely work with that.

"Your cum isn't good for anything but shit," Gray snarled.

Natsu's head arched up as he screamed in a surge of erotic delight. "Yes! Eat it. Crap it out. Dissolve it."

 _My complex little dragon!_ Gray quickly devoured Natsu's cock again, determined to do just as he promised.

Natsu shook his head back and forth. This was Gray. Gray would swallow, he had promised that much. He would swallow it all down. Still, mentally he wanted to hold back. He did not want to release. He wanted to break free. He yanked on the ice cuffing his ankles, trying to squeeze his knees together to stop this … this … rape.

_Yes, rape! He's forcing me again. I have no control. I'm tied up. I'm helpless. Nobody is coming to rescue me. They don't know I'm here. No one knows. I'm alone, and he's forcing me to do this. I can't stop him._

"Stop!" he sobbed, but Gray ignored him. "Stop it … no. I don't want to. Someone … anyone! Help me!"

Hearing those screams made Gray's heart pound. Instinctively, he wanted to come to Natsu's rescue, but he knew this was all part of the fantasy. Natsu was placing himself as the victim, helpless to resist.

"Stop!" Natsu shrieked as his hips thrust on their own will. "No! Stop already! God, someone, help!"

_Seriously, if we were at my house and he screamed this loudly, I'd have the police at my door in minutes._

Gray forced himself to continue. Natsu knew the safewords. He had used both now. He knew how to stop this if the scene was truly too much to mentally handle. This was, in a way, a form of roleplay. Natsu was the rape victim, Gray was the rapist. Struggling when you were powerless brought a whole new level of arousal. For Gray, being aggressive and _forceful_ was frighteningly erotic.

Gray pulled up and gazed at him. "Do you like this, brat? Your cock is leaking in my mouth. Such a slut! You love being ravaged, don't you?"

"No," Natsu sobbed, yet Gray dived down and sucked hard, hollowing his cheeks as he pulled back. "Oh God, please, don't rape me. I'm serious, stop it. Stop!" he screamed, but Gray bobbed faster on him. "Oh fuck … no…" Natsu whined as his already-aching stomach muscles burned from the coiling. "I won't give in to you. You can't make me. You … you can't…" His head swung back as he screamed to the ceiling, "Noooo!"

Then Natsu doubled over, and his teeth crunched down into Gray's shoulder. Gray screamed, and because of that, the first spurt choke down his opened throat. Despite the pain of those teeth clenched on his skin, he kept his mouth firm as Natsu released the build up of over half a day of play, although not as thick as he had been the night before.

Gray waited, feeling the little pulses after the main rupture. Then slowly, Natsu's jaw released, and Gray felt the hot dribble of blood snaking from his shoulder down his back. When he could pull back, he sucked everything up, and he swallowed before fully pulling off, that way Natsu could feel him gulp it all down.

"Oh God, Gray," he moaned in exhaustion.

Finally Gray pulled back, and the limp cock flopped down, still dripping a little, but those tiny droplets fell to the bathroom tile. Gray sat back on his heels and gazed up at the glowing, overwhelmed face.

"Are you okay?" he asked in worry.

Natsu had a weak and satisfied smile. "Better than okay. Damn, that mouth of yours is talented."

Gray crawled forward and embraced the burning hot body.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Natsu cried out.

"What the hell does it look like? I'm cuddling you. You need that afterward, right?"

He laughed wryly. "How touching! You remembered."

"Shut up. I want to remember everything you need, every wish, every desire."

"I'll remember your needs, too. Right now, while my blood is on a high, you need that shoulder healed. Release me." The ice vanished, Natsu shook out his freed hands, and then he hugged Gray back. "Thank you. I'm sorry if shouting those things troubles you."

"I don't like thinking I'm a rapist."

"I know…" Natsu pouted guiltily.

Gray caressed his cheek. "But I do like ravaging you," he said with a low, sultry voice.

Natsu's eyes lit up at that.

"Just don't say the word _rape_ ," Gray warned. "I know I say it when I'm taunting you, but hearing you say it…" He flinched a little. That had truly troubled his conscience. "Think it in your head if you have to, but don't say it to me. That part right there made me feel bad. But the rest of it … I feel guilty for admitting it, but I like to get forceful with you. It feels like our normal fights, except that I get to see you cry."

"Bastard," Natsu growled with a hard glare, yet he felt intense relief at hearing that. "Thank you, really. I thought I'd never find someone who'd…"

"Shut up and heal my shoulder before I pass out from blood loss."

Natsu leaned over and began to lick at the bloody punctures. His spit, laced with dragon hormones that could heal his lover, made the wounds from the sharp canines disappear, and the skin grew over as if it never occurred. However, this time Natsu left a bruise, since Gray had complained about not having that before.

"Sorry about the shoulder. You have blood down your back, so now you need a bath, too."

"How about a shower? It's quicker."

They washed each other off in the shower. Natsu eyed the bruise marking his lover. He paused every other minute to nuzzle that bruise, grab around Gray's body, and cuddle him under the heat of the dripping water. Instead of the sponge, Gray used his hands to clean up the semen mess on Natsu's groin. Natsu blushed at those nearly erotic touches. Gray cleaned his genitals with tenderness, knowing how he cleaned himself in that highly sensitive area.

Natsu grabbed the shampoo bottle, squeezed some into his hand, and rubbed it through Gray's raven strands. They were so slick in the water, and the suds built up quickly. When a little soap began to drip toward Gray's eyebrow, Natsu swiped it away with his finger. Gray gazed silently as Natsu washed his hair. No one had ever done something like this. It was … weird. Weird, but good. Feeling Natsu's hot fingers scratching into his scalp was so nice. Then Natsu turned Gray closer to the shower head, and he rinsed out the suds.

"A mate cleans up the mess, and the dragon protects the mate," Natsu mumbled into Gray's skin while kissing his collar and racking his nails through the last bits of his scalp.

"What was that?" he asked over the hiss of the shower water.

"Something I think Igneel told me." Now it was Gray's turn. He was faster, running the shampoo through Natsu's hair and barely giving any scrubbing before turning the shower head to wash it all away. Natsu hummed at the pleasant feeling. "What happens when both mates want to clean _and_ protect?"

Gray walked around to face Natsu. "Does there have to be set roles?"

The Dragon Slayer smirked, and he suddenly forced Gray up against the wet tile wall. "Nope," he answered, and he forced a rough, hungry kiss. Gray reached around, grabbed Natsu's ass in a bruising grip, and yanked those hot hips closer against him. Natsu's hands rubbed over Gray's wet torso, up to his dripping shoulders. Then suddenly, he clawed sharply down Gray's chest. The ice wizard shouted in pain as the nails left ten bright pink stripes down his body.

"The hell ya doing?" he shouted.

"Marking you more," Natsu stated as if it was obvious. He took a step back to admire the clawed skin. Dots of blood were rising just under the surface on some of the stripes. Most would fade before morning, but the harsher scratch marks would puff up into welts. Every time Gray removed his shirt, he would show off that bruise on his neck and the scratches on his chest … marked by a dragon! "I think we're done showering."

They left the steamy shower, dried off, but when they stepped back out to the main room, Natsu smelled the reek of urine. He had wanted to snuggle on the bed, but he flushed as he remembered the mess he made earlier.

"Still need cuddled?" Gray asked as he began to dress.

"Kinda," Natsu admitted, pulling his own clothes on.

Gray came forward and wrapped the white scarf around Natsu's neck. The Dragon Slayer touched the familiar fabric, and he looked up in surprise to see that Gray had done such an intimate thing. No other man but Igneel had ever wrapped the scaly muffler around him. Gray's fingers drifted along the hot, damp skin until he reached the day-old love bruise on Natsu's neck. He traced it with his finger, then adjusted the scarf to help Natsu hide that sign of their kinkiness.

"My house is closer. Stay the night," the ice wizard offered, walking away to finish finding his clothes. "I don't mind if you have to leave early, either. I know Happy probably is worried. Two nights in a row! Oh, and Natsu?" Gray was mostly clothed now, so he faced the Dragon Slayer solidly. He reached forward, rubbed down Natsu's arm, until he got to the callused hands. He took the fingers in his grip and squeezed them. "Will you go out with me?"

He raised his eyebrows in shock, and then he laughed softly. "I thought answering your damn _Checklist of Fucking_ gave you that answer."

"It told me you want to be exclusive. It didn't tell me if you want to be my boyfriend."

"And you wanna be boyfriends?"

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

Natsu turned aside, trying to hide how happy hearing Gray ask this made him. He nonchalantly continued to button up his clothes. "Sure, we can give being boyfriends a shot. We're pretty good in the sex department, so let's see how we are with dating."

Gray took hold of Natsu's chin and turned his face back up to him. "You're cute when you blush."

Those narrow eyes gazed back harshly. "I will punch your goddamn face."

"Even cuter when you try to act all tough."

"I'm not acting, bastard. I told you, I hate being called sweet names. I really will punch you if you dare call me _cute_ again."

"Is that a hard limit?" teased Gray.

"Hell yeah."

"Then what if I say you're handsome?"

The glower vanished, and Natsu stared in shock. He tried to turn away again as his cheeks went red, but Gray still had hold of his chin.

"My handsome boyfriend," Gray sighed. He leaned in and gave Natsu a gentle, lingering kiss.

Natsu smiled up at him. "I love you, Gray."

The ice wizard blinked, stunned. He wanted to say the words back. They rose to his lips so naturally, but something held them back. Instead, he smiled as a way to receive those emotions and leaned in for another kiss.

As his lips pressed against that cold mouth, Natsu remembered that Gray had warned him, he didn't say _I love you_ unless he really meant it, and then he would not say it often. Natsu realized he had no right to demand Gray should say something he was uncomfortable saying. He saw in that pale face and felt in the tight embrace, Gray returned his emotions. Maybe he still had to sort out for himself if this was mere lust or actual love, so Natsu would give him time.

It seemed both of them had personal demons to battle.

"Wanna try a date?" Natsu offered impetuously.

"Now?" Gray asked in surprise. "It's almost midnight."

"There's a 24-hour café not far. They have good cake and ice cream. It's midnight, so it'd be a good time to try a date, since we don't have to be overly paranoid about our friends seeing us together."

"Yeah, but if anyone sees us two, of all people, together eating dessert at midnight, it'd be suspicious."

"It … was just an idea," he muttered sadly.

That pout was so adorable, Gray had to lean in and capture it with his lips. "I'd love to, but I'm kinda out of money now."

"Oh hell no, my treat!" Natsu insisted stubbornly. "If we're on a date, I'm paying. You can pay for hotels and kinky crap, but I'm taking charge when it comes to dating."

Gray laughed at the determination in his face. Natsu had his pride, after all. He might have to take the submissive position in sex, purely because of his issues, but he would take the alpha role in romance. "Fine, but that means I'm finding the biggest goddamn bowl of ice cream they serve and I'm not sharing it."

"Greedy bastard! Fine, but I'm ordering a lava cake, and you can't have a single bite."

"I'll just steal a bite from you."

"Try and I'll smash your face into the ice cream."

Laughing, they left the hotel room and walked down the hallway. With nervous hesitation, Natsu reached over and held Gray's hand as they walked toward the elevators. Gray squeezed his fingers back and traced his thumb over the roughened knuckles. The elevator opened, the two walked in, and as the doors slid shut, Natsu leaned over to give Gray a peck on the cheek.

Maybe dating a Dragon Slayer wouldn't be so bad after all.


	6. Aftercare

When Gray woke up in his own bed, there was no sign of Natsu. Still, unlike the previous morning, he had no doubt that last night really happened. He touched a divot in the pillow beside him and smiled to himself.

Who in a million years would have thought he and Natsu would become a couple? It still felt unreal, but Gray was glad it had happened. He felt that Natsu needed someone like him, a person who could handle his complexities and keep his secrets. He definitely needed someone like Natsu, who could handle some sadistic pain play and still want more. Gray was usually too scared to do that with a girl, but he knew he could not hurt Natsu too badly. Not physically, at least.

Mentally … well, that was something they still had to work out. Both of them.

As Gray got up and stretched, he thought about the previous night. After they left the love hotel, Natsu took him out for ice cream, although it was after midnight. They had stayed pretty much silent the whole time, with nervousness tingling the air between them. In the midst of that awkwardness, Natsu had reached across the table and held Gray's hand. It was a move only lovers did. The waitress saw, and Gray heard her giggle. It made him blush, but Natsu merely squeezed his cold fingers even tighter, as if to tell Gray that he did not care if people thought it was weird.

On the walk home, Natsu had suggested an alternate route. They had walked along one of the canals that ran through Magnolia, through deserted streets lit by the moon and streetlights. They held hands most of the time. Natsu always let go just seconds before someone came by, usually to scratch his scalp or rub out his neck. After the fifth time scratching his pink hair, Gray guessed Natsu was sniffing out other people, keeping their little intimate touches a secret. That was oddly sweet of him.

Then Natsu walked Gray home, they stripped to their underwear, and Natsu cuddled Gray throughout the night. The ice wizard had woken up a few times, stifled by the heat pressed up against him, only to feel Natsu's hold tighten possessively. Each time, it made him smile, relax, and he could drift off to sleep once again.

Now he was alone. He guessed Natsu woke up early and went to check on Happy, maybe make the Exceed some breakfast. He still felt the lingering heat in the bedroom, which was much warmer than the rest of his cold home. As Gray made breakfast, he hoped Natsu was okay. Not just physically—although belting him would probably hurt for a day or two—but mentally. Natsu had issues, and as much as Gray wanted to know what he was dealing with, if Natsu was not ready to tell him, he had to respect that.

Still, as he munched his cereal, he stared off and let the previous nights' events run through his head. The last two days were so surreal. He almost could not believe it had happened.

I mean, this was _Natsu_. They were _rivals_. He never would have thought Natsu would be a masochist, let alone submissive.

A part of him still wondered if this was all one huge, elaborate prank, but Natsu would never let Gray hit him with a belt if it was a joke. Plus the panic attack Natsu had was way too real. It almost seemed like another person, but the anger he showed for a brief moment was totally him. That face when he snarled "Release me, you sick bastard" was definitely the look Natsu gave to enemies.

Which made the whole thing even more surreal. Natsu could go from whimpering to growling, from timid to voracious, and from cutely innocent to warmly romantic, all in the blink of an eye. It was like he had two personalities.

Considering the rest of his mental issues, Gray would not be the least bit surprised if that might also be the case. Not that Natsu had two completely different personalities and one did not know what the other was doing. Just that there was normal Natsu, and then there was bedroom-Natsu. In the bedroom, Natsu had issues that made him need to be suppressed, tied up, confined, and he was so naïve that he had to be told what to do. Outside of the bedroom, Natsu was … well, Natsu. A surprisingly romantic guy, but still a bit immature, loyal and watchful, argumentative and stubborn, playful and innocent.

Gray knew he faced a challenge sorting out a guy this complex, but if the past couple days were any indication, he knew his efforts would be worth it if he could do this level of bondage with Natsu.

Gray washed up, dressed, and headed to the guild. Part of him felt a slight dread about how he and Natsu would face one another after a night like that. Two people did not wildly fuck one another and then simply wave hello with a casual smile the next day. He also wondered if anyone saw them when they were on their date. Natsu had a point about keeping things secret. Gray still had scratch marks on his chest from where Natsu clawed him in the shower.

God, that had been hot!

Gray forced himself not to think about that. He would only get aroused.

"Gray-sama!"

And there went his boner.

He cringed as Juvia bounced up and grabbed his arm. Seriously, how many times did he have to tell this woman that he was not interested?

"Gray-sama, Juvia wants to go on a mission."

"Then go on one," he replied frigidly.

"Juvia wants to take a hard one."

"You're strong. You can handle it."

She pouted stubbornly and told him outright, "Juvia wants to go on a mission with Gray-sama."

"Not interested." He swiftly pulled away from her grip, letting her take his shirt along with her. Now missing his top, he walked over to the bar. "Hey Mira. Something cold to drink."

"Gray, what happened? Did you fight a vicious beast?"

"Huh?" He looked down and saw the scratch marks. He let out a light curse and ran back over to Juvia. Her eyes lit up with hopefulness; however, he yanked his shirt away from her hands and tugged it back on. Stupid flame-brain, marking him like that!

Lucy walked in while he was still buttoning his shirt. Gray eyed her, thinking back a couple nights. Natsu had first gone to Lucy's place when he had that nightmare. If Loke had not been with her, apparently busy in an act that would make Natsu horny—and Gray could guess what that meant—then Natsu never would have gone to the ice wizard's home that night, and he would not have been in that sort of mood. Gray might have to thank Loke some day.

"Good morning, Gray," the blonde called out cheerfully.

Behind him, he heard Juvia hiss, "Love rival!"

"Hey Lucy," Gray smiled placidly. "Have you been busy?"

She blushed a little. Juvia was seething and chanting like a curse, _Love rival, love rival._ "Busy, yeah," Lucy muttered. "I've been … training. Extensively."

"Cool. Maybe you can call Loke out and we can spar." He loved how that blush went crimson at the mention of Loke's name. Those two were totally banging all weekend!

"Oh, I guess so, but not today. I … umm … that is…"

"Ah, you kept him busy … with training," Gray nodded, and he watched as the crimson on her face went almost maroon.

"Yes," Lucy laughed nervously. "W-with training."

Mira looked over at them. "Do you need an iced drink, Lucy? You're looking feverish. I hope you're not coming down with whatever Natsu has."

Gray jolted at that, left behind Juvia's seething jealousy, and hurried to the bar. "What Natsu has?" he repeated. "What's wrong with him?"

"I'm not sure, really," Mira shrugged. "Happy came here early this morning and said Natsu was feverish, and he wanted some hot soup. He said Natsu was out for two nights in a row. I wonder if he's sneaking out to see a girlfriend."

Lucy laughed at that. "Natsu, with a girlfriend? That's impossible."

"Oh?" Mira asked slyly. "Are you jealous, Lucy?"

"Not in the slightest."

Gray left their conversation and rushed out of the guild. Natsu was sick? Why didn't he wake Gray up, if he was feeling ill? Or had he sneaked away so he would not bother Gray with his illness?

That sounded like Natsu, all right. He hated to show any sort of weakness.

Gray made a stop at the store. Natsu would need tea, and probably medicine for a fever, and…

"Ah shit," he muttered as something dawned on him. An old lady passing by him in the store aisle smacked her umbrella across Gray's head for cussing. He flinched and rubbed out the hit. "Sorry, ma'am." He hurried on and made sure not to cuss in public again, although now his mind was whirling.

He had forced Natsu to hold his bladder to the point of wetting himself. There was a danger in that sort of play. A person could easily get a bladder infection if they were not properly hydrated. He bought a few extra items in case that was the issue. Then he rushed out of town and into the woods where Natsu and Happy lived together.

When he knocked on the door to their rickety house, Happy answered.

"Whoa, Gray! Why are you here? Natsu is sick, he can't fight with you."

"I heard. I brought some stuff that might help."

"Oh." Happy looked confused by the act of kindness. "Well, we just ran out of toilet paper and I was about to go to the store. Don't fight with Natsu. He's really feverish and can barely get out of bed. Do you know where Natsu was last night?"

"You could ask him," Gray said cautiously.

"I did, and he just said he was out, but he was gone all night, and he was gone most of the previous night too, and he won't say where, and he's being really secretive."

"How should I know what that flame-brain does?" Gray grumbled to get out of answering.

"Well, just watch over things. There's a kettle on the stove if he needs something to drink." Happy took a pouch of money and flew off toward town.

Gray put the bag of goods in the kitchen and walked over to Natsu's bedroom. When he entered, the pink-haired Dragon Slayer was curled up in bed. Natsu rolled over, and his eyes widened at seeing Gray standing there. Then they narrowed spitefully.

"Why are you here?" he mumbled.

Gray ignored the cranky tone. "I heard you were sick."

Natsu glared accusatorily. "Yeah, and it's probably _your_ fault."

Gray froze as the scathing words pierced his chest. With a lump in his throat, he dropped his head. "Yeah, you're probably right," he admitted. "Which is why I'm here. It's my duty to take care of you."

"Duty?" Natsu questioned.

Gray nodded with solemn determination. "As a Dominant, it's my duty to take care of my Submissive."

Natsu stared at him for a long, tense moment before practically snarling, "Who the hell are you calling submissive?"

Those furious words took Gray by surprise. Then he realized Natsu probably did not know the proper terminology. "Well, that's what it's called. You're … you know…"

"No I'm not! I'm not submissive to anyone, least of all _you_."

Gray looked shocked. "But … but that's how it works. You … we…"

"We're not that way at all, asshole!"

Gray paused as he realized everything he had mentally conceived about their relationship was not at all what Natsu also thought. Gray assumed they were in normal dominant/submissive roles, yet he realized Natsu was not the sort who would want that. Tied up, maybe some pain, but…

Had he ever actually acted submissive?

"Shit," he whispered, running his hand through his hair as he realized his ideas had all been one-sided. "So, how do you want this relationship to work?"

Natsu pulled the blankets up to his chin. "I don't know. Is Happy here?"

"He left to the store."

Natsu looked a little relieved. He did not want to discuss these sorts of things with Happy around. "I need to be … tied up and … and forced," he said so quietly, Gray had to come closer just to hear him, "but I'm not submissive, all right? I don't want to be submissive, not to you."

Gray sat on the edge of the bed. "So … what? Just a masochist?"

Natsu sank even deeper into the blankets. Discussing this in the daylight was way too embarrassing. "Yeah, I guess that's what you'd call it."

"Okay. So … umm … how do you want to … uh…"

"What's wrong?" Natsu asked, confused by the frustrated expressions on Gray's face.

"I'm trying to figure this out," Gray said a little snappishly.

"Does it need names? Do you have to title everything, label exactly what we have here? I don't want to be labeled, or feel like I have to fit into a category. I'm just gonna do whatever the hell I want, okay? And one thing I won't do is be a mewling, subservient slave to you. Like hell I'd do that!"

Gray tried to process this, rearranging his mental picture of their relationship. Natsu had a point. He had rushed forward and labeled Natsu. _Submissive masochist._ It made things nice and neat, a textbook BDSM relationship, but in real life, things never worked that easily.

"So you don't want me to order you around?"

Natsu snapped peevishly. "I'm not gonna listen to your orders! I mean, if you suggest we try something … I'm not that experienced, so if you have a suggestion, that's fine, but I won't obey everything you tell me to do."

"So, it's okay if I order you to do some stuff, right? If it'll help us … with whatever we're doing that night?"

"Well, yeah, I guess," Natsu mumbled. "I wouldn't know how to do this kinky crap you're into." Natsu watched as Gray rubbed his chin with a furrowed brow. The Dragon Slayer chuckled and shook his head. "You're still trying to organize this into a nice, neat, perfect little category, Gray. We don't need to be categorized. Let's just be _us_. You don't have a role to fulfill. There is no dominant and submissive. I mean, I'm a masochist, and you're obviously a sadist, and that works for both of us, but … you know, I might want to hurt you, bite you, or scratch you. I won't limit myself to a _role_ I have to play. I may want you to order me around, just for fun, but I won't _always_ obey you. I'm not going to blindly follow you around like a puppy, obeying all your rules and orders. I don't want that. I want to just be us. Okay?" he pleaded, rubbing Gray's arm. "Let's just be lovers."

Gray looked down at those hot fingers and chuckled softly. "Lovers, huh?"

"Well, yeah! That's what we are, right? Let's just be us."

Gray did not mind the sound of that one bit. Just lovers. What a wonderful category to be in! "I'm still gonna take care of you."

Natsu sighed and leaned back on his pillow. "Fine, whatever. If you feel guilty for making me sick, then take responsibility."

"Guilty," Gray mused. That was what it boiled down to. He felt guilty for making Natsu sick. "I shouldn't have pushed you so hard last night."

Natsu glared, and then looked away. "Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have."

Gray turned to him in horror. "W-what?"

"I'm serious! That was probably too much. At least for the first time. I'm not saying I hated it, but…" Natsu's face contorted with embarrassment mixed with anguish. "Can we … slow it down a little? Ease me into these kinks of yours, Gray. I'm not used to this. Hell, two days ago I was a virgin."

Gray's eyes widened. "You really were a virgin?"

"Yeah. What'd you think?"

"Well, I thought you were at first, but then…" His voice faded away.

"Then, what?"

Gray thought about everything Natsu had told him about his past, all the horrible things he had considered might have occurred during that mysterious, torturous time that twisted the Dragon Slayer into someone who could not trust his own desires.

"Nothing, just … it's nothing…"

Natsu stared hard, trying to decipher him. "Graaaaay…"

"Nothing! I just wasn't sure. I mean … sheesh," he whispered, running his fingers through his hair.

"Gray, you're hiding something."

Suddenly, the ice wizard snapped, "No, _you're_ the one hiding something." He caught himself too late and saw the wide eyes on Natsu's face. "Sorry. I'm not gonna make you tell me. I'm better than that."

Natsu rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. "Oh God, it's about that?"

"Well, yeah!" he shouted. "Natsu, I … I…"

He growled and looked away. He wanted to say _I love you_ but he was unsure if he could really say it. He was not even sure if that was the right emotion, and to say something like that, Gray wanted to be sure first.

"I'm worried about you, okay? I care for you, and I don't want to see you hurt. Yeah, I'm curious. It's affecting _us_. But … I won't force you to say anything. It was probably traumatic, right?"

Natsu gave a weak shrug. "Guess so."

"I can tell. So I won't force you to say anything. You can keep it a secret, but I'm still worried. I don't know when I might say something wrong, set you off, and … and I don't ever want to do that to you again. I want things to be good between us, I want us to have fun, and I'm seriously worried about you."

He saw the guilt in Natsu's face. It was obvious he did not want to talk about it, but by the tears gathering in Natsu's eyes, he realized that the Dragon Slayer felt deeply guilty for keeping it a secret.

"Hey, come here." He pulled Natsu into his arms, hugging him. "It's all right."

"You said it's affecting _us_."

"No, I … I mean … oh shit, I didn't mean it that way. I don't want to pressure you."

Natsu turned his face away as he scowled.

"Hey," Gray said lightly, tugging that stubborn chin. "Don't look away. Come on, give me a kiss. Just a kiss."

Natsu arched an eyebrow as he glanced over. "Just a kiss? You mean we can _just_ kiss?"

"The hell are you talking about? Of course we can just kiss. Unless you don't want to," he said, feeling a little uncertain.

Natsu finally looked back over, and his face softened. His hand reached up, and he caressed Gray's worried face. "No, I want to," he whispered, and he leaned in slowly. "Just a kiss."

Gray felt those burning lips brush against his. Then Natsu's fingers threaded through his black hair, and he gripped a little tighter, pulling at the strands until Gray gasped softly. Natsu took that opportunity to slip his tongue past those cold lips and heat that mouth with his own scalding breath.

Gray moaned at the domineering kiss. This must be what Natsu meant. During sex itself, he needed to be tied up, but in moments of romance, Natsu tended to take the lead role. Gray realized, he did not really mind. He was bad at the whole concept of romancing someone. He was more used to picking up a person at a pub, buying them a few drinks, and getting what he needed out of them, maybe a week or two of treating the person to dinners and movies, but when it came to actual romance, he really was a novice.

So he let Natsu kiss him, hold him, and that heat utterly melted Gray's icy shell.

"Mmm, your lips are always so hot," he moaned.

Natsu leaned back a bit and smirked. "And your mouth is always refreshing, like mouthwash."

That made Gray laugh. He stroked Natsu's face, but it was hot, so much hotter than usual. Worried, he felt the Dragon Slayer's forehead.

"Sheesh, you're burning up. How do you feel?"

"Honestly?" Natsu flopped back down onto the bed. "I've got blood in my piss."

"Oh God!" Gray flinched. He didn't realize it was that bad already!

"Yeah, burns like crazy when I pee, and for it to burn me, you know it's gotta be bad." He twisted around as the aching sensation began to return. "I keep feeling like I need to pee, but then I don't have to. It's annoying."

"Rest for a few days," Gray ordered. "I'm seriously going to take care of you. I want to be there for you and … and…" Gray looked away with guilt. "I'm so sorry, Natsu. I didn't think it'd get that bad. I'm … really sorry." He firmed up a bit. "Next time we do this, I'll prepare in advance, make sure you're hydrated. And drink lots of water now," he insisted. "You need to flush this out of you before it hits your kidneys."

Natsu grumbled, "If I drink more, I pee more, and peeing burns."

"You need to drink!" Gray insisted. Then he slumped down and ran his fingers through his hair in anguish. "I'm … sorry. I'm really sorry I made you sick."

"Hey," Natsu laughed, "a little bladder infection won't kill me."

"But you're in pain, and not a pain I want you to feel." Gray rubbed Natsu's arm and felt the fever under the skin. "Your body is burning up. I want to take care of you. Can I do that much?"

"Yeah," Natsu shrugged. "If you wanna take care of me when I'm sick, that's fine." He blushed a bit, but then felt anger at how he was reacting. "Ya know, I'm starting to feel like some damn uke, and I really don't want that."

Gray chuckled. "But you are the uke."

Natsu glared at him. "No I'm not!"

"Yeah you are. You're the bottom."

"That doesn't mean anything. An uke is all doe-eyed and whimpering. Like hell I'd be that!"

"Okay," Gray said playfully. "Then what are you?"

"I told you, I'm not anything. No categories! No seme, no uke, no dominant and submissive … nothing! The only thing I do sorta fit is being a bit of a masochist, but I'm a sadist in my own way. I mean, I do like to bite you."

Gray had to laugh at that. "Yeah, and you bite pretty damn hard."

Natsu gazed at where he had bitten, and he caressed the purplish-red bruise. "You still have a mark on your neck."

"You have one, too," Gray pointed out. "It's starting to fade, though. Before it fades completely, I want this infection to be healed up. I want to do more to you. I want to put a mark back on your neck."

Despite the fever, Natsu felt a chill shivering over his skin. "I like the idea of hiding it with my scarf. I also like some of the ideas we came up with last night." He unconsciously licked his lips as he thought about that.

"Oh, talking about that, I found my list, the whole list, not simply what I came up with from memory, and I have a few more questions."

Natsu rolled his eyes and collapsed back onto the pillows. "Oh God! The Checklist of Fucking?"

"Yeeeees," Gray teased. "First, something I forgot, but it occurred to me later: what do you think of roleplaying master and slave?"

Natsu stared hard at him, silent, his eyes narrow, and Gray got a chill from the fierceness in those squint eyes. It took half a minute before Natsu finally snarled, "What … the … hell?"

The flames that flickered on the Dragon Slayer's skin surprised Gray. "It's when you—"

"No!" Natsu shouted in outrage. "I won't be someone's slave. I … I won't…" His voice dropped to a whisper. "I won't do that."

"See, this is why we need a list. I need to know what I can and can't do. I realized when I said something about _sex slave_ last night, it seemed like a bad idea to you, so that's why I'm asking."

Natsu shouted, "Do you mean you're psychoanalyzing me while we're having sex?"

"I need to know what makes you tick, what works and what doesn't. I need to remember this stuff so I don't mess up. I … I don't want to mess up with you, Natsu. I … I wanna…" He clenched his fists and turned away. "Goddammit."

"You wanna what?"

"I want this to work!"

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" Gray shouted.

"Why?" Natsu demanded.

"Because!" He stared at that stubborn face. "I … care about you."

"Care about me?"

"Yeah!" Gray yelled in exasperation.

Natsu thought about that, and how he said it. "Do you love me?"

Now Gray looked hesitant. He pulled back a little as a shiver prickled over his skin.

"I wanna know," Natsu insisted. "I've said it already."

"Natsu, I told you." He turned his head aside and muttered, "It's … not easy for me to say things like that."

"See, now I need to psychoanalyze _you_."

"Why the hell do you need to do that?"

"Because I'm curious. You obviously have an issue with falling in love. I want to know why. Did something happen in your past, something you're not telling me, some secret?"

"Natsu…" Gray warned.

"I wanna know," the Dragon Slayer insisted stubbornly.

Gray stared into the corner of the room. "You wanna know, huh?"

"Yeah. I mean, that is to say, if you're okay telling me. If you're not, I totally understand, but—"

"Okay, fine!" Gray shouted. "It's not really a secret, I guess, and yeah, it's something from my past." He stood up and stomped over to the window, glaring out at the mocking sunshine. "Who was the first person you ever said _I love you_ to?"

Natsu's brow creased. "Do you mean romantically or…?"

"Just saying the words. Saying _I love you_."

"I dunno. Probably my real parents. I don't really remember that far back."

"And they're gone, right? Who was the next person you told?"

"Igneel. I used to tell him I loved him all the time."

"And he left you too, right?"

"Hey!" Natsu shouted in anger.

"Anyone else? After Igneel, who was the next person you told?"

"I have no idea. Probably Happy. No, maybe Lisanna. Or possibly that old lady who found me when Igneel vanished."

Gray ground his teeth together. "Every person who I've ever said _I love you_ to them … has either died or is no longer around. Every … fucking … one of them!" he shouted. "So if I'm just a _little_ _hesitant_ about saying those words, I think I have a damn good reason."

"Whoa, wait!" Natsu cried out. "All of your lovers died?"

"No! Because I don't say…" He cut the words off. "I don't say _those words_ anymore. I said them every night to my parents. They died! I used to say it to my childhood friends. They all died! I said it to my second grade teacher who was my first crush. A week later, I saw her broken body during Deliora's attack." He broke into tears. "I said it to … to Ur. Now she's gone, too." He snuffled up the tears and angrily wiped his eyes. "That was the last time I said it. That was the last time I ever told anyone _I love you_. Because…" He clenched his fists until his fingernails threatened to break skin. "I'm … scared. Okay? Every time I say it, every time I _feel_ it, that person gets taken away. So I don't fall in love. I just … I can't."

"Sheesh, Gray! That happened _years_ ago."

Gray gave a soft sigh. "So?"

"So!" Natsu cried out. Then he realized, he really had no right to criticize Gray about obsessing over an incident in the distant past. "Okay," he sighed in resignation. "I guess I can understand. You're just worried about me, right?"

"Yeah," Gray whispered, and he glanced back over to the bed. "I … I don't want to say it and lose you."

"That's superstitious."

"Fine! So it is! So I'm superstitious!" He reined back his anger. "Look, I might say it someday, but … I'm scared at the moment. I really don't want to lose you, and I…" He let out a heavy sigh. "I care for you."

Natsu considered his words. "Is that your way of saying _I love you_ without actually saying it?"

"Maybe."

"Okay. Just say it another way, if you're superstitious. Say _I care for you_. That's enough for me. I'll know what you mean."

Natsu reached a hand out with a beckoning smile. Gray sighed in happiness, walked back to the bed, took that hand, and kissed the knuckles. He felt … blessed. But also scared. If he were to lose someone like Natsu…

No, Natsu was strong. He had trust that Natsu would fight this weird curse. Until the time when he felt brave enough to chance it, at least he could say:

"I care for you, Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer gave me a warm, happy smile. "I love you, too."

The two stared into one another's eyes for a few sentimental seconds.

"We sound like idiots," Gray pointed out.

Natsu laughed happily. "So? Idiots in looooove," he crooned.

Gray rolled his eyes. "Shit…"

"Come on," he sang tauntingly. "Say _I care for you_."

"You make us sound like one of those stupid-couples." Gray's lips tweaked up. "You are cute, though."

Natsu glared hard. "Shut the hell up."

Gray flinched. "Oh God, I'm so sorry, I forgot you hate that. I'm sorry, I'm seriously sorry. I'll have to remember that. See! We're still figuring each other out."

"Yeah, I guess so." Natsu relaxed again. A stupid-couple figuring one another out! No categories, no roles, just foolish lovers. It was a nice category to be in.

"Well," Gray sighed, hefting up to his feet like some old man. "I'll make you some soup. I also bought some cranberry juice. That should help."

"Cranberry juice?"

"Yeah, it heals bladder infections."

"And you know this … how?"

Gray blushed crimson. "I might have had one or two."

"Because of your … thing? Your peeing fetish."

"Uhhhh … y-yeah, because of that."

Natsu accused in anger, "Which means you knew this could happen to me."

Gray flinched. "It's a possibility. Usually it doesn't happen unless you've been holding it a lot, or you're dehydrated."

"Something _you_ didn't know about me."

Gray realized he was right. He did not know if Natsu drank lots of water or not. He did not know if maybe he held his bladder frequently over the past few days. He had assumed too many things. "Okay, you're right. It was a danger I didn't fully take into account. I mean, anything kinky we do has the possibility of being dangerous. I could've tied you up and dislocated your shoulder. Anything with BDSM could be potentially harmful if done wrong. Do you still want to do it?"

"Yeah," Natsu mumbled. "I sorta like that stuff. Just be careful next time."

"Well, maybe next time you shouldn't hold it until you're in serious pain."

"Isn't that the point?" Natsu shouted. How dare this stripper accuse _him_.

"Perhaps … and it was really hot, watching you squirm."

Natsu paused, and then he glanced down to Gray's boxers. His jeans had vanished sometime since he entered the bedroom. "You're getting turned on just remembering it, aren't you?"

"Maybe," he mumbled, gazing over the bronze skin that was half hidden by bedsheets.

Natsu sighed and looked away. "Gray, I shouldn't—"

"No. You have a bladder infection. You shouldn't do anything sexual."

He turned away, but walking two steps told him that the stiffness in his boxers was worse than he thought. Now at a profile, Natsu could see the pole poking at the cotton fabric, and he licked his lips as he thought about what that thing could do to pleasure him.

"Do you want to do anything to ease it?"

"Like what? I don't want you to strain yourself."

"I thought it was really hot watching you jerk off."

Gray looked over to the bed. Damn him, but Natsu looked outright predatory with those narrow eyes gleaming at him like a wild beast. A surge hit Gray's cock, but he barely kept his hand away from touching it.

"We shouldn't," he whispered hoarsely. "Happy…"

"Oh right, Happy," Natsu recalled, frowning with disappointment. "Maybe later?"

"Another day," Gray said. "When you're feeling better."

"Yeah. Happy might come in, and you never know when Lucy or Erza might show up with chicken soup or some other thing they think will make me feel better. Yeah, probably a bad idea to do kinky stuff here, where people could see."

Oh God, it be hot if Gray was in the middle of touching himself when they heard Lucy knocking at the door, or to see Gray scramble away at the sound of Erza's clomping armor boots. To push their limits, to do stuff where someone might find them…

Natsu laughed to himself. _Crap, am I actually an exhibitionist?_

Gray noticed the bulge growing under the blankets. "You're getting aroused by some perverted thoughts, aren't you? What are they?"

"Nothing," he snapped. Gray had said he did not want to do kinky stuff in public, and although Natsu's house was anything but public, it was also not as secure as Gray's apartment or a love hotel. Natsu had to deal with a roommate and friends who dropped by.

"Do you need me to take care of it?"

Natsu glanced over. "I … want to say yes, but I probably shouldn't." He softly chuckled that they were being such idiots, torturing one another with their fantasies. "Let's stop getting each other aroused."

"Hah! Yeah right." Gray stood there, staring at the door, not moving. Simply being in the same room as Natsu was enough to arouse him.

"So, what now?"

Blandly, Gray said, "I'm trying not to think about you so I'll shrink down."

"Ohhh?" Natsu teased. "Do you get aroused just thinking about me?"

"Hell yes, and you're not helping."

Natsu kept quiet, watching as Gray tried to regain his composure, but it did not seem to be working. "Gray, before two days ago, did you ever … I dunno … think of me in … in any sort of way?"

Gray sighed and looked away. "Is this one of those trick questions and you're gonna hate me if I say no?"

"Uh … no." He squirmed and rubbed his wrist where there was still a bruise from the handcuffs. After a long, awkward pause, he confessed, "I didn't think of you that way. Ever. I don't know if that's okay, or if that's really crummy of me. I mean, a few days ago, you were just the annoying stripping pervert, and now … lovers!" he exclaimed. "I was wondering if that was weird." He paused as he thought over something. "Okay, maybe once or twice I had those dreams about you imprisoning me in ice, but they weren't _serious_. They were just … dreams."

"Yeah, same here."

Natsu jolted. "What? You dreamed about me?"

"Maybe," he whispered shyly.

"About doing what?"

"I dunno, nothing specific, just … dreams about you."

"So, did we have something before all of this?"

"Just our own fantasies."

"Okay." Natsu smiled, and then he laughed happily.

"You like that idea, don't you?"

"I'm glad this is more than a spur-of-the-moment thing, and maybe we're making a huge mistake. At least we felt something before, so … that's good. Well, I wasn't really _in love_ with you. Just … fantasies."

"Same here."

"Okay," he nodded, slightly relieved. "We probably both just … _fantasized_ about one another, not really in love, but … but now we are?" He ended it in a question. Gray sighed, and his brow tensed up. "Sorry. I know, you won't say it's love. So, we care for one another, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." _Care for one another._ It was Gray's way of saying it was love, without him committing to that taboo emotion that scared him. "Gray, did you want to tell other people? I mean, it'd be harder to hide everything, but I kinda feel bad for not saying anything to our friends, like this is shameful. I don't want to feel ashamed. I mean, I don't want people to know I'm … how I am," he said awkwardly. "I'm kinda ashamed of that issue, but I'm not ashamed that I'm with you. I don't want you to think I'm hiding it because I feel guilty for liking guys. I honestly don't feel that way. Hiding this from Happy all morning … it made me feel sorta bad."

Gray sighed in frustration that he was bringing this up again. "Natsu, I've said this before. It's up to you. I don't care either way. But you're right, if people knew … God, I mean … just look at your wrists."

"Huh?"

"Your wrists are all bruised up. Didn't you notice that?"

"Oh! Yeah, I noticed a little. I'm used to bruises."

"You were … thrashing around a lot last night," he whispered, remembering the sexy scene of Natsu writhing under him. This was really not helping his erection. "Those handcuffs were too hard. Next time we should use rope, or maybe the fuzzy cuffs."

Natsu laughed. "Fuzzy cuffs?"

"It's not funny. They're less likely to leave marks. I mean, right now, if people saw those bruises, they'd merely think you were in a fight and someone grabbed your wrists. If they know we're together, and they see bruising like that, the more perverted people in the guild will guess what we do."

"Perverted? You mean Erza, Cana, Mira, and Macao."

Gray laughed that he had named those people specifically. "Yeah, them."

"So, we should hide it?"

"I dunno. If you feel bad about keeping it secret, then let's not. We just have to be more cautious about leaving marks. I mean, look at my chest." He opened up his shirt and showed the pink scratch lines that still ached his skin. "Mira saw this and thought I had fought an animal. I've been struggling all day to keep my shirt on because of these scratches. If anyone sees it, and they know I'm dating you, they'll guess right away."

Natsu stared at those scratches. He had been so happy to leave the marks on Gray, but he had not thought about how marking Gray like that would be troublesome. Now he felt bad for doing it. A bruise here or there, they could pass off, but nail marks were not as easily explainable.

"Gray, do you not like doing this?"

"What?" he gasped. "Of course I do!"

"Should I not scratch you?" Natsu asked meekly.

Gray looked down at the marks. "No … I liked it," he admitted hesitantly. "It's just that leaving marks can cause a bit of a problem. Still…" He gazed at Natsu, at the hickey, the wrist bruises, and the bits of skin that were still flawless, like a blank slate waiting to be decorated.

"What? You're looking at me funny."

Gray licked his lips. "I wanna mark up your body … bad."

Natsu's breath caught, and his heart began to race. "Gray," he whined. "Come on, don't get me turned on like this."

He snapped out of his salacious daze. "Sorry. I know, you're sick." He forced his eyes away. "I'll make you some juice. You should drink a lot, relax, take it easy. Don't think too hard on all this." Gray held Natsu's hand. "We'll figure this out as we go."

The Dragon Slayer squeezed those cold fingers tightly. Then Natsu raised Gray's hand up and kissed those pale knuckles. With his lips on Gray's hand, those narrow green eyes lifted, and the ice wizard gulped hard at the way those eyes gleamed at him.

Just then, a high voice called out. "Naaatsuuuu."

Gray yanked his hand away. "Happy's home."

The Dragon Slayer blushed and pulled back. "Button your shirt up."

"Oh, right! And you might want … you know, scarf. Cover the…" He pointed to the purple mark on Natsu's neck.

"Oh, yeah." He pulled the white muffler around him, hiding the hickey.

Gray stepped closer to Natsu's bed. "Yeah, make sure it's up, and … here—" He tugged the scarf to hide the mark, but his hand lingered on Natsu's skin. Those long, cold fingers made Natsu shiver. "You're … burning up."

"Gray," Natsu huffed. "Don't … don't touch my neck like that. It's making me…" He awkwardly pointed to the arousal poking at the blankets.

"Oh! Sorry. I just … I wanna…" Gray wistfully gazed over that rock hard body.

"I know. Me too."

Right at the moment, the bedroom door opened, and Gray leaped away from the bed.

"Hey, Happy!" he called out overly loud.

"Hello, Gray. How's Natsu?"

"Still sick. I'm gonna … you know … make juice. Um, can I borrow your bathroom first?"

Natsu arched an eyebrow. He had a feeling Gray wanted to do more than pee in the bathroom. _Make juice_ …

God, he wanted to watch! He wanted to sit there, watch Gray touch himself, hear his seductive groaning, see his fingers stroke the length of his shaft, and have Gray come all over his face. He wanted to taste it, smell it, eat it up—

"It's down the hall," Happy said.

Natsu began to sit up. "I'll show you where— stopped in pain and grabbed his back. "Shit, ow!"

Gray rushed over to him. "Natsu!"

"I'm fine, just my back hurts."

Gray put his hand right over the kidneys. "Around here?"

"Yeah."

"Dammit. The infection must have hit your kidneys. Natsu, you're gonna need to see a doctor."

"I'm fine. I'll drink juice and—"

"You need medicine. I'll pay, if that's the problem."

Natsu had to admit, that really was the issue. He had not gone on a mission for a while, and his money was running low.

"We should go right away. Happy, you might have to carry him."

"Sure, but don't you need to use the bathroom first?"

"I … uh … don't really have to go anymore," he said awkwardly. Seeing Natsu in pain had killed his arousal instantly.

* * *

Once Natsu was dressed, Happy had to carry him and flew beside Gray as they walked to Porlyusica's house. They knocked on her door, and the ancient pink-haired doctor answered with a glare in her wrinkled red eyes.

"You two smell awful. What do you want?"

Gray stepped forward. "Natsu has a kidney infection. He's being stubborn about seeing a doctor, but he agreed to see you."

Natsu grumbled, "I know she won't charge an arm and a leg just for some medicine, and I trust her more than some lousy city doctor."

"Fine," Porlyusica snapped. "Bring him in. You stay out. You reek," she sneered to Gray.

"I showered this morning."

"You still stink like someone pissed on you."

Gray's face went pale, and Natsu's eyes widened as his cheeks flushed. Silently, Gray backed off, and Happy flew Natsu inside the old woman's home. He was dropped to the bed, and then Happy hurried out before the ancient healer had a chance to insult his smell, too.

"Kidney infection, huh?" Porlyusica asked gruffly as she went to a sink to wash her hands.

"It hurts to pee, there's blood in my piss, and now my lower back hurts."

"Sounds like a urinary tract infection, all right. Any clue how you got it?"

Natsu shrank down and looked away. "Maybe from holding it too long."

"That can do it. For the next week, when you get even the faintest feeling like you need to pee, get to a bathroom. Don't hold it for more than five minutes. Don't eat anything sugary. Drink a lot of water. Cranberry juice, too."

"Gray also mentioned about cranberries."

"I'm gonna give you a shot."

Natsu drew back at that threat.

"It'll clear up the initial problems and should ease the pain. Then there's some medicine you have to drink three times a day. I'll need a few minutes to let it brew." She tossed a bunch of herbs into a pot and set it over her fireplace. "I'll examine you while that boils. Shirt off."

Natsu tugged off his shirt. He looked down and saw the bruises on his wrists. She would definitely notice those. He wished he had worn his wristband.

Porlyusica checked his eyes, ears, nose, and throat, making him say "ahhh." This was all routine. Then she felt his back, and Natsu flinched when her cold hands reached the kidneys.

"What are these bruises on your neck and shoulder?"

"Uh … n-nothing. Maybe a fight."

"Fine. I'll check your temp and pulse." She rammed a thermometer into his mouth, then took his wrist. "My, my! You have some nasty bruises here, too."

With the thermometer in his mouth, Natsu muttered, "Ish nothing. Jesh a fight."

"Just a fight, huh?" She sniffed him, then she leaned back and glared at him with hard eyes. "A consensual fight, or not?"

Natsu's eyes went huge.

"You reek of sex, you have bruises all over you, and you're sick. Were you assaulted?"

"No!" Natsu shouted so loudly, the thermometer spit out of his mouth. Porlyusica caught it with ease.

Gray burst through the door. "Are you okay, Natsu?" he asked in worry.

"Get out, you stinking human!" Porlyusica roared, chasing him back outside with her broom and slamming the door on him. Then she looked down to the thermometer in her hand. "That's a bad fever. I'll give you something to take it down." She walked over to her cabinets. "That guy is rather protective over you."

"Gray?" Natsu looked toward the door. "Y-yeah, I guess so."

She glanced back at him warily. "Is he a good partner?"

"What?" Natsu cried out, and his voice cracked.

"If he's abusive—"

"He's not!" Natsu shrank down. "That is— Gray and I— It's not like he does anything I don't want." He shrank down even lower. "It's just … how I am. I don't want anyone to know."

"A doctor never divulges information about her patients," Porlyusica told him. "Drink this." She gave him a cup, and Natsu gulped down something vile. "It's not like I care, anyway. However, by law and by the ethics followed by all healers, if I think a patient is being abused, I have to report it."

"It's not like that," Natsu whispered, handing the empty cup back to her. "Not in that way."

She raised an eyebrow, but she said nothing more. "Drop your pants. I need to give you a shot."

Natsu shifted around, undid his belt, and grimaced as he lowered his pants. Porlyusica had a needle with medicine inside. She rubbed a spot on the side of his butt cheek with alcohol, but as she looked at Natsu's bare buttocks, she saw even more bruises striping the skin, made by what she could tell must have been a belt.

"Have him go easier on you."

"I already told him that," Natsu mumbled. Then he felt the stab of the needle and cried out.

"Oh yeah, it might burn."

"Holy shit!" Natsu screamed. "What the hell is that?"

"Medication to take away the infection." She pulled the needle out and put a bandage over the shot. "You might not want to sit on that side for an hour." She walked over to the bubbling cauldron now steaming with a pungent fetor of the herbs she had added. "The next time you have an infection like this, come see me as soon as you have symptoms. Don't let it get this bad."

"I was fine last night."

"Then you might be sensitive to kidney infections. You probably shouldn't do _that sort of thing_ anymore."

"But…" Natsu hugged his arms and looked away. "What if I wanna?"

She gazed back at him and that bashful posture. "Then plan for it a day beforehand, drink a lot of water with frequent urination the day before, and when it's time for _that_ , don't hold it to the point of pain. After you're done with your play, continue drinking a lot of water and pee as soon as you get the urge. Cranberry juice will help keep the kidneys clean, too. However, if this happens again, then even if you like it, it might be something you simply can't do."

Natsu had a stubborn pout. Although he had warned Gray not to do so much so quickly with him, when someone told him he _couldn't_ do something, he instantly set in his mind that he was going to anyway.

Porlyusica carefully poured the cauldron's brew into a massive flask. "Half a cup of this three times a day for a week, or until it runs out, even if you feel better. That way the infection doesn't return." She shouted to the door. "You can come in."

Happy was the first to fly in, followed by Gray, who held back a little.

"Take this dragon boy home and let him rest. You, naked one, you'll carry this medicine for him."

Happy hefted Natsu up and began to fly him out while Gray came forward to retrieve the flask. Before handing it over, Porlyusica stared hard at him.

"Make sure you take care of him," she scolded quietly. "That's the Dominant's job."

Gray jolted, stunned by her words. "What did that flame-brain tell you?" he asked angrily.

"Nothing much. I guessed most of it based on his bruises and your reactions around him. Not that I'm into that sort of stuff, but Fairy Tail wizards do tend to lean toward the … _rougher_ side of lovemaking. I've seen some bad injuries from rough play like that in my years. Letting him get sick like this is bad BDSM. If you're trying to hide it, you need to make sure he doesn't end up like this. A Dominant's prime duty is to take care of the mental and physical well-being of his partner."

Gray glanced out the door where Happy was waiting a little down the road. "I'm not a Dominant, not with Natsu," he whispered. "That idiot could never be fully submissive to anyone." He said it gruffly, but he felt a little proud about his wild Dragon Slayer. "But you're right, the responsibility really does lie on me, if only because I'm the one who hurt him."

"You're still young. You'll make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up because you beat him too hard or pushed his limits."

"Yeah," Gray muttered. "This is the first relationship where I can truly go to any extreme lengths. I'm not really sure what I'm doing sometimes, but I can't let him know that."

"That's the sort of mentality a Dominant has, thinking they must always be in control."

"Because normally, that's how I am," he admitted. "It's different with him, though. I think he's pushing _my_ limits, to be honest."

"Then learn together, but be more careful. If you're unsure about your own limits, you really need to be cautious about his."

"I will," Gray promised. "Don't tell anyone. He wants to keep it a secret for now."

"So long as you take care of him. If he gets sick again, bring him to me directly."

"I will. Here's money for the medicine." He dropped a pouch of Jewels on her desk. "Thanks again … for everything."

"I still serve Fairy Tail," she said solemnly. "Now get out of my house before you make the whole place smell like piss."

"Seriously, lady, I've taken two showers since we did that."

"You still smell. Get out!" She raised her broom, and Gray fled before she could strike.

* * *

Three days later, Natsu was better and back at the guild, although he felt too weak to do a mission. He laughed as he complimented Mira's fire chicken that he had missed so much, and he half-listened to Lucy as she went on and on— _and on and on and on_ , he thought—about a new chapter of her story. It was nice to be back amongst all of his friends.

Then he heard Gray's taunting voice. "Well, look who decided to get out of bed. I hope you slept well, Sleeping Beauty."

Natsu snapped back at him, "You're the one who needs beauty sleep, you droopy-eyed Snow White."

"If I'm Snow White, you must be the Pink Carnation, so delicate and hating to travel."

They bickered, until someone swung a punch, a chair was thrown, and the whole guild broke into a brawl. It was sheer chaos as everyone joined in. Even Lucy laughed and called out Loke to see if he wanted to throw a few punches for old time's sake.

Natsu ripped off Gray's underwear and held them above his head as he leaped atop a table. "Haha! Got them! Hey, maybe I should toss this to Juvia."

"YES!" the rain woman shouted, eagerly stretching her hands out to catch them.

"Bastard!" bellowed Gray. "Hand that back."

Just before Natsu could toss the boxers, Elfman was tossed into him, and Natsu crashed into Gray, who had just leaped to join him on the table. All three were propelled to the other side of the guild and slammed into the wall. Gray's back hit the wood. Right against him was Natsu, smashed between Elfman and Gray, their faces mere centimeters apart.

They stared at one another for a quiet moment, blocked from sight by the Take-Over wizard's massive body. Natsu felt Gray's nude body, and he gazed at the bare chest. He realized the scratch marks were gone, as was the hickey. He wanted to mark Gray again, and to be marked, to show ownership of each other with scratches, bruises, and the roughness of their love.

Gray's eyes went hazy as he felt the hard, hot body smashed up against him. He reached forward and let his fingers glide up Natsu's biceps, feeling those powerful muscles. Natsu gulped at the cold touch. A sly smile rose into Gray's face. God, he wanted to see Natsu tied up, squirming under him, totally at his mercy, whimpering from the sweet pain he could dole out!

Elfman moved, pushing himself off of them. "Are you two okay?"

Gray's hand let go quickly. He continued to stare into Natsu's face. He flicked his eyes silently to the uproarious crowd, asking without words, _Do you want to tell them?_ Natsu's mouth opened, yet he looked down sadly and shook his head. He did want to tell, he hated the idea of keeping secrets from his friends, especially about a relationship, but if others knew, it would make this sort of relationship more challenging.

"I'm fine," Gray said to Elfman, but then his eyes returned to Natsu, letting him know that statement applied to him as well. If Natsu wanted to keep it a secret, he was fine with that. Elfman moved away to rejoin the brawl, leaving Gray and Natsu against the wall. "So, how about you, fire-breath? Are you _up_ to more?"

"Do you mean grappling with you?" Natsu smirked and leaned into his face. "It's not even _hard_ yet."

"I'll _vigorously beat_ you until you're too sore to walk."

"I can take any _rough pounding_ you give me, popsicle-pants."

Gray was nearly panting with suppressed lust. "Your place or mine?" he breathed.

"Yours would be best."

"Let's get out of here," Gray whispered.

Natsu handed the underwear back. "I hope you're prepared."

"I'm always ready for a rough brawl with you."

As the riot inside the guild hall reached an apex, Gray dodged fighters to retrieve his scattered clothes, tugging them on as he made his way to the door. He saw Natsu already waiting outside. The Dragon Slayer beckoned with a _come-hither_ finger, and Gray eagerly chased after him.

 


	7. Wax Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Some people loved when I did an audio read-thru of the dialogue a while back. Well, I did it again, dialogue only, just a cellphone recording, so forgive the quality. Also, it's unedited, so there is one spot … see, because the read-thru was so long, with lots of gasping and groaning, I had to take a sip of coffee to moisten my parched throat (I don't like to talk much) and I suddenly lost my place. You'll hear me making stuff up and finally grumble "Crap, I'm lost" or something. Also, ironically since the same thing happens in the story, reading these parts upset my upstairs neighbors, who must have thought I was enjoying quite a BDSM scene. So I began toning down the … um … "vocalizations" near the end. Maybe I'll edit the audio someday, or even make a better recording when my neighbors aren't home. For now, I spoke more in one sitting than I normally do in a whole week. I need to rest my aching throat. So here is the link if you want to listen:_   
>  _  
> <https://soundcloud.com/rhov/fight-me-bite-me-7>_

They raced to Gray's house and slammed the door shut behind them. Natsu grabbed the lapels of Gray's coat, rammed him up against the door, and rolled his hips hard against the ice wizard. Gray moaned at the massive heated hardness in Natsu's loose pants frotting up against him. It had only been a few days, but already he had missed this.

"You sure are eager," Gray said between fierce kisses.

"Mmm … Gray," Natsu moaned through his busy, burning lips. "I missed you." Then he tore open Gray's shirt, ripping apart buttons, and suddenly scratched hard right down his pale chest.

"Arrgh!" Gray cried out, arching back against the door at the pain of the clawing nails.

Natsu gazed as red marks swelled into welts, and he chuckled haughtily.

"Idiot!" snapped Gray. "Why'd you scratch me like that?"

Natsu smiled arrogantly. "Because I wanted to. I like seeing my scratch marks on you."

"I can't take my shirt off when I'm like this."

Natsu leaned right up into Gray's face and rubbed right over the smarting scratches. "I know, and that's going to annoy you, at least for a day or two. It'll make you keep thinking about me. Come on, you big baby, I didn't even break skin. This will heal up real quick."

Still Gray glared at him. Fighting his stripping habit for two whole days would be incredibly challenging. "Bastard," he grumbled.

Natsu pulled off his shirt, loosened his white scarf, and tugged it aside, exposing the side of his neck. "Do you want to mark me, too?"

Gray stared at that flawless chest and pale neck, where only the ragged scar marked him. "Can I?"

Natsu nodded slowly. "I want you to. I wanna know you want to be mine, and to have me as yours. To mark me as your mate. If you wanna."

Gray caressed those burning, flushed cheeks. "Of course I want that." Slowly, he unwrapped the scarf and set it aside. "Can I bite you? I know you like it at the end, but…"

"Yes!" Natsu gasped loudly. He shuddered out a ragged breath to calm himself. "Yeah," he whispered. "I want that."

"Okay." Gray traced down the frantic artery throbbing with Natsu's racing heart. Then his finger stopped on a spot. "Right here. Is that okay?"

Natsu felt the press of that icy finger sizzling against his skin. The anticipation of being marked right at that spot made his neck clench up. "Yeah," he choked out. "The scarf should be able to hide it."

Gray pulled Natsu in closer, softly kissing the intended area in preparation. "You like the idea of hiding it with your scarf. Do you like when I leave marks on you that you have to hide? Does it make you feel kinky, being in public with a hickey barely hidden away, where people might see it? Hah! And you call _me_ an exhibitionist."

"Shut up!" Natsu snapped, breathless as Gray kissed and licked along the jagged neck scar. "Is … is it bad of me? I know you don't like things like that…"

"Natsu, it's fine. It's just a hickey. I might not like openly doing kinky stuff, but I know the thrill of pushing my limits in public. If you like this, if hiding my mark thrills you, then it's something you can do. If you're careful, no one will find out. If they do … I'd love to see you squirm your way out of explaining to Erza how you got a hickey on your neck."

Natsu looked aside and blushed. "It's just … it makes my heart race, and I like that feeling." He looked down bashfully. "Is that so bad?"

"No. It's sexy. So sexy … I'm gonna make your heart _really_ race!"

Gray attacked his throat, biting on the edge of the skin until Natsu shouted. Then he sucked hard on the wound. Natsu stiffened, and as Gray held him tightly, he shuddered under that attacking mouth.

Being marked! Being claimed!

Natsu gasped as Gray's mouth moved a little over, finding a new spot of skin, and kept sucking, viciously hard now, as if ready to suck the blood right through his pores. When at last his mouth released, the hickeys left behind were huge and already dark purple. Gray admired the marks with smugness.

"Oh, you _better_ hide that with your scarf. No way you can play that off as mere bruises." Natsu was not moving, dazed and dizzy with the rush of hormones. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. God, that was … a lot. Did you break skin?"

"No, but that's a hell of a bruise. It'll be there for a week at least."

Natsu's lips curled in snarling delight. "Good."

"Are you really okay for this?"

"I need it." Natsu dived in and sucked down Gray's jawline and along the jugular vein.

"H-hey, no hickeys on me. I can't hide them like you."

"Shut up," he snarled. "Do you have any clue how damn horny I've been?"

"So what would you like to do?" Gray offered.

Natsu stopped attacking Gray's neck and looked up at him in confusion. "Do?"

"Make-up sex. Or perhaps I should say it's _Sorry-I-Made-You-Sick_ sex. You tell me what you want, order me to do anything, and I'll obey. This is your time, Natsu. This is my gift to you."

Those squinty eyes widened. "Anything?"

"Absolutely anything." Gray caressed the Dragon Slayer's cheek with the back of his knuckles.

Natsu lowered his head as he thought about the many fantasies he had in the past. They were always nothing more than dreams, imaginary situations, yet now, here with Gray, those seemingly bizarre fantasies could come true. "Well, there is something, but I'm not sure if you have the stuff for it."

"I can buy it. Anything you want to do, anything at all, doesn't matter how crazy or expensive." He rubbed up Natsu's hot arm. "Anything you want, I'll do it."

Natsu bit his lip and looked away. "C-could you … maybe … um, tie me up with rope, and then … then … drip hot wax on me?" He looked over worriedly. "I know that may be weird, but … heat on my skin … I really like it. Playing with fire, and the heat, the burning wax … I used to do it to myself, but it's not the same."

Rope bondage! Dripping wax onto a lover! Gray had to calm his breathing and gulp hard before he could speak. "If that's what you want…"

He nodded eagerly.

Gray needed to stay composed. If he looked as aroused as he felt, this would all go totally wrong. Keeping his voice neutral, he ordered, "We can't use the bed. Wax won't get out of fabric easily, and I'd rather not ruin my sheets. Get an old towel from the hamper. Lay it on the ground in the kitchen. Then get undressed and lie down on the towel. I have rope, but I need to buy a candle from the store, won't take more than five minutes. Wait for me."

"Got it!" Natsu nodded, and he eagerly rushed off.

Gray had to get another shirt before he hurried out the door and practically ran to the nearest store. He thought any store would sell candles, but this one had nothing. Sexually frustrated, he hurried on to the next store, but still, no candles. With a curse, he ran to a store further down, but one he knew sold household goods. They had to have candles.

They did. Many types. Gray would have just grabbed the first one he saw, but he realized that he should pick a special one for Natsu. It needed to burn right, to have good wax, something that would not stain his floor too much if the drips missed the towel. The dyes in some of these candles might even be unhealthy. Natsu also mentioned early on that he hated strong fragrances. The candle should be odorless.

"Can I help you?" a weaselly looking clerk asked.

Gray knew he could not come right out and ask what candle was best to use on a lover. He needed to phrase his questions just right. "What wax is the coolest? You know, like if you don't want a little kid to get burned around them."

"Ah, one of these paraffin or soy wax candles would be best for that." He took Gray over to a display. Poor Gray had no clue candles were made of different ingredients. Wax was wax … right? Apparently not! "These are … well, I'm ashamed to admit it," the clerk chuckled with a blush, "but they're for … um … what's called _wax play_."

Gray's eyes widened.

"Oh, don't worry, we don't sell _those_ sorts of items here, but although they were manufactured with that in mind, the fact is that their melting point is very low, so when they drip, they are not that hot. If you're using candles around children, you might want to use soy wax. It cleans out of fabric and hair with just a little hot soapy water. Stay away from beeswax candles. The wax can get quite hot."

"And, if I want a candle that burns … hotter?" Gray asked quietly.

The oily clerk's beady eyes lit up. "Ah, well, in that case, come over here." He put his hand on Gray's shoulder and guided the ice wizard to another part of the candle aisle. "Pure beeswax, no additives, set to burn hot but melt pure. If this ever-so-happens to drip on a person's skin … well, the pain is _quite_ intense," he chuckled lewdly. "The problem with beeswax is that the melting point is so high, they're normally dripless, and therefore the molten wax falls slowly. Are you looking for more drips, or more heat?"

"Uh … a mix?" Gray shrugged, unsure what was better, and mortified that he was in public talking about this. The store was empty, but anyone could walk in. This was inching on his aversion to being publicly known as a kink freak.

"Then my recommendation is for a paraffin pillar candle, which will build up a waxy center that can be poured out quicker, but a beeswax taper, which you can tip at a downward angle for more drips, and they'll be _quite_ hot. Start high to let the wax cool as it falls, and then lower the candle slowly to your submis- … ah, I mean, to _whatever it might be_ that you're dripping this onto. To avoid the wax soaking into anything, over here we have a drop cloth. Just lay that down where the wax will be … or where someone else may be lying down." He gave Gray a delving look. "Sounds about right for your needs, Mister Customer?"

Gray gulped. He was used to the sex shop and the friendly clerks there who helped him with purchasing kinky items, but this was just a normal store. Plus this clerk was creeping him out!

"I'll take them," he said sternly.

Gray grabbed a thin taper beeswax candle, a wide pillar paraffin candle, and he snagged the drop cloth as well. He paid for them and ran out of that store back to his house.

"I hope you come back to my store soon, Mister Customer," the clerk chortled slyly. "There's lots I could … ah … _teach_ you."

"Creep," he muttered.

When he was almost home, he realized he had no matches or lighters since giving up smoking. "Duh! I have a flame-brain." He hoped that was all he needed. He desperately wanted to get home before his boner popped up again.

When he entered, the sight before him nearly undid him. Natsu had laid a ratty towel on the kitchen floor, and he was lying atop of it … completely naked.

"I've been waiting a long time, Gray." Although his pout looked cute, that voice was sinful.

"Dear God," Gray whispered. _Give me strength not to fuck him before I finish playing with him._ "I got … stuff." His mind was faltering quickly. "The … person … clerk guy … he said I should use this drop cloth." Gray licked his lips as it felt like he was salivating.

"Oh, good. I can bunch the towel up for a pillow. This ground is cold and hard."

As Natsu stood, Gray watched how those muscles rippled. _Cold … hard_ … yeah, that described something other than the floor right now.

"I'll help you spread it out."

God, he wanted to spread Natsu out, tie him down, and have his way with him!

Gray shook his head, trying to regain control. "Uh … y-yeah. Light this pillar candle first. We should let it have some time to melt."

Gray set the candles on the kitchen table. Natsu lit his finger on fire and pointed at the pillar's wick until it popped, sizzled, and caught alight. To Natsu's sensitive nose, the smell of wax began to overwhelm the snowy forest aroma of Gray's home. Still, he was thankful that the candle did not have some weird smell.

Gray hurriedly spread the drop cloth, with the towel rolled up as a pillow under it. Natsu laid back down, lying on his stomach. Gray raced around to get other stuff, like the rope, a candlestick holder for the taper candle, and a pitcher of water in case anything caught on fire. Natsu might be able to eat the flames, but he still felt safer with some water nearby, especially since both of them might end up too overwhelmed to extinguish a fire with magic. Caution was always of utmost importance.

The pillar candle had not burned much, so Gray lit the taper in the flame. Since he was holding it angled, it instantly dripped down the thin stick, and a drop hit Gray's skin. He gasped and used his other hand to quickly ice the burn.

"This one is supposedly the hottest candle. I wonder if it's too much."

"It'll be fine. My body handles heat well, remember?"

"Right. Are you ready for this?" he asked, bringing the candle over carefully.

Natsu looked back and gazed at the flame dancing on the tip of the wick. "Y-yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I want it."

Gray stood over Natsu and held the taper high above.

"Isn't that kind of high up?"

"It'll cool as it drips. Just to start." The oily clerk was smart to give that advice, although it made Gray wonder what the creep did with the overstock merchandise.

Gray held the candle over Natsu's back and tilted it until the melted wax began to drip. It slid down the stick, but finally Gray turn it enough so that the wax dripped. The clear droplet fell through the air and splashed onto Natsu's skin.

"Ahhh!" the Dragon Slayer cried out at the first drops. "What the hell sort of candle did you get? That's way hotter than the ones I've used before."

"Hurts?"

"No, feels really damn good."

More dripped, and with each drop of wax, Natsu tensed up and moaned in pain. It burned more and more. Seeing the erotic artwork of waxy drops on Natsu's body aroused Gray with each colorless drip. Natsu was used to flames, but hot liquid was slightly different. He could not absorb the flames, since there were none. His skin was more tolerant than normal people, but still the shock of the melted wax made him cry out.

"God, Natsu," Gray moaned. He yanked his pants off without disturbing the candle as the growing bulge became too restrictive. "Are you all right?"

"Yes. You can bring the candle a little closer. It might make it hotter."

Gray smirked down at his prostrated boyfriend. "Do you want it hotter?"

"God, yes!"

Gray knelt, bringing the candle closer with each drop, until finally Natsu's moans became shouts.

"Is that good?"

"Hell yeah!" he yelled frantically.

Slowly, the shouts of pain softened to hums of intense pleasure as wax built up upon more wax, and instead of burning, it felt like merely tingles of heat. Gray set the taper in a candlestick and picked up the huge pillar candle.

"Do you want to try this candle now? It's supposedly cooler, but there's quite a bit of wax built up inside."

Natsu breathed hard and nodded vigorously. "Yeah."

"I'm gonna start high again. I'm not sure how hot this will be. It's been pooling in here for a while, probably pretty hot."

"Good," Natsu groaned lustfully.

Gray chuckled at the low growl in his voice. "You're quite eager."

Natsu let out a soft moan. "I like the heat. I want more."

Gray licked his lips. God, he wanted to give Natsu so much more. But not yet. "All right. Here we go."

He tipped the pillar slowly, watching the clear paraffin wax inside draw closer to the edge, until a small stream dribbled. Instead of dripping straight down, it slid along the pillar, and the first few drops hardened before they had a chance to fall, but as Gray kept tilting, a molten trickle splashed down onto Natsu's back. The Dragon Slayer arched and screamed in pain.

"More!" he snarled.

Gray was enthralled by the fearless body under him. Natsu's muscles tensed with want, hunger, and need, rippling as Natsu tried to move into and away from the heat. Gray's own muscles shivered in sympathy for the burning pain that Natsu must be relishing. In the flickering candlelight, Natsu's body gleamed with each drop of sweat, teasing and enticing Gray.

"Are you okay?"

"God, yes! More!"

Gray realized that from this height, the wax was splashing too much. Drops flew past the drop cloth and hit his kitchen floor. When one drop splashed onto Gray's bare leg, he jolted back. That had been only one small drop, and of a lower temperature candle, but it was still like a branding iron to the ice wizard. He was shocked Natsu could handle a whole stream of the molten wax.

"Hey," Natsu muttered down into the towel pillow. "It's building up. Can't feel it as well."

Gray realized there was quite a design on Natsu's back, nothing artistic, he had only been pouring and dripping wherever he felt like, but now the wax had turned clumpy, especially where the spine's dip made the wax pool.

"Remove the wax," Natsu ordered.

"I'll have to rip it off."

"Good."

More pain. Gray used his ice magic to freeze the wax into hardness. Then he pulled and scraped it off Natsu's skin. He put the hardened globs to the side. Underneath, the skin was bright and warm from the burn.

"God, you're all pink underneath."

Gray touched the heated skin to make sure there were no blisters. A normal person would probably have some burns, if not blistering, but Natsu was different. He could take this, plus more. He was used to open flames, after all. Natsu suddenly flinched at Gray's touch.

"Is it sensitive?" asked Gray.

"Eh. Your fingers are cold."

Gray cooled off the burn. If the skin cooled down, Natsu would regain an even stronger sensitivity to the heat. Then quietly, he whispered, "You're gorgeous like this."

Natsu had good hearing, but he thought for sure he heard wrong. He turned his head and looked behind him to Gray. "What? Gorgeous?" he scoffed.

"Well, I'm not going to call you cute. You hate that. Seeing you like this, seeing your skin marked all pink … it's sexy." Gray leaned over Natsu's body, pressing his bare chest against that heated back. He licked the sweat on Natsu's neck, then dragged his tongue over to the Dragon Slayer's ear and hissed. "Down right _erotic_!"

Natsu shuddered as he heard those hungering words and felt the hardness in Gray's boxers thrust up against him slightly, teasing him. Then he felt Gray's teeth nip his ear. The bite made him groan and shudder.

"Do you want me to bite you?" Gray asked quietly, breathing cold air into his ear. "Or more wax?"

"Umm … both?" he asked, and Gray laughed at his adorable selfishness. "I guess … bring the candle closer. Make it as hot as it can be. Really burn me!"

Gray pulled back from his sensual masochist and let his eyes rove over that body waiting so eagerly for pain. "Fine. A little more."

By now, the pillar candle had refilled some of the wax pooled in the center, although Gray saw there was not much. Still, he brought the candle directly over Natsu's skin. It was so close, the Dragon Slayer could feel the heat of the flame. Tilting slowly, Gray let the wax pour out onto the sensitive, and now slightly cooled, skin. Natsu cried out and arched; then he growled erotically. This time, Gray drew a line right up the spine, followed by lines of wax tracing the shoulder blades. Below, Natsu moaned, hummed, grunted, and sometimes when a drop hit skin that was already super sensitive, he let out a sharp cry followed by a hiss as pain sizzled into pleasure.

"So sexy," Gray snarled. "That's the last of the pillar wax, though. Let's go back to the taper while we wait for it. Maybe … down lower?"

Gray put the pillar candle aside to burn and build up wax again. He carefully lifted the taper candle, now with globs of dripped beeswax ribbing the sides. Walking between Natsu's legs, he broke off one of the thicker dribbles along the side, held the wax piece over the flame, and let the wax drip onto Natsu's upper thighs, where no wax had yet touched. That area was far more sensitive than the back, and Natsu cringed away from the droplets of molten heat.

Gray grinned sadistically and let out a low chuckle. "I like seeing you squirm every time it touches your skin. How close can I get, I wonder."

"Do it," Natsu whispered hoarsely. "Bring it closer. As hot as it can be."

Gray tossed aside the rest of the broken-off drip. He knelt again, tilting the candle, letting the drips of white wax pock Natsu's legs, from knees up to the thighs, with the flame dancing just an inch above. Every drip made Natsu flinch, and the rippling of his muscles enthralled Gray.

"Wow, the flame is almost touching your skin."

Natsu whimpered and clawed at the drop cloth. Gray licked his lips when he heard the rattling breaths shaking out of the Dragon's Slayer's lung.

"You're so sexy like this," Gray moaned through clenched teeth, trying hard to keep in control of himself. "God, I want you so bad." It came out half growl, half whimper as the desire for Natsu built up more and more.

With each drop, Natsu moaned or hummed from the pain and pleasure of heat. "Touch me," he begged breathlessly.

Gray stared at him, how Natsu had raised his hips a little to give access to the cock hardening under him. Then coldly yet teasingly, Gray answered, "No."

Natsu gasped at the denial and swung his head around to look at his partner. "Hey, I thought you said I get to order you around today."

"You get to pick what we do. I'm still the one who gets to decide when you come. Now, flip around, onto your back. I wanna see your erection."

Natsu slowly moved, but as he began to flip around, all those lines and dots of wax made his skin feel hard, like a hundred small scabs covering fresh wounds.

"It's pulling at my skin," he complained.

"I know," Gray smiled deviously. "I want it to. It'll hurt more this way. You'll remember what I just did to your back as I do it again to your front. I wonder which side is more sensitive."

Natsu grumbled, but he kept moving around until he was lying on his back, cringing as the freezing floor radiated through the drop cloth and felt like razor blades of ice to his burned back. The cooled and hardened wax tugged at his skin. It was especially painful on his legs, where small hairs had caught up in the wax and were being pulled out by the root.

"Perfect. You're already so hard. I'm gonna tie you up now," Gray announced.

The annoyance of the wax fled his mind as Natsu watched eagerly. Gray blew out the taper so it would not be wasted, but he let the pillar candle burn to replenish the molten pool of wax. He then set both candles aside.

"Um, where did I put the rope?"

"On the coffee table," Natsu said quickly. "Hurry, Gray."

Gray rose, but he laughed at Natsu. "I like when you're so eager for me."

"Shut up," Natsu snapped. He wanted less talking and more restraining.

Gray walked over to where he had left the few lines of rope. He had treated this rope while Natsu was sick, hoping to use it on him one day. All the frayed parts were removed, leaving the rope smooth. It would not tear up Natsu's skin if he pulled too hard. It would only leave marks, maybe bruises if Natsu really struggled.

When he walked back over to the wax-messed drop cloth, he saw Natsu staring intensely, and then Gray noticed the increased size of his erection, twitching with eagerness as it stood at attention.

"You're so aroused just thinking about this," Gray purred.

"Because I need it," Natsu moaned. "I'm getting too aroused. I need to be tied up. Quickly!"

"Before I do this, you need to promise not to use any magic. Especially not _your_ magic. You see, the rope can burn, so you can't use any fire."

"Oh. Right," Natsu realized.

"Do you really want this?"

"Yes. While I was sick, I kept having a dream. You'd tie me up, string me out. I … I came in my sleep dreaming about that," he confessed with embarrassment.

"Did you? How naughty of you," Gray scolded playfully as he slithered forward. "Coming without my permission."

"As if I can stop something like that!"

"I guess you're right. So, this is a dream come true, huh?" He knelt beside Natsu's body. "I've dreamed of this, too. I've dream about how you would look, and how it would hurt you, humiliate you, binding you, immobilizing you." Gray's voice almost faltered as his body wanted to lurch forward and fuck Natsu wildly. "The feel of the rope as I wrap it around your wrists, around your ankles, knowing how it would dig into your skin, hurting and feeling good … that would definitely turn me on. Slowly tying you up," he huffed, and Gray gulped hard. "Let's do this."

Gray shifted to be by Natsu's head, where his arms were already raised and wrists together, waiting eagerly to be tied up.

"Remember, no fire. Don't burn them. I'm just wrapping it around your wrist," he said in warning. Gray diligently tied the rope, wrapping it many times and in a careful pattern that would hold Natsu immobilized while not hurting him too much. "Like that," he whispered as he worked, talking to Natsu to keep him alert. "Just wrapping it around."

Natsu felt the coiling and the tightness around his wrists and arms. Flashes of the past tormented his mind, being tied up, being held against his will. He panted as an old terror made his heart pound with fear.

"It's okay," Gray said soothingly. "Is that too tight?"

"No," Natsu snapped, trying to calm his racing heart. Hearing Gray's voice helped to keep him in the moment, not slipping into that frightful past.

"It's okay," Gray said again. He gazed down at the finished tie. Just that much was like a work of art, especially with Natsu's arms stretched above his head. "Now, where can I tie this to?" he wondered, glancing around his kitchen.

"Anywhere," Natsu cried out impatiently.

"No, you might pull away from me. Hmmm, I guess I could use the pipe." He tugged the end of the rope over to the sink and attached it to the thick drain pipe. "If you break this, you'll get soaked, so don't pull too hard."

"Whatever," Natsu grumbled, wanting him to shut up and hurry.

"I'm serious," Gray said sternly. "I don't want a broken sink."

Gray made one coil around the sink pipe and tugged sharply. Natsu felt his arms stretch higher, and he gasped at the tension.

"Is that okay?" He heard Natsu panting. "Hey. You're breathing heavily. If it's not good…"

"No! It's fine, just … it's making my heart race."

Gray smiled gently. "Yeah, me too. I like to watch you getting tied up. It's … exciting." His heart was pounding frantically in his chest, although outside Gray looked just as cool and collected as ever. He made a strong knot and then moved down. "Should I tie your legs? Yeah, definitely. You like to kick hard. Don't think I'll forgive that kidney kick you did on me last time."

"Oh. Sorry about that."

"It's fine. I'm gonna tie all four limbs, so you won't be able to move. Totally helpless."

Natsu moaned at that word. Yes! Helpless! Always, he was the one coming to the rescue. It felt good to be the helpless one for a change.

Gray saw the reaction and savored it. "You'll be completely trapped." Natsu's spine tensed in pleasure at just that threat. "You like that idea," Gray teased. "You like the idea of being … completely and utterly _powerless_."

He did! So much! "Gray," he moaned. He couldn't take more teasing.

"It's okay. I'm here. I'll take care of you soon."

Gray coiled rope around Natsu's left ankle.

"Ah … a little tight," Natsu said, cringing as one coil pressed into his skin too much.

"Okay, I can adjust that. You need to tell me plainly. No safewords, not at this point. Just tell me, okay?"

"O-okay," Natsu shuddered out.

"If you feel any numbness, you need to let me know. I … I've never done this before," Gray confessed, focusing on the rope. "So you'll have to help me through this."

Natsu was shocked. This was something Gray had never tried with someone else. This was an act that belonged to just the two of them. They were both _virgins_ when it came to rope-tying. It made him feel less nervous to hear that. They could work together to make this feel amazing.

"Now, let's see. I can attach this to the table. Hopefully that will be enough."

He pulled the leg to the side. Natsu gasped as his legs were spread apart, exposing his entire groin to the cold air of the kitchen.

"It's okay. It's just your leg," Gray said to calm him. "I'm just tying it here. Now, I'm going to spread your other leg out." He made the knot on the table leg to attach to the ankle. Then he moved to the right leg, spreading it wide. "I guess I can attach this to my stove's door."

It was a far stretch, but the rope made it to the stove. Gray had to make a smaller knotting for that since the rope barely reached. Finally, he stood up and looked at his prey. Natsu was sprawled out on his kitchen floor like a slab of meat ready to be prepared for dinner.

Or maybe like an exotic dessert.

"You look good," Gray growled hungrily. "This is exactly how I want you."

Suddenly, Natsu gasped, and he instinctively pulled away, trying to break free.

"Whoa! Are you okay?" Gray asked, trying to judge Natsu's reactions to this. "Did I say something?"

"Nothing. It's … it's just a … dammit!" he said frantically, still struggling slightly despite trying to calm himself.

"Natsu, if I said something bad just now…"

"I'm fine," he bellowed angrily. "Fuck, my heart is racing too hard already. Shit! I … I can't calm down."

Gray heard the table shift and squeak across the kitchen floor as Natsu yanked on the ropes. He quickly set the candles on the counter instead of the table in case Natsu pulled too hard and jolted the whole dining table over. Then he knelt by Natsu's head and stroked his hair. Natsu yanked again, making the stove door open a little, only to slam shut again.

"A kitchen is not the best place for this," Gray realized in hindsight. His bed would have been better, with the bed posts to tie the ropes to. "Hey, it's just me here," he said soothingly. "Calm down, Natsu. Just keep calm."

"I know! It's just … ugh, instincts. To break free. And … and something you said. Fuck, I know it's just a stupid memory."

"I'll cut you loose."

"No!" Natsu screamed. "Please, don't."

"I have a sharp kitchen knife right on the counter to cut the ropes. If you're ready to freak out…"

"No … no, I'm … okay. Just … the ropes." He closed his eyes, trying to banish a memory.

"Ropes?" Gray asked in confusion. It had been Natsu's own request to use rope. Why did ropes have a stronger effect than when Gray used his ice, or the handcuffs? Why rope? He set the question aside as he focused on his partner. "If it's not good…"

"No! I … I want it. It's … it's intense, that's all. Back then, that bad past, it was also ropes."

Gray jolted as dread stabbed through him. That taboo past…

"That's it, I'm cutting them," Gray said sternly, beginning to rise to his feet.

"No!" Natsu screamed. "I want them, Gray. Really, I do."

"They're bringing up bad memories," he shouted angrily.

"I want it!" Natsu demanded. "I'll be fine, just … you said something, that's all. I'm fine. Just need to forget that time. It's in the past, and I know that. _I know that!_ Dammit, I hate when I'm like this." He scowled in frustration.

Gray knelt back down. He really was worried, but he decided to trust Natsu. If he insisted he was okay, then maybe this was a type of therapy, a little scary at first, but Natsu could work through it with help. Gray grew firmer as he became determined to help Natsu in any way, even if that meant skimming close to that cursed past.

"Just keep calm. It's me here. I won't let you be hurt by anyone else. I'm the only one who will make you feel pain or pleasure. Just me."

Gradually, Natsu's panicked breathing slowed. "Okay," he whispered. "I'm … okay."

"Are you calm?"

Natsu waited a moment, judging his own physical reactions. "Yeah. I'm better."

"Okay." Gray felt intense relief that Natsu had not completely panicked. "Do you need anything?"

"I totally lost my boner."

Gray laughed softly. "Yeah, you're limp down there now. The wax should take care of that. Are you ready for more, or do you need another moment?"

"The heat should burn away the bad memories. It's relaxing, feeling pain like that. Puts me in the present, y'know."

"Nope, I'm not a masochist like you. Still, if this will be better for you, then let's start up again." Gray stood and looked down at his strung up prize. "Damn, you're so sexy like this," he hissed. "My God!" He felt his cock ache at the arousal of seeing Natsu so helpless, immobilized, trapped, and oh-so-ready for him! "I love to see you tied up. I like … when you can't move."

Natsu looked up, feeling tiny as he laid there on the floor, with Gray towering over him. He was a helpless, tiny person, trapped, tied up, at the mercy of his captor.

"Gray," he whined.

The ice wizard saw quite a build up of wax pooled in the pillar. "Let's use this. How about right across your chest?"

Now Natsu could watch the candle coming toward him. That waxy smell was everywhere, and he felt the heat as Gray brought the pillar down, starting close to the skin, not high up like before.

"Careful," Natsu whispered as he saw Gray starting to tip the candle to its side.

"Careful?" Gray scoffed. "You're the one who wants this."

Instead of letting it drip slowly, Gray immediately poured a stream of molten wax onto the center of Natsu's chest. The Dragon Slayer roared at the pain. His chest was far more sensitive than his back.

"That's what I love to hear," Gray growled.

Natsu growled, yanking on the restraints. "Arrrrgh!"

"So sexy," Gray whispered, enthralled by the noise of his partner.

Natsu felt that liquid heat stream over him, dripping and slipping down his ribs. Then Gray brought the pouring wax up to Natsu's pectorals and across one nipple. Natsu howled at that, and Gray saw a definitely twitch as his flaccid cock sprang back to life.

"Hey, not on my nipples," Natsu shouted.

"What, are they sensitive?" he asked wryly.

"Yes!"

Gray sneered sadistically. "Good."

He went to the other nipple and poured a large amount right on top of it.

"Yaaaaah! Ow! Dammit, that burns!"

"Remember, just say _Yellow_ if you don't like it."

Natsu breathed heavily through the pain. "No. More," he moaned.

Gray laughed and leaned down into Natsu's ear, breathing cold air onto him. "My little masochistic dragon," he whispered in admiration. "But now it's all built up and hardening. Let me rip this off."

He used his nails to claw loose the edge of the wax, and then he ripped it off Natsu's skin, yanking out hair and pulling agonizingly at the fragile skin of his nipple. Natsu's whole body clenched up so tightly, although it was horribly painful, no sound could escape his clamped throat.

"Sensitive there, huh?"

"Shit that fucking hurt!" Natsu gargled out. "Okay, Yellow. Don't do that again."

"Sorry." Gray leaned over and kissed his nipple. Then he licked it, making Natsu shudder and arch up toward his cold mouth. Gray sucked his nipple for a moment, cooling away the pain with his lips. He heard Natsu moan deeply at that. He pulled up, dragging the nipple with his lips, stretching it until it slipped out. Then he blew icy air on him. Natsu inhaled with such a tight throat, it came out as a squeak.

"Gray, that's making me…"

"Yeah," Gray smirked, brushing the tips of his fingers against Natsu's cock. "It's making you aroused. You like when I play with your nipples."

Natsu gasped at the ghostly touches. "Sh-shut up! More."

"No more wax in this one." Gray put the pillar aside again and lifted the taper. He had to light it again. Then he moved the dripping candle down Natsu's stomach, letting it splash onto his abdominal muscles, followed by a drop right into his belly button that got something like a scream and a laugh mixed together.

"Hah! Ow! Not there. Don't do it there again either. If it tickles, I'll go soft."

Gray moved the candle down to Natsu's lower belly, until the wax looked like white splashed dots all over the Dragon Slayer's torso.

"More, Gray," Natsu whispered, entranced by the brief spikes of pain. "Nipples again."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," he sighed in desperation.

He brought the candle closer, letting it drip onto the stiff nub now red from being aggravated. Natsu clenched his teeth and groaned as the heat against the painful skin felt worse now.

"God, yes," he growled. "Closer. Hotter."

Gray put the candle so low, the wick was barely above Natsu's skin. He knew the fire would not hurt the Fire Dragon Slayer, so Gray smeared the bottom end of the candle, fiery wick and all, right against Natsu's nipple. The Dragon Slayer's body flinched, instinctively pulling away, while Gray smeared fresh, hot wax over his sensitive skin.

"Dammit, why are you always so erotic when you're tied up?" Gray hissed, wondering if he could last much longer. Already, a moist spot dotted his boxers. His dick was straining, wanting attention as he saw how Natsu's cock leaped with the burning drops pocking his skin.

"Gray! Touch me."

He laughed softly. "No."

"Gray!" he whined. "Come on."

"No," he said simply.

Natsu's thighs tensed so hard, the table shifted. His hips shook from side to side, needing some attention to his groin. Gray placed a cold hand on his lower stomach, just above the curved erection, calming him down.

"Not yet, Natsu," he whispered, shaking his head with a devious smile, loving the eagerness and taking pleasure in denying him. "Not yet. Soon, okay? I promise. Soon."

"Okay," Natsu pouted, trying to calm his needs.

Gray stroked back Natsu's pink hair, petting him for being obedient, even if only petulantly. "Do you want more?"

"Y-yeah, okay."

Gray took the candle down to Natsu's thighs, but this time he dripped right beside his sack. Natsu leaped hard in shock and gasped frantically.

"Is that bad?"

"No! More!" he whimpered.

Gray dripped some on the other side of his leg, and the drop of molten wax slid down before hardening, barely touching the edge of Natsu's testes.

"Fuck!" Natsu screamed. "Oh God, yes! Gray, touch me. Touch me now. I … I can't take more. Please, touch me."

Gray leaned into his face. "I'm gonna make you come by just the heat of this candle."

Natsu's eyes widened. "No," he whispered. "I … I can't. Not on my own."

"It won't be on your own, idiot. I'm gonna make you so aroused, you'll want to come. You'll need it! I'll force you to come, and I'm not even gonna touch you."

Natsu shook his head. "I … can't."

"You can and you will," Gray said with a stern, domineering voice. Then his words dropped to a seductive whisper again. "I'll make you come, Natsu."

His eyes went wide with terror. That damned voice again … _I'm gonna make you come, boy._

"But I won't touch you."

Natsu instantly calmed. It was not the same. It was _not_ that nightmare. This was Gray. It was safe with Gray. He trusted Gray. He repeated this like a mantra to keep him in the moment, not drifting to that nightmare.

Gray smirked to see the terror leaving his face. "I'll make you so overwhelmed, you'll have no choice. Even without touching you, I'm gonna make you want it. You'll _need_ it!"

He pushed Natsu's cock up against his stomach to keep it out of the way. Then he dripped the wax right onto Natsu's scrotum. The Dragon Slayer screamed, and both legs yanked hard against the restraints, partly opening the stove door, which sprang back shut with a bang, and shifting the table so hard Gray had to push it back into place with his foot.

"Do you like that?" Gray dripped more out, pocking the wrinkled balls.

"Oh God, yes!" Natsu howled. "Gyaaaaah! Oh fuck, that's so good. Touch me! Stroke me off, Gray!"

"No. You told me not to touch you before, so this is your punishment for denying me. Now, I'll deny you."

"Please!" he screamed. Instead, the drops of fire-heated wax burned higher, up the vein of his cock, making it twitch and dance on its own. "Oh God … please, Gray."

"For someone who doesn't want to come, you sure are begging. Maybe I should burn that stubbornness of yours away." He put the flame close to Natsu's slit, dripping right onto the pre-cum beginning to leak out. He could almost hear the fluid sizzling.

"Raaaaagh!" His cock leaped and surged, yet nothing came.

"Do it, Natsu. Come for me. Come … or I'll make you hurt." He dripped more onto the slit, completely covering it. "How about that? It's plugging up your dick now. Can your cum shoot off the wax? I bet you're so built up, it really could shoot that off."

"Gray … goddammit!"

He brought the fire close again, stroking the flame up and down the length of the cock, not touching the skin, but very, very close. Any normal human would have gotten blisters from a flame that close to their body, but Natsu only howled erotically.

"Gray … _nnnngh_ … G-Gray."

"Come, Natsu."

"Dammit, touch me!"

"No."

"Please…" His hips shuddered. "Please! P- … Pl … Aaaaagh! Haaah!"

"Do it. Come for me." Gray watched in rapt fascination, expecting him to shoot off at any minute. The head of his cock was so swollen, so purple with the buildup, yet nothing happened. "So stubborn! You want it so badly, and I'm gonna force it out of you."

"Touch me!" he snarled viciously.

"I won't." Gray brought the candle under Natsu's cock and let the flame lick the length of the curved erection. Definitely, a normal human would have massive burns, and probably they would need a skin graft with this sort of torturous burning, yet Natsu only shuddered at the feel of the flame.

"Gaaah! No. Stop. Graaaaay!"

"Do it, or I'll really hurt you."

He grabbed the pillar candle again and poured wax right down onto Natsu's cock and scrotum, covering them. Then he grabbed the waxen cock. However, instead of the hard jerking that could bring relief, Gray radiated ice until the wax froze and shattered away, making Natsu shriek so loudly, someone from upstairs thumped down on the ceiling.

"Are you okay down there?" came a shout from the neighbor.

"Shit," Gray hissed. He shouted up at the ceiling to the neighbor. "We're good. Sorry." He looked down. "You're okay, right, Natsu?"

"Oh God, fucking hell yes!" Natsu screamed.

"Dammit, you're noisy," Gray muttered. "That's the first time the neighbors have ever complained."

Natsu began to sob. "Let me come, Gray."

"You can come any time you want, Natsu."

"No … can't. It … hurts."

"You know what to say to make it stop."

He did, but … Natsu didn't want the pain to end. He wanted to come. He wanted to prove he could do that much. However, on his own, with only the touch of the fire, he felt so restricted. He could not blame his loss of control on someone else. All blame, all shame, all guilt, everything rested on himself alone.

Gray eyed the inside of the pillar candle. It was half used up already, so he put it aside. "Should've bought more candles. Do you want the fire again? Is it too much?"

"N-no…" he whimpered, but then he growled. "More. Right on my cock. It hurts … _real_ good."

"Dammit," Gray growled in sexual frustration. Dealing with a stubborn Dragon Slayer was harder than he imagined. He rubbed the flame over the skin. It melted away any leftover wax. Gray dripped more wax on, blew icy breath on it to harden the drops, and used the candle to make the wax melt again, streaking the length of the engorged shaft.

"Oh God!" Natsu screamed, yanking on the restraints hard as he shuddered. "I … I wanna come."

"Yes, Natsu," Gray sneered. "Do it. Come for me."

"C- … can't. I can't. For the love of God, Gray, touch me. Force me to come. Make me! I … I can't do this. Oh God, _please!_ Fuck me already!"

"Shit!"

Gray blew out the candle and shook any drips off. He rubbed the heat-softened wax onto Natsu's body, smearing it and smoothing the sharp edges of the drips from the candle. Then, with no preparation or warning, he slammed the thin candle up Natsu's ass.

The Dragon Slayer screamed so loudly, Gray was glad his neighbors were tolerant.

"Gray, what the hell are you doing?"

He pressed the candle in a little more. "Is this what you need? You need something touching you?"

"Touch my cock, idiot," he bellowed, but when Gray gave the candle a slightly deeper thrust, Natsu moaned louder.

"Do you feel that hot wax up your ass, Natsu? Knowing you, I probably could have kept the candle lit and you'd love it."

As the candle moved in and out, Natsu thrashed against the restraints. "Touch me!" he begged.

"I won't, but I'll do this. I'll fuck you with a candle. How do you like that? Your second time being fucked up the ass, and it's with a goddamn candle."

"Gray!" he snarled, yanking forward, ready to attack him, but the ropes kept Natsu bound.

"The candle wax is all over your body, and now it's inside, too. I'm gonna mark you inside and out." He twisted the taper, and those dripping lines that ribbed it massaged Natsu's asshole in a sensation that nearly drove him over the edge right there.

" _Nngh!_ Fuck, that's good. I'm so close. Please, stop your damn teasing and jerk me off already."

"Am I not hitting the right spot? Maybe … there?" Gray angled the candle slightly higher.

Natsu's body arched right off the drop cloth. "Dammit, touch me. Touch … _nnngh_ … meeeee. G-Gray." He felt his body nearing the edge. "Oh … gaaah. _No!_ " he screamed, squeaking slightly as his cock surged, yet still nothing came. "Gray, fuck me!"

"I am."

"Force me!"

Gray smirked. "I am."

Natsu opened his eyes and stared up at the arrogant ice wizard.

_'Is this forced? Yes, he's forcing me to come. He's making me. I … I have … no choice. No freedom. No power.'_

"Please," he sobbed as he felt himself losing control. "T-touch … mmmmh … Gray. I … need to … God, I need it so badly."

"Shit…" Gray hurriedly yanked off his boxers and grabbed his dripping cock. With one hand, he moved the candle inside Natsu's ass. With the other, he desperately stroked himself. "Dammit, Natsu, come quickly."

Natsu watched in wonder. Gray looked erotic, overwhelmed and reduced to stroking himself. Natsu's fingers twitched. He wanted to touch Gray, but then he realized he could not trust himself.

"Come! Quick!" he ordered with a desperate face.

_'Can't trust my instincts. Can't trust the monster inside. Can't trust I won't hurt him … or kill him. I'm a beast, and I have to be chained up. I can't do anything, not even make myself come. He has to make me … has to … to force me.'_

"Dammit, Natsu! Come on, I need it, too."

_'But he wants me to. He needs me to. Never did someone … need me. Want, but not need. Gray wants me to come. He … needs it. He needs me. He's gonna make me … because he wants it. Needs it. He's … he's gonna make me come. Oh … dammit, I'm about to. I … I need to. And he needs me to do this. He needs … me … to…'_

Something cracked in Natsu's mind, and it snapped the coil tensing in his gut. Like a levee bursting and floodwaters surging, Natsu gushed out, coming hard with a cry.

"Gray! Oh God, I'm … arrgh! Graaaay!"

As soon as he saw Natsu release, Gray allowed himself to let go and be overpowered by the lust and need.

"Oh yes. Like that." Gray's head dropped as he came hard. "Fuck! Yes. Oh God, Natsu."

He splattered over Natsu's body and gazed down at the weary pink-haired man under him. Gray felt such relief, but something more. He felt … proud.

"You did it, Natsu," he praised. "All on your own. You did it. Look at you! White wax and white cum, all over you."

Then, he heard a jolting sob.

"Natsu?" Worried, Gray pulled the candle out. A tiny bit of blood streaked the white candle, but nothing traumatic. Natsu shuddered out a cry as tears streamed down his eyes. "Natsu! Oh shit."

Gray raced to the counter, grabbed the sharp knife he had prepared, and cut away the ropes quickly. Then he grabbed Natsu into his arms. The Dragon Slayer's whole body was shaking. Gray felt terrified. Had he hurt him? Had he broken him? Had he inadvertently touched on some deep, psychological issue again?

"If it was that bad, you should have said _Yellow_."

"N-not … not that." Natsu sobbed into Gray's chest. "You … needed me."

Gray stayed quiet, unsure what he meant.

"I … was never … needed."

"What are you talking about? The guild has always needed you."

"I don't mean the guild. I mean…" Natsu's voice cut off sharply, and he turned deeper into Gray's chest with a quiver through his body. "I'm glad you need me."

"Natsu," Gray whispered, stroking his hair.

In a sudden panic, he asked, "You'll never choke me, right?"

"Choke you?" Gray's face drew up, starting to really worry about what Natsu was saying. "I already said I wouldn't. We agreed, that's something we won't do, no matter what. I won't break your trust."

Natsu shuddered but nodded.

Worried for him, Gray sadly asked, "Seriously, what happened to you? Were you raped? Tortured? _What?_ I'm already assuming the worst."

Natsu gasped softly, and he began to curl into a ball. "Gray, don't make me. I … I can't…"

Gray slammed his eyes shut, frustrated, but then he grabbed Natsu into a tighter hug. From the beginning, he had assumed this was the worst, but Natsu insisted he had been a virgin before they got together. So it was not rape. Maybe it was even more traumatic than his imagination could dream up. There was definitely a lot more to this than just Natsu getting tied up and hurt in the past.

"Okay." Gray stroked his pink head. "If you can't say, you don't have to. I'll still be here for you, and I'll protect you. I need you, just as much as you need me."

He still wondered and worried what was this deep wound inside Natsu's heart, but he knew that a scab picked too soon only gets worse. He would keep healing Natsu little by little, until the day came when he could open up his heart fully to him. A sob hiccuped out, but Gray saw a smile on Natsu's face now.

"You … need me," Natsu sighed happily.

"Yeah," Gray whispered, caressing the pink hair. "Yeah, Natsu, I need you. I lo-…" _Shit!_ He almost said _I love you_ , but his throat instinctively clenched up before the words could be uttered. "I care for you," he said instead. "So much," he added with heartfelt agony.

Gray cursed under his breath and felt a tear drip out his eye, angry at himself that he could not say three words. How could he be mad at Natsu for not divulging a painful past when he couldn't even utter three stupid words?

"Don't ever leave me." Gray squeezed Natsu tighter, as if the Dragon Slayer might vanish just because Gray had dared to feel that emotion he could not utter. "Don't die," he whispered, shuddering.

Natsu looked up, seeing Gray's emotional pain. He took those cold cheeks in his hands and looked sadly at the teardrop that had slid down. "Gray," he sighed, using his rough thumb to wipe the tear away. "I won't die. No matter what we face, I promise I won't die. But you better promise the same."

Gray nodded. "The only person who could kill me is you."

That made Natsu flinch back hard, and a disturbed shadow darkened his face. "What do you mean?" His words shuddered as he shouted, "Don't say that, Gray." He closed his eyes against some horrific memory. "Please, d-don't ever say something like that again."

"I don't mean I think you would purposely do that, stupid," Gray laughed, rubbing Natsu's arms to pull him back from some nightmare. "I mean that if I said the words I want to say, and if that curse fell upon you, and you died … I couldn't go on living. I know I couldn't. That's why I can't make myself say it, although I really want to."

"I know you do," Natsu smiled, calmer again. "You don't need to say anything. I can see in your eyes and smell in your body that you love me."

"Uh … smell? You can smell something like that?"

"Well, I can at least smell lust. Smells like bleach."

Gray barked out a laughed. "Idiot. That's semen. The whole kitchen reeks of it now."

He finished untying the cut ropes from Natsu's limbs. Then he rubbed out the red marks left behind, massaging blood back into the skin to get back sensation and heal the red marks quicker.

"Gray, thanks for doing this, really."

"Sure," Gray smiled, untying Natsu's other foot and rubbing out the ankle. "We could do this again, different candles, maybe colored ones. I wonder if I can drip an outline of the Fairy Tail guild symbol onto your chest to match mine."

Natsu chuckled at that. "I'd be surprised if you could draw a lame stick figure, let alone the guild mark."

"Asshole."

"Maybe you should take art lessons from Reedus."

"Keep up the smartassery and I'll rip the wax off your balls."

"God, that would be hot!"

"I know. Now I want to." He heard Natsu make a soft intake of air. "Are you okay? Does this hurt?" He rubbed the ankle softer.

"Not you. The wax is pulling on my skin as my cock shrinks. Hurts like hell."

"We'll get you into a hot bath, and I'll help you get it off."

"I'd love to have you _get me off_ again," Natsu muttered hungrily.

Gray froze at the voracious words. He eyed Natsu up and down. "Could you let the wax down there remain for … half an hour or so?"

"You want a second go?"

"I want more candles. If I use that one over there, it'll smell like burning shit."

Natsu crawled over the drop cloth and straddled Gray's lap. "I'll leave the wax down there on, but I'll pick off the bits on my chest so I can feel it stronger next time. Go buy more candles."

A smile tugged at Gray's amused face. "You want more, so soon?"

Natsu sneered hungrily. "Yes. More."

"Oh fuck," Gray moaned as his cock wanted to harden up already. "I think I'll give you a little rest, though. I want to buy the candles at the sex shop. The shop owner who sold me these seemed to know what I had planned with them. I'm never entering that shop again. Damn creep."

"Did he try anything?"

"No, but he kept touching my shoulder, and I think he … um … propositioned me. I'm not sure."

Natsu snarled, "I'll _burn_ him!"

"It's fine. I should have bought them from the sex shop to begin with, but I was in a rush and not thinking clearly."

"So … sex shop candles?"

"I can ask them to sell me their very hottest."

"Oh God, yes!"

"How the hell are you getting hard again?"

"That's your fault."

"Then I guess I have to take responsibility, huh?"

"Yep," Natsu smirked haughtily. "And you better hurry. The wax on my cock doesn't hurt as much when I'm erect like this."

"I'll wash up, then go. Stay here…" Gray eyed him up and down. "…and stay naked."

 


	8. Strawberry Cake and Vanilla Frosting

Gray walked into the guild hall feeling in a good mood. Yesterday's adventure in candle wax was a nice splurge after having nothing to do while Natsu healed. The flame-brain could withstand anything, which meant Gray could do things to the Dragon Slayer that he would never be able to do to anyone else in the world. If he ever got another lover, he would have to be a lot more careful.

"If?" he whispered to himself.

In normal relationships, Gray assumed the fun would only last a few weeks, or maybe a few months for more serious dating. Normally, he would think _when he got another lover_ , not _if_.

He shook his head, blaming it on the optimism that was normal when a relationship is fresh and the emotions are still raw. He had dated girls before who he thought would last a lifetime, imagining that the lady would make a good wife. He told himself that this thing with Natsu was no different. Given time, the thrill would wear out, that old rivalry and annoyance would reappear, they would fight, they would break up, and things would go back to normal.

Except … he could not imagine that ever happening. The thought of Natsu suddenly getting bored of him made Gray shiver inside. He would simply have to keep their relationship lively, always pressing forward, which was why Gray had returned to the sex shop after Natsu left the other day, stumbling back to his and Happy's house in a daze from the endorphin rush of wax play. Gray went late at night and checked out erotic items he had only glanced at wistfully before. Now he had a lover who might let him do a hell of a lot more than he ever dreamed conceivable. Anything was possible.

And there was so much he wanted to try, at least once. He wanted to see Natsu restrained and pleasured in so many ways.

He saw Natsu sitting in the corner of the guild hall. He looked normal, not even a hint of the thrilling rush they had yesterday. Trying to act casual, Gray sauntered up.

"Hey, flame-brain," he greeted in the same tone he always used.

Natsu glanced up at him, and then turned away with an angry expression.

Gray froze in surprise. Keeping up a normal appearance before others was one thing, but the Dragon Slayer looked honestly furious. "Natsu?" he asked quieter, leaning over to be closer for his soft words to be heard. "Hey, what's wrong? Did something happen? Are … are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you feel sick?" A thousand worrisome thoughts plagued Gray's mind. He had made sure Natsu had no blisters on his skin after playing with wax, but what if something in the candles had done damage after the fact? Gently, he reached his hand out to Natsu's arm. "Hey…"

Natsu slapped the hand away, bolted up, and suddenly shoved Gray back, sending him crashing against a neighboring table and knocking over Team Shadow Gear's drinks.

"Get out of my face, bastard," Natsu snarled with flames leaping on his skin.

Gray felt like he had been stabbed in the gut. He watched Natsu march off, and a chill of fears ran down his normally ice-immune arms. Was Natsu going to break up with him? Had he pushed his limits too far?

"Don't mind the idiot," Gajeel called over. "He just hit puberty."

"What?" Gray asked in confusion.

Erza came forward and yanked Gray up by the hand. "He's not in the mood for your usual rivalry. He's just emotional today. It happens at this age."

"What are you talking about?" Gray knew better than anyone, Natsu was anything but a kid just hitting puberty.

Lucy turned around from her seat by the counter. "He's finally growing up."

"What the hell do you all mean?" Gray demanded. "What's wrong with him?"

Erza smiled gently. "You remember how it was, don't you, Gray?"

"Remember what?" he shouted.

"First love, discovering the flutters in your belly, worrying about what that special someone thinks of you."

"First … l-l-love?" he whispered, tripping over that word. Had Natsu decided to tell everyone about the two of them? If so, why was he angry and avoiding Gray?

Lucy tittered playfully. "Natsu's got a girlfriend."

Gray's eyes went wide. "A girl?" he bellowed, and he swung his head over to where Natsu had walked off to the mission board. "No … no, you're mistaken."

"No mistake about it," Lucy said. "Isn't that the case, Happy?"

"Aye," the blue cat nodded, and he began to sing in a taunting voice, "Natsu's got a girlfriend, Natsu's got a girlfriend!"

"It's a really serious relationship, too, apparently," Lucy added. "Natsu probably just doesn't want to be around you because he thinks you'll tease him, or maybe even be jealous."

"Why would I be jealous?" Gray roared.

Lucy put a hand on her hip. "Well, you're sure acting jealous. After all, Natsu's in a serious relationship, and you … well, no offense, but we all know you're … w-well…"

Gajeel said it bluntly as he spoke through a mouthful of iron bolts. "A drunken man-whore."

"I am not," Gray snapped.

Lucy chuckled. "At the midsummer guild party, you propositioned Freed because you were so drunk, you thought he was a woman."

Gray groaned at that and covered his face with his hand. Really, he was never going to live that down. "So who's this girlfriend?"

Happy spoke up, "He didn't mention her name. He said Gray would just harass her, but Natsu said she's really pretty and fun to be around. I haven't met her yet, but he keeps sneaking out to see her."

"Sneaking out?" Gray shouted.

"Aye, he left for two nights in a row for a sleepover at his girlfriend's house."

The whole guild chuckled slyly at that, with plenty of winks to one another. Gray felt his world spinning. Two nights in a row … but besides yesterday's wax incident, Natsu had not been over to Gray's house in a long time. After all, he had been sick. Gray only occasionally checked in with Natsu that whole week while he was ill. What if some other lady was helping to nurse him? Was Natsu cheating on him? Was he sneaking around with another woman? He had thought Natsu said he wanted to be exclusive.

"I … had no idea," Gray muttered.

Lucy said lightly, "Happy was the one who noticed it this morning."

"Noticed what?" Gray asked in dreadful suspicion.

"A hickey on Natsu's neck."

Gray felt his tension snap. Was this about that huge love bite? "Hickey? Did … did Natsu say his _girlfriend_ put the hickey on there?"

"Aye," Happy nodded. "At first he said it was a bruise from a fight, but I bugged him and bugged him and bugged him, and finally he admitted it was from his new girlfriend. She must be really strong, because he had bruises on his wrists and that huge hickey."

Mira tittered and repeated, "Bruises on his wrists. Who would have thought!"

Gajeel could hardly help but laugh as well. "Gihihi! To keep up with a fighting idiot like Salamander, she'd have to chain him down somehow. She's probably more like a man than a woman. Are you sure she's pretty?"

"Aye," Happy nodded. "I asked, and Natsu said she's an exotic raven-haired beauty with skin like snow, enchanting blue eyes, and a perfect body. That's what he said."

Gray turned away, fighting a blush. Skin like snow, huh? He walked over to the mission board. Natsu stood in front of it, looking at the many requests, ignoring the whispers around the guild and Gray creeping up behind him.

"Hey," Gray whispered. "A _girlfriend_ , huh? You didn't have to go that far."

Natsu did not face him, but he whispered so softly, only another Dragon Slayer would have heard the two. "Would you like it if I told the guild you're a sadist who gets his kicks hitting people with belts and watching them piss?"

"What? No!" Gray hissed, glancing around nervously to see if anyone could overhear them.

"I'll tell them right now, if you don't leave me the hell alone."

"Natsu, what is wrong with you? Are you seriously blackmailing me?"

Natsu glanced over angrily. "Then are you that determined not to let anyone know?"

Gray stared, confounded by the question. "Come on. Please don't do this."

"Why not?"

"It … It'd be too hard to explain."

"Yeah," he scoffed wryly, "like how I now have to deal with everyone questioning my _bruises_."

"What…?"

With no warning, Natsu spun around and punched Gray across the face. Gray stumbled back and crashed over a chair until he fell awkwardly to the ground.

"That's why I don't want to talk to you, bastard," he sneered. Then Natsu turned and ran out of the guild hall.

Gray rubbed out his cheek. "Son of a … Get back here, you flaming retard!" He ran out of the guild to catch up with Natsu. In the far end of the courtyard, he yanked on Natsu's sleeve, forcing the Dragon Slayer to turn around. "What the hell? You better have a damn good reason for hitting me."

"It's your fault," Natsu shouted.

"Fine, but what did I do?"

"You … you don't want people to know."

"I told you, I don't care if people know that we're dating."

"But … you don't want people to know you're … kinky, right?"

Gray froze for a while. The imagined scene of people finding out, staring oddly at him, whispering about him, keeping their distance from this _sick sadistic pervert_ made him tremble with deep inner terror. "No," he said quietly. "I don't want anyone to know. Natsu, is this a problem?" he whispered angrily.

"It is now."

Gray backed up a step. "Because Happy saw the bruises on your wrists?" Would Natsu break up with him over that? He could not even fathom it.

"More than just that," Natsu grumbled.

Breathlessly, he demanded, "Seriously, what's going on?"

Natsu glared with flames licking his skin. He leaned in close to Gray and sneered in a whisper, "I just had to lie to Happy to save your ass."

Gray stared cautiously, stunned and confused. "Just because Happy saw the hickey and bruises? So what? It's Happy."

"As soon as Happy saw my neck, he said 'Oh, you have a girlfriend. She must be really _kinky_ to give you a love bite like that.' Kinky!" Natsu fisted up his hands. "Then he saw the bruising on my wrists. I don't think he gets it, but he told everyone else, and _they_ definitely got it. They think I have a kinky _girlfriend,_ and I had to lie again—lie to _everyone_ —that she was simply into that, but that … that I … _I didn't like it!_ " he screamed. "I had to lie to the whole guild, and to Happy, my best friend. If I told Happy the truth about us, everyone would know it's _you_ who's kinky. I know you don't want that. So I lied. I lied to my best friend. And that's why I'm pissed. I lied to Happy, of all people, and I just lied to the nakama who are like my family, all so I could save your ass from getting humiliated."

Gray did not even breathe for a moment, completely overwhelmed as he realized Natsu had lied to save his reputation. Everyone knew now Natsu was a little kinky, but no one in the guild would realize Gray was, too. He had gone that far to save Gray from humiliation.

"Natsu." He finally exhaled as his eyes began to burn. Gray turned away and blinked rapidly, determined not to cry. "You … you didn't have to go that far."

"Well I did," he said bluntly. "Now everyone thinks I have some kinky _girl_ friend, and I've been sneaking over to _her_ house night after night." Natsu turned his back on Gray, and his shoulders bristled angrily. "I know it was my own choice, I didn't have to, but I did because … because I want to protect you. For everything you've done to help me this far, it was the least I could do to pay you back. Still, I hate lying to anyone, but most of all Happy. I've never lied to him before. So I'm a bit upset right now."

Gray dropped his head. He tried to imagine it, put it into some sort of perspective. If he had to lie to … whom? Whom did he know who was as close as the bond Happy and Natsu shared? Hell, Natsu was like a father to that blue cat. Lying to his own _son_ … Gray could not fathom the guilt that must cause. He did not have a friendship that deep.

"I'll back off," Gray muttered. "I'm gonna take a solo mission, get out of town for a few days, let this all blow over. You can handle it however you want. Plus this way they won't see the scratches you left on me. That'd just make things more complicated."

Now Gray felt stabbed with guilt. He had felt so smug about that love bite when he gave it, making it extra large, but perhaps it was a bad idea if it gave Natsu this much mental torment. If he liked marking his partner, he should be ready to face the consequences, and one of those was having the whole guild find out Gray was into kinky sex.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Gray turned and marched back into the guild hall. Inside, all was light and lively. The drama that happened in the courtyard did not exist here. It was almost surreal, going from that gloomy angst to a typical Fairy Tail day. All it was missing was Natsu leaping around demanding everyone to fight him.

Gray walked right past Juvia, who was about to bashfully say something to him. Hell, he did _not_ want to deal with her at a time like this. He had messed up, he made Natsu lie, he hurt Natsu's feelings. All he wanted was to get away and not have to see Natsu sad ever again.

He grabbed a flier and showed it to Mira. Lucy glanced over his shoulder to read the paper.

"Ooh, sounds like fun. Mind if I tag along?"

"Sorry, Lucy. I'm really short on money."

"Oh," she pouted. He guessed she was, too, but he just really needed to be alone for a while.

He got approval for the request, left back to home, but as he packed a bag for the journey, he walked over to a chest where he kept his erotic supplies. Inside was something special, something specifically for Natsu. Gray had really wanted to show it off today, but it was a bad time. Still, he lightly touched the chest, thinking about what was inside, wondering if Natsu would like it, and hoping that when he returned, the Dragon Slayer would still want him. He had decided when he bought it, that item belonged to no one else but Natsu. Even if things did not work out—and now he feared that they would fall apart so quickly—that item would never be given to another person. It was bought with one man in mind, and it could not belong to anyone else but that destructive idiot Gray had fallen for.

"Another time," Gray said to himself. Then he took his hand off the chest, packed a few more items, and headed out the door.

* * *

A week later, Gray returned to the guild, enough money to ensure he could pay rent, plus a little extra. He thought about asking Natsu if he wanted to do something fun, maybe a movie or karaoke, but then he saw the Dragon Slayer sitting at a table with Lisanna and Elfman, laughing happily next to the petite white-haired girl whose adoring gaze went unnoticed by the obtuse idiot. Gray remembered how angry Natsu had been. He wanted nothing more than to have Natsu look over, smile, and wave Gray to come join them. Instead, Natsu's eyes only flicked over briefly, enough to see who had walked in, before he continued with an impersonation of Laxus that made Lisanna laugh loudly.

Gray walked through the guild, easily ducking under a lightning bolt shot from Laxus to Natsu in order to stop the ridiculous mimicry. (The idiot totally deserved that!) He went to the counter and ordered an ice cream float. He had just begun to suck on the straw when Erza flopped down on the stool next to him.

"How was the mission?" she asked, waving to Kinana to get her _the usual_ : in other words, strawberry cake.

"Not hard," he shrugged. "I just needed the money."

"Even the easy missions help us to improve little by little," she said sagely. "Are you up to another mission tomorrow?"

"Well, I was thinking about getting drunk with the money I earned, but I guess I can keep it to just a couple beers. Is it a real challenge?"

"Not really, but I thought it would be nice to have the team together again. Lately, it's been hard to get you and Natsu together."

Gray glanced back to the Dragon Slayer who was a blackened lump with sparks of yellow electricity. "Yeah, I guess so. How has he been since I was gone?"

Erza forked some cake, but she looked at Gray curiously. "What do you mean?"

"His … uh … girlfriend."

"I don't pry into his private life. However, I guess he told the girl he doesn't enjoy being handcuffed, because his bruises are gone and there are no new ones."

"Is that so?" Gray muttered, not surprised in the least, since he had not been in town to give Natsu those sorts of marks. "So, uh … what do you think about that? About him? About what this girlfriend likes?"

"It is none of my concern," Erza said sternly. "Nor should it be yours."

"I mean in general," he clarified. "People who … uh … do that stuff. Isn't it … weird?"

"Sexual bondage is not weird at all," Erza declared. "It's nice to feel empowered."

Gray suddenly remembered some scene he had witnessed of Erza dominating over Mira while wearing dominatrix clothing. "Right," he muttered, realizing he was talking to a woman who had frigging _seduction armor_. "So do you and Jellal…?" His words were murdered by the devilish glare that burned in the Titania's eyes. "Uhhh … n-n-n-never mind! Forget it. I didn't say anything." God, she was scary!

Gray turned around to face the main hall, away from that dark aura. That was when he saw Natsu had been helped back up to the chair, washing his sooty face with a cloth. He was staring right at Gray. As soon as their eyes met, Natsu looked away quickly, and his cheeks went pink. Gray could hardly help but laugh.

"Like a damn twelve-year-old schoolgirl," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Erza asked, her focus back on her cake.

"Nothing," he mumbled. "So this mission, what time?"

"Meet at the train station at eight o'clock tomorrow morning, and bring handcuffs."

Gray choked on his ice cream float and coughed frosty liquid out into a napkin. "Wh-what?" he gagged.

Erza looked over in confusion. "Handcuffs. You've brought them before when we went after a bandit. I figured they were part of your mission gear."

"Oh … y-yeah, the handcuffs. I'll make sure to toss them into my pack." He cooled his skin down with just a little ice magic so he would not blush. "Don't you have some?"

"My handcuffs are for bondage, not for capturing bandits."

"Erza!" he shouted, not caring anymore if he blushed.

She looked over undaunted. "Well, they are."

Gray turned away in a fluster. "You don't have to _tell_ me."

"You're so prudish, Gray. We know you sleep around. Surely, the idea of bondage has come up in the bedroom."

"Even if it has … never mind," he sighed, deflating, unable to flat out lie to her. "Forget it."

"You should expand your options, Gray."

He glared over at Erza. "Options?"

"I would bet that your sex life, no matter how … _busy_ it may be, is actually quite dull. Then again, when you're out drinking and roaming for a one-night-stand, I suppose delving into the kinkier side of sex is unnecessary. You really should try to get a serious relationship rather than sleeping with any girl desperate enough to hang out at a bar like a sottish prostitute."

"Look, I haven't picked up a girl in weeks. And I assure you, my sex life is anything but dull."

Cana suddenly sat on the other side of him, flushed with alcohol although it was barely the afternoon. "What's this about your sex life, Gray?" Her hand slithered up his arm in a sensual caress, and she leaned in, reeking of beer. "Not getting enough action from your bar wenches? Ya wanna try another romp in the Cana Carnal Cantina?"

"God, that was ages ago, Cana, and we were both drunk."

"So? You were rather … _talented_ , as I recall." Her tongue dragged seductively across her upper lip.

Gray pulled away and stood up to get out of her reach. "I don't fuck friends anymore," he sneered scathingly. Then Gray turned and marched away.

"Oh yeah?" Cana shouted after him, not caring that the whole guild could hear her. "What type of people do you fuck these days, Gray? Enemies? Rivals?"

His muscles tensed sharply when she said that. He wanted to shout at her, deny it, maybe make up some fabricated declaration. He spun around to glare at Cana, realizing her shout, especially the perverted nature of the question, had garnered a lot of attention. He could not glance over to Natsu. He couldn't! Someone would notice if his eyes darted to the Dragon Slayer.

"Who I take to my bed is none of your concern. If I'm going to sleep with anyone, it'll be someone who interests me. Right now, I'm not interested in any girls." He was glad Juvia was not there to cry up a storm. He stomped toward the exit, desperate to get out of the volatile room before Cana said…

"What about boys?"

… that.

Luckily, Gray was near the door so all he had to do was flip a middle finger at her and continue out.

* * *

Since Gray was riled up from Cana, he had to work out his frustration. He went to a hill the wizards used for practicing magic. There, he could shout as he formed item after item of ice, pushing his limits, making things bigger, more elaborate. Anything he imagined could be created. That was the glory of Ice-Make. It was all a matter of imagining it and then making it into reality.

If only he could do this magic with everything in life.

He was mad at himself for making Natsu sad. He was mad at Natsu for punching him. He was mad at Cana for dropping what was potentially the biggest bomb about his relationship with Natsu, although it seemed like no one caught it, or they thought Gray and Natsu were too steeped in their rivalry to even think about doing anything intimate.

He needed to regain control over his life. He needed to sculpt the chaos into something tangible, visual, usable, orderly. Control!

He wanted to control someone. He wanted to reassure himself that something, at least one little thing in life, was within his control.

He needed Natsu more than ever.

On a whim, he made a statue of ice. A little magic, and the sunlight refracted differently, giving the ice the illusion of having color: peach skin, pink hair, white scarf, all created from his magic. He walked up to the ice clone and caressed the face. Natsu was always so hot, not like this frozen double. Still, it was a lifelike double, if he did say so himself!

"I need you, Natsu," he confessed to the ice clone. "I don't know how or when, but I've become addicted to you."

He did not hear footsteps coming up the hill as he continued to speak to the frozen copy.

"I always hated you, because you were everything I wasn't. Somewhere along the way, I realized that the reason you hated me back … was the same. I was everything you weren't. I think it was Erza who said it one day, one of her times trying to force us to be best friends. She told me, 'Natsu complements you, fills in all the gaps.' I didn't understand what she meant, and it didn't help that she went on this whole spiel about you being the strawberry cake and I'm the vanilla frosting. However, I think I understand now what she saw back then."

He traced the face of the ice clone, looking at how detailed he had made that smile. He loved to see Natsu smile, so naturally that was the most realistic part of this Ice-Make creation.

"You and I have a lot of faults. Most people, over time, learn to buff down those rough spots. Not you and me, though. You're fiery, burn everything to a crisp. I'm hard, jagged, like ice. Maybe in another ten or twenty years we could smooth out our personal issues, but until then…"

Everything he knew about Natsu's dark and mysterious past swelling up in his mind.

"I've dealt with demons, and you have some damn personal demons. I'd like to think that maybe, little by little, I'm helping you with that. As for me, I froze my heart a long time ago. I have this wretched, jagged, shard of ice in my soul that wants to tear everything apart. I can't melt it. I feel like if I open my heart too much, I'm going to freeze everything around me. I'll hurt the person who opened my heart. That jagged shard in my soul will shred that person to pieces.

"You're the only person I know who burns away the ice. As I open my heart … slowly … I'm no longer afraid of that blizzard consuming me and everyone around me, because I know you're there with me. You'll keep melting away all the ice inside me, until one day, I'll be able to find myself. With you, I can rage all I want. I can freeze and gain control, and you're still there, holding on, smiling no matter what I do. You let me know I _can_ be in control, at least a little.

"Still … I'm scared," he whispered with a shiver. "I'm scared I might really hurt you one day. I'm scared of that ice becoming too cold, of me being too frigid, doing something I should never do, until I freeze your heart as well as my own. I'm scared that my need to control you, to bind you and humiliate you, to make myself feel a shred of worth, it's going to turn you into something else. If I'm the frosting to your cake, what if I smother you? What if I shape you into something you're not?"

"That's stupid."

Gray jolted around, wiping his moist eyes quickly, and saw Natsu standing not far behind him.

"It's the cake who gives shape to the frosting, idiot."

The ice clone shattered and fell in a sparkle of snowflakes. Gray shook as he realized he had been overheard.

"If anything," Natsu went on, walking forward, "I'm the one pushing you into the shape I want. I'm some lumpy, boring cake, okay on my own, but lacking any appeal. You don't smother me, Gray. You make me better, turn me into something presentable. I can't do anything on my own. You make me functional, just as I do to you. Frosting alone is pretty gross, but when it's on a cake, it's beautiful and delicious. Isn't that the case?"

Breathlessly, Gray shuddered out, "It's just a metaphor."

"Which is why I hate metaphors." Natsu reached forward, took Gray's hand, and caressed his knuckles with the rough pad of his thumb. "I'm sick of having a fictional girlfriend. I want my boyfriend back." Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray, squeezing him desperately. "I missed you." His eyes tightened as they threatened to spill tears. "I'm so sorry if I got angry at you. I don't want you to feel guilty just because I decided to act on my own. I really don't want to push you away."

Gray hugged him back. It felt so good to be back in those hot arms. Once again, the ice inside him was melting with the heat of the Dragon Slayer. "You won't push me away that easily, idiot. This frosting is gonna get on your cake somehow."

Natsu's eyes trailed down Gray's chest and sculpted stomach, down to the boxers that were all the ice wizard wore. "I like when your _frosting_ is all over me."

Gray gave a soft gasp. Then he laughed and relaxed. "Well, I guess you cheered up, eh?"

Natsu let his hands slide down and rest on the ice wizard's butt, pulling him in closer. "No more talk of frosting and cakes. It's making me … _hungry_."

Gray's heart began to thump hard. "Did Erza warn you about the mission we have in the morning?"

"She told me." He pulled Gray even closer and rolled his hips up against him. "Which means we're free all evening."

"You're so predictable," Gray smirked. "You only have that look when you want me to do something to you."

"Are my attacks predictable already?" Natsu smirked. His eyelids lowered as he leaned in closer to Gray. "I'll have to come up with a new plan."

"I don't mind seeing that look on your face." When Natsu began to lean up for a kiss, Gray pressed the shorter Dragon Slayer on the nose, holding him back. "I know how you get your kicks having me tie you up."

Natsu's narrow eyes flickered downward to Gray's crotch and saw the bulge there. He leered back up with a cocky smile. "And I know how hard you get thinking about how to punish me."

Gray chuckled and tilted his head to the side, eying the man. "Race you to my house."

"My house is closer."

"What I want to use on you tonight is at my place, and it would be a little awkward to carry _that_ around town."

Natsu's eyes gleamed with salacious interest. "In that case…" He turned and bolted. "I'll beat you there, droopy-eyes!"

Gray took off in a heart-pounding run. "You're the one who will be beaten, flame-brain."

Natsu grinned to himself and whispered, "I sure hope so."

 


	9. Cock Rings and Riding Crops

A few minutes later, the two burst through Gray's apartment, sweaty and breathless. Natsu collapsed into a chair and laughed as he claimed "I won, I won." Gray could hardly help but smile at the sound. He had missed Natsu's childish laugh.

"So," Natsu panted wearily. "What's up first?"

"Get some tea going," Gray told the Dragon Slayer through labored breaths. He wiped his forehead and curled his lip at all the sweat. "I need a shower."

Natsu leaned forward slightly in his chair, looking predatory. "Want me to join you?"

Gray's throat went dry at the lust burning in those eyes. "As immensely tempting as that may be, I won't be able to keep my hands off of you, and I have plans for tonight. Big plans. Get the water going, and on a slow boil, not the way you usual heat it too fast and steam the whole pot gone. Don't put the tea leaves in yet. I'll be right out."

Gray leaped into the shower and spent only long enough to wash the sweat off his body. He wanted to be clean for Natsu, not sticky from running across town. When he came out wrapped in a towel, Natsu was sitting anxiously on the couch.

"Your turn," said Gray. "Be thorough. Clean up really well, especially your ass and your neck."

"My … neck?"

"Just do it," he ordered.

Natsu left to the shower. Gray waited until the water was running before opening his chest of erotic goods and making sure everything was ready. He did not want to run to the store to buy something he forgot, like with the candles. Confident that all the supplies were ready, he rushed to pull on some clothes. Not much was needed, but at least pants. He tugged on some freshly cleaned jeans, forgoing underwear. He did not even bother with socks or a belt.

Then he rushed into the kitchen. That had to be set up as well. He put the tea leaves in the pot, poured in steaming water, and set a tea towel over it to keep warm. Then he quickly mopped the floor. That needed to be spotless for what he had planned. He put a bottle of water into the fridge to chill, and he made up some tuna salad. He had just finished mixing the tuna, mayonnaise, and celery when the bathroom door opened. He hurriedly put the bowl into the refrigerator.

"Are you making food?" Natsu called out.

 _Crap, he can smell it!_ "Just a little something for later. I figured you might get hungry."

"Oh?" Natsu chuckled slyly in the other room. "Gonna have me build up an appetite?"

"You have no idea," Gray mumbled, although he was pretty sure Natsu would be able to hear him anyway.

He walked out and saw Natsu standing in the center of the living room, gloriously naked except for the white scarf. Gray let out a soft curse as his penis tensed up at the sight of that toned body. The erection pressed against his tight jeans, roughly restrained, and reminded Gray that he also had to keep restrained. He needed to be in charge. It was time to regain control in his life.

"Like what you see?" Natsu asked smugly.

"I can think of how to make it look better," Gray admitted, which got a little pout from Natsu. Gray sauntered forward, tipped Natsu's chin up, and stared down into those narrow eyes. "You're getting collared tonight."

Natsu's mouth dropped open. "What? C-collared? What do you mean, collared? What's _collared_?"

Gray smiled arrogantly. "You'll find out soon."

Gray walked over to the chest where he kept his kinky supplies. He returned and showed the item he had especially bought for Natsu: a collar to wrap around his neck, white leather with pink satin lining, a large stainless steel buckle, and a metal loop on the front where a leash could be attached, much like something a person would put on a dog. Embroidered in black along one side of the collar was Natsu's name: ナツ, and along the other side, ビッチ, bitch.

"This shows you belong to me," Gray whispered in a solemn tone. "I won't give you over to anyone. You're my bitch, my property. My Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer gulped hard. ' _I'm … property. I'm his. I belong to Gray, and he's going to collar me, like a dog. Like a bitch.'_

Gray yanked the white muffler off and draped it over a chair. Then he wrapped the white leather collar around Natsu's neck, moved his pink hair out of the way, and adjusting it to be snug yet not choking. The strap slipped through, and he buckled the collar in. Then Gray took a tiny padlock, closed it over the buckle, and locked it.

Gray held up the ridiculously tiny key and showed it close to Natsu's face. "I have the key to unlock this. You are my bitch until I release you."

Part of Natsu's mind knew that was ridiculous. The lock was so tiny, he could have broken it with one finger. However, the mentality of it, being locked into his role, Gray stripping him of that bit of freedom and becoming fully in control over his life, was truly overwhelming. Gray tucked the key into his back pocket. Then he stood back to admire the leather around Natsu's neck.

"Is it a good fit?" he asked. "I can loosen it. I don't want it too tight."

When Natsu gulped, his Adam's apple bobbed along the collar. That slight pressure around him was a constant reminder. He belonged to Gray! Natsu's shaking fingers drifted up and felt the cold metal buckle and rigid leather.

Gray saw the shiver in his hands. "Are you okay? Is it not good?"

"No. It's fine. Feels nice."

"It should! That's a made-to-order patent leather collar with padded satin lining. I used up half my rent money on that thing. That's why I had to take a mission so soon. I even special ordered it in white in case…" His voice froze up.

"In case what?" Natsu asked sharply.

Gray had to calm himself again. "In case … we wanna try having you wear it in public someday," he said worriedly, wondering if that was hoping for too much.

"In public?" Natsu shrieked. "But … but you don't want any public kinkiness."

Gray smirked and leaned up into Natsu's face. "Then don't get caught wearing it. I wanna push our borders. Just the thought of it is … thrilling. Terrifying. Arousing. If you do get caught, blame it on your _girlfriend_."

Natsu's eyes blazed that he would bring that up again.

"I don't mean I want to do that today, obviously," Gray assured, "but … someday, when we're both used to this. It's something I would like to try, so I special ordered it in white. That way, you can wrap your scarf around it and it won't show through as easily. You can hide it, but the knowledge that you're wearing it—that you're wearing _my_ collar in front of everyone, even if it's hidden—that's immensely arousing to me."

Natsu reached up and touched the collar again. "Having it in white … that's … thoughtful."

"I'm spoiling you way too much."

"You probably love buying these things for me."

Gray silently smiled. He had decided to buy this collar right after the wax incident. He had gone to the sex shop after midnight to avoid being seen, and as he inspected the many different collars they had for sell, he had gotten hard many times whenever his imagination dipped into how Natsu might look wearing this sign of ownership. However, none of those ordinary collars were good enough. He was lucky the sex shop owner was married to a leathersmith. She had her husband make up this special collar, and the owner herself did the embroidery. It was a totally unique collar, perfect for such a one-of-a-kind man. Now as he gazed at his fiery lover, Gray could not decide if he wanted to cuddle and pet Natsu like a cat, or fuck him wild like the dragon he was.

"One more thing. You're not too hard yet, are you?"

"I can relax if you need."

"Yeah, I need you limp for this." Gray saw that Natsu was only half erect. Good enough. He pulled out what looked like a black leather bracelet for a child, with three metal snaps for adjustable size. "Do you know what this is?"

"Not a clue," Natsu muttered, glaring at the strange item.

Gray smiled at such a naïve boyfriend he had. "Where do you think it goes?"

"That's not gonna fit on my wrist, I can tell you that."

"No," he chuckled. "It's not meant for up there." He leaned into Natsu's ear and whispered seductively. "It's a cock ring."

Natsu gasped, "Oh God."

"Don't get hard."

His eyes slammed shut, regulating his breathing.

"Good dragon. This will be tight, but if it's at all painful, let me know immediately. Don't hold back, I'm serious. It can cause real damage if you're not careful. Spread your legs a little."

Gray knelt and wrapped the leather strap around Natsu's cock and behind his balls, then worked with the snaps to see which setting was the best. He was glad he bought the biggest size the sex shop sold. He never actually bothered to measure Natsu's girth—that was a weird thing to do anyway—so the friendly clerk at the sex shop suggested one of these leather adjustable rings, that way Gray could be sure not to get it too tight, which could seriously damage Natsu in the worst way.

Slowly, he pulled the ring snugger until it squeezed the cock, then snapped it in place. Natsu drew up, but he was not in any pain. Just mild discomfort, a weird sensation, the blood filling up his cock but slow to escape. It began to throb in time with his pulse, the veins straining, like the blood pressure cuffs doctors used. In under a minute, he was outrageously erect. The bigger he got, the more he felt those pulses through his veins, and the more sensitive his entire groin became.

Natsu shuddered. "Oh God, that's good."

Gray sighed in relief at discovering he had picked the right size after all. "Now I can make sure you don't come until I want you to," he whispered sinfully into Natsu's ear.

"Yes…" he hissed.

"If it hurts, or if your cock feels cold, let me know right away. Don't even think you can _put up with it_. This will be way more intense for you if it works, but it can also be dangerous, so let me know the instant it doesn't feel good anymore. I can loosen it; it's not a problem. It's supposed to feel good, not be painful. Pain is bad when it comes to cock rings. I don't want you having your dick fall off from lack of circulation just because you were a stubborn dumb-ass."

"Got it," Natsu nodded. "It's fine right now. Feels … really damn awesome."

"I'm glad," Gray sighed. "Safewords will be important tonight. I'm gonna really push you this time."

Chills ran over Natsu's skin at the sweet threat.

Gray leaned over and picked up something else he brought out of the trunk. "There are other things I'd like to use one day, but for now … we'll start with the riding crop."

He showed the item to Natsu, a long switch wrapped in black leather, with a tongue of pliant leather on the end. The Dragon Slayer gulped hard as he looked at the device that would give him pain and pleasure. That gulp made him aware of the collar again and of the fact that he was Gray's property tonight.

"You liked when I used my belt. This is a bit more sophisticated, and a lot more exacting."

Gray dragged the leather end up one of Natsu's thighs and down the other. The muscular body shuddered under the light touch, and the trapped cock leaped in impending excitement.

"Tonight is about my enjoyment. My wants. My desires." The crop slid up Natsu's chest, gliding over each nipple. "Watching you on display for me. Using you to entertain me. Seeing how long it takes until you beg me to let you come. If you're a good dragon, I might even _let_ you."

Natsu felt the crop dance up his neck. He knew Gray would never strike him somewhere truly painful, like on his face or neck, but the fear still tingled the back of his mind. As the crop glided along his flushed cheeks, Natsu let out a shivering sigh.

"God, you make me hard," Gray snarled. "Tell me. This cock." The riding crop brushed against Natsu's engorged shaft. "Whose is it?"

"Yours," Natsu rasped out breathlessly.

"That's right. Mine. I'm ordering this cock that belongs only to me." Gray knelt down, kissed the tip of the penis, and mouthed against the swollen glands, "Don't you dare come until I'm ready for it." That made Natsu twitch with need. He tried to trust forward, wanting that mouth on him, sucking him, devouring him. Gray glanced up, his face half hidden behind the trembling erection. "Do you think it'll listen to me?"

Natsu laughed with a shiver of lust. "Don't ask me. It has a mind of its own."

"True." Gray rose back to his feet, letting his body rub against the erection as he went, then he stared hard at Natsu. "I can't trust it, like I can't trust you. Maybe I should punish you both."

The riding crop flicked, not too hard, but it slapped right against the edge of the shaft. Natsu flinched. It was a warning tap, and his whole body came to life with it. With the pulsing pressure built up in his shaft, everything was far more sensitive.

"Heh?" Natsu laughed through heavy breaths. "You're gonna punish me? Do you think I'll learn my lesson?"

"You'd better, you cocky jerk."

"I'm a slow learner."

"Then I'll punish you slowly."

Gray flicked the crop again, this time on Natsu's upper thigh, and considerably harder. Natsu cried out, surprised he hit so hard so soon.

"Do you like that?"

"Yes," Natsu panted. He gulped hard, and he felt the leathery tightness around his throat. That feeling brought his fear of being strangled very close to the surface, but at the same time he felt secure wearing the collar. It was Gray's collar, and Gray would never do anything to truly hurt him. He was Gray's property. Gray would care for him.

At the same time, his cock was throbbing. He could feel his pulse shivering through the turgid veins. It made his attention focus even more on the erection, and the increase in blood heightened all sensations there.

Gray slowly circled Natsu, thinking of all the ways he could have this man, all the ways to humiliate him and pleasure him.

"Tonight…" Gray grabbed the metal ring hanging from the front of the collar, yanking the Dragon Slayer forward by the neck. Natsu cried out as his neck was forced to move, but from this angle Gray could not choke him. "…you're my slave," he whispered into the face of the stunned Dragon Slayer.

Natsu tensed up. "Gray, no!"

"Tonight, your sole purpose in life is to pleasure and entertain me. This cock…" He stroked the stiff shaft, getting a whimper out of Natsu. "…is mine. This body is mine. Whatever I want to do with it, I can. I will order you around for my entertainment. I'm the only one who will give you pleasure. You can't do anything without my permission, nothing except breathing. You can't piss without my permission. You can't come without my permission. You can't talk without my permission. When I order you to do something, you will obey. That is what I mean by being my slave. It means I have complete control over every aspect of your existence. Do you understand, _bitch_?"

There was a tingle of fear. He was giving up his freedoms, and to Natsu, freedom meant everything. Willingly, he had to hand that over to Gray. Everything about him, he had to hand all of it over, trust in Gray, and give him everything: body and soul.

"Natsu?" Gray asked, looking a little concerned. He knew slave play was on the blacklist, and Natsu had insisted he did not want to be submissive. This was really taking their relationship to another level, pushing the limits of what was taboo, and he was not fully confident if Natsu was ready for it. Still, Gray needed this. He needed to regain control in his tumultuous life, and that began with controlling the one person he cared for so deeply. Without that foundation of trust, the rest of his life would crumble into chaos.

With a thick gulp, the Dragon Slayer nodded, braving the fear.

"Remember the safewords. Use them if you have to. Understood?"

"Yeah, got it."

"Say _Yes, sir_."

Natsu dropped his eyes and frowned. "Can I call you something other than sir?"

Gray smirked arrogantly. "You could call me master."

Natsu glared at him. "Hell no!"

"Didn't I say you're my slave tonight? You will address me as Master."

"Fuck you! I'd rather call you _sir_."

"Nope, you'll—"

"Yellow, right now!" Natsu growled, stopping Gray with a jolt. He eyed Natsu's furious face with caution. "I've told you before; I'm not comfortable with the whole slave roleplay thing. We can keep doing this, but not as slave and master."

Gray immediately backed off. "Okay," he promised. "What about as pet and owner?"

Natsu spent a while considering how he felt about that.

Gray caressed his face beseechingly. "You could be my pet dragon," he said, hoping to ease Natsu out of his foul mood and back into the scene. "Not a slave, but a beloved pet."

Slowly, Natsu's muscles relaxed. "Okay. I'm your … your pet."

"My dragon," Gray purred, stroking Natsu's cheeks with tenderness. He shoved back Natsu's bangs and forced his head up to look into his eyes. "A little dragon I need to tame. Call me _kainushi_."

Natsu gulped as he felt his humanity being stripped away, slowly becoming something else, something lacking that fierce pride. He was becoming a pet, and Gray was his owner, his…

"Kainushi," Natsu whispered. _Kainushi_ : a pet owner. It was better than saying master, but only barely. Only mentally.

Seeing that submissiveness in Natsu's eyes tingled Gray's nerves. Having control over him, taming him, destroying his pride and taking charge over him…

He wanted to ravage Natsu, right now, but he couldn't. He was not worthy of his new pet. The pet was not ready for a treat. They both had to earn what was to come.

"First, a pet doesn't stand on two feet." Gray licked his lips before ordering. "Get on all fours, like an animal."

Natsu almost protested again. Some dragons had feet and the arms were the wings. Those sorts of dragons _did_ stand on two feet. However, he saw the desire in Gray's eyes. Odd as it seemed, this small act was obviously important to Gray. Natsu wanted to please him. Besides, Igneel had walked on four legs. He would be like Igneel.

Slowly, Natsu dropped down, getting onto his hands and knees. His erection hung heavily in this position. Then, with the collar straining his neck, Natsu gazed up at Gray, awaiting approval.

"Yes," Gray breathed, transfixed by the sight, almost overcome by the sheer thought of having such control. He reached down and patted Natsu's pink hair. "Good dragon."

Natsu shuddered. Why did that little praise strike him like lightning? He wanted more praise. He began to crave it. He wanted to hear he was good, instead of always getting yelled at for being bad and destructive. He wanted praise instead of ridicule.

"One moment." Gray hurried to the chest and came back with a leash. He almost laughed as he thought about putting this leash on, becoming a true pet owner. It was giddy, arousing, and made him flushed with happiness that finally— _finally—_ he could do something like this. He could finally have a pet who would obey him.

He knelt in front of the Dragon Slayer, smiling at Natsu with that bursting inner joy, as he clipped the leash onto the metal ring in the front.

"There. Wonderful." He saw a pained flinch in Natsu's brow. "Are you okay?"

"My cock's starting to hurt."

"I'll take it off."

"No!" Natsu liked the sensitivity, but kneeling like this created too much pressure.

"We can put it on again later. That's the nice thing about this style of cock ring, something that snaps on. You can take it on and off easier. We'll build you up to wearing it for longer stints. I told you, any pain is bad. Now, up on your knees."

Natsu rose to his knees, but now he really felt how that pressure was becoming too much. Gray reached down and easily unsnapped the leather binding. The rush of blood made Natsu fall forward back onto his hands, gasping and quivering. Releasing all that pressure was too good.

"No … no, Gray!" he cried out, shivering. "Oh damn, restrain me, fast!"

"What—"

"Restrain me before I fuckin' kill you!" he roared.

Gray guessed the problem, froze Natsu's hands right to the floor, and quickly began to stroke him. Five strokes were all it took for Natsu to come.

"Oh … oh God!" He shot out, but still the jolts shivered through him. "I … I still … feel it … oh God, it won't stop."

"Are you okay?" Gray asked, truly worried.

"Hell, yes! It just … keeps … fuck!" he shivered. "Keep … feeling it. Oooooh, I love that thing."

Gray had to laugh at that. "I guess so!"

Natsu still kept feeling pulses of his own racing heart throbbing through his overly-sensitive shaft despite the erection shrinking. Gradually, and oh-so-deliciously slowly, those pulses faded as blood flow returned to normal. "Okay, I … I think it's over. H-hold me, Gray. Gonna fall over."

Gray undid the ice and pulled Natsu into his lap. He sat on the floor and held Natsu as the Dragon Slayer tried to catch his breath.

"I've never … never felt anything that intense before." He struggled to regulate his lungs and let his head drop back onto Gray's chest, utterly surrendering himself to those arms. That truly had been the most sudden orgasm of his life.

After a minute, and hearing Natsu's breaths slow down, Gray asked, "Are you feeling better?"

He nodded, still overwhelmed but relaxed now. "It just … I could keep feeling it, you know. Even after it shot out, I kept feeling … wonderful. Like it would never end." He looked up into Gray's face. "I wanna use that more."

"Definitely! That was hot."

Natsu laughed and dipped his head down bashfully. Gray tapped Natsu's shoulder, and he moved aside, scooting over the floor. Gray rose back to his feet and wiped his messy hand on his pants.

"Fetch your cock ring," he ordered.

Natsu simply crawled over since it was not far away, and he did not yet trust his legs not to collapse under him. Since Gray had not given him permission to stand yet, he crawled back to deliver it. Gray took it and patted Natsu's head before tucking the leather strap into his pocket.

"You learned how to fetch. Good boy."

Natsu glared hard. "Don't call me _boy_ ," he growled.

Gray jolted. He had forgotten. "Oh God, I'm so sorry." He knelt and hugged Natsu, petting his head like consoling a dog. "I forgot. I'm sorry. You're not a boy. You're my dragon. My precious dragon."

Again, Natsu felt a spike at the tender words and gentle touches. He shook his head, unable to comprehend how something so simple, so stupid, could make him aroused with happiness.

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes."

"Yes … what?" Gray asked slyly.

"Yes … kainushi."

"Good dragon." He pet Natsu's head again. "But my little pet made quite a mess."

Natsu looked over and saw the splattered cum on the floor. "Oh. Sorry," he mumbled.

Gray hummed as he got a devious idea. "Clean it up." He yanked on the leash, making Natsu look up to him. "With your tongue. Lick it up."

Natsu grimaced in disgust. "Your floor is filthy," he protested.

"I just mopped. This is your punishment. Didn't I tell your cock not to come? You get to clean it up with your lying mouth."

Natsu wanted to protest. Licking up Gray's cum was one thing, but licking his own…

Gray swung the riding crop across Natsu's ass and scowled down at him. "I obviously have a bad pet."

Natsu flinched at the strike. "Gray—"

Gray struck him again with a crack of leather against skin. "Did I give you permission to speak? Obey!" Then in a condescending tone, he added, "I hate punishing bad pets."

Natsu loved the feel of that crop, but he also did not want to be a _bad pet_. He wanted to be good, to get praised, and to make Gray smile. Slowly, Natsu crawled over to the white, moist mess. Quite a bit had built up in the week that Gray had been off on his mission. His nose drew up at the smell. Reluctantly, moving slowly and stopping frequently with a hope that Gray might decide he was taking too long and clean it himself, Natsu leaned over. He glanced up with eyes begging not to do this, but Gray's face was pitiless. Feeling helpless with the collar, leash, and prone with his nakedness, Natsu stuck his tongue out and gave the mess a lick. He gagged a little, and Gray swatted him again on the ass with the riding crop.

"Clean it all up, you bad pet."

With tears of humiliation, Natsu began to lick the semen off the floor, choking it down. Gray bit his lip, amazed to see the mighty Salamander reduced to licking his own cum off the floor.

"Good dragon," he praised. "You're so good. Such an obedient pet."

That same jolt of pleasure shivered through Natsu. More! More praise! He wanted to hear more. With less reluctance, he licked the floor again, although the bitter-salty taste made him want to choke.

"That's clean enough. You did a good job. You ate it all up. I bet it's because you're hungry. Is my little pet hungry?" he asked lightly.

The last thing Natsu wanted was to swallow anything else. He wanted Gray to fuck him already. However, he nodded silently. A pet did not talk, after all.

"Good. I fixed something just for you." Gray gave the leash a slight tug, and Natsu leaned forward. "Come on, dragon. You can crawl. Come on. Let's go eat."

He tugged on the leash again, and Natsu crawled forward. He felt ridiculous as he rolled his eyes and went along with it. Gray led him into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out the water bottle and tuna salad. Then he reached far back into his cabinet and pulled out two large dog bowls.

"What the hell?" Natsu muttered.

"Don't speak," Gray warned. He spooned some of the tuna into the bowl and set it on the floor in front of Natsu. "Eat up."

Natsu looked at the food, then glared up at Gray. He did not say anything, but the narrowness in his eyes screamed, _'You're kidding me!'_

Gray put the water dish beside the food bowl. "I want to make sure my new pet is well-fed. Eat it. Don't use your hands."

Natsu stared incredulously. Then he gazed down at the food again. Was he serious?

"I made it for you," Gray said sternly.

Food made just for him! In the back of his mind, Natsu knew that if he obeyed and ate, he would get more praise. Still, it was humiliating. Not even Happy ate out of a bowl on the floor like this.

Gray had the riding crop in his other hand, and he slapped it against Natsu's hind side just hard enough to get Natsu to flinch. "I said eat!" he said sharper.

With a growl, Natsu lowered his face to the bowl. He stared at the food. This would be messy to eat. Still, he had eaten sloppily many times, slurping food up with no sense of self-consciousness. He stuck his tongue out, trying to scoop the tuna salad into his mouth. At least it killed the bitter taste of semen. He swallowed, and his Adam's apple bobbed along the collar. _Like a bitch!_ He turned over to the water dish and slurped up some. At least the cold water felt good, clearing his mouth and throat from the scent of body fluids.

Gray tensed up with erotic pleasure as he saw Natsu giving up his pride and obeying yet again. He bit his lip to hold in his excitement, and the hand still holding the leash clenched. The feeling of control was overwhelming. His cock ached, desperate to be freed from these jeans. However, humans wore clothes. Animals did not. He needed to keep his clothes on just a little longer … as hard as that was for a chronic stripper like him.

While Natsu ate, Gray fixed himself a cup of tea. It was the dichotomy that really emphasized the roles. Animals ate out of bowls placed on the floor, easy food to eat, and plain water to drink. Humans drank in cups and sat at the table, drinking more sophisticated liquids. He sipped his tea and watched his pet dragon eating. It was a strange mix of emotions: burning pride that he was training Natsu so quickly, tingling tenderness as he watched Natsu eat the food he had especially prepared out of the bowl he had bought just for his new pet, and surging desire as he looked at that naked body bent over so far, with his butt up in the air.

Natsu licked up the tuna, thinking how animalistic this was, so degrading and … thrilling. Giving up his humanity! Acting like the animal Lucy often complained he was! After a minute, he got into the idea of chowing down on this food and even lapped at the water instead of slurping.

"What a good dragon! You were so hungry, weren't you? Poor, neglected dragon, so hungry you ate your own cum. You'll get good food from now on. I'm … gonna take care of you."

Natsu looked up, stunned by just how tender that last sentence sounded. Gray was looking at him strangely, almost as if he was about to cry.

"I'm always gonna take care of you," Gray whispered with an ache in his chest. Why was his normally cold heart now burning? Natsu had melted that ice away, and it scalded his ribcage. "No matter what happens out there, when we fight, I know you'll always have my back. I rely on you so much, you and all the others. But in here, just us, you can rely on me. I'll take care of you. I'll give you everything you want, because you give me everything I need."

Natsu crawled up to him and sat on his haunches at Gray's feet. Then he rubbed his head against the pant leg. Natsu rested his head down in Gray's lap and whined like a puppy, gazing up at him with wide, green eyes.

Gray began to breathe faster. Seeing that … changed something.

"No," he whispered, shaking his head. Gray rose to his feet, and Natsu sank back onto his haunches. Harshly, he ordered, "Get up. Get up right now, Natsu!"

The Dragon Slayer gazed at him in confusion.

Gray shook and looked ready to break down. "On your feet, now!" he shouted, and his voice partially cracked.

Natsu hurried to obey, rising to full height. Suddenly, Gray threw his arms around him, grasping Natsu in a crushing embrace.

"I'm changing you," he gnashed. "You give me what I need, you obey what I say, you play along with my scenes, but … but this isn't what you need. It isn't what you want. I'm not paying attention to your needs. I'm failing. I want to be a Dominant, I feel that aching need to control something in my life, but … but I'm failing. I'm failing _you_. I'm just making you do what you don't want."

"If I didn't want it, I'd say so," Natsu told him.

"I can tell you don't. Did you serious _want_ to lick up your cum?"

Honestly, Natsu still felt sick at the thought. "I didn't say _Yellow_."

"Because you're too stubborn. I do this every time. Every fucking time!" Gray shouted as he clutched tightly to those hot shoulders. "I'm gonna go too far one day and push you away."

Natsu tipped his head down to look up into Gray's lowered face. "Kainushi—"

Gray screamed, "Don't call me that!"

Natsu paused, but then he pawed at Gray's chest. "I like the collar, kainushi. Can I keep it?"

Slowly, Gray raised his head, and his eyelids were pink. He snuffled up moistly. "You … like it?"

Natsu nodded with a smile. "I want to use it again. I like wearing it." He reached up and touched the collar. Natsu could hardly help but feel how similar this was to when Igneel gave him his scarf. It was a gift to make him feel secure, but that white, scaly scarf also showed to the world that he was the son of a dragon. "Ditch the leash, though."

With his fingers shaking, Gray reached up and unsnapped the leash. He set it to the side, out of the way, and faced Natsu again, waiting with anticipation. Gray had forgotten the most important rule about being a Dominant. It was the Submissive who really was in power.

"I can be your dragon," Natsu told him, "but not a dog. Dragons are noble and intelligent. You treat a dragon with respect. You don't talk to them like a puppy."

Gray considered what Natsu was offering. It was a chance to continue the scene, just with a few adjustments. "I may have met dragons, but I've never gotten to know one. You'll have to show me."

Natsu smiled and leaned forward to kiss Gray on the cheek. "I'd be happy to. But another time. Right now, I want more with that whip." He eyed the riding crop hungrily. "I was bad. I lied to everyone, and then I chased you away. I've been tearing myself up inside because of that."

Gray smirked at where this was leading. "You've been naughty. You need to be punished." He grabbed Natsu's chin and yanked it up. "Ask for it."

Natsu swallowed hard and felt the collar tight on his neck. He was still the property of Gray Fullbuster, and that collar would not let him forget it. Shivering with desirous need, he whispered, "Punish me, Gray."

Gray shivered at those words. Natsu really was an addictive part of his life now. "Onto the bed," he ordered.

Natsu hurried out of the kitchen. Gray put the food back away—it was still good food—and followed soon after. When he stepped into the bedroom, Natsu was on the mattress with an erection just beginning to reawaken. Before he got too hard, Gray pulled the cock ring out of his pocket and carefully snapped it back into place. Natsu tensed up with a moan of pleasure as that same wonderful pressure built up.

"Hmm, so what should I do with you?" Gray walked over to his special chest, dug into it, then returned with the padded cuffs. "You get the fuzzy handcuffs this time."

"Not rope?" Natsu had rather liked the tightness of rope, plus the fuzzy cuffs looked a little ridiculous.

"No. I don't want to leave any bruises on your wrists."

"I like the marks you leave on me," Natsu said with a lust-filled smile.

"I like them, too, but I _don't_ like people thinking you have a girlfriend."

Natsu smirked and cocked his head to the side. "Jealous?"

"Insanely so," he growled.

Natsu laughed lightly. Slowly for emphasis, he reiterated, "I don't … have … a girlfriend."

Gray glared. "You better not."

"Oh yeah? Or what?" he asked haughtily.

Gray pulled the riding crop up and laid the tip against Natsu's cheek with a threatening glare. "Or I would _really_ punish you, and not erotically."

Natsu's light teasing died as he saw rage in Gray's eyes. "You're serious," he whispered in surprise.

"Dead serious," Gray sneered. "Don't cheat on me, Natsu."

"I wouldn't—"

"Don't! Just…" He stepped back, pulling the crop with him as emotions boiled. "If you're ever tempted, if you ever need … _more_ … then tell me. Be honest. Don't go behind my back."

"Gray, I wouldn't! You _know_ I wouldn't do that."

Gray hated the sad look in Natsu's eyes as he desperately pleaded to be shown a bit of confidence. "I was just—" He turned his head away with clenched teeth. "When I heard them say that about you, that you had a girlfriend, for a second…" He exhaled instead of growling, but still his whole body tensed.

Natsu sat up and reached out to him. "Gray."

Shaking with clashing emotions, the ice wizard gazed up sadly. "I can't lose you. Damn! Why am I even feeling like this?" he shouted angrily.

Natsu smiled sympathetically. "Because you're in love."

" _NO!_ " Gray froze as the protest bellowed out. His eyes went wide, and choking on a scream, he turned away. "Goddammit."

"Gray, it's all right." He held the ice wizard around the shoulders. Natsu rested his head on Gray's chest and squeezed him comfortingly. "It's all right," he whispered.

Gray felt the security Natsu could provide, but … it was falling apart. His sphere of control was spiraling, the chaos was increasing, and everything was falling to pieces around him. He glanced back to Natsu.

This. Just this. One man. He needed to find control in just one aspect of his life.

Frigidly, he ordered, "Put your hands above your head."

Natsu laid back down and obeyed. Gray roughly grabbed his wrists, yanked them to his headboard, and slapped the cuffs around, tightening them painfully. Natsu flinched as the metal underneath the soft fuzzy sheathing pinched into his flesh.

"Ow! I thought you said you weren't going to leave any bruises."

"I'm mad now," Gray sneered.

"Mad?" shouted Natsu. "At me?"

"Yes!"

"Wh-what did I do?"

Gray sneered down as he towered over Natsu, feeling powerful just in this. "You enslaved me," he growled. The crop slapped Natsu's thigh, causing him to hiss. "You enthralled me." Another slap of leather, this time to Natsu's chest, right across a nipple, made Natsu cry out.

"I … I what?" Natsu's vocabulary was not the best. He wondered what _enthralled_ meant.

Gray clenched the crop in a death grip. "I was the one who wanted to do slave-and-master, but that's because I know the truth. The truth is, I'm the slave here. I am completely enchanted by you. I'm addicted. I … I don't want to lose you. I _can't_ lose you. I can't even fathom that. Yet every time I've felt … _that emotion_ … I lose that person. It terrifies me, thinking I could curse you with my damned emotions. And it makes me … so pissed!"

Gray turned away, seething in anger.

"I spent years building these walls around me so I would protect those near me. Then you come along and burn them all down. It makes me even more pissed that _you_ of all people could do this to me."

Natsu stared at that cold, rigid back carefully. "I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I think you need those walls burned down, just as I need my walls torn apart. I need you to tear apart every ugly thing inside me, shred it to pieces, so I can rebuild my life. You said it earlier, didn't you? We _need_ one another."

Gray smiled to himself. "Cake and frosting."

"Yeah," Natsu chuckled. "Cake and frosting. So go ahead and put frosting on me, Gray. Take this ugly cake and turn it into something delicious."

Slowly, Gray turned back around and gazed down at the prone Dragon Slayer. "Sorry for freaking out," he muttered.

Natsu smiled with understanding. "It's fine. Come on. You can leave _other_ bruises on me. That's okay, although probably not on my wrists again. If you don't want people to know you're kinky, we'll just tell people we were in a fight. Use that crop," he said, nodding to the tool. "Release all that aggression onto me. I can take it. Let's see what type of marks a riding crop leaves on me."

Gray picked the crop up to eye level, and then he gazed back down to Natsu. "Do you really want me to hit you that hard?"

"I want all of the filth torn down, so I can rebuild."

Gray gazed across that body. Then, with no warning at all, he raised the crop high into the air and slapped it down on Natsu's thigh. The Dragon Slayer teased up at the pain, and his withering cock leaped right back to life.

"Do you mean like that?" Gray asked with a sadistic tone to his words.

"Yeah! More."

"Shit," he hissed. The crop slapped down again, hitting Natsu on the hip. The tender skin leaped under him. It was beautiful, enthralling Gray even more.

And that pissed him off all over again.

Gray felt something dark filling him. Control, but more. Punishment. Anger. Self-loathing. He felt a need to project those issues onto someone else, purely to save his own sanity. He cursed as he realized rage was winning over.

"Do you want me to beat all the filth out?" The crop hit the edge of the erect penis, and Natsu moaned loudly. "Tear you down from the inside, huh?" He slapped again, and Natsu cried out as the hit went over his chest. "Tear you apart?" Gray hit him again, but it was not tenderly this time. It was a strike filled with hatred. "So you can rebuild?" He hit Natsu again, not even caring where it hit anymore.

Instead of erotic moans, that time Natsu yelled ' _Owww_ ' but Gray ignored the scream.

"Must be nice! Get hit a few times and it's all fucking rainbows and unicorns."

He swung the crop right over Natsu's stomach, and tears came to the Dragon Slayer's eyes.

"How goddamn nice that it's so easy for you."

He hit Natsu again, and this time the Dragon Slayer roared in pain.

"Is that really what you want? To be torn down, the filth beaten out? Because … I can," he warned menacingly, huffing out growling breaths. "I _really_ can."

Viciously, Gray began to strike Natsu over and over, pounding the crop against him. Natsu tried to take it at first, but as blow after blow rained down with no mercy, he finally tried to draw up into a ball to shield himself.

"Gray! Enough! Yellow, yellow! Enough, dammit."

Gray jolted at the safeword. His wits returned, and he looked down to see red welts on Natsu's flesh, not even to erotic places, just beaten all over. "Oh my God. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, just … not so fast." Slowly, Natsu uncurled himself. Although Gray looked stricken with horror, Natsu laughed lightly. "Wow! You were really mad."

"Yes," Gray muttered between gasps for air. "I am."

"Fine. Sorry. Damn, that thing really hurts."

"Is it too much?"

"No, just … different." Natsu waited, staring up at the ceiling, but still, he felt incomplete inside. "More," he mumbled, and his eyes turned to meet Gray's. "Punish me more."

Lust surged as anger waned. "Shit…" Gray raised the crop and slapped close to Natsu's cock, just barely missing it. Those naked hips jolted up off the mattress as Natsu moaned erotically.

"Oh yeah, like that."

Gray's brow tightened as he felt power returning. "Do you realize how much I need this?"

Natsu chuckled in a lust-hazed daze. "I think I can relate. I need it, too."

Gray stared for a long time, using the leather-tipped tongue of the riding crop to draw meandering trails along the striped, reddened skin. Finally, he muttered to himself, "Why is it you?"

Natsu opened his eyes and raised his head up to see. "Huh?"

Gray laughed wryly and shook his head at the irony. "Why is it you who can do this to me? Why not some drop-dead gorgeous girl? Why you?"

Natsu's face fell sadly. "Do you not want it to be me?"

Gray caught what he said too late. "That's not what I mean. It's just … weird, isn't it? We spent our lives at one another's throats, and now … now I want to lick that throat of yours. Instead of beating you in competition, I want to beat you to make you feel good. Why you?"

Natsu felt guilty and turned his head away. "I'm sorry."

"No. Hey, no!" He tugged on Natsu's chin to make him look back. "No, I don't mean it like … I … oh, never mind. Forget it."

Natsu watched as Gray turned his head away. "You … you don't really want this, do you?"

He jolted back over in shock and cried out, "What?"

"I mean … two guys. You're not gay. You sleep around with girls all the time."

"Natsu, that doesn't—"

"It _does_ have something to do with it. You just said you'd rather have some gorgeous girl, not … not me."

"No! Natsu, I just—" He really screwed up, and Gray knew it. "Oh damn. I didn't mean that. For one, I'm bisexual, so I'm fine with you being a guy. That's not the issue at all. Two, I don't think I could do this with a girl. I'd be too scared. I know, deep in my heart, the only person I can do this with is you. Somehow, I just know that. The rival in me … _hates_ that. But my heart … my heart doesn't care." His eyes teared up as he looked down at his restrained lover. "Damn me, but I'm falling for you."

Natsu's eyes brightened. "Gray!"

"Shut up," he shouted, shaking with overwhelming emotions. "Just saying that much … is hard. Really hard. And I'm scared now."

"Gray, it's gonna be fine, really," Natsu said consolingly. He wanted to sit up and hold Gray, but his arms were still handcuffed to the headboard. "Just because you lo-…" A stabbing glare from Gray killed that monosyllabic word. "You … uh … _care_ about me … Gray, I'm not cursed. You're not cursed. It's okay to love—"

"Shut up!" he screamed. Gray leaped away from the bed in a panic. "It's not that. It's not! No! No, no, no!" He took the riding crop and slapped it against the back of his own shoulder.

Natsu again tried to bolt forward but was stuck. "Gray, don't do that to yourself."

Gray felt it was not hard enough. Too awkward of an angle. He whipped the front of him instead, once, twice, two hits to the chest.

"Stop it!" Natsu screamed in horror.

Gray hit his thigh, his opposite arm, and then slapped his back three more times. He beat himself over and over with the riding crop as tears fell down his cheeks. If he could only purge this curse from his blood…

Natsu yanked hard on the handcuffs, panicking as he saw the self-hatred flaring in Gray's eyes. "Stop it right now. I'm serious, stop!"

Gray dropped the crop and collapsed to the floor. He sat hunched over, his head in his hands, staring ahead in horror. Visions of the past flew by his eyes.

* * *

_There was a teacher who had been his first crush. Eight-year-old Gray stood shaking before her and shouted a confession that he loved her. The teacher gently pat his head. "Oh Gray, that's so sweet. I love you, too. You're my special pupil, after all." That was not the sort of love he meant, but as an eight-year-old child, it was enough. Two weeks later, he found his teacher crushed under the debris of his destroyed schoolhouse._

_Another scene: a birthday party. His best friend from school got Gray a silver bracelet. It was too big, but it was good quality. "Aww, thanks! I love you guys!" he had said to the gathering of friends with a joyful laugh. It was the last birthday he celebrated with his childhood friends. They had all died when Deliora attacked his town._

_Next, a scene of chaos obscured by tears, blood on the white snow, and his mother's gentle words spoke to him. "I love you so much, Gray. Never forget that. I love you. Now run. Hide! Run far away before Deliora comes this way."_

_Then the vision of Ur's smiling face as her love for him and Lyon brought her to sacrifice herself. "I'll seal your darkness."_

* * *

"Mother," Gray wept. "Ur. Dammit … no. I can't. I … can't feel like that. Not again. I can't go through that again." He picked up the crop and hit his leg over and over again in a roar of rage.

"Red!" Natsu shrieked. "Red! Stop it, please."

The safeword snapped Gray completely out of his mental trauma. He was out of the past and back with Natsu, in this bedroom, and he realized the Dragon Slayer was sobbing.

"Natsu?"

"Don't do that," Natsu pleaded with tears running down his cheeks. "Not in front of me. Don't!" He shuddered in terror. "You're … scaring me. You're really scaring me."

"Oh Natsu, I'm sorry." Gray leaped off the floor and ran to his side. He laid beside Natsu, hugging him closely and wiping his tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't hit yourself like that. Hit me. Beat me all you want, but … not yourself. Don't hate yourself. If you hate yourself, what hope is there for me?"

"Oh Natsu, I didn't even think about it that way. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

As he held Natsu, he realized both of them had long ago lost their erections. The mood from earlier was thoroughly ruined.

"Can I just hold you?"

Natsu laughed and sniffled up his tears. "Yeah, of course."

"Let me unlock these." He reached up and hit a point on the handcuffs that automatically released them. He brought the arms back over and rubbed circulation into the limbs. Then he unsnapped the cock ring. Natsu was too flaccid to react like last time.

"Man, we're messing this all up," Natsu laughed lightly to lift the mood a bit. "Guess no one's perfect."

Gray felt secure in those strong arms. After a minute of holding one another, Natsu boldly raised his body, resting on an elbow to look down at the Ice-Make wizard.

"Gray," he said seriously. "I love you. I really do. I know you can't say it back to me, but … show it to me. That doesn't bring a curse, right? You love everyone in the guild, and we're all safe. So just show me, even if you can't say it. Show me you love me."

"I … I do lo- … lo-…"

"Don't," Natsu said, putting a finger to Gray's mouth. "If you can't say it, don't make yourself. I know all too well how it is, not being able to say something. I understand, and I don't need words. I need actions. I'm a guy, after all. So let's forget words. Show me your feelings. That's all I want. Come here."

He laid back down and pulled Gray close to his chest. The ice wizard curled into him, clinging onto Natsu as if his life and sanity depended upon it.

"Ugh! What a crazy day," Natsu declared.

"Yeah," Gray muttered.

Natsu held him until he felt those cold shoulders loosen up. Bit by bit, Gray's body unwound.

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah," he said in a daze.

"Still feeling horny?"

Gray chuckled softly. "Yeah."

Natsu examined Gray's distant gaze. "Ready for more?"

Gray paused for a few seconds. "No," he decided. "I need some more time. I'm trying to think." His face looked stern and contemplative. "What can I do next to you?"

Natsu laughed at how thudding and serious those words sounded. "Got any ideas?"

"None," Gray bemoaned.

"How about something a bit more … normal?"

Gray jolted out of his daze. "Normal? With you?"

"Yeah, normal. You _can_ do normal sex, right? You don't always do kinky stuff."

"Yeah, but … but with girls it's different."

"Well, try it with me. Try just making love to me, normally. No hitting, no peeing, nothing kinky. Well, I still need the handcuffs, but besides that … just normal lovemaking. Please?" he asked softly.

Gray looked confounded by the revelation. Plain, normal sex?

"Is it too weird?"

Gray was still thinking through the concept. "I dunno," he admitted.

Natsu sat up again and leaned over Gray, caging him in with his arms. "I love you," he boldly declared.

"I … I care for you," Gray stuttered.

"I'm glad," Natsu said with a tender smile. Then he leaned over and gave Gray a gentle, lingering kiss. "How about we start with handcuffing me and putting that cock ring back on, then get some lube?"

"Yeah," Gray said in a breathless daze. Kink was one thing, kink could be done without deep emotions. All it really took was trust. Actually _making love_ , though … was he ready for that?

He moved slowly to place Natsu's hands comfortably in the handcuffs. Then he snapped the leather ring back in place. Natsu arched up with a hum, knowing that if he was caged up, Gray would be safer. Then Gray drizzled gooey lube onto his fingers. Starting with just one, he slid it inside slowly and cautiously. Natsu moaned with pleasure.

"Like that?" Gray asked attentively.

"Yeah. God, yeah." He shuddered at the feel, but something was on his mind. "Gray, do you— _oh God!_ —do you really like that pet thing?"

Gray focused on his finger thrusting in and out. "It's something I wanted to try. I've never done it before, but I thought I'd like it. You … _don't_ like it, do you?"

"Some of it was … interesting," Natsu reluctantly admitted. Suddenly, Gray's cold finger ran across the prostate, and Natsu cried out. "Yes, right there. Arrrgh! I … I don't like eating off the floor— _oh God, yes_ —crawling around, maybe. Oh … _nnngh!_ "

"You're responding so quickly," Gray said in amazement, watching his body squirm. "Do you like the cock ring?"

"Hell, yeah! Definitely. Oooooh, God! Definitely."

Slowly, Gray worked a second finger in. Natsu tensed up at that, and Gray gave him time to adjust.

"Natsu, you spoil me."

The Dragon Slayer laughed through a heated moan. " _I_ spoil _you_?"

"You do. You agree to do things I wanna do, even though they're not your kinks. They're mine alone. It's spoiling me."

"Well, you're certainly…" Something sparked all through Natsu's body. "Oh shit! … spoiling me … _nnnnnngh, fuck!_ "

"Is that good?"

"Yes! God, yes." Natsu realized Gray was only using two fingers still. "You're taking your time."

"I'm not ready," Gray admitted. "My brain still isn't in the right place. I like to watch you, but … I'm not sure if I'm ready for more myself."

Natsu clenched the bar of the headboard as his whole body shivered from Gray's cold touch deep inside him. "Then how can … _kssssh_ … your pet dragon … _aaaaah_ … help my kainushi … _nnngh_ … to get into the mood?" Saucily, he asked, "Do I have to bark like a dog or meow like a cat?"

Gray laughed at that, but he said nothing. He just stared down at his fingers sinking in over and over.

Natsu used his foot to reach up to Gray's shoulder, and his toes caressed the ice wizard's neck. "Tell me what to do. I want this to be good for us both."

Gray thought for a long time. "I don't know," he admitted. "All I can imagine is kinky stuff. What's _normal_? I … really don't know."

Natsu sighed. "Unlock one of my hands." Gray obeyed, but he kept the other hand chained to the headboard. Natsu reached up and stroked through Gray's hair, hitting what he knew was a weak spot at the base of his scalp. Gray gasped faintly at the touch. "Now, come here and kiss me."

Gray bent over him and gave Natsu a soft kiss. When he leaned back, he saw how Natsu was still waiting for more. Insatiable dragon! When Gray leaned over again to kiss him, Natsu's hand snagged up his black hair and yanked him down, crashing their lips together. They kissed hotly, wildly, hardly able to get enough of each other's taste. Natsu had missed this so much. Gray had the experience to know how to kiss amazingly.

However, it was Gray who moaned, "I'm addicted to your kisses, Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer chuckled and smiled up at him. "Is it good?"

"Hell, yes."

Gray dived down and roughly thrust his tongue in, licking up that taste and the heat. Drool dripped along Natsu's lip and slid down his throat. Gray was utterly overwhelming him with just kisses.

"N-neck?" Natsu asked, shivering in pleasure.

Gray kissed down Natsu's jawbone and to his throat. Then he went just below the leather collar and sucked hard. Natsu's eyes fluttered wide open. Being marked again! It wasn't enough that he was wearing Gray's collar. Gray want to leave a mark that would not be easily removed.

" _Nnnngh_ … oh God."

"I love that sound," Gray purred.

Natsu purposely moaned louder. " _Aaaah_ … mmmm! Hand. Lock up … my hand."

Gray grabbed the freed hand, slammed it to the headboard, and iced it there. Then for an added feeling of domination, he grabbed Natsu's wrists pinned wrists with one hand while the other curled inside, stroking playfully just below the prostate, teasing with only occasional touches to that place Natsu really wanted to feel. The effect was glorious. Natsu felt those fingers so close, and he tried to thrust more onto Gray's hand, grinding down onto the fingers, arching to change the angle, whimpering as that sensation was denied to him.

"Do you want me to touch that spot?" Gray teased. Natsu whimpered and nodded frantically. Gray grabbed the ring on the front of the collar and yanked Natsu's neck up. In a low, seductive growl, he ordered, "Beg for it."

"Please," Natsu whined.

"Please _what_?"

"T-Touch me … in that spot. Please, kainushi."

Gray gasped, feeling his erection surge back to life at those words. He had to swallow a couple times before he could speak. "Do you want me to touch … here?" He let his fingers go higher to that gland inside.

The Dragon Slayer jolted. He thought for sure he would come, yet … nothing. The cock ring was doing its job, to keep him hard and not come too soon. He felt those fingers, the ridges of knuckles, all sensations felt so clearly. As Gray kept massaging small circles right on the prostate, Natsu began to go hoarse from moaning. He needed to come. He felt like he would have lost himself twice already, but the tightness of the cock ring held him back. It was painful, and it was wonderful.

"Show me more," Gray ordered as he kissed down Natsu's chest. He squeezed a third finger in at the same time as he suckled Natsu's nipple. Natsu's hips thrust up sharply, and Gray pressed the thighs back down to the mattress. "Your chest is so sensitive," he moaned.

Natsu did not want to tell him it was because the riding crop had hit his nipples, or at least grazed them, through many brutal strikes. "Looks like you're getting aroused," he said instead. That erection was stabbing into his hip now as Gray unconsciously thrust against the Dragon Slayer's hot skin.

"Hell, yes!" Gray felt the tight ring of muscles getting used to the intrusion, and he knew he did not want to—no, he _couldn't_ —wait anymore. He raised up on his knees. Natsu separated his legs farther in eager anticipation, but as Gray looked down, he realized something. "Crap, I forgot the condom."

Natsu peeked an eye open. "Do you need it?"

Gray realized, Natsu was a guy so there were no fears of pregnancy. Still… "I prefer it if I'm gonna come inside. Makes cleanup quicker. I'd rather use it."

He luckily kept a stash in the top drawer of his dresser after one time having a drunken lady who was so horny, she refused to wait for Gray to get up and walk to the chest to get condoms. She had held him down and taken him bare. It was not until morning that Gray feared about things like pregnancy. As the woman put on her clothes, she had assured Gray that she was on contraceptives. He never heard back from her or received legal papers claiming child custody, so he supposed it was okay … which was good, considering he did not catch her name.

Gray ripped open the condom and rolled it on. Easy, and a good habit, he decided. He even added a little lube along the length of the condom to make everything easier. He grabbed Natsu's legs and hooked them over his shoulders. Then he lined his cock up with Natsu's hole and gazed down.

"Ready?"

Natsu nodded fervently and braced for the pain he knew was about to come.

Gray's hips rolled in, pressing slowly, one hand guiding his flared head in. Natsu jolted with a cry. It hurt … so good. It was only his second time being penetrated by an actual penis (the candle didn't count) so he was extremely tight, but used to the idea of relaxing. Gray felt the resistance and paused for Natsu to adjust. He added a little more lube while he waited. Slowly, Natsu breathed through it.

"Okay." He gulped hard and looked up into Gray's eyes. "I'm good. Try more."

Gray pressed hard to open Natsu wider and wider. The Dragon Slayer shivered out a moan so loud, probably half the street heard him.

"Natsu," he whispered in amazement.

Gray gave small thrusts, again and again. Each time, it got easier and he could go deeper. Natsu's body was loosening, opening up quickly. At a time like this, he saw the Dragon Slayer at his most vulnerable. Right here, right now, Gray was totally in control. He was thoroughly overpowering this man. It was the control he needed so desperately.

Gray leaned his head to the side and rubbed his cheek against Natsu's leg resting on his shoulder. Then he moved his mouth, dragging his lips over the muscular skin, and suddenly he bit Natsu's calve. Natsu gasped. He loved the feel of teeth on his skin, and the thought of being marked aroused him.

"Do you like that?" Gray asked with a smirk. "It's better to mark you down here, where your pants will hide it. No one should be able to see that. No one but me." He leaned over further and bit Natsu's inner thigh, really digging his teeth in. The Dragon Slayer quivered and groaned in pleasure. When Gray let go, he saw pink bite marks on Natsu's bronze skin. "Do you like when I bite you?" he whispered lustfully.

Natsu hissed out, "Yessss…"

Gray slowly thrust in as he leaned forward, pushing all the way inside while folding Natsu's legs up to his chest and leaning over his prone body. His face was right above Natsu's, practically snarling down at him.

"How about if I bite here?" He caught up Natsu's lower lip in his teeth and pulled the lip out far, stretching it and biting it until he tasted blood. Then he let go and saw the tiny bit of red on Natsu's mouth. "You can tell people you bit your own lip," he said, smiling arrogantly. "You said you can taste lust within blood. Can you taste your own? Can you taste just how aroused I make you? Taste it! Lick up your blood."

Natsu's tongue swiped over the bleeding lip, and suddenly he arched up with a moan. Gray wondered just what he could taste. He leaned over and also licked the bleeding lip. It was just a coppery taste to him, but still, the idea of licking Natsu's blood was erotic.

"I wish I could bite you all over," Gray growled as he began to thrust hard into Natsu. "I wish I could mark every bit of your skin, then keep you here, keep you hidden away, so I can look at those marks day after day. All mine. You're … _nnngh_ … mine!"

Natsu began to cry out as each thrust shoved him back across the mattress. Gray kept slamming his erection in, plunging into that heat like a lava pit.

"I … don't think…" Gray strained out, "I'm gonna … last long."

"Me neither," Natsu groaned through clenched teeth. "Fuck, too good. Too good! C-c-can you take … cock ring … off? Off now."

"No," Gray said in a deep voice, sending shivers through Natsu's body. "You're gonna wear it until you come."

"Please. I really need to come now," Natsu begged. "It's … it's holding me back."

"I know," the ice wizard said haughtily. "I'm gonna make you keep feeling that need." He slammed in harder.

Gray remembered the first few times, Natsu had to indulge in a rape fantasy, screaming not to, needing to feel forced. That need did not happen with the candles. Gray had figured it was because the candles were less sexual than actual anatomy, but he realized those screaming cries of "don't rape me" were not happening this time either. He really hoped that meant Natsu was slowly healing from that tragic past.

"Gray!" Natsu growled through jolts that rocked him, yet nothing shot out. "I need it! Gray, please, let me come."

"You can do it on your own," Gray urged as his hips pounded into Natsu. He grabbed the massive erection and gave Natsu aggressive strokes in time with his thrusts. "Come on, Natsu."

That pulsing throb that made Natsu far more sensitive now burned with Gray's cold touches. He screamed as any touch to his penis, any at all, was almost too much. Gray's firm hand thrusting all that built-up blood and frazzled nerves to life was pure, sweet agony, the most intensely erotic sensation he had ever experienced in his life.

Natsu's quivering scream pushed Gray right to the brink. "Almost … almost there."

"Graaaay!"

At hearing those cries and feeling the inner clenching, Gray lost himself. He thrust in deep and hard, gasping as he came, getting out random syllables of Natsu's name. "Nnngh … aaaaah … naaaah … tsuuuuuu!"

Yet still, Natsu did not come. Although spent, Gray kept thrusting in while stroking Natsu even faster. Then, thinking he understood the delay, he leaned over and bit Natsu's inner thigh again, this time on the other side, and dug his teeth in hard.

That bite undid him. When Natsu came, it was far beyond being simply _intense_. That pulsing hardness, the buildup of blood, made all of his nerves far more sensitive. That sensation rebounded all through Natsu's body. He felt such a rushing surge as it all exploded outward. He shuddered helplessly as the most powerful orgasm he had ever experienced wracked through his body with white-hot bliss. If he thought earlier was good, it was nothing compared to having an orgasm with the ring still on his cock.

And it kept going. Just like last time, the cock ring made the sensations linger. Even as he softened and blood could flow back out, his groin tingled, his cock was still hyper-receptive to any touch, and the pleasure refused to fade away.

They sank, overwhelmed, panting and sweaty, with cum all over Natsu's stomach. Gray did not want to move. Ever! He wanted to stay like this, buried inside his lover, the hot and sweaty skin radiating up to him, collapsed in surrender at just how addicted Natsu had made him. He wanted to stay forever in a soft bed with Natsu beside him.

_'I never want to lose him!'_

"See," Natsu gasped weakly. "You can do plain vanilla sex if you want."

Gray chuckled and lifted himself up, gazing down wearily at Natsu. "You're handcuffed and wearing a cock ring. I don't think this counts as plain vanilla."

Natsu lightly teased, "A little strawberry cake to your vanilla frosting, then?"

That made Gray laugh loudly. "Oh my God, I am never gonna be able to see Erza eat dessert the same again."

They both laughed together in weariness. Finally, Gray gently pulled out, and Natsu hissed as that fullness left him. Still, Gray stayed hovering over him.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Natsu said, grinning sleepily. "I'm suddenly really tired."

"Wore you out already?"

"That was the best goddamn orgasm of my life."

Gray looked down to the leather strap and traced around it. "Do you like this?"

"Oh, _hell_ yes!" he groaned.

"Mmm, I like that shudder in your voice." Then Gray caressed Natsu's cheek. "I like your voice." After a long pause, he slowly said, "I … like … you."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Wow! That's an improvement."

"Shut up!"

"No, I'm serious. Really. That's a huge improvement. You went from _I care for you_ to _I like you_. That really is a big step. I'm proud."

Gray felt his cheeks go hot. "Wh-what?"

"I'm proud of you, Gray. I wanna be able to take a big step like that, too. I guess I need to catch up to you."

"You also took a major step, y'know. You were begging to come, instead of pleading for me to stop."

Natsu blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Didn't you even realize that?"

"I didn't notice. It was just so good, I didn't ever even think for a moment _I shouldn't want this_."

"Maybe it's the collar," Gray mused as he unlocked the handcuffs, unfroze the trapped wrist, and unsnapped the cock ring. "It could be the mentality of being my bitch, giving up freedom, therefore everything, the entire act, is against your will. But … it was nice to hear you begging that you want it instead of begging to get away. It makes me know you really do like it. Breaking down those walls, eh?"

"Slowly, little by little."

"You're melting my ice, and I'm slaying your demons." Gray smiled down at Natsu and stroked his sweaty hair back. Then he leaned over and kissed his forehead. There was so much he wanted to say, but he could not get the words out. Instead, he reached up and rubbed where the collar met the skin of Natsu's neck. "Is my dragon ready to be set free?"

Natsu reached up and touched the collar with a disapproving pout. "Can we use it again?"

"It's your collar. You can wear it whenever you want."

"I really like it. I can't even explain it, but wearing it … it's like … like reassurance. I know I'm yours. I know you want me."

"Of course I want you."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Say that again."

"Huh?"

"What you just said. Say it again."

"I … I want you."

Natsu felt warmth all through him. "That's what it is. The same thing with the candles last time. You said you needed it, too. Being needed, being wanted … that's the difference. That's why I could come and not pretend like I didn't want it. I knew you wanted and needed it, too. Last time, you told me directly, but this time, it was the collar. It's the collar you bought to make me yours, so it shows you want me, and you need me. That makes all the difference."

"That simple?"

"It's not simple. You can be wanted without being needed … or needed without being wanted. A person could want you," he said hollowly, "without emotionally needing you. Or they could need you, need something of you, without really wanting you as an individual."

Gray felt a shiver tremble over Natsu's muscles. He caressed those inflamed cheeks, wondering what horror Natsu was imagining now that made him say something like that.

"But you … want and need me. Both. And that's different. That's okay. It makes it all okay," he whispered distantly, as if talking to himself. "I want…" Natsu said softly, "…to keep being needed … and wanted."

Gray pulled his body up to hover over the Dragon Slayer, and he peered down fervently into those narrow eyes. "I need you more than you can imagine, and I want you more than I can ever say with words."

Natsu arched an eyebrow. "That's corny."

"Shut up. I'm being sincere."

Then he leaned over and gave Natsu a long kiss to show him without troublesome words just how Gray felt deep in his heart. Natsu's hands reached up into the messy black hair and grabbed at Gray's scalp, pulling their mouths together closer. When Gray leaned up, he felt like he would always be safe from terrors of the past as long as this burning soul was a part of his heart.

"I really should get this collar off, though," he said lightly.

"Uncage me, then. This dragon won't fly away."

Gray retrieved the tiny key from his pocket and unlocked the little padlock. He carefully unstrapped the buckle and pulled the collar off. Natsu's neck was a little irritated underneath from all the sweating. Gray wondered just how a leather collar should be cleaned. He would have to ask the sex shop manager.

"Shower?" asked Gray.

"Yeah, then sleep."

"I haven't eaten dinner."

"That's your fault. You made me eat off the floor."

"How about we go out for dinner?"

Natsu's eyes widened in surprise. "Just the two of us?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Wouldn't it be weird?"

Gray's hopes sank. "I … guess so. Never mind."

"No!" shouted Natsu. If Gray was willing to risk exposure just to have dinner with him, Natsu really wanted a simple date. "There's a place I know, been there with Happy, cheap but good. It's a small place, not many people eat there, nice and quiet … intimate. I don't want people realizing yet that I don't have a girlfriend, and that the kinky person who left those love bites and bruises is you."

"So, we keep hiding it?"

"I guess so, but I hate lying."

"I told you from the beginning, if you want people to know, it's fine."

"I know, I know, but … I won't let you be shamed. However, I can't lie to Happy. I can leave out details of what happened, but I can't lie to him anymore. I'd rather not say anything than tell him something that's false." He thought solemnly about it. "We'll wait for this _girlfriend_ thing to blow over, then we'll tell everyone. We just have to make sure I don't get any visible bruises, and I'll sleep wearing a nightshirt so Happy doesn't see anything."

"The fuzzy handcuffs didn't bruise, but I did leave a hickey and some marks from the crop."

"Eh, it's fine. I'm tough. I think you have bruises from hitting yourself, too."

He looked down at the pink stripes on his chest. "Oh. Sorry about freaking out like that."

"We can say it was a fight."

"…Yeah," he said hesitantly.

"Hey, we can tell Happy we had a fight and I lost and now I have to buy you dinner and stay at your place as a punishment. Yeah! Punishment for losing."

"He'll ask what I made you do for punishment."

"I'll tell him … well hell, I could tell him you made me eat food off the floor. People aren't going to think that's kinky. They'll just think you were trying to humiliate me."

"Do you know what's scary? That would totally work."

Natsu laughed lightly. "Of course it would."

"So … punishment, huh?"

"Yeah, punishment. I lost."

"But it's lying."

"No it's not." Then Natsu ducked his head shyly to the side. "I lost … my heart."

Gray was speechless at that declaration. He wanted to say he too lost his heart, but he could not get the words to come out. "Let's go get that shower," he said instead.

Natsu had hoped for some reciprocity, but he passively realized Gray would never easily tell him that he was in love, too. Just saying _I like you_ was enough for now.

"Hey Gray, can I spend the night here?"

"It'll lead to more rumors."

"I know, but … I still wanna stay with you. I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

"I wanna take a hot shower."

"Ugh!"

"Oh, suck it up, crybaby stripper. Come on."

* * *

Not too surprisingly, they slept in, too comfortable wrapped in each other's arms. When they finally woke up and saw it was five minutes until eight o'clock, they dressed and ran out without brushing their hair or eating. They rushed to the train station only to see the train already heading down the tracks.

"Oh God, Erza's gonna kill us," Natsu groaned, imagining all the worst case scenarios.

"You were the one who hit the alarm clock and smashed it," Gray accused.

"It's not my fault that you have some crappy alarm clock that falls apart with a single punch."

"What sort of idiot punches their alarm clock?"

"I've always done it that way. Don't tell me you push a snooze button like some sissy sleepy schoolgirl."

"I wake up like normal people, not like a flame-brained retard."

"Sleeping Beauty Ice Princess."

"Ash-breath asshole!"

" _A-hem!_ "

The two had their fists raised for blows, but they stopped at the interruption of a station attendant.

"Are you two Gray and Natsu?" the stiff man asked.

"What is it?" they both snapped peevishly.

"A redheaded lady asked me to give these letters to whomever showed up first. Since you're together, I'll give them both to you."

Natsu and Gray snatched the envelopes, praying it was not something too scary. Inside were letters written in Erza's flowing script.

* * *

_Natsu,_

_I understand you're in your first romantic relationship, but that is no excuse for tardiness. Perhaps in the future, you should think twice before staying over at your girlfriend's house. You had better be a gentleman to her or I will personally show you how to show respect to women. Lucy and I have decided to do the mission on our own. You can go back to your girlfriend. I still want to meet this mysterious woman._

— _Erza_

_P.S. - You have my permission to hit Gray for also being late._

* * *

xxxxx

* * *

_Gray,_

_I'm very disappointed in you. You're usually a reliable man. If you were drunk again, I'll make you feel enough pain to teach you a lesson in sobriety. Lucy and I have decided to do the mission on our own. You can go sleep off your hangover. If I find out you had another one-night-stand with a total stranger, or heaven forbid if you took up Cana's offer to visit her "cantina," I will threaten every bartender in Magnolia not to serve you alcohol for a month._

— _Erza_

_P.S. - You have my permission to hit Natsu for also being late._

* * *

They examined each other's letters, and then they both broke into laughter.

"Out with your _girlfriend_ , huh?" Gray teased.

"A _one-night-stand_ , eh?" Natsu joked back.

The Ice-Make wizard smiled. "At least you definitely are a gentleman."

"And you don't pick up drunk whores anymore," the Dragon Slayer pointed out.

"We can both assure Erza she was wrong."

"Yep."

"Yeah."

They looked at each other for a moment more. Then both boys punched one another, getting into a brawl right in the middle of the train station, laughing and feeling at ease once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I love whips, I own three of them, but I don't have a riding crop. That will probably be my next purchase, since they can be bought inexpensively at animal stores. Also, never hit your sub in rage. If you're that angry, put the whip DOWN!_
> 
> _"Slave" collars cost anywhere from $10 for very basic faux-leather collars, to many hundreds of dollars for a made-to-order collar of silver or gold adorned with precious gems._
> 
> _Gray asks to be called kainushi_ **飼い主** _. It means "pet owner." I had to ask around for a proper term. I hope this is right. I also chatted with a couple friends who are Furries to get some ideas about pet play since that's not one of my personal kinks. Nor, apparently, is it Natsu's, although we will see the return of the collar._
> 
> _Cock rings come in many materials: silicone, rubber, plastic, leather, metal, etc. They delay orgasm for the guy and make his erection bigger, which is awesome for the partner. Beginners should not wear the ring for more than five minutes at a time, and never should a cock ring be worn for longer than 30 minutes. I highly recommend a ring that is easily removable (snaps, Velcro, stretchy rubber) as opposed to hard plastic or metal. Save those for the pros. Ill-fitted rings can cut off circulation to the penis. If you can't unsnap them or cut them off, it will lead to a trip to the hospital, and you definitely don't want to explain THAT to a doctor. The worst case scenario is a metal cock ring that is too tight to remove and causes priapism, a serious medical condition that, if left untreated, could lead to needing the penis amputated! Never fuck around when fucking with a cock ring! With a bit of common sense, they are perfectly fine to wear. Their popularity goes back to antiquity. Ancient Man used the eyelids of a goat (with lashes left on, for her pleasure!) In ancient China, cock rings of ivory and jade were used as male status symbols, much like modern-day men buying a Ferrari or Porsche. Ancient Greeks had sex shops where you could buy cock rings, dildos, anal plugs, lube, and pornographic art. Greeks rock!_
> 
> _This is what Natsu's cock ring would look like:_
> 
> _I made a picture of Natsu's collar._


	10. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _WARNING: Chapter contains triggers for people sensitive to discussions of childhood abuse._

When Erza and Lucy returned from their mission, the Titania demanded to meet Natsu's girlfriend. Picking at his food without looking up, Natsu merely muttered to her, "I don't have one anymore."

That quiet confession set off an uproar in the guild. The room instantly fractured into three different reactions. Most of the crowd muttered that Natsu likely chased her away with his destructive habits and childish personality, and they let the Dragon Slayer alone to poke his food in depression. A few like Lisanna, Lucy, Elfman, and Romeo tried to console him in their own way.

"Natsu is still my best friend."

"Cheer up. You'll find the right girl someday, Natsu."

"It's manly to move on and keep looking for a real woman."

"There's gotta be a girl out there for you, Natsu-nii."

Then there were the ones who flat out mocked him. Gray was one of that crowd, although he looked on proudly as he shouted his insults. Who would have thought Natsu could act so well! Then again, just sitting there stabbing his fire chicken and muttering to the people around him was not really acting; still, to Gray it showed that Natsu wanted to put the whole _girlfriend_ incident behind him.

Amidst the cheering and jeering, Cana shouted out, "Maybe she broke up with you because you weren't submissive enough. I bet she wanted to tie you up, put a collar on you, call you her bitch, and beat you with a riding crop."

Natsu turned solidly pink, but people figured it was merely because of the erotic idea. Many others went red, and two men in the guild got nosebleeds. Gray swore that drunken woman must be able to see what happened to people with her magic tarot cards. Cana's inebriated shouts were sometimes almost prophetic. However, she never once glanced at Gray as if to insinuate _he_ was the one who did stuff like that. It was just an uncanny coincidence … hopefully.

For weeks, the two boys did little that could be considered kinky. They went on a few dates, made out at home without sex, and sometimes they just sat together, silently holding hands and staring at the stars. Then there were missions to do. Gray needed more money, Natsu had to take a few missions to cover food costs, and Erza dragged them both on missions to stop bandits, help local playhouses, and one was to catch a nobleman's pet tiger that had escaped. Work kept Gray and Natsu busy.

Still, when the team stayed at a ryokan, although they all slept in one room, Gray and Natsu gazed at one another in the moonlight with their futons side by side. Natsu's hand slipped over to Gray, slid under his covers, and caressed his arm. He really wanted to touch somewhere else, but even this much was pushing their limits. Lucy or Erza could wake up and see them. They had agreed to give the guild a few weeks to get over the chatter about Natsu's _ex-girlfriend_ before saying anything, and Gray still was unsure just how they could announce something like that. Blurting it out was too embarrassing. Allowing themselves to get caught kissing in a back storage room had some advantages but was also shameful. They both agreed that they did not want anyone in the guild to think they had been hiding this, or else some people might feel bad that they were left out of this secret.

Then one day, Fairy Tail got a unique request. Queen Shagotte of New Extalia—the Exceeds' rebuilt homeland—requested the aid of Happy, Carla, and Pantherlily, but she asked that no humans be sent. The three Exceeds were happy to go visit their people once again, and they flew off the very next day.

However, that night, Natsu once again had a nightmare.

* * *

_It was dark. He smelled mildew, blood, and something worse, something that smelled like bleach, only it wasn't. The smell made him want to vomit. Not just because of the smell alone. Because of what he knew it was._

_The smell of lust. Semen smelled like bleach._

_His hands were tied behind him with magic-draining rope, a lesson his captor had learned after getting burned once already. His legs were bound to a chair, spread apart, completely naked and cold in this damp, dark place. Hands touched him. He tried to pull away, but something sharp pressed against his throat. Natsu had numerous old scabs on his neck already, and some fresh ones, from where the captor had pressed the knife into his skin a little too hard as he struggled._

_He hurt. He felt cold. Those touches used to warm him in a bad, sick way. Now, they did nothing but disgust him._

_"Come on, boy. Aren't you liking it anymore? You didn't respond to anything yesterday, either. Are you really just a little boy?"_

_There was only emptiness and apathy in his heart. He did not care what this person did to him anymore. Nothing shamed him. Nothing hurt him. He had numbed himself to all sensations. He stared blankly into cruel eyes and let his mind slip to someplace else, a blank place where he did not have to feel or think or do anything._

_"Dammit, at least react. Do I have to hire a slut to get you to respond? I can do that, you know. Some diseased, filthy whore that no one else will touch. Someone like that would do you, although you'd probably die young from diseases. Not like I'm gonna let you leave here alive anyway."_

_That was the worst of it. If he gave up and killed himself, he was dead. If he struggled and put up with everything, he would be dead someday anyway; his captor had said so many times. Dead now or dead later … and living in this hellhole was becoming too painful. Still, death was losing, and he was Salamander Natsu. He didn't lose to enemies._

_A tear dripped down his cheek. That blank place was not letting him escape today._

_"I … hate you," a child's voice said in the dream._

_"Mutual, boy, I assure you, but you're gonna make me rich."_

_The only thing Natsu had left was hatred. Hatred and a prayer that someone would come. Maybe Igneel would show up, just like he always did. But no, Igneel was gone. Everyone was gone. He was alone, and his screams could not be heard. He knew that already. He had screamed for days, but no one ever came. No hero stepped in just in time. Even when things got really bad, there was no last-minute rescue. He used to think Fairy Tail could magically rescue any of their nakama before the worst happened, but not this time. He was on his own, a helpless and pathetic wretch, beaten and broken. He couldn't remember when he finally stopped screaming for help._

_"You disgusting little pimple! Why won't you pop? Squeeze and squeeze, but you don't pop."_

_Natsu felt those cold hands suddenly grab his throat, strangling his neck._

_"What if I squeeze here, huh? Will the pimple pop then? Did you know that cutting off your air can give you an erection? Or it'll kill you. If you don't do what I say, you're no use to me anyway."_

_The hands squeezed and crushed his windpipe. Natsu could not move to defend himself. He could not breathe at all, and his face was beginning to go numb._

_"Do you like that, boy? Is it making you aroused yet? I'm gonna make you come, boy. One way or another, I'm gonna get what I want. I'll pop this pimple … or squeeze your fucking head off trying."_

_As blackness slowly took over, Natsu realized something. With those hands on his neck, the knife was away. Hatred flowed into his blood. His heart raced. He was getting aroused all right, but not from the strangulation._

_Blood. He wanted blood. He danced in blood, drank it, splashed in puddles of it like a frolicking child. Showering blood, everywhere, all around, all over him._

_"My God, Natsu! What did you do?"_

_"Oh. Hey, Gramps. He … popped."_

* * *

Natsu bolted up in bed, screaming with fire shooting out of his mouth. His hammock caught ablaze, snapped, and he fell to the ground with a loud thump. He quickly put out the flames. Then he looked around in the darkness.

It was too dark. Blackness, a dark room, just like back then, like that place with the bad smell. Natsu turned on some lights, and the familiar house lit up around him. His breath came quickly and heavily, laboring as his heart pounded so fast, it hurt his chest.

"Happy?" he called out meekly, but he knew his friend was gone. Natsu collapsed onto the floor and curled into a fetal position. "No … no, no, no!" He sobbed and grabbed around his knees, shrinking down as if he could hide from those disgusting, terrifying hands. Just curl into a ball and hide away, like the child in that dream. "Why?" he screamed. The tears refused to stop. "Why do I still dream about that? Goddamn memory, get out of my head!"

He wept into his legs and began to rock himself, unable to stop the convulsive sobs. Then suddenly he scrambled back to the bed, snatched the white scarf, and wrapped it around his neck. Only that scarf freed him from the chokehold's sensation, yet those strangling hands were only a small part of the nightmare. He felt those cold hands still, like filthy leaches slithering over his skin, and he rubbed himself all over, trying to rid himself of the sick feeling. His lungs convulsed as the dream still haunted him.

"I just want to forget. I just … want to forget it."

He knew he needed to get out, get away, run away from the man's taunting voice and the smell of blood. Natsu ran out in a frantic sprint, racing through the moonlit forest and down the hill toward Magnolia. The smell would not leave his nose, even when he entered the town that was plunged in midnight sleep. He ran to a park, hoping the flowers would chase away the stench, but the odor was in his mind. Nothing would purge it, just as nothing could stop the feel of those hands on his body. Rubbing his arms, hitting himself, slapping the skin, nothing purged the ghostly fingers.

Natsu raised his head up to the stars and screamed, "I hate this!" He felt hot tears tumble down his cheeks. Natsu collapsed onto the grass, and again he curled into himself. "I hate it," he sobbed quietly. He stared forward into the shadows. "I hate what he made me do. I hate … what he turned me into."

He felt filthy, disgusting, like … like a pimple! Like a disgusting pimple.

Only one person made things better. Only one person purged the filth and made him clean.

"Gray," he whispered. The tenderness of those icy touches was nothing at all like the other person's hands. The fingers of the ice wizard had given him true pleasure. He only felt safe and _needed_ in those arms. "Gray…"

He needed Gray. He needed to feel touches that did not make him want to vomit.

Maybe the emotions were getting to him, but Natsu blanked out. He had a sense that he wandered, but he had no clue where he was going until he realized he was at Gray's window.

"How appropriate," he muttered wryly. After all, this was how the whole thing started: a nightmare, seeking someone in the night, and winding up at this house.

He lifted the window, but the squeak of it woke the ice wizard up instantly. Natsu just barely dodged a spear of ice aimed at him.

"Dammit, Gray!"

"Natsu?" he yawned, blinking his bleary eyes. "What the hell?"

"Ask 'who's there' first before trying to stab someone, jerk."

"What idiot sneaks into people's houses in the middle of the night? Well, then again, that's normal for you, I guess. So what are you doing here?"

"Couldn't sleep," he said, coming inside completely and shutting the window behind him.

"Oh God, Happy's gone for one day and you can't sleep alone? Are you really just a kid?"

That dream haunted him. ' _Are you really just a little boy?'_

Gray heard the sharp gasp and saw the tightness in Natsu's brow. Something had triggered him again. "Fine, come on and share my bed."

Natsu hurried forward and dived under the covers like a cat called out of the rain. Shelter! Security! Being wanted! Being needed!

Gray wrapped his arms around the Dragon Slayer and tried to fall back to sleep. However, the fidgets and occasional sighs of irritation showed him that Natsu was not just going to drift off to sleep.

"Ya need to talk about it?" he sleepily offered.

"I … can't."

That issue again! "Tell me what you need."

"You sound barely awake."

"Because I'm practically asleep."

"I don't want to bother you."

"Well, you are, so you might as well annoy me more. Do you need warm milk? A shoulder massage? Tell me so you can fall asleep, that way I can fall asleep."

Natsu was quiet for a long time as images of the dream flitted past his mind. At least here, the smell vanished. Wrapped up in Gray's arms like this made him smell nothing else but the scent of pine trees and snow.

"Gray, how do you deal with nightmares?"

"Nightmares?" he asked, waking more. "I don't even know how to deal with my own."

Natsu rolled over to look at him in surprise. "You get nightmares?"

"Sure. Everyone does."

"What are yours like?"

Gray glared into the shadows. "The day my town was destroyed by Deliora. I had to watch friends get crushed, my home burned, my parents … killed." His voice shuddered as he choked up. "They died defending me from that demon. Its voice … is a nightmare. I'll never forget that day," he whispered darkly. "It still frightens me. Whenever I meet up with a demon, I get a flashback to that day. I freeze up in terror. I feel like I'm that helpless child again," he sneered with tears in his eyes. "A stupid kid who can't do anything but cry for a mother … who was … _crushed_ to death … in front of my eyes."

In sympathy, Natsu touched Gray's arm and whispered his name.

"I'm fine, sorry," he whispered, wiping his eyes. "So, what about yours? I told you; you tell me."

Natsu looked aside. He had never told anyone, not even Happy, but after Gray divulged such a weakness, it was only fair.

"It has to do with why I freak out," he muttered.

That immediately put Gray on alert. Those incidents had worried him for some time.

"It was a couple of occasions, I guess. The first happened when I was little, I'm not sure how old, probably no more than four or five. I wandered away from Igneel's place while he was gone hunting. I met up with some bandits and got caught. My magic sucked back then," he said in his own defense.

"It's a miracle you knew _any_ magic at that age," Gray admitted. Four or five! Gray didn't learn magic until he was eight.

"They chained me up … t-tortured me," he whispered in an old nightmare. "Nearly choked me to death." Natsu's hand touched his throat again with a distant memory of terror. "It took a full day before Igneel returned and found them." He laughed softly in pride. "He burned the whole building down to rescue me."

Gray saw that this one bit of memory was sweet to Natsu, and Igneel's destructive solution explained so much about Natsu's fighting style.

"I don't remember much after that, but I know I kept having nightmares. It took me months before I could be outdoors on my own. It was a big problem, since Igneel frequently had to leave." He laughed miserably. "I wet myself a few times, until Igneel would leave behind a bucket. Once, we ran out of food. I could have gathered berries growing right outside the cave, but … I couldn't step outside. Not alone. I was … too scared." Natsu laughed off the youthful stupidity. "I almost starved," he said lightly. "I was also scared of anything brushing against my throat, even my own hair. I kept thinking of … _them_ … choking me. That's when Igneel gave me this scarf. It helped, the nightmares stopped, and having something always against my neck desensitized me from that fear.

"Then, about two years after joining Fairy Tail, I was on a mission that went bad. The guy … _strangled_ me until I went unconscious." Natsu shuddered slightly and touched his throat. "When I came to, I was tied up in a dark room. It was that childhood terror all over again. I was back in that nightmare. The enemy came back and he … he…"

Gray felt Natsu shiver hard.

"I never told anyone," Natsu said as a distraction as he wiped his nose. "We've all had 'the mission that went bad,' right? The mission we don't want to talk about."

"Sure," Gray nodded. "I've had a few nasty ones myself. And you're right, we usually don't talk about them."

"Exactly. But that one in particular…"

His voice faded away, and for a solid minute, Natsu stared out, trapped by the memory. Then he suddenly gasped and sniffled. His trembling hand reached up to touch his throat again. Gray wrapped his arm around Natsu's shoulder in comfort.

"You can tell me," he spoke in a low, calming tone. "I'll keep it secret."

Natsu knew he could trust Gray now. They had done so much that demanded implicit trust. He gulped hard and went on. "He … did things … to me," he whispered, but then anger surged up. "I was still a kid! A goddamn fucking kid! I didn't even know what he was trying to do at first. He said something about … samples. Thinking back, it was likely sperm samples, since I'm a Dragon Slayer. Maybe trying to … to _breed_ one."

"Oh God!" Gray whispered in horror. That was one of those missing pieces of the puzzle. Natsu had panicked when Gray mentioned coming into a cup. He could not have his semen _in_ anything. It suddenly made sense.

"I didn't understand any of it back then. I had never … you know … _shot off_ like that. But he touched me … until I did … for the very first time." In tears, Natsu sneered. "My first orgasm … was to that man's hands. And it wasn't just once. I was trapped for over two weeks. He did that to me … every day," he snarled. "A few times a day!" Natsu choked up for a moment and gulped down his tears. "He would use … different ways, things that would … would _help_ me, things that would _make it feel better_." In choking sobs, Natsu went on. "I didn't want to give in to what he wanted. Not at all." His arm swung out as he declared that with snarling pride. "But … but I couldn't. I couldn't win against him. I couldn't stop myself. And I hated it. I hated it so much! I hated feeling any pleasure, feeling myself ready to come. I hated him. I hated my own weak body. I hated … myself." His head hung as his brows tensed. "There were times during those two weeks locked away with him when I wanted … to die. I wanted it to end so badly, I thought about killing myself."

"Natsu," Gray sighed, gripping his hand tightly.

"I'm okay," he whispered, gulping to swallow down the sobs and wiping his eyes until his cheeks went red. "I'm … okay now."

Gray rubbed Natsu's shivering shoulder. Natsu's aversion to certain sex toys was now explained, as well as why he could not have his semen _in_ something. This past sounded so horrific—being forced to come over and over again, and only being a child—Gray was surprised Natsu could allow himself any sort of physical pleasure at all. Being able to overcome that much was a testament to his inner strength.

"After two weeks, I couldn't come anymore, no matter what he did, what he used." He laughed wryly through tears. "He got mad, pissed as hell at me! He…" The fear returned to his eyes as he gazed off into a dark past. "He began … choking me again. Those hands … around my neck … just like back then." Natsu broke off as he shook his head, struggling not to break down again, but losing the fight. "I … I went berserk," he cried out in fear, elation, and his own disbelief. "I broke loose … and … and I…" The fear turned to fury, the shaking fingers clenched into fists of rage, and he snarled animalistically, "I ripped his head off … with my bare hands."

Gray's mouth dropped in shock. "Y-you killed someone?"

"Yeah." As Natsu nodded, his face showed a mix of revulsion at the act and sadistic smugness. "Yeaaah," he grinned with a passing moment of insane pleasure, which quickly faded. In regret, he turned his head aside and sighed sadly, "Yeah, I killed him."

Gray could see that horrific act was still something Natsu had a hard time thinking about sanely. He could not say anything, though. Sure, they fought a lot, but it was simply an unwritten rule that Fairy Tail wizards could be destructive so long as they did not kill anyone. To hear that Natsu went down that forbidden path of blood made Gray shiver deep inside.

"I don't really remember much after that," Natsu said, calmer now, as if that cathartic moment of violence released all the tension within him, even as an adult. "When I came to, Makarov was there with Gildarts and a couple of other adults. They went looking for me when I was so late returning. I was covered head to toe in blood. I could … _taste_ the blood, taste that man's arousal in it. And … I liked it. I was dancing in puddles of blood, laughing insanely, when they found me. God, I was a mess. They had to … to restrain me." He laughed softly. "I was out to attack everyone," he admitted.

Gray knew Natsu was like that anyway.

"Makarov had me see some psychiatrists. It was all kept quiet from the guild, of course. He probably told everyone I was sick, when in reality I was a mental case. He feared that if the others knew I had actually murdered someone so brutally, some of the members might demand that I be kicked out of the guild. I mean, we don't want a … a _murderer_ in Fairy Tail. And that's what I was. What I am. I killed someone. Barehanded."

"In self-defense," Gray insisted.

"Yes, that's the reason I'm not in jail. Makarov proved it was self-defense. The Magic Council couldn't punish me since I didn't use magic, and it was easy to prove to local authorities that I had been … _tortured_ , at the least. They didn't need to know about the rest of it. Still, Makarov told me not to tell anyone in the guild. I didn't want to, anyway. It's not something I'm proud of, killing a person. Especially like that, with my own hands, _wanting_ him dead, so happy I could finally do it," he whispered in disgust mixed with a gleam of joyful madness. "After over two weeks of being tortured by that man, forced to do what he wanted, touched and prodded by him, I only wish I could have killed him slower." Natsu looked down at his hands in revulsion. "That's what I hate the most. I should be sick that I killed someone, repent it, and rationally I do; however, if I were back in that situation, I'd still kill him. I'd kill him over and over again. I'd burn him slowly," he whispered with mad glee. "I'd roast his cock off, then make him eat it, then burn him bit by bit…"

"Natsu!" Gray shouted.

The Dragon Slayer jolted out of that twisted reverie. "Sorry," he sighed, flinching as he realized what he had been saying. "Anyway, that's what I keep dreaming about. I kill him in my dreams. Part of me loves to kill him, but I only dream about how I really did it. All the blood. I can taste and smell his blood all over again. It makes me scared that I could turn into that psychotic murderer again. Not just killing him. Playing with the dead body, splashing in his blood, totally insane. I hate what he made me become, and … it makes me … so scared," he whispered in terror. "Scared that if someone touches me like that, I'll do it again. I'll kill them. I won't even realize I killed them until I wake up … covered in blood … with that head … still in my hands."

More pieces were falling into place for Gray. Natsu's fear about hurting a lover, his suddenly violent attacks, mentioning something about blood, and about Makarov telling him not to tell anyone. It was all coming together, and the picture this puzzle showed was horrifying.

"It took me a long time to get over the insanity, but … the scars ran deep. When I hit puberty, I … I couldn't … do the things boys normally do, ya know. Touching myself, things like that." He looked uncomfortable mentioning it. "I was terrified that if I ever got aroused, I'd go insane again. I guess, over the years, I trained my body to hate being aroused. I couldn't come, not unless it was moments like those, moments where I had no freedom, no choice. Being forced. Being assaulted. It was the only way I could convince myself to let go. And I need to be tied up, because I'm scared shitless that I'll rip someone's head off.

"Starting shortly after the issue on Tenrou Island, those nightmares began coming back: being tied up, being strangled. I … I see his head. Detached," he noted with a sick grimace. "It mocks me while shadowy hands touch me. It's not like the fantasies I have of people tying me up. I mean, they're very similar, but … but the nightmares … they're totally different. They terrify me. Seeing that man's head again…" Natsu broke off with a shudder. "It was the head I ripped off. It's the voice that taunted me for weeks, saying 'I'm gonna make you come, boy.' He always called me just _boy_. It was like he wanted to emphasize that I was nothing more than a goddamn kid. My dreams about killing him are some of my favorites, but the dreams about him touching me … molesting me … those dreams terrify me. I know they're just nightmares, but … but it really happened. He really did that, and … and I'm not normal, all because of that goddamn sonuvabitch."

Gray hugged the Dragon Slayer around the shoulders. "Sorry about that. Damn. I can't even imagine. But I'm here for you, okay? If you ever have those nightmares, just come to me. You know I won't hurt you like that, and you know I can restrain you. I won't let you go crazy like that."

Natsu rested against the bare chest. "Thank you." He stared off as his emotions swirled. "Is it weird, getting tied up is something I want now?"

"No, I think it makes sense, given your history. We deal with our past in any way we can. If getting tied up makes you feel safe, I'll buy lots of rope."

Natsu chuckled softly and snuggled into Gray's chest. "Who would have thought a stripping pervert like you would be the one I could turn to for this sort of thing?"

"Who would've thought I'd be dating a flame-brain idiot like you, of all people?"

"True," Natsu laughed. "Hey, don't tell anyone. I never even told Happy. I don't want people to think I'm weak or … or disgusting."

"You're not disgusting because that happened to you when you were a kid."

Natsu shrank into his arms. "I feel dirty. Ever since then, I've felt … filthy. Like he tainted me."

Gray took Natsu's chin and lifted it to stare into his narrow eyes. "Then I'll have to purge the filth out of you."

Natsu looked stunned, but then he sadly turned his eyes aside. "Not tonight."

Gray felt instant disappointment, but he let go of Natsu's face. "Okay. Tonight, stay with me. I'll protect you from the nightmares."

"I'm not a child," he grumbled.

Still, Natsu curled onto the bed, with Gray wrapping his arms around him, holding his lover close. Through his clothes, Natsu felt that cold, naked body, including a boner down below. He felt guilty for turning Gray down, but he really was not in the mood for anything intimate, not after that dream.

"Thanks, Gray."

"You owe me."

"I'll suck you off in the morning."

"I'll hold you to that promise."

Natsu chuckled softly. In the arms of Gray, with his smell of snow, mint, and pine all around, those nightmares froze, shattered, crumbled to dust, leaving behind peaceful calmness and purity, like a snowy winter forest.

"Goodnight, Gray."

"Try to have some sweet dreams this time."

Natsu snuggled into the broad chest. "I'll dream of you."

"You better!" Then Gray gave Natsu a kiss on the top of his head, closed his eyes, and held the Dragon Slayer through the rest of the night.

 


	11. Face Fucking

Gray slowly woke up to heaven. Pure heaven. He tingled, and he felt the most wonderful heat around his groin, wet and warm and sucking him just right. He moaned before even fully awake. Struggling through somnolent fog, he opened his eyes and looked down.

"Natsu?" He found his voice dry, maybe sleeping with his mouth open again.

It was dark, and it took a moment to clear his vision. Finally, through early morning silver-green light, he saw a pink head down at his hips, bobbing up and down. Gray collapsed back onto his pillow and hummed in sleepy delight.

"Ooooh, what a way to wake up! Mmmh, God! _Ooooouh_ …" He leaned his head up again to see that Natsu was only using his mouth, not his hands. In fact, he could not see the Dragon Slayer's hands at all. His arms were behind his back. "H-hey. Did you handcuff yourself?"

"Mmh," Natsu hummed, not removing his lips.

Gray groaned and flopped back again. "Oh man, don't hum like that. It's too good. I'm not even full awake."

"Mm-mrh," Natsu hummed again, and Gray tensed up from the vibration.

"Ooh! Seriously, don't hum. Too good." His brain wanted to drift back to sleep, but his body refused to miss a single second of this pleasure. "You weren't joking when you said you'd suck me off in the morning. God!"

He laid there, enjoying the feeling, listening to the soft slurping. Then he chuckled, put his hand down, and pressed on Natsu's head, pushing deeper into that mouth.

"Come on. You can take more." Gray's fingers yanked at Natsu's pink hair and dug into his scalp as he urged him on. "You're not using your hands, so use that tight throat of yours."

Natsu choked a little as the erection hit the back of his throat. He twisted his head to a different angle. Then he went back down and pressed. Slowly, his throat opened, and Gray slid down.

"Oh … oh God."

Gray had only been teasing him. He did not expect Natsu to actually deepthroat him. He shuddered at just how tight that narrow passage was. Saliva leaked between Natsu's lips and trickled down Gray's shaft. The feeling lasted only a few seconds before Natsu pulled up, gasping for air.

"Are you all right?" Gray asked in amazement.

"Yeah," Natsu panted. "Guess I need to take a bigger breath." He went back down and swirled his tongue around the head first, licking up the taste. Then his lips slid down the shaft, he took a deep breath, and he exhaled slowly as his throat relaxed. Gray's erection slid down the narrow passage again.

Gray saw the shape of Natsu's throat change as he glided deep within. Not only was the feel heavenly, but knowing how uncomfortable that must be, the fact that Natsu was going this far just to please him, sent tingles of pleasure all through Gray's nerves.

Gray moaned a curse, leaning back and straining to fight the instinct of thrusting up into that burning throat. "You're quite a talented little cocksucker."

Natsu thrust down with his throat, small bobbles only, lasting for less than a minute before pulling up for air. He wiped drool off his chin and gazed over to Gray. "Do you like that?"

"Yeah," the ice wizard shivered.

Natsu grinned and licked Gray's entire length in happiness. "Hey, stand up."

He crawled off the bed and waited. Gray was still sleepy, but he forced himself to get out of the bed. He saw clearer now that Natsu had indeed managed to get the handcuffs on behind him. Not only that, but he was wearing the white leather collar again. He looked stupidly eager as he waited for Gray to get out of bed.

"Like that," he nodded, and then Natsu dropped to his knees. "Thrust into my mouth, like you're forcing me to take it."

Gray chuckled, and he ran his hand through Natsu's hair. "You look really erotic, handcuffed like that, wearing this," and his fingers drifted down to the collar. "My bitch."

"Your dragon," he corrected.

"Should I get different embroidery on the collar?" he asked wryly.

"It'd be nice if you did, but I can be your bitch once in a while. I'm willing to be that now."

"Indeed." Gray put one finger into Natsu's mouth and pulled the jaw down until Natsu's mouth was wide. "Head up," he ordered, and those sage green eyes turned up. That forced his mouth to open even more. "Yes. Like that."

Gray suddenly thrust his cock into Natsu's gaping mouth. The Dragon Slayer gagged a little in surprise, and the choking made Gray chuckle sadistically.

"Yeah, take it." He held the back of Natsu's head so he could not back away as he slammed into that throat again and again, drawing up tears in the Dragon Slayer's eyes. Gray moaned as he watched himself fucking that face, forcing himself in hard and fast. "Look up at me," he ordered again, and narrow green eyes glared up. "Yeah. Yeah, like that. I like to see your eyes as I thrust into that mouth of yours."

Gray grabbed Natsu's scalp with both hands, pulling his hair until Natsu groaned in pain. That vibration buzzed all through him and made him moan, wanting to thrust harder. He felt his stomach coiling already, turned on by those eyes gazing up at him, the drool, the way Natsu's cheek poked out when he thrust just right, and that heat—that amazing, scalding heat—being in and out of that wet furnace. It was becoming too much, too soon.

"I'm gonna come in your mouth, okay?"

Natsu made a mumble noise and nodded his head.

"You're gonna swallow it down. You better swallow."

"Mmmmm."

"Is that all right?"

"Mm-hmm!"

Gray tensed up. He went faster, and even when one of Natsu's teeth scraped his shaft, he didn't care. He needed the heat. He needed that tightness. He needed…

" _Natsu!_ "

He felt himself spill into that mouth, and Natsu grunted in shock. Gray pressed more, slamming into the back of that mouth, almost thrusting down the throat. He heard Natsu sputtering and gagging, and Gray only rammed harder as his body shivered in pleasure.

"Yes. Like that. Swallow it, _bitch_."

He felt the throat working, and he saw Natsu flinch at the taste and thickness of the cum. The Dragon Slayer struggled to get it down, but Gray did not pull back. He liked feeling that mouth working around him. Natsu kept swallowing, and Gray felt the tongue and throat tensing and releasing in gulps. The mouth was such an all-encompassing part of the body, and Natsu's mouth was exceptional.

"Oooh, best wakeup ever."

Finally, Gray pulled back, and Natsu collapsed to his heels, gasping for air. Gray leaned over, yanked on the ring of the collar, and pulled Natsu back up.

"Not yet, dragon. I'm not through with you. Lick me clean. You made a mess, so clean it."

Natsu raised back to his knees and lapped up the drip still hanging on the tip of the penis. He sucked the softening cock as it went down, licking it over and over. Gray looked down with pleasure and a sense of wonderful domination.

"Good dragon." Suddenly, Natsu doubled over with a coughing fit, and Gray tensed with worry. "Are you okay?"

Natsu gagged on something, and swallowed harder before looking up with a wide, satisfied grin. "Yeah. That stuff's hard to swallow. Sticks in my throat."

"You did good," Gray praised, stroking his pink hair. "Get up into the bed. Come on. Let me unhandcuff you. I just wanna hold you while I finish waking up."

Natsu stood and turned around. Gray unlocked the handcuffs and began to reach up to the collar. However, Natsu drew back, wanting to keep wearing it. Gray felt happy that Natsu loved his present so much. Then both laid down on the mattress. Gray flopped onto his back, spent and feeling wonderful.

Natsu leaned up onto an elbow to gaze down on Gray's prone body. "Did you like it?"

"Oh _hell_ yes! Your mouth is so hot."

Natsu chuckled, feeling a little smug.

Gray peeked an eye open. "I'm surprised you were able to do that."

"So long as I'm not getting any stimulation, I can do that much, I guess. I wasn't sure, so I handcuffed myself just in case, but I didn't feel like attacking, so I think it's okay."

"That's good," Gray moaned sleepily. "Maybe we can do that more." He laid still for a while, enjoying the full-body tingle while it lasted. "Hey, um … Do you wanna go out for breakfast?"

Natsu's eyes went wide in shock. "Go out? Like together?"

"There's this breakfast-only café, I hardly ever wake up early enough to go there, but it's really good. Their breakfasts are the best in Magnolia."

"But it's broad daylight."

"Natsu, I don't think any wizards will be up this early. Hell, why are _you_ awake this early?"

"I woke up to pee, and when I came back I realized you had a morning woody. I wanted it," he answered bluntly and honestly.

"Greedy bastard. Not that I mind." Gray hummed a groaning sigh as he stretched his arms above his head. "That was good."

Natsu blushed and confessed, "That was my first blow job."

Gray jolted out of his stretch. "What? Your first?" he shouted.

"Yep. Was it really okay?"

"First?" Gray repeated, hardly able to believe it. "But that was amaz- … I mean … Damn," he laughed. "You're a natural-born cocksucker."

"Shut up."

"Was that really your first?" he asked again. In Gray's experience, a person did not learn to deepthroat like that their first time. It took practice. "I mean, I know you said I was your first partner but … maybe a fling, a not-really-boyfriend?"

"Oh," Natsu frowned. "I … I guess … maybe not my _first_."

Gray knew he should not have asked, because jealousy roared up inside him. "What? Who?"

Natsu looked aside with troubled eyes. "That man … in the past."

"Oh God." He never should have asked! Gray hugged Natsu firmly and yanked him up on top of his chest. "That doesn't count. Okay? That … does … not … count!" He stroked Natsu's hair, grimacing at the idea of it, especially as he realized how young Natsu must have been. "You should have bit him."

"He always had a knife to my throat. Always. And … it wasn't like … like that. Like just now. More like … he'd…" Natsu shuddered and shrank down. "I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled. Then Natsu shouted in frustration, "I know I'm always saying that, but…"

Gray bonked him on the nose. "Stop it. I don't want details. I don't want to dredge it all up and make you suffer. Only tell me what you're comfortable telling me. Besides, whatever he did, it didn't count. So this was your first."

"I … guess…"

"It was!" Gray snapped. "You said it was your first, so it was. Maybe not the first time you've had a dick in your mouth, but it was your first blow job. That's final!"

"Fine, fine," Natsu laughed in irritation while actually feeling glad that Gray was not trying to get the whole story.

Softly, Gray confessed, "Your mouth is amazing, too."

Natsu blushed. "Really?"

"Totally. Really damn amazing."

Natsu felt overjoyed at the compliment. Still, the troubles of the past put a damper on the moment. "Gray, you taste good," he realized in mild surprise.

"Yeah?"

"How do you taste so good?"

He laughed at such a bizarre question. "What do you mean?"

Natsu looked sick and turned away. "Never mind."

Gray wondered for only two seconds before it dawned on him. The man in the past must have tasted bad. The fact that Natsu could still recall the taste of something that vile made Gray's stomach twist.

"You know, the trick is eating a lot of fruit."

Natsu flipped back around with a stunned expression. "Fruit?"

"Yeah. Fruits and berries make the semen taste good. You might want to try that, eat some berries and stuff, that way you taste good, too."

Natsu thought about the suggestion. "Do I taste _bad_?"

"No, just … you taste like you don't eat a lot of fruit. That's all."

"How big is the difference?"

"I'm not sure, honestly. I haven't given many blow jobs. That's what I was always told, though."

"Who told you that?"

Gray laughed at the jealousy in Natsu's face. It was adorable when he looked so angry. "Oooh, you don't listen to when the _big boys_ in the guild talk, do you?"

"Huh?"

"The older guys in the guild have a lot of stories. Actually, it was Loke who told me about eating berries."

"Oh," Natsu frowned. "I guess Loke is _experienced_."

"That's putting it mildly."

"Did you and Loke…?"

"No, don't ask. I hate when you ask stuff like that."

"Then … you two did?"

Gray hesitated before answering, "We didn't have sex."

"Oh, okay."

Gray glanced over. Obviously, Natsu thought that meant there was nothing between him and Loke. Gray was fine with leaving it at that. He gave a long sigh and stared up at the ceiling.

"Why do we always mess things up?" he asked, more to himself than asking Natsu. "We've got a good mood, a good blow job, and we end up screwing it up with our crap."

"Sorry."

"No, not just you. Me too. I'm just in such a good mood, I don't want to think about the past: your past or my past. I just want to think about you." He smiled sleepily. "And about getting another blow job."

Natsu laughed and rolled on top of Gray. "Really?"

"Well, not right _now_."

"Later tonight?"

Gray looked up in surprise. "Seriously? I mean, you don't have to."

"I liked it. It made me a little aroused, but not to the point where I felt … bad. It was a good arousal." To show him, Natsu rolled his hips against Gray, rubbing the ice wizard's naked cock with his hard, hot boxers.

Gray felt the erection inside, and although his groin complained that it was sated already, his mind wanted to see Natsu lose control. In a low, lusty voice, Gray asked, "Do you want me to touch you?"

Natsu's body pulled back, and he looked suddenly hesitant. "I … I … don't know."

"What about in the shower? I could wank you off in the shower."

"I dunno. I like when you rub me, but I also like … _not_ coming."

That was one aspect about Natsu that truly confused Gray. "Why? I'm curious: what do you get out of it?"

Natsu thought it was obvious. "I keep in control." However, he saw the confusion still on Gray's face. "Does that not make any sense?"

"I guess it does. Wanting control makes sense, at least. That's why I like to tie you up. I feel in control."

"I like knowing I'm in control of my own body," Natsu whispered bashfully. "I also like giving up that control. Outwardly, not inwardly. If I know you're there to catch me, I can let go. But one thing I always want to control is being able to not come, to hold it back as long as possible. It's the ultimate control, stopping a natural physical response."

"I can relate to that," Gray nodded. "It's like me and my kink of watching people needing to piss. If they really do want to piss themselves, or they just don't care, it's not erotic at all. It's seeing them struggle that's arousing. It's watching the battle to maintain control over themselves, and especially if they lose control because of me, if I take that control away from them, that turns me on."

Unlike himself, though, Gray had a strong feeling that Natsu's desire to control _not_ coming stemmed from that past horror. It was Natsu's way of defeating the darkness. Since Natsu must still be mentally messed up from the confession last night, he wanted to remember that he was now in control of his body again by being aroused but not giving in.

Gray laughed as he realized their similarities. "We're both control freaks. We just show it differently."

Natsu hummed at the observation, but that was all. He did not bother to wonder why he felt the way he did. "Gray?" he asked with a hint of nervousness. "Can I stay over here until Happy comes home?"

"Sure." Then he teased in mockery. "Are you too scared to sleep alone?"

"Shut up. I just … I like … sleeping with you. Although your toes are cold."

"Bastard. You kept stealing the covers."

"Maybe if you leaned how to turn a heater on at night."

"You can stay here so long as you don't touch my thermostat."

"No promises."

"Then I can't promise I won't kick you out." He grabbed Natsu and hugged him tightly, rolling on top of him and gazing down. It still amazed Gray sometimes that it was the pink-headed fire idiot who made him feel this happy. "I'd like to have you stay. Especially if I get to wake up like that."

"Not every morning."

"Yes, every goddamn morning. I want a cocksucker as my alarm clock. Now let's get a shower. I promise to behave this time."

"You first. I don't trust you and that shower."

"Fine, but if we're out of hot water, don't cry."

"Your idea of a hot shower is a melting glacier. I don't think I'll have a problem with you stealing the hot water."

Gray chuckled and he rolled completely over Natsu to get out of bed. "Are you going to touch yourself while I'm in there?"

"Maybe," Natsu smirked slyly.

"I wanna see that."

"Too bad. Imagine it."

Gray's gaze slid head to toe over the Dragon Slayer, pausing on the erection in his flame-print boxers. "Don't be too naughty," he warned before heading to the bathroom.

Natsu's smile slowly fell after Gray left, and he muttered in shame, "I can't be. Not in _that_ way."

* * *

Gray's smile refused to dim as he set up the shower. The two of them were still a mess, but he could put up with the occasional awkwardness when Natsu was such a fiery lover.

It was not all that weird anymore to share a bathroom. The first few times Natsu had stayed over were awkward, but Gray got used to it. He even bought a spare toothbrush for the Dragon Slayer to use. It was always Natsu who stayed at his house. Gray had not yet spent the night at Natsu's place, since Happy was usually around.

Now Happy was gone, and Natsu…

… wanted to live here.

Live with Gray.

Living together!

It made Gray blush just thinking about it. He never had one of his lovers live with him. Plus it would make their relationship much closer. They would surely annoy one another after a while. They would argue and have to work it out. Compromising was part of becoming a true couple.

Were they even compatible? The two of them were fire and ice, summer and winter, polar opposites. Living together would either bond them closer, or drive a wedge of incompatibility between them. It was risky, but if it worked, it would be wonderful!

Natsu stepped into the shower after Gray, giving only a smack to the wet ass as he walked by. Gray flushed that Natsu could be so casual about this already. Deep inside, Gray still felt tense, unsure of himself, although outwardly he acted cool and in control. He never knew what Natsu would like, and what might trigger a panic attack.

At least they had talked. He now understood Natsu's issues, and they were some _damn_ issues. He tried to imagine it, but his brain refused. He remembered that time in history. Two years after Natsu joined … Gray had been thirteen. Happy was a newborn kitten. Lisanna was still around. He vaguely recalled that Natsu had gone missing, running off on one of this searches for Igneel. He did that a lot back then. Gray could only faintly remember now, but he seemed to recall that Natsu had been missing a lot longer than usual.

As the S-Class trials approached, Gray wondered where Natsu was. Weeks passed, and no Fire Dragon Slayer. Finally, Gray began to ask around. Where was Natsu? Why was he still missing? Had the idiot run away?

"Natsu is very sick," Makarov told him. Then in a sad tone, the guild master had added, "He won't be in consideration for S-Class this year anyway. Don't worry about it, Gray. He'll get better someday."

It had seemed like an odd thing to say. Normally, Makarov never flat out said if someone was not in consideration. Age meant very little when it came to the S-Class trials. At the time, Gray was only smug that Natsu was definitely out of the contest.

That must have been it. That was the time when Natsu was captured, tortured, molested, and driven insane by some sick pedophile. It made Gray want to vomit just thinking about it. He could not even imagine how that past affected Natsu himself. Obviously, it left him a mess, even now.

No one made it to S-Class that year. When Natsu had returned to the guild, he was quieter for a time. Gray had tried to pick fights with him, but Natsu kept pulling away. He refused to hit anyone. He stayed with Happy and Lisanna more. For a while, it seemed like the wild Dragon Slayer might have fallen into some sort of domestication. Of course, everyone thought that was Lisanna's doing. She was training him to be a good father and husband. Gray was annoyed that he had no one to annoy.

That peace and quiet lasted almost two years. Natsu did not go on any of his searches for Igneel during that time. He raised Happy with Lisanna as a pseudo-wife. Then Gildarts left. That triggered something in Natsu. Maybe it was something the older wizard had said to him, but after Gildarts went on his hundred-year mission, Natsu suddenly snapped back to being his normal self. He had been slowly getting better, feistier, and at least he did challenge a few people he trusted. After Gildarts took off, the old Natsu was back. His goal was to become S-Class now, and he trained obsessively.

Had it taken him two years to fully recover from that horrific ordeal? Thinking about the past with knowledge of that darkness now marred those sunny memories and changed everything Gray thought he knew about Natsu.

He combed through his wet hair, but he noticed a spot. Softly, Gray cursed as he saw he had a pimple where his bangs draped down. He had not had one of those in months. He wondered if it was from stress, or maybe sweating. Sleeping with Natsu really did make him sweat at night. He used a clamp to hold his bangs back and pulled out some medication. He scratched the pimple with his clean nails, just to break the skin slightly, and leaned in close to the mirror.

Just then, the water turned off and Natsu stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and began to wipe away the water from his body. When he looked to the sink, he saw Gray leaning in ridiculously close.

"What are you doing?"

"I woke up with a pimple," Gray grumbled. "I'm just trying to pop it."

He almost had it when suddenly Natsu shrieked. It made Gray jolt in shock.

"Natsu!" he shouted. The Dragon Slayer had collapsed inside the shower. Gray feared he might have slipped, but when he rushed over he saw Natsu was sitting on the shower floor, knees curled up, and eyes massive. "Bloody hell, what happened?"

"Don't pop the pimple. Don't pop it," Natsu shuddered, half-insane.

"What the…? It's a pimple. How the hell can you freak out over a pimple?"

Natsu was shivering too hard to answer right away. Gray knelt beside him and wrapped his arms around Natsu, trying to console him.

"That man," Natsu finally whispered breathlessly. "He … he used to call me … _disgusting little pimple._ He … he'd call my penis a pimple, saying he needed to … to … _pop_ it. He once showed me his own pimple," he snuffled. "He popped it. Right onto me. He wiped it on my face. Then he … he did the same but … but to me … and he showed how both shot out white stuff. He said it was just like a pimple, and he was just popping the pimple."

Gray's face sneered up. "That's messed up! Look, your cock is not a pimple. It'd be one hell of a pimple if it was."

Natsu faintly laughed. "I was still _little_ back then."

Gray grumbled angrily, "That makes it worse. So what did you do during puberty? Almost everyone gets pimples."

Natsu gulped hard as he remembered that awkward time. "The first time I got one, I had a total mental breakdown. Happy had to go get Makarov. I was sent to a special dermatologist. I followed his orders obsessively and never had another pimple again."

"So you've never actually popped a pimple?" he asked in surprise.

"No! For one, it's gross. For two, I would probably freak out again if I ever got one."

Gray nodded in understanding, and then he looked up to Natsu firmly. "Pop my pimple."

" _What?_ " he shrieked.

"Pop it. You've never done it, so you don't even know how different it is."

"No, I … I can't!" Natsu curled down into his legs. "I can't do that to someone else."

"For God's sake, you just gave me a blow job! You can pop a lousy white-head. Look up! Look at my face." Gray tugged Natsu's chin up sharply. "Look at my goddamn pimple."

Natsu cringed back, but he stared at the swollen skin with its white tip.

"Now, put one finger onto my forehead, to the side of the pimple, not touching it."

Natsu's hand shook, but he slowly reached toward that dreaded pimple.

"Good. You're doing fine. Now, with your other hand, put your index finger on the other side, close to it, but not touching it."

A little easier this time, Natsu put his other finger on Gray's forehead. His breathing was still coming fast and shaky.

"You're doing just fine. Now, press the two fingers together."

"I can't pop it!"

"I'm giving you permission."

Permission? Natsu realized that was a huge difference. Permission to pop it. Gulping hard and barely able to breathe, he pressed the two fingers together.

"Harder," Gray encouraged in a quiet tone. He knew the pimple was ready to pop anyway. "You have to squeeze it firmly."

Natsu was shaking, staring in terror, yet he kept pressing. It was like a jack-in-the-box, knowing the toy inside would spring at any minute, but still swirling the handle, anticipating with inner fear. He cringed down, not even breathing anymore, waiting and waiting until…

Instead of an explosion, the white core oozed out. Natsu stared at the anti-climatic pop.

"That's it?"

"What did you expect? It's just a clogged pore."

"That wasn't how the man's pimple popped. Come to think of it, his was massive."

"It was probably a boil or sebaceous cyst. Those can be nasty. Eww, if he popped something like that at you, no wonder you have a fear of pimples. That'd gross me out, too."

Gray took a tissue, wiped up the white core, and pressed together a little harder to make sure the pore was cleared out. When only blood drained, he put medicine on the spot.

Natsu watched with mild interest now that the worst was over. "I can show you how to wash your skin so you never get pimples. Erza made me show her when she realized I had such good complexion."

"Sure. It's a pain in the ass when I get them."

Natsu laughed tensely. "Ya know, when I was a kid, I was so messed up in the head because of what that guy said, I thought pimples were filled with semen. I refused to go anywhere near Elfman during that bad acne breakout he had when he was fourteen."

Gray glanced at the reflection in the mirror to where Natsu stood behind him. "Are you serious? Filled with semen?"

"Hey, after something like that…"

"No, I get it, that guy messed you up bad, but … seriously? Didn't you wonder why pimples were on people's faces?"

Natsu looked away petulantly. "My first pimple was on my butt, and I got it after having a wet dream. I thought the semen had dripped to my ass and the white stuff was that. When I saw others with pimples on their faces, I … I used to…" He laughed nervously. "I thought they gave blow jobs and it squirted on their faces."

Gray blinked in shock. "You thought Elfman…?"

"Oh, shut up! I was a kid."

"But … _Elfman_?"

"Don't you dare tell him."

"No, because I wanna vomit just picturing it. I mean, who the hell would Elfman suck off?" Gray turned and tried to finish brushing his hair while Natsu dried himself. Then the comb stopped. "Oh God, I'm picturing it! I am never forgiving you for this mental image."

"What's worse is I'm picturing fourteen-year-old Elfman, when he was all geeky."

"Oh hell, Natsu! That's a hundred times worse. Dammit, my mind can't unsee that mental image. You are so dead."

"You know, the first time _you_ got a pimple…"

"No! Oh God, no. I don't even want to know."

Natsu laughed at him. Then he smirked deviously. "You had your breakout at about the same time as Elfman, so of course I thought…"

An icy punch hit him in the face. "If you keep talking, I will beat you until your whole body swells up like a goddamn pimple."

Natsu laughed as he fended off the hits. "That's fine." He grabbed both of Gray's hands to stop them and leaned his face in close. "You're the only person who I'll allow to _pop_ me." He bit Gray on the nose, then turned and ran off to the bedroom.

Gray rubbed his nose, but he smiled to himself. One more awkward mental mess, cleared up!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _One of my more bizarre fetishes is acnephilia, the love of popping zits. I have an obsession with grooming the skin and clearing away blackheads and pimples. When my husband had a massive boil, I was insanely aroused as I drained it: the thrill of tending to a medical condition, the trust that must exist between two people, the intimacy of working together to deal with something that is generally embarrassing; therefore, the acned partner must fully surrender their pride to the popper. Then there's the feeling as the pressure releases under your own fingers; the orgasmic-like popping and draining of something from inside the body; hearing his groans as I press out the toxins; the curiosity and childlike wonder as I see the clog, knowing that was inside him; the joy of healing him from his infection; caring for him afterward, tenderly cleaning the area, applying medicine, and "kissing it better." To me, it's the ultimate trust, the closest skin-ship between two people, far more intimate than washing one another, and it evokes a surging sense of nurturing. I wouldn't call it erotic, but there's a "grossness" to it that is completely surreal, like how some people find dissecting frogs fascinating. I didn't want to gross people out, though, so Gray has just a small, normal pimple, enough to help Natsu overcome a fear to the things I find fascinating._


	12. Wet Dreams

The team returned from a short but tiring mission. Erza dragged her massive cart toward Fairy Hills to begin the long task of unpacking. Lucy dragged her feet homeward, whining that part of their reward money had to be used to repair buildings Natsu broke. Instead of going to the guild, Gray and Natsu went straight home.

Straight to Gray's home, that is.

They had been living together for a few days, and Natsu felt right at home in the cold apartment. Gray even made a copy of his key, so Natsu could come right in whenever he wanted. Nobody had yet caught on that they were going home together after parties at the guild. Living together was a nice experiment, something Gray hoped they could keep doing someday. He knew that eventually Happy would return from his mission to New Extalia, but until then he could make-believe that Natsu lived here, that they were a couple, and … he like that idea. A lot!

They were even settling into something like a domestic routine. Natsu got his shower first, so he could make the water as hot as he wanted, while Gray made tea for them to drink and began unpacking their clothes from the mission. He got the laundry started and put away clean clothes Natsu had not worn. Natsu had his own little section of the closet now, and one drawer of Gray's dresser was for his clothes, just enough for a week, since that was as long as they figured the Exceed would be gone. Still, sharing space, mixing laundry, cooking together, sleeping together—this was a level of intimacy Gray had never experienced with a partner, and he wondered why he allowed Natsu, of all people, to be this close to him.

Natsu came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, and without a word Gray went in after him. It was way too hot and steamy in the shower. Natsu always forgot to open a window or turn on a vent. He liked it steamy; Gray could not stand it. There were always little things that annoyed one another, but they seemed so petty now.

A few minutes later, Gray came out of the shower drying his hair. Natsu was crashed out on the bed, his hair still damp, and he was slowly touching himself, not full strokes, just slight caresses to a half-erection hidden in his boxers. Gray often caught him doing this, almost like Natsu did not realize he was even doing it. It was like a toddler who rubbed the crotch of his diapers, not knowing why touching that area felt so good, only understanding that it made him relaxed and happy. The Dragon Slayer liked the feel of arousal without the full satisfaction of climax.

"Need help with that?" Gray offered.

"Nah. I'm tired … and I'm horny."

Gray laughed at the sleepy words. "Well, which one do you want: touched or sleep?"

In a drowsy mumble, Natsu drawled out, "Touch me in my sleep."

Gray tossed the wet towel into the hamper. "Should I turn off the light and let you take a nap before dinner?"

"Mm-hmm."

Gray turned off the lamp, and the room went dark with only the ruddy sunset glow from outside to light them. Then he laid naked next to Natsu and gazed down at his relaxed face.

"You fought hard today. You deserve a rest."

"Hmmmm," he hummed, drifting off already.

Gray chuckled at Natsu's closed eyes and how his breaths were already slowing down. "You're really zonking out, aren't you?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"So, do you really want me to touch you as you sleep?"

"Mmm- _hmmmmm_!"

"God, you're sexy!" he whispered.

"Keep me hard," Natsu mumbled, only barely awake. "I wanna wake up with an erection. Don't wanna come, though. If … I don't come … he can't … not let you … don't call me … boy … fight it … 'astard … find … safe place … here's … mine…" He muttered a few more broken phrases as his breathing went heavy with dreams.

Those mutters worried Gray. Natsu still did not want to talk more about what happened in his past, and Gray decided to let him reveal things as he slowly healed. He never pushed for more information.

Gray reached down to Natsu's boxers. He touched the softened cock, moving gently, until he felt it twitching and coming to life. Natsu groaned, and he thrust slightly in his sleep. However, he did not wake up. As he slept, Natsu kept alternating, hard and soft. Gray loved feeling both ways. Sometimes Natsu went soft despite Gray's caressing hands, and sometimes he became stiffly aroused with hardly any touching at all.

Gray lazily played as he watched the Dragon Slayer sleep. He was unsure if he had ever stared for so long at Natsu. He examined every detail of that somnolent face: the edges of his neck scar, the way his eyelashes rested, a tiny flake of dry skin on his eyebrow, the shape of his nose, and the creases in his lips as he breathed in and out of a slightly parted mouth. As his hand cupped Natsu's most sensitive area, he felt warm simply lying here next to the Dragon Slayer, watching him reverently. He wondered if Natsu had spent nights doing the same, gazing down at Gray in the moonlight.

Suddenly, Natsu's cock went turgid, and he began to pant hard. His sleeping face drew up, and Gray worried that he was about to come in his sleep. He did not want Natsu to lose in whatever this contest was of delaying his orgasm as long as possible, so he leaned over and kissed the boy so hard, it woke him up.

"Whuh?" Natsu asked in sleepy confusion. Then he felt the strain in his underwear. "Oh God, what did you do to my dick?"

"I think you were having a wet dream."

"Wet dream?" he asked. "But I was dreaming about…" He broke off and began to blush.

"About what?"

"Nothing!"

Gray felt jealous. "About who?" he demanded.

Natsu looked away. "It's stupid. Just a dream."

"About who?" he repeated louder.

Natsu frowned and mumbled, "About … Edo-Gray."

" _What?_ " Gray bellowed in covetous rage. "That over-dressed lookalike?"

"It's not how you think. It was like … I was Edo-Natsu in the dream, and in Edolas, their version of you is best friends with their version of me. So in my dream, the two of them were like us, only I—that is, Edo-Me—was the one on top, and you—Edo-You—were the bottom."

Gray's mouth dropped. Instead of being jealous, he began to feel intensely curious about this sort of mirror-universe dream. "So you were dreaming about switching places?"

"More than just who's on top. Edo-Gray was the one who kept breaking down and had issues. Edo-Natsu was the one comforting you … him … whatever. It's not as easy to tell you two apart when you're both naked. I was … I mean, _he_ was … It's confusing and stupid, okay?" he shouted.

"No, that sounds seriously hot," Gray said in amazement. "I want to hear more." He stroked Natsu again, still hard in his boxers. "Tell me everything about the dream. Where were we?"

Natsu flushed to his ears. "W-we were in Fireball Natsu's car, in the backseat, and we were … I mean, _they_ were…"

"Fucking each other?"

"The doubles of us were, but only in my dream. They're just friends in real life."

"You can say it like it's us then, that's fine."

Natsu smelled Gray's arousal. "We were in the car. You were lying down across the backseat, and I was above. I was … thrusting into you."

Gray reached to his own sudden erection and stroked it. "Yeah? What else?"

Natsu watched Gray's hands as they stroked both erections at the same time. "You were moaning my name over and over. And I … I was thrusting into you … while stroking you."

"Mmmh," Gray moaned, imagining something like that really happening.

"I had tied your hands up with the seatbelt. I was holding you down, restraining you."

"Yesss…" Gray moaned. "More. Tell me more."

Natsu licked his lips as he watched Gray's face, eyes closed, indulging in the fantasy. "I leaned over." He rolled over to hover over Gray. "And I did this." He bent down and bit Gray on the nipple.

"Arrrgh!" Gray cried out.

"Don't touch me," Natsu ordered, and Gray pulled his hand away immediately. Natsu was breathing hard, but without stimulation, he could continue without being tied up. "I was the one biting you," he whispered hotly into Gray's ear. "I was the one leaving marks. I told you it was okay, since _you_ wore so much clothing."

Gray laughed breathlessly at that. Maybe his mirror universe twin had an advantage.

"I kept thrusting in," Natsu breathed seductively, tweaking Gray's nipples between his fingers. "You were begging me to stop, but I wouldn't. You weren't saying the safeword, so I kept going. You were shouting, 'No. Stop. Don't touch me there. It's weird.' You needed to feel like you were being forced, and I was … not really, but it was like … like I was _raping_ you. Ignoring your pleas. Forcing you to feel me. But I knew it was okay. You knew what to say if things went too far, but … but this was how you _liked it._ Forceful. Rough. Ramming in without mercy. _Ravaging_ you!"

Gray whimpered as his hips thrust up from the mattress. The growl in Natsu's voice was terrifying and arousing. "Tell me more!"

Natsu licked his lip as he savored the sight of Gray being so aroused just listening to his story. "I wouldn't listen. I held your wrists down so you couldn't escape. I kept going, pushing you more and more."

Natsu licked his finger, getting it slippery wet, then reached down and pressed it inside Gray's rear entrance. Those stormy-blue eyes fluttered open wide. It had been a very long time since Natsu had touched him down there, and the feeling shocked him. He tried to stutter out Natsu's name, but the fervid words silenced him.

"I was ramming into your ass," Natsu told him as he thrust his finger in. "Harder. Faster. Over and over. Thrusting myself into you." He squeezed a second finger in, and Gray howled at the painful pleasure. "I was stroking you faster. Your cock was leaking all over my hand, but I wouldn't let you come. I wanted _more_. You were screaming so loudly. I wanted to hear you say my name." He leaned down, bit Gray's earlobe, and growled. "Moan my name, _bitch_."

"N-Natsu," Gray cried out.

"Louder."

"Natsuuuuu!"

"Yes." He began to rub his arousal against the side of Gray's leg, feeling the friction in his boxers. His fingers brushed against a small pebble inside, and he aimed there, rubbing it mercilessly. "I was completely overwhelming you. Touching you. Thrusting into you. Fucking you hard!"

Gray cried out. He felt himself close. So damn close!

"And then you woke me up, bastard. Before those two doubles of us could finish, you woke me up. So I have to finish the dream here. I have to force _you_ to come."

He latched his mouth onto Gray's neck while pinching his nipple hard and piston-pounding his ass. Gray cried out as the tension snapped within him. He shuddered as spurts shot out over his stomach.

Damn! He hoped someday Natsu could get over his problems and they could live out that fantasy. He really wanted to feel the Dragon Slayer inside of him again. His fingers were a mere tease to how that prodigious cock would feel.

Natsu released his mouth as he heard Gray's weary, slow breaths that showed he was done. The mark on Gray's neck would be something everyone would see. There was no way to hide it normally.

"You'll have to wear a turtleneck," he smirked.

Gray reached up to the slight ache in his neck. Then he glared wearily. "Bastard."

Natsu reached over to the tissue box, one to be used for his fingers, one for Gray to wipe up the creamy mess. "Do you like that idea? Me topping you?" he asked as they cleaned up.

"Hell yes."

Natsu smiled, although there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. "I want to do that someday. I want to get better, so I can be on top, and maybe … maybe…" He gulped hard as desire and fear clashed. "Someday, I want to … to come … inside you. I know I can't do it yet, not with my issues, but … if it's you … knowing it's you and … and you won't … do something like that…"

Gray reached up to stroke that flushed face with the back of his knuckles. "Natsu, if you come in my ass, all I can do is shit it out."

"I know," he pouted deeply. "I want to convince myself that it's okay. I want to be able to do that someday. I keep dreaming, but even my dreams won't let me think that I can do it. It's always dreams about Edolas, and it's _him_ who does it. But someday…" He leaned over and kissed Gray. "Someday, I want to be able to make love to you without the mental mess."

Gray smiled up confidently at him and stroked his cheek. "Someday, we will."

Natsu felt that if Gray said so, it would definitely happen. "I love you, Gray."

Gray felt the small hesitation of panic. "Someday, I'll be able to tell you that back."

"We both have work to do."

"Yeah. Both of us are a mess still."

"But we're getting better."

"Yeah…"

Still, as Gray left to the bathroom to wash up, he felt so weak, being unable to say something so simple and fearing the emotions inside of him. He could not say it, not out loud, but he knew the truth in his heart.

He had fallen in love.

And it scared the crap out of him!

He had lost every person to whom he ever said 'I love you,' and that emotion now terrified him. Yet as Natsu entered the bathroom and washed his hands, the smile on that perky face warmed Gray again. If Natsu could slowly heal from something as horrific as that awful past of torturous abuse, then there was hope for himself, a way to melt his frozen heart, fiery touches that could scald those icy barriers, an igneous hero who could free him from his gelid jail.

"Are you okay?" Natsu asked in worry, gazing back at Gray in the mirror. "You look ready to cry. Did … did I hurt you? Was it my fingers? I know you're not used to that…"

"Shut up." Gray suddenly embraced Natsu from behind, pressing him up against the sink and squeezing him around the chest while resting his head within the softness of pink hair.

"Gray?" the Dragon Slayer asked in confusion.

"You're burning me up," Gray whispered, clutching him with desperation. "Don't ever stop."

Slowly, the confusion passed, and Natsu sighed as he smelled the changes in Gray. Relief and love were a nice smell when they mixed with Gray's frosty forest scent. "Same goes to you."

Gray looked up and stared at himself and Natsu side by side in the mirror. He saw the redness around his eyelids as he forced himself not to cry. He looked so pathetic. What sort of Dominant was he?

Maybe the sort who had a lover who refused to be submissive.

"I lo- … uh…" Gray flinched at the prickling fear that filled him whenever he tried to say the word. "You … I lo- … luh-…"

"Gray, don't," Natsu said, and he turned around to face the ice wizard directly. "Don't force yourself. I know." He tiptoed up and kissed Gray on his straining, tightened lips. "I already know … idiot."

"I really am an idiot," Gray grumbled. "I can't even say it properly."

"The words mean nothing. You show me in everything you do." He grabbed the naked hips and pulled Gray closer. "And I like to show you. Showing you how I feel is way better than some words. How about I show you by buying some take-out? We'll stay in tonight, cuddle on the couch, and maybe I'll let you touch me some more."

Gray smirked, feeling better simply by the understanding in Natsu's words. "Can I drive you crazy?"

Natsu chuckled lustfully. "You always do!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _When I first published this chapter, I asked if people wanted to read some Edo-Gratsu. There was an overwhelming reception. So, I wrote a PWP one-shot. Check out["Backseat Lover"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1192233) for my take on Natsu Dragion and Gray Surge, with Fireball in control. It's the only time you'll see Edo-Gray naked, and it's the very first Edo-Gratsu story on this site._


	13. Chastity Belt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Warning: watersports ahead._
> 
> _The item in this chapter is based on the CB-6000 chastity device. In case you've never seen a male chastity belt..._
> 
> _Knowing what it looks like will help if you've never seen one before, since although female chastity belts are still common in some parts of the world, male chastity belts are almost totally unknown except in the BDSM community._

Natsu walked into Gray's house without even knocking. After all, he had a key to the place and felt right at home living there. "Yo! Mira said you wanted to see me. She thinks you're gonna challenge me." He smirked, hoping the invitation was for something much more pleasurable. Then Natsu noticed a suitcase on the bed and Gray packing away clothes. "What's going on?"

"I'm being sent on a mission up north," Gray explained, tossing underwear into the suitcase. "It's an emergency; they need someone who can manipulate ice. I'll be gone two or three days."

"Oh," Natsu pouted. "So, did you want a quick romp before you go?"

Gray glanced over with a regretful smile. "As much as I'd like that, I have to hurry. The last train leaves in twenty minutes. I wanted to tell you personally, and warn you that it wouldn't be good if you come here while I'm gone. The neighbors don't know you well enough. They might think you're breaking in."

"I see. So, I should go back home." Natsu felt a little lonely already. He had come to like Gray's place. At least it was clean, and the cold was not so bad once you got used to it. "That's fine," he assured, hiding his disappointment. "I probably should clean up before Happy returns, anyway." That was true! He probably had molded food.

"Before I go, I want you to do something." Gray walked over to his chest of kinky goodies, unlocked it, and pulled out a strange device. Natsu thought it looked like a plastic, hollow dong.

"What the hell is that?"

"A male chastity belt," Gray grinned, bringing the device over. "I want you to wear it while I'm gone. I don't want you to touch yourself. I want to know for sure that you won't do anything perverted while I'm away."

"Gray, that's ridiculous. I wouldn't cheat on you, and you know I can't … you know … touch myself and stuff."

"I know, and I trust you. This is just to make sure. Plus if you're wearing it, you'll constantly be reminded that you're saving yourself for me. You said before, you like hiding my hickeys with your scarf. This is a little bit of kinkiness you hide in your pants. Happy's still gone, so it's not like he'll see you wearing it in the shower. Please," he said beseechingly. "For me. Just wear it."

Natsu took the weird plastic penis cage and turned it around in his hands. "If I'm gonna wear this for a couple days, how do I piss in this thing?"

"See the wide slit? That's to let urine pass through. It's also ventilated in case you sweat. It might be a little awkward, and you need to keep it clean; however, it's perfectly safe. You can wear it up to ten days, but we'll start with only two. I got a plastic one so that if there are any serious issues, you can melt it off."

"Melt it?" Natsu asked. "How much did you pay for this?"

Gray frowned, reluctant to say. "It wasn't cheap, but it's worth it if I can rest assured nobody will touch you. If you always feel it shielding you, you'll always be reminded of me, and that you belong to me. If there's an emergency, you can use your flame to melt it off, but I'll be disappointed. Now come on, I really need to hurry. Let's cram your dick in there and I'll lock it."

Natsu was not too sure about this. Something like this would be almost impossible to hide around the house. If Happy came home early and saw it, he would freak out. Even perfectly normal things, like urinating in the guild bathrooms, risked exposure. Still, there was a thrill to that risk. He pulled off his trousers and dropped his underwear.

"Don't harden up," Gray ordered. He rubbed a little lotion onto Natsu's cock to help the chastity cage to slide, then he shimmied the device up the length of the soft shaft. The plastic hollow dong was barely big enough for his cock, and Gray muttered that maybe he should have gone with a custom-fit one for Natsu's impressive size. He then took a plastic ring and carefully wrapped it around Natsu's testes. Already, Natsu felt the desire to harden up.

"Couldn't you have jerked me off first?" he grumbled.

Still kneeling and fitting a holding pin into the testicle ring and penis tube to link them together, Gray smirked sadistically. "Nope. I want you needing me. You'll know just how much your body craves me after merely two days."

"I need you now!"

"I know. I wish I had time." Gray used a small brass padlock to cage in the plastic tube, locking it to the ring around Natsu's balls. "There! You can still get erect, but it'll pull on the ring here and tug your balls. That will make you ache. Through pain, you'll train yourself not to get erect for anyone but me."

"Dammit, Gray, I already want to get hard just wanting you."

Gray took the half-naked Dragon Slayer into his arms and kissed him. "Be a good dragon. No touching."

"Gray…" he whined.

"I need to go."

" _Gray!_ " he yelled urgently.

Gray locked up his suitcase, and then he gave Natsu a quick peck on the cheek. "Wait for me. If you're good, I'll give you a really hard fucking."

Natsu's cock leaped, and he felt the pull on his testicles. He reached to push the urgency down. "Gray, don't say that when I'm like this."

Gray held up the key to the chastity belt. "Obey me."

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "I'm _not_ submissive."

"I didn't say you were. I just want you to suffer a bit, even if I'm not here." Gray reached down and touched the plastic cage, chilling his hand a little. Natsu cried out at the cold. His cock tried to leap up again, which yanked on the ring around his balls and sent discomfort through his scrotum. "Mmm, what a beautiful face," Gray moaned, savoring the agony in Natsu's grimace. "I'll be imagining this tormented face the whole time. I'll constantly be thinking about you, about your trapped dick, wanting to free it … and _have_ it. This will be sweet torment for you, Natsu, and overwhelmingly arousing to me. Plus you have to wear this thing in public. You have a slight exhibitionist streak, so you'll like that, won't you? Wearing some kinky cock cage, wondering if anyone will notice the bulge. You'll love this, I just know it. God, how I would love to watch how it torments you!"

He slammed Natsu against the wall and kissed him hard. Natsu whimpered as his erection really strained now. Still, he could not help but yank on Gray's hair as their tongues danced together. Mouths clashed, steamy and frosty, savoring one last taste. Shivering with desire, Gray sneered and suddenly pulled away.

"You _torture_ me, Natsu," he accused with a growl. "I'm gonna be late. I need to leave … _now_." He fled, grabbing his suitcase and running out the door for the race to the train station.

Natsu was left in the cold room, still leaning against the wall, his underwear off, the chill of Gray's home tingling his bare thighs. He still felt the pull of the erection, and slowly he tried to regain self-control. He breathed deeply, forcing the erection down. As he shrank, the pain eased, and there was relief that warmed him. It was like a treat for being good.

_Good dragon, you got soft again._

"This is crazy," he whispered. Gray had mentioned a chastity belt in his massive Checklist of Fucking, but Natsu never thought he would actually get one.

Thinking that now he could not touch himself, even if he wanted to, made him actually want to. Natsu had never been able to touch himself to fulfillment before, but having something that denied him of that ability, stripping him of freewill over the most intimate part of his body, aroused a painful need to rebel and get erect. Wearing this device was a constant reminder of that forbidden act.

Slowly, Natsu put on his underwear and trousers. He looked in the mirror and grabbed his crotch. The chastity belt was form-fitting, nothing stuck out or looked awkward through clothes, and it did not feel too awkward wearing it so long as he just stood there. Still, his dick felt huge, and the sensation was constantly between his legs. Plus he had to go outside like this. Even if he just went home, he had to leave the sanctuary of Gray's room and walk out in public … wearing a cage around his cock.

He locked up Gray's house, stepped outside, and stood there for a moment. He thought for sure everyone would notice it. As pedestrians passed by, no one stared. They kept walking. Even a group of girls who walked by and eyed him up, giggling that he was cute, none of them gawked at what Natsu thought felt like a massive enhancement to his cock.

Not that a bigger dick was a bad thing!

Slowly, getting used to the feel, he walked toward the guild instead of back home. He wanted to wear this. He wanted to sit there amongst all his friends, wearing this sensual device, hiding it, just like he hid the hickeys with his scarf.

He expected Cana to ask if he was larger, or Gajeel to make some comment about faking the size of his cock. Instead, as he sat down carefully at the bar, no one said anything. He kept glancing around, thinking for sure that everyone would be staring at his crotch. He even spun around in his chair, facing the main dining area, and sat normally with his legs spread slightly. To Natsu, he felt as if he was putting his crotch on display, _daring_ the whole guild to look at him.

However, it was a normal day, no crotch-watching, no comments. Natsu almost giggled. He had something in his pants, and no one knew. He was a pervert, wearing some kinky chastity cage on his penis, and no one would find out.

"Hey, Natsu!"

Lucy came up, and Natsu thought for sure that if anyone would notice his caged dick, it would be her. She knew him best and had gotten a few glimpses of his penis while the team was out on long missions. There was that mixed-gender onsen, that incident in the ryokan when he walked in on her in the bathtub just as he was ready to take a bath, and a few times when she had walked in on him pissing in bushes, although he was not sure if she actually _looked_.

"Wanna go on a mission?"

Natsu's mouth dropped a little. Could he even fight wearing this? What if an enemy kicked him in the nuts? What if he had to pee while on the mission, and Lucy stumbled in on him? What if they had to spend the night somewhere?

However, if he told her no, she would ask if something was wrong. People would wonder. They would look at him closer. God, Lucy might demand he go see a doctor! It was bad enough when Porlyusica figured out about him and Gray, but if that old lady saw him wearing this…

"Yeah, sounds great, Lucy," he grinned. "But try to make it a quick one. I have to be back in town in two days." He needed to be back so Gray could unlock this cage and free his dick.

Lucy trotted up to the mission board, and Natsu shifted his legs. A mission. Fighting. Working while wearing this device. Could he really do this?

Lucy picked an easy one, thankfully. They were helping an old man find his missing dog. The trick was it was a magical dog who could vanish. Natsu's sense of smell would be the deciding factor. If they were lucky, there would be no fighting at all.

Natsu knew, there was no way in hell he would get sick on transportation while wearing this chastity belt. He insisted upon walking, which meant a full day to reach the client. After two hours on the road, he changed his mind. Walking this much with that device chaffing him was torture. They hitched a ride with a man pulling a cart of hay, and Natsu simply dealt with the sickness.

They arrived in the client's town at night. They got a hotel, but Lucy was being cheap, so she insisted that they share a room to keep down costs. While Natsu waited for Lucy to finish her shower, something truly horrible happened.

He began to think like a typical teenage boy.

He heard a soft hum of pleasure from the bathroom. He knew it was just Lucy enjoying the hot shower, but his mind thought of other things.

What if Lucy took this moment alone to seduce him? Hell, the whole guild already thought the two would hook up. If she came out naked and wanting sex…

He began to get hard, but his cock smashed against the cage. Its downward-curved shape denied the cock from rising, and the tight fit around his testicles meant that Natsu could not possibly reach full erection.

And that idea, the thought of being imprisoned, made him even more aroused.

It became painful. Natsu leaned over at the waist, aching with the need to get hard, and the punishment of not being allowed to. He reached down, but he felt only the hard plastic.

If Lucy wanted sex … if she tried to feel him up while he slept…

He knew Lucy was not that type of girl, plus she was dating Loke now. Or at least, they banged occasionally. Were they even still together? Loke was anything but monogamous, so maybe Lucy wasn't either. Maybe she would not mind a second lover.

If she realized Natsu was wearing a chastity belt…

She would ask. She would push him to confess who put it on him. He could not blame a fictional girlfriend anymore. She would find out all about him and Gray. Maybe she would blackmail him. Maybe she would want to join in for a threesome as payment for her silence.

Gray had mentioned if Natsu might someday want a threesome.

Lucy was hot; everyone in Fairy Tail thought so, even the women. Natsu had even considered her for a while, thinking the whip made her a natural dominatrix. If she whipped him, like how Gray had whipped him with that riding crop…

God, that had felt so good!

"Dammit," Natsu whimpered as the memory of that night sent a blindingly painful surge to his cock and balls.

Maybe Lucy would flog him while Gray fucked him. He imagined her swinging a whip. _"Ride him faster. Faster!"_

"Ow, ow, ow!" he hissed as his cock wanted to grow, the cage prevented it, and the strain of the ring pulling around his balls aroused more desires. It was ironic that making his dick off limits made him want to use it even more.

Before Natsu could recover from the penile pain, the bathroom door opened, and Lucy stepped out with a puff of steam.

"There's still hot water if … uh … are you okay?"

Natsu was still leaned over, holding his crotch. He bolted up and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Lucy blinked in surprise. "If he had to pee that badly, he could have knocked."

In the steamy bathroom, Natsu ripped his clothes off. He looked down to the clear plastic cage and the cock that had engorged and filled the barrier. He touched the plastic, but he could not feel anything. He wiggled his finger into the slit in the base of the tube for urine, and although he could feel the skin, he could not relieve the ache, desire, and desperation. Gray's words came back to him.

_If there's an emergency, you can use your flame to melt it off, but I'll be disappointed._

Natsu gritted his teeth and held back the instinct to melt the device and jerk off. Right now, being so utterly forbidden, he felt like maybe he could have masturbated successfully for once.

He jumped in the shower, let the water hit his head, and tried to think of something else, anything else.

Instead, he realized he had to pee. He had already gone earlier that day while they were on the road. Peeing while wearing this was nasty. The slit allowed the urine to flow through just fine, but he had to wipe up anything that dripped onto the plastic tube.

Natsu realized, it would clean up better in the shower.

He could pee in the shower.

He stared at the door. If Lucy walked in while he was peeing…

Hell, the shower door was clear glass, so if she walked in, she would see the chastity belt caging him. Pissing was hardly the issue.

Still, to pee in the shower that Lucy would use tomorrow…

Gray would be proud of him. Gray would love to watch.

He imagined doing this for Gray, wearing this belt in the shower, with the steam making the cock inside obscured, and then … Gray had such a pee fetish. He would urge Natsu to do it.

_Do it. Pee while wearing that. Pee into my chastity belt._

Natsu felt his cock want to leap, but instead he pressed on his bladder, keeping his focus there. He just had to let go, to loosen up, release it and…

The first dribbles came out hesitantly and quickly clenched off. Natsu's sensitive nose smelled urine above the scent of Lucy's shampoo. He gasped as he felt so naughty, so dirty. Still, he wanted this little bit of naughtiness. Shivering with pleasure, he leaned his head back, relaxed his bladder, and let go.

Peeing … into Gray's cage. Peeing in the shower, with Lucy outside. It felt so wrong, so kinky, so…

 _Knock-knock!_ "Natsu?"

There was no way he could stop the flow now. "What?" he screamed, covering the plastic with his hands in front of him while the pee continued to flow out. Was it his imagination, or did the pouring urine make the cascading shower sound too loud? Had Lucy heard a difference in the raining shower? Had she smelled the urine?

"What do you want to do about sleeping arrangements?"

"Anything. It's fine," he said tensely. Oh God, peeing in a shower while talking to Lucy!

"I guess you can sleep beside me on the bed. I can trust you, right?"

"Totally," he said. He realized, there was no way he could do anything to her while wearing this device. That was the whole purpose of it, to stop him from having sex.

"I'll throttle you if you do anything perverted."

Perverted … like wearing a chastity belt and being aroused by thoughts of a threesome and peeing in the shower.

"Well, I'm going to bed now."

"Sure," he grunted as the pee began to slow down. He could have clenched it off, but he felt his heart racing doing this, peeing in the shower while having a normal conversation with his friend.

"Goodnight," Lucy called in.

"Yeah, g'night."

He did not hear her again, and slowly the stream of urine ended. Natsu felt like he was sweating. That had been oddly orgasmic, without the orgasm. His kinks were satisfied, and with that relief came a placid sense of fulfillment, warm and spreading through his muscles, loosening them up. He shrank down, and he felt … sated. Natsu laughed softly as he thought about how Gray's kinks were rubbing off on him.

Drying the device, however, was nearly impossible. Natsu tried, but there was no way to reach inside. Instead, he used the tiniest amount of heat—not enough to melt the plastic—to steam away the water inside the tube. He dressed, and he looked in the mirror to make sure the hard plastic did not stick out too noticeably in his pajama pants. It still felt huge, but it did not look weird.

He went out into the main room and to the bed to find Lucy already asleep. He settled beside her and smiled.

He had been such a mess a few minutes ago, but somehow doing that bit of kinkiness with Lucy around satisfied his desires. He wanted to thank her, but he did not want to wake her, or make her ask why he was thankful. Instead, he laid down facing away from her and fell asleep.

* * *

Eight hours later, Natsu woke up to the agony of a morning woody straining against the form-fitting barrier, smothering him in confusion and pain. It took Natsu a moment to realize what the hell was happening, why was his penis confined, why were his balls being pulled so painfully, why did he feel smooth hardness when he reached down to touch that dawn arousal, and how could he get himself free. Then he remembered the chastity belt. Gray wanted him to refrain from touching himself, to be eager for him.

He wished Gray was there right now to free him from this genital cage, to tenderly treat his arousal, or hell, Gray could beat the crap out of his dick and it would not hurt as much as this.

Natsu laid face up in bed, trying not to think about Gray, about woodies, and about Lucy walking around topless.

_Wait … what?_

Lucy had her shirt off, walking around with a pout. Natsu's cock throbbed worse as he saw those massive tits bouncing around freely.

"Natsu, have you seen my bra?"

"No!" he snapped crankily. "Put something on."

"Oh please! How many times have you seen my boobs? Hell, you've _touched_ them!"

He remembered that day, and the torture in his crotch shot blinding white pain through his body. Natsu rolled over so he did not have to look at her, and he reached down into the blankets, wishing he could touch himself just a little.

"Never mind. Found it."

He still laid there, wanting Gray so desperately, wanting freedom and relief. The pain and the aching need, the loss of freedom, humiliation, desperation: it all surged within him and made Natsu want to cry from the tsunami of emotions.

"Get dressed, slow poke. We need to meet the client."

He needed to meet Gray! Screw the client, the mission, everything else. He wanted Gray so badly.

Slowly, Natsu got up. He limped to the bathroom and realized once again that he had to somehow piss with this thing on. The pee dibbled out of the opening on the bottom, and he carefully washed it. Being so constantly aware of his genitals was starting to become mentally tiring.

Somehow, as the day went on, he could almost forget he was wearing the device. He listened to the client describe the dog. Natsu took a deep sniff of the dog's favorite blanket to get the scent. He and Lucy walked around the town to all the spots where the owner said the dog might be. It took a few hours, sniffing and following old scents, but finally Natsu was sure he smelled the invisible dog. He kept sniffing until he was right in front of the smell. Then Lucy used a net to trap the canine, and as it struggled, the dog became visible again. Natsu put the tiny puppy into a pet cage the owner had lent to them to transport the dog back home. As they walked back to the client's house, the dog began to whine.

"Poor thing, all caged up," Lucy pouted. "Aww, you hate being in a cage, don't you? Do you like being free? You just like to play, don't you? Maybe we can play together when we get you home. I'll pet you and play with you as much as you want."

Natsu almost lost his balance as, for a brief moment, he imagined that Lucy was saying those words to his penis. What an odd imagination he had! And it made him want to get hard again. He quickened the pace to end this mission in a hurry.

However, when they brought the dog back, after a heartfelt reunion with the owner, the dog appeared to want to play with Lucy. Glad for the help, the owner allowed her to take the dog into the backyard to play.

"I want to thank you two so much," the middle-aged man said with a jovial smile on his triple-chinned face. "Especially you, young man. It was your amazing nose that found my sweet little Griffin. Such a cute little nose, too."

"Uhh, thanks," Natsu said awkwardly. He hated when people called him cute.

"Can I touch it?"

"What?"

"Your nose."

Natsu raised an eyebrow. "Uh, sure, I guess so." _Weirdo!_

The old man lifted a delicate but plump finger, hesitated, and then softly bopped Natsu on the nose. The client squealed in delight and did a little dance. Natsu took a step back with a grimace. _Freak!_

"You're just so cute," the man exclaimed. Natsu flinched inside at having someone say that to him, but he was trying hard to be polite. "Come, I made some cookies for your trip back home. Help me pack them up while the girl plays with Griffin."

Natsu followed the man back inside the house and to the kitchen. He could already smell the cookies and began to salivate from the aroma.

"Do you like sweet things?" the client asked as he let Natsu walk in first. He lingered by the door with a finger pressed to his bright red lips.

"I love cookies," Natsu grinned. Maybe this weirdo wasn't so bad after all!

"I adore sweet things. My dog is sweet. My food is sweet." Suddenly, Natsu heard the man lock the kitchen door. "You're sweet. Your sweet button nose. Your sweet smile. That sweet semi-hardness in your pants that has been there since you first arrived."

Natsu backed up, shocked that someone finally noticed it.

The man sucked on his finger coyly. "Do I intrigue you that much?"

"Wait a minute here!" Natsu protested.

"It's all right."

"I'm not interested," he insisted vehemently.

"That," and the man glanced to the lump in Natsu's trousers, "says otherwise."

Natsu opened his mouth, but then shut it hard. There was no way he could tell a client about his kinky side. It could shame Fairy Tail.

"I can make it worth your while. I know how desperately wizards need money," the man said quietly. "There's a hefty bonus, if you're willing to stay just one more night … here … in my home."

Natsu glared protectively. "Lucy would never have sex for money, you pervert."

"I'm not interested in _her_." The man's eyes narrowed lecherously. "She mentioned needing money for rent. You could easily pay her rent for three months with the … _bonus_ I'm willing to pay."

Natsu snarled as his pride as a wizard was put into question by this man's desires. "Wizards don't prostitute themselves."

"It wouldn't even need to involve sex. Just stand there," he said, drawing closer, and Natsu backed up, sneering in disgust. "Let me admire your young body, gaze upon your taut muscles, and fantasize over you. You wouldn't have to do anything but stand there. You can even keep your eyes closed if it's my body that repulses you. Of course, if you feel so inclined, I'd increase the bonus heftily based on how much you … _help_ me." Natsu's back hit the sink, and the client leaned in close to him. "I would love to feel that sweet, hard cock in me. By how aroused you've been since arriving, I think you want it, too. Don't you, sweet little boy?"

The man reached quickly to Natsu's crotch, and before the Dragon Slayer could react, those groping fingers felt the smooth hardness.

"What the…?"

Natsu snarled. "Don't call me boy." Flames flickered over his skin. "Have you already paid Lucy?"

"What? Y-yes. Are you wearing a…?"

"Good!" Natsu punched the man's face, sending him flying across the kitchen and smashing into a cooling rack with all the cookies. "What a waste of food," Natsu grumbled as the client's bleeding nose and mouth dripped onto the scattered cookies.

He rushed out of the kitchen, ran to the backyard, and grabbed up the dog.

"We're leaving, Lucy," he said sternly. Natsu carried the dog back inside so it would not disappear and get lost again. "Poor puppy, having a perverted owner like that." He patted the dog on the head, grabbed Lucy's hand, and yanked her out of the house.

She stumbled as she tried to keep up with him. "Natsu, what's the matter with you?"

"He's a pervert," he snapped. "He wanted to pay us for sex."

" _What?_ " she screamed. "He wanted to have sex with me?"

Natsu decided not to tell her that the client's real goal was him. "Can we go straight home?"

"Definitely! I'm not spending another night in this town with that pervert around."

* * *

They had a long trip back and did not arrive in Magnolia until almost midnight. Natsu walked Lucy home to make sure she stayed safe. Then he went to his house, still feeling angry.

And also relieved. If not for the chastity belt, he would have the feel of that man's gross hands lingering on his groin. Instead, he had felt nothing but some pressure from the groping touch. Maybe it was not such a bad thing after all.

When he opened the door, he called out for Happy, but there was no answer. He guessed the three Exceeds were still away on their mission. He dumped his bag and dragged his feet to the bedroom.

There, he saw Gray sitting on the bed. The ice wizard had his arms folded and a cocky smile.

"I was wondering when you'd finally come home, flame-brain."

"Gray!" Natsu raced over and leaped at him, tackling him down.

Gray laughed and hugged him. "Wow, someone sure misses me."

"I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop … _needing_ you."

"Is that so?" Gray smiled, stroking the Dragon Slayer's back. "I'm glad I got home early. Were you a good dragon?"

Natsu pulled away and looked aside. "M-mostly."

Gray arched an eyebrow with an amused smirk. "Mostly? Did you do anything naughty?"

"I … um … I … pissed in the shower. That thing was hard to clean, so I … I…"

"That sounds so hot," Gray moaned. "Would you do that again? Would you do it for me?"

Natsu looked up with huge eyes. "What?"

"Wearing this." He reached down to the plastic cage in Natsu's pants. "Peeing with this on, in the shower. I wanna watch you pee while wearing it."

Natsu instantly tried to go hard, and immediately the confining cage reminded him that he still couldn't, not yet. But soon … very soon.

"Do it, and I'll release you."

Release. Freedom. He could let his cock go fully erect, and all he had to do was pee.

"Gimme a glass of water," Natsu said with a tense throat.

Gray fetched the water, and Natsu began to unpack his bag.

"A mission?" Gray asked.

Natsu gulped the glass down in one go. Then he handed the cup back and waved for it to be refilled. "Lucy wanted to go on one, and I didn't really have a good reason not to."

"How did that work out for you?"

"Uncomfortable," he admitted. "Then there was the client. He was a total perv, and he tried to grab my crotch."

The glass Gray had refilled suddenly frosted over. "He _what_?"

"I punched him," Natsu assured. "Good thing for the chastity belt, eh?"

"I'm making you wear that all the time now," Gray insisted.

"No way! Once in a while, maybe, but this damn thing makes me think about sex all the time, including sex with other people, and I don't want to think about sex with anyone else."

Gray glared angrily. "Sex with _who_?"

Natsu took the glass and heated it so the ice would melt. "With Lucy. Can you imagine that?"

Gray glowered and looked aside, feeling like he had been punched in the gut. "With Lucy, huh?"

"I don't want her, idiot."

"Obviously you do, at least subconsciously."

"She happened to be the only person around. It didn't help that she was prancing around topless. Hey," he said, gazing directly at the sour-face. "I want _you_. I keep getting hard whenever I think about you, and that makes me hurt, which makes me desperate. Right now, I desperately want to piss so I can take this damn thing off." He downed the glass of water. "Another!"

Gray fetched one more glass of water, which Natsu sipped as the sensation of needing to pee began to tingle him. "Other than the perverted client and Lucy messing with your head, what did you think about it?"

Natsu looked down at the bulge he thought was totally noticeable, yet no one but a perv had seen it in two days. "It's … kinky. It makes me hyper-aware of my cock. It's … fun, being out in public, wearing this, thinking about if people will notice. I don't like you being gone, but this makes me constantly think about you."

"When you were pissing in the shower, did you think about me while doing that?"

Natsu blushed and sipped some more water. "Y-yeah."

"Did you like it?"

"It felt … naughty."

Gray licked his lips, staring at how Natsu began to squirm. "Let's go for a walk."

Natsu looked up in shock. "But it's midnight, and I'll have to pee in a few minutes."

"If we stay here, I'll be fucking you in a few seconds. Let's take a walk. I need to cool off."

So they stepped outside into the cool night air. Natsu took Gray's hand, happy to feel those cold fingers once more. They walked out into the woods and to a nearby creek, strolling along the moonlit shore. Natsu sighed happily. He still felt the plastic cage around his cock, but now he knew the person who could liberate him was right beside him. All he had to do was please Gray, and he would be free once more.

It took not even ten minutes before Natsu felt the water hit his bladder. The gurgling creek was of no help.

"We should head back," he told Gray.

The ice wizard glanced over heatedly, gazing at the twitching in Natsu's face. "Do you really have to go?"

"I will soon."

Gray licked his lips hungrily. He smiled slyly to himself. "Can I stay out here with you just a little longer?" He squeezed Natsu's arm tighter, hanging onto him. "I really missed being with you."

Natsu felt warm inside hearing that, and Gray looked so cute clutching him. "Sure. A little longer."

They walked on. Five minutes later, Natsu knew he had to turn around.

"If you want me in the shower, we need to head back now. Otherwise, I'm pissing in a bush."

So Gray turned them around, and they went back up the pathway along the stream. The sound of the water seemed so loud to Natsu. His bladder felt full, jiggling with each step, and as the minutes ticked by he felt the need growing. He began to pant, swallowing hard as the urgency increased. Gray glanced over, watching that sweet discomfort in Natsu's face, needing to release so badly, but still holding it. He knew Natsu could have yanked his pants off and pissed in a bush, so to see him waiting, holding it, struggling just for him, was intensely satisfying and erotic.

"Hurry, Gray," Natsu whimpered, gulping hard and reaching down to his jostling filled bladder.

"How bad is it?"

"I'll barely make it home in time."

"Then…" Suddenly, Gray slammed Natsu up against a tree and kissed him hard. Natsu struggled against him.

"I'm serious, Gray!"

"Say it," he sneered.

"Say what?"

"That you have to pee," Gray said salaciously, nipping down Natsu's neck. "Say it."

Quietly, Natsu whined, "I really have to pee."

Gray groaned as his erection grew and strained in his pants. "How bad?"

"I'm totally ready to piss."

"Does it hurt?"

"Um … it's starting to."

Gray released him and took his hand. Natsu wanted to rush, but Gray strolled slowly.

"Gray, seriously! I've gotta go."

"You can hold it," he smiled sadistically.

"You're a huge perv."

"You're the one wearing a chastity belt."

That was true, and the cage was making his engorging cock ache more.

Natsu tried to keep walking. He rubbed the pain in his bladder. He clenched, but he felt his penis swelling with the urgency to pee.

"I'm seriously ready to burst, Gray." Natsu reached down to his pants. "Dammit, I can't even grab it to hold back."

"That bad?"

"It's about to drip."

"Oh God," Gray moaned lustfully. "Okay, we'll hurry."

They ran quickly along the shadowy forest path, but Natsu was whimpering now, walking oddly.

"Gray," he whined. "It's … it's dripping. Shit! Screw this, I'm peeing in a bush."

"Don't, Natsu. You can hold it. We're almost home."

Natsu clenched up and kept going, but his bladder was now in pain. "Fuck! Damn! Ow! Crap, I can smell it. It's leaking out."

Gray saw the house up ahead. "See, we're home."

Natsu stopped walking, leaned over a bit, and handed Gray the keys. "Get the house open. I'm … I'm totally ready to go. I'm … leaking," he confessed in humiliation. "I'll need to run to the bathroom or I'll drip on the floor."

Gray took the house keys and hurried. He was so aroused by Natsu's desperate situation, the way he whimpered, the breathless tone of his voice, and the slight pain in his face, plus knowing Natsu was putting up with this humiliation just for him. He desperately wanted to see Natsu lose it in the shower. He unlocked the house and whistled back. Natsu limped forward. In the clearing, as the moonlight shined on him, Gray saw a dark spot on the front of Natsu's pants. He really was losing it, and that made Gray's erection surge.

"I'll be in the bathroom," Gray called over. "Hurry there."

He rushed inside, heart pounding, and he heard Natsu's running feet following, with soft sobbing of shame as Natsu hurried through his house with piss on his pants. Gray reached the bathroom and instantly stripped his clothes off. Natsu came a moment later, and Gray saw the dark spot had spread.

"I'm leaking so much, Gray," he cried out. "Help me undress. I'm about to … _fuck!_ "

Natsu ran to the shower and stood there while urine slid down his legs.

"Oh God. Oh … God! Dammit."

Natsu cringed and began to cry. His face turned up, utterly mortified, not wanting to watch, wishing he could have held it back just another minute. Instead, here he was, peeing his pants. He felt the hot liquid and the wet fabric sticking to his legs. He let out a suppressed sob of humiliation.

Gray yanked those pants off of the Dragon Slayer, pulling them down and off his feet so fast, Natsu barely realized they were gone. Then Gray watched as the urine flowed out of the slit in the chastity cage and dripped down to the shower floor.

"That … is hot," he groaned. His mouth wrapped around that dick-shaped plastic cage, and he let the piss flow into his mouth. He gulped down the hot, bitter fluid. "Ugh! So fucking hot," he growled.

"You're a jerk, making me piss myself," Natsu grumbled.

While the urine was still flowing, Gray unlocked the chastity belt and pulled it off. Still, Natsu looked away in shame as piss streamed out into the shower.

"You are the sexiest man in the world," Gray sneered, letting the urine drip over his fingers and feeling the wet heat. "Damn, I wanna fuck you!"

Before Natsu was even finished, Gray spun him around and slammed his chest against the tile. Then, with no prepping, he yanked Natsu's butt cheeks to the side.

"No, wait!" Natsu screamed.

Gray rammed his cock in hard, tearing his way inside. Natsu cried out profanities, but Gray bit hard on his shoulder.

"Hold still," he snarled through gripping teeth.

"Dammit, Gray! I'm not even done pissing."

"I know. So … fucking … hot!" He pounded in as he heard the last of the dripping piss and felt the hot liquid swirl past his toes on its way to the drain.

"Gray! Shit, that's … ow!"

Natsu cried out and arched back into that sweetly painful dick pounding in him. With his bladder empty, his cock filled up hard. He had been needing this … so much!

"Touch me," he begging.

Gray reached around and grabbed his turgid arousal. "Like this?"

"Oh God, yes!"

Natsu fisted up his hands. He wanted this so badly. He had been aching more than ever. Finally, his cock was free, and all he could do was shiver in Gray's hands.

"Gray, I … I need to be … O-oh … oh God, no!"

Natsu came so quickly, he did not even have time to demand being restrained. Instead, his hands gripped into the wall, clawing at it, and he roared as his body lost control. All that pent up desire spurted with dire need. It felt so good, so relieving.

And then, he blacked out.

Gray suddenly felt Natsu go limp. He pulled out quickly and grabbed hold of him.

"Natsu!" he shouted in a panic. He laid the Dragon Slayer down in the shower and saw the satisfied smile on his face. "Idiot! You didn't give me time to finish." He kissed Natsu's forehead. "Mmm, it's good to be back home."

He washed Natsu carefully, cleaning with gentle touches so as not to wake him. He put some lotion on the chaffed skin and medicine on the bleeding ass he had pounded without warning or preparation. Still, Natsu did not wake up. Then he carried Natsu to bed. Gray went back, jumped in the shower, and stroked himself while thinking about what he had just seen.

He looked over to the pants piled up on the floor, soaked in urine, a yellow spot on the white material. Seriously, that had been way too hot, watching Natsu limping, listening to him whimpering, seeing him growing more and more desperate, and the humiliation as he felt himself peeing his pants.

"Oh God," Gray moaned as he stroked faster. "Fu- … _gah_ … N-Natsu! Y-you … are so … hot! Oh God, gonna … _nnngh!_ "

He watched as white shot out and painted Natsu's shower wall. Gray panted, utterly overwhelmed. God, if Natsu thought he needed to come, that was nothing compared to how desperately Gray had been wanting him all night since returning back to Magnolia.

"I'm seriously messed up over that guy," he huffed heavily as the shower washed the cum away.

Once he was cleaned up and dried, Gray washed Natsu's clothes. He scrubbed and sterilized the chastity belt; then he put it away neatly in its special box. He went through the house and cleaned up a few drops Natsu had spilled as he raced to the bathroom. He did not want the Dragon Slayer to feel ashamed to the point of not wanting to try this again.

Because Gray definitely wanted to watch Natsu piss again. Especially while wearing that chastity belt. That was absolutely something he wanted to try again, if it made Natsu react that strongly.

He laid down with the Dragon Slayer, gazing at the exhausted face in the moonlight. Gray moved a few stray pink hairs aside. Before drifting off, he realized this was the first time he had slept in Natsu's bed. It was also the first time they had sex without bondage. Then again, Natsu had lasted less than two minutes.

But that was fine. Seeing him like that was worth it.

Gray hugged the sleeping Dragon Slayer, closed his eyes, and dreamed of Natsu squirming with need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Bonus points if anyone knows why the invisible dog is named Griffin. (Hint: it has nothing to do with "Family Guy.")_


	14. In Sickness…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This starts a major arc I had planned for this story. Maybe not so much kinkiness at first, but I hope you enjoy the plot._

Gray woke up to a different smell. It was not like he always noticed smells the way Natsu did, but he at least knew this was not the smell of his own house. There was also heat beside him. He opened his eyes and saw Natsu curled up on his side, asleep on top of Gray's arm, looking so adorable, almost childlike … and drooling!

Gray yanked his arm out from under the pink head and grimaced at the hot saliva that dripped over his skin. That woke Natsu up with a sleepy grumble of "Huh?"

"You drooled on my arm, bastard," Gray snapped.

"Mmm … sowwy," Natsu muttered, still half asleep.

Gray wiped the arm with a sheet. Then he looked down at the sleeping Dragon Slayer. He stroked his fingers through the cerise strands and smiled down at his wild lover.

"Hey, Natsu?" He got only a sleepy grunt in reply. "I want to tell the guild. I don't want to hide it anymore. It's not fair to our friends."

"Not 'til Happy's home," came another somnolent sigh.

"I guess so," Gray realized. If they came out while Happy was away, the poor Exceed would feel bad that he had missed such an important announcement. Then Gray saw a strange crimson and maroon mark on Natsu's shoulder near the neck. He touched it, and Natsu jolted with a hiss of pain.

"What is it?" the Dragon Slayer moaned.

"It's teeth marks, I think. Probably that's where I bit you last night. I didn't realize I did it that hard."

Natsu sat up this time and rubbed his neck right over where it ached. "Did it break skin?"

"No, just deeply bruised. Sorry, I didn't realize…"

"It's fine to break skin." His head suddenly flopped back onto the pillow. "Do it with your teeth. It marks us as a mating couple. Already tasted your blood," he said, slowly falling asleep again. "Then … you taste mine. Teeth … marking us … my mmmmate … coup- … -ple…" Quickly, he was asleep again.

Gray smiled plaintively. "Your mate, huh?"

Did Natsu mean more than what they already were? They were dating secretly for now. Being a marked mating couple … did that mean…?

"Natsu, I'm home!"

Natsu bolted up in bed. Gray's eyes went wide, and they stared at each other in a moment of guilty panic. They were in bed together … and naked. Gray suddenly scrambled out of the bed, flinging sheets aside, and raced across the room.

"Gray, it's okay. We can tell him…"

Gray grabbed a clear box that held the penis-shaped chastity device. "Do you want Happy to see _this_?"

Natsu went pale. Although in a box, the plastic cage looked immensely kinky with its anatomical shape. Gray yanked only his pants on and grabbed his shirt, boxers, socks, and shoes.

"We'll tell everyone together," he said, and Gray gave Natsu a quick kiss on the lips before jumping out the bedroom window.

Natsu was still in a daze as he watched Gray fleeing away from the house. Just then, the bedroom door opened and Happy walked in.

"Oh, you're in here," the little blue Exceed said. "Are you just now waking up?"

"Uh … yeah … mission yesterday. I didn't get back until after midnight."

"It must have been a hard mission," Happy pouted. "You have a huge bruise on your shoulder."

Natsu reached up to the bite mark with a jolt of panic. "This? Uh … I got this later. So hey, you gotta tell me all about New Extalia and your mission."

Happy was more than eager to tell him all the details. Natsu dressed as he listened. He wrapped the scarf around to hide the love bite. He discovered that Gray had cleaned and folded his clothes that were soiled last night. How sweet of him!

Soon—very soon, he hoped—he and Gray would announce their relationship to everyone.

* * *

Gray was in a great mood. More than great. He felt like dancing, singing, turning cartwheels, and jumping up and down while clapping his hands like a child. The past week had been amazing. It hardly mattered that Happy came home so suddenly. The chastity belt experiment was phenomenal, and Natsu seemed to be getting over his issues way faster than Gray could hope for. As they went through a life living together, they were discovering the little secrets between the two that made a relationship easier to handle.

Best of all, earlier that week Natsu had hinted about taking a mission, just the two of them, that _just so happened_ to involve a stay in a fancy resort hotel. Nothing was finalized, it was just something they talked about one evening over dinner, but Gray really wanted a vacation for just the two of them, some faraway place where they could act like a couple without constantly worrying about getting caught.

He wanted to tell the guild soon. Gray knew the risks. He had left bruises on Natsu, and the Dragon Slayer had marked him plenty of times. He still had bruises from the bites Natsu gave him days ago—those had been some nasty bruises—and Natsu had those teeth marks on his shoulder now. Coming out to their friends meant that if anyone noticed the bruises and bites, they would know what Natsu and Gray did.

It meant getting discovered as a man who liked kinky stuff. However, that was a risk Gray was willing to take if it meant he and Natsu could date openly and hold hands in the guild hall.

He chuckled to himself as he wondered how people would react. Probably everyone would be shocked. Half the guild would drop their jaws to the floor. Erza just might faint. Lucy would squeal and want _details_. Juvia would need to be hauled down to the harbor so she would not flood the place in tears. He wanted to see their reactions.

Erza sat down beside him at the bar and immediately struck up a casual conversation. "I heard you went on an emergency call up north. I didn't think you'd be back so soon."

"It wasn't that challenging, and I rushed back," he admitted.

"Rushed? Why?"

Gray smiled happily to himself. "There was a certain person I wanted to get back to quickly."

"Another girlfriend?" she asked, but Gray did not answer. "I don't normally see you smile like that over just another girl. She must be special."

"Very special," Gray whispered, wanting so badly to tell Erza outright.

"I see. Is it serious? How long have you been dating?"

"We've been together for over a month."

"That long? I didn't know. Have you brought her in here?"

He chuckled as he realized he had brought his _date_ many times. However, he replied, "When was the last time I brought a girlfriend into the guild?"

"Never," she realized. "Loke was the only one who did things like that. Well, I would like to meet her."

He laughed again as he wondered how the redhead would react when he told her the truth.

"But Gray, I'm a little concerned. I mean, you pick up girls for one-night-stands a lot."

"I haven't done that in a long time," he snapped.

"That's good, but … well, there's no delicate way for me to ask this. You're _clean_ , right?"

He looked over in confusion. "Clean? I showered last night."

"Don't play dumb, Gray. When was the last time you were tested?"

"Gajeel challenged me four days ago."

"Gray! I mean for sexually transmitted diseases. You have gotten tested for that, right?"

He stared at her blankly. "Huh?"

She rubbed a pulsing vein out of her forehead. "Are you telling me that with how much you sleep around, you have never been tested?"

Slowly, Gray felt a chill creeping up his limbs. She had a point. He used to have sex with just about anyone who gave in after a few drinks. He had never gone to check if sleeping around did anything to his health.

"I would know," he reasoned hesitantly. "I mean, I'd have … warts or something."

"It doesn't work that way all the time." Erza sighed as she realized Gray really was clueless about something this important. "If you care for this girl, you better get tested. For her sake, I hope you've been using a condom every time. Seriously, go see a doctor. There's a clinic on Guava Street. If money is a problem, I'll even pay for it. I want you to be healthy, and I sure hope you are, because if you're sick, you're probably going to lose that girl when you tell her you probably gave her some virus."

"Lose…" Icy dread struck through Gray. "That wouldn't happen!" he cried out.

Erza just stared at him, feeling a bit sorry for the guy. By that look of terror and disbelief, she could see that, whoever this mystery girlfriend was, Gray really had fallen for her. "Go right now, Gray. I'm serious. Before you sleep with that girl again … what's her name, anyway? I hate calling her _that girl_. Natsu is the same; he never did tell me his girlfriend's name, and now I don't want to ask because it might upset him. I was curious who would date a guy like him."

Instead of answering—and maybe to get out of saying anything—Gray bolted off his seat and ran out the door. He went for a walk around town, thinking about what Erza said.

It was stupid! If he had caught some sexually transmitted disease, he would know. He had been with Natsu for over a month, and he had never gotten sick. He would know!

Wouldn't he?

Something kept nagging his heart. He found his feet taking him to Guava Street and the medical clinic there. It was a family planning clinic, the sort of place desperate couples went to as a last resort for unwanted pregnancies, or people looking for cheap birth control … or people who needed to be tested after a wild night. He stared at the respectable brick building, but he dreaded stepping inside.

There was a reason he had never bothered to get tested. It was humiliating! He would have to walk in there, ask to get _that_ sort of test, probably have some doctor examine his genitals, and if anyone in there recognized him … hell, half of Fiore probably recognized him now, thanks to the Grand Magic Games. People would talk. Rumors would spread. Someone from _Sorcerer Weekly_ might write an article about 'The stripper wizard who slept around now has to get STD tests.'

Even worse: what if something came back positive? The fear of knowing the truth was what really made him hesitate now.

If he knew the truth, he would have to tell Natsu. It was the ethical thing to do. However, if he had something, and Natsu had it too now, wouldn't it be natural for Natsu to dump him as a boyfriend?

 _Ignorance is bliss_ , as they say.

However, the more he put it off, the worse it would be. If Natsu got sick on his own, only to find out it was Gray who made him sick because he never got tested, that would be far worse than getting tested now and dealing with the results together.

"It'll be fine," he told himself. "I'm totally not sick."

He walked inside, and the bustling of Magnolia vanished, leaving a void of silence only slightly filled in by soft classical music playing from somewhere. The entryway was sterile but pleasant, with waxy wood floors and potted plants. A nurse sitting behind a desk looked up.

"Welcome!" she said in a far-too-cheery voice.

Gray came forward, glancing around nervously. Luckily, there was only one other person in the waiting room, a fatherly-looking man reading the latest _Sorcerer Weekly_. Gray saw Natsu on the cover, as if ready to set the whole magazine on fire, with a bold title: ALL FIRED UP FOR SUMMER. When the hell did that flame-brain run off and do modeling?

"H-Hi," Gray said, dropping his voice and hoping no one recognized him from the magazine. "Do you guys do … you know … _testing_?" He sincerely hoped the pitch of his voice and look in his eyes were enough.

Apparently, this young nurse had seen other people come in asking the same thing, and her cheery voice also dropped to something more calming. "Yes, sir. We have _that sort_ of testing."

He gulped hard and glanced back to the other patient, but the man was absorbed in the article he was reading, probably waiting for his wife to finish with her appointment.

"Would you like to have that done?" the nurse asked, keeping her voice confidential.

"Y-yeah. What does it involve?"

"A doctor will do a physical examination, take a swabbing, and draw some blood. He may recommend other tests if he deems it prudent."

"Okay." He felt a little better with that. "How soon can I know?"

"We have a lab here, so results are usually within the day. We can do it right now and let you know by this evening."

"O-okay."

"Fill out this form please, sir. It's a basic patient form: contact information, general health, _et cetera_."

Gray took the clipboard, sat in a chair, and began to fill in the information. While he wrote, another person came in, someone with an appointment. She checked in with the nurse, who had to go inform the doctor, and she sat down to wait. Again, Gray was terrified someone might recognize him and wonder why he was in a normal clinic when wizards had their own healers.

He turned in the filled clipboard and waited nervously. Erza's words had him in chills. What if his days of sleeping around really had taken their toll? What about Natsu? If he had some virus that others could catch, would he have to give up being a wizard?

What if it was fatal?

"Gray Fullbuster," a nurse called out.

He leaped at that name, and finally the man with the magazine looked up. Gray cursed, wishing he had put a fake name on the paperwork.

"Come on back, sir."

"Ah, yes. Thanks." He hurried forward just to get out of that waiting room. He saw out of the corner of his eye, the man looked down at the magazine, and then up to Gray. Shit! His picture must have made it into the magazine again.

The nurse took him to a small room and told him to wait for the doctor. It was a long, anxiety-filled wait. Finally, an older gentleman in a white lab coat entered and introduced himself. He explained the tests, what they would be looking for, and assured Gray that testing was a standard procedure, nothing to feel ashamed about. Still, Gray blushed as he dropped his pants and allowed the doctor to examine his genital area. Thankful, little touching was involved. Then the doctor took a swab and inserted it into the urethra. That was uncomfortable, but how the doctor did it was not painful.

"I'll get this to the lab. You may get dressed. The nurse will be in for the blood test."

For once, Gray was happy to yank his clothes back on. He felt humiliated, but he kept telling himself, this was what he really should do, for Natsu's sake!

The cute young nurse returned with a metal tray of supplies. "This is just a standard blood drawing. Stick your arm out, sir. I'll wrap this rubber band around your upper arm, you'll feel a little prick, and we'll take a couple vials."

Gray sat with his arm held out. He had blood tests before, but never for anything so potentially life-altering. He was tense and sweating when the needle stabbed into his skin. He cried out in shock, "Ow!"

"Sorry about that. Try to relax. It'll go in easier if you relax your muscles."

Gray flinched inside. How many times had he said those same words to Natsu while piercing him with his penis? Would he ever be able to say those words again, or feel inside that heat? If he had caught something…

"Alrighty! All done." She removed the needle and put on a bandage. Gray flexed his elbow while putting pressure on the needle hole to stop the bleeding faster and minimize bruising. "Come back around … let's say, quarter 'til five. We should have the results back from the lab."

"Thank you. Should I do anything?"

"No, just come back on time. We close at five o'clock."

"Okay. Um … I'll see you then."

Her sunny smile was back. "Have a good day, sir."

Gray turned away. If this had happened a month ago, he might have flirted up this gorgeous, young nurse. Now, he felt unworthy to even look in her eyes. The last thing he felt like doing was smiling.

* * *

It was evening, and Gray had avoided the guild. He also didn't go home, fearing that if he did, Natsu would come over and find him. He was not ready to face the Dragon Slayer yet.

He now sat in a room with medical posters on the wall for patients to look at, an assortment of instruments, and the raised, hard bed with waxy paper to cut down on germs. As he sat there, thinking about the worst, he wondered if this flimsy paper was really enough to protect people from the diseases living in a human body.

Those dark thoughts were interrupted by the doctor opening the door. He was staring down at a chart and only briefly glanced up to make sure this was the right patient.

"Gray Fullbuster?"

"Y-yes!" he jolted.

The doctor shut the door behind him, and to Gray it sounded like the thud of a prison gate. "We got your results back. I … have some bad news."

Gray felt his heart plummet. "Oh God," he whispered, ready to panic, unable to inhale. His entire world that Natsu had slowly heated up with his warm smile suddenly frosted over.

"The lab came back with two positives."

" _Two?_ " Gray shouted, but he quickly covered his mouth before he screamed anything else, such as the string of profanity racing through his head.

"It's all right, sir. They're both curable."

Gray let out a deep sigh. Curable! That word had never sounded so wonderful.

"The first, you maybe have heard of: gonorrhea."

"Oh shit," Gray groaned. It was like some nightmare.

"This other is called trichomoniasis, or just _trich_. It's common, and a single dose of antibiotics is all you need. Curing the gonorrhea will be a little more challenging, but there are medications. In men, both conditions can be present without symptoms, which is probably why you never realized you had it. I have to ask," the doctor added solemnly. "Have you had any partners since whenever you think you may have contracted this?"

Contracted? "I … I don't even know when I did."

"Have you had any unprotected sex lately?"

Gray thought back to the time before Natsu. "I used to get drunk, pick up ladies. That was a while back, though," he insisted.

"You could have caught it months ago, or with trich, even up to two years ago."

"I know at least once, the lady…" His eyes went wide. "Oh shit, that lady."

It was a lady he picked up at a bar shortly before hooking up with Natsu: gorgeous beyond dreams, wild and flirty, just the way he liked them. He had taken her home, and she was too eager to ride him, refusing to let him get up even to get the condom. Gray had been too drunk to care at the time. He only worried in the morning haze of a hangover that maybe she could have gotten pregnant. She had assured him she was on birth control. Then she kissed him goodbye and left the house. He never saw her again. He had been relieved to hear she was on birth control, and foolishly he assumed that meant she was _safe_.

How wrong he was!

"You may want to warn her."

Gray jolted at the doctor's advice, but he sank down at he realized something awful. "I didn't even get her name."

"I see." The doctor showed complete professional comportment to that confession. "Ethically, you should warn anyone you have had as a sexual partner since then."

"Partner?" Pink hair and a smiling face came to mind. "Natsu…"

The keen doctor saw the look in Gray's horrified eyes. "Are you currently in a relationship?"

"Y-yeah. A … well … a boyfriend." He worried if this doctor would sneer, but he was a true professional.

"Have you two had sex?"

Gray blushed at such bluntness. "Yeah, but every time I … um … _came inside_ … I was wearing a condom. Yesterday, I … I _penetrated_ him without protection, but I didn't come inside. Would that be okay?" he asked in worry.

"Unfortunately, with infections like gonorrhea, it's not a hundred percent that even a condom will be enough. You can catch it without ejaculating, since any fluid, even preseminal, vaginal or mucus membranes around the anus, can contain the bacteria. It can also be present on the skin, which is why even a condom is not a hundred percent safe. Male condoms don't cover all the skin. It can spread to your hands, and from there it can infect your own genitals, or your mouth, or even your eyes. Oral gonorrhea is common and often goes without diagnosis, brushed off as being merely a sore throat. Have you two had oral sex?"

That cold plummet hit Gray's chest again. "Oh God," he breathed in horror.

He saw memories of Natsu on his knees, those eyes looking up at him, that hot mouth around him. He shivered as that sweet memory was now tainted with the idea that he had done that with his diseased penis. Natsu had given him such a loving, erotic blow job, the first time Natsu had ever sucked a man off, and Gray shot his infected cum into that beloved throat.

Gray reached up to his mouth, ready to vomit.

"It's okay, sir," the doctor said calmly.

"No!" Gray shouted in a panic, swallowing hard to keep his stomach down. "If he gets sick…"

"It'll be fine. Calm down and breathe."

Gray snapped at him. "He's _my_ responsibility!"

Sternly, the doctor replied back, "And you will be responsible for getting him in here for testing. We can cure you both with antibiotics."

Curable! That word was a lifeline. This was curable. Still…

"God, I was so _stupid_ ," Gray shouted. "I should have gotten tested. That one time … hell, every time! I'm not even sure how many people I slept with after her. Three, maybe four … and all of them are probably sick. All because of me. Because I was too damn proud to show my face in a place like this and get the stupid test. Goddammit, what an idiot!"

The doctor sat next to Gray and put a fatherly arm around him. "The fact that you came in here shows that you're not an idiot. Stubborn, maybe, but you obviously love your partner."

Gray looked up in shock. That L-word again! However, this time he could not deny it, not with how scared he felt for Natsu's safety.

"Bring him in here tomorrow."

"Sooner than that!" Gray snapped.

"I'm sorry, sir, but the lab has closed for the night. Besides, results take half a day. Bring him in tomorrow morning. We open at eight. We can have results for him by the afternoon. I'll make sure we have the medication available, also. In the meantime, do not have sexual intercourse of any kind—oral, anal, or vaginal—until you have completed the medications and tests return clear."

No sex! It was a slap in the face, appropriate punishment for potentially putting Natsu and others at risk with his promiscuity.

"Okay," Gray nodded, swallowing hard as he shivered with dread. "Oh God, how do I even tell him this?"

The doctor squeezed his shoulders again. "In my experience, being bluntly honest about bad news is best. He may be sad, shocked, even angry, but skirting around the issue doesn't lessen the blow. In the end, this is about you taking responsibility for your own actions, including making sure you both are safe and healthy. If he loves you at all, then after the shock has worn off, he'll respect you for being honest. Right now, he and any other partners you've had need to get tested."

With a lurch of his stomach, he realized that meant Cana, too. He would have to get her somewhere private and warn her. He had to take back control, and that meant doing the ethical thing. He needed to man up to his mistake and warn people. Maybe it was that lady, maybe he had caught it earlier, he had no clue, so it was best to be safe, even if it meant admitting he had a sexually transmitted disease to every person who ever shared his bed.

"Right!" he said firmly, realizing he had to be mature about this. "Thank you."

"I can recommend a psychologist to help you and your partner through this, if you'd like."

"No," he grimaced. "It's fine, just … just a shock." He still felt numbed by the news. "At least it can be cured, right? At least it wasn't … something…" Something fatal. Something that would kill him, and slowly kill Natsu as well. "I couldn't have lived with myself if I made him sick like that." Tears threatened to come to his eyes as he realized that, for how bad it seemed, it could have been a whole lot worse.

Right now, he needed to get out of that office and collapse into Natsu's arms.

* * *

That night, he took Natsu out on a date. It was a twist for them, with Gray picking the restaurant and offering to pay. Natsu looked so happy to go out again, but he realized Gray's smiles were all forced. He smelled fear, and for a while he dreaded this was one of those _break up dates_ Lucy cried about, when a boyfriend took her out to somewhere really nice almost as an apology before dropping the bomb that he wanted to break up.

Instead, the bomb Gray dropped was far worse. At least he waited until they finished eating, although he could barely stomach the food. As he confessed everything, his eyes stayed down at a speck of sauce on his plate.

Natsu dropped his fork, and it clattered against the nearly-empty platter. Gray's eyes stayed downcast, unable to look at Natsu at all.

"You … have what?"

"Gonorrhea and trich," he whispered, hoping no one else in the restaurant could hear him over the low din of conversations and chewing food. "I know it's a shock, but…"

"Did you cheat on me?"

"What…? No!" Gray cried out softly.

"How did you get this?"

"It was from before you."

Natsu stared incredulously. "Before?" he bellowed. "After how long we've been together, you're just _now_ finding this out?" Gray realized that a nice restaurant was a bad idea. Luckily, the setting did not go unnoticed to Natsu. He dropped his voice as he growled. "Gray…!"

"I'm sorry, Natsu. It was damn stupid of me. I'm really sorry."

"It _was_ stupid!" His voice cracked, and he slammed his mouth shut before he screamed again. His fists drew up to suppress the anger. Natsu's face contorted as he tried to stay calm. "So, do I have this, too?"

"I don't know," Gray said honestly. "You could. You'll need to go in and get tested."

Natsu bolted to his feet, and Gray saw how tightly his hands were clenched. The Dragon Slayer was glaring furiously down at him, and something in the side of his jaw was twitching. Gray knew that if they were in any other location, Natsu would have punched him. He was honestly shocked that the Dragon Slayer had the courtesy to hold himself back.

Instead, he seethed, "I need to get out of here."

"Natsu!"

"Pay the bill. I'll wait for you outside." Then he turned and stormed away.

Gray flagged a waiter and paid with ten thousand Jewels, way more than the meal cost, but he did not want to wait for the check. He handed over the money and raced out after Natsu, running past the other diners. He half expected to step outside of the restaurant and right into a flaming fist. Instead, in the amber glow of a streetlight, Gray saw that stern silhouette, white scarf fluttering in a cold breeze, arms folded … no, arms hugging himself. Puffs of hot air smoked in the cold night as he heard the unsteady breathing of someone struggling not to cry. Gray felt like crawling away, but he did not want to leave Natsu alone at a time like this. He took off his coat and draped it around those trembling shoulders.

"How about we walk to the docks?"

Natsu nodded silently and followed beside him, clutching at the white jacket. They did not speak, lost in their own turmoil of thoughts, until they reached the harbor. They walked out onto a pier, and Natsu sat down, letting his legs hang over the edge, staring down into the inky water below. Cautiously, still expecting to get punched, Gray sat beside him. For another minute, neither said anything. Gray was not even sure what more he could say. _Sorry_ was not enough.

"Gray," Natsu finally whispered. "It wasn't me who gave it to you, was it?"

"I told you, it was probably from before."

"But you don't know." Natsu leaned over, resting his face in his hands as he stared at the black waves. "After that time back then, what that man did to me, I always felt … tainted. Filthy."

"Natsu! Really, it wasn't you. You were a kid. If you had caught anything from that time, you'd've had complications years ago. Besides, I'm sure Makarov had you tested. It's standard in cases like that. It wasn't you. I was the idiot who kept picking up drunk women. I should have gotten tested a long time ago, but … I never thought … I mean, I figured if I had something, I'd know. There would be sores or a fever or something. I didn't realize you could have something, even have it for months, and not have any symptoms. I … didn't know. I didn't think to get tested, not until Erza asked if I had. It just never crossed my mind. Which, in hind sight, was stupid of me." He heard Natsu snuffling, and a teardrop fell into the water below, rippling the calm harbor. "Natsu," he sighed, hugging around his shoulders. "I'm so sorry."

"Imagining you with other people is hard enough," he said with a sniffle. "Knowing one of them made you sick makes me so … so _angry_. Like I wanna go out and punch someone. They … they made you sick."

"Natsu, I'm gonna be fine," he said with more assurance than he had felt all day. "It's curable." He hoped that word acted as a lifeline to Natsu, just as it had when the doctor told him the bad news. "This isn't your fault, and it's not your mistake to fix. It was my mistake for sleeping around and having unprotected sex. It's a mistake for which I'm going to take responsibility. Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna come fetch you. You'll see the same doctor I did. He's really nice. Okay?"

Natsu used his scarf to wipe his eyes. "Yeah, okay. But you…"

"I'm just a bit sick. I'll take medication, and I'll get better. Then it'll be okay. It'll … it'll be okay." Gray felt tears on his own face now as he looked at the dropped head staring into the harbor. "Natsu, please don't tell me you're going to break up with me just because of this."

Natsu looked up in shock. "What?"

"I can be _cured_. I can!" he insisted loudly in desperation. "He said so. The doctor … he said … it's curable. _Curable!_ "

"Gray?" Natsu reached up and wiped the pouring tears. "What…?"

"I'm scared!" He wrapped his arms around Natsu, grasping him in a crushing hold. After holding it in all evening, from the moment the doctor said _I have some bad news_ , Gray finally broke down into shuddering tears. "I'm … scared," he whispered, sobbing into the white scarf. "I don't want to lose you. I messed up. I seriously fucked up, and I'm sorry. I can't even tell you how much I hate myself, how scared I've been all day, how furious I am for being such an asshole in the past. If it had been worse … if it was fatal … I'd deserve something like that, but not you."

"Don't talk like that."

"I don't want you to be sick," he sobbed. "I c-can't handle that. I hate that I put you in this sort of danger. What sort of dominant am I if I don't make sure I'm safe for my partner? To hell with _dominant_! What sort of _human_ am I?"

"Gray," Natsu said with a warm tone, rubbing the cold, shivering back. He took the white coat off and wrapped it back around Gray's arms. He tugged the collar up around Gray's neck, smiling into the tear-stained face. "I'm not going to leave you just because of this."

"But I was a total slut, and now I'm sick. I'm … disgusting!"

"No! Gray, look at me. You're not disgusting. You were just a typical horny man, and you didn't know. You didn't realize how easy it is to get sick. You've been loyal to me, right?" he asked, looking slightly worried

"I … y-yes. No one else. I'm exclusive. When I find someone worth keeping, I don't cheat. I would never cheat on you."

"Then it's fine. That was in the past, and you're a different person. Both of us are different people compared to before we began dating. We've both gotten better. Now we have each other. Come on. Let me just hold you tonight. I think you need that."

Gray snuffled up his tears. "Y-yeah," he admitted.

"Come over to my place."

"What about Happy?"

"It's fine. He'll find out one day anyway. We'll just be cuddling." Natsu stood up and stretched his hand down to Gray. "Come on."

Gray felt a smile returning to his face. He grabbed Natsu's hot fingers and hoisted himself up. Natsu did not let go of Gray's hand as they walked through Magnolia. He kept squeezing Gray's icy palm, and Gray felt a little warmth return to his heart.

Together, they walked through the moonlight to Natsu's house. When they entered, Happy was eating his own dinner—fish, of course. The blue Exceed looked up with a bright grin.

"Oh, hey Natsu!" Then he saw the darker shadow behind him. "What's Gray doing here?"

"Gray's feeling a bit sick," Natsu explained. He tugged the ice wizard to come over the threshold so he could shut the door and keep the cold air from coming in. "He'll be staying here tonight."

"Oh," Happy pouted, gazing over at Gray. He could not remember a time when Natsu took care of anyone when they were sick, so this charity toward his rival was confusing. "It's not contagious, is it?"

Gray flinched at that, and Natsu wondered how to explain it. "You won't catch it, don't worry. It's gonna be fine." He grinned back to the ice wizard, who was glaring silently into the fireplace. "Gray," he whispered, patting his cold arm. "It's gonna be fine."

"Right," he said with a raspy tightness to his throat.

Natsu rubbed the tension in that stiff arm with a worried frown. Gray had been silent the whole walk here, and it was obvious he was lost in thought, so Natsu offered, "How about I make you some tea?"

Gray tried to force himself out of his brewing anger and self-loathing. "Y-yeah, that'd be good."

"All right. Just sit down."

Happy watched with mild surprise at seeing the two rivals not at one another's throats for once. "Are you hungry, Gray?"

"Ah, no. I ate."

"I didn't fix you a fish, Natsu."

"I ate, too," the Dragon Slayer assured Happy as he got a pot of water boiling.

"Did you two eat together?"

"Yup!"

That was even more shocking to Happy, but he supposed they might have eaten with a group of people, or at the guild. "Should I set up a futon for Gray?"

"No, he's sick. He'll be in my bed."

"A futon for you, then? You burned the hammock."

"Nah, I'll be with Gray."

Happy looked surprised. "Are you going to sleep with him?"

"Well, someone's gotta look after the popsicle."

"I guess so, but…" Happy's eyes widened a little as he began to realize something. Then he smiled and chuckled to himself. "Aye, sir."

Natsu made the tea while Gray continued to sit and stare at the fireplace.

"Hey, Natsu," he whispered.

"The tea's not done yet. Almost."

"It's fine. I just … I want to say … thank you. I mean, I'm a mess right now."

"Yeah, I can tell."

"Thank you for not … for…"

Natsu brought the teacup over, still stirring in sugar, and sat beside the ice wizard. "Gray, I told you, I'm not gonna abandon you just because of this. I'll take care of you."

Gray sniffled up his tears, and finally a smile came to his face. "Thank you," he whispered. "And I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing and have some tea." He handed the cup over, and Gray blew on it before sipping. "Happy, we're going to retire early. Gray needs rest."

"Is he really sick? Should I get a doctor? I can fly into town and get one if he's really bad."

"We're going to see a doctor tomorrow morning." Natsu glanced over to Gray. "Right? Tomorrow?"

Gray snapped out of his daze. "Y-yeah, tomorrow morning. They open at eight o'clock."

"Then we'll be there right at eight." Natsu grinned back to his blue friend. "Don't worry, Happy. He's just a little sick."

"I can get some juice or something."

"Yeah, sounds good. We've been out of orange juice for weeks."

"Aye! I'll go shopping tomorrow while you guys see the doctor."

"That works. Goodnight, Happy."

"Goodnight, Natsu. I hope you feel better, Gray."

"Y-yeah … thanks."

Natsu pulled Gray around the shoulder to help him to the bedroom, but Happy tugged on Natsu's trouser leg just before he left. Natsu nodded to Gray to go on ahead. They waited until Gray walked in the bedroom alone, and then Happy whispered, "Is Gray pregnant?"

Natsu's eyes widened. " _What?_ "

"Did you get him pregnant? I peeked through the window this morning and saw you two were sleeping together. Is that why he's here? Is that why you're the one taking responsibility? I can keep it a secret if he is, but eventually his tummy will get big and everyone will know."

"No!" he shouted in a whisper voice. "Guys don't get pregnant, and…" Natsu thought to himself, ' _And if anything, I'd be the pregnant one_.' "He's caught a sickness, that's all."

"Are you sure? You can tell me if you're gonna be a daddy. I'd tell you if I got Carla pregnant, although she won't even accept my fish yet, but if someday one thing leads to another and she's expecting an egg, I would tell you."

Natsu smiled awkwardly. "Uh … thanks, buddy. I'd tell you, too." Still, Natsu felt bad that he hadn't told Happy about him and Gray. "Once Gray's feeling better, I wanna tell you about that person I was dating."

"Did you get her pregnant?"

"No! No one is pregnant. Look, I need to sleep if I'm going to take Gray to the doctor tomorrow."

"I'll be quiet. Does he need medicine?"

"The doctor will prescribe something. Thanks, though. Hey Happy, would you be upset if Gray stayed here for a while?"

"Is he moving in?"

"Not like that! Just while he's sick."

"That's fine. Are you two good friends now?"

Natsu smiled to himself and glanced over to the bedroom door. "Yeah, we're still rivals, but we're good friends."

"Are you falling in love? Your face is weird, like how Lucy looks when she sees a cute boy."

Natsu felt himself blushing. "M-maybe."

Happy just smiled broadly. "You look a lot happier talking about Gray than when you'd talk about your girlfriend. I hope he doesn't break your heart, or I'll scratch his leg."

Natsu laughed and patted his friend on the head. "If he does anything like that, we'll both scratch him and beat him up, okay?"

"Aye, sir!"

Natsu left to the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Gray was still sipping tea and staring at the bed. Natsu got dressed in pajamas, but he saw Gray just stripped naked. After all, that was how he slept in his own house.

"You can use my toothbrush," Natsu assured.

"No," Gray frowned. "This thing can be oral."

"Then I'll brush my teeth first, you brush yours next, and we'll toss the toothbrush. I could probably use a new one, anyway."

With some lackluster bickering, they got their teeth brushed and were ready for bed. Gray sat on the mattress, testing it out carefully. He knew Natsu also slept in a hammock with Happy, but he had this bed for when he wanted to sleep alone. He wondered briefly how many times Natsu must have slipped away into this bedroom to "sleep alone" while actually jerking off. However, then he remembered Natsu saying he had never been able to masturbate to completion. Did he just touch himself into arousal and hover there? That sounded hot.

Those thoughts, as erotic as they were, did nothing for Gray's libido. He was too stuck in the dark pit of despair, where haunting words whispered to him: _bad news, two positives, gonorrhea, trich…_

Natsu turned off the light, but he saw the ice wizard sitting up, staring out at the stars. Pouting with worry, Natsu walked over to the bed.

"Hey, put the tea down and scoot your butt over. I said I'd snuggle you, and I'm gonna!"

Gray moved a little, but he still did not lie down. Natsu draped his arms around the naked shoulders and clung to Gray's back like some sort of monkey.

"Kainushi?" he whispered into Gray's ear. Instead of the response he wanted, that word caused a faint convulsion through Gray's body. "Hey, you're shivering. Are you crying?"

Gray gave up trying to hide it. He sniffed hard and wiped his nose. In a weak and trembling whisper, he managed to say, "I just … I can't believe…" He let out a miserable sigh. "I feel like an idiot. I feel … like an absolute goddamn idiot."

"I told you, it's gonna be okay. You said it's curable. It's not like you have something that will kill you…"

With all the emotions he had bottled throughout that day, Gray shouted, "Yeah, but I _could have!_ I … I could have had it. Then you'd have it. That keeps running through my head." His fingers reached up into his hair and yanked at his scalp. "I got off lucky. If I had contracted some incurable virus, gave it to you, and you died … Natsu, I can't … I couldn't live with that."

"It didn't happen, Gray. We don't even know if I'm sick. I could be perfectly okay. I mean, we haven't really … you know … done too much. Not like that. I mean, we've done the kinky stuff, but as for actual sex, we haven't done it that many times. Plus you were always careful."

"Not every time."

"Almost every. Even when I didn't think we needed a condom, you used one."

"It takes only once, Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer frowned and hugged Gray, shaking him out of his melancholia. "It's gonna be okay. Lemme hold you."

Natsu pulled Gray down to the pillow, and the ice wizard did not have the will or vitality to resist. Gray was utterly defeated by his own inner turmoil.

"We're gonna get through this," Natsu whispered, hugging Gray as he spooned around the ice wizard. "We'll do this together. You took care of me when I had that kidney infection. Now it's my turn to take care of you."

Gray sighed and let his pride melt in those arms. For once, he would let Natsu be the one to keep everything under control. "Thank you, Natsu."

"Not a problem. Now sleep. I'll still be here in the morning."

Gray finally closed his eyes, and that swirl of haunting words was now replaced with a promise. _I'll still be here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A high school friend of mine once learned that a boy she had slept with was HIV-positive. She had another boyfriend by the time she heard the news. She stubbornly refused to get tested, saying "I would rather not know and live carefree than know for sure and be morally obligated not to have sex anymore. Plus I'd have to tell all my past partners, and that's too humiliating." I felt that was cowardly, extremely foolish, unloving toward her partner, and spiteful against the entire human race. We argued (I can be very persuasive when I'm pissed as hell) until finally she broke down and went to the doctor. She had other STDs, but not HIV. A couple weeks of medication was all she needed, rather than a lifetime of feeling uncertain and guilty that she might be spreading the virus to other people. Never feel ashamed to get tested!_


	15. …And In Health

"Hey, wake up."

Gray heard the words and felt shaking. He still felt exhausted, like he had been in a battle. As consciousness returned, he realized that the battle was with his own inner self.

Natsu stroked Gray's ebony hair back and kissed him on the forehead. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Too sleepy," he groaned. "How about you? Did you sleep okay?"

Natsu smiled placidly as he admitted, "I didn't sleep at all."

"Was I snoring?"

"No. I was up thinking."

"About what?"

A long pause passed before he confessed, "How jealous I am. So stupid."

"Natsu—"

"No, it really is stupid. I mean, all of us in the guild tease you about your past, how you used to pick up girls all the time. You were just a notch down for being as bad as Loke," he said with a tight laugh that betrayed painful emotions. "Mira used to say that when you two were partners, maybe Loke taught you some stuff, like how to pick up multiple girls at once. It never really bothered me back then. I'd laugh it off, tease you, call you a stripping pervert like everyone else. Now…" Natsu's brow wrinkled with tenseness. "Now I wonder … how _many_ girls did you sleep with?" he cried out in exasperation. Gray began to open his mouth. "I don't want to know!" Natsu shouted, swinging his hands out. "Still, it bugs me a little. You're that experienced and … and I'm not. Like I don't deserve you."

"Natsu, don't say that."

"It was just something I was thinking about. I mean, a virgin _uke_ and a man-whore _seme_ : it's so cliché, it's not even funny. And now … this." He gave a long, tired sigh. Staying up all night had taken its toll. "Does the test hurt? The one to see if I have this? Do I have to … to…?"

Natsu froze up, and his eyes went huge as some horror of the past surged in on him.

Gray snapped out of his sleepiness and grabbed hold of those trembling shoulders. "Natsu!"

"I … don't … no … I can't." He shuddered hard in panic and began to hyperventilate. His eyes were massive and watering up. "I won't—"

"Calm down."

Those terrified eyes turned straight at him. "Do I have to come into a cup?" he cried out with a level of horror Gray had not yet witnessed. "He won't take my cum, right?"

"No, it's not that sort of test. Calm down. They do a blood test and a swabbing. That's all."

"Blood test?" Natsu asked, looking cautious to believe him.

"Yes, they take some blood and swab your penis. It's not that painful, and it's over in a few seconds. Calm down." He held Natsu as the adrenaline shivered out. "I'll be there with you. You can even hold my hand."

"Shut up. Just … I thought I'd have to … to—"

"It's not that sort of test."

"Okay … okay…" He let out a long sigh as his shoulders loosened. "Oh God, I hate when I'm like this."

"I know. Come here. I'll hold you this time." Gray felt in control once again as he comforted Natsu in his arms. "It's an easy test," he crooned softly. "I will be in the room, too. It'll be okay." He felt Natsu sink down in relaxation. "Are you better?"

"Yeah. Sorry. I just thought about it and … I … I freaked out. I hate this."

"I know," Gray said in understanding, stroking through his hair.

"Stop petting me!" he sneered in annoyance.

"Sorry." The grumble made Gray smile. At least it meant Natsu was pulling himself out of the darkness. "Come on. Let's get breakfast. Then we'll go to the doctor."

* * *

It was evening, Natsu still had a bandage on his arm from the blood test earlier that morning. Now, he and Gray sat in the doctor's office. Here, hidden in this sterile room, they held hands. Both were shaking slightly. Natsu realized there was a good chance at being sick. The doctor had also swabbed his throat, since he had performed fellatio on Gray, and an anal exam since he was the _bottom_. They wanted to make sure the bacteria was not present anywhere.

Beside him, Gray stared straight ahead with worries plaguing him. If he made Natsu sick…

The doctor stepped in, jolting them both. "Mister Natsu Dragneel?"

"Y-yes!" Natsu snapped like a child answering roll call.

"I have good news … and not so good news. The good news is, the tests were clear for both gonorrhea and trich. You don't have them."

Natsu let out a sighing laugh, and Gray hugged him with pride.

"The not-so-good news is you _do_ test positive for human papillomavirus, or HPV."

Natsu tensed up all over again. "What the hell is that?"

"It's very common," he assured with a passive smile. "In fact, more than half of all sexually active adults have it at some point in their life. There's no cure, but it usually goes away on its own."

"Can I give that to Gray?" screamed Natsu. Now he understood how Gray had felt yesterday.

Gray spoke up, "I had the HPV vaccine as a kid. Everyone in the guild gets those vaccines. You should have as well."

Natsu's eyes dropped. "Unless I got sick before then."

Gray jolted as he realized what Natsu meant: that bad time in the past, the man who sexually abused him. Natsu still did not want to speak about everything that happened, and Gray did not push him to talk about it. Just thinking about someone sexually touching a mere child made Gray furious. Now this! Although Natsu never said precisely what happened during those weeks of torture, it was enough to have done _this_ to him. Natsu already feared that he felt filthy and tainted because of that pervert, and now he was sick. That man had not only violated Natsu, he gave the Dragon Slayer a virus, and one that had no cure.

What sort of things had Natsu been forced to do with that man that might make him sick in this way? Thinking about it made Gray crackle in frosty rage. He realized, that must be the same anger and jealousy Natsu felt about his own days dating indiscriminately.

"What about Gray?" Natsu demanded. "He'll be okay, right?"

Gray was stunned Natsu could force himself out of that past so soon, and he realized it was only because Natsu was truly worried about him. That made Gray's cheeks warm up with happiness.

"I have a dose here of metronidazole for trich. I've also filled this bottle with the pills you must take for gonorrhea. It's vitally important that you take them on time and until you run out of pills. Gonorrhea can clear up, but only if you take the medication fully. In two weeks, we'll test you again and see if the treatment worked. If the bacteria is still present, we'll need a more rigorous approach. I don't think it'll come to that. It should clear up fine."

"Thank you." Gray immediately took the medication for trich. Might as well get that out of the way. "So what about Natsu? There's … no cure." Gray had been bolstered by the doctor's assurance that his issues could be cared for with medication. Natsu did not even have that much to hang onto.

"HPV usually goes away on its own. It's so common, you shouldn't need to worry. I would hardly bother to tell you, except certain strains of HPV can lead to complications far in the future."

"Complications?" Gray shouted. He felt the same horrific dread he had known yesterday, like tiny needles flowing through his veins and twisting in his stomach. He looked over to Natsu, but those squinty eyes were fixed on the doctor, listening without resorting to screaming, taking in the medical professional's words with calm acceptance. He was surprised Natsu did not look and feel as worried as Gray did himself.

"You must realize, there are dozens of strains of the virus, and only a few can lead to clinical complications. Sadly, there's no way to test precisely which strain Mister Dragneel has. There is a small possibility of developing cancer later in life. You're young and vigorously healthy, so you should be fine, but after the age of forty, you'll want to make sure you're screened for anal and throat cancer once a year, just to be safe. There is also a strain that can cause genital warts, a completely different type than the cancer-causing strain. If you get anything like that, come back here and we can treat it. However, like I said, only a very small percentage have any problems, and your examination this morning showed nothing abnormal. Usually, HPV is silent, dormant, and as I said, most sexually active adults have it at some point. You can get it by simply kissing."

Gray gawked. "By just _kissing_? That easily?"

All the horrors he had been imagining faded. That pedophile bastard could have done nothing more than kiss Natsu and gave him this virus. Hearing that made Gray feel slightly better. Sitting beside him, Natsu still had the same expression, stern but blank, listening but non-responsive.

"Don't worry, really. It'll likely clear up on its own. Well, that's all," the doctor smiled. "I wish you both happiness, and I'll see Mister Fullbuster in two weeks for testing. Good afternoon, gentlemen." Then the doctor left.

Gray collapsed into Natsu's chest. "Oh Natsu, I'm so relieved."

His eyes were still sternly forward. "I still have something," he said in a hollow tone.

"He said almost everyone gets it. I had the vaccine, so you can't give it to me. It's fine. It's … all fine." He crushed Natsu into a hug. "I was so worried. I didn't want to taint you and have you hate me."

Natsu finally relaxed out of his stiff posture. "I wouldn't have hated you even if I had caught something. Maybe I'm _burning_ your infection out of me," he bragged lightly.

"Oh God, I hope so. I was—" Gray suddenly cracked. "I was so worried." He broke into tears.

Natsu hugged him. "I know, Gray."

"I was _scared_!" he shouted. "About you, about getting you sick. Just thinking about it makes me wanna scream."

"I know," he soothed. As Natsu held Gray, he felt the shuddering in those shoulders. "Let it out here."

"I'm … not crying … in a doctor's office," he blubbered wetly.

"Better to cry here than out in the middle of the street, right? It's just us in this room."

As Natsu hugged him, Gray shrank. Again, he gave up control and let Natsu console him. "I … was scared," he squeaked out from his straining throat as he jolted with sobs he tried to hold in.

"I know," Natsu whispered comfortingly. "So was I. It's okay now. I'm okay. You _gonna_ be okay. We'll get you healed up."

Gray snuffled up his tears. Then he laughed in a shivering way. "I can't have sex for two weeks."

"Well, I just can't get your cum on me, right?"

"Or put your mouth near my groin. It's skin-to-skin, so you really shouldn't touch me down there at all."

"We could do … other things … can't we?"

Gray looked up in confusion. "I dunno."

"We need to ask."

Gray leaped up and opened the door. "Doctor!"

"Yes, gentlemen?"

"We have a question." Gray looked out into the hall at the nurses and realized there were other patients around. "Can you come into the room?"

The doctor entered, and Gray shut the door. The doctor glanced around at the two young men.

"We wanna know," Gray blurted out. "Can we…? Oh God, this is embarrassing to ask. Can we still do … some stuff? If I'm careful, of course, and if I don't get anything on him?"

The doctor sighed as he maintained his professional comportment. "I would not recommend it, but I suppose if you wear a condom the whole time and the penis is not inserted anywhere, since even the preseminal fluid can contain the bacteria. It's best if Mister Dragneel does not come into contact with the skin around the genital area at all. Preferably, if Mister Fullbuster masturbated while Mister Dragneel watched without direct participation, or wearing a latex glove. That way, physical contact with the bacteria in that region is less likely."

Natsu asked, "What about other areas?"

Both the doctor and Gray looked over and asked together, "Other areas?"

"Yeah, like it's okay if I give him a normal back or foot massage, right? Just don't touch his cock."

"Or the anus," the doctor warned. "I would also recommend that you don't put your fingers in Mister Fullbuster's mouth. Contracting the bacteria that way is rare, but it can happen."

"But I can suck on his fingers, right?" Natsu asked. "He just can't suck on mine."

"Only if his hands are clean and have not been in contact with his genitals."

"What about his toes?"

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "Toes?"

" _Toes?_ " Gray shouted in shock. What the hell was this flame-brain plotting?

"I can suck his toes, right? Or he could suck mine?"

Gray felt a jolt in his pants as he imagined what Natsu was talking about.

The doctor thought about it seriously. "To be honest, I don't think I've ever read of a case where gonorrhea was transmitted via the feet. The toes are too small to reach the pharynx. Assuming his foot was not in direct contact with his genitals—which would be quite a flexible move—then sucking on the toes should not pose a threat."

"Okay, so what about me?" Natsu asked. "I have that virus."

"A virus that over half of humans get," the doctor assured. "I've had it. My wife has had it. My eldest son tested positive for it before the vaccine came out. Often, HPV lives in the body undetected and perfectly harmless. Your pelvic examination this morning showed no outward signs. You are healthy and asymptomatic. Since your partner is vaccinated, it should be fine. However, I highly urge abstinence while Mister Fullbuster is undergoing treatment. The fact that Mister Dragneel is not infected despite being a sexual partner is, frankly, quite shocking. You're a lucky man, but don't push your luck."

Sternly, Gray decided, "I'm not going to let him get sick. But I can … _touch him_ , right? I know he shouldn't touch me, but can I still touch him safely?"

"Make sure your hands are cleaned with antibacterial soap, no cuts or hang nails, and only your hands. Even if Mister Dragneel were to use a condom—"

Natsu suddenly flinched and gagged down a cry. Gray heard and turned to him. Condoms! That man in the past must have used things like condoms to help him collect sperm from Natsu.

"Natsu, calm down," he whispered.

The doctor stepped forward in professional concern. "Are you feeling ill?"

"It's fine," Gray snapped. "Sorry, doctor, but this is something that doesn't fall under your credentials. Give us a moment and we'll be gone. Thank you very much, truly."

"If you say so. Good day, gentlemen."

Once the doctor was gone, Gray fully hugged Natsu. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah," he shuddered. "Just … when he said that—"

"It's going to be fine. My poor dragon!" he cooed softly, squeezing Natsu. "I'm right here. I'll take care of you."

Tossing his care and well-being to Gray was like _that time_ , with the collar and leash. "What do I do, kainushi?"

Gray heard the rare submissive pitch to Natsu's words. He was the dominant, so it was his responsibility. "You don't have to worry. Leave it to me."

"Do I have to come in a condom? Coming inside something … I … I can't … I can't do that."

"We obviously won't do that to you." He stroked the pink hair and held Natsu as his fears slowly dissipated. "I'll take care of you. I won't let you get sick, and I won't make you do anything that's scary, even if that means I can't come for two weeks."

Natsu looked up with a slight pout. "Wanna go back to your place?"

Gray wished he could take Natsu home and spend the whole night easing his fears, but he still had some responsibilities. "I need to go see Cana before it gets too late."

"Cana?"

"About … about me. About the infection."

"Why…? Oh." Natsu frowned and looked aside. "You and her?"

"A one-time thing, before the lady who I think gave me this, but it'd be unethical not to warn her anyway in case I caught this earlier. However, she'll complain. Whether if she's infected or not, she'll tell the whole guild. I can just imagine her shouting to everyone 'Gray's got gonorrhea.' Everyone will think I'm such a slut, I got what I deserved, and maybe they're right—"

"No, don't say that."

"I don't want anyone to think you also have this, or heaven forbid, if they think you were the one who gave it to me." He stroked Natsu's head gently. "I don't want _anyone—_ not even yourself—to think you're filthy." Then he gave Natsu a kiss on the forehead. "I know we wanted to tell the guild about us, but I don't think this is the best moment to come out. When I'm better, we'll tell everyone. I really don't want to keep it secret anymore, but … this is going to be a really bad time for me. Let me deal with the repercussions on my own. I…" He looked away with a stern brow. "I need to do this much on my own. I need to take responsibility, and I don't want to drag you into my mess. Not for this."

Natsu looked down and nodded. He wanted to help Gray, but Natsu knew quite well that there are moments when a person had to fight their battle alone. "You can still stay at my house. I asked Happy, and he's fine with it."

"Thanks, but I heard him asking if I was pregnant. I don't want him to think I'm trying to infect you. Plus, quite honestly, I'd be too tempted." He put his hand on Natsu's head and bent to look into his lowered face. "I'm really sorry, but I need to stay away from you."

"What? _Why?_ We can still do things," he argued, realizing he sounded whiny and desperate. "The doctor said so. At least you can touch me. You can still tie me up. That's safe. It'll just take a few adjustments, a few limitations. We can work with that."

"Natsu…" Gray shook his head sadly. "You're too much of a temptation, and I'm not a strong-willing man. If I give in just a little bit, I'll want all of you."

Natsu wanted to be sad hearing that, but Gray's reason for staying away made him a bit happy. Knowing the ice wizard was—what was the word he once used?— _enthralled_ by him made Natsu feel smug. Gray was addicted to him. He had made Gray into his little sex slave.

It made him want Gray even more.

"We should free up this room," Gray realized. "I'm heading to the guild. You should go home. I know you too well, and if people start making fun of me, you'll get defensive and try to beat them all up."

"I wanna be there when they find out," Natsu said stubbornly. Gray opened his mouth to protest, but the Dragon Slayer had a gleam in his eyes. "I want to be the one to call you man-whore first. You teased me when everyone thought I got dumped by my girlfriend. Time for me to tease you back."

"Don't fight anyone," Gray warned. "Don't protect me."

"You're on your own, I get it," he assured. "When it's over, or when you can't take anymore ridicule, stay at my house. Not the whole time you're sick, but just tonight. It's been a hell of a day, and I need you there. You keep the nightmares away."

"Idiot, you didn't listen to a word I said."

"I did, but I'm saying I need you tonight. You can hide away in an ice cave after that, but … just for tonight. I want to hold you. Nothing kinky."

"Fine," Gray sighed, but he was glad to know Natsu wanted to stay beside him through this. He muttered petulantly, "Thank you."

"I'll go first," Natsu decided. "I need to talk to Happy to make sure he doesn't say anything about us. Come in a few minutes after me." Then Natsu jumped off the examination table and hurried out of the doctor's office.

Gray took a moment to brace himself … and find his shirt, which had once again gone missing. The best scenario was that Cana would take the news well and want to keep the whole thing a secret.

Of course, this was Fairy Tail. _Best scenarios_ never happened here.

* * *

When Gray arrived at the guild hall, Cana was in the middle of a drinking contest with Bacchus as her opponent. The whole guild cheered, but Cana looked wasted already, while Bacchus was just a bit flushed. Gray had to stand to the sidelines and watch until Cana finally fell backwards with a drunken whoop as she passed out.

"I win," Bacchus declared. "I'm taking my prize." He hefted Cana up and slung her over his shoulder.

"Wait!" Gray yelled. "I need to talk to Cana."

Bacchus grinned down at Gray. "You can see her in the morning, after I'm done with her."

"No!" Gray shouted, realizing with horror what Cana must have agreed to as a _prize_. "Look, I have to talk to Cana right now. It's really important."

Bacchus moaned and tossed the fully unconscious woman at Gray with almost no regard. "Fine, if you can wake her. I give ya until I finish the barrel she didn't drink." Bacchus flopped back onto the alcohol-covered table and took up Cana's barrel.

Gray hurried Cana to the medical room and got sniffing salts to wake her up. Then, although he doubted she fully understood anything, he told Cana the truth. He emphasized that he thought he caught it after the two of them had sex, but there was no way for him to know for sure. Purely to be safe, she should get tested. Cana listened without saying anything. She nodded, she agreed that she should get tested, and she thanked him for coming forward and being honest. Then she stood up, wobbling only slightly. Gray let her lean on him as they walked back out into the main hall.

Suddenly, Cana bellowed loud enough for half of Magnolia to hear: "Sorry, Bacchus. I can't fuck you tonight. Gray gave me gonorrhea."

That started a small riot. Gray had never felt so despised. People sneered at him. Some of the women scoffed that he got what he deserved, and they were glad they had not slept with him. Cana was practically gloating about their one night together, saying hurtful things like "He wasn't worth it; he didn't even last long enough." Lucy stomped up and slapped Gray across the cheek for being irresponsible. Erza held the blonde's hand back from doing anything more than that. The Titania pulled Gray aside, away from the harsh insults. However, her words hurt worse.

"You've put a lot of people in danger with your recklessness, Gray. I am very disappointed in you."

Ouch … like a sword through the heart!

Her next words were softer. "However, the fact that you got tested and even took responsibility by telling Cana shows you really are a mature person. For that, I'm proud of you. Have you told your other lovers?"

His eyes drifted, but he did not see pink hair anywhere in the crowd. "I've only told one other, but I'll try to find the rest tomorrow."

"That's good. What about your girlfriend?"

He flinched. Just yesterday, he had almost come right out and told Erza that the person he was interested in was not a girl at all, but their very own Salamander. Now, Gray felt a terrifyingly desperate need to protect Natsu's reputation by not dragging the guy down along with him.

"We just got back from the doctor. The results were negative, and I think we're not breaking up."

"I'm really glad she's not sick. She must really love you if she can forgive you. Hang on to that one."

Gray smiled with a small blush. "I definitely plan to."

Just then, someone shouted out, "We should put an article in the newspaper. Gray's probably slept with half the women in town."

"Not just this town," another person shouted. "Call up _Sorcerer Weekly_. How many cities has Gray screwed around in? How many wizards in other guilds?"

"Uh-oh! Warn Blue Pegasus!" someone laughed.

"I need to get out of here," Gray growled.

Erza told him one last thing. "Take a couple weeks off. If you have trouble paying your rent, just tell me. The team can take bonus missions to help you out. I'll talk to Lucy, too. Hitting you like that was out of line. I don't know where Natsu went, though. He was here a minute ago, but he took off. Maybe he's planning on confronting you outside. Be careful around him. Don't get into a fight."

"I won't," he said, holding back a smile. At least no one had a clue Gray and Natsu were together. He wanted to protect Natsu as much as possible.

Gray had hoped to see Natsu waiting outside, but he was not there. He looked around the streets, but nothing. Natsu had said he wanted to hold Gray tonight, but then he vanished. Gray wanted the Dragon Slayer's warm embrace right now, but he also felt like just being alone to wallow in self-hatred. He had no clue which home to head to: Natsu's or his own.

His need for Natsu must have been greater than he imagined, because he found his steps taking him out of town and along the path to the little hut in the woods. When he came near, he heard shouting from inside.

"Happy, really, it's okay."

"It's not okay," the squeaky voice of the Exceed protested angrily. "Gray is with Cana."

"He's _not_ with Cana."

"But he gave her a sex disease."

"It wasn't like that, Happy. Gray caught that from someone else."

"And then he gave it to Cana. They slept together. Natsu, I know what a STD is. I'm not stupid. I don't want you to get sick. Besides, Gray sleeps around. He's gonna hurt you."

"He … he won't."

To Gray's surprise, Natsu did not sound fully convinced. Did he really worry about Gray's fidelity?

"He's just barely less bad than Loke," Happy argued.

"Loke is loyal to Lucy."

"I saw him kissing another girl last week. He's not loyal. Gray won't be either."

Gray felt like bursting in there and defending himself, but Natsu shouted quicker.

"Gray might have slept around in the past, but that doesn't mean he cheats on anyone he really loves."

"You don't know if he loves you. Have you told him how you feel?"

"I … that is … y-yeah, I told him."

"Did Gray say he also loves you?"

"He … well … no, but he said he … he … cares for me."

"Natsu, that's not love."

"It _could_ be. If the caring is strong enough."

"If you tell him you love him, and he only says he cares for you, then he doesn't love you. Please, Natsu, I don't want to see your heart get broken."

"He doesn't have to say it to feel it."

"Yes he does! How else could you know?"

Gray listened, but he heard nothing, no retort, no defensive explanation. He realized, Natsu obviously did not want to get into all Gray had done to _show_ his feelings.

"Natsu, he doesn't love you…"

Gray had heard enough. He burst into the house and glared at the two of them. "I do!" he shouted. "About what you're talking about: I feel that way."

Happy blinked in surprise. "Do you really love Natsu?"

Gray looked at the equally stunned Dragon Slayer and whispered, "Yes." He gulped hard. Even just answering a question like that was terrifying. He half expected a monster to crash through the house and suddenly crush Natsu under its massive foot.

Happy now looked angry. "Then why did you sleep with other girls?"

"That happened before I fell … fell in … before I began to feel this way." He cursed himself inside for not being able to say the words. "I'm sorry, Natsu. For not being able to tell you properly … I'm sorry." Gray gulped hard and fisted up his hands stubbornly. "I like you … and I need you. I care for you … and I want to tell you the other, but it still terrifies me. The more I feel that way, the more it scares me, because I feel more and more that I can't lose you."

"I understand," Natsu assured him.

"I don't want you to get sick, so I won't do anything. Happy, please, don't tell anyone about us until I finish my treatment. I want to tell the guild. I want to tell _everyone_. But not while I'm sick. I don't want to shame Natsu. Just being around a man like me is shameful…"

Natsu bolted forward and hugged Gray. "Don't say that!"

Gray looked over to Happy, worried how the Exceed might respond to a hug like this, physical proof that he and Natsu were more than just teammates and rivals. Happy politely looked away, picking something in his nails. He was giving them a moment together, and Gray realized just how good of a friend Happy was to the flame-brain.

Natsu sighed as he embraced Gray. "I'm not ashamed to be in love with you. I left the guild because Happy flew off in anger, not because I was mad at you. He knows I have feelings for you, and he thought you betrayed me. He was just a little angry."

"I can understand that," Gray muttered, remembering how last night, it was Natsu in a fury as he thought Gray must have cheated on him. "That's why I don't want anyone to know yet."

"I get it," Natsu muttered sadly. "This'll be hard enough on you. I don't want to make it worse. And wow, Lucy left a huge hand print on your cheek. She slaps hard!"

"Yeah, and if she or Erza thought I'd try to seduce you while I have this infection…"

"Oooh," Natsu realized, trembling a little, and even Happy shivered at the thought of Erza's wrath. "Yeah, that would be bad. Then we'll keep this secret a little longer." Natsu looked back to his cat. "Is that okay, Happy?"

"Aye, sir. Erza can get really scary."

Gray pouted and muttered, "I'm just glad she wasn't the one who slapped me. I'd still be unconscious."

"Stay here," Natsu insisted. "At least for tonight. You still haven't eaten dinner."

"Aye!" Happy nodded. "I bought you juice, and I did extra fishing today because Natsu said you were going to stay, and fish is really good when you're sick."

"Fine, fine," Gray laughed, giving up any attempts to protest this. Then he sighed with happiness he did not want to fully show, because if he did, he just might cry. All he could say was, "Thanks, you two."

Happy grinned brightly. "I'm just glad you're not pregnant."

Gray blushed awkwardly. "Uh … yeah. Me too."

"If you and Natsu had kids, they'd look really funny. I also think Magnolia wouldn't last long. But you'd make a really good mommy, Gray."

Natsu stood to the side, laughing loudly at Gray's flustered face.


	16. Hopes, Fears, and Lust

Gray woke up to hot fingers tickling the skin of his cheek with slow caresses. When he drowsily opened his eyes, he saw the pink-haired Dragon Slayer sitting beside him in bed, gazing down with unusual intensity.

"Hey," he yawned. "I told you to stay away while I'm sick."

"You got this in the mail." Natsu held up a letter.

Gray squinted through the morning light. "You opened my mail? That's against the law, you know."

"The last blood tests came back clear."

Gray stared at him in a daze, and then he sighed deeply. "Is that so? Then it's over." He felt a deep burden suddenly fall from his shoulders. "Two weeks without sex. I honestly didn't think I could last that long."

"I need you, Gray." Urgency and lust burned in his voice. "And I think you need me."

Gray smiled up at his insatiable boyfriend. "Desperately."

Natsu did not wait. He slammed his lips against Gray's and thrust his tongue in, craving that wintry taste once again. Gray felt hands pulling at his clothes. Obviously, Natsu did not want to wait even until Gray could brush his teeth. He chuckled at the eagerness and gave in, stripping his clothes off and pulling away Natsu's as well.

He had almost forgotten those taut muscles and the heat of Natsu's touches. Now, the Dragon Slayer was wildly voracious, nipping down Gray's neck, biting his collarbone, and lathing his tongue around Gray's nipples. Gray laid back, savoring every touch and lick. He never realized just how touch-deprived he had become.

"Gray," Natsu breathed through heavy panting. Suddenly, he grabbed Gray's arousal and pumped it firmly while gazing heatedly into those stormy blue eyes. "I need you."

"Roll over…"

"No!" Natsu looked aside, debating something. His face looked both worried and determined, so Gray kept quiet to see what was wrong. "Something Happy said made me think of a way I can … I can make love to you."

Gray shivered at the thought. "To … to me? You on top?"

Natsu nodded, blushing slightly. He leaned over Gray and stared down close, searching those droopy eyes. "I want to make you pregnant."

Gray gawked, utterly flabbergasted. A laugh suddenly burst out. "Whaaat? But Natsu, a guy can't…"

"I know!" he interrupted. "It's all mental. It's how I need to _think_ about it. I want to give you my cum so we can have a child together. That puts it in my control. You're not _taking_ my cum; I'm _giving_ it to you. That man … he wanted my semen to breed a Dragon Slayer. It was out of my control. This isn't _breeding_ , though. It's just us, and I love you. I love you enough to want to raise kids with you."

Gray's mouth dropped. Natsu loved him _that_ much? Tears of joy began to burn in Gray's eyes. He had no clue what he could say to that.

"So I'm going to _give you_ my seed. I know it's ridiculous, but let me just think it that way."

Gray realized this was no different from when Natsu had to pretend he was getting raped. It was just a band-aid to help him get over phobias. "Fine," he agreed, and Gray chuckled softly. "Let's _make babies_."

Natsu at least knew the basics. He had entered Gray once before. At that time, he had freaked out. He was still on bottom with Gray riding on top. That had been the biggest mistake. It made Natsu not in charge, handcuffed and forced. This time, Gray laid on the mattress, gazing up as Natsu prepped him. Natsu was fully in control. Gray surrendered everything to him. He watched, keeping silent in fear of triggering something, only moaning as those hot fingers pressed in and widened him slowly.

"I still can't use a condom," Natsu warned.

"That defeats the purpose of making babies, right?" Gray reasoned.

It took a moment, but Natsu grinned. "Right!" He gazed down to his own eager erection, and then up to Gray's flushed face. "Are you ready?"

"I have been for a long time," he moaned.

Gray watched as Natsu drizzled lube all over him. Then the Dragon Slayer focused down, holding himself as he guided it in. Gray felt the pressing thickness, pain as it tried to pry him open, and a slight tearing. He forced himself to relax despite the pain.

"Ugh … arrrrgh … N-Natsu! Oh God, you're huge."

"Sorry," he whispered, focused now. "Just relax. It'll go in easier."

Suddenly, it was inside. Natsu waited, and Gray panted as the pain eased away.

"Okay," he nodded, slowing his breathing. "I'm okay."

"Can I move?"

Gray reached up and held Natsu's face with an endearing smile. "Make love to me, Natsu."

Finally _… finally_ , Natsu was inside him. He felt the slow thrusts, gentle and cautious at first, tenderly making sure this would not hurt. Then Gray felt Natsu gaining confidence, and with it came speed. As Gray loosened and grabbed Natsu's hips to pull him in tighter, the Dragon Slayer's wild side emerged more and more.

"I'm gonna ram you into the bed," Natsu growled.

"Hell, yes!" Gray moaned loudly.

Each thrust felt like it might undo him. Natsu suddenly clawed down Gray's chest, scratching deep welts, and making Gray's spine arch in painful bliss.

"You're my mate, Gray," he huffed with puffs of steam. "Now. Always."

Gray could only hold on as Natsu pounded into his ass. The bed creaked in a squeaking rhythm. The air reeked of sweat and the scent of lubricant. Too quickly, Gray felt he was about to come.

"N-Natsu!" he warned.

"Almost…" Natsu gasped suddenly with wide-eyed shock. "G-Gray!" He looked like he was about to panic right at the critical moment.

Gray grabbed Natsu's flushed and sweaty cheeks and force him to look down into those steel-blue eyes. "Do you want a family with me, Natsu?"

The Dragon Slayer looked stunned, as if Gray had just proposed to him. Gray realized, in some roundabout way, he had. Natsu laughed happily. "Yeah. I do. With you." He leaned over and kissed Gray's lips. "Always with you."

It was an oath and a hope.

Natsu suddenly tensed up and gulped hard. His brow crinkled as he felt the impending release, and his fingers held so tightly into Gray's arms, he was leaving behind bruises. Gray grabbed his own shaft and pumped himself, bringing himself to climax quickly.

"Natsu! Nnngh!" Gray groaned as he splattered over his hand and chest.

"Aah. Aaaaaaah!" Natsu screamed, both terrified and allowing all of his fears now to rest upon his love for Gray.

Gray felt Natsu still inside, the shaft pulsed, and burning pressure filled him. He groaned Natsu's name, keeping him in the moment. He repeated that name, not letting Natsu have a chance to slip into some nightmare.

"Natsu … Natsu … Natsu…"

"I … I did it," he finally said, laughing wearily at the victory over the darkness. "I was able to fully make love to you. Hah!" he laughed, shocked and tired. "I did it."

"I knew you could," Gray said with full confidence. "I…"

Gray's throat clenched, cutting off the words. However, he realized that since Natsu could defeat his demons, he needed to as well. He had to let Natsu be the one to shoulder his fear this time.

"Natsu," he said seriously. Gray gulped hard, and suddenly he blurted out, "I love you."

Natsu's eyes widened. He froze for a moment, stunned by the words. "You … what…? Say that again," he said with tears of joy in his eyes.

It felt easier the second time. "I love you."

"Gray," he wept. Natsu laughed and hugged him, squishing cum between their chests, but neither one cared. Then he raised up, a beaming grin gleaming in the low bedroom light. "Once more. Say it!"

"Idiot. Why say it three times?"

"Because I wanna hear it."

Gray sighed, but he smiled up at his boyfriend. "I lov-…"

Gray heard a deafening bang. As if in slow motion, he saw something enter the side of Natsu's skull and blast out the other side. Blood and brains splashed over the bed. Natsu's empty eyes still stared down at Gray, the light in them snuffed right in the moment of happiness.

"No!" Gray cried out in horror.

A second later, Natsu collapsed heavily down on top of him. Gray scrambled, pushing Natsu off and rolling him over. Half of his head was blasted apart.

Blood.

Blood everywhere.

Those green eyes gazed up blankly.

"Oh God, no!" Gray screamed. "Natsu? Natsu!" He grabbed the peach-soft cheeks, but they were already getting cold. The fire was gone. Only the cold remained. "Noooooo!"

* * *

Gray jolted up in bed screaming. Not only had his wet dream ruined his sheets, but now he was shaking in terror. That old fear had reared up, bringing with it terrifying memories.

Everyone to whom he had ever said 'I love you' had died. Natsu would be no exception.

Death.

Blood.

Horrific scenes flashed through his head. His mother's dying screams. His teacher's crushed body. His school friends littered across the snowy blood-soaked streets of his destroyed town. Ur cracking apart into ice.

Death everywhere.

And now that scene. Natsu dead, killed brutally, all because he had said _those words_.

It was not the first time he had a nightmare about Natsu dying just after confessing his love. After his pseudo-confession the day Natsu's blood test results came back negative, Gray had feared that just saying that much—merely answering 'Yes' to Happy's question of 'Do you love him?'—was enough to damn Natsu to a horrific death … just like how everyone else to whom he had said 'I love you' eventually died.

Gray sat up in bed and curled around his knees, hugging them, panting and crying as the dream faded.

"I can't tell him," he sobbed. "Dammit, I can't risk it. I … I can't lose him."

That was something Gray would never risk. Even if he could not say it out loud, he knew in his heart, he had fallen in love with Natsu so deeply, he could not risk losing him.

Even if it meant never being able to tell him how he really felt.

* * *

After the news of his illness came out in such a horrible way, Gray stayed away from the guild for a few days. Nobody blamed him. After the shock of the news settled down and Cana came back from the doctor with a clean bill of health, people began to regret how they had teased Gray during what was likely a horrific time for him. Makarov, who had been away at a council meeting, heard about it upon his return and scolded them all harshly. Heads dropped, people felt awful that they had treated their own guildmate in such a deplorable way. Makarov especially scolded Cana for her utter lack of discretion.

Some people wanted to make it up to the ice wizard, but no one knew how. They only knew one thing…

Keep Juvia away from him!

The rain woman had been at home the day of the announcement, but when she found out about it the next morning, all hell broke lose. She attacked anyone who laughed about Gray's sickness. She violently defended him. However, she fluctuated between bawling for her poor, sick Gray-sama and nearly drowning the guild in tears, and then suddenly she would begin raging that some _love rival_ had done such a horrible thing to her precious Gray-sama, and her killer aura appeared to be aimed at any female in the entire town. She brooded with thoughts of hunting this woman down, torturing her with water, making her suffer for infecting her precious Gray-sama, before drowning the cunt slowly. Her foul mood made a hailstorm pelt Magnolia for three days.

With Gray keeping to himself in his house and not accepting visitors, the team decided to do something for him. Erza took Lucy, Natsu, Wendy, Happy, and Carla on a mission aimed to help Gray out financially while he went through treatment. Lucy especially wanted to pick something with a high reward, since she felt awful now for slapping Gray.

"Although he deserved it," she retorted. "He used women."

Happy pointed out, "Loke used to do the same, and you've forgiven him."

"Sometimes I forgive him," she grumbled. "Sometimes that playboy is a total jerk."

Natsu had a feeling that Lucy and Loke's relationship must be tenuous, especially if Happy was right and Loke still flirted around with other women.

Did Gray still flirt? It was something Natsu worried about from time to time. Gray assured him he was exclusive, but how far did that actually go? Did he count flirting as cheating? It could not be an easy habit to break, just like Loke could hardly help but compliment every woman he saw. Plus Gray was popular with girls, especially since he went around shirtless most of the time.

When they returned from their mission, Gray was back in the guild and talking with Cana … shirtless once again. Natsu felt an instant leap of anger. Why would Gray be talking to that drunken lush after she publicly humiliated him? The fact that Gray and Cana had a history together did not help Natsu's burning jealousy. Natsu could not stop himself from wondering how those two looked with their lips locked together in a sensual embrace. Hell, Gray and Cana made a cute couple, both half naked like that, and it infuriated Natsu.

Lucy complained, "Natsu, you feel like you're about to set my clothes on fire. Cool down a bit."

No one in this guild would think _he_ and Gray looked _cute_ together. When finally they were free to tell everyone, there would be no smitten sighs of, "Aww, they're so adorable, I just knew they would hook up some day." No, Natsu already knew it would not go like that.

Yet he had heard people whisper about _cute couples_ : Gray and Lucy, Gray and Juvia, Gray and Cana, Gray and Mira, even Gray and Erza, as terrifying as that sounded to Natsu's mind. He even heard a few girls giggling about Gray and Loke when those two partnered together for the S-Class trial.

Where were the whispered rumors about Gray and Natsu? Why did people not even consider them to be a couple? Just because they fought all the time, didn't that make it more obvious? It pissed Natsu off!

"Oi, popsicle-pants!" he called out. "Are you sure you should be propositioning girls already?"

Erza hit Natsu on the back of the head. "Be nice," she warned. Then she walked up to Gray just as Cana was finishing her beer. "Have you and Cana worked things out?"

Cana rolled her eyes. "I said sorry. I even bought him a drink. I'm just glad he didn't get me sick, or I'd have him pay for my treatment and any time off work."

Gray glared at her. "You should be glad I bothered to tell you at all. You probably _needed_ to be tested." Obviously, whatever they _worked out_ was done without fully patching things up between them.

Erza handed Gray a pouch of Jewels. "This should cover your rent this month. Consider it a get-well gift from the team. How are you feeling?"

"That's the problem," he grumbled. "I never felt bad to begin with. I can't say if I'm getting better or not."

"Sometimes, illness is like that. Continue resting," the redhead ordered. "Perhaps you could go on a trip somewhere, relax, have a vacation."

Gray's eyes drifted to Natsu, who was ordering some fire chicken and laughing like normal. "I don't think a trip would be a good idea," Gray muttered.

Before all this happened, the two of them had been planning a vacation, an outing away from everyone, where they could be together and act like a real couple. Now, Gray did not trust himself to be alone with Natsu. He missed those hot touches, and he craved the Dragon Slayer's burning body. Sleeping alone was painful. His dreams fluctuated between erotic and horrifying … or like today's dream, both passion and terror mixed. He did not have nightmares when he and Natsu lived together. He missed warming his cold toes on that burning body. The total silence at night, no soft snores beside him, was unnerving. He even missed waking up and feeling sweaty from having Natsu clinging to him all night, or having the Dragon Slayer stealing all the covers and cocooning himself in blankets.

He had not even seen Natsu since spending the night with him and Happy. He figured staying away was best, and now he knew that just might be the case. Seeing Natsu again made Gray crave him and realize just how much he really wanted the Dragon Slayer to claw him and claim him. The first half of his dream came to mind. He could almost feel the thrust of that burning body…

Just then, Natsu whined loudly to Mira. "We're all out? No way! I know we have some."

"I'm too busy to go search for it," Mira apologized. The noon crowd was beginning to fill the room.

"Can I go check? I know we have a whole jar full in the back."

"If you can find it, you can eat it."

As Gray watched, Natsu gave him a brief look. It was sharp, silent, but demanding. Gray caught his breath. He had seen Natsu give him those eyes before, whenever he wanted to demand Gray to do something to him. They were eyes like in his dream, eyes of a Dragon Slayer taking control. This time, Natsu looked sharply at Gray, and then his eyes pointed to the back hallway.

What the hell was that idiot thinking?

Still, that look made Gray's heart race. He needed Natsu more than he liked to admit.

Erza drifted off to talk with Makarov, so Gray slipped off his chair. Nonchalantly, he drifted off to the hall leading to the back storage rooms where Mira kept her food supplies. He saw one of the doors left partly open, although the light was not on inside. Cautiously, Gray entered that room. It was dark, and the lamp in the hallway made the shelves of food appear like shadowy prison bars ready to cage him in.

"Natsu?" he whispered, taking a few steps in.

The door suddenly slammed shut. Gray jolted around, only to feel hot arms and a burning mouth on him. He recognized the taste instantly. He tried to talk, but Natsu gave him no opportunity. He thrust Gray up against a cabinet. The shelves dug into Gray's back, and he heard glass clanking together from the force of Natsu's roughness. Still, he hardly cared. He grabbed Natsu by the belt loops and yanked him closer. Their tongues clashed, and Natsu rolled his hips against Gray, showing him how turned on he was.

The dream flashed through his mind. Wild kisses. Natsu thrusting against him. Wanton moans.

Finally, Gray managed to free his lips just long enough to say, "Not here!"

Natsu rammed his tongue in, silencing him. He grabbed Gray's hand and slammed it against his own crotch. Gray grunted as he felt the contours of Natsu's erection. He grasped hold of it, and the Dragon Slayer's low moan was enough to make himself spring up with aching need.

"Natsu, I can't!" he hissed. "Not in public, and not while I'm sick."

Natsu pulled back with swollen lips dripping with saliva. "I won't touch you, but I desperately need you to touch me." Then he yanked his scarf aside. "Suck my neck, Gray. Mark me. I need it. I need you to make me yours again."

Gray realized the emotional roller coaster that week must have taken its toll on Natsu. Being away on the mission had made him desperate. They had not even kissed in days, let alone touched one another like this. In fact, the chastity belt incident was the last time they caressed one another intimately.

Gray kissed down Natsu's neck, nipping all the way down, until he reached where the neck and shoulder met. He bit Natsu there and suctioned the skin, while Natsu quivered in his arms, knees weakening, body burning with passion. Natsu covered his mouth to hold back the moans.

"Touch me, Gray," he begged quietly.

Gray let go and saw the purplish-red mark left on Natsu's neck. "I said I don't want to do this stuff here. Not in the guild."

"I know," he whimpered, "but I need it _now_. Not to fulfillment," he panted, "but right up to the point where I need to come, and then stop. Keep me edged right there."

That sort of erotic request made Gray shudder. "Oh God, Natsu." Despite Gray's aversion to being kinky in public, he craved the Dragon Slayer more than his own rationality allowed. He yanked Natsu's belt loose, slid his hand down the trousers, slipped under the elastic of his boxers, until at last he felt that hot member. "You're so hard already," he groaned. He stroked Natsu inside his pants, feeling the foreskin flex and fold within his fingers. "You know I don't like this."

"I know." Natsu bit his lip to hold back the pleasure.

"I said at the very beginning, I don't like doing kinky stuff where we can get caught. I specifically said I definitely _would not_ do this in the guild."

"I … I know," Natsu whined quietly. "But … I need it, Gray. Right now." He was so desperate, he hardly cared if someone walked in.

"I'll give you what you need," Gray sneered sadistically, "but I'm going to _punish_ you later."

Natsu gasped with a masochistic smile. "How?"

"I don't know yet," Gray teased, rubbing him more. "For breaking one of my rules, I'm going punish you hard."

" _Nnngh_ … yeeeah."

"I'm going to spank you," he threatened, and Natsu moaned, thrusting into his hand. "I might even bring out that riding crop."

"Yes," Natsu groaned. "I liked that."

Gray loved to see the look in Natsu's face, getting lost in his cold touches, melting as fire and ice collided. "You know," he whispered right into Natsu's ear, "I have other stuff, too."

Natsu's eyes widened with fear mixed with desire. "Oth- … other stuff?"

"While you were gone on that mission, I bought something."

Gray's piercing gaze made Natsu shudder, and the threat in those words had the Dragon Slayer salivating until he had to gulp hard before he could speak. "Wh-what did you get?"

Gray savored the anticipation in those squinty eyes. "A paddle, so I can really spank you _hard_."

Natsu grasped Gray's shoulders, burying his face into his chest, and the ice wizard saw that he needed to slow down rubbing him. Natsu was ready to lose it just by the power of his kinky imagination.

Growling hungrily, Natsu asked, "What type of paddle? Describe it."

His enthusiasm amused Gray. "Solid black rubber, rather heavy, got a good swing to it. It's flat on one side, but the other side has little steel studs on it. Thirty of them. Those metal bumps are going to _make your ass sore_."

"Yesssss," Natsu hissed. The thought of being hit again and again with a hard paddle made him double over. "Gray, stop already. S-stop, stop."

Gray pulled his hand out. There was slickness on it, wet between his fingers. He was about to lick them, but then he remembered. He was sick. The infection was usually in the genitals, but it could also be in his deep mouth area. If he sucked his fingers, he could put bacteria on his hands. Instead, he wiped the hand on a dusting rag left on a shelf. Then he dropped the rag to the floor so no one would reuse it for anything important.

Natsu leaned back against the shelf, shuddering as he struggled to regain control. His body screamed for release, but he did not want that. Not yet. It hurt, and that ache felt amazing.

"Are you okay?" Gray asked in worry.

"Yeah," Natsu said through heavy breaths. "God, that sounds _hot_."

Gray knew this was wrong. He needed to keep away from Natsu for the Dragon Slayer's own safety. However, his lust outweighed his logic. Snarling with desperation, he asked, "Do you want to head back to my place?"

"Hell yes," Natsu huffed. Slowly, he gazed up in salacious desire. He needed Gray … so badly. He hardly cared for his own safety. He craved the ice wizard so much. He gave Gray a kiss on the collar bone, nipping him slightly. "Will you do that? You'll … spank me?"

"Hard," Gray growled, and he watched Natsu flinch as he tried to keep in control. "Breaking my rules, making me do this in public … you're in big trouble," he smirked. "As soon as we get home, I'm really gonna _punish_ you."

He heard a low, reptilian growl in Natsu's chest, and those narrow eyes gleamed up at him in the low light. "You'll have to catch me first."

Natsu suddenly took off in a run, flinging the storage room door open and racing out. Gray laughed. A little cat-and-mouse chase just turned him on even more. He took off after Natsu, chasing him through the halls, into the main dining area, leaping over tables as Natsu ran off.

"Get back here, you flame-brain," he shouted as he swerved between guild members and out the main doors.

Mira tittered softly from her place behind the bar. "Well, it's nice to see Gray feeling better."

Erza nodded in agreement. "It's odd how it's always Natsu who can cheer up Gray."

"Odd, you say?" Mira mused with a devious gleam in her eye. "You're still fantasizing about those two hooking up, aren't you?"

"It could happen," Erza shrugged. "I'd never talk about it with Natsu in hearing range, of course."

Lucy choked on her fruit drink. "Wait, Natsu and … and Gray? You mean like…" Her cheeks began to turn pink.

Erza looked over in surprise. "Have you never thought about it?"

Lucy tucked her head down. "Maybe a little." She felt shameful for admitting she liked the idea of seeing her two male teammates in some yaoi tryst. It would definitely spark some ideas for her novel.

Mira pressing a finger to her lip, and mused aloud, "I wonder who would top."

"Natsu," Lucy answered instantly. "He's way too aggressive to bottom."

"Gray," Cana said, as if not even needing to wonder about it. "You don't know how Gray can be in the bedroom. He tops … hard!"

"They'd switch," Erza wagered. "Natsu would never be submissive, but I can't imagine Gray accepting Natsu as a dominant partner, so I think they'd take turns."

"Oh my!" Mira blushed. "Erza really put thought into this."

Happy sat to the side nibbling his fish, and for once the little Exceed said nothing. He just smiled as he realized that when Natsu and Gray were ready to come out into the open, at least some in the guild would support them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _My Facebook followers on[Rhov Anion's Minions](https://www.facebook.com/RhovAnionsMinions) already got a preview of this chapter. Now you get to see what Gray bought. I love teasing you minions!_


	17. Paddles and Plugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The paddle in this chapter is based on this:_
> 
>   
>  [](http://bdsmsextoys.us/impact/1791-studded-rubber-paddle.html)   
>    
> 
> 
> _If you REALLY have no clue what a butt plug looks like, the one I wrote about is based on this:_
> 
>   
>  [](http://amzn.to/1qjotxh)   
>    
> 
> 
> _**Bizarre fact** : When I bought my first butt plug, I didn't know what I was doing and bought what turned out to be an "advanced" model. It...was...huge. And amazing. But seriously, start off small and work your way up to the monster plugs. That butt-fucker hurt! (Yes, ladies also use butt plugs. They're awesome.)_
> 
> _**Recommended Music** : ["Flesh" by Simon Curtis](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEfKooMunLI) (warning: explicit lyrics)_

They ran into Gray's apartment and straight to the bedroom. Gray made sure the curtains were closed firmly. He stripped to his boxers instantly while Natsu struggled out of his clothes. Gray hated waiting for Natsu's slower undressing, but he loved to watch the eagerness as the boy pulled clumsily on his clothes. Then finally, his boxers went down, and Gray saw just how aroused Natsu already was, erect and curved up to his belly. The race from the guild to Gray's home had been rife with sexual tension. Now, finally, they were alone and in privacy.

At last, Natsu was fully nude. Gray stood by the window curtains, and Natsu was on the other side of the room. They stared at each other from across the bed, both breathing hard already from their race and with anticipation of what was to come.

"So," Natsu said with a cocky smile. "What's first?"

"I want to do something … different," Gray suggested hesitantly. "Something we haven't tried yet, and I'm not sure how you'll like it."

Natsu waited, curious and a little worried. What could Gray possibly mean? The ice wizard walked over to his chest and unlocked it. He had to dig down a little—it wasn't something he had planned to use yet—but finally he brought up a box.

"I want you to look at it first." He slowly opened the box and took out a bulbous silicone toy. Natsu took it into his hands and turned the spade-shaped item around. He looked confused, so Gray explained. "It's a butt plug," he whispered, eying Natsu's reactions closely.

"T-that's what they look like?" Natsu said softly, handling it a little more hesitantly. "Kinda shaped weird."

"It's shaped like this to stay in place."

"Is it yours?"

"I bought it just for you. It has a vibrator, so it'll feel really good." Gray saw that Natsu was beginning to lose his erection. "I know you have an issue with toys, but … I can't do this to you yet." He took the plug and drizzled lube on it. "So you'll have to imagine this is me."

He pushed Natsu to lean over on the bed, his feet spread on the floor, and his ass sticking out. Gray leaned slightly over him, kissing his back and rubbing out his shoulders. He brought the plug over to Natsu's ass and glided it over his crack. Natsu gasped softly.

"Imagine this is my cock." Gray leaned in closer and moaned a whisper into the flushed ear. "I want inside you, Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer shuddered at the words.

"I want to watch you, wanna see you enjoying this." He lightly licked Natsu's ear and groaned quietly, "I want to pleasure you." Natsu went hard again, and his fingers clenched the bedsheets. Gray pressed the pointed tip of the plug up against Natsu's hole. "I want you to enjoy the gifts I get for you. I want to see you _trembling_ with pleasure."

"Gray," he whispered, and his hips pressed out a little more.

Gray smiled at the acceptance. "I'll go slow. Tell me when it's too much."

He pressed, and the narrow tip slid in. Natsu hummed with pleasure. "It's small."

"It starts small. It'll get wider. Tell me when to stop."

Gray pressed more, and Natsu felt how that narrow tip flared quickly. He could feel the gradual opening of his insides, not a sudden ramming in, but slow stretching. When he hissed in pain, Gray was able to slide it to a narrower part, drizzled more lube, and then pressed in more, widening Natsu's ass.

"Ah! Wait, wait." Natsu breathed through the pain. This was even wider than Gray's own cock, and he was not used to being this spread.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, just gotta relax." He let his head fall and breathed slowly, loosening up. "Okay, I'm good."

"Just a little more." Gray pressed harder as the bulbous end spread Natsu wider than he had ever gone before.

"Arrrrgh!"

"Are you okay?"

"More!" Natsu shouted, clenching the blankets with his fists. He felt the plug widen even greater, and he bit his lip in erotic pain. "Ffffffuck!"

"Nat-…"

"Shut up! Gimme more!"

Gray shuddered at hearing such a masochistic demand. "Okay, it's going to be really wide here, but it'll suddenly narrow. It'll fit in, and you'll wrap right around the bulb." He rubbed out Natsu's lower back and then pressed the plug harder. Natsu shrieked out a curse. "Natsu?"

"Keep going!"

Gray sneered as he rammed the last of it in. Suddenly, the plug was inside, and the muscles clenched around the narrow divot. The sudden lack of stretching brought a jolt of relief through Natsu's body, and he gasped as he felt his ass swallow up that huge plug.

"Are you okay?" Gray instantly asked, looking around to Natsu's face.

"Y-yeah! Whooooa … I … I feel it in there, but it doesn't hurt now. It … shrank down."

"It's so you feel it inside without spreading so wide that you hurt. Do you feel it?"

"Yeah."

"Is it good?"

"Hell yeah!"

Gray rested his head down on Natsu's back. He was stiff, remembering that heat and how amazing it felt to plunge in; however, he could not let his groin come into contact with that hot flesh. He pressed his boxers up against Natsu's thigh instead, feeling the heat radiating off of him and through the cloth barrier. He looked at the wide grip that was up against Natsu's butt, all that was sticking out from the plug. His fingers wrapped around that grip, and he gave the plug a twist. Natsu's whole body arched up as his mouth opened with a wanton moan.

"God, you are so sexy! What if I move it in and out just a little?"

He pressed the plug to be firmer inside, and then pulled on it, making the anus tug as the bulbous head put pressure there. Natsu jerked away with a shout.

"No. Hold on. Still … getting used … to it," he panted.

"Sorry," Gray smirked, enjoying how beads of sweat already glistened on Natsu's skin. "You are so … amazing," Gray praised, but emotions began to well up inside him. He felt his eyes burning and blinked hard. He whispered in anguish, "I don't want to lose you."

Natsu looked back around his shoulder. "Gray?"

"Thank you for staying by me through this."

"Of course I will," Natsu said loyally, yet his brow tensed up. His eyes dropped, and he stared ahead, filled with private troubles. "Gray…" However, his voice faded, and he could not speak.

"What is it?"

Natsu thought about what he had to say, but this was a really bad time. He did not want to ruin the moment. "Nothing. I think I'm relaxed now. More."

Gray could see he looked troubled. Had he said anything bad? Natsu seemed okay for the moment, so Gray decided to forget about it for now. He really wanted that ass sticking out.

"Are you ready for the paddle?"

Natsu shivered, but he nodded. "I think so."

Gray went to his chest of goodies and dug out the rubber paddle covered in metallic studs, slipping it out of a protective velvet bag. He turned around slowly and saw Natsu staring fixedly at him, mostly at the black rubber instrument of pain. The Dragon Slayer's tongue swiped out just a little and licked his parched lips. Then he gulped hard as he gazed at it. Gray smirked at the lust burning in those pointed eyes. He slapped the paddle into the palm of his hand, just enough to get a light _crack_. That was enough to make the veins in Natsu's neck press out for a second as his body tensed up with anticipation.

Gray slowly strode back to the bed, tapping the paddle into his other hand with each step, seeing how Natsu's eyes never left him, and the quickening heaves of his chest as Natsu breathed fast enough to keep up with his racing heart. The paddle was not pure rubber. The handle was wrapped in black leather with a leather strap dangling to wrap around Gray's wrist or so he could hang the paddle up on a wall. One side of the paddle had metallic lumps, like rivets drilled into the paddle. Those lumps would dig into the flesh, bruising harder than a flat surface. The lady at the sex shop had warned Gray that this particular item was a best-seller because it was so intense, even for people used to BDSM.

Gray came up beside Natsu and stood by the bed, gazing down as his erotically eager lover's position, feet planted, his hands on the bed, leaned over with his bare ass sticking out so temptingly. "Are you ready?"

Those low, sinfully threatening words made chills run over Natsu's skin. He was too tense to get any words out of his mouth. He nodded instead, still not taking his eyes off Gray.

"Remember, safewords. I've … um…" He laughed nervously, breaking his domineering persona for a moment. "I've never used this before," he confessed, testing the weight of the paddle in his hand some more. "I'm not sure how it will feel, other than when I hit myself with it."

Natsu's eyes widened. "You hit yourself?"

"Well, I have to test it out somehow," he said defensively. "I swung it against pillows and my own thigh just to test it out."

"I can't imagine you getting hit." Natsu thought about that concept for a moment. "Do you _like_ getting hit?"

"Uh, I don't know," Gray said awkwardly. "I mean, depending, sometimes it feels good. Why?"

"Just … wondering."

Gray saw that Natsu had one of those looks again, like he was fantasizing about something. It always amused him to see those green eyes gleaming like that. "Do you wanna try that sometime?"

Natsu jolted in a start. "Me? Hitting you?"

"Not right now, but someday?"

His eyes shined for a moment, but lack of confidence quickly won over. "I don't know if I'd like that. I mean, I like it on myself, but I'm not sure how I'd feel hurting you."

"It's something to think about. I'm not sure if I'd like it. I might, if it's you, but if you don't like doing it…" He shook the confusion out of his head. "Think about that another time. Focus on this now. Are you ready?"

"Stop wasting time."

"Yeah, yeah," he sassed. Then Gray tenderly rubbed Natsu's butt cheeks. "I'll start out soft, just testing it out." He hit Natsu with the paddle gently.

"Oh come on," Natsu grumbled. "Wuss!"

"Hey, I'm seeing how you like it, jerk."

"You know I like it rough."

"Fine!" Gray whacked the paddle against him, and he saw the skin underneath instantly turn pink.

Natsu felt the smack. His muscles tensed instinctively, and that tightened around the butt plug. It made getting hit on his butt far more intense. "Holy … wow."

"Good?"

"Those bumps hurt. It feels more like getting punched with knuckles than slapped with a hand."

"They hurt, huh? Hurt good?" Gray paddled Natsu again, a little harder this time.

"Oh God, yes," Natsu gasped. He both wanted to clench his ass, and loosen it for the large plug wedged in there. The two conflicting desires made his body tremble, and he was clenching the sheets already.

"How many is that?"

"Huh? Three?"

"Correct. I want you to count them. Let's see how many you can take."

Gray pulled the paddle back further and really let it fly. A resounded crack of rubber against flesh shattered the air in the room. It also hit the edge of the butt plug, ramming it in.

"FUCK!" Natsu howled.

"Oh God, I'm sorry."

"No! That … do it like that," he panted. "God … oh God, that was … Shit!" Natsu dropped his head to the mattress, muting himself as he gasped at how much it hurt … and how amazing it felt. His ass tingled from the strikes. His body shivered from the intensity. He wanted to really feel that hard silicone inside of him.

"How many was that?" Gray demanded sharply.

"Four," he said in a heavy exhale, not raising his head up.

The paddle went flying, and the smack was instantly followed by Natsu crying out. Tears now came to his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"That was a lot harder," he cried out, his voice choking up.

"I could do much worse." Gray pulled the paddle far back, but he realized Natsu had completely tensed up, pulling away from the impending strike. "No?" he asked, worried about the cowering position.

"I … I don't know," Natsu admitted. It still hurt, and something more was wrong. He was not sure what yet, but … it wasn't completely how he wanted to feel! What was missing? For now, his ass simply stung. "Can you rub it out?"

"Sure," Gray smiled, and he tenderly soothed out the pink marks with their deeper red indents from the metal studs. He saw Natsu loosen up. "Better?"

"Yeah." He suddenly flinched when Gray rubbed over one of the areas that the rivet had beaten in. There would be a bizarre pocking of bruises on his butt tomorrow. "Gray … this is punishment, right?"

"Yes. For breaking one of my rules and making me touch you in the guild, this is punishment."

"Okay," he said.

Was that the missing element? If it was just Gray hitting him for the sake of hitting him, it was not good. If anything, it made Natsu want to throw a punch at his rival. But if it was punishment…

Fairy Tail had strict rules about punishment games, bets of honor, and receiving reprimands for breaking rules. Such punishments had to be accepted, no matter what. This was punishment for breaking a rule they had between themselves. He knew Gray did not want to get kinky in public. He made him do it anyway. Now…

"Punish me."

Gray licked his lips at the submissive plea. "You're very naughty. You didn't count the last hit. You get it again."

"No!" he cried out, but a second later Natsu felt the sting to his flesh.

"Count it!" Gray shouted.

"F-five," he yelled, trying to hold his crying in. He could not sob. He was a Fairy Tail wizard.

A sneer of sadistic pleasure rose on Gray's lips. How delicious, hearing his rival gasping and watching him quiver! He pulled the paddle back and let it swing. The resounded crack was so hard, it pressed Natsu's whole body forward on the bed.

"Shit! Six!" Natsu bellowed. It hurt. It hurt so much. Tears dripped without him even able to stop them.

Gray growled menacingly, "I won't go easy on you."

He smacked Natsu's ass again, and this time the Dragon Slayer screamed "Seven!" Gray began to draw back, but he heard sobbing. Natsu would not cry at physical strikes like this. Something mental and emotional must be going through his head. Gray tried to look down to see his face, but the Dragon Slayer was burying his wet eyes amidst the sheets.

"Safewords, remember!"

"I … I know," he sobbed, trembling as he accepted his brutal punishment.

"Was it worth it?" Gray asked, his voice husky with lust. "Was it worth breaking one of my rules?"

Natsu did not want to answer. Worth it? Hell yes! He had been dreaming about Gray for days. He needed this. He hated to admit it, but he was addicted. There was no way he could go two weeks without feeling like this. The pain, the pleasure, the deepening love … He would trample Hell to get to Gray, so accepting a few spanks was not a big deal.

The next smack burned. Natsu wailed out the word, "Eeeeight!" Then he curled up again, as if hiding. "Gray," he squeaked out.

He was bad. He was naughty. He defied Gray. Now, he was being beaten like a child.

Igneel had spanked him from time to time. Makarov often hit him. Erza, too. Whenever he was bad, he ended up getting punished. That was all this was. However, no one had spanked him since Igneel, and that was more of a flick of his talon against Natsu's butt. Hurt like hell, too! There was something deeper, more personal, about getting spanked.

The next paddle really was like a punch to the ass, and Natsu felt the butt plug ram in painfully, rubbing over his prostate.

"N-n-nine," he sobbed, stuttered through tears. "One … one more."

Gray drew it back far and let the rubber paddle bash right against his ass.

Natsu screamed, "Ten and _Yellow!_ "

Gray dropped the paddle and held Natsu, pulling him up to the pillows. The burning hot body trembled from pain and euphoria. "Sheesh, you don't have to push yourself."

"I know, I just … I wanted … at least ten," he sobbed.

"Natsu…"

"I'm fine! I'm…" He snuffled up thickly and wiped his wet eyes. He laughed blithely. "That thing hurts like hell."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…?" He sighed and relaxed. "Yeah," he said with more assurance. "I'm tough. I can take it. Felt … good. Real good!"

Gray laid on the bed, hugging Natsu closely while the Dragon Slayer slowly recovered from the beating. This was a delicate moment, when Natsu was at his most emotional, when lightness and darkness were in a balance. Gray wanted Natsu to feel only the cathartic comfort of being beaten and then loved.

Then he realized the plug was still inside of Natsu's ass. "I completely forgot to turn this on." Gray reached down to the knob that stuck out of the plug and twisted it. Natsu felt the buzz deep within him and almost leaped off the bed.

"Ahhhh! Whoa! Gray."

"Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah," he grinned. It was an amazing sensation. Nothing, not even Gray's fingers or cock, was quite like the vibrations purring inside him. "Oh God, that's…"

"It's only the lowest setting," Gray told him, smiling at just how easily Natsu responded. "Hey, Natsu?"

Gray suddenly spanked him only lightly with his hand. Natsu clenched, but this time the buzz made the sensation far more intensely pleasurable. He gasped and choked on groans trying to bubble up in his throat.

Gray leaned into his ear. "I wanna spank you until you come."

"N-no! I can't. I … I can't…"

"Yes you can. We've done stuff like this before already. Remember the candles?" Gray rose onto his knees, dominating over Natsu, and pulled him so his face was down in the pillows and his ass was in the air. "That thing's gonna buzz you until you can't stand it, and I'm gonna hit you until you come … and splatter all over these sheets."

Gray spanked him again, and Natsu whined with a highness to his voice that was almost comical. It made Gray smile, but the quivering he saw on Natsu's ass kept him from flat out laughing. He wanted to be inside there. He wanted the heat and tightness.

But not yet. Not while he was sick. It was torture!

"You torment me," he growled. Gray picked up the paddle. "You seduce me, enthrall me. I said I needed to keep away from you, and you didn't obey. You knew how addicted I am to you, and you just keep on teasing me," he growled, grinning animalistically. "How dare you do this to me!"

He smacked Natsu's ass hard, and Natsu screamed from the torturous pleasure. He had thought the pain was over, but he only said Yellow. He only meant to wait. He knew there would be more. Gray had a new toy to play with, and Natsu…

He wanted more!

"G-Gray," he sobbed.

"Yellow?"

"No. I'm good. I'm … It hurts," he cried. "Holy shit, it hurts."

"Good!" he thudded cruelly, and Gray slapped the paddle against him again.

Natsu's body spasmed, and he cried out. Gray heard real agony in that scream, and it jolted him.

"Natsu?" he asked worriedly. He had not hit any harder than earlier, but he guessed the vibrating plug would make the sensations stronger.

"Oh … oh God," Natsu wept. He buried his face into the pillows. It hurt … so much. So good! "More," he whispered into the downy fluff.

Gray barely heard the word, but it warmed him up. More, huh? Natsu must surely be in pain, yet … more?

"Damn, you are so sexy," he whispered, wanting this man with aching desperation. "You are so … damn … hot!"

Without holding back at all, he swung the paddle, purposely aiming for part of it to hit the butt plug as well. Natsu's head arched up, he screamed to the ceiling, before collapsing back down and muffling his sobs.

Gray could not take any more neglect. He reached into his boxers to stroke himself. He needed just a little … just enough.

"Look at this. Making me wet. Making me touch myself. What a naughty dragon!"

Natsu sobbed. He was bad. He broke Gray's rules. He tortured Gray, enslaved him, and teased him with his own sexuality. What a slut! What a bitch!

"You seductive little bitch," Gray snarled.

Yes! That was what he wanted to hear. How bad he was! He was always berated in the guild. Makarov and Erza were always pounding him for being destructive. Now he was being beaten for something better. He had destroyed Gray's resolve. He deserved to be punished.

Another hit bruised his flesh, but Natsu felt something about to break within him. It was just a little too much.

"Yellow," he warned.

"Okay. I'll ease it out."

He felt a cold hand caressing his burning, aching skin. It soothed the pain. He liked when Gray punished him, but what was even better, what made the punishment bearable, was when Gray took care of him afterward. This tenderness made the darkness vanish. The pain vanquished the demons that haunted his mind, and the relief soothed his heart, filling him with light. Fresh tears came to Natsu's eyes, but these were different. Instead of tears of pain, they were tears of love.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah…" Always, Gray asked that. Natsu knew the ice wizard really cared about him whenever he asked.

"Are you really okay?"

He loved how truly worried Gray sounded. He could act harsh, but he knew that deep inside, Gray cared for him so much.

"I'm fine," he smiled. Gray might not be able to tell him, but Natsu sensed the love in those questions. Gray cared deeply. He loved deeply, even if the emotion scared him. "Just…" He looked over his shoulder. He needed to see Gray's face. "Can you handcuff me … and touch me?"

Gray wanted nothing more than to do just that. Seeing Natsu's erection was even more tempting. However, he feared the disease living on his skin.

"Natsu, I really shouldn't…"

"Please."

"I … shouldn't," Gray said in anguish. "I've touched myself. The bacteria could be on my fingers. I'll have to sterilize my hands. Can you wait?"

"I don't wanna. It'll kill the mood if I wait that long."

"Natsu…" Impatient brat! "I mean, I could if I put a glove on…"

" _No!_ " Natsu shouted, his eyes huge.

"Okay, no glove," Gray said, stroking his pink hair back soothingly. "I … I really shouldn't." Yet he wanted to, and he saw how much Natsu wanted it. If only he had not touched himself! The doctor said the bacteria could even be in the pre-cum, and he still felt wetness on his fingers. He could have put a glove on, but that obviously made Natsu remember something bad. He could have used one of his masturbation toys, but Natsu had horrific memories of those as well.

What about cloth? Just cloth?

"Hold on a second." Gray yanked the top sheet and draped it over his hand. Then he took hold of Natsu's erection through the sheet. It was not a rubber glove, but he hoped it was safe enough.

"What…?" Natsu looked down at the sheet.

"This way I'm not in direct contact with your skin," he explained. "I'll have to change my sheets anyway," he reasoned with a laugh. Then he eyed Natsu's face. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah. It's weird," he pouted.

"It's still me," he said, and he kissed Natsu's forehead. "It's me doing this. Touching you. Like stroking you through your underwear. I really wanna try that sometime. Stroke you off in your pants." He nipped down Natsu's neck and kissed down his spine. His tongue licked some of the spotted bruises on Natsu's ass, sucking on the tender skin. Then he blew a stream of icy air against Natsu's scrotum.

Natsu's eyes went wide at the frigid caress of air. "Ahhhh! No … no, handcuffs."

"Nats-…"

"Please! I need them. Feel … weird. Need it. Can't … can't trust myself."

"But Natsu, last time…"

Natsu glared back angrily. "Restrain me before I fucking kill you."

Gray jolted back at the growl. Why was this like a regression back to earlier times? Was it because of the separation? Natsu went merely a week without Gray. Or was it the emotional drama of this whole week? Probably that. It had been a lot to deal with, getting sick and all the fears. Surely, it brought up a lot of emotional scars for Natsu as well. So Gray obeyed, and he iced Natsu's hands to the headboard.

"Yes," Natsu hissed. He pulled at the ice cuffs. "Okay. I'm good. You'll be safe now. I can … I can…" He tensed up and gulped down a moan. "Touch me. I'm … close. Please, Gray."

"What a troublesome little dragon," he sighed, shaking his head with a smile. He covered his hand in the sheet again and stroked the erection that hung down toward the mattress.

"Yes," Natsu shuddered. He suddenly yanked on the ice cuffs. "Oh … God…"

"That's it. Come for me, Natsu. What if I make you feel it more?" he whispered, and he reached down, twisting the dial on the butt plug to a higher setting. Natsu cried out at the added pleasure. "Got quite a buzz to it, eh?"

"Mm-hmm," Natsu whinnied, clamping his mouth shut as he struggled to hold back moans. His body squirmed as the inner part of him trembled from the vibrations.

"It's still not even the highest setting. Do you want more?"

"Mmmmm!" he moaned heatedly.

"Ask nicely."

"More, please!" he urgently cried out.

"Nope, ask nicer."

"Oh G- … God," Natsu trembled. "P-please, kainushi. Please, gimme more."

"You're so hot."

He cranked the vibrator to full power, and copious pre-cum dripped down Natsu's penis as the Dragon Slayer screamed and his thighs trembled. Gray thought for sure he would come right then, but Natsu clenched it back, stopping himself from releasing fully.

"Stubborn, eh?" He smacked Natsu's ass again, and this time he felt the jolt in that burning cock as well as seeing how the butt muscles tensed up, only to quiver from the intensified vibrations. "So sexy. You're such a mess. I can feel how wet you are through these sheets. You're drenching them. You must have a lot saved up inside, ready to blow."

Natsu whimpered as he felt the cold hand stroking him more and more.

"Dripping everywhere…"

"Shut up," Natsu growled through clenched teeth.

"Your ass is quivering…"

"Sh-shut up!"

"You're loving all of this. Everything I'm doing to you, you love it."

"Sh-sh-shut … up … Gray." He was a tense mass of shaking muscles. Everything in his body wanted to give in, but his mind protested. "Gr- … can't…"

"Come for me, Natsu," he breathed. Gray ached, and he rubbed the erection in his boxers against Natsu's leg, needing some friction again. "Hurry up and come."

"C-can't!" He pulled at the ice cuffs suddenly, slamming them again and again against the bars of the headboard. "No! No, stop! I can't! I won't."

"Natsu…"

"Dammit, stop! I won't. You can't make me."

Why had he slipped back into rape fantasy? Gray thought they made such progress. He had to admit, he felt a bit angry.

"Quit that, you idiot." He picked up the paddle again and whacked the reddened ass hard.

Natsu jolted. "N-no … no…"

"You're gonna come for me," Gray snarled. "I'm gonna hit you … _until you come!_ "

He whacked the paddle over and over, not giving Natsu any rest. He lost count. Three … four … seven? Over and over.

Natsu no long felt just smacks to the flesh, but the pounding to his ass … the buzz, the pain, the ramming, as if Gray was thrusting into him with brutal force. Again … again … _again!_

"Bite me!" Natsu shouted.

"Why?" Gray smirked deviously.

"Fuck, Gray, if you don't bite me, I'll have to say Red!"

Gray decided to give Natsu that much leniency. He leaned over and sank his teeth into the salty flesh of Natsu's hip, biting him there instead.

Natsu gasped. Gray normally bit his neck, but biting there … holy shit, it felt way more erotic!

"Harder!" he cried out, shuddering with the impending orgasm. " _Nnngh!_ Please, harder!"

Gray really tightened his jaws, chomping down until he thought he might break skin.

Natsu could not even stop it. He came hard from the euphoric pain of the bite and all those hits. Thick white semen filled the sheet covering Gray's hand. His face buried into the pillow as he groaned animalistically with each pulsing surge. He felt…

Scared.

Relieved.

Ashamed.

Amazing.

Gray's teeth let go. There was no blood, but he could see dark purple teeth marks embedded into Natsu's hip. "God, that was hot!" he gawked in awe. He forgot how sexy Natsu sounded as he moaned out his orgasm.

"Bastard," Natsu hissed wearily. "No more. No more spanks. Please."

"Please … what?" Gray teased.

Natsu trembled at the feeling of being beaten into submission. "Please, kainushi. No more. Please."

"Good dragon." What an amazing man this was! Gray could give Natsu his worst, really be brutally sadistic, and he recovered so fast. He stared at the boy, lost within a surge of emotions. Gray remembered that Natsu did not too much like when he pet his head, so he rubbed Natsu's ass instead. The Dragon Slayer flinched hard and pulled away. "Are you okay?"

"It hurts," he whimpered.

"I'm sorry…"

"No! No, it's … good. It stings, but … it's good."

"Natsu," he sighed, loving the way that summery name sounded on his lips.

"It … hurts."

"Of course it does," Gray said smugly. "I spanked you until you came."

Yes. Punished.

Punished into coming.

Punished … into … coming…

Natsu suddenly screamed and cowered down. "Don't do it. Don't!"

Gray backed off. _What the hell?_ "Natsu?"

"R-red."

"What the…? It's already over," Gray said in total confusion.

"No, red! Stop it!"

"Natsu." Then he realized the butt plug was still vibrating. He reached down and quickly twisted it off. "There. Sorry if that was…"

"Don't!" He curled around the wet spot on the bed. "D-don't … don't take it."

Gray looked worried. "Natsu, what the hell…?"

"Don't touch me!" he roared viciously.

Gray kept his hands back. "Hey," he whispered, hoping to calm Natsu down. "Hey, it's me. It's over. Dammit, what happened?" he asked in real worry.

"I'm … gonna kill you." It was not said as a threat, but more like a warning. Natsu shivered and hunkered down. "I'll kill you one day. I don't wanna, but I will."

"Natsu, I can fight on par with you. You're not going to kill me, because I'll kick your ass before you can try it."

"I … I will. I'll kill you. Don't … don't take my cum."

"I don't want it," he said automatically. "Was that the issue? Was the sheet too much?" He began to reach toward Natsu's hunched back, yet he paused and pulled back, realizing Natsu might not want to be touched while feeling like this. "These sheets will be tossed into the wash, you know. The hot water will destroy the cum. It'll wash away." Gray sighed and collapsed onto the bed to the side of Natsu. His arousal had gone limp so fast, leaving him tired and just a little frustrated. "Seriously, I leave you for a week and you're a mess again. Cuddle me when you've calmed down. I won't touch you until you're ready. Just tell me what you need."

Natsu stayed where he was for only a minute, shivering as flashbacks haunted him. Slowly, as if making a huge choice to trust Gray, Natsu pushed the messy wet sheet to the foot of the bed and curled down beside the ice wizard.

"Hold me," he whispered wearily.

"Are you better?"

"My ass is killing me."

"But your heart?"

Natsu laid there quietly, staring straight ahead. Finally, he merely said, "Hold me." As soon as those arms were around him, Natsu relaxed more. "I thought I was getting better."

"You were," Gray told him. "Did I say something?"

"Not really. Just … realizing something. I don't even really get it. What the hell triggered it? Maybe it's something I can't clearly remember."

"Did anything happen this week? Did another pervert touch you while you were on that mission?"

"No, just … dreams. Nightmares."

"Same here," Gray whispered.

Natsu rolled around to face those blue eyes. "What do you dream about?"

Gray looked into those pointed eyes, and he caressed the side of Natsu's head where, just last night, he had seen a bullet blast away a part of that skull. "Watching you get killed in front of me."

"Sheesh, Gray!"

"It's my biggest fear: losing you."

Natsu's mouth dropped, but he looked away with a worried pout. "Do you really think you'll lose me so easily?"

"I didn't think I would ever lose my parents," Gray said solemnly. "Or Ur. Or anyone, really. It can happen so fast. One minute, you're talking with them and everything is cheery and laughs; the next minute…" He gulped hard and slammed his eyes shut. "Natsu, I … I don't want…" He turned away, struggling with the chaotic thoughts.

"What?" he asked in worry.

"Nothing. I'll tell you when I'm not sick. It's just … I'm getting so scared," he admitted. "I dream about losing you, one way or another. Most of the time, they're just nightmares, but sometimes, especially now, I think you're going to realize I'm disgusting and run away."

"Gray!" He reached forward and stroked his cold cheek. "Sheesh, you…" Natsu pulled his hand back and fisted it. "It's unfair."

"What? What isn't fair?"

He snuffled moistly, although his face showed nothing of emotions. "Nothing."

"Natsu…?"

"I'll tell you when you're not sick," he said in the same tone Gray had used.

"Brat!"

"I'm only a brat around you," Natsu smirked.

"Nah, you're always a brat. I wouldn't want you any other way."

"You better not. This is how I am. Still, it's a bit unfair. You dream of the future; I'm still trapped in the past. It's hard for me to even think of a future."

Gray's eyebrows lifted, feeling slightly concerned. "You don't think of our future?"

"Not really," he admitted casually. "Not far ahead."

Gray turned his gaze aside. In his dream, Natsu said he wanted a family. They spoke as if they would stay together forever. It was depressing to hear that Natsu was not thinking about such things.

"If there's a magic out there that can remove a memory," Natsu sighed wearily, "I wouldn't mind it. Just forget it all. I wanna stop being trapped in the past. I hate this." They were both quiet for a while, staring with their own private thoughts, until finally Natsu whined, "Dammit, I just want us to fuck one another without this bullshit."

"It's just been a while," Gray muttered.

"Yeah, but … I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it."

Gray jolted in horror. Worth it? Worth what? "What do you mean?"

"Nothing," Natsu mumbled.

Gray grabbed his arms in desperation. "Natsu…"

"It's fine, really. Just … it gets frustrating, that's all. I keep messing things up, I can't stay in the moment, and I feel like you're gonna rush ahead of me and I won't get a chance to catch up. Oh, forget it. It's just … worries. Insecurities, I guess is what you call them. Hey," he said loudly, "can you get this plug out of me already? I'm all soft and spent, but it's still spreading my ass. It's a little weird now."

Natsu's words really scared Gray. He barely realized how desperate he was to stay by Natsu's side until those words made him fear that Natsu truly might leave him. _If it's worth it_. What the hell did Natsu mean by that? _It's unfair._ What wasn't fair? A plethora of fears and doubts wiggled into Gray's mind. He wanted to grasp tightly to Natsu and cling to him.

But what if Natsu didn't want that? Didn't guys normally hate clingy girlfriends? Gray had known a few clingy girls—Juvia, for one, who refused to stop following him everywhere—and those sorts were the worst for him. But wasn't he acting just as bad?

Was it because he could not _say_ how he felt? Since he could not say it, did he feel even more desperate to show it?

Natsu rolled onto his stomach, and Gray looked down at the plug. This was a good alternative, but it was not the same as being in that ass. Natsu obviously loved it, though, so that was good. Gray was unsure when he bought it, but he had asked the lady at the sex shop what she recommended when he could not _perform on his own_. This had been her solution. He owed that lady a free drink someday. She was one of the few people he could talk to openly about kinky things.

Gray took hold of the plug's end sticking out. "This will probably hurt," he warned.

"It'll be fine with you doing it," Natsu mumbled into the pillows.

Gray chuckled softly and shook his head. "You have too much confidence in me."

"Because I know you love me," Natsu said with utmost trust.

Gray flinched at how easily he spoke those words. "Natsu…"

"You don't have to say it." He looked back and smiled. "I already know. I love you, so I trust you. Now, get this thing out."

Gray nodded, gripped the butt plug firmly, and yanked. Natsu shouted as the bulbous head once again spread him to a massive girth, and then the plug slipped out with narrowing ease.

"Okay, yeah, that hurt," he cringed.

"I guess it's harder to get out after you've relaxed."

"Yeah," Natsu agreed through tightly gritted teeth, feeling the pain lingering, but also the emptiness left behind that he wished Gray's cold body could fill up.

Gray stood and walked to the bathroom to toss the plug into the sink to be washed later. While he was there, he sterilized his hands. "Are you okay with that thing?"

"It's … interesting," Natsu decided with some hesitancy. "Not as good as you, but the vibrating was amazing. I could get spoiled on that."

"You better not!" Gray returned and flopped onto the bed. "Once I'm well, I'm back in control."

Natsu hummed and snuggled into Gray's chest. "Can't wait."

Gray let out a contented sigh. The endorphins were crashing, and with them he felt glowing peace settle over him, like sitting by the fire on a winter day.

"Gray?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I take a nap before we clean up?"

"I'm pretty tired, too. Just yank up the quilt. Leave the messy sheet on the floor."

Natsu covered them both with the blanket and settled down on the pillow. Gray kissed him on the forehead and pulled Natsu close to spoon around him.

"Little nap," Gray murmured drowsily, already zonking out. "Missed … you … bastard."

Natsu sank into Gray's arms and closed his eyes to the sensual weariness. "I missed you, too … ice-idiot."


	18. The Past and the Present

Gray could not remember precisely when he fell asleep, but when he woke up, the shadows had shifted in his room. It was late afternoon now, and his bedroom felt stifling hot. Heat burned beside him on the bed, and with that warmth was the smell of cinnamon and campfires. Gray had missed Natsu's unique smell. When he rolled over, those sharp green eyes were already open and watching him.

"Hey," yawned Gray. "Been up long?"

"I just woke up, actually. I was watching you for maybe a minute."

"Are you okay?"

Natsu smiled. "I feel a lot better. I needed that. Probably need a shower now."

"Yeah," Gray agreed sleepily. "I could really use a good jacking off in the shower."

Natsu laughed at that blunt honesty. His hot fingers drifted down and felt the morning woody. "We didn't get around to taking care of you."

"You were damn hot, and that was exhausting."

"Are you that out of shape, ice princess?" teased Natsu.

"Screw you," Gray yawned drowsily. "Emotional exhaustion." He let out a long sigh of contentment and stared up at the ceiling and the lazy sunshine making swaying shadows. "I missed this."

"Hitting me?"

"No, waking up with you beside me. I like it. I guess I don't sleep well without someone in my bed."

Natsu's brow flinched a little. "Someone … anyone?"

Gray turned his eyes over to Natsu. "Don't be silly."

"I gotta wonder," smirked Natsu, "just how many other people have been in this bed?"

"Too many," Gray sleepily mumbled.

Natsu felt a stab to his chest at that flippant confession. "Really?" he mumbled.

Gray rolled over and glomped Natsu. "None as warm as you."

That did not make Natsu feel any better. "Gray?"

He only hummed, too happy with his arms wrapped around Natsu's burning shoulders and his nose nuzzled into the scarred neck.

"Be honest. How many people have you slept with?"

Gray jolted up and propped himself on an elbow. "What? You're asking that _now_?"

"I didn't want to ask at all," he admitted. "Still, it's been bugging me, and I can't fully relax until it stops bugging me. You can make a guess, round up to the nearest hundred."

"Jeez, I'm not that bad," scoffed Gray.

Natsu laughed softly. "I'm just curious. Ten? Twenty?"

Gray collapsed and draped an arm over his eyes. "Dammit, Natsu…"

"I wanna know everything about you, and that's part of it. As much as I don't actually wanna think about it, I probably should know, just in case. This week, your past came up and bit you pretty hard on the ass. I wanna know about that past, that way I'm prepared to deal with it in the future."

Gray let out another sigh. Nothing to do but be honest. He began to list, thinking back to his very first girl. He had been way too young, honestly, but he was curious what this whole _sex_ thing was about, and she wanted to experiment with him. When he was sixteen, he dated a really nice sakura girl for five months. He really got more of a feel for sex with her. Then that brunette in the port town. That was just a fling. Then there was…

"Wait, are you counting on your fingers?" Natsu cried out.

Gray realized he had been. "Well, I want to answer honestly. The gymnast … the baker's daughter … that ivory-haired wizard from Blue Pegasus … those two college girls…"

"Wait, two?" shouted Natsu. "As in two at once?"

"Shut up, I'm losing count," he snapped. "That dancer at the strip club, her twin sister … no, don't count her."

"Why not?"

"Well, what do you mean by _slept with_? Do you mean people whom I've … y'know, stuck my dick into their pussies, or do you also mean just oral sex?"

"I … I don't know," Natsu muttered, feeling sick just thinking about Gray's vast experience. "I'm just … wondering … how many girls … or guys too, I guess." He suddenly flipped over, turning his shoulders coldly to Gray while shouting, "Dammit, just forget it! Forget I asked. I don't wanna know."

Gray looked down at him. He felt bad for Natsu. He had, after all, taken this young man's virginity and forced him into a world of sexual debaucheries most people never even dream about. Even if Natsu insisted he would not be submissive, Gray felt like he was responsible for the Dragon Slayer. Gray was older, more experienced, and he had been the one to do all this to Natsu. His inner Dominant said he had to care for this Submissive, while the gentleman in him felt that he had to be honest, be tender, and take responsibility for being Natsu's first partner.

"Twenty-seven," he answered quietly, feeling guilty as he confessed it. "Twenty-seven that I've actually had _penetrative sex_ , not just oral sex."

Natsu stayed turned away, staring off into the corner of his room. "Twenty-seven … girls?"

"Twenty-three girls, four guys, counting you. Well, I didn't _enter_ two of the guys, but I'm counting it: one was still anal sex, but I received, and the other was a threesome so although the guy and I only touched each other a bit, I'll count that anyway."

"And the other two guys?"

"One is you, and the other … was my first boyfriend," he admitted hesitantly. "First time trying a homosexual relationship. We had sex maybe three times. I topped. He broke it off after two months. He didn't like me being away on missions for long periods of time. End of story."

Natsu wondered if Gray had ever felt love. These sounded like such empty relationships. "Twenty-seven," he whispered. "That's a lot less than the guild imagines."

"Well, that's just how many I fucked. It doesn't count people who have sucked me off or whom I've—you know—gone down on."

"If you did include those?"

Gray cringed. "Please don't make me count." His whole past swarmed up on him like an tsunami. All those people he randomly picked up: drunken sluts, pretty flirts, or some were really amazing people whom he treated with tenderness, so many faces came into his mind. "Maybe around sixty, possibly closer to seventy. I honestly don't know. There were a few months just after Tenrou Island when I picked up people a lot, mostly girls, a few guys. I didn't sleep with most of them. I got them off, they got me off, it was what we both needed, and we split. Sometimes I didn't even get their names. It became a weekly thing for … I don't know how long. Sometimes more than once a week. I was pretty depressed about losing seven years, y'know. During that time, I pretty much _did_ live up to the reputation I had. Maybe I just gave up all sense of morals, since people thought I didn't have any to begin with. So yeah, a lot of partners around that time. I couldn't possibly count, especially since I was drunk most of the time."

"My God," whispered Natsu. Seventy? And so random. Did Gray really treat sex so casually?

"Natsu?" Gray asked, really worried about confessing all this. "Are you okay with this?" The pink-haired man did not reply. "Natsu!"

"No, I'm fine," he muttered in shock. "It's just…"

How could he compete? How could he possibly please a man so used to sex that he could let people—countless people—jerk him off and then just part ways?

But … this was Gray. He could either hate this or accept this.

"Okay," he decided, nodding his head. "It's part of your past, part of who you are." He firmed up his heart. "I want to love you, to accept everything about you, and that includes your past."

"Can you really accept me despite all that?" Gray grumbled, feeling filthy from the indiscriminateness of his past. "I mean, I was a man-whore, plain and simple. I would fuck anyone who'd allow me into their pants and…" He snuffled up as emotions hit him hard. "…and I paid for it. Paid for my own lack of discretion. Fucked around and got a fucking disease. Serves me right. Isn't that what you all think?"

"Gray…"

He lashed out, "That's what almost everyone told me at the guild. _Serves you right._ They weren't surprised at all. They all said I got what I deserved."

Natsu stroked Gray's arm comfortingly. "The guild doesn't think that anymore."

"Anymore! But that's what everyone said at first, because that's what they all really think. Oh, sure," he mocked. "They all pity me now, all feel bad about saying that shit, but they just said what they really thought. Now you know the truth. Now you know just how much of a whore I used to be. Some horny bastard who used people without a thought, and now I'm paying for it."

He waited a long time, wondering how Natsu might reply to his outburst. He expected—wanted—to hear Natsu deny all of it, reassure him he was not a whorish slut. So when Natsu said nothing at all, darkness fell over Gray's heart.

"Got anything to say?" he snapped. Still, nothing. "Natsu? Come on, say something."

After another long pause, he said hollowly, "I feel … like a total amateur."

"What?"

"Nothing," he muttered distantly. "Look, it's … it's okay that you did all that in the past. That was _the past_. This is now. I need to get out of being stuck in my own past, so I can't very well blame you about your past, right? It's … past."

"Eloquent as ever," teased Gray.

"You're loyal to me, right?"

"Of course I am!"

"Have you flirted with anyone, even slightly?"

"I've turned down at least ten girls who tried to flirt with me since we began dating. I'm an exclusive person. When I decide to seriously pursue a relationship, I don't cheat. Ever! Not in the slightest."

"Then that's all that matters," Natsu decided. Still, he looked troubled by something more. He did not really want to ask, but … he needed to. "Gray, why would you date someone like me?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, feeling worried again.

"Obviously, you could have any person you want. You could hook up with someone who really knows what they're doing. So why me? I was a virgin. I don't know anything about this stuff. Am I just _interesting_ to you? Because I'm so naïve, is it _funny_ to watch me being clueless? Or is it just because I let you hit me? I'm … _convenient_ , right? You said something like that early on. No one else will let you do this much. So … I'm just … more resilient, tough enough for you, and that's all … right?"

"Natsu!" Gray scolded.

"Sorry. I'm feeling really out of my league right now." He tried to laugh it off, but his eyes showed the pain deep inside. "Sorry. Forget about it."

Gray caressed his face. "How inexperienced you were doesn't matter to me." He tugged on Natsu's chin until he urged it over, and he gazed into those narrow eyes. "Okay? It doesn't matter."

"It should," Natsu muttered.

"Why?" Gray cried out. "What's the big deal?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing," he grumbled. "You're probably laughing inside at how stupid I am."

"Natsu, stop it!" he snapped. Gray slammed the Dragon Slayer flat against the mattress and crawled on top of him. "Shut up and listen to me. You are an _amazing_ man, damn hot, absolutely wonderful. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. So stop this. Just because you haven't had a bunch of partners … isn't that a good thing? Better than me. Better than being a fucking man-whore. I want you how you are, and I really do hope you can accept me for who I am, and for who I was in the past. I like you just the way you are, for _who_ you are. I like everything about you, including how cutely innocent you are."

" _Cute_ my ass!" Natsu growled petulantly.

"Your ass, too. Everything about you," he said with light teasing. "I like that I don't feel restricted around you. I can go wild, or I can break down, and you accept me both when I'm in control and when I can't stand on my own feet. I like that I don't feel pressured around you. I like that you enjoy everything we do, even when I'm afraid it's too much. Even though I'm not all that experienced with actual bondage, we're learning together, and I like that. So don't worry. You're new to this, and I'm not all that experienced with BDSM, so it works out."

"You sure seem experienced," he mumbled.

"I really wish I was," Gray admitted with a frown. "I'm always scared I'll do something wrong. I'm glad you're patient with me. Honestly, I've never felt like this with anyone else," he muttered, blushing slightly. "Even with the people I dated seriously, I could never go this far, or open myself up this much emotionally. It's … new. Scary. And I want you with me. I … _need_ you with me. Desperately."

Natsu looked up and saw the weakness in those eyes. His heart softened, and he caressed Gray's cheek.

"Now, come on. No more thinking about the past. Just now. Just us." He curled down beside Natsu, and he felt the Dragon Slayer snuggle into his embrace.

Natsu let out a sleepy sigh. "Why do we always mess things up after good sex?"

"It's the only time we can talk about these things. Are we done talking seriously?"

"Sure. We can talk all cutesy now."

"Oh, shut up!" he growled.

Natsu laughed and rolled over to smile fake-cutely to Gray. In a girlish titter, he soughed, "Kainushi!"

"Hey! Don't make fun of that name. I like that name."

Natsu smiled sensually. "I like calling you that name."

That dangerous gaze thrilled Gray. "See, this is what I love about you."

Natsu's eyes went huge, and he bolted up in bed. "What you _what_?"

Gray had not even realized what he said, but when he did his eyes grew massive with terror. The dream from last night revisited him. "No! No, I said … I said _about_ you. I didn't … No!" He grabbed Natsu by the head and yanked him in close, smothering him into his chest, trembling with the memories of the dream of Natsu getting his brains blown out. "I didn't say it. I didn't! Don't you dare die. I didn't say it."

"Sheesh, okay. You didn't. You said _about_ me. That's not a confession or anything."

"Right. Right, not … not a confession. Not … something that might … might kill you."

"Jeez, Gray."

"Shut up! I had a nightmare last night that you died after I said I … that I … after saying those words."

"I see," he muttered with pity. Natsu let Gray cradled him. "Sorry about that. I'm fine. Still, you said you love something _about_ me, right? That's a big step forward. That's good. That's _real_ good."

"Maybe," he mumbled, trembling and clutching Natsu's head, "but that just scared the hell out of me."

"Hey, I'm not gonna get smashed by a monster or anything."

Gray glared angrily. "Don't _even_ joke about that!"

Natsu jolted at the hateful glare in those eyes. Then he realized what he had said. "Oh crap. Sorry. That was really insensitive. I didn't think about what you went through. I'm sorry. But … at least you can say that much. You love things _about_ me."

"It was a slip," he insisted with a deep shiver.

Natsu kissed Gray on the forehead. "It's a slip I wouldn't mind you making more often. You can love things about me, just like you love ice cream, right? And you love stripping out of your clothes."

"That's more of a bad habit," he grumbled.

"So you can love things _about_ me. And tell me what you love, okay? I wanna hear what you love about me."

"Stop using that word so often," Gray screamed in terror.

"Oh. Sorry," whispered Natsu. He saw just how terrified Gray was getting from all this.

Gray turned away and huffed. What an incredibly stubborn boyfriend! "I'll … try," he mumbled. "I don't know if I can, but I can try. I … love … things _about_ you."

A smile flitted back onto Natsu's face. "Like what?"

"I love … hearing you call me kainushi."

Natsu caressed Gray's cheek, down to his neck and leaned into his ear. He whispered hotly, "Cuddle me, kainushi."

A shiver warmed Gray's body. They laid back down, wrapped in one another's arms. Natsu stroked Gray's hair, and the trembling eased out of Gray's muscles.

"Better?" Natsu asked with a tender smile.

"I think so. That … was a really horrible nightmare."

"I won't let it become a reality. I won't die, promise. Now, we should clean up soon. You still need worked out, too."

"You can't touch me. You'll get sick."

"I know. Hey, do you know what we could try?"

Gray looked up in curiosity.

"I know we have to be careful with you, but … it's not fair if I'm the only one getting fun." Natsu leaned forward and whispered into his ear. "How about we stand in the shower together, a condom on you, and we rub each other off?"

"Under the shower?" That sounded hot. "But … I don't know if you can do that to me, even with a condom. The infection is on my skin, and condoms don't cover everything. Maybe if you wore latex gloves—"

"No!" Natsu shouted quickly.

"Okay, okay. Seriously, what's up with gloves?"

"Gloves … He…" Natsu's voice dropped to almost nothing. "That time long ago. _He_ would wear gloves sometimes."

Gray rubbed those burning arms consolingly and felt prickles along Natsu's skin. He soothed out the goose bumps with his hands. As he had already guessed, this was another horror of the past.

"I can try," muttered Natsu, "but I'm not sure."

"We won't try anything you're uncomfortable doing. What about if I sterilize one hand, put a glove on the other, wear a condom, and I rub us both off?"

Natsu gasped as his heart fluttered. "At the same time?"

Gray smirked and nodded. "Same time."

"No condom or glove for me?"

"Nope. Shoot it into the drain to wash away into the sewer."

"Gah!" Natsu gasped, feeling a burst of intense arousal.

Gray chuckled. "You like that idea, don't you? Letting your cum go to waste, flushing it into the sewer, like it's just another piece of filth."

"Y-yeah," he admitted in a whisper, blushing with arousal. "It's weird, right?"

"No, it's sexy. You're sexy," Gray whispered, letting his eyes drift up and down that toned body. His boxers were beginning to feel uncomfortably tight again. "Let's shower."

Natsu left to turn on the water to warm up. Meanwhile, Gray searched around and returned with a condom and latex glove. When he came to the bathroom, Natsu was still adjusting the shower temperature.

"Is the water okay?"

"It's cold."

Gray reached his hand under the shower, but quickly pulled it back. "Cold my ass! It's burning."

Natsu laughed at his sensitivity to heat. Gray ripped the condom package open and took out the roll of latex.

"It's a good thing I always used these with you. I can hardly believe how lucky we were that you're not sick."

Natsu stepped forward and touched the latex-covered tip of Gray's penis. "Let me roll that down onto you. I've never done it before."

"You can't touch my skin!"

"I'll wash my hands." Natsu did not even wait for permission. He dropped to a knee to be close enough.

Gray gulped hard. That position was like the day after the big confession. It stabbed him to think that the one time Natsu did oral sex on him, Gray had put him into so much danger.

"Like this?" Natsu asked, rolling the condom on. "It's snug."

"Y-yeah. Roll it down." He panted as he watched Natsu rolling the condom down. Then those hot hands rubbed as he smirked mischievously. "Hey, don't rub it like that. Not yet."

Natsu chuckled and kept unrolling the condom down the shaft. "Nice and snug. There!" He gave a few strokes, but he pouted. "It's not as fun as with skin."

"I'll do it. You shouldn't touch me at all. Go wash your hands with disinfectant, right now. Don't touch your body."

Natsu obeyed, scrubbing his hands with antibacterial soap, and they finally got into the shower. As the water trickled down, Gray kissed Natsu, and the Dragon Slayer racked his nails over the ice wizard's chest, not scratching too hard, but making him tender. Then Gray reached down and stroked Natsu.

"Is that good?"

Natsu groaned sensually in reply.

"I can't believe you're hard already after all that."

"It's been too long," moaned Natsu.

"It's hardly been a week."

"Feels like too long. I can't stroke myself off, so it's all saved up inside. How about you? Have you been jacking off in the shower all week?"

"Actually, no. I haven't really been in the mood to pleasure myself. I'm rather mad at my dick, honestly, so I'm punishing it."

"Poor little guy."

" _Little?_ "

Natsu chuckled playfully. "Time to give the icicle some attention."

"Hold on." He pulled the glove onto his other hand.

Natsu tensed up at seeing Gray snap the glove on. He could hardly help but remember cold, gloved hands.

* * *

_"Look at that, boy. It's getting bigger. That means you're becoming a man. I'll train you. I'm gonna train you how to be a man. Don't cry. I know it doesn't hurt. Isn't it good, boy? Don't you even know what I'm doing? I bet you've never done this to yourself. Never touched down here. It's gonna feel amazing, you'll see. Becoming a man is fun, and you and I, we're gonna have lots of fun from now on."_

* * *

"Natsu? Natsu!"

He snapped out of that terrifying past. "It's fine," he said automatically. "Gray…"

"I'm here," he said reassuringly, looking worried. "If this is no good—"

"No … it's … Restrain me." Natsu wanted to push past that nightmare. He wanted to experience this with Gray so the past could be swept aside. "The pipes. Ice my hands to the pipes, like our first time."

"First time?" Then he remembered their first night together. "With the ice cubes. You liked that, didn't you?"

"Yeah," he shuddered. That man might have forced Natsu's first orgasm, but he lost his virginity to Gray in this shower.

"Hands up," he whispered sensually. Natsu snapped to obey. Gray froze the wrists to the pipes. "Don't pull too much. Don't break my showerhead."

Gray rubbed Natsu with his free hand. He kept seeing flinches, but then the Dragon Slayer would open his eyes to take in the person in front of him. That would make him relax and moan.

"Aaaugh … mmm, Gray."

"Is it okay now?"

"It's you, so it's okay."

"I like to feel your heat in my hand."

Natsu groaned and arched his back, thrusting into those fingers. Gray reached down with his other hand. A latex glove against a latex condom was awkward, but the water helped to slick both. He stroked himself and Natsu at the same time. The pleasure he felt within himself reverberated in the Dragon Slayer. Those hot moans were the same sounds he wanted to make, except he was trying to stay in control.

"Feels … so good," groaned Natsu. "Being next to you, moving along with you." He looked up with lust and growled, "Gimme more."

Gray squeezed both of them at the same time, and Natsu moaned loudly.

"Oh Gray … _nnngh!_ C-can you get the water hotter?"

"A little bit. It's scalding."

"It's too cold. Cold showers while doing this isn't good at all."

Gray adjusted the temperature, and Natsu's shuddering groan of relief was worth feeling just how hot the shower seemed to Gray. He would put up with the painful heat for Natsu's sake.

"Gray … mmmmmh, Gray."

"Shit," he hissed. After the emotional turmoil of the past few days, Gray desperately needed this sort of relief. The doctor was right, abstinence was best, but just for now, just for today…

Gray forced himself to slow down, and that meant the hand on Natsu slowed, too. The Dragon Slayer whimpered at the lessening of friction.

"Sorry," Gray panted. "I'm gonna come too soon."

"Go ahead. I wanna see it." Natsu's eyes flared with desire. "I wanna see you fill up that condom."

Gray jolted and hissed through his teeth at the Dragon Slayer's low, seductive voice. When Natsu talked like that, it turned Gray's legs to jelly.

"I wanna watch you lose yourself."

Gray's wrist moved faster, stroking himself frantically, and his face tensed up.

"I wanna see it, boy."

Gray jolted. _That_ did not sound like Natsu, and the look the Dragon Slayer had was subtly different.

"Natsu?" Gray asked in worry.

"Show me," he said, but the words were different, a slight change to his accent. "Show me you're a man."

"Natsu, whatever you're doing, stop. This isn't you."

Natsu slowly began to realize what he had been saying. "I … oh God." He visibly shuddered and dropped his head to his chest. "He said those words to me."

Gray frowned and looked aside, debating how he felt about Natsu reliving that past at a time like this. "Do you need to say them?"

Natsu gulped hard. "Maybe," he whispered in guilt. "I wonder sometimes if acting like him would help me to understand him, that way I can get over him."

"Roleplaying as the villain? We should do that someday, but not tonight. I'm not in the right mental state for that. Just us tonight, okay? No more ghosts of the past. Tonight, it's about us being happy that we have a future together."

Natsu nodded and smiled up to Gray. "I still wanna watch."

"Ask like you normally do. _Beg_ me to touch myself."

Natsu lightly licked his lips. "Please, kainushi. Touch yourself for me. I wanna watch you."

Gray fell back, only stroking himself now, rubbing steadily as he felt the buildup returning instantly. Natsu watched, enthralled by the weakly suppressed moans. The water slid down Gray's bulky muscles, getting lost in the wiry crop of sable hair below. Natsu watched Gray's flared pink head vanish and peek back through those fast fingers. Although covered with a pale condom, at least it was transparent latex and he could see the head darkening as Gray got closer and closer to losing control.

"I love to watch you," he purred. "I like to watch your face as you fall apart."

"Shut up. Don't talk." Gray was nearing the breaking point quickly as he heard those deep, devious words.

Natsu chortled with a sadistic smirk. Oh yes, he knew Gray had a slight weakness to dirty talk! For a man who loved to dominate, a few simple words could shatter the ice wizard's resolve, and Natsu knew how to cast that sort of magic over his boyfriend.

"Come for me, Gray," he begged with a groan of desperation to his voice. "I wanna see it, wanna hear your voice turn into an animal, and smell you as your sweat drips over your skin. I love the smell of your cum."

"Shut … up…" Gray panted, but a loud moan drowned out everything else. His face drew up as he neared his climax. "Oh … ooooh God … gonna … haaah…"

"Yes, Gray," Natsu urged. "Yes. Do it. Let me see you come. Let me watch you. I wanna watch. You like when I watch you, right?"

Oh God, yes! He did!

Gray cracked open his eyes to see the Dragon Slayer's fiery gaze fixed on him, the narrow eyes blazing with carnal lust, and the sharp canines bared as if ready to attack and devour him. Just that much, something as simple as Natsu's lascivious face, was enough to completely undo him. Gray arched backward, and he shuddered as his cock surged. The idea that Natsu was watching and ordering him made him enjoy this much more than a quick jerk in the shower.

Natsu gazed with wonder. Gray was so beautiful when he came. That tortured face, the way his whole body tensed all at once, and deep grunting turning into gasps of relief: all of it was breathtaking. Then he gazed down and saw the ballooned tip of the condom fill with spurts of milky whiteness.

Another flashback flitted across his mind.

* * *

_A condom was held up in front of his face. Tired and horrified, little Natsu could only gaze at it in silence as he panted to catch his breath. The rubber had a small bit of milky liquid on the bottom, and as the man held it up, the condom twisted one way, then the other, showing him that tiny bit of fluid._

_"See that, boy? Do you know what this is called? It's semen. This is the seed of life. It's what I want from you. I'm gonna milk it from you every day, like a fucking cow. You'll give me a lot, won't you?"_

_"I hate you! Don't touch me again or I'll burn your ugly face off."_

_"Still feisty? You're gonna love the next few weeks, getting a hand job from a professional like me. Consider yourself lucky. You get to experience heaven every day, before I eventually kill you."_

_"They're gonna come. They'll come, and when Fairy Tail finds you, you're dead. Dead!"_

_"Oh, don't struggle, boy. Did anyone come when you screamed? No. Because no one knows you're here. Everybody knows you go on long trips looking for that dragon. They know you're gone for weeks at a time. No one will come for you. They'll simply think you found that dragon you're looking for and decided to stay with him. One day, they'll forget you even exist."_

_"They won't! They … th-they won't…"_

_"You're probably worn out. That's normal."_

_"Normal?"_

_"Don't you know? Aww, was it your first time? Did I steal something from you? How cute! You're a cute boy."_

_"Don't call me cute! And stop calling me boy, you ugly jerk!"_

_"Shut up, boy!"_

_"Owwwww!"_

_"If you're not good, I'll steal more than just your first cum. If you don't give me what I want, I'll fuck your tiny ass. Give me what I want, and you get to keep your virginity. Aren't I a generous man?"_

_"Screw you!"_

_"No, boy. You're the one who will be screwed … every day. By my own hand. And more, if you're bad. You do **not** want to be a bad boy."_

_"My … my name … is Natsu Dragneel. Not boy."_

_"You have no name. You're nothing but a boy with semen in your dick, and I need that seed of life from inside you. That's all you are now. A helpless, cute, little boy filled with cum. Should I show you what you'll be fucked with if you're bad? Take a look at this."_

_"Aaaaaaaah!"_

_"This big boy will rip your ass until you shit blood. Next time you do anything bad, I'll ram this down your throat and let you choke on it until you pass out. Think about that as you sleep tonight … boy."_

* * *

He shivered at that memory. Then Natsu gazed up and saw Gray dripping with water, panting heavily, skin flushed with arousal, and the musky smell of his sweat was everywhere. The seductive view melted the wisps of dark memories. That horrible man was gone, dead. That was in the past. Gray was here now, in the present, and … Natsu wanted Gray with him in the future.

"Oh God, that was too quick," Gray groaned wearily. His plan to rub each other off slowly and erotically was dashed by his own need to release after all the emotional conflicts.

Natsu smirked arrogantly. "Was it _that_ good?"

"Shut up." Gray collapsed back onto the tiles and caught his breath. "So, what are we gonna do with you?"

"Nothing."

"…Whuuuh?"

"I already came once. I'm fine."

"But you're aroused again."

"Yeah. I just wanna be hard. I don't wanna come."

"That again?"

"You can touch me, just don't make me come. I don't want to do that."

Not coming was rebelling against what the man wanted and taking charge of his own body. Not coming empowered him, showed that he was in control, and he would not let others dictate how his body would react. After a week like this that dredged up too many memories, Natsu knew he could not give in to the lust, not like that little boy who had no ability to defend himself or stop the vile touches. He needed to control himself, and this was one way how to do that. It was how he managed back then, shutting himself off, forbidding himself from releasing. This was Natsu's way of confirming to himself that he was the one in control.

"All right," he frowned. Gray had really wanted to watch Natsu experience the same erotic release, but he knew this was something the Dragon Slayer needed. Just as he needed release, Natsu needed restraint. Gray did not really understand it, but he knew this was simply what Natsu needed to fight his demons. "The water will get cold soon, though. Let's get out of the shower. I should … um … wash up, make sure it's clean."

"I'll step out," Natsu offered, leaving the warmth of the water.

"Yeah," Gray muttered, looking down at his condom. "I guess I can't get this near you."

Natsu walked back and stuck his hand into the falling water, caressing Gray's wet face. "Hey, it'll be okay. We don't have to completely abstain for two weeks. We just have to be careful until you get well."

"Yeah. Don't worry. I'll be okay."

Natsu smiled in relief, and then he left to gather his clothes.

Gray slowly pulled off the glove, then the condom, and tied a knot to keep the semen inside. He placed the condom inside the glove for more protection and tossed it in the trash by the toilet. He scrubbed his body well, cleaning away the disease that resided somewhere on his skin. He frowned down at his penis, now limp and shrunken with the foreskin hiding it away.

"You got me in a lot of trouble," he mumbled to the member.

"Did you say something, Gray?" Natsu shouted from the bedroom.

"I wanna eat tacos," he shouted in a panic.

"That's a weird craving. Are you pregnant or something?"

Gray remembered that dream again and Natsu saying _"I want to make you pregnant."_ He wondered if that sort of mentality would help Natsu overcome his phobia. It had to be something Natsu himself came up with, though. Telling him to think with that mentality would not work at all. Natsu had to want it.

But … maybe someday. Gray wanted that particular dream to come true. Even if it meant being the bottom, that was fine, so long as it was Natsu gazing down at him and whispering "I love you."


	19. Dark Roleplay and Finger Fetishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _To celebrate being the first FT fanfic to hit 10,000 hits on AO3, I'm posting this early. Woohoo!_   
>  _This may be disturbing, but it is consensual._

Gray woke up to heat on his groin. It felt comforting, erotic. Then he realized he was still sick with gonorrhea, and heat like this could only come from one person.

"Natsu!" he cried out in a jolt of horror.

He looked down, and in the early morning light he saw the Dragon Slayer with his mouth down at his groin. However, the fear that Natsu might do something to make himself sick was alleviated when Gray realized they were both still wearing boxer shorts, and Natsu had kept the sheet over Gray's body. He was kissing Gray's morning erection through the sheet.

"What the…?"

Lustful green eyes turn up to him, and Gray shivered at their hungry gleam. They were eyes that threatened to devour him.

"Natsu … you … you shouldn't."

In reply, Natsu leaned over and lightly took the cloth-covered cock between his teeth, giving Gray a firm but not painful bite. "Mine," he declared possessively. Then Natsu exhaled into the sheet, and Gray felt moist heat dampen the cotton boxers.

"Oh … God, Natsu." Gray fisted up the sheet under him. It felt so … damn … good.

"Heh," Natsu chuckled softly. "You're sensitive in the morning."

"Of course I am."

Natsu happily kept mouthing kisses and nips up and down the tented sheet. "I like it," he murmured.

Gray leaned back, letting him have his fun. He recalled going to a restaurant and eating tacos last night, but the rest of the evening was a blur. "Did you really stay the night?"

"Yup," Natsu murmured through kisses. "You drank a bunch of iced margaritas until you stripped out of your clothes and began dancing on a table. The restaurant kicked us out. I got you dressed, but you passed out on the way home. I carried you back, and I decided to stay here. I miss your bed."

"But Happy…"

"Happy's pretty intuitive when it comes to relationships. He can probably figure it out. I'll make it up to him later. Right now, I want you." He took the head of the penis into his mouth, still shielded by boxers and a sheet.

"Oh God, Natsu," groaned Gray. His hips instinctively thrust toward that warmth. This was so dangerous … and so delicious!

Natsu smiled languidly while still stroking through the sheets. "Hey Gray, as soon as you're well, I wanna suck you off."

Although erotic, memories flashed through Gray's mind and clouded him with repulsive realization that the last time Natsu did that, Gray had put him in so much danger of getting sick.

Natsu raised up and straddled over Gray, leering down at him. "I knew it! You want to think that last time was somehow bad. I know you liked it, so why do you cringe every time my face even gets near your groin?"

"You know very well why!" Gray snapped quietly, looking aside since having Natsu on top of him like this was embarrassing and making him think lewd things. "I could have made you sick."

"Any one of our times together could have infected me."

"That was the only time I … that I … when … my cum … entered you," he said, feeling awkward.

"And I liked it."

Gray flinched and looked further away. "Natsu…"

The Dragon Slayer grabbed Gray's jaw and forcefully yanked his face back. "Listen up, bastard. I … liked … it. Sure, I could've gotten sick, but I didn't. That infection is on your skin; I could have caught it from the very beginning. _I didn't!_ So stop hating yourself for something that didn't even happen."

Gray tried to push that hot body away, wanting to escape and wallow in his misery at putting Natsu in such a risky situation to begin with. Natsu grabbed Gray's arms and slammed them against the headboard. The aggressive and dominating move shocked Gray so much, he forgot about struggling. He gawked up at the Dragon Slayer.

"I think I know what I'm going to do to you when you're well," Natsu smirked. "Wanna hear my plan?"

Gray was still too stunned to say anything. He just stared at this man who had captured him and pinned him down.

"First of all, I'm going to borrow your handcuffs. This time, _I'm_ cuffing _you_ ," Natsu smirked. He saw Gray's eyes get even larger. "Then I'll _force_ you to fuck my throat. That's right! I'll rape you with my mouth." His eyes gleaming hungrily. "You'll be tied up, can't stop me, and I won't stop even if you use a safeword. Totally … helpless." His words went softer, darker, as his eyes narrowed fiercely. "Can't move. Can't stop the touches. I won't listen to your screams. I'll force that cum out of you," he growled.

In Natsu's words, Gray heard the faint hints of a strange accent, the same as last night. Was he repeating things once said to him? Had that man in the past really threatened a child like this?

He remembered Natsu said he thought he needed to roleplay the villain. Although utterly unexpected, the Dragon Slayer had apparently slipped into the role. Gray wanted to help Natsu, so he decided he would play along. He would be the victim, and Natsu would be the attacker. He would lie here in bed and be the helpless one. Maybe—hopefully—Natsu could work through a few of his issues if he put himself in the role of the man who hurt him so deeply.

"You'll come for me," Natsu sneered, reaching down and stroking Gray's shaft. "You won't be able to stop. Doesn't matter if you scream. I'll keep at it until you burst, until it all comes out, and I'll take every damn drop. You'll give me a lot, won't you … boy?"

Gray shuddered in horror. Words like this … these words were said to Natsu. Some sadistic, vile, wretched man had said these words to Natsu when he was barely old enough to even produce semen. It made Gray sick, and being the victim like this terrified him.

"N-no," Gray muttered.

He pictured himself as the child, a little boy locked away, far from any help, tied up, defenseless, with a sadistic molester dominating over him. His skin prickled as he suddenly felt lost and tiny, weak and degraded, just from the words and the touches.

"I'll milk you like a fucking cow. If you don't give it to me, I'll suck it out. One way or another, boy, you're gonna give me what I want."

Gray's heart raced. It might just be roleplay, but this was a scenario out of a nightmare.

"Will you be a good boy this time?" Natsu asked with a sadistic chuckle deep in his throat. "Will you come for me like I want? Maybe you need help. Is that it? Are my hands no good anymore? I have things that could help you."

Natsu rose off the bed, and Gray did not move. He was trapped in the fantasy, being the victim, being helpless. It was like he was Natsu, a childish Natsu, imprisoned and hearing these threats. This was what Natsu experienced in the past. Those were words he must have heard. The threats and disgusting words were spouted at him for days … weeks! He had endured mental and physical torture for so long, and being so young.

To Gray's surprise, Natsu walked to the chest of kinky goodies and returned with a masturbation sleeve, lube, and gloves. "What the…? Na-…"

"Shut up!" Natsu snapped before he could hear his own name and be pulled out of the fantasy. "Time to work you up again, boy."

"You said we'd wait," he shouted.

"Did I?" Natsu smirked cruelly. "I lied. Every day, boy. Every fucking day."

"Every … day?" he asked, confused until it dawned on him.

This scenario had not just happened once to Natsu. He had been subjected to it every day, and according to his earlier recount, sometimes the man did this a few times a day, taking as much semen as Natsu's tiny body could produce. Gray cringed, starting to fully comprehend the horror Natsu had lived through.

A low, vile chortle shook Natsu's chest as he pulled on the gloves. Gray had seen just last night how Natsu reacted to latex gloves. He must have fully immersed himself in this fantasy to overcome a fear like that. Gray felt his body shaking with vicarious terror, but he allowed Natsu to have this fantasy. Yesterday was a real regression in the steps Natsu had been making at getting better. Maybe he needed this to move forward again.

Still, knowing this scenario was what Natsu had actually experienced made Gray want to cry. Tears of pity gathered in his eyes. Natsu— _ _his__ _Natsu_ —had been violated just like this.

"Are you crying again, boy?" Natsu asked mockingly. "You know tears don't work on me. Scream if you want. Scream until your throat bleeds again. It didn't work last time, did it?"

Last time? Had Natsu done that, then? Had he screamed for help until he tore his throat up with his shrieks, desperate pleas that no one ever heard, only that sadistic man who probably just laughed at him? He must have screamed and cried for days. Did he ever just give in? Was there ever a point where Natsu broke and just let the man do what he wanted? How long could a child have lasted before breaking?

Sadly, Gray knew the other truth to this story. When at last Natsu broke, he did not give in. He had not surrendered to the man's touches. He went completely psychopathic and ripped the man's head off with his bare hands. Just how much did a person have to endure before they plummeted to that level?

Natsu had the gloves on and drizzled lube on the vagina-shaped opening of the sleeve's canister. At least he had some sense to protect himself with the gloves, otherwise Gray would have ended this scene right away, before Natsu could touch him and infect his skin. Natsu pulled Gray's boxers down. He wished he could say that this was erotic, but the truth was that Gray was limp, shocked and sickened by the knowledge that they were acting out the darkest moments of Natsu's childhood.

"Not even a little aroused this time, boy?"

How could he be aroused? How could he possibly get turned on when he felt like this?

He also now fully understood why Natsu could not stand to be called _boy_. Dear God, that was getting to be annoying, not to mention utterly degrading, constantly reminding him of his inferior status.

"That's fine. You get hard so quickly."

Natsu took Gray's limp member into the gloved hand and stroked it. The feel of that latex was weird against his skin, unnatural, synthetic. Gray cringed as he realized just why Natsu might come to hate the feel, especially associating it with something like this man.

"Here we go. You'll get hard for me again, won't you, boy? A cute, horny, semen-slave, that's what you are."

Cute? Slave? So that was why Natsu also hated to be called cute and refused to do slave/master roleplay.

Gray shuddered and tried to pull away. He could end this; he knew that. His hands were not even restrained, although he had not moved them from where Natsu had slammed them up against the headboard with such roughness. All he had to do was call out Natsu's name, and he would probably shatter this sick delusion.

However, this was what Natsu needed. He was trying to work through a labyrinth of disgusting perversions that, as a child, he could not even begin to comprehend. Maybe now that Natsu was an adult, working with someone he trusted explicitly, he might begin to heal. So although Gray potently felt the fantasy of being violated, and although the words Natsu hissed into his ear were highly disturbing, he did not do more than whimper and shake his hips to pull away from Natsu's touches. He would probably have nightmares about this later, but for now he wanted to help Natsu get out of being trapped in the past. He wanted to yank Natsu into the light of the present, so that maybe the Dragon Slayer could finally see the potential of that bright future Gray wanted, a future for the two of them, where they could be happy, love one another fully, and boldly declare that love.

For that to happen, first they had to work through Natsu's darkness. This was one way for him to get over the past: by reliving it in reverse roleplay. Gray gulped down sickness and struggled through the delusion of being a molested child, trapped for weeks, forced to endure so much. He looked at the dark delight in Natsu's face, and he began to wonder the same thing Natsu had said yesterday.

Was this worth it?

Their relationship, although wonderful and sensual, constantly brought up memories of the past for Natsu. He could hardly go ten minutes without flinching. Each of those flinches were flashbacks. That meant Natsu was constantly reliving this nightmare. He was hearing that man's voice in his head. He kept recalling those vile touches. Even in their most intimate and private moments, the ghost of that molester haunted Natsu's memories, ruining his happiness.

Was this worth it?

Was a relationship with Gray worth dredging up so much scum from the past? Was it better to just abstain from sex and hide from the horrors?

Gray began to wonder about this himself. Was it worth putting Natsu through such a hellish memory just to satisfy his own pleasure? He wanted to protect Natsu, to shield him from all sadness. Was sex maybe _not_ a good thing for the Dragon Slayer?

"See, you wiggle away, but you're hard again. When you get like this, it means you actually like it. You're one horny boy, liking it so much, getting hard day after day."

Day after day … Natsu had been subjected to this humiliation again and again … until he broke. Until his grasp on sanity snapped. Until he changed from the Natsu that Gray loved so much, into some murderous insane child reveling in the blood of his foe.

"Are you ready? Of course you are. This hard cock of yours is your body's way of saying you're ready."

"No," Gray cringed. That was so, _so wrong!_ To tell anyone that arousal meant they wanted sex was disgusting.

Natsu glared at him, but those eyes were not his. There was a cruel gleam to them. "You're gonna give me what I want, boy. Whether you want it or not, you're gonna give me your precious cum. Don't worry. This is my own personal toy, brought it just for you. I'm sharing my toys, see?"

"Sharing?" Gray cringed. Oh God, had that bastard used his _own_ sex toys on Natsu? All the possible bacteria and…

And viruses…

No wonder Natsu felt dirty and hated sex toys. There was a very good chance he actually had contracted a sexually transmitted disease during this ordeal but was too insane to realize the medication he was on was for something else. Of course, no one would have explained it to him. Only Makarov and Gildarts would know the full truth.

Natsu twisted the end cap on the masturbation sleeve. As he slid Gray's penis in, the air seeped out the opened cap. Gray groaned softly as the realistic feel of a woman's vagina enshrouded him. His hips naturally wanted to thrust up into it, except … it was cold. Natsu was so warm inside. Real women were warm, too. Natsu had not bothered to warm up the toy, although he could have applied heat easily. Of course, that was only a trick of the Fire Dragon Slayer. Right now, Natsu was in the role of some sick bastard of his past who probably did not care about Natsu's comfort.

"Feels good, right?"

It honestly did. Gray had to look up at Natsu to reaffirm in his mind that this could be sexy, not traumatizing. This was Natsu, and he was about to get Gray off with a toy the ice wizard had used many times on his lonely nights.

Then Natsu twisted the cap shut again. Gray wondered why he did that. It was standard to loosen the cap. As the penis went in, the air had to escape somehow. However, he usually left the lid loosened—still on, so his semen did not go shooting out everywhere, but loose so the air flowed in and out. Why was Natsu tightening it again?

Then as Natsu pulled the masturbation sleeve back up, Gray realized there was a hell of a lot more suction. He did not even have to slide Gray all the way to the front again; just a little was intense. How the hell did he learn this technique?

An instant later, Gray wanted to vomit as he realized just how Natsu must have learned.

"You like this, don't you, my little semen slave? Feels good, eh? This is what a real woman feels like. Silky smooth inside, right? Give her what she wants, boy? Women want to pleasure us men. Let her pleasure you."

Gray tensed up. Although he realized this could be sexy in any other setting, for now it was too disturbing. He wanted the scene to be over with quickly, so he did not even bother trying to hold himself back. He panted as Natsu thrust the toy on him, rubbing up and down his shaft, and those smooth walls stroked him, suctioning him, drawing him closer to the edge. He wondered, would Natsu have held out from a sense of pride, or would he have given in quickly to get the ordeal over with that much sooner? How would Natsu handle this?

Stubbornly! He would not want to obey this man's orders at all.

"Come for me, boy."

He wouldn't follow that. He wouldn't want…

…to come. He would rather deny himself all pleasure than to surrender.

Gray jolted as he suddenly fully comprehended Natsu's penchant for orgasm denial.

Not coming was keeping in control. In a situation like this, the only thing Natsu could control was his own body's reactions. The only way he could fight … was by not coming.

So although Gray wanted the scene to end, he also held back. He felt he owed it to Natsu. He wanted to experience all the horrors his poor boyfriend had lived through. He wanted to understand Natsu more and more.

"Aren't you coming yet? I don't have all day, y'know. You want to pop, don't you? A disgusting little pimple, wanting to pop, needing the filth drained. I'm just going to pop you, boy. Just gonna get the cum out of you."

Gray recalled something Natsu once shouted, and he said the same words, feeling them sink into his soul. "Don't pop it."

"Then give it to me, you little semen slave. Give me your cum."

"Like hell I will," Gray sneered.

"Oh you will, boy. You'll have no choice."

Gray realized, he did have a choice. He could hold back. His lower stomach muscles steeled themselves. He forced his mind elsewhere. He would hold back as long as possible.

"You disgusting little pimple! Why won't you pop? Squeeze and squeeze, but you don't pop."

Suddenly, burning hot hands clutched Gray's throat and tightened. He gagged, stunned at the attack.

"What if I squeeze here, huh?" Natsu shouted angrily. "Will the pimple pop then? Did you know that cutting off your air can give you an erection? Or it'll kill you. If you don't do what I say, you're no use to me anyway."

The hands squeezed, crushing his windpipe. Gray really could not inhale. Natsu was going to choke him into unconsciousness.

He suddenly recalled early on in their relationship, Natsu crying out, _'You'll never choke me, right?'_ He remembered Natsu's story from the past, how not only had the abductors of his early childhood choked him, but the molester did as well. This was how he had suffered. This was why he had issues with touches to his neck when he was in his panic attacks. That man had tried to strangle Natsu to death, all on the hope that he would get one last shot of sperm.

Slowly, Gray realized he was not defenseless. He was not even tied up. As his face began to go numb, Gray slowly brought his hands away from the headboard.

"Do you like that, boy? Is it making you aroused yet? I'm gonna make you come, boy. One way or another, I'm gonna get what I want. I'll pop this pimple … or squeeze your fucking head off trying."

Black spots dotted Gray's vision, but he slammed both fists down onto Natsu's shoulders. The hands loosened, and air rushed back into Gray's lungs with a gasp.

"Red!" Gray bellowed, coughing and rubbing out his throat. "Holy shit, Natsu!"

At that name, those green eyes widened. The delusion shattered, and Natsu gazed upon Gray with the full horror of realizing what he had just done. "Gray!" he screamed, and flung his arms around the ice wizard. "Oh my God, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"I'm fine," Gray snapped, pushing him aside. He knew the roleplay was over, but it was hard to stop feeling a bit of hatred. "Don't touch me!"

He slammed his eyes shut as he realized Natsu had said those same words so many times. _'Don't touch me, you sick bastard!'_

"My God, Natsu."

Gray suddenly grabbed the stunned Dragon Slayer and crushed him into a hug. He began to sob, stroking Natsu's pink hair, wishing he could take all those memories of horror out of his poor lover's mind and free him from the chains of the past.

"Did I hurt you that badly?" Natsu asked in dread.

"No. I'm fine. I … I can't believe you went through something like that. I knew that man had hurt you but … oh God, I didn't realize just how horrible it must have been." Gray shuddered as the sickness of the crime weighed down on him. "How could you have put up with that for so long?"

"I had no other choice," Natsu admitted quietly. "It was either that or kill myself … and I was tempted more than once to do just that."

Gray squeezed him even tighter, jolting with sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh God, that was awful."

"I'm sorry, Gray," he muttered sadly.

"No! No, you needed this. We both did. I didn't understand you. Now, I think … I really understand a hell of a lot more about you after seeing it from your perspective." His eyes had been opened to the full horror of the truth, and now he would never see Natsu the same again. Still, he had gotten a glimpse of the truth that haunted Natsu. "Did he really do all that to you?"

Natsu could not meet his gaze. "Those were things he said … and did … at different times. But yeah, he said all of those things … and a lot worse."

Worse? Gray was not sure if he even wanted to imagine how much worse it could have been. "I'm surprised you're even able to let me touch you at all."

"I've had time to get over it," Natsu muttered. "And a lot of therapy," he added.

"I hope this helped," Gray said, removing the sleeve from his limp cock and setting it aside. He did not at all feel like having sex now, not after that sort of scare.

"I think it did," Natsu pouted. "Only, now I'm even more scared that I might attack you one day. That's why I need to be tied up. I'm afraid I won't pull out of a flashback and … and I'll kill you one day."

"But that one time at your house, in your shower…"

"I came so fast, I didn't have time to slip into the past. Otherwise, I need it. If you're going to take your time, I'll probably remember something, even if I don't want to, and … like you attacked me just now. I … I attacked him at the exact same point, only … I didn't just hit him away," he muttered, paling as he remembered what he actually had done. "He was choking me, so … I broke out of the ropes tying me down and … and I began to choke him back. He always had a knife to my throat—always—but when his hands were on my neck, he set the knife down. It was an opening, and I seized. I went for his throat. We wrestled. I squeezed, and I kept squeezing, and then … I wanted more. I wanted him _dead_ , so I … I began pulling instead of squeezing. Pulling and pulling. I felt the bones pop in his neck. I watched the skin stretch, and then tear … until … until…" Natsu broke into tears. "I killed him. I ripped his head off. Just pulled it right off his body. The blood was … everywhere. And … and then I…" Natsu choked to muteness in thick, shaking sobs.

Gray pulled Natsu up against his chest. "Maybe this doesn't help, but if someone did all that to me, I'd want to kill him, too."

Natsu looked up with thick tears in his eyes. "Did you want to kill me?"

"I want to kill the man who did that to you. I wish you could have left him alive, so I could be the one to kill him. However, if he deserved to die at all, it was by your hands. You had every reason to want him dead."

"I still feel bad that I killed him."

"That's because you're a good guy deep down inside. You're a wizard of Fairy Tail, and Igneel raised you to protect others, not to go out on slaughtering sprees."

Natsu sniffed moistly. "Igneel told me to only hurt people who hurt my nakama. He'd be mad if he found out I did that."

"No, I honestly think he would have killed that man. You told me that when you were really young and got abducted, Igneel burned the bandits' hideout to the ground. He totally would have roasted that pervert."

Natsu let out a weak laugh. "Yeah, he burned up those bad guys really bad."

"Because they hurt the person he loved most: you. Igneel would have blasted his hottest flames on that damn bastard for torturing you. Hell, I'd freeze his blood solid if he was still around."

"Maybe it's a good thing he's not. I don't want you to be a killer like me."

"You were defending yourself," Gray argued.

Natsu glared up, anger and sadness in his eyes, and darkly whispered, "I did a lot worse than simply _defend_ myself."

"He made you like that. He drove you insane. It's his fault."

"That's what my therapist used to tell me," he grumbled petulantly.

"Because it's true. Look, I don't blame you one bit for lashing out at that bastard." Gray stroked Natsu's hair. "I just want to bring you out of the shadow of that past."

Natsu cuddled wearily down into his chest. "I feel like I'm dragging you into my shadow."

"The best way to bring someone out of a dark cave is to climb down into the cave until you can reach their hand. I saw a glimpse just now of how dark your _cave_ is. Maybe now I can pull you out."

Natsu clutched tightly to him. "You've been pulling me up by the hand since the beginning, idiot."

Gray smiled and stroked Natsu's neck. "I'll have to tie you up in order to haul your ass out."

"You like hauling my ass, don't you?" Natsu smirked playfully.

"I love anything to do with your ass," Gray teased back, reaching down and pinching Natsu's rump. "I also happen to love tying you up. Don't forget, that's my own little kink. I love restraining you, so if you need to feel secure by being immobilized, that's totally fine with me. I'll cuff you, tie you, ice you, anything you need, because I get aroused seeing you helpless and being in total control over you."

"Control freak!"

"Masochist!"

They laid together on the bed, holding one another, not saying anything more, not really looking at anything, just letting the moment slowly drift away. Gray let himself think about all Natsu had said and done. He thought about his own reactions, and he shivered to think Natsu experienced that. More than ever, he wanted to pull this Dragon Slayer out of his _cave_. Only then would he truly be able to see Natsu fly.

"Gray," Natsu mumbled. "Did I hurt you?"

"I might have some bruising on my neck, but it doesn't hurt at all." That was not totally true, but Gray knew the lingering pain of Natsu's choke-hold would be gone by morning.

"That's good. Did … did I _scare_ you?"

Gray hesitated to answer, but he had to be honest this time. "It was scary knowing you went through that. I wasn't scared of _you_ , but of imagining how you must have felt during that time. I felt how terrified a child must have been."

"Then were you imagining it, too?"

"I was trying to picture myself as you."

"Scary, huh?" Natsu asked.

"Yeah. Damn scary."

Gray ran his fingers across Natsu's neck. That man had tried to choke him, and that was what finally pushed Natsu over the edge of sanity. After weeks of utter humiliation, the fear of dying—and who knows what that disgusting man might do to a dead body—made Natsu snap. Gray propped himself up, leaned over, and kissed Natsu's neck. He planted a soft yet firm kiss onto the hot skin and gazed down in those narrow eyes.

"I'm going to protect you from now on. If anyone dares to hurt you like that, I'll be the one to kill them."

Natsu blinked in surprise. Then he looked aside while blushing. "Idiot. I'm a lot stronger now. I can protect myself."

Gray traced the flushed cheeks with his fingers. "I'll still protect you, because I care about you. I won't let you go through darkness again, or if you do, I'll be right there beside you. Between fire and ice, nobody stands a chance."

Natsu chuckled softly, and the worries in his face faded away. "If we could do a Unison Raid, can you imagine how _awesome_ that would be?"

"We should totally try it."

"We should convince Erza and Lucy to go on a big mission so we can give it a shot."

"As soon as I'm done with my treatment. I don't want to be on a long mission and end up skipping a dose. I want this stupid bacteria gone." Then he realized something. "You're still wearing gloves. Are you okay with those?"

"To be honest, I've been trying my hardest not to think about them. Can you take them off for me? Rubber gloves really creep me out."

They got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. Gray took the masturbation sleeve with him. He still had lube slathered on his groin and needed to shower. First he pulled the gloves off of Natsu's hands while the Dragon Slayer cringed at the sound. Then he washed the sleeve with hot water and alcohol while Natsu disinfected his hands, just in case.

"Sorry I used your toy," Natsu muttered, glaring at the erotic vagina-shaped item.

"It's fine. It helped you a bit, right?"

"I still can't use one of those. No way!"

"I totally understand," Gray assured him. He was not so sure he would be able to use this item anytime soon either.

"Do you … um … need help?" Natsu asked, offered with a timid shrug.

Gray looked down to the limp member. "Part of me wants to, just to get it out of my system. Part of me … I realize now why you don't want to come," he muttered. "For a moment there, I didn't want to either. I didn't want to … to give in, give up control." Gray gazed up with worry tightening his brow. "Is that how you feel?"

Natsu frowned with guilt. "Yeah," he whispered, realized his own darkness had partially spread to Gray.

Just as Gray could freeze his nightmares and shatter them, Natsu decided he would burn away Gray's hesitancy. He walked forward and ran his hot hands over Gray's torso, slid up to his chest, and stroked around the shoulder until he reached Gray's neck. Then he lightly stroked his nails down Gray's chest and abdomen, not hard enough to mark it, but a tease of what he _could_ do.

"I really want to watch you," he whispered as seductively as he could. "I won't touch. I won't even be in the shower with you, since it'd tempt us. I'll sit on the toilet. Leave the shower curtain open and let me watch. I love to watch you dripping wet and losing yourself to pleasure. I like to listen to you moan and gasp. I want to watch you touch yourself until you come."

By the time Natsu finished speaking, Gray was instantly aroused. Natsu punctuated his request with a slight lick to his lips. Gray gulped and hurriedly turned on the water. It was not even warm, but he did not mind. He jumped in, letting himself get wet. Natsu took a seat on the toilet and gazed hungrily.

"Show me," Natsu demanded. "Entertain me."

Gray shuddered at the forceful voice. He stroked his body first. This was his way of warming up. He ran his hands down his chest and stomach, then up his thighs. He reached up and tweaked his nipples, twisting the nub between his fingers.

"Yes," Natsu hissed.

Gray opened his eyes. "Wanna do at least that much?"

"I just want to watch."

"But I want your hot mouth on me. My chest is safe."

Natsu stood, and Gray saw he was aroused already. Natsu walked over to the shower, and Gray walked forward out of the water. Natsu licked up cold drips, tasting Gray's sweat amidst the water. Gray reached down and cupped himself while Natsu's tongue lapped across his nipple.

"Suck me there," Gray huffed.

Natsu leaned over to suckle the tiny tit. Gray felt that burning mouth on him, the heat spreading through his body, all of it stampeding down to his groin. He grabbed himself and began to stroke.

"Other one, too," he hissed.

Natsu released that nipple, licked a path across Gray's chest, and lapped up his left nipple. His hands caressed Gray's shoulders, and he could feel the movement of his arm. Glancing down, he saw Gray's wrist stroking himself, that flushed head appearing and disappearing into his pale fingers. So sexy! He grabbed the left nipple between his teeth and bit.

"Arrrgh!" Gray cried out.

Natsu raised up and leaned into Gray's ear. "I want to bite you."

"No," Gray frowned. He wanted it too, but he had that infection. He could not chance Natsu getting sick through his blood. "Or … do something else." Gray held up his free hand. "Suck on my fingers."

Natsu raised his eyebrow in amusement.

"I want to feel you suck me … so much," he admitted. "We can't do that yet, so … suck my fingers. Don't bite them, though. Just … suck. I want to feel the inside of your mouth."

Natsu smirked, sat on the edge of the bathtub, and pulled Gray's hand up to him. First, Natsu kissed each knuckle, letting his lips suck the roughened skin. He turned the hand over and traced the lines in his palm.

"You have a strong heart line," Natsu stated.

"Since when did you learn palm reading?"

"From Cana. She tried to read my palm once. She couldn't make much of anything out of it. Maybe it's a Dragon Slayer thing, because she apparently couldn't easily read Gajeel's palm either. Or she just sucks at palm reading. I only know that this is your life line, this is your fate line, this is your head line, and this," he said, tracing his tongue over a crease that crossed Gray's palm, "is your heart line."

Natsu kissed the tips of each finger, then lightly ran his tongue across each one. Gray moaned, and his wrist got busy again. Then Natsu gazed up at Gray with a devious gleam in his eyes. Oh, he knew _just_ how to undo this cold man!

Natsu sucked on his own index finger. Gray watched, enthralled but curious what the Dragon Slayer had in mind. Then Natsu lifted Gray's hand. He slowly traced his wet finger along Gray's palm, following what he recalled was the life line. It was a wide curve, yet many breaks. Cana had mentioned the same about Natsu's life line. It meant he had a lot of vitality, but he would experience many abrupt changes in his lifestyle. Well, nothing surprising about that! He was a wizard of Fairy Tail, after all. _Abrupt changes_ happened weekly.

His finger traced up to the webbing between Gray's thumb and index finger. Natsu's wet finger slid between the two fingers. Then he suddenly clasped Gray's hand closed. Rather than his fingers being casually spread, now they were tightly together.

"This is what I want to do to your ass," he purred, and Natsu slid his wet finger between the tight space of the thumb and index finger.

Gray gasped, and his eyes widened. He had thought Natsu would just drool over his hand a bit. Instead, the damn Dragon Slayer was toying with him … and driving him crazy.

"I want to touch inside you, Gray," Natsu groaned, forcing his finger to rub in and out. "I want to feel your insides warm up to me."

Gray collapsed backward against the tiles of the bathtub. "Oh God," he moaned, stroking faster.

"But more than that. I want to taste you." He brought the hand up to his face, making sure to press the fingers together tightly, and thrust his tongue between the thumb's webbing.

Gray jolted. Did Natsu really want to try rimming? No man had ever done that to Gray, and he could only imagine how that burning tongue might feel, lapping up his hole and thrusting into his ass. Dear God, he was not going to last long at all!

"Natsu," he warned. "Fingers!"

The Dragon Slayer kissed over the knuckles of both the index and middle fingers, gently folding the others down. His wet finger still wiggled around his thumb webbing as Natsu finally licked the tips of Gray's fingers, swirling his tongue around them, before plunging down, taking his fingers all the way to the bottom knuckles. Slowly, he sucked up and ran his tongue over the fingers again.

"I wanna suck you." Natsu bobbed his head on the fingers, sliding them in and out of the mouth and licking his tongue across the rough skin. "Taste you," he groaned, lapping more and sucking sensually slow. "Swallow you deep down into my throat." He devoured the fingers again, up to the knuckles, until Gray could feel the fleshy uvula hanging down.

"Oh shit, Natsu," he panted. He was so close … so close…

Those narrow eyes gleamed up, the fingers still in his mouth, so erotic that Gray was utterly overwhelmed. He pulled off slowly, and he let those fingers drag over his bottom lip, pulling out. Then he rubbed Gray's fingers around his moistened lips, sensually licking them as Gray ringed his mouth.

"I want you to come in my mouth," he whispered. "I want to swallow it down. I want that taste all over my tongue." He lapped up the fingers again.

"D-Dammit … Natsu…" Gray's back arched.

Natsu sucked the fingertips again and moaned heatedly. "Gimme what I want, Gray!" Then he thrust down onto his fingers and sucked hard.

Gray cried out. As easy as that, he came, barely realizing he needed to aim it away from Natsu. Natsu at least had enough sense to pull the shower curtain over as a shield against the semen. Gray shot against the curtain instead, and pale cum dripped down the plastic lining.

"Dear God, you're too much for me," Gray moaned.

Natsu popped the fingers out and gazed up to Gray. "It wasn't enough, though. I want more!" He stood and walked into the shower.

Gray panicked. "Natsu! No, you can't. I…"

"Don't touch me," he said gruffly. He roughly flipped Gray around, so the semen-soaked groin would not be near him, and then he crashed Gray's chest up against the shower wall. Natsu took Gray's wrists and held them, pinning him against the wall.

"N-Natsu…?"

"I want you so badly, Gray," he growled.

Suddenly, the ice wizard felt a stiff pole ram against the upper crack of his ass, then rub up toward the base of his spine. Natsu was humping himself against Gray's low back! The thought of Natsu dominating made Gray shiver. As much as he liked restraining others and taking all control away from them, thinking about switching that role with Natsu made him groan softly.

"God, I wanna fuck you," Natsu sneered, just a hint of a whining protest in his voice.

Gray's eyes went huge, and he tried to look around his shoulder. "Natsu?" Was this really him, or was this another flashback?

"I want to feel inside you, Gray."

A growl like that was definitely the Dragon Slayer!

"I want to thrust into your body. I want to mark you, scratch you, bite you, lick up your blood, and take you fully as my mate." He pressed Gray flat against the wall and leaned into his ear. "I want to ravage you … so hard!"

Gray lost the air in his lungs. _'Oh shit, he's getting me turned on all over again.'_

Natsu slid his cock between Gray's butt cheeks and up to his tailbone, pressing his own body tight to increase the feel of friction. He thrust again and again, stroking himself up against the cold, wet, slippery skin.

"Oh God, Natsu," Gray shuddered. Yesterday, Natsu had regressed so much, almost back to how he was at the beginning, needing a rape fantasy to release. Now…

Gray smiled to himself as he felt the aggression in those thrusts. Doing that roleplay must have really helped Natsu if he was able to be this assertive in his desires. It might have been a bit scary and depressing to know Natsu had gone through such a horrific experience, but seeing a glimpse of that darkness was worth the mental anguish if it meant Natsu could take such a huge step forward.

"It's not inside," Natsu said softly to himself. "It's not in anything."

Gray heard his low muttering. Despite wanting to dominate, Natsu still had his issues. "Shoot it into the sewers. Your cum isn't good for anything. No one will want it once it hits the sewers. Just a drop of filth floating amidst the shit of a thousand asses."

Natsu gasped as he thought about how liberating that sounded. Yes, if his cum was in filth, it was unusable. No one would want it. No one could _use_ it.

* * *

_"_ __What is this? You missed the cup, you damn boy. And you pissed all over the floor. Your cum is in the middle of piss. I can't use it now. Fucking kid! I need fresh cum, not cum that's sitting in filth. Goddammit. A wasted effort. Damn fucking sonuvabitch…"_ _

* * *

Natsu forced the rest of the memory aside. He had been beaten into a bloody mess for wasting his semen, yet that moment had felt like a victory. He might have given in to the physical sensation, but he had denied his captor the victory of collecting his sperm. It was the only victory he had up until his body learned to shut itself down and refuse to ejaculate.

"Gray," he whispered huskily. "Ice my feet, right where they are, and…" He grabbed Gray's hands and weaved his fingers between the ice wizard's fingers, holding on tightly. "…and ice our hands together. I want to see if this works."

"Okay," Gray nodded, panting breathlessly, caught up in the moment. "Wrap your fingers in mine. Hold onto me."

He felt Natsu squeeze his hands, already shivering with the inner fear of his past violence. Gray could not use hand seals to cast the ice, but it was just a little frost, enough to trap Natsu's feet to the bottom of the shower and to freeze their hands together.

"Ah! It's cold!" Natsu cried as the ice encased his feet up to his ankles, and a glove of ice frosted over his hands and wrists. He could still move his arms freely, but Gray was bound up with him, their hands joined. He still felt the cold but strong fingers gripping him.

"Just keep holding my hands," Gray said in gentle encouragement. "Hold onto me, like this, frozen together."

"Yesss! Can't hurt you. Can't attack you." Natsu sped up thrusting with his hips, humping against Gray's back. "One day, Gray. One day, I'll be able to do this for real. I'll mark you inside. I'll _claim_ you. I'll _ravage_ you from behind."

"God, I want that, Natsu!" Gray whispered with a shudder.

Gray moaned as he thought about a day when they could easily take turns. He would tie Natsu up and work him out, giving him the pleasure of erotic pain, and then he would release his captive dragon and let him wildly rampage all the aggression out of his system.

He heard Natsu gasp, and he felt that hot body start to pull away. He must be very close, and the fear of giving in was back.

"Natsu! Shoot it into the sewer," Gray ordered, hoping to keep him in the present moment. He felt Natsu's wet hair shaking back and forth, straining against his fears. "Into the sewer, you damn dragon!"

Natsu gulped hard. He had to trust Gray. Gray was helping him to waste the cum. It was not in anything. It would flow straight into the drain, down to the sewers. Gray _wanted_ it to be a piece of filth. He would not collect it. He did not want it. Gray … just wanted him.

He remembered Gray's words one day. _"A few drops of fluid aren't interesting to me. It's watching you build up to that moment of release, watching you be aroused, listening to you whimper and cry. Not your cum, but your pleasure, and I'll milk that out any way I can."_

Natsu wanted to show Gray how much the ice wizard pleasured him. He wanted to indulge in that pleasure, and to return it in full. He wanted—so much—to be equals in this sort of pleasuring. At least for now, this was the best he could do. He thrust himself up against Gray, moaning and panting right into Gray's ear so the ice wizard could hear how much pleasure this was giving him, and he smelled arousal in that icy body. Even if all he was doing was thrusting against Gray's back, this was exciting his lover as well.

"G-Gray…" Natsu gnashed. His mouth grabbed Gray's shoulder.

"Don't make me bleed!" he shouted in a panic. "You can bite, but don't make me bleed."

Natsu snarled in vexation. "I _want_ you to bleed. Wanna taste it."

"Not this time, Natsu. That's an order. Don't … make … me … bleed."

Natsu growled in frustration, but the biting did not get harder. It still hurt … so good! Within the icy barrier around his hands, Gray felt Natsu's fingers clench, and his body shook as it drew closer and closer.

"Ah … ahhhhhn!"

Gray felt the teeth tighten. "Stop biting me!"

"Argh! Fine!"

To his surprise, Natsu instead grabbed Gray's hair in his teeth and yanked. Gray's head was forced to look up, stretching his neck. It hurt, he felt hairs ripping out, but he realized this was a better alternative. If Natsu could not bite him, he would pull his hair and claim him that way.

"Natsu!"

That hot body crashed up against him, shivering, thrusting in jolts.

"G-Gray … oh God … Gray … ooooh damn, yessss…"

Gray felt hot liquid splash his back, drip down his butt crack, over his ass, and snake thickly down his thighs.

"Oooooh," Natsu moaned, weakly thrusting the last of it out with long, languid strokes up Gray's butt crack.

"Oh … oh God, Natsu." Gray was pretty sure he had never felt anything so erotic as the Dragon Slayer coming against him like this.

Natsu spat out the mouthful of hair and leaned into Gray's ear. "You're mine," he declared in a possessive growl. Natsu licked the ice wizard's neck, gave him a soft but still rapacious bite on his earlobe, and hissed again in weariness: aggressive, predatory, and insatiable. "You're mine, Gray. My mate."

Gray shuddered, and for a moment he felt like crying. He had been so worried by the things Natsu said, fearing they were hints that the Dragon Slayer had grown bored or frustrated at him, not wanting a relationship anymore. With this, his confidence was restored. As Natsu licked his neck over and over in a domineering manner, Gray wanted to fall into this man's flames once again.

"Release the ice," Natsu ordered roughly. "I'll wash you. Then I'm _cuddling_ you."

Gray laughed at how Natsu could say something so adorable, yet say it so aggressively. The ice vanished, but Gray still faced the wall.

"Are you okay?" Natsu asked in worry.

Gray nodded. "I'm aroused again. If I turn around, I'm going to fuck you senseless, and I can't do that yet."

"Touch yourself off," Natsu smiled. "Come against the wall."

How could he say that and sound so sexy? It was not like Natsu at all. Or was it? Natsu had showed plenty of signs of inner aggressiveness in the past. Gray realized more and more, Natsu was definitely not submissive.

"As tempting as that is, I think my body is still too worn out for another go. I just need to calm myself." He glanced over his shoulder to the Dragon Slayer. "Wash my back?"

While smiling placidly, Natsu took a cleaning sponge and soaped it up. He lathered the suds over Gray's skin, cleaning away the mess he left on him. Natsu watched as the stringy white semen mixed with bubbles and swirled around the drain. However, when the sponge got close to Gray's rump, the ice wizard reached back and grabbed Natsu's wrist.

"Let me clean there. Clean your cock with disinfectant soap … just in case."

"I kept it against your low back."

"It was also up against my ass, and … and I'm not sure what areas of skin are infected. Just be safe … for my own peace of mind."

Natsu patted Gray's shoulder, stepped out to get the special disinfectant soap, and came back into the shower to wash with that. Gray watched him clean up the spent, limp member.

"Your balls, too. Don't forget them."

Doing this really was putting Natsu at risk. Even if Gray tried hard to keep them safe, he forgot about things when Natsu took charge.

"We shouldn't do this anymore."

Natsu looked up with huge, startled eyes. "Did you hate it?"

"Are you kidding me? That was damn hot! Too hot. I forget. I just get overwhelmed. Until I get better, we shouldn't do this."

"Oh," Natsu said sadly, dropping his gaze. "I'm … I'm sorry."

"Natsu."

He began to turn away. "I shouldn't have…"

"Natsu!" he snapped, and Gray grabbed the Dragon Slayer around the shoulders. "Look at me! As soon as I'm well, I want you to do that again," he insisted. "I want you to grab me. Force me to the bed." He gulped hard as arousal thickened his throat. "I want you … to thrust up against me, just like now, and _pound me_ into that mattress!"

Natsu blinked in surprise. "Gray…"

"That was damn hot!" he sneered lustfully. "I definitely want to do that again. But … I'm scared right now. I can't get you sick." He hugged Natsu under the cascading water to hide the anguish in his face. No way could he allow Natsu to get sick! "Especially right now … you're in such a good area, and I don't want to stop you. At all! And that's dangerous. I could end up making you sick, and … and I can't do that," he gnashed. "So, all that aggression in you: save it up! Save it for when I'm well. And when I am, I want you to _ravage_ me as hard as you can!"

Natsu chuckled at the fervor crackling in those frosty eyes. He felt a streak of arrogance and grinned hungrily at Gray. "Oh, don't worry." He tipped Gray's chin to be even with his own mouth. "I plan to!" He gave Gray a rough kiss, biting his lower lip erotically.

"Oh God," Gray shuddered.

Natsu smirked in amusement. "Also, when you're well, I want to bite you while doing that. I want to sink my teeth into you and mark you."

Gray inhaled a hiss through his teeth as he felt a twinge down below. "Natsu … come on!" he whined in sexual frustration.

The Dragon Slayer laughed slyly and let go of Gray. "Wash quickly." He turned and walked out of the bathroom with a swaggering stride to his bare ass. "I'll warm up the bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I posted my impromptu ad-libbing of the finger-sucking scene, if you wanna listen to how I act out scenes that later get written into the story. There are probably changes from the recording to what ended up in the story, but that’s just because I work things out after ad-libbing._  
>  _No, I was not "pleasuring" myself while acting, but yes, I was sucking on my fingers, haha!_  
>  **<http://chirb.it/pN7Mfe>** _\- or find the link at[Rhov Anion's Minions](https://www.facebook.com/RhovAnionsMinions) on Facebook._


	20. Tickle Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm frequently asked, "How long will Gray be sick?" Gray gets put on a two-week regimen of medication. Six days pass, and then we skip to the wet dream-nightmare in Chapter 16. Chapters 16-20 take place within 2 days. Making out in the guild storage room, paddling and the butt plug, the hot shower and finger licking, Natsu threatening to top Gray, and now a tickle fight are all a two-day binge after six days of being apart. This is the 7th day of treatment, Gray will be on his medication for 14 days, so he has a week to go._

Gray got out of the shower and saw Natsu lying in bed, glancing through the latest _Sorcerer Magazine_ that had his own pink-headed face plastered on the front. He looked so relaxed and normal, not at all like the frightening attacker he had pretended to be that morning, or the wildly aggressive sex fiend he had been just a few minutes ago. He looked like normal Natsu, completely dry already, dressed in trousers but no shirt, with his white scarf wrapped around his neck.

"Anything interesting in the magazine?" asked Gray.

"Jason is still an asshole."

Gray had to laugh at that. That hyperactive reporter who shouted " _Cool, cool, coooooool_ " all the time had somehow earned the wrath of the Fire Dragon Slayer.

"Did you take your medicine this morning?" asked Natsu.

"Yeah, I did just now. Seven more days of taking those pills. I can't wait until I don't have to anymore."

Natsu set the magazine down and fidgeted in his seat. "Hey Gray, I was thinking."

"That's rare for you."

"Shut up! Do you … maybe … wanna … stay at my place?"

"Do you mean tonight?"

Natsu tucked his head down into his scarf and muttered, "I was thinking more like … every night."

Gray eyes widened.

"Ah! I … I mean … just until you're well. You're sick, it's normal to take care of sick people, so no one will question it. Well, not much. Happy seemed to be fine with it."

"Oh. But … I'm not going to be sick for much longer, hopefully."

"That's fine. Even if it's just a week, it's fine. I … wanna live with you," Natsu declared boldly, but that confidence wavered when Gray's mouth dropped. "Is that weird?"

It took a moment for Gray to get over the shock. "No. No, i-i-it's … it's not weird, just … shocking. You … want to…? R-really?"

Natsu nodded happily. Suddenly, Gray leaped onto the bed on top of Natsu, glad the Dragon Slayer really did still want him despite having an infection.

"God, I … I'm so relieved. I'm glad you feel that way." He kissed Natsu hard. "Even just for a week, let's do it."

Natsu beamed happily. "Awesome! Now, let's go on a date."

Gray glanced to a clock. "I guess it's close to lunchtime. We skipped breakfast."

"We were _busy_ ," Natsu smirked. "But I want to have a date with you. I'm buying, so I get to pick, and I want ramen."

"You're a cheap date," Gray teased, trying to tickle Natsu but not finding any good spots.

"I just really love ramen." Natsu reached forward and casually tickled him back.

To his surprise, Gray laughed and swatted his hands away. Natsu was stunned. He never thought about a stripper like Gray being ticklish. A scheming gleam shined in his eyes as Natsu chuckled mischievously. He reached out again, and his fingers attacked Gray's ribs.

"Kyaaaaa! Stop! Stop it!"

Gray laughed and fought off Natsu's tickle attack. The two boys tussled and roughhoused all over the bed until they fell off and landed on the floor. Still, Natsu aimed to reach Gray's ribs, armpits, stomach, all the normal places. Gray shielded himself, yet he still laughed even if he managed to keep Natsu's burning fingers away.

"Stoooooop!" Gray wailed, laughing uncontrollably. "I'm serious, stop."

He knew of one weakness for Natsu. Gray covered the tip of his finger with a layer of ice and rammed it into Natsu's belly button, wiggling it around. Natsu shrieked a laugh and rolled away across the rug.

"I give, I'm sorry," he laughed.

Gray pounced on top of him. "Who says I forgive you?"

He tickled with the ice again, but Natsu aimed for Gray's waist. Just a slight pinch to it made Gray collapse to the floor with convulsive laughter. Natsu instantly rolled on top of him, pinned Gray's arms above his head, and tickled his armpits.

"Oh God, no, stop!" Gray shrieked, writhing underneath, laughing and gasping for air. "Oh … shit, Natsu, _no!_ Come on, I'm … I'm gonna piss myself. S-s-stop!"

Natsu stopped and grinned wildly down at Gray. "Maybe I want that."

Gray breathed hard, but he looked up in surprise. "You … want … that?" He gulped to moisten his throat through the heavy panting. "Since when have you been into pissing?"

"It'd serve you right," Natsu said a little harshly.

Gray saw just a small bit of spite. He guessed Natsu was still upset about last time, when Gray made him pee his pants with the chastity belt on. He had pushed Natsu's limits too far that day.

"Sorry," Gray whispered, looking aside with guilt.

"Apology _not_ accepted." Natsu tickled Gray even more, and the bad feelings vanished as Gray squealed with laughter.

"Noooo! I'm serious, stop! Na- _… kyaaaa_ … Natsu! Stop … _hehehe_ … stoooop."

Natsu let him go. Gray kept twitching with spasmodic laughs, holding his midsection protectively with his armpits closed tightly in self-defense. His face was flushed from all the roughhousing, his chest rose and fell deeply at each breath, and when he glanced up at Natsu, those stormy-blue eyes looked a little hazy. Natsu realized Gray looked this way one other time: just after sex. It was an arousing face to show, and Natsu knew that if he stayed like this, he would attack Gray, just like he had attacked him just a few minutes ago in the shower.

"I forgive you," Natsu said, and he kissed Gray on the forehead. "Now, lunch." He rolled off and rose to his feet.

It still took Gray a minute to calm his breathing, while Natsu walked around getting dressed, combing his hair, and straightening his white scarf.

"Hurry up, slow poke. I'm hungry! Ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen!"

Gray leaned back and sighed out the last of his twitching laughs. Defeated through tickling! What an idiot! But he adored this crazy Dragon Slayer.

* * *

After an uneventful but still sweet lunch together at a ramen shop, the two went to the guild. Natsu went to find Happy and apologize for not coming home last night. Happy did not question it, and Natsu had a feeling his best friend already knew _why_ he was gone.

Gray felt a little self-conscious. He and Natsu had entered the guild together. No one questioned it, though. Part of him realized they had no reason to question. There was nothing weird about two teammates entering at the same time, even if they were rivals. Still, after a wild morning like that, and a sweet date with his boyfriend, Gray was worried that people would start noticing things about them.

He took a seat across the room. It was another normal day in Fairy Tail. Gajeel was sitting in the corner having an arm-wrestling contest with Elfman. Lucy sat at the bar, her notebook out, writing her story, with Levy looking over her shoulder trying to read everything Lucy penned. Cana was at her own table working on her third barrel, although it was barely past noon, with a gathering of the younger men around her telling lewd jokes. Reedus was painting a picture. Nab stood by the mission board like always. Vijeeter danced on a table. Laki and Kinana were gossiping with Mira. All around him, Gray saw the normal, everyday, Fairy Tail ruckus.

Then he heard a distinctive laugh and looked across the room. He could have sat next to Natsu, but it was a bit awkward. Natsu sat with Lisanna, Wendy, Carla, Happy, and Romeo. He was not sure what they were talking about, but Wendy and Romeo were laughing, Lisanna was shaking her head while tittering, and Natsu was boasting about something.

Gray found himself staring, watching him from afar. Natsu looked like a normal guy, laughing so widely, as if nothing had happened.

Then a flashback hit Gray: the shower that morning. Just a few hours ago, Natsu had shown Gray just how aggressive he could be. Gray never thought he would want someone to top him again. He had tried it once. It was not so great. Not that he had minded the pain too much. Perhaps if he had actually known the guy, had feelings for him, rather than some random stranger he found at a gay bar, it could have been a better experience.

If it had been with someone he cared for…

If it was with Natsu…

He wanted to try it with Natsu. He wanted to see that aggressive side.

And he knew, Natsu was not ready. It was so frustrating.

Still, Gray could almost feel that heat up against his flesh as Natsu pressed against him, rubbing, stroking himself against Gray's back. It was like he could feel that fire against his skin right here, right now.

In the midst of these prurient thoughts, Erza came up. "Thinking about something?" she asked, taking a casual seat beside him.

Gray blushed a bit and hoped his boner did not show. How could he possibly tell her about his wild fantasies and lewd memories? He glanced again at Natsu.

"It's nothing," he muttered.

Erza smiled to herself. "You could go over and talk to Natsu, you know?"

Gray took on a typical grimace at the Dragon Slayer's name. "Why would I want to do that?" he asked with a hint of annoyance. "Maybe I'll _challenge_ him later. Right now, it's not worth the bother." Gray tried to make it sound like normal. He hoped he at least looked the part of a rival. Probably not.

He still could not help it. His eyes drifted back to Natsu. He knew he had to calm things down between them. He had just seven more days of medication to go before getting tested again. Still, after just a week…

There was no way to hold himself back, no matter how he tried, and how much he knew he needed to be careful. As if that craving was not bad enough, Natsu wanted to live together again, this time staying at his place. That was probably better. With Happy around, they would be less tempted. Still, although Gray knew he should have said no, he could not help but say yes. He needed Natsu. Desperately! He had not realized how addicted he had become until his drug—his fix—had been taken away.

"Erza?" He needed to distract himself. "Do you think the team can take a mission? I'm feeling fine, really."

"I'm not chancing you missing your medicine doses. If you're truly in need of more money, I can take Lucy and Natsu on another mission. Or if it's serious, I can let you borrow a little."

"No … no, I'm fine for now, not that desperate," he grumbled. Partly, he realized that he did not want Natsu to leave him again. If it was a mission, he wanted to be _with_ Natsu.

"You're bored, right? That's normal. As soon as you're well, we should do something as a team."

"Yeah…" He still felt troubled, flustered by his inner thoughts, consciously trying not to look at Natsu so often.

Just then, Lucy walked past them. "I'm leaving, Erza."

"Did you rewrite that chapter?"

"Yes, with your suggestions. Thank you. I'm meeting Loke now for some training."

Gray chuckled softly. " _Training_ , huh?"

Lucy's cheeks went bright pink. "Hmph! Y-yes, training."

"You've been training a lot lately," Erza pointed out. "That's good. It's a fine thing to improve one's skills."

Lucy grinned at such praise coming from a woman she admired. "Yes, and Loke's been making me stronger."

"Don't limit yourself to just one," Erza warned.

Lucy looked confused. "Don't … limit myself?"

Gray was trying hard to hold back his laughter. He bet Lucy was thinking Erza was telling her to sleep around. It was hilarious to see her shocked face and Erza's obliviousness.

"You should train with all of your Celestial Spirits," Erza told her. "Your strength is in your diversity."

Lucy suddenly let out a nervous laugh of relief as she realized what Erza actually meant. "Oh, of course, of course. It's not good to ignore any of them."

Gray smirked at her embarrassment. "Have fun training Loke. Ah, I mean, training _with_ Loke. Sorry, slip of the tongue. I'm sure you know how _that's_ like."

She got angry now. "Gray!" she shouted. "You … you pervert!" She scoffed, stomped her boot, and stormed out of the guild hall as her cheeks burned brightly in mortification. The ice wizard just laughed at her way-too-obvious reaction to his teasing.

Erza glaring reproachingly. "Gray, that wasn't nice."

"Oh come on! We know those two are fuc-…"

"Gray," she warned, and her dark eyes silenced him instantly.

Gray shrank down under her disapproving scowl. "Sorry, Erza."

The menacing aura around her faded as quickly as it had formed. "Lucy and Loke aren't ready to announce to the whole guild. We should respect that. I'm sure you know just how that is."

He glanced sideways at her. Cautiously, he asked, "What do you mean?"

Just then, Natsu leaped up. "See ya later, guys. Happy, I might be late coming home. I have some … special training." He turned to leave, and as he did, his eyes met Gray's. They were intense, poignant, rife with lust that had not been fully sated despite their play last night and that morning.

_Does this guy ever wear out? Sheesh, I seriously don't know if I could go for another round._

"Gray."

He leaped at Erza's voice and looked back at her. He felt like he had been caught doing something wrong. Well, in a way, he had. Gray had been staring at Natsu's ass as he left out the door and thinking about the faint limp Natsu had from the paddling he got last night.

"Come on," she smiled, dropping her voice. "It's only obvious that you and Natsu have been hanging around each other a lot more than usual. I saw you at a ramen shop around lunch, I've seen you at ice cream parlors and walking around town together, and you two came in together today."

"We … we're just … uh…" He stuttered as he tensed up at getting found out, and by Erza of all people. "We're just trying to be … friendly … like you always tell us to be."

"Uh-huh," she smirked knowingly.

Gray looked around the guild frantically, but it was a normal day, no one was near enough to hear them, and no one was watching. "Erza, come on," he growled. "Stop joking."

She kept her smile but dropped her voice softer. "It would take an idiot not to see it."

He left out a sigh of frustration, but there was no use hiding anything from Erza. "And how many _idiots_ are in this guild?"

"Too many. I don't think anyone but Gajeel knows. I overheard him muttering about Natsu smelling like you, but he won't say anything. I made sure of it."

Gray was curious, but he figured he really did not want to know precisely _how_ the Titania had made sure to keep the Iron Dragon Slayer's mouth shut on the matter.

"Do you really not want people to know?"

"No!" he cried out, but his voice dropped again. "Come on, Erza. I'm … I'm _sick_ still."

"Yes, which is what worries me," she said, all playfulness gone and a serious expression on her stoic face.

"Which is precisely _why_ I'm not telling anyone yet," he whispered. "Not until I'm well."

"Are you two…?" Her eyebrow waggled to silently express what she meant.

"I'm being careful," he cut in sharply. He looked around again, making sure no one saw her. "We both are."

"You better be," she warned sternly. "If you get him infected _—_ "

"I'm _not_ going to let him get sick," Gray growled, fury in his eyes. "Absolutely not! I … I ca- … can't put him through that." He blinked his eyes as he thought about the fear he had. Even just from this morning, with Natsu pressed against him, that had scared Gray afterward. There was no way he could handle it if Natsu got sick because of him.

"Were you two … _involved_ before you found out about your sickness?"

"Yes, he was tested, and he's fine. I've not … we haven't … I'm being careful." Even if they had been somewhere private, he would feel embarrassed to talk about this, but speaking about his sex life in the middle of the guild was too much.

"So, you top, huh?"

His cheeks instantly went crimson. "Erza!" he hissed.

"No one can hear us," she assured with a whimsical smile. "Besides, I'm curious."

Gray debated it. He did not want to kiss-and-tell, he felt his relationship was his own business, but he was also a little worried that if he said nothing, Erza might speak up. It was silent blackmail. So blushing, he whispered, "Y-yeah. I'm … he's … it's not like he … ah, dammit," he grumbled.

"It's _complicated_ , huh?"

Gray had to laugh wryly. "That's an understatement."

"You do know … well, maybe you don't know." She dropped her voice to be aimed at just him. "Natsu had an _… issue_ in the past. He was deeply scarred. Tortured."

Gray looked over at her in shock. "How do you know about that?"

"I was warned," she said cautiously. "Did Natsu tell you everything?"

"He told me enough." Gray glanced around the guild. "How many people know? Honestly, before we hooked up, I had no clue he went through that. None!"

"I don't think many people know. I was only warned when we started up the team. Makarov took me aside and … well, he just gave me a warning to keep an eye on Natsu, just in case."

Gray sighed, not sure how to feel. On one hand, it was good that Makarov cared enough about Natsu's well-being that he had Erza keep an eye on him. After all, there was no telling when a mission might turn bad and something could have triggered the Dragon Slayer's buried fears and aggressions. On the other hand, he wished no one knew about that side of Natsu. He wanted to protect Natsu and shield him from anyone finding out that he had suffered in that sort of way.

"Is he really okay with this?" Erza asked cautiously.

Gray thought about all the troubles they had up to this point. If she had asked during their first week of being a couple, he might have wondered if Natsu truly was okay. Even if it had been yesterday, after Natsu questioned aloud if their relationship was _worth it_ , he had doubts. However, right now, after the aggressive lust Natsu showed, and after asking Gray to live with him for a week, Gray felt far more confident.

"I think he's getting better because of this," he said with a light smile. "It's helping him to learn how to deal with his past."

"I don't know details, Gray, and I don't want them. Makarov told me just enough so that I understand potential triggers and can avoid missions that might involve things Natsu would not handle well. However, from my understanding, what you two are involved in is definitely riddled with potential triggers. When I first heard the story, I worried that the poor guy would never be able to have a normal relationship."

Gray had to laugh. He wondered if this even counted as a _normal_ relationship.

"I'm truly worried for him."

Gray was glad someone like Erza was the one who knew. "He … has issues," he confessed softly. "I work with him. We work around the things that bother him. Sometimes, I think we're helping each other."

"Each other?" she asked, mildly intrigued. "What sort of issues do you…?"

"Erza, don't," he warned sternly.

"I'm curious about you, also."

"It's none of your damn business."

"You're right," she agreed. "I'm just worried for you. You're like a brother, Gray. We grew up together. I know, even when I first arrived here at Fairy Tail, you had a very deep darkness in your heart, one that kept you from fully opening up to others, even close friends."

"Yeah," he agreed, thinking about how his fear of love plagued him still, "and Natsu is helping me. A lot," he added with a faint smile.

"That's good. I think you two are … well, I don't want to say you're _meant for each other_ , since I honestly never would have imagined it could work out this way, but I think you're good for each other."

"You … you approve?" he asked in surprise.

"Are you seeking my blessing? I'm not Natsu's mother."

"No, just … I wasn't sure how the guild would react."

"Well, to be honest, I think that when you two do come forward, you're going to get a wide variety of reactions. This is _you and Natsu_ , after all. Still, I think more people than you imagine will fully support you two as a couple." She knew already that Mira and Lucy were fond of the idea of the two rivals secretly being lovers, and surely other girls in the guild had yaoi fantasies about these two.

Gray looked down at his hands. "I hope so," he muttered. "Don't tell anyone, okay? We're not ready. Um _… I'm_ not ready. I mean, I want to tell them. I want to tell _everyone_ , but … not when I'm like this. I … I don't want anyone to think anything bad about Natsu, especially because of me, because of my past, because of what's going on right now, being sick. I don't want _any_ of that _… filth_ … to make him seem dirty."

"Gray, I think the guild would forgive your past. We're good at forgiving."

He let out a soft laughing hum and had to nod at that. He had forgiving Lyon for what happened on Galuna Island. Lucy had forgiven her father. The guild had come to accept Gajeel and Juvia, although they had attacked Fairy Tail and destroyed the first guild hall. They had all forgiven Laxus and the Thunder God Tribe despite pitting the guild against one another. And Erza…

"You know better than anyone, right?" he said with a smile to her.

"Yes, I do," she said wistfully, and Gray could see that she was thinking about Jellal again. "Sometimes, it's very hard to forgive people, but sometimes it's easy. Your past relationships are your own business, Gray. No one judges Gildarts for his promiscuous ways. No one ever got angry at Loke. Annoyed, maybe, but we let him date as many girls as he wanted and never scolded him. You and Natsu might face hard times at first, but I truly think we'd all eventually forgive your past and support both of you, so long as you don't cheat on him and hurt him."

"I never cheat on someone I truly care for," he assured her sternly.

"I'll hold you to that," she warned. "I understand that this is a hard time for you, being sick like this, yet just now discovering your feelings for someone. It's honorable that you're thinking about Natsu's welfare to this extent. So, I'll keep quiet. When you're ready, just make sure I'm here," she said sternly. "Don't you dare tell everyone when I'm not around to see what _their_ reactions are going to be like."

"I think as long as _you_ support us, everyone else will fall into line."

"They better!" she said with a thudding tone.

Gray laughed softly. "You're too scary, Erza."

He glanced around again. Hopefully soon, he could just come out and say it. He wondered if their announcement would be explosive, or if the guild would casually accept it. Maybe more people than just Erza had noticed already. The most anticlimactic response would be for everyone to say "About time!" and go back to their normal conversations.

Or the whole guild would blow up with angry denial and shouts of protest. That was what Gray feared, at least.

"Um … when we do come out, could you be the first to … um … to congratulate us or … or…" Gray's face tensed up, and he looked down to his hands folded nervously in his lap. "I just don't want Natsu to get ridiculed _… at all_. He's excited and eager to tell everyone, and I don't want him to be disappointed. I don't want him to feel like this—all of this—is nothing but a mistake. I don't want to lose him over something as stupid as peer pressure."

"Sure, Gray," she said amicably. "When you two are ready, I'll be the first to congratulate you. I'll also pound anyone who gets out of line."

"Thanks, Erza. Really, that's a big load off my shoulders, knowing one person will accept us."

"Like I said, you're like a little brother. Both you are Natsu are family. It's _—ahem_ —not something I _expected_ , per say," she confessed, "but if it makes you happy, and if it helps him, I want to be supportive of both of you."

He blinked hard to keep his eyes from watering. "Th-thank you so much," he whispered, his heart swelling with happiness.

Erza pounded him on the back with her gauntlet. "Now, go chase after Natsu before you start crying."

"Hey!" he shouted in protest.

She chuckled and leaned into his ear. "He's waiting for you, Gray. Go make your boyfriend happy."

He blushed to hear her say that aloud. Having someone else call Natsu his boyfriend made the relationship seem more _official_. Erza nudged him with her elbow and winked. Gray whispered thank you again, got up, and left the guild hall.

Natsu actually was waiting for him at the entryway, standing by the large gates with his arms folded. He turned away as soon as he saw Gray exit, and when Gray rounded the corner, he saw that Natsu was heading to Gray's place. He followed at a distance, sensing that Natsu was keeping himself ahead just far enough. Finally, as they reached Gray's quiet neighborhood, Natsu's steps slowed down until Gray gradually caught up.

They walked along quietly, keeping some space between them, until they reached Gray's apartment. There, Gray reached over and boldly took Natsu's hand. The cold grasp startled Natsu, and he almost tripped over his own feet. Then he smiled, squeezed Gray's hand in return, and they went back to the room hand in hand.

"Natsu," he said softly as they went up stairs. "Earlier, were you serious about wanting to live together?"

"Yeah," Natsu said, surprised he would ask.

"I'd … like that," he said awkwardly. "Maybe not permanent yet, but … I have another week to go. We can give it a trial run, if you promise to behave yourself. I am still sick, y'know."

Natsu blushed lightly and confessed, "That's part of the reason for asking you. I think I'd behave myself more at my house than at yours. You're the one with all the kinky stuff."

"True enough," Gray agreed, realizing that with Happy around, he would constantly think twice before initiating anything. He brought out his keys and let them inside the apartment. "I'll pack a few clothes. Then we can head over."

"Great! We should tell everyone tonight."

"No." Gray looked up into Natsu's face. "Erza and I were talking about it."

"Erza?"

"She kind of figured it out," he confessed.

"And she approves?" Natsu asked eagerly.

"I guess so…"

"Yay! We got Erza's approval," Natsu cheered. "If she approves, everyone will."

"Not everyone," Gray muttered. Magnolia should be put on flood warning before someone told Juvia. "She was worried. Everyone else would be as well, and I don't want them to think badly of you. Happy's going to mention that I'm staying with you. We can let people think it's just because I'm sick, and then I fell for you while you were caring for me. It's a typical story, right? The patient falls for the person nursing them to health. Then when I'm better, when my tests are all clear, we can slowly let people realize something is up. We'll let them think we've just started hanging out more, unofficial dating, not that we've been fucking one another for weeks."

Natsu pouted and looked away to the corner of the room. "Would it be better that way?"

"I think so," Gray replied hesitantly, wondering about the upset look in the Dragon Slayer's face.

"It's just … I want to tell everyone," he whined. "I don't want to hide it anymore."

Gray hugged Natsu's shoulders and pulled him in close. "I know." He kissed the top of the pink head. "This is just a really bad time for me. If people knew, they would think I got you sick. I don't want them to think that about you. Erza was really worried. Others would be, too. When we tell them, I want them to be happy for us, not worried about us. I don't…" His throat clenched. Here was the real reason Gray wanted to hold back telling their friends. "I don't want people to accuse me of getting you sick. When Cana announced it to the whole guild, people were so mad at me. Hell, Lucy slapped me! I don't want that sort of reaction again. I don't want them angry at me and thinking badly of you for getting involved with me. It'll be bad enough that people will think I'm about to corrupt you."

"You did," Natsu pointed out, and he grinned sensually at Gray. "And I _loved_ it."

Gray laughed and gave him another light kiss. "I want our friends to be as happy for us being together, as I feel happy being with you. I want them to party, not start yelling at me and warning you to not get involved with a man-whore like me. I want them to cheer and faint and be shocked, not yell and get angry and try to break us apart before we can even be happy as an openly-dating couple. I want it to be memorable, not regrettable."

Natsu picked up Gray's hand and kissed his knuckles. "You have a romantic buried deep inside that kinky brain of yours. Don't worry. It'll be fine. Even if it turns out bad, I'll be there to hold your hand." He kissed Gray's fingers again, dragging his lips slowly over the skin.

Gray felt his cheeks get hot from the burning lips of the Fire Dragon Slayer. "Idiot," he mumbled, yanking his hand away before he got aroused from memories of Natsu sucking on his fingers in the shower. "It's supposed to be me protecting you."

"Screw that! You know I'm not some weakling."

"Yeah, but still _—_ "

"Hey." Natsu pulled Gray over to the couch, and they sat down together. "When we tell them, I'm going to be right there beside you, okay? We'll be holding hands and smiling at one another and looking sickeningly cute and in love."

Gray flinched slightly at that. _In love…_

"I'll be there, so you don't have to worry. Even if they react bad, that doesn't matter. Even if the guild doesn't approve … well, screw them! Some might not be okay with it, but our _real_ friends are going to cheer us on. So it'll be fine even if a few think we're not right for one another. Hell, we both know Juvia isn't going to be happy to find out her Gray-sama is dating a man."

Gray groaned loudly and flopped his head back on the couch. "Oh God," he moaned in annoyance. "Yeah, she's going to be a problem."

Natsu patted his hand consolingly. "I don't know if Lisanna will be an issue. Probably not. She'll be okay so long as it makes me happy. I was worried about Erza, honestly."

"Me, too. That's why I'm glad she approves."

"Yeah, she'd be scary if she was against the idea. So see, it's gonna be okay."

Gray's brow tensed up. "I still want to wait."

"That's fine," Natsu assured. "I mean, it's just another seven days."

Gray grumbled, "We should give it some time even afterward, otherwise it's obvious we were hiding it the whole time."

"Ten days, then. We can tell everyone in ten days."

"That works."

"Good. Then in ten days we'll announce to the guild that we're dating." Natsu rested his head on Gray's shoulder while squeezing his hand. "It'll be awesome, you know. Half the guild will faint, and the other half will want details."

"Details," Gray grumbled.

"Obviously, we won't tell them," Natsu chuckled. "I liked your idea earlier. You'll stay at my place, I'll care for you while you're sick, and people will think we fell in love just recently."

"What if they ask me … why? Or what I feel about you? I mean, remember with Happy? What if people want me to … to say it? What if they ask you 'Has he ever said I lo- … I lo-…' _Dammit!_ " He clenched up his fists and growled in frustrated. "Goddammit, I used to be able to say the word in passing just fine, and now I can't even do that. I'm … I'm too scared. I'm scared because I know I feel it, so I'm afraid if I say it, that's like the final word in a magic spell that makes you end up _dead_."

"Calm down," Natsu said, looking worried at the angry shouts.

"No!" he bellowed. "What if they ask?"

Natsu squeezed his hand tighter. "Gray, you've said it in so many ways, and you've showed me in more ways than words could ever express."

"But … but what if they _ask_?" he hissed in frustration.

"I'll be right there, right beside you, and if they ask, _I'll_ be the one to answer."

"You're not _always_ going to be there, Natsu," he snapped.

Tears came to his eyes, and he pulled away before Natsu could see him like this. Gray threw off his shirt in anger as he walked to his window, but he felt the heat of the Dragon Slayer come up long before those warm arms embraced him from behind, and the soft pink hair rested against his bare back.

Gray looked out the window and down to the street. He saw a young couple walking hand in hand. He bet those two said _'I love you'_ all the time. He feared their friends would want to hear them declare it. They might pressure Gray into saying it. No one would understand _why_ he could not say it. He barely understood it himself. He knew it was a silly superstition, but that did not ease his phobia.

"The more I think about it _—_ the more I _feel_ it _—_ the more scared I get … and the more I feel _miserable_ that I can't even say the damn words!" he shouted.

Natsu squeezed around Gray tighter. "Maybe we can think of a way for you to answer that sounds even better, without saying those words."

"Yeah, like what?" he grumbled petulantly.

"Well, like you can say … um _… he's precious to me_."

"That doesn't sound quite the same."

"Well then, say _he's … he's_ … I dunno. I mean, what _am_ I to you?" Natsu asked, looked up imploringly to Gray.

Gray turned around to face the Dragon Slayer. He cupped Natsu's cheek in his hand and smiled with heartfelt emotions. "You're everything."

"Everything like … what?" he asked.

"I don't know!" he snapped, but Gray glared off to the side, trying to put it into words. "You're … you…" Could he say it? He felt he could. "You're … my beloved."

Natsu's eyes went huge. His mouth opened to speak, but the words dried up. He looked thoroughly overwhelmed by Gray's words.

"I can say that word," Gray insisted. "You're my boyfriend, my … my … my lover." That word was a little harder to say, although he told himself, he had taken many lovers without feeling emotions at all. The title of _lover_ did not always have to imply the emotion of love. "You're … my beloved. Goddammit, why can I say those words but I can't say the other?"

"Because it's all psychological, Gray. You know that, and so do I. We both have issues, and we're working on them, so don't worry about it. I'm fine with that. You say what you can and … and…" He laughed softly. "Say it again," he urged emotionally.

Gray still felt cranky. "What?"

"Call me that again," he begged, looking ready to cry.

"Which?"

"Well … both."

Gray scoffed and looked away. However, he looked at those eager eyes, and he could hardly help it. "You're my beloved, the only lover I want or need."

Natsu covered his mouth and cheeks, and he suddenly looked away as tears came to his eyes. He began to laugh, and then snuffled, overwhelmed with emotions at hearing Gray call him such tender terms. _Beloved_ was definitely not a word tossed out lightly, and being called it made happiness burn all through Natsu's nerves.

"D-dammit, I'm about to cry," he sputtered. Natsu laughed, but then he wiped his eyes. "Dammit!"

Gray touched his shoulder. "Natsu…"

The tears kept coming, although Natsu insistently wiped them away. "Why am I reacting so badly? Like a damn PMS'ing girl. I just…" His chest shuddered with joy. "I just really like hearing you say that," he confessed. "Dammit, the tears won't stop."

"Natsu," Gray whispered warmly.

"Tell them that." He still kept wiping at the tears, but he laughed some more. How ridiculous this was, laughing and crying over something so silly! "If … if they ask, and you can't say you love me, tell them _that_." He laughed some more, imagining the gawking faces. "Yeah, that'll make them shut up, because I think … I think that's way better than … than just three words." He snuffled up snot. "Dammit. I'm going to the bathroom."

"Natsu…"

"N-n-no. No, I'm … I'm acting like an idiot right now."

"You _are_ an idiot, so stay here." Gray loved to see Natsu this emotional over something so sweet.

"I … I wanna laugh and cry and hear you call me that all night long." He tried to pull away again, but Gray wrapped him up in his arms, refusing to let him go. "I just … I like to hear you call me that. I don't know why."

"It's the same as when I hear you call me _kainushi_. It makes me feel warm inside."

Natsu laughed some more. "We really are a stupid couple now." He turned around to face Gray solidly. His eyes were bloodshot, but his face beamed with intense joy. "I love you. I'm no good with words, so that's all I know how to say, just those three words. You're able to say so much more about how you feel and what you think about me. I'm … I'm a little jealous. Even if you can't say that one word, you can say and show so much more." Then Natsu bit his lip and asked timidly, "Can … can you say it again? Just one more time."

"Silly," Gray teased, caressing away the tears. "I care about you so much, and I want you to know, you're my dear, precious lover. I never want to lose you, I would die to save you, and I would fight anyone or anything to protect you … because you are the only person in my life who I've ever thought of as being _my beloved_. That's something that belongs to no one else but you, Natsu. You're the only person who has ever touched me this deeply."

The playful smiles vanished, and Natsu looked up to him in shock. "Gray…" he whispered. "The … the only…?" His lips began to tremble, tears tumbled over his eyelids, and he turned away again. "Dammit, now I really _am_ crying."

"You were crying before, idiot." Gray walked around to face Natsu, but the Dragon Slayer tried to look away. Gray pulled his head back. "I like seeing these type of tears on your face. Come here." He began to pull Natsu back to the couch.

"N-no. I wanna go to the bathroom, wash my face, and…"

"And I want you to stay here."

"Gray _—_ "

"Stay!" he ordered sternly.

Natsu pouted in protest. He flopped on the couch, folded his arms, and looked away stubbornly.

"Good dragon. I want to hold you, just like this. Just hold you." Gray wrapped his arms around Natsu and nuzzled into his hair, giving him a kiss on the scalp. "We can stay like this all day, if you want."

"Mmmm," Natsu hummed happily. "But I kinda wanna head home for tonight. I want to start living together."

"Then I'll pack, and we'll go back to your place. Later. I want to hold you for now, when I'm not self-conscious about Happy staring at us."

"Are you really going to stay the night?"

"I said I would."

"Good." Natsu snuggled into Gray's arms. "I want you to stay the night. Every night," he added softly.

Gray smiled at hearing that. He wanted it, too. He never wanted to be apart, not for anything. He kissed the rim of Natsu's ear and breathed in softly, "My beloved."

Instead of overwhelming him, the emotions now just warmed Natsu up, making him want to hold onto Gray tighter than ever. "I love you," Natsu whispered. "Now I really wanna tell everyone. Ten days, right?"

"Yes," Gray said quietly, rubbing Natsu's neck with his nose, and laying down occasional kisses. "In ten days, we'll tell them."

"We need to put Magnolia on flood alert," Natsu said drowsily, loving the feel of Gray's mouth on his skin.

Gray chuckled quietly to himself, nibbling Natsu's earlobe. "I was just thinking the same thing. Maybe we can arrange to have Juvia out of town that day."

"We'll have to deal with her eventually. You don't think she'd actually try to _kill_ me, do you?"

Gray thought about it and then answered honestly, "She might. She is a bit obsessive."

"That's putting it mildly," Natsu scoffed. "Have you seen her room?"

Gray looked over in shock. " _You_ have?"

"No, but Happy has. He goes to Fairy Hills once in a while, they let him in because he's a cat, and he went into her room one day. He told me about … the dolls." He shivered slightly.

"Dolls?"

"You _really_ don't want to know," Natsu grimaced. Happy's description of Juvia's room had been creepy even back then. Now that he was Gray's lover, it seemed so much worse.

"Oh God," Gray moaned, pretty sure he could guess as least a little about how bad it was, and too afraid to ask for details. "I really might have to protect you from her."

"Yeah. Not that I mind. You'll have to stay with me all the time. She might attack during the night."

"You just don't want me to go, do you?"

"Nope," Natsu grinned. "I want you with me every night."

Gray ruffled up his pink hair. "Maybe just until she calms down. We could switch off, me sleeping at your place and you sleeping at mine. Once everyone knows, they won't question if we sleep together."

"They might question the bruises. That's what you were most worried about, right?"

Gray frowned and grumbled, "Yeah." He was still worried about that part. He did not want the guild to know he was a sadist with a lot of kinks.

"It's the only downside," Natsu agreed. "Well, that is … unless they think _I'm_ the kinky one."

It took Gray a moment to figure out what Natsu meant, and he looked at the Dragon Slayer in shock. "Whuuuh?"

"They don't have to know it's _you_. They can think it's _me_."

"But … but Natsu _—_ "

"I'm fine with that, Gray. They already think my so-called _girlfriend_ was kinky and into bondage. I could just hint that after experiencing it once, I rather liked it. That's not lying. Well, so long as I don't mention the fictitious girlfriend directly. I just have to be vague. 'I tried it once, I really liked it, so Gray does that to me now.' Then they'll think I'm the one who's kinky, and I'm making you do these things to me because I like it. I'm willing to take on that burden, Gray. It's fine by me." He looked truly accepting of it.

"R-really?" Gray asked, stunned that Natsu would go this far, just like he had when he lied to Happy to protect Gray's honor.

"Yeah. That way, they won't think anything bad about you besides that…" He laughed lustfully. "…that you're giving me what I want." He ran his hand up Gray's bare chest. "Which is totally true." He turned around and climbed on top of Gray, straddling him over the couch. "I want your kinkiness," he moaned, rubbing himself against Gray's body. "I want you to tie me up and work me out. I _love_ making you restrain me."

He kissed Gray, and their tongues casually danced together. Then Natsu bit Gray's lower lip, tugging it out with a hungering sneer. Gray moaned at the bite, and Natsu felt a stirring in Gray's pants. Then Natsu's sultry face instantly went away, and he rolled off, plopping back onto the couch, leaving Gray turned on.

"That's what I'm gonna do, and that's final."

"W-wait, what?" Gray blinked in confusion. Natsu had instantly messed up his head with that one kiss.

"That's what you're worried about most, right? Your whole issue with telling people, it originally started because you don't want anyone to know you're a kinky guy. It's bad enough that they think you sleep around, but if they thought you got off tying up people and hitting them … well, that looks bad for you and makes me look like I'm just being used. But if they think _I'm_ the one making _you_ tie me up, that's totally different. When the whole guild thought I had a kinky girlfriend, it didn't really bother me. Nobody teased me much after the first day. I just hated to lie. I won't be lying this time. I like being spanked and restrained. It's arousing. If people know that … well, I'd rather if they mind their own damn business, but if they do find out, I don't mind. Plus it's my way of protecting you. You protect me from Juvia, and I'll protect you from rumors. Deal?" He ended with a beaming smile.

Gray laughed, stunned Natsu would take on what he felt was the heaviest burden of coming out to their friends. "Y-yeah … sure, it's a deal. Th-thank you," he muttered, truly amazing Natsu would go this far for him. "But we don't _have_ to tell them."

"No, but if they find out, we can tell them that. We should still be cautious about leaving bruises at first. It's probably best if they think we're merely dating at the beginning."

"Precisely," Gray nodded. "I'll be careful."

"Me too. No more scratching up your chest."

"And I'll use my ice rather than ropes or cuffs. You don't get bruised that way. We can be careful."

"Of course we can. Now that that's settled, cuddle me." He flopped back against Gray and wiggling down into his chest.

Gray wrapped his arms around the warm Dragon Slayer and stare into nothingness. A few minutes ticked by with the two together, cuddled close, simply enjoying being together. Gray gave a long sigh of contentment.

"It's rather nice, having simple moments like this."

"Mm-hmm," Natsu hummed. He felt at peace, and being held like this, he felt truly loved.

Gray whispered into Natsu's ears. "My beloved."

He shrank down a little and could hardly help but smile. "You really know how to make me blush."

"Yep," Gray smiled placidly. "I shouldn't use it too often, though. I might wear it out. Then I won't get to see you blush like this."

Natsu nodded sleepily. Then he teased, "Ice princess."

"Flame-brain."

"Stripper."

"Sulfur-breath."

"Pervy exhibitionist."

Gray laughed and squeezed him lightly. "Guilty as charged." Then in a cold breath, he whispered into Natsu's ear again. "Beloved."

"Stop it," Natsu whined, hating how he blushed at just one word. "It's getting embarrassing now."

"Good. You do realize, I've gotta call you that in public."

"What! Y-you don't _have_ to," he protested.

"Yep. I want to."

Natsu petulantly sank down, hiding into Gray's chest. "Idiot," he mumbled. "Let's go to my house already."

"Then get up."

"Don't wanna."

"Then we're staying here."

"Don't wanna either."

"Then I'm carrying you princess-style from here to your house."

"Like hell!" Natsu stood up. "Pack your clothes. I'll go on ahead. I'm not sure how we are on food. See you in a bit."

"Yeah," Gray muttered. Once again, he caught himself staring at Natsu's ass as he left out the door. He still felt the lingering warmth in his chest and arms. He never wanted this feeling to end.


	21. A Lover's Spat

It had been a long time since Gray lived in a situation where he had to watch his daily actions. That was the nice thing about living alone; he could do anything he wanted, and his bad habits were not mentioned by anyone. When it was just him and Natsu at his house, things flowed rather easily. Gray could walk around the house naked and Natsu never complained. They were lovers and could grope one another at any time they wanted.

However, with Happy around, Gray had to behave himself. If he started to walk around missing his pants, Happy would mention it. Every time he thought he could get in a sensual caress across Natsu's body, or a pinch to his butt, even a meaningful but silent smile, that damn blue cat always seemed to be there, like a chaperon from Hell. Sidling up behind Natsu as he cooked dinner, caressing up his thigh as they sat on the couch, even when he set out to "accidentally" walk in on Natsu in the shower, Happy was there.

"Gray, aren't you sick?"

Those large, round eyes seemed to seek him out everywhere. It started to get creepy by just the second day.

Their only real time alone was when they slept. Then Natsu would shut the bedroom door, Gray would strip down to his boxers, and their lips would crash together in desperation. Yet even then, they had to keep things tamed. Gray knew he was still undergoing treatment for his STD. He could not let Natsu do too much. They would lie in bed, arms wrapped around one another, kissing, caressing, but nothing more.

Although Gray told himself he should be happy that Natsu was with him, this was torture. Waking up to feel Natsu's morning woody pressed against his back, sometimes lightly humping against him with dreamy mumbles, potently reminded Gray of what he wanted Natsu to do to him, and how much he desperately craved the Dragon Slayer.

Yet whenever he tried to relieve some of his sexual frustration by light flirtations, Happy was right there, making Gray self-conscious and constantly restricting him.

"If we decide to live together permanently," he said one day while Happy was in the bathroom, "I'm not living with a cat."

Natsu's eyes looked stunned and hurt by the suddenly declaration. "But Happy is my best friend."

"Well, he can live somewhere else."

"He's too young to live on his own. We've always lived together."

"I don't like feeling this restricted," Gray snapped. "I'm not ready to have a _kid_ around ruining my sex life."

That angered Natsu. "Is your sex life more important than my best friend? Happy knows we can't … _do_ anything. If you're acting all horny and he's stopping you, he's probably doing it on purpose."

"It's not just him. It's you also. And it's not just about sex."

To demonstrate, Gray suddenly twisted around on the couch and straddled over Natsu's lap, grinding up against him.

Natsu's eyes went wide, and he hissed nervously, "Gray!"

Gray ignored him, yanked the white scarf aside, and sucked on Natsu's neck. He felt the hot body under him react instantly. Just three days of abstinence was enough to make Natsu sensitive.

" _Nnngh_ … n-no, stop," he whimpered.

Instead, Gray thrust harder against him. He reached up into Natsu's hair, pulling it erotically. His lips sucked hard on the neck, his teeth scraped the skin, and Natsu shuddered silently. Then Gray's hand began to snake down Natsu's torso and toward the lump taking shape in his pants. Just then, they heard the toilet flush.

"No!"

Gray covered Natsu's mouth with his own lips, silencing the protests with an all-encompassing kiss. From the bathroom, they heard a faucet running. Suddenly, Natsu slammed his hands against Gray's chest, shoving him off the couch to slam into the opposite wall. Natsu panted hard, cheeks flushed, hair disheveled, and his clothes crumpled.

"Dammit, Gray! I invited you here so we wouldn't be tempted by being apart."

"Being with you is an even _bigger_ temptation," Gray glared. "How can I feel your hot skin and not want to touch all of it?"

"Is sex all you care about?" Natsu yelled angrily.

"Like I said, it's not just about sex. Right now, we were doing nothing more than kissing, but you don't want Happy to see us doing even that. Are you ashamed?" he shouted.

"Of course not! That was way more than _just_ kissing." Natsu blushed as he reached up to the aching bruise on his neck. "Bastard," he grumbled.

At that moment, Happy stepped out of the bathroom. He saw the tenseness of Gray's brow, the scowl on Natsu's face, and he had heard shouts. Innocently, he asked, "Are you two fighting?"

Gray watched as Natsu refused to even look at him. "Seems so," he answered softly. Then he turned and ran out of the house in frosty rage.

Natsu stayed on the couch, trying to calm himself. He had been struggling to hold back for days, and that fierce kiss almost undid all his restraint. Gray was right about one thing; living together did not make anything easier. The passion did not simmer just because they were beside one another all the time.

"Well," Happy huffed. "Aren't you gonna run after him?"

"Why should I?" Natsu grumbled.

"Because that's what a guy does when the person they like runs off in anger. He chases after them, apologizes, and they work things out. It happens like that in all the stories."

"He's the one being an idiot."

"Probably you both are," Happy pointed out.

Natsu realized his best friend was right. They were both being stubborn, and one of them had to be the first to say sorry. He knew Gray was awkward with real relationships. Despite having had many lovers, he had never let anyone close to his heart.

_'You are the only person in my life who I've ever thought of as being my beloved. That's something that belongs to no one else but you, Natsu. You're the only person who has ever touched me this deeply.'_

So Natsu realized he had to be the first to apologize. He ran out the door with Happy looking on proudly. Luckily, Gray had not gone far. He stood by a tree, leaning against the trunk, staring down the road that would take him into Magnolia.

Gray gazed down that road worn by Natsu and Happy walking into town every day. He had planned to run off, return to his apartment, and stay there for the rest of his time being sick. He did not want to fight with Natsu, but he really was getting frustrated. He could not even jack off in the shower because he feared the semen might infect the tiles and make Natsu or Happy sick.

"I really am getting messed up in the head over that guy," he grumbled to himself.

After a few moments, he heard crunching on the dirt path and the front door closing. He knew Natsu was coming forward, but he could not face him yet.

"Gray?" Natsu asked hesitantly.

Gray kept his eyes turned away, staring down the road that could take him away from temptation, but also away from the man he so desperately needed. "I didn't want to bring it up," he muttered. "I like living with you, Natsu. Really, I do. Maybe I'm the type of guy who doesn't do well around kids. Not the domestic sort, I guess." He laughed wryly. "And here I thought…" His words cut off sharply. Telling Natsu about his dreams of a future, that dream where Natsu declared he wanted a family with Gray, was too embarrassing. "Nothing," he mumbled.

Natsu looked amazed. "You thought you'd want a family?"

Gray folded his arms, half-hugging himself. "It's something I've thought about from time to time."

"But … not anymore?"

"Dammit, I don't know. Maybe if I slowly got used to the idea, but … suddenly having Happy around … and like I said, it's not just him. It's … it's…"

"It's me," Natsu answered for him. "I become self-conscious when Happy is around. I know I do. Happy … I dunno. He's sometimes like my best friend, sometimes like my own kid, all wrapped into one. He's … Happy! I'm not about to abandon him."

"No!" Gray cried out, finally turning around to look at him. "No, I wouldn't ask you to do that. It's just … I … I don't know," he growled in frustration. "If we do live together again like this, I'd rather do it at my place, and … and _not_ with Happy."

Natsu spent a few moments thinking about it, but he nodded slowly. "I understand. Maybe living together just isn't right for us. At least, right now." His voice dropped more. "I guess."

"Natsu…" Gray reached forward and held that lowered face. "I still wanna be with you. I don't want to break up over something this minor. We can still date each other and have a lot of fun."

"I guess you're right. I mean, it's not like we're looking to settle down."

Gray pouted, pulled his hand back, and looked away. That was something he actually did want, though, deep down inside. "Yeah," he muttered. "I guess not." Or was this a trick question? "Unless … unless that's something _you_ want."

"I don't know," Natsu answered honestly. "I don't really think ahead that far."

"Well, fine. Whatever you want," he replied, slightly snappish and instantly regretting it.

Natsu reached forward and grabbed Gray by the arm. His narrow eyes looked up beseechingly. "I want you, but Happy still needs me."

"Then it's pretty obvious," Gray muttered petulantly. "We're not ready to live together."

Natsu's fingers squeezed tighter, as if to keep him there. "Are you going to go home?"

Gray draped his hand over Natsu's warm touch. "No, I'll stay here. We could still spend nights together from time to time, just probably not constantly like this. Look, I'm sorry, really," he said earnestly. Then Gray sighed in frustration as he tried to sort out the chaos in his mind.

Natsu's lips twisted as he thought through some things on his own. "Would you want to stay if Happy wasn't around? I … I could always ask Lisanna if she wants to take him."

Even though he offered that, Gray could see Natsu did not look like this was something he wanted. He was just offering it as an alternative, but his lip stuck out at his unwillingness. It broke Gray's heart to see his boyfriend like that.

"Dammit, now I feel like a jerk forcing a dad to give up his kid. I don't want to do that. No, you stay here with Happy. I'll deal with it. I … I can deal with this."

"Are you sure?"

Gray nodded solemnly. "Only because I know I'm sick and I can't ravage you right here, right now. Otherwise, I think this would drive me crazy real quickly. Heh! We're both too wild when we're together," he said, trying to sound lighthearted. "Having a young person around … as a couple, we're not ready for that."

Natsu turned away with a sad face and muttered, "I guess not."

"Come on. Stop looking like that. What if we go on a date … _with_ Happy?"

"Like what?"

"How about we let him pick?"

"Oh … okay," Natsu said, cheering up some.

"I'll try not to be so frustrated. I just really want you to myself, and I'm being greedy."

"I don't mind. I guess if it was the other way around and you had a little kid around, I don't know how I'd be. If one of your _twenty-seven_ lovers suddenly popped up and said you're the daddy to her baby…"

"Oh God, that's like a nightmare," Gray moaned.

Natsu chuckled. "I'd probably be okay, but … I guess it would put a damper on things. I couldn't moan as loud."

"Yeah," Gray smiled, combing his fingers through Natsu's hair. "I'd have to hide my kinky things better."

Natsu laughed again. They stared at one another for an aching moment of awkwardness.

Finally, Gray asked, "Are we good?"

"Yeah, we're good."

"I'm sorry if I'm greedy," Gray said quietly.

"And I'm sorry if asking you to come over here was greedy of me, not thinking it out completely, not realizing…" He gazed up at Gray with burning desire. "…how tempting it would be." Natsu's hands slid up Gray's chest, and he stepped closer to be right against him. With aching passion, he whispered, "I want you!" He leaned forward, eyes lowered, lips relaxed, and kissed Gray on the mouth. "I want you _so much_!"

Gray wrapped his arms around that hot body, but he hesitated kissing him back. "Natsu…"

Natsu refused to be denied. He reached into Gray's hair, pulled roughly, and forced his head down, kissing him fervently. He pressed Gray up against the tree he was leaning on, and he thrust against that taut, chilly body.

"Gray…" he moaned. Natsu thrust his tongue in, not waiting, and he devoured the wintermint taste. His hips made another hard thrust. He felt the bulge in Gray's jeans, and he ground himself against it, frotting against Gray, as if he could pierce him right against this tree.

Finally, Gray grabbed back, yanking Natsu to be as close as they could get. They were out in the open, sunlight and birdsong all around them. Kissing like this in the open made Gray shiver deep inside. Anyone could come up the road and see them. Happy might even be watching. Gray didn't care! He wanted people to watch. He wanted them to see the fiery passion that sparked between them. He felt his erection being stroked by Natsu's undulating hips, and he groaned right into Natsu's mouth.

Natsu pulled back just a little, and Gray saw the fierce lust that must have been simmering in the back of Natsu's libido, now whooshing forward like an inferno, ready to burn down everything. Gray sneered back, grabbed Natsu's ass, and yanked him close, invading with his tongue this time, wanting that hot cinnamon taste to tingle his mouth.

Natsu gasped as he felt passion overwhelming him. His whole body shivered for more. "Mmmm … G-Gray … _nnnngh_ … touch me."

Gray moaned to hear those words again. "Oh, Natsu."

"Natsu?" called out a high voice.

The hand drifting across Natsu's belt, about to loosen it, yanked back. Natsu pulled away with a gasp, and Gray collapsed against the tree, struggling to hold back a flood of profanity.

Natsu wiped saliva from his mouth. "Okay, I get your point," he conceded.

"See," Gray growled, way more frustrated than before with the heat of that body still lingering on his skin.

Happy walked out onto the porch. "Natsu, I'm hungry."

Natsu tried to smile through the sudden denial of his needs. "Yeah, we … we were talking about getting something to eat. Weren't we, Gray?"

"Y-yeah," the ice wizard said, keeping turned away from where Happy stood, knowing his erection was bulging in his pants, aching from being denied. "I think we should go to a restaurant, all three of us."

"We're going out to eat?" asked Happy.

"Yeah. Uh, my treat. It's the least I can do for you guys for taking care of me while I'm sick."

"Can we have fish?"

Finally, Gray turned around, giving the Exceed his most pleasant smile. "Happy, I'm going to let it be your choice where to eat."

The cat's round eyes went wide with excitement. "Really?"

He truly was cute, so much like a little kid. "Yep. You've been putting up with me being around, so it'll be your choice. Anywhere you wanna go, anything you wanna eat."

"Can I have any sort of fish I want?"

"Uh, so long as I can afford it." Gray realized that _anything you want to eat_ was a dangerous thing to say to Natsu and Happy.

"I'll keep it reasonable." Then Happy glanced at the two with their flushed cheeks and swollen lips. He smirked slyly. "Are you two _behaving_ yourselves?"

"Uh … sure we are," Natsu said cheerfully. However, he was leaning over oddly. "I'll … um … I'll be right back." He rushed past Happy and into the house.

Happy watched him hurry by. "Why is Natsu walking funny?"

"He … um … strained a muscle."

"Oh. I hope he's okay to walk into town. Are you okay, Gray? You're kinda leaning over funny."

Gray was slouched to hide the pole being smothered by his tight jeans. "It's … um … stomach cramp."

"Oh. Are you sure you want to eat?"

"Y-yeah. Um … it's cramping because I'm…" His eyes lingered at the door where Natsu passed through. "…I'm hungry," he ended with a flustered sigh.

"You need to make sure you eat. Lots of food means lots of strength. That's what Natsu says. When he's hungry, he devours anything in sight."

Gray grumbled to himself, "Don't I know it!"

"You left your shirt in the bathroom. I'll go grab it, and then we can go into town."

"Yeah, thanks," he muttered. Happy left back inside, and Gray collapsed against the tree, pressing on his crotch to try and push away his arousal. "Ugh! Dammit."

It was so frustrating, all the things he wanted to do to Natsu but couldn't. At least they managed to avoid a fight. He did not want living together to turn into something that might divide them. He should not have said anything about Happy, but it was really a bother. Gray liked privacy and being able to do whatever he wanted. He did not like being restrained. Now, not only was his illness tying him down, but Happy's constant presence made him restrain himself. He could not take much more of this.

"I need to get drunk," he grumbled, although he knew he should not do something like that. It was how he had dealt with frustration in the past: get drunk, find someone for the night, work off his stress through sexual release, and sleep off the hangover. Now he had Natsu, but…

He couldn't work off what he needed!

And that was far more frustrating.

* * *

That night, Natsu could not sleep. The whole day, he had been going over the scene of his and Gray's little lover's spat. Realizing Gray was not completely happy living together was depressing. When he had lived with Gray, it had been amazing. Of course, Natsu was used to living with someone else, so it was better than sleeping alone at his house while Happy was out of town.

Although Natsu knew he would never give up his best friend for his boyfriend, deep down inside, he liked the idea that Gray was feeling greedy, wanting Natsu all to himself. He definitely would not like having to share Gray's attention with anybody else. He also had to agree with Gray that having Happy interrupt them was frustrating.

Just when it was getting good!

That ache never completely went away. All day, he had tried to ignore it. If he was a normal teenage male, he probably would have jacked off and felt better, yet Natsu knew he was anything but normal.

Gray had definitely changed him. Natsu usually _liked_ feeling aroused but denying himself release. Now that denial of his lust was torturous. Instead of savoring the fact that he was aroused but could keep himself from giving in, he wanted— _needed_ —the fire inside his loins to be extinguished.

Natsu rolled over in bed and wrapped his arms around Gray. He could hear by the ice wizard's breathing, he was not asleep either, and by the aroma tingling the air, Natsu could tell that Gray was also awake because he was aroused.

"Graaay," he whispered teasingly.

"Are you awake, too?" Gray whispered in the darkness.

"Uh-huh." He propped up on an elbow to whisper into Gray's ear. "I'm hungry."

"Considering how much you and Happy ate, you shouldn't need food for a week, at least."

"Dinner was good, but…" His hot hand began to drift down. "I want dessert."

"N-Natsu," the ice wizard groaned in shock. Gray took that hand and gently pulled it away from his crotch. "You can't touch there yet."

Natsu pouted at being denied now that they were alone, and he could hear Happy snoring in the other room. "But I wanna," he insisted, and his hand tried to move down again.

Gray grabbed it firmly. "I know, and trust me, I definitely want you to, but … you can't! Not yet."

Natsu felt stubborn now, and he further drape himself over Gray's body. "But I _wanna_ ," he repeated, and with more force he reached down.

Gray grabbed his wrist. "Natsu," he whined in frustration. Hearing the Dragon Slayer's rapacious demands was too arousing. "Look, it's just a few more days. If you do anything and get sick, then I can't touch _you_ for two more weeks. You don't want that, do you?"

Natsu flopped back down on his pillow. "No," he grumbled. He let out a hot puff of air in annoyance. "I kinda wish we had gotten sick together."

"W-what?" Gray cried out, barely keeping his voice down. The last thing he wanted was for Natsu to be sick at all.

"That way we could go through this together. Maybe if we were both sick, we could touch each other while going through medication together."

"I don't think it works that way."

Natsu pouted sullenly. "It's annoying!"

Gray rolled over and rested his head on Natsu's chest, hugging around that broad torso. "I know," he whispered, feeling deeply guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Gray, don't ever get sick like this again," Natsu demanded.

Gray laughed awkwardly. "Trust me, I have no plans to. Besides, I only want you. I won't get sick from you."

He rubbed lightly over Natsu's neck and heard in that hot chest a soft but sharp inhale as his fingers hit a sensitive spot. Gray watched how the moonlight shined on Natsu's chest, turning those bronze pecs silver. He lightly caressed his fingers up and down Natsu's torso, feeling the soothing heat and hearing within that chest, the _thump-thump-thump_ of Natsu's heart beating faster.

For Natsu, those chilly fingers that were probably meant to ease him only made his desire burn hotter. Whenever Gray was gentle like this, it tingled Natsu's nerves. He felt goose bumps making the hair on his arms rise.

"G-Gray … um … I can't touch you, but … c-could you touch me?"

"Heh, sure," he smirked. "I washed my hands before going to bed, so I can do that much."

Gray's hand drifted down into the blankets, venturing across that hot body, until he reached Natsu's pajamas and a distinct hardness tenting the loose fabric. He palmed over the front, and a light touch was all it took for Natsu's spine to arch and his hips to flex up into those fingers.

"This isn't really fair, you know," Gray whispered, rubbing Natsu through his pajama pants. "You get all the pleasure."

Natsu felt a stab of guilt. "You … you don't _have_ to."

"Are you kidding?" Gray lifted himself to look straight down into Natsu's moonlit face. "I love seeing you turned on."

Natsu decided not to point out that Gray managed to say _love_ again in this sort of roundabout way. He figured that if he stopped pointing it out so much, maybe Gray would feel more comfortable saying that word in other situations; then maybe, slowly, they could work him into saying it romantically.

Gray eased his hand under the elastic band and slipped down again, feeling excessive heat and hearing a low gasp as Natsu trembled. God, yes, he loved watching Natsu fall to pieces under his hands! He loved this control he had over the Dragon Slayer. He loved…

Loved?

Gray pushed the initial fear out of his mind. He loved things _about_ Natsu. Right now, he loved the hot hardness getting thicker within his grasp, and he loved the way Natsu's face drew up so exquisitely. Damn, he was sexy!

Those chilly fingers were so cold, they burned Natsu's skin, and that icy pain felt intensely pleasurable. Natsu's mouth opened wide so he could breathe heavier, but then as Gray's hand slipped the foreskin off the tip of his sensitive head, a moan shuddered out, and Natsu slapped a hand over his mouth, shocked by the sound. He heard an amused snort from Gray. Damn ice bastard! He was just too damn _good_.

"How much?"

That sensually low voice shot through Natsu's nerves. How much? If only he could have it all, everything, every single bit of pleasure that his body craved. How much? Anything was simply _not enough_ compared to how much he _really_ wanted.

"Probably … we…" Natsu knew they should not go too far, especially considering how he reacted when it came to sexual release, handling his fears and the past trauma. However, he could not fool himself. Although anguished, he had to confess, "I really need it."

Those dark eyes sparkled down at him, slightly amused, _very_ much aroused. Natsu wondered what that smile meant. Was Gray also starting to realize the change to Natsu? Was he thinking back to their first few times together, how Natsu had to pretend he did not want it, how he had to tell himself it was forced just so he could give in? And now…

Now here he was, practically begging, desperate for release. Gray had healed part of that deep wound. Natsu's first orgasms had all been deeply shameful, physical defeats, horrifying and humiliating. He had grown up thinking such sexual release was _losing_ to some invisible beast. He could not allow defeat; he had to fight it until he could not fight anymore. Now, with Gray, it was more like a victory that they fought to find together. It was no longer defeat, but success, reaching a goal together; and it was no longer shameful, but wonderful.

Once, he feared orgasm. Now, with Gray, he craved it like a drug.

"All right," Gray said reassuringly, stroking Natsu's hair as if to assure him that this sort of desire was okay. "We need some tissues, something to catch it. Ah! That is … would you be okay with tissues?" He looked startled by his own forgetfulness. He knew Natsu had a severe phobia of his semen being collected, and that was precisely what the tissues were for, to catch the mess and clean it away.

"They go in the trash, so it's fine." At least, that was what Natsu wanted to convince himself. He honestly was not sure if tissues would trigger him. He hoped not. He knew tissues were what _normal_ boys used for late night sessions in bed. He wanted to be more normal.

"I can even flush the tissues down the toilet, so they go into the sewer," Gray offered, shifting around in bed. "Do you have a box?"

"Um, under the bed."

He hoped Gray would not think too much on that, but those droopy eyes shot right back to him so quickly, Natsu knew Gray was wondering precisely what he hoped he was not.

"You … you keep tissues under your bed?"

"That's normal, right?" he muttered.

"For guys who masturbate a lot, yeah. I … I thought you couldn't … you know…"

"I can't," Natsu pouted. Precisely the conversation he wanted to avoid! "I … kinda … I put them there when you first moved in, just in case."

Although he felt ashamed to admit that, Gray just chuckled and shook his head. "Horny little dragon," he muttered, flipping over the edge of the bed to look underneath. Although it was dark, the tissue box was right by the edge of the bed. Gray pulled it up and set it on a nightstand. "You were planning this, weren't you?"

Natsu blushed as he confessed, "I was hoping we could. We've never done it in _my_ bed."

Gray paused and thought about it. Natsu was right. The one time he spent the night here, Happy had returned home the next morning, and Gray leaped out the window so he would not be discovered. "Your shower, though. That was hot."

Natsu moaned as he remembered that. "Mmmm, yeah. Although I barely had a chance to enjoy it."

Gray reached back under the blankets. "You came so fast that time," he whispered, and he felt the hot erection still waiting eagerly.

"I had been needing it for days, like now … _nnngh!_ " He arched up into Gray's hand.

"I still liked it," Gray whispered into his ear. "I like overwhelming you."

"Ahhhh!"

"Shh. You gotta be quiet."

"Yeah, just … I really … _really_ need it."

Gray smirked and stroked him more, rubbing from the top all the way down, then lightly caressing Natsu's balls before stroking all the way up again.

Natsu bit on his lip, but he could not hold it back. " _Nnnnngh!_ "

"Shhhhh! Happy will hear you."

Natsu frowned, being reminded of Gray's frustration about living with someone else in the house. As Gray gave him gentler strokes Natsu hissed, "I don't like keeping quiet."

"Heh! But it's sexy watching you try, struggling like this. I love hearing you be loud, but Happy will wake up and wonder what's going on. We'll have to stop." Gray gave a mischievous grin down at his lover. "You don't want me to stop, do you?"

Natsu vehemently shook his head, afraid that if he opened his mouth, more moans would escape. Gray's hands always had a talent for stroking up every bit of pleasure from within him, and now, in the warmth and comfort of his own bed, Natsu felt even more relaxed, able to enjoy this more than the cold rooms of the ice wizard.

Gray nudged Natsu's pajamas down, pulling them just to his thighs so he could see that erection in the moonlight. His finger swiped up a tiny pearl of moisture, and he rubbed it onto his lips. Then he sensually licked it off, tasting the bitterness he had missed so much. Natsu's eyes widened.

"I have to be careful about my deep throat," Gray explained, leaning over that erect member, "but my lips are safe."

He kissed just the head. Then he looked up to Natsu and saw the fiery lust building in the starlit gaze. Gray smiled smugly and placed moist kisses all the way down Natsu's cock, ending with pecks to both balls. Then he gave Natsu's foreskin a light nip with his teeth.

"Ah… _ahhhh!_ " Natsu's whole body tensed right up off the mattress.

"Seriously, I'm gonna have to gag you," he warned with a devious smile. "Are you sure you'll be able to do this? You can't be loud."

Natsu squirmed at the lack of touches. "Can't … can't help it."

"Try," Gray whispered, and he left off teasing with his mouth, only stroking again. "No noises. Don't you dare wake up Happy."

Natsu whimpered and covered his mouth with both hands. Still, as Gray sent pulses of pleasure through him, the moans got harder and harder to suppress. "D-dammit," he squeaked. "I don't like keeping quiet."

Gray stopped his hand. He was ready to get frustrated, halted once again by the presence of a damn cat, but slowly a thought entered his mind. "What if we escape?"

Natsu felt confused and a bit irked. "All the way to your place? I don't wanna wait that long."

"No, just outside."

"Out- … -side?"

"Natsu, you live in the middle of a forest. Let's go out for a little bit."

Natsu's eyes went wide. "Out into the forest?"

"Uh-huh."

"Out … into the open?"

Gray's eyes gleamed dangerously, and he said again with forceful lust, "Uh- _huh!_ "

Natsu shuddered at the thought of it. Out in the forest, their sounds would fade away into the noises of nature. Out in the forest, they would be in the midst of nature, where animals rutted all the time. They would be just like the forest creatures, horny and wild, mating and claiming one another … like animals!

That thought aroused a bestial side to him. A dragon and a snow leopard! Out in the midst of nature! Rutting animals! Wild mating! He knew he was grinning manically.

Then he remembered that Gray had an issue with kinkiness in public.

"Would you be okay with that?"

"It's after midnight and we're in the middle of nowhere. It's not like anybody will be out there to see us."

"I guess not." Natsu leaned up, grinning wildly into Gray's face. "All right. Let's go!"

They scrambled off the bed, Natsu yanked his pajamas back up, and they jumped out the window to avoid waking Happy.


	22. In a Forest

Natsu and Gray ran into the forest, eager to get away, enjoy some privacy, and finally act out their desires. Natsu knew the best place to go, down a steep dell where their sounds would not echo back toward the house. He grabbed Gray's hand and led him along pitch black forest trails. When Gray stumbled in barefoot awkwardness, Natsu flamed up his hand to light the path.

As soon as they were in the dell, Natsu slammed Gray up against a tree and kissed him hard. They had been like this just that morning. Now, they could be wild. All around him, Natsu heard the din of the forest. He smelled the soil, trees, leaves, flowers, the scents of animals, but mostly he just wanted to smell Gray, that musky arousal that wafted up from him, so potent now, built up over many days.

Gray leaned back against the tree, letting Natsu do whatever he wanted. He just stood there, enjoying it all, how Natsu's hot hands undid his shirt, shoving it off Gray's shoulders. The ice wizard could have undressed quicker, but he _loved_ the feel of Natsu's urgency, struggling to get those pajamas off, wanting that contact, skin against skin … _desperate_ for it.

Natsu's mouth went off Gray's lips, along his jawbone, down his neck, and to the collarbone.

"Don't bite me," Gray warned.

"You hardly leave the house," he pointed out. Natsu's nails began to scrap softly over Gray's skin, and the Dragon Slayer moaned with wanton desperation, "I wanna mark you."

"No," Gray said firmly. "Not up there. Not where people can see."

Natsu thrust his body up against Gray and snarled hungrily. "Then _where_?"

Gray loosened the drawstring on his pajama bottoms and dropped them and his boxers to the forest floor. "My hip. So long as I keep my underwear on, no one will see it. Bite me there, but don't draw blood, and don't get close to … to _that area._ You still can't touch there, so … so just my hip."

Natsu knelt before Gray, crunching down on a soft but prickly carpet of dry leaves. It was so tempting, seeing that semi-erection in front of him with a pearly drop shining in the moonlight. He _really_ wanted to touch it, stroke it, play with it, kiss it, suck it, but he behaved himself. He rubbed Gray's body from pectorals, down the abs, and down to the hips. He remembered that Gray liked that feeling, rubbing all the energy to one area, so his hands went down to Gray's knees and slowly caressed up. He could see Gray really getting turned on from these teasing touches.

 _Just a few more days_ , he kept telling himself. _Just a few more._

Four more days, and he could do whatever he wanted. In a week, they would tell the guild. Everyone would know. No more hiding. No more feeling guilty. He wanted to whole guild—no, the whole world—to know.

He wanted Gray … so much.

His teeth bared, and he bit into Gray's hip. The ice wizard cried out in pain, and he snagged his fingers in Natsu's pink hair, wanting to pull him away, wanting to draw him in closer. Natsu made sure not to break skin, but he knew the chomp would leave little bruises in the shape of teeth, two sets, gnawed right into his bony hip.

Feeling satisfied with marking his lover, Natsu rose with a smug smile, especially when he saw the grimace of pain in Gray's tightened face. He pressed his chest up against that cold skin, but he was careful. He did not press down there, and he could see that Gray's hands were ready to push him back, just in case.

Gray was in anguish. He really wanted to be wholly with Natsu. This was so, so dangerous. Especially with pre-cum already built up on his arousal, part of him realized how easy it would be for Natsu to shift his body the wrong way and rub against that, with all its infection. He shouldn't do this—he _really_ shouldn't—but … he needed it. He could not even last three days without craving Natsu desperately.

"I'll touch you and myself," Gray told him. "Stay to the side. I don't want you getting near this. Also, once I touch myself, I can't touch you with this hand. Goddammit, I should have brought gloves and a condom." He gritted his teeth in anger. He was usually always prepared for sexual encounters. Now, this was so sudden, a spur-of-the-moment desperation, and he had brought nothing at all. Hell, he left the house in pajamas and shoeless. "You don't have any condoms in your house, y'know that!" he snapped to hide his shame at not thinking this through more carefully.

Natsu nibbled Gray's shoulder. "Did you look?"

Gray had to laugh. "Yeah, I kind of checked."

"Naughty, naughty! Looking through my things."

"Well, I didn't bring anything from home like that," Gray argued in self-defense. "I really thought I could just not do anything for a few days but … God, Natsu, I need you!"

Natsu's eyes glittered deviously at the moan in Gray's voice. So sexy! Hearing this renown philanderer succumbing and defeated in his own game—and by a total novice, no less—amused Natsu and made him smug.

"I know," he whispered, caressing those cold cheeks. "I need you, too. Desperately!" He leaned up into Gray's ear. "You've ruined me."

Gray chuckled arrogantly. Yes, he probably really had ruined Natsu. How was the guy ever supposed to find pleasure in another person after being spoiled like this? The same went for himself. How could he possibly be satisfied with anyone whose body did not burn him up the way the Fire Dragon Slayer did?

"Now, touch me already," Natsu demanded.

Gray ignored him and rubbed over Natsu's rippling muscles, gazing at the moon shadows and argent starlight reflecting on the bronze skin. Then his fingers tweaked Natsu's nipples, earning a sharp gasp.

"Have you been touching yourself?" asked Gray.

" _Nnngh …_ only … ah! Only a little. I can't … _nnngh …_ can't touch myself all the way. I just … can't do that."

"You've told me before," Gray assured softly, easing Natsu away from thinking about his limitations. He did not want that angst again, not this time. "That just means you're built up more for me." He kissed Natsu and stared into his dazed eyes. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. Please."

"Please _what_?" Gray smirked slyly.

Natsu felt a chill in his arms. Even here, out in the wild, with Natsu taking a slightly more aggressive role, Gray was showing who was truly _the owner_. "Please … kainushi," he whispered, begging shamelessly.

"God, I love hearing you call me that." Gray leaned into Natsu's ear. "My beloved."

Natsu gasped. He began to kiss Gray's neck fervently, but he felt the ice wizard pull away a little. Oh, right … no visible marks. Everyone in the guild knew by now that Natsu had offered to let Gray stay with him while Gray went through the last of his treatment. If Gray had a hickey, their precarious plan would be ruined. So Natsu thrust his hips up against Gray, pressing him tighter against the tree, only to have the ice wizard shift away.

"Careful. Don't get too close. Stay right here. If you need to thrust against something, thrust against my hip, not … not there. Not my groin. Okay?"

"Y-yeah," Natsu nodded. "I want your hand, Gray. Come on!"

"Okay. No more teasing." Gray reached down and stroked him softly.

Natsu shuddered at the cold touch to such a hot area. "Ahh! Yes! I need that."

Natsu thrust himself into Gray's waiting hand. The ice wizard hardly had to stroke at all. Natsu was doing all the work. He let his fingers tighten, flex, experimenting with how to hold Natsu best.

Here in the forest, Natsu opened his mouth and moaned as loudly as he wanted. It was so liberating, no fears about Happy, no self-conscious realization that Gray's neighbors could hear them, no one but them, wrapped in a sylvan world of soil, leaves, and stars. Out here, he could be as loud as he wanted, and he roared out as finally Gray touched him the way he needed it.

"I like this," Gray muttered in a daze.

"Hmmm?" Natsu was so caught up with sensations of pleasure, all sounds had gone slightly muffled.

"You thrusting at me like this. I like it."

Natsu slowed down and gave a slower, longer thrust. "Do you mean like this?"

"Yesss." Gray hissed at that slow yet powerful motion. "Try imagining that it's me."

"Idiot. I already am. This is what I wanna do to you some day. It's what I dream about."

"You dream about topping me?"

Those slanted eyes gazed up fiercely in the moonlight. "Every damn night, especially when you're in bed with me. I don't think I'm ready yet, but … I hope soon."

"Then we'll make that a goal," Gray smiled with encouragement. "This is a good start. Imagine it and thrust at me, you wild dragon!"

Natsu slammed his hips against Gray's hip so hard, the elbow to the hand holding him crashed into the tree behind Gray.

"Hold your hand just like that," Natsu whispered. "More stability that way, less strain on your wrist. Plus I can feel the skin of your hip when I'm pressed in close." When he pushed into Gray's hand again, his hip brushed against the icy hip, and his left thigh was flush against Gray's left thigh, still to the side of Gray's body, but half up against him. "Yes, like that. Squeeze tighter, like it's your ass."

"You'll come too quickly."

"I need to learn how to last long enough. Otherwise, the first time I bang you, I'm gonna explode in two seconds."

Gray tightened the circle made by his thumb and forefinger, squeezing it to mimic the ring of muscles circling an anus. Natsu groaned at the tightness, and his thrusts slowed down as he realized how much more intense it felt.

"Just like being in your ass."

"You were in my ass once," Gray reminded with an amused smile.

"I don't like remembering that. I freaked out."

"Too bad, because I can still remember how you felt, that heat inside me, that burning pain as you entered me…"

"Gray, seriously, shut up," Natsu snapped angrily. "I don't want to remember it because I always remember what happened later."

"Oh. S-sorry."

Natsu collapsed his head onto Gray's shoulder to hide his frustration. "No, I'm sorry. I did like it. It's just … it was my first time being inside someone, and I messed it all up. It's _… humiliating_ , remembering how badly I freaked out."

Gray rubbed his knuckles over Natsu's cheek, coaxing him away from the angst. "It'll be awesome next time."

"I hope so," the Dragon Slayer mumbled sullenly.

"You just need practice. Make it awesome now. Thrust at me. Show me what you want to do to me."

Natsu's eyes turned up, and the fire was rekindled in them. "I wanna do _everything_ to you!" Natsu dived at Gray's neck. The ice wizard feared he might bite, but instead Natsu's lips fluttered from the shoulder up to Gray's ear. He snarled salaciously, "I wanna _fuck you_ so hard!"

With a gasp, Gray took himself into his right hand and stroked to match Natsu's thrusts.

"I wanna taste every part of your body. _Everything_." He licked behind Gray's ear, getting a gasp of shock. "I wanna bite you." He nipped the chilled earlobe. "Scratch you." His nails clawed along the back of Gray's neck. "Ravage you!"

Gray moaned and leaned his head back against the tree trunk, both feeling the familiarity of his own hand, and the carnal pummeling of Natsu's hot cock into his other hand.

"This has been _torture_ ," Natsu exclaimed.

"Yeah, definitely," Gray had to agree.

Natsu cracked an eye open, feeling guilty. "I shouldn't have asked you to stay with me."

"No, I like living with you. Being apart from you was torture, too. Being with you … it's heaven! And it's hell," he sneered. "Because I can't have you like this."

Natsu choked on his saliva as he panted heavily. " _Nnnngh!_ G-Gray." He stiffened up. "I … I won't last long."

"I know. Me neither."

"Ice me!"

"Ice … oh, restraints," Gray realized. For a second, he had forgotten that Natsu still needed that. "Where … where can I…? Oh hell."

"What?" Natsu asked in worry.

"We don't have a headboard. There's nothing to ice you to."

Natsu glanced around the dark woods. Gray was right. They usually had the headboard, pipes, _something_. Now, there but nothing but … ah!

"You're an idiot. We're in the middle of a frigging forest. You could ice me to any one of these trees."

"Huh?"

"Put me against the tree. Here." Natsu pulled Gray aside and took his place, edging his spine up into the line of warmth Gray had made in the tree trunk. Then he put his arms above his head with his wrists crossed. "Freeze my arms right to the tree."

Gray took a moment to look at Natsu's naked body in the moonlight, his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen, narrow eyes glazed in lust, and how he presented himself, ready like a sacrifice to some rustic god. And … Gray was that god. Natsu wanted to give up his freedom to Gray, and to Natsu, freedom was life. Gray was about to take his "life," steal that freedom, and ravage him as much as he could, right here in this sacred grove.

Gray slammed his hand against Natsu's wrists, breathing heavily with desire, snarling at this eager sacrifice. Slowly, frost crackled from his hand and spread over Natsu's wrists. The Dragon Slayer flinched and instinctively pulled at the chill. Gray tightened the hold, freezing slowly, dragging out the icy torture, until finally Natsu's hands were trapped to the trunk of the tree.

"Perfect," he purred in salacious satisfaction. "I like you like this, standing up. Oh God, you're sexy," he exclaimed.

Gray dived in and thrust his mouth against Natsu's lips, covetously claiming them. He bit those ardent lips hard enough to draw a bit of blood. Natsu gasped as he tasted his own blood trickle from the nip.

"Ahhh … G-Gray. Lick. Lick it. My blood." His brain refused to work as he tasted the sweet coppery flavor of his own arousal, tangy in his blood.

Gray sucked on Natsu's lower lip, tasting the blood. "You're torturing me," he growled. "I want you … so much!"

"Touch me," Natsu demanded. "Make me come, Gray. Then I … I wanna watch and touch you, touch everywhere I can, while you stroke yourself. I … I can't do that when I'm like this. I don't trust myself still, so … first, make me come."

"Seriously, stop being this sexy or I won't be able to hold back." Gray reached down and began stroking Natsu's arousal. "So, you wanna watch me?"

"Mm-hmm!" Natsu whimpered, shuddering at the agile fingers pumping firmly.

"Then I'm gonna make this fast, because I _need_ it." He stroked firmer, root to tip, jerking Natsu roughly.

"That's … _nnngh …_ fine 'cuz … oh, _aaaaah …_ not gonna … last … ah!" His head arched up as all of his muscles began to tighten, all focus drawing inward and downward. "Ah, Gray!"

"I'm right here," Gray said soothingly, watching that blissfully tortured face with fascination.

"N-n-n-neck!" Natsu sputtered out, feeling the impending release. "Need … need you to bite me. Really … need that. Gaah, please, _bite me!_ "

"Are you almost ready?"

Natsu nodded frantically as panting and loud moans were all that could leave his throat.

"You're really…"

"Stop! No teasing. Gonna … come … _please!_ " he screamed, nearly in tears from the need for release.

"All right," Gray whispered.

He bit Natsu on the neck in a spot where his scarf would hide the bruise. Instantly, Natsu cried out to the stars, loud and animalistic. Gray felt jolting throbs through the shaft in his hand, and he heard a splash on the leaf-strewn forest floor. Natsu's whole body trembled, and his throat went hoarse from shouting. Slowly, the howls turned into moans, and then sighs panted out heavily from his lungs. At last, Natsu's head fell to his chest as his body went limp, held up only by the ice.

"God, I needed that so badly," he muttered wearily. He laughed in exhaustion. He could smell it: his cum had marked his scent in this area, like a wild animal marking territory. He was just like some creature of nature, and that untamable freedom felt invigorating. "Did you break skin?"

"Uh…" Gray looked at the neck. He had actually not bitten all that hard. It was a little pink, but that was all. "No, it's fine."

Instead of sounding relieved, Natsu grunted in frustration and disappointment. "Fine. I still liked it, but … harder next time, okay?"

Gray was mildly amused. Did Natsu _want_ him to bite hard enough to break the skin? Then he recalled sleepy mutterings one day.

_'It's fine to break skin. Do it with your teeth. It marks us as a mating couple. Already tasted your blood. Then … you taste mine. Teeth … marking us … my mmmmate … coup-…-ple…'_

Although Natsu had been half-asleep when he said it, Gray realized that Natsu thought highly of such an exchange. Maybe another time, he would try to bite hard enough to pierce.

"Gray, you've messed me up."

"Heh! That's my line. Now…" He pulled his hand away and shook off some drops of semen. Then the icy bondage trapping Natsu shattered to snow. "My turn, bastard."

"Lean against the tree, like you were." Natsu moved off the trunk, and Gray took his place, resting his weight against the solid tree. Natsu pressed Gray up against it until Gray felt the bark carving marks in his back. "You're sexy like this."

Gray already reached down to hold himself, mostly to make sure Natsu did not rub against his crotch. Natsu was careful, though. His hands rubbed over Gray's chest, palming his nipples, up his neck, and into his hair, pulling at the strands slightly as his tongue plunged in for a rough kiss.

Gray groaned, and his wrist sped up. "I love the feel of your hands. So hot!"

Natsu noted briefly that again, Gray said _love_. Maybe when he was overwhelmed, his phobia vanished a little. In that case, the Dragon Slayer wanted to completely conquer Gray, inundate him and submerge all his fears with a flood of emotions … a deluge of love. He rubbed his spent cock up against Gray's hip, wiping a few of the remaining drops onto Gray's skin, marking him. His hands began to drift down, just to rub that scent around, but Gray panicked.

"No! Don't touch down there. Please, seriously, don't."

"I wasn't going to touch…"

"Natsu, please!" he cried out.

"Just your hip, Gray," he explained calmly.

"It's … scaring me. We're being so … so reckless. Dangerous. I don't want to chance getting you sick. Just don't make me scared. Don't touch anything below my waist, nothing at all. Don't even get near it."

Natsu moved his whole body over, standing to Gray's side rather than more in front of him. He saw the pale shoulders loosen up, and Gray nodded to show that this was better for him. Although Natsu wanted more from Gray, and he hated to be told not to do things he wanted to do, he realized that Gray was only worrying about him out of love, so he respected the restrictions Gray was laying down for them.

Gray, however, battled between what he knew he should do—stop Natsu completely and protect him—and what he wanted to do—fuck Natsu senseless right here in the middle of the woods.

"I want to feel you touch me. Really, I do," he gnashed in anguish. "So touch me everywhere else. Touch me everywhere, Natsu," he begged. "Everywhere but there. I need to feel your hands on me. I _need_ it!"

Natsu picked up the hand Gray had used to touch him, and he caressed his muscular arm. "Like this?"

"Mmm, yeah," Gray moaned.

"You're messy." Natsu held up Gray's wrist and moistly licked his fingers. "I have to clean my mate."

"Heh," Gray panted in a weary laugh. "You're the messy one."

Natsu suddenly thrust his mouth down on Gray's fingers, taking two of them deep into his mouth. Gray instantly thrust on his own cock and cried out at the vicarious pleasure. Then Natsu slowly sucked up, and Gray's wrist mimicked it. When Natsu pulled off, Gray whined, as if Natsu had released his cock as well.

"You have a finger fetish, Gray," he pointed out, teasing slightly as his hands stroked the ice wizard's chest. "Chalk up another onto your list, eh?"

"Never … _nnngh_ … never thought about … _ahhh_ … fingers before."

"Did I discover something new about you?" Natsu smirked. He leaned in and licked Gray's neck. "I want to discover more. I wanna know more about you than anyone else has ever known."

Gray barked out a strained laugh. "Already … do … bastard. _Ahhh!_ Your hands. Wanna feel them. Everywhere."

Natsu caressed over Gray's chest again. "Even … here?" He twisted both nipples at the same time. Gray's whole body arched up against the tree trunk. "You're so sensitive here."

"You haven't played with them in a while."

"Should I now?" Natsu leaned over and sucked one nipple while tugging the other.

Gray cried out loudly. "Oh _God_ , Natsu!" That burning mouth felt so intense on his body that had been denied for days.

"Your smell is really strong," Natsu noted. He left off the nipples and rubbed his hands all over, warming up Gray's skin. "It's stronger than usual. Have you been naughty in my shower?"

"N-no, I haven't," Gray groaned.

"Have you been naughty at all?"

Gray felt himself flush at such a humiliating question. "Not really."

"Not really?" he smirked. "So you've been a little bad?"

"Just … just a little. I was afraid … to come … but … _nnngh_ … but still touched."

"Denying yourself?" Natsu asked in amusement. Gray nodded, too tense to speak. "Are you all saved up?" Again, Gray could only nod his head. "Good." Natsu leaned up into Gray's ear and whispered hotly, "I wanna milk it out of you." He felt the shudder in Gray's body. "I wanna watch you explode."

"Natsu!" Gray choked out. Those devilish words were pushing him forward so fast. Damn, Natsu had one hell of a sexy voice when he talked like that!

"I love to see how you squirm, especially when you're built up like this. You get so large."

He looked down at the erection. Indeed, when Gray was denied for a while, the veins on his shaft stuck out a little more, a minor change, but the smell … definitely, the smell was different between when he was sated but still aroused, and when he was denied and desperate. God, he wanted to grab Gray and stroke him roughly until he felt the surges of lust spill out over his fingers. He could already smell leaking pre-cum and hear the moistness slurping over Gray's own hand. It smelled intoxicating, and it took a large amount of self-control to keep Natsu from touching where he should not. He knew he had to distract himself and focus back on Gray's face, not his cock.

"Do you like being outdoors, Gray?"

For a second, the rhythm of Gray's wrist faltered. The question stunned him. Outdoors?

Natsu caught that startled expression. As he figured, Gray had lost himself in the moment, forgetting where they were. "We're out in the open," he pointed out. "Technically, we're in public."

Gray gasped. He realized Natsu was right. He had almost forgotten that they were in the forest. Natsu's house was just a few minutes away. All of Magnolia was just down the hill on the other side of the woods. Suddenly, he realized the chirping of a frog, the buzz of insects, the sound of the wind in the trees. Outdoors! In the open! His body shuddered, and the exhibitionist in him was dancing pirouettes of joy, twisting Gray's lower stomach.

"Anyone could come by. A hunter out for nocturnal game. A fisherman walking to the river for an early day of fishing. Someone simply out for a midnight stroll. A whole family camping, parents and children. Maybe even other lovers somewhere out here in the woods. People could hear you."

"N-Natsu…"

"Anyone could walk by and see us," Natsu whispered, enthralled by the tension and twisted pleasure in Gray's face.

"Ahhh … n-no."

Gray's knees went weak. He almost collapsed, but Natsu thrust him up against the tree by the pressing firmness of his own body.

"Exhibitionist," Natsu smirked, amused at Gray's strong response. "Out in the open. I bet someone has already heard you, Gray. I bet they heard your sexy cries. Maybe they turned away, but … maybe they're watching. Maybe they're looking at you, right now, getting excited from the show we're giving them. What sort of face are you showing them, Gray?"

Gray knew deep inside that Natsu would have stopped if he smelled anyone approaching, but the thought of it—the mere possibility that someone might be out there in the dark woods, hiding behind a tree, watching this display, gazing at Gray's shuddering body in the moonlight, even getting aroused by Gray's sexual moans—overwhelmed him.

What would they see? What would they hear?

He cried out even louder, and this time he listened to his voice echo through the dell and return to him, a moan ladened with sensuality and carnal need. If someone really was out there, that was the sound they were hearing. Someone could be listening in. Someone could be jerking off to Gray's moans.

And that turned him on even more!

"Na- … _ahhhh …_ Natsu!"

Gray's toes curled into the soil under him. His hand felt himself get even harder. From balls to flared tip, it all tingled as he felt like everything within him was rushing to escape. His body was drawing closer, closer, teetering on the edge. He wanted to hold on to this feeling, and he wanted to let it all break loose. He panted fast, straining to keep himself right in this moment when he felt most alive, and yet on the brink of death.

Natsu saw Gray was close—very close—and he leaned up into the flushed ear. Softly, sensually, he ordered, "Come for me, Gray."

That whispered demand snapped Gray apart completely. He felt himself gush out, heard the drops hit the dry leaves, and felt his head go light, as if caught up in the stars. Everything was fuzzy, blurry, and muted. He could have been screaming, sobbing, lights from heaven could have shone down in celestial glory, yet nothing mattered, nothing but the fiery heat beside him and the sound of Natsu breathing in his ear.

Natsu watched that final moment. He loved that he could mess Gray up like this. He loved the cries, the panting, the dazed euphoria, and the smell. He had already marked this area with his semen. Now Gray had also marked it. His scent was everywhere. Natsu knew, this dell would always be special to him now. They had consecrated it with their love.

Gray's teary eyes gazed up in weary amazement. "Natsu…" The word crackled dryly in his parched throat.

Those narrow eyes caught the moonlight in just the right way to make them appear to glow silver, like a beast of the forest. The glare in them made Gray gasp in surprise. As if for the first time, he realized just what a wild thing a Dragon Slayer truly was. Natsu was anything but a timid, passive, submissive lover. He was a beast caged within a prison of fears and doubts.

Yet still, Natsu wanted more.

"Get well quickly, Gray. Dammit, I wanna ravage you … so hard!" he snarled. "Four more days!"

Now, Gray felt like the submissive one, and those were his orders. _Get well!_

"When you're well…" Natsu growled. He suddenly grabbed Gray's jaw and held his face tightly. "…I want you to screw me senseless, until I can't even sit."

Gray was shocked out of his timid moment. Instead, he felt the control returning to him. "Oh don't worry." He leaned forward and bit Natsu's lip again, dragging it between his teeth. Then he leered into those wild eyes. "I will!" He chuckled, glad Natsu was letting him stay in charge, at least for a while longer. Gray stretched slightly as the post-coital weariness made him sleepy. "God, I needed that!"

"Are you going to feel better now? You were rather cranky about Happy."

Gray still rested his head against the tree as his body buzzed. "Yeah, sorry about that. Sexually frustrated, I guess."

"Yeah, I was starting to feel the same way. I'm tempted to tell Happy to just scram, at least for a couple hours."

Gray only hummed at that, too tired to think straight. He did not want to admit he had also been tempted to tell the little Exceed to get lost, go into town, or send him on useless errands.

Natsu leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you, Gray," he whispered. "Really. I love you so much, it's driving me crazy."

"Same here. It's addicting."

Natsu laughed and rubbed his nose up and down Gray's cold nostrils. "Addicted to sex, huh?"

"No." With his safe hand, Gray reached forward and stroked Natsu's hair. "Addicted to you, to your warmth, to the feel of your hands … to your taste."

He pulled Natsu's head in and kissed him. Natsu groaned as the bloodied bite on his lip knocked against his teeth. Gray did not give in, though. He kissed harder, overwhelming Natsu until the Dragon Slayer moaned out his name.

Gray wrapped an arm around Natsu and pulled him close, just to feel that warmth. "I would almost say let's go for a second time, but it's late and you're probably cold."

"No, I'm fine," Natsu assured him. "I guess you wouldn't be cold, huh?"

"Are you kidding?" He grinned deviously. "I feel _hot_."

Natsu hummed and chuckled, amused and enthralled. "Horny snowflake," he teased.

"This is one _tired_ snowflake," Gray admitted, and he leaned back to rest himself. "This is nice, though, being out in the open like this."

"We should try it again."

Gray chuckled exhaustedly. "Who's the horny one now?"

"Whaaat?" Natsu grinned innocently. "I could tell _you_ liked it."

"Yeah," he confessed. "Gotta admit, I've never had sex in a forest before."

Natsu decided to ignore a slight sting as he momentarily wondered what sorts of places Gray _had_ used for sex, considering the guy was strict about being kinky in public. Instead, he went around collecting Gray's clothes and dusting off the leaves, while Gray slowly recovered from the orgasmic rush. Then, with his eyes closed in weariness, Gray felt something pushed against his chest. He cracked an eye open and saw Natsu handing him his pajamas.

"Can I walk back naked?"

"I'm used to it with you," Natsu pointed out.

"Don't wanna dress. Too much effort."

"You big baby."

"No, you're too good. Built up for too long. Shot out too much. Damn, I'm exhausted."

"Wimp." Natsu pulled his pajamas on. "Come on, walk. I'm not carrying your lazy ass back. One foot in front of the other. Watch out for the mess, don't step in it."

Gray followed where he was pulled, wanting sleep more desperately than he had felt in a long time.

"When we get back, you're cuddling me," Natsu insisted.

"No, I'm sleeping."

"Cuddle me while you sleep."

"How about you cuddle me for a change?"

Natsu looked back, slightly stunned, but he saw that Gray really was half asleep. The way he walked with his eyes nearly closed was adorable, and it made Natsu smile in sympathy. He stopped, bent over slightly, and suddenly lifted Gray into his arms.

The sleepiness was shocked right out of Gray's brain. "Wait, what…?"

"Shut up, you're heavy," Natsu grumbled. "But you're practically asleep, and it's my fault, so I'm responsible for making sure you get back home safely."

"Re- _… Responsible_?"

Gray knew his face must have turned purplish-red with embarrassment, and he was glad Natsu was more focused on the forest trail and not on him. He did not fight the hold, and instead, after a minute of sullen frowning, he slowly wrapped his arms around Natsu's neck, nuzzling into the jagged scar. Natsu had left home without even his muffler, and Gray rarely had a chance to lean against that narrow, bare neck. Natsu's neck felt so skinny, his collar so bony, without the scaly scarf there to pad him.

Natsu smiled to himself as he felt Gray relaxing. Gray's cold breath tickled his neck, but he did not complain. He heard soft, nearly silent sighs of contentment, and that was enough for him.

Finally, they reached the house. Gray thought Natsu would sneak in through the window, just as they had run off. Instead, he went to the main entrance and kicked the door open.

"Carrying my bride over the threshold," Natsu teased as he triumphantly walked inside.

"W-what?" Gray screamed. "Like hell I'm your bride! Put me down, bastard." He squirmed so much, Natsu dropped him flat on his butt.

"Sheesh! And here I was looking forward to carrying you to bed and everything."

Happy yawned, and his large, round eyes shined in the moonlight, lying on his hammock in the main room. "What are you two doing?"

Gray choked up. He had no clue how to explain this to Happy, and he stuttered as he tried to think of something.

Natsu thumbed down to Gray. "Stripper-idiot here was sleepwalking in the woods. He was so out of it, I had to carry him back."

Happy fully believed that. "Gray, sleepwalking is dangerous. Plus you're naked. You could have really frightened someone."

Gray gawked up at Natsu. He had just lied to Happy without a moment of hesitation. Why was he covering for them both? He could have just told Happy they went for a stroll together.

"Get to bed," Natsu told Gray. "Are you thirsty?"

"Um, just water," he muttered. He was still stunned, but he realized that his throat was painfully parched from all the panting and moaning.

Slowly, Gray picked himself up from the floor and walked to the bathroom first. He carefully cleaned himself, not only mud on his feet, but under the foreskin. Then he sterilized his hands. While he carefully washed, Natsu opened the bathroom door and tossed in his boxers.

"Fresh pair," he said curtly, and then shut the door to give Gray privacy.

Gray mumbled to himself, "You're spoiling me."

He washed, dressed, and then went to the bedroom. Natsu was sitting up with a nearly empty glass of water for himself and another waiting for Gray.

"I put some honey in it," he said. "I figured your throat might be raw. Mine sure is," he laughed.

Gray mumbled thanks. Again, Natsu went a step beyond what Gray expected. He drank the water in one chug, while Natsu merely sipped his. Gray fidgeted on the bed, wishing Natsu would drink faster and turn off the light. Sitting by him now felt strangely awkward.

"Are you okay?" Natsu asked in worry.

Gray stared ahead with his mind in an odd void. "Why did you lie to Happy?"

"Huh? I didn't. Seriously, you were sleepwalking."

"I was walking while drowsy. That's totally different from sleepwalking."

"Oh. I didn't know. Well, I thought that's what sleepwalking was, walking when you're half asleep, so I didn't lie. I just didn't get it right."

Natsu's prattling irked Gray, so he snapped what was truly on his mind. "Do you really think of me as your _bride_?"

"What? Oh, what I said earlier. No, I was just teasing you. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"What do you consider me as?" he asked sternly.

Natsu blinked in surprise, wondering what was up with the sudden foul mood. "You're my mate."

Gray's head snapped over to him with narrowed eyes. "What does that even mean?"

"It means … ummm…" Natsu thought about it. He understood the meaning perfectly fine, but he guessed it might be confusing to people who were not raised by a dragon. "It means you're mine, and I'm yours, and we take care of each other."

"How far does that go?"

"How … far?" he asked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"On the relationship scale, where does _being a mate_ land?"

"I didn't even know there was a scale." Still, although Gray was acting snappy, Natsu wanted the ice wizard to understand how he felt. "A mate is probably more than boyfriends. I think it even goes beyond lovers."

"Like, married?"

"No, that's different, but … well … just below that, maybe. I don't know!" Natsu shouted. "I just know you're my mate. You're … mine. And I want you to stay mine. Why? Are you mad I said that? I was just teasing you. Sheesh!"

Gray kept his eyes down, looking at the empty glass in his hand. "We're not ready for that," he muttered.

"Huh? Ready for what? What are you talking about?" Natsu set his glass on the nightstand and took Gray's glass out of his hand, putting it aside. "Did I say something bad? Please, tell me."

Gray smiled lightly. "You said nothing bad, Natsu. Just, calling me your bride, even as a joke … and … and wanting me to bite and break your skin. A mated couple, you once called it. Do you … do you want that?"

"Of course," Natsu answered without hesitation.

"So how is that different from what we have now? If I bite you and break your skin, what changes? I bit your lip until it bled tonight. Does that count? What counts? I'm trying to figure this out," he explained, feeling overwhelmed. "You want something, and I don't understand it."

"Come here." Natsu laid back on the pillows and pulled Gray to lie on his chest. Natsu's arms held the ice wizard in a warm, protective shield. "We're mates. Maybe you can call that lovers. With dragons, they can take that another step: a marked mating couple. It means they want no one other than the one who has their mark. Going steady, an exclusive couple, whatever you want to call it. It's one step above just being mates. The mark needs to be done with purpose, and with the mind frame of making a claim. The two mates bite one another and lick the blood. It needs to pierce skin: neck, shoulders, back. Legs, maybe. Not the lips, though, nor ears. It needs to be something that's a challenge to bite. That's the whole thing: not nipping until you draw a tiny bit of blood, but really biting deep. Sharing one another's pain, sharing each other's blood … bonding that way."

"And beyond that?" Gray asked, feeling drowsy again in Natsu's warm embrace.

"Beyond? The two dragons build a den together. They commit to one another for the rest of their lives."

"Marriage," Gray muttered sleepily.

"Uh, y-yeah." Natsu blushed slightly. Was Gray seriously already thinking about…?

"We're not ready for that. _I'm_ not ready," Gray muttered, rubbing his fingers over Natsu's chest. "But … one step below that is the marked mate thing, right?"

"I … I guess, yeah. One step below that. It's like what we have now, just … a little more."

Gray hummed in sleepy contentment. "I'll think about it. Maybe … someday…"

"When you're ready," he whispered. "There's no rush. I'm sorry if I keep asking for it. It's sort of like an instinct, wanting that, but if you're not ready, that's fine. How we are right now is really good. I'll be happy if things stay just how they are."

"Yeah," Gray yawned.

"You're my mate, Gray. And I'm yours. Only yours." Natsu bent his neck to kiss Gray's forehead. "Let's sleep."

Gray closed his eyes. Marriage was definitely not something they were ready for. They were still figuring one another out. Just under that, though…engaged? No, something different than that. Something close, a deep bonding that would not easily be broken. Maybe normal humans had no word for that, at least not in any language Gray knew.

Was he ready for that? Were both of them ready?

No. The small argument earlier showed that they were still struggling, sorting things out. They were not even stable at the plateau they were on, let alone ready for a higher level of commitment and intimacy.

Still … someday.

He heard Natsu already snoring, his arms not letting go, hugging Gray closely. Gray shifted just a little, trying to get more comfortable. Sleeping on someone's chest might seem romantic, but in practicality it was painful. Still, Gray managed to find a comfortable nook in Natsu's body, a place where he fit with ease, as if made for this embrace. He rather liked the idea of that.

They were fire and ice, summer and winter, squinty eyes and droopy eyes, a man who wore a scarf in a heatwave and a man who stripped naked in a blizzard. On the outside, it was like they were created to always antagonize one another. Yet here in Natsu's arms, it felt like they were created to fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

Gray drifted off to sleep thinking about how Natsu was the yang to his yin: hot, bright, fiery. Yang brought about destruction, while yin gave shape to things. Yang burned; yin froze.

Natsu was a force that balanced him, interconnected and interdependent of one another. They were not merely opposing forces, but complimentary. When combined, they were finally whole. They could not exist without one another, just as there could be no winter without summer and no heat without cold.

His yang. His flame. His beloved.

With those thoughts making him smile, Gray fell asleep in Natsu's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm taking a small break. For one, I had a seizure and need a few days of rest. Then there's Easter and Spring activities. I'm really busy from now until the end of May, plus I'm in the process of editing a novel, so I won't have much time to write fanfics. Updates will be random for a while, but don't worry, I have plenty of naughtiness (and sweetness) to come for these wild lovers._


	23. Food Play and Foot Fetish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Thanks for waiting. I'm feeling much better. For being[good little minions](https://www.facebook.com/RhovAnionsMinions), you get a reward. This "tasty" chapter is packed full of kinks and fluff. Enjoy!_

Gray woke up hot and sweaty. That only happened when Natsu shared his bed.

He rolled around and squinted as the sunlight slanted through his window. As his sleepy eyes cleared, he saw Natsu propped up in bed on an elbow, smiling down at him with the pink dawn sunlight making his hair shine brilliantly, like some cerise angel. Gray's heart fluttered when he saw Natsu looking protective like that. Forget guardian angels! He had his own guardian dragon.

"It's still weird waking up with you," Gray mumbled sleepily. "Odd to sleep with you, too."

"You're one to talk! You're toes were ice cold all night long."

"You're so hot, having you wrapped around me makes me sweat."

"Yeah, you are rather sweaty," Natsu agreed. "Pretty gross. Smells!"

"Shut up, bastard!" he laughed sleepily.

Gray liked waking up like this. He never thought he would like sleeping with another person. The few times he had girls stay the night, he could hardly sleep at all. The girls always stole the covers, and a few had been snorers. Having someone flip back and forth beside him annoyed Gray, waking him every time they moved around. However, with Natsu, he slept wonderfully. The best part was waking up together.

He wondered how things ended up this way. It had started off as just a fling. He found out Natsu liked bondage, and Gray loved immobilizing his lovers. He liked the feeling of control it gave him. Natsu was a masochist; Gray was a sadist. They fit together. Somewhere along the way, they realized they were two guys filled with mental fuckery that could have unhinged any normal person. They made mistakes, they cried, they comforted one another, and they used the bedroom to get over their issues. It was probably wrong, but it worked for them.

Was this desire even pure? What was it? Was it love? Was it more? The feelings in Gray's heart were so strong, they scared him. He could not remember feeling this possessive over a person, a feeling like if Natsu left him, his heart would literally tear in half. Even the girls he dated seriously, women he thought would make good wives, they were a social obligation more than an emotional craving.

"Should I get coffee going while you shower?" Natsu offered.

Gray chuckled and nicked the pinkhead on the chin. "Aren't you just a domestic little dragon!"

"I _could_ ravage you in bed," Natsu purred, running his hand up Gray's chest, "but I figured last night satisfied you."

"Heh! For now," he smirked. Gray rolled back over. "Mmm…gimme a few more minutes."

"Until the coffee brews."

"You make a good wife."

Natsu's eyes widened, but then he scoffed softly. "You're not gonna forgive me for that, are you?"

"Not until I see you in a white dress."

Natsu bit his lip slightly and cautiously asked, "Would you want that?"

"Cross-dressing?"

"Marriage."

Gray looked over sharply. "Natsu, we're nowhere close to being ready for that."

He shrugged awkwardly. "Just wondering if it's a goal."

"A goal?" Gray thought about it, but he sighed in surrender to sleepiness. "I'm too damn tired to answer that properly."

Natsu leaned over and kissed Gray's forehead. "Snooze a little more, but not too long."

"Five more minutes, waifu."

"Shut up."

When Natsu rose out of bed, he felt the drain from last night. He had not felt this relaxed in days. He could not even remember back before Gray. How did he manage back then? He never masturbated, or at least not to completion. The only time he ever fully released his sexual tension was through dreams. Maybe that was all this was, one long and elaborate dream. If so, he hoped he never woke up…

…because his bedsheets would probably be a mess.

He laughed to himself at that thought as he walked into the kitchen. Happy was already awake, although looking grouchy. He never did do well if you woke him up in the middle of the night.

"Hey, Happy!"

"We're out of coffee creamer," the Exceed complained. Ah, no coffee. That could make even Happy grouchy.

"I guess we need a trip into town. I'll go wake up sleepy-butt." Natsu returned to the bedroom and shook Gray. "Hey, rise and shine."

"That was not even two minutes," Gray grumbled. He rolled over and pulled the blankets over his head. "I ain't getting up until I smell coffee."

"No creamer, so you get tea."

"I don't smell tea, either. Lemme sleep." He burrowed down more into the blankets.

Natsu thought he was adorable. Gray was never a morning person, and the petulant attitude was so like a little kid. "Come on, time for the ice princess to wake up."

"Dun wanna."

"Heh! Did I wear you out that much?" Natsu asked haughtily.

Gray did not even bother to deny it. "Yes," he growled.

Really, he was too cute! "Well, we need a trip into town. I'm out of food."

"You go on. Too tired."

"Come on! Get up." Natsu only got a bear-like growl in return. "Does the ice princess need a kiss to wake from the dragon's spell?" He leaned over and kissed the ear sticking out from the bundled blankets. Then Natsu stuck his tongue inside.

Gray flipped around in annoyance. "Dammit, stop that!" He hastily wiped his ear dry.

"I think the spell is breaking." Natsu sat on the bed and leaned over Gray. "Maybe the princess needs more kisses."

"Call me princess again and I'll…"

Natsu silenced those lips with his mouth, cutting off the sleepy growls and turning them into hums of surprise, then of enjoyment. Natsu sucked softly on Gray's lower lip and opened his eyes briefly to see Gray's face lost in pleasure. He pulled the blankets down, trailing his fingers over the ice wizard's chest, and then ran his palms up, right over the nipples. Gray softly gasped Natsu's name at the touch.

Natsu pulled up, a string of saliva connecting their lips, and he gazed down at the dazed face jolted into wakefulness. "Get up. I want to eat breakfast with you."

"Y-yeah," Gray said in a stupor.

Finally, Gray stumbled into the bathroom. Natsu returned to the kitchen and searched the cupboards, hoping to find something. He eventually gathered enough odds and ends to make a breakfast, and tea instead of coffee. He searched the pantry, looking at the food he had left: pickles, olives, something he was really unsure about but he thought they were a jar of canned peaches from seven years ago—he tossed that in the trash. They really were almost out of food. Natsu had not even been paying attention. He had been too _distracted_.

Then he picked up the olive jar again and looked at it. He opened it, stuck his hand in, put his finger inside one of the hollowed pits, and pulled an olive out. He wiggled it on his pinkie, and then popped it into his mouth, just like how he used to eat olives as a kid. He had two olive jars: large-size olives and smaller ones. He looked at the olives, and slowly he got a devious smile on his face.

"Heeey Happy, how about you and Gray go into town for the shopping and I'll do some fishing?"

The Exceed's eyes lit up at that. "Can we have fish for dinner?"

"Yep. And um … do you think _maybe_ you can stay in town and send Gray back here, just for a little while?"

Happy crossed his arms and glared with a knowing smile. "Natsu," he whispered slyly. "What are you planning? Nothing _naughty_ I hope."

"No! N-no, I … um … Gray seems kind of depressed. I thought maybe we could have a lunch together, just the two of us. He's always tense being around me in town, so I thought maybe something here, something … romantic." He felt heat in his cheeks as he explained it to his best friend.

"Oooh," Happy practically sang, snickering as he witnessed an expression he rarely saw on Natsu. "And you want me _out of the way_ , right?"

"It's not like that. I just…"

Happy held up a paw. "Natsu, it's fine. If I were to have fish with Carla, I wouldn't want you around to mess up the mood."

"Uh … right." Was that an insult?

"I can go to the guild. Maybe Carla is there."

"Y-yeah, maybe. Thanks, really."

"What time should I be back?"

"Oh! You don't have to stay late or anything." He felt awkward, getting Happy away like this. "We'll have fish for dinner, promise."

"Aye, sir! Then I'll be back home before dark."

"Oh, and … um … don't tell Gray."

Happy chuckled at Natsu's bashfulness. "Do you want to surprise him?"

Natsu scratched the back of his head and looked at the olive jar again. "Yeah, kinda."

Happy's kitty smile fell slightly. "Natsu, does Gray really love you?"

Natsu thought about last night, the way Gray would dominate him, but how Gray also liked to encourage Natsu's path toward being more aggressive, how he took care of Natsu, stopped him from doing things that could make him sick, yet still, even when they both knew they should not do these things, Gray was just as desperate for Natsu's touches as the Dragon Slayer was for those powerful lips and chilly hands. Then there was their brief talk that night. Gray knew their limits as a couple. They were both a bit messed up still. Despite that, he seemed to want more in their relationship, just … wait a while, until the time was right.

"Yes," he whispered, smiling placidly. "He does." A shiver shook him, as if those cold hands were embracing him right now.

"I never hear him say it."

That was true, and if Happy noticed, then when they came out before the whole guild, other people would eventually notice that Gray never said 'I love you.' Natsu was fine with that limit, but he realized that others might not understand. Between him and Gray, they did not need words. Their actions showed their emotions.

"He's the sort who doesn't like to say mushy things," Natsu said as an excuse.

"Is he tsundere?"

Natsu spit out a laugh at Happy's blunt question. "Is … he … hahaha!" He laughed and gave a wild shrug. "Well, maybe a little bit."

"That's kinda cute. A tsundere uke."

The laughter stopped. "Wh- _what_?" Happy really was going too far now. Natsu dropped down to his friend and awkwardly whispered, "Gray's not an uke."

"He's not?"

"No!"

"Are you?"

Natsu stuttered as he tried to think of an answer. Technically, he was the _receiver_ , but … "We don't do that whole seme/uke thing."

"Oh, I see. You two haven't _done it_ yet."

"Happy!" His cheeks felt ready to burst into flames.

"Well, I guess since he's sick and can't have sex…"

" _Happy!_ "

"It's good that you two haven't done it."

Natsu realized all he could do was keep quiet about _that_ issue.

"But you called him your bride last night."

Natsu's face twisted up as he realized Happy would misunderstand that joke. "Yeah, and he got mad at me."

"A tsundere would. Which means he's the uke, right? When you two do it, you're rather aggressive so … be gentle with Gray. He's had lots of girlfriends, but I bet he's never … you know … _that_ way."

"Happy, really!"

Happy tapped his paw against his chin. "I don't see either of you as being an uke, to be honest."

"That's because neither one of us is."

"Ooh, so you'll switch?"

"Happy!" Natsu looked aside as the embarrassment crept over his cheeks, neck, and ears. "I … I don't feel _comfortable_ talking about things like that." He heard Happy tittering, and Natsu sullenly glared over. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," Happy chuckled.

" _What?_ "

Happy gave a smug smirk. "You're blushing. Now _you_ look like an uke." He saw Natsu get flustered. These two guys made an adorably awkward couple. Happy walked up and patted Natsu on the knee. "You really love him, don't you?"

Natsu struggled to hold back a blushing smile. He looked up as he heard the bathroom sink turn off. "Yeah."

"I think you'll make a strong and loving seme for Gray."

"Uh … thanks."

"You'll also make a cute and doting uke."

"Happy, stop it!"

"Are you and Gray really okay?"

Natsu paused as he thought about what it meant to be _okay_. Okay meant normal, and they were anything but normal. Still, he felt their bonds to one another were really strong, and that was better than some couples. He left it by ambiguously answering, "We have our moments."

"I'm here if you need to talk," he offered.

"Yeah." Natsu gave Happy a hug. "Thanks, buddy. I'm glad you're by my side."

"That's what best friends are for."

They heard the bathroom door open, and Natsu stood up in a hurry. "He's coming. Remember, don't tell him about lunch."

"Aye, sir," Happy nodded secretively. "I'll send him home with the groceries and stay in town until sunset."

"Thanks."

"Aye!"

Just then, Gray stumbled in, a bit wet from a morning shower and dragging his feet sleepily.

"Morning, Gray!"

"You are too goddamn cheerful for this hour," he grumbled.

Natsu chuckled. "Wow, someone's a grump." Now he could hardly help but think of Gray as a tsundere. It did not truly fit him, but imagining it was cute. "Breakfast is on the table."

"Coffee. Now."

"There's no creamer, so I made tea and…"

Gray collapsed onto the chair in front of the table. "Black."

Natsu glanced back around. "Huh?"

"Give it to me _black_ ," came a grumbling demand.

"Dang, someone's cranky." Still, Natsu went back to get some coffee started.

Happy followed and whispered to his friend. "Are you sure this is a good time for a romantic lunch?"

"Ehhhhh, he'll get better with coffee." At least, Natsu hoped so. Now that he had this idea, he really wanted to try it.

Sure enough, half an hour later, after Gray had woken up and had some black coffee down him, he acted better, even helping with washing dishes. Natsu realized he still looked worn out, but he liked this pacified, drowsy look in Gray. To Natsu, it meant he had truly satisfied his lover.

He wondered what about last night had worn out Gray to this extent. Usually after a wild night, he woke up feeling fine. Was it that he had waited too long and lost his stamina? It had only been three days. Or was it the _location_? Maybe mentally, it was a lot more taxing on Gray being in the open: the thrill, the tension, the heightened awareness. Natsu wanted to test that theory, maybe another romp in the woods, but in daylight when they could see the wilderness around them and the fear of discovery was stronger.

Not today, though.

Gray and Happy went to town while Natsu grabbed his fishing pole and hiked out to the river. He used flames to circle the river, heating the water and chasing the fish to swim in a tighter circle. Happy never let him cheat like that, but Natsu wanted to hurry. He quickly caught three fish, enough for dinner, gutted them, returned home, and put the fish in an ice box. Then he got the olives and began to set up what he planned to do for Gray.

* * *

Gray was less than thrilled to be stuck carrying all of the grocery bags up the forest hill to Natsu's house after Happy claimed he saw "the perfect gift for Carla" and flew off. It was not that the groceries were heavy or anything—Gray had trained his body well over the years—but he did not want to do grocery shopping in the first place. Why did he have to go while Natsu sat around fishing?

Of course, if Natsu was still out fishing, they could maybe have some time alone by the river. That would be nice. No blue cat to interrupt them. However, he had forgotten to ask Happy where Natsu liked to fish. Gray did not even know a simple thing like this about Natsu. How long had they been dating? And he did not even know where Natsu's fishing spot was!

Gray arrived at the shabby hut feeling bad that he hardly knew Natsu. He walked straight to the kitchen and put away the food that needed to be chilled first. He heard nothing in the house, so he thought Natsu was still fishing. However, when he opened the freezer to put away ice cream, he saw three freshly-caught fish. After Gray finished putting away the food, he wandered around the house.

"Natsu?" he called out.

"In here," came a reply from the bedroom.

Gray walked in and froze. Natsu was lying naked on the bed, lust simmering in his eyes, and an arrogant smile on his lips.

"I've been waiting, Gray."

The ice wizard realized they had the house to themselves, no cat, no one around, all alone … and Natsu was taking advantage of this.

"What's going on?" Gray asked in amusement.

"I just wanted to give you lunch."

Gray realized there were things on Natsu's body. As his feet remembered how to walk, Gray stepped forward and saw squares of cheese and cubed ham on Natsu's torso. Then he saw plump black things wiggling on the tips of his feet.

"What's this? Olives on your toes?"

"The bread was moldy, but we had cheese, the last of the ham, and olives. Since I couldn't make you a sandwich, I made you a _manwich_."

"You kinky little bastard," Gray chuckled. Inventive—he'd give the Dragon Slayer that much credit!

"We need alternatives, right?" Natsu remembered on the Checklist of Fucking, one of the things Gray had listed was food on the body. It had seemed bizarre that first night, but the more Natsu thought about it, the more it sounded kinky and fun.

Gray sauntered forward. "So, you want me to eat you up, huh?"

Natsu only smiled at him, struggling to hold still so none of the food fell off.

He eyed the buffet set before him. "I wonder where I should start." Gray sat on the edge of the bed and caged Natsu in with his arms. Leering down at him, he mused, "Maybe with an appetizer."

He kissed Natsu hard, making the Dragon Slayer's whole body tense up. Gray could taste ham and cheese on that fiery tongue.

"Did you eat without me?"

"I … I just tasted the ham. I wanted to make sure it wasn't spoiled, and I dropped one of the cheeses so I ate that one."

"Naughty, naughty," Gray whispered, and he thrust his tongue in again. Natsu groaned in surprise. "Starting without me." He licked up the ham and cheese flavors. "Tastes good," he moaned.

As soon as Gray freed his mouth, Natsu panted out, "I left the main course for you."

"Thanks for the food," Gray chuckled.

He kissed down Natsu's neck to his collar. Just below, on his upper chest, were two cubes of cheese. Gray put his lips on Natsu's skin, sucking the cheese off slowly. The cheddar was heated from the Dragon Slayer's hot body, making it soft and almost ready to melt. He licked around the second piece of cheese, laving around the chest, before sucking that piece off and glancing up to Natsu. The idiot looked well-pleased with his special treat. Gray had to admit, this was a nice change, having Natsu think up kinky things to do. Leave it to him to use _food_ in their play.

Two circle-cut slices of ham dotted his nipples. Gray moved down to them next. He nibbled them slowly, letting his lips rub against the flushed skin. He wondered how much preparation this all took, what Natsu must have been thinking the whole time he cut cheese and meat, planning how to present himself. This was not something slapped together in a rush. Natsu had put some thought into where to place the food, and even the olives on his toes.

As Gray finished one of the circle-cut meats, he nipped the erect nipple as well. Natsu moaned, and his body arched. One of the cubes of cheese slid off his torso and onto the bed sheet.

"Keep still. A table isn't supposed to move when the diner is eating." Gray picked up the cheese. "This one is dirty now." He thrust it against Natsu's mouth. "Eat."

Gazing up at those coldly amused eyes, Natsu obeyed and opened his mouth. Gray placed the cheese on his tongue and slowed withdrew his finger, dragging over Natsu's lip. Gray watched tenderly as Natsu chewed, his eyes never blinking, and then swallowed.

"Good dragon," he whispered, enthralled by this man. "You probably want some _meat_ though, don't you?" He waited a moment, but when Natsu did not say anything, he ordered, "Answer me."

Natsu gulped before he could find his voice. "Y-yes."

"Yes _what_?"

A devious gleam sparkled those sage green eyes. "Feed me meat," Natsu said in a low growl.

Gray flinched as that fierce order jolted straight down to his groin. God, he wanted to _feed_ Natsu his _meat_. Not today, though. Not yet. However, as soon as he was well, Gray was going to punish Natsu hard for teasing him like this.

Gray took a cube of meat off of Natsu's belly button and brought it up. This time, Natsu's tongue slid out to wrap around the meat and bring it sensually into his mouth.

"Damn you," Gray whispered, straining to hold back.

"You have more to eat." Natsu's eyes pointed to the other circle of ham covering his left nipple.

Instead of nibbling, Gray dived down, ate the whole piece, and nipped Natsu hard, biting all around the areola. Natsu arched up, and all the pieces of meat and cheese remaining on his body slid off.

Gray suddenly lurched forward and slammed a kiss against Natsu. He rubbed his groin up against the Dragon Slayer's thigh, letting him feel that hardness through the tight jeans and easing some of Gray's own aching need for friction. An appreciative moan hummed out, but Gray let nothing else escape those burning lips. He grabbed up the last three pieces.

"Eat," he ordered, and he crammed them into Natsu's mouth.

While the Dragon Slayer chewed, Gray glanced down. Natsu had placed nothing to cover the best part, and Gray knew why. Although Gray could touch him and lightly kiss him down there, he could not chance getting Natsu into his deep throat. The doctor did not believe Gray had oral gonorrhea, but it was best to be safe.

Still, there were the toes.

Natsu saw Gray eying his feet. "Good idea, eh?" he chuckled. He wiggled his toes, making the olives dance. "Suck them off."

Gray scooted down to sit by Natsu's feet. They smelled of soap. At least he had the decency to wash up before doing this. Gray started with the big toe, wrapping his lips around the olive and sucking it up into his mouth.

Natsu arch up and whined loudly. "Oh God! I didn't think it would feel _that_ good."

Gray smiled to himself as he chewed the olive. A foot fetish? _Very_ interesting!

He went slower with the next toe, running his tongue up the arch of the foot before wrapping his mouth around the olive stuck on the toe. Natsu's fists clenched the sheets. It was fascinating to Gray, trying something new, something kinky, yet it did not involve getting restrained or hit. Simple toe sucking! It was something without all the emotional baggage of past trauma, something new, something just for them.

Just two toes, and Natsu had gone from semi-hard to fully erect, bobbing as his cock strained for attention. Natsu had thought this would be silly but maybe a little erotic. Gray could eat with him as the _table_ , and then maybe sit in the bathtub together and wash the crumbs off his chest. It would be sensual but sweet. He never thought it would feel so … damn … good. Natsu had not at all meant for himself to get aroused from this. He thought they both would still be worn out from last night. Apparently, his stamina was a little _too good_.

Instead of getting the third olive, Gray sucked on the big toe again. Natsu's toenail lightly scrapped the roof of his mouth, so he angled his head slightly, sucking as deeply as that toe could go.

Natsu let out some gargled attempt at profanity, and his fingers grabbed his cock. He needed something, anything. He had never been able to masturbate, but he sure as hell needed his erection touched … _right now_.

"Gr- … -ray," he growled in a whimper.

"You're touching yourself," Gray pointed out. "I rarely see you do that." Instead of sucking the olive off, he nibbled on it, biting off pieces, slowly exposing the toe, while licking the skin.

Natsu gave another thrust into his own hand. "Gray!" he screamed.

"You're hot when you touch yourself."

"No! Re-…" Natsu tensed up until his veins strained. "Dammit, restrain me! Quickly!"

"I wanna watch you touch your…"

"Quick!" he roared angrily.

Gray backed off at the fierceness, looking stunned and confused.

"Please, don't ruin the mood, Gray. Just restrain me, suck my toes, and touch me. Don't make me think about anything bad."

Bad? Was masturbating that much of an issue as well? Why? Was this issue tied into what happened in the past? But how? Natsu had never explained why jerking himself off was a challenge. He could casually touch, but never vigorously. Gray had so many questions, but this was not the right time to ask.

"Sorry. You're just really sexy." The ice wizard smiled, hoping to relax the tenseness in those taut muscles. Gray slowly came forward, crawling over Natsu's naked body. "I can't wait until I'm well. I wanna eat up something other than your toes."

"I want that, too," Natsu groaned. "Heh! This _lunch_ went so well, maybe next time, when you're better, I should put whip cream on my cock and serve you _dessert_."

"Mmm," Gray moaned, imagining it. "With chocolate sauce and maybe some ice cream melting over your body. Damn, I would love to make a sundae out of you."

He kissed Natsu hard and thrust his tongue in. His body pressed down against Natsu again. Gray had lost his shirt at some point, but his pants were still on. Natsu felt roughness from Gray's jeans, and the coldness of his metal belt buckle scraped against his turgid erection. Natsu loved to feel how aroused he could make Gray. He knew Gray was depressed because of this whole sickness issue. He wanted to cheer him up. He wanted to find things they could do together, fun things, sexy things, that would take his mind off of how much they could not do and instead expose the ice wizard—who was so used to casual sex—into a world of romance and playful sensuality.

When Gray leaned up, his lips dripped in saliva and his cheeks were flushed with arousal. However, Natsu could see in the tenseness of Gray's brow, he was thinking about their limitations again. He wanted more, and he could not have it.

"You're forgetting my feet," Natsu pouted, hoping to put focus back on his original plan. "Restrain me and get back to sucking my toes, Gray."

"Yeah, yeah," he chuckled. So bossy!

He crawled forward, grabbed Natsu's wrists, and pinned them to the headboard. The roughness made Natsu's back arch. He loved when Gray slammed his hands above his head like this. Gray smiled down as he frosted Natsu's hands to the headboard. That was a much better face, no anger, no fear, just carnal desire.

Gray licked Natsu's foot again, up the arch and across the callused pads. His tongue glided between the webbing of the toes. Then he moved to the top of the foot, kissing from ankle to toenails. He had never really looked at a person's foot. They simply never interested him before. However, Natsu's feet were fascinating. He usually wore sandals, so there was a tan line across the top of his foot. His toes were surprisingly small, which let the olives fit.

"I've never experienced someone with a foot fetish," Gray mentioned. "I honestly have no clue what to do."

"Like I know," Natsu panted out of his tensed throat as the moist tongue tickled and aroused him all at the same time. "I never really had anyone touch my feet before, let alone this."

"Tell me what you want. You fed me such a nice lunch, the least I can do is give you a treat in return."

"Heh! What I really want is for you to screw me up the ass, but you can't do that yet."

Gray pouted, knowing he was right, only to get a devious smile. "Well, just not my cock."

Natsu blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

"You wanna feel it down here?" He rubbed his finger around Natsu's anus. The Dragon Slayer jolted up in shock. "Is this where you want it?"

"Mmm-hmm!" he moaned wantonly.

"I'm gonna try something. You're fine when I'm wearing a condom, so … why not use one on my fingers?"

"F-fingers? They sell finger condoms?"

"No, dumb ass!"

"If you mean a glove, I really can't…"

"No." He reached into his back pocket. "I stopped off at the sex shop and bought a few of these in case we sneak out into the woods again." He pulled out a little square package and ripped it open with his teeth. "My fingers should be fine, but I'm going to be safe with you. Totally safe. I'm not taking chances when I'm this close to finishing treatment."

He rolled the condom over his finger, starting with just one. Then Gray pushed Natsu's legs up and exposed his puckered star.

"I miss playing here," he whispered. Gray leaned over and kissed both butt cheeks.

"H-hey!"

"I won't do more than that," he assured. However, Gray kept kissing up Natsu's thigh, laying kisses all along his powerful muscles. "Just this much," he muttered, kissing the hot skin up to Natsu's knee. "Bend your legs up to your chest," he ordered.

Natsu curled both knees up, rolling almost into a ball.

"Yes, like this," Gray smiled. Natsu blushed at such an exposed position, but Gray smiled down at him. "You still have olives on your toes."

He grabbed Natsu's ankle and lifted it up to his mouth. He sniffed the soapy residue and ran his nose up the arch of the foot. Natsu shuddered at the cold nose and icy breath on his sensitive feet. Then Gray kissed up to the two toes that still had olives. He glided his tongue up the foot until scooping the olive off and used just his tongue to pop it into his mouth.

"Tasty," he smiled. "Last one."

This time, Gray put all five toes into his mouth, stretching his lips to fit them all. Natsu cried out and arched up off the mattress. Right at that moment, Gray rammed his finger into Natsu's ass, entering hard and raw. The cry raised almost a full octave.

"I like being inside you," Gray moaned, laving Natsu's foot with his tongue, making lewd faces as he licked from heel to toe. "I love how fucking hot you are!"

He pulled out and pressed in slower. This time, he made sure the condom entered properly, pressing it in. He pulled completely out and switched to his middle finger, again going slow and using this longest finger to make sure the condom was snuggly inside. Then, to help his fingers slide inside that latex barrier, he thrust two fingers into Natsu's mouth.

"Suck them," he ordered sternly.

Natsu had a tear in his eye as he obediently sucked and ran his tongue over Gray's knuckles. Suddenly, he bit down. Gray tried to pull back with a cry of pain, but Natsu held the fingers tightly between his teeth. Then he mouthfucked those fingers, sucking voraciously.

"Shit, Natsu," Gray groaned. He pressed his jeans up against the Dragon Slayer's thigh to give his own cock some friction. Gray yanked his wet fingers away, but Natsu had a satisfied grin on his wet, swollen lips.

"You have a finger fetish; I have a foot fetish. We complement one another nicely."

Gray chuckled and kissed Natsu's heel. "Indeed we do! Now…"

Gray brought his moistened fingers back down and nudged one inside. Natsu groaned as he relaxed his muscles.

"You're so good at taking it in now," Gray praised.

"Because I love to feel you inside me," Natsu huffed, his cheeks flushed. " _Nnngh_ … oh God…"

"You like this, don't you?" Gray whispered heatedly, gazing at Natsu's struggles with amusement. "I can't fuck you right now, but you like my finger up your ass."

"Touch me," Natsu begged in a high whine.

"Not yet."

"Gray, please!"

"I like watching you. I like seeing you squirm like this. You're so hard even without me touching you."

Natsu yanked on the restraints, but being chained up put a delightful stop to him. He felt like hitting Gray for teasing him so cruelly, and he loved that he did not have to worry about hurting his lover. "Touch me!" he bellowed.

"Soon," Gray promised. He leaned over and sucked Natsu's nipple. The Dragon Slayer gasped and arched up, eyes wide and mouth open as he panted fast. "You like that," he stated.

"Do-…" The word cut off as Gray hit his prostate again.

"Don't, or do?" Gray asked sternly.

Natsu flushed and turned his head aside to hide half of it into the pillow. "Gray, please," he whimpered. "Don't make me come without touching me."

"Why not?"

Natsu snarled, "Because I _like_ you touching me!" He jolted, startled by his own fierceness. "I … I like … how you feel … your hands on me. Please, Gray. _Pleeeease_ ," he moaned deeply.

Gray felt a wet spot in his boxers from that begging moan alone. "Dear God, you're sexy," he whispered in awe. How could he possibly deny such a sensual request? Gray reached down and gently caressed the stiff mast. "Like this?"

"Y- … _oh God_ … yeah. S-stroke it … like that. Ooooh!" he shuddered.

Gray felt the searing heat, the stiffness, and a shudder along the whole length. Natsu was so hard, really ready to go.

"Faster," Natsu moaned. Gray obliged, giving swifter strokes along the full length. "Ahrgh! Yeah!"

"I don't want you to come too soon."

"I … I know but … God, Gray, I need it!"

"Not yet," he smiled teasingly. "I should probably go slower." His wrist almost came to a stop.

"Ahh! Nooo!" Natsu whimpered. He began to thrust his own hips up into Gray's hand.

Gray chuckled sadistically at such delicious desperation.

"Please! I want you, Gray."

"I know. Believe me, I want you, too. I … I need you."

He needed him. He wanted him. He … loved him. Gray flinched as his mind thought that. He loved Natsu … so much. He never wanted this to end. He wanted Natsu to be with him forever. He wanted … more. He wasn't sure what yet, but … _more!_

"I'm so addicted to you," he muttered, kissing Natsu's foot. "So helplessly addicted!"

He picked up the other foot, still with olives on the toes.

"Need you."

He ate off the pinkie toe's olive, yanking the black oval off with gnashing teeth, chewing viciously, and swallowing it down.

"Want you!"

He ate the next one with the same vigor.

"Adore you."

This time, he went slower. He licked up from the heel to the toe and kissed the two bare toes, before moving over to the middle toe with its olive. He licked around it, around all three adorned toes, circling them with his tongue. Then finally, slowly, he used just his lips to pull the olive off and eat it.

"Desire you!"

For Natsu's long index toe, Gray thrust all four smaller toes into his mouth, lapping and sucking all of them. Natsu clenched the headboard and yanked on the icy restraints with a growl of lust. At the same time, Gray slid a second finger inside, and as he sucked those toes, running his tongue between each, his fingers felt around until there was a small change in the smooth walls.

Natsu cried out, eyes wide opened, as that spot deep inside was massaged. Once Gray found it, he refused to touch anywhere else. His fingers curled and rubbed right against the prostate, massaging it, getting wanton, carnal moans out of the Dragon Slayer.

"Lo- … Luh- … -ov-…"

"Gray, don't force it."

"… you! Dammit."

Natsu looked bittersweetly at him. "I know, Gray. I love you, too."

Gray snapped angrily, "I wanna say it!"

"Don't! Show it. No words, Gray," Natsu cried out, writhing on the bed, unable to hold still. "No words. Show me. Oh God, please, _show_ me!"

Gray felt a shiver running all through his nerves. How was it that Natsu could fight those demons of the past and make it to this point, yet Gray felt like he had made no progress at all?

No … he did make progress.

He had fallen in love.

Not familial love. Not the love between nakama. Not even the childish puppy love he felt for his elementary school teacher. Romantic love! He had fallen romantically in love with this crazy, hotheaded, flame-brain idiot. Gray might have had a few serious relationships in the past—and many non-serious ones—but he had never felt like this before. Never in his life had he so desperately _wanted_ to say those three words to a lover.

Never since Deliora destroyed all he loved had Gray _wanted_ to say 'I love you' to another person.

That alone was a huge step. And it was all thanks to Natsu.

To make up for his inability to say it, Gray rammed a third finger in. "I feel it, Natsu. Know that much. I'm scared you'll die like everyone else if I say it, but I feel it. I definitely feel it. It scares the shit out of me, but I still feel … that way! I'll _show_ you my feelings," he declared.

He suddenly rammed the big toe, olive and all, into his mouth. Gray sucked Natsu's toe more vigorously than he had ever sucked someone's cock. At the same time, he thrust his fingers inside and stroked Natsu's erection. It was a lot of work to coordinate all three activities at once, but the result was worth it. Pre-cum was dripping copiously down Natsu's shaft, moistening Gray's fingers and letting them slick over the burning skin easier.

Natsu was utterly lost. He heard his voice crying out nonstop, wild and without restraint. He felt himself yank on the icy bonds as a darker instinct wanted to fight this and kill anyone who touched him like this. Another part of him wanted to give in and indulge. In the end, that part won over!

"Gray!" Natsu cried out, his face tensing. "Close … I'm so close."

Gray pulled off the foot, taking the last olive with him. "You know what?" he smiled craftily. "This is the first time we've made love in this bed."

"Wh-what?" he asked breathlessly, barely able to hear over the rushing blood in his ears.

"It's our first time…" He kissed Natsu's ankle. "…me having you like this…" He nibbled along the edge of the foot. "…here in your own bed." He nipped the Achilles tendon and kissed along the ankle.

Natsu laughed wearily. "Yeah, it is."

"You're gonna come in your own bed, Natsu," he smiled. "And it won't be some wet dream. It'll be me making you come. My hand." He thrust those fingers in deeper. "My mouth." He sucked those toes more, and Natsu arched up.

Gray did not even need to wait until Natsu demanded it. His mouth moved to the top of the ankle, right where it was tender, and he bit Natsu there. A bruise to the ankle would hurt every time the Dragon Slayer walked, but it was less obvious than a bruise to the neck.

"I need you," Gray moaned. "Need to hear you."

Natsu moaned louder to give him what he wanted.

"Need to taste you." He bent over and licked the thick, clear fluid dripping from the cock. Natsu gasped at the amazing feeling of wet heat. "Yes, like that," Gray moaned, and he rubbed himself up against Natsu's thigh again. "Damn, I'm gonna need to change boxers." Suddenly, he looked down, saw that pink head sticking up, and craved it so much, he could not hold back. "I want to lick it up."

Natsu cracked open his eyes in confusion. "What?"

"I wanna lick you up," Gray said, looking hard at the flared end of that cock. "I shouldn't, but…" His eyes shot over to Natsu's gaze. "Do you trust me?"

"I … yeah, of course."

"I need you. Shit, I'm gonna hate myself for this, but I need you too much." His fingers pulled out, and he stomped over to Natsu's dresser.

"Gray!" Natsu cried out, stunned that he stopped and took off so suddenly. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Gray reached into his back pocket as he walked and pulled out another square package. He ripped it open, pulled out the condom, and took a letter opener from the dresser. He partly unrolled the condom and sliced the end off with the small knife.

"What the hell are you doing?" Natsu asked.

"You hate condoms, but you only hate coming inside one, right?"

"Huh?"

Gray returned to the bed. "Trust me, please." He began to roll the condom over Natsu's length.

Natsu yanked on the icy restraints. "Gray!" he shrieked.

"It's cut open, see. It's covering all but the tip. I want you to come in my mouth. My lips will be here, on the rubber. I won't let my tongue touch the tip, just the latex part, and I won't drool. I need to taste you. I'll rub you, but my lips will rest here, just under the glans, and you'll come in my mouth. Goddammit, this is so dangerous. I shouldn't put you at risk like this."

"It's fine, Gray."

"It's not!" he shouted, yet his eyes tightened. "But it's what I need."

Despite knowing he was pushing the boundaries of what was safe, Gray kissed up and down the shaft. Then he put just his lips around the tip of the penis, resting them on the latex condom, and looked up to Natsu. Those narrow eyes gawked down at him. Gray pulled back up.

"Will that work?"

"I … y-yeah, but I don't feel your lips very well that way."

"Mentally, though. Will it work for you?"

"Yeah, should. It's not coming into a condom. It's just like a raincoat around my cock."

"Heh, yeah, something like that. I'm going to swallow it down. Will that be all right?"

"Swallow it!" Natsu nodded frantically. "Yes. If you swallow, it's fine."

"Okay." Gray carefully returned his fingers into Natsu's ass. "God, I wish I could have you slam into my throat, but…"

"No," Natsu interrupted. "Do what you can. Please, Gray." His eyes heated up. "I want you to _swallow_ me. I wanna feed you dessert."

Gray felt smug that Natsu wanted this just as much as him. "All right. Just my lips." He wrapped his mouth around, being extra cautious. He held the rest of the cock with his hand and stroked slowly down. Then, squeezing the base slightly, he sucked hard on the head.

"Ah … _ahhhhhhn_ ," Natsu cried out, his voice cracking from intense pleasure of the suction.

He was burning from his balls to his flared and flushed cockhead. He could feel just how close he was to losing control, like a leash pulled taut, an animal straining to break free, and slowly that leash was tearing apart, ready to snap at any minute and free the wild beast inside.

Gray pulled off before he could drool and licked the saliva from his lips. "Tell me when you're ready. I want to make sure I get all of it."

"Ready!" Natsu cried, shuddering. "Gonna … come … G-Gray! Now! Oh God, now!"

Gray dived down, just holding the head with his lips, while his fingers stroked and his other hand thrust hard.

For Natsu, all the senses—that mouth on his cock, the fingers stroking his ass, and the fast jerking of his arousal—all became one large wave of eroticism. It crashed over him, drowning him. His mind shut down as it felt as if everything within him—his magic, his fire, his soul, his life—was pouring out, gushing into Gray's mouth. All he wanted was to sink into this feeling, sink into Gray, fall into his wintry embrace, and stay there forever.

Gray felt spurts over his tongue and sliding down his throat. It was salty with a bitter tang, but it was Natsu. It was his release, his essence, a dessert sweeter than any candy. He heard Natsu, first crying out, then moaning lowly, and finally sighing, breathing steadier. Gray sucked just a little harder to get all of it up. Then he pulled back and swallowed.

"I missed your taste," he sighed in shivering pleasure. "Oh damn, I shouldn't have done that but … I needed to taste you again. I need you … so much."

Natsu made no reply, lost in euphoria. Gray smiled down at the exhausted satisfaction on the Dragon Slayer's face. It was worth wasting a condom to see that sort of expression. The flushed cheeks, the watery eyes, the parted mouth panting for air, and a blush that spread down his chest: all of it was so perfect, so amazing. Gray could not even find words. He just gazed at his lover and cherished this moment.

He discovered that he was also breathing hard. His lips ached from sucking those toes and cock. He slowly pulled his fingers out, making sure the condom came with them, and tossed the soiled rubber to the side. Natsu hummed as those fingers left him feeling empty. He felt so much more _complete_ with Gray filling him, even if just his fingers. Then Gray rolled the cut condom off. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss to the tip of the limp head. He realized his hand had pre-cum all over it. He began to reach under the bed for a tissue.

"No," Natsu panted out sharply. "Here. Bring them here. Let me lick them. Wanna lick." His brain could not string the words together correctly, but he knew what he wanted.

"But it's your own…"

"That's fine!" he snapped. "I wanna suck your fingers clean."

Gray collapsed onto the mattress and released the ice restraints. Natsu took Gray's wrist with both hands, brought the messy palm up to his face, and began to lick the fingers tenderly, like a cat grooming itself. Gray stroked Natsu's hair with his free hand and watched his lover clean him.

Natsu began to take two fingers into his mouth, but he gazed up with a silent question before sliding down. Gray was aroused, but he decided to ignore it for now, just wanting to indulge in this wild, fiery lover and his moment of ultimate bliss. He did not want all the annoyance and depression that came with realizing how easily he could get Natsu sick just by coming. He shook his head, and Natsu released the fingers, giving one last lick from palm to fingertips, before turning Gray's hand over to kiss the knuckles.

They did not even need to ask anymore. Once Natsu was done, Gray wrapped the Dragon Slayer into his arms and cuddled him.

"Gray," Natsu whispered in a weary sigh. He smiled lightly. "Thank you."

The ice wizard chuckled softly and squeezed Natsu's shoulders. "You're very welcome." He leaned up into Natsu's ear and whispered a cold breath, "Thanks for the meal."

Natsu wanted to laugh, but he was far too exhausted for more than a smile and jolt of his chest. "I'm glad you liked it."

"I _definitely_ did. We've gotta do this again."

"I did offer to make myself into a sundae."

"God, I want that!" Gray could picture it, and the idea was so kinky, he absolutely had to try it sometime. "A few more days, Natsu," he whispered. "Just a few more days."

"I can't wait."

"Heh. Yeah." Gray began to sit up, but he felt the stiffness in his pants. He really had to deal with this. "I'm gonna go home and jerk off."

"You could do it here."

"I don't want to risk infecting anything around here."

"Oh." Natsu rose up and sat on the edge of the bed. "Can I watch?"

Gray scoffed lightly. "Can you behave?"

"Probably not."

He laughed at that blithe honesty. "Fine. Come on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Just to be clear, because I know one of you will point this out: What Gray does to suck on Natsu is REALLLLLY not safe. If you have an STD, you should not chance this. It's unsafe sex and should not be done in a real-life situation. However, this is fanfiction, and it's hot, and he doesn't have an oral STD. Still, in real life, don't do this._


	24. The Bad Bite

Lucy and Loke were locked arm in arm. They had a sweet lunch together and were heading over to the park where they had heard about a free summer concert. Loke was proud to have such a gorgeous woman by his side. Sure, with his looks he could have any woman in Magnolia—and once upon a time, he had almost every single woman of legal age calling him "my boyfriend" at some time or another. None of them compared to his master, though. She was lovely, smart, and strong—oh so strong! Only he and his fellow Celestial Spirits could fully appreciate her strength.

For Lucy, she secretly liked the jealous looks she got, and sometimes she caught herself smirking back at some gawking woman, thinking to herself ' _Go ahead and drool. He's mine!_ ' She knew of Loke's promiscuous past, but she also knew that one of the traits of the Lion was loyalty.

Sure, she got mad at him when he asked if she wanted to try a threesome. Lucy realized, Loke was probably accustomed to ladies who did not mind sharing him, which would explain why he looked confused when she had slapped him and took off in tears.

Mira, ever the love expert, assured her that almost every guy has a fantasy of having two partners at once. So Lucy eventually forgave Loke, and with Mira urging her on, shot back to him that she would only do a threesome if it was two guys. That stunned Loke speechless, until finally he muttered, 'I'll think about it.' Hah! Right back at him! So they made up—in a _really_ good way—and now they were on such a wonderful date.

"Oh! It's Gray," Loke said, glancing down an avenue.

Lucy looked in that direction and saw the raven-haired ice wizard. He stood taller than most of the town residents. As the crowd parted, she saw Natsu walking beside him.

"Gray and Natsu, together?" Lucy asked. "I wonder if they're heading off to fight again."

Loke took a deep inhale. His nose might not be on the same level as a Dragon Slayer, but it was still keener than a human's. What he smelled made his eyebrows rise. He chuckled and pulled Lucy onward.

"Eh?" she asked, following but looking back to her two teammates. "We should at least say hello."

Loke did not stop walking. "You'll see them later. Let's leave them alone."

"Why? It's not like they're on a date," she chuckled.

Loke decided not to say anything. He owed Gray at least that much.

* * *

Somehow, Gray and Natsu managed to walk all the way back to Gray's house without yanking one another into an alley or groping each other in public. When Gray walked in, he paused. He came here just to jerk off real fast, but with Natsu here, back in his house, with that chest of kinky items just waiting to be opened…

He shook his head. He shouldn't! Damn, he _wanted to_ , but he had to behave.

"Gray?"

He jolted at that low, sexy voice. Hot hands slithered around from behind and slid up his torso. They dipped under Gray's shirt and traced up his abdomen. Natsu's steamy breath exhaled into his ear.

"I wanna watch you," he hissed.

A chill shivered down Gray, and although the long walk had made him soft again, he felt all that pressure surge right back down with twice the intensity.

Again, hot air sizzled his ear. "I wanna see you touch yourself. I want to watch you lose control."

"Dammit, Natsu," he snapped breathlessly. Gray reached down and rubbed himself through his jeans as Natsu let his burning fingers flick the icy nipples. Gray felt warm lips nibbling down his neck, as far as his shirt would allow. Gray began to reach to the buttons of his shirt.

"Stay dressed," Natsu ordered, his mouth still against Gray's skin. "I want to touch you like this."

"Isn't naked better?" Gray laughed tensely as his instinct to strip intensified. He wanted these clothes gone!

"Normally, yeah, but then I can't touch you … here."

One of Natsu's hands slid down and felt the stiff contour tenting in Gray's pants. Gray tensed up, but he felt the slight pressure of teeth on the nape of his neck.

"I won't let you escape," the Dragon Slayer threatened.

Gray shuddered as he heard that aggressive side to Natsu rearing up again.

"I need to feel you," Natsu muttered into Gray's skin. His fingers stroked through the jeans, enticing Gray to get harder. He felt that hidden member lengthening, and he tugged the material a little to give it room. Then his other hand went up again and twisted Gray's nipple.

"Natsu!" Gray cried out. He pressed back against the hot body behind him.

"Can I stroke you off in your clothes?" Natsu asked, his voice a little sharp and demanding with need.

Oh God, Gray wanted that! "I … I don't think that'd be safe either. It'll seep through."

"Dammit," Natsu grumbled, sulking slightly. "What if you wear a condom and I give you a blow job, like what you just did for me?"

 _Holy fuck!_ "You are tempting me way the hell too much. No! I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I'd be too scared for you the whole time."

"I'd be good."

"You're too reckless." Gray pulled away, despite his body protesting at leaving those searing touches. "Just sit and watch like a good dragon. Or do I have to put your collar on and tie you to a chair?"

Natsu's eyes went massive at that. "Can you?"

"Oh hell, that'd make me wanna fuck you," Gray muttered, shaking his head.

"But … just the collar then?"

Gray raised an eyebrow. "Just the collar?"

"I haven't worn it in a long time. I … um … I kinda miss it."

Gray walked forward and stroked Natsu's neck under the white scarf. "Do you really like it that much?"

"It … it makes me feel … um … I can't put it into words. Wanted. Belonged." He gazed up with a light smile. "Yours."

"My bitch."

Natsu glared. "Your dragon."

Gray rested his lips against Natsu's forehead. "My beloved."

Natsu felt like his cheeks might catch on fire without any magic at all.

Gray opened the chest of kinky supplies. The white leather collar with pink satin lining sat right on top, like precious crown jewels resting atop a treasure chest. When he brought it back to Natsu, the Dragon Slayer had already removed his scarf and hung it up with care. Gray wrapped the collar around, buckled it in, and used a tiny key to lock the miniature padlock. He set the key on the nightstand and gazed at his collared dragon.

"It suits you."

Natsu touched the collar lovingly. It was something Gray had made just for him. Everything else Gray used was store-bought, kinky supplies anyone could purchase. This, however, was one-of-a-kind, and Gray had picked out the color and design specifically with Natsu in mind. He smiled to himself as he imagined that it was like an engagement ring, something to wear that was a physical representation of their bond to one another. Except, even most engagement rings were made in bulk for anyone to wear. This collar was completely unique, and it was something he would only wear in front of Gray. That made it even more precious.

Gray's finger traced where he had Natsu's name embroidered on the collar. Then he looked on the other side and what was written there. He pouted a little. "I think I need to change your collar."

"Wh-what?" Natsu cried out. No! His unique collar!

"It says _bitch_ on the side here." Gray gazed down into those squinty green eyes. "I think it should say _beloved_."

Natsu gasped, and he felt tears coming into his eyes. "Gray…"

"Yes, a nice white collar, just like this, but it'll say _Beloved_ across it. _Beloved Natsu._ Maybe in rhinestones. So when you put it on, you're not my bitch. You're my beloved Natsu."

"Gray!" His arms grasped around and clung to that cold body. "I love you," he declared boldly, as if saying it for the first time.

Gray put his hand on Natsu's head, silently letting him know he felt the same way.

Then, Natsu chuckled mischievously. "Hehe! Gotcha!"

Natsu grabbed Gray up, right off his feet, and slammed him against the bed in a powerful judo throw. Playfully, he leaped on top, straddling Gray's body with a victorious grin.

"You can collar me, but you can't control me."

He dived down and kissed Gray so roughly, Gray worried he might split his lip. Natsu's tongue dashed in, devouring the taste of mint and a lingering flavor of olives.

"Natsu … _mmmh_ … not too deep into my mouth, remember?"

Natsu ignored him and rolled his hips against Gray. He liked the stiffness he felt down there and savored the groan that shuddered out of the ice wizard's throat.

"Na- … _mmmgh_ … stop … _ghmmm_ …! Y-yellow."

Natsu sat up in surprise at hearing the safeword. Never had Gray said those words. "Yellow? From just kissing?"

"You weren't stopping." Gray shoved him off and sat up, wiping the saliva that had dripping onto his chin. "You can't get into my deep throat, remember?"

"I was just kissing."

Gray glared slightly. "I could feel your tongue on my frigging _tonsils_. Sit. Bed. Now!"

Natsu gave a childish pout and sullenly plopped down with his bottom lip sticking out. Gray stood slowly, his groin aching already. He was losing control to the Dragon Slayer, and he desperately needed to regain it.

"You need to behave. Do you understand?" he asked in his best Dominant voice.

Natsu rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

Gray suddenly grabbed the ring on the front of the collar and yanked Natsu's head up. He spoke slower this time. "Do you understand … _bitch_?"

Natsu flinched under those hard, domineering eyes and whispered, "Y-yeah. Sorry."

"Sorry … what?"

Natsu blinked, completely confused.

"You are my dragon; I am your owner. What is a pet owner called?"

"Oh. Kainushi."

"So how should you apologize to me?"

"Sorry … kainushi?" he guessed.

Gray released the collar. "Good dragon. Now, sit there, and no touching." Gray threw off his shirt. Then with erotic slowness, he stripped out of his jeans. "Just watch. Enjoy the show."

Gray still had his boxers on, and he stroked himself through them, undulating his hips as if dancing to music. Natsu sat still, staring hard enough to burn those clothes off with his gaze. Gray saw him lick a bit of drool collecting on his lip. Yes, he liked when Natsu was aggressive, but he _loved_ when he turned the Dragon Slayer into a speechless mess.

"I wanna…" Natsu began to reach forward.

Gray yanked his belt off of his jeans and slapped Natsu's hand away with it. "I said you can't touch."

Gray grabbed both of Natsu's hands, held his wrists together, and threaded the belt through its own buckle to bind them. The buckle and strap were not tight restraints, but he liked seeing Natsu tied up. Gray held onto the loose end of the belt. Collared, hands tied in front of him, the belt like a leash … yes, this was how Gray loved to see Natsu. It made him feel in control, and especially when it was the Dragon Slayer, someone he knew was insanely powerful, having control over such a person was exhilarating.

"I like you like this," Gray smiled.

"But I wanna touch you. I need to."

"You can't, not while I'm sick. The infection is on the skin itself, so you can't touch around there."

"But…" As Gray continued to remove his boxers, Natsu felt desperate to touch him. "Gray," he whined. This was torture. He shouldn't have come. He knew it would be too tempting.

"I won't let you get sick. Now shut up and behave, or I'll send you home and jack off in the shower alone, like I had planned to do."

"But … what if…? Can you…?" Natsu's face tensed up in debate, but finally he decided, "P-put a glove on me."

Gray froze in shock, remembering how Natsu had almost freaked out at just the mention of wearing a glove.

"I can touch you then, right?"

"But Natsu…" he began to protest, worried Natsu was pushing his limits too far.

"Please. I wanna get over it, and … and I wanna touch you so badly," he said in anguish. "I know I can't do things, I've been trying to be good, but … I need it. I _need_ to feel you in my hand. Touching through your clothes just isn't enough!" His face firmed up, and he gazed Gray straight in the eye. "Put a glove on me, so I can _really_ touch you."

Once again, Gray felt in awe that Natsu was working so hard to overcome his past traumas. Just how scary must this be? Natsu's exposure to rubber gloves came from a man who molested and tortured him. Yet he was willing to face that fear, and all because of his desire.

Gray felt unworthy of love this intense.

"Please, Gray," Natsu requested softly. He had the look of resolve he sometimes got when facing an enemy. Natsu wanted to battle this fear of the past, and Gray had to be there to help him fight.

"O-okay," Gray nodded, realizing how important his job was. It was more than just letting Natsu give him a handjob. He had to support Natsu through this.

He hurried to the bathroom where he kept a packet full of disposable latex gloves, mostly used for housecleaning or tending wounds, but this time it was a wound to the soul that had to be healed. He decided just one glove would be enough. Two might be too much for Natsu to handle. He hurried back to the bedroom, knelt on the floor beside the bed, and gazed up at Natsu, feeling the urgency to help his lover overcome a deeply-seated phobia.

Natsu had pulled the belt off of his wrists, and he was staring down at his hands with tenseness in his brow. Gray wondered what was running through his head. Memories of the past? Secret horrors he was not ready to talk about?

Natsu looked at the glove. Bad memories were associated with gloves like that. He began to reach forward to take the glove out of Gray's hand, but he could not bring himself to touch it. He gulped down a shiver and asked quietly, "Can you put it on me?"

Gray tried to look reassuring as he rolled part of the glove up to make sliding it onto Natsu's fingers easier. "Right hand. Spread your fingers."

Natsu obediently held his hand up, and Gray put the fingers inside the glove. Natsu tensed up and looked away with a groan as memories surged: being tied up and watching with horror as that vile man snapped a glove on, getting ready for another session.

"Are you okay?" Gray asked, holding still.

"Yeah," Natsu gasped. He hardly realized he had been holding his breath. He whispered to himself, "It's me and not him. It's me … _not him_."

"Natsu?"

"It's okay!" he shouted frantically. When he looked down at his hand, the glove was completely on. He hardly felt Gray slide it down his hand and to his wrist. Natsu wiggled his fingers. Already, they felt sweaty from the latex holding in his natural heat, but he realized there was no fear associated with it anymore. "Yeah," he laughed. "It's okay. I think I'm okay with this. It's me, and it's you, and I wouldn't do that to you. I would never…"

"I know you wouldn't," Gray said, rubbing Natsu's knee and smiling with confidence.

"So, it's okay," Natsu grinned.

So easily, Natsu faced a fear and defeated it. Gray felt both proud and a little jealous that Natsu was so strong, while he still battled the same fear over and over again.

Natsu stretched out to him with both hands. "Come here, Gray. I've been needing to touch you for two goddamn weeks." His eyes narrowed, and he growled lustfully, "Get up here!"

Gray chuckled at that greedy need, and he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Lie down. I want you on the bed."

"All right," Gray smiled in amusement, obeying orders this time.

Natsu looked across Gray's body, and then glared over to his hand. _'It's me, not him. It's me, not him.'_ It was a mantra to keep himself from slipping into bad flashbacks. Still, his own fears bubbled up.

"I … I'm going to touch you now," he warned. _'Idiot! He's not the one who's scared.'_

Still, Natsu felt hesitant. It was hard not to imagine that this was like he was the attacker. Still, Gray wanted this. He loved Gray, and he wanted to touch him. This was the only way. He would have touched him just as eagerly without the gloves, and Gray would love it. So it was okay to touch _with_ gloves. It wasn't like _that time_ at all!

Despite telling himself that, Natsu was timid at touching Gray, fearing it might feel unnatural, or disgusting, or painful. He cautiously wrapped his fingers around the cock, scared to squeeze too much, and very slowly he stroked down.

Gray hummed in pleasure. Sure, it was not the same as the Dragon Slayer's hot skin against his flesh, but this was Natsu pleasuring him. However…

"Uh, wait."

" _What?_ " Natsu cried out in a voice-cracking panic.

"No, it's fine, feels great, but I should put a condom on. Don't want the mess to get everywhere."

"Oh! R-right. Um, can I do that?"

"As long as you're wearing the glove. Not with the other hand."

"I can do it one-handed, I think. I want to try putting it on."

He looked so eager, it was adorable. Gray rolled over and opened his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a square package and handed it to Natsu. Natsu tried to rip it open with his teeth like had so often seen Gray do—it looked really sexy when he did that—however, the package slipped and almost sliced his bottom lip.

"Idiot. Open it normally."

Natsu pouted that Gray had enough practice to do something like that, and here _he_ had never opened a condom package in his life. He tore it open with his fingers, pulled out the rubber, and awkwardly tried to align it to Gray's erection.

"Yeah, it rolls down … no, other way. Flip it."

They laughed as Natsu got the condom on upside down. Gray reached over to help, but Natsu pulled the condom away, determined to do this by himself.

"Fine, fine," Gray chuckled at such adorable stubbornness. "Remember to pinch the top so there's no air bubble."

"Right. Pinch the tip and roll it down."

Gray groaned as Natsu rolled the condom along his length.

"Like that?"

"Mm-hmm."

"You barely fit in this, you know."

"Well, isn't that a good thing?"

Natsu smiled and hummed with pleasure. Yes, a boyfriend with a big cock was certainly nothing to complain about. Once the condom was snuggly all the way down, Natsu used his gloved hand to stroke. Gray moaned at the heat he could feel through the two barriers.

Natsu smiled as he watched Gray struggling not to make too much noise. He was always so in control, so Natsu liked to make Gray go crazy. He felt the size, girth, the veins along the shaft, and loved it all. He leaned over and kissed the condom-covered tip.

"Natsu!"

"Just that much," he assured.

"Okay. Don't scare me." He collapsed back into the pillow. That really made his heart leap. These two weeks, they had been pushing the limits of safe sex so much. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I kinda wish I could _really_ feel you, but … I need to feel you … in my hand. And … and in my mouth." He gazed down intensely at Gray. "I won't go past here." He made a ring around the erection with his thumb and forefinger just two inches down from the tip.

"You shou-…"

"I need to!" Natsu insisted.

Gray frowned; he should have known Natsu would not behave himself. "Fine, but be really careful. I'm serious."

"I will." Natsu leaned over, pressed his tongue into the tip of the penis, and licking around. Gray clenched at the sheets at just that much. Then Natsu pressed his lips together tight and made the cock push inside.

"Oh God!" Gray grunted, struggling to hold himself back. He could not thrust up into that mouth. Natsu was using his gloved hand to shield himself so his chin did not come into contact with the skin around the groin. Still, feeling that fiery mouth again made Gray want so much more.

Although Natsu would have loved to suck him off, the condom tasted pretty gross. There was a layer of lubricant on the latex that was distasteful to his tongue. So after only a minute sucking, Natsu pulled away, licking the roof of his mouth to rid himself of the taste.

"Bad?" Gray asked.

"Condoms don't taste good."

"They sell flavored ones."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Flavored condoms?"

"I can buy some."

"You don't need to. You'll be well soon, and then I wanna taste just you." He reached down and let his gloved hand continue to stroke while he leaned over and kissed Gray's forehead. "Just your cock in my mouth, and your taste, your smell, how you feel ramming into my throat…"

"Shut up…"

"I miss it. Miss tasting you as you drip onto my tongue."

"Don't talk like that," Gray gasped.

"Can I lick your neck?"

"Everywhere!" Gray shuddered.

Natsu chuckled smugly, but he knew that some places were off-limits. He nipped down Gray's neck, to his chest, and licked his nipples. He suckled one, and Gray covered his mouth to hold back a moan.

"Nu-uh." Natsu took Gray's hand and pulled it away, forcing the hand to the mattress. "I wanna hear."

"My neighbors…"

"… have been listening to us for weeks," Natsu reminded him. "I miss this. Miss feeling you. Miss touching your cock. I love how you feel in my hand. I miss the way you fit in my mouth. Like sucking a big, hard, dripping popcicle."

"Shut up! Seriously, no talking."

Natsu chuckled slyly. "You're so sensitive to dirty talk."

"When it's you, yeah."

"Oh?" Natsu asked in amusement. "Do I have a sexy voice?"

Gray barked a laugh and glanced up through heated eyes. "Damn sexy. It's sinful how hot your voice alone is. You burn me with your words."

Natsu whispered into Gray's ear, "I like burning you up." He licked around the earlobe. "I wanna melt you and have you drip all over me."

"Oh _God_ , shut up!" he shuddered, clenching the sheets again.

"Hold onto me, Gray. Grab me as if we were making love."

Without even thinking, Gray clutched around Natsu's shoulders and clawed into his back. His whole body shuddered as Natsu's wrist sped up.

"N-Natsu! More."

Natsu kissed him hard, devouring all moans. He felt a surge in the cock, and Gray yanked his face away.

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!"

Natsu glanced to the condom, but Gray had not come. Somehow, he had steeled himself back, although by the tension in his face and the brightness of his cockhead, he was deliciously close to losing control.

"Should I slow down?" Natsu's wrist went to a halt.

"No!" Gray screamed. "I'm seriously ready to go. Too hot!"

"I don't want you to come yet," he teased, just like Gray had teased him earlier.

"Please!"

"Not yet."

"Natsu, I … I'm seriously … oh _fuck_ , gonna come!"

Natsu began to stroke him again. He leaned over and gently bit Gray's nipple. Gray arched up with a loud cry.

"N-Natsu! Oh fuck, Natsu! Yessss."

"So sexy," he moaned, nibbling Gray's earlobe again. "Let me hear you, Gray."

Gray gave a closed-lip moan and shook his head, trying to hold back even longer.

"I said…" Natsu thrust his thumb into Gray's mouth and pulled his jaw down to open his mouth. "…I wanna hear you."

With Natsu's thumb forcing his mouth open, Gray could not silence the heavy panting and moans. He bit that thumb, but Natsu hummed at the pain. Those narrow, pointed eyes gleamed down with sensual pleasure as he watched Gray losing control and listened to his frantic desperation.

Damn Natsu, but his hand felt too hot, too good, and Gray knew he was done for. His toes curled into the bed, and his torso clenched up.

" _Nnng_ … Na- … _ohh_ … Oh God, Nat- … _nnngh_ , dammit! Ahhhhn!"

His fingers gripped Natsu's shoulders hard, pulling him down into a crushing hug as Gray's body shuddered. He dug his nails in, shaking as he felt everything building, surging, rushing through his soul and out … out into that hot hand, out to Natsu, who groaned as he felt the pulses in his fingers.

Suddenly, Natsu's teeth sank into Gray's shoulder. Blood flowed out of the incision, and he tasted Gray's arousal. That taste got sweeter and sweeter as Gray cried with climaxing ecstasy. Natsu licked up the blood with pleasure as he heard Gray's weary, slow breaths and felt the tenseness in his clutching fingers loosen up. However, the bleeding would not stop.

"What the hell?" Natsu whispered, looking at the blood as it continued to drip. He licked quicker before it snaked down to Gray's pillow.

Gray was floating on a wonderful high, but he heard something wrong in Natsu's voice. "Huh?"

"Oh crap. It should be healing. What's wrong?"

"What?" Gray panted sleepily.

"I guess it's been too long since I came. My saliva isn't healing the bite."

"Bite? Whuh…? _Oh shit!_ " Gray grabbed his neck. "You bit me?"

"Uh, yeah…"

"Is it bleeding?" He pulled his fingers away and saw blood all over his hand. "Shit! You didn't get any in your mouth, did you?"

"I … uh … I licked it," he said sheepishly. "I was trying to heal it."

"No!" he shrieked in frigid horror. "Goddammit, why'd you bite me?"

"You know I like to."

"You asshole!" he screamed. "I have that infection."

"Huh? Oh. I … I didn't realize…" He had completely forgotten in the haze of pleasure. He had wanted to take Gray's mind off the fact that he was sick, and instead, Natsu was the one who forgot. "But you're almost done with…"

"No! Dammit!" Gray leaped out of the bed, holding his bleeding neck.

"Gray?"

"No!" He held his hand out to stop Natsu from jumping to his side.

"But I can heal you. Just touch me some more. If I have an orgasm, then I can lick it and…"

"Don't you fucking get near me," Gray screamed. Natsu froze with a stunned look of anguish. "I don't want you to catch this. Dammit, and you've already licked some. Shit! You'll have to be tested again. And I was so close … so close to being through with this. Goddammit!" he yelled in horrified rage.

"But Gray…"

"Stay there!" Gray bellowed furiously as he raced to the bathroom. "Don't get near me. Don't fucking touch me." He slammed the door, leaving Natsu with a mouth opened in protests he didn't have time to say.

Gray inspected the bite in the mirror above the sink. He could see where two sets of teeth had pierced his skin. Tears came to his eyes, but he quickly got to work. He dabbed the bleeding wound with gauze, but it really was deep. He applied some medicine to stop the bleeding and put on a bandage. He could not believe he let himself get so caught up in the moment, he had not even felt Natsu doing that. This was why he had been trying to stay away. Living in Natsu's house was supposed to _stop them_ from doing something stupid that might infect Natsu.

He had put Natsu in danger once again.

"Dammit," he sobbed softly. If Natsu got sick…

Gray suddenly punched his mirror, shattering it into shards. Belatedly, he realized that had sliced up his knuckles, and he had to tend to them as well, putting medicine and bandages on the cuts. What did it even matter anymore if he bled? He had already fucked up!

"I'm such a goddamn idiot. If I got him sick.… Oh God, please don't let him be sick."

When Gray came out of the bathroom, Natsu was gone, and the collar laid on the bed, along with the key still inside the tiny padlock. He had taken the collar off himself. That was not supposed to be allowed, but Gray hardly blamed him for leaving without asking permission to remove the collar, and without even saying goodbye. Gray had been so angry, shouting like that. Now Natsu was probably mad at him.

If Natsu got sick…

And just a few more days of treatment to go before he went in to get tested again!

Stupid! So stupid! As if earlier wasn't dangerous enough, sucking on Natsu when he was sick … now _this!_

He could not just sit there like some whiny kid. Gray leaped up and began to clean. He had not been home in days. He dusted, swept, and straightened up the house. Anger drove him on, and he began obsessively cleaning. He rarely did that, but it was a good way to lose himself in the battle of emotions. He scrubbed his bathtub, vacuumed, polished his wooden furniture, anything to keep himself busy while he brooded. When he ran out of things to clean, he began alphabetizing his books.

As evening descended, he collapsed. He had been cleaning so much, he forgot to eat, and now his body felt the weariness of needing food. The last thing he ate had been just a few pieces of meat and cheese, and ten olives off of Natsu's toes. Still, he did not feel like eating. Hunger made him hurt, and he felt he deserved to starve for allowing himself to put Natsu at risk.

The longer he sat there brooding, the more he realized he would have to do something final. He needed to keep Natsu away … for his own safety. At least until his blood tests showed he was clear of this infection.

He heard a knock on the door and grumbled as he got up to answer it. To his surprise, the pink-haired wizard was there.

"I'm not sick," Natsu said bluntly. "I went to the doctor. He said catching gonorrhea through blood is rare—it only happens in the later stages of the illness—and if the treatment worked, you're probably clear of the infection already anyway. Still, he tested me again, and it's all clear."

Gray looked aside, unable to face him. "Thanks for finding out so quickly."

Natsu peeked inside the house. "Did you clean?"

Gray did not move to let him inside, and he could not look the Dragon Slayer in the eyes. Quietly, his voice struggling to stay steady, he said, "Go home, Natsu."

He looked up with a hurt expression. "But … I caught three fish. We're gonna have fish for dinner. Happy is probably waiting…"

"I'm not going to stay with you anymore," Gray said firmer, still unable to make eye contact.

Natsu felt the cold from that icy room shivering over his arms. "But Gray…"

He shouted angrily, "I fucked up and I need to deal with it. Being around you while I'm sick is too damn tempting. I'm putting you at risk." His brow wrinkled in frustration and anger. "Living together was a bad idea. What we need is _separation_ , not more temptation. We're not going to sleep together, or sneak into back rooms, or … or anything. I'll probably just stay home for the next few days." He felt like crying saying that, but for Natsu's own safety, he had to be firm about this. "From now on, I don't want you around. I don't want you here, and I'm not going over to your place. Just stay the hell away from me!"

He realized instantly, that came out totally wrong. Natsu backed off, but his lower lip quivered. Seeing that sad face broke Gray's heart.

"Oh Natsu, I didn't…"

He turned and ran out of the apartment. Gray began to run after him.

"Natsu!" He watched the Dragon Slayer race off. He knew Natsu was a faster runner than him, so Gray collapsed back against the door jamb and ran his hand through his hair. "Crap. I'm messing everything up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(I record these soundbites ad libbed to be used as a writing guide)_   
>  _  
> [FMBM 24 audio link: **http://chirb.it/pcqgea**](http://chirb.it/pcqgea%20)  
>  _


	25. Bitterness and Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Break out the tissues!_ T_T  
>  _I uploaded the audio ad-lib for this one since it was almost completely included in the final outcome. I love doing Happy's voice!<http://chirb.it/5wJMHm>_

Later that night, Happy and Natsu sat together eating the fish Natsu had caught that morning. Happy joyously ate his grilled fish, but Natsu only stabbed his fork at the white flakes. Although Happy hummed with each bite and chatted about his attempts at wooing Carla—which failed, yet again—Natsu said nothing, brooding silently, his face slack as the events of that day swirled chaotically through his mind again and again.

Then suddenly, Happy said, "It's too bad Gray couldn't eat with us."

Natsu poked apart a flake of fish with his fork and muttered only, "Yeah…"

Happy was not so dense as to miss seeing the depression in his best friend. "Is he sick?"

Natsu's brow tensed, and his voice came out hoarsely. "He's already sick, Happy."

"No, I mean like with something else, like maybe his tummy hurt so he had to go home, or…" He really was worried about Natsu's sullen attitude. "Is he okay?" he asked softly.

Natsu could not look up at Happy, but he answered, "Yeah, he's fine." Gray was fine. Gray would get well. And Natsu was well. All the stuff they had been doing, pushing the limits of what was safe, and yet he was still well. Gray should have been relieved to hear the good news. So why … why did he…?

"Natsu?" Happy looked down at the plate. Although Natsu had torn the fish apart with his fork, none of it had gone up into his mouth. "You're not eating anything. Are you feeling sick?"

An anguished tenseness crinkled the Dragon Slayer's brow. Sick? No! He _wasn't_ sick. He was fine. He might have bit Gray and licked the blood, but the doctor said that was safe. Gonorrhea rarely passed through the bloodstream, only if a person was _really_ sick with it, and Gray was fine, he was almost done with treatment. What Natsu did was never a threat to begin with. So why had Gray shouted at him? Why had he pushed Natsu away? Why did he say such painful words?

Happy tipped his head down, trying to see the lowered face better. "Natsu?"

Natsu suddenly slid his chair back and rose to his feet. "I'm not hungry," he snapped. "You can eat it." He turned, stomped to his bedroom, and slammed the door behind him.

For once, Happy ignored his fish as he looked at where his best friend had fled. His little kitty mouth tugged down with worry. "Natsu…"

Natsu flopped onto his bed and threw one arm over his eyes, covering his face just as a tear slid down. Gray's words echoed endlessly through his ears.

_"From now on, I don't want you around."_

Gray's face when he shouted that had been so furious. Natsu knew he screwed up, he forgot about Gray being sick, but … but he hadn't caught it! He was fine! Shouldn't Gray have been relieved?

Tears kept falling, and the worst thing was that Natsu knew these sorts of tears could not be held back through willpower alone. He had lost his will standing on Gray's doorstep and hearing him shout in rage, " _Just stay the hell away from me._ "

"Dammit," he whispered as the hot tears dripped down both eyes. He flipped over and buried his face into the pillow to muffle the shaking breaths that shuddered out. "Dammit!"

He screwed up, and Gray…

Gray was so mad, he…

The door creaked open, and Happy peeked inside. "Are you okay, Natsu?"

Natsu growled into his pillow, "Just leave me alone."

He did not want to cry in front of Happy. He felt ashamed. He thought he and Gray were truly in love, but in the end their relationship crumbled after less than two months. Maybe it was not all that important to Gray. Maybe Natsu was just another person to fuck. He sneered as he realized how foolish it was to hope that maybe—just maybe—a relationship like that could last forever. He had even told Gray that he wanted to be a marked mating couple. So stupid! As if Gray even understood what that meant!

Happy walked up to Natsu and patted his leg. "Did the lunch go bad?"

Natsu's fist clenched. The lunch! The olives! He had wanted something sexy but simple, yet it all went to hell.

"Maybe you cooked it wrong, and maybe Gray got sick, and he'll get better, and…"

"Happy, shut u-…" Natsu choked back the words. This anger was not meant for Happy. It was for himself, his own foolishness.

Happy backed off. "Sorry."

Natsu sighed, and his whole body sank a little more into the mattress. "No. I didn't mean to snap. I'm sorry."

Happy heard a snuffle, and although he did not have the nose of a Dragon Slayer, he had the nose of a cat. He smelled the saltiness of tears. "Natsu, what happened?" Another snuffle muted itself in the pillow. Happy lightly touched his best friend's head, stroking the pink hair in sympathy. "Natsu?"

Unsteadily, Natsu answered, "I think Gray broke up with me."

"You _think_?"

Natsu gave up trying to be strong. If there was one person to whom he could be honest about his feelings, it was Happy. If not Happy, then no one else! Through tears, he explained, "He said, ' _From now on, I don't want you around._ ' That…" He snuffled again and hugged the pillow around his head. "That's breaking up, right?"

Happy's lower lip quivered at seeing how heartbroken Natsu was. He hugged around Natsu's head, comforting him for once. "Why? What happened?" he cried in sympathy.

Natsu sneered in anger at himself. "I screwed up."

"Did you cook bad food?"

"No!" he yelled, but Natsu slammed his mouth shut. He did not want to take this out on Happy. Happy was just trying to be a friend. "He's mad at me. Something I did."

"You can tell me."

"I don't think I can this time."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

Happy smirked and nudged him. "Is it something _sexy_?"

Instead of cheering him up, that anguished Natsu even more.

Happy sensed a lot through the silence, and his teasing smile fell. "Oh. Did you hurt him?"

Natsu slumped, all muscles going limp as he remembered how Gray ran off with blood dripping down his shoulder. "Yeah," he whispered guiltily.

"I told you to be careful with Gray. It's his first time with a guy and…"

"Happy!" Natsu shouted, and he yanked himself off the pillow, wiping his eyes. "For one, it's _not_ his first time with a guy."

"Ooh!" Happy said in surprise. Who would have thought Gray… "So, this isn't about sex?"

"No! W-well…" Natsu squirmed as a flush crept from his cheeks all the way up to his ears. "Kinda."

"And you hurt him?"

"Not like that. Not _that_ way."

"Is he okay?"

Natsu frowned in dejection. "I don't know. He kicked me out. He told me he doesn't want me at his house anymore. He said to stay away from him."

"Was he injured?"

Natsu's eyes drooped, and his lip began to quiver again. "He was … bleeding."

"Natsu!"

Natsu drew his knees up and rested his chin on them, staring ahead blankly. "I really screwed up," he whispered. "He didn't even give me a chance to take care of him." His face suddenly turned angry. "I could have _healed_ him!" he suddenly shouted. "Even if it was dangerous to me, I don't care. I wanted to heal him, to take care of it, because … because it was _my mistake_." Natsu slumped back down into his knees. "He wouldn't let me. He was scared; I could see that. I could _smell_ the fear. And … and he was so mad. He kept yelling at me, telling me to stay the hell away." Natsu snuffled again and crossed his arms over his knees to further bury his head.

Happy patted Natsu's arm. "I'm sure Gray didn't mean it."

Natsu sighed as the truth left him feeling hollow. "I think he did." He gulped, but sobs still shook his shoulders. "I lost him. I screwed up so … so he left me. He told me … he doesn't want me around … _from now on_." The sobs really wracked him now, and Natsu threw himself down into his pillow again, too ashamed to be crying like this over a little thing like romance. "Dammit, I don't want to cry over that damn popcicle. It was stupid. Stupid! Me and Gray. How ridiculous! You know what? I'm _glad_ we didn't tell the guild. They just would have laughed. Me and Gray. Fucking hilarious!"

"Natsu, stop it," Happy scolded. "You love him."

"Doesn't matter anymore. It never mattered!"

"Stop it. I don't believe that. Gray really loves you. He wouldn't break up with you just because you made him bleed a little. Or … or was it really bad?"

"It … was." Natsu clenched the pillow until the fabric began to tear. "I really screwed up. I … really … _really_ screwed up."

"Natsu." He began to reach for his head.

"Happy, don't! Just … just don't. I don't want to yell at you. It's not your fault. I'm really a mess right now. Can you leave, just for an hour or so?"

"Do you need to cry?"

"I need to settle down. Cry, maybe break a few things," he admitted. "I don't want you around. I might hurt you. Please, just … just give me an hour to settle down."

"I understand." Happy's wings formed, and he flew to the window. "Don't do anything stupid, and don't set the house on fire again, and try to eat. You need to eat, even if it's just rice and not fish." He worried for Natsu, but he knew that sometimes the Dragon Slayer simply needed some time alone. "I'll be back later."

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay. I know you really love Gray, so this is okay. Just don't do anything drastic."

"You know I'm not like that."

"You've never been in love before. Erza says love makes people do stupid things, so don't do anything stupid."

"I won't," Natsu smiled weakly, "and I'll try to eat."

Happy nodded and flew off. He soared through the evening sky and back into town. He saw the lights still shining in the Fairy Tail guild hall. He could easily spend an hour or two there, but he decided to help Natsu out. That was what friends were for, or so he told himself. So he turned his wings and flapped over to Gray's apartment. He walked up to Gray's door and gave a knock.

"What?" came an angry shout.

Happy leaned his mouth to the door. "Gray, it's me."

A few seconds later, the door opened and the Ice-Make wizard looked down in surprise. "Happy?"

"You need to go see Natsu," he insisted.

Gray's shock instantly turned to anger. "I can't! That bastard is on his own for now."

"He really needs you," Happy insisted.

Gray began to turn away, but a moment of panic hit him. Natsu was heartbroken, and Gray was unsure how badly he might take this. He looked around with a chill in his veins. "Is he okay? He hasn't done anything stupid, has he?"

"He's really sad."

Sad? Just sad? The terror turned to anger. Stupid flame-brain was _sad_ , huh? Serves him right!

"Gray, I don't know what happened, but you need to make Natsu happy. He's really sad, and he's not eating." Happy knew not to tell him about Natsu crying. That would just humiliate the Dragon Slayer.

"I can't be around him right now," Gray insisted. His heart ached as he imagined how bad Natsu must be, for Happy to come here and beg for help. However, if he ran to Natsu now, he knew he would never be able to keep his distance. For Natsu's own safety, he had to stay away, just for a few days. Gray needed to be strong, to not give in to his own heart … just for a few days.

"But Gray…"

"I can't!" he snapped.

Happy backed up a step, but he did not give up. "Did you really tell him not to come around here anymore, and to stay away from you?"

Gray firmed up his resolve. "Yep. I don't want to see him."

"Because he did something bad?"

Gray reached up, and Happy saw the bandage on his neck with some blood already soaked through. "He really messed up. And … and so did I. We're both messed up, which is why I don't want him around me."

Happy felt a shiver as he saw for himself how stern Gray was about this. He really was breaking up with Natsu! "Gray?" He felt a little anger on behalf of his best friend. "Did you ever even love Natsu?"

Gray's eyes slammed shut at the sadness reflected in Happy's voice. What could he say, though? Had he been in love? Of course he had been. Could he confess it? Could he admit it to Happy when he could not even say the words to Natsu himself? Was he still in love?

"Yes," he whispered with a shiver at confessing that.

What if Natsu died just for admitting to that feeling? Everyone to whom Gray had ever said 'I love you' died. He had not said it directly to Natsu, but he felt it. He felt it painfully in his heart. That emotion terrified him.

"I … feel that way. That's why he shouldn't be anywhere near me."

Natsu was probably brooding at home, not eating, likely crying, and he must have kicked Happy out, either in anger or for Happy's own protection. Gray wanted to protect Natsu. This was the only way he knew. He hated that it was something that only caused Natsu pain.

"Happy." Gray looked down at the blue cat and smiled sadly. "Take care of him … because obviously I can't!" Then Gray slammed the door shut before Happy could see his tears.

Happy stood there, stunned at being shut out, but he smelled once again the saltiness of tears. Gray was trying to act tough, but this was hurting him far worse than he would let on. Happy wondered if there was anything he could do. He was only a friend. The real healing had to happened between Gray and Natsu themselves.

He scratched on the door and called in. "Gray?" With his ear against the door, he heard a snuffle. "Graaay?" he called in again, but there was no response. "Natsu still loves you," he told the ice wizard, "and I hope you still love him." That was all he could say, deliver that one message; the rest was up to Gray and Natsu. Happy turned away, sad he could not do more.

Inside, Gray stood by the window, looking out at the stars, not realizing how the moon reflected on his tear-stained cheeks.

"Of course I feel that way about him," he whispered miserably to himself, "but I can't be around him. I…" Below, he saw Happy leaving out of the apartment and flying off toward the guild. "Love. Why am I so scared to say the word _love_? Every other word, I can say, but … that one word, the one emotion I truly feel … I can't say it." His head rested against the glass window. "Just knowing I feel it scares the hell out of me. I can't lose him, even if … if that means … pushing him away. He'll be safe. That's all that matters. He won't die … because of me."

Gray's eyes closed as more tears fell.

"I'm sorry, Natsu. I can't lose you. Not to an illness, and not to my own cursed feelings. You fell for a fucked up man like me." He slumped down and gazed at the stars. "I'm sorry, Natsu. I'm sorry."


	26. Reconcile

Three days later, Gray once again sat in the doctor's office. He had gone through all sorts of tests that morning, and now he awaited the results. The doctor walked in with a much more pleasant smile than the first time. It was usually easy to see when a doctor had good or bad news.

"All tests returned clear, Mister Fullbuster," he declared cheerfully. "You did a good job taking the medication. In the future, realize that protection from the very beginning to the end of coitus is important to prevent STDs, and get tested after each new partner. A condom, dental dam, or latex glove only does so much toward preventing diseases from spreading."

"Thanks," Gray muttered, staring ahead sullenly.

The doctor watched his patient with a critical eye. He set aside the medical chart and took a seat. "You seem unsatisfied with the results."

"What? No! No, sorry, it's…" He sighed and slouched lower. "Something else is on my mind. It's just, I _didn't_ do a good job. At all. I screwed up so much. It's like I didn't learn my lesson."

"An illness like this isn't necessarily meant to teach you a lesson. It can happen even with the most conscientious person."

"Yeah, but…" Gray slid his chin down to his hands. "I may have messed things up with someone I care for. I put him at risk."

"The pink-haired boy?" the doctor recalled. "He was in here a few days ago asking to be tested. He also seemed distraught, much like you. I'm not a priest, my job isn't to seek confessions, and while I did have to take a university course in psychology, I'm certainly not a therapist; however, he obviously needed to talk, so I listened. He said he was afraid he had messed up with you. He had done something, as he put it, _damn stupid_ , and he knew he had badly upset you. He was scared you might push him away. I told him to go straight back to you and let you know he was clear. Did he tell you?"

Gray slammed his eyes shut against stinging heat. "Oh God. He did and … and I shoved him away from me."

"He seems to really love you. He cares enough to run straight here after putting himself at risk, not because he was scared for himself, as a normal person would be, but because he wanted to ease your conscience. He knew he did something dangerous, and he knew it upset you. I believe his words were, 'I'm too in love to think straight, and I keep messing up.'"

Hearing that from someone else made Gray blush. "That idiot," he muttered, feeling a tingle in his heart that he did not want to show to some doctor.

"He seems like such a sincere boy. It'd be a shame to blame him."

"I _don't_ blame him," Gray said, raising his voice. "I'm the one who messed up, who _let him_ be put in that situation. I had to keep him safe, so … so I … I pushed him away. For his own sake," he whispered sadly, "I told him to stay away from me."

"You did what you felt you had to do," the doctor said calmingly. "However, for Mister Dragneel, his worst fear came true. He made a mistake, and then he lost you."

"No!" Gray insisted. "I don't want to lose him. I just wanted him to be safe."

"Then you need to tell him that, and explain it clearly. I would bet that, in his mind, you just broke up with him, and of course he's going to think it's because of the mistake he made."

Gray saw the logic in that. Natsu would obviously blame himself, just like Gray was blaming himself. He had shouted at Natsu, after all. Then he told Natsu to stay away. He could see how, from Natsu's point of view, this would be like Gray broke up with him.

"Oh God," he whispered in anguish.

If the tables were turned, if Natsu had shouted at him and growled to stay away, Gray would be utterly devastated. That must be how Natsu was feeling now. Happy had even come to try and tell him that Natsu was depressed. Gray had ignored it, constantly telling himself it was for Natsu's own good.

The doctor rose and patted Gray on the back. "Go win him back."

Gray began to run out of the medical room.

"Sir, your pants!" the doctor chuckled.

Gray ran back in, dressed again—when had he stripped from his clothes?—and ran out of the doctor's office. He had no clue where to look for Natsu, but the best place to start was the guild.

He entered to see the usual bantering and chaos that was typical of Fairy Tail. Wizards clustered together, drinking and laughing. The Strauss family were laughing at the bar, while Mira chatted and fixed drinks. Cana was in the midst of telling Levy her fortune through tarot cards. Lucy looked on with chuckles and quick glances over to Gajeel when the Knight of Swords came up, and Cana contemplated just how to interpret that card. It was _so_ obvious to Lucy!

In no time, Juvia rushed forward like a tidal wave and attached herself to Gray's arm, knocking him to the side and almost off his feet. He tried to pull away, but she began to whine annoyingly loud.

"Gray-sama, you haven't be around in ages. Juvia was so lonely."

"Let go! I was sick, and you know that."

"Juvia knows. Juvia asked around and found Gray-sama's former girlfriends."

Gray felt the pit of his stomach drop. "Oh God, what did you do to them?" he cried out. This woman was dangerously obsessive.

"Juvia found the one who was also sick. She told Juvia she found out about her sickness a month ago but never told Gray-sama. She said she didn't remember your name. How can anyone forget Gray-sama's name? Gray-sama has the best name in the whole wide world."

Gray cringed as he realized he never caught that woman's name, either. It had been random, drunken, and ended by sunrise. "So, uh … what did you do to her?"

Juvia stared at him, blinking as if she did not understand the question. "Juvia got mad, shouted at her, slapped her face, and left."

"That's it?"

"Juvia realizes that was in the past. Gray-sama dumped her. She's no longer a love rival. If she were, Juvia would have trapped her in water until she passed out from lack of air."

Scary. Definitely, this was a scary woman. He and Natsu had to watch out with her when it was time to tell the whole guild about them.

Juvia suddenly rubbed her cheek against Gray's arm. "Gray-sama wouldn't do that to Juvia, right?"

"Stop that," he shouted, yanking away, and letting his shirt fall into her clutches.

Juvia dropped the shirt and grabbed around his waist instead. "Gray-sama will be loyal to Juvia, right?"

"Don't cling to me."

"Gray!"

At Erza's shout, Juvia let go, but not before Gray slid out of his trousers in hopes of escaping from her. If there was one woman Juvia feared and respected, it was Erza. She would not soon forget their fight on Tenrou Island, when she had felt the Titania's strength firsthand. Gray took the opportunity to pull away from Juvia and raced to Erza's table, sliding into a chair, now wearing only his boxers. Thankfully, the water woman did not follow him.

Erza placed her fork down onto her plate beside her half-eaten strawberry cake. "So, today's the day, right?"

"Huh?" he asked in confusion.

"The doctor."

"O-oh! Yeah. I just got back. Blood tests are clear."

"That's good, Gray." Erza looked over, and only then did Gray notice a brooding form with pink hair slouched in the corner. "Isn't that good, Natsu?"

Only a grunt answered her.

Happy left Natsu's side, trotted up to Gray, and swiped his claw across the ice wizard's bare leg.

"Ow!" Gray screamed. "What the hell was that for?"

Happy glared up with watery eyes. "For breaking his heart." Then he stormed away.

Gray watched the little Exceed leave in anger. Then he looked over to Erza speechlessly, mouth hanging open. Erza looked back at Gray, and her eyes held an order: cheer Natsu up _or else!_ Gray sighed as he realized he had to make things better without being obvious to the rest of the guild. He shifted over a seat to be closer to Natsu. Still, the Dragon Slayer refused to look at him, slouched in a corner, hiding in the shadows, as he clutched a beer stein with two hands.

"Hey, flame-brain." Gray heard a grunt in reply. "Umm…" He looked around, but he saw a few others glancing at them. Apparently, other guild members were concerned about Natsu's foul mood. Lucy was watching, as well as Lisanna. Even Makarov had his eyes turned their way. Gray realized he really had to watch what he said. "Thanks for taking care of me last week."

Another dark grunt was all he got.

"I've been … um … wanting to … to thank you." Gray felt really awkward, like he was acting a part. He realized, that's precisely what he was doing. Acting! "I … I thought … Hey, are you even listening?" he snapped.

Natsu grumbled something, probably not even words, just growls.

"Idiot, I want to thank you!"

Those sharp eyes finally slid over to him. "So just say thank you and go. It wasn't a big deal."

"I was more thinking … um … taking you out for lunch or … or something." Natsu made no reply. Gray was really trying his hardest to act. He had thought a lot about how they should slowly come out to the guild, and they had agreed earlier that week that it had to start with Gray thanking Natsu the day he came back from the doctor. Gray whispered so no one but the Dragon Slayer could hear. "Hey, this is supposed to be where we pretend we're just starting to date."

Natsu glared straight ahead, avoiding his gaze, and whispered back, "I thought you didn't want me around, to _stay the hell away from you_."

Gray cringed as he realized that really was what he had told Natsu. "Look, we need to talk. At the very least, let's get out of here and talk somewhere private."

Natsu scowled fiercer, but suddenly his voice boomed out with forced friendliness. "Yeah! Lunch sounds good. _You're_ buying!" he sneered.

"Well, yeah," Gray said, looking at him awkwardly. "It's my way of saying thanks for … for taking me in when I was sick … a-and all that."

"Fine." Natsu shoved himself up and glared hard into Gray's eyes. "Let's go."

It sounded more like a challenge to fight than two comrades leaving for lunch. Erza handed Gray his clothes, which he hurriedly put back on. Then the guild watched them as the two left. Most shrugged it off as just the two being idiots again, and they went back to their conversations.

Lucy had drifted away from Levy and stood near Erza now to watch her two teammates in their awkward moment. Erza shook her head at the two stubborn idiots. Really, someone had to straighten those two out if they wanted to get anywhere in this bizarre relationship.

"Well, if that isn't the most awkward _asking out_ I've ever seen," the Titania sighed.

Lucy nodded. "They were getting along so well. Do you think something happened between them?"

Erza could not tell Lucy just why Natsu and Gray were _getting along so well_. That was still a secret, and she respected the two enough to keep quiet until they felt ready. Apparently, they needed some time to sort things out still. "Well," she replied cautiously, "Gray was sick."

"But they were living together, right? Or that's what I heard. There were lots of rumors going around. Most of them I heard from Mira."

"All I know is Natsu invited Gray over to help take care of him during the end of his treatment."

"I wonder why during the last part of it, when Gray was practically fine, and not during the first part when he was probably more sick."

Erza chuckled at Lucy's keen observation. The girl was close to figuring it out for herself. "It probably took Natsu that long to get the nerve to ask. And now Gray is asking Natsu to lunch." Lucy had to figure this out soon. She was smart, after all.

The pieces were falling into place for the Celestial Spirit wizard. "Do you really think this is a date?" she asked in surprise.

"More like a reconciliation," Erza realized.

Something definitely happened between the two. Natsu invited Gray to live with him, Gray left Natsu's house suddenly after only a few days, and Natsu had been depressed ever since then. Erza figured it out right away, although she did not ask for details. She realized there was a falling out between the two. That was all she needed to know for now.

"We'll probably find out more in a day or two," she muttered to herself. Relationships were complex enough, but between those two in particular, she was sure there was plenty of bumps lying on their road to happiness.

* * *

Outside, rather than going to a restaurant, Natsu led Gray to the river where they usually fought. It seemed like an appropriate place for them to duke out their differences. If they were going to argue and break up, it should be here, were the rivals fought all the time anyway.

"Look," Gray immediately snapped. "We're supposed to be convincing the guild." Natsu just stared silently at him. "Our plan! Remember? You took care of me, and I fell for you, and … and we're supposed to…" They had planned to use this day in particular to start easing the guild into thinking they had slowly fallen in love, yet that all went to hell when Gray left Natsu's house and pushed him away. "Natsu?"

He turned his back on Gray and folded his arms angrily. "You didn't want me around."

"Natsu, that…" Oh God, so that _was_ his problem! "That was just when I was sick. I didn't mean that as something _permanent_. I just meant that you were too tempting, so I needed to distance myself. When you bit me and licked my blood…" Gray suddenly felt a surge of anger. "Do you realize how _scared_ I was? I was just a few days away from being well, and you put yourself at risk like that. I was terrified, and I was mad at myself."

Natsu grumbled, "It sounded like you were mad at _me_."

"Maybe a part of me was," Gray admitted, "because that was really damn stupid! You could have gotten sick, and then it'd be two _more_ weeks of hell."

"I know that, idiot. But I _wasn't_ sick," he yelled.

"You _could_ have been," Gray screamed back at him, but he forced his emotions to cool down. "You could've been," he whispered sadly. "Being apart from you … I'd rather spend just a few days away from you than two damn weeks unable to touch you."

Gray wanted to reach out and hold Natsu again. He missed that warmth and the firmness of his muscles. His whole body ached to feel that once again, but he pulled back his hand. Natsu was mad, and with good reason.

Heat seemed to pulse from Natsu as his emotions burned in his heart. He strained to keep things from flaring out, and his fists clenched to hold himself back. "I respect that you were just looking out for me," he said stiffly and formally. "Still…" He finally faced Gray with rage blazing in his eyes. "You did it in a really shitty way."

Gray dropped his head. Natsu had a point. Gray had screamed at him and fled to the bathroom, not thinking that the possibility of getting infected might be scary to Natsu. Then when Natsu had the sense to get tested immediately, Gray did not praise him. He just promptly pushed him away. Not once had he thought how scared Natsu might be. Not once had he considered how embarrassing it was for someone as well-known as the Fire Dragon Slayer to go to a clinic like that all alone—he recalled how ashamed he had been the first time he went for testing. Then, instead of being thankful that Natsu was well and holding onto his boyfriend during what was an emotional upheaval for them both, he had been cold, made it sound like he was breaking up with Natsu, and closed his door instead of running after him. Even when Happy tried to act as a go-between, he had ignored everything the cat said.

"I … I had to take the glove off myself, you know."

Gray's eyes widened. He had not even considered Natsu's issue with latex gloves. He had focused more on the fact that Natsu removed his own collar.

"You just ran off screaming." Natsu looked up with a tint of pink around his eyelids. "It was like … probably how you feel when something freaks me out and I say _Red_. Except, you didn't even need to say a safeword, because I knew I had messed up. I wasn't even thinking 'This could be bad for me.' I wanted to reassure you I was okay. I didn't taste anything bad in your blood, but I wanted to be sure, and I knew I needed to hurry if I wanted to make it to the clinic in time. It was really embarrassing to go in there, but I didn't even think twice. You said 'Now you'll need to get tested,' so I thought that if I went and got tested right away, you'd forgive me." He looked aside, but Gray heard stuffiness in his nose as he breathed in fast. "I don't know why I thought you might praise me after I screwed up and made you freak out like that. I really am just an idiot."

"Natsu…"

He shouted over Gray, "But you didn't have to say it that way."

Gray froze at the rage in the flame-laced shout. "What way?"

There was another snuffle, and he heard from the clench in Natsu's throat, he was crying, although he refused to turn around and face Gray. "'From now on, I don't want you around. Just stay the hell away from me.' _That_ way!"

"I didn't mean…"

Natsu yelled over him again, "If you didn't mean it, then don't say it that way. You could have said 'for the next three days I don't want you around' or 'until my tests come back clear, stay away from me.' But no! You said 'from now on.' That's the sort of thing you say to someone when you're breaking up with them."

"You ran before I could clarify myself."

"Do you really think I'd stand there and sob on your doorstep? Of course I left! I can cry around my boyfriend, but not around someone who just broke my heart."

Gray had heard enough. He grabbed Natsu around the shoulders. When Natsu tried to wiggle away, Gray squeezed tighter. Holding him, Gray felt how Natsu's chest was shuddering as he tried to stop outright sobs.

"You're crying in front of me now," Gray pointed out.

"Am not!" he gnashed, but he hiccuped a sob.

Gray still held on, refusing to let go. He had let Natsu run off before. He was not about to make the same mistake again.

"I'm sorry I had to push you away. Believe me, I didn't want to. I…" Gray felt a flush on his cheeks. He wanted to stop talking right now before he lost control of his emotions, but although Gray hated to lose that sense of control, he also knew he had to make this better. "I liked living with you," he said softly. "I wouldn't mind trying that more."

"Sheesh," he grumbled. "I don't know, Gray."

"Natsu…"

"That hurt!" he growled. "Maybe you just said it wrong, but … being p-pushed away like th-that…" Tears streamed down his face, and he quickly wiped them with his scarf. "Dammit, I don't wanna cry!" He took a while to steady his breath, and Gray waited, still hugging him from behind. "It … hurt," Natsu confessed. "I thought you broke up with me. Even when I realized that maybe you were doing this just until you got well, all I could imagine was that some day you would get bored of me, and you'd say those same words. You wouldn't want me around anymore, and you'd tell me to stay away from you. I … I don't think I could handle something like that. I don't … w-want to … b-be away … from you." Tears choked him up, and Natsu roughly wiped his eyes. "Dammit!" he sobbed, mad at being so weak in front of Gray, of all people.

Gray kissed the back of Natsu's neck and rested his head on the scarf, letting Natsu cry without doing more than holding him securely. "I'm sorry. I'm just not used to this."

"Used to what?" he asked sullenly.

"Romance. Feeling … this strongly about someone. It's all new and … and a little scary. A _lot_ scary," he muttered in admittance. "I can kick the ass of a dark wizard and face a demon of Zeref, but I have no idea how to protect my own boyfriend without screwing up. I don't know what to do, and I feel … not in control. When I thought you might get sick because of me … you're right, I freaked out. I just flipped. I didn't know what to do besides keep you away from me. I was so mad at myself, it just bubbled over. I wasn't thinking. I was too scared for your safety to stop and think about how you felt. I'm sorry I screwed up." He kissed the back of Natsu's neck again. "Please, let me make it up to you."

"How?" Natsu grumbled.

"Anything you want."

Natsu pouted as he thought about it. "You were supposed to have dinner with me that night."

Gray blinked in surprise. "Okay. Pick where you want to eat. Doesn't matter what price."

"Your place. Your cooking. I want you to cook for me."

Gray smiled and nuzzled into the scarf. "Sure. And _after_ dinner?" he asked with salacious amusement.

"No sex."

That startled Gray.

"I'm still mad. It'll just be angry sex, and I don't want that. So I'm punishing you with no sex until I'm not mad anymore."

"Ouch…"

"You have to cuddle me without seducing me," Natsu insisted. "If you're bad at romance, then I'll have to train you."

"And you're the romance expert, huh?"

"I'm more romantic than you are, you kinky bitch-in-heat."

Gray teased, "Train me, sensei."

"Shut up. I'm still mad at you."

"Should I buy you flowers as well?"

"Screw flowers! If you wanna buy me something so badly, buy me a new fishing pole."

Gray chuckled and squeezed Natsu happily. "Pick anything you want. I'll buy you anything. My way of saying I'm sorry."

"Buy Happy a fish, too. You also made him upset."

"Yeah, I know. He scratched my leg."

"He said he'd scratch you if you ever broke my heart."

"I'll keep that in mind for next time."

Natsu glared at him caustically. "Next time? Do you mean the next time you wanna break up with me?"

"No, idiot. Next time I'm an asshole and think about doing something damn stupid. Knowing I'd face Happy's killer claws is good incentive not to do something dumb." Gray chuckled, amused and overjoyed that Natsu was so determined not to lose him again, despite Gray being insensitive and leaving the situation hanging for so many days. He kissed Natsu's ear. "So, if I want to make you happy, I have to make Happy happy, is that it?"

"We come as a pair. Don't forget that."

"I won't." Gray glanced around. They were quite alone here by the river, and he had gotten hard just holding this hot, firm body once again. "Natsu?" He rolled his hips slightly against Natsu's back side to show the trouble.

"No. I'm mad at you."

"I'm fine with angry sex."

"I'm not. I already don't trust my instincts when I'm happy and in love. If I'm angry, I'm afraid I really will lash out and kill you."

"What if I completely tie you up?"

"I don't want to. It'd be like raping me."

"You really don't want to?" Gray nudged.

Natsu glared back around his shoulder. "I'm mad, Gray."

"So take it out on me. You only get violent when you're overly aroused. So tie me up. Torture me. Make me desperate and deny me. Get all your anger out."

"I _don't_ want to do that, okay?" Natsu shouted. "It'd be like I'm forcing you."

"Natsu, I'm desperate here!"

"It's all about sex for you, isn't it?" he sneered.

"I haven't felt your hands and mouth on me in two weeks. At least I could touch you, but the only time I felt you touch me was through my clothes or with a glove."

Natsu stepped away scowling. "You suck at making up. Now I'm even more angry."

Gray reached out to his hand. "Please…"

" _No!_ " Natsu was seething hard, really furious. Suddenly, he yanked away and walked a few steps downriver, until he could no longer feel the chill that radiated off the ice wizard. "It's one of my issues, okay? _That man_ was angry a lot, especially near the end. When he was angry, I got beaten worse. When he was angry … what he did … it hurt. Bad. I don't want to be like him. I won't do that to you when I'm angry. What's that term you used?" He tried to think back through a fog of rage. " _Hard limit._ That's a hard limit. No angry sex."

Just hearing the past pain in Natsu's trembling voice killed any erection Gray had. He walked up and embraced the Dragon Slayer from behind again. "I'm sorry. You're just addictive."

"You're addicted to sex, not me," Natsu snapped. "If you were addicted to me, you'd respect my boundaries. You wouldn't try to force me to do things I don't want. You wouldn't keep pushing this matter just because you're horny."

"Am I even able to romance you when you're angry?"

Natsu laughed wryly. "Who knows?"

"Tell me how to start. I don't want to wait until dinner. I want to start right now in making this better."

"First, stop warming up your horny cock on my ass."

Gray pulled back. "Okay."

"Now … kiss me," Natsu whispered, looking longingly at Gray's lips. "Kiss me like you mean it, like it's the first time you've ever kissed me."

It was like the Fire Dragon Slayer was melting his icy heart all over again. Gray knew they had leaped into this relationship with no preparation, no expectations, just raw sex and starving need. This was his chance to do things right, to start over and make Natsu know just how precious he had become. He grabbed Natsu's chin and tilted it up. Gray stared straight into those squinty eyes and saw the anticipation glowing in them.

"Like it's our first kiss?" He gazed over Natsu's face and down to his waiting mouth. He watched as the Dragon Slayer flicked his tongue out for a small lick in preparation. "I kissed you all wrong the first time. This is how I should have done it. It's what you deserve." He leaned forward slowly, and he watched as Natsu's eyelids drifted down. With his mouth fluttering against the waiting lips, Gray whispered, "My beloved."

Natsu eyes went wide at the breathy words, embarrassed to hear them and shocked at how much tenderness filled the endearing term. A second later, the cold and slightly chapped lips pressed against his. It was a gentle kiss, not one of passion, but trepidation and hope. Gray was pouring forth his hope at winning back Natsu's love, and that emotion flowed through his kiss.

As their lips lingered, Gray's fingers slid off Natsu's chin, up his jaw line, and to the back of his neck. He pulled Natsu just a little closer, cupping the base of his head. Then his other arm snaked around and wrapped around the warm waist. Natsu felt as if he could lean back into that embrace and Gray would hold him up, cradled in his chilly hands.

Natsu parted his lips and readied his tongue, anticipating more. However, with a tiny pop of separating mouths, Gray leaned back up. He smiled at seeing the disappointment in Natsu's confused eyes.

"Like a _first_ kiss," he whispered. "You don't get _that_ sort of kiss until later."

Natsu chuckled silently, realizing he got precisely what he had asked for: a simple kiss, the sort exchanged between two people discovering love for the first time. His head dropped forward and thonked against Gray's bare chest.

"Don't ever break up with me again," Natsu demanded.

"I didn't break up with you, idiot."

"Then don't ever let me think that."

"It's your fault."

"Even Happy thought you meant you were breaking up with me."

"By the time he showed up, I figured I had screwed up beyond repair."

"Well, don't ever break up with me."

Gray hugged Natsu and kissed the top of his head. "You know I can't promise that, no more than you can honestly promise not to leave me. I don't want to end up lying to you."

Natsu frowned, but he guessed that was true. They were just dating. As much as he hated to think about it, he could not claim Gray as a life-mate yet.

Gray rested his chin on Natsu's shoulder and whispered into his ear. "But I don't want to lose you. I want you to be mine. I want to be claimed by you. Bitten, scratched, whatever way you want to do it. I want you to mark me as yours."

Natsu rose up and gazed solidly at Gray. "You pushed me away."

"But…"

"Which means," Natsu cut in sharply, "I have to drag you back. You asked last time, so this time it's my turn. Gray, will you be my boyfriend?"

Gray's mouth dropped. Tears welled into his eyes, but he blinked them away. "Y-yeah." He suddenly grabbed Natsu into a crushing hug.

"Hey! That hurts, bastard," Natsu cried out.

"Too bad. I … I lo-…"

Gray's face tensed up. He wanted to say it. He wanted to say those three words. Especially now, after Natsu asked him out. However, flashes of bloody memories passed through his mind. The bloodcurdling screams of his neighbors, high-pitched shrieks of his school friends, his mother's frantic cries as she begged Gray to run away and live.… Their screams and the crimson stain of their blood on the snow blinded him and deafened his ears until he could not bring himself to speak.

Everyone he had ever said _I love you_ to…

Suddenly, a fist pounded the top of his head. Gray leaped away and rubbed out the hit. "Hey, bastard!"

"Stop making faces like that," Natsu scolded. "I just asked you out, so don't look like you have a brain freeze."

"You know why!"

"I know," Natsu nodded, "and I wonder how many goddamn times I have to say this before it sinks into your ice-hard head. Don't tell me you love me; show me! Sheesh, you'd think the first twenty times would be enough for even a retarded stripper like you."

Gray still scowled as he rubbed his head, but he realized Natsu was right. Never had he asked Gray to try and get over that issue. Natsu understood about hangups, and Gray realized that having a fear of saying _I love you_ paled in comparison to the problems Natsu had.

"Hey," Gray mumbled. "Promise me something. Punch me the next time I do something stupid like that."

"Like what? You do a lot of stupid things."

"Like pushing you away just because I think it's a smart idea."

"I screwed up, so you were mad at me."

"I was mad at myself more." Gray kissed Natsu's forehead again, then rested his brow against the top of the pink hair. "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. I made you cry."

"Who said I was crying!"

"Shut up. You're a crybaby. I knew you were crying."

"Who the hell are you calling a crybaby, you blubbering toddler."

"Quiet. Just … just let me hold you quietly for a while." He hugged Natsu closer.

"Can we sit at least?" grumbled Natsu, hiding his blushing cheeks.

Gray found some dry sand along the riverbank and sat there. Natsu settled between Gray's legs and leaned back against the icy chest. Gray wrapped his arms around the hot shoulders and squeezed his boyfriend close. They sat together, Natsu resting between Gray's knees, and watched a family of mallards swim by.

"Hey, look at that." Natsu pointed to the ducks. "Those two have green heads."

"So?"

"That means they're both male. Two daddies raising the babies. Isn't that neat?"

Gray glanced down at the Dragon Slayer sidled between his thighs. Two males, raising a family. If it could happen in the animal kingdom, it could happen between two wizards. He said nothing for now, not wanting to push his luck. He just kissed the top of Natsu's head and kept quiet, watching the two emerald-headed mallards floating along with their group of fuzzy ducklings.


	27. A Beloved and a Sweetheart

That evening, Natsu ate at Gray's house. Although Gray often cooked for himself, he had felt nervous, so he opted for a meal no one could possibly screw up: spaghetti. Still, he wanted it to be special. He spent the afternoon rolling meatballs and making a sauce from scratch rather than buying a jar of tomato sauce like he normally did.

Now, as Natsu swirled the pasta around his fork, Gray waited with anticipation. With his muscles all stiff, he watched Natsu take the first bite and chew.

"So, um…" He twisted nervously in his seat. "How's the food?"

"'S good," Natsu said with his mouth full.

"It's okay?" he asked, tensed up as he watched.

Natsu gulped down hard. "Yeah. Good." He heard Gray mutter something. Natsu hummed as he smelled nervousness. "You're not eating. Don't tell me you poisoned this," he teased.

"Wh-what?" Gray jolted. He looked down at his untouched silverware. "Oh! R-right." He plunged his fork into the spaghetti, stabbed a meatball, twisted it all around, and crammed it into his mouth. He had decided to make this dinner extra special by opening a wine bottle as well, and he sipped some of the fruity red chianti while keeping his eyes on Natsu.

The Dragon Slayer rested his cheek on his hand and smiled across the table. "You're staring at me."

"I wanted to make sure it was okay," Gray insisted. "I don't usually cook for other people. I mean, I know what I like, but I'm not sure about you. What do you think of it, really?"

"Honestly? The sauce is a little sweet."

"Oh! Sorr-…"

"No, it's fine," Natsu chuckled. "I make my spaghetti sauce with chili peppers, spice it up."

Gray cringed at the thought. Spicy spaghetti? "Yuck!"

That made Natsu laugh. He knew Gray hated spicy food. "This is how you like it, right?"

"Kind of, yeah," he said timidly.

Natsu nodded and ate some more. "It's good."

"I … I can make it different next time."

"Gray," Natsu said seriously. "If you don't like spicy stuff, don't make it spicy. If you cook something I don't like, believe me, I'll tell you. We'll figure out what we both enjoy. If you don't like the food, I won't enjoy it either."

"O-okay."

Why would Natsu say something like that? There were lots of things Gray didn't like but he knew Natsu loved them. They were polar opposites, after all. Finding something they both liked was damn hard! So how could he say he would not like food Gray did not enjoy? Did he only enjoy things that made Gray happy, too?

Gray realized this was almost exactly how he explained kinks to Natsu. He told the Dragon Slayer before, if Natsu did not enjoy and take pleasure in an activity, Gray himself would not be able to feed off of that pleasure and enjoy himself. He only got aroused by knowing Natsu was deriving pleasure from his sadistic play. Purely hurting another person was not arousing at all to Gray.

Was it the same for Natsu and this fluffy, sappy … whatever this was?

Natsu gulped down his food and suddenly looked across the table. "So, what are you feeling right now?"

His mind snapped out of a whirlwind of questions. "Huh?"

"You're staring at me again," Natsu said in amusement. "What are you feeling?"

"Uh … I don't know. Just glad you like it."

"What else?"

"I don't know!" he snapped.

Natsu smirked and egged him on. "Tell me."

"I … I really don't know." Gray was annoyed with that smug face. What was Natsu getting at?

The Dragon Slayer gave a soft sigh of exasperation. Gray was so damn cute! "This is romance, ya know."

"Ro-…? Oh. Okay."

Natsu laughed softly at his confused face. "You've never done this, have you?"

"I've cooked for people," he defended. "Usually it's just something for friends to eat, not really thinking about it."

"You put thought into this?"

Gray looked offended. "Well, yeah! Those are handmade meatballs, ya know."

Natsu just smiled. "That's romantic."

"Huh? How can cooking be romantic?"

"You're thinking about the person you care for, doing something specifically for them, something they'd enjoy. It's romantic when you put thought and energy into pleasing another person, right?"

Gray slouched back into his chair and glared to the side, muttering, "I'm used to _pleasing_ people in other ways."

"Idiot. Relationships aren't just about sex. It can be something as simple as eating dinner at home. You can get just as much happiness making a meal for someone as you do giving them a good romp in bed."

"Oh," Gray said softly, gazing down at his plate. How the hell could food compare to sex? Then again, this was Natsu. Or … or was it true for other people? Was it just Gray who could not see how relationships could grow stronger without some sensual fun?

Natsu truly was amazed. He usually assumed that since Gray had more experience, he was an expert with romance. That made Natsu feel intimidated, so he kept quiet and let Gray take charge, assuming he knew best. This time, he saw the inner confusion in the ice wizard. He wanted to help Gray discover a new side to dating, something he obviously did not have much experience with.

Gray suddenly glared up defensively. "How do you know all this? I know you don't date around."

Natsu felt a slight pain in his heart. It seemed, just as Natsu assumed Gray was an expert, Gray also assumed Natsu was ignorant about love and dating. While that might be true in some ways, Natsu felt a little stung that Gray assumed his inexperience meant Natsu did not know anything about handling a relationship.

"Igneel taught me about courting."

"Your dad … a dragon … taught you how to date someone?" Gray asked in shock. "I mean, is this like the dragon-lust-spit-thingy?"

"Well, that's part of it." Natsu sipped wine to wash down the pasta. "As a kid, I wasn't around other humans much. Igneel realized I wasn't learning basic things that human kids learn through playing with other children, or in school, or with family. He taught me lots of stuff besides magic: reading, writing, morals, social interaction…"

"You hate to read, your penmanship is so illegible that Levy once mistook a message you wrote as an archaic form of the Bosco dialect, your sense of morality is questionable at best, and you suck at social interaction. Your idea of saying _hello_ is to challenge a person to a fight."

"Hey, I was a kid! Not all of his lessons stuck with me. Still, he wanted me to grow up and find a mate some day. I thought love and romance was all cooties and gross," Natsu chuckled, "but somehow I remember those lessons. Igneel once told me that one day I would find a person who set a fire in my heart that no other magic could ignite, and it would make me burn up in a flame I couldn't extinguish."

What a typical simile for a fire dragon! "And you feel that way?"

A faint smile brightened Natsu's face. "Around you, yeah."

Gray stared silently until he realized he was not even breathing. He inhaled sharply through his nose, but he heard a snuffle. Dammit, what was wrong with him? Why was he getting all emotional over something so simple?

He glared down at the food. Spaghetti. Fucking plain spaghetti! After hearing that, he felt like he should have cooked shrimp fra diavolo campanelle.

"Gray?" Natsu worried that maybe saying that was too much. After all, Gray had issues with love. The ice wizard's head stayed down, and Natsu hesitated saying more. Then he saw the shimmer of a teardrop. His heart froze in dread. "Gray!"

"Ah … I…" He snuffled and used his napkin to frantically dab away the tears. "I don't know what to say to that."

Say? Natsu let out a soft sigh. Why did Gray always feel he had to reply with words? Natsu knew Gray had issues, and something that deep was not an easy thing to handle. Natsu personally had no clue how to help Gray with his issues. He really wished he knew what to do. Hell, he didn't even know how to deal with his own hangups, and there were depths of darkness in Natsu's heart that he still had not opened up. They were too painful to face. So he knew Gray's pain must be just as deep.

Darkness like that … Natsu wished he could burn it all away, yet first Gray had to be willing to open up the cage and let that dark beast out. For now, the best Natsu could do was take Gray's mind off of past agony and try to keep him in the present.

"Sheesh, you ice idiot! How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Show it, don't say it, I know," he sighed. Gray poked at his pasta but only bit into a small piece of tomato. Quietly, he confessed, "I … I never had anyone … _tell_ me what to do. You know, when dating. My family died when I was really young, so I never had anyone explain these things. I figured out what sex was by listening to talk around the guild, and they're not the best role models. For a while, I thought dating and sleeping together were kind of the same thing. If you dated, you were supposed to have sex. I dated a few without all that, but … but most of them…"

He broke off his train of thought. Natsu did not need to hear about his dating history.

"I don't even know when I got into things like bondage. It was just sort of … there. A need. I don't even know why I like it. I just do. For a quick fuck, I don't care one way or the other, but if a relationship starts to get serious, I … I _need_ it. I need to be the one in control of a situation like that."

"Of romance?" Natsu asked cautiously. He felt like Gray was slowly opening up to him at last.

"I guess. The thing is, I never met someone who really wanted bondage. A few … _humored_ me, let me handcuff them. Nothing like what I really wanted. I couldn't fully take control, and as soon as I lost that control, the relationship crumbled. For a while, I thought I was messed up in the head. The lady at the sex shop set me straight, told me about being a Dominant, and let me read some books about it. Still, I couldn't find someone who was submissive." Gray gave a low chortle. "Hell, you're not even submissive."

That stung Natsu. He wondered if that was going to be a problem, but Gray still had a small smile.

"Still, you let me feel that need to control. You don't always obey me, but it's somehow more than enough. But right now," he whispered, shrinking back a bit, "I feel totally out of my element. I never _needed_ to romance someone. I don't even know how. Pathetic, right?"

Natsu pouted at this confession. He began to open his mouth, but he closed it with doubts racing in his head. He wanted Gray to open that cage to the darkness in his heart, but he worried that this was a bad time. They were just beginning to reconcile. Was it really wise to deal with this matter at such a delicate time? However, he desperately wanted to help Gray with his issues, after Gray had done so much to help him.

"You told me once," he said softly, watching the ice wizard carefully, "everyone you ever said 'I love you' to died." Natsu saw the flinch of pain in Gray's face. Indeed, this issue was a delicate one. He felt guilty even bringing it up, but they needed to address it. "Maybe your need to control is your way of taking charge of your own feelings. Maybe…" He stopped his words. This might hurt Gray, but he had to point it out. "Maybe it's your way to hide from certain feelings, to distance yourself from…"

Gray shouted over his words, "Dammit, are you psychoanalyzing me?"

Natsu jolted back at the anger in Gray's eyes. He had crossed some line. Whatever Gray's issue was, that shout showed that he could not look at the darkness yet. He was still hiding from it. Natsu dropped his gaze, guilty that he had dug up something painful. Still…

"Makes sense, though, right?" He looked up stubbornly and saw Gray inch back, as if that darkness was a nightmarish beast staring him in the face. "I mean, my need to be restrained comes from _that time_. It's how I deal with it. So maybe it's the same for you. Your heart was badly scarred during Deliora's attack, you lost everyone you cared for."

"Natsu…" Gray shook his head, closing his eyes as those screams and the sight of blood on snow returned.

"So now, you feel like you have to keep a firm control over your heart. Right?"

Gray slumped and looked aside. Those memories pained him. "Maybe something like that," Gray whispered. "I don't trust my emotions. Never have since that day. I want to control them, not let them control me. Imagine being a kid and losing everything, absolutely everything: family, friends, neighbors, classmates, teachers, your whole goddamn village, every single person who you have ever known in your entire life. Imagine being helpless and seeing all of Fairy Tail massacred, ripped apart, smashed to bloody pieces until you can't even tell who the person used to be. Imagine every single one of them dying, from Makarov down to Romeo and Wendy, _everyone!_ And yet you're left alive. All you have left of them are memories of their screams echoing through your head." Tears hovered on his eyelids, and Gray quickly blinked them away. "That's what happened that day. I lost everyone I knew, everyone I … that I … loved." Gray hugged himself and shivered at saying the word. His heart was racing and burning. "I … I don't like … thinking about it."

Natsu nodded. He needed to back off this time. Still, the cage to that darkness had cracked open a little. That was a start.

"I … I had to bury my heart, take control of my feelings, ice away the pain. Otherwise, I wouldn't have survived. I _need_ that control."

"But you let me take control," Natsu said hesitantly. "At least a few times. Why? If it hurts so bad, why do you let me?"

Gray shrugged. "I trust you. I know where we stand." He eyed Natsu up and down with a flirtatious smirk, trying to press aside the darkness and bury it once more. "And you're _damn_ hot when you take charge."

Natsu blushed brightly and looked down. "Uh … thanks. But, are you okay with that?" He knew Gray wanted to bury the darkness again, but Natsu was still worried. "You said when you lost control, the relationships crumbled. I don't want that to happen between us. If you truly don't want me to take control…"

"It's fine between us, really. In the past, it was usually the girl forcing her own will over me. She'd want _payback_ and wouldn't let me have control at all. I don't like that. I'd get scared of confessing to the things I like to do, afraid she'd think I was sick in the head for wanting BDSM, and it would put a wall between us. I came up with the Checklist of Fucking as a way to see how tall that _wall_ had to be, where my boundaries were. Almost every serious partner hated that list. It chased many of them right out of the house. The ones who stayed said no to almost everything really kinky, or they would agree and immediately change their mind. You said yes to almost everything, and the things you said no to are things I'm not all that interested in. I can deal with your limits, and you're cool with mine. When it works that well, there are hardly any substantial boundaries. That means we're closer, I'm able to really open up, you're fine with most of my kinks. I know where we stand, so I don't mind losing control once in a while. To me, it's more like I _let you_ take control, which is controlling in itself. I … I really like … when I can lose myself to you," he admitted hesitantly, flustered by admitting that. "I was never that comfortable with anyone else. Only you. Maybe because we've known each other for years, we've fought each other and fought back to back. We're like brothers."

Natsu's eyes widened at that. Like brothers?

"So," Gray smiled, "I can trust you. I can let you take control, because I know you'll give it back when I really need it."

"Thanks. I … I just wish I could take control more often. Knowing you like it makes me want to do more, but I know I can't. Not for a while, at least. Someday, I hope."

Gray reached across the table and held Natsu's fingers. "Someday, you will," he said with utter confidence.

Natsu wished he felt as assured as Gray sounded. He still had his own issues and dark depths he feared to open. "Would … would you _want_ that? You know, me … um … topping?"

"Yes," Gray said instantly with a tenseness in his throat as he tried to hold back his desire to grab Natsu, slam him against this table, and ravage him. Or let Natsu be the one doing the taking. Or stroke each other off. He didn't care! However, he saw conflict in the Dragon Slayer's face.

Natsu dropped his eyes. How did a discussion about their hangups lead to this? He smelled the hormones rising within Gray, and the smell made him want to react as well. However, Natsu was still not in the mood. Just that morning, he had woken up with tears on his pillow. Now, deep in his heart, he wanted to escape before he slipped back into a pattern of covering over their issues with sex. It was easy to run away from pain and hide it with pleasure, or to let physical pain mask emotional pain. Natsu did not want Gray to hide anymore, and he did not want to hide away from his own darkness. He could not face it yet, but he did not want to use sex just to mask his emotions.

With a blush, he mumbled, "Supposed to be a romantic dinner, yet we're talkin' about sex again."

Gray jolted. "Oh! Sorry!" _Shit, I'm ruining it!_ The conversation had steered away from romance and back onto the same carnal path they always took.

"No, we need more time to just talk."

Still, Gray feared Natsu might leave if things seemed about to heat up, so he squeezed those fiery fingers. "Like this is fine, too, right? Just eating, no talking."

Natsu stared ambivalently, wanting to say no. _No_ , it _wasn't_ fine to keep hiding their emotions from one another. However, before he could ask Gray to face his issues, Natsu knew he had his own secret, something he still had not told Gray, something so dark, it made him sick just briefly thinking about it. He could not expect Gray to face his demons when he could not even let himself silently think about _that_.

"It's in your hands tonight, Natsu."

The Dragon Slayer jolted out of his morbid thoughts, and a chill ran over his skin. "What?" he gasped.

"You've always been the one in control when it comes to romantic things."

Natsu smiled with a slight sigh of relief. "Yeah." That's what he meant. In control, not literally _in his hands_. The disturbing scene of the past melted away, leaving Natsu with a sickening realization.

For how much he loved Gray, he was not ready to fully open up to him. Not about _that_ , at least.

Natsu grabbed his fork up again and ate a meatball. It really was too sweet, but it was just a unique flavor, not repulsive, just different from normal. "If you're bad at romance and addicted to sex, I'll have to show you how to have a good time outside of your kinky bedroom play. You've done really good tonight, especially with making food this delicious."

Hearing Natsu praise his cooking made warmth spread through Gray's chest. He looked at his spaghetti. He had been swirling it mindlessly while talking, and now his fork had a massive clump that he could never fit into his mouth. He eased his fork out of the mess and started again, twirling slower.

"Maybe you're right," Gray muttered. "Maybe I'm addicted to sex. It's an escape, a way to get out of the chaos. Escape from sadness, anger … my own frustrations."

Natsu looked up, shocked yet relieved that Gray had figured that much out for himself. At least he recognized that he was using sex to escape.

"It became … thoughtless," Gray muttered. "I'd take some nameless girl to bed, work through my emotions, wake up the next morning, and I didn't have to worry about her. It was a one-night-stand, and we both knew it. No attachments. Damn," he cringed. "That makes me sound like a slut."

"It doesn't, Gray."

"I mean," he interrupted quickly, "I've had serious relationships too, but … but they never lasted. Three months tops. Then I was back to hitting up bars. I never really stopped to … to _think_ about what I wanted in a relationship. Not deeply. Just having fun. Someone cute, someone amusing. I'm not used to taking it truly serious. I'm … not used … to romance. Sheesh, I'm making myself sound like an asshole. Sorry."

"You _are_ an asshole."

Gray glared icily. "Gee, thanks!"

"But it works out, ya know. You're all about sex and uncertain on romance. I prefer romantic nights and I'm hesitant about sex. It works for us. Now, are we done with having a serious conversation?"

"Oh hell yes!"

"Good. I'm hungry. I wanna eat your sweet spaghetti."

"It's not really sweet, idiot. It's the fresh basil."

"And sweet onions."

"Huh?"

"You used sweet onions. I can smell them. I like sweet onions. Never thought about using them in a pasta sauce."

"Sweet … onions? I just grabbed the same onions I always get."

"Well, they're the sweet variety. It's good, so shut up and let me eat." Natsu shoveled noodles into his mouth and slurped them up noisily.

Gray watched in amusement at how heartily Natsu could eat. He devoured everything on his plate, and then asked for seconds. They drank a whole bottle of wine between them. The alcohol put a slight haze on the night, and Gray felt the heat hit his cheeks. Before he knew it, he threw off his shirt, feeling too hot.

He looked at Natsu again. Their plates were empty. They had only the wine to finish. Seeing Natsu hold a wineglass was … weird? Out of character? Sexy, though. Really damn sexy! He was a destructive pyromaniac, but there were times when Natsu seemed like he could easily take his place amongst royalty.

Gray chuckled to himself. He had read _Sorcerer Magazine_ articles that called him "the Ice Prince," and the last magazine which featured Natsu called the pyromaniac "the Dragon Prince."

Two princes! Damn funny.

Natsu had leaned back a bit, sipping wine and relaxing. For him, it was nice to be back in Gray's home. He liked the smell, even if the walking icicle turned the air conditioner way too cold. They had built memories here, and he liked to think back on those times. The past two weeks had been hell, but now those days of angst seemed to melt away.

He really had thought he lost Gray. Those feelings of sadness and anger were hard to overcome, but being back here, eating dinner with Gray, made him want to forget all the hardships they went through.

"Do you … um…"

Gray's nervous words brought Natsu out of his reminiscence. "What?"

"No," he muttered. "I don't want to push it."

Natsu emptied the wineglass and set it down. "Tell me," he ordered.

Gray's fist kept clenching and relaxing with nervousness. "Do you … maybe … want to stay the night?" He looked over and saw Natsu's eyes grow large. "N-not sex!" he cried out frantically. "I know you don't want that, so … I…" His face tensed up, his brow wrinkled, and his lips began to quiver from the strain in them. Softly, he muttered, "I don't want you to go."

He felt like if Natsu went home tonight, it would all end up having been a dream. He wanted Natsu there, with him, all night long, just to reassure himself that this was real.

"Dammit!" Gray seethed.

Why was he feeling this desperate? He felt totally out of control, completely out of his league, and it terrified him. He wanted control, but he could not think of any way to regain that sense of mental stability without resorting to his usual kinkiness. How could he possibly control _romance_?

Natsu sighed as he saw the confusion in Gray's face. He knew the issue. Gray was not his dominant self, and after all they had talked about that night, Natsu knew that the role of a dominant was something that made Gray comfortable. It was a mask, but it was a bandage that helped him as his heart healed. Natsu wanted Gray to be more open and natural, but he respected Gray's need to keep control over his chaotic emotions.

How could he allow Gray to regain that?

"Sit on the couch," he said. "Then call me over to you."

Gray looked stunned. What the hell was this about? However, he got up and walked to the couch. He sat and faced Natsu. Suddenly, he realized what this was. Ordering!

In a low and seductive voice, Gray ordered, "Come here." He watched intensely as Natsu stood, walked over, stopped just in front of Gray, and waited for another command. "Sit by me." With that order, Natsu obediently sat beside him. "Lean in more." Natsu did, and Gray suddenly grasped him around the shoulders, yanking Natsu into a hug. "Thank you," he whispered. As simple as that, Natsu had let him take control again.

"Is this better?" Natsu asked.

"Yes, now shut up."

Natsu smiled silently. If Gray wanted him to act a little submissive, he could play that role. He let Gray hold him and kept obediently silent.

"Stay here tonight," he said, stroking Natsu's hair. Gray planted a kiss on that hot forehead. "I want to cuddle you through the night. I don't want you to go yet."

Natsu smiled at hearing how this was no longer a worried request, but a firm demand. He was glad to hear Gray back to normal. "Okay, kainushi."

"Don't call me that. Not tonight. I'm not your _owner_ tonight."

Natsu looked up into his eyes. "Can I call you _sweetheart_?"

Gray's cheeks went crimson. "Don't," he mumbled. Natsu began to chuckle, and Gray glared down at him. "What?"

"The way you're blushing. I normally don't see you like this."

"Yeah," snapped Gray. "Because normally I'm in control."

"Exactly. _Too_ in control. This is more like we're equals." Natsu stroked Gray's face and gave him a peck on the lips. "It's nice to see you like this."

Gray gave a petulant sigh and looked away. "Thanks … I guess." He grumbled the last bit, still frowning with averted eyes. Natsu burst out in a bombastic laugh. "What!"

Natsu had to settle his laughs before he could talk. "Happy once said he thought you were a tsundere uke. Right now, you're acting like one."

Gray's eyes grew huge. A … a _what_? "Shut up!" He shoved Natsu aside.

Natsu laughed as he saw even more embarrassment. He tackled Gray back, and they wrestled playfully. Gray's jeans went flying in the scuffle. Suddenly, Natsu pinned Gray flat down on the couch. He grinned victoriously, but as he looked down, Natsu felt his heart skip. Gray was panting from their play, looking up with his cheeks flushed. Natsu felt a twitch in his pants. It stunned him, how easy it was to feel sexually attracted all over again.

"I … I wouldn't mind," Natsu mumbled.

"What?" Gray snapped.

"You acting like an uke."

"No way!" Gray tried to struggle again.

Natsu easily kept him pinned. "Come on," he urged. "Say something cute."

"Go to hell!"

"Do you realize, saying that really makes you sound like a tsundere."

"Natsu!"

Suddenly, the Dragon Slayer got off of him and sat normally. Gray quickly sat up and settled slightly more to his side of the couch, arms folded sullenly. Stupid flame-brain! Just as he was feeling in control again, that idiot had to mess it all up.

Mostly, Gray hated it because part of him liked falling into a submissive role when under those piercing eyes. He had never felt this way before in his life.

"Gray?"

"Shut up! I'm not talking to you."

 _So like a tsundere!_ But Natsu decided not to say anything about that out loud. "Should I sleep on the couch? Or maybe go home? If I messed things up, I can leave."

"N-no!" He still desperately wanted Natsu to be with him.

"The wine is making me drowsy. I'd like to stay up and cuddle on the couch, but I really need to go to bed. I don't have anything to change into."

"Oh! I'm sure I have a shirt and clean boxers you can wear."

Gray hurried to the bedroom. Natsu followed slower. Gray had been tense all day, racing to do things, catering to Natsu as quickly as possible. Even during dinner, he refilled Natsu's wineglass before Natsu even needed to ask. Natsu realized Gray was urgently trying to make up for shouting so harshly and causing the rift between them. It was actually a bit endearing to watch, although it made Natsu feel guilty.

By the time Natsu made it into the bedroom, Gray already had a shirt and some blue boxers pulled out.

"I still have your toothbrush here," he said. "You take the bathroom first. I need to clear away the dishes."

Natsu took the clothes and went into the bathroom. Nothing had changed. Not like he expected Gray's house to change in just three days, but it felt like an eternity since he had been in here. After all, Gray was living with Natsu for a while.

As Natsu undressed, he looked at the shower. Memories of that first night returned to him. Gray had been harsh that first time, not prepping Natsu at all. He was horny and needed fulfillment right away. Natsu had lost his virginity in that shower, pinned against the wall, looking out the tiny window that allowed steam to vent. He could still remember the pain of Gray thrusting into him.

Then he remembered another time in that shower. He had meant to just watch Gray masturbate, but he ended up pinning Gray against the wall and thrusting against his back, humping against him until Natsu came. It was the closest he had come to being a seme. He still shivered at the thought of coming inside something, but that night allowed him to take charge.

Natsu had stripped from his clothes and looked down to see himself erect. He cursed and tried to think of something else. If he was _normal_ , he would simply rub this out and go to bed. Yet Natsu was not normal, and he knew that. He had issues, even after two months of dating Gray and making some progress. The mere thought of stroking himself to completion made him think of other things, nightmarish scenes, memories that made him want to vomit…

And that sickness killed his boner, like it always did.

He dressed, brushed his teeth, and stepped out. Gray was sitting on the bed, already dressed in pajama pants—not naked this time, Natsu noted. He was shocked Gray even owned some pajamas; probably something he only wore on missions, since Erza would pound him if he slept naked all the time.

"Do they fit?" Again, Gray was so attentive, it warmed Natsu's heart.

"A little loose, but that's fine, better than being tight." Natsu figured Gray would go immediately into the bathroom, so he wondered why the ice wizard kept staring so hard. "What? What's wrong? Do I have toothpaste on my face?"

Gray jolted. "No, nothing. It's just … seeing you wear my clothes … it's kind of nice."

Natsu could hardly help but laugh. "Oh God! You're like a guy who has never dated before."

"Hey!" Gray snapped. "I never let girls wear my clothes. This is a first for me, so shut up." He slouched down angrily, and then he glanced over again as Natsu walked around the bed. "It … it looks good on you," he mumbled.

"Thanks. Maybe I'll keep it."

"Oh hell no! I like that shirt, and those are brand new boxers."

"I'm gonna get some water. Go piss."

Natsu walked out of the room, smiling to himself as he decided not to mention how utterly tsundere Gray was acting. When he came back with a cup of water to sip in the night, Gray was on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Scoot over," Natsu said, sitting down and rolling onto his side. However, Gray turned off the lamp and rolled onto his side as well. Their noses were right next to each other.

"Roll over," Gray ordered. "I want to cuddle you."

"I wanna cuddle _you_."

"I'm doing the cuddling tonight."

"Screw you! Roll around, popcicle pants."

"I'm not moving, ash-for-brains."

"Fine! We'll face each other."

"Fine!" Gray gazed at Natsu in the moonlight. Being this close, he could feel the heat radiating all through the covers. He felt the steamy air exhaled through Natsu's nose. It tickled his lips, making him want to taste that fiery mouth. Instead, to distract himself, he grumbled, "Your breath is hot."

"Yours is cold." Natsu felt the air from Gray chilling his lips, making him want to warm them up. "C-can I give you a goodnight kiss?"

Gray thought he would never ask. "Yeah."

Natsu leaned his head forward on the pillow and pressed his lips against Gray's. He had meant to only give one, but the feel of those cold lips tingled. He needed another, and he leaned in again, kissing longer this time. Hesitantly, Gray's hand reached over and threaded his fingers in Natsu's hand. The Dragon Slayer gave a squeeze back, then pulled his lips away with a smile. He wanted more, but he worried that this was bound to lead to something else. Although his anger had mostly subsided, he still did not feel up to kinks.

Gray saw that tiny bit of wistfulness in Natsu's eyes, and it defeated the restraint he had been struggling with all evening. He suddenly grabbed Natsu, yanked him close, and kissed him so roughly, Natsu cried out.

"G-Gray!"

He felt Natsu struggling, so Gray rolled over, shoved Natsu flat on his back, and pinned his hands down, squeezing his fingers as they held hands. Natsu could have fought him off, but Gray was glad he didn't. He thrust his tongue in, and Natsu's tongue was right there waiting. That spicy, cinnamon taste was back, and Gray shuddered with a chill that went beyond his own ice magic.

Natsu wiggled his hands out of Gray's hold, but instead of shoving him aside, he wrapped his arms around Gray, stroking over the taut back and shoulder muscles, warming the chilly skin with his touches. As their tongues clashed, he loved Gray's minty taste, with hints of wine, tomato sauce, and toothpaste all mixed in. A tear slipped from the corner of his eye. He was overjoyed at having Gray back, but he was also sad that he was losing his resolve so quickly. How pathetic!

Gray leaned up, panting, with a string of saliva connecting his lip to Natsu's. The Dragon Slayer's cheeks were flushed with passion, but Gray saw the gleam of a fallen tear. He backed off, cooling his passion. For how desperately he wanted this to continue, Natsu's words from that afternoon haunted him.

_'You're addicted to sex, not me. If you were addicted to me, you'd respect my boundaries. You wouldn't try to force me to do things I don't want. You wouldn't keep pushing this matter just because you're horny.'_

He wanted to prove to Natsu that these feelings in his heart went beyond carnal lust, so he laid back onto his pillow and tried to will away his erection.

Natsu rolled over, stunned and worried. Was the kiss bad? Why had Gray looked angry?

"Sorry," Gray whispered. "I promised."

Oh! So was he mad at himself for losing control?

"It's all right," Natsu assured. "I needed to be kissed like that."

Gray chuckled softly. God, he had wanted to do a _lot_ more than just kiss!

Natsu burrowed his head into Gray's chest and wrapped an arm around him. "Can we stay just like this?"

So … damn … cute! He wrapped his arms around Natsu and held him tightly. "Yeah. Just like this."

They laid in bed silently, with only the sound of crickets in the background. However, Gray realized Natsu was not sleeping. He pulled back and saw the Dragon Slayer's green eyes shining in the starlight.

"Go to sleep," he urged.

"You first," Natsu said.

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

Gray stroked Natsu's cheek. "I want to keep watching you. I want to watch you sleep all night long."

"That's creepy, Gray."

"I don't care."

"Fine! I'm going to bed." Natsu slammed his eyes shut. After a minute, he peeked an eye open and still saw those droopy eyes gazing at him. "Really, it's creepy. Close your eyes."

"Then I can't watch you fall asleep."

"I can't fall asleep if you're staring at me like that."

"Too bad," Gray smirked.

"Fine!" Natsu flipped around hard.

"Hey!"

"Cuddle me," he demanded. "But you're not staring at my face all night."

Gray shook his head. What a stubborn boyfriend! He spooned into Natsu and kissed the back of his neck. He felt the shiver that trembled through Natsu's body, and it made Gray chuckle silently.

"You're cold," Natsu grumbled.

"You're hot."

"Your feet are like ice cubes."

"Your body heat is making me sweat already."

Natsu reached to Gray's hand and pulled it tighter to increase the firmness of that embrace. Softly and sleepily, he whispered, "I love you."

Intense relief made Gray relax. He felt like he had been waiting all day to hear those words again. He nuzzled into Natsu's neck and breathed into his ear. "I missed you. Sweet dreams."

Natsu smiled to himself and squeezed Gray's hand. "You too."

* * *

Although Gray liked the idea of watching Natsu all night, he fell asleep rather soon, warm and cuddled around the Dragon Slayer. His dreams involved him and Natsu on a secluded beach, something about a dripping ice cream, and devolving into passion as Natsu licked the sticky, sweet dessert melting over Gray's skin. He could feel the heat of that tongue, first just on his fingers, then as Gray let the ice cream drip elsewhere on purpose, that tongue followed. Just as it was getting really good, he woke up … hard as a rock!

He rolled over and saw Natsu sound asleep. Gray did not want to bother him, so he tried to ease himself out of bed despite the stiffness in his pajama pants.

Natsu snorted as he felt a shift in the bed. "Gray?" he mumbled.

"Just going to the bathroom."

"Mmnh." Immediately, Natsu was back to sleep.

Gray walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. He stripped out of his clothes in an instant and looked down at the troublesome organ. Slight erections could be willed away, but that dream had been truly erotic. There was nothing Gray could do but work this out. He put some lotion on his hand to slick himself so this would go faster, and then he set up a rhythm to his wrist.

He had not masturbated in a while, not alone at least. There was that time when Natsu watched him. Oh God, that had been hot! Gray knew he was an exhibitionist, and he absolutely loved when those narrow eyes were focused on him. The way Natsu stared so hard, how those eyes could burn right into his soul, made Gray shudder. Just remembering it sent a jolt through him, and he groaned as he swelled up in his hand.

He gulped down the moaning sound. He had to keep quiet. Natsu's hearing was ridiculously sharp, so Gray tried not to moan, and even tried not to breathe too heavily. He moved over to the shower, ready to just let go whenever it happened, and he could wash it down the drain. He rested his head against the cool tiles and looked down at his fingers stroking the turgid erection.

His breathing was getting heavier. He thought about his dream, making love on the beach, and let himself think of thrusting into the furnace-like ass. He would pound into Natsu. Or … had Natsu been the one to top in the dream? When he woke up, it was unclear. Did it even matter? Him on top or Natsu, either would be a load of erotic fun.

But for now, he thought about that ass just waiting to be reconquered. It was not just about sex, but Gray still craved that fiery body. He wanted to tame his dragon, conquer him, _ravage_ him.

"Oh God," he whispered. He was so close. His hearing faded, and he closed his eyes, knowing he was drawing up to an end.

Suddenly, a rough hand grabbed Gray's cock, immediately matching his fingers. Gray jolted, stunned out of his climax, and realized Natsu had sneaked into the bathroom.

"You're an idiot," the Dragon Slayer said in a low, sultry voice. Natsu's hand stroked up, then swiped across the leaking head. He held a drop of pre-cum on his fingertip and brought it up to show Gray the moistness. "Don't you think I can smell this?" He rammed the finger into Gray's mouth, making him taste the bitterness.

Gray tried to pull away from the taste of his own pre-cum, but Natsu was right against him, caging him in. All he could do was lick the finger clean and suck on it erotically. Finally, the finger pulled out, and Natsu reached down, lightly stroking Gray's balls.

"Oh … God!" Gray shuddered at the hot touch. "I thought you didn't want to do anything."

"That's right," Natsu whispered, sounding slightly irritated, "but you're gonna do this anyway. If you're going to do it, I don't want you to do it without me. I don't like the idea of you pleasuring yourself without me around to watch."

Gray shivered at the possessiveness in Natsu's voice. "Y-you don't have to. If you don't want…"

"Shut up," Natsu snapped, and he stroked Gray so firmly, the Ice-Make wizard cried out in bliss. "Don't you think I want to do this? Don't you realize I've been wanting it for two weeks?" he snarled. "Finally, I can feel you with my own hand. God, I missed this."

"But you told me…"

"I was mad," Natsu shouted over him, and his hand heated up until Gray shouted in erotic pain. "I'm mad you pushed me away, and I'm mad that I didn't understand why. Mad at myself, mad at you for doing it, mad that we're both such idiots. I can't have sex with you when I'm mad, but I can do this much. I _want_ to do this much!"

He stroked from base to tip, and Gray felt his balls drawing up.

"Ahhn! Natsu!"

"I need to feel you," the Dragon Slayer muttered, his voice edged with desperation. "I didn't want tonight to be all about sex, but … God, I'm so messed up over you. It's also not fair. You wanted to repay me, but I haven't done anything to repay you. I'm the idiot who messed up and scared you. It was my fault. I made you feel like you had to push me away, because I can't control myself. I don't _want_ to control myself. You love control. I hate it." He leaned up into Gray's ear and panted heavily, "I wanna lose control around you."

That voice was deep and sinful. Gray clawed into the tile, feeling everything drawing up, when suddenly Natsu's hand let go. Gray cried out. Right on the cusp of release, Natsu had quit.

"What? No!"

"Shut up." Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray, hugging him tightly. "I missed you."

Although Gray was glad, his cock was burning with need. "Natsu!"

"Punishment!" he snapped, and he clutched tighter to Gray's naked body.

Gray felt like collapsing. What? Punishment? He was so frustrated, he could cry. His cock ached, he could not loosen up, and Natsu's broad arms made reaching around to finish the job impossible.

"Come on!" he whined.

"Shut up. I just wanna hold you for a little while."

"Natsu," Gray whimpered. Dammit, he needed to come!

"Does it hurt?" the Dragon Slayer asked sadistically.

"Really bad," Gray admitted. He felt like a tourniquet had been wrapped around his balls.

"Good."

Gray's head collapsed against the tiles in defeat. Natsu was showing him just how addicted to sex he really was, and it was a painful lesson to learn. He stared down at the purple flush to his cockhead. "Fine! I'll take your punishment."

Natsu chuckled and licked the rim of Gray's ear. "I'm not that sadistic," he whispered. "I just like to hold you." He nuzzled into Gray's neck, nipping his skin. "And I wanna touch you."

Natsu reached back down and slowly stroked Gray. The friction spiked through him, and Gray felt himself tremble.

"I'm sorry I was mad, Gray. It wasn't fair."

"I get it," he assured, wanting to lose himself to these touches. "We both screwed up. I shouldn't have said it that way, and you should have been more careful, but I shouldn't have put you in that situ-…"

Before he could make his accusation, he felt intense heat from those fingers. Gray's words choked off as a groan and a scream garbled in his throat, only to get choked off as Gray tried to hold back so he would not wake the neighbors.

"You once wanted to make me into a sex slave." Natsu leaned in close and spoke hotly into Gray's ear. "Who's the slave to sex here?"

Gray could not hold back a shuddering moan. To let go of control, to fall back into that hot chest and give everything over to Natsu … a slave. A submissive role? How could that be so alluring to a dominant like Gray?

"Maybe I should get _you_ a collar."

"No more," Gray pleaded. That voice was too much. Those low, sensual words made his need to release intensify, but Natsu's hand stroked him too slowly. Gray realized Natsu was timing his pace to keep Gray hovering on the brink of climaxing. Was this something Natsu himself had perfected, how to stay aroused without releasing?

"I'm still mad," Natsu whispered in a fiery threat. "I don't want you to touch me, but I desperately need to touch you. That's not fair. I almost _don't want_ you to come. Just wanna keep touching you…" His nose ruffled Gray's hair. "…smelling you…" He lightly bit Gray's neck, right over where the bite from earlier had scabbed over. The pain across that sensitive area made Gray cry out. "…and listening to you moan for me." Then Natsu looked at the scabs. "You once said you didn't want scars. I'm sorry about this." He licked the scabs and kissed the bruised skin around it. "I'll make it up to you. I'm still mad you broke my heart like that, but maybe I can make it up to you by giving you what you want."

"Heh! I'm not going to complain," Gray panted, sweating as his body was tortured with sexual need.

Natsu bit Gray's earlobe and whispered, "You better not."

His hand sped up, and Gray felt fulfillment pulse through him.

"You were daydreaming about me, right?" Natsu smiled smugly. "What were you thinking about while pleasuring yourself?"

"A … a dream."

"A naughty one?" Natsu asked in amusement. "Tell me about it."

He flinched as the intensity of the pleasure increased with memories of that dream. "A beach," he panted. "You and me … all alone. You were … _ahhhn …_ were licking me. Oh God, Natsu!"

Gray was so close, so goddamn close. He needed release with a desperation he had never felt before in his life, but Natsu was keeping him from reaching that plateau. Gray almost wanted to beg him. It hurt … so good!

"Licking you, huh?" Natsu said in amusement, using his sense of smell to keep Gray on that libidinal ledge. "Do you like when I lick you?"

"God, yes!" Gray moaned. "I miss your hand, your body, your mouth. Everything! Your hand is really rough, though."

"Do you not like it?"

"'Course I do," he growled.

"Oh? You like my _rough_ hand? Maybe you're a bit of a masochist yourself."

Gray glared around his shoulder. "Just because I like how you touch me doesn't make me a…"

Natsu's hand jerked on him hard, so aggressive that it hurt, but the pain ignited a deeper level of pleasure. Gray finally gave up and surrendered the last threads of control.

"I … _oh God_ … I need it, Natsu. God, please! Let me come already."

Instead, Natsu's wrist came to a stop, still gripping him, but not moving. Natsu whispered into Gray's ear, "No. I'm not done playing."

Gray's knees trembled from the agonizing tenseness in his muscles. "Please."

"I haven't gotten to touch you in two weeks. Do you really think I'm going to let you finish this so soon?"

"Please!" Gray sobbed.

"I'm not done," Natsu said calmly. "I want to feel your cock more." He gave a languid stroke. "I also miss feeling … here!"

Suddenly, Natsu rammed his finger into Gray's ass. The pain shocked him.

"Goddammit, lick your finger first," he shouted. "Ugh … _nngh_ … hurts."

"Good," Natsu whispered with sadistic pleasure. "This is payback for doing me with no prep and no lube my first time. It was right here in this shower, too, just like this. Hurt like a bitch. That wasn't very nice of you, treating a virgin so roughly."

"S-sorry," he muttered.

"Next time, you better be more gentle. If you're rough with me…" Natsu pressed his finger up harder, and Gray groaned at the discomfort. "…I'll be rough with you. But if you're gentle…" He eased his finger back, spit down onto it, and rubbed in more carefully. "…I can be gentle, too. Do you like when I'm gentle with you, Gray?"

Gray could only nod his head. Natsu probed gingerly, not getting any rougher than that. The pain melted, and pleasure was left behind. Intense pleasure! Gray suddenly realized how his sadistic play could feel so good to a masochist like Natsu. The pain made the other pleasurable sensations so much stronger.

"N- … Na- … -tsu … fuck!"

"Should I let you come now?" he asked in simmering amusement.

" _Please!_ "

"All right, I won't be cruel. After all, you're my sweetheart."

His … sweetheart?

Lovers. Boyfriends. A beloved and a sweetheart.

Natsu's hand moved with aggressive speed, but this time he did not slow down. He stroked with purpose, and his finger in Gray's ass suddenly found the spot it sought out. Gray cried out and arched back against the burning chest. Natsu could smell the scent of arousal reaching an apex. His nose rubbed against Gray's skin, inhaling the sweetness of that aroma.

Natsu's voice was like a flame to spark a firework. "Come for me, Gray."

That was all it took to ignite the explosion. Gray shivered and huffed out moan after moan as an intense orgasm shook his whole body and soul. Everything, all that pressure, so much built up lust, gushed out all at once. He heard the moist shot hit the tile wall, and he felt Natsu's fingers get wet from the cum leaking down. He went suddenly weak, but Natsu braced him up with his rock-hard body. Gray leaned into him, letting Natsu support him. That torturous hand stroked slower, milking him. Then as Gray got sensitive, Natsu's fingers let go and pulled away, dripping with cum.

"Feel better?"

Gray had to laugh in exhaustion, but he admitted, "Yeah. Lots better."

"I can't cook as good as you, but maybe this is enough to show I'm sorry."

Gray turned around with an exhausted smile. "Best damn apology I've ever received!"

He saw that Natsu had a stiff pole tenting his own blue boxers. Gray had just bought these boxers last week, and now there was a small wet spot on the tip of that large mast. What a way to inaugurate his underwear!

"Um … Gray?"

The ice wizard looked up eagerly. After such a deliciously tormenting hand job, he wanted to suck Natsu off. He craved to feel that hardness pound his throat and taste the saltiness of Natsu's hot cum.

"Um … can you…?"

Gray rubbed Natsu's arm, encouraging him to break down his stubbornness and just ask. He smiled with understanding. After all, Natsu was a proud man. Admitting he needed help to take care of his erection was probably difficult for someone like him. Gray wanted Natsu to know, even if he had an issue with masturbating, he could turn to his boyfriend for any _help_ at all.

"Can you … make me breakfast in the morning?"

Gray blinked in momentary confusion. Huh? Food? _Goddammit, this is about food?_ Huge … letdown! "Stupid Natsu!"

"Huh? What? What'd I say?"

"I thought you were going to ask something else."

"Something…?" Natsu saw Gray eying his crotch and quickly understood. "I said I don't want it yet."

"I know," Gray whined, "but it's a good mood and … and I … um … wouldn't mind." Wouldn't mind? Hell, he wanted to yank those boxers right off and devour Natsu's cock.

Natsu shook his head in disapproval. "You're really a horny bitch-in-heat, ya know."

Gray pouted and looked aside as he realized he was getting scolded. "Yeah…" he muttered. "Is that a problem?"

Natsu laughed. "Nah!"

"Are you really not in the mood? I could suck you off."

"I'm not. I mean, I know I'm hard, but I just … I don't want it. I don't feel like coming."

"It's fine."

Natsu glared at him. "You always say _it's fine._ "

"Because it's fine," Gray shrugged. "Wash your hand. You're dripping cum everywhere."

"Your fault. You're messy."

Natsu took his cum-covered hand to the sink and began to scrub it while Gray used toilet paper to wipe himself clean. Then he washed the streaking drips of semen off the shower wall.

"Look, I knew from the beginning, you don't always like to come. That's fine. It's just how you are."

"But it's different this time," Natsu mumbled as he watched stringy cum of bubbly soap swirl down the sink drain.

"Well, the reason is slightly different, but in general it's the same. You're mad. You don't like to come because of some angry memories. This time, you're angry at me." He turned off the shower, walked up behind Natsu at the sink, and looked over the Dragon Slayer's shoulder to their reflection in the mirror. "I'm just glad you want to be close again. For a while, I really was worried that you'd make me wait months until we could properly court one another."

Natsu pouted. "Would you break up with me if I did?"

Gray smirked with a low, seductive chuckle. "No, but I don't think I'd last long before tying you up and forcefully ravaging you."

Natsu glared fiercely. "Don't joke about that."

Gray's laugh caught in his throat. "Oh shit! Sorry. You know I wouldn't."

"I know," Natsu whispered, still looking troubled.

Gray's light joke had stirred something dark in the back of Natsu's mind. Just as the darkness threatened to surge forth, Gray's icy embrace squeezed Natsu and crushed the shadows, freezing them back into their depths.

"No one will hurt you, but if I'm the one who hurts you, you know what to say to make me stop. I promise, I _will_ stop."

"I know you will. I trust you. Let's just cuddle, okay?"

Gray relaxed and nodded. He pulled away and began to head for the door.

"Gray?"

He turned around, but before he could ask _"What?"_ , lips forced themselves on his. Gray immediately grabbed Natsu, and their tongues clashed in a wild kiss. Natsu's hands glided up Gray's bare back, and then suddenly clawed down sharply. Gray cried out in pain.

"Marking you," Natsu snarled. He dived in and attacked Gray's neck, sucking on him while feeling the cold body shiver. "Claiming you!"

"God, you're wild!"

Suddenly, Gray grabbed Natsu's shoulders and slammed him against the wall.

"I want to claim you too, bastard." He scraped his teeth over Natsu's exposed neck, right where it met the shoulder, and sucked up a purplish-red hickey. Natsu whimpered as he felt himself getting marked. His neck was so sensitive, so many bad memories involving people strangling his neck, but Gray only made him feel pleasure in that area.

Happy with his love mark, Gray kissed Natsu deeply, and those hot hands grabbed the ice wizard's ass to pull him in tighter. Gray felt the erection pressed between them, and he undulated his hips to entice that needy cock.

" _Nnngh_ … Gray … Gray, no." Natsu gently pushed on Gray's chest. "Not tonight. Dammit, I want it, but … but not tonight."

"Will you be able to sleep with _that_?" he asked, nodding down the Natsu's erection.

"It'll go away. Come back to bed."

"Y-yeah. Just give me a minute."

Natsu nodded, realizing they both needed a little separation or they would never stop. He walked back to the bedroom and laid down. His crotch hurt, but he only lightly stroked it. He closed his eyes and focused. His hand only took off the needy edge. Its slow pace eased the desire while satisfying a craving to be touched. With that, he let out a slow breath, and his body began to relax. As his muscles loosened, the erection shrank down. It tingled to lose it this way, but Natsu was used to this sort of pain.

In the bathroom, Gray leaned against the wall, trying to convince his cock to go right back down again.

"Damn him, he's sexy!" he whispered, only later realizing Natsu probably heard him.

Gray let out a long, slow exhale. Then, as the hormones went back to normal levels, he chuckled to himself. It did not take long at all for them to get back into this situation. He wanted to make his boyfriend happy, make up for his unthinking words, and go back to the closeness they had before. Soon—very soon—he wanted to tell all of his friends. The thought made him smile.

Just how was the guild going to react to Fire and Ice being together?

Gray finally walked back to the bedroom and crawled under the covers. Natsu instantly wrapped his arms around Gray.

"My turn to cuddle you. Roll your naked butt over," he ordered.

 _'Still aggressive, eh?'_ Oddly enough, Gray liked that aggressiveness tonight.

Natsu sighed with contentment. "G'night, sweetheart."

"Seriously, don't you dare call me sweetheart in public."

"But in private, like this?"

Gray's cheeks were on fire again, and he grumbled, "It's … fine … I guess."

Natsu smiled at such an adorable attitude. He kissed the back of Gray's neck. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night … my beloved."

Natsu let out a sigh of happiness and closed his eyes to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Gray's dream of the dripping ice cream is straight out of my Gratsu fanfic[Taste My Ice Cream](http://archiveofourown.org/works/820867). Ironically, in that story, Gray is a masochist._


	28. Between Alleys

The next morning, Natsu returned home to find Happy just finishing with a late breakfast.

"Welcome home," the Exceed called out. "Did dinner go well?"

Natsu felt light and wonderful. He smiled to himself as he thought about their romantic evening. "Yeah, it was awesome."

"What'd you eat?"

Natsu opened the refrigerator and pulled out a juice. "Gray cooked spaghetti."

Happy frowned. Not even fish? What sort of date didn't involve fish? "Spaghetti? Well that's kinda boring."

"He cooked it himself." Natsu blushed as he looked down at the bottle of juice. "It was really sweet of him."

"Awww," Happy soughed. He had a devious kitty grin. "And you stayed the night?"

Natsu shrugged guiltily. "Well, yeah," he muttered.

"Did you two…?" Happy gave a crude hand gesture.

"Wha-…? Happy! Where did you learn that?"

"From Loke."

"How many times have I told you not to hang around that playboy?"

"He's not a playboy; he's a grownup cat. So, did you?"

Natsu was still shocked Happy had asked something like that, let alone that hand gesture. "We … um … no. We didn't do _that._ "

"Oh. You're being very gentle with Gray."

Natsu felt fire in his cheeks and muttered, "It's not quite like that."

"Do you wanna … _you know_ … with Gray?"

Natsu twisted the juice bottle bashfully in his hands. "Well, yeah," he mumbled. "I just wasn't ready last night."

Happy knew Natsu did not have much experience, and he assumed his best friend was merely a nervous virgin worried about his first time. "Was he ready?"

Natsu laughed wryly. "Yeah, he definitely was." He chugged back the juice.

Happy realized a lot more than Natsu was willing to say … and misunderstood a lot that Natsu did not feel like explaining. "You said he's _done it_ before with a guy, right?"

"Yeah, he has," Natsu frowned.

Two other men before him: one was a serious boyfriend who dumped Gray because of all the long missions; the other was a nameless one-night-stand who topped Gray. Natsu felt jealous of these two mysterious past men. No matter how much Gray insisted that he had never felt as open and comfortable with a partner as he did with Natsu, the Dragon Slayer still could not help but realize that he could not give to Gray what any normal partner could, and it made him feel inferior whenever he thought about Gray's vast experience.

"Are you okay with that?" Happy asked worriedly.

"It's in the past. It's fine."

Happy tilted his head and looked up at Natsu's face. "It doesn't look like it's fine to me."

"It is, really," he insisted, but Natsu knew that Happy was way more observant than he let on. It was almost impossible to hide things from him. "I mean, yeah, it kinda … _upsets_ me once in a while. I'm not his first, but expectations like being one another's firsts are pretty silly. If I hold a grudge against him for something he did in the past that has nothing to do with us, that's pretty crappy, and it's not fair to Gray."

Happy was honestly impressed with an answer like that. "That's really mature of you, Natsu."

Happy tried to imagine if it was him and Carla, if he found out Carla had slept around, yet here he had never even had a kiss … well, besides that time Lucy held him up to block Natsu from kissing her. Happy had decided quite firmly, _that didn't count!_ It was Lucy's fault, and a first kiss did not count unless the person gave it willingly. What he and Natsu did was just lips touching each other and no more weird than elbows touching, or foreheads touching.

Anyway, if Carla had slept around, would he be able to forgive her? Maybe Natsu was right, and what happened in the past should not be held against that person. Maybe the guy Gray had sex with in the past was someone he really loved, someone he thought would last forever, and so he gave over heart, soul, and body to that person, only to lose that loved one. (Happy really had no clue about Gray's indiscriminate past, but his daydreams were adorably idealistic.)

"You two are really good together," he declared. "You're always fighting, but … opposites attract, as they say. You two really look cute as a couple." Happy half covered his mouth with his paw. "So, is he a tsundere?"

Natsu laughed at the conspiratorial question. "Actually, yeah, he kinda is."

"I knew it!" Happy shouted triumphantly. "So, are you guys gonna tell the guild?"

"We want to."

"You really should."

"I know," he sighed. "It's just a bad time. Gray just got over that illness, so people would be worried."

"Oh. I guess so. When are you gonna tell them?"

"Soon."

"Make it really soon."

Natsu arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Um … uh … _nothing!_ " he cried out guiltily.

"Happy…" Natsu said sternly.

"Nothing! But, you know, if you two happen to come out to the guild on _Wednesday_ , that would be a really good time."

"Wednesday? Why? What's happening on Wednesday?"

"Wednesdays are … um … _lucky_. Yeah, they're lucky days. You know, like the saying: Wednesday wedding day."

"Wednesday wedding _what_?"

Happy tried to smile innocently, but he crumbled under the weight of the secret. "There's a betting pool going on in the guild," he confessed with drooping ears.

" _What?_ " Natsu screamed.

"Almost everyone has figured it out, Natsu."

"Wha-…? Bu-…? H-How?" he stammered in shock.

"Mostly from yesterday. Gray asked you out on a date."

"It was just food. He was just saying thank you."

Happy stared hard at him. "Natsu, we're not that dumb."

He cringed down as he realized their _acting_ probably was rather obvious.

"Lucy figured it out, and she told Levy. Cana overheard, and before dinner started everyone was taking bets. Is … is that bad?" he asked worriedly.

"N-no," Natsu said, still flustered. "But … um … how was everyone reacting?"

Happy tapped his chin. "Well, Erza seemed like she already knew, Lucy said she wanted to see you two kiss, Levy agreed with her and both of them started to act all weird and girlie, Juvia insisted they were all insane and stormed out, Cana started up a betting board, and Mira said that you two would come out on the weekend, and Lucy said next Sunday, and I said you'd come out this Wednesday, so if you two tell everyone on Wednesday, then I win."

Natsu face-palmed. "Happyyyyyy!"

The Exceed gave a huge shrug. "I'm just saying."

Natsu shook his head and patted the Exceed with a warm smile. "I swear, we're such good friends, sometimes it's like you can read my mind."

Happy blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

"We had already planned to tell everyone on Wednesday."

Happy grinned excitedly. "You and Gray already planned that?"

"Yeah. It'll give us some time between him getting well and letting everyone know."

"Good, then I'm not cheating."

Natsu chuckled at his justification, but doubts slipped into his mind. He dropped his gaze and muttered, "That's what we planned, at least. We're still not sure."

"Well, you should!" Happy cheered, glad to think that he would win the betting pool without even cheating. However, he saw the worries on Natsu's face. Cautiously, he asked, "Do you not wanna tell everyone?"

Natsu scoffed softly. "Well, if they've already figured it out, there's no point hiding it. Just … I guess I'm worried."

Happy pouted at his hesitancy. It was not like Natsu at all. "Are you worried how they'll react? Is it because you're both guys? It's not that big of a deal, really."

Natsu gave a reluctant smile. "I'm glad you think so. I'm also worried about Juvia."

Happy chimed in, "Well, you see, that's why I put my bet on Wednesday. I heard Juvia tell Mira that she's leaving on a mission on Tuesday and won't be back until Friday, so I thought you could tell the guild when she's gone, and she might come home early because she's really strong, so you don't want to chance that and tell people on Thursday, but she might not leave until late Tuesday, so you don't want to tell people then, so Wednesday would be the perfect day. That's what I thought, anyway."

Natsu had to admit, "Having Juvia away would make things easier. That lady is going to freak out."

"I'll protect you," Happy promised.

"She'll use water. You hate water."

"Oh yeah. I could fly you away, though. Just you. I can't carry Gray also, but I don't think Juvia would hurt Gray no matter what he did."

"Nah, it should be fine. It's not like she'd _kill_ me." Then he muttered under his breath, "Hopefully not."

"She wouldn't go that far. Hey, since we don't have anything planned, how about we do something with Gray? Like a group thing, with Lucy and Erza and Wendy and Carla, not a mission necessarily, but just helping people around town. We haven't done that in a while, and it's always fun."

Something fun, huh? Natsu had to admit, with his focus on Gray, he had lost touch with Lucy and Erza. He wondered what the girls were up to, and he had not seen Wendy around in some time. A normal outing with the team sounded pretty good.

"Tell ya what! Let's go to the guild and see if there are any fliers left for missions in Magnolia."

"Aye, sir!" Happy cheered, and they left together for the walk into town.

* * *

When Natsu and Happy entered the guild, the first thing Natsu noticed was a familiar white coat and black turtleneck. He was surprised Gray was still wearing his clothes, but then Natsu realized he had scratched and marked the ice wizard the previous night. His hand went up to his scarf, right over where he knew he still had a dark pink oval. They had reclaimed one another last night, even if all Natsu did was touch Gray and kiss him a bit.

Suddenly, Natsu felt bashful. Happy said the guild was slowly figuring out that there was something happening between them. He knew that was their plan, to ease the guild into the idea of them being a couple, so he decided to play up to how Gray had been acting the previous day. He walked up to the ice wizard.

"Hey, Gray," he called out.

The ice wizard jolted at his voice, and Natsu saw his cheeks flush briefly. Mira stood a little to the side wiping glasses, but Natsu heard her giggle. Indeed, Mira probably had figure it out long ago. She was sharp on things like that.

"Um, thanks for dinner," Natsu said awkwardly.

"Oh! Yeah, um … not a problem."

"You cook really good," Natsu smiled.

Mira swooped right in. "Oooh? Gray cooked for you, huh?"

"Yeah," Natsu grinned. "He made spaghetti."

Mira looked slightly disappointed. "Spaghetti? Isn't that rather … um … simple?"

"Hey!" Gray said defensively. "I handmade meatballs."

"Yeah, and they were tasty balls," Natsu nodded. Mira's eyes went huge, and Gray stared at him in horror. Too late, Natsu realized what he said. "I … I mean _meatballs._ He made good … good meatballs. Shit," he muttered under his breath.

Gray dropped his voice and growled. "Natsu!"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "It just came out wrong."

He moved aside before he said anything else stupid. That was when he saw Lucy at a table, beckoning him over. He decided to sit by her to escape from his embarrassment.

"Hey Lucy," he said cheerfully, straddling a chair and looking at her journal. "Writing anything good?"

"Oh, not much, just ideas. Hey, I've got a question."

"Shoot!" he grinned eagerly.

He thought it would be something about money, maybe asking for help with a mission. Instead, Lucy covered half her mouth and spoke quietly with eyes shifting around. "Are you and Gray maybe slowly becoming a couple?"

His eyes widened in shock. Was Happy right and everyone knew? He could not tell her yet, though. He and Gray had planned this already. The timing had to be right. Too soon after Gray's sickness, and their friends would worry. Too late, and they looked like they were hiding a secret. But if everyone already knew their secret, what then?

"We're just hanging out. We're trying to _not_ be at each other's throats. Gray is pretty cool when he's not being a perverted stripper."

"You think Gray is _cool_ , huh?" Lucy smirked.

"Well, he is … for a guy who's normally an asshole."

Lucy giggled, and Natsu was unsure why. She dropped her voice again. "You probably wanna ask him out, right?"

"Wh-what?" he cried in shock.

"It's obvious, Natsu. He asked you on a date yesterday, right?"

Natsu turned his head aside stubbornly. "It was just food." He did not want to tell Lucy that he had already asked Gray out.

"If you ask him out, maaaaaybe tell the guild on _Sunday_." She winked at Natsu in the way she often did when trying to sweet-talk shop owners into giving her a cheaper deal.

"Sun- … _What?_ " he shouted. Was she also trying to influence her bet?

Lucy gave a wide, innocent shrug. "I'm just saying. Weekends are good for confessions. Go on a date Saturday, ask him out, and then tell everyone on Sunday."

"I can't believe this," he muttered. "Besides, why do you think I'd be the one to ask him out? It was Gray who offered me food yesterday."

"You seem more … you know." She blushed slightly and shrugged.

"More what? I don't get it."

"More … well … aggressive. If one of you is going to be … um … _in charge_ , then my guess is it'd be you."

Natsu's mouth dropped. First, Happy assumed Natsu was the seme in their relationship, now Lucy seemed to feel the same way. It made Natsu even more ashamed that his issues with sex actually put _him_ as the receiver.

Especially after what Gray said last night and with how Natsu had reacted in the bathroom, could it be that if he did not have issues like that, Natsu would be a natural seme? Would Gray even want that? If Natsu overcame his issues and felt more comfortable as a seme than as an uke, would Gray not be interested in that sort of relationship?

Irritated by these questions, Natsu snapped, " _If_ I ask him out, I'll do it when _I'm_ ready."

He stood up and marched to the mission board. He was not even really reading the fliers. His ears were picking up bits of conversations all through the guild, and he wondered how many were actually discussing him.

"It seems like those two…"

"… but yesterday really surprised me."

"It would be weird if it's true."

"Where do you think they went?"

"Does Cana still have _that thing_?"

"Never thought _that_ would happen."

"I don't envy them. When Juvia finds out…"

He wished he could tune out all the voices around him.

Amidst the cacophony, he heard familiar footsteps drawing closer and felt a chill like an approaching winter storm.

"Hey flame-brain! What's wrong with you, spacing out like that?"

"Nothing!" Natsu snapped, not turning around to look at him.

Gray came up cautiously, worried about the anger in Natsu's voice. "Hey," he whispered. Gray touched Natsu's shoulder, but the Dragon Slayer pulled away. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

Natsu glanced around. Gajeel and Laxus were not there, and Wendy was far across the room. No one else had hearing as acute as a Dragon Slayer. He dropped his voice low enough so nobody could hear. "Have you heard about the betting pool?"

"Which?"

"About us. Everyone knows, Gray."

Gray was stunned for only a few seconds. They had wanted to ease everyone into the idea, not have the whole guild start betting on them. "Let's just tell them."

"Can we wait until Wednesday?"

"Why Wednesday?"

"Happy bet on Wednesday?"

" _W-what?_ "

"I don't know what he bet, but it would make him happy."

"Oh," Gray muttered. "I owe it to Happy, I guess. Wednesday, huh?"

"Yeah," Natsu laughed nervously.

Suddenly, it seemed so much more real. They were going to come out as a couple. Everyone would know he was gay. It would be an uproar, even if most of the guild had their suspicions already. _Sorcerer Magazine_ 's tabloid section would definitely be buzzing about them. He could imagine it already.

_EXTRA: Fire and Ice: Opposites Attract!_

Gray brushed his fingers against Natsu's arm. "Are you nervous?"

"Shut up," he snapped. "I've been wanting to tell them, but when I realize we're really gonna do it, it's … scary."

"It scares me, too," Gray admitted. "But we've got each other."

Natsu gazed up into Gray's eyes, and he felt confidence returning to his heart. "Right! We've got each other's back, like always. If anyone says anything bad, I'll burn them!"

"I'll freeze them first." Gray gazed up and down Natsu's body. "How about we tickle their imagination and go on another date?"

"Oh! Happy wanted to go on a mission."

Gray felt stung with disappointment. "A mission?"

"A small one. I guess mostly to take my mind off of things."

"Oh. Yeah, makes sense. Any good ones?" Gray stood beside Natsu and scanned the mission board.

Natsu tried to read the board, but the nearness of the ice wizard distracted him too much. "You're too close."

"I'm reading the board, idiot."

"I can feel your icy skin."

"I'm not even touching you."

"It's radiating off, and it's cold."

"Che! Fine!" Gray took a wide step to the side. "How's that?"

Natsu looked at the gap between them. "Now you're too far."

"Idiot! Make up your mind. If you don't like it, get as close to me as you want. I'm not moving again."

Natsu pouted, but the distance annoyed him. Now he could not feel that coolness at all. Natsu slowly shifted to the side until his arm was right up against Gray.

"Now you're closer than you were at first," Gray pointed out.

"This is what I want," he mumbled with flushed cheeks. "See anything good?"

Gray glanced down at his pink hair, then back up at the posters. "Not on the mission board."

Natsu looked up, realizing the unsaid words. Nothing good on the board, but something _good_ beside him. "Hey Gray," he whispered. "How about we skip the mission … and go to your place?"

Gray gulped hard to keep his happiness from showing too much. "Are you sure?"

Natsu glanced around again, but there were not many people around this side of the guild hall. He leaned up into Gray's ear. "I _need_ it. I need you."

Gray felt a rushing surge straight down to his groin. That hungry moan was something he dared not ignore. "Tell Happy, and meet me there."

"Yeah," he said breathlessly.

Gray turned and stomped away, but one glance down told Natsu that the hands in Gray's pockets were not just him acting cool. He was trying to hide the fact that he had gotten hard. He stood facing the board for another minute until he could calm himself. Then he walked over to where Happy was drinking a shake.

"Hey Happy, um … I might be gone again tonight."

Happy had a devious smile. "Oooh? You and Gray again?"

Natsu glanced around with embarrassment, but only Mira was close enough to hear, and she already had one of her devilish smiles. "Uh, yeah," he mumbled.

Happy giggled softly. "Are you two gonna…?"

"Yeah," Natsu answered before he had to hear his best friend actually say it.

That apparently surprised Happy. "Oh." He blinked in shock for a moment. Then Happy leaned over, and Natsu tilted his head down to listen. "Be easy on him."

"Happy!"

"I won't say anything," he promised. "Oh, and Natsu? Um, lean down." The Dragon Slayer leaned over again so Happy could whisper. The Exceed cupped his hands around his mouth and said as softly as he could, "Do you have protection?"

Natsu leaned up in astonishment. "Happy!" However, the Exceed looked dead serious. Natsu realized he had only the supplies Gray kept, but he knew the ice wizard had plenty of _those things_ lying around. "Yeah, I do," he muttered.

"Okay!" Happy said cheerfully. "Have fun."

Natsu knew his cheeks were crimson. "Y-yeah, thanks. Sorry about skipping on the mission."

"No, no, no!" Happy grinned. "Go on. Have fun. Make him happy." Natsu nodded awkwardly and hurried off. Happy giggled to himself. "Such a cute couple!"

* * *

Natsu rushed out before too many saw his face. If the guild had their suspicions, they would probably be in an uproar if they saw _any_ of the exchanges just now. He ran through the streets and finally caught up to Gray making his way through the marketplace.

"Hey! Wait up, ice-stripper."

"What do you want?" Gray snapped.

Natsu jolted back. Sure, that was Gray's normal reply, but it sounded more harsh than it used to in the past. He had gotten used to hearing Gray's softer words. "I wanted to walk with you."

"Fine." They walked together through the crowd. "Did you tell Happy?"

"Yeah." Natsu laughed as he thought about his best friend. "He asked if I had a condom."

Gray sputtered out a laugh. "Oh God!" He covered his mouth to not laugh so loudly in public. "That cat of yours is too mature."

"He's just looking out for me." Natsu glanced over and said softly, "You … um … you don't have to use one, though."

Gray jolted with wide eyes. "What? You mean…" His voice dropped. "No condom?"

"You always did, which is good. I wasn't sick because you were that careful with me. Now I know you're clean, so … you don't have to this time."

Gray snapped, "Can we not talk about it here?"

Natsu suddenly realized they were in a busy part of the marketplace. "Oh crap. Sorry."

Gray paused, and Natsu realized he was using the hands in his pockets to adjust himself. "Dammit, you're making me…" He did not say more, but he did not need to. Natsu could smell it.

"Sorry! I'm really sorry. I'm just … just letting you know."

Gray gulped hard. "I'll take that into consideration. Would you be okay? With that? Not using one?"

Natsu had thought about it a lot lately, and he felt confident. "Yeah. I … I want it. I wanna feel how it's like. We've never done that. Maybe that will help me realize it's okay to come inside you, too. I don't know, but I want to try it."

Gray stopped in his tracks, and Natsu saw him lean over slightly. The bulge in his trousers was too noticeable now. Gray looked like merely walking was painful.

"I'm sorry. I'll stop talking."

"No, just … dammit! Come over here."

Gray grabbed Natsu's arm and yanked him between carts of fresh fruits and busy shoppers. They slipped out of the market and to some tall brick buildings. Gray yanked Natsu between two buildings and into an alley. Halfway in, right where it was darkest, Gray slammed Natsu against the bricks and kissed him fiercely. Natsu moaned at the taste that invaded his mouth. Then suddenly a cold hand palmed him through his pants, and Natsu shivered at the urgent touch.

"I thought you said … _mmmph_ … you don't … _nngh_ … want it in alleyways."

"I don't," Gray sneered, and he palmed Natsu harder. His tongue thrust in, savoring the spicy taste of that mouth. "God, your talking is just…" He thrust his hips up tight against Natsu. "…too much for me!"

Gray slowly humped up against Natsu, easing the ache in his pants, wanting this fiery body right now. The badly concealed moans urged him on, but Gray knew he had to back off. He reluctantly pulled his hips away and rested his head on Natsu's chest.

"Gray…" Natsu whimpered.

"Not here. Dammit, not here." He panted heavily as he forced his body to regain control. "I just want to hide here until I can calm down."

Natsu swallowed the saliva that had built up in his mouth. He could smell intense arousal wafting all around Gray's body. "Do you wanna try just a little here?" Gray looked up with shock widening his eyes. "Just me touching you. I can smell if anyone is approaching."

"Wha-…? No!" This time he pulled completely back and rested his shoulders against the opposite wall. "Not in an alleyway."

"Why?"

Gray sneered and looked away with a soft curse muttering under his breath. "I got caught once in an alley."

The embarrassment in Gray's pale cheeks made Natsu laugh loudly, and Gray glared in annoyance. "Are you serious?"

Gray just muttered something.

"What happened? Were you arrested? I never heard about this in the guild."

"I made sure the guild never found out. I got a fine for public indecency, paid it, and no one else had to know. Still, actually getting caught … it was the most humiliating moment of my life. I don't want that to ever happen again."

"Got it. No alleys." Still, Natsu saw that Gray looked painfully aroused. "Hey, calm down."

"I'm _trying_ ," he shouted in sexual frustration.

"Gray, look at me. Deep breath in. Let it out slowly." Natsu watched as Gray breathed in a meditative way. "Don't focus down there. Focus on your breathing. Feel your lungs, and focus on your air."

Gray followed the gentle instructions, and he soon felt himself loosening up. "Is this how you do it?"

Natsu flinched back. He had not realized that he was guiding Gray through the same techniques he used to calm himself so he did not have to resort to masturbating. "I … y-yeah."

Gray took a few steps back across the narrow alley and caressed Natsu's face. "Sorry. That was a bad thing to ask."

"No, it's … it's fine."

Natsu gulped hard. He had learned how to focus elsewhere with _that man_ , how to ignore the touches and divert his thoughts to other sensations. It was natural now to Natsu, but when he stopped and realized _how_ he learned this, _why_ he preferred to ignore his arousal, _what_ made him nauseous at the idea of masturbating … it made him tremble.

"Thanks." Gray kissed Natsu on the cheek.

The Dragon Slayer was yanked out of his thoughts. "Huh?"

"I'm feeling better. Let's go."

They left the alley and did not speak again through the rest of the walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Not much sexiness, but I uploaded the original audio ad-lib anyway. -<http://chirb.it/H0rna7>_


	29. What is Submissive?

At last, Gray opened his apartment and the two walked in. "Home sweet home," he said, feeling awkward.

Walking in here, knowing what was about to happen, left him with a lot of anticipation, and also some nervousness. It had been a while since he and Natsu had had sex. Now, Natsu also wanted this with no protection.

When was the last time he had come inside a person without a contraceptive? Probably not since that one lady who made him sick. At least now, he was clean, and they knew Natsu was healthy. It was safe to do this, but it still made Gray uncertain. So much could go wrong, and so much could make this the best day yet.

"So, um … do you wanna just head to the bedroom? Ah, but first … a drink? Are you thirsty? I can make tea. Unless you don't want tea. It's cliché to ask a guest if they want tea, right? Not that you're a guest!"

Natsu chuckled at Gray's awkwardness. "You're nervous."

Gray wanted to protest, but he realized Natsu could probably smell the truth. "I don't usually _plan_ something like this. It just sort of happens."

Natsu strode up to him and slid his arms around Gray. "So let it happen." He kissed Gray firmly and pulled his waist in closer. He felt the ice wizard reciprocate until their tongues lightly licked one another. "How about we try something special, something to celebrate us being a couple again? I mean, I know you didn't break up with me, but … I wanna celebrate. I wanna do something special for you. My way of saying sorry for being a total jerk."

Gray smirked and ran his hands up and down Natsu's arms. "Your apology last night was pretty damn good."

Natsu blushed at that, but he looked up firmly. "I want to do more. I put you through a lot, I really stressed you out, so I want to do something special, something just for you."

Gray gulped as his heart began to speed up. "What did you have in mind?"

Natsu hesitated on saying the words. It was not an easy thing to ask, because he knew how challenging this would be for him personally. Still, as he lifted his eyes to Gray again, he asked it firmly, determined to see this challenge through to the end, no matter how difficult.

"Show me how to act submissive."

Gray stared blankly, and a single word breathed out in shock. "What?"

"Teach me. I … I've never done something like that, so I don't even know what to do, but I know…" He blushed as he looked away. "I know it's something you want. From the very start, you thought I was a submissive."

"But you keep insisting you aren't," Gray pointed out.

"I'm not, but I can give it a try. I … I might like it. Or I might not. I won't know until I try, right?"

Natsu hesitantly lifted his eyes to Gray, but that face was too conflicted to read properly. Was Gray angry, worried, upset, scared, happy, excited, aroused? His jaw was dropped and his brow tight. What did it mean? What was he thinking?

"I want to treat you, Gray. You've been so good, keeping me safe for two weeks, even when I didn't want to be that careful. You probably would have been celibate all two weeks if it was up to you."

"That was the initial plan, idiot."

"Exactly. So, after you had to cater to how selfish I was, it's time for me to do the same. I want to let you do whatever you want. Absolutely anything. Have me in any way you want. I want to be all yours tonight. Your bitch. And, if I have to be…" Natsu gulped slightly. "…your slave."

"Not my slave," Gray said sternly. He cupped Natsu's chin and forced him to look up. "My submissive. Big difference."

"How?"

"Being a slave is just one form of submission. I guess I never explained this, did I?" Gray realized he never explained anything at all to Natsu. The poor guy only knew about BDSM from social stereotypes and jokes whispered around the guild. "In general, there are three types of submissive partners. The slave _needs_ to be controlled. Sexual gratification doesn't come into play, only the need to be dominated. Then there's the psychological submissive, where the act of submitting is pleasure in itself, and sex either can happen, or doesn't have to. That's not you, either. The third type is the immediate submissive, where the acts done while submitting—being restrained, being spanked, being humiliated—are enhancements to the eventual act of sex, and being subservient, following orders without question, doesn't always have to happen. That's more of what you are. You don't _need_ to be hurt."

"I need to be restrained."

"That's a phobia manifesting itself, not a craving. Do you love getting tied up so much that you can't enjoy sex without it?"

"Um, no," Natsu said, thinking about it. "I wanna eventually get to the point where I can hold you through sex without needing to be tied up."

"Exactly. The bondage and pain are highlights to kinky sex, not mandatory for pleasure. So in that respect, you're not a _slave_ submissive. Therefore, if you don't like being a slave, then I won't make you one."

"But if you want—"

"I don't _need_ a slave, Natsu. I'm not that sort of Dominant," he snapped. "What I want is to please you, not torment you. I don't want a slave, but a lover who will let me have that element of control that _I_ need to feel. It's not me _stealing_ your freedom. It's you giving your independence away freely and willingly because you want to please me, and because you know I will make damn sure that I please you. That's what you want, right? To willingly let me control you, even if just for one night?"

"Yes," he whispered, still shuddering at the thought.

Gray tenderly stroked Natsu's hair. Uncertainty and fear made Gray want to sympathize with the wild Dragon Slayer, but that mental discomfort was also arousing. Natsu was venturing into the unknown, all because he was this determined to please Gray. That form of love touched Gray deep in his heart.

"Realize one thing, right here and right now," Gray said firmly. "I will never do something you don't want. It's why we have safewords. If you're truly uncomfortable, use them. Even if I hurt you—and I _will_ give you pain—if it's ever too much, say those words. I can't read your mind, so you need to communicate with me. You retain full and complete freedom through those safewords. They put you in charge, because I absolutely have to obey them. You don't necessarily have to obey me, but I have to obey those words and what they mean: _not so much_ , and _stop immediately_. Yellow and Red. Everything else we do is me getting pleasure by knowing what I'm doing is giving you pleasure."

Gray cupped Natsu's cheek with his hand. His thumb traced the Dragon Slayer's mouth. Natsu parted his lips. He wanted that thumb inside his mouth. He wanted to taste it, lick Gray's skin, savor the sweat of his hand, and suck on his fingers. He knew how that turned Gray on, and he _wanted_ that. However, Gray moved his thumb away and pulled his hand back. Natsu wanted to whine. He looked up at Gray, silently begging for more. Gray just looked down at him and chuckled with amusement.

"Or taking away that pleasure. That excites me too, because I know when I take the pleasure away from you, you're gonna like it twice as much when I give it to you again later. Isn't that true?" He waited, but Natsu looked dazed. Quietly and coldly, he ordered, "Answer me, _bitch_."

Natsu's eyes snapped open at the command. "Yes," he breathed out, hardly even thinking.

"Good dragon," Gray praised. Natsu felt a thrill rushing through him at the praise. He had felt like this before, the first time Gray made him wear the collar.

"C-collar," he stuttered, his mind still whirling.

"I'll use it when I want. Tonight is about you pleasing me, right?"

"Right…"

"So you don't get to pick what I do. You can't order me. All you can do is obey and say Yellow or Red. And take pleasure in this," he urged. "If there's no pleasure, there's no purpose in it, and that won't make me happy. What is your mission tonight?"

His mission? "To please you?"

"And?"

"And to … to…" Natsu drew a blank.

"Idiot. I just said it. To take pleasure in what we're doing. I'll help you through it. I'll teach you, and we'll even experiment. I've never done the things I want to do with you, so it'll be new to me as well."

"So you'll tell me what you want?" Natsu asked with hopefulness.

"First, what do _you_ want out of this?"

"Out of it?" Natsu thought about that "At least for tonight, it doesn't matter."

"Of course it does. It matters to me! _I_ need to know."

"Oh." Natsu considered his expectations. "I don't need to come. I don't think I even need sex. I want to know what you want, and I want to see if I like your idea of how I should be submissive to you. Sex would be awesome, of course—"

"Then say so," Gray encouraged. "Say what you want. I won't let you tell me what to do once we start, so you need to tell me now."

"I … I want you to train me, and then I want…" _What do I actually want this time?_ "I want to be restrained. I want you to beat the darkness out of me. Then, I want you inside me. I wanna feel you in me, just you, no barriers tonight."

It was like he had requested earlier. No barriers. No condoms. Skin against skin. Dammit, but Gray wanted to thrust into him right now and fulfill that wish. He had to hold himself back. First, he had a dragon to train.

"If you want to learn how to truly and fully submit to me…" He chuckled softly with a glint of mischief in his silver-blue eyes. "Oh, I can definitely teach you that."

Those eyes looked at him so closely, Natsu felt the stare deep in his bones, in his blood, heating his veins and shivering his muscles. That stare alone made him want to fall to his knees and admit defeat. Gray had never looked at him quite like this before.

"First, you need to be in the right frame of mind," Gray explained. "For starters, you are not a slave. You are not worthless. You are not something I hate. Even if I insult you and hurt you—and I will—you are my beloved boyfriend. Don't ever forget that. What you are is submissive. You exist to pleasure and please me. You are mine! Your life, your breath, your soul, every shred of your existence, belongs to me tonight. I control everything about you. I give you permission to speak, to walk, to move, to pee, to come. Everything! You do not speak unless I say so. You keep your eyes down and await my desires. This is about you denying yourself pleasure while I take pleasure in you. It only works if I know for certain that you are just as pleased with what I do, or what I don't do. I won't let you come, and you must _like_ that. I may not allow you to use the toilet, and you will love holding it as long as you can for me. Even when it's uncomfortable, you will enjoy it, knowing I'll make it even better when I finally do allow you to come. I will humiliate you, and you will endure it because you know I'm taking pleasure in watching you suffer. I will hurt you, and you will handle the pain knowing that pleasure lies on the other side. I will order you to please me, and you will do everything eagerly, attentively, and take pleasure in knowing how aroused this makes me. For tonight, your mission is to obey and enjoy every minute of serving me. In return…" Those stormy blue eyes pierced harder with wry amusement. "I will fuck your ass so hard, you won't be able to sit for a week without feeling the burn."

If everything else did not get Natsu aroused, that promise sure did.

"Your mentality is to please me. Obeying me pleases me. You cannot please me in any way except what I instruct. I won't be happy if you do anything I don't command."

"What do you mean?" Natsu pouted.

"You may want to kiss me. Don't! I might order you to kiss me, or I might not want it."

"You don't like to kiss?" Natsu asked, tilting his head in confusion.

"That's not the point. The thing that will pleasure me is giving you pain, discomfort and restraint. We've done this all along: tying you up, spanking you, torturing you with ice or by making you have to pee. Humiliation is just another form of psychological discomfort. You've been giving up control since the beginning, Natsu."

"I'm not submissive!" he snapped. "I … I mean … I wanna learn how to be."

"Idiot. Giving up control _is_ submitting to me. Allowing me to hit you is submitting to me. Pleasing me at the discomfort of your body and mind is submitting to me." He saw that Natsu was looking stubborn. "It's fine. Tonight, I'll teach you how _I_ want you to submit to me. Up until now, it's been on your terms. You're more in control that I am," he admitted, rolling his eyes slightly. "If you want to fully please me tonight, then we start right now. Kneel!"

Natsu almost shouted, an instinct to being ordered around by the Ice-Make wizard. However, he slammed him lips closed and flopped to his knees.

"Wrong. All wrong. Get up."

He grumbled, but Natsu stood back up.

This time, Gray grabbed a handful of Natsu's hair. The Dragon Slayer cried out, thrashing, but Gray tightened his hold. He yanked Natsu until they were face-to-face. He stared hard, not hateful but … _demanding_ , until Natsu stopped resisting. As Gray kept staring, Natsu felt a change within himself. He had felt something similar when he faced Gildarts on Tenrou Island. Now, it wasn't fear. It was … something else. Was this submission? Slowly, Natsu's eyes lowered.

"Whatever you're feeling right now, this is what you should feel as I tell you to kneel." Gray released the pink hair. "Keep your eyes down. No eye contact unless I order it."

Natsu was beginning to wonder how this could pleasure him at all. Still, feeling small before Gray made his heart race. That meant something inside of him actually liked being reduced to obeying commands.

Softer, but still with a voice filled with domination, Gray ordered, "Kneel."

Natsu dropped to his knees, staring at Gray's feet. He felt cold, like winter had just defeated summer. It was the season of ice now, of chill, of freezing things, immobilizing them, until all was white and pure. Natsu wanted to surrender, to put away the smoky darkness and the fierce burning of shame, those flames of the past that scorched his soul. He wanted to give up all of that and rest fully in the hands of Gray. He would let Gray be in control. Gray wouldn't let him fall. He would clear away the darkness until everything shined pure white like snow.

Natsu sighed, not sure why this felt comforting—the idea of surrendering to that damned ice princess stripper was absolutely appalling in his mind—but right now it was almost like this wasn't Gray Fullbuster at all. This was someone else. This was a man who supported him, a man who cared for him so deeply he would purge the darkness, no matter what he had to do to heal Natsu's soul. This was his boyfriend, his lover, his owner … his _kainushi_!

"Kainushi?" he whispered.

It was scary. This feeling was new, and it made his heart race. Just as he felt like he might lose himself in the fear, Natsu felt a hand on his head, and although he could not bring himself to raise his eyes, just knowing Gray was there was enough to ease the trembling.

"Surrender all your darkness to me. No one will touch you but me. No one will _hurt_ you but me. You are _mine_ , and I won't let anyone else have you."

He was Gray's. Gray's bitch.

Instead, Gray leaned over and whispered into his ear. "My beloved."

Something new surged in Natsu. Buoyed by that word, he would brave the feeling of surrendering, something he could never do to another wizard, or an enemy; however, to Gray—only to Gray—Natsu could fall back and know his boyfriend would hold him up. They were rivals, but they were equals. When Natsu needed to fall back, he could always rest assured that Gray would carry on. Now, the ice wizard would carry them both through the battlefield of love.

"Strip off your clothes." Natsu hurriedly obeyed Gray's order. "Stay on your knees. You're not allowed to get up until I tell you to."

Natsu's forehead crunched up. "Do you _like_ seeing me on my knees?"

"Everything I order will be something I like. Now, no more talking. Be a good dragon and fetch your collar."

Natsu remained on his knees and crawled over the floor to the large trunk. He opened it and peered inside. It was the first time he ever really searched through the trunk of sex toys, and Gray had quite a collection. Some devices, like the handcuffs and riding crop, were obvious. Others, Natsu had no clue what they could be used for.

Part of Natsu could hardly help but wonder how many of these Gray had used on other partners.

However, right on top was the collar, seated in a place of honor. Natsu lifted it and looked at the writing along the sides: _Natsu_ , and _Bitch_. This white leather collar was Gray's gift to him, something made only for Natsu, something that tied him to Gray and made him belong only to his _kainushi_.

While holding the collar with one hand, he crawled back to Gray and looked up at him subserviently. Gray's mouth was dropped in overwhelming emotions. He could hardly breathe as he shivered at the erotic scene of Natsu _fetching_ his collar. From his lower position, Natsu clearly saw how aroused it made the ice wizard.

"Th- … that's good," Gray stuttered. He shook his head to straighten out his emotions. "Good dragon. Hand it here." Natsu gave the collar over. Gray opened it, wrapped it around Natsu's neck, and locked the small padlock with his tiny key. He held the key up for Natsu to see. "So long as I have this key, you are mine. You're my bitch—no," he smiled, "my _beloved_ until I release you."

"I don't ever want you to release me," Natsu whispered, shivering deep in his heart as he sank into Gray's thralldom.

Gray felt warm hearing that, but he lightly bopped Natsu on the nose. "No talking," he reminded gently. "Now, something is missing." Gray smirked slyly as he tapped his chin, pretending to think while his eyes drank up Natsu's body. "You're not decorated enough."

Natsu began to ask, " _What do you mean?_ " However, before a full syllable could be uttered, Gray pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him.

"There's one other thing I got especially for you to wear." Gray walked over to the trunk and pulled out a small leather ring. Natsu's eyes widened. The cock ring!

Gray knelt in front of Natsu and carefully wrapped Natsu's cock and balls with the ring, securing it at a comfortable width. He gave a slow stroke up the shaft, making it grow a little longer.

"Much better," he whispered. "One more thing." Gray pulled out the leash and showed it to Natsu. "Can I use this?"

Natsu looked down at it. The last time Gray used that, it was to make Natsu act like an animal, and the proud Dragon Slayer had not liked it at all. That was why Gray was asking this time. It was an item put on a _no-use_ list, but still something Gray wanted to try. Natsu put aside what he personally thought for the moment. Tonight, he wanted to give Gray anything he desired, so long as Natsu could handle it. Discomfort, aversion, and humiliation were all part of the game. Silently, Natsu nodded to allow the leash.

Gray let out a breath he had been holding. He wanted to pull out everything he had ever wanted to use, but felt too constrained to make Natsu deal with them. As if this was the one and only time he would ever have the opportunity, he wished to indulge in _everything_.

He clasped the leash onto the ring around the white collar and stepped back, holding the end of the leash. Natsu stayed on his knees, collared, naked, animalistic, with a leash that bound him to Gray. The ice wizard had no idea how broadly he was grinning, lost in pure delight by the spectacle of his tamed dragon.

Natsu gazed up and saw that smile. He could tell Gray was really enjoying himself, and somehow that was enough. So long as he pleased Gray, he could put up with the humiliation.

Suddenly, Gray cupped both of Natsu's cheeks in his hands. He tilted the pink head up, bent down, and kissed Natsu on the forehead.

"Thank you," he whispered breathlessly.

That bolstered Natsu's desire to do more, to obey his _kainushi_ , to be the submissive dragon Gray had been wanting since probably the very beginning.

"When I see you like this…" Gray's eyes flicking to the collar, the leash, and the cock ring. "…there's so much I want to do, it scares me."

Natsu began to open his mouth, but he remembered the rule of _no talking_.

"Speak," Gray granted.

Natsu swallowed his dry throat before he could utter anything. "Do anything. Doesn't matter. This one time, I'll obey anything." He hesitated before correcting himself. " _Almost_ anything."

Gray smiled at that little bit of independence Natsu still grasped on to, and he stroked down the spiky pink hair. "I wouldn't make you do anything I know you can't. I want to take care of you … my beloved dragon," he whispered with such passion, it burned Gray's heart. No one but the Fire Dragon Slayer had ever made him feel like this. "I want to do things that will please you."

Natsu shook his head. "This one time, do things that please _you_. It doesn't matter what it is, Gray. Your darkest desires—I want to see them!"

Gray looked worried, even terrified of the darkness within him.

"Show me, Gray," Natsu urged softly. "If I really don't like it, I'll let you know. I'll use the safewords. I need to know what you want. I need to know how I can please my kainushi."

Gray stroked the hot face with flushed cheeks. "There … there are five things I really want to do." He swallowed stiffly, and Natsu saw that Gray was getting more aroused as he thought about it. "One, I'm pretty sure you'll like, but it could be dangerous. I don't trust myself yet."

"Do it!"

"No," Gray said firmly, shaking his head. "What I want is to whip you. For one, I don't have the room in this apartment for that, and two, I've never whipped a person before. You can seriously injure, even permanently maim, a person doing that. I'll need to take lessons on it, but it's something I'd really like to do, if you want to in the future."

"Yes!" Natsu nodded eagerly. To be punished by whipping sounded erotically painful. He had always been fascinated with Lucy's whipping techniques, so Natsu had felt disappointed when his little hints showed him that the pretty Celestial Spirit wizard was not actually into bondage.

"Do I have permission to take lessons?"

Natsu hesitated. Lessons? On something sexual? "Would you be whipping other people?"

"I have a friend who knows a professional dominatrix with skills in whipping techniques. She would train me, first on my own, eventually on her submissives."

"On other people?" Natsu cried out. He cringed down at the thought of Gray doing kinky things with others. "Would you be … be having … _sex_ with them?"

"No," he said quickly, shaking his head. "Nothing sexual has to happen. I don't even have to touch them, except maybe to rub out their skin. It might arouse them, but it doesn't have to mean anything to me." Gray cupped Natsu's face in his hands. "I won't ever cheat on you, I promise."

Natsu let out a small, happy sigh. "Okay," he nodded. "You have permission." This was just training so that Gray could do something he always wanted and do it safely. It was no different than training to fight, except in this case, the battlefield was the bedroom. "What are the other things, something you can do now?"

"The second thing I want to do, I don't think you'll like. In fact, I'm pretty sure you won't. It'll be extremely humiliating," he warned, and his eyes gleamed greedily, "and that's _why_ I want to do it."

"Tell me."

Gray ran his hand over Natsu' cheek, to his chin, then slipped his thumb into the scalding mouth, pulling Natsu's jaw down until he sat there with his tongue panting. "I … I want … to piss down your throat."

Natsu instinctively flinched back. What … the … hell?

"It's safe," Gray assured quickly. "I'm well-hydrated and don't have any infections, especially not after all the medication I just took." His eyes rolled slightly.

Natsu looked aside, debating what was definitely not something he expected, although given Gray's fetish for pissing, he should have expected it. With the image in his head of how it might look, a memory stirred up, and Natsu flinched away from it.

"Natsu?" Gray asked sharply, seeing the mental pain. "We don't have to."

"No, it's…" He flinched again, but struggled past it. "I'll agree if … if you don't … actually put it in my mouth. Don't force it. Let me catch it with my mouth. If I'm okay, maybe I'll do more, but if not … would it be okay if you just pissed on me, and not in my mouth? Just this time. I … I think I need to build up to that."

"That's fine," he said breathlessly. Honestly, Gray never thought Natsu would actually agree to even that much.

Natsu looked up, determined to accept every dark, twisted, perverted side to Gray. "What other things? You said there were five."

Gray smirked in a way that made Natsu shiver. "I want to lay you across my dining table and devour your cock. You were all cutesy at that table, trying to be romantic. Now I wanna show you how _I_ like to spend an evening. I gave you a good dinner; you're gonna give me a wonderful dessert."

"Oh God," Natsu gasped, feeling a surge that made the cock ring more noticeable. "Wh-what else?" he demanded, wanting to hear more.

"I want to make you utterly helpless."

Natsu's brow tensed. "How?" he asked suspiciously.

"Sensory deprivation." He could tell by the way Natsu tilted his head, he had no clue what that meant. "I'd blindfold you, block your ears, put on nose plugs so you can't smell, basically take away as many senses as I can. Then, I'd give you only what sensations I _want_ to give you. That's what I want to do today." He gazed Natsu up and down. "After I've had my fun," he amended.

"And the last one?"

Gray hesitated before admitting it. "I really want to have you as my little pet. My very own pet dragon. I learned from last time how _not_ to treat you, but I still … I want … to control you like a true pet owner."

"Kainushi," Natsu whispered.

Gray held Natsu's chin and tilted it up. "I want to be your _kainushi_ , and I want you to be my pet. My precious pet." He rubbed his thumb over Natsu's bottom lip. "Very precious," he whispered warmly.

Natsu wanted to melt at the tenderness Gray was showing him. His lips parted for that thumb, wanting to suck it, but again, Gray did not let him.

A pet, huh? Gray wanted control, and he saw being a pet owner, a _kainushi_ , was an ideal way of having that sort of control. The collar, the leash, a ring to keep him aroused without coming too soon … all these things were to boost Gray's ego while humiliating Natsu. This was all part of Gray's darker desires, his perverted pleasures, a side to Gray he had admitted that he rarely showed to even close partners. Only to Natsu! Natsu was the only partner who Gray trusted and loved enough to open all the closets of his soul and release every bit of darkness.

This was part of his darkness. These desires were his way of dealing with the scars of the past. Natsu wanted to heal Gray's scars, so first he had to see just how dark Gray could be.

He lowered his head, but then his eyes flicked up with a devious smirk.

"Rawr," he growled sensually and playfully.

The small noise jolted Gray. Natsu felt tension as Gray clutched the leash harder, and he heard ragged breathing. He watched the ice wizard carefully. That bit of animal play must have intensely pleasured Gray, and Natsu wanted to see more.

Natsu rubbed his cheek against Gray's leg. Then he looked up again with a sly smirk. "Rawrrr!" he purred.

Gray managed to calm himself. Damn, when Natsu did that, it took him by surprise! Now Gray tried to use this control Natsu was granting him. He held the leash with purpose.

"Come with me." He began to walk out of the bedroom, but the leash pulled on the collar. Natsu did not move. "Come!" Gray tugged the leash. Natsu looked at him, but he turned his head aside stubbornly. Gray's mouth dropped at the disobedience. Then he remembered what Natsu had told him before. A dragon is a proud creature. "Please come, my dragon," he amended. Natsu smiled and crawled on his hands and knees. Gray led him by the leash to the main room and over to the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

Natsu licked his lips in a way to silently communicate his wants.

"Thirsty?" Gray asked, and Natsu nodded. Gray reached deep into a shelf and pulled out the doggy water dish he had bought especially for pet play with Natsu. He filled it with water and set it on the floor. "There you go. Drink up." Then he made tea for himself.

Animals ate on the floor. Humans ate at the table. This sort of distinction was vital to the mentality of this sort of play. He brewed himself tea while Natsu lapped up the water. Seeing Natsu knelt, lowered to the status of an animal, made Gray intensely hard. He could hardly help but lightly stroke himself, just to ease the tingling ache.

Natsu saw the movement and looked over. He smelled what was definitely a drip of pre-cum. With water still dribbled on his chin, Natsu crawled over to Gray's chair and laid his head in the ice wizard's lap. He stayed there, gazing up silently, while Gray gawked down, so overwhelmed that he couldn't speak. The smell around Gray intensified, and Natsu could hardly help but rub his nose against that stiff bulge in Gray's jeans, inhaling the aroma and nudging the erection with stroking motions from his nose.

Gray gasped faintly. He never realized pet play could be so erotic when the other person really got into their role. "Do you want this?" he asked in a low tone that masked the tenseness in his throat.

Natsu looked up with large, pleading eyes. "Rawr," he said with a hint of desperate desire.

"Shhhit," Gray whispered. Struggling to keep control, he lowered his zipper, reached inside, and pulled his cock out. It sprang free, hard and flushed, a little wet on the top, and ready for attention. "Is this what you want?"

Natsu stared at the treat before him and purred softly. "Raawwwrrrr."

His lips ghosted over, mouth closed, just letting the feel, the heat, and the smell sink in. Finally, he gave a small lick. This taste! He had missed it so much. He licked again, only using small flicks of his tongue. He wanted to drive Gray crazy with his animal-like playfulness.

"N-Natsu," Gray moaned, and his fist clenched on the leash.

Sharp eyes turned up to him. They were the eyes of a dragon, wild and dangerous, and Gray realized a hidden truth with this pet play. Natsu was a dragon; dragons were proud, independent, and hoarded that which fascinated them. Right now, Natsu was _hoarding_ him!

Gray reached to his belt. "Let me…"

Hands grabbed his wrists, holding Gray down. Natsu gave more tiny licks, but his eyes turned up from Gray's groin. He was a dragon, and dragons got what they wanted. He licked more along the edges and slowly lapped up to the head. Gray tensed up in the chair as that fiery tongue swirled around him, hot, wet, teasing and pleasuring.

Natsu rose ever so slightly from his crouched position, and he wrapped his lips around Gray's cockhead, sucking lightly, just holding it there. He licked again, pressing his tongue into the slit on top, swirling it around the rim of the head, and Gray groaned. A hand went to the top of Natsu's head, trying to push him down, wanting more. Natsu heard Gray's breathing getting heavier with need. With torturing slowness, Natsu slid down further, feeling that cock glide over the roof of his mouth, until it hit his tonsils. Then, lips tight, he pulled back up just as slowly, feeling how his hot saliva coated Gray's skin. As soon as his lips felt the flared rim of Gray's cockhead, he dived back down, fast this time, and let the head press against the back of his throat.

That pressure made Gray's whole body shiver. Natsu heard something that sounded like his name gurgle up, yet not even the first syllable could struggle past Gray's lips, just "Nnngh, nah, nnnnngh!"

Up and down, sucking and licking, he pounded into the back of his throat until he knew he would have a hoarse voice tomorrow. His nose felt the black curls of hair getting wet from dripping saliva. The hand on his head had a death-grip on Natsu's pink hair, sometimes pulling and changing his tempo. Natsu obeyed, following Gray's lead.

"Dammit." With a hiss, Gray yanked Natsu's head completely off, pulling him by the hair and gazing down at the smugness in those narrow eyes. "What are you trying to do to me?"

Natsu licked the pre-cum thickened saliva off his lips. "Rawr," he moaned, his eyes aflame with desire.

"Damn you," Gray whispered. He rose from his chair and yanked his jeans off as he went, letting them fly somewhere behind him. "Come." He tugged on the leash, but Natsu had that stubborn look in his face again. "Now!" he demanded in an urgent shout.

Natsu obediently followed, still on his hands and knees. Gray took him to the dining table. Natsu was a little shocked that Gray had been serious about wanting to take him there. On the table, where he ate every day … he was about to become Gray's next meal.

"Up," Gray ordered. Natsu stood, and Gray unclasped the leash. "Pet play is over." He put the leash aside. "You are way too good, dammit."

Natsu smiled smugly, but Gray practically threw him on top of the table.

"Spread 'em," he barked.

"Can I speak?"

"N- … yes," Gray decided, stumbling slightly. He had already taken off the leash, so speaking was okay.

"Lube and lots of prepping. That's all I demand. The rest is up to you, but like hell will I let you slam into me ever again. I've seen this look on your face before, and when you get it, you stop thinking about my needs. It's been a long time since you've entered me, and you'll need to go easy."

"Got it," Gray nodded. "Have you … um … done anything? You know, on your own?"

"No," Natsu said with an irritated glare. "You know my issues."

"I was just wondering."

"The last thing to enter my ass was your fingers while using a condom."

Gray smirked darkly at the memory. "And me sucking your toes. That was hot. Now, don't move from that spot."

Gray took off to the bedroom. When he returned, he was fully naked with a bottle of lube in one hand and a condom in the other. Natsu watched him returning.

"I said you didn't need to use one this time," said Natsu.

"Just in case you change your mind. There is no way I'd want to stop long enough to go dig one out. Plus this way," and he placed the condom in Natsu's palm, "you can tell Happy that you had one, but that it was _my_ decision to do it without protection. That also makes it my responsibility."

"And you keep in control," Natsu pointed out.

"Damn right I do!" He grabbed Natsu's hands and slammed them hard against the table, trapping them above Natsu's head. The blue of magic gleamed coldly off his eyes as ice crackled over the table and captured Natsu's hands.

"Restraining me already?" Natsu asked in surprise. Usually, he had to ask Gray to bind him.

"I like binding you," Gray said in a low voice. "I want to feel in control."

"I know." Natsu felt the ice trap his wrists. "I kinda like it better when you use your ice instead of handcuffs. It's more … personal."

Gray caressed Natsu's cheek. "I like it, too. No one else ever liked my ice."

"Well, I do!"

"I know," he smiled plaintively. He tried to laugh, but a sniffle shook out.

Natsu gazed up in confusion. Was he crying? What was wrong? Natsu wanted to reach out, but he felt the frigid bindings on his wrists.

Gray wiped his nose. "A fire-idiot like you, and you're the only one who likes my ice. Ironic. Anyway…" He pushed it aside. He could not let emotions take control now. "I'm going to be selfish."

"Do whatever you want to me," Natsu urged.

"What I want?" Gray slammed his hand on the table and leaned over Natsu's body. He sneered down at the prone, naked Dragon Slayer—his captive. His prey! "I want to make you moan so loud my neighbors will file an official complaint with my landlord. I want them to hear you!"

Natsu shuddered. Sure, he and Gray had used this apartment many times, but Natsu tended to forget that there were people living all around them. The walls were thin. The neighbors had complained once before. They had all heard Natsu's sexy moaning voice.

Gray grabbed the bottle of lube and squirted some onto his fingers. Then he put some directly onto Natsu's ass. He rubbed it around, coating the outer part. Then one finger rested on the puckered star. He gazed down at Natsu and savored the anticipation in that flushed face.

"Ready?"

He nodded vigorously. Gray slowly eased the finger in. It was so tight, as if nothing in the world had ever spread this tiny hole. Inside, he felt smooth walls and heat—incredible heat! Gray watched his finger sink inside, and then he looked back to Natsu. He was quiet, oddly enough.

"Are you okay?" Gray asked, wondering why there were no moans.

"Just … savoring it," Natsu whispered.

Gray pressed the finger in, slowly pulled back, added a little more lube, and then he pressed a second finger in. This time, Natsu groaned with discomfort, turning into impassioned cries as Gray's fingers worked on him, thrusting, scissoring, all the time searching for that one spot. He knew he found it when Natsu's eyes went wide and he cried out with an erotic moan.

"Feels … good, Gray. So good. Your fingers are heating me up inside. Oh God, right there. More there. Oooooh Gray!"

The Ice-Make wizard shivered at that voice. "Shut up."

"It feels _really_ good. Oooh, just like that. I love when your fingers fuck me."

" _Nngh!_ Shut … up!" Gray could hardly control himself when Natsu talked low and smooth, flowing like a river of lava. He hated how the Dragon Slayer laughed so smugly. "You like to tease me with your voice."

Natsu had a gleam in his narrow eyes. "I know you react well to it." Oh yes, he knew! He could probably make Gray come completely undone with a dozen words spoken just right.

"Yeah, a little too well," Gray admitted. Natsu's sensual voice was a weakness, but it was one he enjoyed. Getting Natsu to moan like a slut was pleasuring and satisfying.

Natsu watched closely as Gray reached down to rub out an ache in his erection. Those pale fingers rubbed down the stiff, rosy shaft, and Natsu licked his lips as the smell of arousal increased.

"Do you want me to loosen you up or slam into you?"

Natsu broke off from staring at Gray's cock. "I want more of your cold fingers thrusting inside me. I want you to loosen me so I can take in all of your cock with one thrust."

"Oh God! Then do _not_ talk like that!"

Gray leaned over and took him in one swallow until Natsu felt the back of that throat. Gray's fingers were cold, but his mouth was a winter bonfire, melting Natsu. As the Dragon Slayer moaned to that persistent mouth, he smelled something new: his own pre-cum. He felt Gray's throat gulp, and Natsu strained to hold back from coming already.

"Bite … small bite," he growled tensely.

Gray leaned up, lips swollen and wet. He wiped spit and pre-cum off with the back of his hand. "Masochist," he teased, but he still leaned over and scraped his teeth over Natsu's nipple. Then he went to the other nipple, licked it, and sucked it with his lips.

Natsu leaned back, surrendering to his touches, and moaned, "Graa- _aaay_." His moan dragged out, going higher at the end as the ice wizard bit down hard on the fleshy nub.

Stormy blue eyes gazed up. "Do you like it?"

Natsu could only moan and nod, "Mm-hmmmm!"

"Good. How about this?" He slid a third finger in, and at the same time he leaned over and took Natsu's shaft into his mouth again. The Dragon Slayer arched up, ramming himself into that throat. Gray pressed his free hand onto Natsu's hips, pushing them back to the table. He sucked slowly all the way up. Then he looked back at Natsu's face. "Good dessert," he purred in pleasure. "Maybe I should just do this and devour your cum right here on my table. You'll feed me, right?"

"Nnnnngh … Gray!"

"I'll take that as a yes."

Gray sucked rhythmically, bobbing without stopping. Natsu felt the pressure building, and the cock ring felt too tight. It hurt in such a wonderful way. He yanked on the icy restraints as his body writhed without control, twisting to the pleasure Gray gave him. By instinct, his body wanted to attack, but in his mind Natsu never wanted this feeling to end. It was bliss, and Natsu's eyes teared up.

"Gr- … Gray … dammit, gonna … _nnngh_ … I can't … oh _God!_ "

Gray reached with his free hand and suddenly unsnapped the cock ring. The release of pressure was so intense, Natsu lost all control. His body yanked hard enough to make the table shift, but Gray kept his mouth around that cock, swallowing, licking up every bit, enjoying the deliciously salty dessert. Finally, he pulled back and smiled down at the defeated Dragon Slayer huffing away on top of his dining table.

" _Gochiso sama deshita_." He chuckled as he gave the praise. "Now it's my turn." He pulled his fingers out slowly. "Are you ready?"

Natsu panted with exhaustion, but he wanted Gray to have him completely. He nodded with weariness and determination.

"It might be easier if you stand up and lean over the table."

"No, like this. I wanna watch you without looking over my shoulder all the time."

"Okay. I'm gonna shift you to the edge of the table."

Gray released the ice bonds and trapped Natsu's hands again at a different angle so that his hips were right on the table's edge. Gray picked up the cock ring and replaced it, making Natsu moan as the tinge returned amidst all that sensitivity. Then Gray grabbed the bottle of lube and put a copious amount on his shaft, rubbing it to coat the whole thing. For good measure, he put more on Natsu's hole as well.

"Knees up. Ready?"

"Yeah."

"Relax."

"I know."

Gray smiled down at him with confidence. He grasped himself for stability, and then he nudged the cock up against Natsu. With a firm thrust, he pressed inside, and Natsu's body arched with a moan.

Gray sighed, loving this heat. "So good!" He looked down to his lover. "Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah."

He pressed more, but Natsu flinched.

"Hold on."

Gray nodded and waited while Natsu struggled to loosen up and relax.

"Okay," Natsu whispered. "I almost forgot how big you are, dammit. Little more."

Gray gently thrust his hips to burrow himself deeper.

"Oh God, yeah," Natsu groaned in pleasure, arching up as it filled him. "It's easier when it's just you, no condom."

"That's because I have a lot of lube on me right now." Gray pressed until his hips could get no closer. Then he held it there, waiting for Natsu's sake. He wiped a bead of sweat off Natsu's brow. "I like to feel the inside of you. Like this, it's so different."

"Yeah, no condom," Natsu smiled. "I can just feel you."

"Yeah," Gray sighed. Just Natsu. Just his beloved. Skin against skin. Mentally, it was far different than using a condom. He was inside his lover, just him, just his cock, with nothing else between them but a drizzle of lubricant. "Uh, let me know if it doesn't feel good or if … if…" Gray worried about directly saying it. "…if you decide against this."

"Against it?" Natsu asked, chuckling softly. "Why the hell would I be against this?"

Gray's face pained over as he had to say it directly. "If I come in your ass, and without a condom, you might … um … I don't know how you'll react to that."

"I think it should be fine."

"If it's not, let me know right away."

"I will. You can move now."

Gray nodded, trusting that Natsu would know his limits, although the idiot tended to push his limits too far. He would have to keep watch over him in case he saw hints of Natsu freaking out. However, for now, Natsu looked eager to do this, and Gray was not about to deny him. He pulled his hips back a little, then slid in firmly again.

Natsu moaned at the feel of being filled up inside and the gentle caress against his prostate. "Oh, Gray," he shuddered.

"More?" Gray pulled back farther and slid in, inch by inch, slowly. He watched Natsu's face draw up, his teeth clenched, eyes squinted, but not in fear. Just pleasure. Pure, wonderful pleasure. "Do you like it?" he asked in velvety tones.

"Hell yeah," Natsu rasped out. "One day, maybe we can try restraining my hands in a position where they're down lower, and … a-and maybe I can finger your ass while you hump into me." Natsu gazed up and saw Gray's eyes widened in desire. "I don't know how that'd work, but … maybe?"

Gray smiled down and stroked those flushed, heated cheeks. "I'd like that. I'd even ice your hands directly to my skin."

"That might work, actually."

Gray glided out, and the Dragon Slayer felt him press hard again, filling him. Natsu could hardly help the moans that came out, forced from his mouth by the thrusts of Gray's hips. He did not pause now. Gray's brow tightened with focus. He wanted to possess this man deeper and stronger than anything he had ever possessed.

Natsu squirmed with unbearable pleasure. "G-Gray."

"Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh!" he eked out tensely. "I missed this."

"I know," Gray shuddered, thrusting firmly. "Damn, I missed you. Missed feeling inside _here_." He gave a rougher thrust, and Natsu's spine arched up off the table. "You know, last time I was in your ass, you came and passed out before I could finish."

Natsu blushed in shame and looked aside. "Sorry about that. That was the chastity belt, right?"

"Yeah. Heh! That was damn hot."

"Maybe … maybe we could … um, use it again."

"That would really turn me on," Gray admitted. "Maybe we can have you wear it in public, just casually. I didn't get to watch you last time. I like the idea, knowing your cock is caged up, wearing something so kinky in front of everyone, no one can touch your cock … only _me!_ " He thrust in hard, and Natsu cried out. "Only I can touch this. Only I can pleasure this." He grabbed Natsu's limp cock and gave it firm strokes. It hardened up again quickly.

"Ahhhn! G-Gray!"

"Only mine! My cock. My dragon." His possessive gaze softened to tenderness. "My beloved."

Natsu felt tears in his eyes. "Gray."

The ice wizard paused as he looked down longingly. How he had wanted this! Although he wanted to fuck Natsu wildly on the dining table, it was turning into something wonderful, not kinky, but sensually amazing.

As Natsu gazed up, he had a desire to touch Gray's face. Instead of fearing his ability to kill, he wanted with every thread of his soul to touch Gray, connect to him, and reciprocate this loving act.

Although deep inside it scared him, he gulped and whispered. "Release one of my hands. Just for a moment. I wanna … I … I _need_ to hold you, touch you, be with you, not just lying here. I … I need … more. I need _you_. If that's okay."

Gray paused and stroked Natsu's neck, letting his nails glide over the ragged scar. "Promise not to freak out?"

"I'll tell you when it's an issue."

Gray nodded and released one hand. Natsu immediately wrapped it around Gray, half-hugging him tightly. Then his fingers stroked across Gray's chest muscles. Making love and touching! He thought he'd never reach a point where he could do this.

"Can I … um … pull you in?"

Gray wondered what he meant, until Natsu's hand drifted down to Gray's hip. He pulled, and Gray glided inside.

"Yes," Natsu shuddered. "Want it." He pulled again, and Gray followed his tugs, moving in and out at a pace Natsu himself wanted. "Like … this," he huffed. "Like I'm…"

Natsu jolted hard, and his eyes grew huge in terror. A face returned to him, a head, madness, blood, insane cackling.

"No!"

"Natsu? _Natsu!_ " Gray grabbed Natsu's cheeks, trying to get those massive eyes to focus back onto him and away from whatever horror he was reliving. "Look at me, Natsu. Dammit. _Look at me!_ "

Eyes shaking with terror turned to him. Natsu caught his breath, then shuddered it out and went limp. "It's no good. I can't do that."

"That's fine," Gray assured, rubbing out the shivering arms. "Shit, don't push yourself like that."

"I didn't think it'd be a problem. Dammit," Natsu cursed in frustration.

"I'm right here," Gray said with tender calmness. "Is there anything I should do? Do you need your hands restrained again?"

"That's not the issue." The Dragon Slayer bit his lip in worry. He did not want to tell Gray at this time, not when they were having so much fun. "I'll be okay. I want to touch you more, though. Just not like that. Um, Yellow?" He laughed at the delayed safeword, although Gray still looked worried. "Sorry. It hit too fast for me to realize it was a problem. I'm okay, really."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, there's no way in hell I'm telling you to stop!" He tried to smile it off, but Gray still had a concerned wrinkle in his brow. "Do you think you really can ice my hands to your skin?"

"Yeah. Should be easy."

"C-can you? I think it would help. Ice my hands in a way so I'm holding onto your shoulders, hugging you. I've always wanted to do that, to hold onto you … w-while you … make love to me."

Gray sighed at such a sweet request. "Not like this." He pulled out, and Natsu began to protest. "Not on a table. You deserve better for a moment like this. We need a change of scenery now anyway." Gray hoisted Natsu up into his arms and carried him to the bedroom.

"What the hell?" Natsu shouted, squirming around.

"Shut up, dragon princess. You're damn heavy, ya know. Fuck, how do princes carry their princesses like this?"

"Wimp," Natsu grumbled, petulantly settling against Gray's chest.

Gray took Natsu to the bed and dropped him down. Then he climbed on top and gazed across that sleek, prone body.

"Much better," he smiled. "Reach around me, whatever way is most comfortable."

Natsu wrapped his hands around, feeling Gray's skin, the contour of his muscles, the iciness that warmed up at his touches, like hoarfrost melting on a window with just a light touch. He caressed Gray's shoulders until he found a position that felt natural, as if Gray's body had been built to be held just like this.

"Here," he decided. He could hold Gray forever like this.

Gray felt the heat on his skin, so hot, like a summer sun touching his back. Having Natsu hold him as they made love was so much sweeter. Focusing, he iced the hands to his skin, frosting a bandage-like barrier that held Natsu in place.

"Is this okay for you?"

Natsu could still move his fingers. Mostly, Gray had captured his wrists. "If you move up, I'll be forced to move with you."

"That's not a problem, right?"

Following Gray, always close to him, constantly in arms-length … "No, I guess not," he said with a placid smile. "I prefer having you close to me."

"There's a bit of room so you can flex your fingers, but not enough where you can do too much damage."

"Just scratch you, huh?"

"You can grip hold of me as tightly as you want. I wanna feel you scratch me up … while I do _this_."

Gray thrust back inside. Natsu cried out with intense pleasure as once again he was filled. His hands tightened, but this time he felt the skin under him. His fingers dug into those shoulders, grabbing, possessing, and lightly marking.

Gray could no longer control himself. He forced himself in again and again, watching the flush return to Natsu's body, eying the way his arousal leaked with the pleasure Gray gave him, and listening to those sultry moans that got louder as he thrust in. He felt Natsu grasp onto him. Although he loved restraining people, feeling Natsu's passion through his gripping fingers was so wonderful, it burned his heart.

"Natsu," he whispered, getting overwhelmed. "Natsu…" Like a prayer or supplication, he moaned that name with each thrust. "Natsu … Natsu!"

"Gray…"

"I like to feel you holding onto me."

"Mmmm … me t-too … nnnngh!"

Suddenly, Natsu's eyes opened wide, and Gray saw horror in them again. Immediately, he went still.

"Natsu!"

The Dragon Slayer gasped, but his eyes shut to whatever he saw. "It's okay," he whispered to himself. His fingers clutched, but he could not move his wrists. "It's … okay," he sighed, relaxing from his panicked tenseness. "I can't hurt you." His body slumped back, and he gazed up to the ceiling as he slowly calmed down. "Can't hurt you," he repeated. Then he shifted his eyes back to Gray. "Keep going."

"That's twice. I don't think we should…"

"Dammit, don't you dare stop!" Natsu shouted.

Gray paused, worried about these relapses and wondering what was causing them. Was it just because it had been a while since they made love? Was it something more? He was afraid to ask too much. "Are you sure?"

"You need this, right?"

Gray held back from answering. When it came to partners, he was used to indulging in his kinks while giving the other person pleasure. What he needed? He wasn't used to having someone concerned with his needs.

"It's all right, really," Natsu assured him. "I can't hurt you, so it's okay. I just … for a moment … but I'm okay now." His eyes gleamed like a predator. "Fuck me hard, Gray!"

"Shit, don't talk like that. I'm … about to come," he admitted.

Natsu assessed this. Although he had panicked for a moment, it was about something else, not about Gray releasing inside of him. "It's fine," he assured.

"Don't come again yet," Gray ordered. "I'm not done with you."

Natsu nodded. He could hold back, although the pleasure within him was intense.

"I won't hold back," Gray huffed. He thrust in harder and faster. As the pressure built inside him, he refused to stop. All surrounding sounds muffled, even Natsu's gasping cries.

"Ahh! Gray! So … good."

He was enjoying it. That's all that mattered. Gray could be as rough and sadistic as he wanted, but it was pointless unless his partner enjoyed it. Hearing Natsu's shuddering moans told Gray what he needed. He wanted to control someone, to drive pleasure into them, to make them subservient through lust and desire, while he kept in charge. He wanted to see more from Natsu. He wanted to utterly enslave him with pleasure.

He huffed out between thrusts. "Once I … come inside … it's no longer … usable."

"Wh-what?" Natsu cried out. Something stirred in the back of his mind.

"It's covered in filth. The cum is covered in your shit. It's not usable, right?"

Natsu's eyes widened as that dreaded voice echoed in his mind.

_"I can't use it now. Fucking kid! I need fresh cum, not cum that's sitting in filth. Goddammit."_

Slowly, Natsu muttered. "Cum … in filth. Can't use it." That moment had been a proud victory amidst so much darkness and fear. He learned one way to _win_ against his opponent. Filthy cum was unusable.

Gray flinched as he saw the distant gaze. "Oh God, not again. I'm sorry. I said something…"

"No," Natsu said over him. "You're right." He laughed insanely. "Heh! Haha! _Kyahahaha!_ Covered in filth. Can't use it!" He laughed, looking up at Gray with excitement that bordered on mania. "Do it, Gray. Come in me. Make it filthy." His grin turned feral and hungry. "Fill my ass up. Then I can shit it out. Filth! I want it. I want your … _nnngh_ … your filthy cum. Want it … up … my ass! Hurry, I'm ready to come again."

"Don't! Not yet."

"Then hurry."

Gray rammed harder, long but rough strokes that shoved Natsu up the mattress little by little. Suddenly, Gray grabbed Natsu around the shoulders and hoisted him up into his lap.

"Hold on to me tight, dragon!"

He thrust up into Natsu while the Dragon Slayer sat on his lap. Natsu clutched so tightly, he felt moistness on his fingertips from blood drawn from the scratches. His body began to shudder, but he held back for Gray's sake.

"Gr-Gray!"

"Almost…" Gray slammed in hard as his lust overwhelmed him and gushed out.

Natsu tensed up as he felt something. It was hot, wet, filling him. He felt the throbs in Gray's cock as those spurts pulsed through. With his arms wrapped around Gray, holding his shoulders, Natsu felt the cold body shuddering. Although Gray clutched so tightly on him that Natsu could not see his face, still he felt Gray's body reacting to this climax of carnal desires.

"I … I felt that," he whispered in awe.

"Whuh?" Gray muttered in exhaustion.

"I could feel you … f-filling me up."

"Is it okay?"

Natsu stared ahead into the shadows of the bedroom, but there was no darkness in his mind anymore. Just pure whiteness, clean and fresh, a winter that could bury all the troubles and leave the world blank, ready to be filled with new life, new hopes, new dreams.

"Natsu?"

The Dragon Slayer pulled back. Somehow, the worry on Gray's face made him so happy.

"It's wonderful." He leaned in and kissed Gray right on the mouth. "Plus I'm still holding you. It's … what I always wanted." He paused as tears threatened him. "To just hold you." His head dropped onto Gray's shoulder, and he nuzzled into that chilly neck. Softly, exhausted, he laughed with radiant joy. "Holding you. Being with you. Being marked inside by you. I love it all."

However, while holding Gray, Natsu realized he was no longer replying. After a minute, he rose up and looked at Gray. Those droopy blue eyes had a plaintive gleam to them.

"What?" he asked in concern.

Gray shook his head. It was silly to feel this way, but still … "You're wonderful," he praised.

Natsu chuckled. How unlike Gray!

"Sorry," the ice wizard muttered, blushing and looking aside. "It's just … you're … you're really wonderful. Dammit, I can't figure out what I want to say. I'm sounding like some idiot." He shook his head, pressing his flustered confusion aside. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Hard as hell, but yeah."

"Good. That's … good."

"Gray?"

"Sorry." Tears dripped down. "I'm … envious."

Envy? That was the last thing Natsu would have thought of Gray. "What? Why?"

"You're taking leaps forward, and I still can't say the one thing I want to tell you."

"You tell me like this. You tell me through everything you do."

He saw that Gray still looked frustrated, but Natsu had no clue how he could help. He wanted to. Desperately, he wished he knew what he could do to get Gray over his phobia. Maybe someone in the guild would have an answer, but he had no clue who to ask, or even _how_ to go about asking. He felt helpless and guilty.

"We don't need words, Gray. Just each other."

"I _want_ to say those words," he insisted. "I can't. I can't risk it. Why are you brave enough to risk facing your fears, but I can't?"

Natsu pouted and stroked Gray's cheek. "Your fears run far deeper than mine. How about this? You say _I_ , I'll say the middle word, and then you say _you_."

Gray nodded. That wasn't a confession, but more like a game. "I."

Natsu held Gray's shoulders tightly. "Love."

Gray choked up, but he managed to finally say, "You."

Natsu grinned at their success. "See! You can say two-thirds of it. It's kinda romantic filling in each other's sentences, too." He kissed Gray on the forehead. "Anything I can do to help you, just let me know. I don't know what to do," he admitted, "but I wanna help."

Gray chuckled wearily and looked up. "Just being with you and feeling this way is a big help. God, we are both so fucked up."

"I'm the one quite well and fucked here."

Gray had to laugh at that. "You sure are! I … I like the idea … marking you inside."

"Mmmm, yeah," Natsu moaned, stretching out stiff muscles. "First time you've done this."

"Yeah. I almost don't want to pull out. Then all my cum will go out."

"Well, you can't just stay here in my ass all day, idiot."

Gray laughed at the saucy attitude. "Yeah, yeah." He laid Natsu back down carefully and stayed above him. "Are you ready?"

Natsu nodded, and he felt Gray pulling back out. For how much he loved the fullness of having Gray inside of him, he wanted to get to more fun in store. Slowly, Gray slid out, his cock defeated by the dragon, limp and wet. At the same time, Natsu felt something moist dribble out of his ass. The feeling was disgusting and terrifying. He tensed up, holding it all inside.

"Natsu?" Gray asked sharply, seeing the tenseness.

"No. It's fine. Just … I feel it … dripping out my ass. It's weird."

Semen. Semen was inside him. Inside! He had Gray's cum in him. Cum … inside…

Natsu tensed up and shook his head.

"Natsu!" Gray heard his breathing get quicker. "This is you. It's _my_ cum in _your_ ass. Not the other way around."

"I know," he shouted, but Natsu forced himself to be calmer. "I know. And I'm in control. I'm … I'm in control." He was the one who decided what to do with this _seed of life_. It was covered in filth, in his ass, unusable, only good for shit. "Um, wh-what do I do now?"

Gray arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, your cum's in my ass. What do I do next?"

Gray burst out a sharp laugh. Natsu really was inexperienced, but it was nice that he got to discover these simple things together with Gray. "Time to flush it into the toilet. Can you stand?"

Natsu moved, but he flopped back down. "Nope. My legs don't wanna move."

"Lazy!"

"No, they're numb. You did that for too long."

"Would you rather I make it quick?" he asked wryly.

"Oh, hell no! The longer, the better. Just can't feel my thighs."

Hearing that really bolstered Gray's ego. Fucking his lover until he couldn't even walk! What a wonderful triumph! Still, he reached around Natsu. "Easy. Up you go."

They walked slowly, Natsu hard but limping, Gray tired but still wanting more. They made it to the bathroom together. Gray eased Natsu down to the toilet and stepped back.

"Now you just squirt it into the toilet."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. What else are you gonna do with it?" He choked back his tongue, but the words were already out. He saw Natsu gaze up with a forlorn expression. What else? There were plenty of other things that could be done, and Natsu knew about that horror firsthand. "Oh God! Sorry!"

"No," Natsu whispered, dropping his gaze. "It's filthy, not good for anything now, right?"

Gray nodded in affirmation. "It's ruined."

"That's right," Natsu muttered, half stuck with fears of the past, but now slowly battling them. "Can't … use it … filthy…" He snapped out of the flashback and glared at Gray. "Are you just gonna stand there and watch?" he shouted in embarrassment.

"Yes." The answer was not sensual. It was dead serious, and Gray's eyes were ice hard on him.

Natsu cowered down at the thudding of that declaration. "I kinda have to pee, too."

"I want to watch you do that."

"And I … I kinda … I … might have to take a dump."

Gray's smile curled up. "I wanna watch that as well."

"No!"

"Tell me how much I can watch. I just wanna see everything. I want to watch you doing everything, including this. I want to see your face, your body, how it looks, sounds, smells … tastes. Everything. I want everything that is you."

Everything that was him? Gray was being possessive, that was all. He wanted to see Natsu doing everything, even this most private act. Natsu blushed with shame and looked aside. He has pissed in the guild bathroom plenty of times. Peeing in a public restroom was no problem. But the other! Could he do that, pooping while someone watched? Once, he had told Gray it was fine, but now, knowing just how intensely Gray was observing him, it was shameful and frightening.

"It's my cum, Natsu. I put it in there. I wanna watch you get rid of it." Still, he saw the reluctance. "If it's really not okay, you need to tell me directly. Can I watch you piss?"

"That … it's … fine."

"And crap?"

Natsu cowered down. "If … if you really … wanna." He wanted to be the submissive today. He wanted to obey Gray, even in this. "For now, it's just your cum, so … so it's fine. That much is okay."

"Then that's all I'll watch. Relax."

Natsu closed his eyes. His sphincter had been tightly squeezing since sitting on this toilet, but he felt the pressure that wanted to release. Shuddering, he loosened up, and a splash of thick liquid hit the toilet water. Natsu flinched at the sound, but he looked up to Gray. The ice wizard was staring with wild fascination, and although he had just came, his cock was trying to lengthen again.

"Well, that was kinda gross," Natsu muttered.

Gray chuckled. "Sex is messy. It's also fun. Make sure it's all out. You don't want to be dribbling out your ass all night."

Natsu nodded and bore down a little harder. More lube and semen came out. He flinched back at the sound and a stench his nose could pick up that he hoped Gray could not smell.

"Do you … really … wanna see me pee?"

"Yes," Gray breathed, too tense to say more.

Natsu quickly wiped his ass, and then he stood on his sore, wobbly legs. "All right," he sighed, lifting the toilet seat.

"Ah! Wait!" Gray jolted forward, but he suddenly yanked back. His eyes showed terror but desire. "No. Go ahead."

"What?" Natsu asked in concern.

"Nothing!"

"Tell me."

Gray fidgeted. "It's weird to ask, but … do you wanna … stand in the shower and … and … pee on each other?"

Natsu flinched back. What the hell? Gray had said something about peeing in his mouth, and that had seemed really gross. This suggestion was better, but still bizarre to Natsu.

"Sorry," Gray gnashed, turning aside and away from those wide eyes. No one ever understood his kink, so he should not expect Natsu to understand or even want it.

"Sure!"

Gray swung back around with surprise. "What? Really?"

"Sure. Is that what you want? And where? On my body, or in my mouth? Which one?"

"Wh-what?" Gray cried out, sure he was hearing this wrong. Natsu was _agreeing_!

"I mean, this is like marking each other. Animals do that. It's just another way to mark the person you claim."

"Y-yeah. Yeah, it is. Maybe that's why I like it. Marking you." Gray pouted with doubts. "Are you really sure?"

"It'll be in the shower. I've pissed in the shower plenty of times, so that's no big deal. And I can watch you piss."

"Yeah," Gray whispered, enthralled by the idea.

Natsu observed Gray's face with amusement. "Do you like the idea of me watching you piss?"

"Yes!"

"You should tell me. You've never asked me to watch you before."

Gray looked aside with shame. "I didn't think you'd want to."

"I'd rather watch you piss than have you watch me. I don't mind. I get to see your cock more, so it's cool with me."

"Really?" he sighed in relief.

"Well, don't drag me into the bathroom every time you have to pee!" Natsu huffed. "But once in a while, if it's like this—if it's kinky and I know you're getting pleasure from me watching you—that's okay." Natsu's eyes drank him in, gazing all around that pale body, especially to the penis trying to make a comeback. "I need this damn cock ring off. Probably the collar, too."

"Oh crap, sorry!" Gray unsnapped the ring, then raced to his bedroom and brought the key for the collar. "This is just for the shower," he said as he twisted the key into the tiny padlock. "Once you're dry, this is going back on."

"Are you not done?"

"Oh, hell no!" Gray growled lasciviously. He placed both leather items on the sink. "Did it chaff anywhere?"

"No, these are really nice. Good quality."

"I wanted the best for you."

That attentiveness deeply touched Natsu's heart. Gray must have put a lot of thought into these two items, two _decorations_ that marked Natsu as belonging to him.

"Into the shower, now!"

They scrambled over to the shower and stood close to one another. Gray could feel the heat of Natsu's body, who in turn could feel the slight chill of the Ice-Make wizard.

"Are you gonna turn on the water?"

"Not yet," Gray smirked. "I wanna feel your wet piss all over my skin, marking me. I wanna feel how hot it is and watch it come out of you. I wanna see your dick do what it does most, and I want everything that's inside of you, even this. All your filthiness. I want it all."

Natsu arched an eyebrow. "You have some weird-ass kinks."

"I know," he sighed. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine. It's just … weird."

Gray felt guilty, but this was also something he desperately desired. If Natsu would allow it, then he really wanted it. "Is it okay if I … if I _go_?"

"Yeah. At the same time?"

"I'd like that." Together, at the same time, their filth mixing. Yes! He wanted that.

They stood silently, staring down at their own cocks, yet nothing happened.

Natsu laughed tensely. "It's kinda hard to relax."

"I know." Gray gulped through his constricted throat. "I'm really nervous."

"Not so much _nervous_ ," Natsu muttered. "More like embarrassing."

"It's my first time doing this with someone, so I'm anxious, fidgety, can't calm down at all."

Natsu glanced up with amusement and tenderness. "First time? Really?"

Gray nodded, keeping his eyes down as he tried to calm his unsteady breaths. "You're the first person I've ever felt close enough toward to even dare ask."

Natsu's eyebrows shot up. This was more than some kink. It was something truly special for Gray, something he couldn't do with just any other lover. Knowing that firmed up Natsu's resolve. He almost laughed as he realized that now, after hearing Gray confess that, he was _determined_ to piss on the stripper. How weird was that!

He calmed himself and closed his eyes. Pretend it was a urinal. Gray was his urinal. As he thought about it more, he rather liked the idea of peeing on the ice wizard. He chuckled to himself. Pissing on Gray! Yes, he liked that. Piss on him for all the times Gray annoyed him, for all the fighting, rivalry, and bickering between them. Pee on the damn stripper, see how it shames him!

Finally, he relaxed enough, and the urine dripped out. Natsu hummed as the stream slowly got steady. He heard it hitting flesh before dripping to the ceramic tub.

Gray shuddered at the warm wetness. This was happening! It was really, truly happening. He let go of his nervousness and immediately began to pee. He looked down as the faintly yellow liquid hit Natsu. He let it blend with the stream coming out of Natsu's penis, and then he moved his dick to mark the Dragon Slayer's body. Letting go of that tight control, yet also being in control of what he did, when he did it, where he did it … shaming Natsu, reducing him to a urinal, something to be marked … like an animal!

His eyes turned up, gazing heatedly at Natsu through his lashes. The Dragon Slayer was watching him just as intently. Suddenly, synchronized silently through impassioned looks alone, they grabbed each other's cocks, just holding them, moving them to where they wanted to feel this hot liquid. Natsu's eyes fluttered down, and Gray wished he could smell arousal like a Dragon Slayer.

"G-Gray…"

"Are you okay?"

"You're marking me."

"Yes," he smiled. "You're pissing on me, too."

Natsu blushed as he opened his eyes again. "Do you like it?"

Gray had a placid smile that hid just how this was affecting him. "Very much." His gravelly, tense voice belied the prurient passion he felt from doing this kinky, intimate thing together.

Natsu smiled with relief. It was weird, but if it made Gray happy, that was enough. Then he looked down as he felt his bladder emptied.

"That's it. Sorry."

"No, that was wonderful," Gray praised. "Almost done."

"Then…"

Slowly, Natsu knelt down. He hesitated, but he opened his mouth and brought his face closer. Gray's heart went chaotic as he saw what Natsu was trying to do. The pee sputtered for a moment as his cock stiffened, yet he managed to gulp down hard and relax again. Natsu's eyes turned up, his mouth open, his tongue out, but still looking worried. Gray put a hand on the pink head. Then he brought his cock closer and aimed the stream.

Natsu smelled it, but he simply tried not to breathe too deeply. This was what Gray wanted. He kept thinking that as he felt hot liquid touch his tongue. He had swallowed Gray's cum before, so he figured he could do this. It wasn't much different. It came out of the same hole. A little liquid entered his mouth, and he swallowed. Instantly, he choked at the taste, but now Gray had a fist in his pink hair, keeping him in place.

"Take it," he ordered.

Natsu felt more in his mouth. He could say _Red_ , but he didn't want to. He wanted to share this experience with Gray. When the fingers in his hair loosened, Natsu did not pull away. His tongue reached out, and he licked the bottom of the cockhead. Gray began to bring himself closer, but Natsu pulled back sharply. Gray nodded in understanding. This was difficult for Natsu, so for this first time, he would only taste it a little.

"Enough," Gray decided. He pulled back and finished what little was left; letting the pee hit Natsu's neck and drip to the bathtub. "That … that was…"

Overwhelmed, Gray grabbed Natsu, hoisted him straight up, and grasped hold of him tightly, crushing him. Natsu was startled, but he felt Gray shivering. He was about to ask if he was okay when he heard a whisper repeating as the ice wizard spoke into the side of his neck.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh God, you're wonderful. Thank you. Thank you."

"Gray," Natsu sighed, stroking his hair.

"I don't know if I've ever been this happy before. Dammit!" He snuffled and wiped his nose.

Natsu laughed and shook his head reprovingly. "Just because you pissed on me, huh?"

"It's more than that!" Gray shouted.

"I know." Natsu smiled understandingly and rubbed Gray's shivering arms. "If you ever _really_ wanna do something like this, it's fine. Any weird kink, just ask me. I might like it."

"I'd be asking a lot of you."

"I can take it. I'm tough," Natsu smirked.

Gray knew that was an understatement. Natsu's strength was also in how he could fight his past demons, something Gray lacked. Natsu was powerful when doing something for a friend, whether if that was fighting a villain to protect a teammate, or fighting the terrors of the past to help Gray to experience a lifelong fantasy.

"I … _care_ for you … so much. So damn much!"

"I love you, too," Natsu said gently, stroking Gray's back. "Now, can we wash off?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"You smell like me."

"Oh? And what do you smell like?"

"I smell like piss."

Gray laughed as he twisted the faucet knobs and got the water adjusted to a lukewarm temperature that would work for both of them.

"I smell like _your_ piss. And I can still smell your cum. I'll probably be smelling your cum for a while."

"Eventually it'll all clear out."

"Hmmm … I wish I could smell it all the time."

They showered, and Gray scrubbed every bit of Natsu's body. They were both worn out, but that made them happy, relaxed, and perhaps a little silly. They teased each other for how they had acted, reliving that afternoon through jokes, including Natsu's "rawr" noises. Natsu did a weird dance in the shower that was something like a robotic dinosaur, and Gray laughed until the Dragon Slayer slipped. Gray grabbed Natsu before he fell, then held him up against the wall and kissed him hard. They moaned through wet kisses in the shower, but eventually they pulled away.

"Good makeup present?" Natsu asked.

Gray pressed his body up against the firm, fiery chest. "Very good. We can take a break, but there's something more I want to do."

"If you need a break, that's fine. I'm still horny as hell."

Gray shook his head. Really, Natsu's resilience in battle was practically legendary. Seeing that same endurance in their sensual playtime was immensely satisfying.

"I need a drink, that's all. I also need to arrange what I want to use next."

"Oh?" Natsu smirked, and being so close, Gray felt him twitch down below. "What more do you want to do to me?"

Gray stroked his finger down Natsu's nose and rested it on his bright lips. Deviously, he whispered, "You'll have to wait and see."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oooh, just wait until next update! Natsu might catch your screen on fire!_
> 
> _Thanks, Shoe, for beta-reading this behemoth chapter!_
> 
> _It's been pointed out that I tend to stick to Gray's viewpoint. I'm working on sharing POVs more. I found a good thesis on the psychology of submission. I'm a psychological sadist and physical masochist. I like being restrained, spanked, wax and ice and all that fun stuff, but I like ordering my man how I want pain inflicted on me, teasing him psychologically. I can't bring myself to physically inflict discomfort; I just love mentally tormenting him and ordering him around. Some call this "bottoming from the top" or "power bottom" or many other terms, but I prefer "psychological sadist and physical masochist." That's more accurate for me, personally. So while I understand the pleasure of PDR—pain, discomfort, restraint—I don't psychologically understand the mind frame of a "true" submissive. (I use the term very loosely to mean one who fully submits control, not one like me who retains control over the person "dominating" me.)_
> 
> _Because my habits are not the stereotypical dom/sub relationship (really, what is "typical" in BDSM?) it's easy for me to associate with that need to control another person, like Gray, so I tend to stick in his perspective. Up until now, I slip into Natsu's head only as he transmutes that pain into pleasure, like I do when I get my fun dose of PDR. I wanted to switch that in this chapter, get out of my comfort zone, push myself to understand what Natsu feels as he fully submits, and what Gray feels when he sees the pain/discomfort/restraint he gives to Natsu. It was an awkward experience as a writer, but the following website helped me to understand some of the psychology of being submissive, as well as comprehending my own mentality._  
> <http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Understanding_Submission>


	30. Blindfolded and Beautiful

After Gray got out of the shower, he immediately went to warm up more tea. All the panting and groaning had worn out his throat, leaving it scratchy and raw. Tea, some lemon, a bit of sugar, and hot to ease the ache. He got the kettle boiling and looked through a cabinet to figure out which tea would be best.

Shortly after him, Natsu walked out of the steamy bathroom and strode around the apartment naked, not bothering to dress since Gray had mentioned that _playtime_ was not over.

As Gray brewed tea, he watched that fit body, how Natsu's penis hung loose, foreskin hooding the head, yet still an impressive sight flaccid like that, those muscles flexing and stretching, the lines of his hips, the tautness of his chest, and how his Fairy Tail tattoo gleamed like fire against his pale skin.

Gray shook his head. Weird words were flitting across his brain: graceful, handsome, alluring, gorgeous. Sure, Natsu was not bad looking, but … gorgeous? That was a term that applied for ladies with luscious hair and curvy bodies. He had honestly never thought of a male as being gorgeous before. Hot and sexy, sure … but lovely? Beautiful? Not even his ex-boyfriend had been associated with words like that.

Natsu gazed out the window and down to the street traffic going by the apartment. Even if someone looked up, the window shielded him from the waist down. He wondered if people out there had heard him. Were Gray's neighbors even home yet? It was barely afternoon.

"Hungry?" Gray called over.

Natsu glanced into the kitchen and froze. Gray had an apron tied around him as he fixed what smelled like tuna salad. His back was to Natsu, and the ties around the apron formed a droopy bow that trailed down Gray's waist to his ass. Natsu stared at those muscular globes, the scars on Gray's body, the firmness of his leg muscles, and how his wet hair hung slightly to his shoulders. Natsu was used to seeing Gray naked ever since they were kids, but now … why was this so different?

"Natsu?"

The Dragon Slayer jolted out of his distraction. "Sure!" he shouted, realizing his voice was far too loud. "Uh, I mean, we skipped lunch. Food would be nice."

"Good. You'll need energy."

Need it? Natsu realized why, too. Gray was not done. He was not sated yet. Honestly, neither was Natsu. After two weeks of watching out, being cautious, unable to fully enjoy one another, although plenty of sexy things happened, today he wanted to go all out. He wanted to touch Gray everywhere, and to be touched. He wanted to taste Gray, and have himself be tasted. Suck, lick, devour, mark each other, again and again. Once was not enough!

Gray turned around, but his eyes were instantly drawn to the lengthening member. It was not erect yet, but it was stirring, that much was obvious.

"Oh? What naughty things are you thinking about?" he asked with a haughty smirk tugging at his lips.

Natsu jolted, looked down, and turned away in shame.

"Do you like seeing me wearing an apron?"

"As if!" Natsu snapped irritable. _Damn stripper! Damn stupid horny ice princess!_

Gray crept up behind the Dragon Slayer and slithered his arms around the muscular waist. Natsu could smell the forest scent, the muskiness that was unique to this man alone, and something else. Himself! His own smell had worked its way into Gray's aroma, like a campfire smoking in a forest clearing. It was a blend of aromas, the smell of a couple, and it intoxicated Natsu, leaving him dizzy.

A cold whisper hissed into his ear. "Do you know what clothes I'd like to see my lover wear?"

Natsu had to admit, he was curious. If he could wear something that would arouse Gray…

"High heels and a corset."

Natsu yanked away in anger. Women's sexy clothes? "Bastard!" he shouted. "If you want that, why are you with me? Go find yourself a woman."

Gray gave a soft sigh. "I meant on you, stupid."

Natsu's mouth dropped. "On … me? Whuh? Why?"

Gray shrugged nonchalantly. "Because it'd be hot? It'd humiliate you. Corsets can be really uncomfortable. It'd be sweet pain, having you wear one. Plus I think you'd like the heels."

"Why the hell would I like high heels?" Natsu realized he was practically shrieking.

A smile curled onto Gray's face. "Because you have a foot fetish. It's just a guess, but I think you'd really like wearing heels."

Natsu pouted sullenly as he looked away and mumbled, "Is that what you plan to do next?"

"No. I don't have a corset—they're rather expensive—and I don't think they make heels in your size."

"Obviously not!"

Gray had an infuriatingly patient face. "Sit down."

After scowling, Natsu flopped onto the couch. Gray knelt in front of him, picked up Natsu's foot, and rubbed it in a massage. Natsu's tense body slumped. How could a damn foot rub feel so good? Too good! The more Gray touched his foot with his icy fingers, the more aroused Natsu got. His hands rushed down to hide it while his face turned pink.

"Yes, I'm pretty sure you would like your feet decorated. You don't even have to walk on the heels. Just wearing them in bed…"

Natsu gulped hard. In bed?

"… allowing me to admire your feet, touch them, kiss them…" Gray leaned over and planted his lips on Natsu's big toe. Just that much made Natsu groan quietly, struggling to hold back anything more. "Fetishes are strange and wonderful. We don't always understand why we have them, and explaining them can be awkward as hell. I know that better than anyone. We've discovered that you have one, and now I want to see what things I can do with a foot fetish. I've never known someone who had one, so I had to look up what the possibilities are."

Natsu jolted out of his daze. "Look it up?"

Gray was focused on rubbing the foot, but a smile tweaked his thin lips. "After we … had that trouble," he said cautiously, wanting to avoid bringing up their brief breakup, "I went and bought a book on foot fetishes. Sadly, it mostly pertains to women…"

"So that's why you said heels."

"No, that's just a fantasy of mine."

"To dress me up like a woman?"

"To humiliate you, and by the way you're reacting, it would work damn well."

Hardly thinking, Natsu threw a punch at Gray's face, and with practiced ease from their many fights, Gray let go of Natsu's foot and caught the fist.

"Not even flames?" he asked, looking at Natsu's hand trapped in his cold fingers. "That must mean, on some deeply subconscious level, you don't mind the idea."

"Like hell!" Natsu seethed.

Gray chuckled and pulled away. Natsu was so easy to tease, but it was incredibly hard to hold back from doing far more to him. As the ice wizard walked back to the kitchen, Natsu's eyes were again drawn to how those apron strings dangled over Gray's buttocks.

"Are you staring at my ass again?" he called back, not turning around.

Natsu growled and looked away. "Of course not! Stupid stripper."

Gray returned carrying two small plates with sandwiches and sliced peaches. Natsu dug into the sandwich, far more hungry than he had first imagined. Gray sat at his table, still naked and damp, and drank deeply from a mug. The tea soothed out the pain in his throat and relaxed his flustered mind.

"Was it all right?" Gray asked quietly. He bit into a peach, and its juice dribbled down his chin. He quickly wiped it with a napkin.

"Food's good," Natsu said with his mouth full.

"I mean earlier. Did you like it?"

"Obviously I did!"

"Even … even the leash?" Gray glanced over worriedly. That had been something Natsu once specifically said he did not want, so to return to it was technically ignoring Natsu's needs.

"You treated me like a dragon, with respect, so it was fine."

"I still demanded you to follow me at the end."

Natsu chuckled and gulped some tea. "You were just eager. I can forgive that."

Gray looked down, debating if he dared to press his luck. "Would it be okay to try it again?"

"Sure," Natsu said casually.

Gray let out a sigh of relief. He hardly realized just how tense his muscles had been until they all went limp. Muttering, he asked, "Why do you spoil me?"

"I don't. I only agree to what I want. You're the one spoiling me."

"You agree to almost everything, though. Realize, you're allowed to tell me no."

"I know that," Natsu nodded. "I've said no to some things."

"Still…"

"Gray."

The ice wizard looked over anxiously, only to find a slice of peach shoved roughly into his mouth.

"Shut up already." Natsu shook his head in amusement at the worrying wizard.

Gray chewed the peach and ate his sandwich in silence. Once they were finished, they carried their plates to the kitchen. Natsu offered to wash them, and Gray went to the bedroom.

Transitioning from average, normal life—eating and chatting—into their little sensual fantasy world was always just a little awkward. If it was heat-of-the-moment passion, that was one thing. Setting up a scene was quite another. Gray had a vague idea about what he wanted to happen, but now he had to pick the tools. He glanced out the bedroom door, but Natsu was still facing the sink. Gray opened his chest of supplies and began to search.

"This, and this … this one … no, not that one. _This_ one. Maybe? Oh, and we might need these."

"Are you done?" came an impatient shout from the other room.

"No," he cried out, finding his voice to be shrill. He grumbled to himself, "Dammit, calm down."

Gray began to line things up on a dresser. He rearranged items as he planned out in his head how he wanted this to go.

"Oh crap, do I even have … wait, I can use … no, that wouldn't work at all. Screw it!" he growled. He grabbed a cloth and ran to the kitchen.

Natsu was on the couch, still naked, glancing at the pictures in a _Sorcerer Magazine_. He looked up, but he saw determination in Gray's face as he marched swiftly by. Natsu was intensely curious what the guy was planning so precisely. He never realized that their scenes took planning. They just happened. Or so he thought. He remembered how much trouble he had gone through when setting up the "lunch" for Gray, cutting up meat and cheese and digging through a whole jar of olives to find ones that fit on his toes. To go to so much trouble, Gray must be planning something just as special.

Gray returned, still holding a cloth, but with a citrus smell following him. Natsu watched him, but Gray did not even glance over.

"Will it hurt?"

That made the ice wizard stumble, as if he just now realized someone else was in his house. He looked over to Natsu, but his startled eyes softened and narrowed lecherously.

"Oh yes!" he promised, and he continued on his way to the bedroom.

Natsu's heart fluttered at that. There was fear in pain, but the fear filled him with excitement, the same rush he got just before battling an enemy. Pain was to be feared but also accepted. Fear could wound you deeply, or it could be used as a weapon. Best to accept the pain, the fear, and transmute it into something greater. Pain led to victory. Natsu found himself licking his lips as he imagined the pain and what victorious pleasures it would bring him.

He heard some rummaging around, and then Gray called out, "Do you really prefer my ice? Would you want to try ropes? Ice might not be ideal this time. Can't figure out where to attach it, anyway."

Natsu gulped hard. "Ropes are good. They might burn, though."

"I bought fireproof rope. It should be fine, even for you."

Where did Gray get the money to buy all this kinky stuff? Then again, rope was inexpensive.

"Close your eyes. Don't open them at all."

Natsu chuckled and played along. "Okay."

He heard Gray walk in, but he kept his eyes closed. "Really, don't open them."

Something was put over Natsu's head and pressed against his ears. Earmuffs? Headphones?

"Gray?" He knew he said the name, but he did not hear his own voice. "Gray!" Natsu felt his throat vibrate. Definitely, he was speaking, but no sound at all reached him. Even if they were normal earmuffs, he would be able to hear his voice, his breathing, or the pulsing rush of his own heartbeat. Instead, it was as if the whole world had vanished into oblivion.

Suddenly, the item was pulled away. "Perfect."

Natsu's eyes opened wide. "What the hell was that?"

"You'll see," Gray smirked, heading back to the bedroom.

Natsu's pulse raced faster, thrumming through his body. _What the hell is he planning?_

"Okay, come in. No! No wait."

Natsu sighed. This was a lot of hassle for sex. Of course, with Gray, it was rarely _just_ sex.

Gray finally stepped out of the bedroom. He was wearing tight jeans and a form-fitting, sleeveless, black shirt with a neckline that went up his throat. The shirt clung to him so tightly, Natsu could see every contour of Gray's muscles. He wondered why Gray had just now decided to get dressed after eating lunch and preparing everything stark naked.

Still, Natsu had to admit that Gray was _damn sexy_ wearing those tight clothes.

"Stand up," he ordered, and Natsu hurriedly complied. Gray was speaking in the deeper tone he used when he wanted to take control. Then Gray handed Natsu a tiny strip of clothing. "Wear this."

Natsu held it between his hands. It was a white jockstrap.

"What the hell?" Natsu whispered, blushing at the sight of it.

"Put it on," Gray ordered.

"I thought we were going to use the cock ring."

"You shouldn't wear that for more than fifteen minutes. We'll get to that eventually."

Eventually? Which meant that whatever extra Gray had planned, he was expecting to spend far longer than fifteen minutes. This was going to be slow and torturous, and the thought of that prickled Natsu's nerves.

"Now, no more talking. Put it on."

With a sigh and a shrug, Natsu pulled the underwear on and adjusted himself to fit inside. So much for staying naked so they would not waste time undressing!

"Good. Now…" Gray pulled out the white collar and began to wrap it around Natsu's neck.

As he was collared, Natsu could hardly help but notice the contrast between Gray's black clothes that covered him up, and his white clothes that revealed almost everything. He did not understand why wearing clothes like this was even more humiliating than being naked, but somehow that was the case.

Gray locked the collar in place and tucked the key into his back pocket. Then he stepped back and admired his pink-haired submissive.

"Perfect," he whispered, eying everything about Natsu. "Down on your knees." Natsu dropped to the rug. "Lean over, hands on the ground. Good. Keep your eyes lowered. Now, lean your head down but keep your butt in the air."

Natsu felt the pull of the jockstrap and how it completely exposed his ass. He could almost feel Gray's stare as he admired the sight of Natsu kowtowing with his butt raised like an eager bitch in heat.

"You've been bad, Natsu."

Hearing that sent an electric thrill through Natsu's muscles. So, this was punishment time!

"You really put me through a lot," Gray said in a smooth but accusing tone. "You invited me to your house despite knowing I couldn't have sex. You even had me sleep in your bed, as if being near you wasn't tempting enough."

Natsu cringed at the truth of those words. Why had he offered that to Gray? Why did he have them sleep together? He knew it would be torture, but he had been selfish. He had not thought about how this edged Gray into desperation.

"Then you seduced me," Gray said in a low growl. "You fucking _seduced_ me. You and your tempting ass."

Natsu suddenly felt Gray's hand slap him hard. He gasped in shock, but he kept his head down.

"Then you scared the hell out of me. Do you have _any_ clue how terrified I was when you licked my blood?" he shouted down at the prostrate Dragon Slayer. "You knew better, dammit!"

Another slap hit his ass. Natsu cringed at the truth to Gray's words. It hurt to hear it, but he wanted to face what he had done. The pain in his heart far outweighed the pain to his flesh, and that imbalance made him crave more pain. He should hurt equally as much as his aching heart.

"I was scared to death," Gray went on, walking slowly around Natsu. "You know how I feel about you, and you know that emotion scares me. I've had nightmares of confessing only to lose you. Nightmares!"

He slapped Natsu's butt with a resounding _smack_.

"I'm terrified that feeling this way will damn you to an early death, just like what happened to everyone else. And what did you do? Potentially put yourself at risk."

Gray spanked him again, and Natsu shuddered at the sweet pain.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered.

Gray dropped down and put his head near Natsu's lowered face. "What was that?"

"Sorry," Natsu whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" he questioned, and Natsu could hear the sardonic smile in Gray's voice. "Do you think a simple _sorry_ is enough? You made me so mad and so scared that I had to push you away. I didn't want to, Natsu. I hated myself for doing that. Then you made me feel like I was the one who was guilty. I'm not the bad man in this. I was sick, you knew it, and you seduced me anyway. So, how should I punish you?"

Natsu gasped softly, trying to hold back more noise. Punishment! He still felt guilty for putting Gray through all that. Gray was about the beat the darkness out of him again. He would get beaten and then fucked. Natsu got hard thinking about that cathartic release from guilt, and he felt the discomfort in how the jockstrap restrained him. That little bit of cloth told him that he was not going to get sex yet. Lots of sweet fun laid in store first.

Gray chuckled lowly. "Get up. Your punishment is in the bedroom."

Slowly, shaking with arousal pain and flooding hormones, Natsu rose off the floor. Gray grabbed the ring of his collar and yanked Natsu forward, roughly dragging him to his doom. They went to the bedroom, and Natsu saw a dresser with many items on it all laid in a row like medical tools in an operating room. Some he knew: the riding crop, the paddle, the vibrating butt plug; but some he did not know, like a stick with feathers on the end, something that looked like a mask, and a bar with cuffs.

Suddenly, Natsu felt frigid air on his ear. "Do you think you deserve pleasure yet? Or should you be punished first?"

Natsu wondered if Gray really was giving him the option. He wanted Gray to pleasure him, but he also felt deeply guilty now. There was no way he could enjoy sex with the guilt nagging his heart. That dark emotion needed to be purged before he could take pleasure in anything.

"I … I need to be … p-punished."

A cold finger stroked his neck just above the collar. "I agree," Gray said with wry amusement. "Now, how should I punish you?"

"Gray," Natsu sighed.

"Shhh. No talking. The only sounds I want to hear are your moans."

Natsu hissed between his teeth at hearing that.

"Do you want it beaten out of you?"

"Yes!" Natsu breathed.

"What'd I say? No talking. Only moans."

"Nnngh!"

"Better. I love to hear that. Now, stand here, right beside the bed. Don't move."

Gray walked over to the dresser and picked up the straight bar. Natsu stared at it, no clue in his mind what it could be. Gray knelt behind him and wrapped one of the cuffs onto Natsu's ankle.

"Spread 'em," he ordered.

Natsu moved his feet apart, and Gray attached the other cuff to the left ankle. Natsu stood there, so spread that his balls hung, and no way to close his legs together. He was stuck in this spread position. The feeling of being trapped, locked in, and exposed made his heart flutter.

"Now carefully lean over and lie your top body on the bed."

Breathing harder with each command, Natsu leaned down with his feet still planted on the ground. Gray walked around the bed and pulled up some rope. It was connected somewhere under the bed, probably tied directly to the frame. Gray yanked Natsu's arms up and began to wrap cords of rope around his wrists. Around and around, the rope bound his wrists and forearms. Natsu watched as the bondage looked almost beautiful, tied so perfectly. Once he was tied up, Gray pulled on the end of the rope, and Natsu was yanked across the bed, arms stretched until his shoulders ached.

Now, he really could not move. His legs were bound and spread, making walking utterly impossible. The rope felt rough, cords pressing into flesh. Natsu knew that if he pulled too hard, he would have bruises on his wrists again.

"You're so slutty, spread like this."

Natsu cringed at the humiliation.

"Spread apart, hanging down."

Gray grabbed the jockstrap and the balls hanging heavily in the cloth. Natsu gasped and panted at the cold hands. He tried to close his legs, but the spreader bar immobilized him.

"You're so tempting, Natsu," Gray moaned. His lips ghosted over the exposed buttocks. "Just like this, you seduce me. You make me so hard, it hurts. Just like this." His body leaned over Natsu, covering his back and pressing him into the mattress. "If having you standing here gets me _this_ aroused—" Gray thrust the lump in his jeans up against Natsu's bare ass. "—do you have any idea how tempting you are when you sleep? Yet you invited me to stay at your house. You promised you would be good. You broke your promise. That deserves punishment."

Gray rose back up and walked to the drawer. Natsu dared a glance over at him, gasping for air, dizzy with lust. Gray picked up both the riding crop and the paddle. Then he walked over and stood in front of Natsu. He held both items in his hands.

"Which one of these will punish you?"

Natsu felt stunned. Was Gray actually giving him the choice? Which had he liked more? The riding crop had been the first, and it had hurt. The paddle, with its metal studs, had hurt far worse. The crop made a loud smack against his flesh, while the paddle was slightly more dull. Natsu had loved both.

"You may speak, but pick only one," Gray warned, seeing the look in Natsu's face.

He gulped hard and hesitantly decided, "The paddle."

Gray smiled as if he had already known the answer. "Do you want me to paddle your ass?"

"Nnngh!" Natsu moaned.

"Oh God," Gray gasped. He grabbed Natsu's chin and yanked it up. Fervently, he crashed his lips against Natsu's. It was a desperate kiss, and Natsu sensed the feelings in it. This was Gray's way of saying _I love you_.

After that passionate kiss. Gray turned away so sharply, Natsu was left with his lips parted and wet. The ice wizard strode to the dresser, put the riding crop away, and walked back over to the end of the bed.

"Paddling, then. I was supposed to stay away from you for two weeks. Fourteen days. You couldn't behave for even fourteen fucking days! So you get fourteen paddles, one for each day, and each hit will purge you from the sin of tempting me on that day. Count them!"

Natsu closed his eyes, tense and waiting for the pain. It came soon enough, a firm and flat hit, but the metallic studs punched deeper into his flesh, down into muscle, leaving behind pain and bruising.

"One," he gritted out. It hurt, but it was punishment. Fairy Tail wizards had to accept punishment whenever they did something bad. And he had been bad. He was a bad dragon. So bad…

_Smack!_

"Nngh … two."

_Smack!_

"Argh … th-three."

He had tempted Gray so quickly. They had only spent three days apart before the separation became unendurable. Natsu had not even lasted three days.

_Smack!_

Natsu's fists clutched the bed covers. It hurt. It hurt so bad! "F-f-four."

For a split second, Natsu considered using a safeword. He did not remember the paddle hurting this much. Maybe Gray was swinging it harder, now that he was used to the weight of it. Maybe Natsu was just imagining it as hurting more. Whatever the case, Natsu felt tears about to come to his eyes. He opened his mouth, about to say _Yellow_.

That was when Gray's cold hand touched the fiery flesh, and the chill soothed the pain. Natsu shuddered as those fingers tenderly caressed him. His knees felt so weak, he thought he could fall right there, despite the spreader bar.

"Good job. Is four enough?"

How did he know? How did Gray figure out that this was almost Natsu's limit? Natsu did not trust his throat. He was pretty sure any words would just choke up. He nodded instead.

"I'm sorry if that was harsh," Gray whispered so tenderly, Natsu wanted to sob. "How about I do the other ten with my own hand?"

Somehow, that sounded more … intimate. Gray would do it himself. Slapping him would hurt Gray as well. He was willing to experience pain along with Natsu, all so the Dragon Slayer could have his release from the darkness in his heart.

Gray sat on the bed and pulled Natsu around, since the spreader bar made walking impossible. Then he leaned Natsu over his lap. Natsu felt Gray's legs, and his cock was pressed up against the muscular thigh in its black jeans.

"Don't bother counting," Gray said gently.

Natsu felt burning in his eyes. Gray was really spoiling him now.

The smack to his butt was gentle, and immediately Gray rubbed it out. Those fingers rubbed over pained areas where the metal studs had bruised deeply. The next smack was also just a swat, no pain at all, followed by tender rubbing. Somehow, this was not enough for Natsu. It was _too_ gentle. The pain in his heart was not being balanced at all.

"More," he whispered.

"Shh. No talking." Those words were so gentle and loving. It was like Gray was telling him that he knew precisely what Natsu really needed.

And that need was an open-handed, fiery smack that took Natsu by surprise. It was so hard, even Gray hissed and shook out his hand.

"Yessss," Natsu growled. This was the pain he craved, pain that balanced and ate away at the ache in his chest.

"Did you like that?"

Natsu nodded, keeping obediently silent.

"Such a masochist."

It was true. The pain no longer scared him. He _craved_ it. He wanted Gray's hand to purge him.

"Tell me," Natsu whispered. That was all he said, and he hoped Gray understood his need.

Icy fingers stroked up his spine. "You were really bad. So naughty. So slutty. Tempting me. Torturing me. Scaring me. You deserve your punishment."

 _Yes!_ Yes he did! For scaring Gray, for not realizing how much the ice wizard might fear for his life, and how his own phobias would be tormented with dread for Natsu's safety through that time of sickness … for not being understanding toward Gray's heart, he deserved punishment.

The smack came, and Natsu almost sighed in relief. It was like Gray's hand had pushed some of the black sin out of his soul. Then another smack hitting the other butt cheek, and Natsu groaned with such deep pleasure, he hardly understood where it came from.

"Five more," Gray said. "Do you want it harder? Would you like the riding crop?"

Harder! Yes! He wanted this blackness gone. Five more hits. Those would represent the worst of his actions, those last five days, when he had tempted Gray, put food on his body, touched him with the glove, bit him, licked his blood, and made Gray so scared. Then those three days apart, which had made Natsu depressed, but which were probably far worse for Gray, living with the guilt of having to push Natsu away just to keep him safe, fearing that anything more might put the Dragon Slayer's life at risk. Natsu understood now, it was due to Gray's phobia, his fear that a cursed emotion of _love_ would kill Natsu.

Gray placed Natsu on the bed again, still tied up with rope. He could not move, and that was good, because he would have been wriggling too much at this point. He turned his head and watched Gray in his black outfit, a bulge in his trousers, walking to the dresser. He pulled forward the riding crop and stalked back over to Natsu.

"This will be the tenth one," he said. "Count them." He sounded so cold and harsh now, but it was what Natsu craved.

There was no waiting. The strike came, and Natsu had forgotten just how sharply the riding crop hit. It was not spread out like the paddle or Gray's hand. It was like a whip slapping into his skin so hard, he thought the flesh might split apart.

"Count!"

Natsu clenched his teeth. "Ten."

 _Snap!_ Another strike hit hard and spiked pain through his ass, all the way up his spine to his heart, shredding apart the darkness.

"Eleven!"

_Wuh-crack!_

"Shit!" Natsu cried out, but not so much from fleshly pain. The blackness was struggling to stay in place, and the strikes were driving it all away, like the whip cracks of a cowboy driving buffalo into a stampede. "Twelve!"

More! He wanted more. He steeled himself, but he craved it to be harder.

"Harder?" Gray asked impassively.

"Yes," Natsu screamed, clenching the sheets to keep his nails from breaking the skin of his palms.

He could hear the whistle through the air of the riding crop just a split second before the crack splintered his mind into shards. He did not even scream this time. He gasped! This was what he needed. One more. Just one more!

"Thirteen…"

"No more darkness," Gray whispered raspily.

 _Whiss-spak!_ It struck so hard, Natsu was sure he would be bleeding. He even thought he felt liquid dripping down his legs, but as he snuffled, he smell only pre-cum. It had leaked, dripping through the jockstrap, and slithered down his inner thigh. With the spreader bar, he could not close his legs.

"You're gonna come, right here," Gray said, rubbing Natsu's ass. "Come in this jockstrap."

Natsu shook his head. Coming while wearing something … that was too humiliating.

Gray walked back over and returned with the butt plug. Natsu's teary eyes widened. He wasn't joking!

"I wanna see you mess yourself up while wearing it."

Gray rubbed lube on the plug, and then slowly, gently, eased it into Natsu through the opened bareness of the jockstrap that exposed his ass so perfectly. He was already loose from earlier, and it slipped in, fitting in place. Then Gray turned on the vibrations. Natsu cried out, eyes wide, overwhelmed as pleasure flooded away all the pain.

"I want to see you fall apart. I wanna watch!"

Gray knelt beside Natsu's torso, and the Dragon Slayer could do nothing. His hands were restrained and pulled toward the other edge of the bed; his feet were stuck; he was helpless and restrained, completely at Gray's mercy.

And he got no mercy from the Ice-Make wizard.

Gray stroked Natsu through the white jockstrap. Natsu shook his head. He was so aroused, so ready to go, but … while wearing something? It was more embarrassing than when he had pissed in his clothes. To come while wearing something, to lose himself while clothed…

"G-Gray!"

The vibrator purred sadistically, pleasuring him with no effort at all, and Gray stayed knelt beside him, stroking, watching, waiting to see the moment when Natsu honestly lost control. Natsu did not want him to see that. Watching while naked was fine, but messing himself…

"You're making this wet," Gray whispered, utterly enthralled. He thumbed over a moist spot in the fabric. "It's white, and the liquid makes it almost see-through. I can practically see your dick hiding in there."

"No…" he whimpered, knees shaking. "Please, Gray."

"You want to obey me, right? You want to learn how to be submissive."

Natsu buried his face down. He wanted to close off his legs, hold himself back, but the spreader prevented it. He felt his balls grow heavier, as if they were swelling with impending release. He could smell the pre-cum, and his skin felt the moistness on the fabric. Gray's hand kept stroking, rubbing him faster. Natsu heard heavy breathing from Gray. He could not look that far down, but he wondered if Gray was touching himself. He wondered if seeing him leaking in the underwear was that arousing. He could smell Gray's sexual scent increasing.

"Nnngh … Gray." He was so close. So close.

"Just let go, Natsu," he whispered.

"Not in my _… nnngh_ … in my clothes."

"Yes, wearing this. I want it to be messy."

Natsu gasped and yanked on the ropes hard. "No!"

"Relax."

"No!" he screamed.

Gray rubbed his back. "Natsu?"

His voice was filled with so much concern. Natsu realized that Gray was probably worried if this was pushing his limit. That was not it, though. It was simply too humiliating.

"Not _… nnngh_ … not Yellow," he whispered.

Gray let out a sigh of relief. "Good."

"Gray," he weakly cried.

"Do you need more?"

Gray massaged the lump tenting the jockstrap tightly. Then his other hand reached to the bare backside and palmed the butt plug in deeper in rhythm to his other hand. Natsu's head shot up, and he cried out loudly. Gray felt wetness on his hand, and as he watched, the white jockstrap turned darker with spilled liquid. The thick fluid leaked through the underwear, squishing through the weave of the fabric, and dripped down to the bedroom floor. Gray watched, stunned by how potently seeing that affected him. He knew it would be kinky to have Natsu come in clothes, but he honestly felt like he was about to come as well, tight jeans notwithstanding.

"Please," Natsu begging weakly. He was not sure what, but he needed something. "Please."

Gray turned off the vibrator, slid it out gently, unstrapped the ankle cuffs on the spreader bar, shimmied the wet jockstrap down, and untied the ropes binding the wrists. Natsu's whole body had gone limp, so Gray lifted Natsu up and placed him on the bed, his head on the pillows, resting as he breathed hard. Gray laid beside him, stroking Natsu's damp pink hair and smiling down at him.

"That was insanely wonderful," Gray praised. "You were so sexy."

"Too tired now," Natsu panted, eyes closed, ready to fall asleep.

"I think that's fine. You don't need to be aroused for the next part."

"Next?" Natsu forced his eyes open. "More?"

The stormy blue eyes glanced him over. "Do you want more?"

Natsu thought about it. He was so tired, emotionally exhausted, and he hurt. Lying on his back like this reminded him of the pain in his ass. He wanted sleep, but he wanted Gray to keep going.

"We can stop."

"No!" The word blurted out so quickly, Natsu hardly realized he said it. "More. Just … rest. Need to rest."

"You'll get to rest. All I need to do is handcuff you and put some stuff on you. You don't need to move a muscle."

"Stuff?" Natsu asked warily. "What sort of stuff?"

Gray had a mischievous smile as his stormy blue eyes gleamed. "Oh, you'll _love_ it."

Gray raised Natsu's arms for him, placing them above his head, resting on the pillow, and iced them to the headboard in a way that would be comfortable. Natsu laid still, relaxed and limp. Gray smiled down at him and stroked his flushed cheek.

"First thing," Gray whispered.

He walked back to the dresser with his supplies all lined up and lifted something. When he climbed back onto the bed, he stared down into Natsu's face. Rarely did he ever really _look_ at Natsu, but for some reason, today he was noticing things he never had before. He soaked in everything about the Dragon Slayer's face: the round shape, how his cheeks still looked childish, the tiny button nose, the parted lips still panting with exhaustion, the sharp canine teeth peeking through, and his eyes…

"You have beautiful eyes," he whispered, not realizing he said that out loud.

Natsu blinked in surprise. A compliment like that from Gray was totally unexpected.

Gray jolted when he realized he spoke those words aloud. He blushed a bit and looked away. "I … I'm going to blindfold you," he warned, pressing past that awkwardness.

"Why?" Natsu asked sharply. Now he wanted Gray to look at his eyes more. He liked being told he was beautiful. It warmed him up inside.

Gray slipped an eye mask over Natsu's face, adjusting the elastic band until it seemed comfortable. Natsu instinctively flinched away. With nothing to see, his heart began to race in a panic.

Gray's voice went deep and seductive again. "This is what I meant earlier by sensory deprivation. I'm going to take away your senses one by one. You'll just lie there. You don't have to move. The next thing I'm putting on is a plain mask, like when you have a cough, but it's scented. You'll smell only the citrus, nothing else."

Natsu felt a cloth cover his nose and mouth, and then the elastic bands of the mask hooked around his head. His sensitive nose was inundated with the smell of lemons, just like he had smelled when Gray raced to the kitchen. Had he been preparing this part? It was so strong, it was all Natsu smelled and all he could taste.

"The last piece are the noise-canceling headphones I had you try on earlier. They're magical, and there's a setting that will completely render you deaf. I figured this was the only way to block the hearing of a person like you. Once I put these on, you won't hear me, so I'll explain this to you now. Focus on the pleasure, all the sensations I give to your body. When you can't see it coming, can't smell my approach, can't hear anything at all, you can feel it better. Where will you be touched next? What am I about to do? What will I use on you? You have good ears and a good nose already, but this will heighten your sense of touch. You feel it more when you don't know what's coming. If it's too much, say the safewords, or just tell me what you need. I can give you back any of your sensations if you really can't handle it. Don't be stubborn. Some people simply can't handle this, and I don't want you freaking out again."

Gray set the headphones over Natsu's ears. Instantly, all sounds vanished. Natsu gasped, but he inhaled lemon. When he whispered, "Gray?" he again realized that no sound reached his eardrums. The world around him had vanished.

Gray walked over to his dresser and pulled off the feathered stick. He caressed Natsu's hip with the feathers, and the Dragon Slayer jolted harshly away with a cry. By how loud it was, it was obvious that Natsu could not hear himself, and therefore the volume of his voice had no control.

"Perfect," Gray smiled. "You'll yell a lot louder when you can't tell just how noisy you are, and I can say anything to you. Anything at all. I don't have to be embarrassed or worried about saying the wrong thing and having you freak out. Maybe … could I even tell you that? It's not a confession if you can't hear me, right?"

He lazily drew patterns on Natsu's torso with the feather stick and watched those muscles tense and cord up.

"I know I … I … have feelings. Feelings of … of l-love." Gray gulped hard and focused on the feathers sliding over Natsu's body. "It's not like I haven't already admitted this much to myself. I feel … love … toward you. I already know that. I've known that for a while now, and see, you're still alive. So admitting it to myself is safe. I was really scared that just that much was cursed too, but it's not. Admitting that I … that … I…" His heart was pounding so hard, he felt dizzy. "Love. I … love…" He gulped and felt his palms sweating in terror. "…you."

He froze, the feather stick pulled back, and he looked at Natsu with dreading anticipation. However, the Dragon Slayer's face was gazing around obliviously, blind and deaf to everything.

"Saying this when you can't hear me, it's not a confession," Gray said insistently. "It's just me speaking out loud what I've known in my heart for a while. I … love … you." He still flinched, terrified something awful would happen. He even looked around the bedroom in paranoia. "Like this, it's okay to say it. You can't hear me. It's safe. I hope to God it's safe," he muttered.

"Gray?" Natsu asked, breathing hard as he waited for something more to happen.

He stretched out and cradled Natsu's cheek with his hand. "My beloved," he whispered. "I say _love_ every time I call you that. Do you realize that? It's like building up a tolerance to poison, ingesting it little by little, but keeping things safe." He lifted the mask, and Natsu gasped at the fresh air. Gray rubbed his thumb over Natsu's lower lip. "Do you have any clue how many nights I've woken up from nightmares of you dying in front of me, like what I had to watch with my family? Every tiny step I take gives me nightmares. I'm pretty sure this will, too. But I know you're facing the same. I don't know how to heal you, no more than you know how to heal me. We're so fucked up, Natsu. We're seriously the worst people for each other, but … but I don't want anyone else … because…" He leaned in close enough to feel the breaths escaping Natsu's mouth. "I love you."

Then Gray kissed him. Natsu jolted at the touch and gentle taste. Gray's smell pushed aside the overwhelming lemon. It was like smelling a lemon tree in the midst of a snowy forest, so odd together.

Gray pulled back and gazed at those red lips. "I love you," he said softly with a smile. "I can't tell you directly. Even though you know, even though I can admit it to myself, I can't say the damn words. One day, though. One day, I'll confess to you. I'll tell you directly, so you can hear me say it. Just put up with me, and keep healing me. Like this, little by little, I'm building a tolerance to that poisonous fear. I'm slowly progressing, just like you are. I wanna say it—so damn much it burns me inside—but I can't yet. I'm still too scared to lose you. So keep being patient with me until the day I can. I don't think it'd change anything between us, but … it'd still be nice, being able to tell you directly." He leaned over Natsu's chest and spoke with his lips fluttering over the frantically beating heart. "I love you." He kissed that heart that had won him over, and slowly he lowered the mask back over Natsu's nose and mouth.

For Natsu, the world had gone silent. He felt tickles, Gray had kissed him at one point, but otherwise, the outside world had vanished. He wondered what was going on. Gray seemed to do things, but then he would stop. A full minute sometimes passed before he did more. Was Gray doing anything? Was he preparing things? What was happening?

Each touch shocked him. They were all so gentle, though. Natsu was left trying to guess what each item was. He figured out one must be the feathers. They tickled. Another felt like satin or silk. Something else was fuzzy, like fur. Another item prickled, like spikes rolling over his skin. He was confused what Gray was getting at with all this, but he supposed it was arousing to the ice wizard. Besides, it allowed Natsu time to rest and recover his strength.

He felt sudden tightness wrap around his penis. Was that the cock ring? If Gray was putting it on, that must mean the finale was coming up. Just thinking about it made Natsu excited, and he felt the pulsing of his own heartbeat in the veins along his shaft. Slowly, the pulsing grew, he felt blood building inside, and he knew he was getting erect. Gray's hand stroked him, and Natsu opened his mouth to moan. He heard nothing at all, only felt vibrations in his throat.

Just how loud was he? He had no clue, and like this, he suddenly did not care if anyone heard him. He was trapped in his own dimension, and pesky things like neighbors no longer mattered.

Then Natsu felt something cold touch the mask right over his lips. Was it ice? No, not cold enough. He parted his lips, wanting to feel more, hoping that if he could taste it, he might figure out what it was. The touch went down, and the chill caressed over his neck. Suddenly, he realized it must be Gray's fingers. The icy touch was too gentle to be anything else.

"Gray?"

He heard nothing. The touch went lower and lower. Those cold fingers circled Natsu's nipple, not touching it directly, but teasing. Natsu tensed up in anticipation. Would he pinch it? Although unable to hear anything, Natsu realized he was hyperventilating and moaning.

"G-Gray!"

His whole body waited in anticipation, but the fingers kept circling lazily. Then heat was on his chest. He thought he felt vibrations. Lips? Was Gray talking? He wanted to hear Gray's voice again. He wanted to know what was about to happen to him.

Suddenly, the fingers stopped. A pinch, for sure. Gray would twist his nipple, probably hard. Natsu was ready for it, all of his muscles on edge, when instead…

Moist warmth lapped over his nipple. Two lips wrapped around, and Gray sucked the nipple into his mouth. Natsu had not expected that at all, and he shouted as a totally different sensation to what he had expected broke down his defenses.

Then on the other nipple, he suddenly felt the pinch he had been waiting for, only this time he was not ready for it. Natsu cried out, and his spine arched up into the mouth and fingers. He felt like he could have come again, but the cock ring was doing its work. Still, he felt the wetness of something drip down his sensitive length. He was leaking pre-cum again. He could not smell it, but he could feel it.

The mouth left his chest, and he felt icy air by his covered ear. The headphones lifted just a little. "I like hearing that," he heard Gray say, the first clear words he had heard since the headphones went on.

"Gray?" he shouted, but the headphones went back over him.

Natsu wanted to hear more. He wanted Gray to talk to him, whisper seductively in his ear, praise him … but wasn't that greedy? He always wanted things from Gray. Tonight was about letting Gray get the pleasure he had always wanted, but always set aside out of fear.

"Gray, my cock … it's leaking."

He did not ask anything to be done. He just pointed it out, in case Gray had not noticed. Still, he hoped to feel something, at least a touch.

Instead, he felt something more dripping down his cock, something that was definitely not pre-cum. Natsu wondered what it was. It felt … thick. Then finally he felt fingers touch him, but not full strokes. Those cold fingers were rubbing the thick fluid around.

The bed moved, what he guessed was Gray climbing up, and suddenly strong thighs straddled him. A hand grabbed his cock firmly, almost too hard, and then…

Something was surrounding him. A mouth? No, too tight.

"Shit! Gray!" Natsu screamed. He had felt this tightness once before, when Gray took him inside.

Instantly, the headphones came off, followed by the blinder. Natsu blinked out his eyes at the sudden light. The mask came off last. Gray leaned over him with a stern but caring face.

"I won't let you come in me," he said firmly.

"No, Gray—"

"Listen to me," he shouted, and he held Natsu's shaking face with both hands. "I won't allow it. Do you hear me? I won't _let_ you come inside." His eyes softened. "I won't do that to you. Let me know the instant this becomes too much. Just, please … let me feel you inside me, just a little. Only as much as you can handle. Are you okay right now?"

Natsu panted hard, but he shoved aside fears. Those terrors belonged to another man. Gray loved him. He had cared for Natsu's safety for two weeks. He would care for Natsu again through this.

"I trust you," he whispered.

Gray still looked guilty. He knew this was toeing a dangerous line for Natsu, but he wanted to be even more greedy this time. He had already stripped off his clothes and prepped himself, so he slid down slowly. He watched Natsu's face the whole time. There was fear, but the tenseness slowly eased until something else took over. Anger? When Natsu opened his eyes again, the fury faded, and pure joy teared up in them.

"Gray," he sighed happily.

He leaned over and kissed those burning lips. "I won't let anyone hurt you," he swore. Gray slowly raised his hips up, and then slid back down. Natsu moaned at the tightness sheathing him. "I care for you so damn much!" He rose again, and then pressed down harder, feeling that cock fill him up. "My beloved dragon," he sighed in ecstasy. "Is this okay?"

"Just go slow," Natsu whispered. "It's … really intense … being inside you."

"You think it's intense for you? I'm the one with a horse-sized cock shoved up my ass."

Natsu laughed and blushed at the compliment to his size.

"Just focus on that," Gray said. "You're inside me. Don't think about anything else."

"It's … not easy."

"I can pull off—"

"No!" Natsu cried out. "You really want this, right?"

"Not if you're going to freak out again."

"I won't. I trust you this time. I wasn't ready for it last time, but now … now, I know more about how my body will react. I'm pretty sure I know my limits." Natsu got a cocky smile and a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Ride me, Gray."

"Oh God," Gray whispered, feeling a surge in his groin from that dangerously seductive voice.

"I wonder who would win: you making me come with your ass, or me making you come with my voice."

Gray rolled his eyes. "You'd win." He knew too well he was weak to Natsu's words, plus there was a reason he had already worn out the Dragon Slayer earlier. "I won't do a contest like that with you anyway."

"Then what if we skip the contest and I tell you how musky your dripping cock smells as I fill your ass."

"Natsu!"

"I want you to come while riding on top of me, Gray." His smile twisted up like some predatory animal. "I want my cock to be inside while you tense up and spray me with your cum."

"Sh-shit!" Gray grabbed himself and began to stroke. "We shouldn't."

"I'm not anywhere close to coming again, but I can smell that you are. I'm putting trust in the cock ring and myself. I really wanna feel your ass tense up around my cock as you blow your load."

Gray looked down worriedly. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Free one of my hands. Just one."

Gray released some of the ice until Natsu could pull his hand around. Those hot fingers grabbed the ice wizard and began to stroke him. Gray arched back and let his cock thrust into those rough fingers. Natsu stroked him quickly, not bothering to tease.

"Don't thrust on me too much," he warned. "This is … not easy."

"Then don't—"

"Dammit, shut up and let me fuck your ass."

"If you want me to come quicker, keep talking."

Natsu smiled up as Gray's body began to flush with intensifying arousal. "By the time I'm done with you, you won't be able to take two steps without remembering how good it felt to have me inside you. You'll burn with memories of it. You'll be aching for my cock all the time now."

Gray moaned as he realized Natsu was partly right. He felt a burn in his inner thighs already, and he knew that this feeling, having such a large and fiery shaft up inside him, was something he would probably recall at the worst possible moments.

Natsu chuckled slyly. "You really took me in fast. Were you playing with yourself the whole time you had me blindfolded? Is that why, Gray? Did you cover my eyes so I couldn't watch you fingering your ass? Or did you use a toy? Were you naughty and thrusting some dildo up your ass?"

Gray groaned and shook his head. "Just fingers."

"Your fingers, huh? Do have dirty hands now? Take those dirty hands of yours and reach behind you, Gray. Spread your ass cheeks. I want you to really feel me as I enter you."

Gray gasped at the aggression in those words. He obeyed, pulled his cheeks apart, and slid down onto Natsu again. As he felt that hot length glide into him, Gray moaned with a shudder that jolted right up his spine.

"Do you like riding on top of me? I'm gonna have to start calling you _Ice Cowgirl_."

"Fuck you!" Gray hissed in pleasure.

"Other way around, Gray. I'm the one fucking you this time. Do you like how I fuck your ass?"

"Shut up!"

"No. You're the one who wanted me to talk. Or if you don't like how I talk, maybe you should keep my mouth … _busy_. Your fingers were very naughty. You were pleasuring yourself, and you weren't letting me watch. You know I don't like that," he said in a deep, disapproving tone.

"Na- … -tsu."

"Maybe I should suck on your dirty, naughty fingers."

"Not the ones that were … uh … not those." He did not want to chance making Natsu sick with fingers that had been up his ass.

"Then the other hand," Natsu said. "Give me the hand that's okay."

Hesitantly, Gray reached out his right hand.

"Good. Now, wipe your pre-cum off your dick. Rub it onto your fingers."

Gray swiped a clear pearl off the tip of his cockhead.

"More than that," Natsu demanded.

"There isn't any."

"Yes there is, because if I stroke up like this…" As Natsu's hand heated and glided up, Gray shuddered with intense pleasure. "See, plenty more inside. Wipe it up. Coat your fingers in it." Gray obeyed. "Now, put it in my mouth. I wanna taste you."

Gray hated how sexy Natsu could be. From being his cute little submissive to being an aggressive Dragon Slayer, this man was so complex. Yet as he put his fingers inside that hot mouth, Gray did not care which side Natsu played: aggressor or obeyer. He just wanted to pleasure his man and take as much pleasure from him as he could get.

Natsu knew Gray's fingers were especially sensitive, and that was why he wanted to suck on them. The tightness of being in Gray's ass was really almost too much. He wanted to give Gray what he had always wanted, but he knew he had to make this quick before he reached a point where he could freak out. As much as Natsu would have loved to take his time and thoroughly pleasure Gray, or even flip positions and take him that way, he knew he could not. Not yet. Even like this, flashes of past scenes haunted him, but he kept his focus on Gray, on stroking him and sucking those fingers. As that bitter-salty taste entered his mouth, the past melted. This taste, this smell, these moans, all belonged to only one man in the world.

Gray could not stand the wet sucking anymore. He began to jerk his hand back, but Natsu caught his wrist.

"Don't pull away," he warned sternly. "Keep your fingers in my mouth." He pulled Gray's hand back to him and curled his tongue around two fingers, slurping them up.

"Dammit," Gray hissed, looking away from Natsu's satisfied face.

"Whuh?" Natsu asked with his mouth full of Gray's dripping fingers.

Gray gulped hard and panted out, "You know my hands are sensitive."

"Mm-hmm," Natsu hummed around the fingers, sucking them hard.

Gray instinctively flinched back again.

"Don't pull away," Natsu growled. "I'll stroke you off, but I want to suck on you, too." He saw Gray slightly shaking his head.

"Too fast," he whispered in shame.

"I'm doing this for a reason, you know. I _need_ to make this quick."

"Sorr-…"

"No! Don't say sorry." Natsu smirked haughtily. "Just let me enjoy myself. Let me pleasure you for once." He pulled Gray's wrist back to him and sucked vigorously on those two fingers, thrusting them into his mouth.

Gray choked back a cry and tensed up. Then Natsu's hand released Gray's wrist and began to stroke him without mercy. He did not slow down or let Gray savor this. As the ice wizard moved his hips to thrust harder, it took all of Natsu's mental strength not to break down completely and bite those fingers he was lavishing.

"N- … Na- … oh God … oooh…"

Natsu pulled the dripping fingers away. "I want to feel you come, Gray," he whispered hotly. "I wanna _feel_ it."

"Nnnngh! F-fuck!"

Gray's free hand clawed into Natsu's hip as he went silent, tensed up, and felt his whole body and soul focus on one sensation: pure and utter pleasure.

Natsu's stroking hand felt a jolting surge, the ass around him tightened, and a second later milky fluid arced out, splattering on his chest. Then a second surge hit only as far as his stomach. A third just dripped some down his cock and over Natsu's hands. The Dragon Slayer felt each surge in his fingers, intensified by twitching muscles around his cock. He smelled the scent of cum, sweat, and musk as he stroked more carefully now, watching Gray's face, focused on the way his mouth hung open in gasping pleasure. As Gray's breathing slowed and went heavy, Natsu's hand stopped moving, and he pulled his mouth back off of Gray's fingers.

Gray weakly opened his eyes and gazed down. Natsu was a mess, and he still felt the burning length inside him.

"That was perfect," Gray sighed. He was about to say something more when Natsu's face flinched.

Natsu shook his head. He had managed to keep all bad memories away by focusing on Gray, but now that it was over, those memories gushed back into his head.

_'That was perfect, boy. Look at this condom. You filled it up. This will work wonderfully. You can rest now. I'll be back tonight.'_

Natsu screamed, "Gray, pull off!"

Gray had almost forgotten that Natsu was on the border of what he could handle. He yanked himself up and off of Natsu's cock. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"No. It's … it's fine," Natsu lied. "That was … wonderful." He still flinched at how similar the words were. "Unhandcuff me, please," he whispered. Gray released the hand still trapped in ice, and Natsu grasped around Gray's body with desperation. Gray felt him shivering slightly. "I just need to hold you. Damn, that was amazing."

Gray hugged him back, not minding that they were squishing his cum between their chests. "That was—"

"Don't say _perfect_ ," Natsu warned sharply.

Gray held back any words. Was it his compliment that triggered this? He never knew what he could say, since he had no clue what things that man in the past had said. "You did really well," he praised instead, stroking Natsu's hair. "Good dragon." That, at least, was a safe thing to say.

"Kainushi," Natsu whispered, shuddering as the past slowly faded.

Gray kissed his forehead. "I'm right here, my dragon. I told you, I wouldn't let you come. I won't let anything bad happen." He closed his eyes. The emotions in Gray's heart brought about scenes of blood on the snow. "I won't let anything hurt you," he swore, while thinking to himself, _'Not like how I couldn't protect anyone back then!'_ As he felt Natsu calm down, he also realized the Dragon Slayer was still hard. "Do you need help with that? I can restrain you again."

"Maybe in a bit," he muttered. "I just need to hold you." Natsu squeezed him, and then he looked up into Gray's face. "Was that what you wanted?"

Gray smiled happily that Natsu had gone that far just trying to please him. "Yes. But was it okay for you?" he asked with worry.

Natsu laughed off the last of his tension. "Somehow."

"Don't push yourself," Gray warned sternly.

"I wasn't. It's just … when I felt you tighten up on me like that … oh God, I almost lost it," he moaned, savoring the memory of how intensely wonderful that had felt. "You had quite a sexy face."

"… Shut up."

"Thank you, Gray, for letting me do that, and for making sure I wouldn't come. That's why you wore me out first, right?"

"I was hoping it would be easier."

"I think it worked."

Gray stroked the flushed face. "Did _you_ like it?"

"Yeah. I just wish I could do more."

"I know. Someday. This is an amazing start for now," he smiled proudly. "You fucked me until I came."

Natsu laughed with embarrassment and pride. "Yeah, I … I did." It was not _topping_ precisely, but it was a start. He had managed to enter Gray and not completely freak out. Granted, he had to rely on a cock ring to hold him back, and Gray's promise that he would pull off, and he still had a small problem at the end; however, overall, this was a huge improvement for Natsu. "I wanna try it again sometime. Probably not too soon," he frowned, "but I wanna try it again."

"Definitely!" Gray moaned. He wrapped his arms around Natsu, crushing him into a hug. "I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am to have you as my boyfriend. Thank you for doing this."

Natsu smiled to himself. He felt Gray's hands drift over his skin, and Natsu hummed at the cold touches. He stretched out, surrendering to the sensations. Gray gazed down at him, so much like a cat begging for a belly rub. Instead, Gray's hand went to the half-hard cock. Two strokes were all it took to get Natsu fully erect again.

"Gray?"

His hand stilled in fear.

"I'm totally ready to come."

Gray relaxed. So, that was the issue! "You were so good, I'll let you pick. How do you want me to finish this?"

Natsu gazed up at him. "Your mouth. And your hand. Little of both."

"Greedy," Gray teased. "I'll need to wash you up. I prepared for that as well."

"Always prepared," Natsu teased as Gray got up, walked over to a large bowl sitting by the window, and pulled a wet cloth from it.

To Natsu's surprise and delight, the small washcloth was hot and felt gentle against his sensitive skin. Gray washed away the filth of his own body, and then he rubbed the soft, moist cloth erotically up and down. Natsu moaned pleasantly and felt like he could melt right there.

"All clean," Gray whispered, dropping the washcloth to the ground in the same place where the jockstrap had been placed. "Hands above your head."

"No. Ice them to your skin again. I still need to hold onto you."

Gray stroked the pink hair, hoping to calm him. Natsu's hands were in the same place as earlier. Gray allowed ice to cover just those spots. Then he slid down, letting his body rub against the burning cock. Natsu moaned and flexed his hips slightly. Gray licked up the clean shaft, lapped around the head, and sucked on the tip. He nibbled lightly on the foreskin and kissed up the veined shaft. Natsu's hips shuddered.

"More," he whispered.

Gray gazed heatedly at him. He licked with a wide, flat tongue up the shaft. Then he dived his head down, taking Natsu to his throat.

" _Nngh!_ Yeah, like that."

Gray bobbed on him, grunting at the heavy muskiness pressing into his nose. Natsu thrashed under him.

"Oh God! So good. _Nnnngh!_ "

Gray stroked Natsu's balls, rolling them gently in his hand, and reached up to his chest. Two fingers twisted his tit, and Natsu's whole body arched up with a shivering cry.

"Touch me, Gray," he begged. "Stroke me. More. Please, more!"

He pulled up with a pop to his mouth. "Do you want it?"

"Yes!" Natsu screamed, clawing into Gray's shoulders until the skin became bloody wet.

"Say it," Gray ordered. "Say, _I want to come, kainushi. Let me come._ "

Want to … come?

Natsu used to hate the idea. It terrified him, and he had to make himself think he had no choice but to give in to aggressive forcefulness. Memories of that horrific past still haunted him from time to time. Those weeks of torture left him so deeply scarred, hating his body, hating any sensual pleasure. He never wanted to ejaculate again after being with that man. But now…

Now, he wanted it. He needed it. It would be the third time that day, but he did not care. He looked up into those tempestuous blue eyes, and the past shattered like ice. Only Gray existed. Gray, and the love he felt so deeply, he struggled with his own demons to try and say it. Only Gray, and only love. Nothing else mattered.

"I want to come, kainushi," Natsu whimpered softly. "Please, let me come. Please, touch me. I want it. I want you to make me come again. Please."

"What more do you want, Natsu?"

His brain did not even want to work, let alone think. Still, there was one thing he really wanted. "Bite my hip, like you did that one time. I really liked that. I know it's not the neck, but … that felt _real_ good."

"Down here?" Gray touched the area, and Natsu jolted with a giggle. "Ticklish here, eh?"

"Umm, maybe just a little," Natsu confessed with a blush. "Maybe just tender from earlier. Please, bite it."

"Okay." He licked the area, and Natsu giggled again. "Wow, I really did find a ticklish spot. Good. I'm gonna mark this spot, so I always know that when you tickle me, this—" He licked it again. "—is where I'm going to tickle you."

Gray bit hard into the tender skin, and Natsu gasped. The feel of those teeth on him was blissful, being marked, belonging to Gray, being his … his…

No, not bitch. Beloved!

Gray's beloved.

Those teeth physically marked him as being the receiver of Gray's love.

Gray stroked faster, and the teeth bit even harder. Natsu cried out from pain and pleasure. Both sank into his soul, transmuting into an intense satisfaction, the knowledge that Gray would bite him, mark him, and claim him. Belonging to someone! Being loved by someone! It made Natsu tremble, and he came with a long, low moan: exhausted, sated, utterly fulfilled in soul and now also in body.

When Gray raised back up, Natsu looked quickly to the bite. There were purple bruises already from the sharpness of the teeth, but not a single trace of blood. Natsu felt slightly disappointed. Once again, Gray did not break skin. He looked up at Gray with surprised eyes. He thought for sure, now that Gray was healed, they could progress to the next step in their relationship, and to Natsu that meant being a marked mating couple, tasting each other's blood.

"I know what you want," Gray said softly, stroking Natsu's hair back off his sweaty face. "That's enough for now."

"Enough?"

"I don't know if I'm ready for that much."

"Oh." Natsu's eyes dropped subserviently. Tonight was about Gray's desires, after all. "I—"

"No, shut up. Shut up!" Gray said sternly. He released the wrists and rubbed out the bruised bite. He laid beside Natsu, resting his head on the warm chest. "I care for you so much, but I'm messed up in the head. Before I give you what you want and bite you like that, I need to work on myself. Can … can you wait?" he requested, looking down into those narrow green eyes. "Wait for me. You're getting so much better, and … and I feel like I'm still stuck."

Natsu rolled to his side and hugged the ice wizard. "Gray, you have no idea how much you've gotten better. I see it. Really, you've made progress."

Gray frowned, wanting so badly to believe him. "I wish I felt that way. I still want you, Natsu. I need you." He hugged the Dragon Slayer tightly, clutching to him desperately. "You said tonight is about my needs. That's all I really need: you, here with me. I need you to make me better. I need you, so much!"

Gray leaned over, and he began to lick up the pale splattering. His tongue ran along the rolling hills of abdominal muscles, cleaning diligently, swallowing it down, until nothing remained.

'A mate cleans up the mess, and the dragon protects the mate, cures any wounds, and stays with the mate until both recover.' Natsu once asked _What happens when both mates want to clean and protect?_ They had no set roles between them. Both cleaned, both protected each other, and they healed each other's wounds, both in flesh and in spirit. The dragon and his mate were equals, in their case.

"Gray, can … um … uh."

"What?"

"Um … next time … can I suck you off?"

"Absolutely!" he declared with wide eyes. They both laughed, and Gray blushed as he realized how eagerly he had said that. "Sorry," he chuckled. "But yeah. You don't need to ask."

"Okay. And … um … thanks."

"For what?"

"For being a lot more gentle than I thought you would be."

"Oh, I could have been a lot worse. Today, I wanted to show you how dark I could get. It's not all about pain. I like to humiliate you. I don't know why."

"It's just how you are. You're a sadist, and that's fine. I know I'm a masochist."

"You're really sadistic yourself at times."

"You like when I'm aggressive, though."

"Heh! Yes. Maybe we can do that another time. Someday … switching? I know you have limits, but I kinda like when you're aggressive, and … and I like when you let me be as aggressive as I want to be. Thank you." He hugged Natsu and sighed deeply. "Thank you. Now, let's wash up. I need to change the sheets, then we'll cuddle."

"Sounds good."

They got up and showered again, silently this time, both sleepy and direly craving a nap. Natsu almost fell asleep leaning against the shower wall. Gray nudged him awake and pulled him out of the shower before he slipped and drowned.

He brought Natsu back to the sex-reeking bed. First, Gray stripped the sheets with the same speed as he pulled off his clothes and already had new sheets set to the side, prepared for this. Once the bed was cleaned, Natsu flopped down wearily and curled onto his side, facing Gray. Instead of spooning into him, Gray also laid on his side, his face pointing to Natsu's, their noses touching each other with playful tenderness. He laid there on his hip as he stroked back the damp pink strands of hair.

"Gray?"

"Hmm?"

Natsu looked up at him. "Do I really have beautiful eyes?"

The ice wizard said nothing for a while.

"You always insult my eyes. _Squinty-eyed bastard_. And I always insult your droopy eyes, but … but I like their color. I like how your eyes look like a stormy winter sky. They droop, but that means I can really see their color. Mine are just … squinty."

"They're fierce eyes," Gray muttered sleepily. "When you look at me, I think you're going to attack me at any moment. That's why having you be submissive to me is so erotic. I have to … to tame you. Tame that fierceness in your eyes. When you're tamed, it's like I see another shade of your eyes. A shade only I can see. Eyes that you show to no one else but me. The way they look in that moment is really beautiful."

"Really?"

"Go to sleep now."

Natsu nuzzled his head into Gray's shoulder with his arms wrapped around the chilly body and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep with a weary but satisfied smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Sorry for vanishing without warning. I'm a musician in "real life," and my band flew to New England for a music tour. I had hoped to finish this chapter on my trip, but touring gave me absolutely no free time for writing. The trip was fun, though. Also, I got to march in a 4th of July parade through a hurricane, wheeeee! If any of you live around Massachusetts and Rhode Island, and you happened to see a lady with ankle-length hair playing a trombone at a music event, that was me. Apparently, my picture made it into the East Bay news. How embarrassing, haha! Yay for 30 chapters!_


	31. Not Your Average Announcement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Happy one year anniversary, FMBM. Here's to more fluff and kinks._

Tuesday night, Natsu hardly slept. He stared out his window at the stars, wondering what Gray was dreaming about, if it was about him, and about what they were about to do.

Tomorrow, they would tell the guild that they were dating.

He bet normal couples did not get this nervous. Loke used to bring in his girlfriends all the time, sometimes two or three together. Of course, he rarely dated wizards. He wondered how Bisca and Alzack managed to tell the guild about them. It was probably no big deal, and everyone knew those two liked each other anyway. Then again, according to Happy, everyone pretty much figured out about Natsu and Gray, too. It should not be a big deal.

Still, Natsu could not sleep.

Across town, Gray sat on his roof smoking a cigarette. He rarely smoked these days, but he was nervous. He normally just did not tell the guild if he was dating someone. It wasn't anyone's damn business! However, this was not some random person around town. This was Natsu, his teammate, his rival … a man! That changed everything.

He wondered if Natsu was sleeping. It was not like the Dragon Slayer had much to worry about. _He_ wasn't the one with a history, a bad reputation, and a phobia for declaring his love.

"I … love … y-you."

Gray whispered it into the night. He had been trying to get used to saying the words, but even with no one around, it was scary.

A large moth flew up and landed on Gray's knee. He looked down at the ashen insect in the light of an orange street lamp.

"I love you," he said again, speaking to the moth and pretending it was Natsu. If someone in the guild wanted to hear him say those words, could he say it? Did he dare? Was it safe? "I … lo-love you!"

He jolted at forcing the words out, and the moth flew away. Gray watched its beating wings turn the delicate bug into a silvery spark of light in the darkness. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an owl swooped in and nabbed the moth in midair.

Gray cried out in horror. He had just said those three words to the moth. He didn't even mean them. Just saying them…

 _Blood on snow_ …

He realized he was shaking, almost convulsing, and he gasped as his lungs burned from not breathing. He crushed out his cigarette and wrapped his arms around his knees, hugging them against his chest.

"It's no good. I can't say it, dammit!"

What happened when people asked? What could he say? How could he handle this paralyzing fear for an emotion that now inundated his heart?

* * *

When morning arrived, Gray was on his third cup of coffee, trying to stay awake despite not sleeping at all. There was a knock on the door and someone called in.

"Open up, popcicle pants. It's me."

Natsu sure did sound relaxed and lively. Gray grumbled that he bet the idiot slept perfectly fine all night long. However, when he opened the door, he saw that Natsu had weary, dark circles under his eyes, too.

"You look like shit," he said, letting the Dragon Slayer inside.

"Too nervous, didn't sleep. And you smell like a coffeehouse."

Gray decided to be honest. "I didn't sleep either. Now I'm too tired."

"Me too. We don't have to tell the guild first thing in the morning, y'know."

"Obviously."

Natsu walked straight to Gray's bedroom and collapsed onto his mattress. "I'm taking a nap."

"Why didn't you sleep at home?"

"I was nervous. Now I'm with you, so I'm not scared."

Gray's eyes softened. He had to admit, he also felt more relaxed just having Natsu in the house with him. He set aside his coffee and laid next to that warm, comforting body.

"So, a nap first?" he asked, stroking back Natsu's pink hair.

"Yeah. I just didn't want to sleep in and have you think I chickened out."

"Same here. To be honest, I'm ready to zonk out. The coffee isn't working this morning."

"I switched your coffee to decaf."

"… I'll kill you later, you little shit."

"Hahaha, just joking." Natsu snuggled into Gray's chest. He stared ahead into Gray's half-dark room. "It's a bit scary, isn't it? Coming out."

Gray hugged him tighter in comfort. "Are you sure you want to tell them?"

"Yes," Natsu said assuredly. "I can't keep it secret anymore, and we shouldn't anyway. It's not fair to our friends. Still, you're my first boyfriend, the first person I've ever dated at all. It's … scary."

Gray had not thought about that. Everyone knew Gray cycled through girlfriends, but for Natsu this relationship was a defining moment. People would be more shocked. It placed a lot more pressure on him, being his first time dating. All night, Gray had only been thinking about his own troubles. He felt bad that he had dismissed just how terrifying this might be to Natsu.

He kissed the hot forehead. "I'll be right there with you."

"Thanks," Natsu mumbled, but he was quickly asleep.

Gray smiled down at the adorable sleeping Dragon Slayer. "Just make sure you're there for me too, idiot."

* * *

When Natsu woke up, there was weight on his chest. He opened his eyes to see the sun slanting in and Gray sleeping beside him with one arm thrown over Natsu. The Ice-Make wizard's lips were parted, and drool made a shiny stream out of the corner of his mouth. Natsu chuckled, leaned in, and licked up the saliva. That made Gray jolt and hum. He wiped his face as he felt wetness.

"Are you drooling on me?" he asked, half asleep.

"You're drooling on yourself, idiot."

Gray grunted and flopped back onto the pillow. "What time is it?" he mumbled.

"Afternoon, I guess."

"Damn," he grumbled, but Gray still did not get up. "I guess we better get it over with."

"Do you want to eat first?"

"We can eat there. They'll have a party. Besides, I don't know if I can stomach anything." Still, Gray did not bother to get up. "Just wanna sleep here, be with you."

Natsu smiled placidly and kissed Gray's cheek. Finally, those stormy blue eyes opened and looked up at him. Natsu was drawn in to those eyes. He leaned forward again and kissed Gray on the mouth. He began to pull back, but Gray's hand reached out and grabbed the back of Natsu's head, pulling him back down for more. Gray savored the feel of those soft lips and hot breath. Then he bit Natsu's lower lip. The Dragon Slayer moaned at the pain from those teeth.

Gray suddenly pulled away and sat up on the edge of the mattress. "If we keep this up, we'll never get to the guild." He stood and began to walk toward the bathroom. However, he paused in the doorway and looked back nervously. "Do you … um … wanna watch?"

"Watch what?"

Gray opened his mouth to answer, but he held back, feeling worried about getting rejected.

"Oh! You mean … the bathroom? You want me to watch you … um, piss?"

Gray's brow tightened with guilt, but he nodded.

Natsu rose and walked up to him with a devious smile. "Okay. I'll watch."

Gray gulped and nodded again. He went into the bathroom, and Natsu followed. The Dragon Slayer leaned against the wall by the door, taking up a casual stand, but his narrow eyes stayed fixed on Gray. Those eyes sent shivers through the man so used to freezing weather. Gray walked over to the toilet, lifted the lid, and unzipped his jeans. He could practically _feel_ those eyes on him, burning him, as he pulled out a limp penis and stared down at the toilet bowl.

Natsu was _watching_ him! He would see it, hear it, and smell it. Those dangerous, fiery eyes would see him do this. The exhibitionist in Gray was thrilled, knowing he was being watched as he pissed.

Natsu said nothing. He smelled the urine. It was not a smell he particularly liked, but he put up with it for Gray. Watching Gray pee had no sexual appeal to him personally, but he thought about when Gray had marked him. Like an animal, Gray marked him with urine, and Natsu had marked him back. This smell reminded him of that time, and the memories made him twitch in his boxers.

Soon, Gray was done and zipped back up. He looked over to where Natsu stood silently.

"Do you need to go?"

"Do you want to watch?"

"If you're okay with that."

"Do you _want_ it?"

Gray gulped at those blazing eyes and whispered faintly, "Yes."

Natsu pushed himself off the wall and walked over. He strode over to the toilet and set his feet apart. His hand went to his zipper.

"Actually," Gray began, but he froze up. "No, never mind."

"Tell me."

He looked guilty that his fetish would probably gross out Natsu. "Can I … do it for you?"

Natsu arched an eyebrow high. "You wanna pee for me?"

"No! I mean everything else." Still, Gray saw that Natsu looked confused. "Can I unzip your pants, pull it out … aim it?"

"You wanna do all that?" It sounded weird.

"Kind of," Gray muttered awkwardly.

Well, if it made him happy…

Natsu held his hands up, showing that everything was up to Gray. With a thick gulp, the ice wizard pulled down Natsu's zipper. Slowly, he reached in and felt around until he got through the split in Natsu's boxers and felt the lump inside.

"You're half hard," he whispered in surprise.

"Your hands are cold," Natsu said as an embarrassed excuse.

Gray pulled the cock out and stood behind Natsu so he could tell where to aim it. He heard Natsu's breathing getting quicker. Gray rested his chin on Natsu's collar and looked down to the toilet bowl.

"Just relax. Let it go."

Now Natsu was getting aroused. Gray's cold breath in his ear, those gentle words, and the lithe fingers holding him made this more than just a gross bodily function. It was erotic and stimulating. Gray would not only smell and hear it, but feel it, too.

"Relax."

"Easy for you to say! You aren't the one with cold hands on your dick."

Natsu closed his eyes. He forced his muscles to loosen. He felt it coming, and soon he smelled it. His heart was racing as he felt Gray's fingers deftly move him to aim better. He felt the cold chest pressed up against him and Gray's breath on his skin.

"That's … good," Gray whispered in awe.

"Just don't talk, please," Natsu said in mortification.

Gray glanced from the yellow stream to Natsu's face. The sheer humiliation was far more arousing than watching Natsu piss.

"Your dick heats up when you pee."

"Sh-shut up," Natsu eked out, turning bright red. "Seriously, Gray. Don't. Really."

He closed his mouth. Natsu was probably at his limit, so he just stood there, holding the cock and enjoying this bonding moment. Normal lovers never got this close. Normal lovers kicked one another out of the bathroom to take care of business, ashamed to show that disgusting side of themselves to one another. Doing this showed Gray that Natsu trusted him far more than some average lover. It was physical proof of their closeness, trust, and loyalty.

Finally, it was over, and Natsu almost went limp from the mental and emotional strain. Gray let him rest against his chest, holding him up, and praised him with words like "That was incredible" and "You did so well." Natsu listened to the adulations and felt boosted by them. He was a good dragon. Gray was happy with him. Gray liked it. Gray _accepted_ him, even the dirty parts! Being accepted and wanted to this degree burned Natsu's heart hotter than the shame warming his cheeks.

Gray put Natsu back away and zipped him up. He flushed the toilet, washed his hands, and then came back for Natsu, who still stood there in a daze. He guided the Dragon Slayer out of the bathroom and back to bed. They sat on the mattress' edge, and Gray gripped those burning hands, smiling with wonder.

"You have a hell of a fetish," Natsu mumbled.

"You liked it this time," Gray pointed out.

Natsu could not deny that, although he felt it was weird and perverted.

"Can I be greedy?"

Natsu looked up at him in shock. "Gray, we need to get to the guild!"

"I know. I mean about that. Can I request something?"

Natsu raised a wary eyebrow and asked cautiously, "What?"

Gray hesitated just a moment. "Wear the chastity belt."

For a few seconds, Natsu had no clue what he even meant. When it fully dawned on him, he shouted. " _What?_ "

"I want you to wear it. I want to know you belong only to me. No one can take you from me. Your cock is mine."

"You don't even have to worry about that. We're going to tell all of our friends."

"What if someone tries to claim you? What if Lisanna or Lucy or … or someone else wants you?"

Natsu looked hurt. "Gray, don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do. That doesn't mean that I trust them."

"These are our _friends_ ," Natsu shouted, almost feeling angry that Gray would not trust their guild mates, their nakama, their _family_.

Gray looked aside with a quiet glare. "I don't trust anyone with you."

"Gray!"

He whispered, "I'm scared. Maybe they'll try to talk you out of this. Maybe they'll tell you bad things about me, and … and you'll change your mind. I just want to make sure." He frowned and looked down to his hands. Natsu smelled fear in Gray, and the twisting hands showed his anxiety. "I want to know that tonight, you'll come back to me, even if it's because you have no choice."

"Gray." Natsu wanted to tell him flat out _no_ , but he could see and smell for himself, this was a serious issue for Gray. He tried to reason with him. "This is going to be embarrassing enough, telling everyone. Wearing _that_ …"

"I want you to, please."

"You should trust me, and trust our friends."

"I know. I do trust you, Natsu. Maybe … maybe there's more reason to it."

"Like what?"

Gray looked gloomy now. "I … need to stay in control." Natsu tilted his head in confusion. "If they ask me h-how … how I … feel about you … I'll have to rely on you to tell them." Anger filled his face. "I shouldn't _have_ to rely on you for that. It should be me saying it. I should be able to say at least that much on my own."

"Gray," Natsu sighed.

"So since I can't say it, and I have to rely on you, I need to be in control. Then, even if I screw up, even if people say we're bad for each other, even if they tell you horrible stories about me and tell you I'm no good, that you deserve better, at least you'll come back to me. I … I wanna know for sure that I … that I _own_ you."

Gray hunched down, elbows on his knees, and gripped his fingers tightly into his hair.

"This is damn frustrating, okay?" he shouted. "Being faced with having to say those words, it's terrified me from the day I asked you out. Our friends will want to know if we're serious, they'll want to hear me say those words, and … _I fucking can't!_ "

Natsu hugged him protectively, wishing he knew how to help.

"I've been thinking about it all night, how I can make this easier. I was tempted to ask you to wear the collar under your scarf, but someone might run up and hug you, the scarf could shift, and if people saw you wearing _that_ , it'd be too much. At least with the chastity belt, no one can see it. No one would dare grab your cock when I'm right there next to you."

Natsu still felt sad. "Are you really worried I'd leave you?"

Gray felt bad, but he softly admitted, "I'm scared to death. I don't want to lose you, even if I have to cage you."

Natsu dropped his head. He tried to tell himself, Gray was just being possessive. He should be happy that Gray wanted him this much. Still, the lack of trust saddened him.

"If … if it'll make you feel most secure, then okay."

Gray looked up with relief. "Really?" he sighed.

"I don't actually like the idea of doing it," Natsu admitted honestly. "Still, it'll make this better for you." He laughed with heat in his cheeks again. "You realize, this is gonna be ten times more embarrassing for me now."

Gray smirked and ran his hand up Natsu's thigh. "I know," he purred. "Especially today, making an announcement like this, people will be wondering about you, about what we've _done_. They might … _look_."

Natsu laughed with embarrassment. "They w-wouldn't look."

Gray leaned in close to his ear. "They might."

"They wouldn't look at _me_ ," he said, his voice getting shriller as he thought about how humiliating that would be, people looking at his crotch. His heart raced just imagining it.

"They've all seen me," Gray reasoned. With his voice lilting with teasing pleasure, he whispered seductively, "People just might look down, wondering if you're enough to pleasure me, _imagining_ all we have done, and will do, with that dick in your pants, a cock caged up … by me! No one will be able to see you, though. If they see a bulge, they'll be seeing the chastity belt, not _you_. That's another reason I want you to wear it. I don't want you to get erect. I do _not_ want them to see that!"

Natsu sat quietly, looking down at the ground. Maybe Gray thought this was erotic, but something about it just felt off. "You're being really possessive," he muttered.

Gray was about to grin and agree, but he saw wavering uncertainty in Natsu's eyes. Maybe because he was asking this on a day that was already nerve-wracking, or even because he was being this possessive just after the incident in the bathroom; for whatever reason, Natsu looked ready to tell him no.

"I'm sorry," Gray said, backing off immediately.

"Okay."

Gray froze. Okay? What was okay? He stared, not daring to move yet. Natsu looked up, and he had a carefree grin on his face marred only slightly by a drip of sweat that showed he was nervous.

"How many people come out of the closet in front of all of their friends wearing a damn chastity belt?" he laughed.

Gray was still too worried to move. Was this a yes? "Do you want to put it on?"

"Not really, but I will."

"If you don't want to—"

Natsu grabbed Gray's hand and squeezed it. "It'll give you confidence. Plus, you're right. People might look at my crotch. I don't want them to see that. Only you, Gray." He leaned forward and kissed the chilly lips. "Only you can see it."

Gray sat still, staring in stunned silence.

"But," Natsu added, "that means you're in control of me. You're obligated to help me while I wear that. You had better not abandon me, and if anything happens, you had better be ready to take responsibility."

Suddenly, Gray remembered to breathe. He needed to hear that so much, he almost wanted to laugh. "Yes, I'm in control. I'm responsible for you. You're my dragon, and I'm your pet owner, your _kainushi_."

"That's right. I'm your dragon." Natsu's eyes narrowed. "Dragons are noble creatures. They're also loyal. You had better trust me and respect me, and get it through your glacier-thick skull that I'm not going to cheat on you. Even if people say something bad about you, you're my boyfriend now, and I'll pound their faces if they insult you. So don't ever think that a few rumors will drive me away. I've claimed you and marked you, Gray! I'll let you put a cage on me, but I'm _allowing_ it. Got it?"

Gray smirked at that aggressiveness. "Got it."

He ran to the chest of kinky supplies, threw it open, and dug through to find the box that held Natsu's chastity device. He grumbled, realizing he needed to organize this chest better. He was getting too much of a collection since they started dating. Finally, he found the box and held it up. He grinned at seeing it. _His cock cage!_

When he turned around, Natsu was already undoing his pants, blushing furiously but his mind set on doing this. The fact that Natsu was doing this despite not really wanting to made it so much more special. For Gray, if there was no humiliation, there was no point to it.

When he stepped up to Natsu, the Dragon Slayer's eyes were cast down. He didn't want to see anything sensual in Gray's face, or else he would get hard and just have trouble. Although that was Natsu's reason, to Gray it looked like Natsu was being an obedient Submissive, waiting for his Master. He felt boosted just seeing that lowered face.

"Fetch some lotion."

Natsu obeyed. Although he was naked from the waist down, he walked over to a dresser where Gray had a bit of hand lotion and brought it back to the ice wizard, still with his eyes down, waiting anxiously. Gray took the bottle, squirted some lotion into his hands, and rubbed it onto Natsu's cock. The Dragon Slayer flinched and slammed his eyes shut as those cold fingers caressed him.

"Don't get hard."

 _Not easy!_ Natsu stood there silently as Gray slipped on the cock cage and locked it with a ring around Natsu's balls. Once it was snug and secured with a small padlock, Gray held up the key.

"You're mine."

Natsu finally looked up. Behind the fringe of black hair, Gray's eyes gleamed possessively.

"Get dressed."

Natsu was starting to get sick of being ordered around. Feeling a little cranky, he walked over to his clothes and yanked them back on. Gray slipped the key into his back pocket, walked out to the main room, and shrugged on a coat.

"Are you ready?"

"No!" Natsu snapped.

Gray jolted and looked back into the bedroom. Natsu was dressed, but he stood stone still, his head down.

"Did I put it on wrong? Does it hurt? Is it that bad? I can take it off."

"No," Natsu snapped again. "Sorry. Just give me a moment. This is hard enough, knowing I'm about to tell everyone I'm dating _you_." Reluctantly, he confessed, "It's almost my limit."

Gray walked in and hugged Natsu, showing him he would be right beside him. "You're doing good. It'll be fine. It'll be kinky and fun."

Natsu raised his head a little and glanced up to the ice wizard. "Does this arouse you?"

Instead of answering, Gray took Natsu's hand and placed it against his own crotch, letting those hot fingers feel the bulge trying to tent his jeans.

"Maybe I should wear one of those," Gray teased.

Natsu's eyes narrow. "Yeah, you _should_. Do you think I want people seeing you hard?" Natsu grabbed Gray a little harder, until the ice wizard cried out in shock. "This is _my_ cock, and I don't want anyone to see you like this."

Gray liked that aggressive side to the Dragon Slayer. "Too bad. I only have one of these cages."

"Then today, I'll wear it, but until Juvia returns, _you_ have to wear it _all the time_. Sleeping, too. I had to wear it for two days last time, so you have to wear it extended now."

"Until Juvia gets back?" Gray asked.

Natsu's hand heated up, making Gray's cock ache and want more. "Like hell would Lucy or Lisanna just run up and grab my crotch, but Juvia very well might when she comes home and learns about us. She _would_ try to take you away from me. So you have to wear it until then, and until she calms down, that way I know _she can't have you_. I don't want her to _touch_ you," he sneered. "Only I can touch you, because this is _my_ cock. I claimed it. I marked it. I've _tasted_ it." Natsu ran his tongue over his upper lip. "I won't let anyone else have it."

Natsu voice was so low, so dangerously seductive, Gray bent over slightly as his blood rushed south.

"It's a deal." Gray chuckled that this time, they were sharing the role of the aggressor. "If you're a good dragon and wear this in the guild today, then starting tomorrow, and until Juvia comes home, I'll wear the chastity belt every day."

"Good," Natsu huffed victoriously. "Wait, why starting tomorrow?"

"I'm this aroused already. Tonight, after we tell everyone, we're _celebrating_."

Natsu blushed, and he felt his cock leap a little before the plastic cage tamed it. Gray hummed at the discomfort in Natsu's face.

"Oh yes, I'm going to enjoy this."

"No teasing me about it," Natsu insisted. "I will seriously melt this off if you tease me about it _at all_."

"Fine, I won't tease you, but I might keep staring at your crotch."

"People in the guild will notice that."

"In a few minutes, everyone in the guild will know _why_."

"Heh, true, and they'll know you're a pervert who stares at your boyfriend's dick."

"Are you ready to go now?"

"Yeah. C-can … can we … h-hold hands when we enter?"

Gray's face brightened. Natsu was such a romantic. "Yeah. Let's hold hands the whole way there." He grabbed up Natsu's fingers, feeling light in his heart. "Your hands are hot and sweaty."

Natsu frowned. "I'm nervous. Your hands are cold and clammy."

"I'm nervous, too."

They squeezed each others fingers and smiled at one another. This was their last moment of being a secret couple. They were about the walk outside holding hands. Natsu saw Gray's lip shiver with the fear he bottled down, and Gray saw Natsu struggling to gulp his anxiety. Then Natsu smiled with confidence.

"Let's go tell everyone."

* * *

Inside Fairy Tail, things were a bit boring. Lucy was stumped on her novel and chewed the tip of her pen. With nothing new to read, Levy had nearly fallen asleep beside her. The Thunder God Tribe was there drinking and joking with Elfman and Lisanna, while Laxus kept staring at the bar. Mira found herself in a lull with nothing to do but wipe glasses and chat with Erza and Cana. Happy was telling a fishing story to Wendy and Romeo, hoping to impress Carla.

That was when the doors opened, and a sight none of them could have imagined walked in. It was normal to see Natsu and Gray together—they were teammates, after all—but not standing so close to one another, holding hands, and looking anxious.

"Whoa, is that…?"

"Wait, are they…?"

Lucy looked up from her manuscript. "Natsu!" she cried out.

The two just stood there, looking out at everyone. Awkwardness ticked by in slow seconds with only mutters from the onlookers. Then Gray squeezed Natsu's hand, trying to urge him on. Natsu's brow tensed, and he squeezed back, assuring Gray it was okay. Still, neither said anything.

"Hey," Gray hissed. "Aren't you gonna tell them?"

Natsu glanced over and whispered, "I thought you wanted to tell them."

"I thought _you_ did."

"You were going to."

"But I thought … Oh dammit, we didn't even plan this," Gray grumbled.

Natsu saw Gray grow anxious, so he shouted out, "Hey everyone!" Already, the whole guild was staring at them. "Uh … haha!" He flashed a massive grin. "We're dating!" He lifted up his hand crushing Gray's fingers, as if people could not already see it.

Gray rolled his eyes. "Oh God, that was the worst _coming out_ ever."

"What? I told everyone clearly."

"You just blurted it out, idiot!"

Natsu leaned into his face with a glare. "Well, what were _you_ planning on doing, cowardly stripper? Pussyfooting around and be all 'oh, um, you see, uh' … Just _tell them_." Natsu looked back out to the guild and declared, "Gray and I are now a couple. So there!"

"Idiot," Gray grumbled, blushing at how stupid Natsu could be.

The guild still stared in jaw-dropping shock. Gray, and Natsu?

Cana gave a wide shrug. "Okay! Happy won the bet."

"Yay!" the Exceed cheered.

"You planned this, didn't you?" Lucy accused him.

Happy folded his arms stubbornly. "No, I didn't. They were gonna tell everyone today anyway."

" _What?_ Wait, you mean you've been _hiding_ this from us?"

Natsu rolled his eyes. "Happyyyyy."

Wendy watched the fellow Dragon Slayer she admired so much and quietly said, "W-well, I think it's kind of nice that he found someone he likes."

"Yeah," Romeo agreed hesitantly, "but … Natsu-nii and … and _Gray_? I didn't think Natsu-nii was … that he was … uh, _that way._ "

Wendy looked confused. "That he likes boys? That's okay, right?"

"Well, sure, but … it's just surprising."

Elfman thumped a table. "It's manly to come out and say it directly."

Evergreen rolled her eyes. "It's gay."

Suddenly, Laxus loomed over her. His voice was low and rolled like threatening thunder. "What wrong with being gay?"

Elfman leaned back out of his shadow, and Evergreen looked up to see the yellow warning sparks of his anger.

"Oh, uh … n-nothing, Laxus," she squeaked out. "There's nothing wrong with it. Uh, why are you so defensive?"

"Freed's gay." To Laxus, that was reason enough. He stuck by his friends, and he did not want them to be insulted by anyone.

"I … I know that," Evergreen muttered. She had just said it out of habit, not meaning to be prejudiced. "Sorry, Laxus. Sorry, Freed. I didn't mean it badly."

"It's fine," Freed said, sighing slightly. "I'm used to it."

That sadness in his voice vexed her. "You shouldn't be used to it. People shouldn't say things like that. I … I'm really sorry." She dropped her head to show her sincerity.

Laxus patted her shoulder. "Just learn to watch what you say."

Suddenly, Freed turned away with stars in his eyes and his hands clasped together. "Laxus stood up for me!" He looked ready to burst with happiness.

Lucy bounced up to her two teammates with an ecstatic grin. "So, who asked out whom?"

Natsu grinned proudly. "I asked him out."

Gray glared over. "What are you talking about? I asked _you_ out."

"Yeah, and then you dumped me, so I had to ask _you_ out. I asked last, so I'm the one who asked you out."

"Wait, wait," Lucy said, interrupting their argument. "You broke up with Natsu? When were you dating before?" She looked sad. "Were you … hiding this from us?"

Gray panicked. He did not want people to know they had been secret lovers for over two months. "Fine! Natsu asked me out. He was a totally stupid romantic about it, too." Gray folded his arms and looked away.

Carla watched in surprise. "Wow. Gray's tsundere."

"Aye!" Happy grinned, already knowing about that from what Natsu had told him.

Pantherlily added in too quietly for Carla to hear, "You would know."

Lucy squealed and clapped her hands. "Well, I win that bet."

"What!" Gray shouted. "Another bet?"

"Sure," she shrugged. "It was only fifty-fifty odds. I lost the good bet on which day you'd come out." She smacked Natsu on the arm. "I told you to announce it on Sunday!"

"I didn't want to wait," Natsu said, rubbing out where she hit. Girls sure could hit hard! "Sheesh, sorry, Lucy."

"It's fine. At least I won the bet on who asked whom out." She trotted off to see Cana about that bet.

Gray glared over at Natsu. "I asked you out first."

"I asked you out last."

"I didn't even break up with you, asshole. You asking me out shouldn't even count."

"It totally counts. You were happy, you said yes, so it counts."

"If that's the case, I could ask you out right here."

"We're already dating, idiot stripper."

"We never broke up, flame-brain bastard!"

Erza stomped up to the quarreling couple. Completely out of habit, they grabbed each other in a friendly way and smiled ingratiatingly at her.

"H-hello, Erza…-san."

"Aye!" Natsu squeaked.

She smiled proudly that, at last, they were truly getting along. "At least you two won't be fighting anymore."

"Of course not!" Gray shouted. His grin grew wider and stiffer as he crushed Natsu in a hug. "We're just a happy, not-fighting-whatsoever couple."

"Aye!" Natsu squawked again.

Amidst all the chatter now spreading through the guild, Lisanna came up to the couple. "Natsu?"

Natsu felt Gray's fingers tighten. Sure, he and Lisanna were childhood friends, maybe some of the people in the guild thought they were as good as betrothed, being Happy's _mother_ and _father_ , but he did not realize that Gray saw her as a potential rival even now. He remembered what Gray had said earlier, though; he feared Lucy or Lisanna would try to take Natsu away.

"Hey Lisanna." He wondered why her eyes looked so sad. Lucy had appeared simply happy for them. Then again, Lucy and Loke were dating, or at least banging. "Um … uh, heh…" He grinned and shrugged apologetically. "Surprise?"

"I-it's okay. Surprising," she admitted with the same sad look. She glanced over to Gray, who had a death-grip on Natsu's hand and icy eyes boring into her. She knew why he would look at her like that. There were all those rumors back when they were kids. There might still even be bets going on for if she and Natsu got married. Sure, she used to dream about Natsu as her husband—maybe she still did—but she knew he had changed during her time away. If she had never gotten stuck in Edolas … well, who knows how things might have ended up. She focused back on Natsu instead. "You're happy with him, right?"

Natsu blinked in surprise. "Yeah! I wouldn't have asked him out otherwise."

"So, you two are in love?" She thought she saw Gray flinch and glanced over to him. "You love him, right?"

With Gray squeezing his fingers so hard, Natsu felt the tremble in them. Already, people were asking what Gray dreaded most.

"It's okay," Natsu whispered soft enough so no one could hear. Then he smiled to Lisanna, and he saw that many others were watching and waiting for their answer. "Yeah, we're in love."

With his eyes still down, Gray yanked Natsu's arm and gripped it hard. "He's my beloved." It sounded gruff and forced, yet by then there were already rumors that Gray was tsundere. This way of acting just seemed to prove it.

Lisanna could hardly help but laugh at Gray's possessiveness. "That's all I need to know. If you can make him happy, then it's fine. Oooh!" She leaped at Natsu and hugged him around the neck. "I'm so happy for you!"

Gray was ready to yell at her to back off, but Natsu looked so glad that his childhood friend approved. Natsu let go of Gray and hugged Lisanna back. Gray saw him whisper something into her ear, although he could not hear what he said. Still, he let it go … this time. He was also relieved he had opted _not_ to have Natsu wear his collar. Lisanna definitely would have discovered it.

While Natsu was hugging back Lisanna, Makarov walked over and tapped Gray. "Can I speak with you?"

He looked to Natsu quickly, who was too busy telling Lisanna about one of their dates. He decided Natsu was comfortable enough to be on his own, at least for a little while.

"Of course, Master," Gray said, and he followed the tiny guild master away from the crowd.

Once he was gone, Lucy dragged Natsu over to her table, where Levy, Erza, Mira, and Cana had already gathered, waiting for the juicy details.

"So have you two … um … y-you know," Lucy stuttered with flushed cheeks.

Cana said it bluntly, "Have you banged?"

Natsu grinned at them. "Yup."

"Oh!" Levy cried out, covering her mouth.

"Right on!" Cana cheered, lifting her wine barrel for a toast.

"Y-you have?" Erza asked in shock. She could not imagine it. She had tried, lots of times, but she still couldn't.

"So … um … who…" Lucy leaned in closer and partially covered her mouth. "Who's the seme?"

They all leaned in closer with avid curiosity.

Natsu chuckled that the girls were okay with this, and even curious. Girls were so weird. "Who do you think?"

"W-well, we were … um … actually kind of…" Lucy glanced around at the other girls. "…we were discussing that … a little … a-and … w-well, to be honest, I think _you_ are."

"Hmm," Natsu nodded, holding his chin and considering her guess. "Well, last time, I was."

Cana spat out her drink. "W-what? You?"

"Last time?" Levy picked up.

Mira had a mischievous smile. "Then there were _other_ times."

Erza gawked. "Wait, you've had sex more than once?"

"Well, a few times," Natsu admitted cautiously. "Last time was my turn."

Erza smirked triumphantly. "I _told_ you, they switch."

Lucy whined, "Dammit, I lost. I thought for sure I'd win that one."

Natsu laughed at the girls. "You bet on it?"

"Kiiiinda," Lucy bashfully admitted.

"Well, sorry to disappoint you, Lucy." Natsu looked haughty. "Sometimes it's Gray, but last time, he was the one wanting it. He wanted it _bad._ He _begged_ to take it."

All the girls, even Cana, blushed brightly at that, and Levy turned away to wipe her nose.

"So, you've also … _taken_ it?" Lucy asked. Natsu nodded, figuring that was obvious. Lucy leaned in close again, and all the others leaned in to listen to her question. "What is it like for a guy?"

Natsu thought about it. "Ummm … fun?"

"Natsu!" she sighed in exasperation. "I mean, doesn't it … um … hurt?"

"Oh! Uh, I guess, but you know, sometimes pain is good."

Cana scoffed. "That makes you sound like a masochist."

Natsu just shrugged. "If you're with the person you love, pain doesn't matter. You'd fight for them, and you'd withstand any pain, because you want to always be with that person."

Mira sighed at such a romantic declaration. "That's so sweet!"

The girls all nodded with tears in a few eyes.

"But seriously," Lucy huffed, "just how long have you been in love with Gray? I totally didn't notice until recently."

"Not that long. I'm not sure precisely."

Erza stared hard. "So, this isn't something you've been hiding from me for years, right?"

"N-no!" Natsu said, worried under the Titania's hard gaze. "Actually, it kind of came as a surprise."

"Surprise?" asked Mira.

"Well yeah," Natsu shrugged. "I didn't think much about that stripper, and then suddenly, I was in love. It just kind of happened."

Levy leaned over to Lucy. "I bet it happened while Gray was sick."

"Definitely," Lucy nodded. She had in her head the whole scene: Gray sick and regretting his promiscuous past, Natsu willing to tend to him, seeing a gentler side to Gray, maybe Gray broke down in tears and Natsu comforted him. Her imagination had been ripe for some time, thinking about how it must have gone, how two rivals could become lovers.

Cana suddenly set her barrel down hard, jolting them all. "Is he really in love? Has Gray actually said _I love you_?"

Natsu flinched that Cana, of all people, was bringing this up. She and Gray had a history together, after all. "What are you talking about?" he asked guardedly.

She shrugged candidly. "When we were together, he never said it once, not even during sex."

"Cana!" Lucy scolded. Talking about that in front of Natsu was just plain rude.

"He said he didn't _like to_ say it." Cana's dark eyes stayed fixed on Natsu, almost as if she was challenging him. "So I'm curious if you were able to melt that icy barrier, or if he still can't even say something as simple as _I love you_."

At that moment, Natsu was glad Gray was off with Makarov. He thought carefully about how to reply, and his words came out levelly.

"Gray loves me. Even if he's shy to say it, he's shown me his love in many ways. Not just in the bedroom. He's been gentle. He's taken care of me, and I've taken care of him. He treated me to dates, and he even cooked dinner for me. He's held me through the night, and he's kissed me in the morning. He accepts everything about me." Natsu blushed as he thought about earlier, how Gray had wanted to be with Natsu even during something disgusting, bonding with him during such a private and intimate bodily necessity. "He doesn't need to say anything at all, but he still calls me his beloved. Hearing that … makes me really happy."

The girls all went "awwww" and looked absolutely smitten by his romantic words. _Boys Love_ was an adorable thing.

* * *

Meanwhile, Makarov led Gray out of the main room and upstairs. No one was up there, but still they went deeper into the guild halls to a room Gray rarely entered. It was Makarov's personal study, where he could meet formally with other guild masters, a room filled with books and writing supplies, with a whole pile of letters the aging guild master had to write to apologize for all the destruction caused by his crazy _brats_. When the door shut, Gray sensed magical runes. They were now in a soundproof area. No one would be able to spy on them, not even magically.

"I think there's something you need to know about Natsu," the guild master began immediately.

"Do you mean about his childhood?"

Makarov's eyes narrowed. "How much do you know?"

"Natsu's talked about it," he said solemnly. "It … it is a trouble, I won't deny that, but I'm helping him."

One wrinkly, white eyebrow raised up high. "You're … _helping_ him?"

Gray blushed as he realized that Makarov would know precisely what that meant. He stuttered with embarrassment. "W-we've talked and … and maybe we've … _done_ stuff. Stuff that's helping him to get over it."

Makarov chuckled. "You're just now telling everyone, but for Natsu to open up that much to you about _that_ subject, you two must have been intimate for a while now."

"Ehhhh … w-well, kind of, yeah."

"And you still care for him, despite all that?"

Gray blinked in confusion. "Well, sure. It wasn't his fault or anything."

Makarov stared silently, his eyes narrowing as if searching Gray's soul. Slowly, his head lowered. "Natsu … has much deeper issues than I think you know."

Gray felt something within him flinch. "No, really, he's told me about the past. It's fine."

Makarov looked at him suspiciously. "Really?"

Again, something deep within Gray was trying to warn him. Cautiously, he asked, "Why? He talked about … about _that guy_ , about being locked up and abused like that. It wasn't easy for him to tell me, but we spent a night talking about it."

Makarov nodded solemnly. "Did he tell you about _afterward_?"

Afterward? "Oh, about how he … he killed that guy? Yeah, he told me about that. I mean, it's shocking, sure, but how I see it, he can't really be blamed for that. The asshole made him insane. He said he hardly even remembers what happened after he snapped."

Makarov's brow tightened more, and being as vague as possible, he asked, "So you mean he didn't tell you about what happened after _that_?"

After that? Natsu's story about that day ended with him ripping off the head of his captor. He had killed a man barehanded, but he had also mentally snapped after weeks of torture, sexual abuse, and then having the man trying to kill him. After that? Natsu said only that he did not really remember what happened afterward. Had he lied about not remembering?

Makarov saw the confusion in Gray's face, sighed, and nodded to himself. "He'll tell you when he's ready." He began to turn back toward the door.

"W-wait!" Gray shouted. His heart felt ready to freeze. He knew Natsu's issues ran deep, and he often sensed there was something more, some things just did not make sense. Natsu had issues that did not fit with what little he had told Gray about _that time_ , and Gray had been too scared to bring it up directly. "What else happened?" he asked softly, dreading to know.

Makarov looked up at Gray. "I'll be bluntly honest. I don't think Natsu is ready for a relationship. Not a sexual one. Not without … special needs."

"We've figured that out," Gray admitted. Makarov arched an eyebrow. "I … I mean—"

"It's fine, Gray," he assured. "You don't have to explain it or justify it. Whatever you two have worked out, if it works, that's good." His eyes narrowed. "But if it _doesn't_ work, just realize that it may be in Natsu's best interest if he doesn't have you."

"No!" Gray shouted. He had thought that people in the guild would say horrible things about him, tell Natsu about his promiscuous past, and try to talk the Dragon Slayer out of the relationship. He never once imagined that it would be Makarov suggesting that Gray himself should break it off. "Master, how can you _say_ that?"

"Because I care about him," Makarov said, "and I'm seriously worried about you."

"About me?"

Makarov nodded sadly. "He's holding something back. He probably wants to protect you, and he's probably scared that telling you would drive you away. However, if you don't know everything, you can't avoid the problems he has. That … could be a fatal mistake."

"Then tell me."

Makarov stared at him firmly.

"Oh … no, don't tell me," Gray realized. "Natsu would be mad if I found out through you and not directly from him."

"That's true, but I'm not sure if he's able to tell you. He wouldn't tell anyone. He wouldn't tell Happy about any of this at all, and _that issue_ is something he wouldn't even tell to me, or to any of his psychiatrists. He refuses to face it. He might have even convinced himself that it didn't happen."

"Then how do you know?"

Makarov hesitated. "I have my ways."

"You read his mind."

"I brought in a specialist at the recommendation of a psychiatrist who realized Natsu was hiding something. He would rather repress that memory, pretend it never happened. It very well might be best if he never remembered it at all. If you trigger that memory, I'm worried how he'll lash out at you."

"Then I'll help him through it, like I'm helping him through the rest," Gray shouted in anger.

Makarov's face remained passive. "Natsu's issues run deep. So do yours. You have some dark wounds to your heart, on the same level as Natsu's, if not worse." Makarov crossed his arms. "Are _you_ ready for this? Is your heart ready to love someone?"

Gray felt the instinctive flinch again. "I've … been thinking about that … for a long time, sir," he admitted hesitantly, tripping over his words. "I think I am. Even if I'm not fully ready, we're helping each other, because that's what you do when you … w-when you're … in lo- … luh…" He felt the air leave his lungs, and his heart pounded with terror.

 _Blood on snow. The moth suddenly eaten by the owl. Natsu with dead, empty eyes. Memories. Harbingers. Nightmares_.

"Gray, don't force it—"

" _Love!_ " he shouted, eyes slammed shut. "When you're in … l-love … with someone." He swallowed hard as it felt like his stomach might heave up with dread.

Makarov touched his arm gently. "Gray, take a seat."

He collapsed into a chair and bent over, shaking and breathing so hard, he began to go numb. He did not even realize that he had begun crying. Makarov stayed beside him, not saying anything, but keeping a hand on him to let the ice wizard know he was okay. After a minute, Gray snuffled, roughly wiped his eyes, and looked into the small Master's face.

"Did you know about that? About my issue?"

"Yes," Makarov said softly. "That's why I worry about you."

Gray sniffed up his snotty nose and raised his head stubbornly. "I can take care of myself."

That independence was something Makarov cultivated in his brats, but this time it worried him. "I'll let you deal with it, but don't force yourself, don't force Natsu, and don't let him force you. Realize that, at any time, either one of you might simply need to just step back."

Gray shook his head. "I don't want to do that."

"I know you don't. No one does. That's why I'm telling you, because you _won't_ want to, and he definitely won't want to, not until it's too late. He's even more stubborn than you. Still, it might be for the best. I honestly hope you two never come to that. Seeing Natsu happy and in love is wonderful, and I want him to work through his issues. Still, I'm giving you a warning. Love blinds us, but don't be so blind that you don't see if something is obviously hurting you both." He turned and walked to the door.

Gray's fists clenched. Makarov had not directly demanded that Gray break up with Natsu, but these vague warnings infuriated him. "Tell me this much," he shouted. "Natsu's issue, does it have to do with _that man_ , or is it something else?"

Makarov sighed sadly. "Yes, it has to do with him. He was a vile man. I don't like to say that anyone deserves death, but I don't blame Natsu for what he did. I also can't forgive him."

"Master!" Gray said in shock.

"You might forgive him," he smiled, "but if you can't, realize that you don't have to."

"I'd forgive him for anything—"

"Gray," Makarov cut in, and his eyes were stern. Slowly, he enunciated, "Realize, you don't _have_ to. Also…" Makarov frowned as he thought over how to say this, but after a moment, he looked up with stern but caring eyes. "If Natsu ever hurts you, don't blame him too much, and don't push him past what he can do. I don't know how much you two have done, but he has limits that should _never_ be pushed."

"I'll … keep that in mind," Gray said hesitantly. He knew about some of Natsu's limits. They had been pushing those limits almost since the beginning. Were there others? Was there something more Natsu couldn't do … _shouldn't_ do?

"Now, stop looking like that," he smiled. "I'm just being an overprotective old man. Are you happy with him?"

"Y-yes, sir."

"Is he happy with you?"

Gray blushed slightly. "Y-yeah, I guess so."

"Who tops?"

" _Master!_ "

"Kidding," he laughed. "Although there is a bet going around about that. Come on, let's get you back to your boyfriend. This is enough talking. You'd think I'm giving you advice about taking a bride."

Gray blushed brightly at that. Natsu … as his bride?

As they walked back through the hall, Makarov saw the pinkness to Gray's sallow cheeks. "Have you thought about that?"

"A-about what?"

"Far in the future, long-term goals, what you both want out of this relationship … marriage?"

Gray's face went even brighter. "We're not ready for that."

"Obviously not, but have you thought about it?"

"I … uh … that is…" His head turned away as he muttered, "Maybe a little."

"Marry before I die, okay?" He grinned playfully. "I wanna attend a gay wedding."

"Master! For one, don't talk about dying, and two … sheesh, we've just started dating!"

"You two have slept together already though, right?"

"Ah … we … ummm…"

"He tops, right?"

"No!"

"Oh, you do?"

"Master!"

Just then, they reached the stairs and Makarov bellowed down to the crowd below. "All right, you brats, time to party. We have a new couple in our guild."

There were cheers, and Mira got busy filling glasses as a party started to celebrate.

Makarov leaped down and landed nimbly next to a beer barrel, but Gray walked down the steps. He saw Natsu race forward and wait for him at the base of the stairs, grinning up at him. Gray's steps faltered. Why the hell did he suddenly feel like a bride coming down a grand staircase and into the arms of a lover?

"Hey Gray! So, what did the old man say?"

Gray's forehead tensed up. How much deeper did Natsu's pain go? What about him was so dark, he hid it from Gray, or maybe even lied about it?

"Gray?"

He snapped out of his worries. "He said … to take care of you."

"Oh. That's good. You were talking for so long, I was worried."

Gray silently kept walking down the stairs. He was worried? Was he worried that Makarov might tell him whatever secret he was holding back on? Gray paused at the base and looked out at the crowd. He did not feel Natsu take his hand, and he did not notice those narrow eyes gazing up at his face.

"Gray?" Natsu waited for a response, but the ice wizard was lost in thought. "Graaaay?" he called out softly, but still Gray's eyes were distant. "Yo, icicle dick!"

Gray jolted at that. "Huh?"

"Sheesh! Are you still half-asleep?"

"S-sorry," he muttered. He looked at Natsu. Two months ago, he never would have guessed at the pain Natsu hid, that dark secret, a bloody past of torture and humiliation that only a handful in the guild even knew about. Now he worried about what more Natsu hid. "Hey, you can tell me anything, okay?"

Natsu's face tilted to the side in confusion. "Ooookay?"

"I mean it. Anything."

"Seriously, what did that geezer say to you? You were talking forever."

"Just … you don't have to hide anything from me."

Natsu gave a wide shrug. "I don't. Hell, Gray, you know more about me than anyone does."

Gray glared in the direction of Makarov and grumbled, "Apparently not."

"Huh?"

"Nothing!"

He tried to put it out of his mind. Natsu really had told him a lot of crap. Maybe Makarov was worried about something Gray already knew. Maybe this was not an issue at all. They had been pushing limits for two months, delving into bondage and some intense kinks. Sure, they had hangups and freak-outs, but they worked through it. If this really was something else, they would work through it again.

"So," Gray said, shoving the issue aside. "Has anyone tried to feel you up?"

"No!" Natsu snapped. "I told you they wouldn't." Suddenly, he was reminded of what he was wearing.

"Good." He saw the brightness to Natsu's cheeks, leaned over, and whispered, "Are you still embarrassed about wearing that?"

"I told you not to mention it."

"No, you said not to tease you about it. I'm not teasing. I'm asking. Are you really aware of it? Does it remind you all the time about who owns your cock?"

"Shut … up! Not here. And yes, it does, so shut the hell up before someone hears you, you pervert."

"Fine, fine. So, are you glad we told them?"

"Oh, hell yes. I hated keeping it a secret. I feel more relieved now."

Gray smiled and looked out at their friends partying, and all in their honor. "Me too," he decided happily.

Natsu sighed and looked at Gray. He had been stiff and nervous all day, then dark and worried after his talk with Makarov. Now Gray looked just happy. Everyone knew. They (more or less) approved. From now on, the two of them could be open about this. No more hiding. No more midnight dating. No more guilt about keeping this hidden from their friends.

"Hey Gray?"

"Hmm?"

Suddenly, Natsu grabbed Gray's head, yanked him in, and kissed him hard. Gray flailed out in surprise, but Natsu thrust his tongue in.

"Whoa!" Alzack said in surprise.

Bisca covered Asuka's eyes. "Sheesh, in public?"

Romeo blushed as he saw the tongue action going on. "I-I've never seen two guys kissing before."

Wendy looked over. "Really, Romeo?"

"Y-yeah. It's … kind of weird."

"Yeah. It makes my tummy feel funny."

"Huh? Like sick?"

"No, like … umm … hot? Tingly?" Wendy did not fully understand, but she kept watching despite Carla telling her not to stare.

Lucy sighed as she saw them. "I wish I had a camera."

"Lucy!" Erza scolded.

"I really do. I just wanna take a picture of this moment … and write a story about it."

Levy's eyes began to glitter. "A naughty story?"

"Oh yes!"

"Oooh, I wanna read it!"

Natsu suddenly pressed Gray up against the wall and thrust slightly against him. Then he nibbled up to Gray's ear and hissed a whisper. "How do you like feeling this caged cock rubbing against yours. Is it hard? Is it good?"

"N-Natsu," Gray whispered in mortification.

"Do you know what I heard while you were talking to the old man?" His narrow eyes gleamed slyly. "Everyone thinks I top."

"Wh-what? Dammit, what did you tell them?"

"Nothing, but after this, now they'll really think that."

Gray shoved him away. "You did that on purpose."

"Yup!" Natsu admitted haughtily.

"I should tell them about you."

"Nope. You're not going to."

"Why not?"

"Beeecause you _won't_."

Gray realized he was right. He could not tell people that Natsu was a masochist who loved being restrained and spanked, because then he would have to admit that he was a sadist who loved binding people with his ice and dominating over them. There was no way he could admit all that.

"Don't worry, ice princess. I told them already, we switch."

"We … what? We don't switch."

"Yeah we do." Natsu leaned into his ear. "Or do you not remember what happened _last time_?"

Memories surged into Gray's mind, the feel of that burning cock inside of him, riding Natsu, those ardent words whispered in the dark, Natsu touching him, stroking him, while thrusting up into Gray's undulating body.

"Oh fuck," he groaned, and he collapsed into a chair before anyone saw how those memories affected him.

"That's right, bastard. And you _loved_ it." Natsu chuckled and glanced around to see if anyone was specifically staring at them. "I'm glad my cock can't get hard, or I'd be pitching a tent right now."

Gray had his hand under the table, trying to push down his own trouble. "Maybe you're the lucky one."

"I'm a bit glad you made me wear it. Hurts like a bitch right now, though."

Gray glanced up slyly. "Does it really hurt?"

Just then, Cana stomped forward. She knew she should not feel jealous, but knowing that Gray never said _anything_ remotely romantic to her, while now it seemed like he was in some lovey-dovey relationship with a man, just irked her.

"Hey Gray," she shouted. "I wanna hear you tell Natsu that you love him."

Natsu glared at her. She did that on purpose! She had mentioned it before, too. Beside him, Natsu heard Gray gasped, and he could tell that he had stiffened in terror.

"W-what are you talking about?" asked Gray. Natsu saw his knuckles turn white as he clenched his fists to keep his hands from shaking.

"Ooh, I wanna hear it, too," Lucy squealed.

"Oh, how cute," Mira soughed. "Say it, say it!"

"Yeah, tell each other," Bisca cheered.

Elfman added, "It's manly to confess!"

Natsu reached under the table and put his hand on Gray's leg. He was shaking, although he was trying to look calm under that terror.

"Gray," he whispered, "calm down." If Gray breathed any faster, he would probably pass out.

Laxus sniffed. Where was this stench of fear coming from?

Despite the cheers, Gray had not moved a muscle. Natsu took his fisted hand and held it comfortingly. "Calm … down." When it was obvious that Gray was not getting better, Natsu cried out cheerfully. "I've got a better idea." He looked over to Gray and whispered. "Say just the first word, and be _sweet_ about it."

Gray gulped hard. They had at least done this before. He realized this would make everyone happy, and he did not have to say that dreaded phrase, not in its entirety.

"I …"

Natsu placed his hand on Gray's cheek. "… love …"

Gray tilted up Natsu's chin. "… you." Then he pulled Natsu's face closer, Natsu's fingers threaded through that mess of black hair, and they kissed each other in front of everyone.

"Omigosh, that is soooo sweet!" Mira squealed.

"Finishing each other's sentences." Lucy sighed romantically. "Oh, that's just adorable."

"Isn't that cute?" Wendy said excitedly.

"Aye!" Happy agreed.

Cana turned aside and muttered, "He didn't say it." She almost walked right into Makarov, who glared up at her in disapproval.

"Don't ever harass Gray about that again," Makarov warned quietly.

Cana backed off a step, surprised to see him so furious.

Natsu pulled back from the kiss, feeling the discomfort of the chastity belt. Gray's eyes were hazy with lust. Under the table, he slid Natsu's hand up until he felt just how Natsu's kisses, out here where everyone was watching, affected him.

"Me too," Natsu whispered. His eyes told Gray _'We need to get out of here right now.'_

Gray turned to the crowd. "We're gonna take off."

"Ooooh," the crowd said with snide chuckles.

"N-no!" Gray stuttered. "I … I mean…"

"I'm gonna walk him home," Natsu blurted out.

"Uh-huh," they smirked knowingly.

Lisanna leaned over to Happy. "If Natsu doesn't come home tonight, you can stay with me."

"Thanks, Lisanna!" Happy said cheerfully.

"I'll be back," Natsu insisted, blushing at the insinuation.

"No, it's okay, Natsu," Happy assured. "You can stay the night with Gray again."

"Happy!"

"Again?" Evergreen chuckled. "Just how often have you two _done it_?"

Happy grinned mischievously. "Natsu's stayed over _many_ times."

"Happy!" Natsu shouted, scandalized that his best friend was ratting him out.

Happy looked stubborn. "That's what you get for not telling me right away that you were dating."

"I … w-we…" Natsu snatched up Gray's hand and yanked him away. "Let's go," he shouted, storming out of the guild with Gray stumbling behind him.

The guild laughed at Natsu's reactions. What an awkward couple!

"So," Lucy said, leaning into Happy. "How many times?"

"I'm not sure, but Natsu would sneak out and not come back home until the next morning. Sometimes, Gray stayed at our place. Once, I caught them and they were still _in bed_."

"Ooooh, that's so sweet," Lucy squealed. "I wanna hear some stories about them."

"Aye!"

* * *

Out in the street, Natsu had Gray by the hand, racing through the crowds.

"Idiot, stop pulling me so hard," Gray shouted. "Natsu!"

"Sorry," he said, and finally Natsu stopped. "I just wanted to get away." Then he corrected, "I wanted to get _you_ away."

"I'm fine, Nat-…"

"No, you _weren't_ fine!"

Natsu suddenly yanked on him again, pulling Gray along and keeping his pace brisk. Within minutes, they were back at Gray's apartment, up the stairs, and inside.

"Okay, we're home, you can stop crushing my hand!" Gray snapped.

Natsu let go, but his eyes were narrow. "Lie down."

"But I—"

"Lie down!" Natsu demanded.

Gray arched an eyebrow. Hesitantly, he walked to the bedroom and sat on the bed.

"Just rest," Natsu insisted.

"Natsu, what the hell is wrong?"

"You were about to panic," he shouted.

"I …" He did not want to admit to that. "I'm fine. Sure, that's what I was worried might—"

"Exactly!" Natsu yelled, pacing the floor as he tried to drive out the anger blazing inside him. "That's what you were afraid might happen. Damn that Cana!" he bellowed, and flames sparked over his skin. "You didn't want to tell anyone because you were scared that might happen, and it's _precisely_ what happened."

"We got past it," he reasoned. "It worked out. I said some of it and you said the rest—"

"And you've been holding yourself back," Natsu snapped, stopping his pacing and staring to where Gray sat. The anger in his eyes softened. "I can smell it, Gray. You've been on the border of a panic attack. You can let it out now."

Gray shivered slightly. "I'm … fine, really."

"Gray," Natsu whispered. He walked over to the bed and sat beside the ice wizard. "We're alone now. You don't have to hide it from me. I already know. It's okay to let it out now." He stroked back Gray's hair. "I'm here. It's safe now."

"I … I'm … f- …" Gray could not keep acting brave. His eyes lined with tears. Terrors he had held down bubbled up.

_Blood on snow._

As he began to shake, hot arms held him, melting away the icy barrier. It all gushed out, and Gray burst into shivering sobs.

"Let it out. It's just us now."

Gray grabbed Natsu so tightly, a bone popped in the Dragon Slayer's back. That wet face buried down into the white scarf, hiding the terrified tears, while Gray shivered and battled old demons of fear.

"Y-you're gonna … d-d-die … if I say that."

"I'm not going to die." Natsu held him and rubbed his back. Suddenly, he realized Gray's shirt was missing. When the hell did that happen?

Still, Gray cried into the scarf. "The moth … last night."

"Moth?" Natsu asked in confusion.

"The _moth_!"

"What the hell do you mean? What moth?"

Through sputtering sobs, Gray said, "I … I was … p-practicing … last night. I said … _those words_ … to the moth."

Natsu gawked at him. "You told a _moth_ that you _loved_ it?"

"I was just trying to say the words, just trying to … to _say it_ … and … and the moth _died_. It was killed … just s-seconds after saying it. Killed! R-right … in front of me." He broke into harder sobs. "Just like everyone else! Killed! In front of me! _Dead!_ "

Natsu hugged him tighter as Gray's crying went out of control, more like screams at past terrors than tears of present worries. He didn't really understand what this was all about, but he knew he had to be with Gray right now.

"I know it's dumb. It … it didn't even count. I didn't mean it. I just said it. Just the words. And still … it happened. It died!"

"Gray—"

"With you, I _do_ mean it," he yelled through his tears. "And … I'm so scared." He buried his head deep into the scarf. "So scared," he muttered, "that it'll happen to you."

"Gray," Natsu sighed.

"I'm scared it might be too late. What if you're already cursed? What if it's just a matter of time? It's like, when I confessed to my teacher, she didn't die that day. And the first time I told my parents I loved them, they didn't die right then. But … _eventually!_ Eventually, they all did," he whispered miserably. "Every single one of them!"

_Blood on snow. Screams from his mother. His father's fallen body. His childhood friends torn to blood pieces of crushed under fallen buildings. The demon roaring in the night lit by his burning town._

"What if it's too late for you? What if … if I've already damned you, and you're just a moth, fluttering around, just waiting for the owl to come and _snatch you away from me_?" he screamed, and he clutched tightly to Natsu. "I … I can't … risk that. But … but what if it's too late? What if I can't stop it? I can't lose you, Natsu. I can't. I … c-can't!"

Natsu eyes were closed, holding Gray, feeling the intense terror in those gripping fingers. He must have been scared about this all day. No, for many days. Maybe since the beginning. Gray rarely broke down. He hated to show this side to Natsu. He did not want to face the darkness in his soul. He craved control over everything, even the pain of his past. Now, that control had crumbled, and Natsu held up the broken pieces, supporting Gray this time.

"I'm not going to die," he said calmly.

Gray cringed. "You can't make a promise like that."

"Well, I will," Natsu said stubbornly. "I won't die."

"How can I believe that?" Gray muttered, feeling weak from all the sobbing.

"You should, because I won't lie to you."

Bitterness flashed past him. "You also don't tell me the whole truth."

Natsu looked stunned. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." He sank down. Now was not the time to ask about what Makarov had hinted about. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I'm here, I'm alive, and I won't die."

"We all die eventually."

"Ummm … nope! I'm gonna live forever," Natsu said with a massive grin.

Gray had to chuckle at his optimism and muttered, "Idiot."

"Fine." He lifted Gray's face. "I won't die before you, okay?"

Gray wanted to ignore that, but stubbornness infected him. "Make that a promise."

Natsu nodded firmly. "I promise. I absolutely will not die before you."

Gray chuckled as he shook his head. "Somehow, I can almost believe that. Still, I can't say those words."

"You don't have to," Natsu assured. "I know."

Still, Gray looked down, seeking deep in his soul for some sort of perseverance. "I…"

"Huh? You what?"

"Do it. Our thing. I…"

Natsu nodded in comprehension. "… love …"

"… you. There!" His face became sternly obstinate.

Natsu smiled proudly. "Very good. Now, the opposite way. I…"

Gray choked on the word. "L- … luh … love…"

"… you." Natsu caressed the cold cheek. "I love you, Gray. When two people really, truly love one another, they don't need words. _I_ don't need words. I just need you."

Natsu leaned in and tilted his head, staring at Gray's fretting lips. Gray looked up with worried eyes, begging to be cared for this time. Natsu held him and kissed him while Gray let himself be kissed, numb to the touch. Somehow, those hot lips soothed away the icy dread of that bloody day in the snow, when his heart froze over at the roar of a demon.

"I … I do … feel that way."

"I know," Natsu assured him. "They may want to hear it, but I don't need to. You _show_ me."

Gray nodded slowly. Natsu had never tried to force him. He had never once nagged Gray, or tried to make him say anything more than what he was comfortable saying. As tears stung his eyes, Gray realized that, although he liked to think of himself as the dominant in this relationship, it was Natsu who took care of him without ever trying to push Gray's limits.

"Thank you, Natsu."

"Maybe I'll take Happy up on his offer and stay the night."

Gray sighed. "I'm not in the mood anymore."

"Well, _that's_ a first!"

"Shut up."

He laughed. "It's fine. I didn't mean it that way. I just meant, I wanna hold you more. You need it, right? Also, I liked waking up next to you this afternoon. This time, I wanna wake up with you in the morning."

Gray smiled placidly. "I'd like that."

"We didn't eat."

"You're right. Wanna go on a date?"

"I'm paying," Natsu insisted.

"You've always been in charge when it comes to the romantic stuff," nodded Gray. Natsu took care of the romance, and Gray took care of the kinks. He would not want it any other way.

They got up, and Gray found where he had tossed off his shirt. He pulled it on while Natsu stretched.

"Hey Gray. Now we're officially a couple."

"Idiot. We've been a couple for a while."

"Yeah, but now we're official, we've told everyone, we don't have to hide … and I _loved_ the look on your face when I kissed you in front of everyone."

Gray's fingers fumbled on his shirt buttons. "Bastard!" he muttered, feeling heat in his cheeks.

Natsu laughed wildly. "That was priceless."

"Asshole!"

Natsu looked at Gray seriously. "I wanna do it more often."

"What?"

"Kiss you in front of everyone. Maybe your exhibitionist streak has rubbed off on me, as well as your damn _pissing_ fetish." He leaned into Gray's ear. "I like the idea of everyone watching us. I like having them looking at me as I kiss you. I want them to watch us."

Gray looked up in shock. "Natsu…"

"Tomorrow, you'll be wearing this damn cock cage, and I'm going to kiss you _hard_ in front of everyone again." As he watched, Gray squirmed, and it made Natsu smug. "Is there anything you wanna do while I'm wearing it?"

Gray could think of lots of kinky things, but he felt too emotionally worn out now. "Dammit, if I was feeling just a little bit better!" He glanced up to Natsu. "Did you like wearing it today?"

"It was utterly humiliating."

"Good!"

"Did you like the idea of me wearing it?"

"Definitely."

"Maybe we can use it again."

"Well, tomorrow I'll be wearing it, right?"

"That's right. Tomorrow until Juvia arrives."

"I just hope she doesn't take too long on this mission."

"I dunno," Natsu chuckled. "I'm gonna like having you with it on." Natsu hesitated. "Gray, I … I gotta … pee. Did you wanna watch … with me wearing this?"

His eyes widened in surprise that Natsu was actually _offering_. Then a smile curled onto Gray's face, and he looked at his boyfriend levelly. "Yes," he whispered.

Natsu felt his cheeks grow hot. He held his hand out, Gray took it, and they walked to the bathroom together, far closer than average lovers.

 


	32. Not Really A New Chapter

"Hey everyone! It's Natsu and Gray here. Gray … Gray? Hey bastard, get over here."

"I'm busy."

"You're just cleaning the chastity belt. It can wait. Get your ass over here."

"Fine, whatever. It's not like I have to say anything important."

"Stupid! This is very important. Our relationship is at stake!"

"Wh-what? No one mentioned about that."

"Yes they did. You were sleeping."

"I was tired!"

"Aww, did I wear out the ice princess?"

"Screw you!"

"Maybe later, hehe! All right, now that Gray is here, we can tell you what's going on. A whole month has passed since we came out in front of the entire guild."

"I thought we did that yesterday."

"Shut up. These are people from Rhov's dimension. Time moves differently for them, and it's been a month now."

"Sheesh, that's a long wait. It's almost as bad as the Celestial Spirit World."

"Exactly, which is the problem. People are wondering if there's more to our story. Well, there is. Lots more! Because I still haven't gotten to come in Gray's ass yet."

"Hey! Y-you don't need to mention that."

"They know I wanna, and they know how much you want me to."

"Yeah, but … sheesh, you don't have to say it so bluntly."

"You're sexy when you're bashful, Gray."

"Sh-shut up! Don't make me hit you."

"Why not? You know I _love_ it when you spank me."

" _Natsu!_ "

"Anyway, obviously this story is _not_ over. So, you're probably wondering why Rhov's reality-defying talent (or utter lack of a real life) that grants her the magical ability to write a 25-page chapter in a single week, week after week for a whole year, has suddenly stopped."

"If she's doing that much magic, maybe she ran out of eterano."

"I was joking about it being magical, Gray. She's not a wizard. No, rather than running out of magic, she was an idiot and broke her wrist."

"Natsu, you jerk! You know what happened."

"She's a writer. She needs to take care of her hands. For a writer to break her writing hand is pretty stupid."

"Have some consideration, asshole! Folks, please don't listen to this flame-brain. Rhov has mentioned before about having a medical condition called epilepsy."

"Yeah, she complains about it a lot, like Lucy complains about rent."

"Because she's vocal about it and believes in spreading awareness about the condition that can seriously affect the lives of the people who have it, even causing brain damage or, in her case, severe physical trauma. Anyway, she had a seizure, fell really bad, cut her face…"

"Oh God, is she gonna have a scar, like the one on your forehead? I mean, that looks sexy on you, Gray, but for a girl like Rhov, that would be a real concern."

"True, but luckily the cut was not deep. It's pretty much healed up already. She also badly bruised up her face, elbow, knees…"

"Yeah, she's all black and blue, like how Gray looks after Erza's pounded him."

"Shut up, or I'll tell Erza you were rude to Rhov! Anyway, the worst injury was landing really hard on her right hand and breaking a bone in her wrist. This happened two weeks ago. She's in a brace to keep her wrist immobilized…"

"She refused to get a plaster cast, just because I said I wanted to draw pictures of Gray's dick on it."

"You … _what?_ Is that why she went with that ugly black brace instead of a cast?"

"You're really gullible, Gray. I wouldn't draw cocks on Rhov's cast."

"I wouldn't put it past you, you immature bastard. Anyway, so she's been really doped up on painkillers."

"She started talking about seeing flying cats and gerbils, and Happy and Carla weren't even in the room. She's a weirdo!"

"She was hallucinating, idiot! Anyway, although she's off the heavy drugs now, she still can only type with one hand, and it's really hard on her because it's her left hand. Lucy went to ask her how her writing was going, and Rhov admitted that she hasn't written a single sentence for _Fight Me, Bite Me_ since her accident."

"She's a lazier writer than Lucy."

"She's been drugged up and in pain, asshole! Show some consideration! So, Rhov will still be in a brace for four more weeks. She's really happy that so many people have written to her, worried about her health, and she's been trying to keep people on her Facebook fanpage updated."

"Did you know that I joined _Rhov Anion's Minions_. Hehe, I'm a minion!"

"You're a flame-brain, that's what you are!"

"Hey Gray, do you know what's gonna happen next to us?"

"Do I look like a fortuneteller?"

"I asked Cana. She said that we're gonna be doing something naughty."

"That's pretty vague and obvious."

"Yeah, but we're gonna get caught."

"Oh shit … wait, in public or in private?"

"Uh … I didn't ask."

"Shit! It better not be in public!"

"And then Juvia finds out about us."

"Oh God, put Magnolia on flood alert, right now!"

"Mira already did."

"This next chapter is gonna suck."

"Ahh, don't say that. We get sexy time."

"We get lots of sexy time."

"Hehe, that's true! Oh, Rhov told me to tell everyone … _'Sorry if I'm not writing back!'_ She can't reply to everyone, and she's really behind on Private Messages. 'Cuz, ya know, that takes typing, which is her problem right now. She can't easily type anymore."

"She's definitely working on what she can, though. After the crap she's been going through lately, she really wants the next chapter to be good."

"Yep, we're just here to tell you what's going on. This chapter will probably vanish when she's ready to post the new one."

"That kinda sucks, actually."

"Huh? Why?"

"People in the future won't be able to read this."

"Well, it's not a real chapter, Gray. It can't be helped. Site rules: holder chapters are not allowed. That's why Rhov asked us to tell everyone rather than write a boring explanation that might break the rules."

"Like she isn't breaking enough rules!"

"Keep quiet about that. Erza threatened to skewer anyone who reports this story. She looked really scary when she said that, too. She sure does love yaoi."

"Anyway, Rhov knows you're all craving more _Fight Me, Bite Me_ , but she is trying to take things easy. She's very happy that everyone is eager to read more of her story."

"Yup! I'm eager for more, too."

"You horny dragon!"

"Hey, if you haven't seen it yet, Rhov is posting a substitute story while she's healing called _Catch the Thunder_. It's about Laxus and Freed. Seriously, what does she have with all these gay stories lately? Loke is complaining that he's not getting enough time with Lucy."

"He shouldn't complain. He and Lucy are banging in our story. And don't you start to complain! If Rhov didn't like yaoi, you and I never would have gotten together like this."

"Oh yeah, I guess so. Well, see ya, everyone!"

"Just be patient with Rhov, okay?"

"Yeah, and when she comes back, then I can kick her ass for making me and Gray wait so long."

"Sheesh, do you really want me to fuck you that badly?"

"Well, that's a stupid question. Of course I do!"

"… Stupid horny dragon."

"You're blushing."

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Shut up!"

* * *

_…_

_…_

_…_

_I had a lot of requests to keep this chapter up, so I did._ XD


	33. Underwater Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Yesterday marked one month since my injury. I'm still in a wrist brace, and although I get to take it off in a week, the doctor is worried about me having some residual pain. She thinks there could be tendon or nerve damage. I hope not! I can't wait to lose the ugly, itchy brace. Due to the broken wrist, this chapter was written rather uniquely._
> 
>  
> 
> _**First** , as I often do, I ad-libbed the dialogue while recording myself. It took five recordings because I kept drastically changing how things should happen. I spliced these together into one master recording and handed it over to one of my Minions, who volunteered to type out all of the dialogue for me: ten pages worth!_
> 
>  _ **Second** , from this transcript, I made another recording, coming up with the descriptions of scenes, detailing all actions, and every "he said, he asked, he moaned" that comes in between the spoken parts. Everything but the sex scene; I typed that myself. I wanted to take my time there!_ ^_^ _Since the recordings were so lengthy, I got a few people to type them up, using the preexisting transcript as a backbone._
> 
> _**Third** , I took this rough draft, mostly typed by other people, and smoothed things over, refining details and fixing the horrible prose that happens when I attempt to make up a story off the top of my head without pausing to think about word choice. (Really, it was pathetic!)_
> 
> _**Fourth** , I sent it off to two beta readers, who pointed out plot holes, confusing bits, and fixed spelling issues. When those came back, I went through the revised draft once more to make sure everything flowed smoothly, since apparently Google Drive does not translate Fanfiction or LibreOffice formating very well._
> 
> _So, this massive chapter, a whooping 32 pages in LibreOffice, was created by me but mostly typed by others to save my wrist. It's like a mangaka having assistants. I extend a huge thanks to the team from "Rhov Anion's Minions" who helped me to create this chapter without forcing everyone to wait even longer. You guys rock!_

A week had passed since Gray and Natsu came out to the guild. They got teased a bit at first, but everyone had come to accept them as a couple. The only ones who did not know yet were people who had not returned to the guild since then, including Juvia who was still on her mission.

Natsu was at home making lunch when he heard the front door open. He was not too concerned. He realized it was either Happy or Gray. Gray had been coming over to Natsu's house a lot more lately. Nowadays, he did not even knock.

"Hey, Natsu," came a raspy voice.

The Dragon Slayer turned around and saw Gray slumped against the door of the kitchen. "Oh! Hey, Gray."

Gray looked paler than usual, slouched over and sweating. "Natsu…"

Instead of rushing to his aid, Natsu watched him with amusement. "What? Is something wrong?"

Slowly, Gray's eyes lifted. He was a proud man—he did not like to beg—but this time he had to. "Take this thing off," he cried out weakly.

Natsu put his finger to his chin, as if he had to think about it. "Hmm…" He paused for a while, and then smiled sadistically. "…No!"

Gray slumped more in frustration and growled under his breath. "Come on!" He looked around, but he knew that if Happy was there, he would have heard the Exceed's voice already. "It's just us here."

Natsu crossed his arms. He watched Gray for a moment, how he struggled with beads of sweat collecting on his forehead, signs of discomfort that made Natsu chuckle. "Well, why should I?" he asked softly.

Gray stuttered for a moment. "I – I – I just need it off for like ten minutes!"

Natsu cocked his head to the side and glanced to Gray's jeans. He knew that under those clothes was the chastity belt the ice wizard had promised to wear. Seeing Gray's reaction to this sort of discipline had been non-stop amusement for Natsu.

"Do you need to jerk off that badly?"

Gray's frustration burst out. "I just need it off!"

Natsu liked this feeling, being in control, telling Gray what he could and could not do. Playfully, and with a pop to his words, he said, "Nope!"

Gray felt truly desperate now. He lurched into the kitchen but got only a few steps before collapsing into a chair. When he sat down, he flinched. "Natsuuuu!" he cried out, truly looking in pain.

Natsu just laughed. He set aside what he was cooking and walked over to Gray. His hands ran over the cold shoulders, trying to comfort him. However, Natsu was not ready to give in yet. "You said you'd wear it until Juvia comes home, we tell her about us, and she calms down."

Gray growled and glared up at him. "I thought she'd be home in two days." He struggled against screaming. Instead, his voice rose just a little louder. "It's been a week!"

Natsu smirked at him. "You shouldn't make promises unless you're ready to go through with them."

"Come oooooon!" Gray begged.

"Hmm, is it not really pacifying you?" Natsu's hand ran up Gray's thigh and stopped just short of going to where Gray wanted it.

That hot touch to his leg reminded Gray even more of his desperation. "It's more like _frustrating_ me!"

"Awwww, can't get what you want, huh?" Natsu goaded.

Gray sneered up at the Dragon Slayer. "This is denying you, too, you know."

"Yeah," Natsu admitted. He knelt and looked Gray right in the eye. "But it's even more fun watching _you_."

Those sharp eyes thrilled Gray, but they also made him aroused, and that pulled on where the chastity belt wrapped around his testicles. It sent a shock of pain through him, and that made his issue even worse. "Natsuuu!" he weakly whimpered.

Natsu began to rub Gray's chest, trying to comfort him. He knew this was hard on Gray. "Red?"

Gray thought about it, but he shook his head. "No. Not red."

He had been struggling for the past few days now, he was almost at his limit, but he was not ready to end this early. Gray had told Natsu once, nine days should be the maximum; however, this was the first time Gray had ever put the chastity belt on. To wear it for an entire week his first time really was pushing things.

Still, Natsu rather liked this. Gray was normally so aggressive, but within the past few days he had been much more subdued, almost pacified, but not quite tamed.

In a gentle voice, Natsu asked, "Did you wake up hard again?"

"Yes!" Gray sneered. "Every damn morning."

Natsu hummed, thinking about that. He remembered how it was like, being on that mission with Lucy, waking up hard with the pain of the chastity belt pulling on his balls. It was a weird thing to wake up to. It made a man panic for a moment. Then he had to calm down, realize what was going on, and get his body back under control. That made Natsu curious.

"How'd you get yourself to calm down?"

Gray looked away peevishly. "I don't know. Took a shower, tried not to think about it." It was not really working. Every morning was the same, waking up to the feel of suffocation as pain throbbed from the morning woody. This morning, it felt even more intense. Gray looked up with eager eyes. "Come on, please? I'll fuck you real hard," he offered, but then quickly added, "o-or gently, or any way you want."

Natsu was thoroughly amused by Gray's desperation. "Mmm, begging, huh?" he said with a sensual hum. He leaned into Gray's face with his hands right on the ice wizard's muscular thighs, so close, yet not touching the bulky package in his pants. "Who says I want to be fucked today?"

Those narrow, predatory eyes really aroused Gray. He wanted to be touched, and Natsu was making sure not to give him that pleasure. Stuttering, wanting it direly, Gray said, "Th-th-then I'll let you take me if you want."

This time, Natsu straddled over Gray in the chair. However, he still kept his hips just far enough back. Only his hands touched Gray, running up his chest, over his collar, touching just enough, but not in any of the spots that really affected Gray. It was so frustrating to feel that heat, but not in the places he really wanted.

In a deep whisper, Natsu told him, "Oh, but I could do that right now."

"Natsu!"

Gray cringed, wanting to move his body, to shift just an inch, to feel those hands where he wanted them. Natsu was being careful not to touch any erogenous zones. It was frustrating, yet still just arousing enough. This was not helping Gray. It was making the issue far worse, and yet he did not want those hands to stop. He looked up and saw a devious gleam in Natsu's eyes.

Setting aside all pride, he outright begged, "I'll suck you off!"

Natsu stopped his hands and looked down, impressed and a bit surprised. "You're really desperate."

"Yes!" Gray cried out. "Come on!"

Instead of giving in to those despondent, urgent cries, Natsu just hummed in amusement and again decided, "Hmm … Nope!"

"Natsu! Dammit!" He shoved the Dragon Slayer off of his lap, pushing him across the kitchen, then stood up and paced away. He could still feel the chastity belt between his legs. He thought he had gotten used to it, but lately it was always there, always a reminder. He swirled back around and glared at Natsu. "When this thing comes off, I'm going to get you back."

Natsu smiled with a masochistic chuckle. "Mmm, I'm looking forward to that part."

Gray growled again. It was impossible to threaten Natsu—he loved all threats—and whenever Gray tried to intimidate Natsu, the Dragon Slayer looked like he enjoyed that domineering aggressiveness.

Natsu went back to fixing his lunch, but he kept glancing over at Gray pacing back and forth. Gray stopped once in a while, reached down to his crotch, and massaged out some pain.

"You're really sexy this way, you know," Natsu mentioned, knowing that would irritate Gray.

Sure enough, Gray stopped, spun over to him, and snarled, "What, frustrated as hell?"

Natsu shrugged playfully. "Yeah."

Gray could not hate him when Natsu looked so amused. That was the purpose of this: to put Gray in a slightly lower position in order to help Natsu gain more confidence in being domineering.

And the bastard was a little _too_ good at this!

"Damn you," Gray mumbled under his breath.

Natsu laughed blithely. Gray always did think that he was some mewling submissive, but the ice wizard was quickly learning, that was _not_ the case. "How about this?" Natsu walked up to Gray and rubbed his shoulders. "It's probably unhealthy to keep it against your skin for this long. Let's go to the guild, but … I get to kiss you in front of everyone."

Gray's eyes narrowed venomously. "You know what happened the last time we did that."

A smirk curled onto Natsu's lips. "Uh-huh."

Gray's fists clenched. "I got erect. It hurt! I almost screamed."

Natsu's tongue flicked out, licking his lips. "Mmm-hmm!"

"Do you have any idea how much this hurts when you get erect?"

Those green eyes just stared at him dead on. "…Yes."

"Ugh, never mind." Gray spun around and stomped away from him. This was payback; he knew that. Still, Natsu was going too far! Hearing the Dragon Slayer laugh behind him was even more frustrating. "Fine!" he yelled, giving in. "And if I do that?"

Natsu again walked up to Gray, rubbing him, trying to comfort him. "We'll go back to your place. I'll take that off. I'll let you do whatever you want to do, just for one night. It goes back on in the morning."

Relief sank into Gray's heart. His shoulders slumped, and his head thunked forward onto Natsu's chest. "Thank you!" he whispered.

Natsu hugged him, rubbing his back, but he could hardly help but tease, "Look who finally became tamed."

Gray wanted to shove him aside again, but the warm embrace was too inviting. Instead, letting Natsu hold him up, he mumbled into that fiery chest, "I'm gonna make _you_ wear this for a week next time. Can we go now?"

"Oh, so eager?" Natsu razzed.

"I wanna get this off my dick!"

Natsu pulled back, saw the frustration in Gray's eyes again, and chuckled. However, he could not be too sadistic to the man he loved. "All right," he said, both promising to keep his word and also encouraging Gray to last just a little bit longer.

* * *

The two had been holding hands in town, but they let go as soon as the guild was in sight. This was just how they did things. In a crowd of strangers, they did not care too much, but amongst their friends, they knew they would get teased for every little thing they did.

The fact that Natsu liked to kiss Gray in front of everyone was bad enough!

They did not even have time to take in the afternoon chaos before blond hair leaped in front of them and Lucy grinned with a flushed face, as if she had been running around all morning.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey, Lucy," Natsu smiled back.

"Umm…" She went right up to them and whispered, "There's a little bit of an issue." Her voice dropped even more, and her face looked worried. "Juvia's back!"

The happiness in Natsu washed away. "Ohhh shit…"

"D-don't worry," she said, nervously glancing around. "We've already put half of Magnolia on flood alert, so we think we're ready. Max has sand walls to divert the water just in case, but if worst comes to worst; she may flood the entire area around Lake Sciliora. I mean, it won't take out any houses but…" She laughed nervously and admitted with worried reluctance. "…it might take out all of us."

"I see," Gray frowned. At least the guild was prepared. Telling everyone else first had been a good idea. It also explained the strange chaos within the guild hall and the flush to Lucy's tired face. They all must have rushed to secure the town from the potential deluge without making things too obvious to Juvia. "Where is she now?"

"She's in the restroom." Lucy looked back to the hallway where the guild lavatories were located. "How are you guys going to tell her?"

Natsu grinned with an idea. "Well, I could just say—"

"No, you're not!" Gray interrupted.

"Whaaat?" he cried out, annoyed at being cut off like that.

"It's not going to work the same way with her. You can't just go out and say 'oh hey, guess what, we're dating!' Not this time." Gray looked thoughtful and spoke softly. "Not with her. We need to break it to her easier."

Natsu folded his arms and glared with a twinge of jealousy. "Aren't you just bein' Mister Sentimental, huh? For a girl who really likes you and wants to jump your bones!"

"Hey, I'm being sensitive _because_ she likes me, and because Juvia is a nice girl … for a creepy stalker."

"Hmph!" Natsu frowned, but he knew he had no reason to be upset. Gray was right. Juvia was nice when she was not being utterly psychotic. "Well, I'll let you handle it then. Would you be okay doing that?"

"Yeah, I know her pretty well. I think I can break it to her."

Natsu shrugged widely and walked away. "All right, I'll leave it to you." He went to a table and flopped down.

Gray narrowed his eyes and followed after the Dragon Slayer. "What's with that face, flame-brain? Why don't you like Juvia? She's strange, but she's sweet. She means well."

Natsu scoffed out a laugh and shook his head. Sweet? Means well? "She's a stalker, Gray!"

"So?"

" _So?_ " he yelled, but he quickly dropped his voice, glancing around at the guild. Luckily, no one was around them.

Gray gave a nonchalant shrug. "Haven't you ever stalked someone you liked?"

"No!" Natsu shouted. "Why, have you?"

Gray's eyes widened, and then he looked aside. "I don't know if it's considered _someone I like_. Well, not at the time."

"Who?" Natsu asked in a blazing flame of jealousy.

Gray bit his lip awkwardly. "Um … you."

The Dragon Slayer's mouth dropped. "Wha-…?"

"When we were younger, I saw you went on a lot of missions by yourself. We were just kids, I was worried about you, and you were still new to the guild, so I felt, being older and having been a Fairy Tail wizard longer, I should keep an eye on you. I used to follow you. You were always searching for Igneel, but you ended up in some crazy situations."

"You … stalked me?" Natsu asked in shock. "As a kid?"

"I wouldn't call it _stalking_. I followed and kept watch over you."

"Well, it's weird! How would you like it if someone stalked you, watching you all the time?"

"Juvia does."

"And it's creepy, right?"

Gray stayed quiet, staring off. At last, he confessed, "It's … a little … thrilling."

Natsu's mouth dropped.

"Not because it's her specifically," Gray insisted in a panic. "Just the thought of being watched all the time … it's kind of exciting. She might have seen me taking a piss, or even stared into my bedroom while I was jerking off. Sometimes, I like to imagine that maybe she's out there. I'm not about to encourage her, but … just knowing someone might be watching what I do…"

" _I'll_ stalk you!" Natsu blurted out in rage.

Gray looked at him blankly. "What?"

Natsu heard Mira titter, so he dropped his voice lower. "For one day, I'll stalk you. I'll watch you all the time. I'll watch _everything_ you do." His eyes narrowed. "I don't want anyone else to watch you _like that_." Natsu's hard gaze pierced into Gray. In a low, predatory voice, he practically growled, "Only I get to see you like that."

Gray felt a thrill from just the idea of it. Having Natsu follow him, constantly watching him, seeing everything—absolutely everything—and even acting out for him, masturbating while knowing Natsu was outside his window…

He hardened, and the chastity belt yanked hard. Gray fought the desire to reach down and touch that painful reminder that he was caged up, under Natsu's control.

"Oh God … ugh." He wanted to moan. He wanted to _scream_! He kept it all bottled up and lowered his blushing face as Natsu's voice gave him pleasure, and the chastity belt gave him pain.

Natsu chuckled as he watched all the emotions playing out on Gray's face. "Sounds good?" he asked mockingly.

"Yeah!"

"Good," he whispered seductively.

Natsu had never stalked anyone before, but the idea made him feel like a predator out to hunt. That animalistic side thrilled him. He would love to have Gray as his prey, stalking the helpless thing, watching, waiting for the right moment, before leaping out, devouring him…

Natsu licked his lips as it felt like he might start drooling just thinking about it.

Then he saw blue hair exiting the hallway that led back to the restrooms.

"Oh great," Natsu grumbled under his breath.

"Gray-sama!"

Gray flinched just hearing her. It was coming, as sure as a tsunami. He hesitantly turned to face it. "Hey Juvi-…" The wave struck, wrapped around him, crushing him, compressing all air out of his lungs. Juvia's arms had him in a vise-like grip as she hugged and wiggled against him in excitement. "Oh! Ack! Juvia!"

"Gray-samaaaaa!" she squealed. "Juvia missed you." Her hug tightened.

"Argh … you're gonna break my ribs! Ugh!" Gray yanked her arms away from his waist and pressed her away with one hand. "Back off!" He almost doubled over from the pain.

Juvia twisted her toe bashfully into the floor as she smiled coyly at him. "Juvia was thinking about Gray-sama all week."

"Umm … that's nice," he said ambivalently. Dammit, why did she have to look harmless now?

"And Juvia found this!" She pulled forward a toy and showed it to him eagerly.

Gray looked at the action figure with black hair and no shirt. "Oh, a doll … of me." Creepy as hell! But he tried to smile politely. "Nice."

Juvia looked proud of herself. "They were selling them in the town Juvia helped, and Juvia bought one of each type."

Each type? Someone made _more_ of these hideous things? "Th-that's great."

Gray needed to find this vendor and freeze his inventory! First though, he had to break the news to Juvia. Her excitement and typical obsessive habits only made it harder. He did not want to break her heart. He had to ease her into this. Gray glanced over to Natsu, who was watching him silently. The Dragon Slayer nodded, showing his support. They had both known for a while, telling Juvia about this would not be easy. It was time to brace themselves for the worst. The whole guild seemed tense, ready for a tempest.

Juvia leaned in and gazed up at his face. "What the matter, Gray-sama?"

He jolted back at how close she was. "Oh … ummm … I … I need to talk to you seriously."

Juvia gasped and covered her mouth. "Love confession!" she breathed in astonishment.

"Ah, umm … no." Gray sighed and looked aside, but Natsu's eyes were still supporting him. "Look, Juvia, you're a really nice girl and everything but, umm—"

"Yes?" she asked in anticipation.

"Look, I've told you before, I'm not interested—"

"Juvia waits," she said quickly, looking perfectly patient with waiting until she could melt her frozen prince.

"Yeah," he said awkwardly. "Well, umm … the thing is that there's…" He cringed again and looked to Natsu. "There's someone I'm interested in, and…"

Juvia pouted, and it threw off Gray's focus. "Another love rival?" she asked, looking like she had just been challenged to a fight.

Gray frowned. That was precisely it: another rival for her to obsess over. He just did not want Natsu and Juvia to be pitted against one another. "This person means a lot to me," he said solemnly, hoping to impress on Juvia just how serious he was. "I don't want you to do anything bad to this person. I know how you feel about me. I just don't feel the same way."

"You will one day," she said, looking completely confident in herself. She had often told herself that love rivals only strengthened the bonds she would eventually have with Gray.

"Ugh!" He ran his hand through his black hair. This was not going how he wanted, and he suddenly felt like he was sweating. Something was off with him. "Anyway, I'm dating someone. Okay?"

Juvia looked cold. He could see the storm building behind her eyes. "Who?" she asked like the first whispering wind of a hurricane.

This was it. Say his name, and Natsu and Juvia would be rivals. Gray did not want that. "It's … umm…" He rubbed his forehead. He really was sweating now. "I…" Dizziness threatened him. He blinked as spots floated past his eyes. "I need to go to the restroom." He suddenly turned and raced off.

The guild watched him go in surprise.

"Awww, he chickened out," Mira frowned. She had been hoping to see the outcome of this storm about to strike.

Juvia looked offended. "Gray-sama is not a chicken."

Natsu watched him. Something was really wrong with Gray. He had been flushed, and Natsu could smell sweat. Not nervous sweat, but something else.

Lucy returned and glanced around. She figured the storm would be over, yet Juvia was talking to Mira, Natsu was sitting alone, and Gray was nowhere to be seen. She walked over to the Fire Dragon Slayer and sat beside him.

"Hey, where'd Gray go?"

"Oh, he went into the restroom," Natsu said, still trying to sort out what it was he had begun to smell. Sweat, heat in the ice wizard. Was he getting sick?

"Oh!" So, Juvia did not know yet. No wonder the place was dry. "So…" Lucy sidled up to him looking deviously interested in some juicy gossip. "How have you two been?"

"Oh, we're doing good," Natsu assured her.

"Any new developments?"

"Uh, like what?"

Lucy giggled. "I don't know, like … have you two gone on any dates?"

"A few," Natsu shrugged.

"Have you two…?" Her eyebrows waggled.

Natsu nearly choked on his drink and cringed down at the question. Sheesh, why were people so interested in that? Still, this was Lucy, so he did not mind telling her the truth. "Not in about a week."

"Oh really?" she said, slightly disappointed. "I figured you two would be at each other every day."

Natsu huffed, "We're not that bad."

She just hummed, as if deciding whether or not to believe him.

"Why? Are you like that?"

Lucy gasped and jolted back. "What do you mean?"

Natsu smirked slyly. "Come on, Lucy," he said secretively.

"Wh-what?"

His voice dropped just for her to hear. "You and Loke…?"

She gasped and looked around sharply to see if anyone heard him. Then she hissed scathingly, "How do you know about that?"

Natsu's smile dropped. "You don't wanna know."

"He told you!"

"No, he didn't." He remembered that day he had almost jumped through Lucy's window but stopped when he heard moans of pleasure. "So?"

Lucy's face turned bright red. "N-not every day."

Natsu laughed at her crimson cheeks. "Well, see! Sometimes—"

" _AHHHHHHHH!_ "

The whole guild froze and looked to the sound of the bellowing scream.

"What was that?" Lucy asked in shock.

Erza's brow creased. "That sounded like Gray."

Natsu knew that voice, and even that shout. "Gray!" He catapulted off the seat and scrambled off to the restrooms. "Gray?" It was empty inside. "Gray, where are you? I can smell you in here."

A weak voice croaked, "Natsu?"

"Yeah," he said, trying to sort out Gray's smell from amidst the stenches of the toilets.

"Is there anyone else in here?" Gray whispered.

Natsu took a deeper sniff. "No, it's just me. Are you okay?" He figured out which door it was from amidst the line of toilet stalls.

"Natsu," Gray sighed, sounding almost unconscious.

Natsu yelled firmer. "Gray! Open up the stall. Come on!"

Gray let out a weak sigh. "… Okay."

The stall door slowly opened. Gray was pale, sweaty, and leaned over. Natsu almost thought he might have the flu, but Gray's hand was down holding his crotch.

"Gray, what's wrong?" he asked worriedly. Natsu glanced to the jeans. "Is it _that_?"

Gray looked ready to protest, but the pain won over. "It hurts." He slowly unbuckled his belt and dropped all of his clothes. Natsu saw the skin on the base of the penis had become inflamed.

"Oh God." Natsu now realized that Gray really was struggling to continue with this. Why? If things were that bad, why? "I'm gonna unlock this."

Natsu reached into his back pocket where he still had the tiny key. He knelt in front of Gray and fit the key into the padlock. Gray flinched as the chastity belt was slowly pulled away, exposing chaffed skin underneath.

Natsu's mouth dropped. "Oh my God." He looked up in horror and saw the ice wizard looking aside with shame. "Gray!" This wasn't fun anymore! This was serious. Natsu shouted at him, mad he would let this kind of harm come to himself. "Why didn't you say something earlier?"

Gray kept his head turned away, ashamed he could not keep it on for as long as Natsu had wanted. They had set a time limit, to wear it until Juvia came home and settled down. Instead, he had fled right in the middle of telling her. He failed to obey Natsu. In defeat, he confessed, "I wanted to wear it for you."

"Gray!" A part of Natsu was glad to know Gray had held out so long just to please him, but this … this was too much! He looked back down at the swollen, raw skin. "Oh God," he cringed. "Can't you put ice on it or something?"

Gray pouted at the idea. "I don't really want ice on my dick."

"Shut up!" This was no time to be stubborn, not when Gray's obstinacy hurt him like this. He felt like screaming at Gray, but he knew they should not make a lot of noise while in the guild's restroom. "We'll get you home and heal this."

Gray began to stand, but he looked at the plastic phallic-shaped device in his hands. "Ugh! How the hell am I going to hide this?"

"Oh Gray…"

Natsu pitied him. He wrapped his arms around the ice wizard, comforting him through this pain. He felt a strange sense of happiness. Was this sadistic pleasure? Natsu was unsure, but although part of him felt awful that Gray was injured, a deeper part tingled at the fact that Gray had put up with this much just to please him. He kissed Gray on the forehead, holding him to calm him down.

Gray raised his teary eyes, and Natsu felt a wave shiver through him. Gray's pacified eyes seemed to be begging to know if this was okay, if Natsu was still pleased with him, if he had done good. That submissive look was something Natsu had not seen before, and he felt his throat clench up as blood rushed south.

Gray looked … erotic!

Natsu stroked back the black strands of hair, sad about Gray getting hurt, but still smiling reassuringly to show that he was not upset. He leaned over and kissed Gray, letting him know silently that this was more than enough for now, and he was happy that Gray had gone this far.

Gray shuddered as those fiery lips showed that Natsu was okay with this. Maybe he did not make it, but he had gone far beyond what he should have done. Natsu was pleased!

_'Oh God, what a submissive thing to think!'_

However, Gray no longer cared. Something had snapped in him. He desperately wanted to please Natsu, and he had. He felt Natsu begin to pull back, and Gray grabbed him, yanking him back in, kissing fervently. Despite himself, Gray moaned.

Natsu pulled away sharply at the sound. Someone could have heard that. Then he realized something was poking him in the thigh. When he looked down, Gray's chafed cock was outrageously erect.

"Wow, you got hard fast," he said in surprise. Just kissing had done this!

"Ugh, I've been needing it." Gray gazed up, silently begging for Natsu to ease the ache that had tormented him all week.

Natsu gawked at the desperation in Gray's eyes. "Seriously? Here?"

"I…" Gray realized what he was asking, where they were, and how he normally felt about being kinky in public. However, everything was different now. He craved Natsu, and he did not want to wait. He was not even sure if his body could hold out. "I don't know," he grumbled.

"Gray, you always said you don't want to do it in public."

"I know!" He slammed his eyes shut, knowing the risks, the potential humiliation, yet wanting to toss all reasoning out the window. "Dammit," he sneered, but he looked back to the Dragon Slayer, giving in to the demands of his body. "Natsu, I _need_ it. Quick." He looked down to his erection again. Something this potent could not be willed away. "It's either myself or you."

Natsu dropped his mouth. He would have loved to see Gray ease away the need by himself, watch him jerk off, and see the humiliation as he did it here, in the guild, out in public. However, he felt bad that he had tormented Gray this much already. He owed it to him to make this better, and quickly, before people got suspicious.

"All right…" This was a moment when Gray had to trust him. He had to take control and help Gray. He needed to be in charge. Natsu firmed up his resolve. "All right! Umm … I'll need to hold here," he warned, lightly wrapping his fingers around the irritated skin.

"That's fine," Gray groaned, but he hushed his mouth. Those hot fingers hurt there, but he no longer cared. More pain was fine, too. "Please … I really need to come, badly."

"Oh God," Natsu shuddered, and he felt himself getting hard as well. "I'm gonna make this fast, okay?"

"Yes!" Gray whispered, nodding frantically.

Natsu focused on making it as pleasurable as possible, stroking in the way he knew Gray loved, heating his hand to be just a little hotter, but avoiding the ring around the base of the shaft where it was most irritated from the chastity cage.

Gray shuddered with intense pleasure. He had been needing to be touched, and now Natsu was finally here, caring for him, pleasuring him. The taboo of doing this in the guild made it all far more intense. He used one hand to cover his mouth as moan after moan bubbled up with each thrust of Natsu's hand.

Natsu knew he should make this as quick as possible. "Can I do back here?" Natsu rubbed a finger on Gray's anus.

"Yeah, just make it fast."

Natsu sucked his finger thoroughly before sliding it inside of Gray, hoping that massaging his prostate would speed things up.

"Ahh! Yeah … oh!" Gray cringed. There really was not enough room in this tiny stall. Natsu's fingers had brushed up against the swollen part of chaffed skin, and the rough calluses hurt. "Ow, your hand's kind of … the skin, it's kind of rough."

"Can I use my mouth?"

Gray shuddered at the eager offer. "Oh God, yes!"

Natsu tried to kneel, but there really was no room in the tiny restroom stall. Gray was too flustered to think as he opened the stall door, hurried out into the main area, and rested against the restroom wall, next to the line of sinks. Naked, he leaned there, panting, rock hard, tears in his eyes, silently begging Natsu for more.

Natsu stalked over to him with predatory eyes. He rubbed his hands along Gray's chest, hoping to keep him calm. Then he knelt in front of the ice wizard and wrapped his lips around the arousal. He thrust Gray to the back of his throat, pounding him in hard.

Gray slammed his hand against his mouth to hold back a scream of pleasure. "Yeah, that's better … oh _God_ , that's better!" His hips thrust, slamming himself into that hot mouth. He felt the coiling in his stomach getting tighter. "I'm not going to last long."

Natsu pulled back just long enough to say, "That's fine." Then he sucked Gray voraciously, eager to taste him.

Gray clenched his teeth, covering his mouth as his breaths went ragged. He was about to come … here … in the guild. Having oral sex performed on him in the guild restroom … coming in the guild … so close now! So close.

The door opened. "Gray-sama?"

"Shit!" Gray pushed Natsu away so hard; the Dragon Slayer fell to the floor. Then in a panic, he fled to the toilet stall, slamming the door shut.

Natsu was left stunned, staring at the woman who had barged right into the men's restroom without any hesitation. "J-Juvia!"

Her eyes were massive. She had seen enough. "Wh-what were you doing to Gray-sama?"

"Look, umm … I-I … I can explain." Natsu tried to think how he could lie to her. He hated lying.

"Were you hurting Gray-sama?"

"No!"

"You were … doing that," she accused. Her precious ice prince had looked ashamed and in agony, too. "You were blackmailing him!"

"No, Juvia!"

"You were hurting Gray-sama."

"No!" Natsu cried out in a panic.

Gray stood in the stall. He had yanked his pants back up, almost crying with humiliation. He wanted to hide away, to flee the guild and lock himself in his home. However, hearing Juvia accuse his boyfriend was too much. He barged back out and stared at her sternly.

"Juvia…"

Natsu was still on the ground, looking overwhelmed and stumped at what he should do. Gray had begged for it, he had been the one to ask Natsu to do such a shameful act here in the guild, so he knew he had to take responsibility for his bad choice.

"Juvia…" He tensed up. Telling her now would make her even more angry, especially after seeing just how close he and Natsu were.

"Just tell her outright, Gray," Natsu whispered. There was no point in lessening the blow now.

Gray knew he was right. Like the doctor had told Gray when he feared how he could break the news of his STD to Natsu: _'In my experience, being bluntly honest about bad news is best. He may be sad, shocked, even angry, but skirting around the issue doesn't lessen the blow. In the end, this is about you taking responsibility for your own actions.'_

"Natsu and I are dating," he said bluntly.

Juvia looked stunned, blinking silently, as if those five words were in another language. Finally, she stuttered. "L-like going out? Like a couple?"

"Yeah. He's the person I'm dating."

She looked back and forth between them. "You and Natsu?"

"Yes," he said firmly.

"Gray-sama … likes guys?"

"Uh, well…" Awkwardly, he shrugged. "Either?"

She kept looking back and forth, black hair to pink, ice to fire, her prince and the dragon who was now her newest love rival. She knew what she had seen them doing. Natsu could do that to Gray, and yet he did not even want to go out to lunch with her. Someone like Natsu, who was Gray's rival, could get Gray to love him, but she could not even get him to smile.

Tears welled up in her eyes. She had lost once again. This time, it wasn't even to another girl! To a man. A man! Her chest shook, but she did not want to cry in front of Gray. She turned and ran out of the men's restroom before the tears won over.

Gray reached out to her. "Juvia!"

A hot hand landed on his shoulder. "No. Let her go, Gray." Natsu knew that Juvia was a proud woman whose hopes had just been shattered. She deserved to cry alone, where no one could see.

Gray growled and slammed his fist into the wall. In rage, he bellowed, "This is why I never wanted to do it in the guild."

"Gray…"

"This is why! Dammit!" He hung his head in sadness. "I'm so sorry, Natsu."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because! I humiliated you."

"Gray, don't worry about it," Natsu said with a gentle smile. Then he chuckled. "I'm not the one who got caught with my pants down."

Gray had to laugh at that. He often lost his pants … and underwear … and everything else. Just never like that, never in a compromising position. "Ugh, damn!"

"Well, she knows," Natsu reasoned.

"Yeah, in the worst way possible," he snapped. Still, what was done was done. Gray sighed as the adrenaline slowly faded and his racing, panicking heartbeat calmed down.

Natsu hugged Gray, letting him know he would stay beside him, even if Juvia told the whole guild about what she saw. As he held Gray, he realized something. "You're still hard."

"Yeah." Gray shook his head, feeling pathetic that his body was so utterly out of control right now. "I'm seriously ready to come. You'd think that would have killed my boner."

Natsu chuckled and slid his hand down to Gray's crotch. "Do you need more?"

He hesitated. Especially after getting caught, they shouldn't! Still, he really was on the brink of coming; another minute would have undone him. He looked up into those narrow eyes that now pierced into him. Despite his better judgment, he begged, "Can you keep going?"

Natsu looked slyly amused. He let his hand press against that hardness. "Do you want me to?"

Just the heat through his clothes sent shivers of pleasure through Gray. "Yeah," he groaned.

Natsu stroked firmly through the pants, and Gray collapsed against the wall, surrendering to the pleasure. He quickly threw his clothes back off.

"Hurry," he whispered. "Your mouth."

Natsu knelt and took Gray's length in immediately, sucking fast and hard, determined to finish this.

" _Nnngh_ , yes! Ohh, Natsu … so wrong," Gray cringed, knowing they should not do this, they could get caught again, yet that made it more thrilling.

Natsu pulled back but kept stroking relentlessly. "We can stop if—"

"No!" Gray shouted, but quickly dropped back to a whisper. "Don't stop. Don't…" He paused as his toes felt cold. "Why are my feet wet?"

"Huh?" Natsu now felt it, too. He looked down as water began to rise quickly across the floor. "Whoa! Oh crap. Juvia!"

Gray looked around. Water was rushing through the closed restroom door. Now he realized the door was bulging inward. "She's flooding the place."

No sooner had he said that, the restroom door broke inward, and a massive gush of water surged in on them, instantly sweeping Natsu away.

"Gray!" he shouted. Natsu was hurled backward and slammed into the wall. His head hit hard, and his vision went black.

"Natsu!" Gray screamed as he saw the way those squinty eyes rolled back. Natsu began to sink into the rising water. "Natsu, hold on!"

"Gr-Gray," he groaned, but Natsu felt the water rise over his head, and all sound went muffled.

"Natsu!" he screamed as the water swirled around him.

Gray dived down; searching through the water, but suddenly the lights in the guild went out. He thought he saw pink, but his lungs hurt. Still, he swam forward, fighting the currents that swirled around the room. He felt something brush against his arm, reached out, and felt hot skin. He grabbed Natsu close to his chest and hurriedly swam up to the surface. He broke through, finding only a tiny air pocket near the ceiling, and gasped for breath.

"Ice-Make: Bubble!"

A globe of ice encircled both of them just seconds before the water completely filled the room. The water inside his sphere froze to become part of this protective barrier, hollowing out the bubble.

"Natsu?" he shouted, shaking the pink-haired boy. He was not breathing. " _No!_ Natsu!"

Gray laid him in the bubble and breathed into his mouth. He felt the resistance of water in the lungs.

"Come on!"

He breathed again but still felt resistance. He twisted Natsu's body around and heaved him up by the stomach. Water poured out of Natsu's mouth, and he began to cough, hacking out water and gasping for air. Gray laid him back down, stroking the wet hair.

"Are you okay?" he asked in fright.

"Yeah," Natsu sputtered. "I swallowed some water, but I'm okay."

"Swallowed water? You nearly _drowned_."

"I'm fine now." He coughed, and water bubbled out his mouth. "Really, fine."

"You're not fine at all."

"It's just water. I've almost drowned before. I'm fine. Are you all right?"

"Yeah." He felt so relieved that Natsu was safe, Gray hugged him tightly.

"Whoa, hey, can't breathe!" Green eyes peeked open. "Where the hell are your clothes?"

Gray looked down and realized he was naked. He laughed that he had not even noticed this. "Probably got washed away."

Natsu leaned back, still coughing. "So now I'm stuck in an ice bubble, you're naked, and we're flooded." Seriously, why couldn't they have one sexy moment without a crap load of drama? Natsu watched bits of furniture float by, and soon he realized they were no longer in the restroom. "We're floating out."

"We'll probably float all the way out of the guild."

"Hey, is that the chastity belt?" Natsu asked, pointing to something floating amidst the restroom debris. "Why didn't you hold onto that?"

"Idiot! I was trying to save your ass. Quick, grab it!"

Natsu knocked on the ice bubble. "How am I supposed to just grab it, stupid? Can you shrink this thing?"

"Yeah. Get ahead of me. Try to grab it."

Gray shifted to let Natsu be up front. Being right up against Natsu's back was so tempting, but they had to catch the chastity belt before it floated away.

"Shrink it so we can have our arms and legs free to swim. Just right up to the neck."

"All right." Gray shrank the ice bubble. It traveled up their bodies, shrinking until only their heads were covered, two neck holes, with their limbs free. Compared to the ice, the water around them was surprisingly warm. "Can you still breathe?"

"Yeah."

"We'll have less air."

"That's fine. Okay, I got the cock cage. We'll need to swim out of here."

"Are you okay to do that?"

"I told you, I'm fine. A little water won't kill me. Let's go."

They paddled together. Gray realized a moment later, it might have been easier to have made his ice bubble into two individual bubbles, so that he was not yanked by the neck when Natsu swam faster than him or collide into his body when Natsu suddenly paused for a wooden table floating right past their heads. However, he did not want to chance losing sight of Natsu in the watery darkness.

Finally, they came to what Gray knew must be the main dining hall. The whole thing was filled with water, and the guild hall was now a deserted blue sea. Furniture had floated off, tables clattered against one another somewhere over his head, and bubbles escaped from the unknown depths of the guild. Light wavered in pale blue streams through the windows. Gray looked around worriedly. If anyone was stuck in here…

Luckily, he saw no drowned bodies. It appeared that everyone had escaped.

"Oh wow," Natsu mumbled, looking all around the room. "She flooded the whole place, all the way to the ceiling." He was also looking for anyone in trouble and was glad to see the guild hall was empty.

"Hey, Natsu?"

"What?"

Gray leaned against the soft white scarf. "Can we stay here?"

"What do you mean?"

Gray's hands grasped around the muscular torso, and his naked arousal slid up along Natsu's butt crack. In a low, seductive voice, he repeated, "Can we stay here?"

"O-oh! Mmnh…" Natsu hummed as Gray's hands caressed over him.

"I still need it," Gray groaned, his voice sounding even louder trapped in the bubble. He chuckled softly. "You know, I've always said I don't want to do it in the guild. That's because," and he whispered into Natsu's ear, "it's one of my biggest fantasies."

Natsu jolted as his body began to react to the touches. "W-what?"

"Doing it in the guild." His hand drifted down and rubbed Natsu's crotch through the wet clothes. "Fucking someone … right here … in the guild." He nipped the back of Natsu's ear. "Everyone's washed away. Wanna try it?"

"Uh, umm … sure?" Natsu said hesitantly. "I-if you want to."

"Mmm, yes," Gray groaned. The thought of it tingled him everywhere.

"Okay. Umm, we should anchor ourselves somewhere or we're just going to float off."

"Over there. The bar!"

"Okay, try to swim over there."

They paddled again and swam in unison to the bar. Natsu had to grab onto the edge of the counter so he would not float away.

"All right, I'll put a bit of ice over here to at least anchor our heads."

Gray clapped his hands, and ice shot from the scuba bubble around their neck, down to the wooden bar counter, so Natsu did not have to grab on the whole time. Once they were secured, Natsu let go, and his body floated up, only to press into Gray's body caging him in.

"Natsu…" Gray let one hand rub circles around Natsu's tit, while the other hand slid down, easing between flesh and a belt, until he could sneak under Natsu's clothes and feel that hot hardness hidden inside.

Natsu's fingers dug into the wooden counter, scratching claw marks into the bar. " _Nnngh!_ "

Gray hummed as he stroked Natsu and felt his body floating around, free and loose. The water gave some resistance to his hand, but it also made everything slick, and Natsu's heavy panting was easily heard inside the ice bubble and insulating water.

"G-Gray, not in my pants," he said breathlessly.

"Your cum will wash away."

"N-No … I … I'm afraid I might panic. Don't want that. I just want you. No more drama bullshit."

Gray smiled. They really had been having bad luck that day, so he decided to give in. "If I take your clothes off, they're going to float away."

"Put them in another bubble. They'll float to the top."

"Good idea."

Gray removed Natsu's shoes, socks, pants, underwear, and shirt. He also added the chastity belt into the jumble of clothes so it would not float away only to be found by a guild member later on. Gray made another ice bubble around the clothes. He let the bubble go and watched it soar just like a balloon, stopping when it broke through the surface high above near the ceiling.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Natsu shivered. It was cold without his clothes on and with the water moving right against his inflamed skin. Gray's icy, adventurous hands were not helping.

"Your scarf is still on."

"That's fine," he said breathlessly.

"Yeah, but…" Gray nuzzled into the soft scarf. "I wanna leave a mark on your neck." He scraped his teeth down as best as he could. Natsu pursed his lips to hold back a cry. "I can't even pull it down. It's stuck in the bubble, and I can't reach inside."

" _Nngh_ … Gray." Natsu's heart raced at feeling the frosty breath on his neck.

"I'll have to mark you somewhere else. What if I'm the one who…" Gray's fingers stiffened and sliced right down Natsu's chest. The Dragon Slayer roared loudly in pain. "…scratches you?" He chuckled sadistically at the reactions.

"Ahh, yes!" The heat of the scratches instantly cooled in the flooding water, but any movement also washed over the welts left behind, aggravating the fresh wounds.

"Hah! You like that, huh?" Gray smirked, running his palms up Natsu's body, letting him feel that pain more. "God, you're so sexy." However, Gray's desperation was edging him to hurry. As much as he would have loved to play, likely the water would drain quickly, they had limited air in this bubble, which Natsu was devouring with his gasping. Gray was not about to chance the water going down and needing to stop again. He reached down and rubbed Natsu's asshole. "Are you ready?"

Natsu nodded fervently. "Mm-hmm."

"Not much foreplay," he apologized.

"That's fine!"

"All right." With water all around him, Gray pressed in. He expected Natsu to be tight, maybe the water would not be enough as lube, but instead, Natsu let out a long breath, steaming up the bubble, and he relaxed his whole body. "Oh wow! You loosened up fast."

"Because I want it," Natsu growled impatiently.

"You're getting so good at this." He thrust his finger in deeper. "Mmm, so good."

Natsu groaned as the finger probed and twisted inside him

"So good…" Gray whispered, nipping along Natsu's ear again.

Suddenly, Natsu felt a jolt from deep inside him, and his body stiffened. "Ahhh!"

"Natsu?" he asked quickly.

"Oh … oh, Gray," he moaned. That was the spot he loved. It made him shudder deep inside.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah."

Gray glanced around. Through aqua streams of sunlight filtered through the water, he saw the familiar pillars and banners of Fairy Tail. Bits of furniture and air bubbles drifted by, but still, this was his guild, and he was naked, fingering Natsu, right in the heart of Fairy Tail.

"This is wonderful," he whispered to himself. The feeling of fear somewhere in the back of his mind that maybe they could get caught, but the assurance that no one was left, they were all alone, and they were here, in the guild, about to make love, thrilled Gray, making him lick his lips.

Natsu chuckled despite his panting. "You're gonna remember this, bastard."

"Mmm, definitely." Gray already knew, this was worth many years of wet dreams.

Natsu's voice went low and dangerous. "Next time we sit at this bar, you're going to be thinking of me, and of doing this."

"Oh God, don't talk like that."

Natsu looked over his shoulder and back to the ice wizard. His eyes practically glowed in the wavering, watery light. "Do me, Gray."

"Ugh! Natsu," he groaned. "I really will."

"Good."

"You're not prepped enough."

"I think I'm okay. I need you!" he groaned greedily. "If you think you've been tortured with that chastity belt, think of me, having to watch you be all sexy and desperate, and I can't even touch myself." He looked frustrated at his own hang up.

"Natsu," he sighed, realizing the Dragon Slayer was right. When Natsu wore the chastity belt, Gray was able to ease his own desires and fantasies with a quick yank in the shower. Natsu had an issue with masturbating.

"Please, Gray," he begged, cheeks flushed with need.

"I just want to widen you a little more. I don't want it to hurt."

"Thank you," he said, realizing that a month ago, Gray would have slammed in without caring if it was painful. He was much more tender lately. "But please, hurry."

"All right." He slid a second finger in and quickly began to spread his knuckles, loosening the ring of muscles.

" _Nnnngh!_ " Natsu tensed up and leaned his head back against Gray's neck as pain jolted through for a moment. His fingernails brought up curls of wood from the bar.

"See, you're still a little tight." He listened to Natsu huffing through the initial pain and felt him loosening. "That's better." He twisted his hand just right and curled his fingers within.

"Ahhhh!" Natsu shrieked.

"Haha, found it again." Natsu shouted as Gray thrust in his fingers. "You're noisy. I'm glad no one is in here." Gray panicked for a moment. "No one's here, right?"

Natsu scoffed. "Do you expect me to be able to smell it?"

"Oh. Guess not." With the bubble over their heads, that was impossible.

"Come on, Gray. I want you."

"All right. Are you ready?"

"Uh-huh!"

Natsu held onto the bar counter as Gray used one hand to hold himself and the other wrapped around Natsu's torso to bring himself closer to the floating body. Gravity was against him, so he was slow at nudging it in.

" _Nnngh_ , ah!" Natsu moaned as Gray almost had it in, but then slipped in the water. Gray cursed under his breath and tried again, yanking Natsu to him even though it meant floating almost upside down in the water.

"Get in there," he grumbled, pulling Natsu closer. "Relax."

"Yeah."

Finally, he slid inside. Not wanting to slip out, he used both hands to grab Natsu's hips and yank himself in deeper. Natsu cried out, and his voice filled the ice bubble. Natsu's natural heat soared and almost boiled the water, heating it up like an onsen. It made Gray laugh. Really, what other lover could do something like this?

"Oooh God. Oooh!" Gray moaned at the increasing heat. "Doing this underwater is pretty good."

Natsu was glad he like it, but— "Could probably use a little lube."

Gray held him in concern. "Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." Still, the ice wizard stayed still to let him get used to it, and Natsu was glad for that. Plain water was not as good as some thick, slick lube. "Wait a minute. Hey, I found this." He pulled out a jar trapped within the bar supplies.

"What is that? Lard?"

"Good enough for lube?"

"It'll work for now!"

Gray did not pull out all the way, but he pulled back almost fully and rubbed the cooking lard onto his cock. When he slid back in, it went much smoother, and Natsu's shuddering moan showed that this was far more pleasurable than just water.

"Hey Gray," he teased while he worked through the tenseness. "We're doing this in the middle of the guild."

"Heh, yeah." Just like his fantasy, although … wetter.

"Tomorrow, someone will be eating lunch right here." Natsu heard a soft gasp as Gray thought about it, and he chuckled slyly. "You'll be surrounded by people, all of our friends, and recall doing this to me. Every time you sit here, you'll be thinking about how my ass felt underwater."

"Natsu!"

"Should I scratch into the wood: _Gray and Natsu were here_?"

"N-no!"

"Maybe I should," Natsu teased, and he jokingly scratched the wood without leaving marks. " _Gray and Natsu were here … fucking … right where you're eating!_ "

"Not funny!"

Still, Gray's heart raced as he thought about it. This spot would always be a little more special. Maybe Lucy would be sitting right here, or Erza, or Makarov himself. Eating food, right here, right where he had banged Natsu while floating in the water.

Gray did not want to wait any longer. "Natsu?" He flexed his hips slightly to show what he needed.

" _Nngh_ , yeah." Natsu nodded frantically.

Gray began slowly. This was completely unlike the other times they had made love. No kinky foreplay. No wild desperation driving them on. It was still kinky though, and they were both desperate for more. Still, compared to their other times together, this seemed … more gentle. With Natsu right there next to him, their heads trapped together, their bodies forced to be close, Gray felt like this was more intimate. He could smell the sweat from Natsu's head and neck. He had to keep holding on closely so they would not float apart; that meant he felt every flinch, shiver, and the rapid rise and fall of Natsu's chest. His own groans as he thrust in sounded so loud, and every gasp of air echoed back to him.

"Natsu," he sighed, feeling strangely tender. Instead of wanting to make Natsu hurt and cry and humiliate him, Gray felt pacified. Had wearing the chastity belt tamed him? Gray caressed that burning body and breathed into his flushed ears. "Natsu," he moaned.

Natsu had always wanted romance. Okay, so having sex in the middle of the _frigging guild_ while submerged in water was probably not at the top of his list of _romantic settings_ ; however, it was nice to have Gray hold onto him so tenderly, speak to him so quietly, no insults this time, no sharp demands, no crazy and kinky stunts. They were just making love, slowly and wonderfully. The water cradled them, wrapping them up in a whole new world, one without worries about neighbors hearing them or Happy flying in, or the need for belts, riding crops, or collars. Just them. Just two men drowning in love. Without realizing it, Natsu felt ready to cry. He tried to reach up before a tear fell, but his hand hit the ice bubble around their heads.

"Are you okay?" Gray asked, hearing the clonk of the ice.

"Yeah." The tear tumbled down. At least Gray was behind him. He would not be able to see that tear and worry.

"Can I go faster?"

"Yes!"

"Sorry. I need it."

"It's okay."

Gray sped up. He had been so close twice now. A third time was not going to wait. "I'm probably going to come before you."

"That's fine."

Gray suddenly cried out. "Ahh! Yes, like that."

Natsu lifted his head. "Huh?"

"Like that, Natsu."

Natsu wondered what he meant. He had not done anything different. Then he felt caresses along his nipples. He knew Gray's hands were on his hips. Had something drifted past them? He could not see well with the ice bubble and his scarf directly under him. He felt it again, something feathery soft gently stroking his chest, enticing him.

"G-G-Gray, ice my hands."

"No, like that," he said in ecstasy. Something was gently stroking Gray's balls, which had been tortured for the past week. He figured any touch should hurt, but Natsu's caresses had never felt so soft before.

"Gray!"

"Then stop doing that," he chuckled, although he hoped Natsu never stopped. It felt so good, so gentle, so amazing.

"Stop what?" he cried out in confusion. Whatever was drifting across his chest was really driving him crazy. It almost tickled, but it felt so good. "Gray, I need to be restrained. Come on!"

"Then stop that."

"Gray?" Something dark flashed through Natsu's mind. He shook the memory out of his head. "No … no!" He grabbed tighter to the bar counter, but then he looked down at his hands.

_'Those hands … they … the blood … and then I … I … to him. To everyone. Those people! With those hands…'_

"Argh, dammit." Natsu reached behind the sink, grabbed the hose Mira used to shoot out seltzer water into her mixed drinks, and quickly tied the hose around his wrists. It was not a perfect restraint, but it gave him just enough reassurance.

"Oh God, Natsu," Gray moaned, eyes closed, lost in the pleasure of those tender caresses. "That's good."

"Gray…" he whimpered.

"Right like that."

Like what? Seriously, what was that ice idiot imagining?

Just then, Natsu felt fingers grab his arousal and stroke him relentlessly. He shuddered. It felt smoother this time, almost like Gray had his mouth around him rather than a hand. He supposed it was the water that made the difference. However, then he felt Gray tighten his hold on his hips with both hands.

"Wait, what?"

Three hands? Impossible. Besides, that did not feel like a hand on his cock. It sort of did, but not really. It felt too ghostly. _'Gotta be imagining it! I want it so badly, I'm hallucinating!'_

"G-Gray, touch me." This time, it was definitely rough fingers, and Natsu shuddered at the familiar coldness of the large hand. "Gray…"

Gray felt himself losing control. His thrusts sped up as his face sneered, trying to hold back yet quickly losing the battle. A week of not even being able to touch even a little had made him overly sensitive to Natsu's fiery body.

"Natsu!" he warned, all he could say before being overwhelmed, coming hard and filling Natsu.

"G-G-Gray, don't stop, please," Natsu cried out before he even had a chance to recover.

"Are you almost there?"

"Yes!" he screamed.

"All right."

Despite the weariness, Gray kept stroking Natsu. Now, spent and sensitive, he felt Natsu's ass tighten as he drew closer and closer to the peak of pleasure. He whispered that summery name into those flushed ears and smelled the sweat in his neck.

"G-Gray … need…"

"My sexy masochist," he moaned.

Natsu did not need to ask more. Gray pushed the scarf down with his chin and bit what he could at the nap of Natsu's neck. He knew it would not be hidden as well, so he only bit hard enough to make the skin turn a little pink. Still, it was enough to send Natsu over the edge, howling and stiffening.

Natsu's head yanked up sharply as he came, and the anchor of ice cracked apart. A few seconds later, Gray saw white bits of semen float past him in the water. That … was weird. He laughed softly, but he hoped Natsu would not freak out. Luckily, the Dragon Slayer's head was lowered, leaning against the icy bubble, as he panted in exhaustion. Gray swished aside the floating cum, letting it drift off somewhere else.

Slowly, Gray pulled out. Some of his cum also floated as it dripped out of Natsu's body. Underwater sex was more messy than Gray imagined. His hands rubbed around Natsu's shoulders as he kissed where he had bitten. He felt Natsu's arms stretched out and gazed around the pink head of hair. Then he saw a rubber hose wrapped around Natsu's wrists.

"Wait, are your hands tied up?"

Natsu gazed back with a slightly peeved look. "You wouldn't restrain me."

"Well, th-that's because … y-you were…" He looked at the hands again in confusion. "You were tied up?"

"I had to use the water hose."

Gray thought about what he had felt, a hand on his balls massaging ever so gently. "God, I must have been imagining it." The feeling had been so sweet and incredibly soft. Now that he thought about it, it had not been like hands at all. Gray shook his head, figuring it must have been nothing more than a tingle from having his testicles trapped in the chastity belt for a week. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Natsu sighed in amazement with a sleepy, satisfied smile on his face.

Gray untied the hose. As soon as he let go of the bar counter, Natsu began to float up, no longer anchored by the ice. Gray wrapped his arms around the Dragon Slayer. They floated together in the water, cocooned into one another, drifting somewhere a few meters above the floor of the guild hall. Gray glanced around. It was like either floating or soaring! It made the post-coital cuddling even better.

"Oh, this is hot." Gray leaned over and kissed Natsu's neck. "Is it bad to hope the guild gets flooded again someday?"

Natsu glared back wryly. "Yes!" he said, chuckling and shaking his head at this idiot ice wizard.

Gray laughed as well. Then he looked around at the water that had completely filled the building. For how sexy it had been to live out this dream of his, this sort of flood really was devastating. It would take time to repair all the damage. "I hope everyone is okay," he muttered.

"They're fine," Natsu said, knowing a little water would not hurt a Fairy Tail wizard, "but we should get out of here."

"Yeah, they'll be worried about us. Your clothes floated up there. Let's go get them."

"All right." Together, they swam to where Gray could see a ball of ice with Natsu's shirt and pants inside bobbing along the ceiling.

* * *

Mira set aside a mop and surveyed the guild hall. "Well, I guess that's about as clean as the guild is going to get." To be honest, thanks to all the water, the place sparkled as if it was brand new, now that they had dried it out.

Makarov nodded at the impressive restoration that took only one afternoon. "Good job, Mira."

She grinned happily at the praise. "Thank you, Master!"

Max walked by with his broom. "We're the ones doing most of the work," he grumbled. He felt a zap to his butt and cried out.

Laxus glared at him. "Mira's working hard, too. Don't complain," the burly man ordered sternly.

Outside, where people were still collecting bits of furniture, cups, and plates that had floated out and littered the area, Gray was confronting Juvia once more, with a few wizards standing to the side just in case this second meeting turned out to be as disastrous as the first.

"Look, Juvia—" Gray began.

"It's okay," she said calmly, looking completely placated. "Juvia is sorry."

Everyone around was shocked at her passive stance, especially Gray. "Wh-what?"

She bowed humbly. "Juvia didn't mean it."

Gray's brow twitched. "W-well, that's … that's good. You're all right, then?"

"Yes." She raised back up with a pleasant smile. "Juvia is happy."

Gray stared uncertainly. "Umm … happy? Th-that's great." Something was really odd here. Happy? This obsessed woman nearly _drowned_ everyone! "Um … why are you happy?"

"Well, Natsu may be a love rival now," she admitted, and suddenly she beamed a joyful grin, "but at least Juvia got to have a threesome with Gray!"

"What?" Gray and Natsu both shouted.

"Oh!" Lucy gasped, blushing brightly.

Erza arched an eyebrow. "What is this about?"

Gray glared around at their astonished faces and sly snickers. "Don't look at us like that."

Natsu stood to the side, trembling slightly. "Gray?" he asked in a small, worried voice.

"No," Gray insisted. "Seriously, Juvia. That did not happen!"

Her lips pouted. "Yes it did."

"No, it didn't!"

She giggled naughtily. "Yes it _diiiiid_."

Gray opened his mouth to protest again, but something made the ice wizard freeze. "Wait … wait a minute." He rubbed out his head, staring blankly in shock. No way! She couldn't have!

Natsu gulped hard, looking traumatized. He had figured it out almost instantly. "Gray…"

The ice wizard glared sternly at the rain woman. He whispered, bordering on anger. "You were in the water."

Juvia nodded. "Uh-huh."

"I thought I felt Natsu's hands," he muttered, thinking about those ghostly touches to his balls, the stroking caresses that had sent him over the edge. In horror and disgust, he sneered at her. "That was you!"

She smirked with a devious chuckle and bright blush. "Uh-huh."

"Juvia!"

Natsu began to hyperventilate. "Sh-she was … you were there?"

She looked sadly to Natsu. She had seen his masochistic need. It was surprising that Natsu liked to be tied up and bitten, yet she knew she could hold onto that secret for Gray's sake. "Juvia won't say anything," she promised.

Gray was livid now. _She_ had touched him! It had not been Natsu, but her. "Juvia, that is not cool!" he screamed.

She bowed her head at his shout and twisted her toe into the ground. "Juvia just wanted Gray-sama."

Natsu felt his world spinning, he could not breathe, and everywhere around him were mutters he did not want to hear, people whispering about this supposed threesome. He felt his chest tighten, and he knew he had to get out of there. Lashing out at anyone in the way, he fled the guild, racing and stumbling away from everyone.

"Natsu?" Gray shouted, but the Dragon Slayer ran out of the gates. "Natsu!" He glared back at Juvia. "I'll talk to _you_ later."

Juvia smiled and waved. "Bye, Gray-sa-…"

"Don't!" He glared at her scathingly, not wanting to hate her, but coming really damn close to it. Natsu had issues, and Juvia had just set the Dragon Slayer off. He was furious, but Juvia did not comprehend how much she probably hurt Natsu. She was simply being obsessive again, but this time she went too far. He fisted up his hand to hold back from lashing out at her and whispered venomously, "Just … don't!" Then Gray ran after Natsu.

After the boys were gone, Lucy walked up, stunned by what she had overheard. "Juvia, did you really…?" She could not even ask. The idea that Juvia had hidden in the water for some sexual contact with Gray and Natsu was absolutely reprehensible.

The blue-haired woman folded her arms and looked away stiffly from this love-rival. "Juvia just wants Gray-sama," she insisted.

"Juvia!" Lucy cried out.

She looked back to retort, but she saw Erza was also glaring with disapproval. So was everyone else who had heard the conversation. She dropped her head as what she had done finally dawned on her. "Maybe Juvia went too far."

"Yeah!" Lucy shouted, shocked her friend could even think about doing something like that. "They didn't even know…" Then Lucy realized something too. "W-w-wait! Does that mean that Gray and Natsu … while we were flooded, they were…?"

"Oh my!" Erza said, blushing brightly as she realized it, too. "They didn't _make a mess_ , did they?"

"Ummm…" The blue-haired woman bashfully looked aside and muttered while pressing her fingertips together, "Juvia washed it away."

Lucy's mouth dropped. "W-wait, what? You…" Lucy cringed at the mental image this was creating. "Oh, I don't even want to know."

Juvia tittered softly, happy that at least she got to see her Gray-sama like that. Everything else that happened, she would take with her to the grave. Satisfied and determined to protect his secrets, she declared quietly, "Juvia won't say anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Goddammit, Juvia! I like you, but I hate you right now._
> 
>  
> 
> _I would **LOVE** to see fan art of the boys floating underwater in the middle of the guild with Gray tenderly holding onto Natsu._


	34. Bad Touch Aftermath

Gray sat at the guild bar. Right in front of him, he saw scrapes in the wood where Natsu's fingernails had dug in that day underwater. Right here, right in this place…

"Is the ice cream bad?"

He jolted at the question and looked up to see Mira's pleasantly smiling face. Then Gray glanced to the bowl in front of him, placed just to the side of those claw marks. The ice cream he had ordered was nearly melted, just soupy whiteness now.

White … floating in the water … he had swished it away without thinking.

"Sorry, just thinking," he muttered.

Mira cocked her head to one side. "Did you and Natsu have a fight?"

His brow tensed. "No. Why?"

"He hasn't been by since the flooding. Many people here have been worried. There were, um, _rumors_."

"Juvia," he nodded, saying the name scathingly.

"She's been gone, too. Master heard the rumors and … well, I don't know what he said to her. He took her to his office, and she came out looking pale and crying. She hasn't been back since."

Gray wondered what Makarov said to her. He knew the guild master would never outright tell someone about Natsu's past. However, even he must have realized that Juvia's claims, even if they had been false—which regrettably, they were not—could trigger Natsu. Maybe he threatened to expel her. Gray was really curious, but Makarov had left for a magic council meeting, and Juvia … Gray was glad that Juvia had not been around in days. He really was not ready to face her yet.

"Is Natsu okay?" Mira asked, looking truly worried. "That day, people said he looked ill. It must have been a shock, if what Juvia claimed is true."

"We talked," Gray said softly, poking his spoon into the melted ice cream. "He was really upset, obviously. We had tea, took a stroll along the beach, he calmed down by sunset, but he said he needed some time alone. I guess, after learning something like that, he needed to sort stuff out."

"Then the rumors are true?" Mira egged on.

He glared up. "We _did not_ have a threesome!"

"But you and Natsu had sex somewhere in this guild, right?" Her eyes were practically gleaming with stars.

Gray felt his heart shudder. Everyone knew just a little bit about his kinky side now. Of course, the day after the incident, at least five other guild members, including Laxus and Gajeel, came up to Gray and offered advice on the best locations in the guild if he ever wanted sex here again. He supposed it was not such an odd thing after all.

Before he had a chance to answer, he noticed white wings and blue fur flying up to him. Gray smiled, figuring that if Happy was here, Natsu must not be that far behind.

"Gray?" The Exceed did not sound like his cheery self anymore.

"Hey Happy? How's Natsu?"

Those huge eyes dropped, and Gray felt his stomach begin to plummet. "Gray, can you come to our house? Natsu…"

Gray began to breathe faster as a swarm of fears stung his brain. "What happened to him?" he whispered.

"I don't know. He's not eating. He looks sick."

"Sick?" Mira asked, edging right into the conversation. "There's a cold going around. It's supposedly really bad. I hope he's all right."

"I'm on my way," Gray said urgently, and he rushed out with Happy flying overhead.

As Gray ran through the town and out to the woods, he thought about the last time he saw Natsu. He had run after the Dragon Slayer right after the issue with Juvia. Natsu was a mess, shaking and crying, unable to even think straight, so Gray had yanked him into an alley until he could calm down. It took a long time, holding him as Natsu panicked. Once he stopped shaking, they went for tea, which helped Natsu to calm down more. Gray even tried to be romantic and took Natsu on a slow walk by the water, holding hands openly. As the sun began to set, Gray had suggested going out for dinner, but Natsu shook his head.

"I need some time, Gray. This is a big shock. Thank you for being here with me, but I need to be alone for a while. I'm okay, really, but I'm mad at Juvia, and I don't like being mad at my friends. I'm not mad at you. You didn't know, same as me. Still, I kinda wanna be alone for now. When I'm feeling better, I'll go to your place."

So Gray let him have some privacy. As much as he wanted to be with Natsu all the time, he also knew he should not smother him. Natsu had serious issues, and Juvia had aggravated them. If he needed to be alone, maybe that was for the best.

As Gray jogged up to the house in the woods, he began to doubt his decision. Natsu went through a horrible shock, which could have lowered his immune system anyway, plus he had been in the water and inside the ice for so long. What if he was sick and too stubborn to tell anyone?

Gray knocked on the door. "Natsu?" There was no sound inside. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked.

"It's been locked for days," Happy said. "He refuses to unlock it or open the door. I have to fly in through the window."

Gray knocked louder. "Natsu! Open up! Happy and I are both worried about you."

The Exceed made a whimpering sound. Gray patted his head, knowing how worried the cat must feel.

"Natsu! I know you're in there." He looked to Happy. "He _is_ in there, right?"

"He hasn't left for days," Happy said fretfully. "He won't open up, and he doesn't talk to me. He's really down. He hardly eats. He won't even eat fish."

Hearing Happy on the verge of tears spurred Gray on. Maybe once, he had been annoyed that Happy was always there, and he could not be kinky with Natsu while the tiny Exceed was constantly watching. However, he was coming to feel closer to Happy. It was almost like Happy was their own child.

Gray pounded on the door. "Come on, open up. We're worried about you." After some silence, he looked to Happy again. "Did he say anything?"

"Not really."

"And he's sick?"

"I … I don't know," Happy admitted. "This has been going on since Juvia flooded everything."

A cry got caught in Gray's throat. Juvia! But he and Natsu had talked. He said he was okay! "Dammit, why didn't I realize it?" he grumbled.

"Did Juvia do something bad?" asked Happy.

"Yeah, she did." Gray pounded on the door again. "Oy! Natsu! Dammit, open up. I know you can hear me. Your ears are damn good. I will seriously break your door down."

Finally, there was a soft voice from the other side of the door. "Just you."

Gray was glad to hear his voice. "Natsu!" he cried out in relief.

"Just … you," the ragged voice said again.

Gray realized why Natsu had requested for him alone. What they needed to talk about was something Natsu likely did not want his tiny blue friend to hear, and if he was suffering, he would not want the Exceed who was like a son to see him this way.

Gray looked over to Happy. "Are you able to stay with the Lisanna tonight?"

He nodded. "She said I could stay with her until Natsu feels better. I told her he was feeling sick, because I don't know what's going on."

"Yeah, he probably feels really sick right now," Gray muttered, feeling angry at Juvia all over again. "Can you go to her? I'm going to try to talk to him … alone. I'll let you know as soon as he's okay."

"Thank you, Gray. I hope you can make him feel better."

Gray looked worriedly to the door. "Yeah, me too."

He waited until the Exceed flew off. Then Gray leaned against the door. "Hey, Natsu. Look, about Juvia." Even Gray did not like to think about what happened that day, so he could only imagine how hard this was on Natsu. "She really should _not_ have done that. I know it might have freaked you out. I mean, we don't know what she did, but I know that although you were tied up, I felt hands … a-and maybe that was her … and maybe you felt something, too." He sighed and looked away, feeling anger well up again. "She really should not have done that. I can talk with her, if you want."

He heard a shuddering breath, and then Natsu said weakly, "I don't want you near her."

"Natsu," Gray sighed, hearing the misery in those words. "All right, can you open up? I just want to hold you. Please?" he asked beseechingly.

It was a long wait, but finally Natsu muttered, "Okay."

Gray heard the lock turn, and slowly, with a squeak, the door opened. As Gray looked inside, he saw Natsu with his head down. He was still wearing pajamas, and by the look of it, he had been wearing the same thing for days. His pink hair was oily, unbrushed, sticking out worse than usual. When finally Natsu lifted his head, his eyes had dark circles under them. They were bloodshot from crying.

"Oh, Natsu!" Gray could hardly believe what he was seeing. "You look like crap. You smell like you haven't showered in days."

Natsu looked away with a pained expression on his face. "I don't want water on me."

Gray stared, stunned for a moment, as he realized just how bad this was. "Oh man," he muttered, suddenly realizing that leaving Natsu on his own was a really bad idea. Instead of being alone and working through this, the Dragon Slayer had probably been mulling over every worst-case scenario, just making the issue worse. "How about if I'm in the shower with you?" he offered.

Instead of happily accepting, Natsu's face cringed even more. With accusatory bitterness, he said, "You were with me then."

Gray leaned back, stunned by the anger. Natsu was right, though. He had been _right there_ ; he did not know that Juvia was there. He had not protected Natsu.

"Damn," he mumbled, rubbing out a sting in his eyes.

He could not really argue the point. For now, at least, he would take the blame. Gray suddenly grabbed Natsu and hugged him, shocking him out of his worries. He nuzzled into the white scarf. Natsu stank, but at that moment Gray did not care. He held on to him and refused to let go, even when Natsu wiggled to break free.

"Come on," Gray said firmly. "Be angry."

Natsu froze for a moment. "What?"

"You can be angry. You're holding it in. That day, I totally expected you to burn down half of Magnolia. Instead, you seemed _too_ calm. It was eerie, and I could tell you were holding back. You don't have to. You can get angry."

Natsu tried to squirm away again, but Gray's arms refused to let go. "I … I don't like being angry with friends," he said as an excuse.

"You have every right to be. Hell, I was so furious, after you left that evening, I went back to the guild ready to challenge Juvia, but she hasn't been back. Seems Makarov scolded her harshly."

Natsu turned his head aside, but a glare finally shined in his eyes. "I was really mad at her. When she first admitted to it, I was so mad, I wanted to punch her!" He dropped his head. "That's really crappy, right? Wanting to hit a girl."

Gray stroked his arm in comfort. "Not when the girl does something that horrible."

"But then … then I just got scared. Really scared. I kept … seeing things. Remembering things." His voice went tiny, almost childlike. "What if she wanted it?"

"What?"

"I don't know what happened to it."

"To what? What are you talking about?"

"To _it_ ," Natsu shouted. "To my … my cum. I don't know what happened to it. What if she took it? What if … if she … if she _used_ it?" Natsu's eyes grew wide and filled with tears.

This was precisely what Gray originally feared. Somehow, Natsu had hidden these terrors from him and made himself appear normal on the outside. Only now did Gray see how the horror had been eating him up inside.

He grabbed Natsu into a crushing hug. He wished he could say something and make it all better. He wanted to be able to chase those fears away for good, so that Natsu never thought about _that man_ again. As he heard Natsu break down into heavy sobs, Gray felt lost. Was there nothing he could do? Would Natsu never recover fully?

"Natsu," he sighed wistfully, wishing he knew just what to do at a time like this.

"Hold me," Natsu whispered weakly. "Don't let go."

Gray rested his head onto Natsu's collar and nestled into the warmth of the white scarf. His eyes saw the ragged scar on Natsu's neck. They both had many scars from battle. Sometimes, Gray's forehead scar hurt. These were scars anyone could see, though. The scars in their hearts were never visible except at times like these.

Gray rubbed his hand over Natsu's heart. Just like the scar on his head would always hurt just a little, so the scar on Natsu's heart might never vanish. Scars were always there, although they could fade with time. He wanted to erase this mar on Natsu's soul, but perhaps that was not possible. He could only help it to fade, give comfort when the old wound hurt, and apply a balm of tenderness to ease the pain.

"Come here. Come on, sit down." He dragged Natsu over to the couch. "Dammit, why didn't I realize this sooner?"

Perhaps he had been hopeful that Natsu's scars were fading, and he deluded himself into thinking the Dragon Slayer would be fine alone. In reality, like applying makeup over a mark, Natsu had covered up the scar and kept smiling. Now, as Gray held Natsu's jolting shoulders, he saw the depth of this emotional agony.

"Look, I'm sure she didn't do anything _like that_. Juvia wouldn't do that … at least not with you." Gray had a horrific mental image of Juvia collecting his sperm in a test tube, bringing it back home with her, and setting up a shrine to it. He quickly banished that daydream-nightmare. At least he came in Natsu's ass, so Juvia could not have done something that creepy. "Probably, she just touched us, nothing more," he went on. "Still, that's really bad. She shouldn't have done that."

To be fondled without permission: it was Natsu's worst nightmare all over again. He felt the hot body shivering.

"It's okay now," Gray whispered, stroking back the pink hair. "I'll talk to her, all right?"

"No!" Natsu snuffled and squeezed Gray harder, clinging onto him as if fearing he would leave right that moment. "What if she touches you?"

Gray heard a bit of jealousy in those words, and although this matter was serious, it made him smile. "What if I wear the chastity belt when I go to meet her?"

Natsu looked up in shock. "Are … are you okay? Down there, I mean? I almost forgot."

"Forgot!" Gray cried out. "Idiot, I was hurting for days, especially since I fucked your ass with my dick like that. I'm lucky it didn't scar, being that chafed. Still," he said quieter, "at least for a few hours, just when I go to talk with her, I can wear it if it'll put your mind at ease."

"Yeah … yeah, at least that much." He felt much better about it if he knew Juvia would not molest Gray like that. Natsu himself knew the humiliation, and he hugged his arms as he leaned against Gray's chest. "I never wanted you to go through that, too."

Gray almost asked what he meant, until it dawned on him with a sick jolt of his stomach. Natsu was clumping this experience as being on the same level as the horrible man in his past. Only this time, the act had been done on both of them, and by someone they knew. It was not some shadowy stranger, but a person they considered to be a friend. Juvia had sexually molested them both.

"I'm okay, really," Gray assured him. "I'm mad at her, but I'm okay. I need to confront her, though. I can't put this behind me until I tell her just how angry I am. Do you want to come with me?"

"No." Natsu's brow furrowed deeply. "I don't know what I can say to her. She saw me tied up. She knows about that, about me, how I am."

"I don't think she was really paying attention to _you_ so much, no offense. We need to talk to her. We both do. What she did was wrong, and although I'm pretty sure she didn't realize it at the time, she needs to understand just what she did."

"Gray," Natsu said reluctantly. He pulled out of the strong embrace and gazed at the ice wizard. "Look at me. I'm a mess. I'm angry. I'm not in any condition to talk."

"You don't have to say anything—she would listen to me more anyway—but we both need closure on this. She probably wasn't thinking, she probably thought it would just be a little fun, or maybe she thought we knew she was there. Juvia is not that type of girl."

Natsu shouted in anger, "Are you _defending_ her?"

"I'm not," he insisted. "However, I don't think she meant it in the same way that man did in the past to you. Okay?" he said, hoping to point this out. "I don't think she fully realized what she was doing. It doesn't excuse her, but it does make me much more hesitant about what we probably _should_ do."

"What's that?" Natsu asked worriedly.

"Report her to the police for sexual assault."

"Whu-…? Gray!"

"I know Juvia is a friend, but that's what this was." His brow tightened. "We need to talk to her, straighten this all out." Then he saw the increasing dread in Natsu's face. Gray gave a soft sigh, pitying him. "That can wait," he whispered, hugging the Dragon Slayer. "If you need to cuddle or cry, it's all right."

Although Natsu's eyes were already moist, he stubbornly refused to flat-out sob. "I've been an idiot crying for the past few days. I don't wanna cry more."

"You were crying alone. Now you can cry with me."

Natsu held up his head, but still the tears dropped down. He felt his chest jolt, and he knew Gray must have felt that too, because his arms squeezed tighter. Natsu wanted to break away. He did not want Gray to be there as he fell apart once again; however, the ice wizard refused to let go. He knew he could not let Natsu be alone again. Although it was infuriating and embarrassing, Natsu was actually rather happy to have Gray there, to know he would stay beside him … to know he cared this much. His chest shuddered again, and this time he did not bother trying to hide it. He sniffled and buried his face down into Gray's chest.

"It really scared me," he admitted in a weak, shuddering whisper. "I've pretty much been in a panic attack for the past few days now."

"So why didn't you say something to me?"

Natsu looked aside, but he decided to be honest. "I kept wondering why it seemed like you didn't care much about it."

Gray pulled back and looked at him, stunned by those words. Natsu glanced up and saw the confusion in Gray's eyes.

"When she told us, you looked shocked, but you didn't say anything, and I thought … what if you liked it?" His voice almost failed him, and another shiver ran through his arms. "What if you didn't say anything because, deep down inside, you liked the idea of her being there?"

Gray's grip tightened even more, and his fingers dug into Natsu's arms. He wanted to protest, but no words would come up.

Natsu hesitantly glanced up at him again. "You said once you wanted a threesome, and maybe … maybe this was a fantasy of yours. Maybe you liked it. Although I think I would be okay with a third person, we didn't know she was there. It … it wasn't…"

"It wasn't consensual," Gray finished, saying what had to be said. "That's why we need to talk to her."

Natsu shrank down and looked aside, trembling at the thought of confronting his attacker. "I … I don't know…" he said with a nervous stutter. "What if I get mad? What if I have a flashback? What if I … if I … try to hurt her?"

Gray rubbed the hot arms. "I won't let it get that far." He felt horrible that Natsu looked so scared. "Natsu, it's gonna be all right. Don't think about her right now. I'll stay here with you until you're better, okay?"

A smile struggled onto Natsu's lips. "Yeah."

"But," Gray chuckled lightly, "you really do need a shower."

Instead of laughing or being eager, Natsu looked away sullenly again. "I don't want to get wet."

Gray thought about this problem. It seemed Natsu had a phobia to water now. It could hardly be blamed, considering what happened; however, he really did need to wash up. "Well, there's a stream nearby. If you don't want to shower, what about using a stream? Juvia doesn't even know where that is."

Natsu thought about it. He was right: the stream was hidden within the trees, and no one really knew this area except for Natsu and Happy. "Yeah, okay." Then he shrank down a little and looked up into Gray's face. "You'll be there, right?"

"Of course," Gray smiled, rubbing Natsu's arms. He leaned over and gave the Dragon Slayer a small kiss on the forehead. "If Juvia is coming, you'll be able to smell her before she can even get into the water, right? It'll be safe."

Natsu knew that, although he had momentarily felt his trust in Gray broken, he really did have to rely on him this time. "Okay," he decided, but he rested his cheek against Gray's chest once more. "Can you hold me still?"

Gray smiled and wrapped him up into his arms. "All right." He rocked Natsu slightly, just comforting him, but it made Natsu feel happy, being held, being loved. "Are you okay?" Gray asked.

Natsu gave a small sigh of contentment. "I'm glad you're here."

"Yeah." Gray leaned over, and he kissed Natsu on the mouth. Those lips were still hot, and they were no longer trembling. They rubbed noses together and gazed into one another's eyes. "I'm glad I'm here, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Thank you for waiting, some more patiently than others, haha!_   
>  _An update: the wrist bone healed, but now I have "adhesive capsulitis of the wrist," or frozen wrist syndrome. Basically, I've lost half of the flexibility and need physical therapy. I can type, but my wrist is slower and easily becomes pained. At least the bone is fine, yay!_


	35. Rivers and Rivals

Gray and Natsu left the house and walked along a footpath through the forest. Gray led the way with Natsu reluctantly following behind. Gray kept glancing back to make sure the Dragon Slayer was actually following. Although his gaze was down at his feet, Natsu still continued onward. They went through a dark part of the forest, down a dell, and finally reached a meandering creek weaving its way through the small valley, surrounded on both sides by trees and cattails.

Gray immediately began to take off his shirt, but he saw Natsu staying back.

"Leave your clothes over there on a rock," Gray suggested, hoping to ease Natsu into undressing. "Make sure they're high enough. We don't want them to wash away."

Encouraged and realizing he needed to put his trust in Gray, Natsu began to unbutton his shirt. He shrugged it off and put it on the rock Gray pointed out, a large boulder close enough to the river so they could grab their clothes when they needed to, but high up enough to stay dry. He then removed his pants, and finally his scarf, setting them aside meticulously.

He gazed over at Gray. The ice wizard, of course, had already stripped completely naked and was wading out into the river. Natsu could hardly help but stare at the pale globes of his buttocks shining in the sunlight, with waves of reflected light glimmering up from the river and dancing across his flesh. As tempting as the sight was, the sound of the water made him hesitate. Gray gazed back and saw Natsu still standing on the riverbank, glaring at the water suspiciously.

"Are you okay?" he called out.

"Yeah." Natsu still hesitated, but he dipped a toe into the water. He needed to ease himself into this. "I haven't washed in this river in ages," he told Gray, trying to delay the eventual plunge. "Before I got plumbing put in, this was where I would take all of my baths."

"Really? Out here?"

"Yeah," Natsu nodded, splashing a foot in the water.

Gray stared at him, stunned. "Out in public?"

Natsu pouted. "Don't put it that way. I'm in a forest. It's nature!"

"It's kind of … _fun_ being out in the open," Gray hesitantly admitted, glancing around at the privacy the trees and cattails provided.

Natsu chuckled and began to loosen up. "You horny bastard," he teased.

"Sorry," Gray laughed, but he was glad Natsu was smiling finally. "No one is around, right?"

Natsu took a deep sniff. He could smell many things in the forest: water, trees, plants, animals, various scents. However, he did not smell other people besides them. "No. No one."

"Okay."

Gray collapsed backward and began to swim out into the water until he was up to his neck. He was hoping to encourage Natsu to come out more. He knew he could not push him, though. Still, by showing it was safe, he was hoping to help Natsu overcome his new fear of the water.

Natsu finally stepped out, just up to his ankles. "It's cold!" he exclaimed.

"You wimp!" Gray shouted back.

"No, it's really cold."

Gray swam back over and climbed up the riverbank. He grabbed Natsu by the hands and pulled him forward. He smiled encouragingly, tugging him further and further out. Natsu began to shiver, so Gray wrapped his arms around him.

"Is it warmer like this?"

Petulantly, Natsu grumbled, "Your hands are cold."

"Maybe I should cool off your body," Gray said with a lecherous smile. Gray rubbed his hands up and down Natsu's arm. Being like this, naked and in the water, reminded him of that time, being underwater. Although they had quite a horrible shock afterward, that day had been an absolute fantasy for Gray, not only having Natsu completely submerged in water, but taking him right there, in the middle of the guild. He thought about those claw marks he had noticed on the bar counter, scraped down into the wood where Natsu had driven in his fingernails, spurred on with ecstasy.

Gray really wanted to ravage Natsu, but he knew this was a horrible time. Natsu was scared, and rightly so. Gray seriously doubted Natsu would be in the mood for any sort of play. He decided to stick to the actual purpose of coming to this river.

He asked, "Do you want me to wash you?"

Natsu looked up, slightly shocked. He really thought Gray would suggest something erotic. Personally, he was glad that his boyfriend was not trying to take advantage of the situation. "Yeah. Did you bring a washcloth?"

"Yes, and some soap. Hold on."

Gray went back to the riverbank where he had left some supplies. It was not much: a washcloth with which to clean themselves and a bar of soap. He soaped up the washcloth and returned to Natsu in the river. Natsu turned around, presenting his back. Gray began to scrub the washcloth across that warm skin. He caressed the cloth up Natsu's back, around his shoulders, and back down again, rubbing in lazy circles.

He scrubbed up the neck, all the way to Natsu's hairline. Natsu shivered at the feel on the back of his neck. As Gray went back down, Natsu held his arm out. Gray rubbed the washcloth along the length of that arm, feeling the contours of his muscles, stroking along the elbow, down the forearm, soaping up his hands, only to return back up, rubbing the washcloth, spreading the soap around.

"I'm not sure when was the last time I ever bathed in a river," Gray admitted as he scrubbed the second arm. "It's weird." The water swooshing past his body was definitely a strange sensation.

Natsu turned around, and Gray began to rub the soapy washcloth across his chest. He had to admire Natsu's body. He had sculpted his muscles so well over the year. The washcloth ran over the pectorals, and Gray's free hand followed it, spreading the soap around with his bare fingers, caressing that hot body. Slowly, he worked down to Natsu's abdomen, over those taut muscles. He washed all the way down to his legs, but he did not go near the groin.

"Does that feel good?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes," Natsu answered, still standing stiffly as he felt the river flowing past him and all that water touching his skin.

"You are really dirty," Gray muttered as he dipped handfuls of water to rinse the soap away. Suds floated away in the river along with grim.

"Sorry," Natsu said bashfully.

Once he was rinsed, Gray glanced up sadly at Natsu's face. "Were you scared?"

Natsu looked away. He did not want to admit it, but he knew that Gray had already seen just how much Juvia's actions had traumatized him. "Yeah," he admitted.

"I'm sor—"

Natsu cut him off quickly. "Stop saying _I'm sorry_. It just shocked me when she did that." He dropped his voice. Although they were alone, he still felt weird talking about this out in the open. "I wasn't sure about it, about … c-coming in water. I thought it would be okay, but then I realized … I don't know where it goes. It wasn't going down a drain or anything. It just … _floated off_ , and I'm not sure where. And it's not like a sewer. A sewer makes it dirty, makes it unusable. That time, it was just … water. Clean water. Not dirty. And … and I don't know what happened to it. It could be anywhere."

Gray stopped washing and hugged Natsu closely, pulling the wet body against his chest. Natsu's muscles still felt tense from the fear plaguing his heart. Gray wanted to somehow make him laugh again. He wanted to see Natsu smile. His smile was so infectious, always so brilliant.

"Well," the ice wizard said blithely, "if we ever have underwater sex again, maybe I should suck you off. Then you know precisely where it goes: down to my stomach!"

Natsu laughed, although a bit awkwardly and with a blush.

It was nice to see him laughing, but Gray's countenance suddenly became serious. "I'm not joking."

Natsu's laughter cut off quickly with a jolt as he realized what Gray was saying. Gray's hand rubbed up Natsu's arms enticingly.

"Do you want to try it here?"

Natsu's eyes opened wide. "We're out in the open, Gray," he exclaimed, shocked the ice wizard would even suggest something like that, considering his issues with public displays of affection.

"You can smell if someone's coming," he pointed out with a devious smile. "Maybe this will help you with your new fear of water." He tossed the bar of soap and washcloth back to the riverbank, where it landed quite a ways past the cattails. Then he extended a hand out to Natsu. "Come out into the river until your waist is covered."

Natsu looked reluctant, but he took Gray's hand and went out further and further. "It's cold!" he complained.

"I'll warm you up."

Gray reached around Natsu's hips and yanked him in. Natsu could feel already just how aroused Gray was. That long, hard length rubbed against his hip, sliding upward slowly. Gray's eyes fluttered down as he felt that heat. He let himself stroke up against Natsu's skin. Natsu began to blush, and he felt Gray's movements affecting him as well. As Gray held him, he felt the heat radiating off of Natsu slowly increasing.

"Mmm— _mmmm_."

"There, is that better?"

"Mm, Gray…" Natsu whispered.

Gray kissed him and held him tightly. Part of Natsu was still scared, feeling the water, remembering those touches that were probably not Gray's. For how much he had _loved_ making love to Gray underwater, how much more gentle the ice wizard had been that day, holding Natsu closely the entire time, all of that seemed to darken as he realized that they had not been alone. All of that wonderful, sensual love shared between them had been shattered by Juvia's perverted crime.

However, now, being in Gray's arms, he remembered the good parts. He remembered grabbing the lard to lube up. He remembered feeling Gray kissing his neck as he took Natsu from behind. He remembered the wonderful sensation of floating, almost like they were flying, barely tethered down by the ice bubble around their head. Natsu began to remember every sweet, sensual touch.

As Gray's hands drifted down into the water, he cupped Natsu's butt cheeks and pulled him in tighter, pressing their arousals together. Natsu moaned softly, and Gray could hardly help but shudder at the hot feel of that body. Gray's lips pulled back, swollen, with a string of saliva connected to Natsu's lips.

"How is that?" he asked with a husky gruffness in his voice.

Natsu felt completely overwhelmed. "Yeah," he said in a daze, barely understanding words right then, when all he wanted was touches.

"You were really sexy under the water," Gray smirked. "You tied yourself up, you kinky bastard."

"Sh-shut up," Natsu snapped. "I told you to restrain me."

"I'm sorry. I will from now on," Gray promised, caressing Natsu's cheek to keep him happy. "I just thought—" Gray's words suddenly cut off, and his face flinched. "N-never mind," he mumbled.

Natsu looked up in surprise. "Thought what?"

Gray hesitated about telling him, but he knew this was something they needed to talk about. He hoped Natsu was in the right frame of mind to finally discuss it. "I felt hands on me," he said softly. "I thought they were yours. Although you were saying to restrain you, I thought you were touching me. I wanted those touches, and … and I thought … if you really wanted to be restrained, you'd stop touching. But … you didn't stop. The touches kept going. They were … touching me … as I came."

Natsu's eyes flared, and Gray felt the Dragon Slayer's flesh turn scalding as low flames flickered over his skin. "That was her, wasn't it!" he shouted furiously.

Gray gave a reluctant shrug. "I guess so."

Natsu growled lowly. "I don't like the idea that she touched you."

"Trust me, I don't like it either. I only want you. Your hands." Gray caressed up Natsu's hips, up his waist, and around his back. Natsu moaned softly. "Only your body."

"Mmm!"

"I only want _you_ , Natsu. Only you."

Natsu had a childish pout. "Not Juvia?" he mumbled.

"Absolutely not!" Gray declared. Then his voice softened as he ran his fingers through the pink hair and pulled Natsu's head forward. "Just you."

Gray kissed him. Although his fingers yanked in Natsu's hair, his lips were gentle, such a blend of the sadist he was and the romantic he was trying to become. It made Natsu feel like melting. Just as he thought they could simply be romantic, Gray's other hand slipped under the water and rubbed the hot arousal. He began to give Natsu slow strokes. He knew he needed to ease Natsu into this after experiencing such a fright being in water, so although he would have loved to rush, Gray kept his hand moving at a slow, easy pace. He felt everything about that cock: the thick veins, the flared head, the wrinkles of his foreskin … everything.

Natsu shuddered in pleasure. Gray was rarely this gentle, and Natsu loved how it felt, the way his hand slipped over him, such cold fingers that enticed, yet the chill prevented him from getting too hard too fast.

"Is that good?" Gray asked softly.

"Mm-hmm." Natsu felt like he could barely speak, so he shuddered, "Gray."

"Is it too much?" he asked, looking serious.

Natsu did not want to be serious anymore. He wanted to indulge in the sensation. "Nnnngh!" he moaned softly, resting his head against Gray's chest. "More."

Gray was glad to see Natsu this excited. That was encouraging. "Stay there. I'm going to kneel." Gray dropped to one knee, letting water cover him up to the neck.

Natsu realized what he was about to do. "My hands—" he cried out, worried once again.

"Put them on my shoulders. I'll freeze them directly to me."

"Okay." Natsu leaned over and placed his hands on Gray's shoulders. "I have to bend over. It's a little weird."

"It's fine if you rest your weight on top of me."

Natsu decided to trust him on that, so he pushed down on Gray's shoulders to hold himself up. Although it pushed Gray down a little more, he realized he was about to go down _much_ further.

Gray clapped his hands softly, and a magic circle formed. He put those hands on his own shoulders, and ice froze across the skin, trapping Natsu's hands, crackling up his wrists, until he was trapped against the ice wizard.

"Is that all right?"

"Yes. _Oh!_ " Natsu began to feel the pain of the ice. "It's cold."

"Will that be enough?"

Natsu realized what he was asking. This strange form of bondage needed to be strong enough so Natsu felt secure. He flexed his fingers. He could dig his fingertips into Gray, but as he tried to pull, his hands were solidly down.

"Yes. I can't move. I can't hurt you."

Gray nodded, and he dipped down. He took a breath, and then he dived into the water. Natsu was yanked with him and put more pressure on Gray's shoulders to hold himself up. A second later, the cold moistness of the river was replaced by heat, a soft tongue, and lips wrapping around him."

" _Oooh!_ " he moaned. "Oh Gray." Natsu leaned over, resting on Gray as he felt the ice wizard thrusting down on him, pulling back up, sucking hard on him.

Suddenly, Gray pulled up so sharply, it almost knocked Natsu off his feet. He coughed, and his hand went up to wipe his nose.

"Ack! Puh!" He snorted water out of his nostrils.

"Are you okay?" Natsu asked worriedly.

"Yes, I got water up my nose." He rubbed his face a bit more. "How about we move a few steps this way? That way, you're still underwater, but I can suck on you and still breathe."

Gray shifted backward, still on his knees, and Natsu followed him, walking across the gravelly, mossy bottom of the river. They moved just far enough so that Natsu was still covered up to the hips with water, but Gray would be able to get him without dunking his head. Just the flushed tip of Natsu's penis poked out of the water, like a happy little water mushroom.

"Are you ready?" asked Gray.

Natsu looked down, feeling uncertain. "You don't have to do this."

Gray had a devilish smile as he gazed up. "I want to!"

With that, Gray dived down and took Natsu into his mouth, sucking on him, devouring him. Natsu's fingers tightened up, clawing into Gray's shoulders, squeezing into the flesh, digging into muscles, curling inward, not breaking flesh, but leaving deep scratch marks. It felt so good, yet at the same time, all the water around him felt reminiscent. He knew though, this time they were safe, they were alone, no one was watching them in secret, and there would be no unwanted touches. It was just them, just him and Gray making love in the river.

Gray's head occasionally dipped under the water, especially when he wanted to go deeper and take Natsu all the way to the root. When he did that, his face hit the water, splashing up, but his nose mostly stayed above. At one point, Gray took a deep breath and pressed down, going as deep as he could until Natsu slid back down into his throat. The Dragon Slayer let out a cry at that.

"Ahhhhhn!"

Natsu's fingers dug deeper into the cold skin as he felt the narrowness of Gray's throat. His toes curled into the river's mossy bottom, sinking slightly into the pebble. He panted loudly. He heard his moans mixing with the sounds of nature.

He thought back to when they made love in the forest. It was very much like this, out in the open, being just two more animals in heat, rutting, mating, making love in the middle of nature.

Now they were in the water, like that other day. Both memories, forest and underwater, were so sweet, tainted only slightly by darkness. In the forest, Gray had been sick, and they had to be careful about how they touched one another. Underwater, there were those ghostly touches that Natsu only later realized belonged to someone other than Gray.

This time, what they did was purely sweet, gentle, and sensual. He glanced down at Gray, his body completely submerged, but his head was above. Natsu wanted so much to run his fingers through Gray's wet hair, press his head in, really yank him down onto his cock, but that meant releasing his hands.

A flashback returned to him from long ago, something to do with water, something he did not want to remember. Natsu knew right then, he was not mentally ready yet to do this without the restraints.

Still, Gray's ministrations were pushing Natsu closer and closer to the brink.

"Gray," he panted out. "I'm ready to come."

Gray pulled back, moistness on his lips and pre-cum smeared down his chin. He smiled up at Natsu, glad to see him enjoying this. "Go ahead. I want it!" He dived back down, sucking harder, pounding Natsu into the back of his mouth.

Natsu tensed up. Gray's sucking became stronger, his cheeks hollowed out, slurping to the cockhead only to slam back into the water, his chin causing splashes. Just as Natsu was tensing up, Gray's hand slithered up and rubbed Natsu's tit, drawing circles around it. Suddenly, his nails tightened, and he sliced down Natsu's chest. That pain—not a bite, but a scratch—drove Natsu over the edge. He came hard, spilling into Gray's mouth. His voice echoed through the trees, wild and hedonistic.

Gray lightly sucked, knowing Natsu would be more sensitive, and slowly pulled back until Natsu's limp penis flopped out, making a small splash as it hit the water. Two second later, Gray made a tiny sneeze noise, reached up, and rubbed his nose.

"Are you all right?" Natsu asked, rather shocked at that comical ending.

"I got some more water up my nose. What about you? Are you feeling better?"

Natsu smiled, feeling light, satisfied, and calmer. "Much," he purred.

"Good. Then … can you touch me?" Gray rose out of the water with Natsu's hands still trapped on his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around the hot torso and pulled the Dragon Slayer in. "Can you touch me without getting aroused and needing to be restrained? I want you to do that."

Natsu felt the ice dissipate from his hands. He let his fingers rub along Gray's back. "Yeah, I think I'll be too tired for a while," he admitted.

Gray leaned forward and gave Natsu a kiss. His tongue tasted bitter. Natsu cringed at the taste, but he accepted it. After Gray did that to him, it was only fair.

"Touch me," Gray muttered with his lips still against Natsu's mouth. He bit the Dragon Slayer on the lower lip and pulled his teeth back, eliciting a small cry. "I need to feel your hands." He took Natsu's wrists and pulled them forward. He placed those burning hands on his thighs, urging Natsu to rub up close to his arouse, but past it, up to his abdomen, the same stroking motion Gray used when warming up his body. "I keep remembering her hands, and I don't _want_ those memories! So, fill me with memories of you. Your hands, your touches…" He gave Natsu another kiss. "…your heat."

"Gray," Natsu said sadly.

He realized he was not the only one molested that day. Juvia had probably done far more to Gray. He did not want to think about it; he just wanted to make this better. Gray had been working so hard to help Natsu get over his issues. It was only fair that Natsu should do just as much.

He never wanted Gray to experience something like this, getting unwanted touches to plague his mind. It was a horror from Natsu's past that he hoped would never happen again. He wanted to purge the darkness from Gray's heart, and he became determined to do whatever he could. Touching Gray, stroking him, feeling the arousal in his hand: if these things could help Gray through his issues and out of this darkness, it was definitely something Natsu wanted to do.

"Down," Gray ordered. Natsu wondered what he meant, so Gray took Natsu's wrist and moved it down to his balls. "There. She … she touched there."

Natsu's brow tightened. He did not like to think about it at all. He felt furious, so he decided to help get Gray past any of his own anger, fears, and darkness, by covering over anything Juvia might have done with his own touches. He gripped Gray gently, rolling his balls in his hand, tugging ever so slightly, nothing painful, just an erotic touch to that sensitive area.

"Ooh yeah," Gray moaned. "I love how hot your fingers are."

Natsu felt like he should be aroused, although he was so tired. Perhaps he could have let himself succumb, but he knew arousal for him carried its own problems. For now, he wanted Gray to enjoy this. He wanted to purely give pleasure, relief, and solace.

"Are you really okay?" he asked, nipping along Gray's neck.

"Yes. What do you mean?"

Natsu slipped a hand behind and to the crack in Gray's buttocks. "Can I stick my finger up here?"

"Up my ass? Sure!"

Natsu's face looked severe with jealousy. "Did she do that to you?" he asked sharply.

Gray shook his head. "No."

"Good. Only I can touch you back here."

Natsu licked his fingers, slathering as much saliva as he could, then reach back down again into the water. It had been a while for Gray, so he went slowly, pressing just one finger in, deeper and deeper. Gray let out a low, husky cry.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yes," Gray moaned.

Natsu slowly moved his finger in and out, timing it with the stroking of his hand. Gray grabbed hold of him, gripping into his shoulders, moaning and tensing up.

"Your hand … it's heating up."

Natsu chuckled devilishly. "Uh-huh."

Slowly, he nudged a second finger in, stretching Gray and adding to the pleasure.

"Is it all right?"

"Yeah," Gray shouted, hardly aware of how loud he was getting. His head tilted back and he moaned. "Oh God, your fingers are so hot."

Natsu laughed softly. "I can heat up this hand, too."

The hand stroking Gray's arousal gradually grew hotter. Gray cried out. It felt like he was ready to come right there. Then Natsu's fingers loosened up and cooled off. He was not ready to push Gray that far just yet.

His voice was low and velvety. "I like to watch you like this, out in the open with sunlight on your skin."

"Natsu!" Gray cried out.

Suddenly, Natsu's head turned toward the trees. He inhaled deeply. Worried, he sniffed again. Gray heard the snuffling sounds.

"What's wrong?"

Natsu gazed off into the darkness of the forest. "Someone's coming."

Gray began to pull away in a panic. "Oh shi-…"

"No." Natsu yanked him back close. "It's okay. Stay quiet. They're still far away." He looked at Gray, and his eyes shined like an animal. "Keep quiet."

"What?"

Natsu stroked Gray again, and the fingers behind him slid in deep. Gray shuddered out a moan at the wonderful feel of those hot hands.

"Keep quiet," Natsu teased.

Gray quivered with ecstasy, and he looked at the Dragon Slayer, confused and pleading. "Natsu!"

"I can smell where they are. I won't let them see us," he promised, "but I need you to keep quiet." He kissed Gray, and his hand kept stroking, not ready to let him go.

"Damn you," Gray mumbled, but then he kissed Natsu harder, moaning into his mouth. "Fine, but then not in the ass. It's too much."

Natsu smirked. "Oh, but you like it here." He slammed his finger in harder.

"Natsu!" Gray yelped.

"Hushhhh."

"You bastard!"

Natsu refused to stop, stroking faster and faster. "They're coming closer, Gray," he said in a playful threat.

Gray glared, flushed with shame. "Are you just saying this?"

"No, there really is someone coming."

"Shit!" he growled, looking away in humiliation.

Natsu was worried for a moment. He knew Gray had issues. "Red?" he asked.

Gray thought about it. For how much he feared getting caught, this was definitely pushing his limits, and he _loved_ to push limits. It was the same as when he had Natsu finger him in the public onsen. He just had to be quiet and trust the Dragon Slayer's sense of smell. Although the threat of being discovered was real this time, the excitement, doing this when someone was close enough for Natsu to smell, was invigorating.

"Umm … no. Not red. Keep going," he growled in lust.

Natsu's eyes widened, honestly shocked to see Gray so eager for this, but then those squinty eyes narrowed with a predatory gleam. "Oh God, you're so sexy," he purred. He tapped Gray on the nose with his own nose and gazed into those stormy blue eyes. "My exhibitionist."

"Shut up!" Gray said harshly. "Shut up and keep going."

Natsu did not bother teasing him more. He stroked fast and purposefully. He knew precisely what drove Gray crazy, from how tight to have his fingers to the angle of his wrist, and he gave Gray exactly what worked best.

Gray moaned loudly, and Natsu leaned into his ear, teasing, "Quiiiiet."

"I can't," Gray growled in frustration. "I can't keep quiet."

"Moan into me, then."

Natsu kissed Gray hard. Just as Gray felt everything inside of him tensing up, Natsu's tongue slid in and his fingers slammed deep inside, stroking the small lump within Gray's ass, massaging the prostate with his long, hot fingers. His hand stroked faster, his wrist a blur under the water. Right at that moment, Gray lost his control. He gave a choking whimper and clung to Natsu, trembling at the emotional pummeling of doing this with someone nearby. He could hardly even feel what was happening with the water rushing past him, immediately sweeping away the white ropes of cum. They flowed down the river, heading somewhere toward Magnolia.

Natsu released his mouth, and Gray immediately dropped his head to the muscular shoulder, moaning softly, panting, a few more jolting shivers, feeling so tired, but so happy.

"Natsu, that … that was … oh God."

Natsu shook his hands in the water, cleaning off the thick whiteness and any filth from Gray's ass. Then he reached and yanked Gray's chin up. He gave the ice wizard an overpowering kiss and reached a hand into his black hair, yanking at his scalp until Gray moaned. Then Natsu plunged his tongue inside that mouth. He loved the way Gray felt just after coming. It was one of the few times that his skin actually felt hot. With those flushed cheeks and lust-glazed eyes, Natsu thought he looked so sexy.

"I love you," Natsu whispered, nipping down Gray's neck and pulling the ice wizard closer, letting him relax and recover, resting in Natsu's chest. Gray said nothing in return, but the way his arms clutched possessively, Natsu knew that was his way of saying it back. He gave one more sniff in the air. "We need to get dressed. They're almost here."

"What?" Gray asked, lost in ecstasy. Then he suddenly remembered, someone was on their way. "Oh! Oh shit." He looked around frantically. Where were his clothes?

Natsu strode out, completely calm, and went back to the boulder on the riverbank. That was when Gray remembered where they had stored their supplies. Natsu casually set himself on fire to dry off, and once the water had evaporated, he pulled on his clothes. Gray stayed in the river, feeling weary and not willing to move quite yet.

Natsu chuckled at the exhaustion in Gray's face. "Or you can just stay in the river. Everyone has seen you naked."

Gray actually considered it for a moment. Whoever was coming, Natsu did not look all that concerned, so it was probably someone he trusted. He was right, almost all of their friends had seen Gray naked at some point. However, he shook his head.

"No, I'm coming." Gray climbed out of the river and yanked on his underwear and pants. "So, who's coming?"

Natsu sniffed again. Whoever it was, they were closer, and finally he could tell who it was. "Lisanna," he said, slightly surprised.

Gray jolted and looked over. "Lisanna? What the hell is she doing here?" He suddenly remembered something. He had sent Happy to stay with Lisanna. "I wonder if Happy sent her."

"Happy?" asked Natsu.

"Yeah, since you kind of barricaded yourself in your home, I told him to stay with Lisanna."

"Oh," Natsu muttered. He now felt bad about his attitude over the past few days. "Are you dressed yet?" Gray nodded. "Good." He suddenly spun around and waved into the darkness of the trees. "Hey Lisanna!" he called out.

Gray only then heard crunching footsteps come to a stop and a small sound of a squeak as Natsu caught Lisanna by surprise.

"Oh!" The footsteps started up again, and in just a few seconds, the white-haired girl stepped out. "There you are. Happy, said you were at home. I went to check, but no one answered. Then I heard noises down here."

Gray froze, and his eyes widened nervously. "N-noises?"

"Well, I heard voices," she shrugged. "Was that you two?"

"Yeah!" Natsu grinned stiffly. "Yeah, we were … wrestling … by the river and … um … and we fell in."

"Oh!" She looked at both at them. Natsu was totally dry, but that was not a surprise. Gray's hair and skin were wet, but his clothes were dry, just slightly dampened, as if he had put the clothes on recently over his wet body. Natsu's grin was too fake, and Gray could not meet her eyes, his cheeks almost as bright as Natsu's hair. Suddenly, Lisanna realized what was going on, and her face went red. "Neeeever mind!" she whispered. She laughed it off nervously. "So, um … Happy said you were sick."

Natsu blinked in confusion, but then he realized that was probably what Happy would have thought about his sullen attitude over the past few days, being in a panic attack for that long. "I'm better. It was just a … um … it was nothing."

"I was worried," Lisanna pouted. "Apparently, a few people got sick when Juvia flooded everything. A lot of people caught colds. When I heard Happy say that you were sick, I thought maybe you had caught a cold, too."

"Oh. Well, I'm better now," Natsu assured her with a beaming grin.

"That's good." Lisanna paused and looked back and forth between the two of them again. Natsu seemed a little too exuberant, and Gray looked nervous and flushed. "I'll … um … I'll leave you and Gray," she muttered, and began to turn around.

Natsu took a few steps forward. "No, you came all this way."

He glanced back to Gray, who was still standing there stunned. Of all people to almost come in and see the two of them, it was one of the girls Gray had felt most worried about being around Natsu. Everyone knew Natsu and Lisanna had a bit of a history, even if it was just a childhood crush. Still, it sometimes made Gray feel a little jealous.

"Come on, Gray," Natsu urged, holding his hand out. "Let's get something to eat."

He was still uncertain, but he realized he could not just keep standing there by the river, motionless, like a fish just pulled in on a hook. "Uh, sure," he muttered. He took Natsu's hand to step out of the riverbank and up to the trees.

"Mira-nee is cooking some food," Lisanna offered. "You two can come over and eat at our place."

"Do you mean Gray can come, too?"

"Of course!" Lisanna said cheerfully. "He _is_ your boyfriend, after all."

"Right!" Natsu said happily. Then he suddenly realized what she said: _his boyfriend_. He was still getting used to the idea of other people calling Gray his boyfriend. It felt nice, and his chest heated up. He looked back to Gray and saw that the ice wizard was experiencing the exact same thing. To hear other people accept them, to hear their friends calling them a couple, felt really good. After hiding it for so long, having everyone in Fairy Tail accept the idea of them as a couple was a really wonderful feeling.

"Right," Natsu said softer, his chest burning with happiness.

Gray's eyes lighted on him, and his fingers tightened around Natsu's hand. "Yeah," he whispered, feeling a tremble at the same thoughts Natsu was experiencing.

Lisanna glanced between the two of them. They were so awkward together, and yet she could easily see the love that existed between them. "You two really are cute."

Natsu flinched just a little at being called cute, but he decided, maybe it was not such a bad thing. Being a _cute couple_ actually felt kind of nice. Then he realized, he and Gray were being ridiculous again, some stupid couple! He let go of Gray's hand and dropped his chin bashfully.

"Oh, sorry."

"No, it's fine." Lisanna smiled plaintively. Maybe a small part of her still had a crush on Natsu, but seeing him this happy was far better than anything else she could imagine. If Gray was the one who could make him happy, then that was good, too. She swished aside any wisps of jealousy and decided to just accept what they were—a couple—and to accept Gray as his lover. "Come on, you two," she cried out playfully, grabbing them by the hands. "Happy is waiting for us."

She pulled them along, but eventually she walked on ahead, knowing the two probably wanted a little more time together as they walked through the forest.

* * *

Gray rarely went to Fairy Hills, since boys were not allowed inside the building. He felt a little weird even being at the girl's dormitory; however, he braced himself, raised his knuckles, and rapped on the door. With a squeak, the door opened, a small lady stood on the threshold. It was Ruchio, the Fairy Hills landlady.

"What do you want?" she snapped crankily.

Gray stared down at her. "I need to speak with Juvia."

Her eyes narrowed at him, and she shut the door again. Gray stood there, glancing around awkwardly. A few minutes passed, and he wondered if maybe he should knock again. Just as he was about to raise his knuckles, the door opened and Juvia peeked out.

"Gray-sama!"

"Hey Juvia." He paused for a moment as he collected himself. Facing her again brought up anger, and he did not want to show that yet. "We need to talk to you."

"We?" Her eyes widened slightly. "Do you mean Natsu, too?" She glanced around, but no one else was outside. "What's wrong, Gray-sama?"

He noticed a few female heads peeking from behind. He needed to get her out of there and over to where Natsu was already waiting. "Not here," he stated gruffly, and he turned away, walking down the path back to Fairy Tail.

He heard the door shut and soft shoes walking behind him. He did not bother to look back—he really did not want to see her right now—however, this was something they both needed to do.

Gray led Juvia to the guild, but instead of going inside, they went around. On the back side of the building was the pool that the guild used for swimming and parties. No one was out there today except one person: Natsu stood with his arms folded sternly. When he saw Juvia following Gray, his eyes glared at her with a cold flame burning in his gaze. Gray walked over to Natsu, taking a stand beside his boyfriend, and finally turned around to look at Juvia.

"I'm just going to come out and say it," Gray said angrily. "Juvia, what you did was really bad. You did something horrible to us, without our permission." His eyes narrowed and his voice raised into a shout. "Do you even know what that's called?"

Juvia took a step back, shocked to be receiving Gray's anger. "Juvia is sorry," she said in a small voice.

Gray's anger was truly worked up. "This goes far beyond simply saying _I'm sorry_."

He paused, glanced at the door, and made sure no one was listening in. The rest of the guild already knew that Gray and Natsu had plans to confront Juvia. They were actually prepared in case something flooded again; however, he had sternly demanded that they should have privacy while discussing this. It seemed, although the entire guild was curious, they were being respectful. No one was peeking through the door. Still, Gray tried to lower his voice.

"The only reason I'm not getting you into really big trouble is because I'm your friend. I know you've liked me for a while. Still, you went _way_ too far."

Juvia's eyes began to water. "Juvia's so sorry. Juvia saw Gray-sama and Natsu. Just once, Juvia wanted to know what it's like to be with Gray-sama." She took a bold step forward, raised her hand, and began to reach out toward his chest. "At least to touch … a little."

Her hand drew closer and closer. Just as she was about to touch him, a fiery hand slapped her fingers away. Natsu stood in front of Gray protectively.

"Hey," he growled. "Don't touch him!"

Juvia pulled back her aching, burning hand and cradled it next to her chest. "I'm sorry."

Gray put a hand on Natsu's shoulder and pulled him back out of his aggressive stance. "It's all right, Natsu."

"No, it's not all right!" Natsu shouted.

Again, Gray was trying to be understanding, and it angered Natsu. Gray thought Juvia simply did not fully realize what she had done. She was an obsessed girl who took things too far without thinking about her actions. To all that, Natsu thought: _bullshit!_

He glared back at Juvia again. "I can understand about you being obsessed over Gray, but—" His voice dropped and his eyes hardened. "—you were touching me … _down there_ ," he hissed sinisterly. "You were _stroking_ me."

If this had just been about Gray, Natsu might have been able to dismiss this as an obsession turned bad, but Juvia had touched him as well. For Natsu, that turned this into something beyond an insane lusting over her crush. Juvia had gotten between them. She had _joined in_.

Juvia shrank back, scared of the fury in Natsu's eyes. "Juvia's sorry!"

Natsu's eyes smoldered. "Sorry?" he hissed.

* * *

_It was a small room, dark, reeking. Natsu was tied up against a chair, helpless, crying although he knew by now, tears were pointless. Touches that were pleasurable by nature tormented him, and all he wanted was to slip away from this place, to vanish and become nothing._

_There was a sharp pain to his neck as the knife that was there—always there, always against his throat at these times—slipped. It was not the first time his captor had left a cut on his neck._

_"Oops, sorry." He gave a vile laugh. "Your cock just twitched, boy. Do you maybe like pain? What if I cut you here?"_

_"Owww!"_

_"Sorry. What about here?"_

_"AAAAAH!"_

_"Sorry, sorry. How about … here?"_

_"Please, stop! No! Ahhh!"_

_"Haha! You came. Finally! My wrist was getting sore. Maybe you really do like pain. My cute slave boy likes to be punished, huh? I can work with that."_

_"OOOOOOWWW!"_

_"Oops, I really didn't mean it that time. Shit, you're really bleeding. Haha! Sorry."_

* * *

Natsu suddenly grabbed a handful of Juvia's hair, yanking her head back roughly. She screamed in pain.

"Natsu!" Gray shouted, shocked at his violent attack.

Natsu was livid. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," he said mockingly. "Do you think you can just say _sorry_ and everything's fine? Do you think just apologizing makes it better? Believe me, it _doesn't!_ " he screamed furiously, spittle flying from his mouth.

"Natsu!" Gray yelled, scared he might do something drastic.

"It's disgusting! What you did was lower than scum. You thought it was all fun, right? Bet you laughed about it. I bet you were smiling the whole time, thinking you were so fucking clever!" He shook her head violently. "How would you like it if some man touched you that way, huh? How would you like to find out someone you thought you could trust, someone you thought was a friend, touched your breasts and rubbed your pussy without your permission? Would it be funny then?"

"Owwww!" she howled as he shook her head more and ripped out hairs.

Gray grabbed Natsu's wrist. "Seriously, stop! You'll snap her neck."

Tears fell down Juvia's cheeks. As Natsu watched, he thought about how his own tears had fallen on that day. His attacker had ignored his crying. Natsu knew, he could not do the same. He could _not_ turn into _that man_ and ignore the pain of someone else. Just thinking about it made his skin cold. In frustration, he threw her hair aside, and Juvia fell back a few steps. She rubbed out her head, but she looked terrified now, cowering down in dread.

Natsu hissed quietly, "What you did … was really sick. You should be thankful that I don't _kill_ my friends."

"Natsu!" Gray warned. There was madness in the Dragon Slayer's eyes. For a second, he had seen the flinch Natsu always gave when he remembered something of the past. Did he have another flashback? He was ready to put a shield of ice between these two, if only to keep Natsu from doing something unforgivable.

"Honestly," Natsu went on blithely, "right now, I no longer _consider_ you as a friend. That is how mad I am, because you did that to me and Gray. You touched us. You _fondled_ us!" he sneered.

"I'm sorry," she screamed, sobbing hard and blanching in terror at the hatred in Natsu's eyes.

Natsu stared hard at her. He had thought that confronting Juvia would be like confronting that man. Part of him even hoped that maybe this could bring some sort of closure. It wasn't at all the same, though. That man would have never been truly repentant. He would not have apologized for his crime—and never did, even at the end.

That both reassured Natsu that Juvia was not the same as that wretched man, and drove home to him that this crime had now happened _twice_ , and this time it was not purely evil. It was ignorant and unthinking, but not malicious. He could easily hate something done with evil intent. He was not sure how to feel about something done because the other person simply did not think about her actions at the time.

Juvia looked traumatized as what she had done in playfulness was now fully revealed in front of her eyes in all of its disgusting darkness, a crime against two friends. She had not at all thought of it as _molesting_ Gray. Even when Makarov scolded her and threatened to expel her, she did not fully understand why. She just wanted to touch and join in, have a piece of the fun, and see what it was about Natsu that Gray liked so much. If she could like it too, and if Natsu could come to enjoy her feminine touch, maybe Gray would invite her for more threesomes. That was all. It had seemed like a fun, harmless thing, just touching skin. Now, the way Natsu looked and the hatred in his voice, she realized just how deeply she had betrayed the trust of both men.

Quietly, Natsu threatened: "I don't want you to touch Gray. I don't want you to even look at him for a while. And never … _ever_ …" he screamed, only to drop his voice again, "touch me like that again … or I will kill you."

His eyes were frightening, and Juvia pulled back trembling, truly scared for her life. Gray stood to the side, gazing at Natsu, shocked to see this side of him, horrified because, somewhere deep down, he knew about Natsu's past. He knew what the Dragon Slayer had been through.

Kill her? Was he serious?

He certainly sounded serious, and that scared Gray. He could only imagine how terrified Juvia must be, to be getting glared at and threatened by the Fire Dragon Slayer.

Natsu's voice remained in a sinisterly soft whisper. "Do you understand?"

"Y-yes," she shuddered in terror.

"Do you realize what you did?"

The words caught in her throat as she trembled, but she sobbed out, "Juvia does now. Juvia doesn't know how much to apologize, or how to get across how sorry I am. Juvia won't do it again. Juvia broke Gray-sama's trust. Juvia … doesn't deserve … Gray-sama." Her eyes dropped sadly, and tears fell down her sallow cheeks.

"That's right," Natsu sneered. "He deserves better than you."

Gray put a hand on Natsu's shoulder. That was quite enough for him. Juvia was obviously startled to realize how her actions affected them. As he figured and feared, she just did not realize that what she had been doing was a crime. Ignorance did not make this all right, but it did make him decide that they could solve this privately. He was pretty sure that now Juvia understood the severity of her actions. He stepped forward to the rain woman.

"Juvia…"

"Gray," Natsu warned.

"It's okay," he assured, and he looked down into those watery eyes. "Juvia…"

He was about to say ' _It's okay now_ ,' but that was not the case. He wanted to say he was not angry, or that everything was fine, but … it wasn't! He felt he should say something to soothe things over, especially after Natsu had hurt her and threatened her; however, what could he say that was not just ignoring the fact that what she did was immoral?

"I hope we can still be friends." It was terse and not as amicable as he had hoped to sound, but it was a start.

The terror faded into shock and hope. "Even after that?"

Gray frowned and looked aside. "I'm really mad, but I will try to forgive you. I would prefer if we can still be friends." He heard Natsu scoff behind him, but he ignored that. Fairy Tail was good at forgiving people, even people who were once mortal enemies. Although he could not forgive Juvia right at that moment, he hoped that they could continue to work together as members of Fairy Tail.

She finally managed to smile. "Thank you, Gray-sama."

"But let me get this one thing straight," he said sternly. "If you ever touch Natsu again, even though you are a member of Fairy Tail, I will _not_ hold back. He is absolutely and completely off-limits. Got it?"

She looked back over to the Dragon Slayer. Natsu was seething, true hatred in his eyes and a killing intent aura. Juvia realized something more was going on here, but she did not dare question it.

She just whispered, "Yes, Juvia understands. I'm sorry, Natsu. Juvia did not mean it." Then she looked up wistfully to the ice wizard. "Is Gray-sama really happy with Natsu?"

"Yes, I am," he answered coldly.

"And Gray-sama loves him?" she asked, glancing again to the Dragon Slayer.

Gray hesitated just a moment. "He is my beloved, and I care for him more than anything."

Those ardent words cooled the fiery rage in Natsu's heart. He smiled to hear Gray say that to someone else, confessing those feelings out loud. His beloved! Hearing Gray say that directly to him was one thing, but hearing him calling Natsu that openly to someone else was really wonderful.

Juvia dropped her head and shook it. "Juvia can't compete," she sighed in surrender. "I just hope Gray-sama is happy. And Natsu—" She glanced over, relieved to see he had calmed down some. "—make Gray-sama happy … but not too happy," she said with a playful glare. "You are now my love rival."

"Well, as a love rival…" Natsu yanked Gray back to him possessively. "Back the hell off!" he yelled, clutching Gray's arm. "I will smell if you stalk him."

She bowed in a final apology. "Juvia won't stalk Gray-sama anymore." Then she left and walked out in the direction of Fairy Hills.

Once she was gone, Gray glanced over to Natsu. "Well, you're possessive," he said in a light chuckle.

"Of course I am," Natsu said stubbornly.

"That was sexy, standing up for me."

"I wasn't just standing up for you. She touched me, too. That's gross!" he cried out, making a sour face. "I never had a woman touch me like that before."

Gray led him back toward the guild. "Now you can say you've been in a threesome."

"That totally does not count!" Natsu shouted vehemently.

"No, it doesn't," Gray chuckled, amused by his reactions. Then he thought about something. "Would you still want something like that? Not now, obviously, and not with her. It must be something we both agree upon."

"Oh." Natsu recalled that Gray wanted to try a threesome one day. "I don't know. Right now, I just want you. I'm not really interested in other people."

"That's good. Right now, I don't want you interested in anyone else. I'll probably be really jealous for a while."

In reply, Natsu clutched Gray's arm even tighter. He already knew the burning sensation of jealousy. Gray was _his!_

They entered the guild together. Juvia was not there, but by the looks of the other guild members, they could tell that everyone had seen her run through, probably in tears. Now everyone's gazes were on Gray and Natsu, but the two of them were not about to explain.

They walked over to a booth and sat there by themselves. No one else came up; they were giving the two a bit of privacy. After a few moments to calm themselves down, Natsu got up and walked over to the bar to ask for a drink. He did not drink alcohol too often, but he needed something now.

Mira made up one of his favorites: a flaming drink, setting the alcohol on fire and letting it burn with a blue brilliance. Normally, those drinks were blown out before drinking, but not Natsu. He downed the entire thing, flames and all. It hit him hard, burning his throat all the way down, and he hissed at the strength of the alcohol. Gray came up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking his head. He knew from experience that drinking was not the answer.

Natsu slumped down, and Gray leaned over, letting Natsu use his shoulder to rest on. He wanted to hold the Dragon Slayer, comfort him, but he felt self-conscious in front of everyone. Instead, he reached over to where Natsu's hand had flopped down on top of the bar counter and he placed his fingers over the hot hand, squeezing softly, hoping to instill a little bit of comfort. He knew he needed to change the atmosphere, and a devious smile rose onto Gray's lips.

"Hey Natsu," he whispered, "you once said everyone in this guild thinks you are in charge of this relationship, right?"

Natsu raised his emotionally weary head and looked over in confusion. "Well, that is what most people are saying."

Gray smirked, and Natsu could see right away that he was planning something. "I'm going to make them think differently."

Despite his usual reservations against doing anything in public, Gray suddenly grabbed the back of Natsu's head, pulled his hair as he yanked him forward, and kissed him hard. Natsu flailed out, shocked at the move. He tried to protest, but it only came out as mumbles as Gray's tongue thrust into his mouth and that wintermint taste inundated him.

Natsu calmed down and began to savor the kiss. Gray was being aggressive, right here, in front of everyone, and that utterly thrilled Natsu. His cheeks went hot, and his mind blanked out, forgetting about the crowd around them, surrendering to the dominance of the ice wizard.

Around them, the guild watched in shock. Mouths dropped, eyes popped open, girls blushing and tittering, and Lucy was jotting down notes for future reference.

"Wow, Gray!" Mira exclaimed.

Lisanna covered her mouth and laughed privately. "He's really taking charge."

Erza watched on and nodded firmly. "They switch!"

Finally, Gray pulled back, and he savored the look of Natsu's embarrassed, flushed cheeks. He had completely taken the Dragon Slayer by surprise, and he knew that now, at least the guild had a clue about who was _really_ in charge in this relationship.

Natsu glared at him, turned his face aside bashfully, and muttered under his breath: "Bastard…"

 


	36. Ferris Wheel Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This chapter is in honor of some fan art I got from[becausewhenyoupractiseyouimprove.](http://becausewhenyoupractiseyouimprove.tumblr.com/post/79096745852/finally-i-got-some-inspiration-to-make-a-new)_
> 
> [](http://becausewhenyoupractiseyouimprove.tumblr.com/post/79096745852/finally-i-got-some-inspiration-to-make-a-new)
> 
> _I reference another fanfic of mine,[Cat Bath](http://archiveofourown.org/works/443516). Lucy's "shower cure" for Loke's fear of water is described in juicy detail there._
> 
> _I want to thank James on[Rhov Anion's Minions](https://www.facebook.com/RhovAnionsMinions) for reminding me that Natsu has frigging **motion sickness**. Sheesh, I'm such a scatterbrain sometimes. Then he gave me ideas on working around that issue. So I named a character in this chapter after you, James. You're a lifesaver! (And I'm an idiot.)_

Days passed after clearing things up with Juvia. She stayed away, and later they heard that she took an extended mission, teaming up with her old guild mate Gajeel and the members of Shadow Gear—of course, Levy would want to go with Gajeel on any long mission.

During that time, Natsu and Gray kept their relationship simple. There was still awkwardness and private issues. When Lucy came up and asked if they wanted to do a mission, Natsu was fine and bubbly until the blonde put her hand on his shoulder. Then Natsu flinched slightly, not enough for anyone else to notice, but Gray saw the tightness in his eyes as he cautiously stared at her hand placement. Once while sitting around a client's home, Gray just rested his hand on Natsu's knee, and the Dragon Slayer pulled back sharply, before he saw just who had touched him. Gray also realized that Natsu was taking showers far less frequently, and he refused to swim in the guild pool. Their excursion in the river had helped some, but not fully.

"Gray," Erza snapped one day, yanking him out of drowsy boredom, nearly falling asleep on a table in the guild hall. "Whatever you did to Natsu, cheer him up!"

"Huh? What the hell? I didn't do anything," he protested.

"Well, he's been depressed for days. You're his boyfriend; haven't you noticed that?"

He had, and he wondered how many more had noticed but just did not say anything.

"Do something about it," she demanded.

Gray felt that was really unfair. He knew why Natsu was down, why he jumped when people touched him, and why he avoided showers unless Gray was there with him. He was probably the only person who fully understood just _why_ Natsu was acting so strangely. So although it was not his fault, he really did want to cheer Natsu up again.

"Hey Erza," he asked. "If someone hates water, how do you cure that?"

"Ask Loke. I heard he had a fear of water and Lucy cured it."

"He told me," Gray grumbled. Loke had boasted about Lucy's _shower cure_ for weeks.

"The best way to cure a fear is to face it." She firmly stabbed a fork into her strawberry cake.

"Face it," he mumbled. "Hey, how should I cheer up Natsu?"

"How should I know?" sighed Erza. "That boy eludes me sometimes."

"Come on, give me an idea. What cheers you up?"

"Cake." She ate another mouthful.

"Yeeeeah … um, besides cake."

"Vacations."

Gray blinked and tilted his head. "Vacations?"

"Getting away, going somewhere nice, relaxing, especially with someone close to me. Remember our vacation to the resort and casino?"

"You mean the vacation to Akane Resort that was ruined when you were kidnapped to the Tower of Heaven?"

"Before that part. The casino was nice, right?"

"I … guess." Gray remembered seeing Erza get captured, watching Natsu get shot in the face, and escaping death by hiding inside Juvia's water body. _That_ had not been nice at all.

"Vacations and dessert." Erza spoke as if ordering him to obey a command of mandatory fun.

Gray stroked his chin. "Vacation … dessert … water?" Something perverted came into his mind, and Gray began to snicker. "Thanks, Erza. I think I know how to cheer up Natsu." He tilted back his beer mug to finish his drink.

"Good. Take him somewhere nice, buy him something good to eat, and bring lots of lube."

Gray spit all the beer right out, spraying Kinana and drenching her dress. " _Erza!_ " he screamed, turning bright red. "Sorry, Kinana," he said off-handedly.

"You're thinking along those lines too, right?" she reasoned casually.

"D-don't say that sort of thing out loud! Sheesh."

Erza merely shrugged and took another bite of cake.

* * *

Two days later, Gray left a message with the guild for Natsu to come meet him at his house. When Mira told him, Natsu figured Gray must finally want some kinky time together. They had been pretty tame for over a week already, just a few small dates and occasional making out.

Once, Gray could hardly go three days without sex. He was either taming down, or he was being extra cautious, and Natsu was not sure which was the case. Gray had not asked Natsu to go to his house, since it seemed like that was reserved for their _special_ nights.

As Natsu made the trek to Gray's place, he wondered what to do. He was not really in the mood for anything kinky. He knew he had been despondent, and he felt bad for Gray, considering the man's insatiable libido. However, Natsu really did need some time to himself. He tried to assure Gray that what happened with Juvia was over, they had cleared it up, and he was fine; however, deep down inside, he was not fine at all. The incident had stirred up new memories, things he was not sure he had ever remembered before.

Water … wetness … blood and water mixed on the floor… Rain? A leaky roof? Whose blood? The memories were so hazy, he could not recall more than flashes, but they made him shiver deep inside in a way his normal flashbacks never did.

He did not feel like being tied up, humiliated, or hit when he was feeling this way.

Maybe Gray would understand. He had been patient so far. If they could cuddle instead…

Prepared to disappoint Gray, Natsu reluctantly knocked on the door. He expected the ice wizard to answer with that sensual look in his eyes that said he wanted to tie Natsu to the bed and make him beg for more. Instead, Gray opened the door and smiled normally.

"Cool, you made it. Come on in."

Natsu hesitated. Gray sounded too chirpy for his usual dominating personality. What was he up to? Being cautious, Natsu stepped inside.

"Thirsty? Tea?"

"I'm good," Natsu replied softly. Gray had walked off toward the kitchen anyway. "So, what's up?"

"Huh? Oh!" Gray came back with two teacups already prepared. Natsu guessed he must have been staring out the window and watching the sidewalk so that he could pour the tea out and be ready so quickly. "Nothing much. Here."

Natsu was about to snap that he had said he did not want tea, but he took the cup anyway. It smelled good, and he took a sip. Ginger? Anise star? Cayenne? When the hell did Gray get a spice tea like this? He hated this stuff! And Natsu loved it. He sniffed harder. Gray had some mint green tea, and he noticed it was not steaming like his own cup. Cold tea, of course. Gray's favorite tea, and Natsu's favorite, served just how both liked it, and obviously prepared ahead of time. This seemed too set up, and it put Natsu on edge.

Gray set his teacup on the table. "I, um … I got you something."

"Got me something?"

"It's almost our three-month anniversary."

Natsu nearly dropped his cup. When the hell did Gray remember things like anniversaries? He couldn't even remember Natsu's birthday! For that matter, Natsu really had no clue what day they _hooked up_. He wanted to ask when Gray considered them to be a couple—was it the first night they spent together, having wild sex in this apartment, with Natsu losing his virginity to Gray in the shower—or was it the following day, when Gray actually asked Natsu to be his boyfriend? However, Natsu truly could not remember which _days_ those had been. How did Gray know? Or was he guessing?

"I thought we should celebrate."

Now Natsu smelled nervousness. This whole thing was so strange. What the hell was this ice idiot planning?

"I … um … I got…"

Gray felt flustered. He had tried to plan out what to say, how to make this romantic. Invite Natsu over so they could be alone, have his favorite tea to keep him calm and happy, he had to check his bank account for the night of the love hotel, and he decided that although that was the night he actually asked, they really had become a couple the evening before. Natsu might get upset if Gray did not count that first night. So he wanted this to be all planned out, the perfect romantic surprise.

Now, he felt overwhelmed. The words he had prepared suddenly left his head. He felt his control over the situation spiraling. In a fluster, he reached into his back pocket, yanked out two tickets, and thrust them at Natsu.

"What?" asked the poor, confused Dragon Slayer as he took the slips of paper.

"I want you to know, I looked all over Fiore for the perfect place," Gray shouted to hide his embarrassment. "It's an amusement park, which I figured we'd both like. They sell motion sickness charms, so even an idiot like you could go on the rides. It's up north in the mountains, and I figured I'd like the weather there, so even if this supposed motion sickness charm doesn't work, maybe we can go play in the snow, have a snowball fight or something. There's a resort next to the park, and they have a natural hot spring, and I know you like those. So see! It works out for both of us."

Natsu stared down at the tickets in shock. They were for a three-day pass to the amusement park, with hotel suite included. Natsu had no idea how much this would have cost, and as Gray explained the location, it really was a perfect blend for the two of them.

The last thing he wanted to do was act like some idiot and cry, but the tears gathered in his eyes.

"Y-you … planned a vacation? For our anniversary?"

Gray sighed in relief that Natsu looked overwhelmed. At least it put them on equal footing. "I wanted to do something special. We've had a hell of a rough ride through these past few months. You've put up with some crappy stuff. So have I. We both deserve this."

Natsu blinked rapidly, refusing to let the tears fall. "Gray…" His voice trembled with emotion. "This … y-you … You did something romantic!"

Gray shrugged, trying to be casual about it. "I'm trying."

Natsu twirled around and leaped into Gray's arms. "You're pretty awesome, for a pervy snowman."

"You're not so bad either, for a flame-brain retard."

They laughed and rubbed noses together.

"You'll have to put up with the train ride. I looked into buying one of those motion sickness charms beforehand, but the magic is temporary, only lasts like twelve hours. We have to buy them at the amusement park."

Natsu rested his cheek against Gray's shoulder. "I can put up with that much, if you're there to clean me up when I puke."

"Well aren't you the romantic one!" Gray scoffed softly, not minding the silliness.

"You're awesome, Gray. I love you!"

Although Gray could not say the words back, he felt proud to hear that. Three months ago, Natsu never would have called him awesome, let alone be hugging him out of love. Even the beginning of their relationship was a struggle, pure physical gratification and not much emotional completion. They learned so much about one another, they fell deeply in love, they both had improved with their personal demons, and although they still had struggles, somehow they had lasted three months. That was longer than most of Gray's past relationships.

He owed Erza one for giving him the idea.

* * *

After a train ride, puking and moaning the whole time that this was the worst vacation ever, Natsu cheered up as soon as he saw the amusement park. He almost just ran off to the first ride, but Gray dragged him over to a line for the motion sickness charms. As they waited, they saw that everyone buying these were parents getting them for their little children.

"I told you, you're like a kid, getting sick on even a simple ride," Gray teased him.

Natsu folded his arms sullenly. "Shut up. Not my fault. All Dragon Slayers have motion sickness."

"So lame."

"Like you're any better! Where's your shirt?"

Gray looked down and realized he had lost his coat and shirt … again. Natsu wandered off and came back with the clothes.

"Sheesh. There are little children in this place, so _try_ to stay dressed." Then Natsu leaned up into his ear and whispered hotly. "Or should I leave marks all over your body to remind you not to be a pervert around anyone but me?"

Gray turned sharply at him, cheeks cherry red, and Natsu pulled away with a smug, satisfied face.

"You bastard!"

"Language, Gray. There are kids around."

They finally got up to the front of the line. Gray looked at the man selling the charms.

"One motion sickness charm."

"Sure thing. That's ten thousand Jewels. I need to put the charm on the kid."

Gray thumbed back at Natsu. "It's for this baby."

"Hey!" the Dragon Slayer snapped. "Who're you calling a baby, asshole!"

"Look who needs to watch his language, idiot."

The charm seller blinked at them. "Wait, it's for an adult? Um … these charms are set to work for the size of a child. Hold on. James!" he bellowed behind him. "What do I do if the motion sickness charm is for an adult?"

"See," Gray said mockingly to Natsu. "They don't even make these for adults. You're just a kid with motion sickness."

"Shut up!"

A man came forward and eyed Natsu up and down. "I've seen you in Sorcerer Magazine. The Dragon Slayer, eh? Well, the charm works based on size and weight. You're not that tall—"

Gray coughed a laugh into his hand as Natsu flared at the insult.

"—but those muscles will add weight. Still, two charms should last you twelve hours. If you start to feel sick, come back and get a third. I'll even give it to you for free, since you're the guys who won the Grand Magic Games."

"Knowing this idiot, he probably will need all three," Gray muttered.

"Then I'll toss it in now, so you don't have to come back and waste your fun day here. Let me see your wrist." Natsu held out his arm for the man. James took his hand and pulled his arm forward. "Hmm, nice build."

Gray glared, wondering if this charm seller was daring to flirt with _his_ boyfriend.

"The charm is a bracelet, but you've got muscular wrists, as I'd expect from such a renown fighter."

Natsu turned his head around and stuck his tongue out at Gray.

"Two charms combined are too big for a wrist, but they'd work on the ankle, since it's wider. Hold up your leg."

Natsu popped his foot up, and the man measured the charms around his ankle. As the man touched Natsu's ankle to get a measurement, Gray noticed that the Dragon Slayer blushed and looked uncomfortable. He was still having issues with people touching him, plus Gray knew that Natsu was sensitive about his feet.

A jealous thought fluttered into Gray's mind. Was Natsu perhaps getting aroused by this charm seller touching his ankles? The apprentice, who was now selling to the next person in line, rubbed his arms as a frosty chill emanated off of the Ice-Make wizard.

James raised up from the foot in satisfaction. "Good, they'll fit. I can take two of the charms and connect them to make one adult-sized anklet, but the third you'll have to keep in a pocket, preferably on the opposite side of the ankle. So, wear the anklet on the left leg and keep the third charm in the right pocket, got it? That should also cover top to bottom of the body."

"Thank you for doing this, sir," Gray said as the man began to adjust the bracelet charms and reform the two into one larger item. He then tied the charm around Natsu's ankle.

"We get motion sick adults sometimes. It's just too rare to keep adult-sized charms. Still, this should help. That'll be twenty thousand Jewels."

Gray paid while Natsu put the tiny third bracelet deep into his pocket, so it would not fall out on the rides. He felt no different, but he was still on solid ground.

Gray turned to him and grinned. "Shall we test it on something simple? Merry-go-round?"

"That's totally for kids."

"Then it's perfect for you."

"Shut up! I wanna go on that." Natsu pointed to the biggest roller coaster in the park, including multiple loops and drops.

"If this doesn't work, you can't get off the ride."

"If it does work, we need to go on all the fast rides first while the charm is in full effect."

"I'm not chancing getting kicked out of the park because you're puking everywhere. A small ride first, then we'll try something bigger."

Natsu folded his arms stubbornly, but Gray was the one who bought the tickets and the charms. He decided to give in to what Gray wanted.

They went on the merry-go-round. Natsu sat on a seat carved into the figure of a dragon, and Gray sat on a polar bear. Although he had complained, Natsu laughed as soon as the ride started up. It was pretty rare for him to ride a merry-go-round. Gray smiled at his beaming face, glad to see him having fun.

After that, they hit ride after ride, racing from one roller coaster to the next until they came off one and even Gray felt dizzy. Then they ate carnival food until their stomachs swelled: shish kabobs, takoyaki, hot dogs, giant pickles, funnel cake, cotton candy, some food Natsu had never heard of before but he ate it anyway.

They rested their stomachs by watching a show, laughing at the comedy act. While sitting in the audience, Gray discreetly reached over, and feeling those icy fingers against his thigh, Natsu reached over and held his hand. They glanced at one another, and for a moment, it was like they were alone. This was a date, a _real_ date, more than just eating and walking around town. Natsu's cheeks began to blush, and Gray's heart beat faster.

Being together, being in love, having fun together … like any normal couple

Gray found himself beginning to lean in, wanting those lips, until something happened on stage and the crowd burst into laughter. Gray jolted back, and Natsu suddenly snapped out of his daze. They both blushed and looked back at the actors, hearts pounding frantically. However, they did not stop holding hands.

Once they had rested from lunch, it was ride after ride again, sometimes going on the same ride twice, racing around the exit, back into the entrance, and up the queue to the ride again. For Natsu, who normally could never ride these sorts of things, that day was truly unique. He had way more fun than he could remember having in a long, long time. He and Gray laughed until their lungs hurt, screamed on rides until their voices went hoarse, and ran around until the anklet began to chaff against Natsu's skin.

Then the sun began to set. The amusement part had a massive tower with a restaurant built on the top, in a building that slowly rotated, letting the diners get a birds-eye view of the mountains. Gray took Natsu there, although the prices of the food made him hiss, knowing he would need to do a lot of missions to make up for this.

Natsu looked out the floor-to-ceiling window at the park, the resort beyond, the hot springs, and further away was a lake and forest set against the mountains.

Three months! Yet somehow, this felt like their first official date. At least, it was their first date outside of Magnolia.

"Are you feeling okay?" Gray asked when he saw Natsu staring and not eating. The restaurant was technically moving, although it was so slow, Gray could not feel it.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Natsu assured, smiling across the table. He reached over and held Gray's hand. "Guess I'm just thinking."

"That's rare for you." The jab was not met with an insult. Natsu just glanced out at the sunset again. "So, thinking about what?"

"Us?" he guessed. "It's been crazy, right?"

"That's an understatement."

"We've lasted, though. Did you think we would?"

"Honestly? No. Not more than a couple weeks. Not at first, at least."

"Me neither," Natsu admitted, glancing at the crimson rays of the last few minutes of sunlight. "Pretty lame, right? We didn't even have faith in ourselves. I thought that night was just … a thing. Just once. But then the next night, it happened again. And then more. And then we were dating. You took care of me when I got sick, and we did more and more, and then I told you about … me … my past. And I found out about you, why you're so cautious about your emotions. And then the sickness. That sucked! And then telling everyone, and then Juvia, and now … now it's just … us. Just us, and we're a couple, and everyone knows, and it's all okay."

Gray squeezed his hand. "It really has been tough. But you know, it's just begun. We have lots more to figure out about each other, and we still have a ways to go personally." Gray still wanted to feel like he could say those _three words_ to Natsu. If he could just say that, he would be truly happy.

"I hope there aren't any more major issues."

"There's always something," Gray reasoned, "but that's what makes two people stronger. We fight together and defeat whatever comes up. It makes us a couple: working together."

Natsu clutched tighter on those cold hand. "Thank you, Gray. For staying by me, for working with me through things, for … everything. I think if it was anyone else, I would have bolted right away. Since it's you, it's okay."

Gray chuckled softly. "Since it's _me_ , huh?"

"Well, yeah."

"Heh! I guess I'm glad you came to my place that night."

Natsu smiled and blushed, remembering their first night. "I actually went there because I figured it'd annoy you."

"It did." Gray squeezed those hot fingers tightly. "And you've been bothering me night and day for the past three months, always on my mind … always burning in my heart."

Natsu's mouth dropped, shocked to hear Gray say something that romantic. It was so completely unlike him, and it made tears sting Natsu's eyes. Underneath the table, his foot rubbed up against Gray's leg, caressing him secretively, just as the sun dipped down behind the snowy mountains.

* * *

Night settled in quickly in the north. The magic of the motion sickness charm was beginning to wane. Slow rides were fine, but when Natsu tried one of the fast ones, he came off pale and holding his mouth. They decided to just do one more ride. Since it was night, of course they had to try out the ferris wheel.

It was quite a large wheel, with many enclosed baskets taking the riders high into the thin mountain air. Natsu and Gray climbed into a basket together and began a slow rise as more passengers got on. Then the wheel began to spin slowly, letting them looked out at the lights of the amusement park.

"It's been an awesome day," Gray sighed. His feet were hurting already.

"This is perfect, Gray," Natsu declared. He leaned in tight against the ice wizard's shoulder. "It's really romantic. Thank you."

"I'm glad," Gray sighed in relief. He really had wanted to create a time of just romance, after Natsu put up with all of his crazy kinks.

Natsu took Gray's hand, lifted the cold fingers to his burning lips, and gave his knuckles a kiss. Gray chuckled at how sweet that was. Then, to Gray's surprise, Natsu placed that hand over his crotch.

"What—?"

"Just a little," Natsu whispered.

Gray looked over in astonishment. He had been fighting the urge to kiss Natsu on rides all day. Now, he felt a stiff arousal in the loose pants. Natsu was really turned on.

"Please. Just a little."

"Natsu," Gray sighed. He stroked the length through the clothes and heard a low hum.

"Look ahead," Natsu said, nodding to the basket just in front. As the wheel turned, they got a brief view. A young man and woman were kissing heavily in their basket, hands all over one another. "Sloppy."

"Indeed," Gray whispered, stroking harder as he watched those two making out. "Do you know what I would love?"

"What?"

"To suck you off on this ride." Gray laughed. "I wouldn't, though. Too dangerous. These ride operators would freak out if my head suddenly dropped down. Too bad you can't wear a condom. I could stroke you off in your clothes."

Natsu's eyes drooped sadly. He knew, although it had been three months, they had a ways to go.

"Can I…?" Gray's hand went to Natsu's waistband.

"Just a little," Natsu warned again.

"I know. Just wanna."

His hand slid inside the clothes, and as the icy fingers touched his flushed arousal, Natsu shuddered a moan.

"Quiet."

"Anyone would think it's the couple in front of us."

"True, I guess. Still, I don't want anyone to hear how sexy you sound."

Gray's thumb swiped over the head, streaking away a pearl of moisture. He stroked down just the first few inches, restricted by clothes and their positions. As those icy touches covered his hot flesh, Natsu's hands drew up into trembling fists.

"Ever— _nnngh_ —do this in a ferris wheel?"

"Nope," Gray smirked, and he tilted Natsu's head over. "A first."

He gave the Dragon Slayer a deep kiss just as their basket neared the apex of the ride. Then as they rode down the descent, he pulled back. They would be visible to the crowd below, so they had to be careful. Still, the basket's door shielded from view anything going on below their chests. His wrist kept jerking, drawing up more heat and tightly suppressed moans.

Natsu's face hid down into his scarf, ashamed to imagine what people might think if they saw him this flushed. He glanced out and saw the lady operating the ferris wheel. Sure enough, she was watching the ride carefully, making sure the passengers were safe. Natsu's eyes met hers briefly, and just then Gray thrust down hard.

"Nnngh!" To hide his pleasure, Natsu leaned in closer to Gray, and the ice wizard wrapped an arm around the shaking shoulders. To anyone else, they just looked like a cuddling cute couple. The basket moved up as the ferris wheel spun on.

"Gray!" he suddenly whispered hoarsely.

"Are you close?"

"Y-yeah."

Just as Gray began to loosen up his fingers, they suddenly came to a stop. The basket jolted and swung back and forth slightly, squeaking on the hinges.

"What?" Natsu gasped.

"Time to let riders off. Don't make a sound!"

Since they were high up and invisible to the world, Gray dropped into the foot well of the basket and yanked Natsu's pants apart, freeing the erection. That was when he saw the tiny magic charm bracelet fitted around Natsu's penis and balls, working as a cock ring.

"When the hell did you do that?" he gasped.

" _Nngh_ … last bathroom trip. That's why I wanted to go just before going on this ride."

"You were wearing it while in line?" Gray asked in shock.

"I wanted to," Natsu pouted in embarrassment.

"Who's the kinky one here?" Gray chuckled deviously.

Their basket moved again, but only a little, bringing them a bit closer to the top of the ferris wheel, before stopping to let off the next couple.

"I'll have to reward you," Gray whispered, and he dived down onto Natsu's erection.

Natsu grabbed Gray's hair right away, thrusting him down more as his spine arched. He bit his lips, trying to hold back. In the basket ahead, they heard the voice of the girl.

"Oh God, there!"

Then the shout from someone in another basket. "Sheesh, you two! There are children around."

Natsu knew he had to stay completely silent or else others would know. Gray also realized he had to work fast or the ride would be over. He sucked with no restraint, bobbing his head quickly, reaching in and stroking Natsu's balls, anything to get him to come as soon as possible. Their basket moved again, taking them to the apex of the wheel.

"Gr-Gray!" Natsu choked. "Hands!"

Gray could feel from the tension in the veins and spasms in the thigh muscles, Natsu was close. He slammed Natsu's hands to the basket seat and froze them right there, then grabbed his legs to keep them from moving and kicking. Suddenly, he yanked the charm bracelet around the arousal and snapped it apart. At the release of pressure and rush of blood, Natsu groaned, stiffened, and came hard into Gray's mouth. He looked straight up at the stars, gasping as quietly as possible as he felt Gray swallowing.

Here! Out in public! On an amusement park ride!

Gray lifted his head and smiled from between Natsu's thighs. "Best thing I've had to eat all day," he smirked.

"My way of saying thanks for the vacation," Natsu chuckled.

"Oh, you can thank me more tonight!" Gray purred.

Just then, the ferris wheel moved, the basket swung, and they crested the top, starting on a descent. Natsu gasped and yanked at the hands bound to the seat. Gray saw his face go pale and quickly released the ice. Natsu's hands flew up to his mouth, covering it and gulping thickly.

"Oh damn, is this because I broke the charm bracelet?" Gray frowned. He slipped back up into his seat and wrapped an arm around Natsu.

"You _broke_ it?" he yelled, but he covered his mouth again with sickness.

"I wanted you to come."

"You could have just slid it off!"

"I didn't want to stop sucking you."

"Idiot."

"At least the ride is over." Gray pulled Natsu closer. "Lean into me. I'll hold you. Even if you get sick and throw up on me, that's fine."

"I'm not that bad yet. I just feel a bit queasy. Still got two charms."

The basket moved again, and Natsu gulped. Once it came to a stop and the squeaky swaying ceased, he looked fine. They held one another amidst the lights of the amusement park and stared out into the night.

"That was a fantasy of mine, you know," Gray mentioned softly as their basket slowly lowered down the wheel.

"I figured it would be for a pervert like you."

"You obviously wanted it, too."

"You're a horrible influence, corrupting the innocent."

"Natsu, you are anything but innocent. Now, fix your pants before we get off this ride."

"Then put your shirt back on. You've stripped again."

They fixed their clothes and stared out as their basket dropped closer to the bottom.

"I don't want the day to end," Natsu sighed, resting his head on Gray's shoulder.

He wrapped his arm around the Dragon Slayer. "We're here for three days. How about we go to the hot spring tomorrow? There's a famous temple there, too. Supposedly if you pray there, you have good luck in—" His words choked off.

"Luck in what?" Natsu asked softly. The ride was nearly at the bottom.

"In … l-love."

"Oh. Then we definitely have to go." Purposely, Natsu made no comment about Gray's slight hangup. They had their issues, and they were used to dealing with them. "Did you want to go skiing?"

Gray was privately glad Natsu did not act pitifully toward him. He was sick of that. He just choked up for a moment, and now that moment was over. They moved past it. Over the past three months, they had learned to just accept their limits. "If we do, you'd get sick. There are no motion sickness charms at the mountain lodge. Plus I'd have to teach you. You've never gone skiing before. I'm not so sure I'd have the patience to teach an idiot like you."

"I can watch you and pelt you with snowballs as you ski down the hill."

Gray had to laugh at that. "Honestly, that sounds like fun. Like a game of dodgeball, but skiing and snowballs."

"Yeah! Let's do that!" Natsu grinned and squeezed Gray's hand.

He leaned over and kissed the Dragon Slayer in the center of the head. "Sure, let's plan to do that tomorrow."

At last, their basket came to the bottom, the ride operator unlocked the door, and they stepped out. Natsu was glad to get off the ride and back onto solid ground. They left the amusement park and took a tram to the nearby hotel. Their luggage was already waiting in a suite Gray had gotten for them.

"That's it for the night," Natsu declared, collapsing onto the mattress. "I'm ready for bed."

"What about me?" Gray shouted. He had been slightly aroused since the ferris wheel.

"I'll deal with that tomorrow. Need sleep."

"Bastard! Maybe I should deal with this myself."

"Go ahead, but if you're too tired tomorrow, you don't get any."

"Jerk," Gray muttered. He stripped out of his clothes and marched to the shower.

It had been a long day, he was sweaty, some of the rides had been wet with splashing plummets into water, and now he wanted the relaxation of a hot shower … or as hot as he preferred. As Gray stood under the cascading water, he thought about that ferris wheel. That had been a fantasy of his ever since taking a girl to a carnival, trying to get frisky with her on the ferris wheel, and being flat-out rejected. The girl broke up with him soon after, saying he was a sick pervert.

Pervert. Maybe he was. Seeing Natsu like that, knowing the Dragon Slayer had wanted it, planned for it, even bound up his genitals like that, had been incredible. Who else would think of pleasing Gray that way?

His hand drifted down, stroking slowly. Perhaps Natsu could give back the favor. Gray had packed the cock ring just in case. Maybe when they went back to the amusement park, he could wear it on a ride and have Natsu go down on him. He hummed at the idea.

"Idiot."

Gray jolted, eyes open, to see Natsu just entering the shower.

"I really am tired, but I guess I need to wash up."

He took over Gray's hand, stroking him in the wet trickles of warm water.

"I won't last long," Gray warned him.

"That's fine. I really am exhausted. Come when you want."

His hand kept stroking, and Gray tensed up. Natsu pumped a little liquid soap into his hand, and that made gliding over the flesh easier. Gray shuddered as those fiery fingers stroked the soap over him.

"I need you nice and clean down here," Natsu said in a low, hot whisper into Gray's ear. He licked along Gray's neck. "That way you taste good for me when I devour you tomorrow."

"N-Natsu!"

"Do you want that, Gray?" his seductive voice simpered. "Isn't that what you were fantasizing about just now, while you were stroking yourself? Having me do that? Sucking you off? In public!"

"Please…"

Natsu hummed and whispered deviously, "So naughty." Then he leaned over and bit into Gray neck.

"Gyaaaah! N- … Nat- … uuugh!"

At the marking bite, Gray lost control and felt everything gush out. He grabbed his fingers into Natsu hair, wanting those lips, wanting more marks, wanting this man so much.

Natsu smiled at hearing Gray huffing, shuddering, and finally groaning with waves of pleasure. He licked his bite. He did not suck it, though. The pinkness from his teeth would fade by morning.

"That really was quick," he teased.

"Shut up. Told you," Gray huffed. "Plus you were—" His voice choked off.

"I was what?" Natsu smirked, knowing full well.

Gray looked aside with a blush. "You were … talking."

"Oh? Is there something wrong with my voice?" he asked flippantly.

"Shut up."

"But I thought you liked my voice. If you don't, maybe you should tie a ball gag on me."

"Don't … tempt me!"

Natsu laughed and licked again where he had bitten. "Let me wash you."

While Gray leaned against the shower wall and recovered, Natsu made quick work of the hotel soap, cleaning Gray in a rush. They both washed out their hair, rinsed in the water, and climbed out. Teeth were brushed, hair dried, clothes ignored, as the two collapsed naked into their hotel bed together, wrapped their arms around one another, and fell into exhausted sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Just a little personal note: my first job was as a ride operator at an amusement park. We really did have to be on the lookout for "neckers" or other cruder terms we had for people who would make out or have full-blown sex while on a ride. Another crazy fact: a friend of mine conceived one of her children on the old PeopleMover in Disneyland. The ride was removed, but not before many of us crazy teens (myself included) had some naughty fun on it._
> 
> _**In other news:**_
> 
> _NaNoWriMo is coming up (National Novel Writing Month). If you've been reading my stories for more than a year, you know that I always take November off for this contest, but I always manage to provide you with something to read. In this case, while I can't promise new chapters every week (FMBM chapters are seriously long) I will be posting[Catch the Thunder](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2226570/chapters/4884561) through November. That story is finished, just needs some proofreading, so once-a-week updates for that story will be coming._
> 
> _Before you groan that I'm leaving **again** , I want to tell you happy news. My NaNoWriMo novel is unconventional this year. **IT'S A FANFIC** … and … **IT'S GRATSU!** "Life After Near Death" is a collaboration with the insanely talented Moonlessnight126 that I have put off for over a year, because I knew it would be huge. FMBM then got in the way._  
>  _[SNEAK PEEK AMV FROM MOONLESSNIGHT!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPhRlrL8zeo) The fanfic will not follow the plot of the AMV exactly, the ending is totally different, so it's not really a spoiler._
> 
> _So for November, I will be wholly and completely focused on "Life After Near Death" (LAND, I call it). I won't be uploading it yet, because NaNoWriMo is all about tying a ball-gag on your inner editor so that your muse may shine. It'll be rough as hell, but it will be a start, and a new Gratsu fanfic will be arriving someday soon. If you participate in Nanowrimo, look me up! I would love to be writing buddies._  
>  _<http://nanowrimo.org/participants/rhov>_


	37. Cold Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Sorry for the break. I won NaNoWriMo, by the way. Double Nano, writing 100k words in 30 days. I averaged over 3000 words every day. That's the length of a typical chapter. FMBM chapters are anything but typical, though._
> 
> _**Bad news** : My physical therapist has put me back into the dreaded wrist brace. If you recall, I broke my wrist around September. Apparently, things didn't heal so great, and those tiny wrist bones are not aligning properly. So it's back into the brace that slows my typing down to a crawl. I want to BURN this damn brace and feed it to Natsu!_
> 
> _**SPOILER ALERT** : If you don't read the manga, the 3rd segment of this chapter contains one hell of a spoiler for Gray's background._

Gray looked down a snowy slope. The course was straight, with spires of pine trees lining the sides. He shifted his feet, testing out the snowboard he stood on. He lowered his goggles and refocused on his course.

With swift grace, he pushed off, snowboarding down the hill, swaying a tortuous path down the white powder and feeling the cold air on his face. Part of him wanted to strip off all of his clothes and go flying down this hill naked just to feel that chill all over his body. Of course, he would probably get evicted from the ski resort if he did that.

Just as he was really enjoying the beauty of the snow, the mountains, and the forests on both sides, something white flew past him. Gray chuckled to himself. More white balls flew past him, one after the other. He finally saw their source.

"So that's where you're hiding," he muttered to himself, grinning that now he had found his rival. Gray clapped his hands together. "Ice-Make: Gatling Snowgun!"

Granted, this was something he just made up, but the glory of Ice-Make was that it was limited only to the user's own imagination. If Gray wanted a gatling gun that shot snowballs, he damn well could magically create one.

Balancing on the snowboard, he turned to the source of the snowballs and began to rapidly fire the gun. A barrage of snowballs exploded out.

"Fighting back? That's totally cheating!" Natsu voice rang out.

"We never said I couldn't fight back, you idiot flame-brain," he shouted back. "If you can't knock me off, you lose."

"Bastard! If you wanna play it that way…"

Natsu stood up from the low snow wall he had built as shelter. Suddenly, what Gray had thought was a snow-covered hill behind Natsu moved. The Dragon Slayer held above his head what was hardly a snowball. More like a _snowboulder_!

"Eat this, blizzard breath!"

"Shit!" Gray cursed. He dropped the gatling snowgun and focused on speed, hoping to reach the area they had agreed upon as being the end of their challenge course.

Since Natsu could not ski or use any form of transportation, but he still wanted to have some fun, they made a bet that Gray would snowboard down the hill, and Natsu would pelt him with snowballs. If Natsu could knock Gray off his snowboard, he won. If Gray could make it to a spot where two massive pines grew like a natural finish line, then Gray won.

Just as Gray saw the two trees and a line in the snow Natsu had etched out, something slammed into him. This snowboulder was not soft and fluffy. With the heat of Natsu's body, it had melted a little, then refroze so that the outer shell was a layer of hard ice. The boulder made a loud _crack_ as the ice crunched into Gray's body. He was thrown far off the course and into the surrounding trees. The boulder splattered against a spruce, and Gray was left dazed on the ground, half buried in snow.

With his head still spinning, someone leaped on top of him. Gray groaned and opened his eyes to see squinty green and spiky pink.

"I win," Natsu declared.

"Bastard! Fine. That was totally cheating, but I should have expected you to do something that ridiculous."

Natsu chuckled in victory, but slowly his wild face softened. Gray … looked really good in the snow. The white powder really made his black hair and blue eyes shine. Seeing his ice princess here in his own element made Natsu aroused. He wanted Gray … right here … claiming him in his own element!

Natsu dived down and kissed him, not wasting time in thrusting his tongue in. Gray was panting with the adrenaline rush, and he grabbed Natsu, clinging to him, loving how the snow felt icy on his back, but this fiery body felt even hotter here in the snow. Having Natsu, here, in his own element…

Gray grabbed Natsu's shoulders, ready to flip him and take the top position; however, Natsu pinned him down, not breaking their starving kiss. Gray's eyes widened. This was _his_ element! Did Natsu really think he could beat Gray when they were surrounded by snow?

That momentary flash of rivalry melted. _'Hell, why not! He won our contest. Let him do what he wants!'_

As Natsu felt Gray surrendering to him, he grew even wilder. One hand pinned Gray's hands above his head, and the other reached down to palm him through his pants. A moan vibrated through their rapacious kiss. Natsu suddenly moved his mouth aside and bit Gray's ear.

"Oww!" he cried out.

"Mine!"

Gray opened his eyes to see that predatory gleam Natsu sometimes got when he was feeling particularly dominant. It was amusing to see this side of him as well. Yesterday, he had been whimpering on a ferris wheel. Today, he looked like a wolf in the snow starving for meat.

Natsu removed a glove and slipped his hand inside Gray's snow pants. His fingers felt the semi hardness already growing, and he smirked as Gray looked nervously to the side. There was someone skiing by, and in their weaving pattern down the hill, they happened to ski right near their area. The mound from the snowboulder was not that high. If anyone really looked, they would see a tuft of pink from Natsu's hair. However, the Dragon Slayer saw that his captured lover was aroused by the danger.

"Graaaay?" he said in a slow, insidious whisper. Suddenly, Natsu squeezed the arousal and pumped it hard and fast.

"Ahhhh!" he cried out, arching up into that burning hand. "Nnnngh … oh God!" Gray wanted to cover his mouth, but Natsu still had his hands pinned down.

He smirked slyly. "They might hear you."

"N-Natsu!" he said, much quieter now.

"You like this, don't you?" he chuckled. "Pushing your limits. Doing these sorts of things in public, where someone could hear you."

Gray shivered. Yes! He liked it. The thrill made his heart race wildly and aroused him even more.

Natsu leaned up into his face with a starving smile. "How far should I push you?" He let go of Gray's hands and lowered himself down that chilly body to the thighs. He breathed steaming air against Gray's crotch, and those sharp hips thrust toward the heat. "How far?" he asked again, mouthing nips along the erection through the pants.

"Oh damn. Please!" Gray whispered in desperation, and he pulled the pants down just to the thighs, enough to expose himself.

Natsu admired how flushed the penis was despite the cold air, and the blush on Gray's cheeks as they dared to push his kink for exhibitionism. He licked slowly up the shaft and lapped around the head.

"You're sweaty," he said in a lighthearted complaint. "Your smell is … overpowering," he whispered with a soft growl. He gave Gray a slow lick up the shaft. "Musk and sweat and _you_. You smell good when you're sweaty."

"It's not my fault I'm sweating. It's hot in these pants," Gray said in excuse.

"It's about to get hotter!"

Natsu slid his lips down the erection, and Gray barely held back a cry. The air was frigid, and Natsu's mouth was a furnace in comparison. The extremes of hot and cold were nearly painful.

"Shit…" Gray whimpered, fisting up his hand and pressing it to his mouth. He heard another skier whooshing by. "Oh fuck!" he whispered. People were so close, he could heard the snow crunching under their skis.

Natsu pulled up trailing saliva and gazed down at Gray with low, lusty eyes. "Your smell is getting even stronger. I wonder how long you'll last," he teased with an arrogant smile.

"Damn you," Gray hissed.

"I love this smell," he groaned. Natsu ran his tongue down the edge of Gray's erection until his nose was pressed into the wiry black hairs. Then he inhaled deeply. "Mmm … good smell." His mouth moved lower, and he lightly took one of Gray's balls into his mouth, sucking on the lump within the sack.

Suddenly, Gray let out a loud, high pitch moan.

"Mama, what was that?"

Natsu yanked up in horror, and Gray's eyes were massive. They scrambled, Natsu rolled off and hid behind a tree, and Gray yanked his pants up. A few seconds later, a little boy wobbling on skis slid up and looked over the edge of the snow mound.

"It's a guy!" he said. "Mama, it's a guy in the snow."

Two parents came over on their skis. "Are you all right, sir? Did you crash?"

Gray was breathing hard, but they hardly seemed surprised. This family enjoying the ski slopes were also slightly out of breath at this elevation. "Um … y-yeah. Snowboarding." He pointed to where his board had flown and stuck out in the snow. "I'm not hurt, just … startled. Thanks, I'm fine, really."

When they still looked concerned, Gray slowly stood up. His erection was withering, and his crotch ached in protest, but he still stood and stretched all of his limbs to show them.

"See, no injuries … except to my pride," he added softly.

The little boy giggled. "You sounded like a snow bunny! You scream like a girl, mister."

The mother hushed him. "That's a rude thing to say. Are you really sure you're okay?" she asked Gray.

"Just fine. Thanks for coming to check. Have fun, and be careful out there." He grinned and waved to them as they slowly moved onward, the two parents helping their son on his skis. Gray kept smiling forcefully as they left. "Natsu," he grumbled, still with a tense grin. "I'm gonna kill you!"

Natsu came out from behind the tree. "I'm so sorry. I swear, I did not smell that boy."

"How could you, of all people, not smell him?"

"He smells like pine, like a pine-scented shampoo or something, and there's pine everywhere, and … and … I was really focused on your smell," he added quietly, blushing slightly.

Gray glared at him in sexual frustration. "You owe me! I don't care if you won that damn competition, _you owe me!_ "

Natsu lowered his head and nodded in agreement. They could have been caught, and it was Natsu's fault for not being more vigilant.

"I'm done with this," Gray grumbled, roughly yanking out his snowboard.

"But you only went down the hill once."

"I'm not really in the mood now," he snapped.

Natsu pouted and glanced around. "We could … go into the woods, finish off. If we go deep enough…"

"I'm spooked now, all right?" Gray shouted. "I can't push myself if I'm already spooked. That was damn close, Natsu. And a _kid_! If that kid had seen us…"

"I already said I'm sorry!" Natsu shouted.

"When we push our limits in public, it has to be cautious. We both have to be alert. I can watch out, but I need to rely on you to smell people who are out of view, and down in the snow like that, I couldn't see a fucking thing! I was relying on you."

"Oh, so it's my fault?" Natsu yelled. "You're the one who screams like a snow bunny!"

"Shut the hell up!" Gray bellowed.

They both glared at one another, their breaths steaming in the snowy chill. Then Gray turned away forcefully and growled in frustration.

Natsu's eyes lowered, and sadly he whispered, "A lovers' fight."

"Guess so," Gray grumbled. He shook his head. This was supposed to be a romantic getaway, and he really did not want it to end this way, with them arguing and angry. "Hey, um … how about we head to that temple? It's supposed to be close by. We can cool off, calm down."

"Sounds good," Natsu said hesitantly, watching Gray with worry. They bickered all the time about stupid stuff, but this was their first lovers' fight since coming out to the guild.

* * *

Gray returned the rented snowboard to the ski lodge while Natsu warmed up with hot cocoa. Gray said nothing when he came back. He still looked peeved, so Natsu followed silently. They followed a path that was cleared, apparently well-used by the vacationers. Gray seemed to know where he was going, and they made the trek to the temple in silence.

It was a small temple, and it looked very old, from a time before the Zentopia religion spread its influence throughout Fiore. Natsu was not very religious, but he was fascinated by the golden dragons that adorned the four corners of the temple.

"I wonder if this temple was dedicated to dragons," he said to himself.

"It was," Gray said, finally talking. "I read about it. It was built before Zeref's time, when humans and dragons coexisted, but there were often conflicts between the two. An ice dragon lived on this mountain, but humans wanted to live here, too. The ice dragon was friendly toward these humans, and he allowed them to build a town. One year, a storm like none other ravaged the entire mountain range. Most of the mountain villages were completely buried, and the people trapped in the snow died. However, the ice dragon used his wings to flap away the snow before it could completely bury the village. For three weeks, the dragon used his ice-enforced breath to build wind shelters out of pure ice to protect the buildings from the storm winds, and he constantly flapped his wings to blow the snow away so it would not bury the village. After the storm ended, the dragon collapsed. He had not eaten that whole time. The villagers brought all the food they could find and nursed the dragon back to health. To thank the ice dragon, they built this temple and held festivals here. For many generations, the festivals gathered food, and they gave the food to the dragon as a perpetual thanks for saving their village."

"I wonder if the dragon is still alive," Natsu mused. "Or if not, maybe his spirit is at this temple." He clasped his hands and bowed his head.

"What are you doing?"

"Praying for the dragon."

"You're not religious."

"I can still hope the dragon lived a long and happy life, and maybe he's still alive somewhere."

Gray smiled. When he was looking up about this resort while planning their vacation, he read that legend, and he knew immediately that Natsu would like this place.

"There's more to the story," Gray mentioned slowly. "After the storm, survivors from other villages came to this one. They were mostly men, people hardy enough to have survived. At first, they were not fully welcome, so they had their own community just outside of the village. Although the elders did not want these survivors around due to political reasons, the villager girls would sneak out and meet those men here at this temple. Eventually, the men married the girls, and then they were allowed into the village. So locals believe that if lovers meet here … one day … they'll marry."

Natsu jolted out of his prayer and looked over in shock. Gray had a worried but hopeful expression.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," the ice wizard said quietly. "It was my fault. I forgot to keep quiet. It was a stupid mistake. I just wasn't ready. Your mouth … really felt good … doing that."

Natsu blushed at the hesitant words. "I'm sorry, too. I was teasing you, but I wasn't taking the danger seriously. Even if I couldn't smell the kid, I should have been able to hear him. All of my focus was on you."

"We both lost ourselves in the moment."

"Yeah," Natsu smiled privately. He could lose himself in Gray's smell anytime!

"Next time, we'll both be more careful."

Natsu nodded. Slowly, with caution, he reached over, and his fingers brushed against Gray's hand. The ice wizard looked down at the touch that felt so much hotter in this snowy world, and he smiled as the touch melted his heart. He took Natsu's hand and squeezed his fingers. They shared a smile together as the sun gleamed on the snow and the golden dragons on the temple.

"Hey, what time is it?" Gray asked.

Natsu glanced at the sky. "Around noon?"

"We should have time. I want to take you somewhere. It means a train ride, though."

"Traaaaaain!" Natsu moaned.

"I really want to take you there," Gray said, and he pulled Natsu along by the hand.

* * *

Back at the lodge, they caught a train. It went down the mountain and across the mountainous range. Gray kept looking out the window, while Natsu laid curled on his lap with a bucket ready for his sickness.

Finally they got out, and Gray rented a car, driving it slowly up a mountain road.

"Seriously, how far away is this place?" Natsu groaned in sickness.

"It's not far now," Gray promised.

Natsu was ready to complain that he was totally ruining their romantic vacation, but he saw a strange look on Gray's face. By just the gleam in his eyes, he knew that whatever Gray wanted to show him, it meant a lot to him. So Natsu did not complain, even when he threw up again.

Finally, with the sun starting to sink on the horizon, Gray came to a halt. Natsu gladly left the car. As he looked around, the area was desolate. Snow covered everything, but ahead of him he saw the ruins of a village. The place looked like it had been demolished by a monster.

"Where are we?" Natsu asked quietly. It was a lovely valley, but it was eerily quiet.

"This is where I grew up," Gray said with reverence.

Natsu snapped his head over in shock. "This is your hometown?"

He nodded silently, looking around at what was left of it. "Come over here."

He walked through streets covered in snow, past stone rubble and charred wood, with the wind howling through shelled-out homes. Finally he came to one pile of snowy bricks.

"This was my house," he said quietly. "I was born in this house, because that night there was a blizzard and my mother couldn't make it to the hospital. My father delivered me on his own. I grew up playing around this neighborhood. My best friend lived three houses down. I thought of him as a big brother. My school was just down the road. We would walk there together every morning. He used to tease me to bundle up, because I always forgot my gloves, and I was always cold back then."

He gazed around at the phantoms of the past.

"I had a lot of friends. I was probably a bit of a terror, getting into trouble, getting into fights, but my dad always forgave me. He often hid what I had done from my mother, and he would tell me to learn from my weaknesses, overcome them, and get stronger. My dad … was pretty damn awesome." He smiled with pride mixed with regrets. "It was a good childhood overall … until that day."

Natsu stood silently, watching Gray's face. He looked so sad, but he did not cry. Natsu supposed that Gray had spent plenty of years crying for all he lost. Natsu's childhood was marred by Igneel vanishing. Gray had lost an entire village's worth of love, friends, and memories.

Gray began to walk again, and Natsu followed behind him. He glanced around, sniffing. There were no human smells here, nor the smell of death or demons. That happened so long ago. No one came to this village anymore.

Gray walked to what was probably the backyard to this house. There, beside brick rubble and splintered wood, Natsu saw two grave markers. One was old, a wooden cross with two names: Mika and Gray, with Gray's named scratched out with two deep slashes, as if the person who removed that name from the grave site was overjoyed to do it. The other was newer, but it looked about the same, wood from the house that once stood there, with the names Silver and Mika carved in a different handwriting.

"Mama, Dad," Gray said, kneeling by the newer grave. "I'm glad you're both at peace now. I hope you're together in heaven."

Natsu stood back, feeling awkward being here. He got to meet Silver only briefly, and he seemed like a rather nice guy … well, besides freezing Natsu solid.

"I brought someone," Gray said, and he reached back to Natsu. Slowly, the Dragon Slayer stepped forward and took Gray's hand. "He's Natsu. Dad, you remember him. Mama … well, you'd probably slap him over the head and tell him to watch his language," Gray said with a gentle yet sad laugh. "You'd like him, though. Natsu … is my boyfriend now," he said softly. "I like him. A lot. He's precious to me." Gray glanced up into Natsu's eyes. "He's my beloved," he whispered.

Natsu squeezed that cold hand. He knelt beside Gray and lightly touched the wooden grave. "Hello, Mister and Missus Fullbuster. I'll take good care of your son."

"Natsu is helping me," Gray told the grave. "I know I … I haven't been able to … to…" His face cringed, and he slammed his eyes shut. "…t-to _love_ anyone in a long time. Not since you two died. It was here, in this village," he said, looking around at the obliterated town, "that it all happened. Everyone I loved was wiped out." He let go of Natsu's fingers, put both hands on the wooden cross, and bowed his head. "Mama, Dad … I can say it to you, because it's already too late. I love you. Even though we fought at the end, Dad … I love you, too. I loved both of you very much," he said, his voice shaking with tears. "I promise … I promise to both of you … one day, I'll let go of the nightmares. One day, I'll be strong enough to stop being so afraid. I'll be able to say those words again." He looked back to Natsu, and the Dragon Slayer saw tears pouring down Gray's face. "One day … I'll be able to tell Natsu what I used to tell you every night before bed."

Natsu's heart swelled. "Gray!" he whispered plaintively. He grabbed Gray and felt his whole body shaking. Natsu hugged him closely and kissed the side of his cheek. Then he whispered into his ear. "I think we all know how you feel, Gray."

Gray sank into Natsu's arms, surrendering to the warmth. "I would still like to tell you every night, like I did with them. But it would be different."

"It's a different sort of love," Natsu told him softly.

"I can't forget the past," Gray gnashed. "I can't just pretend it didn't happen. This pain in my heart … I don't think it'll _ever_ go away. Still, I don't want to live under the shadow of Deliora's terror. That beast is dead! I need to be able to move on."

"You lost a lot. Of course it'll take a while."

"I still want to say it," Gray insisted. "Especially here, in front of my parents, I want to tell them that I … I … feel that way about you … _goddammit!_ " he yelled, burying his face down into the white scarf in shame. "But … but especially here, seeing what happened to every single person I ever said those words to … I just can't let go of that fear. The fear that the same thing will happen to you, and I'll have to watch you die, like I saw my dad … and my mother … all of my friends … _everyone_!" He broke down into sobs and clung to Natsu, as if fearing that nightmare might come true right here, where it all began. "I'm too scared … to risk losing you," he gnashed. "Damn bastard! You really mess me up."

"I'll help you to get stronger," Natsu swore. "Whatever I have to do, just tell me. We're both working through our issues, so rely on me once in a while."

Gray wiped his eyes and smirked with a glare. "I hate relying on you, squinty-eyes."

"I know," Natsu grinned. "But try. For their sake, not mine. I already know how you feel. You've shown me many times. But for them, one day … one day, we'll come back here, and you can tell them clearly how you feel about me."

Gray smiled at that. "It's a promise." He looked back to the graves. "Mama, Dad, do you hear that? I promise, here in front of your grave." He lowered his head. "I … I'm not sure if either of you would approve of this, me being with another man, but I like to think you would. I know Dad would be okay with it. If it made me happy, I could go ahead and do whatever I wanted." He ran his hand over the carved name. "You really spoiled me. But Mama, you were much stricter. Still, you were so kind, I think you'd love Natsu as your own son. I … I really … want to think you would."

Just then, the clouds overhead parted, and a single ray from the setting sun beamed on them. The snow glittered orange and pink, and the tombstone gleamed. Natsu smiled up at the heavens, and Gray chuckled softly. If ever he wanted an answer from above, this was it.

"Thanks, Dad and Mama."

He sighed as he tried to remember her face. His hand ran over her marker, now lit up by the sun. He also glanced at the old marker, the original one. His name had been carved there by his father, when Silver thought both he and Mika died. Probably, all three of them should have died that day. It was a miracle Gray lived, and only at the sacrifice of both of his parents. When Silver found out his son was alive and well, he slashed his name off that marker.

When Gray came here to make a tombstone for Silver, he was surprised to see the crude cross, and seeing his name was darkly ominous. He had been tempted to remove it, yet he realized that this wooden cross held all the pain and grief of his father etched into those names, and all of his joy when he deeply gouged out Gray's name. Silver had made a long journey all the way back to this place, a ruined town filled with painful ghosts from the past, just so he could cross Gray's name off.

That made this marker special. It showed how deeply Silver had loved his wife and son. This was where his father had grieved over his lost family. So instead, Gray left the marker where it was. Instead of his plans for an elaborate tombstone of ice, he opted for the same humble wooden cross. It somehow seemed more appropriate. Perhaps someday the wood would rot away, like the rest of this town. Until then, Gray honored his father's feelings by keeping the original marker where it was. He made his own grave marker, carved with his feelings, and placed it here where his mother once kept a little garden of turnips, brussels sprouts, cabbage, parsnips, and carrots.

Slowly, Gray stood up, and Natsu rose with him. Gray had a bittersweet smile.

"I won't come back here again until I'm strong enough to escape the nightmares that began in this town," he told Natsu. "Sorry for dragging you out here."

"No, I'm glad you did," he said. "Maybe, one day, I can take you to Igneel's cave."

Gray grinned. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Natsu took his hand and together they walked back to the car.

"We have to take the train back, don't we?"

"Yep."

"I really hate transportation, you know."

"Yep."

"You suck! You could have bought me one of those motion sickness bracelets first."

"I didn't think I'd come here. It was a spur of the moment thing."

"Why did you, anyway?"

Gray shrugged. "Who knows?"

"Che! What sort of answer is that, droopy-eyes?"

"Good enough for a flame-brain like you."

"I'm gonna puke on your shoes on the way back."

"Do, and I'll punch you out like Erza does."

"You couldn't punch out a sick rat."

"Oh yeah?"

"Try it, blizzard breath."

"If I punch you out now, I have to haul your pathetic ass back."

"Wimp."

"Motion sick little kid!"

"Bite me!"

"That's your job."

Natsu jolted and looked over with massive eyes. Gray had a playful smirk at him, and he laughed as he saw Natsu's expression.

"You're so easy to tease."

"Shut up!"

"Make me."

"Fuck you!"

"Any time you want," Gray purred.

Natsu blushed crimson. "H-Hey!"

"I told you, you're easy."

"Bastard."

As the sun set on the snowy village, Gray and Natsu walked off toward the car bickering nonstop. The fiery light seemed to linger on the wooden cross, shining like a blessing from beyond and lighting up the home where Gray was born and raised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Original Artist Unknown


	38. Submerged Blow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The "sweetheart" bit at the beginning was based on some "text message art" (?) that I got regarding the last chapter.<http://wildrhov.tumblr.com/post/105203759459/from-a-fan-in-response-to-fight-me-bite-me>_

By the time they got back to the resort hotel, it was long past midnight. Natsu was weary from prolonged motion sickness, so Gray helped to hold him up while the Dragon Slayer stumbled to the room like a drunk man. He collapsed into bed and, without even getting undressed, he fell right to sleep.

"This was a hard day for you," Gray realized quietly as he worked at getting Natsu's shoes off. "I'm glad I could bring you there, though. Maybe it's dumb, but it feels like a big step, introducing you to my parents."

"Not dumb," Natsu mumbled in his sleep.

That made Gray smile. Maybe it was a waste of one of their vacation days, but he felt it was worth it, bringing himself a little closer to rooting out his issues.

"Dad…" Natsu mumbled in his sleep.

Gray glanced down at his face smashed into the pillow. "Are you dreaming of Igneel?"

"Wan' you meet … mah … shwee'hart."

"Y-you're sweetheart?" Gray cried out. "You'd introduce me to Igneel as your _sweetheart_? Oh, hell no!"

Natsu chuckled in his sleep. "Make … my chest burn. Heart … like fire. Love him. Really … weawy … wuv 'im."

Gray's jaw dropped in surprise, then he pressed his fist to his mouth as his cheeks went hot. Even in his sleep, Natsu could say things that embarrassed him.

"Love," Gray said quietly. Noises filled his ears: screams, crumbling buildings, a child sobbing … was that himself wailing for his parents? He stroked his fingers through Natsu's hair. "Someday … someday, this won't scare me. I'm glad it's you, though." He sighed as he realized, most people might not be satisfied with a relationship where the other person never said _I love you_. "I'm glad you're patient with me."

Natsu snored softly and mumbled, "Wuv … -ou…"

"I know," Gray whispered sadly, wishing he could say the same thing back without that paralyzing fear striking him. Gray leaned over and kissed Natsu's forehead. "Someday…"

* * *

The next day, they returned to the amusement park, but only until sunset. After a day of wild rides, they went out to a restaurant near their hotel. Natsu was animated about how fun it was to go on roller coasters without vomiting, and they ate until their stomaches hurt. Then as the stars began to peek out, they went to a hot spring to relax after a fun-filled day.

Natsu ran out excitedly into the bathing area lit up with paper lanterns, and he slipped into the dark water. It was steaming hot, just the way he liked it. All weekend, he had been putting up with the freezing mountain air. It was nice to finally feel warmth all over his skin.

Gray came out slower. He liked hot springs, but he had to ease himself in slowly. However, he had begun to notice something. Since dating the Fire Dragon Slayer, his tolerance to heat was a lot better.

So far, no one was in the hot spring. Natsu swam around as if it was a normal swimming pool, while Gray sat on the edge and relaxed his sore muscles. It had been a long weekend full of adventure, but he was slightly glad that they were heading home tomorrow.

Natsu finally swam up next to Gray. "This has been awesome."

The ice wizard smiled happily. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I want to pay you back some day. Maybe I can take _you_ on a vacation."

"I definitely wouldn't mind another trip," Gray shrugged. "But staying at home has its advantages, too."

"Oh?" Natsu asked keenly, and he leaned up into Gray's ear. "Like tying me up to the bed, whipping me with a riding crop, and fucking my ass with a rod of your ice until I scream and beg for your cock to warm me up again?"

Gray's eyes bugged, and Natsu pulled back with a devious smirk. Ooh yes, he knew how his voice could affect Gray!

"That's fun, too," Natsu agreed.

"Damn you," Gray hissed.

Natsu's hand drifted through the water and up Gray's thigh. "Excited?" He felt the erection already popped up. "Wow. Really excited, I guess."

"I didn't get any yesterday, ya know. You started but … we were interrupted."

"Mm, yeah," Natsu hummed, stroking up Gray's shaft sensually slow. "It was just getting really good, too." Natsu climbed up onto Gray's lap and sat down, letting their groins press together. "My little snow bunny!"

"I will kill you if you tell anyone in the guild about that," Gray glared, but his cheeks began to heat up as Natsu slowly rocked himself up against the stiff erection.

"Nope, because I don't want anyone else to know how sexy you sound when you're aroused." He leaned over and nipped Gray's ear. "Only I get to hear you squeal like a snow bunny."

Gray cursed softly as Natsu reached down and stroked both of them together.

"Someone might come," Gray warned.

"I know," Natsu whispered slyly. "It's a public hot spring. Someone could walk in here at any time. Rather exciting, right?"

"After yesterday…"

"I won't let it happen again," Natsu promised. "I'm smelling the air all the time."

Indeed, Gray realized Natsu kept sniffing, seeking out if anyone was coming.

"Nngh!"

"Do you like the thrill?" Natsu asked in a soft, devilish voice.

"Shut up!"

"I could make you come in this water. It's not magically enchanted."

"That's still not right," he warned. "A kid could come in here."

"Then … swallow?" Natsu pulled back and slipped between Gray's legs, dropping to his knees. "You sucked me off underwater in the river. Maybe this time, I could…"

Before he finished his erotic proposal, Natsu pulled back with an annoyed look bordering on fear. Gray realized immediately, someone must be coming.

"Damn," Gray sighed. This was the problem with doing things in public. There was a very good chance of discovery.

An elderly man stepped out of the changing room and into the soaking area, his waist wrapped in a towel. "Oh! Hello, young ones." He sank down into the water without removing his towel, sitting on the far side of the soaking pool to be courteous to the teens. "Great day, isn't it?"

"A perfect evening, sir," Gray said with complete equanimity.

Natsu sat beside him. "Yeah, you can really see those stars."

The old man looked up, and just as his face turned, Natsu reached down and grabbed Gray's cock. The ice wizard let out a choked sound as Natsu's hand stroked him hard, tight, and fast. Then he pulled away as soon as the old man's eyes lowered back down.

"It really is a nice view of heaven."

"It sure is," Natsu smiled, glancing at how red Gray's cheeks went from just that brief touch.

Gray swallowed hard. He had almost softened, but Natsu's rigorous stroking made everything surge back up again. Then just as he wondered what the idiot Dragon Slayer might do to push this further, Natsu swam away.

"I love hot springs!" he declared loudly, pulling the man's attention off of Gray while the ice wizard looked flustered. "Hey Gray, how long do you think I can hold my breath?"

"Dunking under hot water?" he asked. That was crazy! Then again, to Natsu, this was just like a normal bath.

"Wanna see if I can last a minute? Betcha I can!" Suddenly, he dunked below the water.

"Idiot," Gray sighed. Then under the shadowy water, he felt a surge rushing at him. He looked down, and although he was low enough not to be seen from the surface, Gray saw Natsu's eyes gaze up at him through the dark water. He forcefully spread Gray's knees apart, and suddenly that mouth was on him.

Gray stiffened and tightened his mouth. The old man was far enough away to not see anything. Gray slid further into the water until it went over his shoulders, hoping to hide his body's reactions as well as giving Natsu more room under the surface. If his pink hair floated to the top, it would give away what was going on.

"Feels good, right?"

Gray's eyes widened in horror at the old man's words. " _Whuh?_ " His voice nearly cracked.

"The water. I've been having arthritis issues. My doctor said this hot spring was good for treatment. It's nice to ease that stiffness with the moist heat."

Gray bit his lip as another type of moist heat made his _stiffness_ ache more.

The sucking lasted not even thirty seconds before that mouth pulled away. Gray felt water moving below him as Natsu slid across the bottom of the pool. Then he broke the surface with a gasp, standing a full two meters away from Gray, far enough so it was not obvious what he was doing.

"How long was that?" he asked, clearing water from his eyes.

"I wasn't counting," Gray said, his throat tight and his muscles shaking with the danger of what they were doing.

"What?" he whined. "Come on, I wanna last a minute at least. Count this time." His eyes narrowed like an animal. "You better count how long I can do it." He took a deep breath and dived back down.

Instantly, Gray felt the rush of hot water under the surface and that mouth latched on. "Dammit," he hissed, but he pressed the head down, making sure the pink hair did not reach the surface of the water.

"That's a wild one there," the old man laughed. "Ah, he reminds me of my grandson, crazy rascal."

"That he is, sir," Gray said through gritted teeth. Natsu's hand began to tug on Gray's balls, and it took all of his strength not to shout. "Idiot," he muttered. Shit, it was almost too much!

The elderly man hummed. "Been about a minute, right?"

"Ugh … I … I haven't really been counting," Gray admitted. Natsu mouth was incredible, far hotter than usual, as if he was trying to burn Gray into a quick orgasm. It was working, too.

"You should. He seems quite eager to please you."

Gray's face went red. "Y-yeah, he's like that."

"You two must be good friends."

"Teammates," Gray corrected, nervous out of instinct. If this old man knew they were gay lovers, he might get suspicious. "We're wizards. We're on the same team. Just … just teammates."

"Is that so? Wizards, eh? I had a sister who worked in a wizard guild. Can't remember the name of it anymore. They broke up the group, oh, thirty years ago at least. She had a lot of fun, though. Is your group fun?"

"It's wonderful," he whispered. Shit, so wonderful! Just as Gray really was having a hard time controlling himself, the mouth pulled off, and a few seconds later Natsu popped up through the surface, far enough away from Gray, gasping and coughing.

"How long?" he asked, sputtering out water.

Gray could not speak. His balls were aching, and his cock felt ready to blow.

"Seventy-five seconds," the old man answered. "You got impressive lungs, boy."

"The better to blow with, sir," he grinned affably. Gray's eyes widened that he dared to say something that potentially risqué. "Okay, again!" he cheered.

Gray's eyes looked at him sternly. "Last time, idiot."

Natsu smiled as he realized what Gray meant. "Then I'll make it good and last a really long time." He took a deep breath and plunged down.

Gray felt the rush of water barreling toward him just a second before Natsu latched on with urgency. He stroked Gray's balls frantically while that mouth heated up so hot, Gray saw steam break through the hot water and sizzle up. He grabbed Natsu's hair, holding back the sounds he wanted to make as his body tensed up.

"Ah, to be young and wild. Enjoy these days, sonny," the old man said with a nostalgic sigh. "You're only young once, but your old like me for a long, long time."

"I try … _ngh_ … living it up," Gray said, although a groan slipped out. He cursed quietly. His body was getting stiffer. He knew he was not going to last long at all, and he looked up at the stars to hide the rigid shaking that wracked the rest of his body. Although above the surface his face stayed perfectly still, below the surface his hips were giving tiny thrusts, and his fingers shook as they tightened around Natsu.

After over a minute, the old man hummed. "Hmm, he really has been under there a long time."

"Yeah, he has," Gray said tensely, and his fingers clenched on Natsu's hair. He was about to come, right here, while chatting with some old man. It was an incredible risk, and he was excited to try it.

"That mark, you're from Fairy Tail, right?"

"Y-yeah." Shit, he was about to come!

"I saw the Grand Magic Games. You were the one who took that one guy's hat, right?"

"Mmmh!" He nodded, unable to open his mouth. He knew a loud groan would come out.

Natsu tapped Gray's thigh, but Gray was at his limit. Instead of letting go, he thrust hard and choked as he came, brushing it off as a loud cough.

"Is the steam getting to you, sonny?"

"Yesss!" he hissed as he felt Natsu's mouth work and swallow down his seed. It was intense, wonderful, dangerous … shit, so dangerous! He was getting a blow job in public, coming into the mouth of his lover, spilling out into that fiery throat, while sitting in a pool with some gentleman. His body soared on the wings of that danger and began to tingle as it all flowed out.

Natsu suddenly punched Gray's leg, and he let go of the pink hair with a cry. Natsu popped straight up and gasped.

"What the hell, bastard!" he shouted, coughing harshly.

"Enough playing," Gray yelled. He was tired, spent, and right then he wanted to grab Natsu and hold him, yet he could not do that with the old man in the pool.

"Fine! I'm heading back to the room. You're no fun anymore."

Gray sat there and waited. He knew Natsu only said that to play up to their audience. He collected his wits, and once he was positive that he had softened, he finally stood up out of the hot spring.

"I guess maybe I should get out, too. I hope you feel better, sir."

"You're a good man. Keep an eye on that wild one."

"Oh, I plan to," Gray smiled, and he wrapped a towel around him, hardly able to wait until he could get Natsu back.

* * *

They stumbled into the room, kissing, groping, grunting before they could even shut the door. Gray already had Natsu's yukata split open, exposing his firm chest with the hot skin pressed against his own body.

Barely had the door been kicked closed, Natsu grabbed Gray and slammed him up against the wall. Gray hissed at the pain and roughness, but before he could complain, Natsu's nails dug into the flesh of his back. Slowly, sadistically, those nails racked down his shoulders, his spine, all the way down to his buttocks, leaving hot scratches smarting in their wake. Gray shuddered at the pain, especially as he realized the scratches were deep; they would show for days. Natsu was marking him possessively.

Gray slid down a little, kissing Natsu's chest, running his hands down the hot abs. He kissed Natsu's nipple and laved his tongue over it. Suddenly, he bit hard. He heard Natsu hiss, and Gray smirked with pleasure at giving back a mark. He moved to the other nipple, kissed, licked, but just as he felt Natsu's body tensing in anticipation for another bite, he instead pulled the whole nipple into his mouth, latching on, sucking hard enough to draw up a bruise.

"Arrrgh!" Natsu cried out, shivering in Gray's arms. He made an instinctive thrust of his hips.

Gray slid further down, using the wall to brace his back, until he came to a rest on his knees. His hands ran up the muscular thighs. He looked up, bangs curtaining his eyes, and smirked at his flushed lover. Natsu's face was tormented between aggressive desire and desperate pleading. Such a complicated man!

"Want it?" Gray asked teasingly, palming the bulge in front of his face.

Natsu nodded frantically, and by the tenseness in his throat, Gray could see that he was struggling not to moan.

"I can't hear you," he taunted, rubbing harder. He leaned forward and lightly bit the edge pressing against the yukata.

"I want it," Natsu growled in frustration.

"Beg for it."

"Fuck you!"

"Close enough."

Gray untied Natsu's belt and slipped the yukata off his body, letting it fall to the floor. He eyed the erection in front of him, felt up the length, admired how it curved toward Natsu's abs, and petted the tuft of pink, wiry hair. Hardly able to contain himself any longer, Gray licked up the vein, and he heard Natsu suck air between his teeth.

As he glanced up, he saw Natsu already clawing at the wall, eyes shut tightly, throat even tenser as he held back groans. Gray lapped over the head, tasting the clear liquid already dripping. Then, feeling urgency to fulfill his own lust, Gray slid his lips down the length of Natsu's cock. Finally, the Dragon Slayer's mouth opened, and a shivering cry of pleasure moaned out.

Gray bobbed his head, pounding hard down, sucking tightly up. His hands reached around and grabbed Natsu's ass, feeling how the muscles tensed as Natsu gave small thrusts, wanting to go deeper, faster, more!

"Gray, I can't … I won't … last long."

Natsu sounded annoyed at admitting this, but Gray hardly blamed him. He lightly spanked Natsu's butt, both a light punishment for coming so soon, and also showing it was okay.

Suddenly, fingers grabbed Gray's hair. They hurt, but he felt Natsu holding his head still while his hips thrust. He just needed to know where Gray's head was so he did not injure him. Above him, Gray heard Natsu panting, groaning, his teeth clenched as he tried so hard to hold back.

Gray smirked around the cock, and suddenly he slapped Natsu's ass hard. The loud smack rammed the cock into the back of his throat, and at the same time Natsu lost his hold. He shouted as he came, and Gray felt spurts shoot down his throat. He lapped it up, swallowing, sucking more gently as Natsu panted and began to shrink.

Finally, Gray pulled back and smiled up at the Dragon Slayer. Natsu was still breathing hard, but his eyes were open, looking down at Gray, flushed and satisfied.

"That's punishment," Gray said slyly.

Natsu chuckled and wiped a string of cum off Gray's lip. "I like punishment."

Gray rose and caressed Natsu's cheek. "You didn't need to be restrained."

Natsu's heavy breathing jolted to a stop as he realized Gray was right. He smiled, feeling proud of himself. He had managed to do this with no bad flashbacks.

"I was thinking only of you," he said, smiling up at Gray.

The ice wizard leaned over and gave Natsu a kiss. "Good. I only want you to think of me. When I'm doing that, fill your mind with me. Only me."

"That's what I want all the time," Natsu sighed, wondering if this was truly an improvement or just a fluke. He grabbed around Gray and rubbed his cheek into his chest. "It still scares me when those flashbacks hit. I don't want them."

"I know," Gray whispered, stroking the pink hair. "I know what it's like. If you can handle it on your own, that's wonderful, but remember: I really do like tying you up as well."

"Kinky bastard," Natsu chuckled in weariness. "Cuddles?"

"You're sickeningly romantic."

"Shut the hell up and cuddle me, asshole."

"You sure know how to send mixed signals, ash-breath."

Holding each other as if neither could stand up without the other's help, they stumbled over to the bed and wrapped around each other in a sleepy lovers' embrace.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This ending was something I wrote especially for Major_Yaoi on AO3, and I decided to take that scene and put it here._


	39. Blood Fetish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I've been waiting to post this chapter since last February! It's not for the squeamish._

It was morning in Magnolia, a normal day everywhere else in town, but in a chilly apartment room rented by a certain ice wizard, things were rarely normal. Last night had not been normal, and the past few months were anything but normal. This morning would be far from a typical, normal day for the two now sleeping together, cuddled in each other's arms as the sun peeked through the curtains and shined in their faces.

Natsu blinked as the beam of sunshine hit him right in the eyes. The smells of Gray's room were familiar now, and the scent of sex still hung in the air. At first, he did not want to move. His body hurt.

_« You can take more. Count them, bitch! Count out your punishment! *smack* »_

His wrists were aching, and as he looked down, purple bruises striped the skin where ropes had bound him, holding him still as he struggled against the pleasure being sadistically forced into him.

_« How do you like that? Strung out like an animal. Can't move, can you? You want to struggle? Try it! »_

This thighs, hips, and butt all ached with deep pain, bruising from hits, stinging from spanks, and muscle weariness from a long night of physical exhaustion. He had a feeling he would be limping today. Again.

_« Oh God, Natsu! You're burning inside. So tight. Shit, your body is amazing! »_

He shivered as he thought about everything that happened last night, now all a blur, a haze of pleasure and surreal pain that faded into even deeper pleasure. The scent of candles, lube, and semen all tattled about the wildness of last night.

_« Natsu! N-Natsu! Nnnnngh! »_

Yet when that wildness ended, that was sometimes the sweetest part of their sexual collisions. Sure, being tied up, paddled, humiliated, forced to beg, and then fucked so hard the neighbors pounded on the walls again—all of that was fun, but what Natsu liked best was the tingling just afterwards, when the fire simmered, the nerves sizzled, and Gray collapsed on top of him, spent and sweaty, breathing raspily into his ear.

_« Natsu. You … are so wonderful, so amazing. My beloved. My dragon. I … care for you … so damn much! »_

Always, Gray sounded like he wanted to say those words, yet always, they trembled on his lips, only to be replaced with something else. Natsu did not care which words he used. _Care_ , _love_ : they were the same thing. They conveyed the same emotion. Which syllables were strung together meant nothing at all. Natsu knew Gray's feelings. He heard those unspoken words through his whole body.

When he finally rolled over in bed, Natsu saw Gray still asleep. It was such an odd thing. He had seen Gray sleeping or naked most of his life. How did it all change?

It was such bizarre chance. Life worked that way, he supposed. Things that seemed horrible, like Igneel vanishing, led to wonderful things, like finding Fairy Tail. Something as simple as a nightmare could bring him to Gray.

Life was funny like that.

The sun slowly shifted, and the yellow bar of sunlight slipped over to Gray's face, lighting up the black hair and pale skin. Gray's forehead crunched up, and slowly his eyes opened. He saw Natsu already staring at him with his head resting on the pillow, their noses almost touching, his face so close he could see the colors in his eyes. It was the sweetest view to wake up to, those incredible eyes, that sensual gaze, and the tiny smile that showed how happy his beloved Dragon Slayer was to wake up this way.

"Hey." His voice was hoarse and dry.

Natsu's fingers combed through the soft hair. "Morning, sleepy."

"You look like you just woke up yourself."

Natsu shrugged and kept playing with Gray's hair. "I figured you'd be tired from last night."

"You're the one who should be tired."

"I wasn't the one swinging that paddle."

Gray smiled as memories of the precious night played in his mind. He reached up and stroked Natsu's arms where purple lines from ropes still marked where he had been tied up. "Did you like it? Are you hurting?"

Natsu gave a meek shrug. "A little sore. You hit hard at the end."

"You didn't complain."

"I loved it," Natsu whispered, leaning over Gray and lowering his eyelids. "I like when you beat the darkness out of me." He kissed Gray, savoring the softness of those cold lips. Then he rubbed his nose against the icy nostrils. He spoke with his lips fluttering right over Gray's mouth. "I love everything you do to me." His mouth went up, and he kissed Gray on the forehead. "I feel so much better now."

"I'll keep healing you from the darkness," Gray swore. "I like to see you looking like this. I can see it in your eyes. The filth is all gone. You're pure, bright, burning … angelic." A tear came to Gray's eye, and he blinked it away quickly. "I want to heal your heart. I want to see my dragon all pure."

Natsu smiled at those heartfelt words. Gray might not be able to say _I love you_ , but when he spoke like that, Natsu knew the emotions in Gray's heart surpassed mere love. He did not need words. Gray's actions, and the things he said in tender moments like this, exposed the truth in his soul.

"I'm not pure yet."

"I'll keep working on that."

"You better!" Natsu chuckled happily at their bantering. "Coffee?"

"Sounds good."

Natsu climbed out of bed and yanked a robe around him. It was Gray's robe, a little long on him, stripped blue and white, but he liked wrapping himself up in Gray's smell.

Slowly, stiff and sore in the shoulders, Gray went to the bathroom. He saw he left the ropes out.

When they came home from their vacation, there had been an emergency. Erza yanked them away before they could even go home and unpack. The team fought off some rampaging monster let loose by a cult who worshipped the beast. Gray had no clue what about that fight Natsu faced, but something disturbed him deeply. No one else saw it, only Gray noticed as darkness filled Natsu's heart. It was subtle, but Gray knew that the Dragon Slayer was not the same.

Last night, Gray finally had enough of his dark attitude. He had tied Natsu up and beat him with a paddle. It was not much, but it seemed to work. Natsu liked being tied up, and the punishment purged out whatever was bothering him. Gray had only a little experience with rope tying, but he was getting a lot better, more creative, remembering what Loke had taught him once about how to bind a person in a way to minimize pain and maximize pleasure. He had learned a lot of stuff while being partnered with that playboy.

He briefly wondered if Loke and Lucy were doing stuff like that. Was it Loke tying her up, making the Princess of Fairy Tail give up control and act like a slave, or was it Lucy who took charge, taming her celestial Lion?

He would not mind sitting around for drinks and swapping stories with Loke again. He was the only man Gray could really talk to about sex and kinkiness, because Gray knew that, for how perverted his actions might be, Loke had done far worse in his existence.

Gray showered, dried off, but when he looked in the mirror he saw stubble had built up. Shaving was such an annoying chore, but Gray did not like the idea of growing a beard. That was for old men. He briefly wondered if a goatee would look good. Maybe Natsu liked the feel of facial hair. Nah! He pulled out a razor and shaving cream and began the task of cutting off the stubble.

Natsu peeked inside and saw Gray with shaving foam on his face. Natsu was lucky that he did not yet need to shave yet. It looked like such a weird thing to do, not to mention annoying. He hoped that he never grew a beard!

Gray stood by the sink stark naked, and Natsu stared in fascination at the pale butt cheeks.

Gray had one damn sexy ass! All the girls in Fairy Tail thought so, too—and all the girls had seen it many times—but none knew that ass the way Natsu did. He had touched it, pleasured it, even manage to be inside that ass, if only briefly. One day, he wanted to conquer that area again, claim it, ravage it!

One day…

Natsu felt a little playful, so he sneaked up while Gray was focused on the mirror. Since Natsu did not shave yet, he did not realize just how sharp a razor could be. He just wanted to spook the ice wizard a little.

"BOO!"

Gray jolted in shock, and the razor sliced into his cheek. He shouted as pain shot through his face.

"Goddammit, Natsu!"

"Sorry," he said, scratching the back of his head as he laughed playfully.

Gray quickly washed the foam off and looked into the mirror. "Ah man, I'm really bleeding!" The nick was deep and right along the jawbone. Already, it was dripping down his neck. "Shit, this better not scar. Where'd I put the peroxide?"

Natsu stared at the dark crimson drops. All playfulness melted. He came up beside Gray, mesmerized by the dripping. He growled deep in his throat, leaned up, and licked over the cut.

Gray froze. Natsu had licked his wounds before, but usually when he had the ability to cure wounds with the hormones in his lust-tainted spit. This time, the Dragon Slayer was simply licking. It stung a little, but the feel of that hot tongue on his throat and face made Gray's cheeks go red.

"N-Natsu?"

"Shh," he hushed, enraptured by the taste dripping onto his tongue. He licked up the throat, and his tongue swirled around the cut.

Gray flinched as his body began to react. "Natsu…"

The Dragon Slayer chuckled lowly and purred, "You're getting arouse." He licked again, slurping the blood up. "I can taste it," he moaned. He sucked over the wound, and Gray flinched from the pain. "I can taste your arousal in your blood. It makes it…" He licked again and smirked slyly. "…sweeter!"

"Natsu." Gray gripped the edge of the sink as he began to harden up at those seductive words and the moist heat at his throat. "S-stop," he whispered.

Natsu pulled back with a devious gleam in his narrow eyes, but then he saw Gray shivering. Suddenly, he realized just what he had been doing, and Natsu pulled back in shock. His hand went up to his mouth as he realized the coppery taste of blood was on his lips.

"I'm sorry," he muttered in shame.

Gray slowly regained control. He looked over to the Dragon Slayer with a bit of shock. "Does … does that make you … aroused?" he asked in amazement. He glanced down, and sure enough, Natsu had an incredible erection poking at his boxers.

Natsu looked up with shame in his eyes, but his gaze was instantly drawn to the red still dripping from the cut. "W-what? What does?"

"My blood. I mean, you're _staring_ at it. Are you … fascinated by blood?"

Natsu stared for a few more seconds before jolting himself. He pinched his hand and turned away. "It's bad. It's … it's wrong."

"Natsu…"

"It's _wrong_ ," he said angrily. "I shouldn't…" He looked back around, and the crimson streaking down that pale throat made all logic leave his head. He realized a shocking truth. "I … am," he whispered, slowly leaning toward it, wanting that blood, wanting to taste it again. "I wanna lick it up."

"Go ahead." Gray was mildly amused by the intensity in those eyes.

Natsu jolted back. "No! I … I can't. It's _wrong_."

"Who told you it's wrong?"

Natsu's eyes went wide, but then he scowled as he looked away. He pinched himself again, and Gray saw it was to the same spot on his hand.

"I'm giving you permission," Gray urged. He wanted to see that expression more, to hear Natsu's low growls, and feel that tongue licking him. "Go on," he whispered, but Natsu still would not look at him. "Come on, it's just dripping. Lick it up."

"N-no. No!" Natsu turned away, hunched over, and hugged his arms, angry at himself for doing that.

"Natsu?" Gray saw him once again pinching himself. "Stop that! Hey, what's going on? If you like something, do it."

"No!" Natsu snapped, finally glaring around, but his eyes were instantly drawn to the bleeding cut. "No," he sighed in anguish. "Because, I _do_ like it," he whimpered guiltily. "I'll want to see you bleed more, and … and that's wrong."

Gray scoffed. Yet another issue to handle, it seemed. "Natsu, it's not like you're going to stab me in my sleep—"

" _I could!_ " Natsu shouted. Instantly, he jolted back at his own outburst. "N-no … no, I wouldn't do that, but … wanting to see people bleed … it's … it's crazy. It's wrong."

"Natsu, stop saying it's wrong."

The Dragon Slayer stared down at the pink spot on his hand where he kept pinching himself. "But … that's what they always told me. It's wrong. I … I sh-shouldn't … want to see blood. It's … bad," he whispered with a shiver.

"Natsu," Gray sighed, putting a hand on the trembling, muscular arm.

Natsu looked up at the tender touch, but his eyes were once again drawn straight to the blood. He growled softly, "But I _want_ it!"

He bolted forward, pressed Gray up against the sink, and licked up that neck, lapping again and again to get all the blood.

"I like to taste it," he shuddered with a pained face. He licked again, and suddenly he felt tears in his eyes. He yanked away and stumbled back until he crashed into the bathroom wall. "But it's _wrong!_ " he shouted. He reached down and pinched his hand so hard, Gray thought for sure he would bleed.

"Natsu, stop pinching yourself like that." He grabbed that hand away, brought it up to his lips, and kissed the inflamed area Natsu kept pinching. "Between us, it isn't wrong. I don't want you to lick anyone else's blood, but it's okay if it's mine. You've licked my blood before. I know you like to do that sort of thing."

"But I could hurt you."

"You're not going to hurt me. I trust you, Natsu." He kissed his hand again, right over that swollen spot. "I trust you. Now, it's just a little nick, it's going to stop bleeding soon anyway. Go ahead."

Natsu warily gazed at the cut. "C-c-can I really?"

"Yeah. Come here." Gray pulled Natsu into a tight embrace, wrapping his arms around that fiery body. "I want you to lick my neck. Lick up all the blood. Don't bite me, but lick it up."

"Is … is it really okay?" Natsu asked worriedly.

Gray rolled his eyes. "I'm giving you fucking _permission_. Do it!"

Natsu hesitated only a few seconds before attacking that neck, licking all that had dripped, and then sucking slightly on the wound to taste more. Gray knew he would have a hellish hickey, and right on his face of all places. At least with the cut there too, he could say he got punched and no one would question the bruising along with the nick. Then he felt Natsu thrust against him, and that massive hardness poked right into his thigh, slid up, and rubbed against his own naked groin, making him react. Gray's cock rose to greet that hot member, and he let Natsu frot up against him.

"Oh God," he moaned in pleasure. He loved it when Natsu was aggressive, perhaps because it rarely happened. "You're so aroused."

"It's wrong…"

"Shut up." What a complicated boyfriend! Gray reached down and yanked Natsu's boxers until they fell to his feet. Then he grabbed that hot arousal. Natsu groaned and thrust harder into the chilly fingers. "Feel my hand," Gray whispered seductively. "I want this, Natsu. I want you to lick my blood while I stroke you off." He thrust his fingers down and slowly slid up, feeling Natsu tremble at the touch. "So lick the blood, and let me touch you."

Natsu whimpered. All of his senses could experience Gray's arousal: the feel of that hard cock, the taste in his blood, the smell of hormones surging, the sound of Gray's groaning, and the flushed look in that face that was quickly becoming overwhelmed. Natsu licked more, then whimpered as he felt like he should pull away, but his instincts did not want to.

"You're getting more aroused," Natsu moaned.

"Can you taste it?"

"Yes," he hissed, licking the blood.

"Does it taste good?"

Natsu panted heavily, and his eyes narrowed. He glared into Gray's face. Half snarling and half shuddering, he growled, " _Yes!_ "

Gray's eyes opened wide with a brief moment of fear. Natsu sounded animal-like, beastly, like some feral creature out to slaughter him. It was terrifying … and insanely arousing.

Natsu saw that brief fear in the eyes of his lover, and he pulled away with a shout. He stumbled over his dropped boxers and collapsed onto the toilet.

"No! No, no, no." He pinched his hand again, but he was shivering too hard to hurt himself more. "It's too much. It's … too much," he shuddered. "I like it … too much."

Gray moaned. Why couldn't they just have one moment of kinkiness without the mental drama? Then again, he was dealing with someone who had serious issues and not a lot of experience. Natsu was figuring this all out for the first time. Even something that was obvious to Gray was probably new and terrifying to the poor guy who had been a virgin just a few months ago.

"Natsu, you have a blood fetish," he explained simply.

Those green eyes gawked up in terror. "A _what_?" he screamed.

Gray walked over and knelt beside him. "It's okay," he laughed. "You have a fetish for blood. It makes you aroused."

"It's bad," he protested frantically.

"No, it's not. Well, it'd be bad if you hurt people without their consent. _That's_ bad. But blood fetishes are kind of normal."

Natsu looked almost like panicking. "They are?" he cried out. He shook his head. "But … but they always told me that wanting to see blood … it's wrong … and it's from _that time_ … a-and … and I don't want to hurt anyone … not like back then. I don't…" Natsu yanked at his hair, leaning over as he fought with a darkness of his past. "God, I can _see_ it!" he screamed.

Gray soothingly rubbed Natsu's leg, gazing up sadly into that tormented face. "Tell me what you see."

Natsu shook his head at first, wishing the sight would go away. "I was … d-dancing in blood. So much blood. Everywhere. Rain … and blood. The rain makes the blood spread out … everywhere. All over the floor. It's wet, slippery. Dancing … and sliding across the floor, like it's a game. I'm laughing. Laughing as I dance. I'm crazy and laughing and dancing in blood. And tasting it. Tasting blood … licking my fingers. Covered in blood. No! I don't … I don't want to remember!" he screamed, ripping at his hair.

Gray hugged him closely, and he felt the hot body shivering with emotions Natsu was trying so hard to bottle down. "That was in the past, Natsu," he said softly. "It was in the past."

"No! They're coming! They're going to come here! I have to … to kill them, too. Before they get me. Before they take me. I have to! I have to _kill them all!_ "

Gray suddenly grabbed Natsu's feet and frozen them. The Dragon Slayer shouted at the pain of the ice.

"What the hell, you … ice … bast- … Gray?" he asked in confusion.

Gray stared cautiously at those bewildered eyes. "Are you back with me?"

Natsu looked around. The dark building was gone. There was no rain, no blood. He knew this room. Gray's bathroom. He was with Gray. The darkness and blood were only a memory.

"What just happened?" Natsu asked in fear.

"Flashback, I think. Dissociation. I read up about it. The article said to try and ground a person in the present using smells, music, or ice. Obviously, ice is easiest for me."

"Oh. S-sorry," he said awkwardly, feeling ashamed that it happened right in front of Gray. "I'm okay now. I just don't … I don't wanna be … c-crazy. Like then."

"You're not crazy. You're Natsu Dragneel, a destructive pyromaniac who has no clue how to hold back his own strength. You're an idiot, but you're not crazy."

Natsu nodded, trying to stay in the moment. When he looked up, his eyes were instantly drawn to the cut on Gray's face. It had dried already, blood congealed into a scab. "The blood," he whispered. "They said it was wrong. Liking blood is bad. It's from when I was crazy."

"It's not bad. I don't mind you licking my blood, Natsu, but if it's going to cause a problem, we need to work through this."

Natsu shook his head. "I don't want to hurt you. I … I'm scared that I'll hurt you."

"An idiot like you couldn't hurt me," Gray smiled comfortingly.

"But I'll want more blood."

"I have a lot to spare," Gray said flippantly.

Natsu shook his head. "No. It's bad."

"It's not bad. It's a fetish. Natsu, I know better than anyone how fetishes work. People who don't have the fetish might think it's weird, disgusting, even immoral, but if it gives you pleasure, then I want to explore this." Gray stroked his hand up Natsu's thigh and said in a low, sensual voice, "Tell me what you want. Don't worry about if it's right or wrong. I just want to know. I wanna know your desires."

Natsu gazed up. He knew what his desires had been for a while, but he had hidden them, fearing them. "I wanna … taste your blood. I like the taste. I always want more. More of your blood, especially when you're aroused. It's so sweet, so good. I … I want to … lick it and … and see you covered in it."

"Covered in blood?" Gray cautiously asked. This was definitely getting intense.

Natsu pictured Gray covered in red shininess, blood dripping all over his body. It was erotic to imagine. He had seen Gray badly beaten up many times in their battles. He always looked so bad-ass, so worn out, so helpless, so weak … so tasty.

"Yes," he whispered lustfully, enraptured by the thought. "Your blood. Licking it. Covered … in … No!" he flinched. "It's really bad."

Gray realized just from Natsu's words and actions, this was a deeply rooted problem. However, the lust in his squinty eyes when he let himself succumb made Gray's thoughts go dry. Damn! Natsu looked intensely aroused and sexy when he fantasized like that.

"Well, I don't want to be covered in blood," Gray reasoned. "Not my own, at least. I could … I could let you … you know, scratch me and bite me…"

"You don't want permanent marks on you," Natsu said sternly. "You said that at the very beginning."

"Well, if you do that dragon lust spit thing, it clears it all up. The only scar I have is from when you bit me while I was sick, but it's hardly even visible now."

Natsu shrank down and began to curl in on himself. "Gray, I … I don't know."

"Is this something you don't want?"

"I _do_ want it. I'm just … I was always told that it's wrong."

"A blood fetish is not evil, no more than a fetish for ice or fetish for pissing." Gray tried to think how to help Natsu out with what was obviously an intense fetish. "Does it have to be my blood?"

He looked up in confusion. "Huh?"

"What if we go to a meat slaughtering house and get some of their leftover blood? You could cover me in that."

Natsu sneered. "In animal blood?"

Gray shrugged. "It's something we could try."

"N-no … no, I don't want animal blood. I want _your_ blood. It's something that's inside you—your blood—and blood is life, so licking up your blood is taking in a bit of your life. I don't know if that makes sense or just sounds crazy, but … animal blood? No! That wouldn't do anything. It'd probably gross me out."

Gray rubbed his chin as he considered other alternatives. "What about your own blood?"

"Mine?"

"What if you taste your own blood? I'm not saying to bleed all over me, but I can't easily cover myself in blood, and you're scared of me bleeding too much, so maybe we could … um … combine the blood? I don't know," he laughed awkwardly. "I'm trying to think here."

Natsu jolted. "Combine our blood?" he asked sharply.

Gray shrugged. "A little from me, a little from you, enough to cover me without me bleeding to death. Maybe we could work with that."

Natsu repeated louder. "Combine _our blood_?"

Gray wondered if this was a problem. "Is that bad?"

"No! No, that's…" Natsu's eyes went wild with fascination, and he laughed in a shudder of dark arousal. "That sounds … really…" He was speechless at the thought of it.

Gray smirked in amusement. "You like that idea."

"Yeah," he whispered in euphoria. "C-combining … our blood." He laughed again, barely holding back his giddiness. He licked his lips, imagining it so intensely, he could almost taste it. His blood … and Gray's blood … mixed together!

"Wow, Natsu, I don't think I've ever seen that face on you before," Gray stated. "You look really turned on."

He felt that way, too. Any loss in arousal from his moment of angst sprang right back up with the thought of mixing his blood with Gray's own sweetly aroused blood.

"Is it sick?" Natsu asked worriedly.

"It's … shocking, but not sick."

Gray and Natsu sat silently for a moment as they both let this revelation sink in. Neither could look the other in the face, and it was so quiet in the house, they could hear the coffee percolating in the kitchen.

"So," Gray muttered, "you like the taste of my blood, huh?"

"Yeah," Natsu whispered, slightly ashamed but still being honest. "It tastes really good."

Gray gulped thickly, and then offered, "Do you want more?"

Natsu gazed at the cut on Gray's jaw. "It stopped bleeding already, and I don't want to hurt you."

He said that, but he actually wanted it. He wanted to see Gray bleeding, taste his blood, lick it, drink it, play with it as the blood flowed out of his body, draw pictures in blood, and write his name on that icy body with Gray's own blood. He sighed as he tried to put it out of his mind. He could not think like that. Wanting blood was one thing. Wanting to hurt Gray was quite another.

"If you ever get hurt and you're bleeding, can I … can I lick it up?" he asked timidly.

"Sure," Gray smiled tenderly, stroking the pink hair to calm his uncertainties. "Although, that's going to be awkward as hell if we're in the middle of a fight."

Natsu laughed at that, and Gray thought his laughter sounded so much better than all the self-deprecating worries. "No, obviously not then, but maybe after the fight?" He stroked up Gray's arm, tingling the ice wizard's skin with the heat of his fingertips. "I could tend to you," he breathed lustfully. "Lick up your cuts…" He stroked beside the nick on Gray's jaw, not touching the fresh scab, but close enough to make the ice wizard flinch from the pain. "…and lick your blood," he whispered, gazing heatedly into those droopy eyes. "Or if I'm also hurt in the fight, I could bleed onto you. A little of my blood…" He gazed up and down the ice wizard's sculpted body. "…and a little of your blood. Lick it up. Together. Both tastes in my mouth. The blood that is life—yours and mine—our lives mixed together. Your fluid, your blood, the liquid of your life. Not the sperm of a future generation, but _your_ life. This life. This body." His hands ran up Gray's chest and rested over his frantically beating heart. "Blood that has been in your heart. Drinking in your soul. Having it inside me, mixed with my own. Our blood together. Our souls together. Making you a part of me. Joining your soul to mine."

Gray felt his heart racing so fast, he could only whisper, "Oh God, Natsu."

He jolted in a panic. "Bad?"

"No. You make it sound really damn hot. Almost … spiritual." Gray raised to his feet and walked aside, thinking over the tumultuous emotions bubbling inside him. "Blood play. A blood fetish. It's something I've never considered before, something I thought I would never like, but … you make it sound erotic."

"Do you want to try it?" Natsu leaned forward slightly, and those narrow eyes gleamed hungrily. "Do you want me to lick your blood? Can I taste it? Suck it? Swallow it?" His tongue ran across his upper lip like a hungry animal ready to pounce.

A shiver trembled through Gray's nerves. "God, yes," he whispered breathlessly.

Natsu chuckled to himself playfully.

"What's so funny?" Gray asked defensively.

"Not much, just…" He practically sang as a taunt, "I have a kink you don't."

Gray smiled at the teasing tone. "You have others I don't, like your feet."

"But you're always into this weird stuff, and now it's me." He leaped to his feet and came up behind Gray, wrapping his arms around the muscular torso and gazing at both of them in the mirror over the sink. "I'm the pervy one this time." He laughed at the idea of it, but then froze with worry. "Is that okay?"

"Definitely. It's not that much different from me liking omorashi. I mean, bleeding is different from pissing; that's something you do a few times a day. With blood play, we'd have to watch out and be cautious about germs. I don't think your mouth is the most sanitary thing."

"But I wanna lick it," Natsu protested with a pout as he hung onto Gray's back.

"I know. I just mean that it's something we have to approach carefully. But … I want to try it. You've put up with my kinks all this time. I really want to try your kink. I want to see if I like it. So far, I think I probably will." He looked at Natsu's reflection, then glanced in the mirror at his own face and the scab over the cut. "Lick my neck some more."

"But it scabbed over already."

"That's okay. I wanna … wanna see you like that. I wanna touch you off while you lick my blood."

Natsu gasped at the overwhelming desire to taste him once more. He looked at Gray's jaw again. "Can I get that scab off … with my teeth?"

That sounded really erotic, and Gray shuddered, knowing that this time, it would involve pain for himself. "Y-yeah. Just be careful."

"I will."

Natsu leaned up, bared his teeth, and scraped over the cut. It did not take much to break the fragile scab. Still, the sharpness against his already swollen and painful skin made Gray hiss.

"It's bleeding again," Natsu whispered in awe. He leaned forward and licked the tiny droplet forming on the scab. "I'm sorry about this."

"Don't be sorry," Gray moaned. "Just be aroused. That's what I want. I want for you to be rock hard."

Natsu moaned, and he nipped the scab harder just to get more blood to come. "You're aroused, too. I can taste it."

"Definitely, I am!" Gray groaned. "I'm gonna touch you again. Don't pull away."

Gray reached down and grasped Natsu's erection. He stroked it hard, and the Dragon Slayer tensed up. His nails scraped into Gray's back, but not hard enough to cut into the skin.

Panting, Natsu warned, "You'll need to handcuff me."

"Hands behind your back, right now. I'll freeze them."

Natsu hurriedly put his wrists together in the small of his back, and Gray grabbed them, frosting the hands in a thick layer of ice. Then he glared sharply.

"Don't … kick … me!" he said slowly and sternly.

"I won't. I'm standing, so I'm pretty sure I won't kick. Hopefully."

"I'll knee you in the balls if you attack me."

Natsu laughed at the threat, but he really hoped his instincts did not mess this up.

"More," Gray whispered in a low moan. "Lick me more."

Encouraged, Natsu latched himself onto the cut. He wanted more. More blood. A bigger wound to lick. More blood. More!

"Can I bite you?" he whispered into Gray's ear.

The ice wizard trembled. "Y-yeah, but lower, not on my face."

"Right here, where I normally do it." He licked where the neck met the shoulder.

Gray quivered at the lick and the expectation of getting bit. "Yeah. There is okay."

Natsu gave no warning at all. He snapped down onto Gray's neck, piercing into the skin. Gray shouted, but Natsu slammed him hard against the wall, keeping him immobile despite having his hands bound behind him. Gray wanted to pull away, but then he felt that hot tongue on him. He heard Natsu slurping and groaning sensually from the taste. He did not move while Natsu drank his blood.

His blood … his soul … entering Natsu's body…

Damn that Dragon Slayer, but now Gray thought this was erotic as hell!

"Touch me, Gray," Natsu begged. "Please, touch me."

When Gray managed to move despite the pain, he found Natsu was completely rock hard and hotter than he had ever felt before. He gripped around that thick shaft and stroked him.

"Yesss! Like that," Natsu shuddered. He sucked on the wound hard, and Gray cried out in pain. "Don't stop touching me," he ordered with a beastly growl.

"Natsu?" Gray asked, wondering about this drastic change.

"I'm serious. I'm gonna— _nnngh_ —need to finish, so I can heal this."

"O-okay … okay," Gray panted, stroking faster despite the pain.

Natsu groaned and licked the wound more. "I love your blood," he hummed in gustatory delight. "Tastes— _slurrrp_ —amazing! Oooh, Gray," he groaned as the stroking of those cold fingers began to win over him. "Like it. Want it. Want … _more_!"

Natsu suddenly attacked another area of Gray's neck, stabbing his sharp teeth in. This time, Gray screamed and cursed. He was ready to kick Natsu away, but the Dragon Slayer stepped on top of his feet, pinning them down, and his body crushed up against Gray's chest.

"Shit! N-Natsu! Owww!"

He tried to breathe through the pain, but something felt … wrong. Really wrong. The other bite had bled some, but this one gushed out. Gray felt the blood dripping down his neck, streaming both to his chest and some going down his spine. He could smell the metallic scent of blood in the air, and he felt the warm moistness dripping over him.

"Oh God, Natsu, I think you hit an artery," he warned.

"Mm-hmm," the Dragon Slayer whimpered, lavishing the copious blood, rubbing his body against the bloodied chest. He wanted to play with it, touch it, run his fingers through this red stream flowing out. His tongue stabbed into the gushing pierced holes.

"N-Natsu!" Gray cried out in agony. "Okay, seriously, that hurts."

Natsu chuckled so low, so menacingly, it terrified Gray. The Dragon Slayer pulled back, blood on his lips and chin, and even some on his nose. He gazed with lust-hazed eyes.

"Safewords, Gray," he taunted.

 _Safewords?_ "What is this? Role reversal? With me?" He wanted to laugh, but Gray began to feel the effects. He was getting dizzy and numb. This needed to end soon, or it would be bad. If it ended badly, Natsu would blame himself, and he would be more messed up than before. Gray did not want that. He wanted Natsu to have his fun in this game of blood play. "You better come soon, bastard," he moaned as the numbness spread through his body. "Come … soon!"

Natsu tasted so much blood. Nothing but blood. Aroused blood. Sweet. Wonderful. Gray's!

"G-Gray … almost … there. Almost…"

He stopped licking the blood as his body tensed up. He cried out as the pleasure erupted from him. His orgasm felt more amazing than any other he had yet experienced. He gazed down as the semen splashed onto Gray's torso, right onto his blood. It dripped, white and thick, red and runny. The two colors blended and mixed.

His semen … and Gray's blood.

So much blood.

_Way the hell too much blood!_

"Oh my God! Gray!" Horror swept over Natsu as his senses returned and he realized just what he had done.

"Na-…" Gray's eyes rolled back, and he began to go limp.

" _Gray!_ Release me. The ice. Release it now!"

The binding behind him shattered, and Natsu immediately grabbed Gray into his arms. Natsu helped the nearly-unconscious wizard down to the floor, letting him crumble to the ground. There was blood all over Gray's neck, his torso, dripping down his legs, and a small puddle on the floor. Natsu had been so wrapped up in the moment, he did not at all realize how much Gray had bled.

"Oh God! Gray?" he called out. "I'm so sorry. Oh my God, I'm sorry." Natsu suddenly grabbed Gray and hoisted him to a sitting position. "I'll heal it."

He licked frantically at the cuts. The nick on the jaw needed almost nothing at all. The first bite marks were small, and they healed after a few seconds. The other bite, though, was bad. Natsu kept licking it, lathing the wound, praying it would close up.

Gray drifted in and out of consciousness. He felt the licking, a tingle as the skin healed, and he heard Natsu's frantic whispers of "I'm sorry, please forgive me, please be okay, Gray."

He wanted to assure Natsu he was fine, except he could barely feel his tongue.

"Okay, the bleeding stopped." Natsu looked around again at the gruesome mess. "Dammit! This is what I was afraid of." Half of Gray's body was crimson wet, and the floor was bloodied over. His trembling hands, his chest, his whole body had Gray's blood smeared around.

"It's … fine," Gray said in a slurred voice as his tongue could barely feel how to move. "Maybe I should be … sitting down … when you do that." He slumped back again and slid to the floor.

"Gray!"

"It's okay," he panted. "Just … dizzy." He gazed up and saw the horror in Natsu's eyes. "Come on. Don't let it go to waste. You better lick up all of this blood."

"Gray?" Natsu asked, panicking with worry for him.

"G- … 'head … go ahead," he muttered through labored breaths. "An' if I pass out, just keep licking. But don't bite me … anymore."

Gray slumped down and did not move.

"Gray?" He feared the worst, and he screamed in horror. "Graaaaay!" Trembling, he felt Gray's throat. The pulse was right where he had bitten, right over the carotid artery. Thankfully, it was still going strong. Gray was alive, just unconscious. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry…" he whispered in shame, "…that I like it."

He licked the bloody throat, slowly working down, slurping the crimson serpentine lines that trailed down Gray's pale body. Natsu savored the taste. So much blood! Gray covered in blood!

As he gave in to the bloodlust, Natsu whispered in regret, "I'm so sorry."

* * *

Gray felt softness under him and a fluffy pillow. He moaned and slowly opened his eyes.

"Natsu?"

"I'm right here," came an immediate voice. "I'm so glad you finally woke up."

Finally? It had been early morning. He felt like it was late, and he still had not eaten that day. "What happened?"

"You passed out. I'm sorry."

"Huh? Oh. You bit me."

"I'm sorry."

"No," he laughed. "I feel fine, just … dizzy."

"You lost a lot of blood."

Gray remembered now. He recalled the feel of hot liquid dripping over his body and Natsu's hungry snarls as he lapped up the blood. "Did you drink it?"

"I…" Natsu turned away in shame. "I made sure to heal the wounds completely, but the bite will have a bad bruise. I couldn't fix that problem."

"Answer me: did you drink my blood?"

Natsu dropped his head, and Gray saw he was pinching that spot on his hand again. Was it some psychological trigger, pain to make him not want something he actually craved?

"Did you?" Gray whispered.

Reluctantly, Natsu glanced over his shoulder to Gray. "Yes," he answered fearfully. "I'm sorry."

"No. You drank it, so that's good. I like the idea," he laughed softly, "weird as it is. I like the idea that you were drinking my blood. But … maybe not a major artery next time."

"Yeah," he muttered. "I didn't mean to hit that. Well, maybe I did subconsciously, but it wasn't like I wanted to almost kill you. You know I wouldn't do that."

"I know that, idiot," Gray whispered weakly. "I'm okay."

"You might want to rest for a day. You lost … a lot of blood." He gulped hard in regret.

Gray stroked his hand through the pink hair. "You got your wish. You got to see me covered in blood. Did you like seeing me like that?"

He hesitated again before confessing, "Yeah. I feel bad but … _yeah!_ " he shuddered in a beastly growl. "You looked really delicious."

Gray smiled sleepily with satisfaction. "I'd be willing to do that again."

"But you got hurt," Natsu protested.

"It's fine. I'm a little worn out, but I'm not dead. You can heal me. Although it would be bad if I passed out before you came, and then I wouldn't be able to jerk you off, and you have an issue with touching yourself. That would be bad."

"Then we won't do this until … until I'm stronger," Natsu said firmly. "That way if something like that happens, I can take care of myself."

"You, jerking yourself off?"

"Well, I'd need to be able to, so I can care for you."

Gray smiled and leaned back on the pillow, daydreaming. "I want to see that someday. I want to see you touch yourself."

His eyes were closed, so Gray did not see the look of sheer terror on Natsu's face.

"Wanna see how you get yourself off…"

"Gray, no," Natsu whispered in warning, something horrifying brewing behind his eyes.

"That'd be nice…" His voice faded out, and his face went limp.

"Gr-Gray?" The fear vanished, and a different dread entered Natsu's face. "Gray!"

"Just resting," he mumbled. "I probably need some protein." Gray smirked to himself, then peeked an eye open to look at the Dragon Slayer. "I'm going to punish you."

Natsu felt a thrill spike through him. "Punish me?" For something like this, how would Gray punish him? Spank him? Beat him with the paddle again? Maybe the riding crop? Torture him slowly in some erotic way?

"Not like _that_ , idiot! You're going to take me out to a steak dinner so I can get my blood count back up. I'm going to eat a lot of meat."

Natsu laughed at Gray's boasting. "Fair enough," he decided. "But I think I've had enough protein." Natsu hesitated, looking at Gray's prone body. He really had lost too much blood. His skin felt colder, if that was possible, and he looked paler. "I did like licking your blood, but I'm really sorry you got hurt because of me."

"Well, that's part of it, right?" Gray reasoned rationally. "I like hitting you. Sometimes I'm sorry you get hurt, but it's what I like, and so long as you like it too, it's fine. I like to see your skin turn pink, and you like to see my skin drip red."

"Yeah, but I feel bad."

Gray pouted, realizing they needed to work through the issue of guilt after BDSM. "Let me tell you what I've learned from having a fetish that hurts others. The other person really does need to give consent. When I want to do something with you, I'm constantly talking to you, asking if you're okay, if it's fine, right?"

"Yeah, it gets annoying."

"I'm being thorough. So long as you keep asking if I'm okay, it's fine."

"But you weren't okay," he shouted. "You passed out."

"That was our first time. We're bound to make mistakes. How many times have you freaked out because of something I did? I feel horrible when that happens, but we work things out. Then the next time, it's better. This was just our first time, and we made a miscalculation. Still, it worked out. I feel buzzy and amazing, worn out but like I'm drifting on clouds. I can only imagine that this is how you feel after I've punished you. It feels pretty good, like I'm on a high. So, it's fine," he assured. "Just make sure you keep asking me. And don't lick anyone else's blood," he added sharply.

Natsu smiled tenderly, leaned over, and kissed Gray. "I don't want to taste anyone else. Only you."

"Good! I don't want you to crave anyone else's blood. Only mine."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, definitely no one else."

"I mean, are you sure that licking your blood is okay?"

Gray saw him pinching that part of his hand again, and he grabbed the pinching fingers. "Stop doing that. Whatever you're doing by pinching yourself, stop it."

Natsu fisted up his hands and looked away. "I was told for months that seeing people bleeding and enjoying it … is a _bad_ thing."

That was the problem this past mission. One of the people Natsu fought had ended up doing something stupid that backfired and injured them badly. They had bled all over Natsu as he carried the enemy back to the team. He had a moment of wild enjoyment in seeing himself covered in blood, in feeling that sticky warmth flow over him, and the smell of blood all around him. That was the darkness that had haunted him last night. Now the same darkness was here, hovering around Gray.

"Is liking blood insane?" he asked quietly.

"No!"

"But I like the taste of blood because of _that_ _time_. I know that back then, when I drank that man's blood, I was insane. I tasted his blood, and I liked the taste, how sweet it was. I remember clearly how much I loved seeing all the blood and tasting it."

"Natsu, you might have liked it before then and just never knew. You were a _kid_ , for crying out loud. It's not like you can figure out all of your fetishes at that age. More than likely, it's a fetish you already had. You just hadn't had an opportunity to figure it out yet. It's not like you went around licking people's blood all the time."

Natsu's face lit up. "Does it work that way?" he asked with desperation, clinging to the hope that maybe this was not a piece of his screwed up past.

"Well, I don't know," Gray admitted. "I doubt you want to talk to a psychiatrist about this. So let's just say it works that way. For you at least, and we're all different. You probably already had a blood fetish, and you didn't discover it until tasting that man's blood. That's a _hell_ of a moment to discover it, which of course would make you worried, but a person doesn't just suddenly form a fetish. It usually resides deep within our subconscious."

"Really?" he asked with hope. It made sense when Gray put it that way.

"So don't think this is bad. Don't think this is _because_ of that time. You simply like the taste of blood, and that's not as weird as you might think. Some people have blood fetishes. It's normal."

 _Normal_. That was a word he rarely heard from psychiatrists. It was a lifeline out of darkness.

Years of dread and disgust suddenly lifted off his shoulders. Gray was a better psychiatrist than all those doctors he had been sent to as a child, people who scolded him that his cravings were wrong, attributed everything to trauma caused by that man, and told Natsu to pinch himself whenever he wanted blood. The pinch would remind him of pain, that bleeding was painful to the person, thus it was something Natsu should not like.

He decided right there, he would never pinch his hand like that again. He probably liked blood long before the day he flipped out. It was part of who he was. It was _normal_. Just a blood fetish. It was not wrong if Gray liked it, too, just like how wanting to be tied up and beaten were not wrong so long as it was consensual. It was just the way he was.

"Normal," he said as he felt brightness in his heart once more. "Not from him. It's … just me. Who I am."

"Right," Gray smiled, glad to see those eyes shine again. "It's normal. I bet I could take you to the sex shop and they'd have a book on this stuff. In fact, I should go there and buy one, read up on blood fetishes, so I know what to do next time."

Natsu gawked. "They have books on this stuff?"

"Yeah. How else are you supposed to learn about things?"

" _Books_?" Natsu cried out, shocked at the idea that anyone would write about sex.

"More like instruction manuals," Gray shrugged.

"Do they have a _book_ on how to make people piss their pants?"

"Of course."

Natsu laughed and flopped back into the bed. "I can't believe that!"

"Well, I'm glad you're laughing…"

"Because it's stupid."

"It's not stupid. You gotta learn it somehow, and there's a lot of stuff I've studied, a lot of stuff I want to try. Now this … this is something _you_ want to try. It's something you like. We'll try it again. We'll do it more delicately," he pointed out with a laugh to acknowledge that they really screwed up this time. "I like watching you get aroused because of me, and it's a good role reversal. You're damn sexy when you're aggressive," Gray purred, curling up into Natsu's chest. "I get chills when you go wild on me. That was … so arousing!" he hissed. "I want to see it again, see my blood drive you crazy, and hear you growling as you lick it. That was so damn hot!"

Natsu smiled happily that his little fetish was something that could arouse Gray, too. "Are you sure you're not disgusted?" he asked timidly. "I mean, what I did in the past, it makes me vomit sometimes when I remember it. I hate dreaming about it. I don't have many memories from when I went insane, just can't remember it at all, but sometimes I get flashes of what I did and … and it was so wrong, so disgusting, so…"

Gray bopped him on the nose to get him to shut up. "You were a kid, and that asshole messed you up. Anything you might have done doesn't count. When you're in that type of situation, _it does not count_. Look, you did…" He swallowed hard. Picturing it in his head was almost impossible. Natsu had murdered someone! "You did something really horrible, but that wasn't _you_. That was a boy driven to insanity, a boy who has worked his ass off to get out of that darkness. Makarov forgave you, right? You said Gildarts was there the day they rescued you, so he saw … what you did. Still, he forgave you."

"Partly," Natsu mumbled petulantly.

Gray looked over in surprise. "What do you mean, partly?"

"The old man didn't forgive me completely, and Gildarts said he would forgive me fully if I made S-Class."

"What?" Then something dawned on Gray. Makarov had warn Gray that he could not fully forgive Natsu for what happened back then. This was likely tied to whatever issue Natsu had experienced. He wanted to ask, but with Natsu just recovering from his horror, Gray decided to let the matter go for now. Then another memory surge, one to do with Gildarts. "Is that why you suddenly became more aggressive after Gildarts left? I always wondered about that."

"Huh?"

"There was a time when you were … well, we were told you were _sick_ , so that was probably this _bad time_ … and when you came back, you were … passive! Then Gildarts left and you were back again, the old you. I always figured he must have said something to you."

"Yeah, he said I had gotten better, but he could still sense that I had darkness in my heart, and he would fully forgive me when I made S-Class. That's why I feel like I gotta train hard and make it. It'll clear up everything in the past."

Gray rolled over on top of Natsu and gazed down seriously at him. "Being a strong wizard doesn't mean you have a strong heart. Your heart," he said, placing a hand over Natsu's chest, "has a lot of strength to it. I think you've really come out of that darkness, and even if there's more to this…"

Just by those words, Natsu's eyes widened in dread.

"…I'm going to help you get better." He could definitely see now, Natsu was in no condition to talk about that painful past right at this moment. "We'll work together, okay? I'm gonna bring you out of the dark. Then Gildarts will completely forgive you, just as I've forgiven you."

"Are you sure?" Natsu frowned. "Even though I did all that?"

"Yes," Gray smiled, and he kissed Natsu's forehead. "I know that was a little boy driven to insanity. That wasn't Natsu Dragneel. That wasn't the man I care for, this man, right here in my arms. You are not the sort of person who would do that. So I can forgive you. All the craziness, I can forgive."

"Okay," Natsu sighed, feeling emotionally drained.

"Good. Now come on. You owe me a steak dinner, and I haven't even eaten breakfast. I want steak and eggs."

"Can't I cuddle?"

"No! I'm hungry!"

Natsu laughed and complained playfully as he pushed himself out of bed. "Fiiiiiine, but I demand cuddles tonight."

"As long as you feed me."

"What if I feed you _another type_ of protein?"

Gray glanced to Natsu's boxers, and then he smirked up at the horny boy. "Idiot. _That_ is dessert!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Gray using ice to pull Natsu out of a flashback is an actual and recommended technique for people with PTSD and dissociation. It's called "grounding techniques," and they are ways to get out of the flashback and back into the present by focusing on one of the senses: loud music, a strong scent, biting into a lemon, holding a piece of ice, etc. It's nice to know Gray has done his research to help Natsu with these flashbacks._  
> <http://ptsd.about.com/od/selfhelp/a/flashcoping.htm>  
>     
>  _As for a blood fetish, it truly is common. It's called[Hematolagnia](http://www.kinkly.com/definition/254/blood-play), and it's a common sexual fetish. (No, Natsu is NOT secretly a vampire!)_


	40. 40th Special Omake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This chapter is based on a FMBM mini comic on Tumblr. Because of my slowness, I began to get a lot of messages on FFnet, AO3, and in Tumblr asking if I would continue FMBM. Then I got one anonymous, strange request: kill Gray! The message made me do a double-take. I get tons of requests for kinks, but never to KILL. (No, I am not gonna kill off anyone!) "becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove" drew a chibi comic based on the boys' reactions to getting fan mail like that, and it made me laugh so hard, I had to write it for my 40th special._
> 
> _The messages[are real](http://wildrhov.tumblr.com/post/109920808859/hi-i-was-wondering-about-fight-me-bite-me-i). They've only been edited a bit for spelling so non-English readers will understand the content._
> 
> _[becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove.tumblr.com/post/110005565636/a-little-answer-from-natsu-and-gray-to-the-ask-an](http://becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove%20tumblr%20com/post/110005565636/a-little-answer-from-natsu-and-gray-to-the-ask-an)_

Gray was standing around at home, wondering what he could do that was special. It was their 40th anniversary. He had planned just the regular kinks they always do, but not tonight. Tonight should be different. But what? Should he do something romantic, like another vacation or candlelit dinner? Or maybe he should do something funny, something that would make Natsu laugh. He loved seeing that wide smile.

Just then, Natsu burst in through the door.

"Gray! Gray!" he shouted with exuberance. The shirtless Ice-Make wizard looked over, smiling at the joyful gleam in those squinty eyes that always made his heart pound a little faster. "Look!"

Natsu held up a letter. They had been getting many ever since some total _pervert_ began to write their biography about how they met, how they fell in … in l- … um, how they came to _care_ for one another so much, and—worst of all—all the kinkiness they had been doing. 'Instructional BDSM via storytelling' that perverted writer had said. Who sent her, Gray did not know, but he suspected it was Erza, which was the _only_ reason he did not hunt this writer down and encase her in ice.

"We received a letter from a fan," Natsu exclaimed.

No matter how many letters they got, he was always excited to see another one. It brightened up Natsu's day, no matter what these people said. For his sake, because Natsu was too cute when he got this worked up over their popularity as a couple, Gray decided to be considerate and acted equally excited.

"Really?" he smiled as the Dragon Slayer came closer. "Quick, open it then. Let's see what the fans think about us." In his mind, he thought, " _Perverted readers! They are always requesting about how I should ice Natsu down and do kinky shit to him. He's_ _ **my**_ _dragon! My responsibility! I'll do what I want with him! Although … I gotta admit, some of their ideas were things I never thought of before and ended up being really damn hot. Okay, maybe it's another good idea._ "

Natsu shredded open the letter so quickly, the return address burned away. Oh well, they got so many letters lately, it was impossible to reply to each one. This would be just another anonymous message, he supposed. Then Natsu held it forward so they could both read.

* * *

**"Hi! I was wondering about Fight Me Bite Me. I think you should totally kill Gray and have him replaced by Loke because Gray's such a weirdo and can't even be a sweet boyfriend. He only uses Natsu for sex."**

* * *

They stared at the letter in shock. Gray felt those words stabbing him. Weirdo? Uses Natsu? Replaced by LOKE? Did people really think this of him? After all he did to protect Natsu, after fighting his fears just so he could get to the point of saying those three words as a couple, each taking one word in a cute sort of way, after all of his planning to take Natsu on a memorable vacation and trying so hard to act like a boyfriend should, struggling to learn how to be more romantic … _weirdo_? Did people think his kinks made him weird? That hurt! He knew these kinks were not what most people liked, but he only did what Natsu agreed to do. Oh, there were _lots_ of things he wanted to try, but if Natsu said no, he never crossed those boundaries. Did it still make him weird?

Beside him, Natsu was simmering, and the temperature in the room slowly climbed. Flames began to flicker, and a beast-like growl purred deep in his chest. Gray looked over at him, worried by the fury in his eyes.

Kill Gray?

Kill … Gray?

_KILL GRAY?_

Suddenly, Natsu flung his arms out, and flames burst forth.

"I won't let anyone touch _my_ Gray! So FUCK OFF."

Gray looked at him, stunned. _My_ Gray? That made the ice wizard blush a bit, hearing Natsu being so possessive. Still, in suspicion, he asked, "Uh … who are you talking to?"

The flames vanished. "Huh? I … I dunno. To everyone." His hand, still hot from the flames, touched Gray's cheek. Natsu saw the guilt in those blue eyes, worries that never fully left Gray's mind. "Hey," he said tenderly. "You're not a weirdo. Well, you _are_ , but you're _my_ weirdo. And you don't use me for sex anymore."

"Anymore? Then I used to?"

"You still use sex to escape your emotions from time to time." Natsu rubbed Gray's nose with his own nose. "We're working on that, right? And you're a very sweet boyfriend. You even took me to see your parents."

"But I still can't … I can't say…"

"I know why you can't, Gray." He grabbed both cheeks and tried to turn Gray's head up. With large, sad eyes, Natsu whispered, "Kainushi?"

That word forced Gray to smile through his depression.

"Not everyone will approve of us, but ya know what?" He leaned up and kissed Gray's lips. "Screw them. I don't care, because I love you."

"Not Loke?" Gray asked bitterly.

"Oh please!" he scoffed. "When was the last time we even _saw_ Loke?" Natsu rubbed Gray's arms. "Only you! Now come on, it's our 40th anniversary. Let's snuggle."

"Aren't you afraid I might _use you for sex_?" Gray asked petulantly.

"Afraid? No." Natsu had a feral grin as he leaned up into Gray's face. "I'm _hoping_ for it!"

* * *

Later that day, everyone in Fairy Tail was a little more cautious around Gray and Natsu. There were rumors, something about an anonymous death threat, but that did not explain the frosty glare Gray kept giving to Loke.

Natsu hugged Gray's arm as he felt the chill coming off from the ice wizard. "Is everything OK, Gray?"

Poor Loke stayed closer to Lucy, avoiding Gray's enraged scowls. Gray told no one else about the letter, but he had asked Loke about it. Loke swore, he was happy with Lucy, they were in one great—and incredibly kinky—relationship together, he was happy with her, and he had no clue who would send a letter like that.

What Gray told no one else, not even Natsu, was that someone with the same penmanship had written a second letter to him.

* * *

 

**"Loke wouldn't be kinky and would charm Natsu and not try to fuck him every chance he gets. Also Gray's a coward who can't even say I love you, and so what if Natsu died? Gray would just fuck someone else."**

* * *

A coward! A kinky coward! And … if Natsu died…

If he died…

Gray wasn't sure if he could go on living if Natsu died, let alone if he could ever fall in… in lo-…

Blood on snow … the dying screams of his mother…

_'Dammit, I hate these flashbacks!'_

A coward? Maybe that was true. But the idea that if Gray was the one who died, Loke would charm his way into Natsu's heart … that was what made his fist clench and his anger turn cold toward the celestial Lion. _No way_ would he die and leave Natsu alone, vulnerable to any preying wolf, and _no way_ would he let Natsu die. That curse would never befall Natsu.

Which made him even more scared to say those three words.

He already felt in his heart, he was in love, so deeply in love that it terrified him.

There was no way he could lose Natsu! He couldn't live without this flame-brain!

Maybe he was too cowardly to say it, but he could show it.

"Natsu?"

The worried Dragon Slayer looked up with hope.

Out of nowhere, Gray grabbed Natsu and kissed him hard. Natsu flailed in surprise. Rarely did Gray kiss him in public, yet as he felt that wet tongue intrude and taste his mouth, Natsu moaned softly. Everyone was watching. He could hear gasps and whispers already. Oh hell, let them watch! He grabbed Gray back, and as those cold fingers threaded through his scalp and pulled erotically on his hair, Natsu shuddered in bliss.

Gray pulled back just as suddenly and stared down hard into Natsu's eyes. Loud enough for everyone in the guild to hear, he declared, "You are the one person I care about most in this entire world. It's been forty chapters, but I promise you, I will never stop feeling this way, even when the story of our love-life ends."

"Our … love-life?" Natsu whispered with blushing cheeks. Once again, Gray had worked the word _love_ into a sentence. It was such an improvement, and it made him proud.

Gray grabbed up both of Natsu's hands and squeezed them in an oath. "Forever, until the end."

A tear slipped down Natsu's cheek, and he nodded with happiness. "Until the end."

Ignoring everyone else, Gray and Natsu kissed, slowly, sensually, filled with burning passion for one another that no death threats or fan mail from crazed shippers would ever quench.

Loke glanced over to Lucy, who smiled back at him. She had heard rumors from a person in her book club about them shipping Natsu with Loke, perhaps not realizing that Loke was _her_ boyfriend. She squeezed his hand tightly as they both watched Gray and Natsu affirming their love for one another. Sure, they were weird, perverts, kinky idiots, but they were deeply in love, and this was _their_ story.

**Next chapter will continue with the regular story!**


	41. Human Dessert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _That omake is NOT part of the regular story. It's precisely what it is: an omake. Just me having fun while I suffered through writer's block. Also, an anonymous asked me, since I'm over 40 chapters now, just how LONG will this story be? "As long as it needs to be" is my standard answer. Somewhere over 70 chapters, so far._
> 
> _Thanks to Celebration Of Power for their info on bloodplay:[celebrationofpower.net/blood.htm](http://celebrationofpower.net/blood.htm)_
> 
> _Kinks: human dessert, sounding, and snowballing. Yes, these are real kinks!_
> 
> _This chapter is based on Nekoyasha12's fan art drawn specifically for FMBM … basically, a bribe to write this "yummy" scene._
> 
> [ ](http://fav.me/d7bx1qw)

It took a few days for Gray to fully recover his strength. A few people questioned why Gray stayed away from the guild, but Natsu just said he was feeling 'under the weather.' No one questioned it any deeper.

After that day, Natsu did not bite Gray. Even during sex, he never used his teeth. Although he held himself back, he noticed something that deeply troubled him. Gray kept jolting whenever Natsu nuzzled his neck or caught him by surprise from behind. Not only that, but he smelled fear at the end of sex, when normally Natsu bit him.

He worried about this. Why would Gray be so jumpy? Did something happen on a mission? Was it deeper? Was it … him?

Natsu decided to test this. He was over at Gray's house. They planned to have lunch together, and they were hinting all morning about some _special_ fun that evening. Gray was in the bathroom. He always left the door open, an invitation to watch that sometimes Natsu accepted, but often he did not. Watching Gray pee was still weird, not something he particularly found erotic, but he would do it if Gray asked.

This time, he went with Gray. He smelled the excitement and nervousness Gray always had when Natsu watched like this. It was hard for him to urinate, trying to stay soft yet wanting to get hard. The struggle was part of the fun, he had explained.

Natsu did not really watch. Just standing by the door was usually enough. When Gray finished and zipped back up, Natsu heard a satisfied sigh. He thought Gray's kink was weird, but it was easy to please him. Gray glanced back to the door with hope in his eyes. He was always just a little afraid that this repulsed Natsu. He knew it was not a kink the Dragon Slayer had, he was happy enough that Natsu humored him from time to time, but he still feared that it would be what drove them apart. Instead, as usual, Natsu had a small smile. There was no arousal tinting his cheeks, but he looked happy to be there. That alone was a relief.

"Do you … um … need to go?" Gray really wanted to watch Natsu piss, but the Dragon Slayer shook his head. Gray dropped his gaze and nodded. He supposed it was still weird. Maybe it would always be this way. He was just glad Natsu did not say anything to oppose his kink.

He went to the sink to wash. As he soaped up his hands, he felt heat approaching. Gray looked in the mirror and saw Natsu standing behind him.

Did this turn him on after all?

Natsu's arms wrapped around his waist. Gray sighed at the warmth and that hard body pressed against his bare back—wait, where had his shirt gone this time? He heard Natsu sniffing, and in the mirror he saw the nose snuffling around his hair. It sent a chill through Gray's nerves. Then there was a kiss to the back of his ear that jolted through his body. Natsu kissed the back of his neck and nuzzled the hair at the base of the scalp. Slowly, the kisses went lower, down his neck, then to his shoulder.

Gray flinched and gulped hard. It had been weeks since Natsu bit him, but he still remembered the pain, the sting of teeth breaking skin, and the feel of blood coursing down his body. His eyes closed tightly, but then the heat pulled away. There were no more sniffing sounds, only the water running in the sink, waiting for his soapy hands.

Gray looked into the mirror and saw sadness on Natsu's face.

"It's still a problem, isn't it?" the Dragon Slayer asked with a wary, mournful gaze.

Gray stared, perplexed by the question. Natsu's eyes dropped to the side.

"Wash up," he whispered. Then he turned aside and walked out.

"Natsu?" Gray called, but the room was empty and cold once again. He washed off his hands, dried them, and hurried out. Natsu was pulling on a coat. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice coming out much louder than he had meant it to be.

Natsu's eyes, normally so sharp, were softer and sadder. "You're still scared of me."

Gray scoffed at that idea. "Me, scared of you? Oh, that's rich! Why would I be scared of an idiot flame-brain like you?"

His light teasing did not ease the tension in Natsu's brow. "You know why," he said seriously. Slowly, Gray's laughing face fell. "I hurt you that day. I could have killed you. You saw a lot of blood in your childhood. Now … there's me."

"Don't say that." Gray shivered in a different sort of fear. If Natsu wanted to end this … No! No way!

Natsu turned toward the door. "I should go—"

"No!" In an instant, Gray raced over and threw his arms around Natsu, hugging him from behind, grasping hold of him. "Don't go," he whispered in desperation.

Natsu stood there, happy to feel Gray's emotions in those crushing arms, the love he could never say aloud, but also the weakness of his own heart.

"Stay here," Gray begged. "Stay the night. We can do whatever you want." His embrace tightened. "Just don't go."

Natsu turned around in those arms. Gray's head was down, the bangs hid his face, but Natsu saw his teeth gritted. He took Gray's chilly cheeks and slowly turned his head up. He hated to see Gray like this: the man normally so cool, so in control, suddenly beaten by emotions.

"Kainushi," he whispered.

Gray's tension cracked with that gentle name, and he looked at the shorter boy with wavering hope.

"Please, kainushi, can you tie me up and drip hot wax on me again?"

It took Gray a moment to figure out the words. Natsu … was staying? He wanted to stay? And he still wanted some play time?

"Uh, y-yeah. Yeah, we could do that."

Natsu smiled, leaned over, and gave Gray a kiss to chase away his confusion. He wanted Gray to be himself again, the dominant sadist who could deliver sweet pain with a chuckle of amusement.

* * *

That night, they were in bed together. Natsu had not meant to stay the night, but he fell asleep after sex. By the time he roused himself, it was after midnight, so he let himself fall back to sleep, figuring that if it was this late, Happy would know where he was and probably already had his dinner. Now, he felt something shaking beside him, waking him up again. Gray was curled into his body, but he was twitching. Natsu forced his eyes open.

"Gray?" he whispered. His voice was raspy and tired from all the moaning earlier. The slight convulsions continued. Then he heard a tense whimper. "Hey." He softly caressed Gray's neck.

Gray bolted straight up. "Don't bite me!" he screamed. He stared into the darkness, slowly waking from the dream. "What?" He looked back around at the pillows and saw Natsu staring at him, his mouth dropped open in surprise.

Suddenly, Natsu rolled over and clenched his teeth. He had never wanted to give Gray nightmares, and the fact that his fetish affected Gray this deeply pained his heart. He shook his head, knowing what he needed to do but not wanting to. He yanked himself out of bed and pulled on his shirt.

Gray was still disoriented from the dream. He looked around in the darkness. "Natsu?"

The Dragon Slayer pulled his clothes on, walked around the bed, and kissed Gray on the head. "Get some sleep."

"Wait, where are you going?" he cried out.

"Home. You can't sleep with me here."

"I … I'm fine," he insisted. "Just a weird dream."

Natsu stroked down his black hair. "I'm giving you nightmares. You can't sleep when I'm beside you, and I can't sleep if you're shaking from bad dreams. We have a mission tomorrow. We both need rest." He turned to the door.

"No! Wait! Natsu—"

He stopped by the bedroom door and smiled back. "I'll see you in the morning. Thank you for tonight, kainushi. Now get some sleep."

Gray watched him leave and heard the front door shut. He collapsed back into bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"Shit. Why is this a problem?"

* * *

A few days later, Natsu was sitting alone in the guild, poking at some food and being uncharacteristically quiet. Erza saw his melancholy mood and shifted her cake over to sit beside him.

"How are you and Gray?" she asked.

Natsu jolted and looked up with wide eyes. "Fine! Why?"

That panicked look told her plenty. "I've noticed that you two aren't in the guild together as often as normal. On the mission, you two hardly said a word to one another. For a couple weeks now, you two seem to be … distant." Her face belied her concern. "Is it not working out?"

"No!" he cried out, but then Natsu's eyes fell to his meal. "No, it's good, just … um … we're … I guess—"

"Would you like to talk somewhere else?"

"M-maybe," he admitted awkwardly.

Erza finished her cake, and Natsu asked Mira to pack up his meal to go. Erza took him outside of the guild and away toward the lake. The breeze off the water ruffled her red hair and fluttered Natsu's scarf. There were fishermen in their boats out on the water, but they were too far away to hear anything on land. No one else was out in this area of the water.

"So, what's going on?" she asked, getting right to it.

Natsu tugged on the end of his scarf. "It's not anything too serious. I … might have done something bad."

"Something to Gray?" she asked, and Natsu nodded. "What did you do?"

"I can't say," he mumbled.

"Did you hurt him?"

Natsu's head jolted up. "Why would you think that?" Her eyes held his without giving away anything. "Ah. Makarov must have told you something."

"A little," she admitted. "Enough to know you have … issues." She saw the sadness in his face. "Was that the problem?"

"It's not related to that precisely," he said. At least, he hoped Gray was right and his fetish for blood was not because of _that time_. "But … yeah, I hurt him. Now he's jumpy around me. I don't know what I can do to show him that I'm not going to hurt him anymore."

Erza hummed as she thought about this. "So you want a way to regain his trust?" Natsu nodded silently. "Without getting into details, can you tell me how you hurt him? Did you punch him? Attack him? Were you … excessively rough?"

"I bit him," Natsu muttered. "Pretty hard, too. _Really_ hard," he confessed sadly.

Erza's cheeks flushed. "I see," she said to cover over her lewd imagination that was picturing the two in some lover's tryst and Natsu biting deeply into Gray's neck. How close she was to the truth, too!

"Now when I get near him, he acts like I'm going to devour him. He's having nightmares. I can't sleep next to him or he wakes up shouting, and I know it's dreams about me."

"So, you need to prove to him that you're harmless." She tapped her chin. "Perhaps this is too kinky for you two, but what about using handcuffs?"

Too kinky? Was there such a thing? Natsu had to chuckle softly, and he shook his head. "We tried that." That, and a whole lot more!

"Really? I figured Gray was so bashful when I mentioned bondage before, he'd never … ah, ahem! I mean—"

"It was my idea," Natsu said quickly. He knew Gray did not want people to think he was into kinks, but it was fine to Natsu if people thought it was him initiating things. Besides, being bound and having wax dripped on him really had been Natsu's idea.

Erza spent a little longer thinking. "Well, there is something," she said slowly. "However, I'm not sure if it might be too much for you two. You're just starting out, after all."

Again, Natsu wanted to laugh as he realized that something had to be pretty damn bizarre to be _too much_ for him and Gray. "I'm up to trying anything, doesn't matter how kinky it is."

"Oh really," she chuckled. Who would have thought Natsu would be such a pervert! "Well, since you two have had sex already, this wouldn't be all that extreme, just … messy."

Natsu's eyebrow shot up, really interested now.

* * *

Gray sat at home reading a book on blood fetishes.

_"It is very important to take good care of the toys used for bloodplay. Don't simply grab a kitchen knife and cut someone with it, or grab a needle out of a sewing basket. The dom should choose a good stainless steel blade. How sharp depends on the likes of both the dom and the sub, but the sharper the knife, the less chance of scarring there is. Never use that knife for anything else. The knife should stay in its sheath until the moment it will be used. It would be bad to cut a sub's thigh with a knife covered with dust, after all. Razor blades, preferably the disposable kind, are extremely sharp and usually leave no scarring once the cuts heal. They are ideal for doms who do not want to scar the pretty skin of their slaves."_

"Che!" Gray scoffed. "Why do they assume that it's the dom who likes to do the cutting, not the sub? Then again, I guess that's how the situation normally goes. Not like we're normal," he chuckled with a fond smile. "Natsu really isn't submissive, and not purely masochistic either. I guess even amongst BDSM, we're deviants." He rather liked that uniqueness about them, too.

_"Wash the blade thoroughly with water and soap, then submerge it in medical-grade alcohol for a couple of hours. That should kill most of the bacteria. Some people recommend lighting the blade on fire after taking it out of the alcohol, just to make sure."_

"Oh, Natsu will have fun with that," Gray chuckled.

_"After soaking for two hours in alcohol, wipe the knife dry with a sterile cloth. Preferably, leave the knife wrapped inside the sterile cloth until it is needed. This will help to minimize having it come into contact with any bacteria. It is recommended that the sub be placed on some kind of plastic sheet during bloodplay. Blood stains are not easy to get rid of, and people will wonder if they see them. Stay away from main arteries and vessels. Cut only on places that have a thick muscle/fat/flesh padding, like the butt, breasts, and hips."_

"Yeeeeah, lesson learned," Gray muttered. He reached up to his neck again. No scars remained, but sometimes he felt a ghostly ache there.

_"It is also important to make sure not to cut deeply, unless both dom and sub agree at wanting to leave scars. Some bloodplayers like to use knives on the inner thighs and across the back, but if the dom does not know anatomy well, don't go there! There are two main arteries that run close to the surface of the inner thighs. The dom will have to know precisely were they are located so they do not cut them and bleed the sub to death."_

Gray suddenly set the book aside. He felt his heart racing and his lungs jolting. He knew the symptoms of a panic attack. He had felt this way whenever he faced demons.

He closed his eyes as he recalled a scene from childhood, rummaging the ruins of his house. The smell of char and death clung to the sooty air. The crackling of fires and moans of buildings slowly collapsing in the snowfall were the only sounds beside his own voice, crying out for his parents, praying they were somehow safe.

He wanted his mother to hold him as he cried, whispering into his ear, "It's all over, just a nightmare, sweetie. I'm right here. I'll always be here by you. I love you, my sweet Gray."

He wanted to feel his father's strong hand on his head, assuring him that everything was fine. "Nightmares are scary, but you need to be brave, Gray. It's over now. We're a family, we love each other, and we're together, so of course everything will be okay."

He wanted this to be just another bad dream, eating too many sweets late at night. He wanted his mother and father to hold him and soothe his fears. He just had to find them, search for them, pull them out of the nightmare too, and then he could wake up, it would all be over, his parents would be there with him in bed, he could finally wake up from the nightmare, and they would be there holding him like always.

Just then…

Blood! His father's body, his head split apart, blood soaking the ground, its fading warmth melting the snow, so much blood … and other stuff. Chunks spilled from the massive cleft in his father's head. Pink rope-like things had been pulled from his stomach.

What was all this?

What happened to his father?

Dad? Dad! _Dad!_

* * *

A loud knock on the door yanked him out of the memory. Gray gasped for air, and the brightness of the noon sun startled him. His face was wet. He wiped his cheeks quickly. Crying? That scene, the blood on the snow, his father dead, his head cleaved open by one of Deliora's claws as he stood his ground and fought to give Mika and Gray a chance to escape, and his intestines ripped out by the monster who still haunted him sometimes, years after Ur killed it … that ghastly scene would never leave him.

Another knock brought him fully out of the past. He dried his face and rubbed out his numb limbs. Hoping he did not look as shitty as he felt, he opened the door and was greeted by a blue face.

"Happy?" he asked in surprise.

"Hi, Gray! Natsu has a favor to ask of you."

"He could have come himself," Gray grumbled. He wanted someone to hold him after that bloody flashback, although he would never admit that even to Natsu.

Happy giggled, and somehow his mischievous face dashed away the phantoms of the dark past. "Nope! He's _busy_."

Gray arched an eyebrow. What was that idiot planning this time? "So what does he want?"

Happy handed him a piece of paper. "A slab of ice in these dimensions."

"Slab of ice?" Gray muttered. Why would Natsu want ice? Why not get Gray himself?

"Oh, and he said to make it an ice that doesn't melt easily, but also isn't all that cold on the top."

"Not too cold but doesn't melt? Sheesh, that idiot! Seriously, what is he planning?"

Happy giggled again. "Can't tell you!" he sang.

It had to be a surprise. But ice? The dimensions were large as well, slightly bigger than human-size. "How do you plan on carrying a chunk of ice this big?"

"I have a wagon outside. Oh, and it needs to be really smooth on the top. Like a table." Happy suddenly covered his mouth. "Uh, I mean…"

Gray shook his head. If Natsu wanted to surprise him, he would humor the idiot this much. He owed it to Natsu after worrying him with those nightmares. So Gray followed Happy down to the wagon waiting outside and created a massive slab of ice. He felt the top with his hand. It was still incredibly cold, but not as biting as normal ice. It was the same type he used when he froze Natsu in bondage, cold enough to hurt without damaging skin, and also durable against flames.

Happy flew off, humming to himself as he toted the wagon with its ice slab. Gray had half a mind to follow him and see what was up, but Natsu would smell his approach. Fine! He could keep his little secrets. He was also curious what Natsu might plan all by himself. He would have to wait it out and see.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Happy knocked again on Gray's door. Gray had just finished the book he got about bloodplay. He had to admit, it was not really helpful, only slightly insightful. Most of the information was geared toward the one wanting to draw blood. The book kept assuming this was the dominant in the relationship.

_Perhaps I should write to the authors and inform them that sometimes it was the pet who wants to lick the blood of their master._

Knowing Natsu, all that stuff about knifes, razors, and needles were not what he had in mind. He wanted to bite, sink his teeth into Gray's flesh (something the book specifically warned against due to the risk of infection) and lick up the blood coursing down. In the end, it was a lot of good advice that mostly did not apply to them. They were deviants, after all.

Happy's arrival kept him from thinking too closely on the issue of blood and the dangers of bleeding to death.

"Natsu is waiting for you at the house," he said, snickering into his paws. "You better hurry or it won't be as fun."

Gray raised an eyebrow at that. He went downstairs, but Happy immediately flew off toward the guild. Gray began to smile. If Happy was not coming as well, this had to be something sexy. What sort of sexy thing could Natsu do with a two-meter long slab of ice?

Oh hell, what _couldn't_ they do with that much ice?

Curious and getting himself mentally prepared—Did he really want sex after that panic attack earlier?—he walked the long path to Natsu's house with a slightly faster step than usual. After a long hike up into the woods, he saw the dilapidated house. All was quiet, and nothing looked weird so far. He knocked on the door.

"Natsu?" he called.

"Door's unlocked. Come in."

Not even opening the door for him? That was strange. Gray entered and glanced around. The house had a smell to it, something sweet, like stepping into an ice cream parlor. Had Natsu used the ice to make a special dessert?

He stepped into the kitchen, and instantly Gray's hand went up to his nose as pressure shot straight to his sinuses.

 _Dessert_ was right!

The Dragon Slayer was naked, sprawling leisurely on that massive slab of ice, his body outlined in strawberries. He already had on his white and pink collar—wait, when did he sneak that out of Gray's home? The only other things he wore were bracelets and anklets made of pineapple rings, the yellow juice dripping down to his fingers and toes. Chocolate syrup and caramel were drizzled down his chest to his pelvis, where three blueberries adorned his bellybutton like a blue jewel. Round slices of bananas covered his nipples with a dollop of chocolate syrup to make that region a sweeter treat.

However, what really made Gray sniff back a nosebleed was another thing Natsu had somehow stolen out of Gray's chest of sex goods: the cock ring was wrapped around, and he was fully erect, already straining against the pressure building up from the ring. Whip cream with a cherry on top decorated his tasty erection.

Natsu had white frosting smeared over his hands and toes, which had ended up slathered around other areas as he fidgeted while waiting, included around the neck, some on his chin, and somehow it even managed to get into his hair. As Gray entered and gawked, Natsu licked off his frosting-covered fingers in a sexy manner.

"Wh-what is this?" Gray asked, utterly floored by the display.

"Dessert?" Natsu said in a low, sensual voice.

Holy shit, had Natsu planned all this? A fucking _human sundae_?

Natsu's cheeks were flushed with anticipation, and the rose-and-alabaster coloring mottled down his neck to his chest, making the white frosting and zigzags of chocolate and caramel sauce even more inviting.

"Well?" Natsu asked. "Don't let your ice cream melt."

"I-i-ice cream?" Gray stuttered, totally taken by surprise.

Those eyes narrowed, and Natsu sucked frosting from his finger. "I … scream."

Gray slammed a hand into the wall to hold himself up as all blood left feet, brain, body, and all rushed to his groin in an arousal that surged so suddenly, he wondered if it was possible to go from flaccid to cum bursting out in three seconds flat.

"Maybe you should get out of your clothes before you mess your panties," Natsu teased.

"Sh-shut u-…" His voice faded as he had to gulp down hard. Dammit, but he really did feel like coming already! Only the smug chuckle from Natsu stopped him from fully losing it.

Oh _hell no_ , he wasn't going to lose that quickly, not to some drizzled up Dragon Slayer.

Gray stalked over to him and gazed down at the treat laid out on a table of ice. He picked up one of the strawberries outlining his body, dragged it over the brown and tan sauces snaking over Natsu's chest, and lapped his tongue around it before popping the fruit into his mouth. Natsu watched him with fascinated and intense eyes. His tongue deftly flickered out to lick his lips as he gazed at Gray, then down to the bulge pressing against his jeans.

"So, where should I start?" Gray asked, eying the many choices. He seriously wanted to lick up that decorated cock with the cherry sliding down melting whip cream, but that could wait.

"Start anywhere you want. Although, that cherry is gonna fall off my dick if you don't eat that off first."

"I suppose when eating a sundae, there are two types of people: those who eat the cherry first as an appetizer, and those—" He plucked the cherry off and set it aside. "—who like to save it for last. Although, this ice cream really is melting. Perhaps I should lick up just the drips."

He leaned over Natsu's cock and licked the white cream dripping down toward the pink patch of hair. Natsu's whole body tensed at the hot tongue compared to the ice on his back.

All he gave was a teasing lick, leaving the rest of the whip cream there to hide the tip. Then he eyed Natsu's body again.

"I suppose if we have here a banana split, I could start with the bananas." Gray leaned over and licked the round slice on Natsu's nipple. The chocolate sauce only made it more desirous. Truth be told, Gray was getting hungry anyway. This was definitely an aptly timed treat.

He licked up the banana slice and chewed it, watching Natsu's reactions. His breathing was fast, his body a live-wire of barely restrained lust, but there was also a hint of curiosity. They had played around with the idea of using food during sex before, but never to this extent.

"Tasty," Gray growled. "But I think it needs more sauce." He picked up the other banana slice and dragged it over the sauces covering Natsu's chest and torso, smearing chocolate and caramel together. Then he purposely let the sauces drip over Natsu's pointed nipple. "Whoops," he smiled, popping the banana into his mouth. He ate it up and leaned over Natsu's chest. "I dripped some. Sorry for the mess." He latched onto the chocolate-dripped nipple and sucked the sweetness off.

Natsu clenched his teeth as he grunted. He had been in anticipation for this ever since Erza gave him the idea. It took some planning, though. The whole time chopping strawberries and bananas, and even shopping for the sauces, he kept getting aroused. Then when he sent Happy to go get Gray, he had to wait with his heart racing with building desire. Most of the dressings could not be applied until just before Gray came. The whip cream, for example, began to melt almost as soon as he squirted it on. The can was still beside the block of ice, because once it was sprayed on, he could not walk around. The cherry also had to be placed on just as Gray entered the house, so it would not fall off.

For how long it took to slice up the fruits and make the bracelets and anklets of pineapples, most of the decorating could not begin until Happy left, particularly anything below the belt. Happy was his best friend, he knew they were up to some sexy time, but Natsu was not about to do anything like putting on his cock ring with Happy around. The collar, too. He had to hide these two things and pull them out only when his friend left the house.

It was worth it, though. His cock pulsed with the tightness of the ring around it, and whenever his neck tensed in pleasure, he was reminded of the collar that showed whose _bitch_ he was.

"Kainushi," he whispered, shivering from the ice against his back while the front of his body burned up with Gray's tongue.

"Quiet. I'm eating," Gray said languorously, licking along Natsu's torso.

His tongue hit a ticklish spot, and Natsu tensed up with a groan.

"Noisy little dessert plate," Gray chided. He moved down to the bellybutton. "Now, keep quiet. That's an order." He bent over and used his tongue to scoop one of the blueberries out of Natsu's navel.

His stomach tensed, but Natsu gagged back a cry. He heard a soft chuckle from Gray as he took pleasure in watching Natsu squirm. Three times, he bent over, each time dragging his tongue across Natsu's bellybutton a little longer.

"Berry sweet!" he teased.

"Hurry up," Natsu begged raspily.

"Come on, you took a long time preparing this." He lifted Natsu's wrist and licked the frosting on his fingers. "It'd be rude to scarf down such an elaborate gourmet meal without savoring all of the flavors." He sucked the white frosting off each finger. "Besides, you like it."

"A little too much," Natsu admitted quietly.

"Oh, I don't think you'll come any time soon," Gray chuckled, nibbling the pineapple bracelet and occasionally nipping Natsu's wrist, just enough to scrape his teeth over the sensitive skin. "I won't let you."

"Bastard!"

He licked up a flat-tongued slathering of sauce off Natsu's chest, then dragged his messy tongue over Natsu's mouth, smearing the chocolate sauce around his lips.

"You have a dirty mouth," Gray scolded. "How should I punish you?"

Natsu gasped softly. Punishment!

"Always cleaning up your messes," he scolded, licking the sticky sauces off of Natsu's torso.

Gray eyed the cock, now dripping with melted whip cream and its own bitter treat. He heard Natsu's breath catch as he stared. Those tense hips flexed just a little, begging for attention.

"I'll clean that up soon," he promised, continuing to move down. He lowered over the slab of ice, all the way to Natsu's squirming legs, and down to the toes. He had decorated himself in anklets of pineapples, but the juice had dripped all over his feet, frosting-smeared toes, and onto the ice under him. "Oh, this will be fun," he smirked, remembering how potently Natsu had reacted the last time he licked his toes. "No olives?"

Natsu was panting with anticipation. "Who the hell puts olives in ice cream?"

"I guess that would be weird," he agreed. "Still … sticky toes should be cleaned."

Gray lifted Natsu's foot and admired his tiny toes tipped with white frosting. Gently, he licked up the arch of the foot.

"Ah. Ahhhh!" Natsu cried.

"You and your sensitive feet," Gray chuckled. He popped the big toe into his mouth and began to vigorously suckle it.

"Fuck!" Natsu roared. Gray kept working on each of the ten toes in turn. Natsu began to reach down to his erection; however, his hand jolted back, and a pained look crossed his face. His eyes blinked as he saw something that made him drop a shade paler. Then he shook his head, and the moment was over. "Gray, freeze my hands," he asked in a meek and worried tone.

Gray eyed him. Why had he frozen up like that just before grabbing himself? It looked like a bad memory, and now he was requesting to be restrained. Something was up, but he did not want to ruin the mood by asking.

"Put your wrists down onto the ice. It's my ice, so I can change it into anything I want."

"Then really hold me down," Natsu requested. "Like our first time, when you froze almost my entire body. I don't want to be able to move at all. I want to be totally bound and helpless."

"Oh God," Gray moaned, and he reached down to his own crotch as he felt his cock pulsing from the pleasure of the idea. "Completely bound, huh?"

Both hands slammed down onto the ice slab, magic glowed around them, and Natsu seemed to sink down into the ice. It crept over his arms, legs, chest, and up his neck. It began to creep over Natsu's face, but he left his eyes, nose, and mouth free. His legs, from thighs to toes, were encased in ice. Natsu tried to move, but he was totally bound. He could not even move his jaw since the ice was over his chin and cheeks. Only his lips could pucker a little, and his eyes were free to blink. The only things not covered were those parts of his face, his nipples, and the area right around his erect cock.

"Beautiful," Gray admired, staring down at Natsu trapped in his ice. Even his wild pink hair glimmered within the icy prison. "All mine." He stroked over the exposed nipples and watched as Natsu's torso tried to jolt within the encasing ice. "My prisoner. My beloved little bitch can't do a thing now."

Natsu tried again to move, but except for a little space in the ice for his chest to move up and down, everything else was solid. It was terrifying and comforting at the same time. He could not stop what was about to happen, and he also did not have to worry about doing anything at all. He was wrapped up safely. Those instincts boiling inside him were captured, tamed, imprisoned so they could not burst out and…

No, he didn't want to think about that!

Natsu felt safer like this. He knew Gray was safer. He could relax and not worry about the past and about his violent tendencies. All he could do was lie there and enjoy the pleasure.

Gray ran his hands over the slick surface of ice. "So amazing, seeing you like this," he said softly, truly in awe. "So many times, I just want to … _capture_ you! Do anything I want with you." His fingers caressed the stiff cock straining against the leather ring. "My own captive dragon."

Natsu tensed at the cold fingers, but he could not thrust up into those hands. He could only lie there and accept what little Gray gave him. He whimpered, but his mouth was trapped shut.

"I would completely gag you, but you don't want that."

"Maybe I do," he mumbled against the stiffness around his face.

Gray looked up sharply. "But that's on your hard limits. No gags."

Natsu wanted to shrug, but nothing moved. "I want to try it. Only like this, though. I'm … in the right place."

Gray nodded. Natsu had to be in the right frame of mind for something like this. Normally, being gagged would bring back bad memories. Now, either those memories were far away, or he was actively fighting them. Gray was not sure which, but if Natsu wanted it—dear God, he had been wanting this for months!

Gray waved his hand over Natsu's mouth, and ice crystallized over his lips. Now all of his breathing was just through his nose. Gray watched him carefully, waiting to see if this was truly okay before doing anything more. Natsu stared ahead blankly for a moment, as if checking to see how he would react. After a solid ten seconds, his eyes turned to Gray as if to assure him he was fine.

"We need an alternative to safewords," he realized. "Do you know _Shave and a Haircut_?"

Natsu hummed it. _Shave and a haircut, two bits_.

"Exactly. Hum that if it's Red. Got it?"

Natsu hummed an affirmative.

"Oh God, this is wonderful," Gray moaned. He stood up and stepped back just to take it all in. The slab of ice he had made now encased Natsu. Seeing him stuck inside his ice like that was completely overwhelming. "I'm gonna give you the best blow job ever," he growled.

Natsu's eyes widened at the hunger in those words, but before he could do anything, Gray leaned over and swallowed Natsu's cock whole. Natsu tensed so hard, he thought the ice should have shattered, yet it did not even crackle. Gray made this prison knowing Natsu's strength. As he felt the cold of the ice being replace with that hot mouth, all Natsu could do was hum out his screaming moans and shudder deep inside his chilled body.

Unable to move, unable to shift attention to anything else, he was forced to feel fully what Gray was doing. All other actions and sensations were literally on ice. He felt the bumps of Gray's tongue slithering over his skin, the ridges on the roof of his mouth rubbing his cock in a maddening way, and the soft wall of the back of his throat as Gray pounded down, again and again, starving for the finale of this human dessert.

"So tasty," Gray praised, before lapping all around the flared head. "Best dessert ever." He looked back around with a smirk at Natsu. "You spoil me." Both hands reached up and lightly twisted Natsu's nipples. Those green eyes widened and rolled back a little in pleasure as muted moans howled out. "I have to return the favor."

He leaned back over and let his lips slide onto the arousal, twirling his tongue around it, and then sucking so hard, Natsu thought for sure that Gray would siphon all the cum right out of him. Just as the sucking got painful, Gray slid back down, bobbing rapidly until all Natsu could feel was furious friction driving him closer … closer…

Then, just as Natsu thought for sure that this so-called _best blow job ever_ was going to end in two minutes, Gray pulled back. Natsu wanted to scream, but it came out in muffled protests. He was close, so close, and Gray was denying him that release.

"I love how dark your dick gets when you're ready to blow," Gray said arrogantly. He turned around and looked into Natsu's face. "And I love how your eyes look like they're burning when you need to come, and I won't let you."

"Mmmgrrrrh!" Natsu raged.

"Call me what you want. You like it." He lazily ran his hand down the wet length, and Natsu groaned with his eyes closed tightly. "Oh yes, you enjoy this. How does it feel, having my ice surround your entire body? Must hurt. Is it painful?"

Natsu would have bragged that a little ice could never hurt him, but he could say nothing. Besides, the truth was that the coldness was numbing and painful at the same time. He was losing sensation in some parts of his body, which meant the exposed parts felt all the more intense.

"You have no idea what this is like for me, to see you encased in _my_ ice. Remember how intense it was for me when you had those ice cubes up your ass?"

Natsu arched an eyebrow. Intense for _him_? He was the one who managed to fit ten ice cubes inside of him.

Gray was already starting to get a devious look. "Did you like it? My ice inside you?"

"Mmmh!" he cried out, and he would have nodded vigorously if he could have moved.

Gray began to lick his lips. "Let's try it again, only … you made me an ice cream sundae. I'll make you a popcicle."

Slowly, Natsu felt coldness slither between his butt cheeks, like an icy tendril crawling up to his anus. He cried out as he realized what Gray meant.

"Is it okay?" Gray asked quickly.

"Mmmmmh!" Natsu cried eagerly.

"Dammit, you seriously are sexy like this," Gray hissed. "I'll start small."

It was just a small rod of ice, no bigger around than a finger, but freezing. Natsu began to scream and thrash as it entered him.

"Safeword, _Shave and a Haircut_ , remember!" Gray shouted over the gagged noises.

"Hmm ghmm," he hummed. _I'm good_.

"A little more, then." Gray closed his eyes and kept one hand on the ice. He could feel everything his ice felt, and vicariously it was like he could feel inside Natsu's ass. "So warm in there. You're already melting it. Seriously, you have a hot ass."

Natsu shut his eyes as the ice inside widened ever so slowly, filling more and more, hurting, pleasuring, burning and freezing and _dear God he was going to blow without even being touched!_

Just as he could feel the tingle building, Gray touched the tip of his cock, and ice slid down that much smaller shaft as well. "Not yet," Gray smirked.

Natsu screamed as the ice pierced through where only piss and cum had ever passed. He was a second away from _Shave and a Haircut_ when the pain lessened, and what he felt … it was impossible to explain. It was like being penetrated in a whole different way, a thin rod of ice pressed down into his urethra, blocking him from coming and making him need it more than ever.

"I've never done this," Gray said, sounding like he was really focused and also insanely turned on. "You better as hell let me know if I'm doing this wrong."

"Nnh. Mmgz guuhf!" _No. It's good._

"I can feel it, you know," Gray whispered. "If I focus, I feel what my ice feels. And this." He shook his head. "Shit, to be inside you in two ways … Natsu." He looked down with hesitancy but also direness. "You can't come like this. You won't ejaculate, but you might have an orgasm. You're only afraid of your cum getting into something. It won't get into anything like this. It can't come out at all. Get it?" His breath went shallow. "I could have you fuck me."

Natsu's eyes widened. "Nhhhh! Mmf mn-mn hmm hmk!" _No! Shave and a haircut._

Gray jolted back. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I just thought—"

"Mmmn! Hmm nngh ngh grrr mmh pfffh!"

Gray waved over his mouth, and Natsu could move his jaw.

"I'm not in the right place for that," he said. "Another time, maybe, but not now. This … it's really weird, and I'm not sure how I'll react with it like this, and there is no way in hell I'm ruining this by freaking out. We can experiment later. Now, give me a damn blow job and let me come, you bastard! Nothing else weird."

"What about the ice inside?"

"Melt the ice in my dick. I like it, but I wanna come before I freak out."

"And in your ass?"

"Make it _bigger_!" Natsu grinned wildly. "Spread me so wide it hurts."

"Shit!" Gray groaned. He placed a hand on the slab of ice and focused again.

Natsu felt the ice in his ass growing, widening to a girth even greater than Gray's cock. "Oh God … ooooh God, yes! I may want your ice from now on and not your tiny dick."

"Screw you!" Gray's hand twisted, and Natsu felt the ice dildo twist within him.

Natsu screamed in pleasure. "Dammit, Gray, _please_ let me come already. I'm seriously going numb from the ice."

"Fine, but not without work from you as well." He climbed up on top of the ice slab and positioned his cock over Natsu's mouth. "If your mouth is going to be free, I want to mute you some other way."

Those narrow eyes gleamed hungrily. "Gimme!"

Gray eased his cock into Natsu's mouth, who immediately began to suck. However, Natsu could not move his head. Gray had to press down into his mouth, with his hips slapping the ice slab at every thrust. While Natsu was forced to take his cock, Gray leaned over and saw the ice in the urethra.

"A kink for another time," he whispered to himself. "When I release this, you'll probably come right away. You do realize, that means I want you to blow me first. _Then_ you get freed."

Natsu growled at the condition.

"Oh, and … I might want to play." He touched the ice sticking out of the tip and pulled it up, just a little, then slid it back down. "Just wanna see if you—"

"Yellow, yellow!"

"Yellow? What yellow?" Gray asked quickly, pulling completely off of Natsu in dread.

"Your cock. Shit, do whatever you just did and don't stop, but I will seriously bite off your dick because _damn_ it feels so good and _please_ do it again that was _amazing_!" he cried out in a rush of words.

Gray grinned at the reaction. "So, you like it after all?" He pulled the ice up just a centimeter, and then pressed it back inside.

"Arrgh!"

"It's really deep in there, too. I can feel it, you know. Feel my ice up your ass, inside your cock, so deep inside."

"Gr-Gray," Natsu whimpered. "No, it's … I'm gonna…"

"Let's go a little deeper," Gray said softly, and he focused his magic down the frozen rod.

"Fuck, wh-what the hell? That hurt a bit but … it … like it _entered_ somewhere."

"Maybe it's in your firing chamber," Gray smirked. "I've read about this. The sounding rod can enter the prostate gland on its way to the bladder. Felt like a pinch, right?"

"Y-yeah."

"Which means if I do this—" Gray shifted the rod just a little.

" _Fuck!_ "

"—and the ice in your ass presses upward just a little—"

"Arrrgh! Gray, no."

"Red?"

"No!"

Gray smiled. This was why safewords were important. The instinct was to yell _no_ or _stop_ , but the deeper desire was for more. He could only imagine the intensity, having the prostate massaged from both ends, not only peripherally from the anus, but directly right in the heart of the gland. Natsu tensed up so much, he definitely would have hurt himself if he could move. Gray watched, feeling through the ice.

Natsu eyes suddenly bulged. "Gray!" he gasped in shock. "G-Gray … oh _shit,_ Gray! No! Oh … dammit!"

He began to howl as he felt … something. An orgasm? Definitely, it was an orgasm. Only, nothing came out. It was intense, and yet he felt even more built up instead.

"Gr-Gray … what the hell was that?"

"What I wanted you to do in my ass."

"Oh God, that … that wasn't … possible!"

"You mean an orgasm without cum? Of course it's possible. If the blockage is big enough, you can't shoot anything out."

Natsu stared up blankly. "I feel … weird. Oh damn, it's like I need to come again. How … this is crazy!"

"Good, huh?"

"Hell yes!" he groaned.

"Let me try something. I won't ride you, but what if I give you that blow job with this still in you, and when you're ready to blow again, right at that moment I'll melt it. You blast me with my own water _and_ two doses of your cum."

All Natsu could do was whimper as he felt like he was ready to explode already.

"First…" He took hold of his cock.

"No, Gray, I … I will seriously bite you and that defeats all of this."

Gray wondered what he meant by _defeats_ , but he knew one thing: he did _not_ want his cock bit by a horny Dragon Slayer. "I'll free one hand, then."

"No!" Natsu looked up in exhaustion and lust. "Feed me, Gray."

Gray looked down at him, but it took only a second to realize what he meant. He reached down and began to stroke himself.

"Yes!" Natsu hissed, watching those fingers work. "I want to watch you. I know you like being watched, too."

"Dammit, I will gag you again if you talk like that."

"No you won't," Natsu smirked. "Because you like when I talk. You like when I admire your cock. You like my voice. So show me, Gray. Stroke yourself. I fed you a nice sundae. Your turn to feed me."

"Oh, I'll feed you all right!"

Natsu suddenly felt the ice in his ass moving. "Ahhhh!"

"Do you like that?"

"Oh God, yes," Natsu groaned. "I love your ice inside me."

"Oh shit, shut up!" Gray gasped, stroking faster.

"Feels so cold. It's freezing my ass. Hurts … so good!"

"Dammit, Natsu," Gray moaned, arching back.

"I want this again. I want you to ram that ice up inside me."

"Shhhit!"

"Your cock is dripping," Natsu teased. "Feed me your cum, Gray, and then suck on me, drink me up, melt that ice in my dick and let me come. I need it. Oh God, it hurts! Feels so good. Please, Gray, hurry before I come on my own. Feel like … like I'm gonna—"

"Not before me, bastard," he sneered. "Now open wide and catch."

Natsu opened his mouth, and Gray angled himself as he gave himself a final few strokes.

"Ready for it? Eat it. Eat it all!"

He tensed up, but Gray kept his eyes on Natsu's mouth, aiming for it. He missed the first spurt with a shot way high, but the second shot went right down Natsu's throat.

"Yes, swallow it," he sneered, stroking slower, milking it out.

More dripped, thick and milky, slowly dripping down into that mouth. Then Natsu's tongue reached up, and Gray let him lick clean the shaft and his own messy fingers. Natsu hummed as he ate up the cum and swallowed it all down.

"Good dragon," Gray smiled. "And now, back to you."

He flipped around and looked at the ice rod still in Natsu's cock. He pulled it up a little again, then pressed in.

"Oh _God_!" Natsu bellowed.

"Getting penetrated in two places at once! I really do envy you right now. Maybe I should try this on my own some day."

"You'd love it," Natsu moaned. "Dammit, this wasn't even on your Checklist of Fucking, was it?"

"Sounding? I don't recall. If it's not, it will be now."

"It's … good, Gray," Natsu whimpered, "but I'm really ready to come again."

"A little longer. I think I'm getting the hang of this."

"No! N-now!" He tensed up as he felt the sensation again.

Gray's mouth went around the cock, and right at that moment he let the ice melt and unsnapped the cockring at the same time.

" _Oh fuck!_ " Natsu screamed.

What he felt was like exploding, bursting apart, and if the ice had not been holding his body in place, he had no clue how far he would have arched right up off the slab. Instead, he was trapped and powerless to do anything but ride out what was by far the most long-lasting and intense orgasm of his life.

His cock was cold, and then suddenly it was burning, searing, hurting with the pain of his own hot liquid. He could feel the water shooting out first, like pissing but also like a prequel to the main surge. Chasing that icy water was enough cum for two orgasms, maybe three since the feeling of that pressure being released was like an orgasm all of its own. It was so much! So much coming out, more than he had ever felt before. Even after it was all out, his cock throbbed with each heartbeat, lingering, tingling, as blood and warmth flowed back into it.

"Oh … God … Oh God that was … that's … I'm done. I am so done," he declared in defeat. "I am done for a week. Don't even try. I am so … damn done!"

As he began to catch his breath, he realized something. Gray had caught all of it, water and cum, but he did not swallow. Natsu sensed something was off.

"Gray? Gray, what are you…? Swallow it!" He felt the smallest bit of panic. His cum was _in_ something. Gray had his cum. "Swallow!" he screamed as bad memories resurfaced.

Gray shook his head, his mouth still full. He pulled himself up to be directly above Natsu. Then his finger went into that hot mouth and pulled Natsu's jaw down.

"Whuh?" Natsu tried to ask with his mouth held open.

Gray leaned over, his eyes shining, and slowly thick whiteness spilled past his lips, laced with chilled water. Natsu jolted, but the watery cum dripped down into his own mouth. He had licked his own cum off of Gray before, but this … this was more tender. Gray was sharing the experience with him. He was also humiliating Natsu, making him swallow his own cum.

Natsu gulped and sputtered at the bitter heat mixed with coldness, but Gray let all of it pour down into that throat. Then he kissed Natsu hard and twirled his tongue around. Natsu's hot tongue met his in a sensual dance. The bitter taste from both of them was shared in their mouths now. When Gray pulled back, his eyes looked ready to devour Natsu all over again.

"I just wanted to feed you a little more," Gray explained. He finally picked up the cherry he had set aside and popped it into his mouth as a finale. "Thanks for the meal!"

"Kinky bastard," Natsu chuckled. "Warn me first, will ya?" He tilted his head to the side. "So, do you like my taste?"

"Obviously," Gray growled lustfully.

"I like your taste. This is no different."

Gray paused, wondering what Natsu meant. "You like how my cum tastes?"

"Not that. Well, I don't mind it, but that's not what I mean. I mean … how _you_ taste."

Gray leaned back as it dawned on him. His fears that kept triggering due to the blood issue must have made Natsu feel awful. Suddenly, the ice encasing Natsu melted away, and the Dragon Slayer was able to sit up.

"I really am going numb from the cold," he complained.

Gray rubbed out the chilly limbs. "You … you did all this to cheer me up?" he asked, feeling deeply touched at the gesture. "The dessert, letting me bind you … everything?"

Natsu nodded. "I wanted to show you that I won't hurt you. I might want to bite you and lick your blood a little, but what happened that day … it won't happen again. If anyone's gonna get devoured, it'll be me." He leaned up and licked some chocolate sauce off of Gray's cheek. "I _like_ when you devour me!"

Gray looked around at the messiness around them. "All this was just to make up for biting me?"

"Don't think I did it _just_ for you, bastard," Natsu glared. "I wanted a blow job!"

Gray burst into laughter and hugged Natsu. "You're an idiot."

"Says the guy who still has his icy popcicle rammed up my ass. You can pull it out now."

"Maybe I don't want to."

"Maybe my ass is so numb I wouldn't be able to feel it even if you spanked me. Seriously, melt it and get me into a hot bath. I can't feel my kneecaps or my butt cheeks."

Gray gave him a kiss. "You're incredible."

"Of course I am."

"Okay, now you're just an arrogant dick."

"You know I like feeling _cocky_."

"Jeez, that's just an awful pun!"

"Shut up. And carry me. I'm not kidding that I'm numb. Take some responsibility."

Gray lifted Natsu into his arms. "Bastard, you're heavy."

"Shut up, fatty."

"Who the hell are you calling _fatty_?"

"The guy who just ate a sundae _and_ a hot wiener."

"Your fault."

"Should I put you on a diet?"

"Hell no! I like eating a big, juicy sausage."

"I like serving it to you," Natsu smirked.

Gray chuckled and shook his head. "Keep talking like that and I might eat you up again in the bath."

"Maybe I'd like that."

"I thought you said you were _done for a week_."

Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray and pulled in closer to his face. "You know me. Just let me rest a bit, and I'll be all fired up again!"

Gray looked amazed at the virility of his little dragon. "I love that you're like this."

Natsu smiled. He said it again! Love! He leaned into Gray's chest and smiled to himself. "I love when you make me feel like this."

"Heh! Anytime." He carried Natsu princess-style all the way to the bathroom to clean up the dessert mess.


	42. I Wanna Lick Your Sweat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Kinks: salophilia and armpit licking … not something I could do. I'm way too ticklish! Also a warning about blood licking, though nowhere near as much as last time._
> 
> _Audio for the chapter:<http://chirb.it/N9tqEg>_

It was night now. They had showered off the sticky messes on both of their bodies, took the massive block of ice out into the woods to melt, and cuddled together on the couch until Happy came home, just in time for dinner. The Exceed said nothing to them, asked no questions, but he had a knowing smile, figuring that with the two talking happily and Natsu's quick pinch to Gray's ass while they shared the role of washing dishes, the dessert Natsu had planned must have gone great. They all went to bed with Gray staying the night.

Sometime after midnight, Natsu woke up to the sound of Gray having another nightmare. He sat up in his bed and sleepily looked over. Gray had sweat gleaming on his forehead, his breathing was sharp, and somnolent whimpers eked out. Natsu called out his name and nudged him, yet that only got another closed-mouth cry. Natsu tried to call to him again, sighed in weariness, and grabbed Gray's trembling arm.

"No!" Gray bolted up, and in a flash he was on top of Natsu, pinning him down. "You demon! I won't let you … eat … me?" He ended in confusion as the dream faded. "Wait, where … what?"

Natsu's face was anguished with guilt for giving him nightmares, all due to a fetish of his. "Dammit. It didn't work, huh? You're still scared of me. I'm so sorry, Gray."

"Why … what's … oh God," he sighed, realizing it had been another dream. Gray released his hold on Natsu's arms, climbed off of him, and flopped back on his pillows. He glared into the darkness, feeling weak and pathetic, unable to control his own dreams. "Are you going to run off again?"

"Not this time." Natsu rolled over and straddled over Gray's sweat-drenched body.

"W-wait!" he cried out.

"I won't hurt you," he swore. He began to lean over.

Gray tensed up, the dream too fresh in his mind, his heart still racing with the memory of Natsu turning into a cannibalistic demon and hunting Gray down like a feral animal. Instead, he felt only a lick to his neck, not the faintest scraping of teeth.

"I don't need your blood, Gray," Natsu said in the darkness. "I don't even need sex. I just need you. I need your smell, your touches." He licked along the collar. "Your love, Gray."

He jolted at that and looked up in horror.

"You don't need to say it, but you show it in everything you do. And that's what I need: your love, and nothing else. I love everything about you. I _need_ everything about you. At the same time, I don't need anything. I just need you to be here." He licked Gray's chest and over the nipple. "Just be here and love me. That's enough."

"Happy…" he hissed. Gray suddenly put a hand over his mouth to silence the pleasure.

"We don't have to do a thing if you don't want to. We could sit here and stare at each other, and that's fine with me. I never _needed_ sex, and I don't need your blood. Just this. Just you."

"But you like the taste of my blood," Gray said, cringing as that hot mouth began to make him erect.

"I like the taste of your mouth, too." He dived down and thrust his tongue deep within, lapping up the saliva as Gray groaned. Natsu pulled up and took the hand Gray was trying to use to cover his moans. "I like the taste of your fingers." He licked a knuckle, and then he popped the whole index finger into his mouth, giving it a sensual suck. Gray whined under him. "I like the taste of your sweat." He leaned up and licked the salty droplets off of Gray's forehead. Then his face leaned down until their noses were touching. "Let me show you: I don't need your blood. If it's going to scare you, I don't need it."

Gray's brow tensed as he gazed up at Natsu. "But you want it."

Natsu growled in frustration that this idiot snowman wasn't grasping his point. He suddenly grabbed Gray's hands and roughly pinned them above his head.

"Will you listen to me, you freak-blizzard bastard? Yes, I like it, I want it, but I don't _need_ it. Got it?" He grabbed his scarf and bound Gray's hands to the headboard.

"H-hey!" Gray yelled in a panic. Being tied up after that nightmare terrified him.

"Keep quiet. Happy could wake up."

"W-wait!"

"No! I tried playing nice. It didn't work, obviously. So now I'm playing mean," he smirked. "I'll _force_ you to realize that I won't hurt you."

He dived down and licked just under Gray's pectoral muscle. The body under him stiffened. He lapped along the valleys of every single one of the abdominal muscles adorning Gray's stomach.

"Nnngh! W-what are you doing?" Gray shuddered.

Natsu ignored him. He licked along the V-line down to his groin, but only to where Gray's boxers covered the growing erection. Instead of going further down, he came back up and gazed into Gray's face. Those stormy blue eyes were still wide with lingering fears.

"Yeah, I like the taste of your blood, but do you know what else I like?" He licked the inside of Gray's elbow. "Your sweat. It's filled with your scent. Not the smell of soap and cologne, but _your_ scent. Firewood, pines, mint, snow, musk. I want your scent." He rubbed his cheek right into Gray's armpit, wiping sweat away with his face. "I want your scent all over my body. When others smell me, I want them to smell _you_ on me." He leaned over and licked up along Gray's pit, lapping up the salty taste, savoring that incredible aroma that he could smell so potently.

Gray's jolted up and, despite himself, he cried out at the hot tongue tickling right in his armpit. "N-Natsu! No! That's … that's gross!"

Natsu raised up onto his elbows and gazed down at Gray. "Are you serious?" he said in a derisive tone. "You have sucked my cock, licked my asshole, drunk my piss, and you think your goddamn _armpits_ are gross?" He grabbed both of Gray's arms to keep them from struggling out of the scarf. "For that, I'm going to do more."

He rubbed the dampness onto his face, wiping side to side, wanting all of that glorious smell: the scent of Gray.

Natsu had noticed something about people in general. Every person had a different recipe of aromas. People did not have just one smell, but many. The hair and scalp smelled one way. Although most people used scented shampoos, and so the smell was masked, after a hard fight or a long mission without showers, he could smell the natural hair smell. It was way better than Lucy's strawberry shampoo or Erza's citrus-scented hair products. Even Gray's scalp when he styled his hair, whatever he used smelled of something vaguely minty mixed with aloe. It affected the rest of the combined smell, but the mint somehow fit him.

The torso had a whole different smell. The strongest was right between the breasts. He had his face smashed between Lucy's breasts so many times, he knew her spicy, feminine breast-scent well. Erza's was harder to catch because of her armor. Due to wearing such metal plating, her breast-scent was equally metallic, like smelling a car, except when she showered and then wore something normal. Once, he had the misfortune of being tossed in a brawl and smashing into Erza, with his face smooshed between her ample breasts. He sort of remembered a sugary scent, but the hit he got to the head from an irate Titania made him forget precisely what the aroma was like. Gray's chest smelled of cedar and pine, a forest scent that was simply amazing.

The groin gave off a completely different—and far more erotic—aroma. This one was harder to describe. Women tended to have the smell of the sea, salty and fishy and relaxing but also arousing. He had accidentally (seriously, it was an accident) smelled Lucy's panties once. She smelled like the fishing docks, but without the bad part of the smell. It was sweet, a little sour, oceanic: he could not really describe it.

Gray, though…

Natsu was not sure if this applied to all men, but Gray's penis smelled incredible. The scent changed throughout the day, intensifying as he sweated, sometimes to the point of being almost unbearably powerful, with a muskiness so rank Natsu could hardly stomach it. It was such a delicious scent, something never covered up by deodorants and colognes. It was the most pure scent of Gray Fullbuster he could get.

Then, there was the armpit. People used deodorant here for a reason. The scent was not at all the same as the rest of the body, and people mistook that as being a _bad smell_. It was not bad at all, though. So long as they were clean, armpits smelled intensely sweet and sour, like a good dipping sauce.

Natsu dipped his tongue into that smell. The taste was salty and just a little soapy from the shower earlier. The smell, though! He inhaled deeply. It was a pungent smell, spicy, a faint hint of curry and a stronger hint of pheromones, bitter to most people, but better than the smell of sizzling meat to Natsu.

"Natsu!" Gray shuddered.

It was almost ticklish, but it was far too arousing to make him chuckle. Instead, the feel of that nose snuffling around and the burning tongue licking right in that sensitive part of his body made all the other nerves throughout him tense and tingle.

It was also embarrassing! It was utterly humiliating! Did he smell bad? Didn't it taste awful? Being tied up and forcefully licked and tickled made his mind race with desires for more … _more!_ Gray bit his lip to hold back a whimper.

"If blood is an issue, we'll simply not do it. Okay?" Natsu offered. "What's that term you use? _Hard limit_."

"No," Gray cringed. "I don't want it to be a hard limit. I want to try it again someday, just…"

"Then right now," Natsu demanded quickly.

Gray's eyes went massive.

"If it's going to terrify you, I would rather make it forbidden, but if you want to try it, then we do it now, right here."

"N-no!"

"I won't bite. Is that better?"

Gray jolted. "Won't … bite?"

Natsu reached down to Gray's sword pendant necklace, picked it up, and grabbed Gray's hand. He held out just one finger. Natsu breathed a little flicker of blue-hot fire onto the metal to sterilize it, then he made a small poke to Gray's finger with the tiny sword. Only a pearl of blood came up.

Natsu sucked on Gray's finger, savoring the taste of the blood. He swirled his tongue around and around. Deviously, he began to suck up and down the length of the finger, from knuckle to nail. Gray tensed at the sensitive pleasure.

"This is fine, right?" Natsu reasoned.

Gray blushed as the Dragon Slayer kept sucking his finger and sending naughty ideas down to his groin. "Y-yes. It's okay."

"We can just do this. I'm not going to eat you or suck you dry. I just like to taste a little."

Natsu kept sucking and staring down heatedly into Gray's eyes as the ice wizard squirmed with suppressed pleasure.

Suddenly, Natsu pulled his mouth back. "I've had enough. I'll get you a bandage."

"What? Wait!" Gray cried out, feeling aroused and unsatisfied.

Natsu looked back around with a devious gleam to his narrow eyes. "Ooooh? Could it be you actually _like_ when I suck your blood?"

Gray grumbled, knowing that was a weakness. "More like when you suck my fingers."

"Then think of it as me sucking your finger, not your blood." Natsu picked up Gray's hand and began to suck his finger again. "We can start slow. We did too much the first time, and that was my fault. I got carried away. I'd never done something like that, and I seriously screwed up."

"It happens," Gray said with a soft moan as Natsu dragged his lips up and down his finger.

Natsu secretly wished there was more blood. He fought against an instinct to bite Gray's finger and slurp up the sweet liquid. This was a tease, barely enough to taste anything. He held back, though. He did not want to scare Gray.

"Something's wrong," Gray realized.

Natsu's eyes widened. How could he tell?

"My finger. It stopped bleeding already, right?"

Natsu pulled the hand up. Sure enough, the finger had already scabbed over. "You heal quickly, which is good."

Gray's eyes dropped. He wanted Natsu to enjoy this as well. Just sucking fingers was probably not very interesting to him, but the blood … he suddenly _wanted_ Natsu to enjoy his blood. "You can do more, if you want."

Natsu's head tilted in confusion. "More?"

"Poke my finger again, or bite it."

It was what Natsu desperately wanted, but he shook his head. "No."

"It's oka-…"

"No!" he said firmly, smiling lightly at the offer. He stroked Gray's cheek, happy that he was facing a fear just to please him. "Thank you, but I don't want to freak you out."

"But—"

Natsu snapped over his protest, "I'm _trying_ to show you that I don't need it, okay? Sheesh, you stubborn-headed popcicle!"

Gray pulled his hand back. He picked up his necklace and poked at the finger again until the scab broke. With a flinch, he stabbed the dull pendant in deeper. Blood began to snake down his fingertip.

"Gray…"

"It's me doing it to myself, so it's fine," he said, giving the Dragon Slayer a cold stare. He looked down at the blood dripping out, then thrust his hand toward Natsu. "Lick it up," he ordered, blushing as he realized he was willingly making himself bleed more and … he didn't really mind!

Natsu eyed him with uncertainty, but Gray's pinched brow showed that he was being serious. Natsu lifted the finger and sniffed the dripping blood. It smelled metallic and sweet. He licked the snaking drip. Delicious! Hungrily, he thrust the bloody finger into his mouth. Natsu groaned at the taste, now so much more of it. It was not as much as that first day when he lost control, but he could really taste the blood now compared to the tiny pinprick.

"Does it taste good?" Gray asked warily, watching Natsu's lips slide up and down, sometimes with a red streak of blood to them.

"Mm-hmm!" Natsu hummed in gustatory delight. He pulled his mouth back and looked at the blood now on the sword pendant. "Why did you do that?"

Gray gave a mild shrug. "Wanted to," he said, not really understanding it himself. He just knew that he wanted Natsu to enjoy himself. By the way his mouth quickly returned to the bleeding finger, he liked what Gray did, even if he wanted to scold him.

Gray moaned deeply as he felt that wet mouth swallow his finger, only to pull back. He watched as the pleasure from that taste made Natsu's cheeks flush, just like drinking strong wine. Gray felt himself getting harder and reached down to lightly palm himself.

"Do that," Natsu ordered sharply. "Touch yourself as I lick your blood."

Hearing Natsu making demands sent a shiver through Gray's muscles. He pulled his boxers off and watched to see if Natsu would look down there. He didn't! His eyes were firmly focused on Gray's face. He wanted to watch every flinch of pleasure, every squint of his eyes and biting of his lips … every facial expression. What Gray was doing was not as important as how good he felt doing it. Gray stroked himself, but he was suddenly self-conscious about how his face reacted. By just the third stroke, he knew his brow was tensing.

Natsu stared down at him, and those green eyes devoured everything. Gray felt that they were far more erotic than what his hand was doing. His gaze locked onto Natsu's, a battle to see who would turn away first, like any other petty challenge between them.

Natsu watched Gray, seeing if this was all right. The blood slathered onto his tongue, so good he moaned. However, he did not want Gray to be scared of the idea of licking blood. He kept watching into those unflinching eyes. Gray was trapped in a staring contest with him, but Natsu just wanted to see every badly restrained pleasure wracking over his lover's face.

Gray wanted that mouth down below, to feel Natsu's lips on his cock. Being denied that was infuriating. Only feeling it vicariously frustrated him. He wanted it. He wanted it … so badly!

Gray lost. His eyes broke away from their silent staring contest as his body drew up and his neck arched with a wail. "Natsuuuuu!"

Natsu's mouth sucked on the finger more vigorously, and Gray's hand stroked faster … faster…

"That's what I like to taste," Natsu said in an illicitly low voice. He sucked the finger and moaned. "It's getting so sweet. Delicious." He leaned over so close, Gray was forced to stare up into those eyes. "Gimme more! Give me what I wanna taste."

It all shattered. That demanding tone broke everything down, and Gray cried out in defeat and ecstasy. Natsu sucked his finger, but he could not help it anymore. He bit. Not hard, but enough to pinch the skin and let the blood flow. Those hormones, the flood of sweetness, flowed strongly through Gray's blood as he shot out, splattering his torso.

Natsu kept licking, savoring the way that sweetness dwindled, but a whole new taste flowed in. He heard Gray breathing heavily, dazed and probably feeling closest to heaven as two demons like them could get. Natsu's eyes went tender as he saw the flush of arousal recede and watched his lover lingering in that sense of bliss.

Natsu gave the finger one last lick. Then he reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a tissue. He wrapped Gray's bleeding finger in that for now. Then he slid down and licked the spilled cum, cleaning his mate.

Gray's eyes finally opened and looked down at Natsu lapping up the mess. He was so thorough about it, smelling for every drop and not letting any go to waste. He cradled the flaccid penis and only licked it gently, merely cleaning it up. Still, the heat of that mouth made Gray jolt.

Natsu finally leaned up, hovered over Gray's body, and smiled down at him. "Are you better now, idiot?" he asked in a playful tone. "Sorry I actually bit your finger, after I promised I wouldn't."

"N-no, it's … it's fine." He looked over to the finger wrapped in tissue. "It didn't hurt much at all."

"I think you were well distracted," Natsu teased slyly. "I'll get a cloth to clean you better." He climbed off the bed and stood.

"Natsu!" Gray froze after calling out to him. Leaving it like this felt so one-sided. "Do you want me to … um…"

"Not tonight," Natsu said in understanding. "I want to feel it linger tonight, but that's all."

That again! "Then maybe I'll just touch you a little as you fall asleep."

Natsu smiled at the offer and walked away. He returned with a warm cloth and wiped clean everything. He applied a little antibacterial cream to the bitten finger and wrapped a bandage around it. Then he curled himself around Gray, holding him in warm arms that always felt so protective.

"Is this okay?" Natsu asked.

"You're hot," the ice wizard grumbled.

"I know I'm hot!"

"Shut up!" Gray relaxed in that summery embrace. "This is good," he sighed as sleepiness washed over him. How could he have possibly thought that Natsu would purposely hurt him? He felt Natsu licking his neck and lightly thrusting his half-arousal up against Gray's butt. "What the hell are you doing?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Just licking. Your sweat tastes even better now."

"You're humping me like a dog."

"Well—" Natsu pushed himself up to gaze around those muscular shoulders to Gray's face. "—I _am_ your bitch."

Gray gawked back at him. Natsu dived down, licked Gray's cheek, and swiftly pulled back up with a wide grin. Quietly, Gray chuckled. Just like that, the dominant-Natsu returned to being the pet dragon, and Gray was _kainushi_ once again.

"You're incredible," Gray muttered in exhaustion.

Natsu kissed him on the neck and curled back down against his back. "I love you, too." He laid in bed, smelling the pheromones and sometimes licking the sweat on Gray's skin. The night was silent, but Natsu's mind was noisy with a persistently nagging thought. "Um … Gray?"

"I'm trying to sleep," he groaned.

Natsu squeezed him as he stuttered through the words. "Y-you took me to see your parents' graves. I liked going there. I … well … I kinda want to do something like that as well. Igneel doesn't have a memorial or a headstone or anything. So … what if I take you to where I grew up?"

Gray rolled over to look at him. "Do you mean where you lived with Igneel?"

"Yeah! I mean, it's not anything fancy. We obviously didn't live in a village, and we didn't have a real house."

"Where did you live?"

Natsu smiled awkwardly. "You might not believe me."

"Try me. Did you live in a cave or something?"

"Y-yeah … a cave, in a … a mountain…" He hesitated, then nervously added in a rush, "…that just so happened to be a volcano."

Gray's eyes widened. "A _what_?"

"No, it's fine," Natsu promised. "Well, it's still technically active, but it's never erupted. Well, not _a lot_ … maybe a little bit once in a while. You know, like volcano burps."

This sounded like one hell of a dangerous childhood, but then again he hardly expected less from Natsu. "It's safe, right?"

"Yeah! Yeah, definitely, totally safe," Natsu promised. "At least, _our_ side of the mountain was _normally_ safe from lava flows. Except that one eruption when I was eight, but that was totally a freak thing … and maybe partly my fault," he added reluctantly. "Other than that, totally safe."

Gray's scarred eyebrow was lifted high. "Natsu, you're not exactly making this sound _pleasant_."

"No, really, it was awesome there. We had a sauna and our own private hot spring and everything. Igneel made it really nice, and after that one time I sorta-kinda-maybe set off the magma, he made sure that if it ever erupted like that again, the lava would never reach the cave. It's totally safe. Really! Or … it was. I haven't been back home since the time I left to search for Igneel." His eyes drifted off with childhood memories of pain and sadness, augmented by the truth he now knew, which only made the pain burn more. Then he shook his head and grinned. "But I'm sure it's still safe. Igneel wanted to make sure a human could live there in comfort. And … and I really wanna take you there," he mumbled petulantly with a blush. "I wanna show you where I grew up."

Gray chuckled at how adorable he looked, so eager and yet anxious. "Fine."

Natsu brightened up. "Yeah?" he cried out.

"Sure. I showed you the snowy village where I grew up, so … show me your volcano."

Natsu bounced in bed with excitement. "Cool!"

Gray rolled back over. "Now, get some sleep."

Natsu wrapped around him again, squeezing tightly.

"Idiot! Don't crush me."

"I'm just really happy," Natsu said joyfully, snuggling against Gray's back.

Gray smiled privately, glad his face was turned away so Natsu could not see the flush of happiness in his cheeks. "Idiot," he said softly, feeling lucky to have this a crazy idiot as his lover.


	43. Girlie Boy and Dick Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I've had many requests for a genderbender or crossdressing, but it was Ellohria on AO3 who specifically mentioned that it could be part of a mission. There's also an audio (me ad libbing the dialogue) since some people love that:<http://chirb.it/rqqE2z>_   
>  _Warning: watersports, futanari, and quasi-gender sex. Not really intersex._

"Don't forget your toothbrush," Gray called out as he folded clothes into a suitcase.

" _You_ don't forget your shirt." Suddenly, a wad of clothes smacked Gray in the face. "Pervy stripper."

Gray yanked the shirt off of his head and glared at Natsu. "Look who's accusing _me_ of being pervy, Mr. Sundae!"

"That was to help you," Natsu argued. Then he smirked with a flickering gleam in his eyes. "You're the one who almost had a nosebleed because of it."

"Shut up! Anyone would."

"Any _pervert_ would."

Happy stood to the side as they packed and argued. He covered his mouth with his paws. "You two are like an old married couple."

They both paused and went red at his innocent observation.

"How long will you be gone?" asked Happy.

"Not long," Natsu assured him. "A week tops."

"You can take your time," Happy said, waving smugly. "I'm staying with Carla." He looked well-pleased with himself.

Gray laughed at the Exceed's slight blush. "You mean you're staying at Fairy Hills and sleeping in the guest room."

"And Carla sleeps there, too," Happy pointed out. "I can have breakfast with Carla, and dinner with Carla, and we can share fish, and curl up by the fireplace together…"

His fantasies were shattered as the door slammed open and the sound of metal armor stomped in with a flash of red hair. "Vacation's canceled," Erza said in a booming voice. "We have an emergency mission."

"But our sauna!" Natsu protested.

"Fish and fireplaces!" Happy protested with the same aghast face.

"Happy, you'll need to stay home for this one. Sorry, but there's no way we could do the mission with a non-Human around."

"Yay, I still get fish and fireplaces!" he cheered.

"Boys," she said, staring right at the fire and ice wizards. "Time for a makeover."

Gray's eyebrow twitched. "I have a very bad feeling about this."

* * *

A few hours later, they arrived at the destination for their mission. Erza looked ahead at a hill topped with a foreboding castle. That must be it, and her eyes narrowed at the evil aura she sensed around the building.

Behind her, Lucy could not stop giggling. All through the train ride and now afterward, whenever she looked over at her male companions…

Well, not male anymore! Not technically.

Gray and Natsu were less than thrilled. Sure, this was not the first time Erza had some brilliant plan that involved them wearing women's clothes—Gray swore she got a kick out of humiliating them like this—but it went way too far this time. Not only were they stuffed into dresses, but Porlyusica had brewed a special potion that changed their gender for three days. It had been less than pleasant, physically transforming like that. Gray's ample chest felt heavy, and his crotch felt bare. Lucy had used Cancer to wash their hair with something special, and now the back of his neck hurt with the weight of a thick, raven braid that swung at his mid-back.

"This sucks," he grumbled, his voice light and high despite his attempts to deepen it.

"At least you're _really_ a girl," Natsu complained.

For some reason, the potion was less successful on Natsu. Of course, he teased Gray that this meant he was more manly. Lucy and Erza exchanged secretive smiles at how dominantly Natsu appeared as he said that. His voice was already naturally high, so that sounded feminine enough, like a gentle alto not much deeper than Erza's voice; however, only tiny breasts grew on him, his hips did not fully take shape, and his penis shrank without completely changing into a clitoris. That meant he had to wear a padded bra, a corset to give him shape, and a special chastity belt that would completely hide the fact that he still had a penis, albeit a small one. Gray had laughed for hours, calling Natsu a Dick Girl.

One thing Gray refused to admit was that, between the two of them, Natsu made a _very_ sexy woman. Gray was bisexual, he had known the pleasure of plenty of women in the past, and if he had seen a lady like that, with such luscious waves of pink hair and narrow sexiness in those green eyes, he totally would have hit on her in a bar.

He was glad the potion had worked fully on himself. Every time he saw Natsu stretch his arms above his head and how that accentuated the cute mounds on his chest—Gray wondered if maybe he had a thing for small breasts—he felt aroused. Only this time, instead of getting hard, Gray just felt uncomfortably moist between the legs.

Being a girl was grossly … juicy!

"Let's get this over with as soon as possible," Gray said in irritation.

Erza looked startled. "I'm still not used to your voice."

"Well, you're the ones who did this to me!" he shouted, yet it was still a girlish shout.

Natsu leaned over to Gray and whispered into his ear. "You sound like an uke."

"Shut up, asshole!" he screamed, except it came out in a girlish squeal that made him cringe. _'Oh God, I really do sound like an uke!'_

"Gray!" Lucy gasped. "No stripping, seriously!"

He had only begun to tug on his blouse, but he forced his fingers off the fabric. "Dammit, this sucks!"

"We really should hurry," Erza decided. "The potion is supposed to last three days, but Porlyusica warned that it might last even less time on Natsu."

Gray made another gibe, "Dick Girl."

"Shut up!" Natsu snapped. "My fire burns it off. With your ice, you might end up being a woman for the rest of your life. Hah! Girlie Boy!"

"Quiet, both of you," Erza warned. "From here on, no more gender jokes. This is a serious mission. These people are human traffickers in the sex slave trade. This _must_ be stopped, and we must track down their buyers as well so we can rescue anyone already kidnapped."

"Which means, we have to be kidnapped," Lucy pointed out, knowing that the boys likely did not pay any attention to the details of their plan while getting their makeover into female forms. "All four of us will enter that castle, where it's been determined the women are being stashed until the buyer arrives. We'll get in as victims, try to flirt our way into being selected as soon as possible, and then we attack the buyer directly."

"Yosh!" Natsu cried out, slamming a fist into his hand. It was such a masculine thing to do, but it looked preposterous with his girlie appearance. Gray snorted out a laugh at him.

"The ladies were kidnapped at night," Erza told them, "especially groups of girls walking together. Girls will walk with friends to feel safer at night, so they were less vigilant and fell prey to these magic abductions. Witnesses say they were drugged asleep with some sort of powdery cloud, then a carriage came up and collected the whole group."

"So we wait until night," Gray nodded. "Should we bother with a hotel?"

"No need for it. If we're lucky, we'll be sleeping in that castle," Erza said, pointing to the top of the hill.

"If we're lucky?" Gray muttered.

He glanced down at Natsu. This mission was about women being sexually exploited, and Gray worried about how close that came to messing with Natsu's traumatic past, being kidnapped, locked away, and sexually molested for weeks. Erza also seemed wary of this, and Gray noticed that she stayed close to Natsu as they walked through the town to find a place to eat. Erza once admitted that Makarov told her only a little about what Natsu went through as a child, only enough to protect him. Gray strongly felt that Natsu should _not_ have been brought along.

They ate at a chic café that was too girlie for Gray's tastes, but the logical side of him knew that if kidnappers were scouting out possible female victims, this was the sort of place they would observe. More than once, Gray felt a tingle in the back of his neck, as if someone was watching him. He forced himself not to react to those instincts. They needed to get caught!

"Gotta pee," Natsu suddenly said, and he rose from the table.

Lucy grabbed his arm and yanked him down. "Remember, use the women's room!"

"I … I know that," he stuttered. Obviously, he had completely forgotten.

"Lucy, go with _her_ ," Erza said.

"I can pee by myself," Natsu argued.

"Girls always go in pairs," Erza told him.

"Yeah, and it's annoying when you do," he argued back, but Lucy got up to head to the restroom with Natsu.

Now alone, Erza leaned over the table to Gray. "I'm seriously worried about Natsu."

"Me too," Gray confessed. "This is a bad idea."

"No one else was available except Wendy, and I'm not about to have someone that young do a task like this."

"Definitely not!" he agreed.

"Gray," she said, totally serious as only Erza could be. "When we get captured, you have to be more sexy than Natsu."

Gray's eyebrow twitched at that demand.

"I'm serious. Lucy will definitely be a prize catch, and if we're truly lucky, I'll be the one to go with her while you and Natsu stay with the captives and get ready to free them as soon as we give the signal."

"They only pick two?" he asked.

"Our client says it's two to four at a time. If all four of us get picked, then we have no one left behind to take care of the other prisoners. Natsu … well, he makes a very good woman."

"Too good," Gray muttered. He was going to have gender issues after this.

"So you and I have to protect him and be more sexually appealing than him. I don't want him to experience anything traumatic."

"I fully agree," he nodded.

"If he starts to freak out … what does he do? Have you experienced anything like that with him?"

Gray's eyes lowered as he replayed in his mind all the times Natsu had panicked during sex, how badly he had reacted, the nightmares and the trembling terrors. "He can get violent," Gray said softly.

"That's what I feared. It's what Makarov warned me about years ago when we first formed this team. All the more reason to make sure he's not picked."

"Let him act normally. His attitude is a big turn-off, for a girl."

"Oh?" she smirked. "Is his attitude a big turn-on to you, as a guy?"

"Erza!" he hissed.

Lucy and Natsu returned just then, and Gray could hardly help but see how those two were by far the prettiest "ladies" in the café. Natsu might have needed a little help with the transitioning, yet his hair was gorgeous, his face was so feminine, and the way his eyes looked with just a little mascara and eyeshadow…

Gray shifted in his seat. Again, he hated how women got moist when aroused. He wondered if they felt horny as often as men did. If so, no panties in the kingdom would be left dry.

"It's getting late," Lucy pointed out.

Erza glanced out the window at the evening sky. "Indeed. We'll wait just a little longer. It should be dark when we go, but not too late or the captors might pick another group of girls."

Natsu sat beside Gray and leaned over into his ear, cupping his hand around his mouth so the girls could not hear him. "This chastity belt, it's … it's really weird. It's not like yours. It … kinda hurts. It holds me so tight, almost like it's smashing my cock."

Gray gulped hard and almost choked. Holy shit, did he have to talk about that here, of all places? "Is it too painful?"

"No, not yet, but … it's really tight."

"Natsu!" he warned, and Gray felt that moistness between his legs increase. Seriously, female arousal was weird.

"Plus it's so binding, it's hard to pee, but the corset is so tight, I can barely hold my bladder at all."

Gray bolted up and ran to the restroom. Erza jolted and watched him race off.

"What did you say to him?" she asked Natsu.

The Dragon Slayer flipped his long, pink hair and smiled coquettishly. "Nothing. Just complaining about the corset."

"Oh, I hate wearing those," Lucy had to agree.

Erza eyed him suspiciously. "You had better behave yourselves."

"I'm being good," Natsu protested. "I haven't destroyed a single thing."

Erza knew that it was not Natsu's destructiveness that was an issue this time. It was how strongly he could arouse Gray.

* * *

They left the café around nine at night and walked down the shadowy street. Again, Gray felt a prickling on the back of his neck, and by the way Erza's eyes kept flicking one way and another, he guessed she also sensed that they were being followed.

Lucy loudly announced about taking a shortcut through an alley, just as they had planned. It was the ideal place to be abducted. Somewhere about halfway through, Natsu stiffed hard. He smelled a magic similar to Ichiya's perfumes. Instinctively, he held his breath before realizing that he needed to breathe in this scent and fall asleep in order to get captured. The others were affected so quickly, they had no chance to react at all. Lucy and Erza collapsed instantly, and Gray slowly toppled into Natsu. The Dragon Slayer caught him, realized he needed to fall asleep too, so he let both of them collapse, with Gray protected on top of him. Although his nose told him not to inhale, he did anyway and felt the magical effects hit his brain fast.

Natsu was still semi-conscious but drugged when he heard men's voices, compliments about their catch, and felt someone stroking his hair.

"She's so cute, I want to fuck her now."

Natsu wanted to scream and fight, but the drug was in his system now. He was drifting off, and he lost consciousness just as he felt his body being lifted into a carriage. Thankfully, he slept through the ride.

Maybe because he breathed in so little of the perfume, Natsu was the first to recover. He sensed his body coming back from clouds, and he heard a voice.

"I feel sorry for this one. She's really cute. It's a shame. They'll do horrible things to her."

Cute? Horrible things?

_'Well, look at you. Aren't you just a cute little sex slave? Ready for more today? I have something special planned. Something horrible. Can you guess what it is? Come on, boy. Guess.'_

Natsu bolted straight up in horror at the memory and almost hit a girl who was looking over his collapsed body. She backed away quickly in shock, and it took Natsu a moment to realize what was real and what were just visions of the dark past.

He looked around. He was in a room with low lighting, the smell of incense that had some sort of magical suppressant in it, something that kept him feeling drowsy, and filled with the soft sniffles of crying women. It was a nice room, at least. Candles brightened it, and there were beds, couches, and piles of silky pillows to sleep on. Women sat tucked away, many holding pillows and sobbing. He figured they must have made it inside the castle. A harem room, by its appearances.

"Are you hurt?" the girl next to him asked.

Natsu jolted hard, his heart still racing from those bad memories. He did not recognize this girl. She looked no older than seventeen, awkward with crooked teeth and messy hair.

"I'm fine," he told the girl. "The others?"

"Your friends are here. We placed them on the bed as well."

Natsu looked at where he was lying and saw Gray, Erza, and Lucy all still asleep.

"I'm surprised you woke up so soon," the girl said.

"I smelled that something was off," Natsu explained, too busy looking around and assessing the situation. "How many girls are in here?"

"Um, thirty maybe? I'm not sure."

"And guards?"

"Two by the door, one by the bathroom, one patrols every half hour or so." She tilted her head as she eyed him cautiously. "You seem … calm," she said in confusion. "You do realize we're prisoners, right?"

"I guessed that much already."

"Nearly everyone wakes up screaming. You don't look worried at all."

"Well, I'm already a captive," he reasoned. "It's a prisoner's duty to seek an escape as soon as one becomes available."

"Sheesh!" she exclaimed. "Have you been kidnapped before?"

Dark memories flashed through his mind, the smell of mildew in a prison, incessant drips of rain leaking through a roof, the pain of a knife pressing against his throat, humiliation and disgusting touches, the stench of that man's mouth and the coldness of the chair he had been tied to.

_'Does it feel good, boy? Do you like when I do this? You're my cute little sex slave, gonna give me all the cum I want.'_

"Yeah," Natsu whispered hoarsely. "This happened to me once before."

"How did you escape?"

Natsu's eyes narrowed. "I killed the guy."

The girl's eyes grew massive in fear, and she shifted away from him. "You…? Oh," she whispered in shock. "Well, you're okay, so … so I'll let you help your friends." Then she hurried away before she got into trouble for talking to someone so dangerous.

Natsu had no idea how late it was when finally the others began to rouse from the drugged slumber, but most of the girls in the room were asleep. Erza and Lucy were awake long enough to see that the plan worked, and then they fell back into a normal sleep since it was well past midnight.

Gray forced himself to stay awake, though. He saw the darkness in Natsu's eyes, and it instantly worried him. There were plenty of beds and pillow palettes, so they let the two ladies share the bed, and Gray pulled Natsu over to a mound of soft rugs and pillows. He piled the pillows up to make something like a low wall to hide them from view of the guard who sometimes drifted around.

"Natsu?" he finally asked, holding the Dragon Slayer.

"I'm … fine," he said awkwardly, but Natsu twitched hard. "Actually, I'm not. I'm not at all."

Gray sighed and began to console him.

"Not that. I'm okay about where we are. I was a little freaked out at first, but I'm okay now. It's … the toilet."

Gray raised an eyebrow. "Toilet?"

"A guard watches the toilet. I mean, he _watches_. There's only one, and I saw him tonight, watching the ladies pee, even poop, and being a real asshole about it. I … I can't use that! Not with this," he said, pointing to his crotch and the chastity belt that was hiding the fact that he still had a penis.

"Aw damn," Gray muttered, realizing he was right. This was precisely why Erza had hoped to transform both of them into female bodies, considering the sensitivity of the mission. "Well, I … I could…"

"Please," Natsu pleaded. He looked up to Gray with fear in his eyes. "It's a good thing you have that kink, because … I seriously need to go, and I can't with that guard watching every pussy that sits on that pot."

Gray nodded with seriousness. "Let me take care of you, then."

He piled a few more pillows to better conceal them. Then Natsu lifted his dress. What he wore was like plastic underwear, and Gray saw how it smashed Natsu's shrunken penis into a small divot, so flattened that no one would see the bulge through a dress. Natsu had the key to unlock the chastity belt, and he carefully did so. The relief was instant, but the pressure off of his penis made the need to pee increase.

"Please," he begged, struggling to hold it.

"Not too fast, okay?"

Natsu nodded, blushing brightly as he realized what Gray was about to do.

Although he was shrunken in size, the nerves were all there, clustered and maybe even more sensitive than normal. So when Gray wrapped his mouth around the tiny cock, Natsu had to slap a hand over his mouth to silence himself from screaming at how intense it felt.

"It's okay," Gray said soothingly. "Just relax."

Natsu still held back. This was utterly mortifying. Although they had done stuff like this, that had been in the shower, at home, in private. Now, he was about to pee into Gray's mouth with thirty girls around.

Gray stroked his thighs, encouraging Natsu to relax and let go. He wanted to get this over with, because he was getting seriously wet now, and he feared getting caught by the guards. This was tingling so many of his greatest kinks all at once: seeing Natsu in a dress, humiliating him, drinking his piss, and doing sexy things in public. If Gray still had a cock, he would be erect and leaking. Instead, he was wet. Very wet!

"G-Gray," Natsu shivered. "I'm … um … n-now?"

He kept his lips wrapped around and nodded to show that he was ready.

Natsu closed his eyes and forced himself to relax. It was not easy. As soon as a little dribbled out, he clenched up again, mortified that it felt like he was pissing in bed. Then a little more came, a splash, and he strongly felt Gray's mouth move and swallow.

"Shit," he hissed. "No, I … can't. I can't!"

But he couldn't keep holding it. Most spurt out, and he felt the throat swallowing. _No!_ His heart was racing. This was so dirty, so wrong, so incredible.

"G-Gray—"

More, then more, and then he lost any control he had. He was peeing, and he could not stop. Gray was gulping fast now, and Natsu felt amazed that he would do this. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He looked down and saw it, Gray's mouth on him, knowing he was peeing inside that incredible mouth. He was filling up Gray in a way he could not do otherwise.

"So good. It's so good," he whispered.

He let it all go, until the pressure in his bladder was gone. He realized that Gray had swallowed all of it. Everything! Natsu collapsed backwards, exhausted from the emotional intensity and strangely aroused.

Gray lifted up and used the corner of a blanket to wipe his lips. "Natsu?"

"Hmmm," he hummed, relieved and happy.

"I … I need you."

He looked up in confusion, but Gray looked in pain.

"I am seriously aroused, and this is the weirdest sensation in my entire fucking life!"

"Aroused? But I thought you don't have a … a penis anymore. You got changed into a girl."

"The potion turned it into a clit, and … shit, I need you to touch it, and touch me, and … fuck, now I understand why Cana says things like she needs someone to _scratch her itch_. I am seriously tingling inside. Like … _inside_!" He made a face at how foreign this felt.

"You … you have a … like a woman?" gawked Natsu.

"You would too, if it had worked properly. Please, Natsu. I don't think I can do this on my own, and … and emotionally, I _need_ it to be you, not myself. Seriously, this is weird."

Natsu liked it, though. He liked the neediness in Gray's voice. "Take off your clothes," he whispered.

Gray had been struggling against that instinct all day, with plenty of smacks from Lucy and Erza if his fingers even drifted near the hem of his blouse. Now he threw the clothes off in record time. Natsu pulled off the blouse but let his skirt hide the tiny cock below. Without the stuffed bra, he still had breasts, but they were tiny, just small mounds topped by a nipple. Still, Gray reached forward and touched them.

"Aah!" Natsu gasped.

"Quiet!" Gray warned.

"Well, I've never had that area this sensitive before. So, what do you want me to do?"

"T-touch." Gray took Natsu's finger and pressed it where the sensation was stemming from. "There. Right there!"

It was tiny, and looking at these female bits on his lover was bizarre. Still, Natsu wanted to please Gray, no matter what parts he had to touch. He was not all that sure what to do, but he rubbed the tiny nub in circles and watched as Gray gave a full-body tremble.

"Is it true that a clit is as sensitive as the entire penis?"

"God, yes," Gray shivered. He understood why women got so vocal now. Just touching that tiny bit was almost more powerful than fast, pounding sex. "It … feels real good."

Natsu smiled at the girlish whimpers. He wanted more! "Can I touch … in here?" His fingers slid along a fleshy slit.

"Yes! Please," Gray keened.

Slowly, Natsu let a finger slide in. It was totally different from when he had fingered Gray's ass. Instead of the tight ring of muscles, this was wide, inviting, and incredibly wet.

As he felt himself being entered, Gray's body arched up. He began to moan and slammed a pillow over his face to silence himself.

"What's that?" they heard a guard ask.

"Two lesbians going at it. It's not the first time this has happened."

Two lesbians? Natsu had to laugh at that. "Can't blame them. You moan like a girl."

"Sh-shut up," he trembled. Gray tried to calm himself, but it was not easy with Natsu's finger plunging in.

"There's plenty of room," the wily Dragon Slayer noted, letting his finger explore in ways he normally could not do.

"Well, it … it's a vagina! What do you expect?"

"I wouldn't know," Natsu admitted. "Is this how one really feels?"

Gray was confused for a moment until he remembered just how inexperienced Natsu was. "You've never had a woman, huh?"

"Nope," he shrugged. He leaned over Gray's flushed face. "Just you." He gave him a kiss, and Gray's whole body surged into it. Just then, Natsu slid a second finger in, and Gray clung to him in desperation, totally unable to hold back moans. He dearly hoped that at least Erza and Lucy were still asleep.

Natsu smirked down at Gray. Sure, the hair was long and the body was a girl, but he just focused on the face. The eyes were no different, and the way his face tensed up was exactly like their normal moments of passion. He focused on the expressions of pleasure, wanting to draw out more.

"N-Natsu," he whimpered. The fingers thrust in hard, and his whole body jolted. "Natsu!"

"Does it feel good?" the Dragon Slayer asked softly, slamming a third finger in.

Gray dug his nails in and shivered, straining to keep his voice down.

Natsu laughed. "This is so weird!"

"You're telling me!" hissed Gray. "I'm the one getting fingers up a pussy."

Natsu kissed him again while his fingers pounded in. He found himself rutting up against Gray's thigh, and although it was small, he felt the tingle of an erection.

"Gray, touch me here." He pulled the icy hand down under his skirt to the hidden penis.

Those large blue eyes looked up in shock. "We shouldn't!"

"Not all the way. Not unless you want to swallow that, too."

"Swallow…" He had a belly full of piss. Now he licked his lips as he realized how much he wanted to top it off with cum. Gray quickly reached down and stroked what he could. "You're so tiny."

"Shut up."

"Dick girl."

"Girlie boy!"

"This is weird."

"Yeah," Natsu smirked. "But I don't mind doing this." He used two fingers to get in deeper and rubbed the clit with his thumb. Gray's hold on his diminutive cock tightened. Natsu wanted to tease him more. More! "Isn't there something you do with girls, like curling the fing—"

Whatever Natsu did, Gray felt it like a white hot spike burning all through his body. His spine arched right off the pillows. The gasp was so loud, the guards just laughed and made jokes about how hot lesbians were.

"Well," Natsu chuckled softly. "Looks like you have a G-spot, too."

"Shut up," Gray panted, his hips moving on their own now. "Shut up and keep touching there."

"Right here?"

Natsu curled his fingers again, but this time Gray had a pillow to throw over his face. He could normally have sex almost silently, but not this time. It was more intense than just thrusting his cock into a hole. Mentally, knowing Natsu was _inside_ of him, somehow made this more fulfilling.

"N-Natsu," he whined. "Natsu, I feel weird. Really, really weird."

"Bad?" he asked in worry.

"No, like _don't you dare stop!_ " he ordered, all but screaming it. "T-touch … more … outside."

Natsu used his thumb to rub the clit more directly. "Here?"

"Mm-hmm," he whimpered.

"Can I lick you there?"

"Oh God, yes!" he shivered.

Natsu leaned over and licked it. The smell was different, the taste was different, and yet both were still so distinctly _Gray Fullbuster_. Only … feminine! Fem-Gray? He rather liked the taste, too. Sweet instead of salty. Acrid instead of bitter. Natsu lapped at the darkening button peeking out from its fleshy hood, and the squeeze on his fingers still inside was incredible. Gray's hands snagged into his hair, pulling him, shifting him to where he needed to feel that scalding tongue.

"Lower," he whispered.

Natsu's tongue went down, and suddenly legs wrapped around his shoulders. Gray was bucking up into his mouth, and Natsu had to latch on with his lips just to keep tasting there. That small bit of suction shattered Gray. Gasping moans wailed out without any restraint.

"Cover your face," Natsu warned, handing Gray a pillow without missing a beat of his rhythmic finger and tongue duet.

The pillow went back over him, and he tore some of the seams as an orgasm rocked him.

It was totally not how he was used to. There was no gushing, no sudden dumping of all sexual desperation in one flash-flood of passion. This was not a tsunami. It was an earthquake, and it shivered, shook, trembled, and seemed to go on and on. He felt his insides tightening in spasms that felt so good, they edged toward being painful. The tingle was everywhere, not just in his groin but seriously _everywhere_. His thighs, his feet, breasts, hands, and face, _everything_ tingled. It kept going, longer than anything he had experienced, muscular clenches around those fingers, electric sparks all over his nerves, and the feel of flying up into Heaven while being yanked down by the gut into Hell. Rather than all sensations in his body concentrating into one spot and then bursting outward, it was like his whole universe was momentarily collected into one spot and suddenly exploded back out through his body, a sexual Big Bang contained within himself.

"Oh … my God … women's orgasms … last a long … time," he panted, still feeling clenching in his lower stomach.

He collapsed backward, his body so alive and tingling that just the hot breath from Natsu's nose burned. He kept twitching, catching moans, gulping saliva, and it was like his new vagina was never going to calm down.

"Sheesh, are you done yet?" Natsu asked, still feeling the muscles inside occasionally tense up.

"Maybe." Gray slowly calmed himself down, panting in full-body weariness. Yet something felt weird. "How come it feels like I can already do that again?" Seriously, for how intense that had been, he felt like he could do it again. Not in twenty minutes like normal, but like his body wanted it more … _now!_

"Because you're a girl," Natsu reasoned. "Isn't it true that girls can do it over and over without tiring out?"

Gray knew it! He had done it to girls, using his hands and mouth to send them shrieking with pleasure half a dozen times before ever putting his cock in. His eyes widened as he thought about that now. Could … he…? That many times? No rest?

Natsu saw that look of excitement and laughed. "What, do you want to try that?"

Gray breathed hard and looked up into those narrow, enthralling, dangerous eyes. "My body does," he admitted, his voice light and weary.

"Good," Natsu smirked, and he leaned over. "Because I rather like this."

He thrust his fingers in again, and Gray smothered down a moan.

"Would you rather have a girl?" he asked in a spiteful whisper.

"No," Natsu said, rolling his eyes at the stupid question. Just like some PMS'ing girl! "I like watching you react. It doesn't matter your gender or what I'm doing to you."

It was Gray. That was all that mattered. Boy, girl, it had never made a difference to Natsu. Just this person, his lover, his _kainushi_.

"I want to taste more."

"Huh?" Gray asked in weariness.

Before the ice wizard could ask what he meant, Natsu dropped to his elbows between Gray's thighs, pulled the fleshy lips back like curtains, and plunged his tongue in. Gray gasped and slammed Natsu's forehead back. He curled his legs up, hiding from the dragon's fiery mouth.

"Was it bad?" Natsu asked in worry.

"No. Too good. I won't be able to stay quiet."

" _Stay_ quiet?" Natsu had to laugh at that. "Idiot. You haven't been quiet at all since we started up. Anyone awake knows what we're doing."

That was mortifying to Gray. He liked to push his limits, but he also feared getting caught. Now, the guards were chatting about lesbians—obvious, they knew what was going on—and likely a few of the girls had woken up. He realized he had been mewling for a while now.

Oh God, did Lucy and Erza know? Were they awake? Were they still drugged? Considering he and Natsu were still alive and not smashed into gooey pulp from Erza's gauntlet, Gray prayed that meant that the two ladies were sound asleep from the drug.

Natsu reached out and gently touched Gray's knee. "Can I? I won't be rough."

Gray glared spitefully at him. "I don't need you to be gentle," he snapped.

"Well, you _are_ a girl," Natsu smirked.

"Shut up!"

"I just want to taste. That's all."

Like hell was that _all_. Still, Gray loosened up and laid back on the palette of pillows again. He looked up into Natsu's eyes. They were still the Dragon Slayer's eyes, despite the makeup Lucy had used on him. Those eyes had enthralled him from the very beginning, and they were no different despite the long hair.

Natsu began to slowly kiss up his inner thigh, making Gray wiggle in anticipation. Then he kissed the top of the soft mound where just that morning, Gray had his penis.

"I already miss this," Natsu frowned, "but I can make do."

Below was the clit, all that was left of a penis shrunken down, compacted, yet deliciously still as sensitive as the whole length of Gray's incredible dick. Natsu sucked on it just as he would suck the head of the cock, and the reaction was no different. Size didn't matter. Shape didn't matter. Even gender didn't matter. He loved the sensual smell of his lover, and he loved simply knowing that it was Gray Fullbuster whom he could pleasure.

Natsu suckled the transformed head, then lapped down into the slit. That was the weirdest part to Natsu. Not so much that the idea of Gray having a vagina. Well, that was weird, too! But for Natsu, he wondered just how it worked. Igneel taught him a little about the human body, enough to know girl parts and boy parts. Listening to the adults talking around Fairy Tail filled in all the gory details. Someone along the way explained about corresponding gender anatomy. Something about chromosomes determining if a clit swelled into a penis, and if ovaries dropped to become testicles that produced sperm instead of eggs. It was all just weird to Natsu, but he momentarily thought about it as his tongue dabbed into the wet cleft.

What precisely happened to Gray? He had heard the ice wizard shouting as they both transformed. Definitely, it had been a discomfort that almost rivaled opening his Second Origin. However, Natsu had not fully changed. His balls were gone, sucked up somewhere into his body, but not so high as to create this sort of chasm. He lamented about his tiny cock, but at least it was still recognizable for what it was, even if only slightly longer than a finger when erect. He was also glad he did not get breasts like Lucy. Those had always looked like they would be painful, like two boulders hanging from his chest.

How did it feel to Gray, though? He was purely curious—inquisitive little salamander that he was—so he moistened one finger with the juices from the front slit and slid it behind.

Gray jolted at the intrusion he was more accustomed to. Up until that moment, he had closed his eyes and imagined that this was no different from getting a finger up his ass, just not as tight and that foreign moistness that was still a bit gross to him. Now, he felt fingers in both openings, and the mental image of normality shattered. He could no longer pretend that his new vagina was just a really loose asshole when Natsu's hot fingers were thrusting into _both_ entrances.

"N-no … Na- … Nats- … ahn!"

The Dragon Slayer lifted his head, and his chin was moist from how wet Gray was getting. "Bad?"

"Don't you dare stop!" Gray shouted, and instantly he regretted it. The guards were laughing again, and he heard moans from girls who had been asleep up until now.

The smirk from that damn brat was _not helping!_

Natsu settled back down, suckling the tiny clit, while his fingers sought out both holes together. Definitely, this was the most bizarre sex they had ever had, and that was really saying something. However, Natsu felt a strange happiness, knowing he was the one who could ease Gray's needs this time.

Was this dominance? It was a different sensation from the times when he simply took charge. It was gentler, and yet somehow darker.

"Nats- … -tsuuuu! Na- _ahhhhh!_ Natsu!" Gray whined, straining so hard to keep quiet after his outburst, but he could barely stop the string of whimpers. He reached around Natsu's shoulders and clutched onto him as the tingle built up, the sensations were drawing in like a black hole sucking in all energy, and he realized it was going to happen again, a singularity in his core that would burst in galactic release.

He suddenly jolted. One hand grabbed the nearest pillow and slammed it over his face to mute what he could. The other hand grabbed Natsu's head so sharply, the Dragon Slayer growled in pain and nipped in protest. That tiny bite, not even sharp but directly over the clit, undid Gray. He pressed Natsu's head tightly against him and began to rub right into his face, needing just a little more pressure, a little more friction, just _more!_ He felt it strike him again, wave after wave, tremble after tremble, a long earthquake that left him a twitching mess, toes curling, legs stretching out stiffly, thighs beginning to burn from being spread for so long.

"Breathe!" Natsu muttered into the drenched crotch, tapping Gray's thigh. "Need to breathe!"

Gray released him and collapsed backward. Twice! And in under ten minutes with no break between. Maybe a female body wasn't such a bad thing.

"Dude, your smell is just insane," Natsu exclaimed quietly. He reached down and rubbed an ache in himself. "How do you feel?"

Gray could not speak. His throat hurt from all the panting and moaning. His body was still tingling. His lower legs were going numb. His breasts felt swollen, which was a bizarre sensation for him. He understood why some women just could not talk after sex.

Natsu cocked his head to the side arrogantly. "That good, huh?"

"Shut … up," he whispered, totally defeated.

"All worn out, ice princess? Hey, you really are a princess now," Natsu suddenly realized. "I always knew there was a feminine side to you."

"Fuck you," Gray said, but so quietly even he could barely hear himself. He was so tired, and yet somehow … not done! "Oh God, why do I feel like this?"

"Sheesh, was I that bad?" he pouted.

"Hell no! It's like I'm warming up to something more."

Natsu's eyes widened in shock. "You're joking! You're just now getting fired up? Man, it'd be such a pain in the ass to please a woman."

Gray had to laugh at that. "Tell me about it!"

"So … you want more?" Natsu asked cautiously.

Gray stared up to the ceiling. "Maybe?" he guessed. "I'm tired, but I'm still … tingling."

"Damn, you really do have a quick recovery time," Natsu noted playfully. He licked his lips at how insatiable Gray was tonight. Begging for a third round! "Well, my jaw needs a rest. I wonder," he whispered sensually. "Is it good … up here?"

He leaned over and caressed one of the enlarged breasts, letting his lips brush against the nipple. Natsu at least had _touched_ breasts before … and usually got smacked hard for doing it. This time, although the breasts were nowhere near Lucy's size, the reaction was not purely one of sickened disgust, but of shock and pleasure.

"N-Natsu!" Gray whined, straining but totally failing to keep quiet. Oh hell, they might as well scream. The guards were still laughing, and certainly at least a few of the girls had been woken up by their play.

"Are your breasts that sensitive?" Natsu asked softly, groping them with both hands. Gray clasped a hand over his mouth and whined. "You're whimpering so cutely."

Yes, it was cute, but it was also making Natsu's hormones go berserk. His body was already confused, trapped between being female and male. Now that male side was rearing up in a way it rarely did. This was not Gray-the-Dominant. This was a girl whimpering with pleasure, smelling so sensual and feminine and _fuckable_. Most importantly though, this was Gray! Thoughts and desires were surging in Natsu that he rarely felt, not in this way.

"T-touch! Please!" Gray gasped.

Natsu's fingers pistoned in again, delving deep while Gray bit his lower lip hard to hold back the moans. Gray was twisting and squirming, trying to get those fingers to touch where he knew it felt best. It was infuriating, not getting the touch just right, but when Natsu did hit the spot, it was so strong, almost painful, that Gray would pull away, only to seek it out again.

"Gray," he whispered, and Natsu leaned into his ear to make sure the guards did not hear. "I have a really big urge … to stick _it_ in."

Gray gasped and looked up in shock. "Y-you mean…?" Of course he meant _that_.

Natsu looked uncertain. He knew how bad his issues could get, but being in a situation like this, a prisoner just like that time, might be part of the reason why he wanted to fight the fears he typically had and do something he would normally never do. He settled between Gray's thighs and slowly pressed the legs apart with his hands.

"Can I?" he asked softly. He lifted the skirt to show the erection.

Being taken in this female body was definitely something Gray was up to trying, if just for the novelty, but he truly worried about his lover. "What about your issue?"

"Not that long," Natsu whispered. "I just really … _really_ want to feel you when you're like this, even if just a little bit. I don't even get it, but … your smell, and seeing you like this … but especially the smell. Dammit, that smell is making me want to fuck you like there's no tomorrow!"

Gray gasped at the beastly growl in his words. "Y-yeah," he trembled. "Do it."

Natsu took his shrunken self in his hand and looked down with disappointment. "I wish I could fill you up all the way. It's definitely small."

"It's cute."

Natsu glared up with a warning flash in his eyes. "I've told you before, don't call me cute."

"What about adorable? Charming? Pretty? Dainty?"

"Fuck you!" With that, Natsu roughly pressed himself inside.

Gray gasped and went rigid. "Oh my God, that is _weird_!"

"Do you know what's really weird?" Natsu pulled back and looked down to see a streak of blood on his shaft. "I think you were a virgin."

"No I'm not!"

"Well, something happened. Hah! I just broke your newborn vagina."

"You … what?" Gray had to laugh at that.

His laughs were silenced with another thrust, and this time he felt the pain of tearing. "Ow! Don't thrust like that." He scowled, wondering if he had developed these female parts with a hymen as well.

Natsu went slower until Gray moaned. "Is it good?" he asked slyly.

Like hell would he admit just how good it felt! "Well, you definitely don't go in that deep," he said as if bored.

The Dragon Slayer's eyes narrowed. "Shut up!"

He thrust in again, and Gray gasped as he felt it slide inside. It was different from anal sex, more room to spread and fit. Otherwise, it was about the same idea. Gray shivered at the feeling. Then Natsu thrust again, and this was different. He had angled himself and reached just deep enough. Gray slapped a hand over his mouth as a scream bubbled up.

"How about that?" Natsu asked slyly. "It's not the size that counts." He rammed his hips in again, and Gray's body rose into him instinctively. "It's how you use it."

He began to thrust with earnestness. He supposed that normally he would freak out, but this place—being a prisoner, held captive by a sex trade ring, and probably mostly because those holding him as a prisoner thought he was a girl—it all worked to twist those fears of the past and turn them into something else. It was darker, there were definitely still horrific memories attached to each thrust, but Natsu knew he just had to pull out before he freaked.

A panic attack was so close to the surface, he realized there was a good chance that this whole thing was part of a massive psychotic breakdown.

"Gray, can you get pregnant?" he asked urgently.

Gray was hazy in pleasure. "Huh? Uh … n-no? I don't … I…" He paused, and he wondered just how accurate this physical transformation really was. Presumably, he would change back after three days, but during that time … did he have a uterus at all? Ovaries? Eggs? Just _how_ female was he? "Oh God," he shuddered. "I really don't know if I can. I mean, it changed me, but I don't know how much. Oh shit, and we're not using…"

"I know," Natsu sneered. No condom, in a vagina. Definitely, the fact that he was not a screaming mess right now was only due to the situation, the place, and the fact that he was already a prisoner. Or was he the one holding Gray captive? Who was the one in charge here? Natsu was having his way with this _dainty girl_ , and it was … empowering! In a horrific, dark way, pinning Gray down was making Natsu more aroused and confident.

"Natsu, you don't have to…"

"Shut up!" Natsu suddenly thrust in sharp and hard.

Gray gasped at the fierceness. He felt hands on his wrists pinning him to the floor, and when he looked up he saw a violent sneer in those narrow eyes.

"N-Natsu?" he whined.

Before he could say more, Natsu thrust in, and again, snapping his hips with greedy need. Gray felt shocked, powerless, and weak. He felt the strength in those arms that had not fully become feminine, and he felt this lingering fear he supposed that only women normally felt.

_'Could I get pregnant?'_

"Do you like that?" Natsu snarled, and his eyes almost seemed to glow in the low candlelight.

Gray felt tears in his eyes at the brutal force slamming into him. He weakly called out Natsu's name, but each slam broke off a syllable.

"You like being treated like a girl, don't you?" Natsu hissed. "You're always so in control, but you realize that right now, like this, you've lost all control. I'm definitely stronger than you, and you know it. I could _ravage_ you, and you can't stop me."

"Natsu," Gray sobbed. It was scary to hear him talk so darkly like this, and it was thrilling!

He leaned down into Gray's ear. "I could get you pregnant, and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me."

Gray looked up in horror. What the hell was happening to Natsu now? This couldn't be a flashback … could it? No way! So why was he acting so strange?

"But do you know what? I really am in charge." He thrust in more and stopped with his cock pressed all the way inside. "I won't _let_ you get pregnant. I'll deny you of that. Nope," he chuckled, pounding in again. "Not by me."

"Na- … Nats- …"

"Are you ready to come? You're getting tight around my cock. Is that pussy of yours ready?"

The dirtiness of those words was driving Gray over the edge. Biting his lip, he nodded and hummed. He was ready. He was so close!

Natsu reached down and rubbed the clit while keeping himself buried in deep with only shallow thrusts. "Come first, Gray. _Please_ , come first," he begged in breathless weariness. "I wanna feel it."

"Touch … more," he groaned heavily.

Natsu dived down and suckled one breast, twisted the tit of the other, while his other hand rubbed that new little clit vigorously. He felt it again, the spasms, the clenching, this time around his own cock, like soft, wet massages up and down the shaft. He heard staccato gasps from Gray: "Na- Natsu! Ah! Naaatsu!" They were so high, so feminine, and the smell … oh God, the smell was everywhere.

Natsu suddenly felt wetness. Surprised, he looked down. He had not come, he was certain of that, but their crotches were drenched.

"Did you … um … squirt?" Natsu asked in shock. "Was that a lady squirt? I thought those were rare and only when the sex is incredibly good."

"Sh- … shut … up," Gray panted. "Oh God, don't move. Just don't. So sensitive. Like _seriously_ sensitive! Like don't-you-dare-move-at-all sensitive."

"No. Sorry. Gotta pull out." Natsu yanked back and grabbed himself. It made Gray cry out and flinch, but Natsu ignored his pain. The smell of whatever that liquid was … it was too much! It was pure liquid _Gray_ , and his brain was shutting down from the smell alone. "Gray!" he whispered in desperation.

"My mouth. Quickly!"

"Ice me." Natsu sneered and seemed to be holding back some raging beast inside him. "Seriously, ice me solid or I'm gonna flip out!"

Gray grabbed him, slammed Natsu onto his back, and iced down his arms and legs straight to the ground. He then wrapped his mouth around the small cock, but he pulled away at the shocking moistness covering it.

"Oh God, you taste like a pussy!" he sneered. Pussy and blood! He really had been sundered.

Natsu was trembling as the veins in his neck tensed. "Don't … gonna…"

Gray endured the taste and began to suck on him. It took no time at all. With his mouth clenched down hard to hold back grunts, Natsu burst into Gray's mouth the same bitter taste as always, no different despite the half-girl appearance. He gasped, grunted, but otherwise kept far quieter than Gray could.

Gray could hardly help but think: _'That's a manly orgasm. And now I sound like Elfman.'_

He swallowed it down, a better taste than piss, and now he liked the idea that his stomach was full of Natsu's essence. He felt satisfied and utterly elated to think that he could take care of these needs and clean up the mess.

What was it Natsu once said? _'A mate cleans up the mess, and the dragon protects the mate.'_ They had no clear roles like that. Gray realized that this time, he had to clean up Natsu's messes as well as protect him.

He removed the ice, and Natsu grabbed Gray into his arms so quickly, he was yanked off-balance, especially with those breasts hanging off his chest. Natsu clung to him, crushing him.

"I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry," he repeated in anguish. "I didn't mean … I'm so sorry."

"Natsu," he sighed, and Gray pulled his head up off the chest. "What was that all about?" Seriously, that was something new, different, and dangerous. Gray had sensed how close they were to a darkness that probably should not have been revealed, not here at least.

"I dunno." Natsu tried to laugh it off, but couldn't. "I … don't know," he whispered sadly. He was tormented by the fact that he had acted out something so dark to Gray. He was shaking, not from the sexual release, but from the shadowy beast of a past horror that he was trying desperately to suppress. A scene from the past flashed through his mind and sent shivers down his spine, making his stomach boil with sickness. "Dammit. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," Gray assured. He caressed the sweaty face and smiled down at his exhausted lover. "Damn, you were aggressive!"

"Too aggressive," Natsu muttered, feeling worried about why he acted that way. It could have been worse, so much worse, and Natsu knew it. That violent aggression should have never come to the surface.

"You like … really topped me. Like _really!_ Damn…"

Natsu smiled at that accomplishment, but he still felt bad about it. That had not fully been out of love. The darkness that had possessed him terrified Natsu, and he worried about Gray. As he felt Gray's body going limp, Natsu gently placed him down on the pillows and stroked back the ebony hair.

"Are you all right?" he asked in lingering dread, fretting over him and the evil things he had said to his dear lover.

"Yeah." The ice wizard smiled, staring up at the ceiling in exhaustion, totally unaware of the dread in Natsu's face. Gray rolled over and laid his head on the fiery chest. "Can we cuddle?"

Natsu's eyebrows raised in surprise. " _You're_ the one asking for cuddles now?"

"Shut up. Maybe it's the girlie thing. I just really need to be held." He tried to snuggle down into Natsu. "Gimme cuddles … now!"

Natsu smiled in relief. He wrapped Gray up into his arms and kissed the top of his head. Definitely, it was weird to kiss the longer hair like that and to hold a more shapely body. Still, it was Gray. No matter what shape his body was in, so long as it was Gray, this was the man (well, _person_ ) he loved.

"I love you," Natsu said sleepily.

Gray hummed with happiness. "You are incredible."

Natsu smiled at that. "You are too, even as a woman."

"Shut up … Dick Girl."

Natsu kissed the back of his neck and nuzzled the thick hair, happily content with his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Sorry, no "Igneel's Cave" yet. I know, that was a sadistic teaser. The trip to the volcano WILL happen … just not yet. (I gotta torment you.) There is also a whooooole other scene to this mission, but this part was already really long, so you get Part Two later._


	44. Within the Harem Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _First, an apology. I know I vanished for almost two months. Remember that broken wrist back in August that wasn't healing? (See[Chapter 32](http://archiveofourown.org/works/911674/chapters/4940589).) It's still not healed. After 9 months fighting government health insurance, I was finally granted an MRI. (How fucking generous!) I have a torn ligament that is freezing up my wrist and causing lots of pain. Apparently, this is "not bad enough to need surgery," but "may never fully heal." Fuck my life._
> 
> _Then the doctor did a procedure that was painful as hell, involving a very long needle being stuck between the wrist bones … and guess who's fatally allergic to the numbing shot normally used to lessen the agony! Fuck my life some more. It was a matter of biting down on a leather belt and struggling not to scream or even move as the needle was carefully inserted five different places, injecting fluid in between the wrist bones. Instead of helping, it made things way worse, putting me back into that ugly "wrist brace from Hell" that Natsu was supposed to burn._
> 
> _So I asked someone to type this chapter for me based on the audio—that apparently quite a few of you found online. (Stalkers, LOL!) However, I am apparently cursed. The last five people to offer their assistance in typing fanfics for me have all suffered computer failures of various kinds, from the internet suddenly going out of their house for days, to blue screens of death, hard drive frying, even dropping a laptop into a bathtub. Yep, my Muse hexes anyone who tries to type my fanfics. I'm cursed to write this alone. A month after posting that audio online and just problem after problem, I decided to face the painful truth (literally painful) and do all the typing on my own._
> 
> _So yeah, it's late. Future chapters may also take time. I apologize. Still, I'm not giving up on this story._

Gradually, Gray woke up and stretched. Sleeping on a pile of pillows was far less comfortable than it appeared, and he worked out a stiff shoulder. He saw Natsu sitting up, staring out of their private little cove blocked by a mound of pillows. His eyes were much colder than usual.

"Hey," Gray said.

His high voice startled him for a moment. Oh, that was right. He had been magically transformed into a female body. That explained the pressure on his chest and utter lack of a morning woody. Natsu also looked feminine now that Gray rubbed his eyes and saw clearer. He had only tiny breasts, but his pink hair flowed gorgeously, not mussed up with a night of tossing like Gray's long, black hair.

"Did you sleep at all?"

Natsu's gaze stayed out blankly. "No," he said softly.

Gray sat up and hugged those warm shoulders protectively. "Natsu," he sighed, wishing he could fully shield him from all darkness. "Is it this place?"

Natsu glanced around at the harem room. "It's not like … back then," he said hesitantly. Then he forced himself to smile. "Y'know, this is rather nice for a prison. We could totally escape. They don't even have us chained up."

He glanced at the door and had to wonder why the rest of the women in here did not realize that all they had to do was overpower three guards, only three, one by the door, one by the bathroom, and one who occasionally got off his chair, put down his book, and took a patrol around the posh room filled with lavish beds and scared women. Lucy alone could have defeated them and escaped from here, so why did two dozen women not realize they had the advantage in numbers?

He shivered as he realized, maybe they were terrified of the _consequences_. Some girl must have tried, maybe a few had attempted to run away. They were probably used as examples, punished, beaten … worse. Rape one girl in front of the whole group and you guaranteed that no one tried to break free again.

Natsu remembered what happened to him when he disobeyed his captor. After only three times, he fell into a depressed state of believing it was better not to fight too much. The consequences were far worse than simple, quiet imprisonment and indifferent obedience.

Far, far worse!

He quietly added, "I'm sure these guards could fight off regular girls." There was no point in blaming these girls for not escaping on their own. They were scared, they were not fighters, they were just normal young women who had been abducted and subjected to horrible things for who knows how long.

"Yeah," Gray said softly. Natsu's voice sounded tired and frail. Had he been too scared to sleep? Too scared of the nightmares?

He nodded firmly to himself. "But I know I could escape this. That's why I'm not freaking out … totally," he added in a mutter. He was panicked, but not full-blown. Not yet.

"But you're still—" Gray did not want to point out just how frayed Natsu looked, worn and ready to snap at the slightest movement. Hugging him a little closer, he quietly asked, "Are you okay?"

Natsu looked over to Gray, grinning as brightly as normal, but seeing the worry in his lover's face made his fake confidence shatter. The laugh that had just begun gradually faded to a timid sigh. "No," he confessed softly. He leaned into Gray's chest and let himself be protected.

Gray cradled him and stroked his fingers through the long, wavy pink hair. He whispered Natsu's name and leaned over to kiss him on the forehead. He really wished Natsu never came here.

Natsu shifted and laid against Gray's chest. His _kainushi_ was here with him. He would be safe. Gray would protect him. If he had been in this situation alone—Natsu had no clue what he might have done, but probably something truly awful.

"Look, about last night," Natsu said quietly, "I'm sorry. I've been thinking about it all night. I mean, why would I … in a place like _this_ …" he said in disjointed phrases, shaking slightly although he kept trying to laugh it off. "I feel like flipping out, and I know I'm trying to escape _mentally_. It's like I just want to shut it all down." He held his head, wishing he really could shut it out, all of it, the fear and memories and hidden terrors that he could not mention.

"Oh God, Natsu," Gray sighed, clutching him tighter and leaning over that small, shaking body. "We shouldn't have brought you."

"Nah, it's fine. I mean, I'm here anyway," he said, trying again to smile and accept this with a sense of lightness, but it sounded forced.

"Yeah, but … Lucy could have used Virgo or someone," he protested. Granted, they came to protect the girls on a mission this grave, but now it was Natsu who needed to be shielded from just what sort of prison this was and what horrors happened in this building.

"Nah," Natsu said, straightening up and smoothing out his hair. "They would be able to tell she was a Celestial Spirit." He looked over to where Lucy and Erza were still asleep together on a massive bed. They would be safe; he would make sure of that. Then he looked back around. "Gray, are … are you really okay?"

The question surprised him. "Yeah, I'm fine," he assured. A place like this was sick, but Gray did not feel even slightly threatened. He knew he was stronger than these men, even if at the moment he had a woman's body and less muscles.

"I mean…" Natsu began to touch Gray between the thighs.

"H-hey!" he snapped, slapping the hand away. Natsu drew back in surprise. "Sorry. It's … it's a little sore _down there_ ," he admitted reluctantly.

"I'm sorry," Natsu whispered. He sighed and looked away in regret. "I'm really sorry."

Gray scoffed lightly. "Natsu, I'm not hurt. Okay?"

He nodded, but the worry did not go away. "Yeah," he whispered.

"Hey," Gray sighed, hugging the Dragon Slayer around from behind. "Hey, what's up?"

Natsu stared out blankly again. He would have rather kept all of this to himself, but Gray jostled his shoulders and rested his chin on Natsu's shoulder. He knew the ice wizard would not stop urging him to open up. Steeling himself, he softly admitted what had kept him awake.

"Last night … triggered something," he whispered, tugging on his white scarf. "I don't know what. I don't even—" His words cut off with a gnashing of anger that threatened to boil up. "I … don't…" He slammed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"What do you mean?" Gray asked, worried after this. Triggered something? Fuck!

"I don't know if I remember, but _something_. I kept … _seeing_ things. I don't know if it was me."

Gray kept holding him. "Things in the past?"

Natsu's brow tensed up. "Maybe. I mean, was it … was it _me_? Was I watching it? Was it something I saw, or…" He gulped hard in fear. "…or something I did?" He shivered deep inside. "Part of me knows, and part of me doesn't."

Confused, Gray asked, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know!" Natsu shouted. " _Part_ of me knows, and part of me _doesn't_. I can't explain it," he said in frustration, wishing he knew the words to describe the chaos within him.

Gray nodded in solemn understanding. "It's something you've blocked. A memory."

"Maybe."

Gray thought about Makarov's foreboding warnings that there was a darkness within Natsu that even the Dragon Slayer himself might have convinced himself never happened. Last night, he had seen a little of that darkness in Natsu's eyes, something different, far different, and terrifying even to Gray.

_"I could ravage you, and you can't stop me. I could get you pregnant, and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me."_

The fierce aggression last night, threats like that, and the insane glee in Natsu's eyes as he overpowered Gray had been a thrill edging toward terror. Was this part of Natsu's problem?

"I … I … I can't…" Natsu rubbed his head in frustration. "I see just a flash, and that's it. What I saw was—" His voice choked up, and he trembled deep in his heart. "—evil," he whispered.

"Natsu!" Gray whispered, growing more worried. Evil?

"And, what if it was me?" he asked. "I … _flipped out_ back then, and I don't want you…" His words faded off again as a shadow filled his blank gaze.

"Don't want me to what?" Gray asked hesitantly.

Natsu fisted up his hand and shifted away from Gray's protective arms. He drew up into himself, away from the ice wizard. "I don't want to hurt you."

Gray stared at him hard. "That's _not_ what you were about to say."

Natsu knew he could hide nothing from Gray. The annoying stripper knew him too well. He looked up into Gray's eyes with stolid determination. "I don't want you to see this darkness."

Gray jolted back. After all they had gone through, all they had shared about their past horrors, what in hell could be so bad that he was pulling away now? "Natsu, if there's something bad in your past, we can work through it. We always have!" he smiled, hoping to encourage him.

"Yeah," Natsu said ambivalently, looking aside. "Maybe." Dark eyes glanced up again. "But what if we _can't_ this time?"

"Why wouldn't we be able to?"

Natsu's face turned serious. "What if it's that dark?"

A shiver ran through Gray. This had to be what Makarov mentioned, something so dark that neither the guild master nor even Gildarts had ever fully forgiven Natsu. Just what the hell happened?

"You said part of you remembers," he pointed out, trying to approach this with caution and logic. "What do you know?"

The pointed eyes went sad. "I know … I can't tell you."

"Natsu!" he scolded.

"Not here," he added, and the Dragon Slayer laughed tensely. "I'm freaking out in here. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to scare you." His eyes locked onto Gray's. "I don't want you to be scared of me."

Gray scoffed arrogantly. "I'm not scared of you."

Natsu looked like he pitied Gray. "Yeah … for now." He turned away and glanced back out at the harem room beyond their cove.

Gray felt deeply worried, but Natsu had a point. This was one hell of a serious subject they needed to tackle, and being on a mission, in the heart of enemy territory, and people starting to wake up … this was a horrible time and place.

"Look, we won't deal with it right now, and when we get home—"

"No."

Gray blinked at the sudden dismissal. "Whuh?"

Natsu pulled away further and slammed his eyes shut, wishing he could shove all of those visions of the past back into whatever little lockbox they had been in for all these years.

"I'm not ready," he said quietly.

"Okay," Gray said awkwardly. "Well, when you _are_ ready. _Whenever_ you're ready, just let me know. It doesn't matter what time of day, if you have a nightmare in the middle of the night, just let me know. Jump in through my window again," he smiled, hoping to cheer Natsu up, but it was not working. "We … we can talk."

After a pause, he finally whispered a half-hearted, "Thanks."

Gray's chest ached to see his boyfriend this close to breaking down. He scooted over and held the Dragon Slayer again, whispering his name, wishing he could release all of this darkness, every drop of it.

"I'm not gonna let you get hurt," Gray swore.

"Heh, that's my line," Natsu scoffed wryly.

"What do you mean?"

Natsu glanced around at the room, the guards, and the women fearfully awaiting a horrific fate. When he turned his eyes back to Gray, there was a strange, almost fatalistic gleam in this.

"I'm not going to let you go through what I did."

That face terrified Gray far more than shadowy pasts. "Natsu, what are you planning?" The Dragon Slayer only chuckled to himself. "You _better_ not be planning something," Gray warned.

Natsu's eyes held pity mixed with resolve and detachment. They were the eyes of a man who had surrendered to the inevitable in order to protect a loved one. Hollowly, Natsu said, "I already know what it's like."

What it's … like? Gray's eyebrows twitched at hearing such grimness in Natsu's voice. It took him only a few seconds to fully understand what he meant.

"No," he said sternly.

Natsu had a placid smile. "It's okay."

"No! Natsu, if you…" A guard walked by them and glanced into their cove suspiciously before walking on. Gray kept quiet until he was further down the massive room. Then he whispered to Natsu, "If you freak out—"

"I won't," he said with assurance. "As long as they're not stronger than me, I won't freak out. I haven't seen anyone strong. I can beat their asses." He glared at the patrolling guard checking out a partially exposed breast of a sleeping girl. "I _want_ to beat their asses," he sneered in loathing.

Gray held back his misgivings for the moment. "Would that be therapeutic?"

Natsu had to chuckle. "Yeah, probably would be."

"All right. Have at 'em!"

Natsu laughed, but they had to drop their voices again as the guard glared their way.

"But I don't want you to be picked for this," Gray whispered firmly.

"Heh!" Natsu leaned up into his face. "Then try to be sexier than me."

Gray silently cursed that Natsu overheard those words the previous evening. "How'd you know Erza said that?"

"Oh come on!" he scoffed. "I could hear her."

"You were in the restroom!"

"So?" he shrugged. "I've got good ears."

Gray huffed and looked aside. "Damn you."

Natsu chuckled arrogantly, but his smile faded. "So, she also mentioned that Makarov told her a little bit."

That was one secret Gray wished Natsu did not know: Erza knew he had been molested as a child. "Apparently," he said cautiously, hoping he did not ask if Makarov had also mentioned things about him, extra things … darker things.

"I wonder what he told her," Natsu mused.

Gray's eyes narrowed. "I dunno. You tell me."

"What?"

"You're hiding something," Gray snapped quietly.

"I'm not hiding—" He cut off awkwardly. He _was_ hiding something, and he knew it. "Look, I … I don't know. I mean, I _kinda_ know, but … and … and then I _don't_ know."

Gray shook his head in frustration. "You're not making sense."

"Well, it doesn't make sense to _me_ ," he cried out, but instantly Natsu dropped his voice back down. "I'm sorry, okay? If I could tell you … well, not now, but…"

When Natsu did not continue, Gray glanced over. " _Would_ you tell me?"

He cringed slightly. "I want to say I would."

Gray understood what was left off. "But you probably wouldn't."

Natsu hugged himself and pulled away. "Depends."

"On what?"

Terrified eyes gazed up. "On if that's _me_ in my memories."

Gray saw the dread in that face. Whatever it was, it truly traumatized Natsu. No wonder he could not remember the whole thing clearly, if even just a vague flash scared him like this. "What were you doing in your memory?"

Faintly, Natsu admitted, "Things that I can't talk about." He shivered and hugged himself tighter. "Let's just drop it, okay?" he whispered, wanting to shove it all away, hide it again, hide _from_ it.

"If that's what you want," Gray muttered. "For now! But this discussion is not over."

Natsu scoffed out a laugh. "It is until I remember whatever it is I'm forgetting."

"Okay," Gray pouted, "but you _tell me_."

Part of Natsu was glad to have Gray looking out for him, and part of him was terrified what those triggers last night portended. Whatever this was, he wished they had never dug it up. Even if his brain could not remember what happened, his soul knew, and it trembled, and that scared Natsu more than simply not knowing.

Gray began to move around, figuring they should get a start on the day. He stretched out his arms and legs, but suddenly there was a slicing pain at his groin. He gasped in shock. It was weird enough not having a penis there, but now … this felt way too weird.

"Gray!" Natsu jolted, seeing the pain in his face.

"N-no, I'm…" He laughed awkwardly. Seriously, this whole no-dick problem was humiliating and he _hated_ that. He moved slower, pulling away from where they had spent the night.

A coppery scent wafted up. Natsu sniffed around, then glanced down and saw spots of red on the cushions. "Oh my God, you're bleeding!" he exclaimed. "G-Gray! What…? Is that from _me_?" he cried out. He knew he had been a bit rough, but to make Gray bleed!

The Ice-Make wizard looked away petulantly. "Well, you sort of _tore_ me."

"I … uh … oh," he blushed. "Do you mean because you were a virgin?" The blood of lost virginity!

The embarrassment infuriated Gray. "That's just weird to hear, okay?" he snapped. "I'm not a v- … I mean, I have … I … it's just temporary," he insisted. Damn stupid Dragon Slayer! Gray already felt out of control with this female body. He did not need humiliation added onto it.

Natsu began to laugh, and Gray scowled angrily. "Sorry," he whispered, keeping a lid on how comical it was to see the dominant-sadist totally lost and out of control. He caressed Gray's face, but the ice wizard sullenly tried to pull away. Natsu scooted up beside him and put his hand on Gray's belly, adding a little heat, hoping to soothe the pain. "If I had known, I would have just licked you there."

Licked? Down there? Gray remembered having that crevasse licked, that tiny but insanely intense clit sucked on, Natsu's hot tongue plunging into him as he tasted something he would never normally taste. Last night, Natsu went down on him in a whole new way! He felt moist between his legs again just fantasizing about it.

"Don't say things like that," he groaned. He heard some girl waking up with a high yawn, and his voice dropped to a mere breath. "Come on, it's morning. Last night was … was _crazy_." Sexy, incredible, yet definitely insane and risky. "Not in the morning! I'll go to the bathroom." He began to shift, ignoring the ache. Then he looked back over in concern. "Wait, are you okay? I mean … do you need … to … go?"

The wet arousal was back, yet Gray could not help but remember how amazing that part of last night had been, to swallow _everything_ , all of it, every drop of piss. It had been glorious! His eyes lingered at Natsu's body, knowing what the blankets were hiding and what was under the skirt. The chastity belt was still off. Natsu was not at full size due to the magic only partially working, but that did not matter. Gray gulped, and part of him wanted it again, to drink it down, to watch in the morning light just how humiliated Natsu was to do that. He felt his dominance returning. He wished they could be alone and he could force Natsu to piss in his mouth, to hold him in icy imprisonment, not release him no matter how he squirmed, keeping his lips around that cock until he burst. God, he wanted that!

Natsu shivered under that cold, domineering gaze. "I … y-you…" He blushed and looked aside. Gray's arrogant smile widened at seeing that bashful side again. "Didn't you drink enough?" he whined softly.

"Well, if you need it…" He left it as an open offer.

Although Natsu knew Gray would _love_ to do this, last night had been hard enough with everyone asleep. Doing it in the morning when people were just starting to rouse and chat amongst themselves … no! No way! There was no way he could do that again and not whimper with shame and pleasure.

"You go!" he snapped. "You've got a lot of liquid in you."

Gray chuckled softly and tapped Natsu on the nose. "Yours!" His piss, topped with his cum: last night had been an all-you-can-drink buffet.

Natsu squirmed and shrank down. "Shut up," he grumbled with fiery cheeks.

Gray began to straighten his clothes and handed the chastity belt back to Natsu. Gray glanced out at the guards. The one patrolling was back in his chair with his book. Natsu slipped on the special chastity device, meant to hide the bulge in his groin. Gray watched as Natsu tucked his shrunken cock into the provided space. If he was any larger, he would _never_ fit this. Then Natsu smoothed the skirt over him. It worked really well, nothing showed. With a little work, he put his padded bra back on, adjusting it around the small chest until it puffed out the tiny boobs that had developed. He looked fully female once again.

"Hey Natsu," he said playfully.

"What?" he snapped sullenly.

Gray leaned over into the Dragon Slayer's ear and dropped his voice to an airy whisper. "Your piss is about to come out as _my_ piss."

Natsu's face went bright red, and he gasped in sexual frustration as the cock swelled and smashed into the chastity belt. He reached down and sputtered in pain. "Pervert!" he hissed.

Gray laughed smugly. Screw what happened last night! Natsu had his fun playing the dominant role for a moment, and maybe some darkness slipped out too, but now Gray was back in charge, and for what happened last night … oh yes, he would have to punish his dragon _hard_ for that! For now, he left Natsu with his hands between his thighs, hunched over in pain, and he sauntered over to the side room where there was a toilet.

Natsu slowly relaxed, and the pain went away. This chastity belt was totally different from their normal one. That was more like a cage; he could still get partially erect but the pain and the restraint stopped him from coming. This one was like a vice, pressing him in, holding him totally imprisoned. It was far worse … and Natsu rather liked the fact that no one at all could see his penis. They all thought he was a normal girl.

_'If they don't think I have a cock, they won't want my cum. If they don't want my cum, they won't touch me like that.'_

If these perverted men wanted to grope his chest, that was one thing, but at least they would not force him to ejaculate. It was the only thing that kept him sane in this situation that was far too similar to the past.

He heard some noise over by the bathroom. Gray's girlish voice was still strange, and Natsu almost did not realize it was him. Natsu peeked around the edge of their private cove. Gray was in the bathroom, but there was no door. The toilet itself was out of view, but the guard stood right there, watching with a perverted smirk.

"What is that guard…?" Natsu began to ask. Was he really going to _watch_ Gray? Natsu knew that was what he had been doing all night, watching the girls who needed to pee, but he figured it was so they would not try to escape in the night. Did he watch them every single time? Doing _everything_? Sick pervert! Watching as a consensual kink was one thing, but forcing girls to pee while he stared…

"Drop your panties," the guard ordered.

Natsu could not see Gray, but he knew that was who must be on the toilet now. That guard, that _bastard pervert_ , was going to watch Gray pee. Gray hated to be humiliated. It went against his nature as a dominant and a sadist. Natsu wanted to protect his _kainushi_ from that sick humiliation.

"Hey!" he cried out.

The guard was too focused on Gray to hear some girl shouting. "Come on, show me," he said slickly as his eyes stayed on Gray.

That sonuvabitch! Getting aroused from _his boyfriend_! "Hey!" Natsu bellowed, and he climbed over the wall of pillows.

The bombastic yell jolted Lucy awake. She rubbed her eyes and looked around. "Natsu?" It was almost like his voice, but higher. She saw long pink hair and had to remind herself of the gender changing spell.

Natsu marched up to the bathroom and grabbed the guard. "Leave Gray alone," he shouted.

Gray had not undone his clothes yet, and he already looked timid at the indecency. However, the guard looked pissed for being interrupted in his disgusting voyeurism.

"Natsu, it's okay," Gray assured quietly.

"No, it's not!" Natsu shouted. How could this be okay? These men were pigs!

The guard grabbed Natsu's cheeks in his massive hand. "Hey, lesbian."

Natsu's eyes widened. Lesbian?

"What? Are you jealous?" the guard smirked, squeezing the indignant cheeks hard. "You're not the only one who gets to see your little pretty girl's pussy."

He threw Natsu out of the room by his face. Not used to this strangely proportioned body, Natsu fell hard and skidded over the floor. Fire burned in his eyes as the guard laughed and turned back to harass Gray some more.

Lucy ran over just as she saw the flames starting to burn. She wrapped her arms around Natsu's shoulders. They could not let these people know they were wizards, not until the buyer showed up. It was the only way to rescue _all_ of the girls, even those who had already been sold.

"Natsu, calm down," she whispered.

Natsu slammed his eyes shut. He seethed as visions of the past returned to him, that sick man standing over him while Natsu was forced to pee in a bucket, still chained, a prisoner without even the decency of some privacy to relieve himself. He had almost forgotten about those memories since they were mild compared to the other things that happened to him during that time, but now he raged internally, thinking about how Gray must be feeling. He had a fetish for pissing, but something this hideous could potentially destroy that little kink they had shared.

The guard's horny smile fell to a scowl. "Hey, what's this?" He stepped into the bathroom, over to where the toilet was.

Natsu leaped up. "Get away from … her." He almost said _him_. He had to watch himself.

Gray was sitting on the toilet, the panties dropped, trying to focus on the idea that Natsu was out there, Natsu could hear him peeing, and just ignore the fact that there was some burly guard watching the whole thing. However, when that guard marched over, he looked up with horrified eyes. Oh God, what was he supposed to do? He was still peeing!

The guard looked down at the panties and the red spots staining them. "Are you bleeding?"

Gray choked up. Natsu also heard the question and froze. Oh … shit.

"What of it?" Gray snapped. He tried to bear down to pee faster, to get it over with. This was awful!

"Damn," the guard mumbled. He walked back to the doorway. "We've got a _bleeder_ over here," the man called out to his companions.

Having his condition announced so loudly mortified Gray. "What?" he yelled.

The guard now looked at him with disgust. "Girls on their cycle aren't allowed to see the buyer. He doesn't like them _bloody_."

Gray froze at those words. On his cycle? They thought his bleeding was … but of course, that made sense in a cavernous room full of girls. One out of every four was bound to be on their cycle.

This meant he could not see the buyer with either Lucy or Erza. That increased Natsu's odds of being chosen. _Shit!_

"Don't worry," the guard chuckled lewdly. "We'll put you up in a week. Your lucky day, I guess. You get to sit around and enjoy all of this." He waved out to the lavish harem room. "Now, hurry up and piss."

Gray looked at the door. Just beyond, he heard growls of anger from the Dragon Slayer. "Natsu," he whispered, fearing even more for him now.

Outside, Lucy still held onto Natsu's arm. Bleeding? She knew what they all assumed. Lucy was a woman, after all. _That_ was an annoying monthly hassle. She also knew that when Porlyusica brewed the potion to change them, she assured them that they would not have to worry about that, since even if their newly feminized bodies decided to ovulate that very moment, it would still take a few days for the egg to reach the uterus, and by then the spell would be worn off. Maybe the boys did not understand all of the anatomical explanations, since menstrual cycles and ovulation were things they never had to worry about before, but Lucy had paid close attention, purely out of interest. It was enough to know this bleeding was definitely not because Gray was on his cycle.

"Is Gray okay?" she asked softly.

Natsu fumbled a bit for words. "Well, yeah! Why wouldn't he be?"

She glanced around, leaned into Natsu's ear, and whispered. "I heard you two last night."

Natsu gasped and pulled back. "Y- … you were awake?" Granted, they had not been very quiet, but he thought for sure that Lucy and Erza were too drugged to have noticed.

"Yeah," she shrugged sheepishly. "Kinda got … um … woken up by it."

Natsu cringed in belated humiliation. "And Erza?"

"She's still asleep," Lucy said, glancing back at the bed they had used. "She's a really heavy sleeper, so at least when I was awake, she was still out."

Natsu sank in relief. "Oh, thank God," he muttered, feeling like he had just cheated death. He looked up with begging eyes. "Don't tell her."

Lucy really did pity him. If she and Loke ever got caught doing things like that … she shivered to think what Erza might do. Still, she warned, "Someone's going to let it slip."

"What do you mean?" he cried out.

She gave a sympathetic shrug. "I wasn't the only one awake."

Natsu gasped and looked around. He only then realized that most of the girls were staring at him and whispering to one another. His ears began to pick up those other conversations. Gossip was spreading. Those who had woken up from the noise were telling those who had slept through the whole thing. Soon everyone would know what had happened, that two of the _new girls_ were lesbians and had been very active last night.

"Dammit," he cringed.

"What, did you two not realize?" Lucy asked. "I mean, you were kind of … _vocal_."

"I wasn't really in my right mind," Natsu quietly confessed.

Lucy giggled at the blush on his cheeks. "Well, now I know you really do top." She winked at him. "Pretty hard, too."

Natsu cringed. "Th-that was just…" He realized Lucy would of course think that he topped after a night like that. He had taken Gray roughly and thorough. He had actually made love to him. It was not their first time, it still was not to completion, but it was definitely rare for them. Somehow, with Gray having the body of a woman, that had changed something in Natsu's mentality, but not exactly for the better. He had been dark, threatened Gray, said horrible things that he normally would never say.

"So, did you like it?"

Like it? It had been dark and easily could have been violent; Natsu felt that in his heart. "Lucy, no. Don't. Not now."

"Sorry. I'm just curious."

Natsu knew she meant well, and he could not be angry with her. He thought about the good parts of last night, and he smiled mischievously. "He makes a sexy girl."

Lucy had to laugh at that confession. "Well, you know what?" She gave him a light punch to his feminine arm. "You do too!"

Natsu scratched his head awkwardly. "Uh … thanks?"

Lucy laughed at how embarrassed he looked. Natsu really did make a good girl. In another universe, the two would have been besties, shopping together, doing each other's hair and makeup, instead of worrying about Natsu seeing her breasts and scolding him for eating up her food.

"We really should fix your makeup."

Natsu groaned. "Can I _not_ wear that stuff?" Seriously, how … no, _why_ did girls put that crap on their faces when they looked perfectly fine without it?

"Nope," Lucy decided. Then she dropped her voice lower. "And you better get that corset back on. I mean, you kind of don't really have a feminine figure." For how good his face and hair looked, the lower half of the body really was manly, with those square hips and breasts like a pre-teen.

Natsu whined as she smiled like she was about to play dress-up with an over-sized doll.

However, something else needed to be attended to first. Lucy looked over at the bathroom. She really did have to go, she had not used a toilet since last night, but she saw how the burly man watched Gray on the toilet.

"Um, Natsu? Does that guard really watch everyone pee?"

"Yeah." He glared at the guard and had to fight back a hormonal surge that made him want to rip the man's head off.

A flashback burst across his eyes. That man's head … in his hands … blood everywhere … an insane laugh of glee … and then … then … as he stared at the blank eyes and mouth opened in a silent scream of agony…

A whimper from Lucy yanked him out. Girl hormones were scary!

"What, do you have to go?" he asked.

"Yeah!" she whined, as if that was obvious. "I just woke up. Of course I have to pee. I don't want him watching me." Something dawned on her. If that guard watched everyone, and if Natsu's gender transformation had been only partial … "Wait, have you not gone? Are you still holding it?"

Natsu blushed as he remembered last night, feeling Gray swallow it all down, everything, peeing into that mouth, using Gray as a personal urinal. His cock tried to swell, and the pain made him cringe.

"Yeah, I'm … holding it."

Lucy saw the discomfort in his face and misunderstood. "Oh man, you're gonna end up with a bladder infection."

"M-maybe not."

Natsu laughed tensely as he tried to push aside memories of Gray gazing up in amazement as he accepted everything Natsu had to give him. Damn, they would have to try that again, but in private. Or … maybe not necessarily in private. Maybe in the guild restroom, hiding in one of the stalls, Gray on his knees, being Natsu's urinal. Something like that would entice Gray's exhibitionist kink as well. Or he could even pin Natsu to the stall and hold him prisoner until Natsu could not hold his bladder anymore, and only then let him pee, swallowing it, denying him even the use of the toilet. Natsu shivered at the thought and bit his lip. Once they were back to their real genders, he would have to suggest that.

"Well, if you really, really have to go, I could maybe call out one of my Spirits just for a moment, if we can hide in that cove you slept in."

Natsu was yanked out of perverted reveries. "And do what?"

"They could bring you a bottle to pee in and dispose of it. Virgo would be more than willing to do that as punishment."

Natsu imagined the celestial Maiden kneeling in front of him, holding a bottle up to Natsu's penis, and urging him to pee all he wanted, and when in his imagination he turned down the offer, she then acted like Gray, opened her mouth, and begged him to punish her by peeing in her mouth instead.

"Eww! No!" he cried out a little too loudly, attracting the attention of the guard reading his book. Quieter, he muttered, "No thank you! Ugh!"

Lucy giggled at his reaction. So modest! She had no clue what perverted thoughts were really running through his head. "Well, let me know. I don't want you to have an accident."

"Don't worry," he assured her. He and Gray had played their kinky game of how long Natsu could hold his piss. Natsu knew when he would be at his limit, and it was not yet. Besides, if things got truly bad … well, Gray had offered to do it again. He looked disappointed to be turned down. He would probably love to wrap his mouth around Natsu's cock, gaze up at him, swallow it, fill himself up inside with Natsu…

Natsu almost cursed as his cock throbbed against the smashing chastity belt. He just might ask Gray to do it purely so these minor erections would stop.

Lucy squeezed her thighs together. Gray was done and washing his hands in a basin. "Do I really have to go?" she asked herself, grimacing at the thought of doing that with some strange man watching.

Natsu felt sorry for her. She was a _real_ girl, after all. "What if I distract him a bit?"

"How?"

"Argue with him! You run in, do your thing, and I'll argue with him."

She pouted at that plan, so typical of Natsu. "You really shouldn't."

Natsu glared spitefully at the man inside the bathroom. "I don't like the way he's looking at Gray, and I don't want him looking at _you_ that way. I mean, Gray will pop back to normal in a few days, but _you_ …" Lucy was a real girl. Those were her real body parts. He knew Lucy was timid about nudity, despite how many times she had lost her clothes on missions. It was totally different from him and especially Gray, who hardly cared if entire crowds saw him nude.

Lucy smiled as she saw Natsu watching Gray with angry eyes. So protective! He was always like that with all of his friends. "You're really sweet, you know that," she said softly, admiring that quality in the Fire Dragon Slayer.

A slight flush came to his cheeks. "Yeah, whatever."

"No, really, Natsu. You're…" She smiled and whispered to him, "You're a gentleman, in your own weird way."

"You're the weirdo," he immediately said back. Still, it felt reassuring to be called a gentleman when he had a body like this. "Come on, weirdo!" He took her hand and positioned themselves a little closer to the bathroom, ready to move.

Gray slowly came out. He looked pale, emotionally pummeled.

"Natsu," he whispered, collapsing into his arms.

Natsu froze up. What happened while he was talking to Lucy? "Are you all right?" he asked in dread.

Gray buried his face down into Natsu's scarf. "I _don't_ like humiliation!" he growled.

Peeing as a girl was bad enough. Having someone watch him was even worse. Having his bleeding announced to the entire room had been his limit. All of the quiet harassment from the guard only pushed him beyond his limits. Natsu saw he was fighting tears. There were no safewords in this situation, and Gray had experienced too much.

Natsu hugged him and breathed into his ear, "I'll make up for it when we get home."

Gray groaned softly. "Don't get me aroused." That moist feeling was too weird. He missed boners. Then Gray saw how Natsu and Lucy were positioned, like they were ready to attack. "What are you doing?"

"Lucy has to go, and I'm going to try distracting him."

Gray glared up in fury. "You couldn't have done that with me?"

Natsu shrugged. "You didn't ask."

Gray growled. Stupid flame-brain! He can do that for Lucy, but not for his own boyfriend?

Natsu stroked down the long, black hair. "Hey, take it easy."

"I'm fine!" he shouted, pushing himself away from Natsu.

"You're bleeding."

Gray looked away petulantly. "I'm fine," he grumbled.

Natsu rubbed his arm. "I'll take responsibility."

Gray glared up at him. "Don't _even_ say something like that! Shut up!" Dammit, being treated like a girl! Granted, he physically _was_ one at the moment, but still, just because this damn Dragon Slayer had a minuscule cock, that did _not_ give him the right to treat his dominant lover this way. "I'm fine," he insisted again, folding his arms and looking away stubbornly.

"All right," Natsu shrugged, letting Gray handle this however he wanted. He looked over to Lucy, who crept close to the bathroom door. Then Natsu took a step toward the guard. "Hey, you!" he shouted, glaring challengingly.

The guard turned around to face Natsu. "What do you want, lesbian?"

Natsu glanced to the blonde. "Go, Lucy," he whispered.

She pressed her hands together. "Thank you!" she lipped, and she raced over to the toilet.

Natsu leered up at the guard. "Hey, you were looking at my _girl_ friend." Sheesh, calling Gray that was really, really weird.

"Oooh, so she really is yours."

Natsu thumbed his own chest. "Yeah! Mine! I don't like people looking at what's mine."

The guard laughed and smirked down at the pink-haired prisoner. "Well, you sure don't mind _sharing_ what's yours."

Natsu bristled. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, come one," he grinned. "Every guy here was fapping to you two."

Natsu shivered, realizing that last night really had given all of the guards a show. Even Lucy had heard them. "That's our own business."

The guard stepped up to Natsu and tipped his chin up with a finger. "Look, little sakura. You and your cutey can make out any time you want." He chuckled lewdly and leaned in closer to Natsu's face. "We were having fun listening to you two last night."

Natsu yanked away and sneered. "Bastard."

The guard yanked him back by the waist and clutched Natsu against his massive body. "Would you want to give a show?"

Natsu easily slid out of the hold and backed away. "Fuck you!"

"Oh, that's a dirty mouth for a pretty girl like you." He licked his lips lecherously. "Maybe I should be the one to _clean_ it."

Now Gray moved in, stepping in front of Natsu with his arms spread out. "Hey!"

Natsu grabbed around the ice wizard's shoulders. "Gray…"

"Back off," he growled at the guard.

The room began to drop in temperature as Gray sneered protectively. The last thing Natsu needed was threats like that. It was too close to what he suffered in the past, and there was no way Gray would allow that to happen again.

The guard merely laughed at the two. "For a _screamer_ , you're quite protective."

Gray jolted. Screamer? Last night! People heard! His kinks, his voice, everything, all of it!

Natsu felt the chill collapse and saw Gray's indignant face fall in horror. He leaped around Gray's protecting stance and snarled at the guard, ready to attack him.

Just then, Lucy rushed out of the bathroom and up to him, putting her hands on his chest and calling out his name. They could not get into a fight, not yet. The mission depending on them putting up with all of this until the right time.

Natsu knew this had to be ignored for now. Still glaring, he pulled back. "All right. Let's go, Gray." He took Gray's arm and pulled him, but Gray was not moving. "Gray?"

The ice wizard was shaking, staring ahead, thinking about last night, realizing they had been heard.

"Gray!"

He gulped and whispered, "They heard. Us. Me." He put his hand to his mouth as he began to hyperventilate in fear. "Oh my God," he muttered into his hand.

Lucy touched his arm in sympathy. "Gray, it's okay."

"You heard?" he shouted.

Lucy jolted back at his anger, and Natsu grabbed Gray's arm before he could make a move at Lucy. "Uh … a little," she cringed in guilt. "You … kinda woke me up." It was not like she purposely spied on them.

Loud enough to wake up others! In the middle of all this! Everyone heard! Everyone knew! Gray gasped. Blinded by dread, he took off and fled to the dark cove and behind the wall of pillows.

Natsu watched him go with anguish. "Lucy, go check on Erza. I'll take care of him."

"Right," she whispered. "Gray?" He would not come out. "It's okay. You know, it's a stressful situation and—"

"Lucy," Natsu butted in. "Go."

"Sorry!" she cringed, and she took off, letting the two sort this out on their own.

Natsu went back into the cove. It was easy to think this was a separate room, a bubble just for themselves, and not merely a recess within a massive harem room. He sat down beside Gray and hugged him around the shoulder.

"They heard," Gray whispered in a tremble. "They heard us."

"Come on, you're an exhibitionist," Natsu tried to reason.

Gray yanked away. "I don't _want_ to be caught," he nearly shouted.

Natsu knew this was one of Gray's issues. As much as he loved a little kink in public, he also had a huge terror of getting busted and discovered as being a kinky pervert.

"Hey, they all think we're girls," Natsu whispered to him. "Once this is over with, they won't know who we are. So it's all right. It's like this isn't _you_ , like we're wearing costumes, and we got caught at a costume ball, and you know, what happens at costume balls, no one knows about it afterward, and…" His rambling was not helping. Gray still held his arms and was drawn into a small ball. "Hey," he said soothingly. He rubbed Gray's back, but he felt the shaking of suppressed sobs. "Come here." He pulled Gray's balled up body over into his arms. "I'll deal with it, okay? You just relax for today."

Gray cringed. "Stop this!" He hated thinking he had to be treated differently just because of a little blood, because he … he … lost his virginity. Lost it to Natsu! It was too weird, and he hated it.

"It's okay," Natsu said softly, squeezing him. "You can rely on me once in a while."

Gray broke into tears and turned around, burying his face into the warmth of the white scarf. "Bastard," he wept, releasing emotions that had been on edge since this mission began.

Natsu hugged him and kissed the top of his head. "Blame it on emotions. Blame it on PMS or something."

Natsu knew his own emotions were not normal. Being a girl was more than just a physical change. If girls felt this emotionally volatile all the time … well, it explained why Erza and Lucy could get really scary.

He now felt something even weirder: a desire to nurture. He stroked through Gray's long hair and cradled him like a child.

"You're allowed to be emotional today, and I'm allowed to take care of you."

Gray knew this maternal feeling. He remembered how his mother used to hold him just like this. He recalled her voice.

_"You're allowed to cry when it hurts, Gray, and I'm allowed to take care of you because I'm your mother and I love you."_

In a grumpy voice, Gray asked, "Because you're a dick girl?"

Natsu laughed at how he pushed aside simple comfort and went right back to rivalry. "Yeah, exactly," he whispered, hugging Gray's head to his chest.

"Fine!" Gray muttered. "Blame it on insanity. They won't know it was us." He cringed down again and whispered, "Don't let them know it was me."

"I won't," Natsu assured. "As for Lucy … well, I've got blackmail on her."

Gray rose his face up in shock. "What?"

Natsu chuckled mischievously. "I told you long ago, I accidentally stumbled on those two doing something … not so appropriate," he smirked. Lucy and Loke were still hiding their relationship. Having blackmail like this would surely keep her silent.

Gray looked stunned. "Natsu, that's just _mean_."

"I won't let her tell Erza."

Gray thought about it. For how much he feared what Erza, of all people, might think, this was wrong on so many levels. "No," he decided. "Don't do that to Lucy."

Natsu shrugged widely. "All right. Just a suggestion."

"Don't go dark," Gray muttered.

Natsu scoffed a laugh. "You're one to talk." However, his levity was short-lived. "Sorry if I am," he muttered. "This place is just…" He glanced out as more girls began to wake up, and the sound of quiet snuffling began as they realized they were still imprisoned. "I'm on edge," Natsu confessed. "I wonder if you can live in a psychotic breakdown and be this normal."

Gray patted his hand. He hardly blamed Natsu for barely keeping himself together, considering the situation. "Do you think that's what happened last night? I mean, we normally would _never_ do that."

"Maybe," Natsu mused. "I dunno. I've been feeling _weird_ since we got here."

Gray muttered to himself, "We shouldn't have brought you."

"Stop that," Natsu said in tired annoyance. "I'm here so it's fine. We'll deal with it."

"Still," Gray sighed.

"Hey." Natsu hugged Gray and shook him out of his melancholia. He whispered into his ear, "Do you think I'd give up the chance to do you as a girl?"

Gray blushed and hid his face down into the scarf, muttering insults. Natsu just laughed and held him closely. Like this, cuddled together, he could easily forget the dire situation they were all in.

"GRAY!"

 _Dire_ just went to _fatal_!

They both leaped apart, and the ice wizard paled at Erza's booming voice.

"Oh shit."

Natsu put a hand on his shoulder. "I told you, I'll take care of this." He leaped up to his feet and faced the Titania. "Hey Erza!"

She stomped right up to him and glared hard. "What is this I hear?"

Lucy was right behind her looking apologetic. "It wasn't me. Someone else mentioned it."

Natsu stared firmly into Erza's face. "Yeah?"

She took a deep breath in anger. "You and Gray—"

"Yeah." He nodded once, confirming it without showing remorse.

"Last night?"

"Yeah."

Her voice rose in anger. "I missed it?"

He was about to say _yeah_ again, but her exclamation caught him by surprise. "Huh? Uh … well, I guess you were drugged. W-wait, you're not mad?"

"Not at you two. I mean, given the _changes_ , we can blame it on hormones."

"Uh … r- … right!" he cried out. "That's what we were just saying. Gray's … like that," he said, pointing down to the long-haired raven, "and I'm kind of … mixed up."

"Exactly," Erza nodded. Then she slammed a finger into his chest. " _This_ time, I'll forgive you."

"Uh … right," Natsu muttered. Were they really off the hook that easily?

"Don't _ever_ do this in public again!" she scolded sharply.

"N-no!" Natsu stuttered out. "No, ma'am. Never."

"All right," she decided, suddenly placid again. Erza swirled away with Lucy giving the two a look of both apology and relief. They were all safe this time.

Natsu sank to his knees. He had faced her boldly, but that … that was _terrifying_! "Well, that wasn't so bad," he said stiffly. They really got lucky that even Erza reasoned the cause was jumbled hormones. "Gray?" His blue eyes were open and blank, staring ahead with a glassy glaze. "Gray, breathe!"

He let out a breath he had been holding that whole time and sucked in a gasp of air.

"Hey," Natsu said, touching his shaking arms.

"I'm alive?" Gray asked, looking around in shock. Natsu just laughed at his reaction and shook his head. "I just … I kinda … I blanked out," Gray muttered, shaking from Erza's wrath. "I just saw my life flash before my eyes."

"Weirdo," Natsu mumbled.

"She … she's okay with it then," Gray said in amazement.

"She's more mad that she missed it," Natsu scoffed.

"What!"

"You know how Erza is. She's got a really big perverted streak in her."

"Oh … ugh … Seduction Armor," he grimaced.

"Yep!" Natsu eyed Gray up and down. "Well, I could always let her get a consolation prize."

Gray was about to ask what he meant when suddenly Natsu's lips were on his, slamming him back against the pillows.

"Na-…"

Before Gray could protest, Natsu's tongue plunged in, invading his mouth. Gray still tried to fight, but Natsu's kisses were warm, sweet, incredible, and made him melt. With his eyes closed, these kisses were exactly the same as always. He could pretend Natsu was not a half-girl magical mess-up, and just enjoy the Dragon Slayer's gentle hands and brutal kisses.

Natsu pulled back and softly gazed down at Gray. The ice wizard felt like grabbing Natsu, flipping him over, tying him down, and making him scream in pleasure. However, Natsu sat up and looked over the pillow wall.

"How was that, Erza?" he asked flippantly.

The redhead shrugged. "Good enough." She seemed satisfied, while Lucy looked on in shock.

Gray turned his blushing face away and wiped his mouth. "Natsu, you're a bastard!"

Natsu chuckled deviously. He was just beginning to lean over to kiss Gray some more when the main door to the harem room slammed open.

"All right, ladies!" a man barked out. "Line up."

They all climbed out of alcoves and off beds, hands twisting, some hugging each other, terrified of this moment. The wizards realized this must be it, when the human traffickers picked offerings for the slave buyer, only a few at a time so the army did not catch them. Natsu and Gray stepped out together holding hands. Gray squeezed Natsu's fingers with reassurance.

However, a wooden baton slammed into Gray's chest. "Not you. I heard you're a bleeder. Go over there with them." He pointed with his baton to a cluster of girls who were not joining the others. The girls drew back and clung to one another.

"What's with them?" Gray asked.

"Bleeders," the captor explained.

Gray was shoved over to them. "Bleeders?" he asked the girls.

One nodded awkwardly. "That time of the month."

"Yeah, me too," another girl nodded. She rubbed out her cramping belly to further explain.

"R-right," Gray mumbled. He did not dare admit his bleeding was from other causes. How in the world was he supposed to explain that the _girl_ with pink hair had a dick that had broken the hymen he received just yesterday?

"All right, let's see."

One of the guards, a leader of some sort by the different hat he wore, began to walk up and down the line of nervous, trembling girls. Only the three Fairy Tail wizards faced him without fear, although Lucy cringed at how he ogled her breasts.

"The blonde!"

Lucy let out a groan. Of course, she would get picked first. Lecher!

"Lucy," Natsu whispered in worry.

She flashed him a reassure smile. "No, it's all right." This was what they had planned anyway. At least one of them _had_ to be picked for this to work.

The man kept going down the line. Erza was next to Lucy, but the man just frowned at her and kept walking.

"Hey, what's wrong with me?" she asked peevishly.

The head guard glared back. "He doesn't like redheads."

That shocked Erza. She had never had someone dislike her due to her hair color. Jellal loved the color of her hair. To think there were men out there who did not like gingers! This was a new revelation to her, and it cast her down in depression.

The man kept walking to the end, then turned around and made another inspection. He paused by one girl who kept her chin down and turned away. "Now, you've been in here a while, haven't you?"

The girl looked up in horror. "N-no! No one wants me." She cringed down in shame. "I'm too ugly."

"Sometimes we find a pervert who likes girls with your type of look. Come on!" He roughly grabbed her by the arm and threw her over toward Lucy. The blonde caught the mousy girl and held her, glaring at the guard.

"Hey!" Natsu shouted, angered at seeing someone manhandle a woman.

The guard walked over and eyed the long, pink hair and pointed eyes. "Oh, you're the lesbian, huh?" He laughed at the spiteful glare in those sharp, green eyes. "I wonder what he'll think of you." The man began to stroke the soft hair and surveyed the physical features. A pretty face, small breasts that were obviously padded, narrow hips, a bit on the muscular side, but he knew the big boss liked feisty girls.

Gray realized this guard was about to pick the one person they had all planned to keep from being chosen for this part of the mission. In a panic, he shouted, "Natsu!"

Erza also yelled in protest. "No!"

Natsu knew Gray would not accept this, but to hear Erza also yell surprised him.

"Keep her back," the head guard ordered as Erza tried to move over to protect Natsu. "Bring the sakura."

Two guards came over to hold Erza, and although she knew she could have easily overpowered the whole group, she also knew that if Gray was out of commission, and she was not even an option, this whole mission now had to rely on Lucy and Natsu. As much as she hated it, she slammed her eyes shut and did not fight back.

Natsu stepped forward willingly. He felt better if Lucy at least had a partner going into the next phase of the mission. If it was just her alone … well, she would do anything to protect these women, and Natsu worried just how far she might go. If he was with her as well, then at least they had each other's backs.

"Natsu," she whispered. Gray's and Erza's reactions had startled her, considering she thought the whole point was to get at least two in their group to go face the main villain.

"It's okay, Lucy," he smiled with confidence. Then he heard the mousy girl make a whimpering sound. She was lost in a daze and crying. Natsu leaned over to smile into her face. "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

Worriedly, she look up at this newcomer who obviously had no clue what was about to happen. "How?" she squeaked.

Natsu patted her back. "Don't worry." He flashed her one of his sunny grins.

"And … this one, the brunette," the head guard concluded. "Yeah, she's got pretty eyes. These are the four." With a wave of his hand, the dispatch of guards shoved the chosen girls out.

"Natsu!" Gray shouted again. He began to run forward. Damn the mission! It wasn't worth the price of Natsu facing these perverts alone!

Erza grabbed his arm. "Gray, stay back."

"No!"

The Dragon Slayer glanced back with a confident smile before the harem room door was shut and locked. Gray stared, shaking with terror.

He had wanted to protect Natsu.

He _never_ wanted Natsu to relive what happened long ago.

He collapsed to his knees and began to cry, feeling like he had failed to keep control over the situation. Erza knelt beside him. The other girls hurried away, glad another day had passed without them being picked. For them, the worst was over, and it was another day lamenting their situation and hoping beyond all hopes for rescue.

Erza hugged Gray as he trembled and sobbed. She squeezed him against her chest to silence him before the guards got upset.

"It'll be all right," she assured him.

However, the Titania also looked worried. She knew only a little bit about Natsu's past, enough so that she had sworn to Makarov she would _never_ put Natsu into a situation like this. Now she had broken that promise. She was not sure how bad this might be, but Gray's dread made her feel far worse. She never should have asked Natsu to come along as well! Too late for that.

She almost wished that Lucy knew a little about this issue. Maybe then she could help protect him. Instead, knowing Natsu, he would rather do something stupid to protect Lucy.

Gray screamed in anger, and Erza hugged him tighter. There was nothing they could do now but wait for Lucy's signal. She hushed Gray and held him as he broke down.

"It'll be all right," she said again, wishing she believed that.


	45. Walk a Mile in Her Shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The chapter title comes from the organization["Walk a Mile in Her Shoes®: The International Men's March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence"](http://www.walkamileinhershoes.org/)_
> 
> [ ](http://www.walkamileinhershoes.org/)
> 
> _**Warning** : Contains triggers for people who have experienced sexual assault._

The four chosen victims were marched through hallways to another area of the castle and ordered to line up. They stood in front of what had probably once been the throne, although only a humble chair was now on the raised dais. Around was an open, airy hall with towering pillars, the stone walls stark, all signs of nobility long plundered, and instead there was graffiti sprayed on the walls.

"So, we're to be picked, huh?" Natsu asked. "Is this like a contest?"

One of the guards shoved Natsu in the back. "Shut up, lesbian."

Natsu glared back at him defiantly, and the guard began to raise his wooden club. The head guard gave a ceasing hand signal. Slowly, the burly man lowered the baton and backed away.

"This isn't a contest," the man in charge explained. "You all get picked. _He_ just decides which client you go to."

From just that, Lucy deduced something. "There's more than one."

"Oh, many." The head guard laughed with a smirk as he strode up to her. "You're going to go to someone special, I know that." His large, sweaty hand caressed her cheek. Lucy turned her face away in disgust.

Natsu glared hard. "Get away from her."

The head guard pulled away from Lucy in amusement. "Easy there! Feisty." He patted Natsu's cheek as he walked away.

Natsu rubbed his face from the sweaty touch. He could hardly help but remember something dreadful.

* * *

_"Easy there, boy. Feisty, aren't you? I was warned you'd be trouble, but y'know what? I'm good at taming troublesome brats. We'll see how feisty you are in a week."_

* * *

Natsu pinched his hand, yanking himself out of the flashback. He needed to stay focused. These men were dangerous, and he could not get lost in bad memories, not at a time like this.

Minutes ticked by. An hour. The large room began to heat up as the morning went on. Guards began to drift around, and the two girls with Lucy and Natsu finally sat, too weakened from fear to keep standing.

"He's late," one guard complained.

"He's always late," another griped.

"Pays good, so can't complain," added another.

Natsu realized there were no longer any guards within earshot. He went over to Lucy and whispered her name, glancing around. Sure enough, none of the guards looked over at his voice.

"What?" she breathed back softly.

"Erza had me hide one of your keys."

That cheered her up. So that these captors would not realize they were wizards, all four of them had to temporarily hide their guild marks and also could not carry anything magical. Lucy felt naked without her keys. She had figured she could mentally link up with Loke or Virgo, someone who could break through their gate on their own, but that was not a certainty. Sometimes it worked and she could summon them without the key, most often she had to pray that at least one of her Celestial Spirits could sense her call. Who exactly showed up was really up to chance.

"Wait, hide it where?" How could Natsu hide it when she had nowhere? She had even debated about slipping one key up her … No! No way! (Especially not Loke's key; he would have liked that too much.)

"In the corset." He shifted the constrictive binding. "It's really uncomfortable, too."

That made sense. The corset had stiff stays that were meant to shape Natsu's square waist. Hiding a key in binding like that guaranteed it would not be felt if these men began to grope them. They would only feel the stays of the corset. More than once, Lucy had hidden one of her keys in her cleavage, but these men might grope Lucy's breasts—she already knew that was a possibility. Even if they groped Natsu, the stiffness of the corset hid the contours of the key.

"Which key?"

"Taurus."

"Good." A strong fighter; they would need that. "Although he's a pervert," she admitted with a grimace. Just what they needed; another pervert amidst all these vile men. "Still good," she decided. Pervert or not, at least now she could truly fight. "Okay. So, when we get an opening, can you give it to me?"

"Uh-huh. That's the plan."

"Okay, but not until the buyer's here," she insisted quietly, glancing around at the guards meandering around to make sure they were not paying attention. "And we need to make sure he really is the buyer. He might send in an assistant."

It had to be the right guy, the buyer these abductors were selling girls to, or they would never discover where these women had been distributed. If Lucy's suspicions were right, this sex slave ring was likely international. They had to get everyone back, not a single girl left out there to suffer such a horrific life.

Natsu nodded in agreement. They had a plan now. Wait for the buyer, wait until they were positive this was the man they needed, create an opening to give Lucy the Key of Taurus, and then kick these bastards' asses.

The mousy girl next to Natsu whimpered. She had been on edge that whole hour, and she looked ready to break. Natsu sadly knew how she must be feeling. Hopefully, she had not been molested yet, but just sitting in that room … and the head guard said she had been there for a while! How long? Weeks? Months? A person could only take so much. Now the thing she had dreaded most was here, she was picked to enter this disgusting life, and by now she certainly knew what this meant. Natsu knelt next to her.

"Hey," he smiled comfortingly. "It's going to be all right."

She looked at him as if he was mad. "No, it's not!" Granted, their group came in only last night, but she reasoned that they definitely must realize what was happening to them.

"What's your name?"

She snuffled. "Lilya."

"I'm Natsu. You've been here a while, huh?"

She nodded sadly. "All of my friends have been chosen already. We were in a group, we were coming back from a birthday party, and we were all taken." She buried her face down into her hands. "I always knew I was the ugly one."

"You're not ugly."

"Yes I am," she sighed in exasperation. "All of my friends were taken, and I was left behind because I was _too ugly_. For once in my life … I was glad! I was glad I wasn't pretty like them. Now I don't know where they are or what's happened to them. I always thought, since I'm ugly, I'll just stay there, and maybe one day they'll release me. They won't need me. They'll realize I'm no good."

"Hey, don't say that about yourself," Natsu scolded. He offered the edge of his scarf to her, and Lilya dabbed her wet eyes. Natsu stroked down her hair. "Look, you're not ugly, okay?"

She pouted in disbelief. "But my teeth and my hair!"

"So?" he shrugged. "So what about your teeth? Your hair's not bad."

She tugged at the stringy blondish-brown strands. "It's weird, it never grows long, part of it's curly and part of it's straight—"

Natsu looked over to the blonde. "Hey Lucy!"

"Yeah?" she asked, suddenly drawing her attention over.

"When we're done with this, let Cancer at her."

Lucy looked down to the girl in surprise. "What?"

"Trust me," he grinned.

"Um, okay," she shrugged, not really getting it since she had not been listening in.

The small girl grimaced. "Cancer?"

"Oh, don't worry," Natsu assured. "He's a friend."

"Oh, okay," she said in relief. "I thought you meant like a disease."

"Nah! And don't you worry. We're going to get your friends back, too."

Lilya stared into those gleaming green eyes in confusion and amazement. "Who _are_ you?"

Natsu saw guards starting to come back over toward them. He chuckled and patted the girl on the head. "You'll see soon enough," he whispered with a wink.

He was hoping these men gathering back together signaled the buyer finally arriving. Natsu was really itching for a fight. Instead, they jostled each other and began eying the girls. It seemed waiting around was making them bored, and they wanted a little fun.

"Hey, she's a pretty one," one said, touching Lucy's hair. Another laughed and smacked her butt.

"H-Hey!" Lucy yelped, trying to move away only to bump into another man who put a too-friendly hand on her.

"How about it, pretty?" he asked, caressing her arms. When she tried to pull away, he squeezed her in a painful grip. "A little kiss?" He leaned his face in.

Lucy yanked free and tried to slap him, but another man grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her over to him.

"Get away from me," she shouted as the men circled around her.

Natsu leaped up and raced to her side, shoving three of the guys away. "Hey! Leave her alone."

One of the men Natsu shoved strode back up. "Or what, huh? Is she your girlfriend, too? Well, lesbian, you like doing it in the open, don't you? So how about it? A little kiss?"

Natsu glared in quiet, suppressed fury. "Back off," he warned, his voice taking on a deeper, dangerous tone.

The man laughed and looked around at his companions, who were all chuckling at this feisty girl. Then he grinned back down at the pink-head. "Make me!"

The man grabbed Natsu's cheeks hard and smashed a kiss against his mouth. Natsu's eyes went wide with revulsion. He struggled, but two men held him by the arms. He managed to punch one of the men, and three more came over to hold him still. As Natsu felt the man's tongue lick across his lips, he kept his jaw clenched tightly. No way in hell would he allow tongue!

"Natsu!" Lucy screamed, but two large guards held her back.

The man pulled away with a smack of his lips and chuckled lewdly. "Feisty," he purred. "We should put you in handcuffs."

Natsu spat the taste off his lips. "Fuck you," he seethed.

The guard just laughed and patted Natsu's cheek. Then he looked around at the others. "So how about it, boys? Wanna have some fun with this one?" They laughed as Natsu began to growl. "Y'know, when the boss is late, sometimes we take a little … bonus," he said, stroking down Natsu's neck and pulling the scarf aside. "He's making us work overtime." He caressed Natsu's exposed neck. "We deserve at least a little bit of the _product_."

The man leaned over and licked up Natsu's throat. He slammed his eyes shut and jerked away. His neck was always sensitive, and there were so many bad memories associated to it. Now the white scarf fluttered to the ground, and he felt like a major piece of emotional armor had been stripped away.

Natsu felt like he was trapped in a nightmare. A memory he really did not want to recall was bubbling up.

* * *

_"Wake up, boy. I'm bored."_

_"If you're bored, go jump off a cliff."_

_"Shut up, brat! Do you know how much trouble it is for me, having to stay here in the middle of nowhere? I don't even have a prostitute to keep me company."_

* * *

Natsu shook his head. No! Not this memory! Not this one!

He felt the guard tugging on his chin, trying to force his mouth open.

"Come on, I just want a kiss. Open up."

Natsu clenched his teeth together tighter.

* * *

_"Open your fucking mouth, boy!"_

_"No! What the hell are you doing?"_

_"I'm not a pedophile, but I need a fucking blow job. You're my sex slave. Might as well make you work for me."_

_"Get away. Don't get that near me!"_

* * *

Natsu felt tears running down his face.

No way would he open his mouth. No way!

* * *

_"Touch it! Keep rubbing. If you won't open your mouth, you can at least do this much."_

_"You're sick."_

_"See this knife, boy? I will slit your fucking throat if you stop. Both hands. Stroke me. Come on, faster. Yeah. Ooh yeah, like that. You're pretty damn good at servicing. Your hands are warm and soft. Fucking cute little boy hands! I can see why people like using kids."_

_"Please. I'm tired."_

_"Almost there. Now, open your mouth."_

_"What? No!"_

_"I said open your fucking mouth, boy! You're gonna take this."_

_"Stop! Oww! Stop it!"_

_"You're either going to swallow, or I will slit your throat and pour my cum down into your stomach."_

_"Screw you! No! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Ow! Stop, stop! That hurts."_

_"See? I'm not joking, boy. This knife is sharp enough to cut your head off. Now open your mouth. I'm ready to blow, and you're gonna swallow it all down. Spit it out and I will kill you."_

_"No! I don't want … mmph! Gmmmgh!"_

_"Bite me and my knife will be in your eyeball. Now get ready. Almost … fuck!"_

_"Nghmmmmmmmmmmm!"_

* * *

Natsu's stomach began to heave. That memory had made him vomit so many times over the years.

The guard laughed at the faces Natsu was making, but he saw Lucy struggling with tears in her eyes. "Now, this one's pretty," he admired, taking a few steps over to her.

Natsu shook his head, forcing the flashbacks aside. "I said leave her alone," he shouted, but he was weakened, worn out from the memories. "If you're going to touch anyone—" He looked over at Lucy, and although it made him cringe, made him shiver with deep dread, he still whispered, "—touch me."

No way would he allow her to go through what he did. No way would he let _any_ of them suffer the same thing. Natsu knew how it was. He knew the sickness of being touched without permission, unwanted groping, even worse perversions! He knew how that could scar a person for life. He was not about to let Lucy suffer nightmares like that.

Natsu felt he was already stained, dirty, smudged in his soul by the vile touches of _that man_. That filth had been slowly getting purged out by Gray. He knew he had a way to cleanse himself once this was over. He told himself he could handle this, he could protect them this way, and no matter what happened, Gray would be there later. He would beat the filth out of Natsu again. They did it once; they could do it again. Just so long as Lucy and the other two innocent girls were not subjected to that horror. He would never let _anyone_ go through what he did years ago.

The guard barked a laugh and turned away from Lucy, striding back over to the Dragon Slayer. "You're willing, huh?"

Lucy gasped. "Natsu!"

Those narrow eyes gazed up calmly at his captor. "Just leave her alone."

The guard put a hand on his hip in amazement. "Well, you actually gave permission." He sauntered up and rubbed his hands up Natsu's body. "Who am I to deny?"

Lucy struggled against the men holding her. "No!" She watched as the men began to grope at Natsu's chest and rub their hands along the shapely waist. "Stop it! Don't!" she wept.

"Lucy," he said sharply, and his eyes looked straight at her.

She looked on in astonishment. Lucy was used to enemies sexually harassing her. Natsu was not even a girl. He had no idea what horny men could do to a woman.

A chair was brought over, and Natsu was thrust down hard. He felt handcuffs snapped onto his wrists behind his back, yet he did not fight. This was familiar, and he stared ahead blankly. One of the men who had been holding Natsu now rubbed a hand over his waist. The corset blocked most of the physical sensations. Natsu mostly just hoped the hard key pressed against his skin stayed hidden. So long as they focused on the soft parts and did not remove the corset, they would not get found out.

"Ooh yeah, you're a cute girl."

Natsu flinched. Cute! That other man had called him a cute boy so many times.

Another man wrenched Natsu's head over. "How about a little kiss from me?" He forced his mouth onto Natsu's, and the Dragon Slayer clamped his jaw closed again. He would not open it. He _would not_ open it! Not again. Not like back then.

"Natsu," Lucy whispered in anguish, but the men holding her were not loosening their grip. If she protested too loudly, these men might turn their focus onto her. Natsu had tossed himself out into this shark frenzy to protect her, and it brought tears to her eyes. She wept to see him subjected to those touches, but she also did not want the same thing to happen to her. If they began to grope her, Natsu might honestly attack them all.

"You've got small breasts, but they feel good," a man said, massaging Natsu's chest. He cringed and let out an unwanted moan. "Aww, are they sensitive?" the man chuckled lewdly. "Is it true that women with small breasts have more sensitive tips?"

He suddenly ripped the blouse apart and yanked the bra down, exposing the under-developed breasts. Natsu gasped, but the guard suddenly pinched Natsu's nipples hard. The Dragon Slayer let out a high, shuddering cry that echoed all through the throne room.

"Natsu," Lucy cringed. She hung her head, unable to watch anymore. "No … no!" Tears fell down. Of all the times Natsu put himself at risk to save her, this was the worst.

Natsu held back any more cries. The breasts were temporary. Yes, he could feel them, and it was a sensitivity he was not accustomed to, but they would go back to muscular pectorals in a day or two. Their touches were sick, and the men who licked his skin turned his stomach, but he stubbornly put up with it.

Lucy stood there helplessly as the guards molested Natsu. She wanted to stop this, every fiber of her being wanted to protect him, but then she looked at the two other girls. How many dozens more had suffered through this? How many were raped, sold off, and forced into the sex trade? Natsu was not attacking, and she knew he could. His eyes showed that he was putting up with this for the sake of the mission. Dozens, probably hundreds, of lives were at stake.

Still, Lucy could not watch this. Those men said disgusting things to Natsu, salacious desires to rape this pink-haired beauty and how much pleasure they would take. Their words made Lucy sick. She had to admit, deep down inside, she was glad it was Natsu and not her. That made her feel disgusting and weak, but she still was glad he had offered himself up to protect her.

She owed him and Happy the best meal in the world for this.

Natsu closed his eyes and focused elsewhere. Long ago, he had almost perfected being able to thrust his mind away from the present, slip into a happy place, and ignore everything going on with his body. He felt himself doing the same thing now. It was just like back then. Slip away, ignore the touches, ignore the words, escape to somewhere happier.

"Oh, I'd love to fill up that wet pussy of yours!"

He realized, if this had been any other scenario, he would have freaked out and probably killed these men. However, he kept listening to them talk about breasts and pussy. These men were just as hideous as _that man_ in the past, but they were different.

 _'It's not like then,'_ he said to himself. _'It's not like him. They think I'm a woman. It's … not … like … then!'_

They were not after his semen. That was safe, and so long as that was not the issue, he could sit there, escape the moment, and let them touch this female body. It was fake, an artificial change due to magic. In just a day or two, he would be back to a male body. He just needed to put up with it a little longer.

Escape the moment. Go somewhere happy…

"Mmh, how I'd love to have a pretty pink-haired baby out of you!"

That almost broke him, something evil and dark surged up, but he focused back on the fact that they were assuming he was female. So long as they did not grope his groin and feel the hard plastic of the chastity belt…

One man began to run his sweaty hands up Natsu's thigh, dipping his fingers inward. Now Natsu struggled and pinched his legs together.

"Oh, so you're prudish after all," one of the guards laughed. "I was worrying that maybe you were a whore used to spreading it for men. The buyer wouldn't like that one bit. He likes them … feisty!"

Natsu yanked and kept his legs together. Even when two men each grabbed his thighs trying to pull them apart, his muscles were stronger.

Natsu suddenly spit in the face of the head guard.

"Little bitch! Spread them!" The guard slapped Natsu hard across the face, and the shock loosened his muscles. His legs were forcefully spread, and a hand slithered up his inner thigh.

"No!" Natsu screamed, and a dragon's rumble reverberated deep in his throat.

"What's going on?"

His eyes had just begun to show a deep, dark madness when a middle-aged gentleman suddenly walked in. His tailor-made pinstripe suit showed he was wealthy, and the rotundness of his body showed he indulged in those riches. His double chin waggled as he walked in, using a cane to support the heaviness of his round body on his tiny feet. The others scurried away from Natsu, leaving him a disheveled mess, blouse torn, breasts exposed, panting and glowering.

The Dragon Slayer's pointed eyes glared at the fat man in disgust and murderous hate that he was struggling to hold back.

 _'I could kill him. But I can't. I can't kill him; we need him.'_ He smirked to himself as the buyer glanced him over. _'But … I could kill him! Yeah, easily I could kill them all. I … could kill … them … all.'_

That fact filled Natsu with dark glee, just as it had long ago. They needed this slave trader; with his forced cooperation they could rescue any other women who had gone through this horrific ordeal. Still, just knowing that he could kill him—kill all of them—was gratifying. Maybe later. Maybe after they rescued the girls. Natsu's eyes gleamed in mad delight as various ways of how to kill each one passed through his mind.

To the side, Lucy saw the look on her teammate's face and frowned with worry. "Natsu?"

He gasped and looked over in shock. "Uh … I'm fine."

She did not look the least bit convinced. "Are you really?"

He did not answer. "Did they hurt you?"

She was taken back by his question. "I'm fine. Natsu, you … you're…" Worriedly, she admitted, "You don't look all right."

Before he could lie and say he was fine—he knew he was anything but okay now—a guard unlocked his handcuffs and yanked Natsu up by the hair. He adjusted the bra back up and pulled the blouse together as best as he could.

"Line up!" the head guard barked.

The buyer walked up to the four of them. He paused in front of Natsu. The cane swung out, caught Natsu under the chin, and lifted his head forcefully.

"This one is a definite," the fat buyer smiled. He caressed Natsu's face, and the Dragon Slayer had to struggle not to bite his pudgy fingers. "I know just the man who would _love_ to break her in." He walked on down the row. He stopped in front of the mousy girl. "Hmm. She's plain, but her hips are good. Turn around." He poked her in the thigh. "Come on!"

Sobbing, Lilya slowly turned in a circle as the man inspected.

"Yes, not much of a looker, but those hips show … she is a _breeder_."

"Noooo!" Lilya shrieked insanely, and she collapsed in horror. "No, no, no, no!"

A life as some concubine, strip dancer, or working in a massage parlor or brothel was horrific enough. To be nothing more than a womb, the barbaric rapes and agonizing pain that awaited her, to bear children only to have the babies ripped out of her arms and possibly sold even deeper into slavery, a womb and nothing else … it shattered the poor girl.

"She may require a vocal suppressor, though," the man sneered, turning away from her. Lucy had begun to kneel by the girl's side to console her, but the silver-tipped cane shot out and caught her under the chin. "Up!"

She gasped softly and was forced back up. The man leaned in, inspecting her closely.

"This one … you're not ordinary at all. Those limbs are too well developed, the shine of your hair shows you care about your looks, those breasts are certainly a prize, but … something about your face."

He squinted as he looked over her with professional comportment. Lucy knew right away, this man must be the real deal. He knew what to look for in a woman. This sick man sold humans into slavery as a profession.

"You are either the daughter of some wealthy family, or you're the bastard child of a noble. Tell me, Blondie," he purred. "Is there some sobbing mother waiting at home who would buy you back? I'm not so cruel as to ignore the possibility of exchanging a hostage for cash."

Lucy stood her ground as only the daughter of the Heartfilia Konzern could do. "My parents are dead. You won't get a single Jewel out of them."

"That's a shame … for you. You make one hell of a prize. I may keep you myself," he grinned. The man walked forward and grabbed her face with his sweaty, fat hand. "Would you like that? I treat my girls with superb care. I don't even use them that often. I'm the sort … who likes to _watch_ ," he whispered salaciously.

"Hey boss," one of the men shouted out just as the man's face drew in closer to Lucy. "The sakura-head here is a lesbian. Seems to know the blondie, too."

"Oh really?" the portly man chuckled. "Well, I was going to send you to a particular sadist who revels in breaking wild girls and turning them into pliant sex slaves…"

Natsu gasped sharply as nightmares swirled in his mind again.

* * *

_"See, that wasn't so bad. Here, I'll even give you water to wash it down."_

_"You … you're … sick."_

_"I really am, to use a fucking kid. Might as well, though. Prostitutes are damn expensive, but you … you're my cute little sex slave."_

* * *

"I might be greedy this time around," the buyer said, yanking Natsu out of the flashback. "Show me!" He stepped back, waddled up the dais, and took a seat on the chair where once a throne must have stood. Lording over them, he used his cane to point to Natsu, and then to Lucy. "Kiss her. Show me."

Lucy and Natsu looked at each other in horror. Sure, little Asuka once asked them to kiss, but she had been just an innocent child. This man was horrible.

"Natsu?" she whispered, shaking.

He pulled himself out of his daze and walked up to her. Lucy's eyes widened as he approached and took her into his arms.

"It's just a kiss. It won't kill us," he reasoned.

He closed his eyes and told himself, kisses were used as greetings in some cultures. Then Natsu leaned forward, feeling the stiffness in Lucy's muscles. When she began to pull back, Natsu's hand reached up to the back of her head to hold her still.

"Hey!" he said sternly.

Lucy froze up. There was a dark gleam in Natsu's eyes, not like him at all. "Natsu?" she whispered, hoping to get through to him past whatever that darkness was.

The man watched and chuckled. "Obviously the aggressive sort. Oh, I'm liking this sakura girl! Kiss her," he ordered. "With passion! Fail to amuse me and it's off to a sadist with you."

Natsu felt it deep inside him. Seeing Lucy gazing up in fear was triggering the same darkness as last night with Gray. He felt a memory on the edge of his mind, something locked behind many chained doors, shoved away to be forever forgotten, but now he heard the hiss of that shadowy, evil monster. His eyes narrowed as he pulled Lucy closer.

"Get ready," he said softly with a dangerous smile.

She jolted in surprise. Natsu now looked eager to take her, and that darkness in his eyes terrified her.

Suddenly, hot lips were on hers. Lucy gasped. He really did it! He kissed her! It was such a powerful kiss, so hot and strong and yet … gentle in its own way. Natsu's kiss warmed her cheeks, and she slowly went limp in his arms.

"Nice," the buyer chuckled lewdly.

In an instant, there was a gold flash and the roar of a lion. Natsu released Lucy and ducked just in time to miss a glowing fist.

"Natsu, you bastard!" Loke screamed in rage. "What do you think you're … wait … What the hell?" The ginger cocked in head to the side in confusion. "Why are you dressed like a girl?"

Natsu threw open his blouse, reached down into the corset, and pulled out the Gold Key he had hidden inside. "Lucy, catch!"

Lucy caught the key and grinned in relief. "Loke, Natsu was forced. It's that man," she pointed to the stunned buyer. "He's been buying and selling women. We need to interrogate him and rescue all of the girls."

Loke cracked his knuckles. "Interrogate? With pleasure! Natsu, you're still going to pay for stealing a kiss from my master."

"Loke!" Lucy said sharply, and the Lion jolted at her commanding voice. "You won't hurt Natsu. That's an order."

Loke grinned and lightly touched her cheek. "I told you how much it turns me on when you act this way."

Her cheeks went red when he said that, and immediately Leo the Lion pounced into battle.

Lucy held out her key and summoned her magic. "Open the Gate of the Golden Bull! Taurus!"

In a ringing flash, the Bull arrived with his massive ax. "Luuucy! Always good to see your nice body." Then he saw Natsu standing there with his opened blouse, exposed bra, and waist cincher. The Bully got a perverted smile on his bovine face. "Now, this one's got a _nice_ body. Not so much with the chest, but sometimes the ones with the small, perky breasts are pretty good, too."

"Hey!" the Dragon Slayer yelled, and his fist finally lit up on fire.

Taurus yanked back. "Wait a minute. You're familiar." He looked beyond the body to the eyes, the scowl, and those flames. "Natsu?" he shouted in shock. He had just flirted with a man!

Lucy cut right to the chase. "Taurus, we need your help. These men are perverts!" she declared, pointing at the guards. Suddenly, she knew what would really get her Celestial Spirit into action. She shielded her chest coyly and looked at him with large, sad eyes. "And they were trying to grope me."

"WHAT?" raged the Bull as steam of rage snorted out of his nostrils.

Lucy winked at how well that worked. "Perfect."

Loke took out the buyer's bodyguards and pinned down the boss himself while Taurus went after the guards surrounding the large throne room, raging about how no one was allowed to grope Lucy's chest until he had a chance to touch those big boobs. Natsu saw some guards yanking the two other girls aside, and he ran over toward them.

"Hey, get your filthy hands off of them."

He swung a flaming fist at one guard near him and gave the other a fiery kick that slammed him backwards into a marble pillar. Then he leaped over to the other girls and slammed a flaming foot into the stomach of the man grabbing Lilya's waist. Three more guards came at him. Natsu circled his hands near his mouth and blasted them with a billowing fireball.

Grinning at finally having the chance to fight, Natsu ripped off a skin-like bandage from his bicep that was covering up his guild mark. At the same time, Lucy wiped off a layer of fake skin that had covered up the pink Fairy Tail mark on her hand. They stood firmly, just the two of them against dozens of sex slave traders.

Lilya stared at him in astonishment. "Y-you're … wizards?" she asked breathlessly.

He looked down and saw the shock in the girl's dark eyes. Natsu smiled at her. "I told you I'd protect you." Just then, his focus shifted behind her. "Get down!" He pressed on her head, forcing her down, and focused a jet of fire past her, right between Taurus and his ax, and nailed a man sneaking up behind Lucy.

The fight was brief. Although some of these men used magic, they were weak. Before long, the throne room was quiet except for the groaning of the few guards still partially conscious.

"It's over?" Natsu asked, swinging his head one way, then the other. There was no one left to fight. "Man, I didn't get fired up!" he complained. He growled in frustration and folded his arms. "Too easy."

Then he saw the blonde and her ginger Lion talking together, and it looked like Lucy was trying to explain something while Loke scowled. Natsu looked aside in shame. He had kiss Lucy! And the worst part was, he had been forceful.

Just like last night.

Natsu shook his head as something tried to surface, but now he was too scared. Maybe he didn't _want_ to know whatever his mind had hidden. For now, he owed Loke one hell of an apology.

Loke wiped a thumb over Lucy's lips as if to purify her of Natsu's kiss. He looked anguished that some other man had tasted her mouth. As the Dragon Slayer came up to them, Loke glared in anger and pulled Lucy away with his arms wrapped possessively around her.

"You know I'd never hurt Lucy," Natsu assured the Lion. "I'd also never betray Gray. You don't have to worry."

"Then why did you kiss her?" Loke snarled, clutching Lucy to him. She let out of soft protest, and he loosened his protective arms.

"I knew that if I did, you'd come, and we needed more fighting power," he answered honestly. That had been part of his logic. Kissing Lucy would pretty much ensure Loke's arrival. The darkness and forcefulness had not been part of the plan. "You'd never let someone else have Lucy, just like I would never let another person touch Gray."

The animosity faded. "I guess … _thanks_ for watching out for her. I knew what she had planned. I was seething with fears."

"I know the feeling," Natsu chuckled, scratching the back of his head.

He had not wanted Gray to experience something like he had in the past. Natsu was willing to take on that darkness, even face horrors of the past, if it meant protecting Gray.

They returned back to the harem room to see all of the guards knocked out and the women gone, leaving behind everything. As soon as Natsu and Lucy walked in, Gray leaped at his boyfriend.

"Natsu!" he cried out, crushing him into a hug.

"H-hey!" he laughed awkwardly. "Wow."

Gray grabbed Natsu's cheeks and kissed him ardently. He looked at Natsu with reddened eyes, then kissed him again, and again, kissing him with every outrageous emotion that had been pummeling him for hours now.

Natsu laughed at the fervency. "Since when have you been one for doing this in public?"

"Shut up!" Gray rested his head on Natsu's shoulder, clinging onto him. "I was worried."

"I'm fine," Natsu said lightly. Natsu's hand drifted down Gray's torso to his lower stomach. He looked up with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Gray nodded, gulping down the sobs of dread.

While he and Erza had been waiting in the harem room, they heard Natsu's cry echoing through the hallways. Gray knew that sound. Natsu moaned like that whenever Gray touched him in an erotic way. So many fears had drowned him, worst-case scenarios, horrific visions of the vile things that might be done to both him and Lucy. Seeing him here, seeing Natsu okay and Lucy unhurt, brought tears of relief to Gray's eyes. He rubbed them away stubbornly.

"Dammit," he grumbled, embarrassed by crying in front of everyone. "Must be because I'm a woman now."

"It's not because you're a girl," Natsu said, cupping Gray's cheeks in his hands. "It's because of how you feel about me." He gave Gray a kiss while Lucy and Erza politely looked away and pretended to be talking about something else. Natsu held Gray's face and rested their foreheads together with their noses touching. "Thank you for feeling that strongly," he whispered.

Gray's shoulders shook. He kept blaming his emotions on being a girl, but he knew the truth. These strong feelings had always been there, but he was a man, a dominant; he was expected to be cold and aloof. He was just using gender as an excuse to show these emotions that he always, _always_ , felt he had to hide.

"I love you, Gray," Natsu whispered, stroking their noses together. "I'm glad you're safe."

"Bastard," Gray sobbed. "Don't _ever_ do something like that again. The next time you try, I will beat the shit out of you."

Natsu leaned up into Gray's ear. "I hope you do this time, too."

Gray looked up, shocked he would say that with Erza and Lucy in the same room, although it had been a whisper. Then he saw something. _Darkness!_ Natsu was looking at him slightly differently. His eyes somehow seemed to have a void, a hollowness, like something had been carved out of his soul. Gray gulped when he saw that. What the hell actually happened to him and Lucy while they were away?

Natsu just smiled, trying to ignore it or maybe not realizing he was showing it. He sighed in happiness as he felt the softness of Gray's nose against his own nostril.

Erza walked up to them, and the two boys separated with a jolt.

"We freed everyone," she reported. "They ran. We took care of the guards, too."

"That's great," nodded Natsu. "The buyer is tied up." They left Loke to watch over things in the throne room while the magical signal Lucy shot up signaled the local authorities to move in and bring enough people to make such a massive arrest.

Erza walked up to the Dragon Slayer and placed a hand on his arm. "Natsu?"

He looked up questioningly, smiling placidly, but Erza saw what he was trying to hide, the same thing Gray had seen: that hollowness, like a dimming in the shine of his eyes that no buoyant voice or smile could brighten.

"Go on home. We'll take care of the rest of this."

Lucy nodded. "Yeah, it'll be fine now."

Natsu looked between the two of them, then over to Gray, who also looked worried. "I'm fine!" he laughed, although it ended with a hitch to his throat.

Erza looked more firm. "Natsu, you and Gray can go home."

Natsu scowled and looked away. Could they see it: that darkness that now haunted him? Was it visible? There was no way he could protest, though. Not when Erza herself ordered him.

"Hey Lucy, can you cut off this hair?" he asked, yanking on the long, pink locks.

"Oh! Um, sure." She began to reach for her keys, but she had only Taurus' at hand.

Erza did a Requip, but this time it brought out Lucy's pouch of keys, which she handed over. Lucy grasped them, smiling to have them back. She put away the Key to the Golden Bull and pulled forth another gold key.

"Open the Gate of the Crab! Cancer!"

The multi-legged hairdresser showed up with his standard "Ebi" greeting.

"Okay, haircut time!" Then Lucy saw a small lady peeking around the doorway. "Oh! You're still around."

Lilya timidly came forward. "You said something about a friend."

"Yeah, this is him!" Lucy said cheerfully, and Cancer gave her a slight bow with a flourish of his many legs.

The girl looked to the weird being, then back to the blonde. "A crab?"

"This is Cancer."

Natsu patted the girl on the shoulder. "You mentioned you didn't like your hair."

"Well, it's always _bad_ ," she whispered, tugging the stringy ends.

Natsu looked over to the Celestial Spirit. "Cancer, make her hair _gorgeous_."

"What?" Lilya gasped.

"Ebi," Cancer said, and suddenly his scissors went to work. In under a minute, with hair flung around on the floor, he stepped back and shoved his sunglasses up his nose to show he was done.

"There!" Natsu grinned. "Look in a mirror."

Lucy brought forward a hand mirror, and Lilya looked at her reflection. The limp, oily, stringy hair was now full-bodied, shimmering, and styled simply yet elegantly. The small girl gasped at seeing how just a small thing like that made her glow.

"How'd you do that?" she whispered, touching her hair. It felt the same, only softer.

Natsu stood next to her and gazed at the reflection, their faces mirrored together. "Because you're beautiful already."

"Thank you!" She burst out in a laugh, but seeing her crooked teeth in the mirror made her quickly close her lips and cover her mouth.

"Don't hide your smile," Natsu said, gently pulling her hand away.

"But my teeth!"

"Hey." Natsu grinned broadly enough so she could see the sharp canines he had. "Never hide your smile. Smiles are beautiful, no matter what your lips or your teeth or anything looks like." He poked both of her cheeks and lifted them until her mouth raised. "Smiles are _always_ beautiful."

Lilya grinned and blushed. She saw Gray walk up to Natsu and rub his back, proud to see the Dragon Slayer acting mature for once. Lilya sighed wistfully.

"You're lucky to have a girl like her."

Gray coughed out a laugh. "Uh, thanks." He was _so_ ready to end this gender swap.

"Take care, you guys," she said, waving to them all. "I hope you can rescue everyone else soon."

Natsu nodded firmly. "Yeah, we'll definitely get your friends back."

"Thank you." She bowed deeply to them. "Thank you so much!" With another happy wave, Lilya left down the hall, eager to escape this castle that had been her prison for months.

Lucy smiled proudly, "That was sweet of you, Natsu."

He shrugged it off modestly. "I don't like hearing a girl think that she's ugly. It's just not right. Gray's the only one who can be ugly as a girl," he teased.

"Hey!" the ice wizard snapped.

"Well, you're too sexy as a girl right now. I prefer that other time when you made an ugly girl." Definitely, when they visited Mermaid Heel as part of an exchange program, Gray's attempt at crossdressing was hideous, but at least no one tried to hit on him.

"Bastard!" Gray sneered.

"Cancer!" Natsu called out before Gray could fight with him.

"Ebi?"

"Let's go back to our normal haircut."

With a few snips, the long pink and black hair was gone. Natsu ruffled up his spiky hair, looking practically normal already now that the padded bra was off. Gray dusted black strands from his shoulders, and together the two left the castle. As they were walking to town, the local police arrived, and Natsu waved to them. They looked at him strangely. He almost looked like the famous Fire Dragon Slayer. _Almost!_ Just then, Gray yanked his blouse off, and Natsu struggled to get him to put it back on as the police gawked at the busty girl wearing only a bra.

Erza sighed as she watched them go. "They're going to be okay, right?" she wondered aloud.

Lucy smiled with confidence. "Natsu will be okay."

The redhead frowned. "He's who I worry about most."

"You should have seen him. He somehow was _dark_ for a moment. I mean, I don't blame him. That was scary!" Just watching it was terrifying, and Natsu was the one who had to put up with it. "But he pulled himself out," Lucy smiled. Despite those few minutes where Natsu looked ready to kill someone, or even possibly get violent and forceful with her, he had changed back as soon as the perverts were dealt with, turning back into the same silly Natsu as always. Scarred maybe, but recovering.  "He'll be okay," she said with confidence.

"Yeah." Erza smiled with pride at Natsu's resilience. It was still something she would never subject him to again, but he made it through more or less okay. By the way he and Gray argued and scuffled as they headed back down the castle hill, it was impossible to tell that Natsu had gone through anything traumatic. "They'll both be confused for a couple of days, but they'll be back to normal in no time."

"Yeah," Lucy smiled, glad to know she could depend on the Dragon Slayer. Then Natsu turned a certain way, and Lucy saw the shapeliness to his waist. "Hey, is Natsu still wearing the corset?" Come to think of it, he removed only the padded bra. Even after finally getting to use the toilet, Natsu had come out still with everything on, including… "And the chastity belt! I figured he'd burn those."

Erza saw Gray whisper something to Natsu, and the Dragon Slayer's face went bright pink. "Heh! Maaaybe not."

She laughed softly to herself. She could excuse it this time. Their hormones were mixed up. If Gray and Natsu wanted to keep playing a little bit of dress-up, that was fine. They deserved some time alone and a bit of play after all they had gone through over the past two days. She tugged Lucy back inside to show the police where the guards were. They needed to be arrested first before she and Lucy could take the human trafficking buyer to the royal army for interrogation. She smirked back briefly as the fire and ice wizards held each other's hands on their walk back to town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I offered my fans on "Rhov Anion's Minions" to name a character whom I merely called "the mousy girl." Akiko came up with Lilya. When I googled the name, she is the main character in the Swedish-Danish film "Lilya 4-Ever," which is about a girl getting caught up in prostitution, human trafficking, and the sex trade. How appropriate for these past three chapters, which are about one of the most vile practices still common in modern times: the buying and selling of women and boys to be used as sex slaves._
> 
> _In case you're curious about the "cursed recording" that covers Chapters 44 and 45, it's at<http://chirb.it/C0g7It>. Don't worry, nobody has been cursed just listening to it, only if they offer to type for me._


	46. Flogging the Darkness Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings! Mentions of childhood sexual molestation.
> 
> _Audio drama with authentic cat-o-nine-tails sound effects by yours truly._ ^_^  
>  _<http://chirb.it/yfge2O>_

Natsu sat in Gray's house, seated on the couch with his hands folded together and resting between his parted knees as he stared blankly ahead. Gray sat on a nearby chair, not right next to him as he normally would be on a quiet weekend like this. He watched Natsu with worry.

Things had seemed to be fine at first. They left that horrific castle behind, made it into town, and played around more, taking advantage of the rare gender-bending opportunity. Natsu not only seemed unscathed by whatever he went through, he appeared to be even more confident. Gray had initially hoped that being exposed to that fear and making it out safely had been a cure, or at least psychologically medicinal.

That all changed when they got back to Magnolia. Gray woke up and realized the magic had worn off. His body had returned to normal in the night. He dragged Natsu home with him, eager to get him back and pound into his ass as payback.

" _Don't touch me!"_

Those words had stunned Gray, and he realized Natsu was anything but okay. Gray had tried to ignore the hollowness in his eyes, but that void grew day by day. Every time Gray tried to touch him intimately, Natsu pulled away, and there was fear in those dimmed eyes.

It was like months of healing had all collapsed.

Days passed, they had sat silently like this before, Natsu slipping away into the labyrinths of his memories, sometimes for minutes at a time. Twenty minutes was the longest. Gray just watched when it happened. He had no idea if he should shout and pull Natsu out of the past, or stay there quietly as he worked through the issue on his own. He really had no clue how to heal Natsu.

He saw when the memory ended. It was like Natsu slowly came back into his own body, his eyes refocused, his spine straightened, and he took a deep breath, letting it escape through his parted lips.

This time, his hands clenched and his brow tensed. "Gray?"

"Yeah." He felt as if his whole body was coiling, ready to spring to Natsu's side.

Natsu gulped and hesitated, but he had a look of determination. His hands squeezed together tighter. "Once … more than once," he whispered reluctantly, "that man in the past, he—" His throat tensed and cut off his words. Natsu flinched, but he still was determined to explain himself. "He made me … touch him."

Gray saw Natsu's folded fingers squeezing so hard, his nails dug into the back of his hands.

"He wanted…" He let out his breath in something between a dry sob and a forced laugh. "I didn't even know what a blow job was at the time."

Gray felt his stomach twist. "Oh God."

"But I … I wouldn't open my mouth," Natsu went on softly. "So, he made me touch him." Natsu's eyes shut as the memory was right there in front of him. It was not something he could hide from, not the sort of thing that closing his eyes would make go away. "He said my hands were good. Small and warm." He scoffed a wry laugh. "'Cute little boy hands.'"

Gray shivered. _Cute_ and _boy_ : the two trigger words Natsu never wanted to hear.

"Then, right as he was almost done, he…" Natsu slowly opened his eyes, and the shine had completely left them. They were dead eyes trapped in another time. "He changed his mind. He started—" Natsu's words got caught for a moment. "—to cut my throat until I finally opened my mouth." Natsu's hand drifted over his neck with a shiver at the memory of pain. "Then he held the knife…" He gulped dryly. "…right against my eyeball so I couldn't pull away. I couldn't bite him or stop him or … or anything. Just sit there … as he … in my mouth, he—"

"You don't have to say it," Gray assured him.

Natsu knew he did not need to. It was obvious what happened next. "He only did that once, but … it wasn't the last time he … made me … touch him. I was his … his _slave_ ," he spat out in disgust. "He said that meant he could do anything he wanted with me. He threatened to fuck me so many times, but he never did. Only that. Only stroking him, and that one time in the mouth. Right at the end, he was making me do that almost every day. He said he got over his morning wood quicker when … when it was me … _servicing_ him. As a slave _should_ , he said."

Gray's brow tightened. He remembered near the beginning of their relationship, Natsu viciously refused to do master/slave play. Although it was something Gray really wanted to do, Natsu protested every time. Now Gray understood. This was a harmless sexual fantasy for Gray, but for Natsu … the sickening reality of sex slavery … Gray had just experienced what human trafficking was like, and he had not even been molested by those perverted men.

"Every morning, that was what I had to do first or I wouldn't eat. If I wanted food that day, I had to … to service him in the morning."

Gray groaned in disgust.

"I'm sorry," Natsu whispered. "Sorry I never told you that part. It's something I don't like to remember at all." Natsu snuffled and wiped his nose. "And … and I'm sorry … I'm not touching you. I just can't right now. I keep remembering that and … and I just … I can't!" His face collapsed into his hands.

Gray figured it was something like this, and it was what he had feared. What those men did to Natsu had ripped open all sorts of old wounds.

"Natsu?"

He jolted up with worry in his tear-reddened eyes.

Gray laid a hand on Natsu's knee. "Take your time," he said gently. "I'll be right here with you. Whatever you need of me, just ask. Or if you simply need to sit and have me here with you, that's fine too. I've never forced you to do anything, and I won't force you to get over this. I know—I know first hand—when you're reminded of the past, it can take a while to get back to where you are presently."

Natsu lowered his head and twisted his lips together. "But … you…" He pulled away until Gray's hand slipped off his knee. "I know you don't like _not_ doing it for this long."

"Idiot," he sighed. Gray shifted over to him and wrapped an arm around Natsu's hunched shoulders. "I'm not even _thinking_ about sex right now. I'm just thinking about you, and I want to do whatever it takes to help you get through this."

Natsu did not look up at him yet. "Has Lucy told you? That mission? What happened?"

Gray frowned and silently nodded. It took her a few days. They all figured Natsu would tell Gray on his own, but when five days passed and Natsu still had not told him any details, Lucy went ahead and told Gray the whole story, how Natsu threw himself out to those vile men to save her dignity, and what disgusting things they did to him.

"So she told you about … about … what they were doing?"

Again, Gray nodded. "It's why I haven't touched you. I realized you didn't want it."

"Yeah," Natsu whispered sadly. "I'm sorry."

"Shhh." Gray hugged him in reassurance. "It's all right."

Natsu leaned over and rested his head on Gray's chest. An arm laid over Natsu's shoulders. They cuddled for a few minutes as Natsu stared out. Gray kissed the top of his head and glared into the shadows. He almost wished he had stayed around that castle a little longer so he could _castrate_ those men who put his boyfriend through that.

"C-can you … um … do something for me?" Natsu asked hesitantly.

Gray smiled to himself, knowing already what Natsu wanted. "Just tell me what you need."

Natsu looked up, and a storm of conflicts raged in those narrow, pointed eyes. "Beat the _hell_ out of me." His face simmered in a severity Gray rarely saw in Natsu. "Just keep hitting me, keep doing it over and over, until I don't feel … like _this_."

Gray stroked his hand through the pink hair. He knew it was coming. He also knew he had to wait until Natsu was ready. As Gray punished him, Natsu felt a purging sensation, but it also meant he had to face that darkness as it flowed out of him. Gray knew he could do nothing until Natsu was ready for that.

"Are you really sure?" he asked softly.

"Don't touch me," Natsu added, his lips trembling. "Just hit me. Until I feel better, don't touch me."

"Got it," Gray nodded.

The aggression faded, and Natsu shrank again. "Sorry."

"No, it's your call on this. For everything—how you want to do this, what you want me to use—totally your call."

Natsu nodded and took a slow breath to calm himself. "Not the bed. I don't think I want that."

Gray nodded in understanding. The bed was where they made love. It was forever associated with their most endearing, tender, passionate moments together. Natsu probably felt that bringing his darkness to the bed would sully it. Gray had to admit, it would also be very tempting to seduce Natsu if they were in bed.

"Can we … no," he frowned. Natsu let out a huff of frustration. "You can't … I dunno … string me from the ceiling, can you?"

Gray smirked slightly. "Actually, I could."

Natsu looked up in shock. "Huh?"

"I could make a hook with ice, use the rope, and hoist you up. Pretty sure my ice will stay stuck to the ceiling."

Natsu felt better just knowing this was even possible. "Really?"

"If you don't wiggle around too much."

"Y-yeah," he stuttered. "Then … that. Standing. And … and hanging from the ceiling, but … but standing. Yeah. That would be okay."

He felt that was the least likely thing to trigger him. With those human traffickers, they had forced him to sit in a chair with handcuffs, so he wanted to avoid sitting or cuffing. Ropes would be better. With the man in the past as well, he had been lying in bed or usually sitting in a chair. Natsu felt standing would put his mind somewhere else.

"All right," Gray nodded. "What should I use?"

"Everything," Natsu sighed in anguish. He felt like he needed Gray's whole arsenal of kinks to get rid of this feeling in his soul, this tainted blackness poisoning him from the inside.

Gray began to think and plan already. Rope, an ice hook, the riding crop, the paddle, every impact play device in his collection. There was a hitch, though. Natsu claimed he wanted everything, but he also did not want to be touched sexually. That limited Gray to only a few devices. No butt plugs or anything meant to arouse. Pure sadism!

Gray licked his lip nervously. "I … um … I got something new. I…" He laughed softly, filled with wary hope and buzzing anticipation. "I've never used one."

Natsu loved when Gray looked that way, so excited and anxious at the same time. A new toy? A new kink altogether? He smiled slightly and asked, "What is it?"

"It's called _a cat-o-nine-tails_."

Natsu inhaled sharply. "I've heard of that. It's like a whip, right?"

"Sort of. A flogger."

"Does it hurt?"

Sadistic pleasure gleamed in those frosty eyes as he quietly promised, "Severely!"

Natsu felt a shiver run through him, and he had to steel himself. "Yeah. That! I want that. Can we do that now?"

"No, not here. I have a feeling this will be more than usual, and my neighbors really will complain. I want you to be able to do this without worrying about them or anything else. Just us." He kissed Natsu's forehead. "A hotel. We can do it there."

Natsu realized that was probably best. In a love hotel, he could be as loud as he wanted, and they could do more without neighbors pounding on the walls.

"Do you really want it now?" asked Gray.

Natsu nodded. "The sooner, the better. While I'm in the right mood, I want this over with. I … I can't keep drowning in the darkness." He cringed down, fearing that depth again. "Can … can I keep my pants on?" he asked timidly

Gray was surprised. Up until then, their sessions like this had always been with Natsu naked or wearing only undergarments of Gray's choosing, not clothed. Still, he understood the reservations Natsu likely had at making this even slightly sexualized.

"Sure. Just your back?"

"Yeah." Natsu frowned and looked aside. "I don't want to be … exposed."

"That's fine," Gray assured him. "We'll do this however you want."

Natsu smiled, although he looked guilty.

"Hey," Gray softly scolded, lifting Natsu's chin. "I don't want to have sex with you until you're better. I won't seduce you until then. I promise."

The smile this time was warmer, filled with gratitude and a twist to his eyebrows as Natsu realized how lucky he was to have Gray there to support him when he needed it. He leaned forward and rested his brow against Gray's forehead.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Gray leaned against him, nose to nose. "Anything for my beloved dragon."

Gray stroked his fingers through Natsu's hair and began to drift down to the back of his neck, but the Dragon Slayer jerked away. He was still wary about touches. Instead of frowning or complaining, Gray pulled back with an understanding smile.

"Get ready," he ordered, already taking charge. "We'll leave as soon as I gather a few things."

Natsu nodded in understanding and got off the couch to get on a coat and put his shoes back on. Gray walked into the bedroom, pulled out a travel bag, and opened his large chest of supplies. It was time to plan something special.

* * *

An hour later, Natsu walked into the hotel room with a blank expression. He knew what he was about to confront. That darkness was not something he particularly wanted to face, but he had to get it out of his heart. This was a way to do it.

He stood motionless as Gray set up the scene. He had brought fire-proof rope and every impact-play object he owned. Natsu mechanically pulled off his shirt, and slower came his scarf. The scarf was a comfort against the bad feelings of the darkness, but this was something he had to face without anywhere to run away.

Gray pulled out the collar, offering it silently, but Natsu shook his head. He was not a _bitch_ today. He was not even a _beloved_. He was a broken man who needed to be repaired. He wanted nothing sexual on him. Just pain and the freedom it gave him.

They did not speak. Natsu sensed that Gray did not want to accidentally say something that could trigger him. Natsu simply had nothing worth saying. The silence between them dragged out until he heard Gray say softly, "Ice-Make: Hook." There was a flash on the ceiling, and Natsu looked as a glittering frozen hook took shape. Gray threw a length of rope over the hook, took both ends, and tugged hard, pulling himself off the ground. The hook was firmly set.

Gray's eyes met Natsu's, and without a word they knew it was time. Natsu walked over and held out his wrists. Solemnly, Gray wrapped the rope around and around. The Dragon Slayer hissed as he felt the cords press into his skin. Gray's knot work was tight and solid. A few clever twists, and Natsu's wrists were bound together.

Gray pulled one end of the rope, and Natsu's arms were hoisted up. He let them be pulled, his arms rising, his shoulders stretching, the muscles stiff as they were forced upward. He flinched as the rope began to tug, and all the coils of rope shifted, twisted, tightened, and dug in deeper than before. There was discomfort, but Gray's bondage never made Natsu feel pain. There was also a comforting sense that now he was trapped, he was being forced to face this darkness, and trying to escape from it once again was now impossible. He was tied up, helpless, no long in control, and Natsu liked that sensation. It put his doubts at ease.

Gray gave one tight tug, bringing Natsu onto his toes. He heard a grunt and saw the discomfort in Natsu's face. Delicious! Gray had to scold himself; this was not the time for that. He loosened the line and dropping Natsu back firmly onto his feet. Then he tied the end of the rope to the bedpost.

Natsu stood there, shirtless, arms stretch up, his chest heaving with each breath. Gray threw off his shirt and stood to the side, watching, waiting, seeing how Natsu would respond to this. He did not fight and did not seem to panic, so Gray walked to his supplies and pulled out the riding crop.

"For starters," he explained.

Natsu nodded in understanding. This was something they were both used to. Gray needed to build up his own confidence before using the new cat-o-nine-tails.

Gray walked around behind him, and Natsu looked out at the pastel color of the love hotel's wallpaper. He felt something brush over his clothed butt, instantly followed by a sharp sting. Natsu closed his eyes at the spike of pain and tightened his fingers.

Gray paused, listening and watching carefully. Natsu's breathing was faster, but he still seemed to be calm. Maybe not even calm. Empty? Perhaps just waiting for that moment when the darkness surged up.

Gray aimed and swung again. The sound of it whistled for a split second before smacking against the cotton pants. This time, he heard a soft grunt. His eyes narrowed, waiting, watching, trying to tell where Natsu was emotionally and mentally. Far away. He was not fully in the moment yet. Gray swung the riding crop again, violently hard this time, and Natsu cried out in shock. The pain bloomed and faded, leaving behind a deep warmth on his skin. Already, he felt his head clear a little, and some of the life came back into his eyes.

Natsu felt a stirring in his soul. Clothed as he was, the strikes were dull compared to normal. Still, that last one stung through the layers of underclothes and trousers. Then he felt the leather tongue of the crop lick up his spine, and he shivered at the feel.

"Back?" Gray asked curtly.

Natsu nodded. Smacks to his ass were nice, but this was not about pleasure. Today was purely therapeutic.

He felt the strike across his shoulders, and his face cringed up. Gray rarely aimed for anything besides his buttocks and thighs. Natsu almost forgot the sensation of pain in his shoulders and back. It was less erotic here. This was about his need for pain, a need to be pushed to the edge.

There were two more strikes, and then he heard Gray stepping aside. Natsu sank a little with the rest. Already, his arms felt cold from being suspended. The ropes seemed to get tighter and tighter as he stood there. They dug into his flesh. Natsu wondered if this would leave bruises, lines upon lines of red and purple marks on his arms. A part of him hoped so.

Gray was suddenly at his side, and Natsu saw a flogger just under a meter long, all braided cotton rope, with nine braids separating from a wood-lined handle, each strand with two knots, one around the middle, one at the end. Natsu looked at the pale rope. It did not look like it would hurt all too badly, but those knots were intimidating.

"This is what I'll be using," Gray whispered into his ear, sending a shiver through Natsu. "In the old days, this is how they punished bad boys like you. Forty lashes … with this."

"Forty?" Natsu breathed. That sounded like a lot, and in a way, not enough.

"We don't have to go that far."

Natsu wanted to protest. It was not that he feared it might be too much. He wondered if there really should be a limit at all.

"Safeword?"

"Yellow and red," Natsu breathed out in a raspy voice.

Gray put his hand on Natsu's shoulder and leaned into his face with seriousness. "I'll keep going if you need it, but you _better_ tell me when to stop."

That was what he wanted! Natsu nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah."

"You better!"

"I know. I will."

Gray leaned back with a sigh. "Okay." He honestly had no clue how much this flogger would hurt, but he knew it was used historically to deliver intense corporeal pain to convicts.

The first lash was soft, a raindrop-patter of knots spreading out across his back, almost a massage rather than painful. Natsu wondered if the cotton cording was going to hurt a lot less than the leather crop and that wonderful paddle with the steel lumps that left bruises everywhere. There was another soft stroke, another pattering of knotted ropes spreading over his shoulder blades, but nothing painful. Natsu pouted in disappointment.

"Okay, I think I feel how it swings. Ready?"

The gloominess brightened instantly. So that was it! Gray was just getting used to this new toy.

And then it hit!

It was like nine riding crops together, and nine—no—eighteen tiny fists all punching at the same time. Natsu let out a gasp at the sensation. With hardly any wait, it struck again, nine rivers of burning heat flashing and then radiating outward. The third one landed lower, and Natsu felt the rope cords strike, wrap around, and the end knots jabbed on the side of his waist. As the flogger fell back, it almost felt like those knots were cat claws tearing away from his skin.

"Wait, yellow," Natsu called out.

"Sorry," Gray cringed. He had been warned that floggers tended to wrap and the dangers of striking certain places of the body. "What do you need?"

"No, just … very … different. My head isn't … I … I need to wrap my head around it first."

Gray waited, and he looked at Natsu's back and shoulders. Already, almost thirty stripes made pink lines over his skin. Gray reached out, and with a touch of his magic, he soothed the marks. Natsu instantly jolted and a cry shuddered out of his throat. The burning that had been easing away now stung with the little bit of icy magic.

"More," he rasped out.

"I'll go to ten, then see how you are."

Natsu nodded and tensed up his hands, trying to pump some blood back into the arms dangling up with the rope.

The lashes came, never truly intense, but each were nine bolts of molten pain, until his entire back tingled. Gray counted them all in a low voice. Eight, nine, ten. Natsu's back was on fire from pain, his arms were ice from being strung up above his head, and his legs quivered as he felt his mind beginning to slip into that space he needed if he wanted to face the darkness.

"More, Gray," Natsu whispered. "Need more."

Gray raised the flogger again and struck. He tried not to feel sexually aroused by this. He was doing it to help Natsu, nothing more. Still, he shifted his clothes as he felt tightness in his pants. Natsu's gasps and the fiery lines blooming over his back made Gray's heart race. How much more could he even stand?

At around twenty lashes, Natsu sank slightly, held up purely by the rope hooked on the ceiling.

"Gray," he whispered. "More. Harder. I need … it's … it's not enough."

"I'm holding back," he admitted. "If I do it too hard, it really could break your skin."

"Yes!" Natsu hissed, trembling at the thought. "Hard. I want it … I _need_ it … to hurt. It's … so dark. It's still in me. That darkness won't go out." He straightened up and looked around his shoulder. His eyes were lined with tears, and his eyebrows sank. "Beat it out of me. Please. Please, Gray." His voice dropped to a whisper of disgust. "They were touching me. The feeling … their hands … it won't go away. Get rid of it. Make me hurt … until I can't remember how their hands felt. Only this. I only want to remember this. Even if it bleeds, just make it go away."

Gray chewed on his lower lip. He really did worry about the lashes. Natsu could end up with scars.

"Be a real sadist, Gray," Natsu urged. "I need it."

Something clicked on in Gray's head. He had been thinking like a lover helping his boyfriend, not like a sadist with his masochist.

"Where did they touch you most?"

Natsu gulped hard, shaking that he had to remember that moment. "M-my chest. Those girl boobs. They … to me … touching there." A tremble flowed through his whole body.

Gray nodded thoughtfully. "Turn around."

Natsu was slow, twisting with his hand still tight above his head. Like this, Gray could look right at Natsu's face. Their eyes met, one cold and calculating, the other trusting and hopeful. Gray's eyes hardened, and Natsu saw the change within him.

"They touched your chest?" Gray asked in a low, dire tone.

Natsu huffed at the inflection in his voice. Yes! This was what he needed. This dominating force! "They did. They touched me."

"You told them to, right?"

Natsu flinched. "To protect Lucy…"

"You _told_ them to," Gray repeated coldly. He leaned in close. "Did you want that darkness to return? Do you maybe _like_ dwelling there? You don't have to fight if you're submerged and drowning already. It's so easy to sink."

He raised his arm, and Natsu stared as the nine cords of the cat flicked behind Gray for a moment. Then it slashed down, and it was like a panther clawing at his chest.

"Gyaaaaaaaaah!" It hurt! So much worse!

"No one can touch you here," Gray said viciously. He swung again, and nine pink welts swelled up over Natsu's chest. "No one but me!" He swung the other way, and the lashes crisscrossed. Natsu choked on a shout and his teeth gritted hard. "Do you understand?"

"I … I didn't want—"

"You told them to!"

Natsu's teeth gnashed as fire burned in his eyes. "I didn't fucking _want it_!" he bellowed in rage. "Lucy … you too … all of you…" His body sank against the strung up arms. "I didn't want you to go through what I did. I know the darkness. I know the nightmares. I hate it!" he seethed. "I hate feeling like that. I hate it so much, I won't let others feel it. Even if it's me suffering, at least they won't! You … won't."

"Damned masochist. Why won't you let me?"

Natsu jolted up in astonishment. "No!"

"Show me how dark it is, Natsu. Show me! If it's too dark, then it's all yours, and you can rescue me the next time we're attacked by perverts. If I can handle the darkness, though…" Gray caressed that flushed cheek and spoke softly. "You don't need to be the damn hero all the time. Especially not with me. Give up on the darkness," he urged. "Don't let it sink in. Vomit it all up. The past. Those men. That fear. All of it. Spew it out. Let me see how dark it is."

Gray raised the cat-o-nine-tails and swung it down again, aggressively this time. Natsu screamed, and the muscles of his chest convulsed. The knotted cords pounded into his flesh, and Gray saw the deep pink rising up.

"Show it to me!"

He lashed again, and Natsu let out a staccato sob. His head fell back; his eyes gazed up at the ceiling, pretending it was heaven.

"Gray. More," he gasped.

"I'll slice away their touches," Gray snarled. "You're mine alone!"

Natsu felt his mind slipping into another place. The world around him faded, and what was left was the tingling heat, burning on his skin, a fire he could never create on his own. He heard only the whistling of the flogger cutting through the air and the drumming thud of tails and knots hitting his flesh. Nothing else existed. Just him, this space, feeling this sensation. The realization that Gray was even there faded.

Just him. Just here. Just this.

He slipped further. The place was dark, and there was a depth to it that scared him. He felt like he could sink in here for eternity and never reach the bottom. Yet as the lash hit, bits of that darkness was torn away and light poured in.

He saw what lurked in this darkness. Crouched here, at the very bottom of the pit, was a child. Natsu looked at the boy, so young and so thin, starved and tortured. More darkness tore away, and he saw pink hair on the boy.

Pink splattered with red. The boy looked up, and his mouth and chin were dripping with blood.

"No," Natsu gasped.

* * *

Gray paused, but he saw the look in those eyes. Natsu had slipped into another space. He was facing his darkness. He needed Gray now more than ever.

"I don't want to scar your front," he decided, and he walked around to Natsu's back. "We'll continue here."

Already Natsu's back was a scratching post of claws, lines and a few swollen welts all across him. Gray had forgotten to keep count. He wondered if they were close to forty lashes yet. Maybe they were past that.

"Fight it, Natsu," he urged, and lifted the lash again.

* * *

As the darkness crumbled more, Natsu took a step forward. His foot landed in something wet, and he looked down. Blood! Puddles of it.

"What have you done?" he asked the boy in horror.

The child stood, and in his hands was a mutilated head, the neck ragged, the eyes gouged, the mouth opened with a swollen tongue. He held out the head toward Natsu and innocently replied, "He … popped."

* * *

Natsu convulsed on the rope. "Nooo!" His head dropped as he tensed up. It looked like he wanted to curl into a fetal position and hide away, except he was still dangling from the ceiling.

"You can't escape it," Gray said, and he lashed again. "Face it! Fight it!"

"No," Natsu sobbed. "I can't … I don't want to."

Gray paused, wondering how far he could push this. Natsu's back was a mess. Any more and Gray truly might start to break skin.

"Gray."

The word was so soft, he almost missed it. He leaned in to hear. Natsu was shivering, so far gone that he was not swallowing anymore, and saliva dripped out of his mouth, clinging to his lip and the point of his chin.

"Don't stop," he breathed, as if his words were coming through a pillow. "It's there. The thing I don't want to see. It's there."

Gray's brow tensed in concern. That deeper darkness! What was Natsu facing? Still, he could not leave him alone in this. If he wanted to help Natsu purge all of this, he had to stay strong as well.

Gray straightened back up. He aimed for a spot with less severe lines, snapped his wrist, flicked the flogger, and Natsu's whole body pulled at the lashing. Then another, another, and suddenly he saw something. One of the tails of the cat caught a swollen welt, and the skin split. Blood oozed out.

Natsu's response was instantaneous. He could smell it. Blood.

Blood!

* * *

Natsu stepped past the child holding the severed head. Every step was into pools of blood. There were other bodies, bloated lumps floating in the lake of blood. How many? Who were they? What happened? Natsu did not remember any of this.

However, as gruesome as this scene was, he had fixated on a door. His heart raced with every step drawing him closer.

He feared that door. A part of him screamed not to open it, and he heard his own voice coming from somewhere, shrieking. Then he heard a voice enter this space.

"Safeword, Natsu!"

Safeword. Red. Red like blood, like all the blood on the floor, on the child, on himself. He looked down at his feet. Blood. Ropes. Shattered glass vials. Red.

He could stop. Say the word, and it would all stop. This place would vanish. The blood, the dark, the door. Say red.

"Say it," he heard the little boy urge.

Natsu looked back at his younger self in horror. That gaunt figure, signs of starvation, blood on his mouth, a severed head in his hands. Red! So much red!

"Say it," the boy repeated more sternly.

It would all go away. But then, the red would remain. Red! The blood. It would still be here. It would always be here. He was in so deep, he could clear away this mess now, but not if he gave in to the blood.

"Not red!" he said, and he heard his voice shout the words somewhere else.

He reached toward the door, but he felt something yank his arm. He looked around and again saw the boy with eyes that had seen too much horror. He held back Natsu's elbow.

"You don't want to see it," the boy warned.

Natsu cringed as he realized that his past self had hidden this. At some point, he had locked it all away. It was there, behind this door.

"It's worse than you fear," the boy whispered. "Don't go in there. You don't want to see it."

 _You don't want to see it._ He had said those words once. He saw it again for a moment, a memory he had forgotten. Makarov, Gildarts, and Porlyusica were there, as well as a blurry sense of others. Natsu was warning them against entering one room. _'You don't want to see it.'_ They had entered anyway, and his life changed in that moment. It all changed. Porlyusica had turned and vomited on the spot. Gildarts never looked at Natsu the same way again. Makarov never forgave him.

Nothing was ever the same again!

What was in this room? Shaking his head in terror, he withdrew a step. Suddenly, here in this other space, he felt a sting, a whip to keep going forward. The flogging pushed him onward. _Face it! Fight it!_ He was being forced to. The safeword was there, but he felt comfort knowing he was being pushed. The flogger was not just about pain and beating away the darkness. It physically reminded him to keep moving forward. He had to go. He had to! He reached out to the door again.

"Don't go in there," the boy urgently warned once more.

"I have to!"

Natsu ignored him, pushed on the door, and peered inside. Instantly, his eyes widened and his stomach twisted.

"Oh my God," he breathed in a horror so deep, he thought he might lose consciousness and faint on the stop. "No. Oh God, no. No!"

He wanted to slam this door shut again, lock it, throw away the key, forget it, forget all of it, pretend he never took this risk. He looked around, but there was no door, no child, nothing, only darkness and blood up to his ankles with those bloated bodies ominously floating around him.

Why had he not listened to the child? This room was sealed for a reason. He began to back out. It was too much. Way too much!

Blood! He could smell it. And he could smell more. His own blood. His!

His … blood!

* * *

Natsu suddenly vomited. Chunks of partially digested lunch spewed over the floor as his stomach heaved again and again. Gray dropped the flogger and hurried around to his front. He had to wait until Natsu stopped vomiting. As soon as he was left gasping for air, Gray picked up Natsu's face and peered into his eyes.

"Natsu!"

The deadness faded and light slowly returned.

"I think … that's all … I can take."

Gray rushed to the bedpost, untied the rope, and lowered Natsu slowly. The Dragon Slayer went limp, but he was soon supported by a cold yet inviting shoulder. Gray pulled him over to the bed and had him sit. He undid the ropes, and Natsu cried out as being released from the binding hurt more than being bound. The ropes left coils of redness on the arms, which Gray diligently rubbed out, massaging to bring blood back to the hands.

Once his arms were massaged, Gray laid Natsu face-down onto the bed. He brought along some antiseptic just in case he made a mistake and drew blood. Now he was glad for the precaution. Rather than an error due to his own lack of experience, he had purposefully pushed beyond anything he anticipated. He never thought they would go this far their first time. Now, his muscles shook from fatigue due to all that swinging and the adrenaline rush of hurting Natsu until he bled. He poured the antiseptic onto a cloth and wiped it over the lashes.

Natsu hissed from a stinging pain in his back. He still smelled blood, but only his own. He stared straight down into the muted light of the plush pillow, drained and exhausted from the experience. He said nothing as Gray wiped up the blood, tended the wounds and slathered his back with something creamy.

"I should rub this on your front, too," Gray said softly.

Wearily, Natsu pushed himself up. He watched Gray rubbing the cream onto pink lines over his chest and stomach. He watched Gray's steady face, his focused gaze, and his exacting movements. How did he get someone who would care so much about him?

"Where were you all my life?"

Gray looked up in shock. Saying something like that … it was the sort of thing lovers said, only Natsu did not say it with passion. He said it with anguish and deep appreciation.

Natsu fell against him and wrapped his arms around Gray. Awkwardly, one hand holding a soaked and slightly bloody towel and the other slathered in cream, Gray returned the hug.

"Are you fine now?"

Natsu shook his head. "Better, though. I know how deep it goes."

"What did you see?"

Natsu buried his head down and gritted his teeth. "Don't make me talk yet."

Gray kept quiet. This was a fragile time for Natsu, and he did not want to scar him more. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, Gray had to fully care for Natsu during this time when he was most vulnerable.

Natsu pulled back and nodded to show he was okay again. Gray set the wet cloth aside and continued to rub cream on the welts.

"Thirsty," Natsu whispered.

Gray got up, went to the hotel room's small space for drinks and a tiny refrigerator, and brought back a plastic cup of water.

"Only sips," he warned.

Natsu took it with both hands, but still the water in the cup trembled with his shaky grip. He took a sip, although he felt like he could have gulped the whole thing. He swished the water around his mouth to get rid of the taste of vomit, then drank a little more to ease the acid in his throat.

Gray pulled Natsu onto his side, helped him to lie down, and spooned into him, being careful not to press up against his back. He rubbed Natsu's arms to promote circulation and hopefully no lingering marks on his wrists. Slowly, his hands just rubbed, caressing, soothing out everything.

"Gray?"

He hummed.

"Am I pathetic? What I need, is it disgusting?"

Natsu sounded so depressed, it stunned Gray. Then he realized what this was. Sub-drop. He had read about this, an adrenaline and endorphin crash that could happen after particularly intense BDSM scenes. It left the submissive with a hormonal imbalance that mimicked depression. From what he read, it could happen even days after a scene, and it could last up to seventy-two hours, depending on the intensity of the initial hormonal rush and how well a dominant could ease the submissive out of the drop.

"You're strong, Natsu. You're incredible," he praised. "You knew what you were getting into, but you still faced it. I'm proud of you."

"I'm … not incredible. I'm horrible." Natsu curled up now and thought about what he had seen in that room. "I don't blame you for never saying you love me. I don't deserve it."

"Natsu!" Gray felt a deep stab of guilt, but he knew he could not take those words seriously, not when Natsu was out of his normal mental state. "You're wrong. You're the most beloved person in my life."

"I'm a killer," he whispered.

"That man deserved it."

Natsu stared ahead blankly. In barely a whisper, he said, "The others didn't."

Gray froze. Others? That deeper darkness! Oh God, if he had killed other people during that time of madness, no wonder he suppressed the memory. Ending the life of the man who tortured him was hard enough for Natsu to live with.

"You weren't in your right mind. It was not your fault, Natsu. No matter what happened back then, I forgive you. I'd always forgive you. I don't care about what you did in the past. I care about who you are now. You … you're the man I l- … who I…"

Shit! Shit, shit, shit! Gray felt he needed to say it. Natsu _needed_ to hear it! Of all the times in their relation, now especially, Natsu needed to hear those words.

"…I adore. I admire. I care for with all my heart." Everything but that one word! Shit!

"Gray?"

He sighed in surrender. He couldn't fucking say it!

Natsu rolled around, but instead of looking depressed in the throes of sub-drop, he was smiling, probably realizing how Gray was trying so hard to fight demons as well.

"It's not over for me. I saw it, but … I can't fight it. Not yet. I'm not strong enough to face that darkness. Like you're not strong enough. And that's okay. We'll both get stronger. Together!" He stroked Gray's cheek. "We'll both help each other."

He smiled in agreement, glad Natsu came to his senses just long enough to support him as well. Gray pulled him closer, smothering Natsu, although the Dragon Slayer did not squirm away. They both needed this physical connection after such an intense scene.

"We need each other in order to get better." Gray petted Natsu's hair. "I'll be right here with you the whole way. As deep as you need to go, I'll send you there, and I'll pull you back up before you drown."

Natsu smiled and snuggled into his broad chest. "Like I said before."

"Huh?"

He chuckled and grinned up at the ice wizard. "Where were you all my life?"

Gray blushed and tucked his chin down. "Being an idiot and trying to ignore you, of course. Or kicking your ass."

"You've got that the other way around. I kicked your ass."

"You're still hallucinating. I'm the one who beat you."

"Only when I let you beat me," Natsu replied cheekily with just a little of that sensual playfulness back in his voice.

"Asshole," Gray chuckled, deeply relieved to see Natsu smiling again. "So, what's next?"

Natsu flopped down onto the pillows. "Sleep. I seriously need it. I'm dizzy and I want to sleep before the pain kicks in. This is gonna hurt like a bitch."

"I just hope it doesn't scar."

"I hope it _does_."

"You'd have a hell of a time explaining how you got flogged."

Natsu gave a light shrug. "I'm a troublemaker. I bet people are more surprised that Lucy or Erza _ha_ _ve_ _n't_ whipped me within an inch of my life already."

Gray chuckled softly and stroked along one of the pink marks striping Natsu's chest. "I'm glad they haven't. I got to do it first."

Natsu nuzzled down into him. "I like when you're my first."

Gray smiled warmly and watched until Natsu began to snore. It was easy to feel guilty, hurting the person he adored, pushing him into that darkness, yet he saw and heard some of the old Natsu just then. That made Gray relieved. Maybe he could not heal him in one day, maybe it would take both of them a long time to fully heal, and maybe it would never completely go away. Still, he liked being the one Natsu trusted to throw him over the edge and hoist him back up into the light.

"You can't hear me, can you?"

Natsu was snoring soundly asleep.

"I still can't say it if you can hear me, because that's a confession, and my brain says that will curse you. Stupid, I know, but I'm messed up that way. If I say it and you hear it, you'll die. No matter what I think otherwise, that _one fear_ never goes away. Still, that's only if you hear me, if I confess _directly_. I know it in my heart," he smiled, feeling the burning love in his chest, "and you're not dead. I said it that one time when your ears were plugged, and you're fine. So … so I convinced myself, it's only if you actually hear the words. If you're sleeping, you can't hear me say it." He leaned over and kissed Natsu's hair. "You are the man I love."

Natsu kept on snoring away, blissfully unaware of the confession. Gray smiled in relief. It was scary even saying it this way, but it was getting easier. Slowly, he was taking steps to overcome the phobia of saying those three words.

"One day," he promised, combing through Natsu's hair. "You deserve to be told. You deserve all the love I can give you. When I'm at the point where I can say it, I'm going to tell you every day, so many times that it annoys you and disgusts everyone around us. I'll tell you before you fall asleep, and as soon as you wake up, and every time we kiss each other I'll say those three words. I'll tell you in front of the whole guild. I'll get on the speaker at the Grand Magic Games and announce to all of Fiore. One day!" He rested his lips against Natsu's forehead. "One day, you'll hear me tell you … how much … I love you."

Facing the fear and saying it, even if he knew Natsu could not hear him, mentally drained Gray. His shoulders were sore from swinging the flogger, and his emotions had been pressed to their limits for too long. He was amazed how sleepy he also felt, dizzy and warm, especially with his Fire Dragon Slayer right next to him. He dropped his head onto the pillow, and he tried to keep watching Natsu sleep. Gradually, his eyelids sank. In a few minutes Gray was snoring right along with Natsu. Their breaths mingled as the two slept face to face.

Still asleep, Natsu mumbled, "Love … you … too."


	47. Vertical Suspension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Audio Drama:<http://chirb.it/EapHPd>_

Gray felt something incredible. Maybe it was a wet dream. Wet dreams were nice, pure pleasure with no guilt, just messy sheets in the morning. The mouth pleasuring him was hot, wet, and voracious. It was an intense delight and made him hum in his sleep. The dream felt so real; he could hear the wet sounds of lips sliding up and down his cock and feel the roughness of a tongue slithering around. Best damn dream ever!

As the sensation of being sucked and licked intensified, it broke through sleepiness. This was no nocturnal fantasy. He forced open his dry eyes and saw pink hair down at his groin.

"N-Natsu," he tried to say, but his throat felt parched. The fiery mouth relentlessly pleasured him. Gray cursed under his breath at just how good Natsu could suck him. "What do you think you're doing?"

Natsu languidly dragged his tongue around the flared head. He planted a kiss onto the tiny leaking slit and answered simply, "Enjoying myself." Then he went back down on him, sucking wetly.

It felt so damn good! Gray had always thought that Natsu gave the best blow jobs. Then Natsu pressed the cock to the back of his throat and angled to take it in deeper. Gray felt himself slide into that narrow throat and the blazing heat brewing within.

"Ah, Natsu!" He pressed a hand down, carefully easing him away.

The Dragon Slayer pulled up with a worried look. "Is that not good?"

"N-no! It's great."

He wanted so badly to just enjoy this like he normally would, a wonderful wakeup, Natsu sucking him, a blow job before breakfast: he sometimes teasingly called Natsu his cocksucker alarm clock. However, this was not a _normal_ time, not after what happened between them earlier. Yesterday, Natsu had not even wanted to be touched. Now, he was naked and sensual.

"Are you okay?" he asked, hesitating to say too much, but knowing he could not enjoy it if he was worrying.

Natsu gave a light shrug. "Yeah," he said, as if the question was silly.

"I mean … earlier." Gray bit his lip, wondering how much he could say without crossing some invisible border into a taboo subject. Natsu had said last night, he was not ready to talk about whatever he had experienced.

Natsu took Gray's hand and squeezed his fingers. "I'm good," he assured.

Still, Gray felt hesitant. It felt like too drastic of a change. For a week, Natsu had been completely against anything intimate and barely able to kiss. "Y-you mentioned … stuff in the past … what he did to you."

That goddamned fucking bastard had made a mere child give him hand jobs and forced Natsu to swallow his cum. Gray's brow tightened as the urge to go back in time and kill that sick psycho ran through his mind for the hundredth time. Now Natsu was doing the same thing that man had forced him to do. It felt weird, wrong, and it worried Gray. Was this therapeutic? Was it going to scar Natsu worse?

He looked at Natsu with worry. "Are you sure doing this is okay?"

Natsu dropped his head. "Gray…"

"I know we shouldn't talk about it—"

"No, we should," Natsu cut in. He sat up, but he stayed between Gray's legs. When he spoke, it was uncharacteristically solemn. "I want to do this … _to you_. It's like assuring myself, that past is gone. What happened then—" He broke off and looked aside as the scene flashed through his mind. "—was really … awful," he whispered, "but I'm better, and I have you, and I want to do this with you."

Hearing that was nice, but Gray wondered if Natsu was pushing himself too much too soon after his memories returned. "Natsu…"

"The past is gone," he insisted, "and the present is here—" He pointed straight down. "—and it's you, and it's this love between us."

Gray cringed slightly, remembering what he had said to Natsu last night while he was asleep. However, it did not seem like Natsu had any memory or was even awake when Gray confessed his emotions.

Natsu rubbed his hands up Gray's thighs, glancing at the erection. Then he gazed straight at Gray and said firmly, "This is what I want."

Gray still felt worried for him, but if this was therapeutic then he would give in no matter what. He felt Natsu trying to entice him into more with those hot hands caressing up and down his legs and hips. What an incorrigible boyfriend!

"Well, I'm not gonna argue."

"You better not." Natsu dived down, bobbing fast on him, and Gray's head threw back with a groan of pleasure. Then Natsu gave a long, slow slurp all the way until the cock popped out of his mouth. He gazed up with a predatory smirk and threatened, "I might have to tie you up."

He kept sucking, feeling Gray's cock pound into the back of his throat, inundating himself in the smell, the taste, the feel, _everything_. He wanted everything of Gray, and to be fully in this moment, this place, this action, this man!

"Oh God!"

Hearing Gray's sensual moan made Natsu twinge below. He was already turned on just by the smell of arousal, but he had been ignoring it. As Gray now panted and began to writhe on the sheets, Natsu's own need was increasing. He looked up with glazed eyes and a moist chin.

"Gray."

"Yeah?" he asked, lost in pleasure.

"Are you good for more?"

Gray opened his eyes and looked down at the starving lust in that round face. "Dammit, I'm hardly even awake."

"I know." He slid up, rubbing his body against Gray's, purposely dragging himself over that sensitive erection until Gray trembled. Natsu pulled himself all the way up until he could gaze straight down into Gray's face. He was sleepy, his black hair stuck out unruly, he had a slight yellow crust on his eyelashes, yet his cheeks were flushed and his body a mottled pale and pink. It amused Natsu to see Gray so aroused despite sleepiness. "You're sexy when you're like this."

Gray turned his face aside in embarrassment. "Natsu."

"I want you." He sat up on Gray's hips and reached back to spread his butt cheeks.

Gray saw and panicked. "Natsu!"

He paused and looked down, worried about the protest in Gray's shout. "Is it okay?"

Damn those puppy eyes! How could he say no when Natsu looked so eager? "Y-yeah."

Was this still therapy? Was it desperate need? Was it just hormones? Did any of that matter?

"You want to do this?" he asked. That was the important thing. Why Natsu would want sex first thing in the morning, that did not matter, not anymore. Just so long as it was safe psychologically.

"Yeah," he answered with assurance.

Gray reached up and caressed Natsu's cheek. Natsu leaned into those fingers for a moment. Then he took hold of Gray's cock, aligned themselves, and slowly sank onto him, piercing himself. Gray moaned loudly as he entered that heat. Natsu was always so burning inside, almost painful, yet incredible. He heard a soft whimper, and he forced his weary eyes open to see the flinching discomfort. Natsu was only using his own saliva, not lube. Still, he forced his way down, not stopping until Gray was all the way inside. Then he held still, struggling to adjust to Gray's girth.

"Natsu…" he whispered in awe.

Gradually, Natsu relaxed, and his eyes opened, grinning down into that wintry gaze. "I wanna do this." He raised his hips up and slowly slid back down. "I want you," Natsu whispered. "I want it to be _just_ you."

Gray groaned at the feel of submerging into that heat. Natsu thrust down again, over and over, using these sensations to focus on the moment. He spit on his hand and added that below to make it a little easier. The added wetness made it better. He could move faster, harder, really rocking his hips down onto Gray. The ice wizard hissed, feeling himself getting worked up way too fast.

"Oh … God!" he cried, clawing into the mattress.

Natsu paused, not wanting Gray to come too soon. "I want to thank you…" Slowly, he raised his hips. "…for helping me…" He pressed down, dragging out the pleasure. "…for doing all that."

Gray shuddered and grabbed Natsu's hips, needing to hold onto something.

He paused again, holding still this time. "Gray."

"Yeah?" he shuddered.

Natsu held his cheek, and Gray opened his eyes to see that beloved face smiling down at him. "Really. Thank you," he said with heartfelt gratitude.

Gray chuckled and squeezed Natsu's hips. "Anytime."

Their gaze lingered, filled with thanks and with relief. Then, without much warning, Natsu started up again, undulating his hips and setting into a rhythm. Gray's whole body was rocked as his cock slid in and out. Natsu whined as he found where he liked and kept moving to hit it over and over. His stomach began to coil. He wanted Gray to touch him, or to touch himself.

Suddenly, his mind saw something. He flinched and thrust the memory aside, but the poisonous thought still lingered.

"C-can you … ice my hands?"

"Where?" Gray asked quickly, expecting that much already.

Natsu gave shorter movements, shallow thrusts, dragging it out longer. "I still want to touch you." His palms ran up the muscular, pale chest, and Natsu groaned sensually. "I like to touch you."

That desperate look melted Gray. "Shoulders," he demanded.

"Yeah, this works good." He placed his hands up on the shoulders. "Is this okay for you?"

Gray had a gleam in his eyes. "Definitely!"

With a pale glow, ice formed over his skin and encased Natsu's hands and wrists.

"Nngh! Cold. Ah!"

Gray smiled at seeing that delicious discomfort and the blush Natsu got from pain. "Do what you want now. Anything you want," he whispered, leaning back and letting Natsu decide what was safe for himself with his current mentality.

Natsu blushed at being granted the chance to take control, at least a little. "I just want to be with you," he said, sliding up and back down Gray's shaft. "To feel you inside me."

Gray moaned as he felt Natsu's heat sheathing him, his body in motion, and his iced hands clawing into his skin. "Oh God," he hissed. He knew he should probably tense up his stomach, try to hold back longer, but he was too sleepy. He wanted to enjoy this without worrying about how fast or slow it went. "Nngh … Natsu!"

"Yeah?"

"Ah," he cried out, arching in pleasure. "Speed up!"

Natsu chuckled deviously, leaned over until his nose was against Gray's, and asked in wicked delight, "Is it good?"

"Yes…" Gray hissed. "Come on!"

Natsu obeyed. He rocked his hips now, riding Gray harder, thrusting onto his cock and moaning in slight pain. He watched Gray's face grimacing, the tension building, teeth gritting, fingers squeezing, stomach muscles clenching, until suddenly…

"Shit! Shi- … Ah. Ahhh!"

Gray grabbed Natsu's hips and slammed in hard. Natsu was forced to stop, and he felt the surge filling him so full, it dripped back down. The feel, the smell, and the sensation of fullness made him quiver, while Gray shuddered hard under him, gasping and weary.

"Dammit," Gray groaned, sinking back down. He had to laugh. This flame-brain idiot was too good sometimes. He hated how Natsu made him lose control, and he secretly loved it. He swallowed, his parched throat worse with the panting and moaning. He seriously needed a drink now.

Natsu watched with a satisfied smile as Gray came down from his orgasm. He was handsome anyway, but like this he was incredible. Something about seeing Gray worn out, either from fighting or sex, tickled him inside. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He sighed and laughed at his own exhaustion. "Sorry that was so fast."

Natsu smirked haughtily. "Was I that good?"

Gray shook his head in a silent laugh. "Shut up." He huffed a bit more, but he saw Natsu still erect with a shiny line of pre-cum dripping down. "Hey, get off."

"All right."

Natsu shifted up and felt cum dribble back out. Gray dispersed the icy binds and slowly slid to the floor onto his knees.

"Wha-?" Natsu began to ask.

"Sit on the edge," Gray ordered.

"Okay…" With uncertainty, Natsu shuffled around, but then Gray pulled him up onto his feet. "Ah, wait!"

Gray crawled closer on his knees until he was right at Natsu's groin.

"What are you doing?" Natsu asked in astonishment.

He smirked up at him. "Like this."

"Gray?"

"Thrust into my mouth."

A flinch passed over Natsu's face, and he tensed up. Something dark was in the back of his mind now.

"It's okay. You can do that," he encouraged, remembering Natsu's first blow job and how wonderful it had been. He wanted to pay back that experience.

Natsu shook his head and looked aside as a shadow passed through his mind.

"Come on, what's wrong?"

What was wrong? Even he did not fully know. This was not something new between them, yet this time it was different. "I'll try," Natsu said timidly.

Gray laughed at what he mistook as mere bashfulness. "We've done this before."

"Yeah," he agreed, and he tried to firm up. "Y-yeah, we have."

It should be no different. He and Gray had lots of experience now in oral sex. He could not even count how many times he had done this same thing, seeing Gray on his knees, thrusting into his mouth, that wetness and warmth and incredible suction.

So why did the idea chill him now?

Trying to push aside his doubts, he ran his fingers through Gray's raven hair. He had done this before! It was no different! Gray licked up his shaft with encouragement, and Natsu gulped. Slowly, he let his cock pass through the waiting lips.

It was a feel he knew, one he loved. It should be fine. It was the same as always. And it felt good. Incredible! Gray's hands wrapped around, grasping his butt cheeks, pulling him eagerly to go deeper. He felt his cock hit the back of the throat. His hands tensed up within Gray's hair, scratching at the scalp. He looked down, holding that dark head, thrusting into those lips, fucking Gray's mouth.

Something shattered in his mind.

"N-no. No!" he screamed, yanking back. His legs hit the edge of the bed, and Natsu collapsed onto the mattress. He pulled his knees up and hugged himself into a ball. "No," he trembled.

"Natsu?" Gray asked sharply.

Tears poured down, much to his annoyance. "No! I can't."

"Natsu!"

Gray scrambled up and sat beside Natsu on the bed, hugging around the trembling shoulders. A panic attack? Why? What the hell happened? This was nothing different, nothing they had not done dozens of times before. What the _hell_ happened? Gray held onto him as the Dragon Slayer shook.

"Natsu, what's wrong?"

"Can't … I can't…" he whispered. Then Natsu lashed out in anger. He hit the lamp by the bed and threw it across the room. It smashed into the wall, and the bulb shattered. "DAMMIT!"

Gray was stunned by the anger. "Natsu, it's okay," he insisted.

"No!" He sniffed up snot and punched the pillow in frustration. "Dammit!"

He wished the tears would stop, and the shaking, and the memories, and everything. Why now? Why for this? They had done it before. From the beginning, before they were dating, this much had been okay. It should be no different. He huffed, feeling like the most fucked up person in the world, some mental mess so screwed up in the head that he could not even enjoy a blow job from his boyfriend.

Gray held him loosely, unsure what to do except stay there and whisper his name.

Natsu scrubbed away some tears. In emotional weariness, he breathed out softly, "I'm sorry."

"What is it?" he asked, wishing he could help somehow.

Natsu snuffled up more snot. _What is it?_ He wished he knew. Or he wished he could say it in a way that made sense without getting into details. Coldness settled onto him, and he shivered out more tears as his desires clashed with what happened last night.

"Y'know, I feel better … in a way," he added with a weak laugh. Then he looked up to Gray, shattered and miserable. "And I feel like I've just taken ten steps back." His head fell, glaring at his cock, now softening, and to his hands.

Those hands! Blood on his hands. So much blood. That man's blood. Other people's blood. His own blood. His own … blood! Natsu felt sick and pulled himself in tighter.

Gray rubbed his shaking arms. Natsu actually felt cold, and it worried him. "It's all right," he whispered, wishing he could pull Natsu out of this.

The Dragon Slayer scoffed. "No, it's not." How was any of this _all right_?

"Natsu," he sighed. "Look, we … we'll figure it out again, okay? We'll figure out what … what's okay." He rested his cheek on Natsu's shoulder, keeping his arms around him as he whispered, "We'll figure it out."

Natsu was glad Gray was there, and he was being understanding, but that made him feel worse. Gray had worked so hard to get him to this point. Now he was back to panicking and crying in horrific flashbacks. He could not stop his tears and the anger. It pissed him off. He hated this! He _hated_ feeling so weak.

"Heal at your own pace," Gray insisted. "That's what we both have to do … and take your time. Seriously." He rubbed Natsu's arms and still felt tension in them. "I saw how deep you went last night." So deep! Deeper than he ever imagined. What had he seen? Natsu said he was not ready to talk about it, and this showed it was affecting him still. Gray gave him a kiss on the pink hair. He pulled Natsu's chin over and insisted gently, "Take your time."

New tears came, hotter and soothing. "Thanks." He turned his face away. Gray was so understanding, it was painful to be weak in front of him. Then Natsu chuckled softly. "At least I can give you a blow job."

"Heh, and I can still take your ass."

"Yeah," Natsu smiled. He gazed longingly at Gray. "I like that."

Gray began to lean in for a kiss. "Me too."

Natsu stared at his lips, wanting them, wanting everything, to fall into his arms and love him and be loved in return. He wanted to be Gray's beloved, his bitch, his everything. He leaned in closer, smelling Gray's morning breath, feeling the permeating chill of his body, and wanting it all. Then suddenly, he turned his face aside at the last second. It was too soon; his mind still trembled and his heart still ached with darkness.

"I'm sorry…" he cringed in shame.

"Hey, don't worry."

Gray leaned back and ran his hand through his messy hair. He still had tangles from sleeping and thought to himself that maybe he needed a haircut. He tried to act casual, hoping to cast aside the awkwardness, but Natsu did not move. He looked lost in thought, or maybe in nightmares, visions of the past, things he had seen or done or had done to him, horrors so dark he had buried them in his mind and still could not talk about them.

Gray feared that Natsu would pull away, trying to distance himself. He did not want that. It took so long for them to get to this point. Things had seemed like they were going good.

Why did it all have to go to hell again? How could he make this better?

It was like starting over again.

Hmm … starting over…

"What if…?" Gray began to say, but he halted. "Maybe this is a bad idea."

"What?" Natsu looked up curiously, privately desperate for anything that might help, because he truly had no clue what to do on his own.

"When we first started out…" Gray hesitated, but whispered, "…you had to be _forced_."

"… Yeah."

Natsu remembered those days. Simply ejaculating had been a terrifying thing, and he had to trick his mind into thinking he was helpless to stop it. That was a dark time for him now. So much had changed. He had healed so much from those days. In just a few months, he changed. He had been someone who only came in wet dreams, fantasies of being tied up and forced against his will, someone who had to resort to rape fantasy just to accept what his partner was doing, bound with sadistic forcefulness while screaming to stop. Now, he loved indulging in the pleasure Gray gave him, and although certain aspects were still a challenge—he had to be restrained before the moment of ejaculation or else so into the moment that he did not feel that fear—still, he had progressed to the point of desperately wanting sex.

Gray cautiously asked, "What if we try that again? It seemed to work."

Natsu stared incredulously. "Wh-wh-what do you mean?"

Try it again? Rape fantasy? His days of needing to think of it as a forced act, distancing himself from it, pretending for his own sanity that he did not want this, were over. Or so he thought. Could this work? It did in the past. Did he really have to go back to square one? That was a huge disappointment. All that work, all that healing! All for nothing.

Gray kept his face calm, inviting, but patient in case this was a bad plan. "I could tie you up, just like earlier."

Uncertain but curious, Natsu asked, "Tie my hands up … hanging?"

"Yeah. Only this time, instead of flogging you…" Gray's hand slid up Natsu's naked thigh, and his eyes narrowed salaciously. "…I'm gonna suck the hell out of you!"

Natsu let out a groan, part desire, part trepidation. He looked around the room, seeking something to stabilize him as his mind swirled. He wanted it! He feared it! He felt aroused just thinking about it, and it made his blood run cold.

"I … I—I…"

"It won't be you doing that to me," Gray cut in, figuring out on his own that this was a big part of the problem. "It'll be me _forcing_ you." He watched, but Natsu shivered and could not look at him. Maybe this was worse. He had no clue what happened in the past, how to help, what would make it worse, and he did not want to push Natsu into talking about something when he obviously was not mentally ready. Gray instantly second-guessed himself. "O-or is that bad?" he stuttered. "I mean—"

"N-no, no…" Natsu said, but he could not stop from shivering. Desires and phobias were battling in his brain, and he hoped the phobias lost because _damn_ that sounded hot.

"Is that going to trigger anything?" Gray asked in genuine concern.

Natsu felt happy that he was so attentive, but he had to shrug. At this point, he had no clue what his triggers were anymore. Blow jobs had never been an issue. "W-well, um…" He tried to think how to say it. " _He_ never did _that_."

Gray brow flinched just slightly. "He never—?"

"Sucked on me," Natsu supplied.

"Well that's good." Gray rubbed more enticingly up Natsu's thighs. "Only _I_ get to."

"Yeah…" Those cold touches made him shiver. "Y-yeah." To be forced again! The thrill, the danger, the ability to cast aside responsibilities and pretend he had no control! He wanted it and fear it. It was advancing out of his current rut, but it was also slipping back into an old habit he thought he had ditched.

"Is this bad?" Gray asked again, not sure what Natsu's conflicting facial expressions were about.

Natsu lifted his eyes to him. "Let's try it. I'll see." He hoped it worked, not just for himself, but for Gray, for them both, to move past this and reclaim their relationship. "Just warning you, this is going to push me."

Gray figured it would. "Safeword."

"I know." Still, Natsu gulped and shivered. "I know," he repeated softer, "and I'll use it."

Needing safewords, needing something that went beyond screaming _No, stop it._ He remembered those moments in the past with Gray, struggling against him, pretending it was unwanted. When had it changed? When had he gotten better? He wanted to get better again.

"I need to get over this," he said softly, wanting to get themselves back to where they were, angry at himself for such a massive setback.

Gray clasped onto his shoulder and looked sternly into those narrow eyes. "Don't go too far."

Natsu took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I won't, and you always pull me back."

Gray saw the love and confidence in those slanted eyes. "That's right," he said.

It was a promise between them. He would always be ready to pull Natsu away from the edge and yank him out of the pit, no matter how deep he went. He wanted to always be the one Natsu could rely on. Now, he needed him again.

"All right, get up," Gray ordered, naturally slipping into the role of a dominant. He felt far more comfortable this way, giving orders and seeing them being followed.

Natsu rose and stood firm.

"Hands up."

Natsu shoved his arms out, wrists together, as if surrendering into police custody. Instead of handcuffs, Gray pulled forward the rope he had used last night. He threaded it carefully and began to coil, tying Natsu's wrists together.

"Ah!" he cried out.

"Too tight?"

"N-no, no. It's fine."

"Okay." He continued to coil, being mindful of where the rope would pull. Suddenly, Natsu flinched in pain, and Gray instantly stopped. "You okay?"

He tried to loosen his face out of its cringe. "It's just a little tender from yesterday."

"All right. I'll do the knot a little looser."

"No!" Natsu shouted, startling Gray. Softer, he said, "No, I want it that tight." _Want it?_ It was more than just a masochistic want. "I _need_ it that tight," he added, knowing that was closer to the truth. He did not trust himself, just like back then. He had to be forced, and he needed to be restrained tight enough so he could not break out and hurt someone. He did not trust himself and his bloody instincts.

Gray watched him cautiously, but he saw more than just need. There was desire as well. Natsu needed pain, just like he needed it last night, but his eyes gleamed at the return of something familiar. Perhaps they had moved past needing this, but that did not mean Natsu stopped liking it. Giving up everything, pretending to be forced, being thrilled by the lack of control, was a nice experience from time to time.

"All right. Tight it is!"

He yanked the rope harder, knowing he very well might leave red marks, if not bruises. Still, if it helped Natsu then it was what he needed to do. He formed another hook of ice on the ceiling, tossed the rope over it, and took the free end. He spent a few seconds to admire the scene, Natsu standing there naked, his hands bound in front of him, modestly covering his genitals, yet still he had flogging marks from the night before, welts and pink lines and that one on his back that had bled. He was quite a sight to behold.

_'And he's all mine!'_

"Tell me when it's too tight."

Natsu nodded fervently.

"Goin' up!"

Gray hoisted the rope, and Natsu allowed his arms to be raised. His shoulders were still stiff, but the stretching felt good. Then a muscle pulled just a little oddly.

"O-okay, okay!" he cried out.

Gray laughed quietly and sadistically. He stopped and slackened the line. "You okay?"

"Ow, my shoulders hurt," he cringed. He rotated his arms, and one shoulder finally popped.

"Too bad?" Gray asked curtly.

"No." He moved his arms until the strain was less. "N-no, this is…" He paused. He was trapped! He was bound up! The mentality alone was incredible. "Wow," he breathed with an airy laugh. Lacking freedom, feeling pain, being restrained: it was everything he loved. It was not enough, though. "C-can you go a little higher?"

"How high?"

"Until I'm barely on my feet."

Gray had read about suspension and knew that being vertical like this posed problems with blood circulation. Pulling even tighter could also dislocate Natsu's shoulder. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Natsu answered eagerly. "I just want to be on the tips of my toes."

Gray figured Natsu knew what he mentally needed. He gave a complaisant shrug. "Okay." He took the rope and held it in a firm grip. "Aw'right…"

He pulled hard, and slowly Natsu rose higher. His shoulders stretched up, his wrists burned, his fingers felt fat from swelling, and he was pulled off his heels until only his toes were on the carpet. Then Gray quickly knotted the rope to the bedpost. He hated to take his eyes off of Natsu for even a second in this new and potentially dangerous position, so he turned back attentively as soon as he secured the line.

"How are you?" he asked quickly.

Natsu breathed hard. Discomfort and even a bit of fear from hanging like this made his lungs shudder. "Good!" he gasped.

"You gonna be okay like that?"

"Mm-hmm," he hummed, struggling to keep on his toes.

Gray looked unconvinced. "Seriously, you're dangling."

"I know." Natsu had a wildly elated gleam in his eyes. It was obvious that this was something intensely arousing to him. "I can still feel the ground," he assured, but added with a laugh, "barely."

"Okay, we can't leave you up like this for too long. It'll be bad on your hands." Gray knew he had to hurry. He wasted no time and knelt in front of Natsu. "Are you ready?"

"Don't ask, just do it," Natsu snarled.

Gray was amused by that lusty growl. However, he was still uncertain about his inexperience in suspension. So much could go wrong. "Are you sure you are okay?"

Natsu opened his eyes and smiled down at Gray. "It feels amazing!" he exclaimed, wishing he could find the right words. "I'm totally out of control, Gray. I can barely touch the ground."

"Yeah." His hands ran up Natsu's thighs, steadying his imbalanced stance. "And now … payback!"

Gray devoured him immediately, and Natsu let out a shuddering cry. Gray was not taking his time at all. He sucked hard and bobbed his head quickly.

"Gray," Natsu wailed. It was good, so good! It was scary and forceful and painful and so _fucking_ incredible. "Gray!"

He hummed and pulled back just enough to order him, "Say my name." Then he pounded down again.

"Nngh, Gray," the Dragon Slayer moaned lustfully.

This was something he loved, having Gray's mouth on him, having that wet heat, and smelling the scent of Gray's saliva as he drooled so much, it slid down his shaft, to his balls, and got his thighs wet. Gray smiled around his cock and kept sucking, finding a good angle for his throat. He reached up and wiped some drool from his chin and neck, but he did not stop.

Natsu looked down, and he saw that head right at his groin. He smiled lovingly, but suddenly it was like the room went dark. His vision changed. He saw something he never wanted to remember.

Natsu gasped and tried to pull away, but he lost footing and was truly dangling until his toes found their grip again. He let out a scream, wanting to scramble away, but being unable to move. He began to hyperventilate and thrashed on the rope as he shoved aside the hatred and fear that tried to bubble up.

Gray pulled back in worry. "Natsu?"

"Don't stop!" he screamed, gasping in terror now. "Please, don't stop."

Gray stroked him and kept kissing up and down his shaft, yet he watched a little closer in worry. "Safeword."

"I know!" he cringed as Gray refused to stop touching. "It's not…" It wasn't _that_ bad, but it was bad. He wanted this to be Gray, not … never … He looked down again, but the flashback was not gone, the hallucination of past horrors would not go away. "N-no!" he screamed, thrashing and not even caring that he was dangling from hands now going numb. "No! No, no…"

"Too bad," Gray growled, holding onto his hips and forcing him. Natsu knew the safeword; he had used it before. Gray trusted Natsu to decide for himself how much was too much. His job was to thrust him past this and heal his soul.

Natsu shuddered and screamed as Gray became relentless, even rough, holding his hips in a bruising grip. This had never happened in the past. That man had never sucked on Natsu, never gave him a blow job, often said he would never stoop to the level of sucking off a kid. Besides, cum was unusable if it had saliva all over it.

Unusable cum…

He let that be a focus to pull him back into the present. That man never offered to do this. Only Gray had sucked on his cock.

"G-Gray…" He said the name unstably, clinging onto that name like a drowning man grasping a piece of driftwood. "Gray." He moaned as the chill dissolved and burning pleasure filled him. "Nngh, Gray…"

Gray smiled and pulled back a little. "That's right. Say my name, bitch."

Bitch. His bitch. Gray's bitch. He almost wanted the collar. He wanted to be Gray's bitch this time.

"Oh damn, that feels good!" Natsu shivered as Gray continued to be aggressive and relentless. "Nngh, Gray … Gray … Gray!" He chanted that name over and over as he heard the wet slurps. Loud, soft, growling, whimpering, he just needed to keep saying that name, and it was all better. It was Gray. Gray!

His stomach coiled tightly, but his body was so stretched and strained, he did not fully feel it until he sensed the impending rush. He was about to come. Natsu gasped as the familiar tingle built and he knew it was too late.

"No!" he shrieked, pulling away and shaking his hips. "No. No, don't…"

"Go on," Gray growled, massaging Natsu's balls to urge him. "It's _me_!"

"Gray…" It was Gray. Gray was doing this. Gray wanted it. He wanted Gray. God, more than _anything_ , he wanted Gray, and wanted the pleasure Gray gave him. This was now, here, and it was Gray.

Natsu looked down and saw the scar on Gray's forehead. He focused purely on that scar as he felt the first surge gushing out. He watched and made sure it was Gray's hair, Gray's closed eyes, Gray's mouth accepting the bitter taste, and that scar. Natsu was there when he got that scar on Galuna Island. Only Gray had a scar like that. Only Gray had ever wanted to give Natsu a blow job.

As it all rushed out, Natsu felt the darkness crumbling. This was Gray. From now on, it would always be Gray to do this. Only Gray. Exclusively Gray. That made Natsu relax, knowing he had nothing to fear, because Gray was the only one. His one-and-only. His _kainushi_.

Slowly, Gray pulled back and swallowed. He caught his breath and kept swallowing to get all of the cum down. Gently, he licked the softening cock clean. Then as it hung back down, shrunken and wrinkled amidst pink wiry curls, he tenderly kissed it. He sat back on his heels and smiled up at Natsu.

"You taste pretty damn good."

Natsu watched all of this, and he laughed softly. Those fears seemed so stupid now. It would always be no one else but Gray. However, worries were hard to forget. "You swallowed it?" he asked, wanting to be certain.

"Yes."

"Good … good." That was a silly fear, too. When had Gray ever broken that promise to always swallow after a blow job? He kept to their set boundaries and respected them. Gray had always taken care of his needs.

Worried a little, Gray rubbed a concerned hand up Natsu's thigh. "Did you fight past it?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "It's you. It's not—" His words cut off sharply, and Gray saw the flinch in his face. "It's not anything else." He sounded defeated. The darkness … it was still there, it was still terrifying, yet he had battled it and won. Softly, wearily, but with determination, he repeated, "It's you."

"That's right." Gray raised to his feet and stood dominantly in front of Natsu. He held the Dragon Slayer's chin in a tight grip. "It's me," he said sternly, and a sly smile rose to his lips. "No one else can have their mouth around you."

Natsu cringed. His face yanked out of Gray's fingers, and his breathing went erratic for a few seconds before he forced himself to calm down.

Gray pulled his hand back at the unexpected panicking. "You okay?"

It took a few seconds to calm his heart enough before he faintly whispered, "Yeah…" Even he knew that did not sound like he was truly okay. The darkness! Memories! He looked up with sad eyes. His voice was tiny and scared as he begged, "Don't say that again … please."

What he said? About no one else having their mouth around Natsu? Had that happened? But he said that man in the past never gave him a blow job. What had happened then? Maybe it was some toy that man had used that Natsu was just now remembering. Maybe it was someone else. Maybe it was unrelated to that incident, but still a trigger. What the hell happened?

"Okay…" Gray wanted to know, but he was worried that asking now was bad timing. "Natsu—"

"Don't!"

The shout jolted Gray. Definitely, bad time to ask! Natsu was shaking, and his dropped head rocked back and forth, shaking in a negative.

The words were a mere wisp. "Don't ask."

Gray felt isolated from Natsu, like he was being pushed away. He wanted to pull Natsu to him, smother him, and crush away that darkness. However, he needed to give Natsu time to sort this on his own. Something awful had come back to him, some forgotten memory, repressed because it was so horrific. It took such a long, long time before Natsu admitted to Gray about that man in the past. Gray sighed in acceptance as he realized it would take Natsu just as long, maybe longer, to feel comfortable enough to confess whatever he recalled last night.

Gray just had to help him heal and wait until that time.

He stepped back to show he would not smother him. "Okay. Tell me when you are ready."

"Yeah," he said softly, and muttered so low, Gray did not catch it. "Hopefully."

How could he ever heal from this? Natsu felt like it was impossible. It took so many years before he could freely talk about that man in the past. Would it take years for this? Would it ever happen? This was so much worse. So … _so much_ worse! What happened to him, what happened to others, the blood and the screams and the pain and the madness … he seriously doubted if he could ever fully get over it.

Then he looked up to Gray. Would he even accept Natsu as a lover if he knew the truth? Gray already knew Natsu killed that man in the past, and it shocked him. Still, he accepted it and did not hold that murderous act against Natsu. But what about this? What about everything else? Natsu truly feared that Gray would leave him if he knew. Of course he would leave! Anyone would flee. A sane person would hate him. He was beyond redemption. Even Makarov never forgave him.

The thought of losing Gray scared him the most.

"Let's get you down."

The voice and the movement pulled Natsu out of his dark thoughts. He realized he was hurting, and his hands had gone numb. His toes were aching, and all of his muscles were pulled taut. When Gray loosened the rope, Natsu dropped flat to his feet, but his legs collapsed under him.

"Ow, Gray!"

Arms were swiftly around him. Gray smiled as he held Natsu up. "I got you."

Natsu looked at him in awe and felt so…

… so protected!

He wanted this man, these arms, this love. He never wanted to lose it. He could not tell Gray the truth, not yet. If he lost this … he had no idea if he could keep going on. He realized with a bit of comedy that he had actually come to rely solely on the man whom he had despised and argued with for years. His rival! Now his lover.

Natsu rested his head on Gray's shoulder, surrendering to him, grasping and realizing he was truly a helpless idiot. Gray squeezed him tighter, and Natsu melted in those arms.

"I really liked that," he said wearily.

"We'll definitely do that again."

"Yeah."

He wondered if this was going to be how he needed things again, always tied up, always restrained. Not just when he was about to come, but constantly. As he felt the tingle of blood returning to his limbs, he realized that maybe this wasn't such a bad thing. It felt amazing! And Gray obviously liked it.

"You'd have to put a good hook up in your ceiling at home."

Gray chuckled softly. "I'm not sure if the neighbors would like it if I pulled the whole roof down."

Natsu looked up into his face and seductive whispered, "I liked it."

"Yeah," he moaned.

Gray saw the life and energy in those eyes, so different from the dead eyes that haunted him yesterday. He gave Natsu a kiss, and the soft sigh between those hot lips urged him. He kissed again, and Natsu's hold around him tightened. Their tongue twirled, and Gray squeezed him tighter. They began to make out, right there, Natsu in Gray's arms, barely even on his own feet as those powerful arms held up his weight. Gray opened his eyes briefly and looked at the rope still around Natsu's wrists. If it helped Natsu to recover… hell, Gray had always loved restraining people. He was ecstatic to do this. Knowing Natsu liked it and needed it was a bonus.

Gray pulled back, and Natsu tried to follow his mouth. He felt empty air and pouted at having the taste taken away.

"Let's get cleaned up."

Natsu softly agreed. Gray settled him onto his feet, and once stable enough to stand on his own, he undid the coils around the wrists. This time, they had been much tighter, and Natsu had lost his footing many times. He had deep redness on the wrists that would turn into bruises. Gray massaged the arms to promote circulation and checked each of Natsu's fingers to make sure they could move. Natsu's hands were in pins-and-needles, but he could still move them well enough. Then Gray tried to pull him along, but Natsu stumbled.

"Can you walk?"

Natsu stood still for a moment as he regained balance. He laughed at how pathetic this was. "My toes hurt a little."

Gray wrapped his arm around Natsu's waist. "Take it easy. I've got you." They walked together slowly.

"Thanks," Natsu muttered, blushing that he was so sex-weary, he could barely walk.

They slowly made their way to the small bathroom. There was a toilet, a sink, and a glass-enclosed shower. Gray walked Natsu over to the toilet where he could sit and expel the cum in his ass.

"Sit down."

Natsu eased onto the toilet seat and quickly felt the release of pressure in his colon. He blushed as the cum dripped out into the water in the toilet bowl, but Gray watched with salacious fascination.

"D-do you, um, have to go?" Gray offered nervously.

"Um … no." Besides letting the cum out, Natsu did not need the toilet. However, he saw the gleam in Gray's eyes. "Do you?"

"Yeah," he admitted, and laughed softly. "I just woke up. I … haven't … gone yet."

Natsu smirked, knowing his kink. "You want me to watch, huh?"

Gray frowned and looked away. "Well, you don't have to."

Natsu wiped himself clean, then looked up with a sly smile. "Get me in the shower, but leave the door open."

Gray's heart fluttered. Natsu would watch! "A-all right." He helped Natsu up and eased him over to the shower. "It's a small shower stall," he noted. It was a love hotel, after all. They did not have room for a spacious bathtub. At least the shower was barely big enough for two people.

"That's fine. I can still watch you from here."

Gray's throat went dry. "Um … yeah."

He left Natsu standing and resting against the tiled shower with its glass walls. He walked over to the toilet, lifted the seat, and stood in front. Gray took a deep breath and let it out slowly to ease away the sensual excitement of doing this and being _watched_. Still, he hesitated. It was hard to relax.

"Do it."

The stern order shocked him, but he relaxed quickly. He could allow Natsu to be a little dominant from time to time. At least for this—his personal kink that excited and humiliated him—it was okay to have Natsu ordering him.

Natsu watched as Gray relaxed. He smelled the urine and heard the tinkling. He did not really watch that part. He gazed fully at Gray's face, his blushing cheeks, the pleasure he took in doing this and knowing someone was watching him. It made Natsu smile to know he could please Gray in such a simple thing. It was weird, but if it pleased him, there was no harm to it.

Gray finished and looked over. Those narrow eyes piercing into him were thrilling. "D-do you … _like_ watching me?" he asked worriedly.

Natsu just smiled passively. "I like watching the faces you make when I watch you."

That sort of answer made Gray's face drop into a passive frown. "But you're not—"

"I'm not into it, but I like watching how much you are into it. You look really erotic."

Gray's face turned red. "Shut up."

Natsu held a hand out. "Come into the shower?"

Gray looked up, so glad to see Natsu inviting him, _wanting_ him, despite all his weird kinks and perverse desires. He suddenly rushed at Natsu and slammed him against the tiled wall. Natsu moaned as his neck was instantly attacked. Gray was not gentle at all this time. He sucked and nipped Natsu's throat in all the places he knew the Dragon Slayer loved. His hands grabbed at that hot body, claiming him as he marked the burning skin. Natsu's nails dug into him, clawing his own marks and hearing the hiss of pain between those attacking lips.

"I love you, Gray," he moaned, trembling.

Gray sneered and bit Natsu's collar bone. "I care for you," he groaned. He bit Natsu again where the neck met the shoulder, harder there, and the cry was sweetly erotic. "So much," he exclaimed, angry he could not say more. "So … damn … much!"

"I know." Natsu held Gray's cringing face and kissed him. "I know."

He kissed him over and over until Gray began to reciprocate again. Finally, they shared a lingering, sweet kiss, tensions gone. Their foreheads rested together, and they smiled at each other. What a mess they both were! They really did need each other. Gray caressed Natsu and sought out the flavors of his mouth. Natsu tasted his own bitterness on Gray's morning-breath tongue, but it was a nice idea having him marked inside like this.

"We'll take it … mmmh … at our own pace," Natsu said between kisses.

"Mm-hmm."

Gray kept kissing his mouth, then moving down, sucking and nipping, never hard enough to break skin, but enough to leave marks. Then back up to his lips again. He wanted to kiss Natsu everywhere, to smother him. He finally pulled back and looked at the flushed Dragon Slayer. Natsu's neck was pink from all the roughness, and Gray hoped at least one of those marks would last beyond today.

Natsu gazed at him. Feeling Gray claiming him reassured him that, despite his renewed issues, Gray wanted him. He wanted Natsu to be his. That was a wonderful relief to his fears.

"I'm so glad," Natsu said, and tears unwillingly came to his eyes. "So glad … you're in my life." He laughed and shook his head in frustration. "Dammit, that sounds stupid to say," he grumbled.

"No, I feel the same way." Gray laughed, caressed his knuckles down Natsu's cheek, and smiled lovingly at him. "Where would we be without one another?"

Natsu said playfully, "Well, our asses wouldn't hurt."

Gray laughed and rested his nose against Natsu's. "Yeah, but I wouldn't be this happy without you."

Hearing that overwhelmed him for a moment. "Gray…" he whispered as his bottom lip trembled. Maybe Gray could not say that dreaded L-word, but these little declarations were deeper than a single word.

Gray looked aside. "It's a stupid thing to say," he muttered, but the way Natsu stroked his face made him want to say even more, even if it was a little embarrassing. "What you said last night." Gray held Natsu's face, and his thumbs tenderly stroked along his cheekbones. In a gentle whisper, feeling moistness on his eyelids, he repeated with unsteady words. "Where have we been … all this time?"

The love in his heart terrified him; it was so intense, it felt like it would burst out in glorious rays of bright emotions. Still, he could not dim that brightness. The Fire Dragon Slayer had burned a branding mark on his soul. He was Natsu's mate, _his_ , no matter what the future held.

Natsu reached up and held Gray's face as well. They looked deeply at one another. After a few seconds, their foreheads leaned together, and they rested against one another, caressing over cheeks and up into pink and black hair. Gray laughed softly at how ridiculously romantic this was. He had never acted like this in the past. He never felt love this profoundly. He never said stupid stuff like this. He never wanted to just stay in a moment and never have it end. He had never wanted—and felt he never needed—romance. Natsu had really rubbed off on him.

And he did not mind one bit.

"I'm just glad we've found one another," Gray whispered, then laughed wryly and added, "Even if it took a while." He looked deeply into Natsu's eyes and said earnestly, "I'm glad."

Natsu saw all the unspoken love in that face, and it warmed his heart, dispelling the darkness of his past with bright hopes for the future. "Me, too."

The shower was not even on yet. They stood there, not kissing, not doing anything erotic, just gazing at each other in silence and tracing the contours of each other's faces. Somehow, despite all the sex and kinks and erotic play, just this much was enough for them. Quiet moments like this, when their hearts were connected and the rush of hormones had subsided, were when Gray knew deep in his soul…

… He wanted no one else but Natsu!

* * *

They showered, they dressed, and they gathered the supplies from last night. It was time to go, although returning to normal life felt so monochrome compared to the incredible experiences of last night and that morning.

"Ready to go?" asked Gray.

"Yeah…" Natsu paused as he saw Gray standing by the door wearing only his pants. "Find your shirt!"

"What? I had it—" Gray looked down and saw his bare chest. "Dammit, where'd it go?" He began to look around to where it had disappeared to this time.

Natsu walked over, picked up the shirt, and held it out. "Here," he said in exasperation.

"Thanks," Gray grumbled, annoyed that this habit of his would never go away.

He pulled it on and began to button it, but he glanced up at Natsu. They were lucky he brought his wrist bands. He definitely would need to wear them for a few days to hide the bruises. As his scarf dipped, Gray also saw hickeys left behind. He knew Natsu's back was a mess as well from being flogged. He would be hurting for a few days with all the bruises.

"So, are you all right?" he asked hesitantly.

Natsu smiled like a beast about to devour its prey and purred, "Definitely."

Gray laughed at how arousing he could be, and he ordered sternly, "Don't look like that."

Natsu smirked and asked innocently, "What?"

"Don't look like that in public," he insisted. Gray finished with his shirt, walked up to Natsu, and tipped his chin up. "I don't want anyone to see _that_ face," he said, looking aroused by Natsu's deviousness.

Natsu chuckled, but then he nervously asked, "Can we, um … g-go on a date?"

A date. After everything that had happened between them, he wanted a romantic date. Seriously, this Dragon Slayer was too adorable. "Sure. Where to?"

"I wanna see a movie."

"All right. We'll do that then."

Natsu bounced on his toes in excitement. "Good!" he said, almost giggling in happiness but holding it back.

Gray thought it was cute, how easily Natsu could grin again despite all the darkness from earlier. Of course, he would never tell Natsu that. Simply knowing he helped to bring about these smiles was truly amazing.

They left the room and walked through the hotel hallway. They got into the elevator and rode it down in awkward silence. Before they reached the bottom, Natsu glanced over at Gray, who was staring up at the descending numbers.

"Um, can we, um—"

"What?" asked Gray.

Licking his lips nervously, Natsu reached out. "This?" He wrapped his fingers around Gray's hand.

"Oh!" he gasped, a bit shocked by the bold move.

Just then, the elevator stopped, dinged, and opened. Holding hands, they stepped out. Gray was a little self-conscious, but it was also nice. So many people walked into love hotels all over each other but left alone, hoping not to get caught together. They were leaving like two lovers.

"Your fingers are hot," Gray grumbled.

"Your hands are cold," Natsu complained.

Gray glanced over and saw Natsu was smiling at the familiar bickering. "I don't really mind."

Those narrow, green eyes glanced up to him with a smile. "Me neither."

Just as they came to the entrance, Gray pulled him to a stop. No customers were in the hotel at this hour. He tipped Natsu's chin up and gave him one last kiss before they went into public. Their hands squeezed together a little tighter, and they stepped out into the morning sunlight.


	48. Battling an Invisible Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Sorry I went on yet another long break. I took too many fan requests and worked myself into a plot kink ... and not the sexy type! I had to rearrange a lot of chapters, remove a few I had planned that were no longer working, and shift events around. I think I fixed things. I then also went on vacation. It was my 10-year wedding anniversary last week! Lots of romantic adventures! Thank you for being patient ... well, at least those of you who weren't messaging me every other day wondering when I'd update._ XD
> 
> _Audio:<http://chirb.it/Ceg4Pz>_

Over the next two weeks, Gray took Natsu out on more dates than they had gone on in the entire time they had been dating. Almost every day, Natsu wanted to do something together. It could be as simple as sharing a milkshake at the guild—and getting plenty of teases from their friends—to as romantic as dinner on the lake at sunset. Sometimes they went on a date in the morning, and then before the sun set, Natsu insisted on going on another outing.

Happy giggled as Natsu pulled Gray away again, insisting there was a movie he wanted to watch, a new comedy-adventure film, and he dragged Gray by the hand until he was almost tripping out the guild doors.

Mira smiled as the two left. "My, they sure are a boisterous couple."

"Aye!" Happy agreed. "Natsu says Gray is finally learning to be romantic."

"Finally?" Mira asked in surprise. "I figured _he_ would be the romantic one in their relationship."

Happy gulped down the fish he was eating. "Nope. Gray's really shy. He's tsundere!" he declared proudly. "He tries, but Natsu has to help him along sometimes. Gray is really bad at expressing his emotions. He can't even really say _I love you_ in public, or at least I've never heard him say it. He'll say other stuff, but he blushes a lot whenever he does."

"That's rather cute," Mira tittered happily. "So, Natsu is teaching Gray how to settle down and be a real, romantic couple, eh?"

"Aye! Natsu came home after one of their nights together, and he said he and Gray were gonna be okay, but things might change. I didn't know what he meant, but then they started going on dates and not just sleeping over all the time—" Happy suddenly covered his mouth as he realized what he said. "Um … I meant … uh…"

"It's okay," Mira smiled, patting his head, but she was definitely intrigued. Sleeping over all the time? Oh, she knew what _that_ meant! "Still, I wonder what happened to make that sort of change."

She pondered over it. Nothing huge had happened to the guild in a while. The two did not have any fights in the guild, their relationship at least in public was the same as ever, although Natsu acted much more clingy, and Gray was slightly more accepting of Natsu's occasional public displays of affection. He still blushed if Natsu kissed him or grabbed his hand, and sometimes Natsu whispered something that made Gray hiss at him to shut up. However, there had not been any large changes as far as she could see.

So why had those two changed from what sounded like quite a sexually active relationship to simple dating? It was like they were going in reverse.

And that troubled Mira just a little.

* * *

Rather than the movie theater, Gray walked with Natsu to his apartment. Natsu followed along, but he frowned at such a big detour. Maybe Gray forgot his money. Although Natsu had always insisted on paying for dates, sometimes Gray bought popcorn as a way to make it even.

Finally, they walked into the chilled home. It had been a while since Natsu had been here, before his episode with getting his dark childhood memories back. They had simply not come back to this place.

Or maybe Natsu was purposely avoiding it.

He looked around. Nothing had changed, except the smell was slightly different. The room had begun to smell more and more like Natsu, and like sex. Now it smelled similar to how it used to before they hooked up.

"Um, Gray, why are we coming here?" He let out a soft grunt and folded his arms across his chest. "I thought we were going on a _date_."

"We are," Gray said with a devious smile. His eyes ventured up and down Natsu's body. "I thought we'd … spice it up a bit."

Natsu's brow tensed in disapproval. "It's _supposed_ to be a nice, simple, fun date."

"Oh, it'll be lots of fun," Gray assured with a chuckle. "Just … not quite so simple. I'm planning something a little special."

Natsu knew Gray's definition of _special_. "What did you have in mind?" he asked warily.

Gray heard the displeasure already. He had been holding back for weeks, realizing Natsu needed time to recover, to sort out whatever that dark memory was. He had been patient, but his body craved warmth and the Dragon Slayer's strong embrace. This was worse than the time he was sick, because now there was nothing truly stopping them. Only a shadow, that released darkness that hung between them like a gauzy veil.

Gray felt he had waited long enough.

He walked up to Natsu and rubbed his arms, but the Dragon Slayer did not stop pouting at him sullenly or loosen up the crossed elbows over his chest.

"I know you're still recovering—"

"Yeah!" Natsu snapped softly, pulling away slightly.

"But what would you think about sitting at the movies … and having something _inside_."

"Huh?" Natsu said, pulling back more. "I'm not gonna have your _dick_ up my ass while I'm trying to watch a film!"

"Not me, idiot. Something _else_."

Natsu tried to think what else they could possibly use. "The butt plug?" he asked quietly.

"I have two. Both have a remote. We each take one remote that controls the other person's toy. We could turn on the vibrations, enjoy tormenting one another, and I don't even have to touch you."

Gray thought this was perfect. Natsu had been acting clingy since that night, but he also showed skittish behavior, often withdrawing when Gray tried to touch him back. This way, they could both enjoy some pleasure, and Natsu would not have to worry about Gray touching him in the wrong place.

Still, Natsu cringed and looked away. Doing something like that in public … "Gray," he warned, shaking his head.

Gray stroked his cheek enticingly. "It'd be sexy, sitting in a movie theater, in public, watching you squirming around." He did not understand why Natsu still looked opposed. This was sexy as hell! How could he not see that? "I'm granting you full control over me," he pointed out. That was a big deal to Gray, and he felt Natsu should be honored that he would allow this much control to be in Natsu's hands.

Still, Natsu protested, "I wouldn't be able to pay attention to the movie."

Gray shrugged that off. "Screw the movie."

"No! I wanna watch a movie."

"Natsu…" He was about to argue, but he held back. Gray's libido took a dive. Shit! He was just being pushy. "Is it too soon?"

"Maybe," he mumbled, although his mind screamed that it was definitely too soon. "Look, I'm sorry." Natsu turned away sadly. "I know it's been over two weeks, and … still…" His eyes slammed shut. Still, those memories came up at the worst times. Memories of blood, screams, death, insanity… "I'm sorry."

Gray sighed, but how could he be frustrated? Feeling angry was not fair to Natsu. They had cut open a festered wound in his soul, and the healing was taking a long time.

Gray walked up to him and hugged Natsu from behind. He felt the broad shoulders tense for a second, and then relax at the familiar embrace. He leaned over and kissed the back side of Natsu's ear.

"Someday?" Gray asked. "Not now, but … someday would you want to do that?"

Natsu let out a sigh, and Gray felt him tensing up again. "I … I don't know. Maybe," he muttered. He suddenly yanked away and spun at Gray. "Why do you always have to do this, Gray? I told you, I just want a date. Can't I have _normal_ dates?"

Gray immediately backed off at the anger, stunned by it. "Well, yeah. Of course," he assured, trying to recover from the shocking outburst. "It … it was just an idea."

The anger faded, and Natsu turned away again. Softly, he muttered, "I know. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Gray said automatically. "My mistake. You're right. You wanted a simple date."

He walked aside, glanced at the bedroom, but shook his head. Sex was still off-limits. Until Natsu healed, Gray just had to deal with his raging hormones on his own and be there emotionally for his boyfriend. They were fighting this darkness together, except it was an enemy Gray could not see, and a shadow that seemed to be constantly reflected in Natsu's dimmed eyes.

"Well," Gray said, spinning back around. "I guess we can go now, catch an early show."

Natsu eyed him warily. "You came all this way just because you wanted that?" he asked acridly. "You didn't even ask. You just dragged me along," he accused.

"I…"

"You _assumed_!" Natsu shouted angrily. "You figured I'd be obedient and submissive and go along with what you want, like I _always_ do, even after I _told you_ I wasn't ready for that sort of stuff."

Gray's head dropped at the scolding, but he could not deny it. He really had figured Natsu would agree. He always agreed. He would not have to touch Natsu at all. Besides, two weeks should be more than enough time! He thought … he assumed…

"Yeah, I guess I did," he admitted apologetically. "I shouldn't have just assumed it'd be okay now. I'm sorry."

Natsu kept glaring at him. Then he turned and walked to the window, peering out, and took a slow, steadying breath, trying to calm his rage.

This was not the first time Natsu's mood flipped so drastically. At first, Gray thought it was just sub-drop, that time after really intense BDSM when a submissive's emotions were fragile and tempers could be volatile. Now, he realized this went much deeper. Natsu had traumatizing memories suddenly thrust back into his mind. He had years of anger, fear, and self-loathing bottled up inside as well. Gray kept thinking of this as draining a festering wound. Poison came gushing out at the most unexpected times.

Natsu was not the same. Sometimes he laughed happier than ever, sometimes he brooded in a way Gray never saw in him before, and at the most unexpected moments, he lashed out in fury. It was only at Gray, though. He had not noticed the Dragon Slayer acting this emotionally erratic toward anyone else.

Gray wondered if Natsu simply felt comfortable enough around him to release those darker emotions, or if that anger was subconsciously directed at him because _he_ had been the one who pushed Natsu deep enough to open that door into the darkness. He felt like he was treading on something fragile and dangerous now. Since the darkness haunting Natsu flared up only around him, Gray often wondered if maybe Natsu would be best without him, just a week apart, maybe a long solo mission to give them both time. Then the Dragon Slayer grabbed his arm, hung on, and sometimes clung to him as if Gray was a shield against an enemy's poisoned arrows. Just as Gray thought Natsu truly needed him, he would suddenly pull away again.

"Natsu, what…?"

"What?" came a low growl.

Gray's words clenched off. This wasn't like him at all! Gray wanted to be there for Natsu, but the mood swings were torturing him. He never knew what to say or do, and Gray _hated_ being out of control. He tried to remind himself over and over again, Natsu had just remembered something traumatic, a past so horrendous, his mind had blocked all memory of it. Gray had no clue at all what that deep darkness could be. Something bad. Something bloody. His mind imagined horrible scenarios, but he was unsure if he was thinking far worse than this really was or—what really worried him—maybe he was underestimating this darkness that traumatized someone as strong as Natsu Dragneel.

He knew he should be happy Natsu still wanted to be a dating couple. It was good that Natsu wanted romantic evenings together. Sex had to wait, but at least he was okay with kissing, holding hands, dating…

So why did Gray feel so uncomfortable with this?

What was going on between them?

"Gray?"

" _What?_ " he yelped as he was knocked out of his brooding fears.

Natsu looked back, surprised by the outburst, but then he looked aside sadly. "Nothing."

"N-no!" Gray cried out, rushing over to him in dire concern, fearing Natsu might decide he did not want dating or romance or _anything_ anymore. "What is it?"

Natsu's eyes looked up at him, and Gray could see he had something serious to say. His lips began to part, but he paused. His mouth closed, and he looked back out the window. "No, it's nothing."

Gray began to reach to him, but held back, worried if touching him was a bad idea. _Anything_ could be a bad idea at this fragile time. Why the hell had he thought using goddamn _butt plugs_ was a good idea? He wanted to go back just ten minutes and slap the shit out of himself for suggesting it.

"Natsu?" he whispered in worry. Had he pushed things too far? He felt so scared, seeing Natsu pull away and looking outside like that. Looking away from him! It was like … like he was about to _lose_ him, like he was slowly drifting away, falling into shadows.

_'Don't drift away from me! Natsu … don't pull away. Don't leave me!'_

Natsu suddenly spun around and flashed his same old smile. "We better get going, right?"

Gray gulped hard at the sudden mood change. This was too forced, and it was blatantly obvious. What was Natsu hiding? Hell, he was hiding _lots_ of stuff, but … what had he been wanting to say just now? Why was he looking out the window like that? Why did Gray sense a change between them?

"Y-yeah," he stuttered. "Anytime you want."

Natsu looked concerned now. "What is it, Gray? You seem … distracted."

He shrugged casually. "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he said flatly. Was Natsu simply unaware of his mood swings, or was he trying desperately to pretend they were not happening? However hard this was on Gray, he imagined it must be a hundred times worse on Natsu. He was the one suffering.

"Hey, can we hold hands again?" Natsu asked cheerfully.

How could he flip like this? Gray let out a scoff. "It's a little embarrassing, you know."

"But … I like it," he pouted.

Gray still felt cautious. He did not want to do anything to push Natsu away. He wanted to cater to him during this healing phase. If he wanted to be cute and pretend they did not just have a dark moment together, and to hold hands in public … holding onto him was better than losing him. Anything was better than that.

He shoved his hand out with blushing cheeks. Natsu grinned in excitement and grabbed him possessively. Gray smiled at his cheerfulness, but he still felt wary. All the way to the movie theater, he felt like whatever darkness Natsu had freed last night was following them, ready to tear them apart at any moment.

* * *

"That movie was great!" Natsu exclaimed as they left the cinema. "What should we do next?"

Gray had almost forgotten all about the trouble earlier. They had both cheered up with the comedy. The film was long enough and funny enough to push aside all bad feelings. He waited until they were away from the milling crowd, then he reached around Natsu and let his hand rest casually on his butt.

"We could go back to my place," he smiled, giving that muscular ass a soft squeeze.

Natsu's face fell, and he pulled back sharply. In an instant, Gray realized the issue earlier was not over. _Shit!_

"I … I was more thinking like … food," Natsu said timidly, and to Gray it was like a darkness hung just behind him, threatening to rip Natsu away from him.

Gray forced a smile. "Of course! Food!"

"Gray," Natsu said softly, then he scoffed flippantly. "Sheesh! Why do you always want sex?"

Gray had to laugh at that. "Why wouldn't I!" he said, not even thinking about his answer. "You're hot!"

"No, I … I guess I mean … n-nothing. Never mind."

No! The same as before! Gray could see Natsu's face falling into something dark. Oh God, this was _not_ good. He did not even know what was going on, but this was _not good!_

"Hey," Natsu said in forced cheerfulness. "Can we walk down to the docks?"

Gray felt wary again. "Sure," he said, determined to give in to anything Natsu wanted, anything to keep that darkness away.

"We can eat down there, maybe a sushi place. Yum, sushi sounds good."

"Sushi sounds great to me," he chimed in.

Natsu grinned boisterously at that. "Yeah! And maybe we can pick up some fish. Happy would like that."

"Sure. Fish for Happy." Anything to keep Natsu smiling! Even if this was forced or fake, it was better than that darkness.

They walked along, and rather than holding his hand, Natsu instead grasped possessively onto Gray's arm. Gray normally would never allow this much, they were attracting attention from all around, but he felt cornered. He was fighting an invisible enemy, something trying to take Natsu away from him, and he had no clue at all what to do anymore. He was being swept along in an emotional tsunami. He just hoped to hold on to Natsu and not drown in the storm.

They ate sushi together, and Natsu was animated all through the meal. Gray watched, smiled, laughed, but his heart was still troubled. He felt on edge, just waiting for the next mood swing. He could hardly even enjoy his meal, worried anything might make Natsu's eyes dim and his smile to crumble.

Yet the meal went wonderfully, and they left arm in arm again, Natsu exclaiming how full he was, but already talking about eating there again some day. They walked along the docks, listening to the lapping sea under them and the creaking wooden boards of the pier. Natsu fell silent, and Gray hardly realized something had changed until words came soft and distant.

"Gray, do you … do you think we…?" His question broke off.

Gray jolted and asked a little too sharply, "What? W-we what?" What was wrong between them? What did he need to do to make this better?

Natsu bit his lip and looked aside. "Nothing."

Goddammit, no! "What?" he shouted.

Natsu jolted. "What? Nothing."

Gray sneered and looked aside. Dammit, he was sick of that answer. This was definitely not _nothing_.

"Gray, what's wrong?"

He felt himself trembling and looked down at his hands. They were shaking in fear. "I don't know," he whispered, and clenched his hand. "I don't know anymore."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

There was no way this was the right time to talk. Natsu was recovering. He was just reacting to the trauma of the past. So Gray gave back the same answer he had been getting all day.

"Nothing. Never mind."

It was like Natsu was drifting away. He kept falling quiet, his words drifting off, his gaze unfocused, and Gray knew he was thinking about whatever happened in that dark past. Dammit, he didn't even _care_ what happened anymore! He just did not want to lose Natsu, and he felt like…

Like this emotional roller coaster was the last plunging drop in the crazy ride of their relationship.

As the night settled in, they came to a few fish stands. Natsu walked on ahead toward a fish booth.

"Hey! Don't walk off too far," Gray shouted to him.

"What?" Natsu asked, scoffing softly. "I'm right here."

"Y-yeah, but—"

"I'm not even that far away," he laughed, and he began to ask the fish seller about prices and types of fish.

Gray watched quietly.

_'I feel like you're drifting away from me. You're being stolen by darkness, and I can't even beat it out of you anymore. It's out, it's free, and it's trying to snatch you away. Natsu…'_

He needed to retake control!

_'I just need to make you mine again. You belong to me. Not the darkness! Not the past! Me!'_

Control over his life! Control over Natsu, before he lost everything!

Gray clenched his fist.

_'I need to make sure you're mine!'_


	49. Public Collaring

Passion swirled in the room. Natsu writhed on Gray's bed, metal links of the handcuffs clanking against the headboard bars. He loved this feeling: restrained, captive, a chained beast who could not attack even if he wanted to. Hands slid over his skin, chilling his flesh, and nails bit in hard, spiking pleasure all through him.

"Gray…"

Slurps and hums came from below, and all Natsu could do was thrust his hips into those drenched lips.

"Nngh, Gray!"

A mouth left his cock and a body surged up over him. Frosty blue eyes gazed down, filled with desire. "I want you so badly, Natsu."

"Take me!" he moaned, burning with lust.

"Oh, I will! But first…" Gray grinned slyly. "I want you to shit all over my cock. Then I'm gonna use your shit as lube as I fuck up your dirty ass."

Natsu froze, stared hard, and suddenly drew back. "What?" he cried out. "No! Gray, we _never_ agreed to something like that."

"It'd be sexy," he promised deviously.

"No! The Checklist of Fucking, remember? You asked, and I said no to that."

"Che!" Gray scoffed. "That list is so old. There's so much on there that we've done anyway." He rubbed Natsu's chest. "I really wanna try this."

"No," he said firmly. "Red to that idea, Gray. Red. No shitting."

Gray glared in frustration. "So inexperienced! Making me hold back."

That stung Natsu so much he felt like crying.

* * *

When he woke up from the erotic dream, rather than being aroused, he had tears on his face. He sat up in bed, wiped his wet cheeks, and looked out the window at clouds scurrying past the full moon.

"Gray," he whispered longingly.

He stood up, yanked on some clothes, and put his shoes on at the door. Happy yawned as the old door hinges squeaked in protest at opening so late at night.

"Natsu?" he asked sleepily.

"Just gonna watch the moon," he called back in softly. "I'll be right back."

"Aye," Happy mumbled, falling right back to sleep.

Natsu looked wistfully at him, hating to lie, although it was not really a lie. He did look up at the moon and used the stars to guide him in the right direction as he plunged into the forest.

In the house, Happy thought he heard an animal howling, but that was not too strange in these woods. He muttered about fish and kept on dreaming about Carla.

* * *

Natsu knew he was a mess.

He tried so hard to make up for the dark feelings inside. He tried to smile more, play with Happy more, be silly and friendly, less destructive and annoying. (Well, he tried.) He wanted to show Gray he still wanted to be a couple. Even if he could not be touched the same, even if trying sexual things triggered panic attacks—and he feared having those attacks now more than ever—he still wanted to show Gray that he cared.

He wanted to care. He really did! He loved Gray, but sometimes…

He wanted to keep Gray beside him, but then…

… he hated it, hated the fact that …

… having Gray too close terrified him!

He knew this was a losing battle. At home, he spent hours solemnly staring at shadows while Happy napped. He slipped into memories that were so real, he honestly thought he was back in that leaky shack. The smell of death and blood were _so real_.

Then he went into public and pretended he was not suffering. He grinned widely while at the guild. He laughed louder, constantly struggling to keep the flashbacks at bay. He pinched himself many times just walking down the street to buy groceries. The weather allowed him to wear that shirt with the long left sleeve, and he was glad, because Gray would question all the bruises on his left arm from pinching harder and harder as the flashbacks progressively got more _real_.

Whenever he could, he went on long walks in the forest. He lost count of how many trees he had utterly splintered in bursts of rage. He tried to hold back that hatred, but it kept slipping out. He could not show this ugly side of himself to Happy. If he slipped up at the guild, then Makarov would hear of it and guess the problem. Around Gray…

That was the worst part. Gray had seen some of his outbursts. He felt safe around Gray, he let down his guard, and those dark emotions could come out. Only, instead of working through it like in the past, Natsu desperately wanted to bottle it all away and pretend his life was not falling apart. So he acted even happier, wanted more fun, more romance, more moments with just the two of them to make up for those times he was weak. He could not talk about this yet, not to Gray nor to anyone. Sometimes he wanted to, and then he saw the blood, shiny red on his hands, so _real_ , and he knew he could not open up that fresh wound yet.

There was no way he would put Gray's life in jeopardy.

Now, he sat in the forest, in the dell they had used when Gray was sick and they needed to slip away for some cautious sexual release. Months had passed, the smell was gone, the semen that once coated the fallen leaves had washed away long ago. Only the memory remained.

_"I really thought I could just not do anything for a few days but … God, Natsu, I need you!"_

_"I know. I need you, too. Desperately! You've ruined me. Now, touch me already."_

Back then, they went insane just after a few days without touching each other. Now, over two weeks had passed. Natsu did not dare ask, but he wondered if Gray was easing his needs on his own. He used to hate the idea that Gray would masturbate and not tell him so he could watch. Now, the desire to watch just was not there anymore.

_"Have you been touching yourself?"_

_"Nnngh … only … ah! Only a little. I can't … nnngh … can't touch myself all the way. I just … can't do that."_

_"You've told me before. That just means you're built up more for me. Are you ready?"_

_"Yes. Please."_

_"Please what?"_

_"Please … kainushi."_

_"God, I love hearing you call me that. My beloved."_

Tears ran down Natsu's face. He had not called Gray _kainushi_ in so long. Even if Gray could ease his own needs alone, Natsu still could not. He had felt like he needed it lots of times, waking up aroused and in pain from erotic dreams. He could hold his cock, even rub a little, but just thinking about fully pleasuring himself made him want to vomit.

Especially now.

Especially after remembering _everything_.

"Fuck!" he screamed, punching the soil and leaving behind a deep imprint of his knuckles.

Natsu no longer knew what he even wanted anymore. Sometimes he wanted Gray to embrace him, caress him, pleasure him the same as before. He wanted to be tied up, utterly helpless, screaming, and have Gray force him, like when he strung him up by his hands. Then a memory would surge forth and terrify him. There was no way he could allow Gray to get _that_ close.

No way!

He didn't trust himself.

He didn't deserve it anyway.

He didn't even deserve the happiness of having a boyfriend like Gray, let alone pleasure.

His lungs hitched as the tears fell. He wished he had never remembered. He wished it never even happened. So many times, he seriously considered asking Mest to erase his memories, all of them, but … that would not really help either. He had been a mess even before remembering the worst of it.

Now, he was beyond just a mental mess.

He was wrecked!

And he had no idea how to get over this.

* * *

Natsu had not slept much in two weeks, and it was starting to catch up with him. He felt dizzy and disoriented, almost like he was drunk without any of the good parts of alcohol. His head throbbed, but the inability to think straight also kept away the flashbacks. He could barely focus his eyes on the bowl of soup in front of him, let alone think about the past.

Mira walked over to him at the guild bar. "Natsu, are you getting sick?"

Gajeel boomed out a laugh. "I thought fools don't catch colds."

Natsu barely glared and did not feel like fighting. "Just tired. I didn't sleep well."

Beside him, Happy tisked. "You shouldn't go moon-gazing for so long that you can't stay awake."

"Oh?" Mira asked lightly. "Was the moon pretty last night?"

"It … yeah," Natsu said absently.

The white-haired bartender pouted. This was not like Natsu at all. "Go to the infirmary and lie down, just for a few minutes. I'm really worried. You don't look well at all."

Natsu would normally protest, but just then he smelled Gray approaching from somewhere outside. If Mira was worried that he looked sick, Gray would be far more concerned, and he did not want to trouble his boyfriend. Gray would guess _why_ he could not sleep anymore. He would want to talk about it, and Natsu was in no condition to talk yet.

"Don't tell Gray," he requested. He realized he sounded desperate, so he blithely tried to laugh it off. "That idiot would only tease me."

Mira looked worried for him. "Are you and Gray doing okay?"

"We're fine!" He heard it come out much sharper than he had intended. "I just don't want him to worry, that's all. Please, Mira."

"I won't say anything," she promised, but she pouted as Natsu walked off toward the infirmary. She slipped over to the blue cat and leaned in close. "Happy, are you sure those two are okay?"

"Hmm? I think so," he guessed, putting a paw up to his mouth as he wondered about it. "They've been really lovey-dovey whenever I see them."

Mira still watched with worry as Natsu held onto a wall to balance himself before turning into the hallway that led to the infirmary.

"What is this bad feeling I have?" she wondered softly.

Just then, Gray walked into the guild. He saw Happy eating at the bar, saw Lucy and Levy pouring over some new book, saw the Raijinshuu were around which was surprising, but Erza was not there that day. Then he remembered, there had been a request that called away the odd team of Erza, Juvia, and Warren, something about saving a cargo ship from a water monster and reestablishing communication so the ship could navigate out of a reef.

He looked around, but there was no sign of Natsu. Gray looked down at the bag in his hand and felt slightly disappointed. He had really hoped they could do his plan today.

He kept the bag close to him and settled down at a table near the wall. Having that bag merely in his possession made his heart race. If anyone saw what was _inside_ , he would be found out as a kinky bastard who liked BDSM. So as it seemed like there might be an impending fight between Freed and Gajeel—the Iron Dragon Slayer had insulted Laxus, according to Freed—Gray stayed where he was. Kinana brought him his usual drink, and he watched as Freed brandished his sword shouting about Laxus' honor.

* * *

Natsu twisted in his sleep, sweating and grimacing. He should have known sleeping was a bad idea, especially here in the guild. He never knew which nightmare he would have next, but all of them were terrifying, far worse than they used to be. He used to only dream of the past. Now, his nightmares blended with his present emotions, twisting his feelings, and torturing his heart.

This dream was new, but Natsu could already tell it was going to be bad.

"Come on, Natsu," Gray urged, holding out a ball gag. "I bought this just for you."

"Gray!" he shouted. "I wanted a date."

"This is much better than stupid dates."

Stupid? Natsu's heart pained to hear Gray calling their romantic times together _stupid_. "I said before, I don't want to be gagged. Gray…" His head dropped to the side. "I-in the past … that man—"

"Why do you always bring him up?" Gray scoffed. "It's like I'm _sharing_ you with him."

Natsu gasped and looked up in tears. "That's not true," he sobbed.

"I'm trying, Natsu," Gray said in frustration, "but I hold myself back every time. Do you have any idea how many things I want to do, but I can't … because of _you_?"

Natsu felt a stab to the chest. "Gray…"

"So inexperienced!"

Natsu covered his ears. He hated this! He wanted Gray to love him for who he was, not for what he allowed him to do.

"I'm doing it anyway," Gray sneered.

Natsu gasped, but the ball was suddenly in his mouth. Gray yanked it on so forcefully, the corners of Natsu's mouth split. He could taste the blood and taste arousal in the blood.

"Mnaaah!" he tried to yell, but the gag made him unable to speak. Suddenly, ice bound his wrists behind him. "Haaaawp! Hawp it! Reh! Re-! Reeegh!" He kept screaming Red, but the word was gagged.

"You're going to obey me," Gray sneered.

Natsu choked on spit and blood. _That man_ had said those words. Natsu shook his head. No! Not again!

"You'll come for me You won't be able to stop. Doesn't matter if you scream. I'll keep at it until you burst, until it all comes out, and I'll take every damn drop. You'll give me a lot, won't you … boy?"

Natsu shrieked. It wasn't even Gray anymore! Those hands, that voice…

"Are you crying again, boy? You know tears don't work on me. Scream if you want. Scream until your throat bleeds again. It didn't work last time, did it?"

It never worked. No amount of shouting had ever worked. Only actions!

"You're filthy! A disgusting little pimple, wanting to pop, needing the filth drained. I'm just going to pop you, boy. Just gonna get the cum out of you."

Only actions!

"You disgusting little pimple! Why won't you pop? Squeeze and squeeze, but you don't pop."

_Actions!_

Something was around his throat, and hands crushed his windpipe.

"What if I squeeze here, huh? Will the pimple pop then? Did you know that cutting off your air can give you an erection? Or it'll kill you. If you don't do what I say, you're no use to me anyway."

_**ACTIONS!** _

Natsu shattered the ice binding his wrists. He grabbed the throat in front of him. Gray's eyes went wide, but Natsu kept squeezing, wild and insane. He pulled, tugged, and saw Gray's eyes rolling back. He felt bones separating, and blood began to gush out of Gray's mouth.

More! Harder! He felt the ripping in his hands, and blood splattered as the head tore off.

Natsu held Gray's head in his hands and raised it aloft.

"Who's the popped pimple now, you fucking bastard?"

He laughed as blood gushed out and dripped from the ragged neck. He opened his mouth and let the blood pour down over his tongue.

Then he tasted it.

This was not that man.

This blood was Gray's blood.

He lowered his hands and saw the face frozen in pain, the black hair, the stormy eyes, and the scar over the brow.

"Gray?" he whispered. "Oh … oh God … n-no!"

His worst nightmare! Hurting Gray like he had done back then.

"No!"

Killing Gray, just like back then

"G-Gray! Gray, no!"

The blue eyes suddenly turned straight toward him, and Gray grinned with bloody lips.

"Was it fun, boy?" he asked. "Was it arousing?"

Natsu shrieked and threw the head. It smashed against a wall, and everything shattered, the room, the memory, everything, like a glass mirror. He was falling with shards of that leaky shack, plummeting into darkness. Then he saw Gray's ragged head falling along with him.

"I'm staying with you." The face morphed into the face of that man. "Forever, boy! You and me, forever! You will never experience pleasure without remembering _me_. Look up!"

Natsu raised his head and saw what appeared to be teeth slowly closing. He was already swallowed by the darkness, he just never realized it before. Now he was plummeting deeper, and the head falling with him laughed in mockery, sometimes that man's laugh, sometimes Gray's laugh, sometimes it was his own.

"Gray!" he screamed.

He had fallen so deep.

Could Gray pull him out?

"Why are you shouting for me?" asked the head that now looked like Gray. "You've pulled me into this with you."

"No!" Natsu yelled. "I never wanted you to be dragged with me."

"Maybe you should have thought of that _first_ ," the head shouted.

"Gray…"

"You're going to kill me someday."

"No," Natsu cried out in horror.

The head was suddenly that man again. "You're gonna kill him, you're gonna kill him!" he sang tauntingly.

"No! I wouldn't! Not him!"

"You're gonna kill him, like you killed me." The face smirked sadistically. "Like you killed _her_ ," it said slickly, "and all the others."

Natsu grabbed his hair and shook his head frantically. "No … I didn't … it wasn't me! That wasn't me!"

The head was right beside his ear and whispered in a hiss, "Murderer!"

"Nooooo!"

* * *

A hand slapped him across the face. "Natsu!"

He jolted out of the dream and looked up. It was still Gray, but all of him, alive and healthy. Rather than spiteful accusations, these eyes held concern.

"Gray?" he whispered, stunned to see him. Then Natsu leaped at him and threw his arms around tightly. "Gray!" he cried out, overwhelmed to see him there, real and alive.

"Whoa!" Gray exclaimed. Although he was almost knocked off his feet, feeling those burning arms again was nice. He hugged Natsu back and stroked down his hair. "Hey, are you all right?"

Natsu leaned back and smiled at his boyfriend. "I am now."

Gray loved that smile, but he saw Natsu still trying to emotionally pull himself back together. He sat on the infirmary bed beside his boyfriend and held his hands. "Bad dream?"

Natsu sniffled and realized he had tears on his face. "Yeah, you could say that."

Gray glanced over at the bag he had brought. "Maybe this is a bad time."

"No! Don't … don't go … please." He desperately wanted Gray to stay with him, to keep those nightmares away. If Gray was here, and real, then it meant that horrific dream was fake and he had not killed Gray. He would _never_ kill Gray. Just thinking about it horrified him, and so he direly needed to keep Gray in his sight. "How'd you find me in here? I told Mira not to tell you."

Gray shrugged lightly. "She didn't. Happy said you were taking a nap and that you weren't home. There's a fight going on out there, and I figured you couldn't sleep through a fight like that, you'd jump right into it." He gave an apologetic shrug. "This was the only place I could figure."

Natsu looked aside. "Oh," he muttered. He supposed he had not told Happy not to mention anything. He had not wanted Gray to worry over him, but he was also happy to see him there.

Gray squeezed Natsu's hot hands and asked in concern, "Are you sleeping bad?"

Natsu considered telling him about the nightmares, but … how could he explain them? Those were things Gray would never do, and Natsu knew that rationally. They were deep fears, past trauma, all mixing together in his head. Softly, hoping to dismiss it all, he said merely, "It's nothing."

That answer! Without thinking, Gray shouted, "Stop saying it's nothing!"

Natsu jolted up. Had he been saying that a lot? He had been trying to get through this on his own, not wanting to worry Gray when this was purely his own personally battle. He looked aside with guilt. "Sorry," he muttered. "Yeah, I … I keep having nightmares."

He thought as much. "From that time?"

"Yeah," Natsu confessed, shivering slightly. "About that time and … just … fears." He knew Gray would never force him to do something he was vehemently against. He would never keep going if Natsu shouted Red. Safewords were sacred in a relationship like this, and they had to be followed.

Gray hesitantly draped an arm around Natsu, but the smaller man leaned into him immediately, so Gray hugged him protectively, kissing the top of his head.

"You can come to me, you know. That's how this all started, right?" Gray said lightly, squeezing him close. "You coming to me after having a nightmare."

Natsu smiled privately as he remembered that. "Yeah, I guess so." Part of his dream had been those same words from that nightmare. It felt like he was right back where he started. Nothing had improved. He was hopeless! He would never get out of this!

Gray still heard distance in his voice. "Natsu…" he whispered, wishing he could yank him out of the dark and show the whole world how brightly he shined.

"So why'd you come? I mean, I'm _glad_ you're here," he assured quickly with a light laugh. "I needed someone to wake me up from that."

"Well, um…" Gray looked down at the bag resting at his feet. "I … uh … planned something, but … it's probably a bad time."

"What?" Natsu asked eagerly. "What'd you plan?"

Those large, curious eyes showed to Gray that Natsu had no clue what he wanted to do. This was not necessarily fun, nor romantic, or … he wasn't even sure what it was. Just something he thought could work. "W-well, it's … um…" He cringed and looked down at the bag again. Slowly, he began, "It might be a little kinky," then rushed out, "but it's not sexual! Okay? It's not…" Crap! He said that pretty loud. Softer, he assured. "It's not sexual."

Natsu arched an eyebrow. "Huh?" Kinky but not sexual? Was that possible?

Gray adjusted his seat on the infirmary bed, held Natsu's hands, and looked down at the roughened calluses on his skin. His thumb dragged over Natsu's knuckles, and finally he looked up into those deep green eyes.

"I know you're having problems," he said quietly, "and I really wanna help." He bit his lip and dropped his head. "And I have no idea how."

Natsu pouted and looked away. "I'm sorry…"

"No!" Gray shouted. He didn't mean it like that. He squeezed the hands tighter. "Natsu, we're in this together, right? And I'm gonna _try_ to help … and I don't know know _how_ , so … maybe it won't work." He placed a hand on Natsu's cheek, smiling at the warmth. He turned his head down to try and look into those pointed eyes. "I'd still like to try it," he said softly, tugging Natsu's chin and giving him a loving smile. "It's something I've been wanting to do for a long time."

Natsu's eyes shot up. It sounded too much like the dreams, Gray wanting to try something new. He did not want to act weak and timid, so he gulped hard and asked, "What is it?"

Gray grinned to see him at least interested in a kink. That was good. His heart began to pound as he reached down to the bag. "I brought this."

He pulled it up and set it on the bed. Natsu looked at it, then to Gray, who waved with eagerness for him to check it out. Natsu opened the bag, and inside he saw white leather with pink satin lining. He looked up sharply, slightly horrified to see that particular item outside of the bedroom.

"You want me … t-to wear the collar?"

"Just that much. Nothing else," Gray assured him.

Natsu's mind swirled. Wearing it … in public! This was more than just a minor thing. This was potentially dangerous. Just having that item, a collar with his name on it, and BITCH written across it, was a risk. And Gray … he wanted Natsu to _wear_ it. Here! In the guild!

"I … I don't know, Gray."

Gray felt a crash of disappointment, but he also knew this was the most likely scenario. "It's a bad time, right?" He grabbed the bag, closed it, and began to stand up, feeling like an asshole for even suggesting it. "I'm sorry."

"No!" Natsu grabbed his arm and yanked it sohard, Gray was forced back to the bed. "Don't go. Don't…" He did not want Gray to leave him. After that horrible dream, he wanted to make it up to Gray. He had lashed out violently, killed dream-Gray, and although it was just a nightmare, he still felt like he deserved to at least give Gray a chance. Natsu firmed himself, raised his head solidly, and asked, "What else do you want me to do?"

Gray heard the faintness and terror in his voice. He set the bag down and rubbed Natsu's arm. "Don't force yourself."

He did feel forced, but he still thought Gray deserved this. "I … I don't know if I'm gonna have a problem with it or not. And like you said, this…" It was not really sexual. It was just a collar, something around his neck. There was nothing overtly sexual about it at all. "I'm just wearing it, right? You're not gonna … gonna try touching me?"

"No," he said, only holding his hand to show he would refrain from anything remotely sexual. "I figured out that's a problem, right?"

"Yeah … yeah it is," Natsu said, dropping his eyes sadly. Anything at all that reminded him of that man made him remember horrible details, things he did … things that terrified him.

Gray tipped his chin up and smiled. "So I won't do that," he said with understanding.

Natsu's eyes lined with tears. He knew how addicted to sex Gray had been not all that long ago, hardly able to go a few days without desperately needing Natsu, chancing sickness in the heat of lust. Now he looked so patient and considerate, Natsu realized just how far Gray had come.

Despite that improvement, Gray's brow tensed with lascivious cravings as he saw the blush in Natsu's cheeks. He might understand that his boyfriend needed time without intimacy, but that did not stop other desires and selfish needs.

"I just need to know you're still mine," he said in anguish, wishing his heart was stronger. The hand on Natsu's cheek rubbed down under the scarf. "I can't put a mark on you," he said, looking at that neck marked only by the old jagged scar, "and I don't want to hurt you … or scare you," he added worriedly. Those were his fears, that he would do something foolish and chase Natsu away during such a fragile time. The last thing he wanted was to drive Natsu further away. He grabbed the back of Natsu's scalp, as if fearing he really would drift away from him. "So just this much, please. I just need to be able to look at you and know … you're mine! You're my bitch…" He caressed his hand through the pink hair. "My beloved."

Hearing Gray call him that always melting Natsu's heart. It made him want to do anything, anything at all, to please Gray. He glanced down at the bag again. He knew Gray meant him no harm. Those dreams were silly. Gray loved him. He honored Natsu's limits. He would always honor him.

"We … talked about doing it," he recalled wary. The first day Gray gave him that collar, he mentioned that it was white and pink to blend in with the scarf and his hair. Gray had it designed this way specifically so they could wear it in public some day.

"You said you'd be okay," Gray reminded, smiling as he also remembered going to the sex shop and having this collar specially designed, dreaming of this day.

"Yeah," Natsu whispered. "We talked about it."

Unlike those nightmares where Gray urged things they had agreed not to do, this was something they had talked about. They both wanted to try it some day. It was just a collar. It was not sexual. It was Gray's way of marking him, claiming him, without hurting him at all. Knowing Gray still wanted him despite his problems, and wanted to claim him publicly as well, made Natsu's cheeks flush. He looked up with nervous anticipation.

"I'll try it!"

"Good," Gray sighed in relief. He was fully ready not to do this, but if Natsu was up to it … _damn_ , this would give him fantasies to jerk off to for weeks to come, if it took that long. Natsu's bashful face, wearing _his collar_ , doing this out in public, everyone seeing it yet not seeing it … he felt his heart racing and a tingle in his groin just thinking about it.

"S-so … um…?" Natsu asked, nervous and trembling.

Gray jolted out of his fantasies. It was time to make this a reality. "Okay, take this off," he said, tugging the scarf.

Slowly, feeling more exposed than removing his pants, Natsu unwrapped the muffler and set it aside neatly. He began to reach for the bag, but Gray pulled it back.

"Let me wrap it around you," he said, his voice frosty with authority.

Natsu felt that same shivering thrill as the first time Gray had placed his claim on him with the collar. As Gray pulled it out, such a kinky thing right here in the guild, Natsu's heart sped up, and the blood rushing through his ears deafened him to the brawling in the main hall. It felt like it was just the two of them, and this was more private than a love hotel.

He looked up into Gray's eyes as he brought the collar over. Bringing something like this into public must have taken a lot of courage for Gray. It showed just how much he wanted this, and that firmed up Natsu's resolve to obey. He wanted to be Gray's. Not just his bitch or beloved, but his _everything_! More dating obviously was not enough, so if this fulfilled Gray's needs for dominance, Natsu wanted to do his part in this relationship.

Gray moved slowly. His ears were keen for any noise at all that might hint that someone was approaching. He hoped Natsu was sniffing out people as well, but he looked like he had already slipped away into sub-space. Gray had missed the way those eyes looked when they surrendered to his will. He knew he was getting erect just by being in this role once again.

Natsu was his dragon, and he was the pet owner … the _kainushi_.

He wanted to hear that name, but he feared asking too much. Natsu was in such a fragile emotional state, but he hoped this would help. It would show him that kinks did not have to involve genitalia at all. BDSM could be completely nonsexual as well. If that was Natsu's need, Gray wanted to adjust. So long as Natsu was his, so long as this warmth in his heart did not die out, he would give up everything else.

He just needed to know Natsu was still his. He lacked confidence, much to his shame, and so this was one way to reassure himself.

His collar! His symbol of ownership over Natsu!

As he wrapped it around Natsu's neck, he felt confidence returning. Natsu was allowing this out of love. Gray knew far too well, simply dating did not necessarily mean you loved someone. He had dated girls just for fun, or for the sex, or to pacify them if they were too persistent. In his experience, just going out together did not _prove_ anything.

He needed to prove his own feelings, and to receive proof of Natsu's love. He knew dates just weren't enough for him. But this! BDSM took explicit trust in one another. It took deep caring and working together in harmony. When done as a couple, it was an intense expression of love, having Natsu surrender everything to him, and caring for Natsu in every way.

His eyes softened as he threaded the collar through the buckle. This was his way of telling Natsu how much he loved him. He could not say it yet, but in moments like this, he could show it.

"There you go," he said gently, and locked the bolt in place with the tiny key. He tucked the key into his back pocket and gazed at him. Beautiful! Natsu was nervous and blushing, and in the light pouring in from the infirmary windows, he looked angelic to Gray. However, he gave a light moan, and Gray felt a spike of worry. "Is it okay?"

"Yeah," he answered nervously. Natsu stretched his head around, feeling the restriction of the collar, and gulped nervously. His adam's apple hit the soft lining, and that feel made Natsu shiver. He was Gray's once more. His bitch.

"Not too tight?" Gray asked sharply.

"No."

Gray ran a finger under the collar just to make sure there was room. Natsu's face burned brighter at feeling the cold finger against his flushed skin.

"I definitely don't want it too tight this time," Gray said, and pulled his hand back with satisfaction. "Just enough so _I_ know it's there."

Natsu felt himself slip fully into his role. Gray had barely touched him, and already he felt the familiar tingle through his whole body. He smelled something, glanced down, and saw Gray straining against his trousers. Although his clothes hid it better, Natsu knew he was half-hard as well. This was thrilling and arousing, and it did not involve touching at all.

His eyes glanced up timidly. "Can I call you that again?"

"Anytime," Gray sighed, happy to hear it.

Natsu gulped, nervous to say it in public, but the word had already dominated his brain. "Kainushi."

On a happy impulse, Gray snatched up Natsu's hand and clung to it. "My beloved."

He was back! After weeks of feeling like Natsu was drifting further and further from him, he was finally back, his eyes were here in the present and not lost in the past. The relief nearly brought tears to Gray's eyes.

"Gray…" Fears of the past melted away, and now Natsu wanted to drift on this feeling of being fully immersed in Gray's feelings. "Can you kiss me?"

Gray felt his own cheeks heat up now, so happy to see Natsu like this again. "Let's put your scarf on first."

Scarf? "Oh, yeah!"

"Don't want anyone to walk in and see this."

That was right! They were still in public, and anyone could enter the infirmary. Natsu grabbed the muffler and wrapped it around his neck. It felt awkward, though. He was so used to feeling the fabric against his throat, but now it was that satin lining instead, and the muffler did not lay the same way.

Gray helped him, adjusting the folds of the fabric. "There you go! Keep it tucked up," he advised, tugging the inner wrap a little higher just to make sure the leather was hidden. He pulled back and examined it. "There!" he said in satisfaction. He tugged the white material just a little more. "Looks a little thicker, but it's hidden from view. I don't think anyone will notice."

"What if they do?"

"If they do…" Everyone would know! When he first bought this, people thought Natsu had a girlfriend, and Gray teased that Natsu could blame it on her. Now, their relationship was well-known, and their secret would be out. People would know they were into BDSM. "Well, that's a chance we take," he shrugged.

Natsu looked concerned, remembering how vehement Gray used to be against people discovering anything at all about his kinky side. "You're okay with it?" he asked, wondering if Gray was pushing his own limits this time.

Yes, he feared what others would think, how they would tease him, what they would think of him and of Natsu. Still! He felt Natsu's face, stroked into his pink hair, and slowly leaned in closer. Natsu saw, and by instinct his mouth loosened in anticipation.

With his lips fluttering over Natsu's waiting mouth, Gray whispered, "I want this."

He kissed him, but one was not enough. Immediately, Gray leaned in again, a little firmer this time. Then Natsu's lips caught his bottom lip and gave it a slight tug. Gray's fingers clutched into the pink hair, and his other hand wrapped around, pulling Natsu closer. Natsu grabbed at him—wait, when the _hell_ did Gray lose his shirt—and he dug his fingers into the bare skin.

Gray followed those pulling hands as Natsu tugged him down onto the infirmary bed. They rolled slightly, and Gray felt the legs under him spreading, making way for him. Gray slid up between those thighs and caged his dragon in with his arms.

"Mmh … Natsu."

His hands coursed up Natsu's body, up over his collared neck, and into his hair, grabbing the pink strands with a little bit of roughness. He felt the body under him moving, very light thrusts, not much, just instinctive needs. Still, he let his groin press slightly against Natsu's, let their hips roll against one another, and he felt the shudder through that burning body.

Damn, he wanted him! Right here! Right now!

And he knew that was a horrible idea in _so many_ ways.

Gray pulled up and breathed hard as he looked down at Natsu's swollen lips and moist eyes. Had he been crying? Gray smiled plaintively at seeing that. This really must be torture on Natsu. At least Gray could jerk off in the shower and ease his body. Natsu had said more than once that his issues made masturbation impossible.

Gray took the edge of the muffler and dabbed away those tears. More than ever, he wanted to heal Natsu from this darkness so he never cried like this again.

After his face was dry, Gray stayed right where he was, lying on top of Natsu's body, one hand to prop him up, the other hand lightly caressing Natsu's cheek. If someone walked in, fuck them! This much was okay for others to see. They were just staring and caressing now. Gray no longer cared if anyone saw this. He just wanted to stay in this moment with Natsu and feel the warmth radiating up from his body.

Natsu looked up when he realized Gray was not kissing anymore.

"Gray?"

"Yeah," he said softly, letting his fingers drift over the crimson cheeks. "Just admiring you."

Natsu jolted in shock, then immediately looked away with embarrassment. Admiring him? Sheesh, this snowman!

Gray laughed softly at that reaction. He rolled off and right up onto his feet. He yanked his shirt back on while Natsu straightened out his rumpled clothes. They both fiddled with the muffler to get it back into place. Satisfied, Gray nodded.

"Ready?"

Natsu took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I think so."

"Stay by me," he warned, knowing Natsu must be nervous wearing that collar.

"Mmh-hm!" Natsu nodded, happy to stand close to him as they walked over to the infirmary room doors. "C-can we…?" He let his fingers drift near Gray's knuckles, and was stunned when those cold hands immediately grabbed him.

"We can hold hands," Gray agreed, squeezing his fingers. "We can do anything." He bopped Natsu on the nose and playfully added, "Just for today."

"Thanks," he muttered, blushing in happiness, "but just hands are okay. It's just scary."

"Yeah, I'm nervous, too," Gray admitted, feeling his heart racing. Still, the thrill was incredible, and he could hardly contain a grin of excitement as he looked down at Natsu and said, "Let's do it!"

"Okay," he agreed in breathlessness, squeezing Gray's hand tighter as the door was opened.

They left and walked through the guild halls. A noise of panting and laughter with occasional crashes told them the brawl was still going on. Sure enough, when they turned a corner and came to the main hall, Elfman was fighting Bickslow, Max had been turned to stone by Evergreen but not after someone first ramming a broom up his ass, Loke was in a rather playful fight with both Romeo and Wendy and looked quite windblown yet still grinning to see the strength in the two children, Mira had apparently gotten mad at Macao who now trembled on his hands and knees before her Satan Soul form, Laxus looked bored and was randomly zapping people with bolts of lightning from his fingertip, and Gajeel was suspended from the rafters in a tiny cage of runes with Freed looking smug and ignoring Levy's pleads to let him down.

Natsu laughed at seeing the chaos. "There _is_ a fight going on," he said in excitement.

"Yep," Gray said, eying the start of the whole thing, Freed's offense at some comment made against Laxus, "and Gajeel totally lost."

Natsu chuckled as he looked up at the Iron Dragon Slayer in the boxed runes and looking sick like he was on transportation due to Freed's Dark Écriture. "Yeah, but he looks good that way." Then he shouted over, "Good job, Freed!"

The green-haired swordsman glanced over at the surprising compliment. "Thank you," he said curtly, yet a small smirk of pride raised onto his lips.

Gray liked seeing Natsu being boisterous like this; however, he felt a painful clench to his hand and Natsu began to breathe hard.

"Oh, that was scary!" the Dragon Slayer whispered.

"What?" Gray asked, trying to be observant for Natsu's sake.

"He looked right at me."

Natsu knew that it was silly, but Freed's smirk scared him for just a moment. He reached up and felt the scarf. It was still high, but what if it slipped? What if people saw? What if simply the bulkiness around his neck was suspicious? Then he saw the shine of eyes through a dark visor, and Natsu lost his breath.

"What?" Gray asked, even more concerned.

Natsu kept a hand to his neck to make sure the muffler was up. He whispered urgently, "Bickslow's looking right at me, too."

Gray glanced over, but Bickslow looked the same as ever with his tongue lolling out. "I think they're just looking at _us_. We're holding hands."

Natsu squeezed Gray's hand a little tighter. "Yeah, but … but he has those eyes."

"He can see your _soul_ , he can't see under your clothes … or I sure as hell hope he can't," Gray added, glaring slightly at the Raijinshuu member.

Natsu's hearing went suddenly acute. Everywhere were noises. He looked left, right, around, hearing sounds everywhere, catching bits of conversation and wondering if any were about him. He did not even notice Wendy leave the fight with Loke and skip over to the two of them.

"Hey, Natsu!" she greeted cheerful.

He let out a yelp and jumped back, then immediately put his hand up to the muffler again to see if it shifted. "Ah! H-h-hi! Hi." He could barely get just that one word out. His throat felt like it was being squeezed by the collar now.

Wendy glanced up at him in concern. "Are you okay?" She had heard from Happy about Natsu sleeping bad, and he really did look tired and skittish.

"Yeah!" he blurted out, but he knew he must look terrified.

Gray tried to think of a way out of this before Natsu became overwhelmed. He suddenly grinned and roughly patted Natsu on the back. "He just woke up from a bad dream. Come on, over here." He pulled on Natsu's hand.

Natsu huffed in disdain. "You didn't have to tell her that," he snapped.

Gray yanked him over to a booth against the wall far away from the others. Then he whispered in worry, "You're acting all freaked out."

"Well, I'm sorry! It's…"

Suddenly, his voice was gone. Natsu grabbed at his throat, not in fear of the muffler slipping, but from an increasing feeling of tightness.

"Natsu?"

"I'm okay!" he practically shouted. "I'm j-…" His throat clenched again. Natsu closed his eyes, breathing heavily but slowly. "I'm okay," he whispered, trying to convince himself.

Natsu struggled to keep calm, but he heard everything, shouts, breaking furniture, gasping breaths, even beating hearts. He smelled spilled beer and beef stew and walnuts someone had been snacking on. He smelled Gray's shampoo and Lucy's perfume and the lingering scent of a cigar Laxus must have smoked earlier in the day. The hyper-awareness that came with BDSM was now affecting him here, in public.

Gray saw something was seriously wrong. Although Natsu was trying his hardest to keep calm, even this much was suspicious. If someone happened to look over at them, they would see Natsu meditating hard just to breathe normally.

"Maybe we should get out of here," he decided, shifting away from the table, hoping they could get out of the guild without suspicion.

Natsu tried again to assure he was okay, but suddenly he felt overwhelmed. The sounds, the smells, the feel of pink satin, the dry taste of his own mouth, and seeing faces, eyes, imagining them all looking at him, all judging him.

_Pervert!_

He could almost hear it in their thoughts, like Cobra. But then a different whisper hissed right into his ear.

_Murderer!_

The collar around his neck felt like hands. _His_ hands! Natsu's own fingers clenched, ready to strangle someone back. It was the feeling he got too often with Gray, those moments when he knew he needed to be restrained, only now … now they were in the middle of the guild. Gray could not bind his hands here. Natsu grabbed his knees instead, struggling to hold back.

"Natsu?" Gray asked sharper, leaning over and trying to look at his face.

"I'm o-…" Nope! "I'm not okay," he whispered in a raspy breathlessness, so soft that Gray had to lean in right against his mouth to hear him over the noise. Natsu clenched his teeth and growled out, "Gray, I'm _not_ okay."

Gray sat up and looked around. This was bad! Natsu was panicking and they were in the middle of the guild. No one had noticed yet, but there was no way he could remove the collar without people seeing it. Maybe they could escape to the bathrooms. He yanked Natsu onto his feet, but the Dragon Slayer was already shaking with rigid tension in his muscles.

"Let's go," Gray said urgently, hoping that if they could make it to the bathroom, they could work through this without attention.

Natsu managed three steps before the feeling conquered him. He collapsed to the ground and clawed into the wooden boards.

"Guuuh!" he choked, ready to throw up.

Gray dropped to his knees instantly and grabbed around him. "Natsu!" he screamed, and his shout brought over the attention of the guild.

Images were flashing through Natsu's head too quickly now. What was real? What was the past? His fingers dug into the floorboards until they bled.

Blood! His blood! His…!

"Gr- … re-…"

Gray was shielding Natsu with his own body now and leaned in to hear. "What?"

"Reh…" Natsu choked on an acidic shot of bile. "Red," he managed to say clearer, yet trying to keep his voice soft enough so no one else could hear. "Red, red, _red!_ " Tears fell from his eyes. Here, of all places! He sobbed and begged weakly for it all to stop in the only way he knew how. "Red."

Gray heard the desperation and gasped in horror. "Shit," he whispered. Not here! Not now! But if this was _Red_ , he had to do something. He had to end this, damn the consequences. His fear of being discovered as a sadist were unimportant in the face of Natsu calling out that safeword so desperately. He reached into his back pocket for the key. Not there. He checked the other pocket, but people were already gathering around.

"Natsu?" Wendy asked, worried if maybe he really was sick.

Lucy saw the problem and rushed over. "Natsu, are you okay?"

Gray finally found the key, but his hands were shaking so badly in terror, he dropped it. He grabbed it back up, but just then Natsu's hand grabbed his wrist in a crushing hold.

"Get them away," Natsu warned, and Gray heard something dangerous in his voice. "Quick! Get them…" He released Gray's wrist and pulled himself in tighter, coiling and shaking as if a beast was threatening to burst out.

Fuck this! Gray dropped the key, grabbed Natsu into his arms, and bolted for the door.

"Sorry guys!" he yelled back, and he did not stop running. He took side streets, he raced through alleys, avoiding crowds, until finally he ran out into the forest. He kept running, fleeing everything, desperate to get Natsu to some safe place, and he felt the safest for Natsu's mental state was his own home. That was where he would feel most at ease, and where they could overcome this tragedy together.

He reached the little house in the woods and kicked the door open.

"All right," he panted, completely out of breath. Now that the fear was over, he felt the ache in his arms. "God, you're heavy!"

He went to Natsu's bed and placed him down onto the mattress, quickly wrapping him in blankets to increase the feeling of being safe. Gray was still panting hard, not just from the run, but in dread of what he just made Natsu go through.

"Holy shit," he whispered as tears came to his eyes. It was not supposed to be this way! Never! "Shit!"

Gray felt furious at himself for thinking this might help. So stupid! Trying a collar in public should have been something they _eased_ into, wearing it outside at night first, with few people around, slowly building up to more and more. Not wearing it in the middle of the goddamn guild in broad daylight! Stupid! He felt like punching himself for making such a massive mistake. He made Natsu suffer, and that was the last thing Gray wanted.

"I'm so sorry." He still breathed raggedly and clenched his fists in guilt. "Natsu, I'm sorry." With sobs choking between exhausted breaths, he dropped his head over Natsu's wrapped-up body, resting on his legs as tears jolted out. He made Natsu suffer! After all the mental torment Natsu was going through on his own, he just made things worse. No words expressed his guilt in that moment. "I'm sorry," he whispered, not knowing what else he could possibly say for making such a horrible mistake.

Natsu smelled the familiarity of home. He felt the comfort of his own bed and the warmth of his own blankets. He heard the annoying birds who had been waking him up every morning for weeks. He saw the spiderweb up in the rafters that he had not cleaned yet. These were all familiar, and they brought him out of the past.

This was his house. This was Magnolia. He was home.

With that familiarity, the visions melted. He still felt the collar around his neck, but it was just satin and leather, not the hands of that man. He heard snuffles and looked down to see Gray draped over his legs. Still, Natsu's mind was spinning. The guild had seen him at his worst. He did all that … suffered that … for Gray … and it all broke down so horribly.

"Gray?"

"I didn't…" He didn't mean for it to happen! He didn't want Natsu to hurt more! He didn't want to make things worse. "I tried to get you out of there. I'm sorry."

Natsu stared up at the empty spiderweb gathering a silver layer of dust. That spider must have spent a long time spinning that web, but when it did not get the flies it wanted, it had abandoned the web, left it there, pretty but useless now.

Useless. It wasn't what the spider had wanted, and so it simply moved on.

"Gray, do you hate romance?"

Gray raised up and wiped his eyes. "Do I _what_?"

Worn out eyes glanced over with a pinch between the brow. "Do you hate going on all these dates … with me?"

"Of course I don't!" Gray cried out, stung to hear that sort of accusative question. "Natsu, w- … where's this coming from?"

Natsu slowly sat up, pushed aside the comforting blankets, and pulled off the scarf to show the collar. "You like to do … _this_ type of stuff instead, right?" he stated with bitterness in his voice as he touched the white leather. He sneered just a little as he pointed out, "You're more comfortable having me wear your collar in public … than holding _my hand_ in public."

Gray drew back at the anger simmering in those green eyes. Shit! Natsu wasn't just freaked out. He was furious, and Gray knew he had every right to be. He seriously messed up. He put Natsu in that situation, and he had not been able to get out of it before it all collapsed, before Natsu had to use a safeword. It really was his fault.

And … he had a point. Gray had been excited at the idea of having Natsu wear his collar, yet he still felt awkward simply holding hands while in town. He felt more comfortable with kinks than with romance.

Dammit, but Natsu was right. And he was mad. And he had every right to be furious.

"Natsu, I—"

Before he could speak, all the anger lashed out.

"Why can't we have a simple, romantic day together?" Natsu yelled. "You keep pushing our limits, always pushing." Tears gathered in his eyes. "Don't you think that maybe I'm not ready for this stuff? It's like … like you're purposely _trying_ to make me have a breakdown. Do you _like_ seeing me like this?" he asked in scathing rage. "Is it _arousing_ to you, makes you feel all dominant and shit, having me a fucked up mental mess that you can clean up?"

"Wha- …" Gray gasped in shock and outrage that Natsu would even think such a thing. "Of course not! I'd never do something like that on purpose. Dammit, Natsu, I hold myself back every time purposely so I _don't_ do something that could trigger you."

Natsu suddenly slapped his hands over his ears and screamed as those same words from his nightmare echoed in his head: _'I hold myself back every time.'_

Gray watched with quiet worry. What the hell was happening? Why was he screaming?

"Natsu?"

His arm swung out, hitting the lamp beside his bed and shattering it. "I'm so fucking sorry," he yelled sarcastically. "I'm holding you back. I'm such a fucked up mess. Seriously, why do you bother?" he spat out acridly. "You're supposed to be the sadist here, but you keep torturing and depriving yourself by having _me_ around."

"Natsu!" Gray cried out, terrified by what he was saying.

Natsu ripped the collar off, breaking the lock and the buckle, and threw it at Gray in anger. "Keep your goddamn kinks to yourself! I don't want them anymore."

Natsu leaped out of bed and bolted for the door. Gray began to follow, chasing him in desperation.

 _No!_ He really was leaving now. Not just drifting away like before, but _fleeing_! Gray felt a desperate urge to grab him, pin him down, cage him…

However, Natsu fled out the house and ran off into the woods. Gray stopped the chase. What was the point? Natsu once told him, dragons are noble and intelligent. You treat a dragon with respect. A person didn't _cage_ a dragon. They were free creatures, and when they flew off, you had to let them go.

Gray stood in the silent, empty house, too stunned to move. A part of him screamed to keep running after Natsu, chase him down, hug him, smother him, and never let him run away. Another part of him wondered if this was it.

Was this how it all ended?

He stumbled blankly back to the bedroom and looked at the broken collar lying at his feet. Slowly, Gray bent over and picked it up. He had designed this collar especially for Natsu. It even had his name on it. Gray traced him thumb over the name: ナツ. Then he looked on the other side of the white collar. ビッチ, _bitch_.

He remembered when he designed it, he was only thinking about humiliating Natsu with this collar. At that time, he never thought he would call Natsu his beloved instead. This collar was also a symbol of how much he had underestimated Natsu's romantic feelings, and how much he had not expected to fall for him.

Not like this. Not so deeply it terrified him.

His fist clenched around the leather band, and Gray shook his head. He feared the love he felt, and he kept pushing them into more kinks to escape that fear. That was not fair to Natsu. As their relationship deepened, Natsu wanted more and more romantic moments, not kinks.

Yet for Gray, romance was not enough. Natsu was right. He preferred _this_ to romance.

And now … he lost the key to Natsu's collar, to the thing that he thought was a symbol of their bond. It was just a collar, just leather, satin, and a buckle. The lock was broken, the buckle snapped, he lost the key … this collar was useless. It was just a _thing_ , whereas Natsu … Natsu was everything to him.

He had placed his needs above Natsu's, and now…

The house was so cold when Natsu was gone.

Gray grabbed the collar and ran out the door. He wanted to put this thing back where it belonged, with the kinky supplies that got him into so much trouble. He did not even care if people in town saw him with it. The frosty aura that crackled angrily around him kept anyone from staring too closely at what was clutched in his hand.

He reached his apartment and slammed the door shut behind him. He stomped into his bedroom, opened the chest of kink supplies, and angrily threw Natsu's broken collar inside. Then he slammed the chest lid down so hard, the hinges cracked.

A whole chest filled with sex toys and BDSM gear, and obviously Natsu was not always thrilled to be using them. Was Gray truly addicted to sex so much that a simple romantic evening felt unfulfilling? Was his fear of falling in love so great, he was pushing Natsu away and ignoring his needs in search of his own desires? When he felt dominant and in control, he did not have to say _I love you_. His actions spoke. When it was candlelit dinners and snuggling together on the couch, he felt pressured. That was like being _lovers_ , and lovers were expected to say "I love you" to one another.

He knew Natsu kept insisting he did not have to say it, but Gray _wanted_ to when he was in those situations. He realized, he often avoided romantic evenings to avert from that feeling of guilt. He had been avoiding falling deeper in love, since he was edging closer and closer to saying those three dreaded words, and the nightmares he had of Natsu dying prevented him from declaring his love.

However, Natsu wanted romance, not kinks all the time. Especially now, dealing with a deluge of mental trauma, Natsu needed to know he was loved. Even if Gray did not say the words, Natsu need to _feel_ like he was loved deeply.

And Gray had not respected that need. He had selfishly brushed it aside as being _not enough_.

Fear was making him put some distance between himself and Natsu, using BDSM as a barrier to keep him away, rather than a tether to draw them closer together. He had let his kinks build a wall around his heart, and Natsu recognized what he was doing. That was why he broke the collar. The collar marked him as a _Bitch_ , when what Natsu wanted was to be a _Beloved_.

Beaten with guilt, Gray collapsed onto his bed, curled his knees up, and began to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _In the audio recording, I got so into the scene, when Natsu lashed out and hit his lamp, I actually lashed out as well and broke my drinking glass. In the recording, you can hear it shattering. I edited out the "Oh crap, I really broke it" exclamation I made after hitting my cup, but I kept on going with the scene and cleaned up the broken glass later. Yep, that recording is filled with authenticity!_
> 
> **<http://chirb.it/kdxrON> **
> 
> _In other news, I got one hell of a sexy fanart for this fic from super-talented artist Vhazz Rhossze. It's NSFW but it is a HOT depiction of the paddle and butt plug scene in Chapter 17._
> 
> [](http://vhazzrhossze.tumblr.com/post/130143764770/gratsu-love-fest-day-4-toys-play-god-youre)  
>  <http://vhazzrhossze.tumblr.com/post/130143764770/gratsu-love-fest-day-4-toys-play-god-youre>


	50. Dissolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Audio: [http://chirb.it/PaqfcF](http://chirb.it/PaqfcF%20)

Gray sat in the guild trying to get drunk. He needed to escape the pain in his heart, and he knew a contest with Cana was a good excuse to get wasted.

He tried to count how many beers this made, but his vision blurred. Were those eight glasses? Sixteen? How many were his? Maybe all of them since Cana drank straight from the barrel.

She was taunting him, smirking mockingly, and he glowered back. Gray defiantly picked up a beer mug and chugged it. Cool, malty bitterness flowed over his partially numbed tongue and hit his stomach with a sour feel. He slammed the mug down, gasped for air, and struggled not to vomit it back up.

The room swayed as it spun.

Maybe those were twenty-four glasses. Maybe thirty-two.

"Gray?" He heard his name echoing through a topsy-turvy room.

"It's over."

He wanted to protest. He didn't want it to be over!

"That's it? How pathetic!"

Yes. He really was pathetic. For it to end so soon … pathetic!

He heard cheering at the same time as he felt himself falling backward. He must have lost. He was passing out. About damn time!

Instead of falling to the floor, he collapsed into something soft.

"Gray-sama?"

Juvia? Did she catch him?

_How pathetic!_

Gray gladly accepted the murky darkness and sank away from the pain.

* * *

He woke up to feel warmth near him. Maybe it had all been a dream. A nightmare! Natsu was the same as before, none of that horrible drama happened, just an alcohol-induced nightmare. He reached over blindly and felt soft hair. Yes, he wanted Natsu by his side, here in bed with him. This was where he belonged, and this was how Gray preferred to wake up. There was a soft groan, and he smiled to himself.

"Natsu," he sighed in relief.

"Gray-sama?"

Gray leaped straight up and scuttled away, then instantly held his head as the hangover hit him full force. He saw Juvia sitting in a chair by his bed, where she had fallen asleep resting her head on a pillow.

"Wh-why are you here?" he shouted, but grabbed his head tighter as his voice sounded ten times louder. "We … we didn't … oh God, please tell me we didn't fuck."

Juvia's eyes widened. Then she looked aside with a blushing smile. "Juvia wouldn't do that. Even if Juvia has a love rival, Juvia would still never seduce Gray-sama when drunk."

His heart slowed down. "That's … that's good. Sheesh, that gave me a start!"

Juvia looked up sadly again. "Is Gray-sama and Natsu not getting along? We came home from our mission and … there are rumors," she said cautiously.

Gray stared into the shadows of his bedroom, wondering just what people were saying about Natsu's panic attack. He doubted anyone saw the collar, but that was definitely enough to rouse suspicion.

"Juvia did something bad in the past," she admitted contritely, "but Juvia still would rather see Gray-sama happy than like this. Even if it means having Natsu as a love rival, Gray-sama should be _happy_."

He smiled gratefully, charmed by her maturity. "Thanks, but … I may have messed things up real bad with him."

Her eyes began to water, and she whispered sadly, "Gray-sama." She began to reach out to him.

Gray yanked away. "You know, Juvia…" he blurted out in interruption, not wanting her comfort, feeling he did not deserve to be pitied or even cared for. He saw the longing in her eyes, but it did not melt his heart. "You should find a man who loves you for precisely who you are." He looked aside, and his eyes caught the locked chest containing his kink supplies. Sadly, he muttered, "Not a man like me."

She again reached forward and boldly grabbed his hand, squeezing it in support, ready to protest this self-hatred.

"Do me a favor," he said before she could speak. "Keep an eye on Natsu for me. He doesn't want me around right now, but … but I'm worried for that idiot," he muttered. "You're good at keeping a watch on people, so can you do that much? Just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"What about Gray-sama?" she asked sadly.

He barked out a bitter laugh. "I already did my stupid-mistakes quota for the year. I just hope if I give him enough time, he'll forgive me someday." They just needed time. He kept telling himself that. He had pushed Natsu into it too soon. They needed time! "Thanks for bringing me home, but I'd like to just rest for now."

Although she looked worried, she nodded silently and left him. Gray rolled over in bed and looked at the pillow. His hand touched where Natsu's head used to rest.

He never knew how cold an empty bed could be until he lost the heat of his dragon.

* * *

The next day, Gray sat in the guild hall, having no other place to go. Staying at home reminded him of Natsu. Everywhere he went, it reminded him of Natsu, so he might as well stay here, where all of the memories began, starting with the day Makarov brought in some wild, lost boy with pink hair searching for a dragon.

At least here, there were others to take his mind off of things. Cana was trying to convince someone new to challenge her to a drinking contest. Lucy and Loke were sitting far too close to one another to be merely _just friends_. Gajeel was glaring at something Levy was reading and too-obviously trying to get her attention. Mira was singing up on the stage while men drooled at her feet. No one had asked Gray about that day, and he was glad because he really did not feel like saying the lie he had invented.

The guild door opened, and Gray almost choked on his drink. Natsu walked in with Happy, and it was obvious neither one was in a good mood.

"Natsu," he whispered, wondering how he should handle this.

Natsu walked to the mission board, scanned it, and grabbed one, taking it to the bar to get approval. Meanwhile, Happy walked up to Gray. His face was a mix of anger and sadness.

"I should scratch you!" the Exceed warned, but he turned away with a pout. Gray guessed his claws were restrained only because Natsu had ordered him not to retaliate.

Gray almost wished Happy would scratch him. He deserved at least that much. Maybe he would feel better if someone at least _acted_ on what had happened instead of pretending everything was normal.

Suddenly, Gray realized just how tense the guild had become. No one said anything about him so far, but now that Natsu was in the room, whispers started up all around. Gray sensed eyes turning toward him. He could not hear anything distinctly, but he heard " _those two_ " more than once. Gray wondered how long the guild had just been sitting there, waiting for a confrontation.

However, Gray's focus was purely on Natsu. Was he planning on taking a mission and leaving? That might actually be best. They needed time apart, and at least if they were busy with work, it was a legitimate excuse not to be near one another.

However, once it seemed he got approval, Natsu turned and looked directly at Gray. His throat tensed up at those narrow eyes. He wished Natsu would just leave already, not look at him with that sad expression. As his sandals took the Dragon Slayer slowly over to the side table, Gray felt like bolting. Dread was building with each step. Those eyes told him that this was not going to be a simple "See ya around, ice princess."

Natsu stopped right in front of him and looked down. Gray vaguely realized the whole guild was silent now. Natsu turned an ear, maybe hearing a whisper, but his eyes did not leave Gray's face.

"We need to talk," he said softly.

Gray honestly felt icy chills on his skin. Those were words no one ever wanted to hear.

Still, he stood and follow Natsu when he turned and walked away. They left the guild hall, went behind the building, and hiked up the hill where the Fairy Tail members often practiced. No one was out there, they had a clear view down to the guild, and Natsu would be able to see if anyone followed them to spy on what he had to say.

They stood silently with the wind blowing autumn leaves through the chilly air. There was so much Gray wanted to blurt out, but he feared saying anything at all now. He waited on Natsu, but it looked like he was also struggling and hesitating in fear.

"I'm sorry," he suddenly blurted, unable to handle the silence. "It was an accident. You know I wouldn't … I would _never_ do that to you on purpose."

Natsu's eyes dropped to the side. "I know," he whispered sadly.

"It was a mistake."

His lips tightened. "Yes … it was."

Gray's throat hitched, sensing a lot more to those three words.

"I'm not mad at you."

Hearing that made Gray relax a little.

"Still…"

His tension was right back, worse than before with the sadness hinted in those words.

"Gray…" Natsu's lower lip quivered, and it took him a few moments to say the words that left his mouth like a magic curse he dreaded to speak aloud. "I don't know if we should be together."

Hearing that felt like an icicle stabbing straight into Gray's chest. To be fair, Gray had broken up with many girls; only once had a person broken up with him, his first boyfriend, but they had been together only a short time. Never had he realized just how much something like that hurt.

"What are you saying?" he whispered, his heart pounding a painful tempo. "I … I didn't mean to push you that far, Natsu, really."

"I know that. However… " Natsu definitely looked uncomfortable, like he wished this would be over quickly. "I need to get away from this. It's been bothering me for a while. I know we talked about it, I thought I was over it, but … it still bugs me."

"What does?" he whispered, shivering slightly. No, it couldn't be a breakup. It couldn't!

"All that … _stuff_ … you know, the Checklist of Fucking, the peeing, the chastity belt—"

"We can cut out the piss!" Gray shouted in desperation. "Is … is this about the collar? I'll burn it! I won't ever use it again."

"No," he shouted. "No, Gray, that's not it at all. I'm not mad about that. I mean, I _was_. I was pissed as hell at you. But that … it was a mistake … and it's not the first one we've made. But this … it started a while back," he admitted. "Around the time you were sick."

"Sick? You mean with gonorrhea?" he whispered in shock. "Way back then?"

"Maybe," Natsu muttered. "That was the beginning of it. It got me thinking, about _how_ you got sick, all those partners you've had." His voice dropped sullenly. "Twenty-seven of them."

"Natsu!"

"I know, it's not fair to hold the past against you, and I don't," he cried out defensively, yet added meekly, "not badly." There were definitely times when those twenty-seven blank faces haunted him, knowing they had a piece of Gray before him. "I just can't stop thinking about that." Natsu tightened up his hands and closed his eyes to hold back the agonizing emotions. "I haven't fully felt comfortable since the beginning, Gray. I feel … unprepared. Inexperienced," he whispered, the same word Gray kept mocking him about in his dreams. "It's like I'm an amateur taking lessons from a professional. When I try finding some equal grounds with romance, you brush it off and slam me back down with your kinks. I know I need them sometimes but … sheesh, not _all the time_! I don't feel like we're equals at all, and … and I don't like that feeling."

Gray grabbed his arm. "Natsu!"

"It's fine if I'm fighting someone like Gildarts, and I know I don't have as much experience, but this isn't like fighting at all. It's about love, and … and I have no experience. None at all. I've never dated anyone else. Everyone thinks I had a girlfriend, and I've never dated a girl in my life. That time, that mission, when you were changed into a girl … I dunno, something was different. I almost felt like … like … maybe I _could_."

"Could what?"

"Could … come … inside," he answered hesitantly. "Almost. Not quite, but not as much of a definite _hell no_. Maybe, with a girl it would be different." Natsu's eyes faded slightly. "It wouldn't remind me of _him_."

Gray felt stabbed.

Natsu ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm saying this all wrong. It's not about _that_ issue. I just don't know about most of this stuff you like. I mean, you have a whole checklist of things you want to try, and I'm not really sure how much of that I actually want to do."

"That stuff is all negotiable," Gray protested. "I mean, there's stuff on that list that even I don't want to do. I was just trying to be thorough. I don't want to do _all_ of that. You've liked some of it though, right?" he asked hopefully, worried if maybe this whole relationship had been him forcing Natsu into things he actually never liked.

Natsu looked away sullenly. "Some of it, yeah."

"I'm not going to force you. We can adjust so that it's something you want."

"I know," Natsu sighed in a whine. Gray was only making this harder. "Still, that's part of the issue. I don't _know_ what I want! Like wearing the collar in public; I really thought I'd like that. It sounded great on paper, but … but it was too much. And we were in the middle of the guild. I could have exposed us both. I didn't know I'd react that badly. I never know _how_ I might react to something new. I'm … _inexperienced_."

Gray felt like clutching Natsu and holding him before he snuffed out like a flame in a windstorm. "Natsu, we're both figuring this out as we go."

Natsu yelled angrily, "You're not the one having public panic attacks!" He drew up a fist and pressed it to his mouth as he looked away, holding back more. "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell."

"No, I deserve it. To be honest, I'm surprised you haven't punched me for doing that to you."

"Because it wasn't your fault. I didn't think I'd panic. I thought it would be fun. I want you to have fun with your kinks, but … sometimes … they're too much."

"Then tell me—"

"I don't know!" Natsu screamed. "I don't know what I like and what I don't. I've never known anyone but you, and no other way of how to do things but your way. I might want another way, but I won't ever know unless I try that way, and I won't know to try it unless someone else does it first. Does that make sense?"

He looked to Gray for an answer, but the ice wizard felt like if he said anything, it would just come out in tears.

"You're … really experienced in that type of stuff, and … and I'm not," Natsu said meekly. "You even said, you've had something around seventy partners and … and I've only had you. I don't think that's fair for either one of us. I don't know what I like, and that means we end up in situations that make me freak out. I know you hate those times—and trust me, I do, too—but they happen because I don't even understand my own heart. Erza would say something like, 'You can't know if you like chocolate cake if all you eat is strawberry cake.' We have a good _strawberry cake_ thing going on, but … but I don't know if I want more, or different, or maybe vanilla-strawberry instead of chocolate-strawberry. And I _really hate_ metaphors! They confuse the hell out of me." Natsu looked aside, wishing he could say something that made even a little bit of sense. "I need … to figure out what _cake_ I want," he said quietly. "But before I do that, I need to work through my issues."

Gray shivered. "Your memories," he realized. He almost wished Natsu never remembered whatever happened in the past. It was messing up everything.

Natsu bit on his lip and looked aside angrily. "They fucked me up bad, Gray. I've been struggling my hardest not to show you just how bad it really is. What happened in the past … I don't want you to know," he said decisively.

"Natsu," he whispered, hurt by being shut out like that.

"Not just you. I don't want anyone to know. Ever!" he insisted with an angry glare in his eyes.

"If you just turn to me, we can work through—"

"No," he cut in. "Not this time. Don't you get it? For your own safety, I can't let you get near me. I'm not sure if I can even be close to people at all for the moment, not while knowing … what happened … what I did."

"Natsu," Gray whispered, trying to take his hand, but the Dragon Slayer yanked away. "Natsu, I … I want to work through this with you. That's what a boyfriend does," he insisted desperately.

Slowly, Natsu lifted a heartbroken gaze up to Gray. Those miserable eyes froze his heart.

"No…" Gray's throat choked up. His eyes were already stinging. "Are you saying … you … you don't want…"

"I'm sorry, Gray."

He shouted in anger, "You're breaking up with me?"

Natsu's forehead furrowed. "We could get back together later, right? Just a temporary split. Gray, I've gotta work through this on my own. Having you around terrifies me. I … _killed_ someone. More than just that one guy. I'm scared to death I'll do the same to you. That's why I can't sleep, why I'm having nightmares. They're of me _killing_ you!" Tears lined his eyes, and he tearfully admitted, "It scares the hell out of me, Gray."

He looked away coldly. On one hand, he never wanted Natsu to cry, and if this was scary, the right thing to do was to make it _not_ as scary. However, when doing that meant breaking up, every fiber in Gray's being was screaming _NO!_

Natsu continued calmer. "I need to sort this out, and then I need to figure out what I want. Me! Just me. I need to discover what I need instead of being told what to do. It … doesn't have to be forever, though. Just a break. It's like training, but … but for romance."

"But you want to see other people, right?" he asked bitterly, his voice thick with tears he struggled to hold back. The Dragon Slayer did not reply. "Natsu! I…" Gray had to pause before he screamed in anger. He snuffled his nose, barely keeping back a deluge of tears, and said in a quieter voice. "I'm exclusive. Still, I said once that I could compromise a little, so … if you really need … to have another lover—"

"N-no!" Natsu cried out. "No, I…" He realized, that was precisely what he originally meant, but hearing Gray say it was too painful. "I don't know. I tried thinking about it. I mean, I don't think I could make love to a woman, not with my issues, but maybe if it's someone who doesn't want sex, just dating, romance, kisses. That might be nice. Maybe I could work up to the idea of more, little by little. Maybe what I needed from the beginning was to be eased into things instead of plunging in recklessly. I won't know unless I try. Cutting out sex altogether, just a non-sexual romantic relationship, might be better for me. I was trying to do that with us, but then you came with the collar."

"Natsu!"

"It's pretty obvious we can't cut out sex, Gray," Natsu insisted. "Just two weeks and we're driving each other crazy. I can tell, you think I should be over this in just a few weeks, and … and that's _not_ going to happen. This could take me months, years! I may never get to the point where I can be intimate again. And that's not fair on you."

"Let me be the one to decide that," Gray shouted.

"Fine, but … it's not fair on me. I tried to change things up, tried to be more romantic and simple. It wasn't enough for you … was it?"

Gray wanted to protest, but that honestly was the reason he decided to use the collar. Dating alone was not enough.

"I need to heal myself, and right now … I need something else."

"Some- _one_ else," Gray said bluntly and bitterly.

"I guess, yeah," he admitted regretfully. "The problem is, I don't know how to go about _doing_ something like that. How do I … _know_? About the person? If they're single, if they're gay, if they don't want sex, if they do, if they're … w-willing to restrain me," he ended in a whisper edging toward fear. "I've never dated before, and the thought of it is a bit scary."

"Is that what this is about, then? Just because I've dated more?" he shouted. "Okay, yeah, I slept around. A lot," he admitted hesitantly. "But you're the first person who makes me want to say … how I feel. With you, I can _finally_ express myself." He just wished he could express these searing emotions inside him. Still, even with Natsu about to walk away, Gray could not say the words, and that agonized him. "It's the emotions that count. The rest of it is just kinks, stuff I think I might like, but I've never had a chance to try it. Not until you came along." He rubbed Natsu's arm, wishing he could pull him back. "I feel like I can be myself around you, and … and I don't want to lose that."

Natsu looked up solidly and sadly. "You can be yourself, but … I don't even know _who I am_. I can't be myself when I don't know what I truly want and what I need. I know what I _can't_ have right now, and it's not fair to you. I know you're holding yourself back—"

"No, Natsu," Gray pleaded, grabbing hold of his arm, wanting to throw himself into the Dragon Slayer's embrace and only barely restraining himself. "I'm not, really."

Natsu sighed plaintively. "Yes, you are. You even said you were. I can tell there's lots of stuff you want to do—"

" _Natsu!_ " he shouted, but Gray forced his emotions back. He needed to keep in control. "I only hold myself back enough so that I don't hurt you. I would _never_ do that."

Natsu looked up with sad eyes and whispered regretfully, "You _are_ hurting me."

He let go and took a step back. He had sensed for so long that Natsu might actually be in more pain than healing in this relationship. Almost from the beginning, he wondered if this was really what Natsu needed. However, when he began to sense that maybe this was unhealthy for Natsu's mental stability, he would tie Natsu closer to him.

He was the one terrified of losing this relationship. He had blinded himself to Natsu's actual needs for so long, he forgot to see them when they were glaring right in his face.

Gray turned aside and looked down the hill. There was Fairy Tail, and the lake, far in the distance was the cathedral, and bustling Magnolia sprawled all around. The air was chilly. Harvest was approaching. There were mutters about the Fantasia festival already. Time really flew, it felt like weeks ago, Natsu had leaped through his window in the middle of the night seeking shelter from a nightmare.

In all these months, he kept blinding himself to what Natsu actually needed.

Or what he didn't need.

He didn't need more pain, and right now…

' _You **are** hurting me._ '

With a reticent frown, Gray knew what he needed to do. "You're right. You've been playing along with my kinks since the first day. I rarely give you a chance to discover what you want for yourself, and when you do try, I twist it into my own desires. I just drag you along with me, and I'm scared of the road you want to take. You want a level of romance that I don't think I'm ready to feel, but … that's what you need. It's a need I can't fulfill, not at this time. Maybe we both need to grow up, to heal ourselves. Otherwise, we'll just keep hurting each other. If you really, honestly, feel you need more experience before you can take another step forward…" He gulped hard. "…I can back off."

Natsu flinched slightly, keeping his eyes down, unable to look at Gray directly. He knew if he did, he would only cry, and there was no way he was about to cry in front of Gray. "Then, is this it? Are we breaking up?" he whispered.

"We don't have to go that far," Gray said hesitantly, desperate to hold on to the last thread he had connecting him to Natsu. "We could just—like you said—take a break. A hiatus. We'd both be free to see other people if we want, or return to one another if we want. It'd be … an _open_ relationship," he explained, hiding his disgust at the idea. "Temporarily, at least. It'd give you time to … to _discover_ yourself. Heal yourself. That's what you need, right?"

"I guess," Natsu admitted sadly.

"I stole your innocence before you had a chance to experience things _normally_. And between us, nothing is normal. We're both so fucked up. I know I've been asking a lot out of you. I went too far," he admitted. That was something Gray had feared from the beginning, going too far, pushing Natsu away. "It … it really isn't fair to you. If you need to date other people…" _Please, no! Please, don't make me agree to this._ "…I'll support that," he concluded. What else could he say?

Instead of relief, hearing those words hurt Natsu deeply. "You support me _cheating_ on you?"

"It's not cheating if I know about it," Gray reasoned, " _and_ if I approve. But you _have_ to get my approval, okay? Because I'm responsible for you, and I have to make sure you're not hurt. So, if you want a … a substitute…"

"Gray!"

"You have a good point," he cut in. "You've never dated anyone else, and here I go thrusting you into my messed-up, kinky world. Then you want a world that's filled with dinners and stargazing and making out by the fire, and … and I'm not used to that. The level of romance you want terrifies me just as much as the level of kinkiness I want scares you." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "We've been trying to force each other along our own paths so much, we stopped paying attention to what we both need. Right now, you need someone who can give you … l-love … and I don't know if I can. Not the way you need it. I feel it, but I can't express it properly. At least it sounds like you want me back someday…"

"Of course!"

That made Gray happy to hear. "You need to discover yourself; I get that. You need to work through your past, and then figure out where you are in the present, before you can think about what you want in the future. I need to work through my own issues. I'll allow you to experiment on your own. I won't stick my nose in. I won't get into your business if you … if you get … another lover…"

Now Natsu reached out and touched the cold cheek. "Gray, you're ready to cry."

" _I'm not ready to cry!_ " Gray screamed, slapping the hand away. He immediately felt ashamed at the outburst. "Sorry," he muttered. "It's just a bit of a shock." Understatement of the year! "Still, if you need … someone other than me … I'll support you. And I'll still care for you," he swore with all his heart. "I'll be waiting for you, whenever you're ready. Maybe by then, I'll be ready to accept a bit of romance from you. Okay?"

A single tear slid down Natsu's cheek, but that was all he would let fall. "Okay," he nodded quietly. "I … I should be going. I'm going on a mission. It may take a while."

In other words, he was leaving, and Gray hardly blamed him. "I understand," he whispered.

Natsu turned and walked away without another word. Gray watched, clenching his fists and he fought the instinct to reach out, grab his lover by the scarf, and yank him back into his arms. Never had Gray felt fear in a relationship, but right then, on that day, he felt utter terror.

What if Natsu found someone? What if he fell in love? What if he discovered he did not like their kinky activities at all? What if he met a lady who helped him to get over all of his issues, healed those pains of the past, raised his soul out of the darkness, and Natsu fell in love with her, married her, wanted kids with her?

As he watched Natsu walk away, Gray felt the freezing fear that he might never hold the Dragon Slayer in his arms again, and the tears began to pour down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm sure I didn't convey the voices right, not how I hear them in my head, so maybe the audio would help:[http://chirb.it/PaqfcF](http://chirb.it/PaqfcF%20)_
> 
> _I’ve had this chapter sitting around since February 2014. I’ve known for almost two years that this was coming. So yeah … Happy Chapter 50? Kidding! But I do want to celebrate a few things._
> 
> _First is some fan art._
> 
> [](http://imgur.com/88kWeE9)
> 
> __1) A delightfully morbid scene from Natsu’s troubled past: “He … Popped”_  
>  <http://imgur.com/88kWeE9> _
> 
> [](http://becauseyourdrawingsarethebest.tumblr.com/post/127751876241/fmbm)
> 
> _2) A collage by becauseyourdrawingsarethebest of favorite scenes, especially Chapters 7, 30, and 39 (NSFW!)  
>  <http://becauseyourdrawingsarethebest.tumblr.com/post/127751876241/fmbm>_
> 
> [](http://utsukushihana-3.tumblr.com/post/131833239987/i-enjoyed-this-p)
> 
> _3) A NSFW pic of Gray using ice cuffs by utsukushihana-3.  
>  <http://utsukushihana-3.tumblr.com/post/131833239987/i-enjoyed-this-p>_
> 
> _Also, just to leave you in a solemn yet hopeful mood for these two to get back together, I suggest listening to[“Fire and Ice” by Olivia Bray on YouTube](https://youtu.be/K5_ClfdRLWw)._
> 
> _One final announcement:[It’s Nanowrimo time](http://nanowrimo.org/participants/rhov), and I’m participating in my 10th year. As is my tradition, I take November off from fanfiction to focus on the writing contest. Then again, these two are also taking a hiatus, so it matches up well, I think. However, it means you have to wait a month to find out how this turns out. You’re lucky, though. Poor Gray has to wait much longer to get back Natsu._


	51. Not What He Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Audio for Chapter 51:<http://chirb.it/z7DPK4>_
> 
> _I'm still working on Nanowrimo. Sometimes, having a "treat" for yourself spurs a writer to reach their goals. That's important in such a marathon contest as this. For me, my goal was to write 25k words, half of the requirement for Nanowrimo, and then post a chapter. I met that goal, and this is my treat: more like a treat to you, but your comments are treats to me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. It's short but it's important for this little angsty arc of mine. The next chapter will be posted when I reach 50k and win this contest!_

Natsu left on an extended mission just before the Fantasia Festival. The guild was used to the days when Natsu would leave for weeks looking for Igneel, and in general no one really said anything about long missions. They were simply part of the job.

Gray did not feel like explaining everything. He let Lucy know simply that he and Natsu "were not seeing each other anymore," and that was enough for the rumor to spread. Before the end of the day, everyone in the guild knew that Fire and Ice had finally sundered. Gray was just relieved to find out that no one had been so heartless as to start up a betting pool on when they would split up. It was a bit of a relief to know that his friends had not somehow _expected_ this all along.

For Fantasia, Gray reluctantly shared a float with Juvia and Wendy, using their combined elemental magic to create a wet-blizzard tempest. Shortly after the grand harvest festival, winter settled in, and Gray got a lot more jobs that specifically called for an ice user. With Natsu gone and Gray being called away during the snowy winter, the rest of the guild could merely speculate on what actually happened between the couple.

Two lonely months passed. Gray could not go to the guild without looking at the scratch marks at the bar where Natsu had clawed into the wood while they had sex while the guild was flooded underwater. Ever time he lit a candle, he would spend a few moments watching it burn and drip, remembering how much Natsu had loved the tingle of hot wax on his skin. He could not take a shower without remembering the night he took Natsu's virginity. He could not eat ice cream without smiling at memories of Natsu turning himself into a giant sundae. He could not even eat a pizza with olives without thinking about the time when he had sucked olives off of Natsu's toes.

Everything around Gray reminded him of Natsu, because the Fire Dragon Slayer had become such a massive part of his life.

Even his private moments were not as good anymore. No quick yank in the shower went by without remembering those hot hands. Browsing porn either made him remember when he and Natsu had tried some position, or he would think _Natsu would look great wearing that._ He found himself lying in bed, daydreaming about moments he particularly liked, and stroking himself lazily as he played through the memories. He rarely came that way. He just wanted to feel aroused and happy in the midst of so much gloom.

Gray was not sure what he had expected of all this. He had never before tried an open relationship. He realized he could easily hook up with a girl during this time. A change in partners might even be good for his emotional health. However, he rarely felt any desire for intimacy at all. When he was off on missions, he would sit in pubs and taverns, looking around, but no one interested him. Ladies came up smiling and rubbing their hands over his body, but Gray eased them away.

No one could ever replace Natsu.

He agreed once. The lady was absolutely his type, and she was eager to suck him off. Gray went with her, yet as this nameless woman tried to pleasure him, Gray only felt sick. It was not the scalding mouth that dripped molten saliva as a fire-brand tongue licked him. There was no way he could get off like this, not with someone else. He left the lady unfulfilled, fuming, and calling him names as he silently left her apartment. He went home and showered, yet he still felt dirty.

He felt like he had cheated on Natsu. He kept trying to convince himself that was not the case; Natsu wanted some time apart, he was free to do as he wished, but … that only reinforced the fact that Natsu left to seek out more experience, try new things.

Gray collapsed into bed and stared up at the ceiling. What was Natsu doing? Where was he? Was he having one-night stands like this? Did he find a girl? Or a guy? Or was he still working on his mental stability? How was that going? Did he still have nightmares? Could he at least talk to Happy about it? When would he be back?

Gray closed his eyes and thought about Natsu. He recalled the firmness of his paddle hitting flesh, the cries of pain and begging for more, and those moments when Natsu wanted to hold on to Gray with his hands iced protectively. Those hot hands clawing into his skin always aroused Gray. The moans, the heat from his body, skin turning brilliantly pink from his strikes…

Gray had suddenly stripped at some point, and his cock was in his hand. He still felt that woman's mouth on him, and Gray did not want that.

He wanted Natsu's mouth, Natsu's tongue, his fiery breath and scalding saliva. He wanted to thrust into that throat and hear the choking moans.

He rubbed more with his eyes closed. Natsu had ruined him. No other partner could possibly compare to the Fire Dragon Slayer … his beloved!

"Natsu," he whispered into the void. "Nnngh … want you … need you … dammit, please come back!"

He grimaced in loneliness, yet his hand kept moving. He wanted memories of Natsu's body to cleanse away the feeling of that woman.

"Natsu!" he whined. "I … l-love … y- … shit!" he hissed angrily. "Fuck you! Fuck you, Natsu. Messing me up. Making me love you!"

He paused. He said it! Not directly to Natsu, but aloud.

"I wanna say it," he whispered. "I wanna tell you … I love you."

His cock tingled in pleasure from saying it.

"I love you," he whispered. "Please don't die out there. I want you back! Dammit, I wanna feel you. Spank you for going away! Punish you for leaving! Fuck your mouth, fuck it so hard your lip splits, fuck your throat until you almost pass out, and make you swallow it. I wanna … _nngh_ … love you … _kuh_ … so … m-much!"

He came with a gasp, and the sexual tension purging him. He would forget that lady; he did not even get a name, or if she said it he really did not care to remember. She was gone, and Natsu's memory lingered like a ghost to haunt him.

It physically felt good, but it was emotionally empty. Masturbation was no fun unless Natsu was watching him, talking in that low, simmering voice. He floated for a few minutes, but he sank back into the mire of his life.

"Damn you," he cried softly. "You spoiled me too much, asshole."

* * *

The new year rang in, and Natsu returned for the party. He looked roughened up from living on the road for months. Lucy teased him about needing a haircut (Gray personally liked the longer hair) but at least he was smiling and laughing. Gray watched him from afar, sitting at a table drinking with Juvia.

"Is Gray-sama going to say hello to Natsu?" she asked him.

Gray wanted much more than just to say hello. The loneliness had eased away with Natsu gone, but seeing him back reminded Gray of all the sensuality of that body. As he saw Lisanna greeting Natsu and getting in a boisterous hug, Gray remembered the feel of those arms embracing him.

"If he says hi to me, then fine," Gray grumbled.

Juvia pouted. "He may be waiting for Gray-sama to say hello first."

Gray looked away as seeing Natsu pained his heart.

For Natsu, being back felt good. He and Happy rushed to the guild without even bathing off the dirt from traveling on the road. The smell was the same, and the smiles warmed his heart. This was home! He grinned at seeing Wendy a little taller, Lucy's hair was a little longer, Erza had new armor specially made for the New Year, and Gray…

He glanced over and paused when he saw Gray sitting at a table, hunched over and brooding. He knew he should not expect a warm greeting, but that literally cold shoulder dampened his spirits. He had no right to speak to Gray after he was the one who broke things off.

"Natsu," Lisanna said softly. "You should at least say hello."

"There's no way he's forgiven me."

She wondered about what he meant. There were rumors that it had been Natsu who broke up with Gray, since he was the one who took off. This confirmed it.

"How has he been?" Natsu asked quietly, looking at Gray talking with Juvia.

"Quiet," Lisanna sighed. "He's been gone most of the season, off on missions."

"Dating?" Natsu asked, although he doubted he wanted the answer, either way.

"I've heard nothing about that, but I could ask Mira-nee."

"No," Natsu decided. If Gray was dating again, Natsu did not want to know. If he was not, that could mean that Gray was truly heartbroken, and Natsu did not want to find out about something like that, either. "I'll talk to him later." He turned back around and grinned at her. "I just wanna enjoy being back. Where's Elfman? I wanna fight him!"

The party continued, until finally it was nearing midnight. Then brawls stopped, uproarious chatter fell silent, and Makarov led them in a countdown.

"Fifteen, fourteen, thirteen, twelve…"

Natsu thought he had been standing next to Lisanna, but the crowd had shoved him away. He stumbled, and cold hands grabbed him, steadying him.

"Careful, idiot!"

Natsu looked up and saw Gray holding him from behind. "Gray," he whispered.

Stormy eyes gazed down, and yearning filled Gray's face.

"Eight, seven, six…"

"Natsu," he sighed.

He glanced to the bright lips, then up to Natsu's eyes. Natsu stared at Gray's lips, hungering for them, and his mouth loosened in desire. They began to lean in closer, magnetically drawn to one another.

"Two, one! Happy New Year!"

The two were already kissing, oblivious to the celebration until someone bumped into them. This time it was Gray who almost fell and Natsu who grabbed him. They laughed that now they both had to be held up. Then their eyes lingered. Gray's hand rubbed up Natsu's arm slowly, feeling the warmth once again. His heart was racing, and he felt dizzy with happiness.

"Can we … just kiss?" he asked hesitantly.

Natsu still stared up at him in a daze. "Y-yeah," he finally stuttered.

Gray glanced around. Everyone was cheering and drinking. No one would see. He grabbed Natsu's hand and pulled him aside. They slipped away to a broom closet, closed the door, and immediately collided together.

Yes! These were the kisses Gray had missed. This wildness was what he craved.

They grabbed each other in desperation, and tongues dueled in a passionate battle. Natsu's fingers clawed into his skin, and Gray grabbed him back with fingers that dug into his flesh. Gray pulled him closer and pressed Natsu up against the wall. A low growl escaped the Dragon Slayer's throat, and his nails bared, scratching deeply into Gray's back. Gray flinched at the pain. His tongue twirled around Natsu's, and yet this was still not enough. He moved a step closer, pressing their bodies together tighter, and gave a slow, needy thrust against him.

"W-whoa! Wait," Natsu cried out, shoving him back. "You said kissing."

"We _are_ kissing," he pointed out.

"Then don't do anything else."

"What…?" Did he mean that press against him? It had hardly been anything at all, not like he was dry-humping through their clothes. "You were scratching me. I thought that meant you wanted a little more."

"No! That's just instinct, not an invitation." Natsu wiped his mouth and looked aside. "Maybe it's still a bad idea."

"No, wait!" Gray cried out in desperation. "We can just kiss. That's fine. That's totally fine."

Natsu looked up with a disbelieving pout. "I don't think either one of us can _just kiss_. Not when it comes to us." He looked aside and blushed. "Not when it's you I'm kissing."

Gray felt both hope by that whispered confession, and a massive crash of his hormones as he realized Natsu was ending this already. He had hoped they could get together, make out, maybe quickly suck each other off, then head to his house for more, a steamy reunion, making love all night long.

With disappointment in himself, he realized he had instantly made the leap from kissing to something sexual. Nothing had changed. He had not gotten better. He was still just as addicted to sex as before. Especially since it had been two months, he felt desperate to bury himself inside Natsu. He knew that if they left the guild together, he would push Natsu way beyond what he was ready for.

"Are you seeing someone?" he blurted out impulsively.

Natsu jolted with massive eyes. "I … n-no. You?"

Gray shrugged and shook his head. "I tried," he admitted. "It went nowhere."

"You tried?" Natsu asked faintly, and jealousy tinted his green eyes.

That one time hardly even counted since it made him sick. "Have you … experimented?"

"No," Natsu said softly. "I'm not ready. The nightmares haven't stopped."

Gray sighed and caressed Natsu's head out of instinctual protectiveness. "Maybe you need some professional help. You said you saw psychiatrists when you were younger. Maybe try that again. It helped before."

Natsu smiled at the caring suggestion. "Yeah, maybe I should. I'll ask Makarov for the name of the one I saw back then. He helped a lot." He pouted and pulled away. "I wanted to get over it with my own strength."

"We all need to rely on someone once in a while." With a slight shrug, Gray admitted, "I'm seeing a therapist for my own issues."

Natsu looked up at him in shock. "You are?" he cried out.

Gray gave another awkward shrug. It was surprisingly hard to admit he needed help. "After what happened, I knew I needed to get over this. I've never talked to a professional before. I figured it couldn't hurt." He wanted to improve so that when Natsu was ready, he would not screw things up again.

"And it's helping?"

Gray wanted to say it was, but as he looked at Natsu and thought about confessing his love, his throat choked up. "I'm … getting better. We're working through things slowly. It takes time."

"Yeah," Natsu whispered sadly. "I need time to get over my issues. I need some way … some _one_ … someone I can trust who won't want … certain things."

Gray dropped his head to the side. _Certain things_ , like sex. Considering how he had been thinking just a minute ago, Gray was obviously not what Natsu needed.

"But it's really intimidating, y'know. So I … I was thinking about asking out Lisanna. I know she likes me, and I had a huge crush on her when we were kids, and she's sweet so I think things would be good between us." He looked up at Gray with cautious eyes. "Is that okay?"

Lisanna made sense, and although the thought pained him, Gray nodded. "I hope it helps."

"Me too."

Gray opened the closet door and began to leave. He paused and looked back inside. Painfully, a smile struggled up. "It's good to have you back."

Natsu looked up in surprise, and then he dunked his head down bashfully. "Y-yeah. Good to be home." Gray began to leave, and suddenly Natsu called out, "Wait!"

Gray looked around, hope surging through him, but he saw the Dragon Slayer holding out a discarded shirt.

"You'll want that. And make sure you keep it on. I, um, really scratched you up. Sorry."

Gray looked down at the shirt, and again he felt hopes sinking. He mumbled a thanks and dressed as he walked away.

Natsu watched silently as Gray left. Then he collapsed back against the metal closet shelves. A hand covered his mouth, holding back sobs, but his chest still shook. He wanted to be better. He wanted to be with Gray so much, but the horrifying flash that struck him during that kiss made him realize he was not better.

"Dammit," he whispered in anguish. "Don't give up on me, Gray. Please! Don't hate me. I need to get over this, so please … don't hate me."

* * *

Gray stepped back into the main room and looked around at the craziness. Midnight did not end the party. If anything, it gave everyone a reason to truly go all out, since they were not waiting for the countdown anymore. They drank heavily, wrestled harder, and already Jet and Droy had knocked each other out cold in a fight.

That was just how Fairy Tail wizards were: wild and impulsive. He and Natsu simply acted that way when together as well.

He went up to Warren, talking about some new communication device the wizard was working on. It took a long time, but finally Gray saw Natsu walk by, heading over to Lisanna without even looking his way. He ignore it, trying to focus on Warren, but then he heard a squealing shout. Everyone looked over, so Gray forced himself to watch also as Lisanna leaped into Natsu's arms in happiness.

It hurt to see that, but if she could help Natsu, if she could help him find happiness and heal his soul … she just might be able to do what Gray could not.

Gray felt like getting drunk again, but before he could make his way to the bar for something potent, Juvia got in his path, standing with a pleasant smile.

"That's good news about Lisanna and Natsu, right?" she asked cheerfully, yet her face showed pity.

Gray glanced briefly back, enough to see Natsu with an arm around Lisanna and Mira leaning in, apparently scolding him not to break her heart, while Elfman sobbed grossly that his little sister was growing into a woman.

"Gray-sama?" she asked softly, her voice filled with concern.

He turned away from the joyous scene. "Yeah, it's great that he can move on. He deserves happiness."

"So does Gray-sama," she said worriedly.

"I'll find my own happiness." He was ready to turn and just leave the party.

"Gray-sama," she called out in a rush. "Juvia…"

He looked around in dread. Oh God, she wasn't going to ask him out, was she?

She nervously pressed her fingers together. "Juvia was saving the New Year's first kiss for Gray-sama."

Maybe it was apathy. Maybe it was a desire to stir up jealousy. Maybe he just needed the human connection after Natsu had pushed him away. Whatever the reason, Gray stepped forward, tipped Juvia's chin up, and gave her a light kiss.

"Happy New Year," he smiled gently.

Her cheeks went scarlet and steam puffed around her.

Off to the side, Natsu saw the kiss. It hurt to see Gray's lips on someone else.

He wanted to be with Gray.

And he was terrified of what he might do.

At least with Lisanna, she would be more than happy just dating, simple dinners and romantic walks. It was what he needed right now. Mentally, emotionally, she was what he needed.

As he kept his arm around her and pretended not to notice Gray leaving the party, that was what he told himself. This was what he needed.

Even if it was not what he wanted.

* * *

Gray tugged up the collar of his coat as he plodded through the snow. His breath smoked, his boots scuffed over crackles of ice and slush, and yet he felt no chill. He heard the music and cheers of small parties throughout Magnolia, everyone spending a little longer past midnight to drink in the new year with their friends. He was the only person walking outside.

No, not the only one.

A woman in fishnet stockings and wearing a thick fur coat walked boldly right up to him.

"Hey, cutey. Lonely on the New Year?" she asked.

Gray now knew this was pure selfishness. Maybe spite as well. In any case, he felt no happiness as he tapped the woman on the hand, signaling for her to lead the way.


	52. Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Thank you for your patience. (Well, **some** of you were patient.) I won my 10th Nanowrimo! ^_^ Hopefully "Dangerous Territory" will be coming soon to this website in the "Attack on Titan" fandom._
> 
> _Audio for Chapter 52:<http://chirb.it/97758N>_

Natsu was just coming up to the guild with Happy when he saw Gray sitting outside, smoking a cigarette. When had he taken up smoking again? It had been years!

Natsu wondered … was this because of him?

"Hey."

Natsu was startled that Gray already knew he was there. "Hi," he squeaked, shocked at being noticed from this distance. He walked up slowly. "What's up with you?"

"Not much." Gray took a drag from the cigarette and slowly breathed it out. "How are you and Lisanna?"

"Ah, we … we're doing good. Real good." He looked over to Happy, about to tell him to go on inside, but he thought twice about it. With Happy there, that limited their conversation to something civil. If they were alone … well, he was not sure where their conversation might lead. "Being with her is … different," he said, judging his words carefully. "But I think it's helping. I feel safe, or I guess I should say, I feel like she's safe from me. It helps me to relax and feel … I dunno … confident? It's helping, anyway."

Gray looked down at his half-finished cigarette and smiled to himself. "That's good."

Natsu was surprised to see the smile was not forced. "You sure?"

"Seriously, I'm glad." He was still smiling, it looked genuine, but it was not purely happiness in his eyes. It was mixed with regret. "You need someone like her. I'm glad it's helping."

"It … it is," Natsu admitted. Was Gray regretting that he could not be the one to help Natsu through this? "I'm worried, though. It seems like she wants more."

Happy covered his mouth, silencing a giggle.

"Uh, not like sex, but … just … more," he assured to both of them, although he knew Happy was already fully aware of the details of his relationship with Lisanna. He had gone on many of the dates he had with her so far, boasting that he was a chaperon. "And I know that's normal for dating couples, but I'm not sure where my boundaries are anymore. All sorts of things screw me over." His brow tensed, and he lowered his voice. "I don't want something to happen with her."

Gray looked up at him and saw honest dread in Natsu's pinched brow. So, the fears were not fully over, just suppressed because Lisanna was not bringing out that side of him. "Just be slow. It's okay to take your time with each new thing. That's normal for couples."

Natsu laughed and blushed private. "We weren't normal."

Gray laughed softly. "No," he had to agree, and he stretched his back, staring up at the late winter clouds. "We were the _opposite_ of normal."

He could not help but smile, remembering how it had been with Natsu, the wildness, the constant push for a new thrill, even when pushing those boundaries hurt both of them. It had been reckless and obviously unhealthy in hindsight. He hoped Natsu did not make the same mistake now.

"But … I sometimes miss that," Natsu confessed nervously. "I…" He paused, debating about holding back the words, but finally whispered, "…miss you."

Gray's eyes softened, hearing the longing. How long had it been now? Spring was almost here, and they got together on New Year's Day. Still … Natsu missed him?

"Same here," he whispered so faintly, Happy hummed, unable to hear the words, but Gray knew Natsu could hear him, and that was all that mattered.

Natsu smiled, but he caught himself before expressing too much happiness. He had a girlfriend now, after all. "Are you seeing someone?" he blurted out, realizing only later that he probably did not want the answer.

The question stunned Gray by its suddenness. "Well, sort of. Not officially, just … sheesh…"

How could he talk about it to the man he actually wanted? It was a complicated thing, a masochist man who did not want sex. Gray was purely just a dominant in a mutual S&M setup. He could at least practice things, ideas he had always wanted to try, get better at tying or different forms of rope bondage, and that was it. It was sensual but not sexual. He had no idea how to explain it, though.

"It's awkward to talk about it," he grumbled, feeling guilty.

Although he had not had sex with anyone since that New Year's Day prostitute, he had sadistic pleasure with that man. He would do a scene together, then go home and jerk off to thoughts of Natsu. Gray took a long drag from the cigarette, but not even that could chase away the disappointment he had in himself.

"Oh. Sorry," Natsu muttered, seeing conflict in his eyes. "But, you're okay, right?"

"I'm fine." He was glad Natsu was not pushing for details. "I'm still seeing the psychologist. That's helping a lot."

"That's great. Me too! I see him once a week. I always feel better afterward."

"That's good."

He looked at Natsu longingly. He wanted him. Damn, he wanted him! They had been trying to avoid one another for months. It wasn't working. Especially when they met alone like this, it was impossible to stop the feelings from flooding back.

Gray crushed out the last of the cigarette and raised to his feet. "Well, we better get inside."

Natsu snapped out of his own longing thoughts. "Oh, right."

Happy flew on, and Natsu began to follow while Gray tugged on his shirt he had removed for smoking. Gray watched him mounting the steps of the guild.

"Natsu?" he called out.

He stopped and looked back down the stairs. "Hmm?"

"I…"

There was so much he wanted to say, but Gray felt confined by one fact: Natsu now had a girlfriend.

"I'm glad your life is improving."

Natsu smiled, although he heard the unspoken words in that saddened voice. "Thanks."

Gray had never needed words. Never! He had always known. Without saying it, Natsu always knew whenever what Gray really meant to say … was _I love you._

* * *

If Gray feared he might lose Natsu forever to Lisanna, that dread was eased when the two amicably separated just after Spring unfurled its green carpet. Lisanna said Natsu was "too shy" and things were simply not working out. Gray guessed it was hardly _shyness_ that was Natsu's problem.

He tried not to look at Natsu too often, because memories of those months together were now painful. Still, Gray was happy as he thought that maybe, just maybe, the fact that Natsu had stopped _experimenting_ meant he was the same as him, craving that past desire. No one could ever replace Natsu. Gray knew he was spoiled, utterly ruined, by that fiery lover.

But didn't Natsu _need_ to discover diverse forms of love? Was it loving to hope he never found a partner?

Gray found himself thinking about it. Which would be better for Natsu: a male partner, or a female? Natsu said being with Gray reminded him of _that man_ , but when Gray had the body of a female, things had been easier. Maybe a girl was a good start. Natsu could be as romantic as he wanted to be, which any girl would like.

Gray had liked it, too. He liked Natsu's sweet, romantic side. It just scared him. Romantic settings were when two people were supposed to declare their feelings, and Natsu flaunted saying _I love you_. Every time he did, Gray was stung with guilt. In those settings, he wanted to say _I love you_ , yet could not make the words come out. He had begun to avoid romantic moments with Natsu, not because he hated romance, but because he did not like that bitter feeling of guilt. Natsu needed someone who would like his flirty ways, all those silly but romantic ideas. He needed someone who could love him back fully and freely.

So what happened between him and Lisanna? She only said he was too shy. Gray knew that was not the case. Lisanna may have wanted more intimacy and made Natsu panic.

Gray knew he should _not_ be happy that Natsu's little experiment was already failing, but … he still found himself smiling the day it was announced that the two split but were still on good terms.

Time passed. It had been six months since Fire and Ice split. April stormed in with rains and cold wind. Memories of life with Natsu began to blur into something like a wonderful dream, a fantasy and nothing more. Their team did missions, he and Natsu argued like before, and it felt like nothing had changed between them. Nothing had happened. No scorching passion. No massive revelations. No tearful breakup.

Even though they left it as an _open relationship_ , they kept their distance for half a year.

For Gray, these would be remembered as some of the worst six months of his life.

He wanted Natsu, and he couldn't have him.

For Natsu's own sanity, Gray had to stay away.

But being apart was slowly driving Gray crazy!

* * *

On a team mission, Gray sat outside enjoying another quiet smoke while gazing at the stars. The first cigarette had been New Year's Day, just after that prostitute. Gray felt sick for using her, so he went out, meaning to buy booze. None of the liquor stores were open, so he bought a pack of cigarettes instead and smoked the rest of the evening until sunrise. Now, he smoked whenever he thought of Natsu. Something about lighting that fire, seeing that smoke…. He looked at his pack and realized he was running out again.

He heard footsteps and saw Natsu approaching. The Fire Dragon Slayer sat next to him, but far enough so there was space between them.

"Nice night," Natsu said softly.

Gray puffed on his cigarette and let out a stream of smoke. "The weather is improving."

Natsu grunted in agreement and began to twist the end of his scarf. "Um … you said before, if I plan to get into a relationship, I should tell you first."

Gray looked over sharply. Had he really said that? He supposed the side of him that craved control might have blurted that out. After six months, he had forgotten most of the things he said that grim day.

"You don't have to every single time," Gray assured him. "Although, I suppose it'd be good if things are about to turn serious between you and a partner."

Natsu bit his lips and muttered awkwardly, "I think … it is. I didn't tell you because we're kind of hiding it from everyone, but … I think you should know … before I do anything."

Pain hit Gray's heart. The thought of another person touching this fiery body enraged him. He slammed his eyes shut and looked away. "Who?" His question came out coarse and haggard.

Natsu hesitated, looking worried about saying the name aloud. After all, this was supposed to be a secret relationship. Finally he blurted, "Did you know Sting is bisexual?"

Gray swung back around with huge eyes. "Sting? From Sabertooth?"

"Y-yeah, him," Natsu said, forcing himself to sound cheery. "I was on a mission and stopped at a bar—a gay bar—and then he came in and we were both shocked to see one another, so we had a few drinks and we … we sort of … kissed and … and this and that," he muttered with a blush.

"You don't need to make a confession," Gray scoffed, angry at the thought of Natsu going to gay bars and flirting with someone like Sting Eucliffe. Then again, if Natsu was looking for a boyfriend, gay bars were an obvious choice to find someone of the same orientation.

Natsu pouted at the snappish tone. "Anyway, I asked if he wanted to try dating, but he has duties and a reputation, and he didn't want to complicate being master as well as dating someone from another guild, so … so we're hiding it for now."

"You're dating? How long?" Gray asked, feeling bitter but still curious.

Natsu gave a timid shrug. "A couple of months?"

Gray's mouth dropped. _Months?_ Then that meant he and Sting got together almost immediately after the breakup with Lisanna. He thought—no, he had secretly hoped—that Natsu was not seeing anyone at all. To find out he had been dating Sting, of all people, for months … he could hardly believe Natsu would keep a secret like that from him.

"We obviously don't get to see each other that often," Natsu said, trying to laugh it off, although he saw the shock on Gray's face. "He's … been hinting … at wanting more." He glanced around the hotel courtyard, but no one was around. It was so late, most of the room lights were already off. "I told him, I would want to be restrained. I didn't tell him _why_ , obviously, just … well, I only said I like it that way. He teased me a little, but … but he said he would actually love to do that, tie me up, keep me restrained. He … apparently thinks that's hot."

Gray let out a scoff. A sadist! Just like him. Now his jealousy flared hotter.

"Gray?" Natsu asked softly.

He meant to just ask a simple question, yet it came out as a disgusted shout. "Is this what you _want_?"

Natsu's mouth dropped at the anger, but then he looked aside. He knew Gray might be mad. After all these months, after working many missions as a team, he could tell Gray was still not over it. Neither was he. They were both hurting, both craving, but Natsu knew he and Gray being together was poisonous. Even his therapist warned him to stay away from Gray. A relationship like what they had was the worst thing in the world for him at this time.

"I'm not sure, actually."

"Are you seeking my approval?" Gray asked, and his eyes narrowed. "Or are you looking for me to intervene?"

Natsu gasped. "What—?"

Gray pounced and tackled Natsu down to the grass, pinning him to the ground. He gazed down as Natsu began to flush and breathe faster.

"You don't look willing," Gray said softly. "You look like that's something you _don't_ want. If I could smell you, I'd bet money that you smell scared."

Natsu whimpered, and his body already began to react to Gray being on top of him. Gray did not need the nose of a Dragon Slayer to tell he was getting aroused.

"Do you love him?" Gray demanded to know. "You must feel something for Sting, right? You wouldn't agree otherwise."

Natsu flinched, but he looked up straight into Gray's eyes. "Do you always feel something with people you hook up with?"

Gray knew he didn't. Emotions had little to do with a quick fuck in a hotel or burying himself balls-deep into some willing man or woman. Knowing his own past made him feel determined not to have Natsu suffer the same way.

"Is this what you want him to do to you?" Gray asked in a soft, husky voice, and his body dragged up, rubbing hard against Natsu's arousal, making him whine with need. Gray's hand slipped down between their bodies. "Do you want him to do … _this_?" He grasped Natsu's arousal and chilled his hand.

Natsu shuddered. This cold and thrilling touch … he missed it. So much! He looked up with longing desire and sighed, "Gray."

Shit, he loved when Natsu said his name like that! It had been so long. Too long!

"Is that what you want?" Gray pressed on. He let go and slid his hand up under Natsu's shirt. "Do you want him to touch you?" He twirled a finger around the nipple, getting another soft moan. Gray leaned over and licked where his torso was bare from the shirt riding up. "Do you want him to see your exposed body?"

Natsu made a soft gasp of surprise and then looked away quickly.

"He has, hasn't he!" he accused, both amused and infuriated. "Has he seen all of you?"

Natsu turned his head harder away, and his brow furrowed.

So, they even got naked! "Has he touched you … here?"

His hand reached down and grabbed Natsu's arousal again, giving it a few firm strokes. Gray truly thought Natsu would protest. Instead, his face went into a shade of maroon Gray had never seen before, and his body surged up into it.

Gray slid down, and he eased out Natsu's arousal from the front flap of his pants. Gray had to smile at seeing it again, like an old friend.

"Has he kiss you … here?" He leaned over and eased Natsu's cock into his mouth.

Natsu cried out in pleasure and arched up strongly. Those cold hands, that wintry mouth, and the texture of his tongue all felt familiar … felt _right!_

"Gray!" he groaned, and his hand flopped onto the raven head, clutching his hair, and encouraging him to do more.

Gray bobbed on him, savoring the taste and feel of that thick cock filling his mouth, stretching his lips, and hitting the back of his throat. He sucked back up, letting it pop out of his mouth, and glared up at Natsu.

"Has he tasted you?"

Once again, Natsu looked pierced with guilt. Gray kept licking as he waited for an answer which would never be spoken aloud.

"He has, hasn't he?" he muttered, lapping around the flared head and gazing at Natsu's flushed face. "He's done _this_ to you."

Gray closed his eyes, shutting out what it must have looked like, Sting sucking on Natsu. Had he sucked back? Gray thought about asking, but a clear drip of pre-cum tumbled over his stroking hand. He smiled to see Natsu reacting so perfectly.

"Do you want me to do it to you?" he asked, languidly letting the cock slide into his mouth and back out. "Or should I stop?"

Natsu shook his head and looked Gray straight in the eyes. "I want you," he whispered.

Gray smirked. "Good!" His mouth dived down, and Natsu cried out in pleasure.

For a few minutes, it was like nothing had changed. Those months apart melted, half a year was nothing at all, and he was back with the man he wanted forever. They were in the open, too. For Gray, that added spice to the reunion.

He kept glancing up at Natsu, watching his reactions, listening to his desperate attempts to keep quiet as he realized they were in public, in the middle of a courtyard, absolutely anyone could walk by. Erza, Lucy, and Happy were not that far away. Natsu slapped a hand over his mouth as the pleasure spiked through him. Seeing him filled with desire, filled with need, so desperate he would agree to do this in the open, made Gray aroused in a way he had not felt in half a year.

"Gray!" he finally huffed in desperation.

A hand bolted forward, grasped both of Natsu's wrists, slammed them to the ground, and froze them solid. Secured, one hand went over Natsu's body, sliding up under his shirt again, feeling his skin getting hotter and hotter. His other hand went down and unzipped his own jeans. Gray pulled his cock out and pumped it with desperation as Natsu's reaction made him melt, boil, and burn with need.

"Shit … so good," growled Natsu.

Gray pulled off and slid his body up while stroking both of them together. His cock loved the feel of Natsu's drenched dick, and he slid over it, frotting together. He kissed Natsu hard, letting his tongue swirl the bitter flavor of pre-cum around.

"Taste it," he sneered. "Taste what I do to you!"

Natsu tasted it. He tasted Gray's flavor, that minty taste although it was mixed with cigarettes and … and him! His taste! Tasting just how aroused he was made Natsu tremble. He felt a tightening sensation down below and a feeling, that rushing sensation. He could not stop it now. He couldn't take anymore!

"Gray! I'm … gonna…"

Gray slid back down and bobbed his head on Natsu hard and fast, pounding him to the back of his throat with each plunge. His fist pumped hard, bringing himself closer and closer as well. His free hand had to hold down Natsu's hips as his whole body arched and Natsu struggled to mute his cries of ecstasy.

Fluid filled Gray's mouth, and he closed his eyes to savor it. This was what he wanted, this feeling of heat in his heart that only a dragon could spark amidst all the bitter ice. With his fist making swift, short jerks and his free hand digging bruises into Natsu's hip, Gray finally came, aiming for a patch of grass between Natsu's spread legs and covering the green blades with milky fluid. For the first time in months, it was a fully satisfying sensation. It was a level of pleasure only being with Natsu produced.

Gray gulped and sucked everything clean. He licked and adored the cock as it twitched while softening. He kept kissing it, even when Natsu grunted from the sensitivity. He wanted to kiss it all night, nuzzle it, and suck it again in the morning.

Gray pulled back and gazed down at Natsu's pink cheeks. It was everything he remembered, especially this feeling, this sleepy happiness of being with his beloved.

However, as he saw Natsu reclining there, disheveled and flushed, the haze of pleasure parted, and he realized … he just had sex with Natsu!

"Oh God, I'm so sorry!" he cried out. He dispelled the ice restraints, tucked himself away, and sat back on his heels, covering his mouth as the taste lingered. "I'm sorry."

Natsu pushed himself up. "N-no! It's okay." He also tucked his spent cock back away and zipped his pants. "I … needed that. Really."

"Yeah, but … it's always about sex! Nothing has changed," he yelled, cringing back with self-hatred.

Natsu scooted over, carefully avoiding the splattered cum on the grass. He held Gray's arm and leaned in to look at his anguished face. "I don't think _that_ was just about sex. I think it was about jealousy and claiming."

"Just as bad!"

"No," Natsu said in understanding. "It shows me how you feel." He leaned over and rested his head on Gray's shoulder. "I'd feel the same way if you were getting blow jobs from someone else." He suddenly looked up at Gray. "Are you?"

He pouted and glared out at the night. "Twice. It … didn't work."

Natsu arched an eyebrow. "Didn't work?"

He cringed slightly to discuss it. "They…"

They tried. That random girl had attempted to give him one and failed. He did not want to think about the New Year's prostitute. She tried everything. Plain sex was satisfying enough, but her attempt to give him a blow job failed to arouse him at all.

"It _didn't work_ ," he tried to emphasize.

He looked up at Natsu with a feeling of guilt. For six months, sex had been miserable. Jerking off was just a physical necessity. Attempting to take a partner made him feel dirty, plus he feared catching another disease. Since New Year's he only had that masochist, and even that had ended a few weeks ago when the man began dating. It had just been pure BDSM, no sex. Gray no longer wanted sex, not with someone random. He had been spoiled, and nothing compared. He reached forward and brushed his fingers over Natsu's lips.

"Her mouth wasn't yours," he said, savoring the hot breath on his fingertips. He caressed Natsu's cheek, then leaned forward and rested their foreheads together. His fingers slid up and grasped into Natsu's hair. With a bitter smile, he confessed, "You spoiled me, bastard."

Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray, hugged him, and nuzzled against his shoulder. "Same here." He reached down and laid his hand on top of Gray's, threading their fingers together, alternating hot and cold. "Your hands are … pretty damn awesome."

Gray rested his cheek on top of Natsu's head and embraced him. He stroked through the pink hair, just sitting there, like they used to do. It was quiet, comforting.

_'What are we doing?'_

This whole open relationship idea was just torturing them both. Gray hated it, and Natsu seemed like he was reluctant to move on. He wanted to try out relationships on his own, and being tethered together was holding him back. Gray knew what needed to happen.

"About you and Sting. Go ahead."

Natsu jolted out of the peaceful moment and looked up in shock. "What?"

"Go ahead," Gray said softly, trying to reign in control over his emotions. "Do with him whatever you want."

Natsu stared, confused by this. He suddenly shoved Gray away from him. "Stupid ice bastard! You do all that to me, and then you say some shitty thing like that? What the fuck!" he screamed, forgetting they were in the courtyard of a hotel.

"It's just wishful thinking, right?" Gray said softly. "Hoping you want me to stop you, hoping you might want me back—"

"Of course I want you back," Natsu said in anguish. He slammed his eyes shut in sadness. "I want you, Gray. I just … I still feel … like I need to know what I need, just me, no one forcing me into situations. Except … I … I feel like I'm cheating on you."

Gray turned his face aside. It was just as he feared. "Then maybe we need to end this _open relationship_."

"No!" Natsu roared. "Fuck that!" He turned aside to privately fight back tears. "Even if we were completely split up, I'd still feel like I was cheating because … because I still love you," he said, losing the battle with the tears.

Gray's eyes softened, he lightly touched Natsu's wet cheek, feeling the soft warmth. "Same here. I…"

He opened his mouth, ready to say the three words, but his throat clenched. He screamed at himself internally. Maybe if he could just _say it_ , Natsu would take him back. He could _prove_ himself, show that he really had gotten better.

Still, the words did not come out. He closed his eyes and lamented his own weakness.

"Same here," he repeated softer.

Natsu saw the anguish and realized what he must be trying to say. Even if he could not say it, Natsu saw in Gray's face, this was not as bad as it used to be. Gray used to freak out whenever he came this close to saying it. Now, he just looked frustrated. The concept of _love_ was not as scary anymore. Gray really had made progress. The only thing holding him back was that horrible superstition that if he said it directly, Natsu would die.

"Natsu, what do you want of me?" he asked, pained to be in this limbo.

The squinty eyes wavered under that blue gaze. "I … I want to do thing with others, try it out, figure out on my own what I want, but … but I kinda … want you there, too." He cringed down timidly with an awkward smile and meek laugh.

Gray stared, confused, and then his face paled as he realized what Natsu meant. "Holy shit. Wait, you want a _threesome_?" he cried out, and his voice cracked slightly.

Natsu blushed heavily and twisted his hands together. "You said once you'd be okay with it if it was someone we knew, and we know Sting. He's cool, really."

"He wants to do this?" Gray asked in astonishment. He had figured another Dragon Slayer would want to horde his mate, not share him.

Natsu froze and slowly drew back. "Um … well, I haven't … really asked him."

"Idiot! Ask your boyfriend first before asking … some … _other_ boyfriend. Or whatever we are. You gotta make sure it's okay with him."

Natsu looked up solidly. "No, I have to make sure it's okay with _you_ first, because you're always gonna be first."

Gray blushed a little at that blurted confession. He turned aside and stared out at the night, debating if he wanted another cigarette. "Ask him. If he's okay with it … I'm not against it." He tried to say it as coolly and calmly as possible.

"Really?" Natsu asked in a sigh.

Gray heard the relief in his voice. "It's what you need, right?" he reasoned. He lightly touched Natsu's hand. "I told you before, I want to help you through this in any way I can. Even that."

Natsu's eyebrow lifted. "You'd have sex with someone you don't want?"

"I'd have sex with you and a third person who _you_ want. Besides, Sting's not a bad looking guy." He ruffed up Natsu's hair. "You could have done a _lot_ worse with picking boyfriends on your own."

Natsu grinned at the compliment. Then he grabbed Gray's arm again and leaned against him. "Can we stay like this?"

Gray sighed and wrapped his arm around Natsu, pulling him in even closer. "For a while," he whispered, and kissed the top of the pink head.

* * *

A week later, Natsu told Gray the result of asking Sting about a threesome.

That result was that they broke up.

Sting had not liked the idea at all and began to rage in disgust at the thought of an interloper getting between them, especially Natsu's old boyfriend. He tried to urge Natsu into having sex with just him, at least for the first time. Natsu quickly felt uncomfortable with the relationship, and Sting realized Natsu's feelings were ambivalent at best. He accused Natsu of being in love with Gray still, which Natsu could not refute. They both called it off.

No one in Sabertooth, and no one in Fairy Tail except Gray, even knew the two had been together.

Gray wanted to feel sorry for him. Sting could have been a good way for Natsu to gain experience, plus the threesome was a way they could have had more intimacy together. Still, he was rather glad Natsu was single again, as selfish as that was. He thought maybe now Natsu would want to get back together, enjoy another romp like that night in the hotel courtyard, but Natsu gave no hint about wanting that. Instead, he looked truly devastated about losing Sting.

Weeks past. Natsu often looked lost in thought while sitting around the guild, and Gray wondered each time if maybe Natsu was thinking about that horrible, nightmarish past. At least Natsu told him that he was seeing the psychiatrist from his youth, and it was "helping." Gray wondered if that was true or if Natsu just did not want Gray to worry.

Finally, Gray had enough. If Natsu was going to let things go stagnant for this long, maybe he needed a nudge in the right direction. He left the guild hall and headed to Lucy's house.

* * *

A few hours later, Gray came up to Natsu. "Can we talk in private?"

Natsu looked hesitant. He knew their little coition left Gray sexually frustrated. He was about to say no and leave to avoid a conflict.

"It's serious," Gray blurted out.

Natsu jolted, but he nodded. He followed without a word, even when he realized Gray was heading to his own apartment. Warily, he walked in, only to jolt when he saw Loke waiting for them.

"What?" he asked, looking between Gray and the ginger-haired Celestial Lion.

"You wanted someone with experience," Gray stated. "I honestly don't know of anyone in the whole of Earthland who can beat Loke in that department."

The Lion gave him a wry smile. "You're too kind."

"He can help you, and I already asked him. He said he's cool with whatever you want. Romance, no sex, or if you do want sex, even a threesome, anything you want. Plus, at least it's someone I trust. I know he won't hurt you."

Natsu glanced at the ease the two men had around one another. "Have you two…?"

"A long time ago," Gray assured him. "An experiment when I was just beginning to discover the sadistic tendencies I have. I was honestly too scared to treat a woman that way. I brought up the issue with Loke while we were on a mission together, and he offered to _teach_ me."

"We didn't actually have sex," Loke assured the Dragon Slayer. "I only taught Gray proper techniques in things like flogging, spanking, and how to tie someone up so it doesn't hurt too much. He has quite a natural talent at bondage."

Gray slid a sly glance over. "And he introduced me to a bunch of kinks I hadn't known before, like ice play and watersports."

Loke's eyes narrowed. "That was a total accident."

Gray would have loved to banter about their past, but Natsu looked ready to bolt. Gray caressed the hot, muscular arm like petting a dog about to see the veterinarian. "Natsu, it's only an offer. Don't feel you have to do anything. It isn't necessarily what I want, but it's my way of compromising. Still, this is only if you want to try it. I asked Loke because I trust him with our secret. He kept my secret for years; I know he'll keep yours."

"You told him!" Natsu cried out in horror.

"Only that you have a need to be tied up. Not anything else."

Natsu looked over to Loke in a panic, and the Lion merely shrugged, showing he did not know and did not care to pry.

"You wanted to try a threesome. What I'm offering now is slightly different to that."

"Different?"

"I won't interfere. I'll only watch. I want to see how you look," Gray said quietly, blushing slightly. "After you told me about Sting, I just can't get it out of my head. Part of me is jealous as hell, and part of me…" His hand slid sensually over Natsu's arm. "I'm a little curious." He stroked up, caressing a spot just behind Natsu's ear that he knew he loved, and then combing up into his hair. "How do you look," he wondered sadistically, "being in the arms of another person?"

Natsu looked down bashfully. Gray _…_ wanted to _watch_. Natsu would be put on display, his reactions and expressions observed closely by Gray. That idea made his heart race.

Loke patted Natsu's shoulder. "Really, if you're uncomfortable with this, we won't do it. This is Gray's request purely for your sake. You're a gift to him, and he's willing to let me play with his treasure so you can have a little more self-confidence, a little more experience, so you know how different it can be with someone other than just Gray. By experiencing that variety, you'll come to love the things Gray does even more. However, if you're not comfortable with this, we'll stop and there will be no hard feelings. The ball is totally in your court, Natsu. I won't be hurt no matter what you pick. You're in charge in this relationship. Gray knows he doesn't order you around."

"Yes he does," Natsu insisted.

"If he truly is, then he's forgotten all I taught him," Loke muttered. "As the Dominant, Gray's job is to keep the situation under control and to cater to your needs. He makes you do only what you already want to do. It's like mind-reading, and if he realizes you're uncomfortable, he changes right away."

"I'm not a Submissive," Natsu snapped angrily. "I won't be submissive to anyone!"

Loke shook his head placidly. "You have a totally wrong connotation on what it is to be the Submissive in a relationship. It doesn't mean you give up your power. Yes, it's a power struggle, but although he acts like a Dominant, _you_ are the one who has all the power. The Submissive has the most control, because you're the one who he has to take care of."

Natsu looked over to Gray. "Is that how it works?"

"I tried to explain it once. But Loke," he said to the Lion Spirit, "we both decided not to go by titles and duties. No Dominant, no Submissive." He looked over to Natsu. "Right?"

"Right," he muttered, although now he wondered if Loke had a point.

"See, he caters to your needs," Loke pointed out. "Gray would do anything for you, Natsu. You are very precious to him," he smiled plaintively. "I'm happy he found someone who can support him, and I'm honored to help him support you."

Natsu looked aside with a warm feeling of happiness.

"If you want," Loke said mischievously, looking over to Gray, "we could make this a partner swap."

Natsu tilted his head in confusion. "A what?"

Gray looked over in surprise. "She'd go for that?"

Loke looked smug. "We've talked about trying something like it. Lucy so far hasn't wanted to. She's definitely a jealous one. However, I think she would feel much more at ease if it was a homosexual couple we're swinging with."

Natsu's eyes went huge. "Lucy!"

"It'd be helping me out with her if you agree, but I understand if you don't want that. It's a lot more to ask of you, Natsu," Loke said, focusing on the Dragon Slayer again. "It means giving Gray up for a night. First: Gray, would you want to do that?"

Gray was now the one who felt on the spot. Lucy was really cute, and sure, he had been interested in her in the past. Still _…_

"I'm willing only if Natsu is okay with it."

Loke turned his smile over to Natsu. "So see? The power belongs to _you_ in this relationship, Natsu. If you say no, Gray will sit and observe you. If you say yes, you can also observe him with another partner. And if you want, we can switch again, and you can have a little romp with Lucy. You were interested in her once, right?"

"That _…_ would be weird though, right?" Natsu muttered.

"It could change the dynamics of your team," Loke admitted, "but I believe it'd make everyone's relationship stronger. No more secrets. You'd be seeing one another at your most intimate time."

"But _…_ " Natsu's voice dropped to a whisper. "What would Lucy think if she knew I liked _…_ that? Being tied up? I mean, that's not how I am normally, right? I normally hate being restrained by rules or conduct or anything."

"Honestly, she'd love it," Loke admitted with a sly smile and a lick to his lips.

That made both Gray and Natsu arch an eyebrow.

"It's just my experience talking," Loke said hesitantly, "but usually, the person with the most responsibility and _need_ for control in their normal life is the one who likes to surrender control in their private life. That's not always the case, of course, but it's a common theme that I've personally observed. It's the CEO, the manager, the politician, the person with lots of power, who must balance their life by giving up that control, have someone else order them around for a change, and lose their power even over their own body. So for you to like being tied up, it's not all that strange, and it's not something you should feel ashamed about. Gray told me a little about it. Not anything in detail, but just that your need to be tied up stems from some moment where you lashed out violently. That sounds like something you would do," Loke chuckled, "and it could definitely make anyone feel like they need to be held back. If anything, it shows you have a strong sense of responsibility toward your lover. You would never hurt a friend, and that strong feeling manifests itself in the need to be restrained. So see," Loke smiled warmly, his eyes squinting behind his blue shades, "it's not something to feel ashamed about, because it shows what a good person you are."

Natsu's mouth was left dropped open. He had never thought about his problem from this point of view. Just by hearing Loke say all of that, Natsu was already realizing the help he could get simply by talking about sex with someone who had as much experience as Loke. He could ask about things he felt too uncomfortable asking Gray, and perhaps he could finally understand himself.

"I'll _…_ have to think about this," Natsu muttered.

"How about just dating me?" asked Loke.

Natsu jolted. "What!"

"Go out with me," he smirked. "I'll take you out to dinner, and we can talk. I bet there's a lot you'd like to talk about."

There really was. Already, he was thinking about questions. However, he looked up to Gray first.

"You have my permission," Gray said, and he looked at ease with the idea.

Natsu gulped, and he nodded timidly. "Y-yeah, okay, but _… the rest …_ I'm not completely opposed to the idea, I just need to think if I really want it."

"Take your time," Loke said with complete understanding. "I don't want this to be something you do and then regret. That would make things awkward all around. I'd rather you say no than feel like you have to say yes only to end up hating either Gray or myself. So think about it seriously. Gray," he said sternly, "don't pressure him. You have a tendency to manipulate people into acting how you personally want. Not this time!"

"Understood," Gray said solemnly.

Loke patted Natsu on the head. "Think of this as a mission sign. You can take the mission, or you can pass it up. You're not forced to take it just because the sign is there. Still _…_ " Loke took Natsu's chin into his fingers and lifted it. "I can at least romance you a little." Then he leaned over and gave the Dragon Slayer a gentle kiss.

Natsu's eyes went wide. He stared over to Gray in a moment of panic. Gray gulped down hard, his chest burning as he saw his lover being kissed by another, but he gave Natsu a nod, allowing this. Natsu closed his eyes, and he felt the soft firmness of Loke's kisses. It was a warmer mouth, a different smell, and _…_ just so different! But not bad. Loke was definitely a highly skilled kisser.

Loke pulled away, and his eyes gleamed down at Natsu. "I hope you at least turn to me for advice, if nothing else. I'm still a member of Fairy Tail, so you know you can trust me with your secrets, even if they're secrets you want kept from Gray. I'll pick you up Friday evening, six o'clock. Dress a little nice." Loke kissed him on the cheek, then faded away into cascading golden sparkles.

Gray and Natsu watched one another silently, both wrapped up with their own private thoughts, doubts, and fears about how a step like this might change them.

"I hope you don't hate me for telling Loke," Gray finally said.

"No, I … I trust him. So long as it's him, it's okay. To be honest, I had thought about asking Lucy to call him out, just to talk with him, but I had no clue how to ask her without making it seem suspicious."

Gray nodded slowly. He was merely lucky that his friendship with Loke, dating back way before Lucy joined Fairy Tail, gave him a good excuse to ask her to use her Gold Key to call him out from time to time. "What do you think about his offer? About swapping partners. It's _…_ not something I was expecting, to be honest. Bringing Lucy into this _…_ " Gray frowned a little. "I can't go all out with her. Definitely not. I have to really hold myself back around women. It might also be uncomfortable for you. That's what worries me the most."

"Like I said, it's something I have to think about," Natsu muttered.

Gray nodded. He also had to think about the offer of swapping partners. He had hoped that if he was there to just watch, Natsu would keep thinking about him. If he was alone with Loke … hell, Gray knew first-hand that Loke was highly talented. Although he and the Lion never actually had sex, they had done a lot of kinky experimentation without resorting to crude rutting. He trusted Loke, but a tiny part of him feared what might happen if Natsu decided he was happier with Loke.

Natsu turned and began to walk away. "I'm going on a solo mission. I need time to think about this. I'll be back on Friday."

"O-okay. Uh _…_ see ya around."

As he watched Natsu's back and the fluttering white scarf, Gray wondered if he had once again fucked up, or if this was the key to helping Natsu regain his confidence and give him experience. Three partners at once! Not even Gray had tried something like this.

And he was eager to do it!

"Damn," he whispered to himself. Loke really threw a curve-ball at him with his offer, but the more Gray thought about it, the more he wanted it. He wanted to see Natsu being pleasured by someone else, observe him as a third person, and ogle that body. He wanted to see Loke in action, such an expert whom Gray had only a small taste of his skills. He wanted to fuck someone else while watching Natsu getting fucked. Just thinking about it was making him aroused. He looked down—when the hell had he lost his pants?—and saw the bulge in his boxers.

"Ooooh damn," he whispered to himself.

If they did this…

If Natsu agreed…

This was going to be the hottest, naughtiest experience of Gray's life.


	53. Polyiterophilia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **FOR READERS APPALLED BY NON-MONOGAMY**
> 
> I received many messages complaining about how the last chapter ended, what it entailed, and the idea of Natsu being "disloyal." For one, if someone permits you to flirt with someone else, that's not cheating. Consensually non-monogamous relationships are way common than people think. It's not for everyone, it has to be agreed upon all around, but couples with strong bonds of love do this for any number of reasons.
> 
> Still, many readers wrote scathing messages, and some declared they were quitting the story. (In the future, don’t tell an author "I don't like where this is going so I'm quitting your story." Just quit. Silently. Maturely. I'm not going to change my story because a minority don't like it. The only thing those people accomplished was to make me feel like shit and slowed down my writing. So if you're going to quit a story, just be mature and stop reading. Don't stab the author in the chest before you go.)
> 
> Anyway … because there were SO MANY complaints, I've decided to do something special. Natsu will be talking with his therapist at the beginning and at the end of this chapter. If you're one of the people who are utterly disgusted by the idea of LoLu giving Gratsu a little help in the bedroom, read those italicized parts. You'll get the gist of it, so you'll understand how what happens in this chapter helped Natsu to heal.
> 
> (Also, please don't tell me "I skipped most of this." That's another good way to make an author feel like shit. When I get 10 reviews and six of them are "I skipped that one section," I start to wonder why the hell I bother writing anymore.)
> 
> Hopefully everyone can continue with this story as usual … and hopefully those people will be a bit more open-minded to alternative relationships in the future. That's what this whole fanfic is about, right? Teaching tolerance rather than animosity toward acts that prudish members of society frown upon. You should not disrespect a person just because they don't follow the socially normative convention of monogamy.
> 
> * * *
> 
> **WARNING** : At over 20,000 words long, this chapter technically qualifies as a novella in and of itself. Give yourself time to read it through to the end. (In other words, don't start reading this at 2AM on a school night.)
> 
>  **Audio drama** : [**_http://chirb.it/9a26Cr_**](http://chirb.it/9a26Cr)
> 
> ** DEFINITIONS **
> 
> **Swinging versus polyamory** – This confuses a lot of people. The big difference is if someone is looking for sex, or love. Swinging is often monogamously-based, with a couple maintaining their core relationship while allowing for non-fidelity. Polyamory is when a person has multiple relationships that each have deep emotions: AKA, love! A swinger is looking for sex, and often the only emotion, if any, is friendship and trust. A polyamorous person is looking for multiple meaningful relationships which don't necessarily have to involve sex. A person identifies as being polyamorous, while swinging is a lifestyle. In both swinging and polyamory, consent must be obtained from all parties involved. If there is no consent, it's just cheating and adultery.
> 
>  **Polyiterophilia** – getting aroused by having the same sexual act performed by multiple partners.

**In a Therapist's Office**

_"So, tell me about this weekend, Natsu. Were there any problems: flashbacks, violent desires, emotional instability?"_

_"No! Well … I mean, it wasn't violent, but it was … um … intense? Maybe?"_

_"Intense? Because you were having sex with Loke?"_

_"N-no … we didn't … well, we did stuff, but … um … See, we switched partners, but then we switched back."_

_"You couldn't stay with someone else? Were you drawn back to Gray out of obsession?"_

_"No. They wanted us back together. The whole night was all that: slowly guiding me and Gray back to each other. And I worked through some things. It … it was good. I was good. I was okay … mostly."_

_"Natsu, I warned you about intimacy. I understand that you're a young man, and you have raging hormones, but your mental state is—"_

_"I'm mentally screwed without Gray! I tried. I tried to date, and it didn't work."_

_"Natsu, you had two partners. One ended after she touched you in a wrong way. The other ended because you planned a threesome behind his back. These are obvious signs that you're not ready."_

_"I … need him. I need Gray."_

_"This dependency is part of the problem. I agreed with your wish to seek out other partners because I thought it would build confidence."_

_"I'm not dependent on that ice bastard! I just … want him."_

_"We've talked about obsession."_

_"I know, but that's not it. Life doesn't feel right without him. I love him! That's why I did this. I want to get better … for him! So I can be with him."_

_"I'll leave the matter alone for now. You mentioned you worked through things. Do you think you're better now?"_

_"I think … I'm gonna get better. I'm not totally okay yet."_

_"So, tell me about this … orgy."_

_"It wasn't an orgy. It was a partner swap."_

_"I did not take you as the polyamorous type."_

_"Just swinging. I thought I'd give it a try."_

_"And you enjoyed it?"_

_"I … sorta … it helped."_

_"Helped how?"_

_"Lucy. What she did. What she made all of us do. She … helped. Immensely. It was like she could see all the problems I've been having, all the darkness in my head, and she just … vanquished it! She was amazing, she … dammit … she's exactly what I needed. All along. She knew exactly what to do."_

_"Are you … enamored with her?"_

_"No! I mean, she's a friend, but … no. I only love one person, and that's Gray. She did it purely to help me. All of them—Gray and Lucy and Loke—they were doing all of that just for me. Do you have any idea how that feels? Three friends facing humiliation and pain, all to help you!"_

_"How does it feel?"_

_"Incredible. Liberating. Supportive. Like, I know I'm still walking a tightrope, but now there's a safety net under me. I know if I'm messed up in the head, it's not just me and Gray alone dealing with this. I feel … safer."_

_"Do you mind discussing the details?"_

_"Well, not all of them!"_

_"Tell me only as much as you want. This isn't a kiss-and-tell. I just want to know for my own concerns that you're not engaging in something dangerous."_

_"It wasn't dangerous. It was … helpful. And caring. And … tender. Oddly enough, it was tender."_

* * *

**A Few Weeks Earlier, Magnolia**

Natsu felt odd standing around the streets of Magnolia. He wore a suit he rarely pulled out, usually only for missions, never for a date. He fretted that someone from the guild would pass by and see him. He thought he saw Romeo running down the avenue, but he was across the street and did not notice Natsu. Maybe he did not recognize him without his scarf around his neck, wearing a tie instead. Natsu kept reaching up and tugging on the tie.

"You look dashing."

He jolted and looked around to see Loke standing there, so abruptly that he guessed the Celestial Spirit had opened his gate.

"How are you doing, Natsu?"

He tugged nervously on his tie again. "I'm … fi- … fine."

Loke gave him a soothing smile. "Don't worry so much. We're just going to eat and talk. You don't even have to think of it as a date. You just had to dress up because that's the restaurant's rules."

Natsu looked around him. It was a famous restaurant in Magnolia, serving rare delicacies from around Fiore. "I've never been to a place like this."

"It's a good chance to try new food, and I know you like to eat."

Natsu petulantly grumbled, "I have to use the right fork and stuff, don't I?"

"That part's easy. Start on the outside and work in. Besides, you're not eating in front of royalty. Well, besides that I am the King of Beasts," the Lion said with a playful wink.

Natsu laughed at the joke and relaxed a little.

Loke reached into his coat pocket. "I got you something."

Natsu gawked. Was he supposed to bring a gift? This was Loke's treat, after all. The ginger pulled forth a small box, and Natsu eyed it suspiciously. When he opened it, he saw a jade earring.

"Your ears are pierced, right?" asked Loke.

"Yeah, back when we were kids, Mira pierced all of our ears, although I think she just wanted to hurt everyone."

"Well, the green matches your eyes. Go ahead, put it on."

Natsu felt weird, getting jewelry from a man. He also saw that Loke was wearing the same jade earring in his ear. Matching earrings! He blushed as he took out the earring, slid it into his earlobe, and pushed the backing on firmly.

"It suits you," Loke smiled. "Now, how about we eat? They have great meat here."

"Meat?" Natsu perked up as he followed Loke into the restaurant.

* * *

Down a ways, wearing a trench coat with the collar turned up, Gray watched the two enter the restaurant. Loke claimed this would not necessarily be a date, but he came with jewelry, of all things. Gray had never given Natsu something like that.

Maybe he should give Natsu something to wear. A bracelet? A necklace? A … ring?

Gray shook his head at the thought. It was way too soon for that. They were trying to find a way for Natsu to get over his problems so they could be together again. Still, if this worked … if Natsu regained confidence so he could be intimate with Gray without the fear of freaking out again … maybe, just maybe…

"You're picking up habits from Juvia."

Gray jolted and looked around to see a blonde standing there with a hand on her hip.

"Lucy! I'm surprised you'd come to watch this. Honestly," Gray grumbled, "I'm surprised you're allowing it at all."

"He's under some tight rules," she told him. "No touching below the belt, no intimate kisses. He's allowed to talk in any way he wants, though. I mean," she chuckled, "it's Loke. You might put a collar on him, but you can't tame a Lion. I had to accept that if I wanted to date him. To be honest, so long as he's following our rules, I don't mind."

Gray glared at her in disbelief. "You don't mind that he flirts?"

Lucy gazed up to him with a raised eyebrow. "It's … Loke."

"Ah," Gray muttered. "I guess that's true." He had a reputation, after all.

Lucy wrapped her hands around his arm and leaned in closer. "How about you? You don't seem that happy about it."

"It was my suggestion, but … to be honest, I'm worried that Natsu might fall in love with him."

Lucy giggled and rested against his shoulder. "Do you know the difference between polyamory and swinging?"

"Something about identity versus lifestyle."

"It's also about deep love versus the sensual thrill. Loke is polyamorous, but he's willing to go monogamous for me … to a point. I've allowed him to date and flirt without intimacy, but I warned him that I own his heart exclusively. We had to make some concessions when we first hooked up. I had to accept that he would never stop flirting, and he had to accept that I have a jealous side that wants him to love no one but me. He's an expert in seduction. Trust me, he won't allow Natsu to fall in love." She tugged on his arm now. "We can't see inside the restaurant. How about we go out as well?"

Gray jolted, and only then did he realize that Lucy was wrapped around him. They were standing there like lovers.

"Just food and talk," she promised. "The same rules apply to me, you know. Flirting, but no kissing or intimate touching."

"I … I don't know…" Gray looked back to the restaurant.

"There's a café across the street. We can watch for when they leave, if you want to keep tabs on them. Standing out here, you'll attract attention. People might realize you're stalking someone."

"I'm not…" Shit, he was stalking! "Fine," he growled.

Lucy grinned happily and led him into a bakery café.

* * *

Inside the restaurant, Natsu felt overwhelmed by his surroundings, but having Loke there calmed him. Loke explained what the food on the menu was in plain words: bulgogi was grilled beef, torikatsu was simply deep-fried chicken, pudina chutney was a mint sauce, arrabbiata was a spicy tomato sauce. Loke made it easy for Natsu to order something. They had wine, and the Dragon Slayer relaxed. With Loke around, he felt like he could talk about anything. Somehow, they easily slipped into conversations he never told other people.

"Nightmares, huh?" Loke asked, sipping his wineglass.

"More like memories. Bad ones. Real bad," he muttered.

"You don't have to tell me. Not tonight. It may ruin the taste of the food. You can open up to me, though," he said soothingly. "I've seen a lot, Natsu. I'm the veteran of many wars. I've participated in massacres at the order of my masters. I know how having blood on your hands can leave deep scars on you."

Natsu jolted in shock. Blood? How…? "How did you know that's the problem?"

"It's all over your face," Loke said sadly. "It takes a man who has ended a life to recognize that darkness in the eyes of another. I can hardly believe it from someone like you, but I know there must have been a reason for it." He reached over and lightly touched the top of Natsu's wrist. "You can open up to me, tell me anything. Trust me, whatever you did that was bad enough to mess you up to this level, I've seen worse. I've probably done worse. There's no way you've killed more people than I have over the centuries."

Natsu shook his head, unable to look him in the eye. "You've never done this, I guarantee it."

"Do you want to talk about it? There are private rooms here for people making business deals or nobility discussing matters of state … or two people who need to talk without anyone overhearing. We can sit there after the meal."

"I … m-maybe."

"Don't let it eat at you. Relax for now. Enjoy the soup. It's quite good."

* * *

"I don't get it," Lucy said over cheesecake and hot cocoa. "He can't get intimate with you without nightmares, but he's trying to date others? How is that even going to work?"

Gray poked his dessert in a way that would have had Erza raging about _cake desecration._ "Natsu had never been with anyone before me."

"He had a girlfriend."

Gray shook his head. "He lied to protect me."

"Protect you?"

Gray stabbed his cake. "Someone saw bruises on his wrists. I … don't like admitting I'm into that."

Her face flinched as she nodded. "I totally understand," she muttered. "So you're Natsu's first partner. What does that have to do with it?"

"Every trigger stemmed from what we were doing for all those months, to the point where just being with me became a trigger in and of itself. Anything I did at all … I could see it in his eyes. He was trying to be brave but … it was becoming too much for him to handle."

"So, by dating more, he'd shift that trigger back onto the action and not onto you as a person?"

"I fucking don't know!" Gray growled under his breath, taking his aggression out on the cake. "I just know he keeps saying he needs it, needs more experience, more partners. He needs it, deep down inside. I don't think he even knows why he needs it. His subconscious knows, but he's such an idiot, he doesn't know why having multiple partners would help. He's fighting instinct, since wanting something like that doesn't make sense to someone as possessive as him."

"I can see him being that dense," Lucy giggled while sipping cocoa.

"Maybe you're right, maybe it's so he'll put the focus of these triggers back on the initial cause and not onto me. It makes sense. Still, he doesn't like the idea of doing things without me. He hates the idea of doing this since he knows it's not what I want. I think that's why he's hesitating." Gray laughed bitterly and finally ate a piece of cake. "He was the one who said he'd only want to go that far if I was involved. Idiot."

"So this was his idea," Lucy realized, nodding to herself. At least that meant Natsu really was okay with what they had planned. "I'm surprised you're going along with it, if you're as exclusive as you claim."

Gray dropped his fork with a clatter as his hands shook with pent up emotions. "I have to. It's for him. He's hurting. Being apart like this is killing him inside. I can see it."

Lucy reached across the table and rested her fingers over a trembling fist. "I can see it in you, too. You want him back, but you want to protect him."

Gray's eyes drifted off in sadness. "He was _crying_ when he was breaking up with me. That's why I thought we could try an open relationship. I thought it'd give him a chance to come back to me at any time, but … he hasn't. Only twice, and once he had to push me away. He's so messed up, I don't know how to fix him, but if this works…" His brow tensed. "I'd do anything to make him better. If being with me is a slow and steady torture, I'm willing to let him go, but … but he can't do the same. I suggested we break up for real, and he got furious. He … _wants_ me back. I can't possibly move on when I know he wants me."

"Why not?" she asked softly.

Gray's lower lip trembled. "Because … I want him. More than anything." His eyes burned with tears he dared not shed. "It's so damn frustrating that it's _him_ who messes me up this much, but … I … care … for him."

"Care?" she asked in concern. "Is that all?"

Gray slowly lifted his face, and Lucy saw tears beaded in his bloodshot eyes.

"I … can't say it." His voice cracked with grief. "I can't tell him. I'm … in love … so deeply … and I can't say the words." A tear rebelliously slipped down his cheek. Gray dropped his head into his folded arms and cried into the table.

Lucy's mouth dropped to see the normally cool and calm ice wizard so overwhelmed. She placed her hand on his head, smoothing down his hair.

"Gray," she whispered, pitying him as she realized both of her friends were hurting immensely.

* * *

Loke covered his mouth and leaned back. "Great stars above!"

Dinner was over, and before they tried dessert, they slipped away to a private room. Loke had just heard a tale that made his stomach twist up. Maybe they should have waited until an hour after eating before talking about this.

"That's what you did?" he whispered in horror.

Natsu was pale after explaining it all, everything, every detail, leaving out nothing. "Please don't tell Gray."

Loke shouted out, "He needs to know!"

"No, please. Don't tell him. I … don't think he would take me back. He would never want me, not if he finds out I did all that."

Loke reached forward and grabbed his shoulder. "Natsu, he _needs_ to know. Holding back a secret like that … no wonder you have nightmares."

"He'd break up with me," argued Natsu.

"He might," Loke admitted, "but isn't it better to let him make that choice? Either he'll accept your past or push you out of his life. It's better than hiding it and leaving him dangling."

Natsu grabbed his hair and leaned over in anguish. "I want it gone. I don't ever want to go through that. If Gray knows, he'll _always_ know, he'll always think of it. If no one knows, then it's like it never happened."

"Yet you told me."

"You said you'd keep it secret."

"I can, and I will, to the end of time. Still, that's more than just murdering someone who tortured you, Natsu. All that … you need to tell him."

Natsu bit his lip and shook his head. "I … can't. How could I tell him?"

"The same way you've just told me."

"And look at how you reacted!" screamed Natsu. "You said you've massacred people, and yet look at how you reacted to hearing that. Imagine how Gray would react. He's never killed a person in his life. He's … he's so … _innocent_." Natsu slammed his eyes shut and looked aside. "I can't put him through that. I'm hurting him enough as it is. If he's been waiting half a year for me just to find out I'm that sort of a _killer_ —"

"Natsu!"

"I can't tell him yet!" he shouted. "I…" He growled and turned away. He went through one of the breathing exercises his therapist recommended to calm his rage. Quieter, he continued, "I need to be better. I need to know I can handle telling him. I can't face it. It's not even _real_ to me! If I tell Gray, I need to be able to tell him everything. He knows I killed that man, and how I killed him. If I tell him the rest, I want to be able to tell him the full story, not bits and pieces. I need to be at a point where I can relive it all, and I'm not that stable yet."

"Should you even be in a relationship with him?" Loke asked in worry.

Natsu coughed out a bitter laugh. "Probably not. My therapist says it's a bad idea."

"Then maybe we shouldn't do this."

Natsu stared off, thinking about that, letting almost a full minute pass between them. Finally, in a distant whisper, he said, "Maybe not. If you don't want to help, I understand."

"Dammit, Natsu!" Loke sighed in frustration. "Do you think I'd let you continue like this? You'll work yourself into an early grave, do something stupid, maybe hurt Gray even more. You're dragging Gray along like a string in front of a cat, and he'll keep chasing after you. You're not going to let him go, are you?"

Natsu flinched. "I can't. I love him. I want him back."

"At what cost?"

Natsu cringed down, weighed heavily with guilt. "I … need him. Dammit! I don't even get why I need him so much, but I do."

Loke frowned at that. Dependency? Obsession? He wondered what Natsu's therapist had cautioned him about when he warned that being in a relationship was a _bad idea_.

Natsu suddenly yelled, "Don't you think I realized a thousand times over these past six months that I'm poison to him? I know being with him is putting his life in danger. Just _being_ with him makes me remember the past. My brain keeps saying 'Be with more people,' like maybe that'll heal me, but I know it's torturing him as well. I … can't _not_ hurt him, no matter what I do. And it makes me fucking sick! Still … maybe it's not loving at all, maybe it's me trying to hoard him, but … I need him. My life … damn, it's so stupid…" He growled in protest as acid burned in the back of his throat. "How is it that my life is so cold when that popsicle-dick isn't around?"

A sob broke free, and Natsu put a hand to his mouth, struggling to hold back anything more. Loke scooted closer to him and wrapped an arm around Natsu.

"Let it all out. Don't feel ashamed. I've seen the greatest warriors in history cry at far less than what you're going through. So let it all out now while it's just us."

Natsu began to sob freely.

It felt like winter had lasted for half a year. Even as spring blossomed around him, his heart felt trapped in ice. He needed Gray to crack him open and free him from the ice. Stupid snowman! Natsu had felt frigid for six months, and it was all Gray's fault!

"I need him, Loke," he cried, clenching his fists into the suit coat lapels. "I … _need_ him. But my brain … my brain keeps saying I need more partners. I need to see that the triggers are not all Gray. It's that man. It's what he did … wh-what _I_ did. Gray is not the trigger. That past is. I need to see that. I need … I didn't even understand what I needed before, but I think I do now. I need to be triggered, to go through that horror … with someone else. I need to see that it's not just Gray. But I'm scared. I'm so scared," he whimpered. "I've hurt Gray before. Hurt him bad! I could hurt others."

Loke stroked through his soft, pink hair. "At least you can't kill me."

"I guess that's true," Natsu muttered. "You'd just go back to the Spirit World."

"Precisely. So hurt me, if you need to. If it'll get it out of your head and heal your heart, you can reenact everything you did during that time, all of it."

"N-no! No, I … I wouldn't wanna go that far."

Loke tipped Natsu's chin up. Those wet eyes pulled at the heart of the Lion.

"Let me heal you, Natsu."

His mouth dropped. The eyes hidden behind blue-tinted glasses were soft, caring, and gentle. He knew Loke was not doing this out of lust, not like how his relationship with Sting had been. It was also not friends trying to be lovers, like with Lisanna. It was not even the same deep-burning love that bound him and Gray. This was different. Loke was doing this as a friend. Somehow, knowing that made it easier.

Still…

"Not yet," he whispered. "I … like this. Just talking. If we do … _that_ … if it works, I'd want to be just with Gray. If it doesn't work, I'm not sure if I'd feel comfortable around you anymore."

"Totally understandable. By healing, I didn't mean sex. You were triggered by other things Gray did, right? Things he'd say."

Natsu scowled and looked away. "Yeah. Never call me _boy_."

"Then how about we do that? Just that much. We'll work you through that pain first. We'll do it playfully," he grinned. "You call me daddy, and I call you m'boy."

Natsu laughed at the setup. "You're kidding, right?"

"Absolutely not, m'boy."

Natsu flinched a little, yet how Loke said it, it was not so bad. It was not hateful and demeaning. Instead, it was playful, lighthearted, and spirited.

"I won't call you daddy, though," Natsu mumbled. "I only have one dad, and that's Igneel."

"Fine. But can I call you that?"

He pouted. "I guess. It's … only a little bad."

"Then that's the perfect place to start." Loke abruptly stood. "We need dessert. I could use a tiramisu. You?"

"Um … maybe something with cinnamon."

"This place makes a great apple cinnamon streusel galette. Come on, m'boy. We'll eat a bit more."

Natsu slowly raised to his feet. He still felt slight discomfort at being called _m'boy_ , but it was just different enough. Plus Loke said it so playfully. Natsu realized, he could get used to this sort of discomfort. If he heard Loke say that enough times, he could definitely dull the pain.

"Um, Loke?"

The Celestial Spirit hummed. Without warning, Natsu wrapped around his arm, holding onto him in a way that was not quite romantic. There was too much desperation in his gripping fingers.

"Call me that," he said in a quiet yet determined voice.

Loke smiled down at him and stroked through his pink hair again. "Yes, m'boy."

* * *

Gray was considering a third cocoa so they could remain in the bakery when he saw a flash of pink across the street. He began to bolt up, but Lucy quickly put a hand on his shoulder.

"You don't want them to know you're this worried, right?" she reasoned.

She had a point, and he sat back down. Seeing Natsu with his arm around another man was … hard … yet fascinating. Was that how cute he looked when Gray took him out? Seeing this from a third-person perspective was interesting, to say the least.

Lucy got a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "Loke planned to take Natsu on a walk along the canal and down to the lake. How about we do the same?"

Gray looked over at her in shock. If Natsu saw the two of them together, he would assume they were on a date and get jealous.

Maybe … he needed that. Maybe they both did.

They left the bakery and walked down a side avenue before cutting back across to the main thoroughfare. Gray realized Lucy was walking a bit fast to get in front of Loke and Natsu. Then it would be _them_ coming up and accidentally bumping into him and Lucy.

* * *

Natsu was lost in thoughts. Strolling around town with Loke was awkward yet exciting. They were two men dressed to kill, and plenty of people gave them looks. Most of the time, Loke held Natsu's hand, showing they were a couple. Occasionally, he let go, and Natsu could smell that they were coming up to someone they knew. He guessed Loke also had a keen sense of smell, being Leo the Lion, or the ability to sense humans since he was a Celestial Spirit. Either way, he was playing it safe. After all, it was common knowledge by now that he and Lucy were an item. He did not want rumors to tarnish her reputation.

When Natsu smelled Gray, he thought for sure Loke would let go again. When he did not, Natsu began to pull away, yet Loke's hand held his tighter.

"What are you afraid of?" the ginger asked with a glint behind his blue glasses. "He already knows we're going out tonight."

Natsu still cringed. "Can … we not?"

Loke stopped walking and looked down at the perturbed expression. "Are you ashamed?"

"Not that. I don't want Gray to get jealous."

"Gray knows. This is consensual all around."

"Yeah, but still—"

"Natsu," Loke cut in. "If you're not comfortable with this much, you won't be able to do more. We can call the whole thing off right now if you want. Would that be better?" he asked in concern.

Natsu pouted and thought it over. "I … like hanging out with you. I wanna talk more. I … like this much. But Gray—"

"Gray saw you dating Lisanna for months. Were you this bad with her?"

"Sometimes," he admitted.

Loke nodded in understanding. "Let's turn around, then. I'll walk you home."

"N-no," he muttered. "Gray … would be there. Right? If we go through with this, I mean. He … he would be in the same room. With us. Doing … stuff."

Without warning, Loke thrust his fist up, and two sparks of golden light shot into the air. Natsu looked up in surprise. What he did not see was a single pink burst of light in the sky near the harbor.

* * *

Gray looked over as Lucy lowered the key that had shot up the light and tucked Loke's key back into her pouch.

"What was that?" he asked.

"A signal. Come on," she said, pulling him forward back up the street at a swift pace.

* * *

"Loke?" Natsu asked, confused by the magical light show.

"Distracting you," he said in excuse. "Your mind was drifting somewhere dark, wasn't it?"

Natsu was stunned that he could tell that much.

"Yes, Gray would be there with us, but realize this," he said sternly. "For this to work, all of us have to want it. If you're not comfortable, then it's not the right time. It has to be a hundred percent consensual or it doesn't work. So we won't even think that far ahead yet." Lighter and with a grin, Loke asked, "I want to go on another date with you. What days are you free?"

Natsu blinked in surprise. Another date? He rather liked the idea, too. Doing this much was fun. "Um, before Wednesday. Erza said she had something planned for us on Wednesday."

"How about a Monday matinée? We'll watch a movie, any movie you want."

"Can it be that new one about the Exceed robots?" Natsu asked in excitement.

Loke chuckled. He could see why Gray fell so easily in love with this guy, considering how adorable he was when his face lit up like this. "Absolutely!" He reached forward and caressed Natsu's cheek. The Dragon Slayer froze, stunned by the tender touch. "Can I kiss you goodnight?"

Natsu felt amazed, but he had at least kissed other people besides Gray now. "Y-yeah. That's okay. Just kissing is fine."

Loke snickered softly as he tugged Natsu's chin up. "I think you have a horrible idea of what is considered _just kissing_. Let me show you how a Lion kisses."

Natsu felt a spiking thrill at his low voice, and a second later, lips were on his. Loke's arms wrapped around him, holding him firmly, pulling Natsu deeper into the kiss. The Dragon Slayer began to feel dizzy, as if Loke's soft lips could stop time.

* * *

Gray came to a sharp stop as he saw the two standing under a streetlight. Yellow glow surrounding them, and he saw Natsu's head turned up to the taller man.

Was that how Natsu looked when he was being kissed? It … was really sweet. Natsu looked hot. Seeing Lisanna kiss him had hurt with a dull ache, but watching him with Loke, knowing this was not someone trying to steal away his boyfriend, fascinated a side Gray never knew he had. He could vicariously enjoy simply watching Natsu being pleasured.

"Are you okay?" Lucy asked, watching him with worry.

Gray felt heat in his cheeks. "Definitely," he muttered.

Lucy smiled, held onto his arm, and watched the two. "He's not allowed to kiss someone unless I specifically give him permission."

"The signals earlier," Gray realized.

"Natsu must have needed it." She glanced again at Gray's enthralled face. "You sure seem to like this idea."

Gray shifted on his feet. "Well … I mean, I think it'd be hot. I don't know if I'd want to do this with just anyone, though."

"You trust us?"

He nodded. "I've known Loke for years, since before you joined Fairy Tail. We used to work as partners."

"And you have a history," she pointed out.

Gray made a sniffled cry, shocked she knew about that.

"He's told me about some of his previous partners, at least those I may meet around town. He mentioned you. It seemed he was more of the teacher role than a lover."

"We never had sex," he assured. "A teacher … yeah, something like that. Why are they still kissing?" he grumbled in annoyance.

Lucy focused back on the couple. "Loke never kissed you, did he?"

"I … don't think so."

"Oh, you would remember," she laughed. "It's why I forbid kissing in this arrangement. That guy … no one in the world kisses like him. Sorry to say, but Natsu's going to be demanding in his kisses now."

Gray huffed and folded his arms. "I can kiss just fine."

"Oh?" she smirked. "Prove it."

He looked down at her in shock.

"Go ahead," she said slyly. "Show me what sort of kiss you give to Natsu." She leaned up into his face. "Kiss me like you kiss him."

Gray's cheeks burned. "Lucy!"

"Don't you realize, those two know we're here? Natsu's hearing is insanely good. He can hear every word we say. He's not protesting, either. And Loke is actually watching us. He wants to see me getting kissed. He has a thing for that."

Gray looked over, and sure enough, their kiss had ended. They were not nearby, but he guessed the Dragon and Lion could see them clearly in the dark even without a spotlight on them.

He was on display! In public! Natsu wanted to watch. He thought of all those times Natsu had wanted to watch Gray pleasuring himself. How much different was that from wanting to see Gray finding pleasure with someone else?

He looked back down at Lucy. "Like how I kiss him?" He roughly pulled Lucy in. "I don't kiss gently like Loke."

"Show me," she goaded, pressing her body in closer in a challenge. "I'll decide if you're dominant enough to keep that position when you're with me."

A challenge, huh? Had he and Lucy ever challenged one another? But this was not about magic. It was a challenge between two dominant people.

He grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her in, claiming her mouth. Instantly, Gray felt her fingers dig into his back. Her nails felt like they would have pierced skin if he was shirtless like usual. He fought back, thrusting his tongue in, and she kissed him with equal aggressiveness. Gray was honestly stunned. All the girls he had dated either kissed timidly while hoping for romance, or sloppily in lust. Lucy kissed like a fighter! He had always feared about getting rough with women, restraining his dominant tendencies around them. He sensed right away, he did not have to hold back at all with Lucy. If he slackened even a little, she would defeat him.

However, as he felt her teeth grab hold of his lower lip, he yanked her head back by the hair, both of them panting heavily.

"Giving up?" she asked haughtily.

"You were about to bite me!"

"So?" she asked.

"Lucy, we're in public," he protested.

Her eyes gleamed sensually as she said again in a low growl, "So?"

He stepped back. "There are some things I won't do in public."

Lucy leaned right up into his face. "Then I look forward to what you do in private." She turned and walked up the street. "Loke, let's go home."

"I'm walking Natsu home."

She stopped, looking stunned. "I see. Well, level two is back to red."

"Understood," he nodded. "Thank you. Come on, Natsu."

He followed along. "Level two? Red? What does she mean?"

Loke smiled to himself as they headed up the avenue. "We have strict rules and levels when it comes to dealing with other people. Level one, flirting, is allowed so long as we tell the other person precisely who we will be flirting with, or do the flirting in front of one another. I will only flirt in front of Lucy or with her permission. She still gets mad sometimes when I flirt randomly and scolds me about it afterward." Quietly, Loke confessed, "Sometimes I flirt with girls in front of Lucy just so she'll punish me later."

Natsu giggled at his wily manners.

"Level two, kissing, is not allowed without consent. Lucy may either okay it, or approve only if she is watching. Level three is intimate and sexual touching, which is not allowed unless she is there. Same goes for level four: sex."

"She … wants to be there?"

Loke chuckled to himself. "She wants to watch. Particularly if she's writing something erotic, she'll order me to do things from the novel and watch so she can write about it later."

"Lucy writes porn?" Natsu cried out.

Loke grinned like a cat. "Since we've begun dating, it's practically _all_ she writes. She's watched me five times. She's never agreed to participate until now."

"But … she did this time. Because of Gray?"

Loke took Natsu's hand again. "Honestly, I think it's because of you."

Natsu's mouth dropped, and he looked away blushing. Because of him? Was Lucy interested in him? Obviously not romantically, but she had been curious what the two guys on her team were like in the bedroom.

They walked all the way out into the woods. As they approached the house, lights were on inside, and Natsu saw Happy's face in the window. Loke walked him to the door.

"Well, I had a wonderful evening," Loke declared.

"Y-yeah," he muttered, feeling bashful. Gray had never walked him home after a date like this. Natsu had walked Lisanna home a few times, but he had practically grown up with her, hanging out at her house all the time. It was not strange to walk to her house. Being walked to his own was definitely odd.

"So, I'll see you on Monday."

Natsu jolted. "Monday?"

"We're watching a matinée show together, right? Happy can come too, of course." Loke waved to the window where the blue cat sat watching them.

Natsu relaxed to hear that Loke was okay with bringing Happy along. He felt like he needed a chaperon for now, just so he would not feel so awkward. "That sounds great. I'll ask him."

"Natsu?"

A warm hand touched his cheek and turned his face up. Natsu froze and silently stared up at him. Loke began to lean over, and Natsu closed his eyes, expecting another one of those incredible kisses. Instead, something warm touched his forehead. His eyes widened, and he heard the pop of a kiss to his brow. Loke leaned back and smiled in a way that made Natsu's heart race with innocent excitement.

"Sweet dreams." Then Loke faded away in a shower of golden sparkles.

Natsu was left standing on the threshold, staring out at the moonlit forest. That night had been such a simple date, just the right amount of romance without anything remotely sexual. He felt glad to have someone with whom he could talk so openly. He was healing deep scars. This whole thing, all of it, was therapy for his soul.

Telling Loke about his past took an edge off his nervousness. Loke now knew what Natsu was fighting against. He told Loke because he had nothing to lose. If Loke ran off in horror, then that would be the end. Natsu had invested too much time and love into Gray, though. He was terrified of losing Gray completely, and that was why he could not tell him what he remembered about his past.

Loke did not run away, even after hear all of that. The fact that Loke stayed with him despite knowing the damning truth gave Natsu hope. If Loke could still stay with him, maybe Gray would, too. He would be shocked, like Loke had been, but maybe Gray could still love him despite the blood on Natsu's hands.

He had hope now, and he had a man he could confide in. Being with Loke was fun. Having someone to flirt with him, compliment him, the little things Loke did, like pulling a chair out for Natsu or kissing his forehead, and the earring! Natsu reached up and touched the jade earring. Such little things, but so romantic! He knew from before Loke arrived that Gray was spying on him, smelling his scent from afar. He hoped Gray watched and learned a few lessons in romance.

Seeing Gray kissing Lucy had been … thrilling. He sometimes wondered how Gray looked when he kissed aggressively. Now he knew, and it was safe because he knew Lucy would not steal him away. Knowing Loke and Lucy were devoted to one another made this whole thing safer. There was no fear that Loke would try to claim him solely like Sting had tried, or pressure about where their relationship should go, like how Mira had constantly hinted about marrying Lisanna. He did not have to worry about Lucy stealing Gray away forever. He was glad he did not know about Gray's other partners during this time apart, and glad Gray had not been dating someone he knew. He could only imagine how painful that must have been, and he felt guilty for putting Gray through that.

But this … this was safer. They all knew their limits. They all agreed and were okay with it.

The door creaked open behind him. "Natsu?" Happy asked in a soft and worried voice.

He jolted out of his thoughts. "Yeah. Sorry, just thinking."

Hesitantly, Happy asked, "Do you … like Loke?"

Like him? He knew what Happy meant. "We're not dating. I told you, it's mock dating. It's like a game, except it's training."

"I know, training for dating, but … do you _like_ him?"

Natsu stared up into the sky. "I'm not in love with him. I only love Gray, and I want to get better so I can be with Gray. Loke is just training me."

"I still don't get it," Happy sighed, and his ears drooped.

Happy had seen how sad Natsu was over these past few months. First was their long trip together. Almost every night, he heard Natsu screaming from nightmares, far worse than those that had plagued him for as long as Happy was alive. He had to comfort Natsu during that time, but nothing he did or said convinced Natsu to tell him about the bad dreams. Happy was shocked when Natsu started to date Lisanna, but he liked his surrogate mother. He remembered how happy the three of them used to be, so he figured it would be good times again. That lasted so briefly. Then Natsu kept sneaking out. Happy knew he was seeing someone, but Natsu never told him who. Now Loke!

Natsu's love life was spiraling out of control without Gray, and Happy hoped whatever was going on now could fix it. Natsu warned him about the date tonight, but he called it _a training date_. If anyone could train Natsu how to date, it was Loke! Plus Happy liked Loke like an uncle, a "grownup cat." If Loke could train Natsu and get him better so that he and Gray could be in love again, then Happy would support it.

Still, he worried about this. Happy had never heard of someone going out on a date purely for training how to date. Most people just bumbled through dating. He still wished he knew how to get Carla to accept his fish and maybe go on a date with him.

"Will you still want Gray?" he asked.

"I need him," Natsu said without any hesitation. He rubbed his arms and gazed out into the woods. Life was so cold without Gray to hold him. "I … _need_ him," he said softer yet with decisiveness.

Happy pouted but reminded him, "I thought the therapist said something about that."

Natsu frowned. His therapist has said stuff about obsessions, but this felt different. It was not like Juvia stalking Gray and feeling jealous at any potential love rival. It was not like Gray's obsession with sex. Natsu simply felt, deep in his heart, that the only person he could ever love fully and openly was Gray.

Abruptly, he declared, "I'm gonna go for a walk."

"Aye," Happy said, and he went back inside.

Natsu strolled out into the woods. The path was a little more defined now. He had come down here many times. There was a clearing in a dell with a single tree, the place they used when Gray was sick. This little clearing was now his place to escape and think of all the passion he had shared with Gray.

Natsu touched his mouth. Although they had been Loke's lips on him, he had smelled Gray approaching and let his aroma sweep him away, trying to imagine it was him. That was impossible, because Gray absolutely did not kiss like that. Still, he wanted to show Gray. He wanted Gray to watch. He wanted Gray to see for himself that a gentle, lingering, romantic kiss could be nice once in a while.

Then he had watched Gray and remembered the stormy passion. He saw how aggressive Gray could get. It had aroused him far more than he thought it should. After all, that was Gray kissing _someone else_.

And it was damn hot!

Since he knew those two were not out to claim either himself or Gray, it was okay to let Lucy and Loke kiss them.

Somehow, it was okay.

Natsu touched the trunk of the tree. At some point, maybe out of boredom or loneliness, he had burned into the trunk their initials: ND + GF. He saw lovers do silly things like that. This tree, this entire dell, was special to him now. He wanted to remember that love that was so wild, they had risked getting sick just because they could not keep their hands off from one another.

He wanted passion like that again.

He wanted Gray's hands all over him.

He wanted those cold lips and strong fingers.

"Gray," he whispered, hugging the tree.

He hoped this worked, because life without Gray was miserable.

* * *

Somehow, no one in the guild noticed anything about Natsu and Loke. They went on a few more dates, but they only talked. Even when Natsu once tried to kiss Loke, the Celestial Spirit put a finger against those hot lips and eased him back.

"Lucy has strict rules," he would warn.

Hearing that made this whole thing better. Natsu knew Loke was not out to seduce him. He pampered Natsu, spoiled him, and made him blush with romantic compliments. Sometimes he gave a gentle caress, a hug, or held his hand. Yet never did he give a kiss.

Natsu realized he was feeling more comfortable. He could smile easier. His nightmares were not as intense anymore.

"Whatever we're doing," he told Loke after two weeks, "it's helping."

The Lion reached over and squeezed Natsu's hand. "No more flashbacks?"

"Fewer," he shrugged. "Do you think … I mean, Lucy has rules for you," he said awkwardly.

Loke's eyes sharpened, and his fingers squeezed tighter. "Tell me what you want."

Natsu cringed in hesitation. Part of him felt awful for wanting someone besides Gray, and part of him realized that this was healing him. Besides, Gray had suggested Loke, and it was Natsu himself who was hesitating about the inevitable.

"Just a little more," he whispered. "I don't think I could jump into s- … sex, but … a little more."

"Is it okay that Lucy is there?"

Natsu jolted. "Watching?" he squeaked.

"That's normally her rule."

"Th-then Gray, too. I … I feel weird … you _and_ Lucy."

Loke rubbed his arm to calm him. "The four of us, then. Just making out."

Lucy and Gray! Yet if it was all four of them, and he trusted Loke and Lucy, it should be okay. He heard stories about couples who went on double dates, and sometimes that included making out in front of one another. It was a normal thing amongst close friends. Nervously, Natsu nodded.

"Are you certain you want this?" Loke asked sternly.

Natsu gulped and raised his eyes. "My gut is telling me … I _need_ this."

Loke lifted Natsu's hand and gallantly kissed his knuckles. "Saturday?"

Shivering inside, Natsu nodded in agreement.

Loke set down some money to pay for their lunch. "Let's take a walk through the park."

Natsu followed, glad to be out in the sunshine and walking instead of sitting there fretting about what he was asking.

* * *

Saturday arrived with Natsu feeling so nervous, even Mira realized he was not eating much.

Would Gray hate him for this? Gray had agreed, but would he truly want it? How did Gray feel about being with Lucy? It was just kissing today, but _still_!

Natsu arrived at a hotel they were renting for this experiment. Although they planned to only make out, this way no guildmates would barge in and be shocked. Lucy had just gotten a key to the room. She grinned at Natsu, the same as always. It was like she was simply that weirdo Lucy and not someone about to take part in a partner swap.

"I'll call Loke out once we're all in the room," she told him. "We're just waiting for Gray. Do you want to come up to the room now?"

Standing around the hotel lobby got the two of them many raised eyebrows and salacious smiles. Still, Natsu was too nervous to be in the room alone with Lucy. He wanted Gray!

Luckily, Gray arrived a few minutes later. He looked relieved to see Natsu there waiting instead of being alone in a room with Loke and Lucy. The three of them went up to the hotel room, and once inside, Lucy summoned Loke.

"Open the Gate of the Lion! Leo!" she shouted, and he appeared in a burst of golden light. "You are summoned as my Spirit, so you have to obey," she scolded him immediately.

Loke chuckled and gave her a tender kiss. "I will always obey you, my master."

"Remember that!" she scolded. "Remember who your true master is."

Natsu blushed at hearing those two. Could it be Lucy was worried about Loke being with Natsu? And wait … _true_ master? Was Lucy afraid Natsu would try to be a master over Loke? More like the other way around! Natsu did not want Loke to attempt to be dominant over him, anyway. Only Gray! Instinctively, he reached out and grabbed Gray's hand.

Gray squeezed those hot fingers. "You don't have to do anything."

Natsu glanced up at him. "You could stop me. Anything at all, Gray. If you don't like it, stop it."

"The same goes to you," he said. "Safewords apply to both what's happening to you, and what's happening to me. If anything feels wrong, stop it right away."

Natsu nodded in agreement. Not only did he have to be comfortable with Loke, he needed to be comfortable with what Gray was doing.

"Just making out," Loke said lightly. He turned on a music lacrima playing sensual yet soothing music. "Natsu," he said, and he pulled the pink-haired man away from Gray. "Can I kiss you?"

Natsu looked sharply back to Gray, who gave a nod that this much was okay.

"It's just the pleasure of being kissed," Loke said gently, stroking Natsu's face to look up at him. "If there's no pleasure, there's no point. For both of you," he said, glancing to Gray and to Natsu. "If you're displeased, we stop. You two love one another deeply, and this is just sexual. That's a big difference: sex and love. Anyone can have erotic pleasure, but remember: you love one another exclusively." He slid his thumb over Natsu's mouth. "Remember that, and don't think I'm falling in love with you. Lucy is my princess, she gets all of my love, but I can definitely give you pleasure, with her permission."

Lucy smirked over at Loke as she slid up to Gray. "And with yours."

Green eyes gleamed behind blue glasses. "Permission granted, master." He looked down at Natsu and saw desire building in that face. "Pleasure, no strings attached." His fingers threaded through Natsu's hair. "Just making out. For fun."

Loke leaned over and captured Natsu's lips. The Dragon Slayer had to admit, he had been wanting to feel those lips again for two weeks. Loke's kisses were most definitely _heavenly_.

Gray smiled as he watched. Seeing Natsu enjoying this was … liberating. He knew Natsu had troubles masturbating due to trauma. After six months apart, he must certainly be sexually repressed. Gray could not help relieve his urges, not with Natsu's fragile mental state. Maybe Loke could ease his needs. He sure hoped so.

His thoughts were disturbed by manicured nails caressing his cheek.

"Do you like to watch," Lucy asked in a silky voice, "or do you want pleasure for yourself?"

Suddenly, Lucy was kissing him with that same fierceness as before. It took a moment for Gray to get his balance back after her attack. He kissed her, still amazed that a girl could give such savage kisses. His shirt went flying in no time. However, as Lucy began to bite his lip, he shoved her back.

"Only one man bites me," Gray said sharply.

"Limit noted," she said, not at all perturbed.

She looked eager and hungry. Gray figured, if Natsu was getting kissed, it was okay to be kissed as well. It was all part of the scene. However, Gray was not sure he liked aggressiveness like this. It was okay with Natsu, but it felt awkward with Lucy.

"Show me how _he_ kisses," he said, nodding back to Loke.

Lucy chuckled softly. "You want to learn something like that? You'd have to learn with him." Lucy slid up to Loke and pulled him out of the kiss. "How about you show Gray what to do?"

Loke smiled at the plan. "Show him, eh? Come here, Gray. I never did kiss your lips back when we were together. Oh, but I _kissed_ you in _other_ places," he said slyly.

Gray blushed, remembering the past and how Loke had trained him in many kinks.

"Do you remember how that felt, my mouth on you?" Loke asked, gliding his fingers to the back of Gray's neck. "You used to say you saw stars."

Loke pulled him in and kissed him. Natsu's eyes widened as he watched them. The kiss he had just experienced was now being shared with Gray. His mouth dropped at seeing Gray being overwhelmed by such a simple thing like a kiss.

Lucy stepped up beside him. "What are you thinking?"

He whispered in awe, "I wanna kiss him like that."

Loke pulled back and smiled at the eager Dragon Slayer. "Then try it."

Gray and Natsu looked at one another in shock. This was supposed to be a partner swap!

Lucy tugged on Gray's arm to pull him in. "There are no rules that you can't kiss each other."

Loke pushed Natsu's back, urging him forward. "Try to give one another the same kiss."

Natsu's cheeks burned hotter. Having just kissed Loke, and now Gray! It was thrilling. He wanted to compare Gray's kiss to Loke's. For the first time in months, he felt a nervous thrill at the thought of kissing Gray.

Gray felt a little pressured. Loke was an expert kisser, there was no question about that. He had seen Natsu's reaction to his kisses, like he was melting. He wanted to give Natsu that same thrill, but Gray was not into romantic stuff normally.

Lucy leaned into his ear. "Don't think. Just kiss him."

Gray gulped. Romance was Natsu's department, not his! But wasn't that part of the problem? Natsu had wanted romance, and Gray had kept pushing them into kinks, sometimes against Natsu's will.

He needed to show Natsu, it was not just about sex and kinks.

He needed to _show_ Natsu the emotion he could not speak aloud.

He wrapped his arms around that hot body, kissed him, and instinct took over from there. He craved Natsu! He needed him with a desperation that was almost painful. Natsu's mouth was gentle and fiery and _delicious_.

"Softer, Gray," Loke urged quietly.

Right! A soft kiss. A gentle kiss. A romantic kiss. A kiss that showed his love.

He held Natsu with less possessiveness and more cradling. His mouth softened, trying to mimic Loke's kiss. He heard Natsu hum with delight, but his instincts were to claim those hums, drive them into moans, make him snarl in passion.

"Gentle," Loke schooled. He pulled Gray back, leaving Natsu flushed with moist lips. "Do it like this."

Suddenly, Gray was being kissed again by Loke. It was so soft, yet made him feel like falling and floating at the same time.

Natsu snapped out of his daze and saw Loke dominating Gray's mouth. It was hot! So damn hot!

Loke pulled back with a smug look. "Now, try again."

Gray was slightly breathless. How could he ever hope to mimic kisses like that?

"Maybe I should try."

Gray jolted, but before he could gasp, Natsu's lips were on him.

And damn it, but it was just like how Loke kissed, only fiery with that cinnamon taste he loved. As Natsu conquered his mouth with gentleness, Gray felt his knees weakening. He was going to fall, but Natsu's arms held him tighter. Gray felt himself sinking into that kiss.

He saw stars! Not like with Loke, though. Fiery stars! Comets and supernovas as his whole world melted in heaven's flames. He wanted to melt with it, melt into Natsu's passionate kiss, to thaw, diffuse, blend, and be as one: celestial fire and infernal ice.

Lucy sighed at seeing this professed dominant being conquered by a single kiss. Amateur! "We need the bed before poor Gray falls over."

Loke brought the two over to the mattress. They sat up against the headboards, and Lucy climbed on top of Gray while Loke settled over Natsu. Both began to kiss their partners.

Gray was getting overwhelmed by Lucy's strawberry fragrance and feminine kisses, much softer now, no longer trying to bite his lips. He heard an aroused groan of Natsu's mouth against Loke's. Suddenly, he felt scalding fingers brush against him. He and Natsu held hands while Lucy and Loke kissed them.

Then the blonde and ginger pulled back, smiled at each other, and kissed together. When they did that, Gray reached over, turned Natsu's head, and kissed him.

Natsu was too sensually overwhelmed to even think about the past. It was Gray's mouth, then Loke's again, and at one point he realized they were Lucy's lips. He was kissing Lucy!

All the smells, all the tastes, three different types of kisses, were getting to him. Even when Loke moved on top of him and brushed firmly against his groin, Natsu felt no panic. Lucy took Gray's hand and moved it to touch Natsu's tenting bulge. Natsu groaned with pleasure from Gray's familiar chill and Lucy's scratching nails as they both stroked him. Natsu was getting more aroused as he felt all the differences in the touches.

Lucy leaned up. At some point, Gray had removed her shirt, leaving her in a blue bra, her miniskirt hiked up so high her matching underwear was completely visible. Gray's pants had vanished, and an erection strained against the black boxers.

"Well," Lucy chuckled, shifting over Gray's erection and lightly scratching his bare chest. "I think we're going past merely making out."

"Just going along with the mood," Loke said in agreement, sliding his hips over Natsu's groin. "The mood is _really good_ , too."

"What do you two say?" she asked, looking at both of them.

Natsu looked over to Gray and saw him staring back. The mood really was good. It was far better than Natsu thought it would be.

"I … I need to see," Natsu stuttered, gripping Gray's hand for support. "I need to know if I'll panic. What's okay, what's not."

Gray squeezed his hand back and nodded. "As far as you need, I'll allow it."

Tears beaded up in Natsu's eyes. Gray was being so generous, letting him heal although it meant getting help from someone else.

Loke laid down beside Natsu. "What triggers you?"

Natsu's heart raced, thinking about those dark moments. Lucy politely climbed off the bed and went aside while Gray rolled over to stroke the pink hair in comfort.

"Being gagged," Natsu said, gulping hard. "Hands around my throat. Being called _boy_. Entering someone has always been difficult. I … I can't … come into anything. Condoms, a sex toy, an ass, anything that might … _collect_ my cum."

Lucy looked over sharply when he said that. "Even a vagina?"

Natsu blushed heavily at the blunt question. "When Gray was under the gender-changing spell, that was my first time trying a vagina. It was a little easier, but I still couldn't come inside."

"A mouth?" she asked next.

"Only if you swallow," Natsu answered. "It can be out, or swallowed, but that's all. It needs to be unusable."

Unusable? To Lucy, that sounded like a whole major issue with extremely dark potential. "Well, if it's in an ass, you can't use it anymore," she reasoned.

"I know!" snapped Natsu. "Gray's told me that before. I still can't. Believe me, I wish I could."

"You can't come in Gray's ass?" Loke asked.

Natsu shook his head. "I can barely handle having him ride on top of me. Lately, blow jobs have been out of the question. I can give them, but … I can't … I can't put it into someone's mouth. Not unless they take me by force."

"By force?" Lucy asked in concern.

"Or at least restrain me," he clarified. "If they're sucking me, that's okay, but … I can't … _make_ them take it."

Gray explained, "The last time I gave him a blow job, I was pinning him down. Before that, I wanted him to … um … face-fuck me…"

"And I panicked," Natsu admitted. "Badly. When I was with Sting as well—"

"Sting!" Lucy cried out.

"Ah! That's a secret," he added quickly.

Lucy bit her lip and simpered at the mental image of those two sexy Dragon Slayers together.

"Anyway, he … tried … a few times. I began to panic, and he handcuffed me to the bed. It was the only way I could do it. I … I can't…" Natsu flinched as he merely thought about it.

"Can't what, precisely?" Loke asked, looking concerned but thoughtful.

Natsu glowered and kept his head turned aside. Any arousal he had was quickly withering with the discussion. How could he say it? "I … can't … enter something … _take_ something."

He hugged his arms with a shiver of nightmares. Gray began to reach out to him, but Natsu pulled away, leaning into Loke instead. Gray jolted back that he was turning to someone else. Lucy walked up to him and placed a hand on Gray's shoulder, showing him that this had to happen. Natsu was obviously in a fragile state. He knew turning to Gray in the past had not helped, so he was simply trying something new. That's what this was all about, after all: healing this pain. It was so deep, so dark, Gray alone was not enough.

"I told you what I did," Natsu whispered shakily to the Celestial Lion.

"Does it have to do with … him?"

Gray jolted as soon as he heard that. Him! That man in the past! Had Natsu actually told Loke everything?

Natsu nodded, curling into Loke like a child. "And what happened … afterward."

Gray tensed more, and Lucy hugged around him to make sure he did not interfere.

"Then I get it," Loke whispered sadly. "Do you want help with that?"

Natsu sat still for a long time, just staring ahead. Finally, distantly and sadly, he began to say, "I do, but I could—"

"You can't kill us," Loke said firmly. "If it's all three of us, we can definitely stop you. If it's at all bad, tell us to stop. Don't push it, not even a little bit."

"I want to push it!"

"Not this time, Natsu," Loke said sternly. "We can ease into this. I'm not chancing having you traumatized worse." He smoothed down Natsu's hair. "We're here to heal the scars, not open more wounds. Let's see if we can help you with this, but if it's too much, we _need_ to stop. Lucy?"

"Agreed. Natsu, you come over here. Remove your clothes."

Natsu walked over to a chair she stood by, obediently undressed, and sat down. Lucy pulled out two leather belts and wrapped them over Natsu's arms and the chair's armrest.

"This is only because it's our first time trying it," she told him.

"What are you gonna do?" he asked, feeling safer restrained, but also weird that it was Lucy tying him down.

"Just a little vicarious play," she smiled. "I really wish I could watch you," she said to Loke.

"You'll have your chance, my sweet master," he chuckled. "Gray, remove your clothes too, and lie back comfortably. Natsu." He smirked over to the Dragon Slayer tied to a chair. "Watch us!"

Natsu felt his heart race. Watch them? Loke and Gray?

Gray shifted his hips up to remove his underwear and dropped it over the side of the bed. He eyed Loke as he unbuttoned his shirt, wondering what he planned to do. He hoped Natsu would enjoy watching it, but mostly he hoped it would help. Nothing he had thought up in all the months they had been dating helped Natsu fully. It merely lessened the fears and pain of the past. As Gray settled back against the pillows fully nude, he glanced over to Natsu.

Tied up to a chair! Damn! Being forced to watch him with someone else. Gray's sadistic side boiled at the idea of tormenting Natsu this way. He could watch, but not participate. He hoped Natsu enjoyed the show.

"Gray."

The blue eyes turned up into narrow green eyes hidden behind glasses.

"Keep your focus on me," the shirtless Lion suggested, and he slithered down to Gray's groin.

"Whoa!" Gray cried out, shocked they were starting this so quickly. As he felt Loke's mouth on him, he tensed up. It had been so long since someone did this. The two random girls he had over the past six months had failed to pleasure him. If it had been just him and Loke, he probably still would not have been able to enjoy it, racked with guilt, wanting Natsu's mouth instead. However, simply knowing that Natsu was watching him aroused Gray, tingling his exhibitionist side. He _wanted_ Natsu to watch him.

Natsu had worried how he might feel, watching Gray with someone else. Just kissing was one thing, but he thought that seeing Gray being pleasured by another would anger him.

Instead, he felt aroused, yet guilty. He was the one who left Gray. He was the one unable to do this without panicking. So watching Loke being the one to give Gray what he wanted made Natsu wish he was better. He wanted, so desperately, to be healed so he could give Gray the pleasure he desired.

"Are you okay?" Lucy asked, kneeling in front of him and looking up with concern in her large brown eyes.

"I want him to feel pleasure," Natsu said, watching Gray panting as he grabbed a handful of orange hair and thrust Loke's head deeper. "I just wish it was me."

"You want to touch him?" she asked, stroking up and down Natsu's thighs.

Natsu squirmed at her touches. "Of course I do."

"Do you like licking him … like this?" Lucy's tongue dragged up Natsu's length.

Natsu gasped in shock, followed by a low groan. Looking over to the bed, he saw Loke doing the same thing to Gray.

It felt like that! When he was the one doing it to Gray, it felt just like what was now happening to him.

"You like to touch him too, right?" Lucy asked slyly.

Her hands stroked him, and Natsu watched as Loke changed from sucking Gray to jerking his cock. They were timing their actions to one another. What Lucy did, Loke did. Natsu realized, what he was experiencing was exactly what Gray was feeling.

"Do you like to watch?" Lucy asked, stroking and sucking the head of his cock. "I bet you love to watch Gray touching himself and denying you."

Natsu moaned and curled up his toes. He did! Their second night together, that was exactly what he asked Gray to do, to masturbate while on top of him.

"What do you want to do to him, Natsu?" she asked.

What _he_ wanted to do? Gray's eyes turned over to him, hazy and curious in lust.

"I want to pleasure him," he whispered. "In any way. Any way I can!" Natsu's gaze dropped to the side in disappointment, knowing he was not stable enough to do all he wanted.

Lucy leaned into his ear. "Do you want to screw him?"

Natsu sharply looked at her.

"You do, right?" she reasoned. She reached down and began to stroke Natsu again. "You want in his ass."

"I … I can't," Natsu said with a cringe.

"Then watch," she whispered soothingly. She glanced back to Loke. He was looking over at her, and Lucy gave him a nod to show she was okay with this.

Loke unzipped his pants. "Just to assure you, Celestial Spirits do not get human viruses," he told Gray.

The ice wizard sputtered in shock.

"Is this okay, Gray?"

Gray looked over to Natsu. The Dragon Slayer looked fascinated, so Gray realized this was fully up to him. He had to admit, he used to be curious about just how good Loke was at sex, considering his talents in other fields.

"It's okay," he consented.

Lucy casually stroked Natsu as they both watched. "You want to touch him inside, right?" she asked, watching Loke drizzle lube onto his fingers. "You like touching Gray's ass, I bet. That much is safe."

Loke pressed a finger in, and Gray let out a wanton cry. Natsu's hands tensed. He remembered how that felt, thrusting up into Gray's body.

"I bet it's good," Lucy purred. She took the belted-down hand and sucked two of Natsu's fingers. She hummed around him, and Natsu groaned. "Mmh, you love thrusting into his ass."

As he watched Gray moaning, Natsu's hand moved, going deeper into Lucy's mouth. He wanted it! He wanted to remember how it felt.

Loke asked softly, "Are two fingers okay?"

Gray nodded frantically. He felt himself being widened slightly, and another groan shivered out.

"Yes," Natsu hissed. Lucy was slurping around his fingers. He could imagine that mouth as something else, something tighter.

Lucy pulled back and licked her lips. "You want more, right? Something better?"

She untied one of the belts around Natsu's arm, moved his hand down with his palm up and two fingers ready. Then Lucy climbed onto Natsu's lap. Slowly, she lowered herself over his hand, sliding onto the fingers.

Natsu looked at her in awe. He remembered how Gray had felt under the gender-changing spell. Lucy was even more moist, so soft and warm inside. Her face began to blush as she rocked on him. Natsu stared at her in amazement

He was giving pleasure to someone!

His hand began to move, fingers curling and stroking inside. Lucy gasped as he brushed over a spot inside. Natsu could smell her femininity, the scent of lust increasing, while his hand got more wet from her.

"Watch him," she told Natsu.

He shook his head, keeping his eyes on Lucy's face. "I want to watch you, Lucy."

Her dominant demeanor broke for a moment as those sharp eyes gazed like a predator of the night. Curious, she undid the other belt, completely freeing Natsu. His arm went around her, pulling her in closer, and his eyes narrowed more as his fingers claimed her.

"I want to make you wet," he growled, thrusting in three fingers now, getting her to shiver. "Wanna make you moan!"

Gray looked over, watching them. He had seen Natsu look like that when he was under that spell.

Did he get more confidence with women?

No…

No, this was darker.

"Lucy," he said softly. "Back away."

Lucy looked to the bed in confusion, then back to Natsu. He looked enthralled and wild, growling as he thrust at her.

"Trust me. Back … away."

She pulled back and got off of Natsu's lap. If Gray was seeing something wrong … well, these two knew each other best.

"Loke…"

The Lion pulled his fingers out and moved aside, sensing the tension in Gray's body.

Gray watched, but Natsu's eyes never left Lucy's face. He was leering at her like a starved predator, and Lucy instinctively trembled at the glint in his eyes. She saw it now. Definitely, this was not the normal Natsu. This was something darker, something not-Natsu looking out from those narrow eyes.

"Natsu?"

He still looked covetously at Lucy, breathing hard, almost growls, like he was ready to attack.

"Come over here," Gray ordered in a calm but stern voice.

Natsu seemed to crack out of a spell. As he did, fear and doubt entered his face. He looked down at his hand, still wet from Lucy.

"Come here!" Gray said sharper.

"Gray," Loke scolded.

"Trust me, he's not in his right mind. I've seen him like this."

Sure enough, Natsu began to tremble. "It's happening again." He rubbed out his forehead as darkness clouded his vision. "Gray?"

He felt Lucy pulling him, and he followed while flashes of memories returned to him. He was gently guided down onto the bed. Loke backed off, and Gray pulled Natsu close to him. He caressed Natsu's arms and stroked his head, comforting him and keeping him in the present.

"Let's stop here," Gray whispered, holding Natsu protectively.

"No," Natsu snapped. "I just … got lost for a moment."

Loke looked over to Lucy, who was equally confused.

"Can I try again?" Natsu asked timidly. "But with Gray here?"

Lucy looked over to Gray, who nodded. If Natsu began to lose his sense of reality again, he would recognize it right away.

Lucy climbed on top of Natsu and let his fingers slide into her. She hummed, loving the heat of his hand.

"How about both of you?" she smirked.

Loke took Gray's hand and pulled it over to Lucy. "Try it. She feels really good, believe me!"

Gray's hand rubbed against Natsu's. They looked at each other, then each pressed two fingers inside of Lucy.

"Oh yes!" she moaned at the wide penetration. "Oooh! Hot and cold. That's … _nngh_ … so good."

Loke climbed up behind her to fondle her breasts and nip along her neck. "You are so sexy, master. So sensual."

"Loke," she mewled. "Treat … treat them. So good!"

"I'll reward them for making my master moan so deliciously. Gray, get closer. Why not practice those kisses again? Keep Natsu in the moment."

Gray nodded in understanding. His job was to watch over Natsu while these two healed him. He knew Natsu best. He knew the signs of him being triggered or having a flashback. He caressed Natsu's cheek, pulled his face over, and kissed him while their hands worked together on Lucy.

Suddenly, Gray felt Loke's fingers slide back inside of him, followed by a loud moan from Natsu. By the pitch of that cry, he knew Loke must be fingering Natsu's ass as well.

"Do you like that, Natsu?" Lucy asked, panting as she moved her hips on their conjoined hands. "Fingering while getting fingered. Loke's hands are _highly_ talented. He knows…"

Natsu cried out and arched with intense pleasure. A second later Gray felt sparks all through his body, and his groan was just as loud, only deeper.

"Yes, he knows just where to hit." Lucy chuckled shrewdly. "Look at you two! I finally get to have you. Do you have any idea how many nights I dreamed about getting the two of you into my bed?"

Both were surprised, but the boys had to admit, they had fantasies about Lucy at some point. Those fantasies sometimes included all four on the team, with Erza being more bossy. Instead, it was Lucy who figuratively held the whip … and she looked pleased at the opportunity to take charge.

Loke grunted as he being denied pleasure so far. "Master?"

"You can wait," she scolded, and Loke groaned with a blush.

"You're a masochist?" Natsu asked in shock.

"And she's an incredible dominatrix," Loke purred. "Or at least, she's training to get better."

"Hush, you," Lucy demanded softly.

"Order them, master," he requested.

"Oh? Do you want me to order both of them to pleasure you?" she asked haughtily. "In that case…" She picked up the free hands of both partners and placed them on her supple breasts. "I'll take even more. Let's see which one of you is better."

A competition! Gray cooled off his fingers until they smoked with ice, and he lightly pinched Lucy's nipple. She groaned at the feeling. Natsu took to kneading her entire breast, warming his hand and massaging until Lucy trembled.

"Yes!" she whimpered. "Yes, that's … so good. So … o-oh!"

They both felt Lucy clench on them, and she thrust on them faster, crying out as her body rocked hard.

"Gray," she whimpered. "N-Natsu!" Her thighs tensed and her spine arched. Suddenly, Loke wrapped her up in his arms, holding her from behind. She leaned back into him, and he kissed her deeply as Lucy spasmed in pleasure.

"Oh, wow," Natsu whispered, feeling the twitching contractions on his finger.

Gray watched her in awe. "Damn, Lucy, you're beautiful."

"Gray," Natsu whispered, and they looked at one another while Loke kissed the blonde. "We just got Lucy off."

He laughed. They had! Together, they let her feel such deep pleasure. Maybe they were both fucked up in the head in their own ways, but together they could give pleasure this intense.

Loke pulled Lucy back, off of their hands, and to the foot of the bed, holding her protectively. "If you don't mind, I always hold her afterward. You two can make out if you want."

Gray chuckled at how blasé he said that. Like this, with the four of them, sex was just a physical response. It was human pleasure, pure and simple. Love, though … he saw the love between Loke and Lucy in this weak moment, how she clung to him, how he smiled endearingly at her. They were so close as a couple, so deeply in love, yet understanding to one another's needs.

He wanted a romance like that! He wanted to love Natsu that deeply.

"Gray."

He looked over and saw Natsu gazing at him with the same thoughts.

"Forgive me," he whispered, looking anguished as the months weighed down on him. "I never stopped loving you."

Gray grabbed Natsu's face, clutching at both cheeks. His lower lip quivered. He wanted to declare it all, say it as he had practiced on his own. Yet seeing Natsu's eyes, he could not chance the worst, not after what happened to everyone else to whom he had ever said those three words.

"Same," he blurted out quietly instead, shaking inside to say even this much. "I … never … stopped." It was the best he could do.

That much was plenty for Natsu. An exuberant grin burst out, and he pounced on Gray, knocking him back onto the pillows while kissing him with passion.

Maybe the kisses that mimicked Loke were nice, but these were the fiery kisses Gray missed. Natsu's whole body surged on him, sliding against him in unbridled desire. His fingers clutched possessively, and a low growl deep in his throat sent Gray's pulse racing.

Lucy curled into Loke's arms as she watched the two. Natsu was as aggressive as she had always imagined he would be. To learn that he was a masochist had stunned her, yet now he proved he was no wuss in the bedroom. He was a dragon, but one that feared his own claws.

Loke whispered into her ear, "Should we…?"

She held up a hand to silence him. She wanted to watch for now. She had seen them kiss and heard their sexual play before when they were all prisoners in that harem room. Now she wanted to watch her teammates touching each other everywhere.

Gray grabbed Natsu's hips and pulled him closer as their cocks rubbed together. As much as he wanted to flip him, pin him down, and take him, he also wanted Natsu to pick the pace that was most comfortable. Gray feared that if he did or said anything wrong, Natsu would panic again. He just wanted to enjoy what he could for now, deprived of his fire dragon and the sensuality of this body.

The yearning way Natsu gazed at him between kisses, he obviously had missed this as well.

Yet, in the midst of it, Natsu leaned up, elbows straight ahead of him, and panted hard as he looked down at Gray. His eyes craved more, yet Gray saw the tremble of fear in his lips.

"What is it?" Gray asked in concern.

Natsu gulped hard. "I want … but I'm scared."

Lucy immediately climbed over to them and urged him, "What do you want?"

Natsu jolted, almost forgetting that they were not alone. He looked back down to Gray with trepidation and sadness. "I just want to be normal, to make love to him … normal."

Gray looked aside. Normal? They had never been normal, or rarely. How often had they had sex with no kinks whatsoever? How many times had they done anything _normal_? With Natsu needing to be restrained, even otherwise simple lovemaking ended in bondage. More often than not, fetishes and kinks were involved more than sex.

Gray was reminded of Natsu's shouted words.

_"Gray, do you hate romance? … Why can't we have a simple, romantic day together? You keep pushing our limits, always pushing. Don't you think that maybe I'm not ready for this stuff? … Keep your goddamn kinks to yourself! I don't want them anymore. … I don't think either one of us can just kiss. Not when it comes to us."_

Lucy hugged Natsu from behind and looked sorry for him. "It won't be normal this time either."

"I know," Natsu whispered in disappointment.

"Do you know what _normal_ is?" she asked.

Natsu bark out a dry laugh. "No clue."

She tugged him around and crawled over the mattress to face him directly. "Normal is whatever you personally want."

"I don't _know_ what I want," he shouted in frustration. "That's part of the whole problem. _I don't know!_ "

She rubbed his arms to calm him. "Then how about we give you different tastes of what it is to be normal."

Natsu arched an eyebrow. "Different … tastes?"

Lucy dropped down, stroked his withering arousal back to full, and licked him. "Different tastes," she smirked, and suddenly her mouth was around him.

Natsu gasped and moaned. Lucy's mouth felt so tight and small. She could not go deep on him, but her delicate, soft hands rubbed what did not fit in her mouth. Her hands were incredible, caressing so smoothly, no calluses. Natsu looked down at her with flushed cheeks and stroked her golden hair.

Not even two minutes passed before she raised up and wiped her mouth. "Now Gray," she stated.

"What?" Natsu squeaked.

Immediately, Gray's hands grabbed Natsu's ass. He pulled him in as his mouth devoured the thick arousal. Lucy's taste was still on it, and Gray sucked it away, wanting just the taste of Natsu again.

"Oh! Oh God, Gray!" Natsu shouted. He clenched at Gray's hair, pulling it, unlike how tenderly he had treated Lucy. "Ahh! Wait, wait!"

Lucy licked up the back of his neck and held him around the chest, staying behind him. "You're not fucking his face. You're being devoured."

Natsu shivered at her words. Devoured! Gray was starving, forced to go so long without pleasure. Now, he was ravenous, taking Natsu while Lucy held him like a prisoner. Her arms wrapped around him made him feel like she was forcing him … _forcing_ him to stay still while Gray sucked him. His thighs began to tremble.

"Loke," Lucy ordered next.

The ginger pulled Gray back and smirked as he licked Natsu's length. "I've been wanting to taste this for some time."

Natsu snapped out of his daze. "Wait!" Loke did not listen, though. He slammed Natsu straight back and down his throat. The Dragon Slayer clenched hard into something … fluffy. He looked down, saw the orange hair, and loosened his fingers.

"Oh, you don't have to be gentle with him," Lucy chuckled. "Loke likes it when you play with his hair." She reached down and stroked the tufts sticking up. "Isn't that right, my horny Lion?"

In response, Loke began to purr. Natsu yelped at the vibration.

"He's good, isn't he?" Lucy chuckled. "Really, that purring is the best thing in the world."

"G-Gray!" Natsu whined.

Immediately, Gray's mouth was kissing him as Natsu shivered. Natsu's brain was scrambling, trying to sort things out. Suddenly, another mouth was on him, another taste, and he realized it must be Lucy. Then there was a different taste on his lips, and he recognized Loke's incredible kisses.

"It's less scary this way, right?"

Lucy's voice! So who was sucking him now? The smells and tastes were starting to blend together.

"It's less scary with someone else, just like I'm less scared when one of you goes on a mission with me. This is just like a mission," she whispered, caressing his body. "Only, it's not against bandits or demons. It's against the monsters in your heart."

Just like a mission! All four of them were on a team mission. They were in the midst of battle. Natsu protected his friends when on missions. He … _needed_ to protect his friends!

"Touch me, Natsu."

He looked over to Lucy in confusion. She took his hand, brought it down between her legs, and pressed two of his fingers against her.

"Touch me," she whispered, demanding and sensual.

Gulping with lust, he let his fingers slide back inside. It was so wet, so soft. Lucy moaned, and Loke raised up, enthralled by her voice. He grabbed her breasts, fondling them while Natsu's fingers pump inside her.

"So good," Lucy groaned. "But … no." She pulled Natsu's hand away. "Gray." She waved him over and shifted to the side. "Finger him, Natsu. Just like you did to me."

Gray and Natsu faced each other. Then Gray turned around, leaned over with his butt in the air, and presented his ass to Natsu. With Lucy's wetness on his fingers, Natsu slid inside Gray's ass. He was still loosened from Loke's fingering, and he only groaned softly at the touch.

"Gray," Natsu moaned. His fingers sought him out, gradually thrusting harder and faster.

Lucy's hand grasped his wrist and pulled him back. "Do Loke now," she whispered. She tugged Natsu over, and he saw Loke already bent over, lube on his ass, ready for him. Natsu gulped, feeling hard at experiencing the same thing over and over. Different bodies, different smells, different mentalities, comparing them, sensing similarities and differences. His hand worked out Loke, who loosened up surprisingly quick.

"Mmh, I've never seen you get it up the ass, Loke," Lucy said, nibbling her lower lip. "Gray, would you be okay fucking Loke?"

"I'm willing to do other stuff besides penetration," Gray told her.

"Good enough. There's a dildo in my bag. Pleasure him with it. Natsu, lie back."

Natsu pulled out of Loke and obeyed her orders. He rested his head on the pillows. While Gray dug around for the dildo, Loke fetched a wet cloth and began to wash Natsu's fingers. After they were wiped clean, he kissed the back on Natsu's hand.

"I can see why my master likes your fingers so much. I wouldn't mind more."

Lucy pulled him back by the hair. "Gray, tame my wildcat before he gets too horny."

Loke chuckled and dropped to his hands and knees as Gray returned with the dildo. "I believe I was the one who had to show you how to use one of these on an ass," he said to Gray. "Let's see how you've improved."

Meanwhile, Lucy straddled right over the Dragon Slayer's face. "I want you to lick me, and I better enjoy this."

Hearing her order him like that made Natsu tingle. Uncertainly, his tongue reached out. He tasted Lucy, and he gasped in surprise. Her scent inundated his nose.

"Do it," she demanded.

Natsu licked again. It was sweet, sensual. It took only seconds before he buried his mouth into her, licking, thrusting his tongue inside, wanting all of that taste.

Lucy cried out, honestly stunned at that fiery mouth. "Oh God, Loke, I think he has you beat!" she cried out, and Lucy whimpered.

"Same here," Loke panted as Gray slid the dildo in and out while stroking Loke as well. "Gray, you've gotten good … _ahhhn_ … damn good!"

The room filled with panting and moans from Lucy and Loke as both were pleasured. Gray glanced back at Natsu, but he could hardly see the Dragon Slayer's face from between Lucy's thighs. However, he saw the erection sticking up stiff and dripping. Natsu was at least enjoying this.

Lucy shuddered hard. "Ooh … N-Natsu, don't stop. Whatever I do, don't stop!"

He hummed in understanding. He could smell it easily. Lucy was close again. He was giving her pleasure. Gentle pleasure. Was this normal? He could pretend it was. He could close his eyes, fondle her breasts, forget that there were two other men in the room, and imagine this was normal, just him and Lucy.

"A-ah! Natsu!"

Just them. Normal.

Loke moaned loudly. "Dear stars, Lucy, you're so beautiful. I … I can't … may I, master?" he begged.

"Yes, Loke. It's okay. Gray?"

"I'll take care of him."

Natsu heard Loke shout louder. Gray was pleasuring him this intensely. Natsu smirked, knowing how good Gray was with dildos and butt plugs. Loke's grunts grew deeper, feral, and Natsu smelled when he came. Even though Loke had been flirting with him for weeks, he was glad it was Gray doing that. Gray knew what felt best.

"N-Natsu! Natsuuuu!"

Lucy's muscular thighs threatened to crush the sides of his head. Natsu felt nothing unusual, yet he heard her breath hitch, felt muscles twitching in her thighs, and smelled that sensual aroma soaring. He heard her cries, moans, and then weary sighs. Just as she began to collapse onto his face, Loke yanked Lucy away and held her as if she was the most precious thing in the world.

"Thank you, Natsu. Thank you!" he whispered, hugging Lucy and stroking back her sweaty hair. "That was glorious, master. You were so breathtaking, I couldn't last long at all watching you."

She leaned into Loke and let him spoil her. "Gray," she called out weakly. "You're one lucky guy. Loke, you have your work cut out for you, trying to beat that."

"Well, I'm curious now," Loke said with a smirk. "Are you okay, master?"

Lucy stood up, wobbling on her feet. "I need water. Loke, let Natsu show you what he can do. You'll be envious of Gray for the rest of your life."

"Definitely curious now," Loke said, climbing over the tussled bed while Lucy fetched water. "How about it, Natsu? Are you okay with a little rimming?"

Natsu was in an utter daze. Gray pulled him up and got him onto his hands and knees while Loke bent over.

"Wait," Lucy said, watching the three men. "Gray, you rim Natsu while he treats my pet. Yes," she smirked. "I want to watch all three of you."

Gray chuckled to himself. He remembered the first time he rimmed Natsu. It was their first night together, and the bastard had laughed at him about _kissing his ass_. Now Natsu looked almost drugged with lust. There would be no laughing, not when his mouth was busy on Loke.

"Lick his ass, Natsu," Gray ordered as he spread Natsu's butt cheeks and gave him a lick.

Natsu trembled as Gray's mouth went on him. He obeyed and pressed his tongue into Loke, just like he had done to Lucy. Instantly, the Lion let out a loud moan of pleasure.

Lucy sipped her glass of water and watched them. "Is it good, boys?"

Natsu's fingers tensed and clawed into Loke's hips at the name. Boys!

"My three boys," she said again.

She knew this was an issue with Natsu. She hoped that including all of them in that dreaded name would lessen the negative effects. Considering Natsu only flinched the first time, and he had no reaction at all the second time, she figured it was working. Erza called Gray and Natsu _boys_ all the time, especially while scolding them. Having someone call only him that name triggered Natsu's bad memories, but apparently not when addressed amongst other males.

Lucy walked to the nightstand and pulled on a latex glove. "My good boys are obeying, but poor Gray isn't getting pleasure. How about it, boy?" she asked him as Gray was busy with Natsu's ass. She drizzled some lube onto her gloved fingers. "A little pleasure for you as well."

Her finger slid inside, and Gray moaned. That vibrated Natsu's ass, and he let out a huff of hot air, which burned on Loke's ass and made him moan loudly.

"Oh, this is perfect," Lucy chuckled, fingering Gray. "All three of you, listening to me! I definitely like this."

Loke looked around his shoulder to her. "Is my master pleased with the partner swap?"

"It's much more than that now, isn't it?" she chuckled. Rather than a direct swap, to Lucy it looked more like an orgy. "But I do like it. I wasn't sure about this, but … it's nice, taking charge of all of you."

Natsu raised up and looked to her. "Since when were you a sadist?"

"I'm a dominant more than a sadist. And you stopped without my permission." Lucy smirked slyly. "Punishment time for disobeying me."

"Lucky," Loke whispered.

"Loke, you get to do the work for me this time."

"Oh, with pleasure, my master," Loke said eagerly.

"Natsu stand at the foot of the bed, and bend over just the top of your body. Loke, I brought my old whip. Not too hard on him." Lucy suddenly thrust two fingers into Gray and leaned over him as he panted. "Watch him, Gray. Watch your dragon being tamed by someone else. You never get to just _watch_ when you're the one doing it, so enjoy it now. Watch him. Listen to his cries."

Gray felt almost at his limit. Still, he looked up as Natsu settled over the mattress with his feet on the ground. He rested on his elbows and looked straight ahead at Gray's flushed face, panting as Lucy fingered him.

"Show me, Natsu," he whispered, gulping hard.

Natsu warily reached forward. Gray immediately took up his hand, squeezing it as Natsu prepared for his punishment.

The whip cracked, and Natsu's mouth dropped in a loud gasp, belatedly followed by a shout of pain. His head dropped as his ass burned, but he forced himself to look up again at Gray.

Gray was awestruck by Natsu's reactions to the whip. Although he had seen and delivered similar blows, he never got to fully watch. He had always needed to focus on where he was hitting so he would not strike Natsu somewhere that could damage him. Whipping and paddling needed precision, and that meant he could not watch the full expressions on his face.

They heard the whip whistle through the air a split second before it struck. Natsu screamed immediately this time. Gray grabbed both of his hands, and he felt Natsu clench on his fingers, shaking with pain and pleasure. Then another whip, and Natsu jolted up, howling. Gray saw his cock dripping with masochistic pleasure.

"Oh damn," Gray whispered, mesmerized by Natsu's reactions.

Lucy pulled out her fingers. "Do you want to give it a go?"

Gray wasted no time. He leaped out of the bed and raced around. He looked at Natsu, bent over with red stripes on his ass already. Loke handed him the whip, but Gray shook his head.

"I want something more personal for my beloved." He rubbed the stinging pain out of Natsu's ass with his bare hand.

Natsu looked around his shoulder with tears of relief in his eyes. "Kainushi," he whispered.

Gray traced his fingers up Natsu's spine. "Your kainushi is back."

A tear of happiness dripped from Natsu's eyes. The fears were gone. The self-doubts lessened. He still had dread and nightmares somewhere in the back of his mind, but they were not here, not now. It was him and Gray again, just like before.

"Roar for me, dragon," Gray ordered, and his hand slapped Natsu's ass.

Natsu howled. "Oh God, yes!"

Gray spanked him again, and Natsu clawed at the bedsheets. Again his hand rang out against flesh, and he watched Natsu's butt turning bright pink.

"You're incredible, Natsu," Lucy said in admiration. "Not even Loke sounds that good when I whip him."

"I'm not fully a masochist," Loke reminded her. "I enjoy it because you enjoy it."

She glared through her smile. "Yes, you aim to please, no matter what it means to you personally." That was the sort of man he was, one who thrived on giving pleasure. He was loyal to an obsessive level, but he could never settle with one partner, not when others wanted the pleasure he freely gave. She realized early on, she either had to accept that he was this way, or break up with him.

She wondered what things Gray and Natsu had to learn to accept, and what new conditions they would still need to work out as they got back together after such a long time apart.

"I've decided," she said laconically, "I will punish Natsu myself. Loke, the whip. Gray … you may need to hold him."

Loke chuckled as he handed the whip to Lucy. "She's an expert. It won't leave scars, but … it'll hurt. A lot!"

Gray went back around to Natsu and held his hands like before. "Safeword, remember."

"I'm good. I want it," he whispered through a hoarse, dry throat. "Gray?" He looked up into those blue eyes. "I feel … better. Getting better," he corrected. "It's helping."

Gray smiled and hugged him. "I'm glad," he whispered, squeezing Natsu.

"You're not mad?" Natsu asked hesitantly.

"Of course not. I'm enjoying this as well. Are you still okay?"

"Yes," he said, and he leaned back into position. "More."

Lucy hummed as she smoothed out the whip. "Oh, I _love_ it when I'm asked to give more."

The whip cracked, not once, but three rapid strikes with hardly any movement from her wrist. Natsu clung to Gray and screamed into his chest.

"I am master here," Lucy declared coldly. The whip moved again, almost like it was alive. Three more strikes hit so quickly together, they were almost like one hit. Natsu clawed into Gray, howling, gasping, panting, and beginning to tremble. "You are mine to order. My slave."

"No!" Natsu screamed, his eyes wild with fury.

"No slave!" Gray warned her. He grabbed Natsu's cheeks and forced him to look directly at him. "You're not a slave. No collar, right? No collar, you're not even bound. You're _not_ a slave."

Lucy looked worried, and she glanced over to Loke. He cringed, realizing too late that he should have warned her about a few limits.

"That's enough punishment," Lucy decided, putting the whip aside. "Natsu has learned his lesson. Time to reward him. Lie him down!"

Natsu was still shaking, but Gray helped him back onto the bed and to the pillows. Aching from the whip, aroused to the point of pain, he laid back and stared at the ceiling, wondering what would come next in this sexual smörgåsbord.

"Gray," Lucy snapped, and she smirked. "Cuddle him."

Gray jolted and looked at her in astonishment. After everything else she had ordered… "C-cuddle him?" he stammered.

"Those are my orders," she said, smiling deviously. "You don't want to disobey my orders, do you?" She tapped the handle of her whip to show what would happen.

Gray had seen her wicked whipping technique. He was not even a masochist, strikes like that would only pain him, so he wanted to avoid her punishment. He laid down beside Natsu and awkwardly curled up against him. To his surprise, Natsu was quick to roll over to him and wrap an arm around Gray's waist while nuzzling his chest. Gray blushed at such cuteness and relaxed.

Lucy whispered to Loke, "Cover them up, then come to the bathroom with me." She turned and left the room.

Loke pulled the kicked and crumpled covers over their bodies. He stroked the heads of both of them and leaned over to kiss Natsu's forehead. Then he followed Lucy, shutting the bathroom door behind him.

It was quiet, and the rushing blood of his pulse made Gray's ears hum. Neither one were fully satisfied, yet now they were forced into a break. He still felt Natsu's arousal between them, and it took patience not to frot against him. Instead, he looked at Natsu and stroked his skin with the back of his hand.

"It's less scary," Natsu whispered. "I don't necessarily prefer doing it this way, but it's definitely less scary."

Gray kept stroking his skin. "If it helps, we could try it again."

Natsu hummed, but he pulled Gray in. "I prefer having you to myself. I don't mind it this way too, though." He looked up at Gray with a grin. "Watching you is fun, even if it's with Loke. I like just watching you."

Gray chuckled, leaned forward and kissed him. "Watching you is also fun, although I prefer when it's my hand slapping your ass."

"I liked your spanks best," Natsu said, outlining Gray's guild mark with his finger. "Although … maybe you can ask Lucy to teach you how to use a whip. That hurt like hell. She's wicked!"

"And you loved it, right?" Gray chuckled, knowing him too well.

"Yeah," Natsu whispered with a shiver in his reply. He scooted up closer to Gray, and their arousals pressed together.

Gray hummed at the feel. One hand drifted down under the covers and grabbed both of them, stroking them together. Natsu's mouth opened in a silent, airy moan. Gray made a sudden roll and straddled on top of Natsu, gazing down at him as the blankets tumbled off their bodies.

Gray's eyes narrowed pensively. "I want … to be able to make love to you … _normally_. Like you want."

Natsu looked stunned, but then turned his gaze aside. "We'll never be able to."

"We will!" he insisted. "We're both seeing therapists. We're both getting _better_ ," he exclaimed with hope. "Maybe we can't right now, but we will someday. I'll wait for that day. Whatever we have to do, however long it takes!" He cupped Natsu's cheek in his palm. "I'll wait a lifetime for you."

Natsu felt his heart leap at that. A lifetime! "Gray," he whispered.

"Maybe I can't say some things, but I can say that much." He spoke it firmer now, hoping to convey his fidelity. "I'll wait a _lifetime_. That's how strong my feelings are."

Natsu's lower lip quivered, and he snuffled in happiness.

"I'll wait," Gray repeated ardently. "Whatever you need to heal yourself—if it's this or something more—anything _either_ of us needs, we'll grant it. Anything but separating again. I don't think I could handle that a second time."

"Me neither," Natsu admitted. "I need you back. _Need_ it!"

Gray leaned in closer, feeling the heat from Natsu's mouth. "You're stuck with me, flame-brain."

Natsu smirked. "I'll hoard you for the rest of my life, ice bastard."

"I'll be the one hoarding," Gray growled, and he kissed Natsu. His body surged up against him, frotting Natsu's arousal, hearing his soft moans behind kissing lips. "I love that sound," he whispered, pressing his hips up tighter against Natsu.

Just then, the bathroom door banged open. "What were my orders?"

Gray growled at the interruption. Maybe having another couple mixed in wasn't so fun!

Lucy came forward with the disapproving scowl she often gave them when they misbehaved. "Didn't I order you to cuddle him?"

"It's fine if we—"

"Don't you think I gave that order for a reason?" she shouted over him.

Gray froze. A reason? Had her order to cuddle Natsu been part of the healing process?

"You are _not_ in the position to be deciding what is best for Natsu."

That enraged Gray. "What are you talking about? He's _my_ boyfriend."

"Precisely," she snapped. "You can't make the _right_ choice because you love him so much."

"So?" Gray yelled.

Natsu gasped. In the past, if someone asked Gray if he was in love, he would choke up, hesitate, and struggle to confirm it. Now he sounded protective over his feelings and agreed to feeling love with not a shred of fear. Maybe he still could not say it aloud, but definitely his _love_ phobia had diminished over the past few months. Natsu saw for himself, Gray's therapy had been helping a lot.

Lucy folded her arms as she faced off, two dominants fighting over a masochistic Dragon Slayer. "Your love for him blinds you to his needs. I bet that was part of the initial problem between you two. Natsu had needs, yet you were so driven by lust, you weren't seeing them until it was too late."

Gray backed off, knowing that was true. His craving for sex and for Natsu had hurt them both many times over. Their last time together, he had given Natsu a blow job and hardly realized what they had done until it was over. New Year's Eve as well, Natsu had just wanted to kiss, and Gray had his mind on going back to his place to make love. Now again, Lucy must have seen that what Natsu needed was to be cuddled alone. Gray lasted not even five minutes before climbing on top of him, ready to fuck him.

"You disobeyed me," she stated. "Last I checked, I'm still in charge here."

"I never agreed to that," Gray protested.

Lucy curled her finger under Loke's chin. "Who's your master?"

"You, and you alone," he swore with utmost fidelity.

"And Natsu." Her eyes narrowed at him. "Who beat your ass hardest?"

Natsu's mouth dropped. Both Lucy and Gray were watching him for an answer. He gulped but had to admit, "You did, Lucy."

She smiled in triumph. "So see! Majority vote."

"Lucy…" Gray protested.

"You will be punished."

"Dammit, I'm not a masochist!" he bellowed. "I'm not playing this power-grab game with you."

"No problem," she smirked. "Natsu will be the one to punish you."

The Dragon Slayer gasped. "Wh-what?"

"On your knees, Gray," Lucy demanded.

He glared, but behind her he saw Loke looking serious. His focus shifted, and Loke nodded to him, showing that whatever this was, he needed to trust Lucy. She always had a way of working out puzzling problems. That was her specialty in their team, after all. So Gray climbed off the bed and dropped to his knees, waiting with defiant eyes.

"Talking back to me." Lucy clicked her tongue in disapproval. "That's not allowed, Gray. You need to be silenced."

"Ball gag?" he asked in an insolent tone.

"Not quite." Her eyes flicked over to the Dragon Slayer. "Natsu … gag him with your cock."

Natsu's eyes widened. "What!"

"You heard me. Or are you going to talk back to me as well? I could have Loke gag you in the same way."

Natsu looked to Loke, who had a predatory smile.

"Gag him," she ordered slowly, "with your cock."

Natsu looked down at Gray sitting there on his knees, naked and still half aroused. It was an order … yet it was edging toward something he had troubles with. Natsu hesitated as something dark flashed through his mind.

"Natsu," Gray whispered in anguish, seeing his internal pain.

"Silence!" Lucy barked. She walked up to Natsu and held his shoulders. "It's a simple command. Silence him. I'm not asking you to fuck his face. You're merely putting your penis into his mouth. That's all."

Natsu listened to her soothing instructions, and he felt confidence returning. He took a step forward, standing right in front of Gray. Natsu was still fully aroused. He held himself steady and looked down at Gray.

"Open your mouth," Lucy ordered.

Gray looked up into Natsu's troubled eyes, and he opened his mouth wide, showing he was okay with this.

Lucy whispered into Natsu's ear, "Silence him."

With a thick gulp, Natsu pressed his cock past Gray's lips. He gagged at the thickness, but Gray held still, simply keeping that arousal inside his mouth.

Now he understood what Lucy was doing. This was an act that scared Natsu, so she was making it completely nonsexual. Mentally, that allowed Natsu to do the act without the associated fears. Gray had to admit, her logic was brilliant.

"Don't let him speak," she added.

Gray saw Natsu's eyes changing. The fear was fading away. Whatever nightmare he had, it was burning away.

"Good," Lucy praised. "Hold him there in silence."

Gray's jaw began to hurt, just hanging open like that. Worse, saliva was building up. He tried to swallow, but that meant tightened his lips around Natsu. As his tongue and throat worked to gulp down the spit, Natsu groaned from the sucking.

"What are you doing?" Lucy barked.

Gray tried to talk around Natsu's cock. "I'n twyin' to swawwow."

"Trying to swallow?" she asked. "Who said you could do that? No swallowing. If you drool, then let that humiliation be part of your punishment."

Gray realized, if Natsu did not have a hard limit against ball gags, he would have ordered him the same thing: to keep his mouth open and drool all over himself. He wondered if Loke had taught Lucy these basics of BDSM just like he had taught Gray years ago.

His curiosity was interrupted as saliva began to drip down his chin. He struggled not to swallow, but the saliva built up and dribbled out. Gray trembled to feel it running down his chin, some dripping down his throat, messy and wet.

"Good," Lucy cooed, eying his debauched state with pleasure. "Natsu, you can do whatever you want with him now. Loke, will you join me on the bed?"

"Oh, with pleasure, master," he smiled, and Loke climbed on top of her, passionately kissing Lucy.

Natsu stood there, hearing their kisses and soft groans of passion. He looked down at Gray. What was he to do? He could pull out, but he felt … _safe_. Lucy's words had put the situation purely into his hands.

Gray finally swallowed, and Natsu moaned as the movements of his mouth sucked him.

He wanted it!

Natsu opened his eyes and looked down. Gray was waiting, sitting there obediently, gazing up at him with Natsu's cock in his mouth, just holding it there. Natsu's hand trembled with hesitation as he laid it on Gray's scalp. Then he grabbed the head, holding it still.

"Gray," he whispered.

Slowly, Natsu pressed into the mouth. Then he pulled back, feeling Gray suck the whole length. Natsu gulped hard. This was how he freaked out last time. It was still scary, and nightmares hovered on the edge of his mind, but … it felt safe. Like Lucy had said earlier, this was a mission. It was a war with himself, and his teammates were there to fight with him. He was battling those nightmares. He would protect Gray, Lucy, and Loke from the monsters. If there was one thing Natsu was good at, it was protecting his friends.

He pressed in again, then again, easier each time. Gray grunted as Natsu's cock hit the back of his throat. Natsu gulped, still feeling the edge of that nightmare, demons of his past and terrors he wished he could forget. Still, feeling more and more like this was a battle and not sex, he kept pounding into Gray's mouth. He focused on the sensations as he watched, trying to ignore his body's shivers from dread and lust.

Without warning, Gray grabbed Natsu's ass and yanked him in, thrusting that thick cock down his throat. Natsu groaned at the tight squeeze. Gray's fingers dug into him, clutching covetously.

"Gray," he whispered, but then Natsu gasped. "Gray! No!"

Instantly, Lucy pressed up against his back and held him around the chest while stroking his head. "We won't let you hurt him."

Loke knelt behind Gray and reached around to stroke his cock. "We'll protect Gray."

"So you don't have to fear," Lucy added, rubbing Natsu's head. "Gray is safe."

"But … I'm…"

"We'll protect Gray," she declared.

"I can't!"

"You can, because it's safe now."

"No … Gray," he moaned, running his hands through the raven hair.

Lucy grabbed his arm. "I won't let those monsters hurt him."

"But _I'm_ the monster," he protested in sobs.

"Natsu," Loke said sternly.

The Dragon Slayer gasped at his voice. Loke was the only person in this room who knew precisely what he was struggling against.

"That was in the past. You would never do that again."

Natsu whimpered and looked down at Gray with fearful eyes.

"He loves you, and you love him. Doing something like this is normal."

"Normal?" he breathed, still shaking.

"It's _normal_ between two people who love one another. Do you love Gray?"

"Yes," Natsu whispered. "More than anything."

"Would you hurt him?"

"Never!" he shouted.

"Then what is there to fear?"

Natsu had no answer, but he still looked ambivalent.

"You're not that person in the past. You're a good man, a powerful wizard, a Dragon Slayer who loves his mate."

He would never hurt Gray. Not him. Never his mate! Dragons protected their mates.

"It's safe, Natsu."

Safe! Had he ever before felt fully safe?

Lucy stroked his head. "Those monsters can't hurt him."

 _Those_ monsters. Not him, but the monsters of the past. Natsu looked down. He would never hurt Gray. He feared the things inside him, but just him, just Natsu Dragneel…

He might fight with Gray, argue with him, punch him, call him names, but he would never kill Gray.

He would _never_ hurt his boyfriend.

Blue eyes turned up to him, and Natsu gasped at the love and trust in his face.

Gray trusted him.

He looked between the blonde and ginger. Lucy and Loke were protecting him.

He could do this without fear.

Touching Gray, holding Gray, making love without restraint…

"I … want it," Natsu muttered with tears in his eyes.

Lucy whispered into his ear. "Then do it. Loke is protecting him."

Natsu looked at Loke. Over the past few weeks, he had come to fully trust the Celestial Spirit. He knew precisely what Natsu feared, what he had done, the very worst of it.

Despite that, Loke trusted him to do this. He would protect Gray, but he still trusted Natsu.

"Gray," he whispered, running his hands through the soft hair. "Tell me if it hurts."

Natsu began to thrust faster, so close now that he needed only a little bit more. He heard Gray gag, but he pulled at Natsu's ass to urge him to go harder. Gray was starting to moan as well. Loke stroked him and fingered his ass, bringing the ice wizard up to a climax expertly timed to match Natsu's.

Natsu breathed hard as he felt his body drawing up, coiling, a tightness deep inside ready to burst.

"Gray! Go- … _nnngh_ … gonna…"

Natsu suddenly yanked at Gray's hair, thrusting in hard as he burst apart. He howled as the pleasure peaked, but he felt something soft behind him, supporting him. He ignored that for now. It was just him and Gray, and he was coming into Gray's mouth, claiming him, and…

And _touching_ him!

As more spurt out, he ran his fingers through Gray's hair, down his neck, to his shoulders. He felt Gray's body also shivering and smelled cum. Gray had also finished, and Loke was milking it out now.

Natsu dropped his gaze. Gray's mouth delicately sucked him clean. Natsu watched silently as his pulse calmed down. Finally, Gray pulled off only to lick him, kiss him, worship his cock, kissing it over and over.

"Gray?" he asked, voice hoarse and shaking.

He stopped licking and looked up.

"I did it," Natsu whispered, choking up with happiness. "I could touch you … the entire time. I could make love to you … normally. Not being restraining. Just holding you … normal."

Immediately, Gray raised to his feet and grabbed Natsu into a hug. "Yes, you did it. My dragon!"

Natsu scrubbed aside some tears and looked up to him. "Was it okay?"

Gray chuckled at his lack of confidence. He leaned over and kissed Natsu. "It was wonderful. I loved it, loved feeling your hands on me, loved having you touch me all the way through to the end, loved tasting you. I loved it all."

Natsu's mouth dropped. Gray used _loved_ five times in a row! That showed how much his own healing had progressed. Feeling how he himself had healed, and hearing how Gray had healed, made Natsu's heart surge with joy. He crushed Gray in a powerful hug.

"Kainushi," he whispered, not caring anymore that tears were streaming down his cheeks.

Gray clutched that hot body to him. "My beloved," he breathed, and a tear slipped down his cheek as well. "Welcome back."

Lucy moved away, and Loke joined her. At a nod of their heads, they slipped off to the bathroom again to give the two some privacy.

* * *

After a long—and pleasurable—shower, the blonde and ginger stepped out of the bathroom. They saw Natsu and Gray asleep with the ice wizard spooned into his shorter Dragon Slayer. Lucy sighed at seeing them. She pressed her finger to her lips, showing Loke to dress as silently as possible.

"Should we leave them?" he whispered.

Lucy pulled on the dress she had arrived in. "The room is paid for. They need this."

She combed out her hair. Loke's clothes glowed, then materialized around him. Once Lucy got her shoes on and packed away the supplies she had brought, the two left the steamy room reeking of sex. They went to an elevator and rode it down.

"So, what did you think?" Loke asked while they were alone in the lift. "Your first full partner swap!"

"It wasn't much of a swap," she shrugged. "I hardly got any time at all with Gray. I wouldn't have minded feeling him inside. Especially Natsu. That guy's hung like a horse."

"Ooh?" Loke chuckled. "My master is feeling quite naughty still."

Lucy gave him a light punch on the arm. "You're to blame."

"You were hardly _innocent_ by the time I got to you. I bet you fantasized about those two all the time."

She humphed at his mock jealousy. "Of course I did! We were teammates. We saw each other naked more times than I can count." She wrapped her arms around Loke's neck. "I love only you, y'know."

He kissed her on the forehead. "And I am devoted to you, my master. However, I'm a lion, and I need—"

"I know," she cut in. "I knew from the start, and I'm fine with that."

Loke tipped her head up. "That's what I love most about you. You're so understanding to the needs and limits of your Spirits. Such a caring master!" he whispered ardently. His lips captured hers, and they continued to kiss as they rode down the elevator.

* * *

Gray woke up to the feel of something warm on his head, caressing through his hair, something comforting and peaceful. When his eyes opened, he saw Natsu gazing down at him with a serene smile.

"Hey," Gray muttered sleepily. "How are you feeling?"

An understated yet amazed smile came to his lips. "Better." Natsu's voice wavered as he whispered that.

Gray felt warm to hear that. He reached up and cupped Natsu's cheek, feeling the heat in his skin. Natsu leaned into his hand and sighed with contentment.

"I hope this isn't a dream," Gray mused.

Natsu's brow furrowed. "I wish the last six months were just a dream. But this!" He leaned over and kissed Gray. "This is reality! It's just us again … like it _should_ be."

Just them! That meant Natsu wanted him back. Gray half-sat up and kissed Natsu in happiness. Warm arms wrapped around him, and Natsu deepened the kiss.

Gray began to say, "I'm sorry I—"

"Don't!" Natsu grasped him harder and shook his head. "That's in the past. I _need_ to put the past behind me."

He needed it … probably something he was learning with his therapist. It was a good suggestion, too. They both did things and said things that were hurtful. It was best to leave that in the past.

"So … you want me back?" Gray realized his voice shook slightly, but he still dreaded that this was too good.

"Of course I do," Natsu declared. He grabbed Gray's face with both hands. "You're a goddamn idiotic ice-stripper!" he shouted, but his eyes softened. "And you're the only man I want."

Gray felt his cheeks warm up. "Flame-brain."

"Popsicle-dick."

"Ash-breath."

"Pervy snowman."

Gray picked up Natsu's hand. "Beloved."

He squeezed back. "Kainushi."

Gray's eyes began to burn. He threw himself around Natsu and squeezed him in a hug as searing tears dripped down.

"Gray?" Natsu asked in shock.

"Just … hold you. I need to hold you." He sniffled and struggled to not bawl.

Natsu embraced him and stroked through the black hair. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Gray gulped thickly through his tears. "You're better?" he asked in a shaking voice.

"I may still have problems," he admitted, "but … somehow that worked. It was what I needed all along, to convince that stupid part of my brain, it's not you. I'm not having these problems purely because of you. It'd happen with anyone." His brow tensed. "It almost happened with Lucy," he whispered, remembering how his nightmares had surged up against her. "Even with Loke, I felt that … darkness. It's not just you! That's what I needed to convince myself. I needed experience; I didn't understand _why_. Now I know, it's because I need to realize you're not the cause of those flashbacks. I can't blame you. It's all on me," he said sternly. "But I'm not the monster anymore. It's in the past, and I need to put the past behind me."

Gray recognized the stern voice that Natsu usually used when facing an enemy. The villain this time was long gone, just a memory. That was the hardest sort of enemy to fight.

"Besides," Natsu said, instantly cheerful again, "I managed to hold you the whole time. I've always wanted to do that."

"I liked it," Gray said, wiping his tears away. "Although I'll miss tying you down."

A sly chuckle rumbled in Natsu's chest. "Who says I don't want to be tied down still?"

Gray sat up and looked at that devious, seductive face. Damn, he had missed seeing Natsu like this!

"You may _need_ to tie me down," Natsu smirked. "I am a wild dragon, after all."

"Oh?" Gray asked, moving in closer. "Would I get devoured if I don't?"

Natsu leaned in until their chests were together, eyes hazy with lust. "Don't tempt a hungry dragon."

"Oh, but I know how to defeat this dragon." His hand reached down and stroked Natsu. A moan shivered out and Natsu's eyes fluttered closed. Gray began to lean in, but he glanced around the room. "Where's Lucy?"

"Dunno," Natsu shrugged. "By the smell, she and Loke left hours ago."

"Good," Gray whispered, grabbing Natsu possessively. "I want you to myself."

Natsu moaned as Gray's lips collided with him, and he let the ice wizard push him back onto the pillows.

* * *

**Back at the Therapist's Office**

_"Well, that was … ahem … more information than I needed."_

_"Oh. Sorry if I said too much."_

_"So, Lucy acted as a guide through multiple triggers while slowly bringing you and Gray back together. I must say, her actions were brilliant from a psychological standpoint. She was supportive but also firm in her actions. She remained attentive to your needs while pushing both of you toward the goal of being together on your own. I don't think I'd be recommending foursomes to my patients anytime soon, but using herself and her boyfriend as templates to show you that sex can be safe really was smart of her."_

_"Lucy's always been the smart one."_

_"So, you can make love without bondage now?"_

_"Um … well … that last time in the hotel, Gray iced my wrists through most of it. Since then, we've had sex once, last night, and … I didn't feel right. I asked him to bind my wrists again."_

_"Didn't feel right? Do you mean you still get flashbacks with the subconscious urge to kill him?"_

_"It's not as bad as it used to be, though. It's a lot better. We were just being … um … aggressive. That was probably the reason it triggered those memories."_

_"Perhaps you should try less … aggressive … sexual play."_

_"Yeah, definitely! We're planning a trip, actually. Just the two of us. It'll be relaxing, and it's my way of apologizing."_

_"Natsu, you do not need to apologize for seeking out help. You said so yourself: that night with your friends there to support you was a step toward healing. Even those months apart were what you needed to start mending these wounds. You should not be apologetic for doing things that are for your own good."_

_"I'll try, but I still feel sorry I put Gray through that. Besides, this is a trip we've talked about for a long time."_

_"Well, be careful, and if something seems to trigger you, stop doing it."_

_"I know."_

_"So, what about Loke? Are you still seeing him?"_

_"Well … um … I haven't yet. I don't know if I need to. I wouldn't mind talking with him, but … but I just want Gray now."_

_"Does this mean your experiment with multiple partners is over?"_

_"Probably. Unless something bad happens again, but … did you know you can do BDSM without sex?"_

_"I'm not into that."_

_"Oh. Right. Well, lots of times Gray and I did stuff without actually having sex. If I ever need just comforting, someone there to guide me through the scary parts, I think that's what I'd want. Something like … like a sex coach. Yeah! Like a trainer who's there to tell you when you're doing your workout wrong, only … for sex."_

_"You know, there are sex therapists. I could recommend one."_

_"Nah. I've got Lucy and Loke! All I need are my friends. Besides, some stranger watching … that'd be weird. But if it's those two, it wasn't that bad. I could tell Gray really liked when they were watching us. Especially when Lucy was urging me to fuck his face while Loke was stroking Gray off … Gray's scent went out of control! He definitely likes doing things for an audience."_

_"I … I see."_

_"Hey Doc? We should end this session early."_

_"Are you needed at the guild?"_

_"No, but I can smell that you're aroused and, no offense, but that's really weird for me."_

_"Ahem! Well, I … I will see you next week, Mister Dragneel."_

_"Yup! See ya, Doc."_

**End of Chapter 53**  


	54. Igneel's Cave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Finally, Igneel's Cave! Readers have been asking about this for a long time, and here we are. Be warned, there are spoilers ahead._
> 
> _[Audio drama](http://chirb.it/MqDz3z)_

Gray's bags were packed, but he sat in Natsu's house watching the Dragon Slayer attempting to cram everything for their vacation into a duffel bag. Of course the idiot would wait until the very last day to pack clothes. Gray kept checking his watch. They would have to run to the station, but they should still be able to make the train. He swore Natsu had put off packing just so they would miss the train and could walk … as if they could walk all the way to the mountain where he had lived with Igneel.

"Aren't you done?" he called out, picking dirt out of a nail.

Natsu glared up. He knew they were running late, but Gray was not even helping. He was just sitting there … half naked. "Aren't you _dressed_ , pervy stripper?"

Gray looked down and saw that, indeed, he had thrown his shirt off again. He yanked the purple print shirt off the ground and tugged it on. "Look who's talking about being perverted." Gray strode over and leaned into his ear. "Considering you got your own therapist horny."

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Natsu shouted defensively. "He wanted to know about how things went, and I was honest."

"Apparently a little too honest."

Natsu scoffed and folded his arms. "Just because you can't tell your therapist about being a sadist—"

"What we talk about has nothing to do with that."

"How would you know, since you've never brought it up?"

"Are you saying me being a sadist is a _mental problem_?"

"Of course not, but it _could_ be related, like how my need for bondage is related to my past."

"That's different."

"You don't know that."

"It _is_ , okay!"

"What are you scared of? That he'll know you're a kinky pervert?"

"I ain't scared, flame-brain. It's just … it's not related. Like I don't think you being a masochist has anything to do with the past."

"But I need to be restrained because—"

"Not that. I mean all of it. You like more than just restraint, right?"

"Like what?" Natsu glared.

"Like … sheesh … paddling and … and when I bite you, and … and … pissing yourself…"

"I don't like doing that."

Gray blinked in surprise. "You don't?"

"I never did. _You_ liked it, but I never have."

"You should have said something!" shouted Gray.

Natsu shrugged. "I didn't mind."

"It's humiliating, right?"

"Definitely. But I don't mind."

"See! Exactly my point. That's part of being a masochist. You like being humiliated."

"No, I don't!"

"By me, you do."

"Screw you!"

"Why are you being stubborn about this?"

"Dammit, I don't even know what we're fighting over!"

To the side, Happy giggled into his paws. "You two really are like an old married couple."

Both jumped, embarrassed from having their conversation overheard. Gray looked sharply over at Natsu, who was gawking at him with a blush to his cheeks.

"What's … mass-o-kiss?"

Both coughed and searched around for some explanation.

Suddenly, Erza's voice boomed outside. "Gray! Natsu! Get out here, and you had better be packed."

"Crap!" Natsu squawked.

He crammed a bunch of stuff into the duffel bag. Gray grabbed a toothbrush and rammed it in as well, knowing Natsu would forget. Then he scrambled to his suitcase still in the entryway and ran outside with the bag in his hand. A few second later, tripping over his own feet, Natsu tumbled out the door and stood at attention in front of Erza.

She glared at both of them. "I was talking to Mira, who said Happy had not come by yet although he's staying at her place while you're on vacation. I figured you'd either still be packing or might have started your fun early."

"Erza!" Gray cried out.

"Hurry to the train station!" she barked. "You had better not be late."

"Yes, ma'am," Gray shouted.

"Aye!" Natsu squeaked. Then both of them rushed down the road.

Erza folded her arms and shook her head. "Those two! I'm glad they're back together, but they seriously do worry me. They need someone to watch over them."

Happy walked out and shrugged his arms in mock humbleness. "I try, but it's a hard duty at times. Hey, Erza? What's mass-o-kiss?"

An eyebrow raised. "Masochist? It's … well … like how Jellal … um, no, never mind…" She blushed as she tried to think of something. "It's when you still love someone even when they sometimes act mean toward you. Or maybe I should say, you really _like it_ when that person is a bit harsh. It's … endearing … titillating."

"Ooooh," he whispered, nodding solemnly. "Sort of like how I still love Carla even when she rejects my fish and I even like it when she yells at me and calls me a stupid male cat."

"I suppose," she muttered warily.

"So I can tell Carla it's okay to do that, because I'm one big mass-o-kisses." He beamed a giant smile.

Erza sputtered out a laugh mixed with adorableness at his confusion and horror at how others would take it if Happy actually said that in the guild. "Uh … you … y-you shouldn't … that is … it's not something you say to just anyone, and maybe not in public."

Happy tilted his head in confusion. "Is it a naughty word?"

"Not _naughty_ on its own. Tell you what. How about we go find Pantherlily? Maybe he can explain it." With blushing cheeks, Erza walked away, wondering just what sort of conversation Gray and Natsu were having for Happy to be asking about a question like that.

* * *

After a long train ride, Natsu and Gray hiked for two days through foothills and farmlands. Natsu kept sniffing the air and grinning in excitement.

"There should be more ash smell in the air, and it really is cold," he muttered over a campfire. "Still, the soil smells the same. It's definitely this place."

Near the end of the second day, they crested a tall hill, and Natsu pointed straight ahead.

"There is it! Igneel's mountain."

Ahead, Gray saw a tall, snow-covered peak. Natsu put his fists on his hips and glared at it.

"It looks so different," he whispered in disappointment. "I know this is the right place, but…"

Gray rubbed his back. "You said it's the first time you've been back since Igneel left. Natsu … that was hundreds of years ago. That mountain probably hasn't erupted in four centuries."

Natsu pouted deeply. "I don't think it ever really hit me." He looked up to Gray in apology. "You might not get your sauna."

He smiled and hugged the Dragon Slayer. "I'll make due."

It took two more days and a ride in a farmer's cart to reach the mountain. They rode in the farm cart, with Natsu green and sick in the back and Gray sitting up front to help the old man by taking the reigns for a while.

"So, what brings two young'uns to the Dragon King's Mountain?" the old farmer asked.

Despite being close to vomiting, Natsu raised his head. "Dragon … King? Ac- _urp_ -Acnologia?"

"Oh, that ain't the proper name, no siree!" chuckled the old man. "It's what we locals call it. It's an old legend, that once the king of all fire dragons lived on this mountain and made the volcano erupt over and over, so that no human could exist near him. Then one day, a mere child tamed the heart of the dragon, and the volcano went silent. The child was special, and so he was whisked off to the Dragon Palace far away to be raised as a prince. They say that one day he'll come back and be king of the mountain again."

"King … of the mountain?" Natsu whispered, and in a lonely sighed, he muttered, "Igneel."

The farmer chuckled to himself. "It's a load of crock! The last eruption was four hundred years ago. It's simply an inactive volcano now, nothing special at all about it. Even if there was a dragon and a child, he'd be long since dead. Unless they meant he was special as in he lived as long as a dragon. Sure wouldn't mind a strong man in these parts to chase out the bandits, but I definitely wouldn't want my farm destroyed by the volcano."

"Well, we're just passing through," Gray told the aged man. "No plans of setting off the volcano … right?" he shot back to Natsu, not really putting it past the pyromaniac to set the whole mountain ablaze just as a way to announce that the son of the Fire Dragon King had returned.

Sure enough, Natsu scowled petulant. "O-of course not. That's silly. I mean, who could do that, setting off a whole volcano?"

Gray shook his head, remembering that when Natsu first mentioned his cavernous home, he admitted he once made it erupt, and that was when he was just a kid.

The farmer let them off at the base of the mountain. Natsu was at least glad to see a familiar path he had known in his childhood. He told Gray Igneel etched out the path straight into the side of the volcano with his claws so Natsu could travel down to the sandy river for lessons in reading and writing. They began to climb up the steep trail. If Natsu was saddened by the appearance of snow on the mountain, he was at least happy to be walking along a familiar route.

"Hey, look! Look over there, Gray." He pointed across a valley. "See that weird hill? That used to be a mountain. Igneel destroyed it the day he showed me what a _real_ Fire Dragon's Roar looked like. I've been aiming to get that power all my life."

Gray saw what was definitely too large to be a mere hill, a weirdly shaped mound of land that he now easily imagined had been a mountain destroyed by a dragon and then worn down over centuries.

"He … wiped out a whole mountain? In one breath?"

Natsu grinned with pride. "Awesome, right? My dad's the best!"

Finally, they reached snow level, and Natsu rubbed his arms against the frost. He complained about the cold, whining that when he and Igneel lived there, it had never snowed. He picked some berries alongside the road and grumbled that those sorts of berries never existed on that mountain when he was a child. The more they went, the more Natsu realized how much his home had changed.

"I wonder if it's even still there," he muttered despondently. "I mean, the whole mountain has changed. I never really thought … I mean, it's still sort of new, you know. The whole concept that my childhood … my whole life with Igneel … it was so long ago. It doesn't seem that long to me, but to everyone else, to the _whole world_ …" His voice faded in sadness from the deep loss. "Now that I see this place … if I had found this when I was a kid … I probably would have known right away. This much change doesn't happen in a few years."

Gray was not sure what to say to him. Coming home was supposed to be an exciting event, but Natsu was realizing just how remote in the past his childhood was.

"I remember when I was a kid, looking everywhere for Igneel, many times I tried to find our cave so I could wait for him there. I saw this mountain, but it was covered in snow, so I thought I must be wrong and lost. It wasn't until later—much later—Happy and I went searching. I never actually made it to the mountain, but we looked at a lot of maps, and I saw it. I knew it had to be the same mountain, because that flattened one was on the map, too. They even call it _Hill of the Dragon's Rage_ ," he laughed. "But Igneel wasn't mad or anything. He was just training me and went too far."

"Like father, like son," Gray noted.

Natsu grinned brightly. "Yep! I learned it all from Igneel."

Finally, they came to the mouth of a cave. Natsu held back, looking uncertain now. With the snow around, this did not at all seem like the same home of his childhood.

"I'll check it out," Gray offered. "Make sure there's no bandits living in there … or bats."

He walked up to the entrance, but as he got closer he saw a glow of magic. There was a barrier in front of the cave.

"Someone's sealed it," he called back to Natsu. Gray placed his hand on the faintly glowing barrier. "It doesn't feel like any magic I've even encountered. Could be a rogue wizard took over the cave." He used both hands and summoned, " _Ice Make: Hammer!_ "

A glittering hammer formed in his hands. Gray pulled it back and took aim. However, when the hammer struck, it instantly evaporated into steam, leaving Gray off-balance.

"What the…"

Natsu walked up now and put a hand on Gray's shoulder. "It's okay. It'll open, but not with ice or any other form of magic. One only magic."

Natsu held out his hand, and it caught ablaze. Then he stepped up to the barrier and pressed the fiery hand against it. The magic incinerated, burning away, and a blast of heat puffed out of the cavern.

Natsu laughed softly to him and a tear slid down his cheek. "Igneel … he locked the door before leaving. That last time we left together, he … he locked the door."

Gray wrapped an arm around Natsu. "Maybe he knew you'd want to come home."

Natsu snuffled and dabbed his eyes with his scarf. He forced his feet to move and walking into the shadows. There was a trough craved into the stone wall. Natsu lit a flame and touched an oil inside the trough. Instantly, the entire trough caught on fire, the flame raced through the interior, and the cave brightened.

Gray stepped in and looked around in wonder. The hard stone was dotted with gleaming chips of crystals that reflected the fiery light. The cavern was massive, big enough for a dragon to live in comfortable. Stalactites glistened from the ceiling. Much of the ground had been smoothed down. There was an area that had a stone table and chair, far too small in comparison, and so Gray guessed that had probably been Natsu's dining table.

"Igneel!" Natsu bellowed into the cave, and his voice echoed back. "I'm … I'm home."

Suddenly, the tears he had been struggling to hold back cracked. Natsu collapsed to his knees and bawled openly. His sobs were laced with screams as the pain of his loss tore at his heart.

Gray stood back, letting him cry. He knew this sort of pain. It was the agony of loss that darkened his heart and prevented three words from passing over his lips. Perhaps Natsu had it even worse. He had human parents at one time, a family. He had been too young to remember them, but surely that loss troubled him at times. Then he spent all of those years searching for Igneel, only to find him and lose him in the same night.

It was not like Gray, who had come to terms with the loss of his parents at a young age. Natsu's grief was much fresher.

He did not want Natsu to suffer like he had in his childhood.

Finally, Gray knelt beside him and hugged Natsu, showing that he was still there and still cared for him. Natsu's sobbed had subsided slightly, and he leaned into Gray for support. He let out a shaky sighed and let the tears flow freely.

"This is it," he whispered hoarsely, choked by the sobs. "My home. Where I lived … with Igneel. Some- … sometimes we went off, we'd fly everywhere, sleep in the open, but always … always, we came back home. Back here." He snuffled away snot and looked around. "He … he filled the oil trough. He locked the door. He knew I would be back."

Natsu suddenly leaped to his feet and scrambled off to the back of the cave. Gray raced after him, running over the glittering stone floor of the massive cave. Then he saw another tunnel. The floor angled down, more narrow, probably barely big enough for a dragon's body. This tunnel opened to another cave, just a bubble of space, but Gray saw that it was diminutive inside. There was a small bed, although probably king size in human standards. There was another stone table and a wooden wardrobe carved in an ancient style. On the bed was a massive roll of paper. Natsu began to unravel the scroll. On it, Gray saw huge letters in a smooth penmanship.

"That's a big letter," he muttered in awe.

"Igneel had big hands," Natsu breathed, in awe as he read a goodbye letter left behind by his adopted father.

_Dear Natsu,_

_I hope you are grown by the time you read this. I know you're probably upset that I'm gone, and confused about the world around you. Surely, this mountain must look different, and with luck, you now live in a world where dragons are but a myth. A peaceful world, the sort of paradise I tried so desperately to show you over the past few years, sheltering you from the war going on._

_The war is bad, very bad, and we dragons are about to make a large move to end it. This move will separate us, Natsu. I don't know for how long, and I don't know what dire circumstances will force me to come back, but I hope you live a long and happy life before that reunion, making lots of friends and growing to be a great Dragon Slayer._

_There is so much I need to tell you, so much about you and the world which you know nothing about. I don't know how old you'll be when you find this letter, though. Maybe you ran home immediately and you're still a little brat. Maybe now you're an adult, seeking home in a sense of nostalgia._

_You have a great destiny, Natsu. You are a special child. So immensely special … and so burdened by fate. When I think about what awaits your adult self, and I look at this tiny, bratty child, it makes my inner fire burn with fatherly love. I want to protect you, Natsu. I want to seal away all the darkness in you, and all the pain that will come in the future. If I could absorb all of that and burn it away, I would. As your father, I would protect you and give you a perfect, peaceful life … for as long as I am able._

_My time runs short. I will be taking you far, far away. You belong to a better time. You deserve to grow up in an age without dragon wars, Acnologia, Nirvana, or Zeref's demons. I'm going to send you there, knowing that shadow probably won't be completely gone. You will grow in an age rich in magic and blessed with peace, but I fear you will bring the darkness of this age with you. You are destined to meet Acnologia and Zeref again. I only hope I can be there to protect you when you need me the most._

_I will always be with you, Natsu. You are not just some brat I took in. You are, and forever will be, my cherish son._

_May the flame of your soul burn ever brighter._

_Igneel_

Natsu stared quietly at the letter, long enough to have read it five times. Finally, he rolled it up and shoved the massive scroll under the bed.

"It doesn't tell me what I want to know," he said with a bitter edge to his voice and a glare in his eyes.

Gray hesitated before cautiously asking, "What's that?"

"How he felt," he spat, showing anger toward Igneel for the first time since Gray had known him. "He must have known it was coming up. He raised me knowing he would be abandoning me. Even if he ended up loving me as a son, how did that make him feel? The days leading up to the end … he knew it was coming … I remember now, he made me clean this place spotless and kept kicking me out of this room to clean more. He must have been writing this letter and preparing to leave the cavern. What was running through his mind? Did he even stop and think how I would react? Did he have any clue how devastated I would be? Did he have _any clue at all_ how much I … I loved him … a-and thought of him as my dad … and how much … I'd miss him." Tears poured down again. "Did that old bastard think about that? How did it make him feel, knowing he was going to _abandon_ me?"

"He was doing it for your future," Gray said softly.

Natsu lashed out furiously, "A future without _him_! Imagine it, Gray. Imagine if it was your dad. Imagine if your dad _knew_ what was coming. Imagine if he had run off instead, knowing he was going to leave you alone and in pain. Instead of dying trying to protect you, imagine if he just vanished. And there you are, alone, and you don't know anyone, anyone at all, and the whole world is crazy, they say your father never existed, dragons are a myth, the _whole world_ thinks you're crazy, and you're alone and looking for your dad for _years_ , holding onto that spark of hope and happiness at how your reunion will be, only to find out he was _right there the whole time_ , and he said nothing, he did nothing. All I suffered, all the times I almost died, _what I did to that fucking bastard_ … and he did _nothing_. Nothing at all. He sat back and watched it happen."

"Natsu," Gray warned, worried he might say something he would regret later.

Natsu collapsed onto the bed and dropped his head down into his hands, leaning over and letting the tears drip between his knees to the floor. "I'm sorry. This was supposed to be a nice vacation."

Gray sat beside him and draped an arm around the shaking, tense shoulders.

"This isn't even like taking you home," he muttered sadly. "It's just … some mountain now. It isn't anything like it used to be."

Gray squeezed Natsu's hand. "When I took you to my parents' graves, do you think those ruins look like the village I grew up in?"

Natsu looked up with teary eyes misted with curiosity. "Of course not. It was destroyed by a demon."

"This volcano you grew up on, and the village where I was raised, they belong to the past. They live on in our memories. As do Igneel, Silver, and my mother."

Natsu rested his head on Gray's shoulder. "Your village was still around a couple decades ago. My home vanished centuries in the past."

"Your home is still here, Natsu. It's just changed on the outside. My village, in four hundred years, will be lost to time and memory, a few stones and bricks to show that civilization once existed in that spot. This mountain, though, is still here. This cave is still here! And in another four hundred years, it'll probably still look the same inside."

Natsu smiled wearily, drained from the emotional day.

"How about we take a nap?" Gray offered. "It's been a long journey. We should rest.

"Yeah. I could use a nap."

Gray looked at the bed. "No blankets?"

"It's a volcano. It was always really hot."

"True. It's surprisingly warm in here, considering the volcano is inactive now."

"So is that why you've stripped?" Natsu teased.

"Hey, we're in your home. I'm allowed to remove annoying clothes."

Natsu did not complain, happy just to hear Gray called it _his home_. "I need to turn off the lights."

Natsu took a deep inhale, and flames from the trough swirled into the bedroom. He sucked all of it, until suddenly the cave was pitch black, not even the tiniest light in this deep room.

In this darkness, Gray heard Natsu giggling. "What?" he asked in confusion.

"Igneel used a special oil to light the place. It never dried out and didn't go bad. He used to say that a thousand years could pass and the oil would still be good. It also flavors the flame." Natsu laid down on a pillow and snuggled into Gray. "I forgot how good the flames tasted. Like eating a meal from childhood."

Gray smiled to hear happiness in his voice. This trip was wrought with emotions, but at least Natsu was taking it with the same strength as he always did.


	55. Hot Sweat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This chapter was requested by Zhadoz, who wanted more sweat-licking kink: salirophilia. It's been an idea on my audio recordings since Christmas 2014._
> 
>  
> 
> _My apologies for taking so long to update. All through February, I was busy with writing contests and real-life work as a publicity liaison preparing for a major event that happened just this past weekend. (We packed the auditorium, so my publicity was a success!) Then I caught a nasty bout of the flu in March which turned into acute bronchitis. I was sick pretty much all of March, and it took the first weeks of April to catch up with real-life work. Plus this chapter clocks in at 38 pages long. It took a while to write that much. I hope you enjoy it!_
> 
> _Audio:<http://chirb.it/Ok47O0>_

Natsu awakened to a scent from childhood mixed with the aroma his brain simply labeled as _my mate_. That blend of youth and maturity felt relaxing and strangely fulfilling, like coming full circle in life.

He felt fingers caressing his forehead and smiled at the touches. A single candle burned, just enough to light the bedroom. His eyes were slow to open, blurry at first, yet gradually his vision cleared to see a gentle smile and stormy blue eyes gazing down at him. Gray was propped up on an elbow, watching him and smoothing back his hair.

"Hey," he greeted his waking dragon.

Natsu tried to say _hey_ back, but his voice had not cleared up yet. Only an airy noise and a smile greeted Gray.

"Did you sleep okay?"

Natsu laughed and snuggled into him. "I slept _great_. It's kind of reminiscent, you know. My old bed."

He was amazed he could even remember how it felt to wake up in this bed, this room, this cave. Those were memories from so long ago, another lifetime, yet it felt like no time at all since he would wake up to hear Igneel snoring, kick the dragon on the nose, and demand breakfast. He laughed softly at that memory.

"And you?" he asked, worried that Gray might have hated the hard bed and hot volcanic cave.

"Not bad, actually," Gray admitted. "Although it got a bit warm."

"Yeah." He smiled, liking the comfortable heat of the cave. "Not like how it used to be, though." He had grown used to Magnolia's colder climate, but he still remembered the simmering heat wavering in the air almost all the time. That fire was gone now, churning in the depths of the volcano.

Gray saw the blend of happiness and longing. Just like how his home village was no longer the same place where he grew up, this volcano had changed drastically. The difference was that Gray _knew_ his village had been destroyed. He had visited his parents' graves before. He had been prepared for the destruction. Natsu obviously thought this cave would be exactly how he remembered, an unchanging edifice of stone.

Time changed all of them, though.

He just hoped the half year apart had changed the two of them enough.

He knew one thing, though. When he first woke up, Gray's initial thought had been, ' _This feels right._ ' Being here, in bed with Natsu, having that warmth curled up next to him, felt … _right!_ He had forgotten how much he loved sleeping with Natsu. His bed had felt lonely and cold for six months.

Looking down as Natsu yawned and wiped the sleep from his eyes, Gray felt utterly at peace. He wanted this to last. More than ever, he wanted this to be…

… Forever!

Gray caressed Natsu's cheek, bringing his eyes back over. He _never_ wanted to lose this happy contentment simmering in his chest. He wanted to get better—both of them to get better—so they could live like this without the struggles of the past constantly blocking their path.

Gray wished he knew how to say all of this, but he had never been good with words. He leaned over instead, and Natsu tipped his chin up, his lips already lose and expectant.

Gray wondered, when had they kissed for the first time? Did they kiss that first night together, or had it been later? He could not remember anymore. Kissing those fiery lips simply felt like something he had _always_ done, even though he knew that a year ago, he would have cringed at the idea.

A soft hum, or maybe a purr, made Gray's skin shiver. He shifted, almost crawling on top of Natsu, half on top of his chest with his ;eft hand on the other side of Natsu's shoulder to hold himself up as their kiss deepened. Searing fingers clutched at his back, trying to pull him in for more.

Gray suddenly lurched forward, swinging his leg over to straddle Natsu's hips. Their bodies rocked together, saliva dripped down Natsu's chin, and their hands clung to sweaty skin. Gray felt the bulge and slid against it, getting a louder humming growl.

He yanked up, panting in lust, and saw a flush already on Natsu's cheeks. Those narrow eyes were like green flames now, and he knew he could easily fall back into the furnace.

He also feared burning too hot too quickly. He had no idea where Natsu's limits were. Maybe Natsu himself did not know yet. As he looked down into those sage green eyes, Gray felt an overwhelming desire to protect him … even from himself.

He leaned over again and gave only a gentle, lingering kiss, pulling back with Natsu's lips still puckered for more. Those green eyes opened in confusion when he felt nothing else. Gray merely smiled in a silent apology and rolled back over to his side of the bed.

Natsu raised up onto his elbow. "Wait, that's it?" he cried out, worried why Gray had pulled away.

"I'm just kissing you good morning." Gray was amused to see Natsu's disappointment which meant he was more than okay with that much. Still, he decided to tease him a bit. "What, were you expecting more?"

"Knowing you, yeah!" Natsu huffed and flopped back onto his pillows. Now he was turned on yet left unfulfilled.

Gray caressed over the flushed cheeks. "I just wanted to kiss you. I can do that, right?"

"Yeah … a-and … more, if you want," he muttered, blushing.

Hearing that lightened Gray's heart. Still, he wondered just how much more Natsu was expecting. How far should they go so soon after getting back together? They had sex twice since that time with Lucy and Loke, although only stroking and blow jobs. Their last time together, Natsu had to ask to be restrained. Although that had been the norm before, now it worried Gray. If something bad happened, he would have to pull Natsu out of it himself, and he felt a lack of confidence in his ability to do that without making things worse.

He had Natsu back; he did not want to lose him.

"I really missed you," he muttered, feeling the depth of those lonely months.

Natsu looked up, wondering why Gray would say that, but he saw longing in those stormy eyes. He realized, Gray must really be holding himself back. He looked away, feeling guilty that he had put Gray through six months of hell.

"I'm sorry—"

"Shh!" Gray pressed his finger against Natsu's lips. "None of that anymore. We both needed some time. We're better now, right?"

Natsu's pout twitched. "Getting better."

"Yeah, same here. _Getting_ better." They were not fully better yet, but they were at least getting help and improving. Gray shook his head as he thought back to how they had been near the end of their relationship. "We were really messed up, both of us. It wasn't just you. In fact, it was probably more _my_ fault than yours." He had been the one with an obvious addiction to sex and unable to properly judge Natsu's needs, nor fully respect his limits. "But … we're getting better."

"Yeah," he smiled, squeezing Gray's hand. Natsu knew he was not completely better. The therapist had warned, it could take years to fight the deep scars in his soul, and he might have flashbacks for the rest of his life. Still, he was improving. He felt the instant changes, fewer nightmares, a clearer mind, and he was happier now with Gray back in his life.

Nervously, Gray asked, "Did you want to … um … talk? You know, about what we've both been dealing with, therapy and all that? We haven't really had _that talk_ yet."

Natsu knew they had been avoiding it, mostly because he felt guilty that he still did not want Gray to know about his past. It was a darkness he wished had remained buried, and he was terrified that Gray would not want a boyfriend with a past like that. Still, he was curious about Gray's progress.

"Over breakfast?" he asked as an offer.

Gray grinned, glad he would finally open up a little. "Yeah, over breakfast." He traced over the scars on his face, neck, and torso. "Hey, Natsu?"

"Hmm?"

Gray's eyes softened. "I'm glad I'm here with you."

That made Natsu smile. He had wanted to bring Gray here for a long, long time, so he was glad it was not a boring, wasted trip, or worse, uncomfortable and annoying to the ice wizard.

They rose, and Natsu went to a natural vent sculpted into the shape of a toilet. Gray guessed it was a hollow lava tube leading straight down to the magma at the heart of the volcano. At least, the air that drafted up as he took a dump on the vent was uncomfortably warm.

Gray had fetched a candle when he first woke up, but Natsu lit the oil trough that ran through the entire cave. Gray wandered through the stony tunnels and glittering caverns, looking a little closer this time. He wondered if it was his imagination, or if there really was a vein of silver. This cave probably held many riches no humans knew about, since they all feared the tales of the dragon, and since Igneel had magically sealed the cave.

"So, what the hell do we have to eat?" he called out to Natsu, doubting there was a stash of food left behind, or at least nothing still edible.

"Well, we have some stuff in our packs. Nothing in the cave; we rarely kept leftover. I used to go hunting for my food each morning."

Gray frowned at that idea. "I don't want to go back down the mountain before breakfast. Dry fish and nuts will do, I guess."

"That's fine. We'll get something good for dinner." Natsu walked to the mouth of the cave and glanced out at the valley. "I'm curious if there are any wild boars still around these parts."

Boars? And Natsu hunted those as a child? Crazy flame-brain! "By the way, how long were you planning on staying here?"

The question surprised Natsu, and he returned back into the cave, as if fearing that leaving it for too long meant he would have to go away forever.

"I dunno," he answered. "At least a day. I haven't been back in … well … I'm not sure how many years to consider it. B-but if it's boring…"

Gray clasped a hand on his shoulder to silence his worries. "However long you want: a day, a week, as long as you like. It's a nice place, and it's our vacation. Plus it's not like we have to worry about rent."

Natsu's teeth gleamed like pearls in his massive grin. He was glad Gray liked it here.

Natsu led them to a spot in the main cave with a human-size stone table. He ran his hand over the polished top, and Gray saw bittersweet memories in those narrow eyes. How many meals must he have shared with Igneel at this table? Had the dragon even tried to teach Natsu manners? If he had tried, obviously they did not stick.

They pulled out some of the trail food from their packs, dried fish they caught while on the road, nuts they gathered, a few berries and mushrooms, and Gray made tea, with Natsu heating the water from their canteen. The glittering caverns echoed with the sound of their chewing.

"So, are we going to go over what happened?" Gray asked out of nowhere.

Natsu jolted that he still wanted to talk about that, and he forcefully gulped his food. "Not much new, really," he said, hoping to get out of saying anything in detail. "We've been going over the past, things I remember, things I forgot."

"And you remember all of it now?"

Natsu hesitated with a pinch to his brow, but he nodded.

Gray looked down into his tea and tried to ask casually, "Wanna talk about it?"

Natsu _knew_ Gray would ask. "Not really," he admitted with a surly grumble.

Gray opened his mouth, about to argue that Natsu had told Loke, so he should also tell him. However, he slammed his mouth closed and looked away. He had to let Natsu heal at his own pace.

Natsu dared a glance up. He knew from the first day the memories returned, he absolutely did _not_ want Gray to know about his past. He still felt that way, although both the therapist and even Loke had urged him to confess it all. He remembered what Loke had told him.

* * *

_"Please don't tell Gray."_

_"He needs to know!"_

_"No, please. Don't tell him. I … don't think he would take me back. He would never want me, not if he finds out I did all that."_

_"Natsu, he needs to know. Holding back a secret like that … no wonder you have nightmares."_

_"He'd break up with me."_

_"He might, but isn't it better to let him make that choice? Either he'll accept your past or push you out of his life. It's better than hiding it and leaving him dangling."_

* * *

Maybe it was good advice, but Natsu honestly feared that Gray would hear his story, stand up, walk out, and never look back, never want to be within ten paces of someone as wretched as him ever again. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about the possibility of losing Gray forever.

"I'll tell you what I told Loke."

Gray jolted up. Was he really going to tell? However, Natsu's face showed that he could not face the darkness, he was hiding from it, and he wanted Gray to simply understand his reasons.

"I'm … not stable enough to say it all, to admit to it all. It took time … a _long_ time … for me to tell the therapist everything. It came out in bits, parts, but I could never get through the whole story. I never wanted to face the whole thing. I _couldn't_. Even now…" His voice faded, but he looked across the table to Gray with a pinch of anguish to his brow. "You deserve the _whole_ truth, not partial, and telling you only pieces isn't fair. I told Loke I would tell you, but only once I know I'm strong enough to tell you everything."

"You told Loke, though," he blurted out, and he instantly regretted it. Gray cringed and fisted up his hands, wishing he never said that. It was not fair to feel so envious.

"I didn't have much to lose with Loke," Natsu pointed out. "I have _everything_ to lose with you. I know it's not fair," he admitted. He wished he could be brave enough to say things like he had been with Loke, but it was different with Gray. Totally different! "I'll tell you when I'm ready."

Gray drummed his fingers on the stone table, and Natsu looked aside, worried that maybe he was already pushing Gray away. That was not his intention at all. He knew it was not really fair that he had told Loke, yet not told Gray, but he truly dreaded the thought of Gray hating him, leaving him, never wanting to even be in the same room as him. He not only had to be strong enough to face the darkness of the past, but also to possibly face an entire lifetime _without_ Gray by his side. He felt like maybe that possible future scared him even more than the sins of his past.

"All right."

Natsu jumped at Gray's sudden decision.

He raised his head, and there was an understanding smile on his face. "I can't rush you. You're trying to protect me in your own way, and maybe protecting yourself." He rested his fingers over Natsu's wrist. "When you feel ready, I'm willing to listen."

Natsu sighed in relief. "Thanks. So, how about you?" he asked, hoping to press aside the issue. "How's your therapy going?"

"About the same, I guess. Going over the past, what I remember, admitting … my issues, particularly my problem with saying how I feel, how it goes back to my mother."

"Your mother?" Natsu cried out in surprise. Then he remembered a moment in the past. "You called out to her once during a flashback."

"Yeah, that's the root of it." He poked at his meal, not feeling like eating right now. "Every time I try to say it, I hear her scream. I flash back to when she died. After she was hurt, she was still protecting me, still trying to keep me alive. She kept telling me … she loved me. She repeated it, over and over, until … until the end." He flinched as he could still hear her voice as an echo in his mind. "The therapist thinks that memory somehow attributed to everything I go through: the flashbacks, the phobia, _everything_. I can't say it because it reminds me of losing her, and I'm terrified that if I say it, like I said it to her, whoever I tell will die like she did." He glanced up worriedly. "Does that make sense?"

Although saddened, he nodded. "Parents are really important. Our very first experience with love is probably the love we feel for our parents."

"Yeah. But I'm trying. I'm supposed to be working on it, and I try all the time."

"Try?" Natsu asked in surprise. "Like, you practice saying … those three words?"

Gray's eyes softened as he looked across the table. "Yeah. On my own, when I know no one can hear me, not even the therapist." _I love you, Natsu, and I want to tell you. I love you!_ "It's … slowly getting better," he said warily, "but it's still … I can't…" He sighed and shook his head. "It's not as bad, but I'm not there yet."

Natsu reached over and covered Gray's hand. "You never need to say it with me."

"No!" He yanked his hand back, unwilling to fall into complaisance again. "I need to … _for me_ ," he insisted. "I _need_ to say it. It's a massive mental block, and it's unhealthy for me to continue like this, so I need to tell you one day."

"But I know—"

"Natsu!" he shouted, and Gray shook his head. "Don't brush it off. That's not going to help me. You would like to hear me say it, right?"

Natsu's mouth dropped, unsure now how to answer. He had of course _wanted_ to hear Gray say _I love you_ , but he also knew without words that Gray felt that way. Still, if this was Gray's goal, he would support him. Reluctantly, he nodded his head. Truth be told, he felt a thrill every time Gray came close. He wanted to hear it, if only to praise Gray for getting over that mental block.

"I'm trying," Gray assured him. "It just might take a while longer. Like with you, we can't push these things, but we can work together."

"As much time as you need," Natsu assured him, ready to fully support him.

"Same with you. We'll say what we want to say, but in our own time." It was just the way it had to be. They could not force these things, and they should not push one another beyond what they could handle. "So, for you, therapy is helping?"

"I think so," Natsu mused. "I mean, you and me, we were able to … to…" His blush showed what he meant.

"Yeah," Gray chuckled, also blushing at the memory of that night. "Although it took those two to get us past our problems."

"Still, I managed to do it. I felt safe, and … and I feel safe _here_."

"Because this is your home?"

"Maybe. It's like being back then, before _bad stuff_ happened. So, it feels safe." Natsu bit his lip, but then he looked up with determination. "I'm … I'm trying to say … if it's _here_ , I would feel safe. Just us. And … and I want … _just us_. If you want to." He hoped he was getting his point across in his awkward, nervous way.

Gray's mouth dropped. "Damn, of course I do! It's just … y-you…" He bit his lip, holding back his worries. He still remembered how Natsu had freaked out in the past. He never wanted to see him like that again.

"Don't look at me like that," Natsu grumbled petulantly. "I had issues, and I'm getting over them. I want you to trust me, as I'm trying to learn to trust myself."

To trust Natsu. To trust that he would not panic, or if he did, he could pull out of it safely. To trust that they could do this together, without Lucy and Loke as a safety net. To trust that Natsu knew his limits and would stick to them.

It was a lot of trust to give to him.

Then again, Natsu had always trusted Gray to stop when their sadomasochistic play got too far. Their whole relationship, from the very start, was built on the trust they formed early on as teammates, which continued and grew stronger as lovers.

"Fair enough."

Natsu sighed out a breath he did not realize he had been holding. He knew what Gray must be thinking about, just how messed up he was near the end, how low he got before finally realizing he needed a break for his own sanity. Still, Natsu needed to trust himself, and that started with knowing others trusted him, especially Gray.

They grabbed one another's hands, holding on tightly. They had fought alone, then fought with professional help. Now it was time to fight together and see how strong they were.

"There's a hot spring, or at least there used to be one, if it's still here." Natsu certainly hoped the volcanic hot spring still existed. It was a main reason he wanted to take Gray to Igneel's cave. Nervously, nibbling his lip and staring down at his twisting toe, he stuttered, "If you want … to just … clean up a bit … and soak … a-and…"

"See where it goes from there?"

Natsu blushed fiercely. "Y-yeah."

Gray knew precisely where it would go, but he was glad to see that this was something Natsu wanted. "Be honest if we need to stop."

"I will," he promised.

"All right." Gray finished off his tea and smiled over at Natsu. "Lead the way."

They headed off down another part of the cavern. Right away, Gray felt the heat increasing and moisture in the air.

"Yeah, it's definitely down here," Natsu said, sounding relieved. "I just hope it's not like a swamp or anything. Igneel was really strict about baths. Once, I tried to protest taking a bath, so he flew me out into the middle of a lake and dumped me off his back on purpose. I had to swim back to shore. Man, I was _pissed_ ," he laughed, remembering how exhausting that had been and how he had not spoken to Igneel for the rest of the night in anger. "But I never protested against baths again."

They finally entered another part of the cave, and Natsu lit the oil trough that lined one wall. Beyond, stretching into darkness, was an underground lake. Thick drapes of pale, glittering stalactites, like stone curtains, hung down from the ceiling, and they heard echoing drips that faintly rippled the lake.

"Whoa!" Natsu exclaimed, looking around with massive eyes. "It looks so different. The lake is _huge_ now."

"Well, it's been a few hundred years," Gray reasoned. He also figured the snow on the mountain had probably increased the water level, if Natsu looked this stunned by the size.

"Yeah," Natsu whispered, saddened again. "It really looks … wow!"

"It looks pretty awesome."

"Yeah, I guess," he muttered. "Just not the same."

Even this, his washing room, was not at all how he remembered. It was colder, wetter, the smell had more of a calcium tinge, and the water came almost all the way up to the entrance. He and Gray had to edge along a narrow coast to a place set aside with stone stools and hollow geodes for bowls, with crystalline deposits glittering in the stones.

"Well, this was the wash area," Natsu announced.

Gray stared at the geode basins. Those alone were probably worth hundreds of thousands of Jewels back in Magnolia. The stool was carved from soapstone, small enough for a child. He glanced around at the whole cave, particularly the ceiling with all the stalactites, some jagged like daggers, some wavy and draping with the smoothness of fabric.

"Igneel could fit in here?" he asked. He had briefly seen the Fire Dragon King, and he could hardly believe a creature so massive was able to fit under such a low ceiling with perilous spikes and fragile drapes of stone.

"Barely. You know, now that I think back on it, he probably designed all these rooms for me. He really had to squeeze through the passages. He mostly stayed in the main chamber, but he'd wiggle down low to come in here and help scrub my back. It must have been uncomfortable." Natsu gazed out sadly over the lake. "All the side rooms, they were only barely big enough for him. He must have widened the passages so he could let me use those rooms but still make it into them himself, even at a tight squeeze."

Gray rubbed his back consolingly. "He really took care of you."

"Yeah," Natsu muttered, only now realizing how much Igneel did for him. His lips trembled in bittersweet nostalgia. "He was awesome."

He wiped away a tear and tried to smile. Then, without any warning, he began to strip out of his clothes, put them on a stone bench, and walked over to the washing area.

"Looks like we'll need soap," he said, poking a crumbled lump that Gray guessed used to be a bar of soap.

"I'll get that and towels," Gray offered, and he ran back to their packs.

He thought about what they both said. He really could not expect Natsu to tell him about a past that haunted him, not when saying three simple words triggered so much fear in himself. They both needed time still, and they had only two choices: put up with the fact that they could not yet say certain things, or stay apart until both of them could speak freely.

He definitely did not want to be apart from Natsu anymore. He would rather wait a lifetime not knowing what happened to him than spend another month without him.

Gray returned and saw Natsu standing there naked, surprisingly looking majestic in this cavernous setting. He was the son of the Flame Dragon King, a prince of this mountain, and even nude he looked perfectly at ease here in his home. He had filled one of the massive geodes with water from the lake and dumped it over his hair, letting the water flow through the pink strands and over his body.

He smelled the ice wizard there and looked back. Gray jolted at being caught staring. Once, he had hardly been perturbed at seeing Natsu naked. Now, it had been so long, and he looked so … so good! So sexy! Gray forced his eyes aside, ashamed to have been caught by surprise.

Natsu faced the other way and blushed. He heard Gray stripping out of his clothes, but he did not turn around. He felt bashful, even if the two of them had bathed together many times in the past, ever since childhood.

He focused on the soap and cloth Gray handed to him, scrubbing off the mud from hard traveling. He kept feeling blasts of cold and glanced over. Gray was cooling off the water before using it. Natsu shook his head. Wimp!

He heard Gray's feet approaching and knew he was right behind him. Natsu's heart began to race, wanting Gray to touch him, hold him, love him, and also nervous about how far they would go here, in this peaceful setting where he felt safe from the darkness.

"I'll get your back," Gray offered.

Natsu grinned in thanks and stayed facing away. Gray soaped up a washcloth and began to scrub Natsu's skin. As he sat there, Natsu immediately began to squirm. His hands went down, covering his groin, but there was no way to fully hide that curious _little dragon_.

"Well well," Gray taunted. "You're really eager."

"Shut up," he pouted. "I'm…" He wanted to hide from embarrassment.

Gray rubbed his wet shoulders, and Natsu jumped in surprise at those cold fingers instead of the rough cloth. Gray had a relaxed smile.

"Whatever happens, happens," he said soothingly.

Natsu nodded, but he already knew what he _wanted_ to happen. He just was not sure how to lead up to it.

Gray slammed the washcloth into his chest and took a seat in front of Natsu, presenting his back. Natsu scrubbed on more soap and began to rub circles over Gray's broad shoulders.

"The water's so hot!" Gray grumbled. Natsu had not even cooled it a little.

"It's a natural hot spring; what'd you expect?" he snapped, but the next time he moistened the cloth, he let it cool off a little before rubbing again.

Gray looked out over the lake. Steam clung to the air and glittered the wet rocks all around. "Gonna be a pain," he muttered.

"You could try the kiddie pool."

Gray glared back. "The _what_?"

Natsu pointed to a cavity with clear water separate from the lake. "When I first arrived here, before I was really used to the heat, Igneel would bathe me in that pool. It took time to build up to the hot spring. The lake has cooled off a lot, though. I mean, the water isn't even bubbling!"

"Wait, it used to _bubble_?" Gray cried out.

"Yeah." Natsu frowned at the calm lake. "It's gotta be half that hot now."

"You're insane," he muttered. "I'll test the lake, but I'm not boiling my balls just to soak." Gray wiped his forehead. "This place is a sauna anyway. Just sitting down here is enough without soaking in water."

Natsu sniffed, and he could smell the sweat beading on Gray's body. Even though he had just washed him, Gray had a sheen of sweat covering him. Natsu leaned over, hesitated, but gently licked the saltiness.

Gray tried to glance around. "What are you doing?"

Natsu smiled to himself and dragged his tongue over Gray's shoulder blade. "Licking you."

Gray laughed awkwardly, but as he felt that soft wetness on his skin again, a tingle shot straight down to his groin. Natsu had always loved to lick him. From that very first night, he enjoyed simply licking Gray's skin, and the wet heat always affected the man used to the bitter cold. He shifted on the washing stool and folded his hands over his lap.

Natsu did not need to see, though. He smelled it, tasted it, sexuality and desire oozing out of Gray's pores. His eyes gleamed, knowing he was making Gray aroused, but he said nothing. He knew what Gray liked. Even after all this time, he remembered the sensitive spots.

Natsu touched Gray's back. There was a new scar there, small, a mark from a mission they had two months ago. Still, it was something different, and it reminded Natsu of how long it had been since he used to know every spot and crevasse of his lover's skin.

"Gray?" he whispered. He suddenly wrapped around his back, hugging him from behind. He nuzzled into the black hair and sniffed his soothing, foresty scent. "Thanks for waiting for me."

Gray looked down at the arms, slightly more bulky than last time, with a scab on the knuckle from a recent fight. He held onto those embracing arms, leaned back into the pink hair, and smiled wistfully.

"Thanks for coming back," he whispered in return.

"I planned to from the very start. I needed time to sort myself out, but … I need you _more_."

Gray turned around and saw the longing in that young face. He caressed the scar on Natsu's cheek, unsure what to say. He had always been bad with words.

"Anyway," Natsu said, knowing Gray would be at a loss for words, as he always was. "Thanks. I know it … it was hard on both of us," he said, torn between awkwardness and guilt. "It wasn't an easy thing for me to do."

"Yeah," Gray frowned, remembering how Natsu had cried the day he admitted he needed time off to heal himself. Yet here he was again, and Gray saw the improvement. Natsu had been slipping away quickly back then, forcing his smiles and losing himself to flashbacks. Now, his face was so relaxed, his smile effortless, and so far he seemed stable. He gave the burning hot hand a supportive squeeze. "We're together now, and we're getting better. We have each other. That's what's important."

Natsu grinned, glad Gray was not bitter about the past.

"Natsu." He leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "I'd wait for you, as long as it takes, and I'll do anything to help you get over this."

"Same here," he promised. "If you need time off, or anything … I'd rather wait for you than not have you. But … I don't like waiting, either," he admitted. "That was hell. I knew I needed it, but I don't think I could do it again, even if it was for my sanity. I was going crazy without you. I just … _need_ you."

He knew his therapist said this was obsession, but Natsu did not care. If he had to be obsessed over anything, he would rather be addicted to the man he loved.

Gray blushed at how adorably Natsu pouted as he tried to say what he was feeling. He looked uncharacteristically timid, and it made Gray's heart flutter.

Suddenly, Natsu stood and ran to the lake, leaping in with a splash. Gray chuckled and shook his head as he put away the cleaning supplies. This crazy flame-brain even ran away like a little kid.

"That's safe, right?" he asked.

Natsu floated on his back, kicking out into the lake. "Feels nice, actually. Not any hotter than a normal hot spring."

Gray dipped a toe in and found it barely tolerable. He walked out into the water slowly, letting it gradually go up his body, hissing as it went over his groin and heated away the slight stiffness.

"There used to be a place to sit," Natsu said, looking around. "I guess it's underwater now. The lake is a lot bigger so I don't know where the good spots are anymore."

"It's fine." Gray eased down, sitting close to the shore so he could rest and just soak.

He watched Natsu swimming and diving down. How could he dunk his head under such hot water? He acted like it was merely a swimming pool and not fiery hot water.

"How do you do that?" he finally snapped. "My balls are gonna boil."

Natsu laughed and jetted across the lake, right up to Gray, straddling over his lap. Gray leaned back at the sudden closeness. Natsu's face was a mix of impish playfulness and salacious scheming.

"How about you cool them off _yourself_?" he said in a low, sensual voice.

Gray arched an eyebrow. "Whuh?"

Natsu had a devious smirk as he backed away, gliding through the water. "Reach down. Cool them off … with your hand."

Despite the heat trying to melt away his arousal, Gray felt a rush straight down to his groin at the hungry gleam in Natsu's eyes. He chuckled slyly. Sexy bastard!

"You mean like this?" He reached down and stroked himself, cooling his hand to ease the heat on his cock. As soon as it was not edging toward pain from the hot water, his arousal was free to spring up.

Natsu hummed as he watched. Even if he could not see under the water well, the mere fact that Gray was pleasuring himself was enough to get him turned on. The movement of his hands under the water, one stroking while the other cupped his balls to keep them cool, made Natsu gulp thickly. When Gray let out a shuddering moan, Natsu worried that they both might pollute the hot spring with dripping pre-cum. Gray looked incredible, and Natsu wanted to see him lost in pleasure. Especially here, in _his_ element, surrounded by heat, seeing Gray flushing and moaning made the blood rush straight down.

Gray cracked an eye open and saw Natsu's mouth open, almost drooling, and his eyes wide as they devoured the display. "You wanna watch?" he asked, stroking slowly.

Natsu unconsciously licked his lips. "I like watching you."

"I like when you do," Gray admitted. He loved to see how much lust he could build up in that face without even touching him, denying him, taking all the pleasure for himself. Gray arched his back and he stroked his balls more. He groaned sensually, "I need to make sure they stay safe and cool."

Natsu gasped as he watched Gray pleasure himself. He could be denied, he was fine with that, even liked it at times, because merely watching Gray could make him so hard. He moved slowly through the water, drawing closer, feeling lightheaded as Gray's scent grew thicker, like the steamy air was concentrating all that musky aroma. He breathed deeply through his nose, almost able to taste that sexual arousal filling the cavern air.

"You really smell good," he breathed, struggling to hold himself back.

Gray paused and raised an eyebrow. "I … smell good?" He thought Natsu was enjoying his face, or the sounds of his moans, not his smell.

"Yeah," Natsu whispered, enthralled by it all, the visual, the audio, the aroma, everything. He watched as Gray wiped sweat away from his forehead with the back of his hand. "Hey, you … you can sit over here. There's a ledge. Just soak your legs if you're too hot."

Gray had to admit, expending magic to keep his body cool would tire him out after a while. He moved through the hot spring to something Natsu was patting just under the surface. He saw through the water, it was a flat ledge, perhaps a table once, now submerged. He hoisted himself up. The lake still came up to his thighs and lower hips, but his upper body was above the scalding water.

"Like this?" He realized that up here, his cock was above the water's surface. He chuckled as Natsu stared at it intensely. "Is it a better view?" he asked, giving himself another slow stroke.

"Not just that."

Natsu was standing, but he was slightly above Gray, most of himself underwater. He walked up, settled between Gray's legs, and rubbed his hands over the wet, bare chest. He stroked his pectorals and rested his fingers over the dark blue guild mark. His eyes looked hazy, as if he was drunk, and he kept leaning in closer, although his view never left Gray's shimmering skin.

"What is it?" the Ice-Make wizard asked, confused why Natsu was staring at him so strangely.

He spoke in barely a whisper, lost in pleasure. "Your smell."

Smell again? Gray felt another drop slip down his forehead. "I'm sweating a lot with the heat."

"Exactly. All that sweat. Mmm … smells good." He rested his hands on the submerged rock and leaned forward, bending down a little. His tongue darted out, and he licked Gray's shoulder. The taste was instantly addicting, better than one of Mira's salty snacks. He licked again, dragging his tongue over the sheen of sweat and tasting the musky salt.

Gray shuddered at the feel of his tongue and moaned Natsu's name. Being licked when he knew he was sweating so much was embarrassing. Didn't it taste bad? Then again, Natsu had always loved to lick.

Natsu did not let up. Like a grooming cat, he licked Gray, lapping up the salt and scent. A low growl purred deep in his chest, and he could hardly help it. Gray's taste was incredible. Especially like this, freshly cleaned and sweating heavily in the moist heat, Natsu wanted to taste more.

However, as his mouth got aggressive, Gray pulled back. Natsu paused and looked up, worried if this was something Gray did not like.

"Can I just lick you?" he requested, wanting to be sure he did not do something unwanted.

Gray gulped and nodded as his voice trembled, "Y-yeah."

Natsu gave a slow, cautious, but long lick up his abs. He felt Gray tremble, but Natsu smelled a surge in pheromones, so he knew it was pleasurable. He gave another long lick across Gray's chest, especially along the vales of muscles where the sweat gathered like dew in a valley. Natsu began to lose himself in the smells, the musky aroma, sweat, and rising headiness of arousal. Hardly even thinking, he latched onto Gray's nipple.

Gray cried out in shock and pushed him back. Natsu snatched his wrist, tight yet not bruising. His green eyes turned up with animal-like hunger gleaming. The glare froze Gray.

Shit. Natsu looked dangerous!

And it was hot!

Once Natsu realized Gray was not truly protesting, he continued, licking the nipple, nipping it, and giving it a suck. Gray tensed up, straining back moans. His cock bobbled above the lake's surface, stiff and aching, but all Natsu did for now was licking, working his way up to his neck and collar.

"Tastes good," he moaned. His licking continued, along the collar bone, up Gray's throat, over his Adam's apple, all the way to his chin, then up his cheeks.

Gray chuckled as Natsu even licked over his face, more like a puppy now. "Are you enjoying it?" he asked, fighting amusement and arousal.

Natsu hummed, silent but happy as he licked over Gray's brow, along his eyebrows, and even over his eyes. Gray pulled away at that, and Natsu had a devious little smirk. He licked Gray's lips, up to his nose, still smirking playfully, but then nuzzled into his neck, lapping the skin with contentment.

"Hey, Natsu?"

He rubbed his nose into Gray's hair. "What?"

"Can I … spoil myself a little?"

He pulled back, wondering if he had been hogging all the pleasure. "S-sure!"

Gray glanced over that firm body, down to the groin and the pink head poking up from the water, then dragged his gaze back up to Natsu's face. He placed his hand on the hot thigh and rubbed up slowly, scooting closer to Natsu. "I really … _really_ … wanna taste you."

"Taste?" asked Natsu. "Like licking me back? That's totally fine."

Gray shook his head, trying to think how to say it. "I'm … _thirsty_."

"Are you overheating in here?"

"Natsu!" he snapped. How blunt did he have to be? His eyes turned down hard to Natsu's cock, then back up. Seriously, if _that_ wasn't enough, he would have to hit this idiot to remind him.

"Oh!" Natsu grinned as he finally understood, but then a shiver ran through his body. "Oh," he whispered, shocked by the realization. "W-wait. Do you … you mean—"

Gray's stormy eyes brewed with lust. "I want…" He grabbed Natsu's cock, making him gasp. "…to drink you."

"You … want…?" Natsu gulped hard. "Your piss fetish?"

He gave the Dragon Slayer a heavy, serious look. "Is that okay?"

Natsu blushed and looked aside. "I don't mind, if that's what you want."

"Yes." His answer came swiftly and decisively, leaving Natsu startled.

"O-okay," he whispered. This one kink had always been strange to him, but he knew how much Gray liked it. "Well, I do need to pee, but…"

He remembered other times they did this, so many times and different ways. Even on merely their second night together, Gray showed how much he liked this particular fetish. Natsu wondered if he would ever feel fully comfortable with it, ever comprehend the attraction. It was strange, even disgusting, yet arousing just to see Gray's eyes so blown with lust. How he figured, he loved the flavor of Gray's salty skin, so Gray wanting to taste him as well should not be seen as all that weird.

Gray began to wonder if he was already asking for too much. Just a few days ago, as they were packing to leave on the trip, Natsu admitted he did not really like this fetish, yet he also said he did not mind going along with Gray's wants. Still, that ambivalence left Gray questioning if this was pushing limits.

"If it's no good—"

"No!" Natsu said quickly. "No, it's … it's fine." He laughed off his nervousness. It was humiliating, thinking he would do such a private, crude action right into Gray's mouth, but that also aroused him. "Not in the lake, though," he insisted. He took Gray's hand and pulled him off the rocky ledge. "C-come here."

They left the lake and went back up to the entrance and cleaning area. Natsu looked around. Even if anything dripped from Gray's mouth here, it would not dribble down to the lake and pollute the water.

"This is good, here," he decided nervously. He cringed and pressed his legs together as the need to pee increased just by thinking about it.

Gray saw the speed of Natsu's breaths and how he flexed his fingers, then drew them up into a fist, something he did when nervous. He again worried if he was pushing too fast, too far, returning straight back into the kinks he had before. Then again, he had liked this sort of thing before he and Natsu got together. He probably would always have this fascination. He needed to make sure it was still something consensual. There was no way he would push Natsu into something he outright hated.

Gray cupped his cheek and said softly, "Natsu?"

"It's okay," he insisted a little too sharply. Natsu tried to laugh it off. "I know you're a kinky bastard."

He knew that, and he really had missed the way Gray made his heart race. He wanted this! Even if it was not his kink, he liked the way it affected his lover. His hands slid along the bulky arms, enticing him.

Deviously, he whispered, "Drink me up, Gray."

God, he loved when Natsu looked that hungry! "Do you need me to restrain you first?"

Natsu blinked in confusion. "Oh. I wasn't thinking about it." Natsu looked down at his wrists. "Um … I probably don't _need_ it for this much, but … but I like it," he confessed, clutching his own wrist. "I like when you restrain me with your ice. I miss feeling that."

Gray groaned at how Natsu already looked like a perfectly submissive little devil, wily yet willing. However, it was the hardening arousal that really enticed him now. "Do you want me to suck you off, too?"

"Yes," Natsu gasped, shivering with need. "Suck me, then drink me. Everything." He looked up into Gray's eyes and smiled sinfully. "Drink everything."

"Fuck, yes," Gray snarled. "Up against the wall!"

He slammed Natsu hard against the cave wall, knocking the breath out of him. Natsu gasped, thrilled to feel this vicious and desirous side of Gray once more. Gray snatched up his wrists, gripping them hard enough to bruise. He slammed Natsu's hands above his head, pinning them to the glittery stone. Ice flowed from his hand and covered the wrists.

"Ow! Cold!" Natsu yanked on the frozen hands, but Gray had him utterly restrained. He loved it! Being trapped, he could go out of control if he had to. He felt safe, and he knew Gray would pleasure him thoroughly.

Gray smirked as he knelt in front of Natsu. His dragon! His captive! He looked up at the flushed cheeks and ran his hands up Natsu's thighs. The Dragon Slayer's cock twitched, eager for attention now. Gray eyed it, exactly as he remembered. Now, it was just them, and they were completely alone. They were not having a quick suck in a hotel courtyard, or playing around with Lucy or Loke. Just them, totally alone, a cave far from anyone. They could be as loud and wild as they wanted.

With a scheming chuckle, Gray blew a stream of frosty air onto Natsu's dick.

"Ah!" he cried out, trying to yank away from the chill, especially after such a hot soak. Gray's mischievous laugh pissed him off a little. He could not do anything to escape even icy torture, and Natsu liked this thrill of being out of control.

"I have to cool down my tea before I drink it," Gray said haughtily, and he blew over Natsu's swollen arousal again until tiny crystals of frost layered his skin.

"Ah!" Natsu wanted to scream from the painful cold, and his hips shook, wishing to escape back into heat. He really did not think he could handle torture like this. "G-Gray!" he warned.

He saw the pain in Natsu's face and stopped before he needed a safeword. "I think you're just the right temperature now."

Gray licked away the frost, and the heat of his tongue made Natsu tense, already dripping with need. Gray took it all into his mouth, sucking languidly. He loved this taste! But he needed more. So much more!

Natsu gasped as Gray grabbed his hips and slammed all the way to the hilt, only to suck slowly off. He set up a relaxed rhythm, eyes closed as he savored it. Natsu shuddered, feeling the hard stone behind him, the air thick with steam and musk and his own sensuality. Yet here in the place he grew up as a child, he felt perfectly safe.

"Just warning you, I'm not going to last long at all."

Gray pulled back to smile up at him. "That's okay. Whenever you need it, I'm ready to drink." He returned his mouth, sucking more.

Natsu had felt slightly hard since waking up that morning, maybe even since the night before. He needed release badly, and his need to pee increased as Gray sucked so vigorously.

"G-Gray!"

Spurred on by whimpers and gasping breaths, Gray sucked faster, slurping messily, slamming Natsu into the back of his throat repeatedly.

Natsu's knees shook, his back bowed, and his toes drew up as he panted desperately. "I'm … I'm…" He could not hold back. "Dammit!"

His world whited out for a moment. Moments flashed by so quickly in his mind, it all blurred. That man's face from the past, Gray slipping ice up his ass with awestruck wonder, his sensual moans, his cold eyes as he paddled Natsu, the tender smile, eyes that screamed their love even if the lips could not say the words.

There was darkness in the past, but Gray had filled his life with so much joy. He was happiest with Gray. He _wanted_ Gray. Always.

Natsu knew Gray had swallowed him down, just as he always did, but he stayed on his knees, the softening cock still in his mouth, waiting patiently. As his heart slowed down and sanity returned, he looked down at the expectant ice wizard.

"Do you really want it all?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm." Gray nodded, bobbing the cock in his mouth. He sucked as he pulled off and let the penis droop. "Come on, Natsu. I know there's piss in there just waiting to come."

"But I—"

"I want it," Gray said sharply.

Natsu closed his eyes, torn between humiliation and wanting to finally give Gray this little kinky perversion he loved so much. His face tensed up, and he let out a soft groan.

"Don't force it," Gray said, concerned by the weird face.

"No, I … I need to go, but you once said you prefer when people _don't want_ to piss. I … I could try to hold back, if that's what you like more," he explained, hoping this was something Gray would like even better, struggling instead of passively giving in, then he added with an awkward shrug, "but I really need to pee now."

Gray looked like he had been hit in the gut. Breathlessly, he begged, "Just say that!"

"Huh?"

"Say it again."

Natsu raised an eyebrow. "I need to pee?"

Again, Gray tensed up as if agonized by a hit. " _Nngh_ , yeah."

He heard Gray's breathing getting ragged, and he smirked. He was reacting much stronger than he had in the past, perhaps because his kinky fetish had been denied for half a year. Natsu decided he simply _had_ to tease Gray. He wiggled his hips and pouted with puppy eyes.

"I really gotta piss."

Gray groaned and reached down to himself as his cock ached at hearing that desperation.

"I gotta go, Gray," he moaned sensually. He wiggled again playfully while struggling against the icy cuffs. "I don't think I'll be able to hold it." He began a little potty dance.

"Yes!" Gray hissed, eyes fixated on the way Natsu was twisting with need.

"Kinky bastard," he chuckled to himself. Still, all the wiggling did not help a truly real need. "I'm ready to go," he warned. However, Gray stood up, glaring down at him with intimidation. "Hey, I'm seriously ready to go. You should get ready if you want it."

Gray smirked and quietly commanded, "Hold it."

"N-no! I'm really ready…"

Gray took hold of Natsu's cock and pressed his thumb over the hole, stopping him. "Hold … it."

Natsu trembled at the domineering demand. "Gray?"

"Not yet."

Natsu steeled himself back, but he really did need to go now. He tried to take his mind off of it, but he heard the dripping in the cave, water slowly plinking into the lake, sounding louder and louder as his need increased. His hips began to shake as the pressure in his bladder grew.

"Gray!" he whimpered, but the Ice-Make wizard increased the pressure of his thumb over his hole, silently showing that he was not going to let Natsu do things his way. Natsu bit his lip as he held back, but the need was growing painful. "I'm trying."

Gray glanced down as something wet slipped past his thumb. "You're dripping."

"I _need_ to go!" he yelled.

"Hold it."

He shook his head, but he felt more dripping past the pressing finger. His face cringed as he smelled it and tears of humiliation lined his eyes.

Gray sneered in carnal pleasure. " _That's_ what I like to see." Natsu under his command, in tears, losing his will to him, tortured but struggling to obey commands. It was a sight that tingled through his entire body, more erotic than anything else.

As Natsu felt more dripping and tensed up tighter, a single tear slipped out. He shook his hips, wanting to just go now, but Gray's thumb would not stop pressing, forcing him to hold back. The bloated feeling in his bladder got more intense, and a sob hiccuped out.

"Bastard," he whispered.

"Hold it!"

"I'm … trying."

He yanked on the icy cuffs, wishing he could reach down to hold himself back. Then suddenly Gray pressed on Natsu's lower stomach, right over the bladder, smirking sadistically. Natsu gasped as the pressure forced a splash of piss past the thumb.

Gray knelt again and licked the drips clinging to Natsu's piss-hardened cock. The tingling pleasure was utter sweet torture.

"Dammit, Gray!" he screamed.

Gray pressed his thumb in tighter. "Not yet."

"I'm gonna piss on your finger, bastard!"

Gray slammed his hand on Natsu's hip, pinning him to the wall, and glared up at him. Slowly, devilishly, he demanded, "Hold … it."

Natsu whimpered and shook his head. He could smell it, and he could feel Gray licking anything that dripped. He stomped his feet, shook his hips, hoping the pressing need would go away, but it only grew worse. His whole body tensed up just trying to keep back the release.

"I can't!" he screamed, just as he felt the struggle give way. "Shit!"

Natsu felt his bladder let loose, and instantly a mouth was around him. As the tension relaxed and flowed away, he felt sucking lips and a gulping throat. He panted and looked down to see Gray in utter ecstasy.

"Fucker," he whispered, part of him angry at Gray for pushing him that far, and part of him amazed at how good it felt to give in to the relief. It was like the release of an orgasm, only it lasted longer.

Gray laughed around his cock and continued to drink him down. When finally it was over, he pulled back with a naughty smile and a lick of his lips.

"You're a jerk," Natsu snapped.

"And you're sexy," Gray purred, rubbing up his thighs. The tearful eyes worried him, though. "Was it okay?"

"This time," he pouted, looking aside in shame. "I'm still not … I mean, I don't mind, but…" The ambivalent look on his face showed that Natsu still thought this was a truly bizarre fetish, but he could let Gray have a harmless kink like this.

"So long as it's okay for you."

Natsu scoffed dismissively. "It's just you being a jerk like usual. Can you ditch the ice cuffs?"

"Oh! Yeah, of course."

Gray raised to his feet and freed him. Natsu scowled as he pulled away and rubbed his wrists. Gray tried to caress the sour face, but Natsu yanked back. He still felt ashamed, but he also looked up, worried if it was okay, if Gray liked it, if that sacrifice to his pride was what Gray truly wanted.

Gray saw the uncertainty in Natsu's eyes and suddenly yanked him in. "Come here."

He wrapped Natsu up in his arms, petting his head, soothing the shame away, and letting Natsu find some sense of comfort in cuddling him. He placed a soft kiss on Natsu's head and ran his hands up and down his back.

"Thank you," Gray whispered. "I know it's not your thing, but … thank you."

Natsu felt better being embraced so tenderly. He knew that had not just been Gray being a jerk, but his own perverted way of showing love. "I'm not into that, but…" His head raised, and a smile wavered on his lips. "…I like seeing how much you're into it."

He grabbed Gray back and snuggled into the crook of his neck. He really had been much more focused on giving Gray what he wanted than anything else. It was also his way to show love, to show that he accepted Gray, kinks and all. He accepted a side of Gray probably no one else would, just as Gray fully accepted him and his limitations. Natsu sighed in bliss that they were back together, like two pieces of a bizarre puzzle. Relief filled the place of humiliation, like warm heat spreading through a cold room.

Hardly thinking, Natsu muttered, "I love you."

Gray smiled but struggled with what he could say back. "You know how I feel."

"I know." Natsu frowned at himself for putting Gray on the spot again. "Sorry if I keep saying it—"

"Shut up," he cut in. "I _like_ hearing you say it. I just don't know how to reply." He squeezed Natsu closer and rested his head on top of the pink hair. "I care for you … so deeply. I want everything about you, all the good, all the bad, the delicious and the disgusting." He shook his head in wry amusement. "I'm a really greedy bastard."

"I'm the same way."

"Damn right you are!"

That made Natsu chuckle. He horded like a dragon, after all. "I don't have that kink, but I want everything about you, too." Natsu licked up the vein pulsing along Gray's neck. "Everything," he sighed, and he gave small bites and licks down to his chest. He planted one kiss over Gray's heart, then looked up with a smile.

"Natsu," Gray sighed in amazement. He started to lean in to kiss him.

Natsu yanked away with a disgusted look. "Um … can you wash out your mouth?" He cringed, worried about being insensitive. "Sorry."

Gray politely pulled back, knowing he had to do only what Natsu felt comfortable doing. He was okay with Gray swallowing his piss, but he did not want to taste it himself, and Gray had to respect that. He turned aside and looked around. He figured the lake was the best bet for clean water.

"The water's really safe, right?"

"Yeah."

Gray scooped up a handful of lake water, gargled, and spit onto the rocks. He turned back around and shrugged, wondering if that was enough. Natsu walked forward and wrapped his arms around the Ice-Make wizard.

"Some things never change, you pervert."

Gray took Natsu's chin and tipped it up. "My feelings for you will also never change."

Natsu's mouth dropped in shock, but Gray immediately leaned over to kiss him. His hands slid up and down Natsu's body, and he felt the arousal beginning to stir again.

Suddenly, Natsu grabbed Gray and slammed him to the cave wall, thrusting up hard against him and biting his lip. Gray moaned loudly. Yes! He had missed Natsu's bites. When Lucy tried to bite his lip, Gray instinctively felt the need to stop her. He had told her, _Only one man bites me_.

Only Natsu.

"Only you."

Natsu yanked back breathlessly. "What?"

Gray smirked at him. "Only you can bite me."

A lusty sneer rippled over Natsu's lips, and suddenly he dug his teeth into Gray's shoulder. The Ice-Make wizard shouted and cursed at the pain. The bite deepened, and he felt his skin break. Gray's scream echoed through the cavern, bouncing over the lake, trembling the calm waters. Meanwhile, Natsu licked calmly, smearing blood over his tongue. As soon as he licked the dripping blood, the wound began to heal.

"Dragon lust spit." Gray laughed weakly while shaking from the pain. "Fuck, I forgot about that."

Natsu pulled back, and Gray swore his eyes were glowing. Blood painted his lips, colored his snarling teeth, and smeared down his chin. He looked vicious, and Gray's heart raced with instinctive terror. Then Natsu's tongue licked the blood off his lips, and Gray just about had an orgasm right there. Damn, he loved it when Natsu acted like the wild dragon he was! It made taming the dragon even sweeter.

He saw Natsu's fangs bare, and Gray cringed as he dived in. He felt the sharp teeth sink into him again, closer to the neck this time, and cursed in pain.

"Whoa, watch the arteries!" he cried out, remembering all too vividly what happened last time.

"I know," Natsu snarled, licking as soon as the blood dripped. He still felt the healing power pulsing through his blood, but it was waning as his hormones calmed back down. "It's not enough," he growled. "You haven't come. I wanna taste you after you've come." He looked up with fiery yet worried eyes. "Can I?"

Chills at the starved look trembled through Gray. "Hell yes!" He saw Natsu going in for another bite and grabbed his cheek, stopping him. "Gimme a bit of a break. That frickin' hurts!"

"Sorry." Natsu pulled back and wiped his reddened chin. "I just missed your taste."

"I know," he said, fully understanding. He laughed at the oddity. "I like your piss; you like my blood. We're both so messed up." Still, it was nice to know that Natsu wanted him so badly. He wanted Natsu, too. He wanted more of this feral, wild side. Gray loved being the sadist, but only because Natsu was so aggressive normally. "Um … hey."

Natsu had been simply licking Gray's throat, but he yanked back in worry. "Wh-what?"

Gray bit his lip. He knew already, he really should not ask this. "How … _safe_ do you feel?"

Natsu looked confused. "Being here, pretty safe. Really, I'm okay," he swore frantically. "I'm not gonna bite you again if you don't want it. I won't lose control ever again."

"No, I mean … do you feel…?" He broke off and looked aside, trying to find the words. He really, _really_ , should not be asking.

"Feel what?"

Gray nibbled his lip, but then he looked up firmly. "You can tell me no," he said sharply, but then struggled to say more. "Do you feel safe enough to … t-to maybe … want to top?"

Natsu's eyes grew huge. "Whuh? Me?"

"You don't have to," Gray quickly assured him.

He looked aside in hesitation. Him? Topping? So soon?

Gray knew he was going to push Natsu's boundaries, and he hated himself for being this inconsiderate, especially when he had promised himself not to push their limits. "Sorry—"

"You really want me to?" Natsu suddenly asked.

Gray jolted that he was even considering it. It was a horrible plan, after all, fraught with all sorts of dangers for them as a couple. "It was just an idea. I'm okay doing it, of course, but I thought … you said you feel really safe here, so … maybe…" His voice faded with all the doubts swirling in his head. "Look, if it's a bad idea, forget it." He turned aside and cursed at himself. He never should have said anything!

However, Natsu seemed to be seriously weighing the request. "Maybe … just try it?" he whispered. "No expectations?"

"Of course not," Gray assured him. "We'll just give it a try, and we'll stop right away. I don't want to push you." He turned away again and muttered, "I shouldn't even be asking."

"N-no." Natsu looked determined now. "I need to learn to trust myself. That's what my therapist keeps telling me. And … and you trust me." He said it, but he looked hopeful, wanting confirmation.

Gray turned back to him with a gentle smile. "I totally trust you."

Natsu was happy to hear that, but he still cringed. He flopped onto the ground, pulled his knees up, and grumbled as he scowled over the lake. "I just wish I fully trusted myself."

That was the biggest hurdle. He had killed a man— _many people_ —in the past. Trusting himself was not easy.

Gray sat beside him and wrapped Natsu up in his arms, hoping to show that he fully and completely trusted him. "We'll do whatever you want, and only as much as you want. However is best."

"O-okay."

Natsu looked up at him and saw confidence from Gray, but also regret. Gray knew he was pushing limits, and he felt guilty. So far, Natsu still felt safe, and with that security came confidence. If it was here … this cave, at this time, when they were just getting back together, when they were both feeling out boundaries, and Natsu did not have to feel obligated to do anything at all … maybe this was the best timing.

Without any warning, he grabbed Gray's shoulders and flipped him, surging up on top so suddenly, Gray was left with his mouth gaping open.

"What?" the ice wizard asked, shocked at the attack.

"I … wanna…" Natsu shook his head, banishing the timidity. He needed to be certain or it would certainly end in failure. "I want to start off on top," he decided. "Then I can pull off if I need to."

Gray chuckled, already liking the aggressiveness. It was both sexy and adorable. "Sure, whatever position works."

Natsu nodded, pretty certain that like this, it would be best. He could back out of it as soon as he sensed a problem, rather than panicking under Gray. He was fully in control, which he needed to be in order to have confidence in himself. However, as he looked down between the two of them, he realized one serious problem.

"We don't have any lube."

"Can you wait a minute?" Gray rolled up to his feet and walked over to the towels he had brought down. He pulled out a little bottle hidden inside the fluffy folds.

"You brought it?" Natsu had to laugh that Gray was already prepared for sex.

"Of course. I was being hopeful." Gray held the bottle out, but Natsu just stared down at it. Gray's eyebrow lifted as the Dragon Slayer did not move. Slowly, he pulled the bottle back. "Should I prep myself?"

Natsu jolted. "Oh!" He laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck. "Sorry. Nervous."

"It's fine." Gray sat back down on the stone ground. He squirted a bit of thick fluid onto his fingers, then set the bottle aside for the moment and wrapped an arm around Natsu, yanking him to the stone floor and resting his head on the warm chest. "Here. I'm gonna cuddle you."

"Cuddle?" Natsu asked in surprise. "I thought you were going to prep yourself."

"Yeah. I'm gonna hold you with this hand…" His free arm stretched over the warm chest. "…reach back…" The lubed finger slid around behind, and luckily his arms were long enough to reach his ass. "Yeah, this will work." He sighed in happiness, listening to Natsu's racing heart. Just lying like this was peaceful. "I really am glad you're back."

Natsu relaxed and stared up at the shimmering stalactites. "Me, too."

Gray raised his head up, leaned over, and kissed Natsu, softly at first, then bolder. As hot hands caressed his body, Gray let out a sensual hum. "I missed you. Mmm … missed you."

They laid on their sides, tongues lapping at each others, hands clutching, enjoying simply making out. Natsu nipped Gray's lower lip again, getting a heady moan out of him. Then Gray stretched his arm a bit more, lifted one knee to make better room, and slipped his finger inside. The initial pinch of being spread made him groan in a moment of pain.

"Gray?" Natsu asked in concern.

"Fine," he grunted, and his free hand pulled at Natsu's hair, yanking his mouth in closer.

Natsu shivered. Gray was fingering himself just for him, because he wanted him. It was amazing to think about. Gray _wanted_ him, _trusted_ him, and although he was a sadist who had showed his cruel streak just a moment ago, he also wanted this, to bottom, to be taken _by him_. He wanted Natsu to make love to him.

"Gray," Natsu sighed between moist kisses, so deeply in love and wanting to give Gray everything he ever dreamed of. If Gray wanted the thrill of watching Natsu desperate to pee, Natsu would face the humility of wetting himself. If Gray wanted to tie him up and fuck him senseless, Natsu would hand him the rope and moan like a whore. If Gray wanted Natsu to top … he sure as hell would give it his best effort.

Natsu heard the hitch in Gray's voice as he added another finger, stretching himself so they would be ready for this. Natsu opened his eyes in the midst of the kiss and saw the furrow in Gray's sweat-dripping forehead. It was somehow endearing to know that Gray was willing to experience a bit of pain as well just so they could take turns.

However, Natsu wanted it to be pleasurable as well. He reached between their bodies to where Gray was grinding into his lower stomach. He grabbed both of their cocks and stroked them together.

Gray yanked up, moaning loudly at the sweet friction. "Ooh, that feels good. Your hands are so hot." He still kept thrusting at Natsu, humping into his hand now, while pressing his fingers in deeper.

"Can I lick you?" Natsu asked, seeing the sweat dripping along Gray's jaw.

"Anything!" he groaned.

Natsu now lifted himself, and Gray rolled back, keeping his legs up so he could continue to finger himself. Natsu caged him in with his arms, looking down in fascination at the flushed cheeks and wide-blown eyes shimmering with desire. Gray's smell was everywhere now, seeming to fill the whole cave, thick and intoxicating, the musk of a snowy forest here in the heart of the Fire Dragon King's volcano.

He licked over the abs, feeling with his tongue how they tensed and relaxed. He lapped up the sweat between Gray's pectorals, then ventured over to lick his nipple.

Gray let out a groan, and his spine arched up in pleasure. He felt the heat of that tongue dance over his skin, leaving behind wonderful coolness. Especially as Natsu seemed to get caught up in the taste of his skin, his quick panting blew over the trails of saliva, cooling Gray off in the midst of such oppressive humidity.

However, then Gray felt a hold on his wrist. He looked up and saw Natsu with stern eyes, not saying anything, but giving a slight tug on the hand in his ass. Was he ready for this? Gray smiled, proud of him and privately eager to see Natsu top. His dreams over the past six months had increasingly been filled with Natsu's dangerous glare and snarling taunts. He could hardly help but at least ask if Natsu wanted it. More than anything else, Gray wanted to feel his ass spread by that fiery cock. He wanted to know for certain that Natsu truly wanted him.

He eased his fingers out, about to tell him to use plenty of lube, when Natsu grabbed both of Gray's wrists and pinned his arms above his head, straddling over him and glaring down, narrow green slits simmering like a magical fire.

Defiantly, Gray pulled on his wrists, but Natsu kept him pinned down. His hand heated up, punishing the ice wizard for resisting. Gray's eyes widened. _Definitely_ not how he thought Natsu would take him, but it was _hot as fuck!_

A smirk curled into Natsu's face. He leaned over slowly, holding Gray's awestruck gaze, but then focused to the side. His lips kissed and tongue dragged along Gray's upper arm, from the elbow pinned above his head down to his armpit. When Natsu licked Gray's armpit, the ice wizard yanked hard in surprise.

"Whoa!" he cried out, tugging at the restraining fist.

"Here, too," Natsu insisted, and he gave another tiny lick into the center of the pit.

"W-wait!" he screamed, squirming violently.

Natsu's weight dropped, crushing down Gray's wiggling body. He glowered at the attempts to break free. "Here … too."

Gray froze at the commanding tone and cursed in his head. It was sweaty there, possibly smelly, and … and if Natsu licked there more … he shivered at the humiliating thought.

Natsu saw Gray calming down and smiled in satisfaction. He knew where Gray's natural smell was strongest. Right here, the armpit. It was sweat and musk and pure Fullbuster taste. He leaned over again and licked.

" _Nngh_ , Natsu," he moaned.

The Dragon Slayer felt feeble squirming from Gray and ignored it. He knew how to stop it with a safeword, and besides, he had his fill of weird kinks earlier. Now Natsu wanted this smell and salty taste.

"Ahh!"

Natsu jolted up at the shriek, but instead of pain he saw utter humiliation. Gray bit his lip, hoping to hold back any other noises. Natsu realized what it was.

"Ticklish?"

"Shut up," he grumbled with a pout.

Natsu grinned and leaned over to the other armpit, licking there as well and sending Gray into a fit of laughs. He squirmed and tried to yank away, blushing and giggling.

"You're ticklish there," he cried out, excited to figure this out.

"Shut up!" he shouted. Damn, this was the worst, humiliating himself by being ticklish. He wanted no more, and his eyes showed that this was not arousing. Natsu politely backed off, let go of the wrists, and instead rubbed his hands up and down Gray's torso, feeling the slipperiness of sweat.

"I should be good, if you want," Gray told him, and Natsu nodded yes. Gray rolled his hips up and pulled in his knees, giving easy access. He even held his butt cheeks apart to make this as easy as possible. Then he looked up at Natsu. "Like this?"

Natsu gazed down at him. Gray really did want him. He needed to trust himself, though.

_'I can do this. I can do this! I'm getting better, and he trusts me. It's safe here. It's safe! It was always safe here. I was always … safe. The darkness never came here, ever. I'm safe.'_

Gray saw Natsu just staring in silence. "Um … are you all right?"

Breathlessly, yet struggling to keep his confidence, he nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

"If it's at all bad, we'll stop. I won't push you, and don't push yourself. We'll just see where we are." He rubbed up and down Natsu's arms, smiling up with confidence. "Just testing the waters again."

Testing the waters, no different than returning to this cave and testing the lake. Things might be different after such a long time. He would never know until he tested it out.

"All right," Natsu agreed.

Gray was relieved to see that Natsu looked calm. As he lubed his cock, Gray saw a passiveness that Natsu never showed before. Their first time trying this, Natsu had panicked the whole time, and Gray was not aware enough to know when to stop until it was truly traumatic. Other times, Natsu knew he would react bad but forced himself to try it anyway. This time, he looked calm, maybe not fully confident, but Gray saw that Natsu was going to try this purely as an experiment. If it worked, wonderful, but if it didn't … he was ready to face that.

After rubbing lube on, Natsu looked down at Gray, silently asking if he was okay.

"Yeah," he breathed, spreading his thighs more.

Natsu seemed ready, but he hesitated again. "Do you really trust me?"

Gray gave him a confident smile and swore, "With my whole soul."

Natsu sighed in relief and blurted out, "I love you." He suddenly froze up, realizing Gray might feel uncomfortable hearing that. "Uh … sorry."

"No," he said with a passive smile, and although he could not say it back, he said the next best thing. "Same." It was something his therapist had suggested. Admit to the emotion, even if the words refused to pass his lips.

Natsu's face broke into a giddy smile. He felt _the same_. Exactly the same. _In love!_ "I like hearing that," he admitted, blushing brightly. "Just that."

That wonderful look on Natsu's face show to Gray, without any doubt … he _had_ to get over this phobia so he could tell Natsu properly. For now, he was getting closer. He felt no fears in at least admitting he felt the _same_.

Still, he tried to shrug it off, feeling awkward, stuck in this position, ass spread, with Natsu looking like an excited puppy now. He mumbled bashfully, "Well, I can say that much."

"It's plenty," Natsu assured him. He caressed Gray's cheek, so proud of his progress. Now it was time to see how much better he himself had gotten. He reached down, gripped himself, and looked at what was waiting for him. "All right."

It was just putting his penis into something. He was not going to come into that space. Just like how Lucy had Natsu gag Gray with his cock, he was simply inserting it into his ass. Nothing more. _Nothing more!_

Natsu calmed himself, and slowly he pressed in. He had to steady himself as Gray was slow to spread, but gradually he sank into his lover's body, merging with him, two becoming one.

"A-ah," moaned Gray.

Natsu's cock was hot, and instead of all the times he was the one doing the taking, this time Natsu set the pace. Maybe it was a little faster than he liked, he wished Natsu would give him slightly longer to adjust—his cock was frigging _huge_ after all—but still … he was being taken! He wanted this, wanted Natsu to claim him, to feel that fullness inside, and to help Natsu get over his nightmarish past.

However, Gray realized that Natsu's face was strained. He stared a little too intensely at where their bodies merged. A furrow shadowed between his brows.

"Are you okay?" he asked in concern.

"I'm good," he said with a smile, finally meeting Gray's eyes only to see the concern. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah." He felt incredible! Natsu was making love to him! Well, at least Natsu had entered him. They got this far in the past. It was time to see how far they could go now.

Natsu also realized, simply inserting his cock was not enough. He had to _do something_ now. He gulped and looked down again to where his tuft of pink hair tickled the bottom on Gray's balls.

"I'm … gonna move."

This was the hard part. He pulled back and saw the shine of lube on his cock as it slid out. Gray moaned, and Natsu tried to let that pleasure be all that mattered. Then he pressed back in, and Gray's sensual voice echoed through the cave.

It was incredible!

And it was terrifying!

Natsu had a very slow, deliberate pace, in and out, cautious but determined. Gray opened his eyes and saw the focus in his eyes.

"Ah … that's good," he assured, tensing his hands on Natsu's hips to pull him in deeper. Natsu gave a soft whimper, and when Gray looked up again, the focus in his eyes was fading, being replaced with a cringe. "You're doing good." His back arched up as he moaned. "Ugh … _real_ good."

Something dark was just on the edge of Natsu's mind. He wanted this to be just about pleasing Gray, but there were memories, horrors, dark moments that never fully went away. A vile laugh rang through his head, and Natsu came to a full stop.

"Gray?" He felt like he had utterly failed; however, he had promised not to push himself. "Can I pull out?"

"Of course."

Natsu pulled back, almost in tears, and looked down at himself. He shook his head in frustration. He really had hoped that here, in this place, he could do this, yet the darkness was still there to haunt him.

Suddenly, he was yanked down by strong arms. Natsu yelped in surprise, but Gray wrapped him up in excitement.

"Natsu! That was amazing!"

"Whuh?" How was that amazing? It was awful! He failed!

Gray hugged Natsu's head against his chest, cradling him close. "You did well," he praised. "You managed to be on top out of your own free will."

"For less than a minute," he whined, hating himself for his weakness.

"Still, you never would have been able to do even that much at the beginning, right?"

Natsu froze and thought back to that time when even ejaculating, no matter the circumstances, was a terrifying ordeal, and he had to make-believe that he was being focused against his will just to give in to pleasure. Actually _taking_ pleasure … that was impossible back then. Natsu had issues with just the thought of putting his cock inside something. He did it once, when Gray was changed into a female body, but that had been dark, dangerous, and terrifying, not loving at all. This time, although it was brief, he had put it in all on his own, and although the darkness was there, he had not freaked out.

"That was good," Gray praised, petting his head. "You're incredible, how much you've improved!"

Natsu felt his cheeks getting hotter from the approval. "Gray?"

He pulled back, still beaming a proud smile.

Natsu blushed awkwardly, but said with a slightly different tone to his voice, "Kainushi?"

Gray shivered at the name that called out to his dominant self.

Natsu leaned up and whispered in lust, "Your turn." He pawed at Gray, enticing him to take over. "I want you, kainushi."

Gray stared in awe for only three seconds before he slammed Natsu to the ground, feeling desire bubbling up as he sidled up between his legs. Natsu gasped at the roughness, but then grinned at getting him riled up so easily. He knew calling Gray that name would beckon the sadist back.

"Do it," he urged.

Gray wanted to slam in there, just as he had done their first time, but he knew that would hurt. He grabbed the lube and opened the cap. "You need prepped."

Natsu grabbed his wrist before Gray could lubricate his fingers. "I want it. Now!"

Gray still squirt on some lube and quickly rubbed it onto his cock. There was no way he would go in dry. Natsu lifted his legs and rolled his hips, presenting himself fully. Gray looked down at the entrance waiting for him.

Damn, it had been a _long_ time since he was in there!

Then, watching to see if it was too painful, he pressed in. Natsu was tight, his spine arched, he cried out sensually, but Gray felt the passageway loosen for him.

"N-Natsu!" He felt as if that fiery abyss was swallowing him whole.

"Gray." He forced himself to relax more, and he felt Gray slipping inside deeper, aiming to get it all in. " _Nnngh_ … I miss this. Been so long." A tear slipped out of the side of Natsu's eye. "So long," he whispered.

How long had it been? When was the last time Gray had penetrated him? He tried to think back, but those had been some dark days near the end.

Natsu groaned as Gray went in deeper, spreading him wider, until he felt their hips bump. He was all in, and they both waited there, catching their breath. Gray leaned his head down, resting their foreheads together as he let Natsu adjust. He sighed in amazement.

Damn, he loved this man! He felt it in his heart, screaming in his soul, but the words refused to form. He remembered though … he could love things _about_ Natsu.

And he did.

He loved everything about him!

As he set up a slow, shallow thrusting, he looked down in awe. "I love feeling inside you."

Natsu's heart skipped at hearing Gray say that word again. Love! "Me too. I love it," he agreed, hoping to encourage Gray through his fear of that word. "And … and I can hold you." His fingers racked through Gray's hair, brushing it off his sweating forehead. Gray looked down at him, their eyes lingered, and Natsu sank into that blue gaze. He caressed Gray's cheeks, wanting to simply cling to him. "I like being able to touch you like this."

"Yeah," he smiled back, enjoying Natsu's tender caresses. "I miss tying you up, though."

"You can do that another time." Natsu realized Gray was still being slow and gentle. It was thoughtful of him, but Natsu's body craved more. "You can go faster."

"Really?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah." The lust burned in his eyes. Natsu wanted to _own it all_.

Gray lurched forward, slamming in. Natsu cried out, but he grabbed Gray's hips, pulling him to go even deeper. Gray pounded in, again and again. He watched Natsu's body tensing and squirming. He watched where their bodies merged, plunging into him, and pre-cum dripping from his cock onto his belly. He began to stroke Natsu, slathering around the clear drips, and the Dragon Slayer roared at the pleasure.

"Gray … I love you," he keened. " _Nngh_ … dammit."

He was already about to come again, but he wanted to wait. He was enjoying the stretching in his ass too much, the feel of Gray's body above him, and the pure pleasure he had missed so much. Gray thrust all the way in and stroked Natsu's full length at the same time.

Something dark flashed through Natsu's mind. _No! Not now!_ He didn't want those memories! Not at a time like this, not when things were going so well.

Gray's mouth hung open, moaning from the pleasure.

 _A jaw hung open loosely._ _**NO!** _

_Moans. Thrusts. The cries echoed through a dark room._ _**STOP IT!** _

A drop of water hit the lake behind him, rippling the smooth surface.

 _Blood dripped in a puddle._ _**NO! MAKE IT STOP!** _

"Dammit!" he sneered. Natsu patted Gray's chest, making him look down. Feeling on edge and depressed with defeat, he growled, "Ice my hands."

Gray came to a full stop. His eyes had been closed, lost to the pleasure. He forgot to keep an eye on Natsu. He saw now that he was pale and looked sick. "If you're bad—"

"N-no. Just … please." There was no way he wanted to stop, but he could no longer trust himself. The flashbacks had returned, as they always did.

Gray frowned, but then his face went stubborn. "Hold my hands."

"Whuh?" Before Natsu could ask, Gray grabbed his hand, threaded their fingers together. In a flash of magic, ice crystallized over both of their hands. "Ah! Cold! Cold, cold!"

"Natsu," he said sternly, but his eyes softened. He leaned over and whispered soothingly into his ear. "We're going to make love … holding hands."

He looked up in shock, and a tear came to his eye. "Gray."

He gave a nod, showing him to trust him. Then Gray thrust in.

Natsu cried out. However, in the midst of the ice, he felt Gray's fingers squeeze his hand. He looked over at their bound grips. He was still holding onto Gray, still clutching one another, except he felt safe again.

He flinched hard as some memory flashed through his mind, but the ice brought him back to the present, along with a tighter squeeze from Gray. He forced his eyes open and looked up. Gray was watching him closely now, although his mouth still hung open, panting, sweating, growing weary from exertion, yet he kept going.

"I miss feeling you," Gray moaned as he thrust in and out. "Miss feeling inside you."

"Gray! I'm … I'm close."

"You can bite me," he said. "Go ahead."

Natsu gasped softly. He remembered! "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he said, and he stretched his neck to the side, giving him plenty of room. "Go ahead."

Natsu looked at his skin. The smell was there, stronger, building rapidly. He wanted to taste Gray through the whole thing. He leaned up and bit hard. Gray cried out at the sharp pain, but he did not stop thrusting. He was also close, so _very_ close, and pain no longer mattered in the midst of all this pleasure. Even when he saw some of his blood dripping down onto Natsu's chest, he did not stop the force of his hips.

"Tastes so good," Natsu moaned, able to tell the increase of Gray's hormones by the sweetness in the blood. He felt his own body reacting strongly to the taste, drawing up, ready to release. "Don't you dare stop!"

"Inside or outside?" Gray asked quickly.

"Huh?"

"Cum." He panted, barely able to speak through a parched throat. "Inside or no?"

Natsu hesitated for a moment. Shit! They forgot a condom.

"Outside," Gray decided for him.

"Well, if … i-if you want—"

"Shut up. Just … _nnngh_ … shut up!"

Gray kept pounding in, driven into a frenzy by desperate need. He felt Natsu's scalding mouth latch back onto his neck. Gray suddenly slapped his hands together above Natsu's head and unfroze one of his hands while icing both of Natsu's together, one hand still clenched to the burning fingers.

Natsu felt Gray let go of one hand and the strained position. "Gray?"

"Lick me!" he shouted as he pulled out of Natsu's ass.

Gray reached down and grabbed both of their cocks, stroking them together. Natsu moaned, but he attacked the bleeding bite, wanting to taste that crucial moment.

Gray's face drew up as he felt tension tightening, tauter, ready to snap. Natsu's teeth bit again, probably not meaning to, but Gray felt moisture on his fingers and a muffled groan as Natsu came. He realized the Dragon Slayer's cum was all over his hands.

He was stroking his cock with Natsu's cum!

And that erotic thought snapped all the tension apart. Gray let out guttural huffs, and he heard Natsu shuddering in delight.

"Oh, that tastes … _nnngh_ , good." He licked the blood and tasted, smelled, saw, felt, heard _everything_! He lapped up the coppery drips, and the taste became smoother, still sweet, but sated. "Ooh, Gray."

As the tongue dipped into one of the punctures, Gray flinched. His eyes opened lazily, and he saw blood on Natsu's chest dripping down from his neck. Wearily and getting dizzy, he warned, "You better heal that."

Natsu already felt the hormones flooding his own blood, and as he licked, the wound was closing up. Soon, the taste was gone. He saw the skin had grown over, but he still licked, hoping to completely heal him, even the bruise. Satisfied, he laid back on the stone floor and smiled up at Gray.

"You're not bleeding."

"All right," he nodded, disoriented and too tired to move yet. "Does it taste good?"

Natsu nodded in perfect satisfaction. "Real good."

Gray smiled. The idiot still had blood on his chin, and Gray realized he did not mind one bit. He leaned over and kissed Natsu. The copper taste was actually not bad. Not his thing, but the lightheaded euphoria was pretty damn awesome, a special bonus in a way.

Gray freed their hands and rolled off in exhaustion. He laid on his back, feeling the damp, cold stone floor under him, and stared up at the glittering curtains of stones. He did not want to move, not even a little.

Natsu was the one who got up, grabbed a wash cloth, and cleaned both of them. He washed away the cum and blood and gently rubbed the wet cloth over Gray's stomach to clean up the cum that had squished between them. Once their hands and torsos were clean, he delicately washed Gray's cock, then wiped his ass with the cloth, scrubbing away the lube and a tiny bit of blood from a tear. He threw the filthy cloth into the stone basin and returned to Gray's side, cuddling into him. Gray's arm wrapped him up, and Natsu rested on his chest, listening to his heart gradually slowing down.

"Why did you do that?" Natsu asked suddenly. "Pull out?" he clarified. "You didn't have to."

"I want us to be equals." Gray kept his eyes up at the cave ceiling, mindlessly petting Natsu's fluffy hair. "From here on out, we're equals in this. Even if we do our kinky stuff," he said with a smile for the Dragon Slayer, "I want you to know that I think of you as an equal to me."

Natsu's mouth dropped, and heat flooded his chest. "Gray." It was what he had often wanted, to not feel like he was submissive, or somehow inferior, but an equal who just so happened to be a masochist.

"Besides," Gray shrugged, "cleanup would have been a pain in the ass. Literally. I'd rather spend the time cuddling you."

"Cuddling me?" he asked, surprised again at Gray's sudden penchant for romantic cuddling. It was definitely one of many changes since six months ago.

"I miss doing that." Gray ran his hand through Natsu's hair and closed his eyes, content and sleepy.

Natsu hummed in happiness. They laid there, and in not even a minute Natsu realized Gray was drifting off.

"Is the heat getting to you?"

"Definitely," he muttered on the edge of consciousness.

Natsu chuckled at hearing his fragile snowman so exhausted. "We should get some water as well. I wouldn't want my ice princess to dehydrate."

Gray felt too tired to argue. "So, are you feeling better?"

"Yeah." Natsu laughed with joy and rolled on top, straddling Gray's hips. "Are you feeling good?"

He grinned up at his boyfriend. "Definitely!"

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Nope," Gray assured him, but smirked slyly. "Your cock isn't big enough to hurt."

"You bastard!" He hit Gray's chest, and the ice wizard laughed. He simply had to tease Natsu, especially since his cock was a monster. "But … was it okay, pulling out early? I just still…" He bit his lower lip in shame and looked aside. "I have that issue."

"It's fine," Gray assured him. "We're just testing the waters. We'll see where we are, but we won't push each other."

Natsu nodded to the plan, but he still frowned. "Sometimes I don't think I'll ever get to the point where I can come inside something."

"You will," Gray said without a doubt in his mind.

They had both come so far in this fight. They would one day win their personal battles. They were Fairy Tail! They didn't know the meaning of quitting or slowing down. They simply got stronger and kept going forward.

"I was thinking about that," he admitted. "What if you built up to it?"

Natsu raised his head off Gray's chest. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you can come in my mouth so long as I swallow and it's not usable. You're okay if you know the cum will be destroyed. What if you used something that's _meant_ to be destroyed?"

Natsu tipped his head to the side. "Huh?"

"What if we bought something—a sex toy."

Natsu already cringed at this plan.

"We buy it for the sole purpose of burning it, but before setting it on fire, we use it on you and—"

"Gray!" he shouted over him, glaring and shaking his head.

Gray closed his mouth. "Pushing too far?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry."

He wrapped Natsu back up in his arms. It had been something he thought about over the past few months, but he supposed some things were completely beyond what Natsu could handle. He just had to let Natsu be the one to make the decisions. He knew himself best, after all, so he would know if a plan was sure to fail. Gray had to trust that Natsu knew his limits and not push those limits.

Natsu hesitated before saying more. "There _is_ an idea my therapist has been suggesting, but I still need time."

An idea? Gray instantly perked up. "What is it?"

Natsu's mouth pouted one way, then the other, and after a long pause he confessed, "Giving in to the fear."

Gray tried to process that. Giving in? To fear? "What do you mean?"

A few moments of awkward silence passed as Natsu gathered his thoughts. " _That man_ … was collecting my cum to be used for breeding. My therapist thought, instead of fearing that … what if I want it?"

None of this made sense yet to Gray. Breeding? Wanting it? "What?"

Natsu's cheeks began to turn pink. "Basically, I would build up to the point where I … I want _to breed_ … with you." He cringed as he looked over at Gray, worried what he might think about this crazed plan.

Gray stared back, still confused, face blank, until finally it all clicked. His eyes grew massive in shock. Oh … _oh!_ In other words, _breeding_ instead of _fucking_. Having sex in order to have kids.

Wait.

What the fuck?

"That's not really possible, is it?" he asked skeptically.

"No!" Natsu shouted.

"I mean, there's not some weird Dragon Slayer shit thing that goes on, right?"

"What, you think we can get pregnant? We're both guys, stupid!"

Gray exclaimed, "You have spit that heals after sex! What if other _stuff_ changes?"

"I'm human, dammit."

Gray arched an eyebrow. Everyone knew Dragon Slayers were different from average humans, with their specialized lungs, appetites for weird things, enhanced smell and hearing, motion sickness, the healing lust-spit, Dragon Force, and who knew what other changes happened to their bodies. Especially Natsu! He could hardly help but be at least slightly worried that Natsu would have some weird _going into heat_ phase that would lead to something bizarre.

Natsu rolled his eyes at Gray's skepticism. "Hormones in my spit and special lungs for breath attacks are different from growing a whole uterus inside me. Just because I know dragon slaying magic, it doesn't change my reproductive system."

"R-right." He supposed that made sense. Still, Natsu was human but … not like humans. How was he supposed to know what additional changes happened to these guys?

Luckily, Natsu just laughed at him. He could hardly blame Gray for being at least a little dubious. There was plenty of things about Dragon Slayers and their abilities that Natsu had not known about when Igneel left. He learned as he grew up and met other Dragon Slayers. Still, what Natsu was talking about was not about _him_ getting pregnant, but about Gray. Obviously, Natsu being a Dragon Slayer could not make Gray conceive a child.

"I mean mentally. It'd be a slow, emotional process between us, building trust, building a desire for a family, and once that groundwork is set, _mentally_ … I would want to breed, to mate, to…" His hands gestured as he tried to phrase this right. "…in a weird and totally impossible way … I would want to … to _get you pregnant_ … and thinking that to myself, maybe … maybe it'd let me actually _finish_ inside you."

Gray understood it now. It was still bizarre, but it was also brilliant. "And he's suggesting this?"

"As a way of maybe, possibly, overcoming it." Natsu saw Gray's eyes drifting off as he thought over this theoretical scenario. "Is it too weird?"

"No," Gray muttered, thinking back to many months ago. "Actually, I had a dream about that, and in the dream you said you … you wanted to get me pregnant."

Natsu instantly cheered up to hear that Gray had also thought about this sort of mental therapy. "And I made love to you like that?"

"Yeah."

He grinned enthusiastically, but instantly felt a twinge of worry. "Was it a good dream?"

He laughed at that apprehension. "From what I remember, yeah."

It was good! A dream of him topping, of wanting kids, was actually a good dream! "You'd _want_ it?"

He caressed Natsu's hair, enjoying the fluffiness. "I want _you_."

Natsu blushed and looked away to hide just how happy he felt to hear that. Gray wanted him! He had feared that pushing Gray aside would damn their relationship and they would never be able to get back to the closeness they had before. Instead, that time apart seemed to have brought them even closer. Gray was actually saying and doing things that were romantic, which had been his weak point before. How often had he said that Natsu was the romantic one. Yet here he was, wanting to cuddle, wanting to pet his hair, saying he might even want children, or at least he wanted Natsu as a mate.

Awkwardly, Natsu admitted, "I'm not at that point. I want to be with you," he assured, "I want to start dating again, but _that …_ that's really serious."

"Yes, but … I want to reach that point," Gray candidly confessed.

Natsu felt a shiver. Gray wanted it! Wanted children! Or at least, he wanted to get to the point of wanting a family with Natsu. Still … he _wanted_ it.

"Me, too," Natsu admitted emotionally.

He, at least, had thought about it. He could imagine raising Happy with Gray, and maybe someday in the future, adopting a child, just like how Igneel had adopted him, teaching the child to be a Dragon Slayer, or maybe an Ice-Make user, whatever natural gift the child might have. He had dreams about some faceless toddler running and laughing, calling out to Papa Natsu and Papa Gray.

"But you're right," Gray said, pulling him out of the fantasy. "It's a serious issue, and it also means you'd want me … for life."

Gray knew just how serious having a family was. His parents had been wholly dedicated to their family, to him, so much so that they sacrificed their lives for his future. He knew all too well that raising a family together meant wanting to be with one another for a lifetime and dedicating one's life to that family.

Natsu blushed, and in a fluster he stuttered, "It also depends on what _you_ want."

Gray's eyes were hard, serious, but showed deep love. Softly, he admitted, "I know what I want."

Natsu gasped. Wait … wait, did he say … did he mean … _wait!_

"Or my hormones do," Gray corrected, blushing as he realized what he had almost proclaimed. "My brain knows that's a … a _really_ serious thing, and we need to work our way there."

"Y-yeah," Natsu whispered, still shaken by Gray's near confession. "We have a ways to go."

Gray reached up and cupped the fiery cheek. "We can make that our goal."

A goal! To want each other so deeply, so thoroughly, they would want this forever, and want a family, children, marriage! It was a new goal, and far better than fighting nightmares and phobias. It was a goal to be together … forever.

"Yeah," Natsu agreed, almost in tears just knowing that this was something Gray wanted.

Gray smiled and yanked him down, smothering him into his chest. "That just means I have to make you want me that much."

Natsu wiggled out of the crushing hold. "Same here. I have to make _you_ want to have children with me _._ "

"I think you're succeeding already."

Natsu swore his heart would stop. "W-whuh?" he cried out, now so stunned, he could not even speak.

Gray pulled back and looked at him with solemn fervor. "Natsu, you're incredible. You're a good dad to Happy. I'm no good around kids," he shrugged, "but I think you … you'd make a good father."

His mouth hung open, and his lower lip quivered as a tear beaded up in his eye. "Gray!"

Gray thought he would make a good father!

He wanted kids! A family together!

The ice wizard began to feel flustered and rubbed the back of his neck. "We're not—"

"No, we're not," Natsu agreed with a nervous laugh.

"Not yet."

"Yeah."

"But … I _do_ want you," Gray whispered, tracing his face, "for as long as I can have you."

Who needed three words to declare love when Gray could confess he wanted Natsu for the rest of his life? Natsu tucked his chin down to hide his intense happiness.

"I guess, it's a start."

"A damn good start," Gray nodded. They smiled together, both blushing at what a life-altering discussion this was. "We'll take our time. We'll need to be serious about wanting this."

"Y-yeah."

This hardly even felt like the same Gray from before, the one who was sexually frustrated by having Happy around, enraged because he could not do things with the Exceed in the next room. One of their first fights as a couple was over Happy, and Gray had said some hurtful things.

_'If we decide to live together permanently, I'm not living with a cat … he can live somewhere else. I don't like feeling this restricted. I'm not ready to have a kid around ruining my sex life.'_

When they fought over Happy, they came to the conclusion that they were not ready for kids and were not looking to settle down yet. Now, they had reached a point where both of them wanted that as a goal.

Maybe they were not fully there yet, but their relationship was restarting at a more mature spot. It was not purely about physical pleasure. They wanted to see if they were ready for a family and a lifelong commitment.

For Natsu, that alone was a dream come true.

They curled together, watching the steam billowing in the cavern and hearing droplets from the lake. Gray's fingers stroked Natsu in sleepy, placid touches, and Natsu laid there, thinking about so many things, _wonderful_ things. A fictional future spread out in front of him. In it was him and Gray, holding hands, sharing loving smiles. No darkness or nightmares or fears, just them and the joy of being together for the rest of their lives. They would live together, make love freely, and be able to say or do anything together. It was a perfect future, and Natsu wanted to fight this darkness to reach that dream.

Today was just the start. Maybe it was a small step, but it was still progress, and he was determined to keep fighting, keep struggling, and never slip backward again.

"Um, Gray?" he muttered. "Maybe … later … can I do that again to you?"

Gray opened his sleepy eyes. "Entering me?"

"Y-yeah," he said awkwardly.

"Oh, fuck yes!" he exclaimed. "As many times as you want. Not too often, though." He smiled to himself. "I want your ass as well."

Natsu chuckled and had to admit, he liked when Gray pleasured him. "I like what we did, switching."

"Being equals," Gray said, making that another goal in their re-blooming relationship. "Let's do that more."

Natsu hummed in agreement, but suddenly Gray grabbed his hips, yanking him forward.

"Lots more!"

He giggled and shook his head at the playful grin on the ice wizard. "Horny bastard."

They kissed, and their eyes shined with many hopes for the future. Then Gray pulled Natsu in, and they cuddled together.

"I like it here," Gray said, looking at the cavern and thinking about how secluded it was, how safe, and how it was all theirs. "It's crazy, though. We're in the middle of a frigging volcano."

"Yeah? So? You grew up in a glacier."

"It wasn't a glacier," Gray snapped.

Natsu chuckled at teasing him, but it melted into sweet happiness. "And we met in Fairy Tail, where it's warm in summer and snows in winter."

Gray nodded to himself. "The perfect spot."

"Yeah."

Fairy Tail really was perfect, a natural blend of the elements for them. Maybe this volcano had been where he and Igneel lived, but Fairy Tail would always be his home, where he could come back no matter how many years passed and know the people there were waiting for him.

Gray let out a weary sigh. "I'll need help getting out of here. I'm really dizzy."

"Too hot for you, popcicle dick?"

"Shut the hell up."

"I could carry you back like the dainty princess you are."

Gray narrowed his eyes at him. "I will not hesitate to kick you in the balls."

Natsu laughed and yanked him up by the hand. They held one another, smiling, rubbing the damp skin. Gray gave Natsu one final kiss, Natsu kissed him back, then they walked to the cleaning area to wipe sweat off their skin and get dressed.

As they returned to the main hall, Gray felt relief from the oppressive humidity. It was still hot—was it actually hotter than yesterday?—but not as bad without the steam.

"I'm glad we came here," he said off-handedly.

Natsu beamed in excitement. "Yeah?"

Gray nodded and lightly touched Natsu's cheek. "You've looked … _happy_ since you got here. There's a definite change, and it's great to see."

Natsu hummed, feeling in a good mood. However, after sweating and sex, he was starving. "How about we go hunting?"

Gray agreed with the plan, also feeling like breakfast had been hours ago. "We'll do that, get a nice dinner."

"Yeah." Natsu thumbed his chest proudly. "And I'll cook it just how Igneel showed me."

Gray's eyebrow cocked up in wariness. "Are we going to have an actual meal or just char?"

"Shut up!" He shoved Gray away. "I can cook meat." Maybe he was not great at other food, but Igneel taught him lots of barbecue techniques.

Gray laughed and wrapped his arm around Natsu, shaking him out of his frown. "Let's go see what we can hunt."

"All right!"

Hunting together! Plus Natsu wanted to see how much the land outside of this cave had changed. They brought along just enough for a small hunting trip and headed out into the fresh mountain air. The sun beamed down on them, making them shade their eyes after the low light of the caverns.

Gray looked over to Natsu as he scanned the valley below. He had mentioned the smile, how happy Natsu looked, but it went beyond that. Natsu had been sinking into darkness, with haunted, hollow eyes and forced smiles. Then he vanished, or maybe ran away, and he returned to more forced laughter and solemn expressions. For months now, Natsu was not the Natsu whom Gray had known since they were children.

This now was more like the old Natsu, grinning and playful, the man he had fallen in love with.

Yes … fallen in love.

Gray knew he was in love. Deeply in love!

And one day, he would tell Natsu directly.

Those green eyes flashed up at him, the grin massive and the laugh mischievous. Natsu took off running down the mountain path, whooping in excitement. Gray followed, watching him and thinking about how amazing life would be to have this insane flame-brain by his side every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to go back through earlier chapters to pinpoint certain moments. So you don't have to dig around aimlessly like I did to recall them, I'll reference them here.
> 
> * Gray called out to his mother in a flashback: [Chapter 9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/911674/chapters/2273174), plus every flashback he has involves visions of blood on snow and his mother's screams.
> 
> * 1st time Natsu entered Gray went badly: [Chapter 3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/911674/chapters/1921179)  
> * 2nd time was not Natsu's choice, and although he did better, he still panicked: [Chapter 30](http://archiveofourown.org/works/911674/chapters/4174068)  
> * 3rd time was when Gray was under a gender-changing spell; Natsu realized there was something dark and dangerous about that time: [Chapter 43](http://archiveofourown.org/works/911674/chapters/8206095)
> 
> * Gray had a dream where Natsu wanted to get him pregnant (the dream actually did not end happily, but Gray forgot the last part): [Chapter 16](http://archiveofourown.org/works/911674/chapters/2661670)
> 
> * Gray used to be very much against having children around: [Chapter 21](http://archiveofourown.org/works/911674/chapters/3077719)


	56. By the Shores of a Placid Lake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. The bronchitis came back and I've been sick for weeks.
> 
> Added: A reader requested the audio drama. I went a little further and even used sound effects. - <http://chirb.it/A7210g>

They decided to hunt separately. It was simply easier to sneak up on prey when it was only one of them. Natsu went into some woods in the valley to find a wild boar, while Gray thought simple rabbits or a pheasant would be a good dinner for just the two of them, so he stayed in the grassy fields, listening for rustling. He had already captured and gutted two rabbits, which was plenty for dinner, but he wanted something they could eat for breakfast also. He heard the songs of a pheasant and stalked it as silently as possible. Just as he was about to ensnare the bird in ice, it flew into the air.

"Stupid bird!" he shouted, and Gray formed an ice spear instead, throwing it at the pheasant and missing. He could have encased the whole bird in ice, but that was not the point of _hunting_.

He glanced back and saw Natsu near the edge of the forest. He looked like he was disappointed. Perhaps there were no boars in these parts anymore after all.

"Natsu?" Gray said in a casual voice.

Despite the distance between them, Natsu perked up and looked over. "What?" he bellowed.

"Nothing," Gray said back. So, he could still hear, even this far away.

Gray heard geese honking and continued on to a lake. A goose for breakfast would be nice, and there were so many, he was sure to snag one.

However, he looked back again. Natsu was deeper in the woods, but that pink hair was easy to spot even in the shade of trees.

This time, he whispered, "Natsu?" He listened hard, but there was no shout. "Natsu, can you hear me?" Still nothing. "I really want to suck your cock, so if you can hear me, get over here right now." Something like that would have had Natsu racing forward, but instead the Dragon Slayer looked like he had spotted something interesting. "Can you hear me at all?" No reaction.

He was in a safe zone.

"I want you," he sighed. "It's not even about sex now. I mean, the sex is damn good, but … I _need_ you. I just need to be with you. I don't ever want to lose you again. I don't think my heart could handle it."

He turned and looked out over the placid lake spotted with geese. No … no, he couldn't _look_ at anything when he said this. If he focused on something, it would die. He faced the other way and looked at the mountain instead. Igneel's Mountain! Natsu's old home. Saying it to that was like saying it to Natsu, and saying it in front of Igneel's spirit.

"I …"

He wanted to tell Natsu.

"I-I…"

He would one day tell him directly.

"I lo- … lo- …"

Dammit, he would _say it to Natsu_ one day!

"… yo- … Shit!" This was not really saying it. He had practiced this, but when alone, locked away. Now, Natsu was somewhere to his left. He looked over at the woods again. "Can you honestly not hear me?" There was no evidence that Natsu's keen ears could pick up his voice, even spoken at a normal volume. Gray faced the mountain again. He could not look at Natsu and say it when there was a chance, a small chance, Natsu might actually hear him.

It was terrifying! If he said it and Natsu really could hear him … if Natsu heard Gray confess these words…

"Nothing will happen," he told himself. "Nothing bad will happen just from saying it. Lots of people say it every day. I _think_ it all the time. It's putting thoughts and feelings into vocalizations, nothing more. Nothing more! Just words."

He glared at the mountain, but still his heart beat frantically, panic brewing just under the surface.

"I …"

_Nothing will happen!_

"… love …"

_It's safe!_

"… you."

_It's okay. Everything is fine. Just words. Just…_

Blood on snow. Screams from his mother. The roars of Deliora. His father … head smashed … brains splattered over the snow … his mother's tears as her bloody hand cupped Gray's face.

_"I love you so much, Gray. Never forget that. I love you. Now run. Hide! Run far away before Deliora comes this way."_

Gray collapsed to his knees, his eyes wide as he saw nothing but the blood, the snow, and his ears were deaf to all but demonic roars.

"No … no, no, no!"

He tried to pinch himself, something his therapist recommended. He remembered Natsu used to do that, pinching his arm to pull himself out of memories and flashbacks.

"Mother," he sobbed. Why could he not pull out this time?

* * *

_"I won't leave you, Mother."_

_"Oh, my dear son. I'm so sorry. I love you so much."_

_"I love you, too. Mother! I love you."_

_"Thank you, Gray. I'm so thankful for a son like you. From the day you were born, we always loved you. We would give anything for you. So please, Gray. Live on! Live with my love for you in your heart. I love you … so much … my son."_

_"Mother! I love you! I love you, Mother. You and Father. I love you. Mother. Mother? Mother!"_

* * *

"Gray!"

He jolted as Natsu's face floating in through the blood and darkness. Gray scrambled back. No! Not him. Not in this place of death.

"Gray, what happened?" Natsu asked in worry. "You were screaming."

The vision faded. Gray swung his head around to see where he was. A lake, geese, woods, a mountain. And Natsu!

"Natsu?" he shuddered.

"Are you hurt? Did anything happen?"

He shook his head and could not look at him.

His green eyes tensed with worry, but Natsu also seemed to understand. "You tried to say it, didn't you?"

Part of the lake began to freeze as Gray suddenly panicked. "You heard?" he screamed in terror.

Natsu shook his head. "I only heard you screaming, so I ran here."

He didn't hear! He was safe! The ice stopped its crackling spread. "Good. That's good. Shit, I'm sorry." He dropped his head into his hands and cried softly.

Natsu took a seat beside him and pulled the ice wizard close. He let Gray cry and just sat with him, rubbing his arms as he worked his way back to the present. Finally, Gray leaned over, resting on Natsu shoulder and falling into his arms. Natsu was here, he was safe, and that was all that mattered.

"I can't … can't risk losing you."

"I know how that is," Natsu said softly, still rubbing Gray's arms to keep his in the present. "It's why I can't tell you about my past. I'm terrified that you might walk away."

Gray felt a stab of anguish at the lack of trust. "I wouldn't!"

Natsu smiled passively at the fervency, but he quietly admitted, "There's a good possibility that you might."

He sat up sharply. "I would never—"

Natsu put a finger to Gray's lips to silence him. "Even Loke said you might."

"Well, fuck him!" he shouted. Did Loke also think he was that fickle?

"Gray, there's a very good possibility that if you say those three words to me, nothing will happen. But you still can't tell me, right?"

Gray scoffed and scowled in the other direction.

"I don't mean that badly. I mean it to show what I'm going through. Deep in my heart, I want to believe that you wouldn't leave. I'd tell you everything, you'd hug me, forgive me, and we'd be fine. But if there's even a small chance that I'd lose you forever … I can't take that chance yet. Like you can't chance me overhearing you say those three words and all of your fears come true."

Gray reluctantly admitted, he had a point.

"Please don't push yourself, and don't push me, okay? Don't push yourself to this point. If it doesn't feel right, try something else. What would make it easier?"

"I don't know," he grumbled. "I could say it just fine on my own. I think because I could still see you. What if I said those words and something bad really did happen to you? I'd be over here, watching, helpless to save you, unable to run to you in time. That went through my mind, and that's when I saw the snow, the blood, I heard the roars of that demon, and my mother's voice."

Natsu sighed. "Dammit, Gray." He wrapped him up and stroked his arms some more. "You don't have to push yourself so hard."

"I _need_ to—"

"I don't _want_ you to torture yourself!" Natsu shouted over him. He hugged Gray tighter. "Trust me, I know how it feels to want to do something so much but you just _can't_. Pushing yourself beyond your limits isn't the way to do it. Didn't your therapist teach you at least that much?"

Gray scowled and looked away.

"I'm really happy that you want to tell me, but we'll do it at our own pace. Don't push me, and don't push yourself."

"I thought I could say it if you can't hear me," he mumbled, nuzzling Natsu's scarf as he found it to be a comfortable headrest. "If I don't look at anything, and no one hears, it should be okay."

"Why wasn't it?" asked Natsu as he petted Gray's hair.

"You and your damn hearing. You likely _could_ have heard me. Even just the possibility was terrifying."

"Then say aloud that you're going to say it next time. If I'm at all in hearing range, I'll stop you."

Gray glared over. "No you wouldn't."

"I will," Natsu swore. "I don't want you to panic like this again. Say ' _Hey, I'm going to say it_ ,' and if I can hear you, I will definitely stop you. I don't want to hear you say those words until you're ready to say them _to my face_."

Gray stared at him, surprised at the fierce determination. He believed Natsu. Those sharp eyes said he really would stop Gray, not just to protect him from the flashbacks, but because he really did want to hear Gray say it properly, and he did not want it until that moment. He wanted Gray to look him in the eyes and confess his feelings.

"You're an incredible man … for a flame-brain bastard," Gray muttered.

Natsu blushed and looked away.

"When I'm ready, I'll make sure you're listening. I'll look you right in the eyes, hold your hand, and I'll say it."

Natsu nodded. "I don't want to hear it until that moment, so if I hear you're trying to practice, I'll give you a shout. That way you don't ever have to worry about me overhearing. Just say you're going to practice saying it, and if I'm at all in hearing range, I'll shout for you to stop."

"You better!"

"It's a promise." Natsu took Gray's cheeks. "I swear," he said softer.

They stared at each other, and a breeze rippled over the lake. Cattails swayed, and a goose honked out. Gray covered over one of the hands on his cheek and leaned into it.

"Natsu … I love the color of your eyes."

He gawked in shock. What a bizarrely romantic thing for Gray to say! And … love?

"And … and I love … your smile. I love the softness of your hair." His fingers combed through the strands, watching the way they gleamed in the sunlight. "I love … the way you look running through the field. I loved waking up next to you. And … and I love your smile." He laughed awkwardly. "I already said that, didn't I? Sorry."

Natsu was stunned. His lower lip trembled as he struggled to hold back tears of happiness. He let out something that was a laugh and a sob at the same time and quickly wiped aside a rebellious tear that slipped down his face.

"Thank you," he mumbled, not sure what else to say. He was not at all used to hearing Gray compliment him in this sort of way, so he had no clue how to respond. His cheeks were on fire, and his heart raced with happiness.

Gray saw the reaction, and he smiled. He did it! Okay, it was not saying _those three words_ , but he could say that word in another context. He could tell Natsu all the things he loved about him. It made him relieved and also embarrassed to be saying such weird, romantic things. Hesitantly, he reached over and put his hand over Natsu's fingers.

The Dragon Slayer looked up in surprised again. Holding hands! It was such a simple gesture, but it was another romantic thing Gray was trying. He squeezed back and smiled. However, his gaze drifted off. He stared silently, looking over the lake with a troubled expression.

"What?" Gray asked, worried by that face. Here he was, being disgustingly romantic, and Natsu had a face like he just smelled dog poop.

"No, I … I feel like … like I need to say something back. You're trying so hard, and I'm so happy, but … but I'm not trying anything. I'm not tell _you_ anything in return."

"You can tell me how you feel."

"I mean … about my past," he muttered. "I'm not trying to tell you, and here you are, struggling so hard to tell me something that scares you. It's not like with you. I _could_ tell you, right here and now, nothing's truly stopping me, except … I'm terrified of losing you."

Gray squeezed his hand. "Don't say anything until you're ready. If you told me merely a hint, it'd make me want to know more and drive me crazy. So don't tell me anything until you're ready to say everything. I'll wait."

"Then same to you. I'll wait until you're ready to confess directly. When you're ready, I want to hear it. Tell me directly!"

"Heh! Agreed."

Then he leaned forward and sealed the oath with a kiss.

Gray closed his eyes as he enjoyed those warm lips. They embraced each other, kissing right there on the edge of the lake, with the wind ruffling up waves and geese honking to one another. Gray felt himself being leaned back, and he followed Natsu's lead, resting his head on the soft lake shore.

Gray swore, this was one of the most sensual and softest kisses in his life. Surprisingly, he liked it. He simply let Natsu control the flow. In the past, he hated giving up control of any sort. Now, he was curious about Natsu's pace, where he wanted to go with this.

Natsu's body above him shaded his eyes from the sun, and Gray peered through the kiss, seeing the closeup of that soft face. He combed through the sakura soft strands hanging down in a pink curtain. How simple and peaceful. Just this. Simply kissing.

Natsu pulled back and smiled down at Gray. When was the last time they simply made out? Had they _ever_ done that?

He leaned in again, tasting the wintermint breath and smelling the foresty musk. Gray's kisses were gentle. Was he perhaps trying to mimic Loke's kisses again? No, they weren't the same. These were new, a placid version of Gray's stormy kisses. Maybe Gray had simply calmed down since the times before, when his kisses were rough, fierce preludes to wild sex. Now … they were just kisses. They were warm and soft, and Gray's fingers threaded through his hair, petting, not pulling.

It was so sweet, so gentle, so perfect.

Too perfect.

Suddenly, the ground under Gray moved. Natsu steadied himself on all fours as the whole world seemed to tremble. The geese honked in angry surprise, and the entire flock flew into the air.

"Earthquake?" Gray asked, surprised to feel it. Magnolia rarely had earthquakes, but he supposed that being near a volcano, it might be more common around here.

Natsu sniffed the air deeply, and his eyes grew massive with dread. With the land still shaking, he scrambled off of Gray and ran up the steep shore. He held onto a tree to steady himself as the ground continued to shudder, and he stared at the mountain with a gaping mouth.

"Oh no." He watched as the mountain began to smoke. "Gray!" he screamed. "Gray, hurry. We've gotta act fast."

He carefully stood up with the land still trembling and walked up to Natsu, who already looked sick from the motion of the ground. Then he noticed the stream of smoke.

"Holy shit! Is it erupting?" he asked. He gawked over at Natsu. "What the hell did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Then why is it erupting _now_?"

"How should I know?" Natsu shouted back.

"Dammit," Gray muttered. "I said those three words to the mountain. I … oh shit … I _killed_ the mountain!"

Natsu whacked him over the head. "It's a volcano, stupid. When it erupts, it's _alive_ , not dead."

"It's my fault!"

"I told you, it's _alive_. Does saying _I love you_ bring things back from the dead?"

Gray grunted and looked away. For a moment, he really had dreaded that his curse was real, saying those words had caused this, but Natsu had a point. The volcano had merely woken up. It was not caused by him simply saying a few words.

"It's … it's probably my fault."

Gray whipped back around at Natsu's mumbled confession. "What!"

"The door," he muttered, looking upset. "The seal Igneel put up. What if he did more than just seal the cave entrance? What if he sealed the _whole mountain_? That volcano was nowhere near being dead when I was a kid. Igneel made sure the eruptions never covered over the entrance. He knew he was going away, so he made the mountain go dormant so the cave would not be destroyed over the centuries. And I broke the seal." Natsu's face flinched. "When I opened the door, the seal went away. The volcano is _alive_ ; it's always been alive. Igneel just made it stop for a while … for me." Tears filled his eyes. "He stopped a whole volcano from erupting just so I could come home."

"And now you're back, it's alive again, and it's going to erupt. Natsu, this is _not_ the time to get all _sentimental_. We've gotta do something."

He inhaled again, testing out the air. "It won't erupt yet. Six hours, maybe twelve. Still, it's gonna blow _today_."

Gray glanced around at the farmhouses dotting the idyllic valley. "We need to warn all these people, get them evacuated."

They heard the tolling of warning bells far away.

"The people know," Natsu said, looking slightly reassured. "Still if that blows, they'll lose their houses, their farms, some people might not make it out in time. Hurry, Gray!"

They began to run toward the mountain, although Natsu kept holding his stomach every time the ground shook. By the time they crossed the fields and made it up the cliff pathway, three more earthquakes had hit, and ash began to fill the air. Gray yanked his shirt off and tied it around his mouth to filter out the burning cinders.

"Why are we coming back?" Gray asked through his shirt.

Natsu also had his scarf pulled up over his mouth and nose. "We've gotta _stop_ it, of course."

"Stop a volcano?" Gray cried out.

"I … might be able to," Natsu muttered, although he looked doubtful. "At least, I saw Igneel do it once."

"Do what?" Gray asked skeptically.

Natsu frowned and looked over at him with real worry. "Be _hotter_ than a volcano. It's gonna make all that snow melt, though. If all of that melts, the valley will flood. _You_ need to stop the water."

"I can freeze it," Gray assured. "I'll take care of the snow, you take care of the lava."

"Right! And … Gray?"

Natsu lowered his scarf, yanked down Gray's shirt from his mouth, and gave him a powerful kiss. Gray was shocked, feeling the intensity flow through the kiss.

It worried him a bit.

Just how dangerous was this thing Natsu had planned? Be hotter than a volcano?

Natsu ripped back, lips swollen and wet. "Just warning you now: when I do this, you might have to come get me."

"Natsu?" he cried out. Shit! What was he planning?

"When we went to the hot springs, there was a path to the left of the lake. Follow it. It leads down. Keep following, it's a long ways, but it eventually leads to the heart of the volcano. Protect your skin and use one of your ice bubbles to breathe; the gas is poisonous to normal people."

"Natsu!" he screamed.

"We've gotta do this. It's my responsibility. As the son of Igneel, it's up to me, but I need your help. So stop the avalanches and floods, and I'll stop the magma."

Gray glared, not liking this one bit. Especially after the scare earlier, the last thing he wanted was for Natsu to put himself into some foolish, dangerous position. However, they were limited on time and there were many lives on the line.

"Don't die," he demanded. "If you die, I'll end up thinking that I can't even tell you what things I love _about_ you."

"I liked when you did that," Natsu said with a playful grin, "so I definitely won't die. Then you can tell me more. Tell me all the things you love about me after this is over."

"If we both survive, I will," Gray said in agreement.

They heard a thunderous cracking as large sections of snow began to break off and slide down the mountain.

"Looks like your work starts now," Natsu said, patting Gray's shoulder. "Protect the valley."

"Be careful," he warned.

They kissed one last time. Then Gray ran toward the avalanche while Natsu turned into the cave. He wrapped his white scarf around his face again as he smelled the fumes of the building eruption.

"Igneel, please guide me," he prayed, and Natsu ran through the cave to the heart of the volcano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE Aug 1, 2016 - Okay, this is obvious for people who have read this 5 times already, not so obvious for newcomers ... I've been gone a while. It's good news though! I'm publishing a novel. It's a bit stressful and it's consuming ALL of my free time. Like seriously, I almost never leave the house for non-work-related activities anymore, I'm obsessed with getting this novel prepared. So please be patient with me while I focus on this endeavor. Thank you!


	57. Flames and Frost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I apologize for the long hiatus. My goodness, it's been MONTHS! The reason, though, was not fully writer's block and a crapload of research. It's something much better._
> 
> _  
> **I PUBLISHED A NOVEL!**  
>  _
> 
> _That's right. A book. Paperback and Kindle ebook. My fans on "Rhov Anion's Minions" got a chance to watch my progress, and some of them have already purchased the book. I'm so excited! Seriously, that was awesome and terrifying at the same time! I was obsessively working on this, sometimes 16 hours a day. I honestly had no time for fanfics._
> 
> _If you would like to see what I write when I'm not delving into manga lore, go check it out, read the first chapter on Amazon for free ... and you get to learn my real name, OMG! It's a medieval fantasy romance. The paperback is on sale at an introductory price of $15 (I couldn't go much lower and still make royalties). If you would like a signed copy of the paperback, and you have Pay-pal, I can work something out. I promise, it's safe for your parents to read as well. It's romantic, but not graphic. Even my father loved the story, and he's a picky reader._
> 
>  **Paperback on my estore** (better royalties for me, wohoo!) - <https://www.createspace.com/4917835>  
> **Paperback on Amazon** (global distribution) - <https://www.amazon.com/dp/1500615757>  
> **Kindle Ebook** \- <https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KIL75Y4>
> 
> _So, thank you for waiting. Believe me, it feels GOOD to be back, writing something fun and not purely editing._

Gray's shirt went flying, followed soon by his trousers. By the time he reached a rocky ledge that he calculated was the best location on the mountain, all he wore were his shoes, necklace, and boxers. This was going to take extreme focus, and clothes got in the way.

He had frozen large areas of land before, iced entire landscapes, created walls that stretched hundreds of meters. _Never_ had he created an ice barrier this massive. To encase the snow of an entire mountain … he had never heard of any ice wizard doing something this vast.

Still, he could try.

No … he simply _had to_. If he failed, the villagers down in the valley would suffer from the flood of melting snow from the volcano's awakening.

He closed his eyes and dug down deep. He felt the dark power in the lowest reaches of his soul. He allowed the demonic energy to flow through him. His skin began to darken to black. He felt intense magic coursing through him, fluttering his hair. The ground around him began to frost over even without conscious effort, freezing purely from the excess of power.

"Ice Devil's…"

He clapped his hands together and slammed them onto the ground.

"… Bulwark!"

Ice-Make Rampart was a challenging spell that used to consume nearly all of Gray's magic. Bulwark was a massive step up from that and made the Rampart look like a child's pillow fort in comparison.

The wall of ice soared a hundred meters high, and it stretched out, covering the land around the mountain, sixty-five kilometers ringing the volcano like a frosty crown. Gray felt the ice growing, stretching, plowing through anything in its path. Trees and bushes were either sliced apart or fully encased in ice.

On and on it stretched. Minutes ticked by, and Gray began to pant. Perhaps he was not running around and fighting, but his magic flowed out constantly, no letting up. He could not afford the slightest weakness in the barrier.

He looked down the mountain. All those farms, the crops, livestock, the idyllic town whose church bell was still ringing in warning. So many lives could end if this did not work.

He could feel the ice wall continuing, ringing the entire mountain. He shouted as he dug up every bit of magic.

Ten more kilometers.

Five more.

One kilometer left.

"Go!" he screamed, sweating despite the frosty chill steaming off his pale and black skin.

Finally, he felt the two ends meet somewhere on the far side of the mountain. Gray collapsed to his knees, panting, utterly drained. He fought against the darkness of unconsciousness.

Just then, he heard more rumbling. Wearily, he looked beyond the bulwark. A massive landslide was rushing toward him, wiping out trees in its way.

"Let's see if it worked," muttered Gray.

He did not back away from the thundering avalanche. He watched it charging downhill, closer and closer. Gray glared at it, silently challenging Mother Nature to defeat his magic. The ground shook; the air roared with ice and debris. The monstrous rush of snow howled as it smashed into the ice barrier.

Some of the avalanche was higher than the barrier. A small splash of snow and pine needles landed on Gray's shoulder. He dusted it off and looked at the rest of the snow pressed against the clear bulwark.

He did it! It worked.

"Take care of the rest, Natsu," he whispered.

Then Gray flopped onto the ground and wiped the sweat from his brow. The black faded from his skin as he groaned from exhaustion and dropped his head back onto the grass. He closed his eyes against the bright blue sky. He hoped that was all he needed to do for a while, because it would take time to recover his magic.

He felt the mountain rumbling again. He opened his eyes and saw sooty smoke clouding the brilliant sky.

"You better not let it erupt, flame-brain. I'm not sure if my ice can hold back lava."

* * *

Natsu tried to breathe shallower.

He could smell the fumes in the air. Some of it was familiar. He grew up with an active volcano, after all.

However, Igneel had taught him that while his lungs could adapt to the gases released by normal fire, magma was totally different. It contained toxic gas that not even a Fire Dragon Slayer's lungs could filter.

#

_"But Dad, what if it erupts?"_

_"Simple. Don't breathe."_

_"Simple, you say!"_

_"Fine. Then hold your breath as long as you can. The heat alone shouldn't hurt you, but lava will."_

_"I'll just eat it. It's probably tasty."_

_"Idiot! Lava isn't fire. It's rock! It's rock that's so hot, it's turned to liquid. Can you eat rocks?"_

_"N-no…"_

_"Then don't even think about messing with lava. It will burn you, and the gas can kill you. Just, for crying out loud, don't set off the volcano again, you foolish boy!"_

_"Tee-hee! But it was fun watching you do that."_

_"That was dangerous, even for me. Our lungs are the same, and the vapors could have killed me as well. In fact … cough-cough … I'm not feeling so well. Hack, cough, hurk!"_

_"Dad! Dad, what's wrong?"_

_"Oooh, so woozy, so woozy. Looks like YOU have to cook dinner tonight."_

_"Ehhhhh! You faker, you're lying."_

_"Cough, cough! It's no good. I feel so faint. Oooh, so dizzy."_

_"I'm not cooking, you lazy old dragon."_

#

Natsu chuckled to himself at the memory. That had been the day he accidentally set off the volcano. Normally, it only erupted to the west of the mountain, and then only a little. The cave was to the east and upwind, so they never got lava or gases. _Normal_ eruptions were harmless while inside the cave, but that eruption nearly swallowed the whole cave with Natsu still in it.

It was the last time Igneel ever let him set foot into the heart of the volcano. He was heading there now for the first time since he was a rascally child.

The heat grew immense, hotter than a normal flame, but still tolerable to Natsu. He pressed his hand against the scarf. Another use for the scarf was as a filter precisely for this purpose. It was not a perfect filter, but it blocked out some of the worst volcanic fumes: arsenic, mercury, iridium, sulfur dioxide, and hydrochloric acid which would have eaten away at his lungs.

The long tunnel led down, and with each step the heat grew stronger. Natsu began to wonder if Gray really could make it down here without special protective gear. Was his ice strong enough to make it this far into the scalding heat?

Of course it was! Natsu had faith in Gray's magic. He would find a way to make it down here.

At last, the tunnel opened to a vast chamber. Far below, magma bubbled with agitation. The chamber had been sealed for centuries, slowly building power. Now, all that stored energy was surging. Natsu stared down at the red and yellow glow, and he could see the magma surging higher, burping and bubbling, splashing up the walls and dripping viscously back into the churning, rising lake. He had hoped it would not erupt for six hours. He realized with a tremble that he would be lucky if it held off even another thirty minutes.

"Time to test myself against you, Igneel," he said to himself, and Natsu lowered the scarf from his mouth, instantly cringing at the overwhelming fumes. "I hope you can see how much stronger I've become."

Then, despite knowing the toxins would start to erode his lungs, Natsu took a deep breath.

* * *

Gray jolted awake, hardly even realizing he had passed out. How much time had passed? The snow that had smashed into his barrier had liquefied. The ground under Gray was hot to the touch. He jumped up and realized the back of his leg had heat blisters where rocks had gotten too hot. The grass he had fallen asleep on was wilting, and he smelled smoke somewhere as fragile plants caught on fire from the volcano's surge.

Gray wondered if he should get off the mountain. Natsu had said something about being _hotter than a volcano_. If the heat was already this bad, hot much worse would it get.

However, as he felt the ground rumble, Gray worried about Natsu. It sounded like, whatever he was planning, it would be dangerous. Natsu even asked Gray to come get him. If he left the mountain, he might be too late to rescue Natsu.

He was not even sure when it would be safe. They had no lacrimas to communicate. He would have to guess when Natsu finished his magic and it was safe enough to enter the volcano.

Now that he thought about it, how the hell was he going to rescue Natsu out of the heart of a volcano? People normally wore heat suits for that sort of thing. An encased suit of ice might work, but only if it lasted long enough.

To make something that elaborate, he needed to regain his magic. Gray was still feeling lightheaded. Still, he placed a hand on the Bulwark and sensed the entire perimeter. He did not feel a break in the magic, so the barrier was holding.

However, as Gray stood there, liquid dropped onto his shoulder and scalded his skin. He hissed in pain and looked up. The snow had not only melted; it was _boiling_. Gray looked at his ice barrier. It was sweating, but it still stood. Gray placed his hand on the wall again and sensed inward.

It was thinner!

It had not broken, but the wall was slowly melting as the mountain's snow boiled into steam.

"Natsu, hurry," he whispered. As a large bubble popped and more boiling water burst over the edge of the wall, Gray jumped backward to escape being burned again. "Hurry!"

* * *

Natsu stopped breathing flames and cursed. It wasn't working!

Granted, he had not personally _seen_ Igneel defeat a volcano with his flames. He only saw the effects.

To be hotter than a volcano.

Hotter than magma.

To heat the rock beyond liquid.

To _vaporize_ the magma!

Just how hot did he have to get? His flames had power, but he had not focused as much on pure temperature. After all, he normally fought humans and the occasional monster. He didn't want to _vaporize people!_ Erza would kill him if he began to wipe whole towns off the map without a single trace.

Still, he had to get hotter than this. It wasn't enough. Gray was counting on him. All those villagers would die if the volcano erupted.

He held onto the rocky wall. The toxic gas was getting to him. His cheeks felt numb already.

"One more breath," he whispered.

He had to do it!

Because if this did not work … Natsu doubted that he could escape the volcano in time. The magma was rising dangerously higher.

Natsu took a breath, but his lungs convulsed. He coughed it all out, and with it blood sprayed past his mouth. Natsu felt his lungs blistering with poison, burning in a way his body did not like. This was not from heat.

He was dying! Poisoned to death!

"I have to," he sneered.

Gray was somewhere on this mountain. If it erupted, Gray would probably die as well. Maybe not from the heat, but from the toxic gas.

He would risk it all to save Gray.

He took another deep breath, and the flames shooting out his mouth aimed at the magma.

Hotter! It needed to be hotter!

His flames went from red to blinding white. Natsu had to close his eyes against the sheer brilliance. Hotter! He dug down deep, tapping into all the magic hidden within him.

_Igneel, help me do at least this much. For Gray. To save Gray. To save the man I love!_

Natsu felt an intense heat far beyond any flame he had used before. His clothes turned to ash, all but the white scarf, and crumbled to the ground. The air itself seemed to be on fire. When at last he opened his eyes, the magma was vanishing, boiled into a gaseous form. The caldera dropped lower, lower, magma boiling away.

Natsu stopped and laughed. He did it!

Yet the gas in the air, all of that vaporized rock, began to cool and crystallize in his lungs. Natsu coughed as his lungs hardened. He had seen this happen to Igneel. What had he done, though? Natsu could not remember. He never asked. He had just laughed in excitement without realizing how dangerous it was for his adopted father.

It was like there was no more oxygen in the area. He grabbed at his throat. Air! All around him was poison, and his lungs were filling up with vaporized rock.

Natsu stumbled away from the lip of the volcano. The mountain was safe now, the rumblings were lessening, but Natsu could no longer move, breathe, anything. His vision began to grow darker.

"Gray," he gasped, blood filling his mouth. "H-help."

Then he collapsed.

* * *

Gray covered his mouth. Whatever Natsu was doing, the air had turned foul. However, the trembling was lessening. The mountain was calming down.

Had he done it?

He remembered what Natsu said. " _Just warning you now: when I do this, you might have to come get me. When we went to the hot springs, there was a path to the left of the lake. Follow it. It leads down. Keep following, it's a long ways, but it eventually leads to the heart of the volcano. Protect your skin and use one of your ice bubbles to breathe; the gas is poisonous to normal people._ "

He was glad the wind was blowing strong now. The toxic gas should disperse before it reached any people living in the valley. Now, he had to go get Natsu out of there before the idiot killed himself.

Gray ran back to the cave entrance. Already, the heat inside was torturous. He jogged to the hot spring they had used earlier that morning. The lake, once calm and mildly hot, was boiling away. Very little water was left, and the steam in the air made it hard to breathe.

Then Gray felt a sharp burn in his lungs. Poison!

"Ice-Make: Siebe!"

A layer of ice covered over his skin, as well as a bubble of ice over his head. It gave him a limited air supply, but the ice made sure it was fresh air. Now, without his skin ready to blister from the heat and his lungs burning from the toxic gas, Gray ran. If it was this bad after just a minute inside the volcano, Natsu was in serious trouble.

He ran down a narrow path, a steep slant into the heart of the volcano. Even with his protective suit of ice, he felt the heat trying to melt it all. Natsu must have really gone overboard to make it this hot.

Finally, the ground flattened out. He saw a red glow ahead, and on the ground was a body.

"Natsu!" he screamed.

Gray ran forward and rolled Natsu onto his back. He was naked, and the char on his skin showed that the clothes had burned away from the insane heat. Blood dripped from his mouth, and Gray saw that his chest was not moving.

"Shit!" He looked around. There was no way to do mouth-to-mouth here. The air in his suit was already running low, and all the air around was poison.

Gray cast another full-body suit around Natsu. Maybe the ice could filter at least some of the air. Then he hefted Natsu over his shoulder and ran back up the passage. It felt like forever, and Gray was terrified that maybe the worst had already happened. This was a nightmare, his _worst_ nightmare.

"Don't die. You promised not to die. Don't you _dare_ die," he kept repeating.

He ran out of the cave. Although the air was still bad, it would have to be enough. He placed Natsu onto the ground and banished the ice that protected their bodies. He felt Natsu's neck. He had a pulse at least, but his chest was still. Gray wiped some of the blood away from Natsu's mouth, took a deep breath, leaned over, and breathed into Natsu's mouth. He felt a tight resistance against him.

"Come on, breathe," he urged. He took another breath, smelling the foulness in the air, ignoring it, and placed his mouth back over Natsu's, breathing in deeply. It was like his lungs were froze. "Why isn't it working?" Gray screamed. He tried once again, making sure his mouth was sealed around Natsu's and exhaled hard into him.

He heard something that sounding horrific, like crunching rocks coming from Natsu's lungs.

"The hell?" he whispered.

Natsu had turned the magma into vapor.

He had _inhaled_ that vapor.

The rock had cooled and coated the inside of his lungs.

Gray realized with horror what that meant. Natsu's lungs were lithified, coated with solid rock, and there was nothing his ice magic could do to cure him.

"There has to be something. There _has_ to be," he said, thinking quickly.

There was one thing. It was dangerous. _Incredibly_ dangerous. It could permanently damage Natsu's lungs.

It was the only thing Gray could think of, though.

"Don't you dare die," Gray said again, and with tears in his eyes, he took another breath. This time, when he breathed into Natsu's mouth, he froze the air going in. He felt the air filling the spaces of Natsu's lungs, freezing, filling the entire empty cavity of his chest with solid ice. Natsu's lips turned blue from the cold.

Then Gray placed his hand on Natsu's chest. This was so dangerous, but it had to work. It had to!

He pressed down so hard, it would have broken the ribs of a normal person. He heard the crystallized rock crackle in Natsu's lungs. He instantly dispelled the ice, and it flowed out in frosty wisped. Tiny bits of the ice floated up, taking with it encased chunks of rock. Natsu's chest actually moved a little.

Gray did it again, filling Natsu's lungs solid, that way it protected the lungs from the rock breaking free. Another hard compression, crunching down the lithified lungs, and then the ice flowed out, sweeping clean the bits that broke free.

Natsu suddenly gasped. His eyes opened, and he struggled to breathe. He panicked as he felt the stiffness in his lungs, and he looked up at Gray with wide, horrified eyes, grasping at his throat.

"Keep calm. I think this is working, but I'm sure it hurts like hell."

Natsu could not move his lungs enough to talk. All he could do was look up silently at Gray, telling him without words to help him no matter the pain it involved.

Gray leaned over, and Natsu was shocked at what he thought was a kiss. Instead, icy air fill his lungs, instantly freezing. Natsu panicked move, now solidly frozen.

"Relax. This will hurt, but bear with it."

Gray did the same as before, smashing down Natsu's chest, hearing the crunching of rocks breaking, and this time Natsu screamed at the agony. He remembered Igneel had an issue with his lungs. He had done something, definitely not _this_. What was it?

Ice floated out of his mouth, gagged him, and bits of rock was drawn out of his lungs.

Rock. In the lungs.

He remembered!

Natsu waved for Gray to stop. He turned around, on his hands and knees, and kept his head down. Then he heated his core body. He heated the air in his lungs. Gray had the right idea and was using ice to clear the lithified air passage, but there was a better way.

Heat the rock again!

Natsu coughed harshly, and Gray thought he was vomiting. However, what came out seared the ground under Natsu, and Gray had to leap back as he felt the intense heat.

He was coughing out _lava_.

"Shit, Natsu!" he exclaimed. "Well, I guess that works."

Natsu coughed again, until he felt his lungs cleared out. The lava was already cooling to black under him. Then with tears in his eyes, he looked up at Gray.

"Th-thanks," he said in a grating, weak voice.

"Are … are you gonna be okay?"

"I … think so," Natsu said in weariness.

Gray dropped to his knees beside Natsu and hugged him. His tears hit him hard, and Gray began to sob. Natsu was so weak, he barely had the strength to pat Gray's back.

"I thought…" Gray snuffled and hid his snotty nose in Natsu's scarf. "You weren't breathing, and I couldn't do anything. I thought … I was afraid you … dammit!" he yelled, too overwhelmed to talk straight.

Natsu closed his eyes against sleepiness. "You saved my life, Gray. And you saved those people. Thank you. I knew you'd come for me."

Gray sniffed again in tears, but then he coughed as his lungs burned with the vapors.

Natsu pulled back and looked at him in worry. "There's still toxic gas here. We both need to get down the mountain."

"You need clothes," he pointed out.

Natsu looked down and realized he was only wearing his scarf.

"Stay here," Gray told him. "I'll run inside long enough to get you something to wear."

"Then take this." Natsu handed over his scarf. "It filters some of the gas. Don't lose it."

Gray took the soft, scaly scarf and wrapped it around his face. He reentered the cave, ran to where their supplies were, and yanked out only some trousers. He did not bother with shoes or a shirt. He ran back out as quickly as he could. Natsu was unconscious on the ground.

"Natsu!" he shouted, yet he heard a loud snore. Gray relaxed and shook his head. "You really did go all out."

He carefully pulled the clothes onto Natsu's legs, tucking him in and zipping it up. Then he draped the scarf back around Natsu's neck. He sat beside the Dragon Slayer, watching him snoring. Natsu was so adorable at times.

The fear of losing him still shivered in Gray's heart. That had been _too close_. Overwhelmed with thankfulness, Gray leaned over and kissed Natsu's forehead.

"Can you hear me?" he whispered. Natsu was still snoring. "I … just have to say it. After a scare like that, I have to." He caressed Natsu's cheek and smiled down at him. "I … love you. So don't ever scare me like that again. Because I still need to tell you one day."

He leaned over and kissed Natsu's forehead again.

"I love you. Dammit … so much! Don't die on me. Don't you _dare_ die on me before I can tell you."

He would definitely tell him.

One day.

This showed Gray that life could end so suddenly. He didn't even need the fear of an imagined curse on saying three words. It could end simply because they were wizards and did dangerous stuff all the time. Life was so fragile, so precious.

He was wasting his life being afraid.

"Definitely, I'll get well enough to tell you," Gray said with conviction in his heart. If he had to see his therapist every day, he would, if it meant he could one day get over his terror and nightmares and finally _tell_ Natsu how he felt.

Gray heard a noise. He saw that some of the villagers had dared to climb up the volcano. He leaped to his feet as he saw them.

"What are you doing here?" he shouted. "It's dangerous."

Natsu roused at the shout. He looked over and saw the villagers. They had cloths pressed to their mouths against the gases.

"We saw you two up here," the leader of the villagers said through his mask. "We've been watching for a while now. We saw you not moving and feared the worst. You two, you're wizards, right? Were you the ones who stopped the volcano? How? That's impossible. That hasn't been done since legendary times, when the Dragon King stopped the mountain."

Natsu stood, although he still felt woozy and had to hold onto the rocky wall of the cave's entrance. "My name is Natsu Dragneel, son of Igneel, the Flame Dragon King."

A woman stepped forward. "Does that make you _king of the mountain_?"

Natsu shook his head. "I could never replace Igneel." Then his chest puffed out in haughtiness. "But I supposed you could consider me as a prince."

The village leader looked confused. "Prince … Natsu?"

Gray grabbed Natsu's hand and dragged him along. "Obviously the fumes are getting to his head. He's no prince. He's just a flame-brain."

"Hey!" Natsu shouted. "My dad's the Flame Dragon King, so I am a prince."

Gray still ignored him. "We could use a place to stay the night. The cave is filled with poisonous gas now, and we've both used up nearly all of our magic. I can feel the deprivation already hitting me."

"Of course!" the village leader said. "You'll be placed in the nicest room in our inn, and you can eat all the food you—"

"Don't!" Gray warned, cutting him off. "Don't even think about making that offer. He'll take it as a challenge. A meal and a bed. A ride out of town after we've recovered would be nice as well."

"Consider it done!"

* * *

They slept for most of three days. Although the village gave them a room with two beds, they used only one, and Gray cuddled Natsu almost the entire time, even the moments he woke up long enough to eat some soup.

The poison had foul effects on both of them, and a magic healer arrived from a village on the other side of the volcano. She healed their lungs, although Natsu's were far worse and took the healer two days of magic healing to repair.

After a week of resting, they both felt strong enough to make the climb back up the mountain to get their things. Gray saw that his ice wall still held back the melted snow, a bluish ring around the volcano that now had no snow on the top. It was an odd site, definitely.

They arrived at the cave, packed their supplies, and moved everything outside. However, Gray saw that Natsu was reluctant to go. This had been his home for so many years, and in it were many memories.

Gray put a hand on the Dragon Slayer's arm. "I'll be outside. I need to check the Bulwark anyway before we go. Take your time."

Natsu nodded in thanks. He walked around the many rooms. He went to his old bedroom. He walked to the room with the bathing lake. He even walked down to the heart of the volcano to make sure the magma level was low. Then he came back up, standing in the main entrance, and just looked around.

"Well, Igneel … thanks for keeping this place safe. It was good to come home again, but I have a new home now. I live with Happy, and sometimes with Gray. Fairy Tail is my home, but this … this will always be my home with you."

He stepped out, put his hand by the door, and closed his eyes. Igneel had taught him the unique magic that sealed the entrance. With it, the volcano was certain to be sealed as well.

Gray returned up the path and saw Natsu standing by the entrance. "Did you lock it up?"

"Yeah," he said with a heavy sigh. "Only the magic of a fire dragon can open the door."

Gray wrapped an arm around him. "We can always come back. Maybe next time we'll bring Happy."

Natsu grinned at the idea. "I'd like that. One day, I want to make a memorial to Igneel. I have no idea what, though."

Gray pointed to the top of the mountain. "Will that work for now?"

Natsu backed up a few steps to see what he meant. At the summit of the volcano, Gray had taken all the melted snow and created a massive ice sculpture of Igneel's head. Natsu stared in awe that Gray would do that.

"That's … incredible. It's huge," he exclaimed.

"It was a lot of water that needed to go somewhere. I figured, this way it really is the Dragon King's Mountain."

However, Natsu pouted and folded his arms stubborned. "It just looks wrong having the Flame Dragon King carved in ice."

Gray whacked him on the back of the head. "Hey, I worked hard on that statue."

Natsu laughed with a grin up at him. "It's awesome. It's gonna last for years."

"Damn right, it will!"

They left together down the mountain with their gear on their backs. The same old farmer who took them to the mountain was waiting with his cart to take them to the nearest train station as thanks.

"Whoa," Natsu claimed, running up to the cart. "It's filled with food!"

"A thanks from us farmers," the old man said. "You saved our lands. It's the least we can do."

Natsu laughed in excitement, prepared to eat, but as soon as the cart began to move, his stomach surged up on him. Gray laughed at him. This flame-idiot!

"More powerful than a volcano, and yet an old farmer's cart can defeat you so easily."

Natsu tried to glare up with watery eyes and a green face. "Sh-shut up," he muttered, before a burp of acid shot up. He groaned in misery, and Gray rubbed his back, shaking his head at his silly, crazy, incredible boyfriend.

**End of Chapter 57**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _How hot are Natsu's flames? Well, the boiling point of quartz is 2590°C (yay for high school chemistry!) So, think about that range. Pretty … damn … hot._
> 
> _Ice-Make: Siebe - I imagine what Gray made was similar to scuba gear, so I named after the man who invented modern standard diving dress. If you think of those old copper diving helmets, it's probably Siebe's design that pops into your head. Cool fact: not only did Augustus Siebe design modern diving gear, he inventing the ice-making machine. Totally appropriate for Gray to use his name as one of his spells._
> 
> _Ice Devil's Bulwark - I wanted a cool Ice Devil spell for Gray. Although I had Ice-Make: Rampart as a general "something like this," in order to stop avalanches around the entire mountain, it needed to be far grander, insanely powerful, so Ice Devil magic worked best. I picked the name Bulwark, which is a synonym of rampart, although you tend to think of bulwarks as bulkier and more sturdy._
> 
> _The size of the bulwark Gray needed to make is based on a volcano near me, Mount Hood. There is a trail that circles the mountain right at the treeline, and I figured that would be where Gray stations himself. The trail is forty miles, which is about 65 kilometers. Using a massive wall instead of racing around the mountain freezing the melting snow made more sense. After all, Timberline Trail typically takes five days to hike. I doubt Gray could make a run like that over rugged ground in just a few hours._
> 
> _When volcanoes erupt, what's more deadly than the lava are the poisonous gases. Typically, those would kill you long before you have a chance to burn up in the lava. These gases include sulfur dioxide, hydrochloric acid, hydrogen fluoride, hydrogen sulfide, carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, methane, and tetrafluorosilane. I live near a volcano … well, actually, if you get to a high enough elevation, you can see five volcanoes from where I live. (Kind of scary, if you stop and think about it.) One dangerous thing about volcanoes, even when they're silent, are fumaroles. These venting openings release toxic gases. Hikers who come across a fumarole at the time the gases are escaping have suffocated and died. This is why Gray needs to shield himself, and why Natsu's lungs can't completely deal with the toxic gases. Maybe he can handle fire, but not hydrochloric acid or other poisons._
> 
> _(Yes, I did a crapload of research for this chapter, which is partly why it took so long to finish.)_
> 
>  **Audio Drama** : http://chirb.it/krdkAz


	58. Tied Up in the Shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Audio drama:<http://chirb.it/DJwxch>_
> 
> _Also, I want to share with everyone, “Fight Me, Bite Me” is the first ever Fairy Tail fanfic on AO3 to reach 2000 kudos! Woohoo!_  
> 

Gray opened his apartment door, and he and Natsu shuffled in, exhausted from the long trek back from the volcano. Gray dropped their supplies to the floor and instantly threw off his clothes, all the way down to his skin. Natsu was so tired, he barely even noticed. Besides, Gray did the same thing in the guild many times.

"I'm getting a shower. God, I stink!"

"Yeah, you do." Natsu flopped onto the couch. "Those hodras we fought really reeked. Ugh! That one spit on me, and now I smell like the inside of a two-week old sock."

"Only you would know what that smells like," Gray shot back sleepily.

Leave it to them, they could not even go on vacation without rescuing an entire valley from a volcano, and then defeating some monsters that were blocking the main highway. They were not even missions. Sure, they got some food and lodging out of the volcano deal, but all they received for fighting the herd of gargantuan boar-like hodras were cheers from people stuck on the road and unable to get back home.

It was a hard fight, much harder than it normally would have been, since both of them were still recovering from the magic deprivation they suffered dealing with the volcano. If any other wizards had been around, they would have laughed at how beat up Gray and Natsu got over a few over-sized pigs, but luckily there were only a few townsfolk who were in awe by the magical displays of fire and ice. Still, the fight left them reeking of the odiferous hodras, beaten up with a few cuts and many bruises, and feeling sick at expending magic when they were already depleted.

Gray went into the bathroom and straight into the shower. Finally washing in a real shower felt good. His last good bath had been in the volcano. That had been wonderful! He smiled as he remembered the sight of Natsu swimming around the subterranean hot spring, and then afterward, pinning him to the wall until he pissed himself, then trying to top … so amazing, the progress Natsu had managed! They had a ways to go, but they were making progress, both of them.

Maybe it was those memories, or the familiarity of home, or the fact that they had not made love in a few days since they were weary on the road, but Gray felt himself getting aroused. He ignored it for now. He was still tired, and Natsu would know if he was jerking off in the shower. The Dragon Slayer _always_ knew.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Everything okay?"

Seriously, he really did know every single time. "Almost out," Gray called over. He finished washing off the mud and sweat from travel. When he stepped out, Natsu was leaning against the sink with a robe over his arm and two towels folded to the side.

"You really must be tired. You forgot to get yourself a towel. Are you going to shake off like a dog?"

"Screw you," Gray muttered. Still, he accepted the towel and wiped it over his body while Natsu undressed for his own shower. Once dry, Gray pulled on the terrycloth robe. He started to walk toward the door, hardly even bothering to watch Natsu change, lest he get tempted.

"I gotta pee."

Gray froze. Natsu just openly announced that. Why? Did that mean he wanted Gray to _watch_?

Slowly, Gray turned around and saw that his naked body was dirty, the mud of travel crackled on his skin, and he had a cut on his back that would need some attention later. Bruises on his legs and arms showed how fierce those hodras had fought.

Natsu took a stand in front of the toilet, and Gray gulped as he watched. Natsu was actually _allowing_ him. Not only that, but calling out to him like that was an encouragement. Gray was really hesitant about this fetish, since he knew Natsu was not into it, but Natsu was giving him what he wanted.

"You smell incredible, you know," Natsu said off-handedly as he relieved nature.

Gray flushed. Natsu meant his arousal. What was just a slight tingle in the shower a moment ago was rising to a need.

"I love how your breath deepens, you horny bastard."

Gray realized he was right. He was breathing steadily and deeply as he watched. He was so tired, yet seeing Natsu naked like that … damn, he wanted him!

Natsu laughed— _W_ _hat was_ _so_ _funny?_ —and went to the shower. He turned the water on, cranking it hotter, and began to step in. "Try to wait long enough for m- … shit!"

Natsu stepped into the shower wrong and slipped. He braced himself for yet another bruise he would need to ice later, when suddenly arms caught him. He looked back and saw Gray had bolted forward into the shower and saved him.

"Don't get so distracted trying to be sexy that you act like an idiot," he scolded.

Natsu grinned up at him. "Does that mean you think I was sexy just now?"

Gray yanked him back up to his feet and slammed him down with a scowl.

"Hey, at least you caught me."

"Yeah, but now I'm wet again, and my nice robe is soaked." He grabbed Natsu's chin and tipped it up. His eyes gleamed as a sadistic smile curled onto his lips. "I think you need to be punished."

Natsu caught his breath. Gray yanked the belt off his robe and threw the rest out of the shower. In a swift movement he bound Natsu's wrists together, threw the end of the belt over the shower head, and yanked until Natsu's arms were up in the air. He tied the belt off and stepped back, gazing at Natsu trapped there with the water pouring down on his head.

"Well, this is reminiscent. You all wet and tied up in the shower." His fingers followed the serpentine lines of water down Natsu's chest. "You're sexy when you're wet."

He leaned in and licked some of the water dripping along Natsu's sculpted torso, dragging his tongue through the valley of his muscles. Natsu flinched and moaned. His wrists twisted within the wet bindings, and his heart began to race with anticipation.

"Remember your first time? I took your virginity in this shower. Feels like ages ago." He pressed up against that firm, fiery body, and he felt Natsu try to surge up closer. Gray leaned into his ear. "I was really gentle that time." He licked around the rim of his ear and down the scar on Natsu's neck. "You thought I was rough, not prepping you, but now you've seen what I can do."

Natsu breathed hard as memories of that first time returned to him: the ice cubes, then humiliating him by making him empty his colon of the ice and melted water while standing in the shower, only to get so turned on that Gray fucked him, right there, against the hard tiles. He had thought that was really harsh, but now he had seen just how far Gray could go.

Gray glanced down and saw him already stiffly aroused.

"Do you like when I'm gentle? Do you … my beloved?"

Natsu choked out a whine as that tender name struck through him, shivering all through his nerves. These gentle touches forced him to want more.

Gray knelt to the base of the tub. Natsu gawked down, thinking Gray would give him a blow job. However, all Gray did was leaned in to kiss up his thighs while his hands traced over the quad muscles, not getting anywhere close to the fully risen cock.

"Graaay," he whimpered.

"Or do you like when I'm rough?" hissed Gray.

He suddenly grabbed Natsu's ass with his nails digging in, forcing out a surprised shriek.

More memories. The spanking, paddling, flogging, candle wax, and all those small torments of erotic pain _…_

"I'd like it either way," Natsu rasped out with a dry throat as he trembled there, bound to the shower pipes.

Gray tilted his head as he considered the quivering answer. "You like gentle as well?" He soothed out the grasp with circular massages.

Natsu cringed back at the question. "I do, but if it's not something you want _—_ "

Gray bent over and devoured Natsu's cock in one swift move. Natsu's spine bowed back as he groaned in pleasure. Slowly, Gray slurped back and glanced up at him while rubbing his cheek against the arousal, snuggling it suggestively.

"Do you like _this_?"

Natsu looked down and saw those steel-blue eyes gazing up. Gray gave the tip of the cock a light lick.

"Do you like when I suck your dick?"

Natsu gulped hard, but his voice would not work. He nodded vigorously instead.

Gray felt goose bumps on Natsu's skin, although the shower was scalding hot. He liked to think that it was his cold touches making him shiver. He ran his hands up those strong thighs again and lazily licked Natsu's arousal.

"Do you want it?" he asked teasingly.

Natsu's teeth were bared. "Dammit, Gray, not this time. No teases."

"Who says I have to obey your orders?"

Gray scratched down his abs and watched the muscles ripple with sensitivity. The loud moan from Natsu would certainly annoy any neighbors still home at this time of the day. He saw pink lines bloom up along the scratches. Natsu's cock flushed as water dripped along and beaded in the pink curls below.

"Damn, you're sexy," Gray hissed in admiration. He grasped his butt cheeks and pulled him in, taking him deep into his mouth.

"Gray," Natsu groaned as he felt Gray sucking wildly. "Oh damn, so good."

Gray hummed, smug at making him shiver like this. He wanted to make this fast though. The hard tub was hurting his knees, and he really was tired. A long and elaborate fucking was out of the question. So he gave full, quick sucks, caressing Natsu's balls to urge him into a hurried finish.

However, he felt Natsu's body stiffen suddenly. The next gasp was not erotic, but edging toward fear. Natsu still must have an issue with blow jobs. He wondered why they were suddenly a problem. What had he remembered about that horrible past that made this a danger?

That did not matter. Gray dug his claws into Natsu's buttocks, and the shout of pain seemed to chase away the moment of terror. Gray clawed sharper, yanking Natsu to pound into him.

"Gray!" he shuddered. "Dammit … ice me!"

Gray sensed that the robe belt was drenched, so he focused and froze the water within the fabric. Natsu inhaled sharply at the cold now binding him.

"Yessss! Take me. Hard! Force me!"

Gray followed his needs. He gripped tightly into Natsu's ass again, pulling him in, over and over, digging his nails into the flesh and sucking him with vigor.

"Shit … yes … G-Gray, I'm not gonna … shhhhhhit! _Gr_ _aa_ _ay!_ "

He heard Natsu howl his name as he snapped, and cum flooded his mouth. Gray glanced up through the raining shower water to watch Natsu's mouth hanging open, gasping, drooling heedlessly, lost in euphoria.

_Damn, so sexy!_

Gray pulled back and swallowed. He kept lightly rubbing Natsu, working him through it, until his body began to sag and the frozen robe belt clanked against the shower pipe. Then Gray stood, unfrosted the bonds, untied him, and pressed Natsu's chest up against the wall. His tiny window looked out onto the street below. The glass was fogged over, but Gray slid the window to the side, opening half of it. Steam billowed out through a screen mesh covering the window. The day was bright, it was a little after lunch, and far down below were people walking by.

"Look out there," Gray ordered. "Don't make a noise or all those people will hear you."

Natsu gasped as he wondered if anyone had heard with the window closed. They were a few stories up, so perhaps the noises of the city drowned them out.

Then again, maybe his cries had been heard by a few passersby.

Gray tied Natsu's wrists up again with the robe belt, pinning them against his spine. He wrapped the end of the cloth belt across Natsu's chest, around to the back again, and tied it off with the bindings around the wrist. Natsu would definitely be able to break something so weak, but at least he could _feel_ like he was powerless and tied up.

Gray squirted some body oil onto his fingers. Then he nudged his finger against Natsu's ass and eased it in. He listened as Natsu gulped down a cry, struggling to keep quiet against the intrusion. _Yes!_ He wanted to make Natsu ashamed, embarrassed, and struggle against the pleasure. He wanted Natsu to realize just how much he _craved_ Gray's touches, even if he panicked at times.

"Tell me what you see," he commanded.

Natsu glanced around his shoulder. "What I see?"

Gray thrust the finger all the way inside. "Is someone walking by?"

Natsu gulped as he looked past the screen. "Y-yes. A woman walking some dogs."

"Describe what she looks like."

As Gray slid in and out, Natsu struggled to look outside. "Blonde, tall. She … _nngh_ … she's wearing a purple dress and white sun hat."

"The dogs?"

"T-two," he trembled. "Small. Oh God, Gray! They're … _shit_ … both white and gray. Small … _nngh_ … small dogs."

"Anyone else?"

Natsu almost wanted to slip away into the pleasure thrusting into him, but he forced himself to remain in the moment and pick another pedestrian. "Two kids. They're reading a comic book together."

Gray nudged another finger in. "Can you see what comic?"

"N-no." Natsu panted, and his head began to slip down the tiles. "Gray!"

"Who else is out there? Tell me!"

Whenever the darkness seemed to be nearby, Gray kept demanding that Natsu describe the people walking by. It forced Natsu to stay in the present and also humiliated him, forcing him to bite back the moans. Even as Gray spread him and pressed his cock inside, Natsu described a man carrying three fish he had just caught in the city's canals. He bit on his lip as Gray thrust inside him, his body slamming in over and over. As he heard Gray's deep groans of pleasure, Natsu himself stayed quiet, breathing hard with the pressure in his ass, gritting his teeth as he gnashed out descriptions of people. Slowly, Gray's thrusts made Natsu aroused again. He began to push back into Gray, but he could not get any friction on his cock besides cold tiles.

"Gray?" he whined.

"Describe their clothes."

"Gray!" he cried out, shaking. "T-touch me. Please!"

"Describe … their … clothes."

He yanked his head back up to the window and forced his tearful eyes open to the couple who were now walking by hand in hand. "Blue. The lady is wearing blue. The man … p-please, Gray!"

"The man?" he huffed, thrusting his hips in more.

"Shhhhit … the man … poncho. Tan. Red jeans. Boots. Shit, _please_ touch me!"

"Remember," Gray teased quietly, "they can hear you."

"Please!" he shouted, long past caring if anyone heard.

Gray reached around and grasped Natsu, giving him a firm stroke.

"Describe them! Now!" he ordered.

Natsu's mouth hung open as he shuddered with pleasure. "They're … looking. Up here. Dammit, they heard me."

Gray gasped and thrust harder. "Oh fuck, you're so loud. So good! They know now. They've heard how sexy you are. They all know we're up here, banging away in the shower. All those people _know_ I'm claiming your ass."

"Gray!" he keened.

"Let them listen to you, Natsu. Let them hear … you're mine!"

He really did try to keep quiet, yet as Gray's hand stroked, those hips thrust, and he heard Gray grunting, Natsu could not keep fully silent. He heard Gray's breathing getting frantic, until suddenly he clutched Natsu's hips and slammed in hard, a long and low "Ooooh" the only sound he let out. At the heat filling him and the smell of lust overwhelming him, Natsu shuddered.

"Graaaay!" he pleaded.

Gray remembered to keep his wrist moving. As he rested his cheek on Natsu's back, he jerked him exactly how he knew was best. He glanced around the shoulder to watch lazily as Natsu bit hard on his lower lip to hold back noises. His whole face turned red, straining to contain himself, until finally Gray felt his entire body leap. Natsu still only gasped, the moan silent, but the pleasure expressed itself in a gloriously erotic face.

"Perfect," Gray said in amazement. This was exactly the sort of reaction he wanted to see from his lover.

Gray nuzzled the strong shoulder muscles and watched in adoration as Natsu huffed through the orgasmic exhaustion. He saw cum spattered on the tiled wall, slowly washing away down the drain. He kissed along Natsu's back, over bruises and cuts from the fight, licking shower water and sweat.

"You're amazing," he said in awe. "I didn't even fully appreciate you that first day in the shower, but now … damn! Now I know how lucky I am. You're incredible." Gray laughed and kissed Natsu on the cheek. "I'm so glad that wasn't a one-night stand. So glad you wanted me."

Natsu opened his weary eyes. Gray never used to say things like this. He would praise Natsu's endurance, call him sexy, but … _how lucky I am_. Those words made Natsu want to melt.

"You took my virginity that night, y'know, bastard."

Gray stiffened, wondering if Natsu was somehow disappointed that his first time had been so harsh, as opposed to gentle and considerate of his inexperience.

Instead of looking angry, Natsu smiled at him. "I like it rough or gentle. Humiliating or considerate. Sadistic or tender. I like everything you do for me, Gray. Every way we do it, I love it all."

Gray sighed in relief and smoothed back Natsu's wet hair. "I love doing it for you."

Natsu felt a spike of excitement. Gray was getting better and better at saying the word _love_ , and every time he did, Natsu felt his heart race. It made that word far more important when he knew Gray would not use it frivolously.

Gray gave Natsu's shoulder a tiny lick. "I love listening to your voice, no matter what sounds you're making. Crying with pain or sighing in contentment: I enjoy hearing them all. I really missed that. I truly didn't appreciate it back then. I took it all for granted, didn't realize just how precious you were to me, sure as hell didn't know how to tell you." He kissed Natsu's cheek again and let their noses rub together. "I'm going to try to work on that."

"You better not go soft on me," Natsu teased with a sly grin.

"Hell no! All that means is that I'm going to work on how to say things, how to tell you properly, more work on the aftercare." He untied the robe belt and tossed it out of the shower toward the sink. Then he raised Natsu's hand up and kissed the pink lines on his wrists. "I'll tell you all I can, so that one day I can tell you everything. I can work my way up from telling you how I think of you as my beloved, to telling you … that _beloved_ … is my way of telling you how I really feel."

Natsu's lower lip trembled at the reverence in those words.

"It's purely annoying now. I'm not scared that I feel that way, not like I used to be."

"That's big progress," Natsu pointed out.

"Yes, but I want to tell you … I cherish you, treasure you. I _adore_ you. I can phrase it almost any other way, just not _that_. So stupid and annoying."

"I think _I adore you_ is even stronger than _I love you_ ," Natsu admitted with a blush. He turned his face aside. "Sheesh, you're making me embarrassed."

"Then I'll tell you that," Gray decided. He cupped Natsu's cheek and pulled it up. He leaned in and let his lips fluttered against those fiery lips. "I adore you, Natsu."

Natsu gasped with massive eyes just before those lips covered over his. It was so soft at first, but then Gray's fingers threaded through Natsu's hair and pulled him in deeper. Their tongues met and twirled, Natsu yanked Gray's body up against him, and they both hummed in happiness.

"Mommy! Look up there. Those two guys are _kissing_."

"Don't stare into people's houses, dear."

Gray laughed, pulled back, and slid the window shut. "That's enough of a show."

Natsu wiped his wet lips. "You're seriously a pervert. Little kids might have heard us just now."

"I was being quiet."

"Were not! You were grunting worse than those hideous hodras."

"Says the pervert wailing for more like a hungry baby."

Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray's hips and grinned mischievously. "I _am_ hungry."

Gray chuckled and stroked over his biceps. "Damn, I really am lucky you came to me that night." He gave Natsu a lingering kiss, and their foreheads rested together as they both smiled in joy. "Thank you, Natsu. Really."

He blushed and looked away again. "Now you're being too weird."

"I'm being honest, you jerk."

"Who are you and what did you do with my cold sadist?"

"Fuck you!"

Natsu poked Gray in the rib and got him to laugh. "Hmm, same ticklish spot. This is a really good doppelgänger." He kept poking Gray's arm and chest. "Gemi, Mini, is that you? Is this one of Lucy's jokes?"

"You asshole!"

Gray laughed as they teased each other. Natsu's smile brightened his heart. Gray knew deep down, he was not like this before. He struggled still, never sure what to say, how to express himself. He had no clue how to tell Natsu how relieved he was that they were back together. Just knowing that they could be like this again made him almost want to cry.

He had nearly lost Natsu. They were still on shaky ground. Still, they were together, and they were happy. That was what mattered.

Gray suddenly grabbed Natsu into a crushing hug.

"Whoa, hey!"

"Shut up," Gray said, his chest shaking. "Just … shut up. Let me do this."

Natsu did not fight it. He felt the trembling in Gray's arms and the snuffling in his nose. He felt how Gray's heart raced and his lungs shivered. Natsu wrapped his arms around him and hugged him back.

"Welcome home, Gray."

He gulped down thickly, knowing his tears were mixing with the shower water. "Y-yeah. Welcome home, Natsu. We're back!"

He sniffed up his own happiness and kissed Gray on the side of the neck while still clinging to him. "Yeah. We're back together … how it should be."

Gray buried his head deeper into Natsu's chest. "Dammit, I am _so sorry_ I put you through hell. I didn't appreciate you, didn't listen, just kept pushing and pushing out of greed…"

Natsu hushed him and stroked his shoulders. "We're past that. We're better, both of us."

"I could slip. I could end up right back where I was before. My therapist keeps warning me about that."

"Idiot. I liked most of it. If you do anything I don't like, I'll tell you."

Gray nodded and wiped his eyes. "Make sure you do. Shit, I'm a mess. I've gone all soft. I'm an even bigger crybaby than you now."

Natsu held both sides of Gray's head and kissed over the tears. "Salty," he noted. "Can I request a little more on the tender side?"

Gray chuckled, wiped his eyes clear, and nodded. "Sure, you big softy."

"I'm seriously exhausted. Can you wash me up, and then we can take a nap before dinner?"

Gray gave him a gentle yet endearing kiss. "I can totally do that."

He scrubbed Natsu's body and helped him to wash his hair. After they were clean, he tended to the cut on Natsu's back, and they both put ointment on a few of the bigger bruises. Still naked, they curled up in bed together.

"Gray," Natsu muttered, and he heard a sleepy hum. "Let's go on a date tonight."

"Sure. You pay. I'm broke."

"And next week, maybe we can do a mission with the team. It's been a while."

"Sounds good," he muttered with his cheek smashed into the pillow.

"And Gray?"

"I'm sleeping," he said in drowsy annoyance.

Natsu twisted around to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you for taking me back."

Gray grabbed around him possessively. "Mine."

Natsu laughed and snuggled down into the embrace. "Yeah. All yours, ice princess." He sighed and began to drift off. "All yours."

**End of Chapter 58**


	59. A Butler and a Maid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This chapter was supposed to be finished by Halloween, but it became too long. Then I took my traditional one-month break from fanfiction to participate in NaNoWriMo. (I won ... barely!)_
> 
> _Audio Drama:_ <http://chirb.it/BNq89D>
> 
> [Fan Art by shiruke-lightheart](http://shiruke-lightheart.tumblr.com/post/151579323428/)

Natsu sat in his therapist's office, staring down at a scab on his knuckles from a mission the team had gone on a couple of days earlier.

"So, it's been a month. Are things still going well with Gray?"

"Yeah, we're doing great," he assured in a chirpy tone.

"The flashbacks?"

Natsu flinched, although this was a subject that got brought up every session. "They still happen. We're … finding ways to deal with it, ways to keep me in the present and not slip into bad memories." He did not mention that Gray now liked to have Natsu look out a window while they fucked.

"Are you two still into kinks?"

His cheeks flushed. "Y-yeah. We do stuff sometimes." Then he muttered, "Not as often, though."

"Oh?" The therapist picked up on that right away. "Is something bothering you? Are you unsatisfied?"

"No! N-no, just … we … Gray, he's … he's been trying something for himself, something I guess he needs. He keeps trying to be really gentle. I mean, the sex is awesome, he's still a kinky bastard, but … I sort of miss some of the things we used to do. The _rougher_ things."

The therapist jotted this down. "Such as?"

"Sheesh, are you going to get aroused again when I tell you about our sex life? Because that was awkward as hell when I told you about Lucy and Loke."

"What are the sorts of things you miss? This might shed some light into your personal progress so far. And I will _try_ to remain unaffected."

He slouched back with a pout. "Fine. It's not that the sex is bad; it's actually better than ever. Gray's tender side really makes it sweeter, I guess. It's just … weird. I can't even put my finger on it. I want him to be cold with me. Instead, he's _adoring_ me. Even as he paddles me or ties me up, he's incredibly gentle immediately afterward. It was awesome the first few weeks, but now … I just want to feel that same thrill as before. Like, he used to push my limits, acting really cold and unaffected, although I knew he was aroused as hell, I could _smell_ it. I liked that! Now, we haven't tried anything new. Everything we do is something we've done many times before. _Safe_ things."

"Such as?"

Natsu figured, he might as well tell it all if it could help him figure this out. "Lately, his idea of public humiliation is slamming me against the window and fucking me so hard, I _see_ people look up trying to figure out which apartment the noise is coming from. He makes me watch them and describe them. We did that once, right after the volcano vacation, and suddenly, that's how he wants to do it almost all the time. He said it's because I panic less when I'm focused on watching people. I don't want that, though. I want to … to _lose_ myself in a fantasy, not remain in the moment."

"So, Gray makes you watch people while you make love to keep you in the moment?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Does it stave off the flashbacks?"

"Well … y-yeah."

"Deeper fantasies trigger flashbacks, do they not?"

Natsu began to pick at the scab again and mumbled, "I guess."

"But that's what you want. You miss when he would act cold and push you. You liked edging toward that dangerous area in your mind."

"I … well … I guess so," he admitted quietly.

The therapist tapped his pencil on the chart. "Do you _want_ a flashback, Natsu?"

"No!" he cried out, but then he cringed down in his seat. "… Maybe? I hate them, they scare me to death, but … I feel like now, we're avoiding the issue."

"It's not so much avoiding the issue, but avoiding a catastrophe. He's hoping to keep you from having a flashback. He feels it's safer for you, and he's probably right. Why do you want one?"

"I don't. If I was totally fine and didn't have them at all, that would be awesome. I still get them, though. Every time. But they're brief. _Too_ brief. Back then, I felt like I could work through things while in them. Now, I'm yanked back into the moment so quickly, I can't face what I did. It feels like retreating in front of an enemy, and I hate that."

"Is it just the fantasy you need, or the return to your past?"

"I … I don't know. The escape always came with flashbacks."

"I'm trying to figure out if what you crave is a sexual fantasy to take you away from daily stress, or if you're craving the thrill of delving deeper into your past. If it's the later, we could do that in this office without using sex. We could even try hypnosis to help you face the past in a safe setting. I'll pencil that in as an option to discuss at your next appointment. If it's a sexual fantasy—"

"No way am I doing _that_ with you," shouted Natsu.

"I'm pretty sure my wife would divorce me and I'd lose my license to practice psychology for using sex on my patients as a treatment. I meant—"

"No! I'll face it with Gray."

"Using sex?"

"That's what works," Natsu insisted.

"Do you want to _use_ Gray to battle those memories while in the middle of having sex?"

"I'm not _using_ him!" he shouted in rage.

"You don't want to face that issue with me, through hypnosis or other safe techniques. You want Gray to use your time together having sex to handle that darkness."

"I feel safe with Gray—"

"You're _using_ him!" the therapist said, raising his voice.

Natsu looked stumped, trying to shake his head.

The therapist removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I apologize for shouting, but you are, by far, the most stubborn patient I've ever had in my years as a psychological therapist. I'll be blunt and honest, since I think that's the only approach you respond to. It's something that's bothered me from the beginning, but I felt you were not ready to hear it. You've made so much progress though, I think you're ready to see just how you're using him. This issue especially shows how bad it's gotten."

Natsu bit his lip. Was he _using_ Gray? No way!

"You say sex is better than ever, you're enjoying it, he's enjoying it, but you're not getting flashbacks, and that disturbs you. You grew so used to suffering from the mental anguish of having them, _not_ suffering feels wrong. It's like you crave that mental torture as punishment for daring to experience physical pleasure. Rather than simply enjoying sex for the sake of two people bonding on an intimate level, you want to plunge into darkness, and you want to use Gray as a means of sinking into that abyss and pulling you back out. We could do the same thing here, safely without any physical touching, but you refuse."

"I don't like the idea of being hypnotized," Natsu grumbled.

"But you like the idea of having a flashback during sex, even though Gray is doing all he can to prevent that from happening, likely because he's worried for you and doesn't feel qualified to deal with your emotional breakdowns, and quite frankly, he's not qualified at all. Why would you want that anguish that Gray is trying so hard to prevent?"

Natsu hugged his arms and pulled into the corner of the couch. "I … I don't know. I just want to lose myself in the fantasy. That was the main fun of sex between us for a long time, escaping into a world that was just our own, but how we're doing things, I can't. He forces me right back into Magnolia. I can't … dig deep … sink away … be somewhere else for a few minutes."

The therapist tapped his pen on Natsu's chart again, glancing through his notes. "This isn't my realm of expertise, but could you two try something that allows you to escape into a fantasy while keeping present in the moment?"

Natsu's head tilted to the side. "Huh?"

"Roleplay, for instance. He could still force you to do something that will keep you grounded in the moment, but you could escape into the fantasy of the role."

"Like, pretending to be a dog? Because we tried that once. I didn't too much like it."

"Maybe human roles? As I said, this is not my field. I'm a psychologist, not a sex therapist. I'm more concerned with why you feel such a strong need to escape. You shouldn't use sex to do that. Escaping into fantasy can be nice from time to time, but using sex to escape from your issues can be dangerously addictive, especially for people with as many issues as you two. You're showing signs of that addiction, Natsu. You're like a man with alcoholism given a weak beer and instantly craves hard whiskey."

Natsu shivered at being faced with that. Addiction? He remembered accusing Gray of being addicted to sex, and he had been working with a therapist on that issue. Had Natsu grown just as addicted, but to the heart-pounding terror of the flashbacks that sex elicited?

"So … should I not have sex? I'm confused."

"Sex for pleasure is absolutely fine. My worry is that one of you may use sex for non-pleasurable reasons. You may want to be beaten purely because you feel disgusted with yourself, or Gray may want to beat you out of anger issues with his own limitations. When sex is done for these sorts of darker reasons, and not to treat one another in mutual pleasure, the lines between BDSM and abuse blur. You may end up diving too far into the darkness, and that person you were in the past could emerge at the worst time."

"I think I get it," Natsu said with a frown. "It's like when I fucked Gray while he was a woman."

"He was … what?"

"Yeah," Natsu said, not noticing the shock on the therapist's face. "It was … dark. I honestly stopped caring about whether or not he liked it. He never said no but … I felt like a part of me  _wanted_ to rape Gray. I don't ever want to do that again."

"Wait, Gray was a woman? Is he transgender?"

"What? No. It was magic, for a mission we did. He was transformed into a woman, and I had boobs although my dick only shrank a bit. He had a full vagina, so we fucked while he was changed."

The therapist set the chart aside and rubbed out his eyes again. " _This_ is why I charge wizards double."

* * *

**Across Town**

Gray sat in his therapist's office, mindlessly rubbing a rash on his arm from where some wizard with plant magic had used poison ivy vines against him. It was his bad luck that the attack came _after_ he had stripped so his skin was fully exposed to the plant.

A prim woman with pale orange hair and half-rim glasses sat in a chair in front of him with a folder in her hands. "It's been a month since you and Natsu made up. How are things going?"

"Pretty good," he muttered.

She gazed at him from over the rim of her glasses. "Trouble?"

He leaned back on the reclined couch. From the salt rock lamps to the tiny water fountain trickling over rocks in the corner, the room was designed to put a patient at ease. She even kept it cold for him. Gray really liked simply sitting in the office. He felt safe here, and he knew he could talk openly.

"I keep getting a feeling like Natsu isn't satisfied. I'm doing what feels comfortable, what I know from experience won't trigger him. I took your advice, found a way to ground him in the moment, and it seemed to work. He still tenses up sometimes, he still wants to be tied up out of fear, but he hasn't had a full-blown flashback this whole month."

"That's good, and it's kind of you to rein yourself in for his sake."

"Yeah, but … he keeps looking like he's disappointed afterward. Like when we're cleaning up after sex, when he thinks I'm not looking, he gets this pout, and I _know_ that pout. I try to be even more attentive, more conscious of aftercare, but that's not it. It's like, maybe the sex was good, but he wasn't fully satisfied. I don't even know what to do. I'm terrified of pushing his limits and triggering something. I don't want to fuck this up again. But now, I feel like I might be screwing up by not giving him enough. I don't know the boundaries, and I'm too scared to test them."

"Sometimes, love is about taking risks," she told him. "It's also about communication. Have you directly asked him?"

"Yeah, I ask if he's all right, if what we did was okay, and he's suddenly all smiles again."

"Perhaps you're asking the wrong thing. Realize, Natsu is likely just as worried about losing you as you are about losing him. He may not want to complain. He has a traumatic past, and you're being sensitive about that, but it might be that he's picking up on that hesitancy. You've described him as being able to _smell_ your feelings."

"I swear, that damn nose of his is better than any detective in the world."

"Perhaps he smells your fear, and that's not allowing him to fully enjoy intimacy. Realizing you're trying to prevent triggering the past very well may remind him of that past."

"Shit," Gray sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't know how to help him."

"It shouldn't be your responsibility."

"It is!" he shouted. "As a dominant, it _is_ my responsibility that he is satisfied and safe."

"I thought you two weren't going to play at dominant and submissive."

Gray scowled, still naturally feeling that role and all it entailed. "I want to keep him safe, but … but I don't know how to satisfy him."

She smiled gently. "It sounds like you two need couples counseling on top of this."

"Che! If you know someone who can handle two BDSM gay wizards with issues like ours, I'd consider it."

"Not in Magnolia," she chuckled. "I do highly recommend that you talk to him. Ask him to decide what you do. I know it's hard for you to give up control, but perhaps set a day when you allow him to call the shots. Observe what he wants. If you want to remain in your BDSM roles, you could try forcing him to say his desires. It can be quite humiliating to say such things out loud. You remain in a dominant stance, but he has total control to push his own boundaries."

Gray worried about that set-up. "What if he pushes himself too far?"

"Be ready to catch him. He may _need_ to push himself. It's possible that he doesn't know his own limits, and being held back is irking his need for adventure."

Gray barked out a laugh. "Damn, that's _exactly_ like Natsu."

"Gray, please remember this," she said sternly. "If he has a flashback, it's not that you failed him. You are not responsible for healing Natsu. You are not at fault for every trigger that affects him. We've talked about this."

"Yeah," he grumbled. "It's just … _hard_  … not to feel that need to protect him."

"You're a very caring boyfriend," she praised, "but don't stifle him. Allow him to explore his own needs. Protect him when he finds those areas of darkness, work through them together, but don't feel you must shelter him from everything. Don't blame yourself for those crimes of the past."

"I know," he muttered. They had gone over his issue of blaming himself many times. "I have some good news, though. I found a way to express myself to him."

"Oh?" she asked with interest.

"I tell him, _I adore you_. He seems to like it."

"Oh Gray, that's sweet! You're making some real progress. Shall we try your exercises now?"

She pulled out a picture and handed it to him. Gray looked at the image of Natsu smiling in his playful way.

"I love you," he said to the image.

"More directly," the therapist lectured.

With a bolder tone, he said, "I love you, Natsu." His throat clenched a little, but not as bad as when they first began this exercise.

"Close your eyes now."

His eyes shut. "I love you," he said.

"Try it once more. Really imagine him here in this room."

He relaxed his mind and pictured Natsu standing in front of him. He wanted to say these words one day. Even though Natsu knew, even though he could say _I adore you_ , he wanted to get over this fear. He wanted to tell him directly!

"I love you, Natsu."

"Thanks, Gray."

Gray gasped at the voice and bolted up in a panic. For a second, there was darkness, screams, and he swore he smelled smoke. His heart nearly stopped in terror. It took a few seconds for him to see through the foggy darkness and realize he was still in the counseling room with the therapist holding up a voice recorder lacrima.

"Sorry," she said, putting the recorder aside. "I asked Natsu to say a few things. I thought it might help."

Gray rubbed out his chest as he felt his heart hammering against his ribs. "Shit!" he panted. His breathing was hard, like after a battle, and magic buzzed in his hands, ready for a fight. He realized part of the couch had frosted over.

"Can you tell me what happened just now?"

Gray screamed at her, "I thought he was fucking _here_ , in this room, _that's what!_ "

"You're panicking," she pointed out.

"Hell yeah, I am!"

"You're fine saying it."

"Not to _him_ , dammit!"

"Calm down. What happened?"

Gray rubbed his face as he felt his nerves shaking. "I don't know. I thought maybe you sneaked him in. And then … the smoke … the screams … my mother's last words. It's still ringing in my head."

"My apologies. It looks like we have a ways to go."

Gray sank back in the reclined couch and looked away. "Yeah … a long ways," he whispered, feeling like he was farther and farther away from that goal.

* * *

**A Few Days Later**

"Seriously!" shouted Lucy. "Who's idea was this?"

Levy patted her shoulder. "It's Gajeel's birthday. It was his wish to have a costume party."

"This!" Lucy waved down at the matching bunny costumes both she and Levy wore. "This is not a _costume_. It's a perverted man living out a fetish."

Erza walked up to them in an even more provocative version of the rabbit outfit. "I rather like the idea of someone getting to pick which costumes we wear. Besides, you could have picked something else to wear, Lucy. Gajeel only said the women should dress as bunnies. He didn't say you had to wear a sexy bunny outfit. Look at Juvia."

She waved over. Juvia had opted to take Gajeel's birthday wish and twist it. She wore a full furry rabbit costume. Lisanna had also twisted his demand and magically changed herself to have rabbit ears and paws, while remaining normal otherwise. Wendy wore a jumper with a rabbit printed on it. Mira put on a headband with rabbit ears but wore her usual dress.

Lucy blushed brighter. "Does that mean only the three of us actually dress in sexy bunny outfits? I feel so stupid now."

"At least it's better than the guys," Levy said, gazing around the guild hall.

Gajeel's birthday wish was to have a costume party, but _he_ got to pick the costumes. It had been met with terror for everyone. He, at least, seemed to think it was brilliant. Whereas he kept the women's outfits simple—dress like bunnies—he got elaborate and humiliating with the men in the guild, and already many were planning vicious ways to pay him back.

Laxus wore a massive diaper and pouted churlishly as he chomped on a giant pacifier. Freed had to dress up as a mother, with a dress, an apron, and his hair pulled over one shoulder in the _motherly side plait_. Since he constantly stood by Laxus' side, it made him look like a green-haired parent watching over an overgrown, cranky baby. Elfman was dressed up as a massive fairy in a ballerina tutu, scowling as Evergreen could not stop laughing. Max was dressed as a servant girl and held onto his broom defiantly. Jet and Droy were in full-body green tights with massive sunflowers around their heads, and Levy kept giggling every time she saw them.

Poor Natsu, though.

"Natsu got it worst, I think," Lucy admitted quietly, although he could probably hear all the whispers about him.

Gajeel had been specific about Natsu and Gray. Gray had to dress up as a butler, which was the most normal out of all the male costumes. However, Gajeel had specified that under the butler outfit would be something humiliating, yet no one knew what. It was enough so that an hour had passed, and Gray had _not_ taken off any clothing.

Natsu, though, had to wear a sexy maid outfit with high heels and his hair in pigtails. The Dragon Slayer held his feather duster in a death grip through the party, but Gray seemed well-amused. Many caught him and Gajeel sharing a wink. Definitely, they had worked together to set this up.

Natsu's frustration was not just due to the outfit, though.

* * *

**Earlier That Morning**

"Are you serious? Gajeel wants _what_?"

"It's his birthday wish," Gray said with a shrug. "Remember Laxus' birthday wish when we were kids?"

"We never speak of that day," Natsu said with a grimace.

"Gotta admit, it was hilarious."

"Still … what the hell is that metal-head thinking, making me dress in a maid outfit? What kind of pervert likes that sort of thing?"

Gray had a devious smile. "It could be nice." He stepped up to the enraged Dragon Slayer and traced his cheek. "I definitely wouldn't mind."

"Of course _you_ would," Natsu shouted. He blushed and turned away. "Pervy stripper."

"Hey, do you … um … maybe want to make something of this?"

Natsu spun around in surprise. "Make … something?"

Gray stepped up even closer. "I want to do something special. With you!"

He gulped hard. "L-like what?"

"For starters, I want you to wear the chastity belt. I wouldn't want you getting hard while wearing a tiny skirt. No one gets to see you erect but me."

Natsu felt a shiver already. He had been wanting Gray to do more in their relationship than average bedroom kinks. This was it!

Gray traced along Natsu's throat, watching his vein pulse quicker. "I wouldn't mind seeing you in women's underwear, too. Some lacy panties, a tiny bra, maybe have you wear garters for your stockings. Mmh, I'd like that."

"Pervert," Natsu moaned, panting at the cold touches.

Gray leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Now … you pick something."

Natsu froze. Him? Pick some kink?

Gray watched with interest. His therapist had recommended letting Natsu pick more in their play. Gray was honestly curious what he might choose.

Natsu thought about it. His mind whirled with erotic possibilities. Perhaps the collar … no, he had panicked wearing the collar in public. Gray already picked panties. What else?

"Maybe … I don't know what they're called. One of those things, those eggs. They go inside you and … and they vibrate."

Gray's cock twitched already. "You want to use one of those in public?"

"Just don't turn it on."

"Then what's the point?"

Natsu blushed with embarrassment. "Knowing it's there, knowing you _could_ turn it on … that would be enough."

Gray felt his heart racing. "Maybe … afterward?"

"After the party … maybe we could go somewhere else and … and use it."

Gray almost needed to rub out the ache in his pants. "Shit, Natsu."

"Bad?" he asked worriedly.

"No! That's an incredible idea. Damn, so hot!"

Natsu sidled up to him, devious and confident now. "Maybe after the party, we can go to your place…" He dragged his finger over Gray's lower lip. "… and play butler and maid. I wouldn't mind _polishing your candlestick_."

Gray suddenly slammed Natsu down against the couch, lurching on top of him with those fiery wrists pinned above his head.

"Easy there," Natsu laughed slyly. "Save it for later."

Gray backed off, but he had a devilish smile. Oooh yes! This was going to be an incredible costume party.

* * *

**Present Time**

Natsu knew no one could see. He knew the anal love egg was completely hidden, and as for the chastity belt…

Well, that was a problem.

The women's panties Gray got for him were thin. The maid outfit skirt was short. More than one guild mate had teasingly flipped up his skirt and broke into peals of laughter at the bright pink lacy panties.

Luckily, they had only seen the buttocks. The trouble was up front.

The thin material of the panties did not fully hide the plastic cock cage with its small metal padlock. Pressed up against the satin and lace, the vents were visible as straight lines that were unnatural to a penis, and the padlock was outlined for anyone to see. That meant Natsu was even more aware of the kinky device under his skirt, and the fear of humiliation was amplified almost to his own mental breaking point.

So he sat at a table, he crushed the feather duster to keep from trembling, and he dared not get up without a reason, in case someone flipped the _front_ of his skirt next.

He had whispered to Gray about his fear. Rather than leave him alone to suffer with it, Gray stayed right next to him. When Gajeel called Natsu over to pour some tea for him, calling him "Miss Maid," Gray followed right behind him. His excuse was that, as the butler, he had to make sure the maid did any duties properly. The guild laughed that Gray was just using it as an excuse to watch Natsu being humiliated, and he let them think so. In reality, he was protecting Natsu from the perverts in the guild who thought flipping up a skirt was good for laughs. He intercepted attempts, and the few who got a flip in through magic, like a blast of air or a trick of telekinesis, Gray yanked the skirt back down and glared in a cold gaze of a jealous boyfriend.

The guild members quickly realized, for how funny it was to see the Dragon Slayer in a maid outfit, he was still someone's boyfriend, and they had to respect that.

"Oh Miss Maid!" Gajeel called out again. "Show time."

Natsu gulped hard. "Wh-what? What the hell are you talking about, metal-head?"

Gajeel grabbed his guitar and strode up to the stage. Lights dimmed, a spotlight shined on him, and he strummed a few chords.

"This is a song I wrote just for today, a birthday song called _Old as Iron, Hard as Steel_. Bunnies!"

With a resigned sigh, Lucy and Levy came up to the stage behind him, ready to dance.

"And now … Miss Maid."

Natsu shook his head. His heart was pounding. Up in front of everyone, knowing what was barely even concealed under such a short skirt…

"Get up here, you coward!"

No matter what, Natsu was _not_ going to let Gajeel get away with calling him a coward. Gray grabbed hold of his wrist, seeing that stubborn gaze Natsu too often got. Natsu patted his arm in reassurance. His pride was now on the line. He was no coward!

Natsu went up onto the stage, hardly a picture of grace. Gajeel chuckled to himself.

"Gihihi! You dance between the two bunnies. They'll show you the moves."

Natsu moved over to Lucy and Levy. He felt slightly better. At least this way, all eyes would probably be more on the pretty girls.

"Oh, thank goodness," Lucy whispered. "At least the focus won't be on us."

Natsu panicked at that. What did she mean? The audience would watch the girls more, right?

Then he realized … the guild had _seen_ Lucy and Levy in this sort of situation many times before. Girls in bunny suits? Been there, done that! A Dragon Slayer in a maid outfit? _That_ was new. The attention would be on him, probably even more than on Gajeel, who was now strumming an opening riff to his song.

"Okay, Natsu," Levy said. "Watch me and Lucy. The dance is simple."

He had seen it before while in the audience, usually laughing at how ridiculous Lucy looked. Now he was on the stage, and those laughs were aimed at him.

He saw Lucy and Levy start up, a simple dance, and he tried to follow. Twice to the left, twice to the right, hands up, hip shake, kick…

He froze with his ankle barely raised for the kick. If he kicked straight up like Lucy and Levy, his little skirt would flip, and most definitely everyone would see what was caged up front.

Out in the audience, Gray had been laughing with the rest until that kick. He saw Natsu freeze and the sudden look of panic. To the rest of the guild, they laughed even more, but Gray sprung up, ready to stop the performance.

He weaved his way to the stage, but by then Natsu had managed to move past that and onto the next part of the dance routine. Gray stood directly below. From down here, Natsu really was almost exposed. Turning around, the skirt flipped up almost high enough to see. Turning his back to the audience and bending over, there was a clear panty shot of his butt, and the crowd roared with laughs. Then the three turned back to face the audience again and began to repeat the routine.

Gray watched with a sense of dread. Natsu kept moving, but he looked mortified. It was not noticed, because Lucy and Levy looked equally humiliated. Twice to the left, twice to the right, hands up, hip shake, kick…

Natsu froze up again, his leg barely raised, and he missed the next three moves. Gray saw he was close to panicking, so he cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed out over the music.

"Hey, Miss Maid! Nice ass! But you make a fuck-ugly girl. Maybe next time you should wear lipstick."

The fear left, and Natsu's fists flared up. "What was that, icicle-dick?"

Gajeel scowled over. "Hey, you're ruining my song."

Natsu leaped off the stage, fist aimed at Gray, who easily dodged. He also threw a punch, which was weak enough for Natsu to catch. The fight was a total sham. They aimed purposely so neither would hit. It was enough, though. They brawled and pulled on hair, slowly edging away from the stage.

"Thank you," Natsu whispered as Gray's fist sailed right past his cheek.

"I just didn't want them to see what's mine," Gray replied quietly as Natsu's fist hit his stomach but with no extra momentum. He still pretended to double over. "You're too sexy like this. I don't want anyone getting ideas."

Natsu grabbed around Gray, pulling his hair and making it look like he was about to throw him, but his mouth went to Gray's ear. "Yellow," he whispered.

"Hit me for real. I'll attack you back, then we'll get out. Play along."

Natsu carried through with the throw followed by a body slam. Gray knew it was weakly done, but it had to look real to anyone else. Gray leaped up and got Natsu into a choking headlock. However, as soon as he got into the hold, he bolted backwards and reached behind him.

"Ahhhh! Stupid bra! Damn you, Gajeel. What sort of pervert are you, demanding I wear a bra under this?"

The guild burst into laughs. "Is that why he's not stripping? A bra!"

"Stupid piece of… This fight isn't over, sulfur-breath." Still reaching behind him as if holding his hidden bra together, Gray stomped off to the back rooms.

Natsu followed him. "Hey, don't you run away, jerk."

"Take it outside," Mira chimed in.

They heard Gajeel continue with his _birthday song_ as they went into a hall and to one of the many storage rooms.

Everyone knew the stories about these storage rooms. Probably half the guild had used them for a quick and dirty fuck. He was tempted—oh so tempted—to use them. Not for sex, he did not want to get caught. They had really risked things last time they were in here. (Damn, that was a long time ago!) Still, there was a lot they could do without getting too kinky.

"Gray?"

He jolted and wondered if Natsu would ask him for a repeat of that time. Natsu had been wild, needy, desperate for Gray's touch. It had _enthralled_ Gray so much so that he broke his own rule against _visible_ public kinkiness.

"Can you…"

His breath caught. What would Natsu request? What did he _desire_?

"… maybe … hold me?"

Gray's mind went blank. Hold? Him?

"That … it was … almost too much. I almost panicked. I don't … I feel … sheesh, I can't even explain it." Natsu looked frustrated, although the tiny pout was utterly adorable. "I'm not … myself. I don't feel right. I don't know what it is, but … I need—"

"I get it," he cut in. "Come here."

Gray pulled Natsu into a hug, caressing his hair. Natsu sank into his arms. He always felt safe in this embrace, and the shivers of humiliation soothed away as Gray caressed through his hair.

With a pout, he grumbled, "Gajeel's a pervert."

"He's doing it for laughs, not to be kinky."

"Well, _you're_ a pervert. I'd probably be fine if I was wearing briefs under this skirt."

"Do you need to take the cock cage off?"

"It'd help, but where would we put it?"

Gray realized he was right. It wasn't like he could shove something like that into his pocket. It was hard plastic, and the shape was suspicious no matter how he might try to hid it. He tried to think. Was there somewhere in the guild he could hide it? Not safely. How about…?

"I could wear it."

Natsu's face shot straight up to him with massive eyes. "Seriously?"

"If it's no good for you, that's the only choice. I don't want you to panic, so if this is too much … I mean, at least I'm wearing trousers," he said, waving down at the butler costume. "It's not like I'm really using it as a chastity device. It's the only safe way to bring it home with us, right?"

"But … you'd wear it? For real?"

Natsu's enthralled face amused him, and Gray smirked. "Oh? Do you like that idea?"

His cheeks went bright pink. "M-maybe?"

"Then we'll do a wardrobe exchange in the restroom." He caressed Natsu's hair and whispered into his ear, "I don't mind wearing the cock cage. At least you've got that remote controlled vibrating egg in you."

Natsu hid his face down. Damn him for reminding him of that!

"It would have been funny if I had turned it on while you were on stage."

Natsu sat up sharply. "Gray!"

He traced Natsu's jaw down to the chin and tilted it up. Gray stared at him with a lowered, sadistic gaze. "I have the remote in my pocket. I could turn it on right now, feel you squirm on my lap, watch you lose yourself to the pleasure without me even touching you."

"Screw you!"

"I bet I could get you to come in those little satin panties."

"You better not!"

"It's highly tempting."

Natsu cringed away. "Seriously, Gray. No."

"I won't," he promised, seeing that his teasing was going too far. "You need to be held, right?" Gray clutched Natsu back into his embrace. "I'll just hold you, but I want you to know how tempted I am."

Natsu bit his lips and blushed. He had to admit, he was a little tempted as well, but mentally he was still shaken. They sat on a sack of flour, with Natsu on Gray's lap. He rested his head on Gray's chest and closed his eyes, calming himself after the embarrassment.

Thoughts of kinks melted from Gray's mind as he cradled Natsu on his lap. They had pushed things to Natsu's limits, yet Natsu had been in full control. It was something he wanted, yet it involved the kinks Gray craved. Somehow, that was … satisfying.

So now, he could enjoy this little moment with his boyfriend. He leaned on Natsu's head and kissed his hair. Natsu hummed in sleepy contentment.

"Ah-ha!"

The storage room door burst open with a kick. Cana stood in the doorway, looking smug.

"I knew you two sneaked off for a storage room romp. What are you doing? _Maybe_ I'll let this go without telling anyone."

Gray glared in annoyance. "We're cuddling. Is that seriously a crime?"

"Cuddling?" She looked disgusted at the idea. "Seriously? Come on, he's wearing that skirt," she said, pointing to the maid outfit. "Don't tell me your hands aren't all over him."

"Gray's not like that," Natsu shouted. "Just because I'm in a skirt, do you think that means we're gonna bang each other right here in the guild? Do you really think Gray is that stupid? He's hugging me, I'm cuddling him, we're not going anything improper. We just don't want to be all lovey-dovey in front of everyone."

Cana crossed her arms and pouted. "Seriously? Nothing? You're not even copping a feel? Dammit, I was hoping to finally catch you two. You're too pure. I mean, don't you guys fuck?"

"Cana!" Gray shouted.

"I know you do, but seriously, you're like innocent boyfriends in the guild. No banging in the storage rooms, no sloppy makeouts in the halls, you barely even hold hands and kiss. It's infuriating."

"What, are you mad that you haven't _caught us_?"

"Yeah!" she admitted.

Gray nudged Natsu off his lap and marched up to the brunette. "We will not be _banging_ in the guild, got it? We have at least _some_ propriety."

"Boring," she mocked. She waved her hand and turned away. "Go back to snuggling or whatever. Maybe I can catch Levy and Gajeel getting some birthday nookie later on."

"Pervert!" Gray shouted after her, but he sank back into the storage room. Damn! He had been tempted to do something with Natsu. Now he was glad he had rules against visible public kinks. He looked back to check on Natsu, but he seemed to be fine. Their cuddle time was interrupted, that was all.

"Let's get back to the party," he recommended. "Restroom first."

They headed to the guild restrooms together and went into separate stalls. Gray handed Natsu the key to open the chastity belt. Inside his stall, he unlocked the padlock and removed the ring around his scrotum as well as the plastic contoured cage.

"You good?" Gray asked from the next stall. "Anyone here?"

Natsu sniffed. "No one."

They opened their stalls, and Natsu quickly handed over the chastity belt. He hid back in his stall and decided to use it while he was there. Skirts were utterly annoying when he had to pee.

He listened to soft noises and grunts as Gray fit the device on, and then finally a click as he locked it in place.

Natsu licked his lips. "What do you think of it?"

Gray zipped up his trousers. "Feels bulky."

"No one sees it."

"I know, but still."

Natsu flushed the toilet and came out to wash his hands. A moment later, Gray exited his stall and immediately went to a mirror, trying to see below. However, they were set too high. He turned to Natsu.

"Does it look okay? Can you tell?"

Natsu smirked as he glanced at Gray's crotch. Of course, there was nothing different in appearance, maybe a faintly larger lump in the fabric, but nothing anyone would notice.

Only Natsu knew!

"Natsu?"

He jolted out of lascivious fantasies. "Looks fine. Wanna head back?"

Gray stepped forward with a concerned face. "Are you sure you're okay now?"

"I'm much better. I gotta give Gajeel his birthday punch, plus one for being a perverted asshole."

Gray chuckled, happy to see him fully recovered. They returned to the main hall to see Gajeel still on stage singing, only somehow Lucy and Levy had managed to get out of the spotlight with him. They were both sitting at a table looking dejected and humiliated. Natsu headed over to them and threw an arm around Lucy.

"Cheer up! At least you look great in this outfit."

She struggled a smile with a slight blush. "Thanks, Natsu. You don't look so bad, either."

He laughed in his silly way. "Liar. Hey Levy, any specific place where I _shouldn't_ punch Gajeel?"

" _What?_ " she gasped, but she saw Natsu grinning in excitement. Of course … the traditional birthday punch! "Umm … not the crotch, obviously, and not the mouth."

"Gotcha!"

After the song was over, Natsu leaped up on stage and instantly delivered a blow to Gajeel's stomach.

"Happy birthday, bastard!"

Seconds later, an all-out brawl started.

Gray stripped off the butler tuxedo shirt, showing he really was wearing a bra underneath, before throwing that off as well. He kept only his pants on, since there was no way now that he could ditch those. As he threw punches and froze limbs, he caught sight of Natsu. Gajeel had him by one of his pink pigtails as the two threw hits, sometimes striking, sometimes dodging. He looked so much better, and it warmed Gray's heart.

If he could protect Natsu, no matter what it meant to him…

Gray had somehow ended up near Laxus. He knew better than to fight him—that was almost as stupid as fighting Erza. However, the crowd shoved, Gray stumbled over, and the Raijinshuu apparently felt he was just a little too close to their Thunder God. Freed dutifully pushed Gray away with a dark glare, and before Gray could apologize, Evergreen gave him a kick.

Which missed his shin and slid right up between his legs to his crotch.

As Gray doubled over and collapsed to the floor, he heard Evergreen gasp.

"Gray! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to kick you there."

Bickslow cringed in sympathy. "Ouch!"

Laxus shook his head, but even he sympathized. "Yo, Ash-brain! Get your boyfriend. He got his nuts kicked."

Natsu's eyes widened at the shout. Kicked? And Gray was wearing the chastity belt! He yanked away from Gajeel and raced over to the ice wizard curled into a ball on the floor.

"Gray?" he whispered. "How bad is it?"

"Get me home," he hissed. "I'm … trying to cool it off … but … shit, that hurts!"

Juvia came up with a bundle of clothes in her arms and a worried look. "Gray-sama, Juvia found your clothes."

Gray tried to stand, but pain flashed through him again. The kick had not only hit his balls, which were wrapped up with a plastic ring, but the cock cage itself had shifted hard to the side, digging sharply into the skin around his penis. He knew there would be a bruise, and as it began to swell, the chastity belt grew painful.

Natsu frowned, truly worried but knowing he could not say anything. "Juvia, follow us. Hup!" He yanked Gray up into his arms and carried him out of the guild.

"Natsu," Gray tried to protest, but the pain made his voice harsh.

"I'm taking you home. Keep ice on it. Sheesh, Evergreen must have a kick as bad as Lucy's! Trust me, you do _not_ want to get kicked by her when she's wearing those heeled boots."

Gray knew he was only saying that to cover up for how badly he was reacting. He slammed his eyes shut, struggling with all of his might against crying from the pain. The ice was helping, but it was still swelling, and with it the cock cage increased the agony.

It felt like an hour before they reached Gray's apartment, although the trip took only minutes. Juvia followed them up the stairs, still clutching Gray's clothes and looking fretful.

"I hope you don't have a _mess_ in the place," Natsu said.

Gray wondered why he would ask since Natsu was there just before the party, until he realized they left the box for the chastity belt on his bed. If Juvia saw that…

"Yeah, dirty laundry in the bedroom. Don't go in there. Just put me on the couch."

Juvia used Gray's key to open up the door, and Natsu carried him in. They went to the couch, and Natsu carefully set Gray down.

"Hey Juvia, leave the clothes here and go make him some tea. I'll get him medicine."

"Yes!" she said eagerly, and she hurried to the kitchen.

Gray sighed, realizing he sent her off to clean up any evidence of kinkiness. "Thanks," he muttered.

"Do you need anything?" Natsu asked poignantly.

"I'm okay for the moment. I may want to wear something _looser_ later."

Natsu smirked, knowing Gray meant he needed to get that plastic cage off his cock. "Keep ice on it for the moment. Rest, ice, heat … elevate." He said it casually, basic advice for injuries, but Gray knew what he meant.

 _Heat_ would come as soon as they were alone, and _something_ would elevate.

"Rest for now," he said, worry returning to his eyes.

Then Natsu left to get medicine from the bathroom. On his way back, he ducked into Gray's bedroom and threw the suspicious box under the bed. When he came back out, Juvia was just finishing the tea. Gray took the pills and sipped tea. He kept his hand over his crotch, shielding it and focusing ice on the swelling.

"Thanks, Juvia. Tea's great. Um … if you don't mind, I need to change."

"Gray-sama always takes off clothes in front of Juvia," she pointed out. "Juvia doesn't mind."

"Yeah, but Gajeel had me wear panties under this butler outfit, along with that stupid bra," he said, pointing to the lingerie in the clothes pile. "I don't even like the idea of Natsu seeing me wearing that. I'd just slip into the bedroom, but I don't think I can move off this couch yet. Besides, you should go enjoy the rest of the party. Oh, and … your bunny outfit is really adorable."

Juvia blushed with joy. "Juvia is so happy Gray-sama likes this. I hope Gray-sama feels better."

"I will, thanks to your tea."

She left with a smile, and Gray sighed as soon as the door shut.

"Flirting?" Natsu asked with a hint of jealousy.

"You have no idea how desperate I am to get this damn cage off my dick. Shit, it hurts!"

Gray struggled out of his tuxedo pants and revealed the blue panties Gajeel insisted that he wear. Gray had not allowed Natsu to see him wearing it earlier, so Natsu gazed over him now and burned the memory of Gray in women's lingerie into his memory before the panties were thrown aside in disgust. Gray took out the small key and unlocked it, but the movement against his scrotum made him hiss in pain.

"Let me," Natsu said, and he instantly knelt in front of Gray until his maid skirt spread out around him like a black and white flower. Gray watched and tried not to flinch too hard as Natsu carefully removed the chastity device and set it aside. Then, knelt by the couch between Gray's legs, Natsu inspected the injury.

"You have a bruise," he said, cringing at the purple already swelling up. "Your balls are really swollen, too. Nothing bleeding, at least."

Gray groaned and flopped his head back against the couch. "So much for banging your ass in this dress," he sighed.

"I can always wear it another day, just for you … wearing anything you want underneath."

Gray hummed sensually.

"For today, I'll serve you. I'm a maid, after all. I can pour your tea, fetch you food, whatever you want since you're injured." He looked eager to play this game.

Gray eyed him over, one pigtail lopsided due to his scuffle with Gajeel, but otherwise erotic in those clothes. "I can't promise much. My dick seriously hurts."

"Not sex, you horny idiot. I just want to serve you … as a maid to a butler."

A maid to a butler? As opposed to a slave and master? Was this Natsu's way of letting Gray have a chance as slave-play without the foul thoughts of the past getting in the way? If so, Gray wanted to take advantage of this. He had always wanted a little slave play with Natsu. Maid play … that might be even better.

"All right," Gray decided, plotting how to go about with this scene. "Well, how about we start by you making tea for both of us? I'm almost done with this cup. Water should still be hot. Wear an apron as you're making it."

Natsu chuckled softly and left to the kitchen, giving his hips a bit of a wiggle as he walked. Gray shook his head. Damn sexy bitch!

Sending Natsu away also gave Gray time to sort out what to do. All sorts of scenarios played through his head, but he had to work around his injury.

"Gray?"

He looked over to the kitchen.

"Let me plan it."

He blinked in confusion. Let Natsu…?

He remembered what his therapist said, though. _Ask him to decide what you do. I know it's hard for you to give up control, but perhaps set a day when you allow him to call the shots. Observe what he wants._

"Sure," he conceded. "Surprise me."

He heard a devious chuckle, quiet but he could imagine that Natsu was grinning with wickedly seductive schemes.

"Then get dressed. Get into character."

Gray ignored underwear for now and just slipped the trousers back up, along with the starched white shirt and black coat. He did not bother with the bow tie, cummerbund, and any other details of the costume.

Natsu returned with an entire pot of tea and two cups. "Please drink up, master."

Gray jolted. "Master?"

"Loke calls Lucy that. He's not a slave to her, though. So … if I'm a maid, and instead of a butler, you could be master of the house, so … so … maid and master?"

Gray flinched as his sore cock swelled a bit at the request. In a condescending yet playful tone, he asked, "Is that what my pretty little maid wants?"

Natsu gulped, dropped his head, and nodded submissively.

"Then how about you pour us some tea?"

Natsu eagerly leaned forward and tipped the teapot into Gray's cup, then filled his own. Gray sat on the couch, Natsu knelt at his feet, and they sipped their cups of tea in silence.

"Too quiet," Gray muttered after a few minutes. "Pour me some more tea."

Natsu sat up and took the teapot. However, just as he was pouring it, he felt a vibration in his ass. He jolted and sloshed tea out all over the low table.

"How sloppy," Gray chided, remote in hand and a smirk on his face. "Go fetch a towel. Clean it up, like a good maid."

The moment of vibration was over, it had lasted only a few seconds, but Natsu felt his heart racing. He knew Gray would eventually make use of that anal vibrator.

He stood and walked to the kitchen to fetch a towel. Five steps away, the vibrator struck again, only for two seconds. It made Natsu yelp and double over, feeling himself getting aroused.

Gray watched him panting and struggling just to walk. Damn! He felt such control with the remote in his hand, able to pleasure Natsu whenever and however he wanted. He did not want too much right away, though. Natsu wanted to plan the scene, but he obviously took into account that Gray would use this, otherwise he would have told him to wait a bit longer. Natsu must be plotting something, and Gray wanted to know what kinks the Dragon Slayer wanted.

Natsu returned, looking wary now, but Gray sat on his couch with an imperial gleam of power in his blue eyes. Natsu leaned over to wipe the tea, and Gray tilted his head to see more under the skirt. He caught a glimpse of pink panties and hummed in perverted pleasure.

"Very good," he praised as Natsu raised up from the mess. "Now, pour me some more."

This time, Natsu moved slowly, expecting a jolt at any second. So when he finished pouring both cups and nothing happened, he looked even more concerned. What exactly was Gray planning to do with that vibrator?

Gray sipped his tea and made passing compliments. Natsu drank his while staring hard at Gray, waiting to see if his hands drifted to the remote. However, they sat in silence and drank with nothing more.

"Well, that was a lovely teatime," Gray declared, setting his cup down. "What more could I have my sexy maid do?"

"Well," Natsu said, licking his smirking lips, "I did say I would polish your candlestick."

Gray's eyes widened, but to his surprise Natsu walked over to a shelf with an honest-to-goodness candlestick. He found a polishing rag, some cleaning spray, and got to work. He rested the end of the candlestick right against his groin angled upward and began to stroke the polishing rag up and down, humming as he stroked slowly.

Gray sneered, clenching the couch's armrest of keep himself from leaping up and ravaging Natsu. As the Dragon Slayer really got into it, playfully moaning at each stroke down the silver stick, Gray reached down, palming himself, starting to think that the bruise on his groin was maybe not all _that_ painful.

"Shit, Natsu," he hissed.

"Master, how much do you want me to polish it?" he asked, groaning out the words.

Master! Gray pressed even harder against his groin, until he felt the pain fully.

"Should I spit polish it as well?" Natsu brought the candlestick up and pretended to lick it, gazing at Gray with narrow, lascivious eyes.

"You're a naughty maid."

Natsu pressed a finger to his cheek and pouted. "Is this not what Master wants?"

"A maid shouldn't distract the master of the house. Go fetch something for your punishment."

Natsu swayed his hips as he walked past the couch and to the bedroom. He closed the curtains along the way, just to be safe. Then he opened the chest of kinky items and pulled out the riding crop. It was elegant and somehow seemed to fit the scene.

When Natsu returned, for a second he held the riding crop with burning eyes, flexing it between his hands, as if he was about to use it. Gray stared, frozen in shock. Shit! One of these days, he would see if Natsu would agree to dress up as a dominatrix, just for play, because this was _seriously_ hot!

However, Natsu handed the riding crop over, surrendering that potential power.

"Where does Master want me?"

This was driving Gray insane. The maid outfit, being called Master, the way Natsu had really gotten into the role of a naughty maid, all of it was almost too much. If he was not injured, he would have thrown Natsu across the table and fucked him.

"Lean over, hands on the coffee table."

Natsu popped his ass out as he bent over. He realized, this far over, the skirt in the back lifted all the way up.

"What a view!"

Natsu glanced back over his shoulder. "Is Master pleased with what Master sees?"

Gray's fingers ran up the silk stockings to the garter belts and up under the skirt. "Master is _very_ pleased with such a sexy maid. Still, I must punish you for being such a distraction."

He stood up and tapped the riding crop on his hand as he paced behind the tempting ass. Even what item Natsu picked for punishment fit the scene. He was seriously getting good at this.

Natsu felt cold hands run up his thighs. He whimpered as he felt Gray shift the skirt up. Then his finger dragged along the edge of the elastic, tracing along the butt cheeks.

"I want you to wear stuff like this more often. It's a serious turn-on."

"Pervert," Natsu grumbled.

Gray's wrist flicked, and the crop hit right on the bottom edge of Natsu's rump, with the pink panties riding up between the butt cheeks. He yelped, but Gray rubbed it out, shoving the skirt up higher as he eased away the first hit.

"That's no way for a maid to talk to the master of the house," he admonished. "Name how many strikes. Don't be stingy or I'll double whatever you say."

"For putting up with such a perverted Master, I think I only deserve three," Natsu said arrogantly.

"Then _six_ it is!" Gray raised the crop, but he hesitated. Quietly, he warned Natsu, "I'm going to be mean."

He saw Natsu nod in understanding, not even a hesitation against making this rough.

Gray had been seriously holding back on striking Natsu in any way, paddles or his own spanking hand, always worried that too much pain might plunge him over into darkness again. Now, he planned to go hard, but quick, not giving Natsu time to slip but getting out all the sadistic desire that had been building up.

The riding crop hit so hard, Natsu shrieked. Again, again, six vicious strikes without a break.

"Graaay!" he howled at the end. "Yellow!"

Gray grabbed him and yanked up onto the couch. He held Natsu on his lap in a crushing hug.

"You naughty, naught maid," he sneered, erect within the butler trousers. "I tried to be good. Look what you _do_ to me!"

Natsu squirmed. Sitting was agonizing! "Gray. Hurts."

"Flip around. Lie on your stomach with your ass on my lap."

Natsu gladly shifted, flopping over the length of the couch. It was not comfortable having his crotch over Gray's legs, but he felt a cold touch to the stinging pain. He moaned at how soothing it felt.

Gray applied just a tiny bit of frost as he caressed Natsu's inflamed bump. Seeing the pink marks darkening on that creamy flesh thrilled him. After tending to the pain, he leaned over and kissed each plump cheek.

"Better?" he asked attentively.

Natsu nodded.

"Then stand up. Face me."

Natsu moved slower as he got off the couch, adjusted his skirt back into place, yanked the panties out of his butt crack, and faced Gray.

"Name a chore you're willing to do."

Natsu did not want to do _chores_ at all. He wanted to show off and amuse Gray. He had been acting so worried and cautious for weeks, so Natsu wanted Gray to go all-out this time. He wanted more punishment, more humiliation, more … just _more!_

Maybe … could it be Gray honestly wanted him to take the lead, and that was why he kept hesitating this month, why he did not fight Natsu's request that he not plan everything tonight, why he had been so gentle? How often had Natsu requested gentleness before? Why did it now seem like _he_ was the one wanting hardcore kinks?

"I can clean." Natsu sidled up between Gray's knee. "I can care for you." He lowered the zipper and eased the straining cock out. "Make sure my master feels better." He leaned over and gave the cock a tiny lick. "Clean you up … make you feel _really_ good."

As Natsu licked like a grooming cat, Gray clenched the couch armrest with one hand and stroked the pink hair with his other hand. "I like the way you clean."

Natsu glanced up, tongue licking, eyes narrow and gleaming. Gray lost his breath to that seductive face. Shit! He really did hurt, but right then he hardly cared about the pain. He wanted _more_ from Natsu.

"How about we try this?"

Gray flicked on the remote. Instantly, Natsu's spine arched back and his eyes widened.

"Too much! Too much!"

Gray turned it down to the lowest setting. "This?"

It took Natsu a moment to get over the shock. It was still intense pleasure right inside his ass, but he could handle it when it was this gentle. He settled his heart down and continued to lick Gray up the vein of his cock to the head, more vigorously now. Then he plunged his mouth down around him.

"Nngh! Hot," Gray groaned. He would never get used to the heat in Natsu's mouth. He put his hand on the pink scalp and pressed Natsu to go just a little deeper until he heard a slight choking at each downward thrust. "Yeah. All the way down, my pretty maid. Suck me good and long. How about you reach under that frilly skirt and polishing your own candlestick?"

Natsu let out a strangled cry and rapidly shook his head.

"All right," Gray said quickly, hearing the near-panic. "Do you want to get off from just the vibrator? I bet I could get you off this way."

He turned the remote up fractionally and watched Natsu tense as he moaned around his cock. Damn! Gray really had to steel himself back, seeing Natsu with pigtails and such sexy women's clothes, on his knees, trembling from pleasure.

"Keep sucking," he ordered.

Natsu's mouth worked him, and his hands got into the action, one reaching to the opened trouser flap to cup Gray's balls and massage them, the other holding the base of the curved cock, stroking what did not fit in his mouth.

"Ugh, yes!" moaned Gray. He leaned back, surrendering to the pleasure. "Shit, Natsu! Shhhhit!"

He really had wanted to hold back, enjoy this for a good, long time, but he supposed he was a bit weak to Natsu in women's clothing. He slammed Natsu's head down harder.

"Gonna … come."

His clenched one of the pigtails as he burst, moaning hoarsely as the pleasure overwhelmed him.

Natsu swallowed down everything before pulling up for air. He panted with saliva streaking down his chin and throat, dripping toward his chest.

"Gray…"

He looked down at the disheveled face and wiped aside some of the drool. "It's _Master_ still."

Natsu tensed for only a moment, but then he looked down at the white frill at the end of his skirt. That was right! He was a maid! "M-master."

Gray gasped softly but tried to hold back just how seeing Natsu so submissive pulsed erotically through his nerves. He really _wanted_ to make Natsu beg, cry, and fall to pieces under him.

"I … I-I need…" Natsu motioned down to the skirt.

"If I give you what you want, will you be a good little maid?"

Natsu blushed deeply. "Y-yes, Master."

"Will you obey me?"

He smiled and licked his lips. "Yes, Master."

"Then stand up."

Natsu rose to his feet.

"Lift your skirt with your left hand. Let me see the goods you're hiding under those frills."

Bashfully, Natsu raised the edge of his skirt.

"Higher. I can't see it."

He gulped and raised the skirt even more.

Gray leaned back on the couch, admiring the scene of Natsu flushed pink and looking aside in humiliation as he showed off the satin panties barely holding back his fully erect cock.

"Sexy," he whispered. "Now, touch yourself—"

"No!" he screamed.

Gray froze. Why again…? Oh, right. Natsu had an issue with masturbation.

"Sorry, I forgot."

Natsu turned his face aside in frustration. "Can … c-can you … take care of it? Please?"

Gray felt bad for requesting something Natsu had placed as a hard limit. He wanted to make up for it. He sat up and scooted to the edge of the couch, crouching to kiss the tiny satin bow on the front of the pink panties.

"Mouth?" he asked.

Natsu nodded desperately. "Please, Master."

 _Shit!_ "Since my pretty maid asked so nicely, I _guess_ I can do that much," he said with a teasing haughtiness. "But! Only if you put up with a little more."

He turned the remote up even higher, and Natsu cried out in a sensual shudder. Gray saw a slight dark spot spreading on the thin fabric as Natsu dripped pre-cum.

"Look at these panties. All ruined!" Gray ran the tip of his finger up the bulge and toward the dark wet spot. "Such a messy maid!" he admonished. He kissed up along the satin, feeling Natsu shiver. "What am I going to do with you? Punish you more?" He grabbed around and clawed into the plump ass, scratching at the satin fabric and yanking Natsu closer. "Train you?" He hooked his fingers around the elastic band and tugged them down, exposing Natsu. "Maybe some positive reinforcement?"

He leaned over and began to suck on Natsu. As the Dragon Slayer grabbed hold of him and moaned loudly, the skirt dropped down, covering Gray's head, wrapping him up within the musky smell of Natsu's groin. Gray felt fingers scratching already, digging into the butler uniform.

Gray suddenly yanked back, pulled the panties back up, and tugged the skirt down neatly. He turned the vibrator off.

"What!" Natsu screamed.

He had a smug gleam in his eyes. "Not yet."

"Gray!"

"Master," he correctly. "I decide when my maid can have fun."

Natsu growled, and Gray felt the area heat up with his frustration. It made him even more turned on to see him desperate like this.

"Turn around."

Natsu spun away, still breathing hard as his cock throbbed with need.

"Back down on the coffee table, like before."

Natsu bent over enough to touch the low table. He suddenly felt the buzzing in his ass again, purring gently and driving him insane. Was Gray going to whip him again?

"Keep your hands flat on the table, just like that. Don't scratch the wood."

Suddenly, there was the sound of a crack, and his ass burned with renewed pain. It was not biting like the riding crop, but flat and soft. A hand! Natsu howled in shock at the sharp spank.

The panties were yanked to the side, and suddenly Natsu felt teeth digging into his flesh. He gasped at the pain.

_Gray's biting me!_

It was not hard enough to break skin, but it would leave marks. Gray was marking him. His maid! His bitch! His beloved!

"A-aaah!"

Natsu reached up and pressed against his cock as the need grew into a painful throbbing.

"Gray, please!"

"Do it," Gray urged.

Natsu did not understand. Then he felt something wet and slick on him. Gray tongue pressed against his asshole and slid around.

"N-no! Gray!" he howled.

His mouth pulled back. "Master. Please, use that word!"

Natsu's knees trembled. "M-master. Touch me."

"You're doing good."

"No!" he shouted. "I can't … I … just can't."

Gray sensed the darkness approaching in Natsu's reactions. He stood up, shoved the remote into a pocket, and yanked Natsu into his arms. Gray carried him to the bedroom and threw him onto the bed where he bounced hard. Natsu stared up in awe as Gray tossed the remote down beside Natsu, yanked off the remains of the butler outfit, and leaped onto the bed. He crawl up naked on top of Natsu, caging him in.

"Tell me how you want it," he ordered sternly.

Natsu's mouth opened mutely. Want it?

"Please," he said, looking serious. "Tell me!"

Natsu gulped hard. "No more master and maid. Just you."

Gray nodded. "Just us now?"

"Y-yeah. If that's okay."

"Sit up and turn around."

Gray backed off so Natsu could sit with his back facing him. He unzipped the maid outfit and pulled it up over Natsu's head. He tugged the panties off and even removed the garters. However, as he was tugging the silk stockings down to the low heels Natsu wore, Gray paused. He began to kiss Natsu's ankles and along the feet. He slowly slipped one heel off, kissing Natsu's foot as it was exposed.

"G-Gray!" He shuddered and gripped the blankets as his mind blanked out. "Oh shit, that's … _nnngh!_ "

Gray looked past the foot and at Natsu's squirming body. His feet were so sensitive! As he slid the first stocking off, Gray sucked on Natsu's bared toes.

"Gaaah! No! Too much!"

Gray easily caught the other foot as it jerked and nearly kicked him in an instinctive reflex. He continued to kiss Natsu's feet and moved back up to the ankle before stopping. He then worked on the other leg, removing the garter belt, kissing along Natsu's thigh and calf as the stocking slid over the hairy leg, and worshiped the heels and exposed toes, all the while watching with sadistic amusement as Natsu wildly squirmed, crying out to stop but never using a safeword.

He really needed to pay Natsu's feet more attention if it got reactions like this!

Finally, both of them were completely naked. Natsu looked just about done-for after the sensual play to his toes, panting and his cock swollen so thickly, Gray was honestly surprised at his restraint not to stroke himself off. It looked like he needed barely a touch.

"Just us," Gray said gently. "Just my beloved."

Natsu's lower lip trembled with happiness. "Kainushi?"

Gray leaned over and kissed Natsu. He let their bodies rub together as he caressed the pink hair and soothed any of the worries or bad memories away. When he pulled back, he smiled down with tenderness in his stormy blue eyes.

"Just us, Natsu." He saw all the troubles sink away. "Now, say my name."

"Gra- _aaaay!_ " Natsu arched up as Gray's hand began to stroke him.

"Good," Gray purred, feeling pre-cum dripping and moistening his fingers. "You're so close, aren't you? I keep making you wait for it."

"Please! I … I…"

"How about this?"

Gray shifted down and devoured the cock ready to blow. Natsu immediately clenched his fingers into Gray's shoulders, crying out at finally getting the friction he needed.

Gray lifted up and demanded, "Tell me what you like."

"Huh?" Natsu grunted out, so close that stopping like this hurt.

"Tell me!" he commanded, and his voice shuddered with desperation.

Natsu glanced down and saw a strange look he had never seen in Gray. Normally, he was so cold and in control. Now, he looked anxious for confirmation. He also looked uncertain of his own skills. He needed to know this was good.

"What do you _like_ , Natsu?" he demanded, and Gray began to suck him again.

He tried to think, although his brain was whirling with sensual euphoria. "I like … y-your … _gah! Nngh!_ "

Gray pulled back long enough to shout, "Tell me!" before diving back down, sucking more vigorously.

"Your mouth," he cried out, arching on the bed. "Gray, please!"

"More!"

"F-f-fuck! I like … how soft your mouth is."

That made Gray hum lustfully.

"I like how … how your lips feel … and … everything! I like _everything_! It's w-warm … wet … your mouth … I like … _shit_  … your lips … _guh_  … and how your tongue … presses up … so tight! G-Gray!"

"Don't stop, Natsu," he demanded. "Tell me what you like. What do I do that pleases you?"

"Everything!" he howled, kicking the mattress deliriously as he felt himself so excruciatingly close. "How your tongue rubs … and the back of your throat. I like … y-your lips … and your mou-…"

Natsu gagged and stiffened. He suddenly tried to yank away.

"Stop! Stop!"

Gray felt the cock pull out of his mouth just as he thought for sure Natsu was about to come. He looked up in worry and saw Natsu curled in a ball with his arms wrapped around his knees, gazing ahead in wide-eyed horror.

"Natsu!" he shouted.

Natsu panted rapidly, shaking and staring blankly. Gray grabbed the remote and turned off the vibrating egg. Then he crawled up and held his boyfriend by the shoulders.

"Natsu!" he called out again, trying to squeeze him hard enough to pull him out of whatever he was seeing.

Natsu kept breathing rapidly as his heart raced. The darkness … and memories … blood and rain … a face … dead eyes. Slowly, he heard Gray calling to him and let that voice ease him out of the memories. Gradually, Natsu calmed down, but he turned his face away in shame. This was what he had wanted, a chance to face that darkness. He forgot just how scary it was.

"Sorry," he whispered, feeling guilty. His therapist had been right. He wanted to _use_ Gray and sex to reach that darkness again in order to battle it. However, he could not even glimpse at it without panicking.

"What happened?" Gray demanded with a stern timbre in his voice.

The guilt plunged Natsu's heart. He really had been using sex, using Gray! He had wanted to reach that depth, but instead he had ruined such a good moment.

_Like I **always** ruin it!_

"Tell me, Natsu. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," he said, and he felt a tear drip down. "It wasn't … it … sorry." He slapped away at the tears. "I'm so sorry."

Gray grabbed Natsu's hands as it looked like he was using the excuse of wiping tears to slap himself in the face. "Natsu, come on. Talk to me!"

He gulped hard. He needed to talk. Gray needed to know, to understand. Communication was vital to relationships; his therapist had told him that so many times.

"I … saw … it w-was…"

He struggled with each broken syllable, but his mind steered sharply away. He couldn't say it! He couldn't tell him! Natsu curled tighter into a ball and pulled away.

"Just a bad memory. It's nothing. I'm sorry."

"Natsu!"

"I can't!" he screamed, yet shouting made him cry harder. Gray did not deserve to be shut out like this, and he hated himself for not being able to tell him. He grabbed a pillow to hide his face as tears poured down. "I'm sorry. I just can't."

He saw the hurt in Gray's eyes, and that made it worse. He knew he was hiding something, but he just _couldn't_ tell Gray about it.

"Please, don't ask," he mumbled into the pillow. Just … _please_. I'm not ready. Please. Please," he sighed. Natsu lowered the pillow and looked at him sadly. "Can we just keep going? I seriously need to finish. Before anything else … shit, _please_ let me come! It hurts like this. Just get it over with. I _need_ it."

Gray pouted, but Natsu's cry was edged with real pain. "Are you sure?"

Natsu nodded although his lips pressed together tightly to hold back tears.

"Mouth or hand?"

Slowly, Natsu moved out of his protective ball and stretched back out over the mattress. "Hand, until the end. Then swallow it. But no mouth until the end."

Gray frowned. Something was seriously wrong with using his mouth. Natsu wanted it, he kept asking for it, but he panicked during blow jobs. Ever since that day…

He pressed his worries aside. Right now, Natsu simply needed to come. _Just get it over with_. Those words showed, he was done with the sensual aspects of sex. He needed it to conclude. A physical need, nothing more. Before he could relax or heal, he needed Gray to end the scene.

Still, Gray did not want it to end badly. He wanted to rescue this and make it good, if possible.

"How about this?" He climbed on top of Natsu again. He reached down between them and stroked both of their cocks together.

"But you're soft," Natsu said in confusion.

"Doesn't matter. I can still rub against you, feel your warmth. I love how your skin is so hot."

Natsu shivered as Gray once again said _love_. He began to moan as Gray's hand stroked him.

"It's _my_ cock. Got it? Mine! And you're mine. You're _mine_ , Natsu."

That possessiveness thrilled Natsu. His ass still ached from the strikes and bite; his body thrummed with Gray's hand and cock stroking him. Then Gray reached a little to the side, and he flicked on the vibrator. Natsu arched up with a trembling moan.

"Do you like that?" Gray asked playfully. "Do you like it buzzing inside? It's been in there all day, and I've been wanting to use it."

He turned it up a little higher.

"Graaay!

"Is it in a good spot?" he asked haughtily. "Do you like my hand as well?"

Natsu nodded frantically.

"How about _this_?" His hand chilled down until it smoked with frost.

Natsu gasped and almost screamed, "Cold! Cold!"

"Only _my_ hand gets that cold, got it?" Gray said sternly.

Natsu shivered. Only Gray touched him like this. No one else. Only Gray.

"Yeah. Only your hand. Only you."

"That's right." Gray glanced over him carefully. Natsu had definitely moved away from whatever darkness haunted him. He was writhing on the bed, moaning and clinging to any pillow or sheet he could grab. It was such an erotic sight, Gray felt himself getting harder despite being bruised, spent, and tired.

"How about this? We take this vibrator…"

He pulled on the cord that hung outside of the anus and yanked, pulling the buzzing egg.

"Gray!" Natsu yelped as it popped out.

Gray turned it off for the moment. "There we go. And…"

He waved his hand over it, and ice covered the egg, the string, and the whole thing took the shape of a penis.

Natsu's eyes widened. "Gray!"

"Will this be okay?"

The Dragon Slayer gulped. "I-inside?"

"That's right. I'm gonna fuck you with my own ice dildo, buzzing with your little egg."

Natsu panted quicker as he gawked at the phallic pole of ice.

"Can I?" Gray asked, just to be sure this was safe.

"Yes!" he said eagerly.

Gray smirked at the desire in those eyes. "Good. Need a little lube, though. It's still real _hard_."

Natsu groaned as he watched Gray generously slather a bottle of lube over the ice.

"I'm gonna turn this vibrator to full power, too. You'll definitely feel it that way."

The intensity of the buzzes grew louder. Then Gray lowered the ice dildo and nudged it up against Natsu. The Dragon Slayer yelped and pulled away at first.

"Relax. It's just my ice. Mine."

Natsu sighed and rolled his hips up to take it.

Gray eased the ice in, watching it spread Natsu wide. He listened to the screaming cries and shivering complaints of it being cold. He just smiled slyly. He had read that ice grounded a person in the midst of a flashback. He would _fuck_ that flashback out of Natsu's mind!

"G-Gray!"

"Cold down here," he said, sliding the ice in and out and watching Natsu's eyes widen at the frosty pleasure stinging nearly to pain. "And warm up here," he added. Gray began to suck Natsu's cock again.

Natsu thrashed wildly, unable to take the extremely. "Oh … gaaah … G-Gray!"

He yanked up. "Oh! Sorry. You said no mouth."

"No. Yes. Mouth. Shit, yes!"

Gray chuckled as he saw Natsu losing himself. He leaned over and sucked on him. Perhaps blow jobs were an issue, but if the ice grounded Natsu in the present, this might just be the best way to suck on him without the pesky flashbacks.

Natsu clawed Gray's shoulders until he heard a garbled scream. He smelled blood. He had scratched and broken skin!

"Gray, ice my hands. It's too much. Too … _nngh_  … too much."

Gray grabbed Natsu's wrists and slammed them to the headboard. Ice crackled over Natsu's skin and trapped him, stretched out and helpless.

"Ooooh, yeah!" Natsu groaned, finally feeling like he was free to fully take all the pleasure Gray had to offer.

Gray raised up, pre-cum dripping from his lower lip, and he pulled back to gaze at Natsu, really look at him. His eyes were wet from crying, his hair only barely in pigtails now, his arms stretched up and bound, his torso twisting with the icy agony, and below … that ice … thrusting his ice inside of Natsu…

"God, _look_ at you," he said in awe. "Being fucked by my ice."

Natsu let out a wanton moan as his body arched. "So good, Gray!"

"Tell me what you like while I do this. Just talk to me." Gray went back down to suck on him.

"Ugh, what can I say? So cold. Your mouth is so hot. It feels hotter now. Like this, so hot!" he whimpered. "And it's cold. Inside. Fuck, so cold it hurts. Hurts good. So … _nngh_  … good. And it's you. Only you. Your mouth, your ice. Only you can do this."

"Mm-hmm," Gray hummed with the cock sliding between his lips.

"Gray!" He began to yank hard against the hand restraints.

Gray pulled up again. "Tell me…"

"No!" he screamed. "Shit! G-Gray, swallow! Now!"

Gray's mouth was back around him just as Natsu shot off. He was thrashing harder than Gray had felt in a long time, almost like he wanted it but didn't want it, that fluctuating duality that had haunted him at the beginning of their relationship.

"Gray … so good. I love you. So … mmmh … good. Need it."

Those two words put aside Gray's worries. He needed it! And Gray wanted to give Natsu everything he needed, darkness or light, pain or pleasure, love or rivalry.

He pulled back, gulped it down, turned off the ice dildo, and gently slid it out. Natsu groaned heavily as the thick pole of ice finally left, and liquid that had melted dribbled out of his ass, just like cum except cold.

"That … was good," Natsu said in exhaustion.

It brought a satisfied smile to Gray's lips. "I'm glad you liked it."

He leaned over and gave Natsu a gentle kiss. Their noses rubbed together, and he gazed longingly at the flushed, sweaty face.

"I love … how deliriously fucked out of your mind you look right now. I love making you look this way. I love every sound you make. Your voice. I l-love…" Emotions pummeled him. Gray felt a tear slide down and shoved it off his cheek.

Natsu looked up at his overwhelmed face and felt deeply touched to see how strongly Gray felt for him. "Tell me," he requested, although exhausted. "Adore," he added to explain.

Gray gulped down the gushing torrent of feelings and sniffled up his nose. They could all be summed up in three words. Maybe they weren't the three he _wanted_ to say, but they were three that Natsu wanted to hear.

He leaned over and let his lips fluttered against Natsu's mouth as he whispered, "I adore you, Natsu." Then Gray kissed him gently.

Natsu stretched out and smiled in contentment. "I really like that."

His hand drifted along Natsu's toned chest and torso. "I love … your body."

Natsu jolted silently, surprised just how close that was but not wanting to startle Gray. It was more than just loving his voice or facial expressions. It was love for himself, as a person.

"I … I'm infatuated with you. No, more than that."

"Gray," he interrupted, starting to see a furrow in Gray's brow as he struggled. "Don't focus on it. Just focus on what you like."

Gray felt like this was still _not enough_ , yet for Natsu's sake he did not try to force himself. "I like seeing you on my bed, knowing _I'm_ the one who does this to you."

Natsu smiled and hummed. "Only you."

"Natsu…" It _wasn't enough_! The words were right there, yet as he gazed down at his lover, the fear was there as well.

Everyone he had ever said _I love you_ to had died!

"I know," Natsu said softly, saddened by the turmoil in his face.

Gray gnashed his teeth and dropped his head onto Natsu's chest. Dammit! He wanted to just come out and say it! "I … adore you." That was the best he could do, and maybe it was enough for Natsu, but it was not enough for _him_.

"Gray, it's okay. I like hearing you say that."

At least for now, that had to suffice. He would work on the rest, no matter how long it took.

Natsu wanted to reach out and hold him, but he realized his wrists were still trapped. "Um … can you unbind me? I scratched you pretty hard. I'll heal it, and then … just hold me?"

Gray leaned up and wiped aside a tear. "Yeah, here."

The ice that had bound his hands melted away, and immediately Natsu grabbed Gray into a crushing hug. The ice wizard cried out at the suddenness, but he felt Natsu nuzzling into him. He laughed softly.

"Okay, shoulder, before my hormones cool off."

"Do they ever?" teased Gray.

Natsu licked up the bloody scratches and hummed. Gray had come a while back, the taste was not as sweet, but it was still _his taste_. Once the scratches healed, the two settled down beside each other on the pillows and yanked a blanket up over them. Their legs entangled as they wrapped each other up, still desperate to be as close as possible.

"Are you okay?" Gray asked, stroking through Natsu's hair.

"I'm wonderful!"

"Did you like all of that?"

"Mmh! But that dress was ridiculous."

"It was sexy!"

"Screw you."

"I'm gonna buy you a whole pack of satin underwear, maybe a few lace and a g-string."

"Go to hell, you pervy snowman."

Gray chuckled and grabbed Natsu even closer. Somehow, despite the flashback—or maybe because of it—Natsu seemed happier than he had been in many weeks. Rather than seeming unsatisfied and disappointed, he kept rubbing his cheek against Gray's chest like a cuddly kitten. Gray combed through his hair, tugging the pigtails out finally, and smiled down at him.

"I seriously adore you," he sighed.

**End of Chapter 59**


	60. Cake Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I was asked about the story's timeline. I honestly have not figured that out fully. Gray and Natsu split up in autumn, just before Fantasia. So let's say in October. (Times for harvest festivals vary on location.) They were apart for 6 months, and last chapter it's stated that they've been back together for a month. So it's about April or May. As for the question of when they got together, Chapter 36 celebrated their 3-month anniversary. Weeks passed, then that fateful mission with the sex slavers. It took Natsu a few weeks before he could let Gray touch him again, but then Natsu suddenly remembered everything about his past. It took even more weeks before he realized they needed to be apart (which was in October), so about two months had passed since their 3-month anniversary. This means they were together about 5 months, took 6 months off, and it's been a month since reuniting._
> 
> _Which means … it's their one-year anniversary!_
> 
>  
> 
> _Audio drama:<http://chirb.it/4MEFns>_

In the month since they got back together, Gray had not really paid attention to just how busy Natsu had been. They were wizards, they took missions to make enough money for things like rent, food, clothes—a lot of clothes, in Gray's case—and so taking multiple missions every week was standard. Sometimes they did team missions for the bigger rewards, but there were lots of smaller missions one person could do in just half a day.

So Natsu going on missions nearly every day had not been a big deal. It was not until he returned a week after Gajeel's birthday, covered almost head to toe in bandages with Happy translating his mumbles, that Gray began to realize that the missions Natsu was taking were rather large ones, the sort that normally their whole team would tackle. When Gray tried to ask why he would take such risky missions alone, Natsu's eyes grew wide, and he hobbled away on his cane, muttering something through his bandages.

Happy giggled and patted Gray on the leg. "I hope you didn't forget what's coming up."

"Coming up?" It was not time for the S-Class trials, or any other of the usual reasons for wizards to splurge on missions.

Happy sighed and shook his head, as if he partly expected this but was still disappointed in him. "How long have you and Natsu been together?"

"We hooked back up last month."

"I mean, how long total?"

Gray paused. Total? He used to know their anniversary date. The last time they really went all-out to celebrate had been their three-month anniversary. There had been some time, maybe a bit over a month, after that—he was not sure how long since during that time he had been more worried about Natsu pulling away from him—followed by 6 months apart as they saw other people.

"Natsu doesn't care about the time you weren't together," Happy explained. "As far as he's concerned, you've been dating for almost a year."

"A year?" Shit! Had it really been a year since that day Natsu jumped through his window and ended up getting fucked in his shower? "So that means Natsu is trying to get money for something, right? Is it a trip?"

"I'm not sure. He won't tell me, but he keeps checking out places around town."

"What sorts of places?"

Happy covered his mouth as he giggled and sang out tauntingly, "I can't tellllll youuuuuu."

Gray went back to eating, knowing that if he kept asking, he really would get too curious. Part of him wanted to see for himself just how Natsu would surprise him. After all, Natsu was going off on a lot of missions for this to be merely a simple dinner and flowers. (He'd kick Natsu's ass if it was something sappy like flowers!)

Saving up that much money must mean it was a gift of significance. If Natsu had to check out many places around town, then it meant he was shopping for something fairly common, a gift that cost a lot yet could be bought in multiple places around town, which meant it was not the magic shop or Heart Kreuz store. Something expensive, appropriate for such a major anniversary…

The flash of a diamond lit up in Gray's imagination, nearly causing him to choke. He blushed as he coughed and shook his head. There was no way Natsu would get him an engagement ring. No way! They weren't ready for that.

But what if Natsu _was_ ready?

If Natsu proposed, could he actually tell him _no_?

Gray looked around frantically for Happy to ask at least if it was something like that, but the blue Exceed was nowhere to be found. Gray was stuck with this panicked feeling.

"Is something the matter, Gray?"

He jolted at Mira's voice.

"You look pale. Are you feeling sick?"

"No," he muttered, but his curiosity still both alarmed him and left him giddy deep down inside. "Mira, just how stupid do you think Natsu is? Would he do something totally and utterly reckless, without consideration to others?"

She tapped her finger to her lip as she thought through it. "Natsu may be destructive and unthinking when he fights, but if there's one thing about him, it's that he's always considerate of others, willing to go far beyond what is necessary to make them happy. If he purposely does something, it's never without a lot of thought and often asking around to make sure that what he's doing is the right thing. Such as what he's planning to get you for your anniversary."

Gray jolted so hard he nearly fell off his chair, but Mira merely chuckled.

"I overheard you and Happy," she explained, amused by his reaction. "Natsu has been asking just about everyone for weeks now. He's putting a lot of thought and a lot of love into this gift, and he's doing all that just for you, Gray. I think, instead of fretting over him doing something stupid, you should be focusing on what sort of gift you can give back to him. I don't know yet what he decided on, but I will say that, with how much he's been working on this, you really should prepare something special."

Gray looked back down to his food. Something special? "I don't know what. I don't even know where to start looking."

"Then I'll tell you what I told Natsu. Make it something that lasts. That means _not food_ ," she added with a giggle, and Gray had to laugh as well. He could imagine Natsu's stunned face as Mira told him that _food_ was not the best gift in the world. "This is a big anniversary for a couple, so it should be something you can look at later on and remember this whole year together, as well and everything you look forward to in the future. It should represent not only your feelings, but what makes you two unique. It can be something you buy or make on your own, just so long as it comes from the heart."

Gray pondered over her words. As he ate, after he was done and roaming aimlessly through town, as he passed stores and boutiques, Mira's words rang through his mind.

Something that lasts … something to remind them of their first year together … representing his feelings … what makes them unique.

He had no clue. He began to realize that _food_ would have been an easy gift, but this was too special.

"My feelings?" he muttered, staring up at the sky.

"Sir, you just dropped your shirt."

Gray jolted out of his thoughts to retrieve the clothes he had stripped out of. He buttoned up his shirt and tugged his lapels straight. Suddenly, he paused.

_It should represent not only your feelings, but what makes you two unique._

"Got it!"

He turned sharply and headed right to a shop he knew. It would be special, unique, custom-made, representing everything he felt and everything he wanted of the future.

He just hoped he could get it finished in time.

* * *

**A Few Days Later**

Gray began to wonder if Natsu had decided upon _food_ anyway. Not just a gift of food, but a whole experience of dining in one of the most elite fine dining restaurants in all of Fiore.

The restaurant was far beyond anything they had ever gone to in the past. A sting quartet played light music, magical lamps floated around the restaurant and shifted color to match the emotions of the people dining. The food was all cooked using magic. The fine china plates had filigree gold around the rims, and the silverware was laid out in proper order. A sommelier selected precisely the sort of wine that not only complimented the food, but their own unique tastes: a fiercely full-bodied red wine for Natsu, a boldly sweet icewine for Gray.

Across from him, Natsu ate with gusto, barely taking in all the opulent ambiance, although he had been the one to suggest this place. Gray was honestly shocked when Natsu told him that morning to dress "extra nice tonight." After a small party to celebrate their anniversary with the guild, they both left to go home and change. Gray was just going to put on a shirt and tie, but he remembered Natsu said _extra nice_. He had the outfit he wore for the grand banquet long ago. It was one of the nicest outfits he owned, magically sealed away in a bag for special occasions. He looked from the plain suit to the opulent dress-wear and back again, debating which to wear.

In the end, he was glad he picked the fancier clothes, since Natsu arrived dressed like a prince. Now here they were, on the southern coast of Fiore, eating in an oceanside restaurant, the sort of place that took people like them a whole week's worth of missions to afford.

And Natsu seemed to be more interested in his food than in the boyfriend sitting across from him.

Gray did not mind, though. Romance … that just wasn't his thing! If they tried to speak like a couple of lovers, he would probably get nervous, and then he would start to strip again. He was really struggling not to do that here.

So instead they ate, commented on the food, sipped wine, and they stared out the window at the sun setting on the ocean. Gray realized, it had been a whole year and still they acted like they were an awkward new couple.

Yet somehow, that was fine.

Gray smiled to himself and continued to sip his icewine.

Natsu was glad he had picked this place. He had to ask around other guilds. While the people in Fairy Tail knew the best bars and taverns in the kingdom, they were not exactly the _fine_ _dining_ sort of crowd. Freed and Mira had some good suggestions for romantic restaurants, but Natsu wanted to really go all out. So while on a mission, he stopped in on Blue Pegasus.

Now _here_ were people who knew about fine dining and how to set up the most romantic evening!

When Natsu mentioned to Ichiya and Master Bob about planning something for his and Gray's one-year anniversary, the Trimens sprang into action. They ushered him to a side room, sat him down in a plush chair, and proceeded to give a theatric explanation of everything he needed to do, from how to set up the mood before dinner, to what _not_ to order, how to drink his wine correctly, and take smaller bites of food—Natsu and Happy were glad for the free meal as they basically trained him how to eat properly. They then gushed out suggestions on what to do after the meal.

When Natsu mentioned the present he had picked, they collectively gasped and their faces lit up. Ichiya danced around with hearts in his eyes, Eve declared it was the most romantic thing he had ever heard, Ren assured him that Gray would like it, and Hibiki prattled out ideas for how to present his gift to Gray in a way that would melt his heart.

Natsu had a hard time remembering everything. He wrote down which restaurant at least, and he tried to keep in mind what to avoid doing so he did not act like a totally immature idiot on this special, romantic night.

Now, he realized that the Trimens had forgotten to mention about dinner conversation. What was he supposed to say?

He glanced over to Gray. Maybe it was the magic lighting that picked up emotions, but the pale blue mixed with gold really looked good on him, bright and angelic.

Gray must have sensed him staring, because he looked up. They still had barely said anything, and already their plates were empty. Gray held his gaze for a few seconds before looking away with a blush. Natsu realized the lighting overhead shifted into bright pink.

A waiter came forward just then, and the colored light abruptly went to a plain white as they were both startled by the interruption. Their plates were cleared and the waiter asked them about dessert. They both peered over the dessert menus, hiding away in the lists of delicious sweets so they did not have to feel so awkward in this romantic setting. Gray ordered first: crushed mint cookie ice cream cake. Natsu chuckled quietly to himself. How utterly appropriate! However, he was stuck on what to pick. Although they were probably all good, he was not one for sweets. He wished they had a meat pie or something.

"Oh, maybe this. Sree- … Srai- … sriracha? Sriracha chocolate dulce de leche tart." He closed the menu. "I can never pronounce that word right. Chocolate sounds good, though."

"You're crazy," said Gray. "That's really spicy stuff."

"Not for me. It's good."

The waiter left, and the light above shifted back to golden, with blue and pink battling until it seemed like they were bathed in lavender. Somehow, even that looked good on Gray, a regal purple shimmering in his dark hair. His own personal ice prince!

Natsu stretched his arm across the table while it was empty and held out his hand. Gray looked down at it, a little startled at first; then he smiled and took the offered fingers. Natsu's warm hand tightened on his, and their eyes remained locked.

"Are you enjoying this?" asked Natsu.

"Yeah. Crazy good food here. I've never had veal like that in my life. How did you hear about this place?"

"Oh, some friends recommended it," he said, trying to dismiss it. "I had to save up to afford it."

Gray chuckled. Then this meal really was Natsu's gift, despite Mira telling him _not food_. Then again, a restaurant like this was about far more than mere food.

"My treat, by the way," Natsu added. "This is my way of apologizing for those six months." He looked slightly abashed as he stared down at his and Gray's hands gripping one another. "It's our one year anniversary, yet it probably should only really be six months. I broke your heart for half of this year."

"Natsu—"

"And I've decided," he cut in, "I'm going to make up for that. This coming year, I'm making up for those six months. That's my goal and my mission. I … I never considered us to really be _apart_ , but I wasn't there for you. We missed so many holidays," he sighed. Christmas, New Year, Valentine's Day, White Day: so many holidays that were specifically for lovers!

Gray squeezed his hand. "You needed time. So did I."

"Yeah. And I'm better. _Getting_ better," he corrected. "This year, I'm going to really put effort into it. I'm going to make sure every day is important to us."

"Is that so?" Gray smiled at just how determined Natsu looked. He truly was adorable when he got serious. "Then I look forward to it."

"Also, I, um…" Natsu suddenly looked bashful. "I was thinking about things … about us … and I … I got—"

Just then, the waiter returned with dishes. Their hands pulled apart as the space between them filled with food.

Natsu's eyes lit up as soon as he saw the slice of creamy chocolate topped with a gleaming red chili pepper. He dug right in and closed his eyes as the chocolate seemed to melt over his tongue, tingling in spicy goodness.

"Oh gawd, dis ish good!" he said with his mouth full. He gulped hard. "Mira needs to learn this recipe. Seriously, you should try this." He took another bite and closed his eyes again, humming and not caring if he got weird looks from other diners.

Gray, however, had paused with his fork in his hand, staring down at the cake. It was green mint flecked with black crushed cookies, with a star-burst dollop of whip cream on the top. Right in the middle of the whip cream, he saw a glint of gold and the rainbow reflection of a diamond.

His heart dropped and thumped in a panic. A ring. Shit! Oh shit, shit, _shit!_ A goddamn diamond engagement ring. He realized it was secured above the cake in a clasp pierced down through the whip cream, keeping it out of the messy sweetness. He looked up at Natsu, but the Dragon Slayer was having an almost orgasmic love affair with his chocolate tart.

"Natsu?" he said, but his words barely escaped his choked throat.

"Do you like it?"

Gray shivered and looked down again. _An engagement ring!_ He felt like he was five seconds away from a panic attack.

"Natsu, you … are you … oh damn." He felt dizzy, shaking deep inside.

"Gray?" Natsu swallowed his chocolate down. "Don't you like it? It's a special evening. If you don't want it…"

Gray plucked the diamond ring off the clasp in the cake and held it up. Shit, it looked really expensive as well, with a huge stone in a cut that sent the light scattering into many colors.

Natsu had been going on missions all month to save up money. A _lot_ of money.

For this?

"Gray, what—?" Natsu choked as he saw Gray's face and then the ring.

"Natsu—"

"Wait!"

"Something like this … so soon…"

"Hear me out."

"I'm … honored, really. I'm glad you feel that strong about this, but … shit, I can't—"

"That's not mine!" Natsu yelled in a panic.

Gray jolted at the shout. "Not … huh?"

Instantly, a waiter raced over. "I am so sorry. My deepest apologies. You ordered the same dessert as the couple over there," he said softly, pointing to two oblivious lovers staring into each others' eyes without a care for the rest of the restaurant. "It was a mix-up. She was supposed to get the ring. Oh dear, you can see her girlfriend looks confused. Dear oh dear! I will get you a new dessert, and I will remove the charge for both of your desserts. We'll have to put the ring in a glass of champagne or something for the lucky couple," he muttered to himself. "Oh dear! My sincere regrets for the mistake."

The ring was plucked out of Gray's numb fingers and his cake was taken away, to be replaced in under a minute by a new one. This cake had only the dollop of whip cream with a cookie instead of a diamond ring.

 

Still, Gray stared at the cake like it was now cursed. His nerves were shaking, and deep in his chest his lungs shivered as he tried to breathe steadily.

"Gray?" Natsu asked, now looking deeply concerned. "I wasn't going to … I mean, I know we're not ready. I wouldn't push you into something like that so quickly."

"Y-yeah, it's … it's fine." He tried to laughed it off. "A mix-up, that's all."

Part of him was relieved. Turning down a proposal would have utterly ruined the evening. Merely as much as he did put a damper on the day. Another part of him was depressed as he realized he really was about to turn down Natsu's ( _apparent_ ) proposal. It saddened him and confused him, because there was a tiny piece of him that really wished Natsu felt that way. Even if Gray himself was not ready, it would have been nice to know that Natsu wanted him forever.

"Are you going to eat?"

Gray suddenly remembered to breathe. The shock really had gotten to him. He took a long sip of wine, nearly finishing the glass, then picked up his dessert fork again; however, he hesitated as he glared at the inauspicious cake.

"There are no surprises in here, right?" he asked suspiciously.

Natsu chuckled, but the twist of his eyebrows showed how concerned he was. "Nope, just food hopefully. If you taste any Jewels crammed in there, don't get them stuck in your throat."

Gray finally dug into the cake. It was amazingly good, and he almost wished the waiter had not taken the other slice away.

They heard a squeal from across the restaurant. The enamored couple had finally gotten the ring in a complimentary glass of champagne. The girl obviously was going to say yes.

Seeing the two kiss and cry stung Gray. They looked so happy, so eager to start a life together. As they kissed and the proposing lady wiped the tears from her girlfriend's eyes, Gray saw that they were deeply in love.

Was it even possible for him to reach such a point?

"Gray?" Natsu's voice was still edged with worry.

He knew his smile must look fake, but it was the best he could do. "Those ladies are real lucky. Maybe one day we'll be like that."

Natsu blushed that Gray would even dream of that. "Well, for one, I'd never propose in a restaurant. That's so cliché, and it's too crowded. I want to do it where it's just us."

"Who said you'd be the one to do it?"

"Because you suck at romance," he said bluntly.

"Hey!" Gray gave him a kick under the table. "I'm getting better."

Natsu beamed a smile. "Yep, you are. So if you're the one to ask, just don't do it in a crowded place."

Gray slouched back. If _he_ was the one to ask? As nice as that sounded, it also seemed impossible. He did not like to admit it, but he knew it probably would be Natsu to propose.

If that day ever happened, of course.

Suddenly, although he had begun to turn him down just minutes ago, the idea seemed not so scary now. It was something for the future … _far_ in the future … but still … maybe some day…

He realized his dessert suddenly tasted a lot better, and the lights overhead glowed to pink and golden again like a rosy summer day.

* * *

After dinner, they went to another part of the restaurant where there was dancing. The wine left Natsu a little tipsy, but dancing with Gray was always fun. As much as he grumbled that he could not dance, Natsu knew Gray was actually incredibly agile on his feet. He took the lead as the two twirled around the ballroom with others wearing formal attire. Natsu laughed at how fun it was to dance freely, and Gray smiled at the happiness in that wild face.

A whole year of having Natsu smiling at him this way!

It really was incredible to imagine that they somehow ended up together, let alone that they could go from rivals who used to beat each other up until one dropped unconscious, to being madly in love.

They did not dance long before Gray began to feel too hot. He had already thrown off his coat, so Natsu stopped them, retrieved the fancy blue jacket, and said they should go home.

The train ride back to Magnolia was predictably pathetic with motion sickness, but it was unavoidable. Natsu had hoped to get a room to stay by the restaurant, but apparently since it was a posh beach resort, those rooms booked up months in advance, so they had to get back home before the last train.

Once back in town, Natsu insisted that they should go for a walk. This was also part of the Trimen's suggestions. They needed some time alone together, where they could hold hands and maybe even walk arm-in-arm. That was probably asking too much. Still, Gray and Natsu held hands when there was not much traffic around, yet walked more casually when it got busy and people started to stare. Gradually, they made their way out of the busy avenue and to the docks.

The moon was full above and made Lake Sciliora ripple in twinkling silver waves that gently lapped against mooring posts. A breeze had picked up, whistling past the masts of fishing boats, and the ropes that moored them to the docks creaked with the ebb and flow of the waves. Above, seagulls floated on the wind, their white feathers like slices of silver in the moonlight. Natsu tugged his scarf a little higher against the moist breeze.

Gray paused and leaned on a railing to gaze out at the lake. Natsu slipped up behind him. They had hardly spoken all day, but now there was a miasma of tension between them.

"You seem disappointed," he said cautiously. "Was the food not what you were hoping for?"

Gray jolted back around. "N-no! The food was awesome. Did you like it?"

Natsu excitedly exclaimed, "Best meal I've had in a long time." However, his face twisted up. "It's about … _that_ , isn't it? The ring. You thought—"

"It shocked me, that's all," he said, cutting in. "I knew you'd probably want something romantic today. For a moment, I even worried that you'd do precisely _that_. I mean, that's … I don't know if … I mean…" His brain still struggled between liking the idea of being with Natsu forever and being utterly terrified of screwing up Natsu's life with his own problems.

"Are you disappointed that I didn't get you that?"

Gray's face went pale. "I … n-no … well, maybe, but … it's not that I want … sheesh, I don't know what to say."

"I think I'm asking the wrong question." Natsu hesitantly took Gray's hand.

He felt his heart beating frantically just like it had earlier. "Natsu?"

"I'm not proposing," he assured right away. "Actually, I agree with you. I think we're not at that point. We've still got a helluva lot of issues to clear up. Still, it's been a year. Maybe we spent half of that time apart, but still … it's a year of thinking, about what I want, how I hope my life will turn out. A lot has changed for both of us in this year. A lot more will happen in the future. We're not in any rush."

"N-no," Gray said, laughing nervously in agreement, although he felt his spirits darken slightly.

"Still," Natsu added, and Gray instantly looked back up with renewed anticipation. "Still, I … I think we … should maybe…" He growled in frustration as words failed him. "Dammit, I knew what to say an hour ago." He tapped his foot as he tried to come up with how to express himself clearly. "Would you want to … sometime in the future … aim for that? Make it a goal?"

Gray swore all sounds around them came to a halt. "Do you mean … marriage?"

Natsu bit his lower lip; hearing Gray say it made him worry if this was too much after all. "Is that something you might _possibly_ want? Later? When we're ready?"

Gray blinked, first utterly stunned into silence, but then he felt moist heat beading in his eyes. He had to forcefully blink his eyelids to hold back the tears. Instead, he sputtered out a shaky laugh, realizing this was something he wanted, and something that scared him, yet here was Natsu offering to make it _a goal_. Not a proposal, but something to fight for. Together!

"I wouldn't mind. Someday."

"Then … I actually planned to give this to you at dinner, but the ring mishap totally ruined it."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectangular box. Inside were matching bracelets. They were a braid of silver, gold, and copper. In the center was a titanium infinity knot. On one end of the knot was a small but fiery red ruby, and on the other end was an ice blue sapphire. In the center of the knot, where the two ends met, gleamed an amethyst.

Gray gawked at the metal bracelets. "Natsu!"

"They're like promise rings, except I figured we punch people so much, rings would be rather stupid. They're … promise bracelets? Or something." Natsu blushed and laughed with a shrug. "I don't even know. I just wanted to get you something special, so I had them custom-made. They're tempered in magic to not melt or shatter in extreme temperatures. After all, I wouldn't want to be brawling with you and accidentally melt off your promise bracelet."

"Promise … bracelet?" Gray muttered, still staring at the three gems.

"W-well, I mean, they don't have to be _promise_ anything, if you don't want that. They could be just plain anniversary bracelets, but … but if you _do_ want … I mean, i-if that's a goal we can make … look, I'm gonna shut up now. Just take it."

Gray chuckled at his awkwardness. He picked up one of the bracelets and wrapped it around his wrist.

"W-wait!" Natsu tucked the box under his arm. "Let me connect it."

Gray grinned as he held his arm out. Natsu looked far too serious as he attached the clasp at the ends. Then Gray put the matching bracelet on Natsu's wrist. They held their arms out and looked at the metal bracelets gleaming in the light of a dock lamp.

"This is awesome." Gray leaned forward and kissed Natsu on the cheek. "Thanks."

"It's not stupid?" he asked worriedly.

"Not at all. You always were the romantic one," he said, remembering the first months of dating, how it was always Natsu who came up with romantic ideas. That never changed, and he was glad. "I can't wait to show everyone at the guild. Promise bracelets!"

Natsu nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Th-they don't have to be that."

"Well, that's what I'm gonna call them."

"Really? It's not dumb?"

"Sheesh, will you stop it! It's romantic, and they're awesome. I really want something to show we're a serious couple. I mean, we're not ready for _marriage_ yet, but this shows that we're committed to each other."

"Y-yeah, exactly," he said, feeling elated that Gray understood his intentions.

"Besides, this is better than my gift."

Natsu's eyes lit up. "You actually bought me something?"

"Of course I did! It's our anniversary, after all. I'm not sure if it'd ruin the mood, though."

"Why? What is it?" Deviously, he asked, "Is it something sexy?" By Gray's slight blush, Natsu knew he had guessed right. He whispered since they were in public. "I wouldn't mind that tonight, if you want. I mean, it's the anniversary of me … um … losing my virginity also, so … i-if you want…" He ran his hand sensually up Gray's chest. "…I'm _up_ for it."

It was so tempting to hide on one of these boats and take him _right there_. However, Gray wanted to give Natsu his gift tonight, while it was still technically their anniversary.

He asked, "Don't you have some _grand romantic evening_ planned?"

Natsu chuckled stiffly and shrugged. "Actually, this was about it."

Gray reached down and took Natsu's hand. He gazed at the bracelet gleaming against his skin. "How about this: we stop off at the guild, show everyone this, then we go to my place. I'll give you your present, but you get to decide what we do from there."

Natsu lifted an eyebrow. "I decide?"

"You also have to decide if you want to accept the gift."

"Of course I'd want any gift from you. Well, so long as it's not a jerk gift, like fart-scented donuts."

Gray sneered in disgust. "You are seriously _weird_. Where the hell do you come up with these ideas?"

"You see, once it was Gildarts' birthday, and so Happy and I spent a whole week eating beans and brussel sprouts so we could make—"

"Never mind that I asked!" Of course, he did something that idiotic. And to _Gildarts_ , no less. "Come on, flame-brain."

Gray yanked him to follow. They walked up from the lake and to the hill where Fairy Tail sat. There was still a crowd inside although it was getting late. When they walked in wearing their fancy suits, people in the guild whistled and catcalled them. Mira squealed that they looked so dashing, while Gajeel tossed playful insults about looking like stupid dress-up dolls.

Lucy ran up and grabbed Natsu's wrist. "Is this it? What you told me about?"

Happy flew up. "Aye! I helped him to pick it out."

Gray said, "I thought you didn't know what he was getting."

The blue cat gave a wide shrug. "Well, I didn't at the time you asked me. It took Natsu a while to make sure it was perfect. He actually wanted a diamond in the center, but I said—"

"Happy!" Natsu shouted, turning bright pink with embarrassment.

Gray gawked at him. Had Natsu honestly almost bought him a diamond bracelet? That was way too much like a proposal. Besides, how expensive would something like that even be?

Lisanna shouted from across the room. "Natsu, let me see!"

Lucy dragged him along with her, while Gray got pulled another way by guild members who wanted to see the Natsu's gift. Gray quickly got the sense that Natsu really had asked _everyone_ in the guild for advice.

"An amethyst?" Wendy reached forward and touched the stone, admiring the way it gleamed. "What an interesting choice. I mean, I get that he picked the ruby to represent him, and the sapphire probably for you, but amethyst!"

Gray shrugged. "It's just a combination of the colors, right?" He had not really thought much into it beside blue and red made purple.

"That could be it, and probably why Natsu picked it. It's just interesting given the meaning behind the gem."

"Meaning? Like how flowers have meanings?"

Wendy nodded. "Precisely. Grandeeney taught me about it. In ancient times when magic was less common and lacrima crystals were rare, gems were used for magical purposes. Amethysts in particular are a protective stone. They were thought to protect a person against psychic attacks, as well as simply on journeys. Travelers would carry one for good luck. They were also thought to heal a person emotionally. They were used to help a person getting over grief or trauma, bringing about emotional stability and inner strength. They were said to magically help people with addiction and compulsion issues. In health, they were said to help with insomnia, headache, drinking problems, phobias—"

"Phobias?" Gray cut in sharply.

She shrugged. "That's the ancient belief Grandeeney taught me. Likely, they were used like lacrima crystals, and some healing wizard simply imbued the crystals with different types of magic."

Gray looked down at the bracelet, and he rubbed over the oval amethyst. Had Natsu known _any_ of that when he picked that particular stone? Happy said he had wanted a diamond, so maybe the amethyst was merely a backup plan, picked randomly.

Or maybe whoever made this—Natsu had said it was custom-made—explained the meanings behind gemstones, and he picked this particular jewel on purpose.

Erza suddenly grabbed Gray in a headlock and yanked him over. He struggled to breathe as she forced him across the guild room.

"What are you two doing, one on one side of the room, one on the other? It's your anniversary. You two should be side by side the entire time."

"Not … _ack_ … not my fault … _hurk_ … I got pulled away," he gagged out, trying to grab at her armored arm.

Gray was practically thrown at Natsu. He tripped, began to fall, and Natsu barely managed to catch him. Gray was dipped back, Natsu leaned over above him, and they froze as they looked at one another in this awkward yet romantic pose.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss!" the crowd cheered.

Gray felt panicked. Kissing? In public? _Like this?_

However, Natsu had an impish smile. Despite Gray trying to choke out a protest, Natsu leaned over and kissed him, dipped back so romantically. The guild howled in wild approval. Although Gray felt humiliated that they were all watching him—especially since he was the one being held like a _fucking princess—_ he still loved the warmth of Natsu's lips. He was relieved when Natsu yanked him back up. No tongue, nothing erotic, just a kiss.

"Oh, you two!" Lucy bounced up to them and hugged both. She also pulled them in closer and whispered, "Seriously, I'm glad everything is working out now."

"Thanks to you and Loke," Natsu whispered back.

She winked and left it at that, since just then Happy flew up to join the hug, and then Erza crushed all of them.

As the party drifted, Happy whispered privately to Natsu.

"Are you staying the night with Gray?"

Natsu blushed and nodded. He still wondered what Gray got him. Something he had to _decide to accept_? It sounded strange, but if it was sexy then it would definitely be a fun ending for the night.

Happy sagely patted Natsu's arm. "Stay as long as you want. I'm going to spend tomorrow fishing until I catch a really, really big fish, and then I'm going to give it to Carla." He sighed as he imagined how happy she would be to accept it.

Natsu chuckled and patted his head. "Use our good bait, and go to that one spot by the willow tree. That's where the biggest fish are."

"Aye, sir!"

Natsu came up to Gray, who was chatting with Macao, and tugged on his sleeve. When Gray looked down, he saw a diffident look, and yet Natsu's pupils were huge with lust.

"Well, guys," Gray announced, "I have one little surprise just for Natsu. If you'll excuse us."

"It better be golden handcuffs," Cana shouted out.

Gray glared at her. "It's _not_ handcuffs."

She nodded guilefully. "Ah, toys."

"Sheesh, it's not a sex toy either. Get your mind out of the gutter."

Natsu was stunned. He honestly thought this was going to be a sex toy as well.

So what was it?

Gray pulled Natsu by the hand before other people shouted out lewd guesses. Mostly, he wanted to get away before someone guessed right and his face betrayed him. Knowing Cana's pervy mind, she probably would have been correct in another three guesses.

He paused before they reached the guild gates and suddenly pulled Natsu aside into the shadows of the souvenir shack. Natsu went eagerly, and they both slipped behind the little stand. Gray thrust Natsu up against the stone wall that put a barrier between Fairy Tail and the rest of town. He kissed him hard; he had been wanting to do this all night, but especially after that gentle kiss earlier, he needed to do something in public, but out of view, how he preferred it.

Natsu's hands roamed over him and down to Gray's ass, yanking him in closer. Gray surged in, pinning Natsu hard against the wall and frotting up against him.

"Damn, I would take you right here," he said in a hoarse, ardent whisper. However, Gray broke free from the kiss and wiped his lips dry. "But I'm not doing that in public, not where we can get caught, at least."

"I wouldn't mind if you did," Natsu said with a suggestive lick.

Already feisty and horny? Good! Gray knew his gift was a bit of a risk, but if Natsu wanted it … if he was already like this … it truly would make this anniversary perfect.

"I'm gonna take you to my place…" Gray leaned into his ear and whispered. "…and get you naked!"

Natsu almost moaned, but he bit his lip to hold it back. Gray grabbed his hand firmly, and Natsu followed him, eager to find out what Gray had planned for this special anniversary night.

He watched the moonlight reflect on the bracelet, the red, blue, and purple.

Purple, like the blend of their elements.

Purple, like royalty: he the son of the Flame Dragon King, and Gray his ice prince.

Purple, an amethyst, which was perfect when he saw a chart at the jewelry maker's store with the meaning of gems and realized what this stone was believed to do.

If it could cure his fears, if it could banish Gray's phobias, if it could ease the scars of the past and lessen the anxiety that had permeated their relationship from the beginning…

If this symbolic bracelet—their promise bracelet—could do all that…

He wanted to be together with Gray … _forever_. One day, he wanted to give him a ring, with an actual diamond, a huge one, and he wanted to know Gray would not panic like he had tonight. One day— _one day—_ they would both be at a point where they could make that goal they promised to aim for on this special night.

One day…

**End of Chapter 60**


	61. Beloved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conclusion of their one-year anniversary: Gray has a few special presents for Natsu, one obvious, the other not so obvious but far more meaningful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _I'm glad to see this story was not reported and deleted, considering how viciously it was being attacked on Tumblr last month. For those who don't know what happened, suffice it to say that some "salty" Fairy Tail fans didn't like something I said and took the opportunity to attack me, my stories, my gender, my sexual orientation, my age, my race, my nationality, and create an entire meme slander campaign against me. I've never been a meme before, haha! For those who did have to sit through all that crap, thanks for continuing to read this story, which is about acceptance, including acceptance of LGBT people, mental health issues, the BDSM community, and ALL fetishes, even ones that make some people uncomfortable. If you've managed to read through 60 chapters and you still come back for more, that means I'm doing something right._ ^_^
> 
> _**Audio drama** : <http://chirb.it/AycCc2>___

As soon as they entered the apartment, Natsu was struck by the chill and shivered. He thought Gray would slam him into the wall and they would tear one another's clothes off. He didn't. Instead, he did something unexpected.

He offered tea.

So Natsu took a seat on the couch and waited for Gray to make tea. He thought this would be a good place, with the soft cushions where he could lay his head down as Gray took him. How many times had they made love on this couch? However, the tea arrived, and Gray stood to the side to watch Natsu sip it, fidgeting nervously.

Seriously, what was his problem?

"Gray?"

"Sorry." He shook his head, as if to banish worries. "If this is not right, if this is something you don't want, let me know. You can reject it."

Natsu looked at him with uncertainty. Seriously, what was up with him?

Gray practically fled to the bedroom, and Natsu's sharp ears heard him breathing hard. After far too long, he returned with a black, flat, hinged box with a red bow wrapped around it. He tried to stutter out something, but finally he just shoved the box into Natsu's chest.

This nervousness was making Natsu concerned. Was this something potentially triggering? He pulled off the bow and lifted the lid of the box. Inside, nestled in satin, was a white leather collar.

"I know what happened last time," Gray said in a rush. "I know it triggered you."

"No, wearing it in public triggered me."

"Y-yeah … so, if this is something you don't want, you can reject it." Gray then took a step back, leaving the box, the collar, and the decision completely up to Natsu.

Natsu looked at the collar. It was almost the same as the old one, white with pink satin lining the inside. However, there was no embroidery. Instead, there was a gold name plaque on the front, where before there had been a ring for a leash. _No leash_ , Natsu realized. That was not the main issue, though. On the plaque was engraved a single word.

Beloved.

It used to say _Bitch_. Now it said _Beloved_.

Goosebumps prickled Natsu's skin. This was an offer to return to their old life. Gray had been extremely gentle lately compared to the past. Natsu knew he was scared to push any limits. This collar represented Gray slowly regaining confidence in himself as a Dominant, ready to take on the duties of protecting Natsu as his Submissive … no … as his _beloved_ dragon.

"And … if I accept it?" He glanced up at Gray with eyes that showed, he wanted this again.

"Last time, I got the collar for all the wrong reasons. I thought it would be fun to make you into my bitch. I know better now. I don't collar you because I _can_. I collar you because you _allow_ me. This collar shows you belong to me, but it also represents my promise to treat you with the utmost respect."

He took the box out of Natsu's grip and set it aside. Then Gray took Natsu's hands and squeezed them.

With a determined gaze, he said, "I promise to treat you with trust, honor, integrity, and respect. I promise to always keep your happiness as my goal. I will always remember…" Gray began to choke up and gulped down hard. "…being your _kainushi_ is an honor and a blessing. And I promise, I will never make you wear this collar without your approval, and while it's around your neck, I will make sure no harm comes to you."

Natsu's mouth dropped. Maybe his promise bracelet represented that the two of them wanted to be serious and keep marriage as a goal, but this collar somehow felt even more potent. It almost sounded like wedding vows, and hearing it made Natsu blush.

"Do you accept my collar?" Gray tugged his lower lip into his mouth, waiting with coiling anticipation.

Natsu looked over to the box, then up to Gray. He released one hand, pulled his scarf off, and tilted his head to expose his throat.

"I accept it, _kainushi_."

Gray's eyes immediately watered over, and before the tears could fall he grabbed Natsu, hugging him so hard Natsu's spine popped. The Dragon Slayer just smiled and embraced him back.

"I … d-dammit, I care for you so much."

Natsu knew Gray meant he loved him, and his heart burned with happiness. "I care for you, too," he said, not using the word _love_ so Gray would not feel as bad.

"I swear, I won't make the same mistakes."

Natsu chuckled and nuzzled into the raven hair. "We learned the hard way. That's how we are."

Gray burst out a moist, half-sobbing laugh. "We really are that way, huh? Screwing up first and learning through the injuries."

He pulled back and quickly wiped his eyes dry with his wadded up shirt. Natsu wondered how he got his shirt off _while they were hugging_. Seriously, his stripping skills were insane. Then Gray reached over to the box and pulled the collar up. He held it in front of him to show it to Natsu, opened and ready for its wearer.

"Can I?"

Natsu traced his finger along the gold plaque and the etched word: BELOVED. He remembered the first time Gray collared him, unexpected, forceful, startling Natsu so much, for a moment he had no idea what a collar even was, nor did either of them have any experience with what it was supposed to mean between lovers.

* * *

> _'You're getting collared tonight.'_
> 
> _'What? C-collared? What do you mean, collared? What's_ __collared_ _ _?'_
> 
> _'You'll find out soon. This shows you belong to me. I won't give you over to anyone. You're my bitch, my property. My Natsu.'_

* * *

Gray had been so forceful. He had just wanted Natsu to be lowered: _property_ , as he put it. He had not requested permission. He had not placed much emotion into the act itself, even if he spent time on designing the collar. It was just another sex toy back then, demeaning and part of a scene.

Now, it represented so much more. Gray's hopeful and respectful request— _Can I?_ —showed just how far he had come.

"Please, _kainushi_. Let me wear it."

So submissive! It sent shivers down Gray's arms. He lunged forward and kissed Natsu. Then, with their lips together, he wrapped the collar around his neck and locked it in place. When he finally pulled back and their lips popped at the separation, there he was: his beloved! His dragon!

"Damn, I lov-…"

Gray's throat clenched tight, and his mind blanked out with some inner voice shrieking not to say it. Blood on snow, the empty eyes of his father, his face gashed and covered in gore, the smell of smoke, his mother's dying pleas, and the roar of a monster in the distance. Fire, smoke, blood, death.

Suddenly, there was pressure in his hands, then green eyes blocking the scene of blood.

"Gray? Gray! I know. I know. It's okay."

"Shit," he hissed. Gray shook his head back and forth hard.

"It's okay," Natsu said, rubbing Gray's arms to keep him in the moment. "I know."

Gray clenched one fist and iced the entire hand over. It was a technique he had worked out with his therapist to yank himself out of the flashbacks, and it worked. The realness of that horror went back to just a memory and faded into his mind.

All this progress, but he still felt fucked up inside.

"Look at me."

Gray did not want to at first, feeling weak and defeated. Slowly, he raised his eyes to see Natsu smiling with understanding and happiness.

"You really feel that strongly," he said in admiration. "Thank you, Gray. We'll get there together. I'm happy just knowing you feel that way."

Seriously, how could he be so understanding?

Then Natsu tucked his head under Gray's chin and looked up with playful eyes. "Can we cuddle, _kainushi_?"

To be honest, that was precisely what Gray needed. Natsu must have known and requested it so that Gray remained in charge, in control, stabilizing his grasp on life, giving him something where he could control the situation after that memory of having no control at all, even to save his parents' lives.

Gray wrapped his arms around Natsu and buried his lips into the pink hair. Natsu was _here_ , the past was _gone_ , his emotions were _real_ , but the dread of saying it was all based on something _fake_. It was just an unfounded fear.

Yet Natsu knew. If he could not say it, he could show it.

He grabbed Natsu's throat, right around the collar. The Dragon Slayer looked startled at first, but Gray's fingers drifted up behind his ear, tingling sensitive places. They threaded through his hair, so soft and thick. Then Gray leaned over, Natsu tipped his head up, and their lips met.

"Don't you ever die on me," Gray said, still slightly shaken from the flashback.

"Not a chance," Natsu said with full arrogance. "I'm too stubborn to let you win and live longer than me."

Gray chuckled, feeling a bit of relief. He kissed Natsu again, and at the sound of a soft groan he snagged his fingers into his hair to pull him in even closer. Natsu's tongue worked its way into Gray's mouth, hot and adventurous to taste everything. Powerful fingers dug into Gray's bare shoulders, half gripping erotically, half massaging the tension out. It helped Gray to forget everything else and relax into this moment.

Natsu's hands continued to work into Gray's stiff shoulders and along his neck, especially as he felt the tightness loosen. He wanted Gray to be in a good mood for whatever was about to happen later. Then to get a more even hold—so he told himself—one leg swung over Gray's thighs and he rested on his lap. Now he could really dig into those muscles and massage the worries away.

However, instead of loosening up, Gray's body tensed. His hands instinctively found their way to Natsu's hips and pulled him in closer until their groins brushed up together.

"Are you that eager?" Natsu teased.

Gray looked up at the Dragon Slayer perched on his lap. "Seeing you wearing my collar, yes." His finger traced over the edge of the white leather where the pink satin peeked out. "Does it feel okay?"

"It's even softer than the last one."

"If that's not okay…"

"No, it's fine," Natsu assured him with a chuckle. He leaned over and kissed Gray again. "It's appropriate."

It was softer, like how Gray had learned to be softer. He could still be sadistic—Natsu loved that side of him—but he was able to express his feelings more now.

"Can I request one adjustment to the collar?"

Gray yanked back. Was it not good? Was there something wrong? He felt deeply worried for a moment, but instead of looking troubled by it, Natsu had a darkening blush. His eyes were down at the bracelet.

"Can you somehow get an amethyst put on it somewhere? It's okay if you can't."

An amethyst! Gray looked down to his own _promise bracelet_ , the braided metals and symbolic sapphire, ruby, and amethyst within an infinity knot. What had Wendy said about amethysts? They were a protective stone that helped to heal trauma, phobias, compulsion issues, and brought about emotional stability. They protected people on long journeys.

Like the journey the two of them were setting off into as a couple.

"How about right here?" Gray said, touching the gold plaque. "In the center of the O, right in the middle. That's a good spot for a gem."

"You don't mind?"

"I think it's perfect." Both of his hands cupped Natsu's face. "A collar we both design together." Then he kissed Natsu's mouth again.

Natsu lunged forward, grinding up against Gray and biting his lip. Gray let out a hiss at the pain and hot friction.

"My dragon is hungry," he teased, but right then Natsu latched onto his neck and pain stung through him. "Ow! Easy there. I'm the one who likes to give pain."

Natsu yanked back, breathing hard, lips swollen and wet. "Then do it."

Gray traced a finger around Natsu's mouth and watched his lips part, like the Dragon Slayer was unsure whether to bite him or suck on him. "Hmm … nope. I think I want to give you pleasure tonight."

Natsu tipped his head to the side, but his lips stayed parted at the touch of Gray's exploring finger. "It's the same thing between us."

"True, but tonight…" Gray's finger drifted past the lips, feeling the soft flesh and tiny bumps of his tongue. Suddenly, he crooked the finger over Natsu's teeth and yanked his mouth down until the jaw popped. "I want to make sure you cry because I make you feel so damn good, not because something hurts. Every single one of your cries tonight will be because I'm driving you insane with pleasure until you _hurt_. I want you to need it, to beg to be fucked, and I want it to feel so good, you're haunted by memories of tonight until you jack off to it every time you're alone in your bed."

For a second, Natsu looked horrified, and a soft cry gagged out of his wrenched mouth. However, Gray's voice dropped lower, like the purr of a predator.

"I want it to be so good, tonight will be the memory that haunts me, rather than any other memories."

The horror turned immediately to pity. However, Natsu attempted to close his mouth, at first to speak, but Gray yanked down on the lower teeth again, pulling the jaw open.

"Nu-uh," he said with a sadist smirk. "Keep it open."

Natsu stayed there, but saliva was gathering in his mouth. He tried to swallow what he could, but he needed to slurp up what was pooling at the base of his mouth. His jaw kept trying to yank up, and Gray kept forcing it back down.

"Keep … it … open."

"I gohha shwallow," Natsu said, barely able to speak with his mouth wide open.

"Too bad. Your mouth stays open."

Natsu fidgeted as he felt the saliva building up, then start to drip over the side of his lips, slithering down his chin, along his throat, and over Gray's fingers.

"So messy," Gray scolded in delight. "Are you drooling over me? Keep your mouth open. Do not swallow. Kneel down, and pull my cock out. I want all that spit on my cock."

With Gray's finger still between his teeth, but without as much yanking pressure, Natsu slipped down between Gray's thighs, undid his zipper, tugged the boxers open, and eased a semi-limp cock out.

"Suck on it, but only until it starts to get hard."

Gray finally removed his finger, but Natsu was conscious not to swallow. Instead, his head tipped over, and all that saliva drizzled over Gray's groin. At just that much, his cock began to firm up. Natsu leaned over and eased it into his mouth. Gray hissed and immediately clenched into Natsu's hair.

Damn, he would have loved a blow job tonight! That hot mouth, the hums of satisfaction, the wetness, just knowing Natsu was doing this for him… Another time, though. Gray had a specific plan for tonight. A blow job was not in those plans.

"Okay, okay, enough." He shoved Natsu back. "Damn, you really are good at sucking cock."

Natsu finally was able to wipe the saliva away. "Is there anything else my _kainushi_ wants?"

"So much," Gray muttered, shivering deep inside, but he shoved his own desires away for the moment. "Can I string you up? I know last time we did that—"

"Last time, I was in a bad place," Natsu cut in. "Let's do it this time to make it better."

"If it's at all not okay—"

"I'll tell you," Natsu promised.

Gray nodded, knowing he had to trust that Natsu knew better than to push his limits right now. Not tonight, when everything had been incredible so far.

"Get undressed, leave your clothes here, go to the bathroom, and prepare yourself real good for me. Don't touch your dick, though. When I call for you, come to the bedroom."

Gray rose to his feet and left to the bedroom. Natsu got off his knees and removed his clothes. He draped them over the couch, with the scarf on top, then went to the bathroom to clean himself and prepare with an enema. He hated that part, it felt too weird, but they had learned that it was best to be ready for playtime.

"Don't peek and don't touch yourself while you wait," Gray shouted out, probably hearing that Natsu was finished.

Gray did not need to remind him; Natsu would not have looked and spoiled the surprise, and touching himself … well, that was never going to happen.

_'I want it to feel so good, you're haunted by memories of tonight until you jack off to it every time you're alone in your bed.'_

Had Gray forgotten, Natsu could not masturbate, and never had been able to? It had been a long time since they did that whole Checklist of Fucking thing. Natsu wondered if they needed to revisit that, reset limits and establish firmer boundaries. So much had changed for both of them; things Natsu thought he would like ended up not being good, while things he thought were horrific ideas ended up being actions he loved. Yes, definitely, they would need to sit down and work this out again.

Not right now, though. It would ruin the mood. He just had to trust that Gray would not push any limits, and that he would listen if Natsu warned him about anything unwanted.

They had learned the hard way to do that.

"Okay!"

At the call, Natsu left the bathroom. Physically excited already with adrenalin pumping through his veins, wearing nothing but the promise bracelet and collar, he walked into the bedroom.

Gray was waiting with the lights turned low. He had rigged up some rope to the ceiling, and it dangled down, waiting for its victim. Gray was naked, eyes frosty as he stared hard at Natsu, one end of the rope in his hand.

"Come here," he ordered in a domineering voice.

Natsu walked up to him. Gray would tie him up. If he was bound, he was safe. He would not hurt anyone. Gray would protect him, and protect himself from Natsu.

Gray first grabbed Natsu's chin and tipped it up until his throat strained against the collar. "This seriously looks good on my dragon."

_His dragon!_

"I'm glad you let me put a collar on you."

Natsu met his eyes with a smile. "I want it."

Gray struggled to keep emotions down, yet they battled over his face, fighting in furrowed brows, clenching jaws, and twitching lips. "Damn! There are so many stupid things I could say right now." His chest was seething, and Natsu could see that he was beginning to struggle again with his limits.

"Don't say anything, Gray. _Show_ me." He boldly stepped forward until their bare chests were pressed together. "Tell my body, not my ears. Make every inch of me understand those emotions."

"Shhhhhit," Gray hissed, seriously wanting to throw Natsu onto the bed and ravage him with pure greedy need. Not tonight, though. Not tonight! Still, that desire trembled his words as he commanded, "Stand straight, arms out."

Natsu stepped back and placed his wrists together, offering them willingly. Gray snatched both hands with the rope ready to bind. However, he paused as the lamplight caught a gleam from the three gems. Gray leaned over and planted a kiss onto Natsu's wrist, right over that bracelet, and sucked on the skin. That calmed him down. Tonight was about giving Natsu pleasure, treating him and spoiling him in the way Gray knew best. He may suck at romance, but he could do this. He needed to focus now so he could treat Natsu properly.

Gray was careful as he coiled the rope around Natsu's arms and wrists, moving the bracelet aside as he got up that high. He made sure it was not too tight, and then he pulled on the other end of the rope, lifting Natsu's arms into the air, stretching until the muscles tensed and he was almost ready to be lifted onto his toes.

He let him stay like that, watching carefully that Natsu did not have any bad reactions to this. The last time he had done this … well, a lot happened back then, and maybe it needed to happen. Maybe Natsu needed to face that dark past.

Gray just hoped it did not cause a problem tonight. This was a day to celebrate _them_ , and he wanted only thoughts of the present and the future here in this room.

"You good?"

Natsu dug deep down, but he felt no terror by this. What had happened before was purposefully digging into his past. Tonight was a celebration of love. Gray loved him, even if he could not speak the word. He was going to protect Natsu and pleasure him. That made this sort of binding totally different.

"I'm good," he said, meeting Gray's eyes to assure him that he was fine.

Gray brought his body up close enough to feel the heat radiating off Natsu's body. He ran his hands up the well-defined torso, over all those muscles and scars. He kissed along the collar and worked down to the pectorals.

"No whips or paddles tonight," he said, kissing and licking down Natsu's chest while his fingers dragged down his back in a soft scratching. "Everything I do will be with my own hands."

Natsu trembled already. This was so gentle, so attentive, he wondered how long he would last.

"You have an incredible body, Natsu. Beautiful."

He blushed. Seriously? Had Gray _ever_ called him beautiful? Well, once he said his eyes were beautiful, another time he had admired his own binding ice as beautiful, but that was about it. Gray had never actually called _him_ beautiful before … and it felt weird.

"I know almost every scar on this body. I was there for most of those fights. Hell, I _gave you_ some of these scars."

Natsu groaned as Gray's tongue lapped over his nipples. Yes, he had been there for many of Natsu's worst battles, even if he had not been right by his side. They had fought so much, some of Natsu's earliest scars were from brawling with Gray.

Gray had been marking his body since they were children.

Gray had already marked him before the dark times.

Natsu sank into the idea that he had already been marked by Gray before anything horrible had happened to him. This body had _already_ been Gray's, as it was _now_ , and as he wanted it to be in the _future_.

"My marks on your body," Gray mused, lowering to his knees. "My body! My dragon!"

Gray's tongue dragged up his cock, and Natsu clenched his bound hands in pleasure.

All his! Gray knew how to hurt this body and how to protect it. He knew Natsu's weak spots, and he knew its strength. He had touched Natsu's body—albeit with his fists—before any other human had touched him.

His! As Natsu looked down at Gray languidly sucking his cock, he saw the shine of the promise bracelet jangling on his wrist.

"My _kainushi_."

Gray was his in return. They belonged to each other.

"Every part of you, Natsu." Gray sucked one ball into his mouth, earning a cry of intense pleasure. Then the other ball, tonguing it, letting his lips suck it into his mouth until Natsu cried out. "I want every part of you to be mine."

"Yesssss."

Gray slipped behind Natsu, grabbed his butt cheeks, and massaged them.

"Everything," he said leaving a bite on one cheek. "I want to mark everything."

Natsu gasped as he felt something hot and wet right on his ass. He could not look behind, but he felt Gray's tongue licking, pressing, moistening that area and urging him to loosen up. The tip of it slipped in, and Natsu groaned at the pleasure. He felt Gray's hands clutching at his hips, pulling Natsu in closer so his tongue could venture inside.

"Your ass is really tight." Gray stood and pressed up against Natsu, wedging his cock between the cheeks. "Do you even want me in there tonight?"

"Yes!" Natsu hissed, barely able to hear over his racing heart.

Gray flexed his hips slowly, sliding his arousal right over the tiny hole. He whispered into Natsu's ear, "I'll need to loosen you up."

"Do it," he urged, almost strangling with need.

Gray smirked at the permission and licked Natsu's cheek. "Do what?" he asked tauntingly.

Natsu blushed. Seriously, was he going to make him say it?

"What am I allowed to do?"

Oh! Was this figuring out boundaries?

"T-touch … inside."

"Do you want my fingers?"

"Yes!"

"Tell me precisely."

Oh God, was he seriously going to make him say it?

"Your f-fingers … inside."

"Inside where?"

Natsu grunted in sexual frustration as he felt Gray's cock taking another slow stroke right up the valley of his ass cheeks. "Inside … m-me."

"Inside your mouth?" Gray asked, thoroughly amused by the humiliation.

"M-my … my ass. I want your fingers in my ass."

"To do what?"

He groaned, feeling his pride cracking apart. Fuck it all, he'd say it! "Touch me. Open me up. I want you inside me, Gray. I want your fingers inside my ass."

Gray licked his cheek again. "You're so sexy when you're lewd." Then he backed off and went to his dresser where a bottle of lube was already waiting. "Can I also use a toy?"

"Yes, anything," Natsu said, crumbling under the desperation to be touched again.

"Is a butt plug okay?"

"Yes, fine. It's good. Gray, please!"

"Easy." Gray came up behind him again and wrapped one arm around Natsu while resting his chin right where his arms were raised above his head. "Tonight is about your pleasure, Natsu. I'll take care of everything, but I don't want it to be over too fast. You need to be patient."

"Don't wanna," he snapped.

Gray clicked his tongue. "Bad dragon. Do I need to train you?" His lubed finger slipped inside, spreading Natsu open.

"Oh God, yes!"

"I do?" he asked, sliding in and out, slowly working his way in deeper. "Does my dragon need more lessons in how to be domesticated."

"Screw that," Natsu said sharply. "Dragons are wild, always are."

"Mmm, so true," Gray said, tracing around Natsu's nipple with his free hand. "I love listening to my dragon _roar_."

He pinched the nipple hard, getting a grunt, but then forced another lubed finger up into the ass, spreading wider and getting Natsu to fully cry out.

"Love hearing that voice, making my dragon cry."

 _Love!_ Natsu realized Gray must be working on that word, especially after earlier.

"I love how you feel around my fingers. Do you like it?"

"I love it," Natsu said, panting hard at the incessant thrusting.

Gray nipped at his ear. "I use my ice in your ass so much, I forget just how smooth you are inside. So soft and hot in here. I can feel it all, every dark and dirty place. Plus when it's my fingers, I can find … this."

His fingers pressed on a small lump inside, and Natsu howled as it was massaged. He felt his cock already dripping.

"Gray, please! Touch me."

"I am."

"My cock … p-please."

"No." His fingers began to pistol in fast, urgent movements. "I have so much planned for you. I need to make sure _all of you_ understands how I feel, not just your cock. You don't get to come until every part of your body knows it."

"N-no … I'm … gonna…"

Already, with the buildup of an entire day, with the pleasure sizzling all through him, plus Gray ramming those fingers in hard and insistently, Natsu felt everything in his body drawing in, building to a climax, tightening into one singular need.

"Gray!"

Just as he was about to snap, Gray pulled his fingers out and pressed hard just behind his balls.

"Clench your ass hard, Natsu."

"Wh-what?"

" _Now!_ "

Natsu did as he was ordered, but he was already feeling the first spasms of pleasure.

However, something was different.

He looked down, almost blind from such intense pleasure, but he realized there was no rushing, gushing sensation like usual. To his surprise, he was not ejaculating.

"What … wait, I…"

Gray hugged him, feeling the jolts. "Enjoy it."

" _Nnngh!_ " He was, but it was weird. It was all the pleasure and none of the mess.

"Wait. I definitely … G-Gray?"

As he felt the tension soothe away, he eased back and came around to look at Natsu's face. "Are you okay?"

"That…" He looked down, completely confused by his own dick. "I came, I know I did, but … I didn't…" Nothing had shot out, yet he knew what he had felt.

"I read about this technique. It doesn't always work. It's called a dry orgasm, and it's what I was aiming for. Where I pressed basically cuts off the release. This way, you can come without your usual fears kicking in."

Natsu looked up, eyes bright. "I can come without semen?"

Gray made a face. He always worried so much that this was such an issue for Natsu, especially considering _why_ it was. "You'll need to work on some exercises and train yourself…"

"I can train," he cut in with excitement. "I'm good at training."

"I'm not sure if it will always work—" In fact, considering Natsu had no training at all, it was a miracle he had managed to cut it off the first time. Perhaps he had been working on his kegel muscles without even realizing it. Gray smiled proudly. "—but I'm glad it did. Otherwise, it'd be boring waiting around until you're ready for more."

"I'm ready now," he said right away.

"Easy there. Do you feel like you can heal wounds? You know, licking it, that _dragon lust spit_ thing?"

Natsu blinked his eyes in confusion, but he focused inward. "No, I don't think so. It doesn't feel like that."

"Hmm…" Gray realized that must be tied into actual sperm release, or something. "Too bad, because I sort of wanted you to bite me."

"I can! I totally can. I want more. I feel great."

"You sound hyper."

Natsu laughed in agreement. "That was awesome. I wanna learn how to do it more. Um … Gray? If this works, I … I wanna…" He bit his lip, blushing to say it aloud. "I wanna take you."

Gray smiled empathetically at his wish, leaned in, and kissed him. "I want that, too. That's why you'll have to train hard."

"I will," Natsu said eagerly. "Just teach me, tell me how to train for this new technique."

Gray patted his head like a dog. "We'll work on that later. Right now, I want to watch you wallowing in this pleasure and feel yourself drowning in it." He tipped Natsu's chin up and leaned in close. "I want you to entertain me."

Natsu licked his lips, feeling up to anything now.

Gray walked over to the dresser again and picked up a butt plug he had waiting. He slathered lube all over it and came up behind Natsu.

"It's going in," he warned.

Natsu felt it press and groaned, then cried out as it spread, wider, wider, more, almost painful, until finally his ass slid around the divot. He was spread, feeling full inside, panting in pleasure and anticipation.

Gray walked around to the front. "Is it okay?"

Natsu nodded rapidly.

"Good. It vibrates, okay?" Again, Natsu nodded to show he understood what to expect. "Now … you're going to be my porno show."

Gray went to the bed and sprawled out over the mattress. He had a remote in one hand and the lube in the other. With a little lube on his left hand, he propped his back up against the pillows and began to stroke himself.

"Let's see what's on the porn channel today. Channel one: _Squirming Dragon._ "

He turned the vibrator onto the lowest setting, and Natsu's body jolted with buzzing pleasure.

"Oh God, Gray!" His body twisted against the ropes binding him, both wanting more and wanting to get it out because it felt so damn good.

Gray stroked himself as he watched Natsu's gloriously naked body and the way his face contorted with pleasure. From his mouth dropped open with deep moans, to biting his lips to hold back sounds, every face made his cock stiffen and start to drip.

"Channel two: _The Roar in the Night._ "

The remote dial twisted up to the second setting, and sure enough Natsu howled. His hips began to shake back and forth as his cock hardened and turned brighter.

"Oh, this is a good show," Gray said, stroking himself faster and reaching up to touch his chest. "I like the actor in this one. He doesn't have much of a speaking role, but his acting … _nngh_ … is truly superb."

Natsu's body began to bow back. He needed to come! What had built up last time was still right there, right on the cusp. His body burned, his cock throbbed so hard, he felt every heartbeat along its length.

"Channel three: _Wet and Wild_ _Wizards_ _._ "

The vibrator was now purring so aggressively, Gray could hear it from inside Natsu's ass, even over the nonstop moans and hard breathing, as well as the slick noise of his hand stroking his cock with need. Gray groaned as he saw the pre-cum dripping down Natsu's erection, sliding along his cock, and a few drops landing on his carpet.

"Channel four is airing one of my favorite shows: _The Dragon Begs_."

When he turned it up again, he thought he saw Natsu go completely limp against the rope, his knees unable to hold himself up anymore.

"Oh God, please, Gray. Touch me. I need it. Gonna come, I feel it. Please! I can't … can't stop … Gray, please!"

Gray immediately turned the remote to the highest setting and leaped forward, crashing into Natsu's body and grabbing both of their cocks together.

"Channel five: _The_ _Dragon_ _Comes_ _in Winter_."

The feel of Gray's hand was all Natsu needed. He felt it all rushing forward this time, blinding and deafening him.

"Bite me, Natsu," Gray panted. "Bite me hard."

He was barely even thinking as he chomped down and his canines sank in. He could taste it, sweet, getting sweeter. Gray was so close, and now he could _taste_ it.

Suddenly, Natsu felt pain in his shoulder. It just hurt as first, but then it was suddenly harder, stabbing. He arched up as it stung and burned.

Then he smelled it. His blood!

He looked over sharply, but Gray was not letting go. For the first time, he had actually bit Natsu hard enough to break skin. He _marked_ him!

Finally, they were fully a marked mating couple.

As the waves of pleasure surged through him, Natsu clamped his mouth over Gray's wounds to suck on the blood. He burst out over Gray's hand, spurt after spurt, and felt it dripping down his thighs. Gray let him go but kept stroking himself, so close now, huffing heavier, and his teeth dug in more as his body finally stiffened. Natsu felt the cum splash onto his stomach in a hot, viscous mess. The blood oozing out of the bite changed, and all through the orgasm, into almost a minute after, Gray's blood was intensely sweet on his tongue.

Right near the end, there was a difference. It was faint, but he began to taste it right as the sweetness faded. There was a definite change to Gray's blood. Natsu could not quite figure it out. Was it possibly a change due to his own blood now being in Gray's body?

He liked tasting it, but he had to heal this while he could. Although he wanted to keep tasting that special change to Gray's blood, he allowed saliva to build up, then licked the bite.

Gray turned off the remote and let it drop to the ground so he could hold Natsu with both hands. He flinched as that hot tongue lathed over his pierced skin. The copper taste on his own lips was not one he was sure he liked, but he knew what he desperately wanted to do that night. It was a special gift for this special day, and he had been saving up for it. He had even practiced a little by biting into unpeeled oranges.

"Was that okay?"

Natsu finished licking and leaned back with narrow eyes. "Untie me," he demanded.

Worried if maybe he did it wrong, Gray yanked on the rope, and Natsu's arms dropped. Before he had a chance to untie them, Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray and yanked him in close.

"Do you know _what you_ _just_ _did_?"

"I … I think so," he said, not really certain and confused by Natsu's reaction. "You used to talk about it, being a marked mating couple. It means we want no one other than the one who has our mark."

He remembered! It wasn't on accident. Natsu struggled, but he could not hold back tears of happiness.

Gray felt Natsu's shoulders shaking and heard a hiccup of a suppressed sob. He realized, he had not done something _wrong_ ; no, far from it. He pulled back and tipped Natsu's chin up. The overwhelming joy he saw on that cherubic face was well worth the ache in his jaw.

"This was the second half of my gift," he told Natsu, tenderly caressing the tears away. "I specifically wanted to do this tonight."

In trying to decide what to get Natsu, the collar was an easy choice, but he had realized that Natsu might not be ready for it. If he rejected the collar, Gray needed a backup plan. He had thought long and hard for days while the collar was being made. When he saw it, and he saw the word _Beloved_ chiseled into the name plaque, what his _other gift_ could be came to him right away.

To give Natsu something he had wanted for many months, but Gray was never sure if he was ready for such a huge leap.

* * *

> ' _We're mates. Maybe you can call that lovers. With dragons, they can take that another step: a marked mating couple. It means they want no one other than the one who has their mark. Going steady, an exclusive couple, whatever you want to call it. It's one step above just being mates. The mark needs to be done with purpose, and with the mind frame of making a claim. The two mates bite one another and lick the blood. It needs to pierce skin: neck, shoulders, back. Legs, maybe. Not the lips, though, nor ears. It needs to be something that's a challenge to bite. That's the whole thing: not nipping until you draw a tiny bit of blood, but really biting deep. Sharing one another's pain, sharing each other's blood … bonding that way.'_
> 
> ' _And beyond that?'_
> 
> ' _Beyond? The two dragons build a den together. They commit to one another for the rest of their lives.'_
> 
> ' _Marriage.'_
> 
> ' _Um … y-yeah.'_

* * *

 A marked mating couple! It was one step below being married. As Gray looked down at the bracelets, he chuckled silently to himself. Here he had planned to take things a step further in a draconic fashion, while Natsu had the exact same idea, but in a more _human_ fashion.

They had both reached this level at the same time, and in the end, they had given each other the exact same thing: a gift to symbolize that they wanted more out of this relationship they had clumsily fallen into.

More tears filled Natsu's eyes as he bit his lip to hold them back. "Do you mean it?"

Gray leaned in and gave Natsu a gentle kiss, although he saw a smear of blood from his mouth streak behind onto Natsu's lips. "I absolutely mean it."

Natsu's jaw trembled as he lost the fight to hold back outright sobs. Gray smiled at how adorable he was, and how much he loved this man. Suddenly, Natsu buried his head down into Gray's chest and cried into his sweaty skin.

"I love you so much," Natsu bawled. "I love you! I love you."

"Yeah … same here," Gray said, nuzzling into his hair and trying his hardest not to feel guilty for being unable to say those words back, especially now, in this moment. He decided to switch gears completely and blurted out, "Although, we may need to get you to a doctor." He looked at the red drips snaking down from Natsu's shoulder. "I can't heal that, and it's bleeding a lot. I was focused so much on whether or not I actually _could_ bite you hard enough, I may have overdone it."

Natsu sniffled back his tears. "Lemme try something."

He sucked on his cheeks and moved his mouth around, gathering up saliva. Then he hummed and pointed to his mouth to show to kiss him. Gray realized what he meant and leaned in. Natsu carefully let his saliva fill Gray's mouth, and then Gray spit it onto the bite he had given to Natsu's shoulder. He licked it around, and the skin began to regrow. Natsu did it again, working his mouth to get as much as he could, sharing it with Gray, and watching as Gray healed him.

_A mate cleans up the mess, and the dragon protects the mate, cures any wounds, and stays with the mate until both recover._

Maybe Gray was not a dragon, but he wanted to cure his mate, protect him, and not just stay with him until he recovered, but for _always_.

Finally, both were healed. Gray untied Natsu's wrists and rubbed them out, making sure nothing was numb. Then he tugged the butt plug out and set it aside to be sterilized. Carefully, reluctantly, he removed the collar last. Playtime was over, but Natsu would always be his Beloved.

They both set about cleaning. There was semen and blood on the floor which had to be cleaned right away before it stained. The collar needed to be wiped down, the sex toy scrubbed, and the ropes coiled back up. Then they showered, lovingly cleaning each other while kissing the bruises left behind on their respective shoulders.

"Do you need to go home?" Gray asked as they dried off.

Natsu stood to the side and simply lit himself on fire. "Nah, I told Happy I'll be gone all night. He has plans for tomorrow, so he said to take my time."

"Then maybe we can do something in the morning."

"Horny snowman," Natsu teased.

Gray rolled his eyes. "I meant going out to breakfast, you sex-crazy idiot."

They turned off the light, climbed into bed, tried to curl up together, but Natsu felt restless. What he had tasted for a moment in Gray's blood would not leave his mind. Had it been his imagination? Igneel never mentioned that, after two dragons became a bonded mating couple, their blood would change taste like that. Maybe that did not happen for dragons, or maybe Igneel was not all that experienced after all. (Natsu preferred not to think about his father mating in _any_ sort of way.)

As Natsu kept tossing around, Gray asked, "What's the matter? Are you okay? Did it hurt too much?"

"N-no. Gray, maybe this is weird, but … can I taste your blood again?"

He sighed into his pillow. "Natsu, no offense, but I'm almost asleep. I can't get you off."

"Not like that. Just a little, like a pinprick. I need to confirm something."

With an exhausted groan, Gray turned on a lamp, walked into the other room, and came back with a sewing needle.

"Set it on fire to sterilize it first. I don't want an infected finger."

Natsu heated up the needle, and Gray gave him his index finger. He braced himself, and sure enough the prick hurt. Then Natsu sucked the crimson droplet off his finger.

He was right! The change in taste was even stronger now. With Gray's finger in his mouth, his eyes lit up with excitement.

"What's up with you?" asked Gray.

Natsu popped the finger out. "Your blood, it tastes like me now."

Gray arched an eyebrow.

"I guess because my blood is in you. It's not like the blood itself is different, but something else, like a magical quality to the blood. I don't even know what it is, but it's changed. Drastically!" He sucked on Gray's finger some more. "I don't know if this makes sense, but it's like I taste _dragon_ in you."

"I … taste like a dragon?" Gray was unsure if he liked the sound of that.

"A fire dragon, specifically. I mean, it's not like I know how dragons even taste, let alone different types of dragons, but that's what my brain is telling me. You taste like a fire dragon. Like me. And somehow, that's proof that you're my marked mate."

"Wait, so am I going to have part Dragon Slayer blood in me from now on? Do I get any of your magic?"

"I honestly don't know. Igneel never mentioned this. Can I taste a little in the morning?"

"I suppose so, only because I'm curious what the hell is happening to me. If I start breathing fire I'm not gonna be happy."

"Nah, you need the right lungs to do that. I'll put a bandage on your finger. Sorry about that, but it was bugging me. I thought I tasted it earlier, but I couldn't be sure."

While Natsu fetched a bandage, Gray looked down at his finger and the blood beading up again.

He had Dragon Slayer blood now? Or at least some similar properties?

However, he had bitten Natsu's lip before, and nothing like this happened. Natsu had told him long ago that becoming a bonded mating couple was not simply tasting Dragon Slayer blood. It had to be from certain parts of the body—lips did not count—and it had to be done with purpose. It still made no sense why last time, Natsu did not noticed this sort of change, but suddenly, just because Gray bit the way he did, it changed him.

Was it truly from ingesting blood, or was it something deeper? Had doing that made Natsu subconsciously cast a sort of spell over him that actually marked him as belonging to the Fire Dragon Slayer?

He licked his finger, but blood tasted like blood. As far as he could tell, this was no different from if he had cut himself on accident and sucked his finger to help stop the bleeding.

Natsu returned with some medication to prevent an infection and a small bandage to wrap around. Then the lamp went off again and Natsu grabbed Gray, wrapping around him possessively.

"My mate," he whispered in sleepy joy.

Gray smiled to hear him, but he looked down at his bandaged finger in the moonlight. The silvery light caught on the bracelet and the three gemstones.

His mate. Yes, he and Natsu both took many big leaps that day. He sighed in bliss and drifted off in bodily weariness, proud to think that he was now the _marked mate_ of the Fire Dragon Slayer.

****End of Chapter 61** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I had to read up a lot on collaring ceremonies for Gray's vows earlier on. There were so many different ways a person can be collared, some extremely formal with a public ceremony, some private and casual. I opted for a bit formal with the vows, but informal in the setting. Obviously, they are not going to host a public ceremony for their closet BDSM kinks._
> 
> _And what's up with Gray's blood now, hmm? Spoiler: no, he will not start to use fire magic. If it was that simple to gain magic, blood transfusions would be really weird in Fiore._


	62. Baby Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Audio drama** : <https://chirb.it/deeGqt>_

In the morning, Gray's blood still tasted _like a fire dragon_. That evening was the same, and the following day. Gajeel apparently noticed right away, and he smacked Gray on the back in congratulations. Wendy also said he smelled a little different, although she was not sure what it meant. When Laxus finally returned with the Raijinshuu over a week later, he muttered a comment at Gray to shower after sex, because he reeked of Natsu. Gray cringed back, since Natsu had been off with Happy on a mission for three days.

"Three days apart, and I still smell like him?" he said to himself in the shower that night, scrubbing his body although he knew that would not change anything. It had been a week since he bit Natsu, they had not shared blood like that since then, yet the scent still lingered. "Is this going to be a thing now? I'm just permanently doused in _Natsu-scented perfume_ , like one of Ichiya's spells?"

At least no one else could smell it, whatever it was. While Natsu was out of town, Gray went to a doctor, asking to test his blood _just in case_. The confused doctor luckily knew wizards were challenging patients, so he ran every sort of test he could. The only changes were elevated ethernano levels and something the doctor could not explain, but he described it as _different ultra-ethernano sub-particles_. He shrugged, admitted this was not his field of expertise, and recommended Gray see a physician who specialized in magic illnesses.

It was not an illness, though. Somehow, biting Natsu and tasting his blood whilst in the throes of passion changed the very _structure_ of the ethernano in Gray's body without affecting his magic. He had tested it right away, the very next morning after their anniversary. He could use all of his magic, tap into Second Origin, and even use Ice Devil Slayer magic. Natsu had hoped he could use Dragon Slayer magic, but that failed. He had only his own magic, no weaker, no stronger. Nothing seemed amiss.

Nothing but his scent, which only Dragon Slayers could pick up.

He got out of the shower and put both his necklace and the new bracelet back on. He smiled at the gleam of the braided metals and three stones.

Amethyst: it was believed to help with anxiety and phobias, as well as protect a person while on a journey.

He and Natsu were on a major journey, and they had a goal: to get to the point where they could defeat their fears, and one day, eventually, when they were ready for it…

Gray blushed just thinking about it. Could they ever really reach a point where they could settle down and get married? Definitely not _yet_ , but … maybe … one day…

There was one other aftereffect to that anniversary night. Natsu was addicted to the idea of dry orgasms. It truly seemed like he forgot about everything else, his mind set on perfecting this new technique. He would whisper to Gray in public, "I've been doing my kegel exercises. Wanna do it later?" and make Gray spit out his drink. Happy said Natsu seemed to be meditating a lot more, but Gray knew he must be working on those deep, inner pelvic floor muscles, strengthening them, all in preparation for the goal of staving off ejaculation.

"Really, it's not healthy to do it too much," Gray tried to warn, but Natsu did not seem to care.

There was one big issue with this training, though.

"Natsu," Gray said, slightly frustrated that day. He had just come back from a joint mission, working with Lyon again annoyed him, and he had not slept in over twenty-four hours, so when Natsu pounced through his apartment window, Gray just did not have the patience. "I've told you a dozen times before, this is training you should do on your own."

"I don't wanna," he said, rubbing his hands up Gray's chest, trying to entice him.

"It's easier if you touch yourself. It didn't work the last three times because I can't tell how close you are. You know your own body. You can time it better than I ever could."

Natsu's face went cold. "I told you, I don't like doing it on my own."

"You could be working on this every day, instead of only when we can get together. You're off on missions with Happy and Lucy so much lately, I can't help you all the time."

"You could come on the missions with us, you know. Lucy just asks me because we're friends and because she knows I'm stronger than you."

"Screw you. She asks you because you're a loafer with nothing better to do. Some of us work to pay rent, y'know."

"So, can we do it?" Natsu wrapped his arms around Gray. "It's better when it's your hand."

Gray stepped back, though. "I'm seriously worn out. I had a shitty day, Lyon was being a cocky asshole, it was hot, it rained in the middle of the mission, and now I feel gross."

Natsu licked his lips. "We can shower together."

Gray almost wanted to roll his eyes, but he knew Natsu was simply in a good mood. "I know where that will lead. Look, I'm sorry, I really am. I'm exhausted. I just need to shower and sleep. I'm not even up to eating. I'm sorry."

Natsu backed off. "No, I'm sorry. I'm being pushy. You were gone for days, and before that I was gone with Lucy. We keep missing each other."

Gray kissed him on the forehead. "I'll make sure we have a day together, go out on a date, take some personal time to make sure you get all the spoiling you deserve."

Natsu blushed at that. He really was needy at times, he knew that, but he could hardly help it. He wanted to be around Gray all the time. "I can make you something for dinner. You should eat at least a little."

"I might after I take a nap. I just really feel like shit today."

"Yeah … we all have those days. I'll make you a sandwich. It'll be wrapped up in the fridge. I'll see you tomorrow."

Gray gave Natsu a peck on the cheek. "I'll see how I feel tomorrow. Take the night to yourself. Practice on your own."

Natsu cringed back. "I don't like to."

"I know, but I can't always be there." Gray chuckled and leaned into Natsu's ear. "I'll allow it this time, you naughty dragon."

Natsu still pouted, and he turned away to the kitchen.

He had not been able to sit down with Gray and go over his limits again. Every time they had a day together, the mood was too good. Nothing had strongly triggered him yet, so he kept forgetting about it.

But this, though…

"How can I even explain it?" he wondered to himself.

He fixed the sandwich and went back home before Gray got out of the shower. The little house in the woods was empty, he had left Happy in the guild as soon as he heard Mira say Gray was back home from that long mission, so he had the place to himself for a while. Natsu sat in his bedroom and focused inward, to those muscles that would help him achieve that amazing thing called a dry orgasm. He could strengthen those muscles, but he could not do the second part of the training.

To stroke himself up to the edge of orgasm, and then to clench it back.

Natsu stripped off his clothes and looked into a full-length mirror.

"Maybe it's okay," he said to himself. "It's my hand, and I'm not actually going to come. I can stop it at any time." Staring at himself in the mirror, he reached down to his cock and gripped it in his hand. "It's me, it's my fingers, I'm just touching it. I can do that much. Just touching. It's my hand. Just a hand."

He stroked slightly. He was able to do this much, and he even liked to at times. Casually touching himself, barely even enough to feel the tingle of pleasure, edging along that fine line of arousal, was okay.

"I can do this," he said. "Just a little more. It'll be fine."

Those languid touches got a little firmer. However, as soon as his cock began to harden up, his hand pulled away as if stung.

"Come on, you can do this. It's to train, that's all. Just training. You're not actually fucking anything, your not even going to come. Just build up to it, then you're stopping it. Training, training!"

He slowly stretched out his clenched fingers, trying to get them to loosen up. Determined, he reached down again.

"You can do this. It's your own hand."

He stared hard into the mirror, trying to stroke himself. However, his hand refused to give enough grip to really get the right friction. He was barely even touching the edges of his shaft.

Yet even that much was making Natsu start to breathe faster. He stepped up to the mirror and pressed his face right up to it.

"It's yourself, you idiot." He slammed his hand up against the mirror. "It's this hand, you're own hand!" He reached down again. "Gray touches you all the time and it's fine. This is the same, only it's yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's _nothing wrong_."

Natsu stroked with snarling determination. He would _burn_ this barrier if he had to.

Oily hair, haunted eyes, and a blood-soaked mouth peeked up over his shoulder.

" _Are you enjoying that, boy?_ "

Natsu screamed and punched the reflection, shattering the mirror. He spun around, flames crackling in his hands, looking left and right for that face, that man. Murder and terror gleamed in his eyes. However, the entire house was empty.

"No." His flames went out, and Natsu grabbed his mouth. "Oh shit, no!"

He ran to the bathroom and just barely made it to the sink before he vomited. He looked up into the mirror at his face, but somehow that made him sick all over again. He leaned over once more and threw up.

Blood? No, it wasn't blood. Why was he smelling blood?

He crumbled to the bathroom floor, shaking and staring ahead in horror.

"I … can't. I can't. Never again. I can't."

* * *

Happy arrived in the evening. He had hoped Natsu would come back to the guild, but he figured he was _busy_ with Gray. That was fine, they were happy together, and that was what mattered most.

As Happy walked in, he heard the shower running. He did not notice Gray's shoes at the entrance, so he figured Natsu was home alone, and that meant it was okay to walk right in.

"Natsu, I'm home." Happy peeked inside. What he saw made him rush in. "Natsu!"

The Dragon Slayer was curled into a ball at the bottom of the shower. The water had long ago gone cold, or maybe it had always been set to a cold shower. Natsu was shivering, hugging his knees up, staring ahead with his pink hair dripping into his swollen, teary eyes.

"Oh. Hi, Happy," he said, sounding hollow.

"What are you doing in the shower?"

His voice was frail and flat. "Cleaning, of course. What sort of question is that?"

Happy felt like crying at how lost Natsu sounded. "It's late."

"Oh." Natsu hardly even seemed concerned. "Sorry, I didn't make dinner."

"I already ate." Happy began to reach forward into the cascading water, but then he noticed Natsu's hands and pulled back. "Natsu, you're all pruned. How long have you been sitting there?"

His eyes glanced down at the fingers that had shriveled up. "Dunno. I guess I should get out." He still sounded empty inside. As he stood and turned off the shower, his movements were detached.

Happy frowned in worry. "Dry off. I'll get you some clothes."

He went to the bedroom and saw the mirror shattered. A lamp was also broken, and his dresser had been overturned with a crack to the side where Natsu must have kicked it.

"Natsu…" Happy glanced back to the bathroom. He had no idea what to do besides stay by him tonight and try to cull him out of this emptiness.

* * *

The next morning, Gray was feeling better. He had slept soundly for a solid twelve hours and ate the sandwich Natsu made as a late breakfast. He was hoping to find his boyfriend at the guild, but it was nearly noon and still no sign of him.

He had just begun to watch a wrestling match between Elfman and Gajeel when he saw Happy enter. Gray backed out of the cheering crowd, but he saw no sign of Natsu. Happy looked sad, which instantly concerned Gray. He jogged over and knelt by the Exceed.

"Happy, what's up?"

"Good morning, Gray. Um … can I ask a favor?"

He shrugged, "Sure."

He frowned and looked disappointed in himself. "Can you talk to Natsu?"

"What's wrong?" Gray asked immediately.

The little blue cat looked reluctant to say anything. He only muttered, and Gray could barely hear him over the cheers in the guild. "He hasn't been feeling well."

Gray stiffened, now on alert. "What do you mean?"

Happy glanced around the guild, but everyone was focused on the wrestling match, so their conversation went unheard. "He does this every once in a while. I find him curled up in a ball, and he looks like he's sick. This time, the house smelled of vomit, only he doesn't have a fever. Then he woke up this morning, he said he wanted to go fishing, but he wanted to be alone, only he looked like he didn't want to be alone, and then it seemed like he wanted me to come with him, but he said he didn't want me there. I wasn't sure what to do, so I came here."

It sounded like a severe flashback with lingering effects. Gray realized, whatever was going on, it must have to do with Natsu's past. "Has he done anything, gone anywhere, talked to any weird people?"

Happy thought about it. "He was with me and Lucy up until yesterday, and then he said he was going over to your place. He said he needed to see you."

Gray felt a stab of guilt. Natsu had needed to see him, and he had chased him out. Was that the issue? Had Natsu actually needed to talk? Gray thought he had simply been feeling horny. Natsu could have said something if he was feeling bad, and Gray would have listened.

"You said he's fishing?"

"Yeah. Can you talk to him? He won't talk to me when he's like this."

Gray patted Happy's head in comfort, then empathy swelled up, and he grabbed Happy into a hug. The Exceed held him back, obviously needing to be comforted. Gray realized how hard this must be on Happy, not knowing what was going on, only that Natsu sometimes got really sad and distant, and he was unable to get through to him. How horrible it must be, to be so young and unable to help the man who raised you almost like a son.

"I'll see if I can help," Gray promised.

"Thank you. I'll talk to Lucy, make sure she knows not to ask Natsu on a mission for a while. You and Natsu need some time together. He's always better after he spends time with you."

Gray was glad to hear that. At least he had some sort of positive impact on Natsu's life.

* * *

Natsu sat on a rocky ledge with a tree offering shade. He stared down into the water flowing by. Sometimes he saw the shadows of fish, but none seemed to be interested in his bait. Maybe even the fish realized he was in a bad mood.

A scent carried over the air, and Natsu perked up. Although he had hoped to have some time alone, that one scent made him smile. He was looking at the trail eagerly as Gray walked up to the river.

"Hey, Gray! Grab a pole. I haven't caught anything yet, but maybe you'll have better luck."

Gray sat beside him and took a pole that was obviously meant for Happy, small and designed for Exceed paws. Had Natsu been hoping Happy would come, although Happy said Natsu had made it clear that he wanted to be alone? Maybe he only thought he wanted solitude, when really he knew he needed companionship.

He put on some bait and threw the line out, sitting so close to Natsu that their thighs brushed together.

"What's up?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

Natsu shrugged like he had not a care in the world. "Not much. Nice day, right?"

Gray looked over. He sounded chirpy, but his pale face plainly showed that there was a problem. "Natsu, you can be honest with me."

He jolted, scaring a fish that was just about to nibble his hook. Natsu sank down and turned away. "What did Happy say?" he asked, figuring it out right away.

"Not much. He recommended that I talk to you."

Natsu leaned back onto the grass and stared up at the dappled light filtering through the leaves. Gray pulled his pole back in, realizing there would be no fishing, not when his boyfriend needed him. He laid back on an elbow beside Natsu, looking down at that distant face and the way the sunlight swayed over his pink hair.

"Is this about me kicking you out yesterday? If you need to talk, just tell me. I know I was tired, but you could have talked to me. I would have stayed up to listen to you."

"No, I just wanted sex," he confessed honestly.

Gray blushed at how bluntly he said that. "So then what happened?"

Natsu shrugged, still staring at the branches. "Tried it on my own."

"And?"

Natsu frowned, and it took him almost a whole minute to finally whisper, "I had a flashback. I can't do it on my own."

Gray laid down on top of Natsu's chest and wrapped a protective arm around him. "I'm so sorry."

"No! I don't want you to think you have to do it every time I ask. If you're not in the mood, then … then you're _not in the mood_. I don't want you to feel forced … _ever_ ," he said, shouting at the end.

Gray sat up, hearing that this was a bit more personal to Natsu than what was expressed with just his words. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Natsu cringed slightly and could not meet his eyes. Gray noticed he was pinching his arm, a habit Natsu used to have as a technique to keep him grounded in the moment. Gray had not seen him do this in months, so he realized that whatever it was, it was bad, and it was still very close in Natsu's mind.

Natsu quietly admitted, "I probably need to, but…"

He said nothing else, staring at the sky, pinching his arm almost like it was comforting to do so. Gray waited, but a long time passed with Natsu saying nothing more.

Gray stroked through the pink hair, but Natsu still did not look at him. "I'm here when you're ready."

"Thanks," he muttered distantly.

"Do you need anything right now? Maybe … some _fulfillment_?" He asked it more as a joke, hoping to get a laugh.

Natsu finally stopped staring up and met Gray's eyes with shock. Then he blushed, and Gray saw a tiny smile. Hmm, maybe it could be more than a joke. Gray definitely would not mind, and perhaps it would make a good distraction to keep Natsu in the moment.

Natsu muttered with flushed cheeks, "You don't have to."

"Of course I don't _have to_. I'm offering."

"Only if you're in the mood."

Gray leaned over and caged Natsu in. "I am now, having you here." His hips thrust slowly up, glancing over Natsu's groin.

"Nngh … Gray."

Gray bit his lower lip. Damn, that erotic face aroused him every time!

"Do you want it?" he asked, hovering in close but not quite kissing him.

Natsu's eyes closed, and his mouth loosened with need. "Yes," he whispered, waiting for the kiss.

Gray leaned down into that warm mouth. Arms wrapped around him to pull him in closer. The sunlight played over them. A breeze ruffled the branches and made the river babble a little louder, then it settled down, and the two were still enjoying soft, warm kisses. For a moment, they were just two men in love in the middle of the forest.

Gray leaned up and saw happiness once again in Natsu's eyes where a moment earlier he had looked lost in a dark past.

"Better?"

Natsu nodded joyfully.

"Still want more?"

"Only if you do."

"I'm offering." Gray began to slowly unbutton Natsu's shirt. "I want it." He leaned over and licked his neck. Natsu gasped and arched slightly. "So, what does my naughty dragon do when he's alone?"

"Nothing," Natsu said, sounding slightly frustrated.

"This time, I mean. What were you doing last night?" He nipped Natsu's earlobe.

"I…" Natsu gasped as Gray's lips sucked his neck and struggled to answer. "I … I was trying to touch myself while looking in a mirror."

"A mirror, huh?" Gray's lips worked down Natsu's chest. "That's kinky."

"I thought it might help."

"Did you like it?"

He felt Natsu's body shiver, but not in a good way. Gray immediately pulled up. Natsu was pale again and his eyes looked scared. Okay, sexy time needed to wait. He caressed Natsu's face, urging him to work through this with him.

"What happened? You can tell me."

Natsu gulped, but with Gray holding his hand, he felt safe. "I … I saw … _him_ reflected in the mirror."

Gray pulled back. Oh shit! This again. He wanted to grab Natsu and shield him from all of it, but he knew he could do nothing more than be a support.

"I-i-i-it's okay. I … I'm o- … okay. I'm okay now, really."

He sounded anything but _okay_. Natsu looked up at Gray, saw the concern in his eyes, and knew he was not fooling anyone.

"Maybe I shouldn't use a mirror when I'm alone."

Gray stroked through his hair. "What about together? Would it make it better, doing the same thing but with me there with you?"

Natsu looked up, awed but confused. Together? Same thing?

Gray chuckled and sat up. His hands went out, and frosty magic swirled around them.

"Ice Make: Mirror!"

A huge mirror formed in front of them. Natsu sat up to look at it. It was taller than either of them, almost touching the branches of the tree they were under. Gray scooted up to the tree trunk.

"Over here," he said, and he pulled Natsu to be between his legs. "There we go. Now, look at that. Mmm … you look good reflected in _my_ mirror."

Natsu looked into the huge magic ice mirror. There was him, half undressed already with swollen lips, and there was Gray behind him, nibbling on his neck.

"Is this okay?" asked Gray.

"I think so," Natsu said, sounding relieved. He had almost become scared of mirrors, but Gray was here now, so it was safe.

Natsu leaned back into him, and Gray's hands went around, hugging Natsu comfortingly. Natsu nuzzled back into the broad chest. Being held, with Gray's hands comfortingly rubbing him, felt so good. He was safe here, and with that sense of security came the need to fulfill a desire he was too scared to do alone.

"Gray," he whispered. "Touch me."

Gray looked carefully, but Natsu's face was flushed with passion. "You want it?"

He nodded eagerly and repeated with aching need, "Touch me."

Gray began to caress along his body, tugging the shirt out of the way. His hands slid along Natsu's bronzed skin, over muscles, and up to his pectorals.

"Look at those muscles. I wanna see all of them."

He pulled the shirt off, but Natsu grabbed at his scarf, yanking it to him. Okay, the scarf could remain. That was fine when there was everything else to discover. He pulled Natsu's shirt off and tossed it aside.

"You look amazing in my mirror. Look at yourself, Natsu. Already blushing! You really are a horny dragon. And is that something in your pants?"

He reached down and rubbed the stiffness taking shape in Natsu's trousers. The Dragon Slayer gasped and clenched both of Gray's thighs.

"Is it okay?" he asked quickly.

"Y-yes," Natsu said, quivering from the touches.

"Let's get you out of these clothes."

"N-no, we're in the open, Happy knows this place—"

"And you'd be able to smell him or anyone else, right?"

"Um … well, yes," he muttered.

"Then do that. Keep that nose yours working, while I do this." He stroked again up the clothed shaft, and Natsu let out a moan, flopping back into Gray's chest, surrendering to his touches. "Can I pull it out?"

With his mouth gaped open, Natsu nodded. Gray undid his pants and pulled them aside, letting Natsu's impressive cock spring out.

"Mmm, you're really excited. Is it because we're in the open? You like doing it in the woods, don't you, you animal!" He leaned into Natsu's ear and whispered, "Do you want it?"

Natsu nodded eagerly.

"You need to say what you want."

"Please. Touch me."

Gray reached down and stroked him, getting a shivering moan out.

"Look in the mirror."

"N-n-no!"

"Look at it. What do you see?"

Natsu turned his face aside sharply. "I can't."

"I'm here, Natsu. Look at my face in the mirror."

"No. I can't!" His eyes slammed shut and he twisted away, burying his face into Gray's chest. " _Never again!_ "

Gray heard the panic building, so he grabbed Natsu and help him protectively. "Shh, shh. It's okay. I'm right here. I'm not touching you anymore. It's just us."

Natsu looked up, fear in his eyes, but then he shrank back down. "Dammit, I'm sorry. Shit!" he hissed, then muttered in disappointment at himself, "It's so stupid."

"Natsu, do you trust me?"

He looked up in confusion. "Of course I do."

"Do you trust my magic?"

"Huh? Um … yes? Why?"

"I made that mirror with my magic. It will not reflect the past. Only us. It will only show you and me. Do you trust that?"

Natsu cringed, but he wanted to trust him, to believe him.

"Look at my face in the mirror."

Slowly, Natsu looked back around at the icy mirror and its perfect reflection of them.

"How do I look?"

He pouted at the reflection. "Dashing and stupid."

"Screw you," he chuckled. "You look handsome and idiotic with squinty eyes and stupid hair."

"I'm surprised your droopy eyes can see that."

"Your squinty eyes are the ones with a problem."

Natsu laughed, and Gray hugged around him, happy he was calming down.

Gray rested his chin on top of Natsu's head. "We look good together though, right?"

"Mmm, yes. Pink and black hair, squinty and droopy eyes … fire and ice."

Gray kissed his hair. "Better?"

"Maybe." He glanced down at his cock, then up to Gray, pleading sensually. "Try it again."

"All right." Gray reached down and ran his fingers along the arousal. "Is that okay?"

"Touch it more."

Gray began to stroke him fully. "Remember, this is training. Look in the mirror, see when you're about to come, how you look in that moment. It's an amazing face you make. So sexy!"

Natsu moaned, and he looked at Gray's hand pleasuring him in the mirror, the reflection of his own cock being stroked.

"Watch me, Natsu. Watch how I touch you. Learn from it."

"I … I don't know if I want to _learn from it_."

"True. You would know better, right?"

Natsu flinched and looked away. No, he actually wouldn't know better, since he had never been able to touch himself to fulfillment. However, he loved Gray's touch, how he 

"Wanna join?"

He jolted now and looked into the mirror. "W-what?"

Gray smiled as he picked up Natsu's hand and brought it to the groin. "Like this, your fingers over my hand—"

As soon as Natsu's hand got close to his penis, he gasped and scrambled away. Immediately, he was rolled up in a ball, staring out over his knees at Gray like he was hiding from a monster.

"Whoa! Okay, okay, we won't…"

"I can't," he said, half snarling as he glared over his knees. "Never again."

"Okay, okay. We won't." What the hell just happened? What had he done wrong? Was it the mirror? "No mirror, okay?" The mirror vanished into tiny ice particles.

"That's not it."

"Then what?"

Natsu slammed his eyes shut against memories. "Just build me up, but let me stop it. I … I need to know I can."

Gray frowned. He wanted to talk, to know what he did wrong, not continuing sex without talking. However, Natsu looked like he was requesting help, not merely sexual fulfillment. This might be a bad idea, but if Natsu _needed_ to know something, Gray would help. He waved Natsu to come forward again. Slowly, like a wounded dog, Natsu crawled back to the tree.

"Bind my hands behind me," he insisted.

Silently, Gray put Natsu's hands in icy cuffs behind his back.

"Now, touch me. Don't talk to me, don't do anything more than touch."

"Can I kiss you?"

Natsu hesitated, thinking about it. "Yes, but just your mouth. Your hands touch nothing except my cock. Sorry, but I need to do this, I need to know I _can_ , and I need it this way."

"Let me know precisely what you need. You set the boundaries."

Natsu sighed in frustration. "We need to work on our boundaries."

"We can do that now."

"No, I need to do this first. I've been wanting it since yesterday. If I get it over with, maybe everything will go back to how it was."

Gray was not sure what he meant, but he figured this was a type of therapy for Natsu. Something bad happened, and now Gray was going to make it better.

He followed Natsu's orders. Gray let him settle between his legs without touching him. Once Natsu was comfortable, he reached around and began to stroke him. Gray said nothing, letting Natsu slip into pleasure silently. At least this way, he could fully listen to Natsu's moans, and that sensual voice turned Gray on hard.

"Gray?" he gasped at one point.

"I'm here. Tell me what you need."

"Faster. Get ready to stop."

He sucked on the side of Natsu's neck, nipping it with his teeth. He said nothing, focused completely on how Natsu's body was reacting, trying to guess when the critical moment would be.

"A-Ah!"

Now!

Gray stopped and pressed behind the balls, right on the prostate. At the same time, he felt Natsu stiffen as he clenched up his pelvic muscles. Gray held him as he felt that fiery body jolting in orgasm, yet he heard no moist splatter. As Gray looked down, he saw Natsu's cock still hard with only clear pre-cum.

"I did it again. Mmm … did it again," Natsu said, weary and proud.

Gray kissed his cheek and still held him. This was what Natsu needed, to know he had control, to find balance in his life after horrible memories upset everything.

"Gray?"

He was hugging him, but Gray's brow was furrowed. Was this really all he could do for Natsu? Was this healthy? He had thought that learning how to dry orgasm would be helpful, but it required practice. If Natsu could not practice on his own…

Why couldn't he? He never touched himself. He always needed his hands to be bound. Why? He understood why Natsu was scared when he was around someone else, fearing he might slip into a flashback and hurt Gray. So why was it also a problem on his own, all alone, when no one was even home?

There was no way Gray could ask him now, not after seeing how delicate Natsu's mental state was, how he panicked, and whatever had scared Happy last night. They would have to talk about it later, when they were both able to sit down and discuss it freely and honestly.

When Natsu turned around to look at him, Gray made sure his face was a smile. No need to worry him. Natsu needed him right now, and he needed _this_. Gray would make sure he was in a good place first, and then they would talk.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh?" he said flippantly. "Am I allowed to talk now?"

Natsu's eyes widened, then he dropped his head bashfully. "Sorry I ordered that."

"Nah, my mouth tends to say all the wrong things." He swiped his thumb over Natsu's lip. "So how about we go back to your place and we see what your mouth can do?"

Natsu glanced up with a mischievous gleam. "Don't you want it here?" He slid down and settled with his head right over Gray's groin. "I thought an exhibitionist like you liked doing it in the open."

"I thought you were self-conscious."

"No one is around." He rubbed over Gray's trousers. "You feel really hard. Did touching me excite you?"

"Obviously," he said, hissing as Natsu heated his hand up so he could feel it better through the thick clothes.

Natsu slid up gracefully and leaned into Gray's ear. In a soft, fiery whisper, he said, "I wanna suck your dick, Gray."

Damn, he was done for!

Gray sat there and watched as Natsu spread apart his pants, pulled the erection out, and savored the taste as he licked it. Was he simply giving back, or did he need this as well? Who cared! As Natsu's mouth went down on him, Gray groaned and melted.

"Can I talk now?"

"Only if you tell me how good I am," Natsu said teasingly, rubbing his cheek along Gray's cock as he smirked at him. "Tell me I'm a god and you're gonna worship me."

"Screw you. You're a bitch."

"Not anymore," Natsu said, and he wrapped his lips around Gray's cockhead.

Gray chuckled and put his hand on Natsu head. "True. Not anymore. My beloved."

Natsu groaned, and Gray felt the vibrations through his cock. He forcefully pressed Natsu's head down, making him take it more.

"There you go, really get that in deep." Gray smirked as he bobbed Natsu's head down onto him and heard his gag slightly as it hit the back of his throat. "Sheesh, you're good at sucking dick. Damn, your mouth is a furnace. Your dirty little mouth is so tight around me. Do you like the taste?"

Natsu moaned again, vibrating on Gray and making him shiver.

"Fuck, you're a good cock sucker. Maybe you're the god of sucking dicks, huh? Want me to _anoint_ the inside of your throat?"

Gray pressed hard on Natsu's head again, thrusting him down deep.

"Shit, yes! So good. Are you enjoying that?"

» _'Are you enjoying that, boy?'_

Natsu suddenly yanked back and gasped hard, only to have pre-cum get sucked down the wrong way and choke. He hit his chest, trying to cough it up. Gray leaned up and helped him by patting his back.

"Whoa! Don't do it 'til you choke."

Natsu stared ahead. Gray had not meant to say the same thing as the hallucination of _that man_. It was something Gray said a lot, and purely bad timing.

"C-can I do something else?" Natsu asked, shivering slightly in mental exhaustion.

Gray had to admit, he was really starting to like that blow job, but if Natsu needed something different… "What did you have in mind?"

The eyes that turned up to him were almost animal-like with desire and made Gray wonder if he really should have asked.

"I wanna take you."

Gray's mouth drop. Shit, so hot! However, reality made him frown. "I'll be honest. I don't think you're ready. Not today."

"I wanna do it," Natsu snarled hungrily.

"Natsu … you keep freaking out on me, and Happy said you were bad last night. Dammit, I want to have you do it, but I don't think you're stable enough to try. Just because you can stop yourself from coming once in a while doesn't mean you'll be okay enough—"

"I know!" he shouted. "I know, it's not a guarantee. Even if I can stop myself from coming each time perfectly, I might _still_ not be able to. I need to try it, though. I _need_ to. How am I going to know if I've improved at all if I don't at least try?"

He said he _needed_ it … but Gray knew what he needed to do.

"No."

"I said I need—"

"And I said _no_!"

Natsu jolted back at the shout, honestly stunned by the refusal.

Gray rubbed his forehead in frustration. "Natsu, I sure hope you're not doing it consciously, but I think at least _subconsciously_ you've figured out that if you say you _need something_ , I do it. You need to be cuddled, I cuddle you. You need me to jack you off, I do it. You need to suck on me, I let you. But not this time. I don't know what's going on, but you're in this constant state of being about to panic; you've already panicked too many times in just a few minutes. I'm not about to let you pound my ass—something we _know_ is triggering—and have you go through a massive flashback. You've injured me doing that before."

Natsu flinched hard with guilt. He remembered that time months ago, allowing himself to slip into the mind of his attacker, only to attack Gray in the same way he had been hurt, strangling him while threatening to rape him.

"I'm sorry, but no," Gray said firmly. He looked down; he had gone completely soft, and now he was too worried to be aroused. "We need to take baby steps with this, Natsu. No more plunging in recklessly. How about we start by you telling me what the hell's going on?" Then, to show he was not going to continue with any sort of play, Gray tucked his cock back away and zipped up his pants.

Slowly, Natsu crawled back up to him and sat next to Gray. He looked down at his bracelet and traced the three stones.

"I tried to touch myself last night."

"In the mirror, right?"

"Y-yeah. That man … I saw his face in the reflection. I heard his voice. I hate that I can still remember his voice," he said in anguish, clenching his hands as his eyes began to sting. "I wish I could forget it, forget him, forget _everything_."

Gray wrapped his arm around Natsu. Immediately, the Dragon Slayer leaned into him.

"If you were feeling bad, why did you need me to touch you today?"

Natsu scowled. "I needed to know I could _stop it_. I couldn't back then. It's almost like, as I learn to stop myself from releasing sperm _now_ , I'm proving I'm strong enough to defeat him. I was too weak back then, but now I'm strong. I have control. He can't do it to me now. _No one_ can do it to me now. They'd never win. I know I could fight it now."

Gray rubbed his arms. "That will never happen again."

" _You don't kn—_ " Natsu's scream cut off, jolting back the emotions and struggling to calm down. After a moment, he continued softly. "You don't know that. It _could_ happen. What they wanted, what he was doing … someone could want to try it again. Even if it's not someone wanting my sperm, someone could do that again to me. _Rape happens!_ Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean it'll never happen to me. It could happen, at any time. But this time … _this time_ , it won't work. Even if I have no magic, even if I'm bound up, I can stop it. Just thinking that … even if it's stupid, just _thinking it_ … it helps to give me confidence."

Natsu broke into tears and turned away. He was shaking, but Gray was not sure if he should touch him when Natsu was like this. It might be best to let him have some space, some privacy, to get over the fears.

"Maybe it doesn't make sense," Natsu said in a trembling whisper, "but … simply knowing … if the worst ever does happen … I wouldn't be able to get someone pregnant. Knowing that … it helps. This is helping me."

Gray dropped his head. "I guess that's good." Still, knowing Natsu feared something like that even to this day made Gray want to protect him even more. No one should have to fear rape and molestation every day of their life. "So, why did you _need_ to suck on me?"

Natsu hesitated, and his forehead furrowed. "I just needed to," he muttered.

There was obviously more to that, but Gray did not want to press him. "Why did you freak out?"

"You said something. It was practically the exact same thing that his reflection in the mirror said."

So many times, what freaked Natsu out were just words. Now, it was words not even spoken by the horrible man himself, but by some hallucination of him.

Natsu wiped his face clean of tears and looked at Gray straight on. "I've never been able to touch myself all the way. I can touch a little, even get a bit aroused. I like to hover like that, semi-hard but not fulfilled. However, as soon as my mind starts to think that I should actually _jerk off_ , I can't. I've never been able to touch myself like that, not even once."

"Is it because of that man? Did he make you do that?"

"N-no. He never told me to touch myself. He'd do it himself."

Hearing that made Gray's stomach sick.

"I've just … never been able to," he muttered. "I had never touched myself before him, never even knew what semen was before that, and after … a-after that time … I never wanted to ejaculate again. Ever! All through puberty, I hated it. I'd wake up with my sheets a mess, and I'd totally freak out. It took a long time to convince myself wet dreams were safe, because it was _wasting_ the semen. It was unusable, so it was okay. Still, I'd have _horrible_ dreams each time. They weren't erotic fantasies of sex like people say. They were nightmares of people tying me up and forcing the cum out of me, or they'd chain me to a chair and force me to have sex with them. I wasn't even sure if I liked those dreams or not, because they were the only erotic dreams I'd have, yet they were forceful. Forcing it … was the only way I knew.

"Until I met you," he added, looking up with an endearing smile. "You taught me that it can be something I actually _want_ and not something I could only give in to if I was forced. Now with you, I really _want_ to have sex. Yet I still don't want to come at times. With this new technique, I can enjoy the pleasure without the semen, so it's really like I've discovered a way to reject what that man wanted out of me, but admit that it had felt good. So I thought, maybe it'd be okay now to touch myself, after all this time. But it wasn't," he said, frowning and dropping his head. "It's no good at all, and it's not because of him. It's because of me."

"What do you mean?"

"Because I…" Natsu stopped, and he froze, staring ahead at some memory.

"Natsu?" Gray asked, but he did not move. He did not even seem to be breathing. "Natsu," he said a little louder, but still nothing.

He was about to grab Natsu's arm and shake him out of this, when Natsu suddenly jolted and inhaled deeply. He shook his head, thrusting aside whatever memories had made him slip away for a moment.

"I just can't do it," he said, and Gray realized he was not going to give a reason. "I can't touch myself. I've never been able to."

Another secret! Still, Natsu was too unstable to push for more information. Gray thought about it. What could he do to help? Baby steps, he had said a moment ago. This as well needed baby steps.

"Is that something you want to work up to?" he offered cautiously, not sure if it was a good idea, but at least he could allow Natsu to set it as a limit if he needed.

Natsu flinched aside with guilt. "I don't know if I can."

He squeezed Natsu' hand in comfort. "Would you want to try?" Gray needed to know if it was a limit. If so, he would have to watch himself. If not, he could help Natsu in small ways.

Natsu frowned as he thought over it. "Maybe," he muttered. "At least so I can train myself for dry orgasms. I really wanna learn that, but I can't keep asking you."

"You could," Gray said with a smirk. "Just not when I'm half-asleep and in a bad mood."

Natsu laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry about that. I just missed you, and I was too eager."

Gray hugged him close, happy to hear that. "Well, hopefully we'll have a few days together, no missions, just the two of us," he said, nuzzling Natsu's hair, but then he quickly added, "And Happy, of course." He did not want Happy to feel like he was being left out. The poor cat was really worried earlier, so he also needed something to cheer him up. "Maybe we can all go out for dinner tonight and then go watch a play."

"How about a concert? There's some band in Magnolia tonight, Lucy said she wanted to go listen, so maybe we can all go."

"Sure, sounds like fun." He did not want to add aloud that, if Lucy was there for Happy, then he and Natsu could sneak off during the concert and make out in a hallways somewhere.

Natsu crawled forward with a seductive smile. "Would you like me to finish the blow job first?"

 _Oh fuck yes!_ But Gray hesitated. "Are you sure you should?"

Natsu hummed sensually as his eyes glanced up and down Gray's half naked body. When finally they made their way back up to Gray's face, they burned with the inner flames of desire. He practically growled, "I'm getting hungry again.

 _Shit_ , he looked wild and hot! "You don't have to. I'm all soft now."

Natsu climbed up into his lap and straddled him. His eyes practically glowed in the tree-filtered light. "I can fix that real quickly." His hips swiveled over Gray's groin while his nails clawed down his chest deeply, leaving pink scratches to swell up. There was no way Gray would be able to take his shirt off in public without showing those scratches to everyone.

Gray grunted and wrapped his arms around those strong shoulders. "I bet you could!"

They began to make out by the river. Gray was glad they had talked. They had not really worked out what to do, and Natsu was still hiding his past. Still, at least Gray now had a mission.

He needed to figure out a way to get Natsu over his hangup about masturbating. As Natsu sank down and took Gray's cock into his mouth, Gray thought about how nice it would be to have Natsu suck on him while watching his wild Dragon Slayer stroking himself off with need. Hell yes! Definitely, he needed to work out how to help with this newest issue so he could watch as Natsu touched himself.

**End of Chapter 62**


	63. Pushing Limits

They kept to their promise to take things slowly. Still, Gray felt troubled by Natsu's behavior lately. He simply was not acting right, but Gray could not get out of him what was going on. All he could do was make sure Natsu still went to his therapist. Hopefully, he could talk through it with a professional and work something out.

Gray was forced to realize, even after a year together, even with the promise bracelets and the oaths he said when he collared Natsu, there was so much about the Dragon Slayer that Gray did not know. He still did not fully know many of the details about Natsu's past, like his real parents, how he came to be with Igneel, and other things about himself. He rarely talked about it, and Gray understood that. After all, Gray hated to talk about his past since there was too much pain in his childhood.

All these years, they just bickered and insulted each other. Now they mostly just fucked. They leaped into this relationship without any lead-up. They fucked first, then tried dating later. Their order was all messed up, but … somehow it worked for them. Worked _badly_ at first, they had to break up for half a year, but it still worked out in the end. They loved each other, even if the words were trapped behind a wall of phobias. They worked things out together as well as in their personal life, away from one another. Now things were getting better, they were closer, more attentive, less fucking and more simply enjoying their time together.

Still, he sometimes felt like he barely knew Natsu.

Gray figured, he needed to learn more about him. How shameful would it be if someone asked him what was Natsu's favorite color or favorite book. Hell, when was the last time he even _read a book_?

There was also that dark past. He felt somehow _excluded_. Whenever they needed to talk seriously, whenever they worked on their limits for BDSM, they always glanced off that issue. Natsu would say "I don't want to talk about it," and Gray let him be, too worried to pursue the problem and trigger something.

They at least sat down and really talked. They spent an afternoon going over their checklist, with new things added, some things banned, making adjustments as they had grown or realized their limits. Natsu began to list everything that might trigger him. He focused on words or whole phrases, since that was what affected him the most these days: Gray would say just the wrong thing, and Natsu would recall something in the past. His list of trigger phrases ended up being many sheets of paper with what Gray could only guess was practically the entire transcript of what that man in the past had said to Natsu.

And it was _terrifying_!

Gray set about studying those sheets, reading through the phrases. Each time, he would get only a few lines in before feeling like he needed to vomit. These were things some perverted man told Natsu as he molested him and tortured him when he was only a child. No wonder Natsu had so many issues.

Yet there was one thing not on that list. Never had the man ordered Natsu to touch himself.

So why was that a problem? How could Gray help him through it? What could he possibly do?

One day, he was with Natsu at his house in the woods. Pantherlily had decided to set up a training weekend for the Exceeds. At first, Happy had groaned at the idea until Carla said she looked forward to it, and when she suggested they could all go swimming in the ocean afterward, Happy became suddenly eager to go. So Natsu and Gray had the house to themselves for two days.

Their first day together had been a mix of sensual and domestic. Gray thought it was sweet that Natsu pretty much wanted to play _wife_. Of course, he tried to punch Gray when he put it that way.

"So then, do you want to play at being my husband?"

The look of shock, embarrassment, and joy that played over Natsu's face was too much. The idea filled both of them with pride. Playing at being _husbands_! When Natsu began to cook dinner wearing nothing but an apron, Gray could not control himself. With a pot of soup bubbling to the side and olive oil dripping everywhere as a lube, he fucked Natsu right against the kitchen sink.

After that, they managed to settle down. Natsu stopped teasing his ass at Gray at every opportunity—only a few times, not all the time—and Gray stopped popping boners every few minutes. They ate dinner and cleaned up, they sat outside to watch the stars in the forest and talked about old battles like a couple of geezers, they made out in the open—just kissing and rubbing their bodies up against each other—and they went back inside to cuddle in bed and fall asleep together.

Life could be like this all the time.

Morning came with sunlight slanting through the window. Gray woke first, feeling relaxed and happy with life. When he glanced over at Natsu still sleeping, he noticed the blankets.

Natsu had one hell of an erection that morning.

Gray almost touched it, but he realized that groping Natsu without asking permission was probably a really bad idea. He kissed Natsu's cheek instead, and the Dragon Slayer stirred. Gray kissed him again, and Natsu grumbled in annoyance.

"Come on, wake up." He kissed him some more.

Natsu stretched, but he must have felt the strain right away, because his hands reached down to cover it before his eyes were fully open.

"Can I help with that?" asked Gray.

"Damn, yes," Natsu moaned, still not fully awake.

Gray pulled back the covers and saw just how erect Natsu was, fully stiffened and hot to the touch.

"Oh dang, you're hard."

Natsu lifted his hips and Gray yanked the pajama pants down. It did not take them long to get naked, and as Gray rubbed the swollen cock, he realized he was getting intensely aroused just seeing it. Maybe it was because it was morning and he was slightly aroused anyway, maybe because the idea of sex first thing in the morning was something he simply liked, but he wanted to take Natsu just as he was, bed-head hair, eyes barely able to open, pillow lines on his face: he wanted to fuck him awake.

"I'm gonna make this quick, okay?"

Natsu still looked reluctant to wake up, but he nodded and hummed.

"Don't even bother holding back this time."

"Mmmm, too early. Just do it."

Gray grabbed the lube and began to finger Natsu, encouraging him to loosen up. Gray loved to take Natsu in his own bed. Although it was small and not exactly firm, just knowing that Natsu would smell the musk of sex in his pillows and mattress for days to come was a turn on. He liked to let Natsu drip onto his sheets, pre-cum and lube moistening the covers, purely so he would be able to smell himself later on.

"You're really wet today," he said, licking over Natsu's balls and watching the cock drip with excitement.

" _Nngh!_ I need it," Natsu said, panting hard. "I don't normally get it first thing in the morning."

"Mmm, I should stay over more often." Gray pulled his fingers out, scooted around Natsu to sit with his back against the headboard, and hoisted him to be sitting on top of his lap. "Spread your ass," he ordered. "I'm going in."

Lube shimmered as Natsu pulled his butt cheeks apart. Gray eased Natsu down to sit right on top of his dick. Natsu quivered as it slowly slid inside and filled him.

"There. All in. Now…" Gray reached around and began to stroke Natsu. "It's like touching myself this way. My cock is in there, but look … another cock has sprouted just a little further ahead. It's like my cock's growing out of you."

"Oh damn, Gray," Natsu moaned.

"Touch my cock."

"Uh … huh?"

Gray took Natsu's hand, set it right on top of his, and froze the two together. When he moved his fingers, Natsu's moved with them.

"See, they're together. Snug like a glove." Then Gray reached to Natsu's cock again. As he wrapped his fingers around it, Natsu's own hand was forced to move.

Natsu gasped and tried to pull his hand away, but the bonding of the ice was strong.

"It's my hand, Natsu. Do you feel my fingers on your dick? It's cold, right?" Just to be sure, he frosted his hand over, and Natsu howled at the painful chill touching his hot erection. "My hand is touching you. You're not touching yourself."

He said that, but to Natsu it was his own hand making the jerking movements.

"You're touching my hand. My hand just happens to be touching your dick. That's all."

"R-right." Natsu focused on his words and the sensation of Gray's hand rubbing him so good, a bit cold but so firm in his grasp. It felt amazing, the fullness of Gray's cock in him, those fingers sliding up and down. He wanted to focus on that, enjoy it fully, but something was wrong. He flinched and shook his head. "Restrain me. Both hands. Quick!"

Gray languidly kissed Natsu's neck while flexing his hips to thrust in at a sleepy pace. "If I restrain both hands, how am I going to touch you? Your hand is on my hand, after all. It's restrained already."

"No, Gray … I'm serious."

Gray licked up his neck, getting into the moment. "You're just following my hand—"

" _No!_ " he snapped angrily. His eyes fiercely glared back at Gray. Natsu looked truly enraged, but when he spoke again, his voice trembled softly. "I've told you before, Gray. I can't touch myself."

"I know," he said, trying to sound soothing. "That's why I'm going to help you. Your hand isn't touching—"

"It's the same feeling, so just _don't_."

"Okay, okay!"

He unfrosted their hands, and Natsu yanked away, right off from Gray's cock. He scooted across the mattress to get away and cradled his hand to his chest as if it had been hurt. Gray felt a stab of guilt. The day had barely even begun, and already they were facing this. He just wanted some sleepy morning sex and to assist in easing away his fears. Instead, he made Natsu curl up like a hurt pet.

"Sorry. I just wanted to help. You still haven't told me why this is such an issue, so I'm not sure _how_ to help you."

Natsu looked aside and grumbled, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, come on!"

Maybe because it was morning and he was not awake enough to watch himself, but Gray let that burst of frustration explode out, instantly regretting it.

_Dammit, don't yell at him! What the hell are you doing? He's scared of something. Don't yell!_

Still, he had to be honest with himself, and honest with Natsu. If it was bothering him this much, Natsu needed to know that it was a problem for him, so they could work on it together.

"We've been dating for over a year, and there are layers to you that I just don't know about. I want to know more about you, _everything_ about you."

Natsu flinched hard and pulled back to the foot of the bed. "I'm feeling too damn good. Don't ruin this for me, please. Don't … don't make me," he pleaded with anguish in his face.

Those scared eyes ached Gray's heart. "I'm sorry. I just…" What was it about masturbating that could trigger something this drastic? He felt like he could not ask, and he knew he would not get an answer anyway. "You said maybe we could work up to it, and I thought this would be best, me touching you, but your hand following along. Do you not want to try it at all?"

Natsu bit his lip and looked aside with a scowl. "I don't know."

"I mean, we don't have to," he assured.

Gray really wanted to help him defeat this block, just as they had made progress in so many other things. It was only masturbation, so he figured it should be a simple victory.

"Natsu, you _need_ to tell me what…" No, not what's wrong. Natsu did not want to talk about that, and Gray had to accept this. "What can I _do_?" he asked instead. "If you want to work on this, I'll help you work on it, but if this needs to be a hard limit, you've got to tell me. You've gotta be honest."

"I don't know," Natsu said in frustration, clenching his fists and pulling away more. "I wanna work on it, I really do. I want to get over it." He peeked over to Gray with a worried look, like a dog afraid it was about to get in trouble. "Don't give up on me," he pleaded with a shivering voice.

Gray reached out to him and rubbed his arm, smiling with reassurance. "I'm not going to, but I'd like to know how to help."

"I don't _know_ ," Natsu snapped, shrinking down in frustration and glaring at his clenched hands.

Gray reached up and smoothed out the furrow in his brow. He petted Natsu's hair, stroking down some of the parts that stuck out at weird angles. As soon as he saw the tenseness in the shoulders loosening, Gray eased himself in a little closer, ready to back off if Natsu was not comfortable with the proximity. Thankfully, Natsu swayed his body into Gray's direction, and he met him side by side. Gray wrapped his arm around Natsu's shoulders, and Natsu leaned into Gray's chest, still with a deep scowl, yet he realized he needed the comfort.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Gray said, trying to be consoling. "It's normal for guys to touch themselves."

Natsu scoffed wryly. "I'm anything but _normal_ , Gray."

"You're phenomenal," he praised.

Gray caressed Natsu's body, hoping to ease his mind and calm his emotions. Gray still wanted him— _God_ , he wanted to fuck him!—but he wanted Natsu to be calm first so he could enjoy it. So he caressed Natsu with both hands while still half-hugging him and being someone to lean on.

"Seeing you so aroused by me," he whispered, breathing cold air onto Natsu's ear, "wanting it so badly, reduced to touching yourself, knowing I'm the one making you this wild … it really turns me on. Makes my mouth drool."

Natsu suddenly flinched hard, as if in mental pain. "Gray, don't," he said in a panicked warning.

Gray pulled back. Shit, what did he say _this time_? None of those phrases were on the trigger list. He really wanted to help somehow. At least the comforting part seemed to work. He had to soothe his dragon before he could mount him.

He leaned in close to Natsu's ear and breathed frostily, "I want to take care of my beloved dragon."

Natsu immediately loosened up and hummed.

Gray rubbed cautiously. "I want to spoil you, make you happy. I want to make you blush, make you go wild, watch your body lose control under my ice." He chilled his hands down, hoping to keep Natsu in the moment with frosty touches.

Natsu gasped at the cold touches slicing through the darkness. He hummed and leaned into the cuddling hug.

"Knowing I can do this to you: it's _empowering_." He nipped the side of Natsu's neck, where Gray knew he was sensitive. "Do you like when I make you hard for me?"

Natsu squirmed under Gray's erotic caresses. "Y-yes. I like it."

Gray began to kiss him, but paused before he got too far. "Are you okay for more, or do we need to stop?"

"No. Don't stop. Damn, don't stop," he moaned. "But restrain me. I want your ice to bind me."

"Mmm … I love doing that to you. Lie down. Put your arms up."

Natsu eagerly took a familiar position, with his hands up by the headboard. Gray trapped his wrists in crystalline handcuffs, and Natsu looked deeply relieved as he pulled and heard the ice clink together.

Gray grabbed his cheeks and turned his face up. "Look at me."

The eyes that met him were drowning in passion and sinking away from the worries of the world. Gray dragged his hand down Natsu's body, over his neck, chest, stomach, hips, and down to his groin, where he stroked up.

"Is that good?"

Natsu's mouth dropped open, and he nodded rapidly, already breathing hard.

"Do you ever get aroused in this bed when you think about me?"

Natsu laughed awkwardly. "All the time. Every morning."

"Every morning, huh?" Gray nibbled along Natsu's neck and got him to moan. "So it wasn't just today? Do I give you a woody every morning? Were you dreaming about me doing naughty things to you?" His cold hand caressed over Natsu's balls.

"Gaah! Y-yes! I … I did."

"What did you dream about?" Gray asked, sliding a finger back inside Natsu's ass.

" _Nnngh!_ I … I dream … _nnngh_ … lots of stuff."

He lazily slid the finger in and out. "Do you dream about taking my ass?"

Natsu bit his lower lip and nodded frantically.

"Was that what you were dreaming about last night?" he asked, added a second finger.

Natsu tensed up for a moment before forcefully loosening up. " _Nnngh_ … y-yes."

"Yeah?" He thrust his fingers in deep and twisted them, feeling just how loose and ready Natsu was. "Were you in my ass?"

"Yesssssss."

"Facing front, or from behind?"

"Um … from behind."

Gray pulled his fingers out, grabbed Natsu's body, and spun him to be chest-down on the mattress, twisting the ice handcuffs a bit.

"Like this?" He grabbed Natsu's hips and thrust in from behind, sliding right back to where he had been a few minutes ago. Natsu groaned loudly, but he pushed back into it, getting Gray to go even deeper. "Did I feel tight around you?"

"God, yes!" Natsu's back arched up as Gray began to grind into him.

"Where?"

"K-kitchen. Ugh … _ahhh_ … the table."

"Were you fucking me against the table?" He slammed in.

" _Oh God!_ Yes. You were … _nngh_ … s-standing but you were leaned over it."

Gray rammed in as he imagined it. "Fuck, that's kinky." He could picture it, him naked in the kitchen, Natsu slamming him down to the table, thrusting that monstrous cock into him right there where they ate their food every day. Shit, he could see in his mind precisely how that would be! "You really wanna do that, huh? Have you ever woken up humping into your mattress, imagining I'm under you?"

"I … _nnngh_ … I don't … _ahhh_ … don't know. Maybe I've done it."

"I have … _nngh_. Woke up humping the fuck out of one of my pillows, imagining it was you." He gave a few rapid full slams of his hips to show what he meant, and Natsu cried out. "Get your hips up," Gray ordered, and Natsu pulled himself up onto his knees. Gray reached around and began to stroke him. He was so wet, dripping so much already. "I wonder if maybe you've actually jerked off in your sleep to those dreams."

Natsu went from enjoying it to flinching again and looking guilty.

Although he was behind Natsu, Gray felt his body flinch. "Sorry," he whispered. That was too much, and he regretted saying it. "I'd just really like to see you touch … here."

He gave a firm thrust down, instantly met by a hip jerk backward as Natsu moaned at the touch.

"Guess it was a good thing I slept over, huh? It would have been a waste to have a dream that hot and not tell me about it, let me peek into that perverted head of yours, and fuck you as you fantasize. Plus it feels better to deal with morning wood, right? It's like that burst of pleasure makes the morning a hundred times better. I wanna help you get to that point."

Natsu's eyes widened in terror. "Gray."

"Just release one hand…" He reached up to adjust the ice handcuffs.

" _No!_ " Natsu shouted, although the word was choked back after he screamed it. "Red! Stop it right now."

Gray jolted back, stunned out of his playfulness by the safeword. He saw Natsu with his eyes slammed shut, the hands he had restrained were clenched, and his whole body shook. His breathing came in staccato gasps, and his parted lips trembled.

"Oh shit!" He had triggered something bad. He immediately pulled out. "Natsu? We don't have to do anything, okay? We won't do it." Still, he was shaking. "I'm not touching you. Calm down."

The Dragon Slayer glared up at him, and Gray was shocked to see so much anger in his scathing snarl. If he was not handcuffed to the bed, Gray had a feeling that Natsu might have actually leaped at him and attacked.

"Goddamn you, Gray. You couldn't just let me have some fun. You had to go dig up the worst of it."

_Oooh shit!_

"I don't want to edge into that darkness right now."

"Then we won't."

"I can't…" He choked up. "I don't trust myself."

"I trust you," Gray said confidently.

Natsu's eyes narrowed and went cold. "You don't know what I'm capable of doing."

Gray scoffed lightly at that. "I see you fight all the time. I know your strengths, your weaknesses, your fighting style, just how stupidly destructive you are. I know what you can do."

Natsu laughed, yet his hard gaze and low chuckle were anything but merry. "No, you don't," he whispered ominously. He wanted to push that darkness away, to enjoy this moment. However, the shadow in the back of his mind had dulled all the brilliant light of Gray's love. He gave a growling sigh. "Dammit. Release me."

Gray was dumbstruck. "What?"

"Let me go," he shouted. "It's ruined."

"What is?"

"The mood!" He turned his head aside to harness in that anger. He did not want to take this out on Gray. "I'm just not in the mood anymore."

"Natsu, what…?"

" _Let me go. Now!_ "

"All right, all right. Calm down. I'm sorry."

Gray knew not to try asking anything just yet. He melted the ice binding Natsu's wrists. Before he could soothe him, the Dragon Slayer yanked away, rolled to the edge of the bed to sit up, and pulled his scarf back on. He held the white muffler tightly, and his eyes blazed with rage.

Gray sat on the bed and saw the hunch to Natsu's shoulders. He felt such intense guilt for pushing him to this point. This was supposed to be an easy hurdle to help Natsu through his past. What the hell was going on? Why did he react so horribly? It was just masturbation! This should have been _easy_.

They were both silent, Gray watching the Dragon Slayer with caution now, and Natsu glaring at the floor.

Finally, Gray asked, "Seriously, what's going on? Why are you _mad_?" He had gotten used to Natsu freaking out in terror, but rarely did he see this furious side to him.

Natsu's scowl was still bitter as he looked over at Gray and glared hard. "You think you know me, huh?"

Gray remembered what he had thought earlier, how he hardly knew Natsu at all.

"You don't know that side of me, Gray."

Side of him? "I told you, I want to get to know everything about you."

"Everything?" He asked it as if warning that Gray was about to open a box full of snakes. "Do you think I'm capable of killing a person?"

A chill ran down his arms. Kill? He knew the story Natsu told him, that he had murdered the man who held him captive years ago, and apparently he had killed _many_ people during that time.

Trying to be delicate about the issue, Gray muttered, "I've seen you almost do it so many times in fights—"

Natsu shouted over his meek words, "Do you think I'm capable of … of…" He choked as the dark memory swelled out from the back of his mind, blinding and gagging him. His throat strained to relax, and he whispered hoarsely, "…of outright _butchering_ people?"

Gray's mouth opened, but really, what could he say? He could imagine Natsu being reckless and accidentally setting innocent bystanders on fire, but murder? Butchering? And _people_ , more than one! He looked at those squinty eyes, and he just couldn't imagine it. Natsu was too playful, too immature, too idiotic to be a murderer. Even at his worst, even faced with losing friends, Natsu rarely fought to kill. Even then, he only burned; he never _butchered_.

"I can see in your eyes, you're thinking _that's crazy_ ," Natsu answered for him. "But that's what I did … and worse." He snuffled and looked down at the floor in shame. "It scares me, Gray. Knowing what I'm capable of doing—what I've done in the past— _scares_ me." He hugged himself and pulled further away. "And … and I just can't trust myself. That's why I need to be restrained."

"We can work through it."

"No. Not at this time. Even…" His voice drifted off, and Natsu felt burning in his eyes as tears gathered. "Dammit." He kept his face away and wiped his eyes quickly, hoping none fell down his cheek. "Even on our best times together, for a split second, I really have to fight the instinct to attack you. I feel myself pulling at the restraints. I want you _so badly_ ," he said in anguish, hoping to emphasize that this wasn't an issue of him _not_ wanting sex. "Still, for how much I love it, how much I'm desperate for it, still … I have to fight that instinct."

Gray looked at him levelly. "What instinct?"

Natsu still could not meet his eyes. He raised his head, wanting to hold back his tears, but still he snuffled moistly. "To _kill_ whoever is touching me like that." He gulped thickly, choking on those tears he refused to let fall. "To squeeze their neck and kill them."

As his lip trembled, Natsu knew he was going to be defeated by his emotions once more. He closed his eyes, and the moist heat flowed out. He tasted the saltiness of a tear that streamed down his face and across his lip.

"Dammit, Gray, I love you, but every time we make love—" He finally looked back and faced Gray steadily. Gray saw the fear and anguish in that tear-stained face as Natsu said in mild shock, "—I want to kill you."

Gray's mouth dropped. Wait, kill? Him? Natsu wanted to … _what?_ It made no sense. All these months, all those times they had made love … an instinct? To kill him?

"E- … every time?" he whispered.

Natsu nodded sadly. "Every single time. Sometimes it's just a brief flash and I can ignore it, but sometimes … I feel my hands clenching, wanting to choke your throat. Can you even comprehend how terrifying that is to me, knowing a part of me wants to kill the man I love?"

Probably about as terrifying as suddenly learning that his boyfriend had thought about strangling him.

The tears completely overwhelmed Natsu. His head dropped as those salty streams dripped to the floor. Gray rubbed his hand up Natsu's back, trying to instill reassurance while he processed what he had just been told. Natsu flopped over and rested his head against Gray's shoulder, still keeping his face down, but now he let himself snuffle, his body shaking. He felt the tears cascading to his chin and the tip of his nose, then drip down to his bedroom floor.

"I can't hurt you like that," he whispered between jolting sobs. "If I flip out and hurt you that badly … if … if I _kill_ you … I'd want to kill myself."

Gray wrapped his arms around the bare shoulders and yanked the Dragon Slayer in. "Natsu, don't ever say that."

"I would," Natsu insisted sadly. "I can't kill you, Gray. I can punch you, bash your face in," he chuckled through tears, "set you on fire, send you flying across the room, but…" His shoulders shuddered as he took in an unsteady breath, "…there is _no way_ I can kill you." His face darkened with memories. "But we've come that close before, haven't we?"

Gray flinched. It was true; some of their fights in the past had been brutal. One in particular, when the demon met the Devil Slayer … for a few minutes, Gray honestly had thought about killing Natsu. That entire war was a dark memory now.

"That side of me, the dark and horrible side that wants to kill, scares the hell out of me. That's why I need to be restrained. I don't trust myself. I still feel that way, after all these years. Even though it's you, and I love you, and I want to be with you more than anything, still … somewhere in the back of my head, I want to attack you. I still _pull_ at the restraints. That's why I know I still need them."

Gray wanted to comfort him, but … how? What could he do besides hold him like this?

"Y'know, I have a bit of a contest with myself," Natsu admitted. "I'm not sure when I started to do this. I decided that the one time I don't pull at the restraints like that—if I ever don't feel like I want to attack and kill you—if I can do that just _once_ ," he shouted, "I'll try doing it without any restraints next time."

Finally, he looked up and gazed into those worried eyes.

"It hasn't happened yet," Natsu said with a face anguished and begging for forgiveness. "I haven't stopped feeling that way. I still pull on the restraints. Even those times we don't use them, I still … I still _feel_ that way. Even if it's just for a split second, every time—every single _goddamn time_ —a part of me wants to kill you. I can fight it, but it's still there. I don't trust myself, and I don't want to push those limits, because this is _you_ , and I don't want to hurt you. So, please." He wanted to say more, but he gave up with a sigh and looked away. "Just don't try to force me." The misery shuddered in his voice. "If I can make it through sex without being tied up, that's great, but if I say I need to be restrained, that means I've thought about it, and I'm scared, so … for my sake, restrain me. When I'm ready, believe me, I'll let you know."

Gray could do nothing more than accept that limit. He loved seeing Natsu restrained, but now he worried about _why_ he needed that. Did it really haunt Natsu every single time?

They sat together silently for a solid minute, but Natsu refused to raise his head. Tears still dripped from his face. Gray was lost thinking through so many moments in the past, moments when Natsu had shown fear during sex, followed by requesting to be immobilized. Had each of those times truly been a surging instinct to _kill him_? It was disturbing to thinking about it, so he could only imagine how horrifying it was for Natsu to feel that. Here he felt guilty just because he couldn't say _I love you_ , while Natsu was drowning in guilt from dark instincts to _kill him_.

"We'll stop."

Natsu looked over sharply. "Stop?"

"Sex. That's the issue, right? You only get these problems during sex. So, we'll stop."

"Wha-…? No!" Natsu's voice almost cracked as he shouted.

"I don't need sex, Natsu. I need _you_. If it's mentally torturing you—"

"I still want it, Gray. Really, I do."

"But—"

"If I give up now, I admit defeat," he shouted. "There is no way I'm letting that bastard win. We're fighting this together, so please … please, don't give up on me."

Fighting together, huh? He supposed Natsu could not fight this battle alone with his _other_ issue. Thinking of that, why couldn't Natsu masturbate? What had happened that made him so terrified? While they were talking like this, Gray figured he should bring that up again. If they were already in such a sullen mood, they might as well deal with every shitty thing all at once.

"What does any of this have to do with you touching yourself? You always tend to avoid talking about it, or you change the subject." Like he just did again, Gray realized, but he did not want to accuse Natsu. This was a delicate issue, after all. "I get that it has something to do with your past, but … _what_? You said it's not something that man made you do, but it seems to be related to that time, and you've never been able to do it. Can you tell me why, what happens to you, what's going through your mind that makes you freak out so badly?"

Natsu was quiet for a long time, staring ahead with a face so contorted, Gray could not tell if it was anger, disgust, or terror in his eyes. Maybe all three. When he finally spoke, it was soft, hesitant, and broken.

"Why … I can't … get myself off?"

"Yeah. Just explain it to me. Maybe if you talk about it, I can help you better, help you in a way that doesn't make you freak out like this. At the very least, I can avoid doing things."

Natsu turned his face aside, and Gray felt him trying to pull away. He refused to release Natsu's shoulders, but the Dragon Slayer had pretty much just turned from him. Gray desperately wanted to help him get over this, but first he needed to know what he was up against. If he remained in the dark, he might mess up again in the future.

So what Natsu told him felt like a punch in the gut.

"I don't think I can tell you that yet."

It took all of Gray's self-control to hold back from shouting _Trust me!_ Having this sort of barrier between them stabbed at Gray's heart. He wanted to help Natsu so badly, but he could do nothing if he refused to turn to him.

"Why?" he whispered, although deep inside he wanted to scream that question.

Still, it took Natsu a long time to reply, and his voice was unsteady. "That's … it has to do with…" His shoulders spasmed in a shudder.

"With what that man did to you—"

"No!" Natsu gulped hard as he steadied his breathing. Still, when he spoke, it sounded like he was barely holding back from vomiting. "With what happened afterward."

That was unexpected. "Afterward?"

"Yeah. _After_ I killed him. After … I went insane."

Gray stared mutely. He knew about the torture, and about Natsu killing that man. Natsu had hinted that he had killed more people than just that pervert, and Gray understood how that could be dark. Still, how did all of that tie into this issue?

' _You had to go dig up the worst of it.'_

"After … you killed him … did you…"

" _Don't!_ " he shrieked. Natsu's face fell into his hands, and through sobs he whispered, "Just … don't. Don't make me talk about it. Not right now. I'm not ready. I'm … I'm not ready … t-to think about it." He hiccuped a sob. "I don't want to remember. Please, don't make me."

"All right." He began to reach forward. "I'm sor-…"

As soon as his cold fingers brushed against Natsu's skin, the Dragon Slayer yanked away. "Don't! Don't you fucking touc-…" Natsu froze when he looked over and saw it was still Gray next to him. "Sorry. Just … just don't. Not right now."

Gray pulled his hand back cautiously. "Sorry," he muttered.

"No. No, it's not you. It's … Dammit," he whispered in frustration. "I'm sorry, Gray, but can you leave?"

"W-what?"

"Leave!" he snapped, but Natsu's voice instantly dropped back into a fragile whisper. "Sorry, but I don't want you to be around me when I'm like this."

"Natsu, I'm going to be by you no matter what," he insisted loyally.

Although Gray's determination made Natsu smile faintly, he still could not face the ice wizard. "I … don't _want_ you around when I'm like this. I don't want _anyone_ to see me this way. Not you, and not even Happy. I don't trust myself right now, and it's scaring me. I can't work through this with you here. So please, Gray. I … I need to be alone."

Gray looked aside. He had triggered something truly bad. His duty as a dominant was to make sure the psychological side of what they did as a couple did not traumatize Natsu. But what happened if the scars were already there, already traumatizing, and his presence only made things worse? What was he supposed to do then? Get up and leave?

Sadly, Gray could not think of anything better to do. Makarov's words again came back to him: _'Realize that, at any time, either one of you might simply need to just step back.'_ They had needed separation before. Plus he knew Natsu would hate himself for hurting a friend. If he was having flashbacks and violent outbursts, then having Gray nearby would obviously terrify him.

He rose off the bed, got dressed, and walked to the door. He looked back and eyed the hunched, shivering, naked body, so vulnerable sitting alone in that room.

"Natsu?"

"Go, Gray."

Still, he hesitated, wishing he could think of something that would make it all better. He had pushed Natsu's limits, pressed too far into what he already knew was a tender zone, and ended up hurting his lover far deeper than he ever imagined.

"Sorry," he whispered, and he turned.

"Gray."

He bolted right back around with some hope.

Natsu managed to look up at him, tears in his eyes, but a tiny smile. "I'm not angry at you. I just need to work through this on my own."

That restored his confidence a little. "I understand," he said with a relieved smile. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to be alone."

"All right. I'll…" He almost offered to return for dinner, but he figured Natsu would call him back whenever he was ready. At that moment, he just had to give Natsu some space. "All right," he whispered, and he left the little cottage in the woods.

Gray stepped out into the sunlight filtering in through the trees. It was still early morning. He had hoped to spend the whole day with Natsu, but now … he almost felt like brooding at home, hating himself for hurting Natsu so deeply, but he also recalled what his therapist said. _'If he has a flashback, it's not that you failed him. You are not responsible for healing Natsu. You are not at fault for every trigger that affects him.'_

It was so hard to accept that, though.

As Gray walked down the path heading to town, he heard something inside the house smash and Natsu bellowing.

"I hate this! I hate that bastard! I wish I could kill him again. Why the hell am I so messed up? Goddammit, I hate this!"

Gray took two steps back to the house, but then he heard wailing sobs. This was what Natsu did not want anyone to see. He was Natsu Dragneel, after all. He was Salamander and the son of Igneel, the flame dragon king! He had the pride of being the Fire Dragon Slayer. Natsu did not want anyone to know just how weak he was deep inside.

"I'll still be here for you," Gray whispered in an oath. Then he turned as he heard a wooden chair shattering, and he left the forest so Natsu could rage in private.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I realized it might not be clear, especially for people who don't read the manga (in which case, this is a SPOILER so you should stop reading this note now) but when Natsu says he and Gray have come close to killing one another before, he's talking about a fight the two have in the Alvarez Arc, Chapter 506 if anyone wants to relive that epic brawl. In that scene, for a few minutes Natsu was flat out insane—ahem…E.N.D.…ahem—and Gray probably honestly did want to kill him before Erza talked sense into them both._
> 
> _Audio drama:<https://chirb.it/xG0AIA>_


	64. A Demon to be Slayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gray gets advice from Freed, but is it really what Natsu needs? Meanwhile, Natsu is trying to find his own way of dealing with the past: by erasing his memory.

Gray sat at Fairy Tail's bar, staring blankly ahead, not even aware of his drink slowly melting away. Mira wiped glasses dry and watched him with a frown of empathy. She had tried to get him to talk, but without success. Both Lucy and Juvia had tried to approach him and were coldly turned away. The fact that Natsu had not been into the guild in two days showed that something must have happened between the two of them.

The doors bashed open, and Gray looked around with momentary hope. However, it was not the rambunctious pink-haired Dragon Slayer. It was a different one.

"Laxus, drink with me," Cana shouted out.

Like a blond deity, Laxus marched in with his Thunder God Tribe following just behind. Mira immediately pulled out the good whiskey.

"Welcome back, Laxus," she said, already pouring his favorite drink. "The mission went well, I presume."

He grunted as if it was no problem at all. Knowing the power of this team, it was probably settled in mere minutes.

Evergreen and Bickslow sat to the left of Laxus, Freed on his right, ever loyal and close, which put him right beside Gray.

Mira went up to the green-haired swordsman with a sweet smile. "What will it be, Freed?"

"A martini," he replied.

Mira giggled as if she should have expected such a sophisticated drink from him, and she set about pulling forth the gin and vermouth to make it.

Freed nodded genteelly to Gray, who tipped his glass back at him. A minute later, Mira returned with the delicate martini glass topped with two olives. Freed sipped it, and he hummed with satisfaction. No one made martinis quite like Mira. Satisfied, he looked over to Gray.

"Did anything interesting happen while we were gone?"

Gray was hunched over his drink as he shrugged. "No, not really."

Freed stopped in the middle of another sip and pulled the martini away from his lips. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah…" Gray replied in a surly mutter.

"You know, I worked as a bartender at Blue Pegasus for a while. I can tell when something is bothering people." Freed glanced behind the bar, his eyes met Mira's, and he saw the worried expression she had as she mixed together Bickslow's drink. "You're not telling it to Mira," he deduced, "so I have to assume it's about Natsu."

Gray cringed down. Seriously, how was it so easy to guess?

Freed drank some more, watching all the facial expressions. "If you don't feel comfortable opening up to a woman, you can always talk to me."

Talk to Freed? He and the rest of the Raijinshuu used to hate hanging out at the guild, and Freed would avoid the members of Fairy Tail, staying right beside Laxus instead. Gray had never really gotten to know the Raijinshuu until Laxus caused havoc a few years ago, and he did not exactly hang out with them or go out of his way to chat with them. As nice as it would be to talk about this with someone other than his therapist, it was crowded in the hall now, Laxus kept glancing over at Freed—was that jealousy in his eyes?—and then there was Mira who kept looking back at Gray in worry.

"Thanks, but no."

"Not _here_ , right?" Again, Freed somehow could tell what the real issue was, and it made Gray shiver. "I told you, I was a bartender, I can tell in your eyes." He finished his martini. "Come with me."

As he stood up, Laxus grabbed Freed's arm and stared at him hard. Freed smiled back and patted his gripping hand. Without a word, he reassured the Lightning Dragon Slayer that there was nothing to be jealous about, he would be back soon. Freed walked away, and for a moment Gray just watched, slightly stunned.

"The hell ya doing with your mouth opened that stupidly?" Laxus snapped, jolting Gray out of his daze. "Freed wants to help you, so you'd better listen to him." He grumbled into his whiskey, "Someone like you doesn't deserve advice from someone as smart as him."

It was more of a threat than prompting, so Gray hurried to catch up with Freed's smoothly sliding stride. They went through hallways and into a cavern of shelves.

"Huh? The library?"

Freed waved for him to continue following. They went all the way to the back and into a room that took a key to open. Gray had seen that door, but it was a library; he had not exactly been interested in locked rooms that probably just led to more books. Sure enough, the room Freed opened had shelves, but instead of being crammed with books, these were set up special, with each book protected by magical barriers.

"No one comes back here but me and Levy these days," Freed explained, walking over to a stand where three old books sat open with a bubble of blue magic keeping them safe from dust and moisture damage. "This room has many ancient books; some of them predate the Magic Council, so it's shielded by powerful magic that can withstand just about any attack. Each time this guild has been destroyed, this particular room and the books sheltered inside went unscathed. I even added to the warding. For one, no wizard with a fire ability is allowed to get within two meters of the door. They develop an innate feeling of disinterest, aversion, they'll think someone is calling them so they turn around and instantly forget about the room. Rather than simply blocking them from entering, which would make a curious person even more intent on breaking in, they are _repulsed_ from entering, both mentally and emotionally. I added that one specifically because Natsu kept trying to sneak in and I was worried that he'd burn the books just for fun. Levy also added soundproofing so she could read some of the books aloud and not inadvertently turn a person into a toad or whatever. Once the door is shut, the magic cast inside cannot escape. Take a book out without specific permission from the Master, alarms will go off and runes will erect around the person trying to steal the book. We admittedly went overboard, as Fairy Tail tends to do, but when it comes to knowledge, I think that protectiveness is warranted, if not mandatory."

"Your point?" Gray asked, not exactly interested in stealing old books.

"We can talk here, Natsu will never even get close, nor can he barge in. No one, not even a Dragon Slayer, can hear your voice, and trust me, their hearing is better than they let on. Do you want to talk now?"

Gray turned aside and rubbed the back of his neck. Suddenly, studying some ancient book seemed more desirable than talking about his problems.

"It's … kind of embarrassing."

"It's about Natsu," Freed stated, then smirked slightly. "Probably sexual in nature."

Gray jolted. "Wha-…?"

"You're very easy to read."

He spun away. Dammit, what could he even say? If he lied, Freed could probably figure it out. Did he dare to tell the truth? How much could he divulge and not hurt Natsu's reputation. "He has … this issue. He … he doesn't like to masturbate."

Freed nodded thoughtfully. "Just in front of you?"

"No, like _at all_. He's never done it, ever, in his life."

"Really?" Freed looked shocked by the news, but unruffled. "Well, I knew he was a bit innocent, but something like that… Is he perhaps just telling you that out of embarrassment?"

"No. He won't. He _can't_."

"Could it be because of his magic? Maybe the heat in his hand burns his sensitive skin. Laxus had that issue—" Freed cut off sharply and choked back anything more.

"Laxus?"

Freed looked awkward now. "The friction, the electricity … you know. He has to wear a condom. The latex stops the electricity from zapping him until he's too numb to feel his own hand."

Just the idea of Laxus jerking off with a condom on while his hand sent sparks everywhere made Gray's cheeks hot. Then he slid a suspicious glance over to Freed. "How do you know—"

"Anyway!" he shouted.

Gray could take a few guesses, and he decided not to push the matter. "No, it's not because of the heat of his hand. He actually can touch himself, and he can touch me. He just can't jerk himself off. I don't even know what it is. He freaks out at me merely suggesting it. He just … _panics_. We got into an argument over it."

"Ah, now we're coming to something."

Gray slumped into a chair in front of one of the many desks holding books that were older than him, older than this guild, older than perhaps the entire kingdom. "I just want to help him. Natsu has … issues … and we've been working through them, but this one … it's almost like he doesn't _want_ to work through it."

"You've offered?"

"Many times."

Freed rubbed his chin and thought about it. "Maybe just let him have that as a limit."

"Yeah, I offered to do that, but he said he wants to get over it. I've tried a few different things that I thought might help, but he still panicked. I pushed him too far a couple days ago, and he got so mad … I seriously thought he was going to attack me. Whatever is going on with him, this is a really serious problem, an issue he _needs_ to deal with. We've tackled other issues he has, other fears. This one, though … I have a bad feeling that it's something at the base of everything else that's troubling Natsu. Fearing pleasure, fearing his own strength, needing to be immobilized, unable to touch himself … I don't know what this is all about, but it all ties in together."

Freed looked deeply worried. "Just how many problems does he have?"

"A lot," Gray sighed. "We both do."

"Well, we're Fairy Tail wizards. I think it comes with the job."

"Could be. I want to help him, but I can't _force_ him."

"Well, you could," Freed said with a smug chuckle. "There are always ways to force a person into doing something they don't want to do, acting in ways they normally wouldn't. That's my specialty, after all."

Gray glared at him. "Yes, I remember Fantasia, making friends fight one another."

Freed sighed and shook his head. "Not one of my best moments," he admitted contritely. "All I'm saying is you could set up a situation that would make Natsu _more than eager_ to explore his own body."

Gray had a bad feeling about that, though. "I don't know. As much as I really think he needs to get over this to move ahead and be okay with himself, I don't want him to freak out. That's the _last thing_ I want. And I can't force him. That would be just shitty."

"Make it his own choice. You won't be forcing him, not directly. You'll be setting up a situation to make it his choice, and to make him eager to carry out that action. But it _will be_ his choice in the end."

Natsu, eager to touch himself? Could there really be a way to shove aside the fears and let Natsu bask in pure pleasure, to suspend the negative emotions, if only for a few minutes? If so, this was a miracle cure!

But if not, this was sure to end in disaster.

"Damn, I don't know," Gray whispered, poking at one of the blue magic shields around a book written in a language he did not recognize.

"It's just a recommendation. I could teach you the runes. I think you'd like them anyway," Freed said with a lascivious chuckle. "Consider this my present in celebration of your engagement."

"Wh-wh-what?" Gray shouted, slamming his hand on the magic shield and instantly getting zapped by it. He shook his stinging hand out and said firmly, "We're _not_ engaged."

Freed looked confused. "I heard something about a bracelet."

Gray looked at the stinging hand and the metal braid with three stones. "It's a _promise bracelet_ , not an engagement _anything_."

"I see. Well then, consider it a belated one-year-anniversary-promise … whatever. A gift. I'll teach you, you can use it or not. You can even use it on yourself." He added slyly, "Natsu might like that."

Natsu would like it? "What does it do?"

Freed took out a piece of paper and a quill to draw a picture of a bed looking straight down, and around the bed were strange symbols. "First, you set runes around a bed or couch, somewhere they will be lying down. It'll immobilize a person except for their head, hips, and their dominant hand. You then write a rune directly onto the person: their chest, their head, the bottom of their foot, anywhere works, even through clothing." He wrote the rune in the middle of the bed. "It's a spell for incredibly intense pleasure. In fact, it's the strongest _Pleasure_ rune in existence, so I don't use it too often because it can be addictive. It will last as long as you want, and you banish it by smearing the rune, breaking the sigil. While under that magic, a person feels like they're on the cusp of coming. _But_ , the pleasure rune is specific, and they cannot come unless they themselves are touching their genitals."

"What?"

"It forces the person to masturbate. It leaves them in the apex of pleasure until they fulfill their own need. Someone else touching doesn't work. It has to be their own hand. When you combine it with the runes to immobilize, the result is … _quite_ delectable. You could also use it in another way, since it works only if you touch yourself. You could write it on both people and fuck each other for hours on end, never coming, that pleasure lasting and lasting, until you finally decide to end it and masturbate together. Think about it: you and Natsu could rub each other, suck on one another, ride or be ridden for hours, but you won't come until it's your own hand stroking. Add in a bit of bondage, and trust me, it's incredible."

"Shit." An erotic wave tingled down Gray's spine as he imagined it. "Um … how do you even _know_ a magic like that?"

The domineering look on Freed's face was one Gray had seen in himself when facing Natsu. "Because I like to _force_ people to do my bidding."

Gray's mouth dropped as that low voice sent a chill over his skin. "You're … a sadist?"

For a moment, the eye hidden behind Freed's hair glowed menacingly. "You have no idea."

Gray gulped hard. Instinctively, he felt that everything he did with Natsu, all the BDSM they had been experimenting with, was mere child's play for this older, more experienced man who hid behind sophistication and adherence to rules. Gray may have his ice handcuffs and frozen dildos, but Freed's magic was specifically designed to affect the nerves and emotions of others. Pleasure, pain, humiliation, immobilization, asphyxiation, tingling every nerve in the body, forbidding a person from coming, reducing them to his personal slave, all of that was as easy as drawing a rune on his lover and watching the person become completely and utterly under his control.

Freed gave a curt laugh at the astonishment on Gray's face. "You're one, too."

Gray stiffened and nearly choked. How had he figured it out? Would he tell anyone? Shit!

"I recognized the bruises on Natsu right from the start, before you even announced being a couple. Don't worry, I know what it's like, needing to keep that side of you hidden from the world. I won't say a word, but if you ever want to talk, discuss techniques … there aren't many people I can talk to in this guild about … _that sort of thing_."

"I suppose … it would be nice, getting some advice once in a while. Uh … do you have a book of magic just on sex?"

Freed chuckled slyly. "I have _many_!"

"Wow." Gray breathed hard to calm himself down. He had often wanted to buy books on using magic during sex, but they were extremely hard to find.

"Do you want me to teach you?"

"Whoa, uh … no. I'm exclusive."

"I don't mean hands-on training. I can teach you how to write the runes, nothing more."

"Oh. Okay, yeah. I mean, even if I just use it on myself and let Natsu have his fun, it might be a good thing to try out."

"Well, that's the pleasure rune. It's a bit harder, since it casts directly onto the person. A broader circle of runes is something anyone with magic can draw. I've even taught Laxus a few, and teaching him anything is a real chore."

"So the one that goes around the bed basically binds him without rope?"

"Is that what you use? Rope?"

Gray cringed. "Ah!"

"I would have thought you'd use your ice."

"I … I do," Gray said with extreme hesitancy. "Handcuffs of ice usually. A few times, I've completely encased Natsu in a block of ice."

"Mmm, that sounds deliciously painful."

Gray laughed awkwardly. He rarely talked about his sex life to anyone at all, so telling this to Freed, whom he did not know well outside of the guild, was weird. However, he saw in this refined gentleman a sadist like himself, and that was now a secret the two of them shared.

"Yes, so … there are two sets of runes." He pointed back to the paper he had drawn on. "The pleasure rune can be used at any time. The other is far more specific and should be around a bed. It immobilizes the limbs except one arm, the hips so he can thrust into his own hand, and the head so the victim can talk. I designed the rune myself. Ah, but make sure you're outside of the rune circle before you activate it, or else you'll be paralyzed as well. You don't want you both to be immobilized like that. Or maybe you _do._ "

"And he'll be okay? He'll feel just pleasure."

"Intense pleasure and happiness. It should feel like a dream come true, and he'll feel compelled to touch himself. Not even extreme embarrassment can stop him. Once, as revenge against someone who insulted Laxus, I cast that rune on a man while he was at his wedding reception. He began to jerk off right there, in front of his in-laws and his new wife."

"Freed, that's horrible!"

"Mmm, I know," he said with a devilish chuckle. "I heard they divorced the very next day. No one insults Laxus and gets away with it."

Gray shivered that Freed's sadistic streak went beyond the bedroom and into even casual revenge. "I don't know about _forcing_ Natsu like that. I mean, this is a really serious issue. He freaked out; he was _crying_ about it. Still, he said he wants to get over it. He was more scared that I was there, I think. He said he was terrified of flipping out and hurting me."

"You don't have to be there to watch. You could activate it and leave."

"Yeah, maybe. I think if he could do it, see that it's safe, just once … _just once_. If it's really, seriously not good … then I don't know. I've told him we could make it a hard limit, I even suggested we could stop sex due to all of his issues, but he seems really determined to fight this."

"He's worried about hurting you? Knowing Natsu's destructiveness, I can understand that. Laxus refused to make friends with me, Bickslow, and Evergreen because he was terrified we might get electrocuted if we fought in his vicinity. It took a long time to convince him he could trust us. Levy said Gajeel was the same way when he first joined Fairy Tail, and it took her years to break through his iron shell."

"Must be a Dragon Slayer thing," Gray muttered.

"Must be. Well, it's your call. You know Natsu better than I do. I don't know what his issue even might be, besides a childhood trauma."

Gray jolted at how close he was. "I just want him to get over it."

"Try it. If it doesn't work, you can stop it at any time."

Gray looked down at the paper and the runes drawn on them. It sounded so simple: cast the pleasure rune, immobilize him, step back and watch him writhing until all he wanted to do was touch himself. If it was an intense enough need, and if Gray was not there to make Natsu feel scared for his safety, maybe it would work. At the worst, it would be too much, and Gray could watch, figure out what the trouble was, and go from there.

"One more thing," he asked Freed. "Do you have a rune to mask a person's smell?"

"Ah yes, the Dragon Slayer nose. I think I have something better. It's a circle of runes; stand within it, and it's like you don't exist. A person can't see you, can't hear you talk, can't smell you, they can even walk through you. It's static, you have to stay within the circle, and once you step out it vanishes, but no one can see, hear, or smell you while you're in there."

"That's perfect."

"I can teach you that as well. Think about it, but at least learn the pleasure rune. You two will definitely enjoy it. I'll prepare instructions for casting the runes."

"Thanks. And don't—"

"I won't tell anyone, so long as you don't tell anyone about me."

"No, I won't." Gray stood, but first he had to find his shirt which had somehow ended up thrown aside and landed on a globe of Earthland. "Um, Freed?" he asked as he buttoned his shirt up. "You and Laxus…"

Freed arched an eyebrow at the hesitant question left hanging. "Yes?"

"Ah, never mind."

He chuckled at Gray's courtesy to not delve into his private business. Few in Fairy Tail would be so considerate. "The answer is yes."

He jolted and almost threw his shirt off again. "Really? He's a … and you two … you … to him?"

"All of the time."

"Oh," he said in a daze. "Okay. Wow. I just can't picture Laxus as a masochist."

"If I may say so, I can't picture Natsu allowing anyone to tie him up, least of all you. People really aren't as they seem in this world, and one's private life is rarely the same as their public life. Now come out before you throw your underwear off as well."

* * *

Later that day, Gray rested at home. He had three books he borrowed from Freed, as well as sheets of paper with drawings of the runes. He could practice them later. He was so caught up in a book on manipulating lacrima to make sex toys no one would recognize for playtime in public, he hardly realized how dark it was outside.

He jolted at a knock and hid the book inside the nearest drawer. Gray answered the door and was shocked to see Happy standing there.

"Eh? What's wrong?"

Happy was sobbing. "Gray, you need to come back. Natsu is really sad and he's not eating and he's in one of his moods again where he doesn't want to talk to me about whatever is bothering him and he snapped at me that I was being annoying and Natsu _never_ does that unless he's really, really, really angry. Whatever happened, you gotta fix it. I don't care if you do something naughty to make him happy, I don't mind anymore, just please, make him happy again, Gray."

"Whoa, whoa, easy there." Gray ushered Happy inside before his neighbors heard any of this. "Slowly now. What's wrong with Natsu?"

"That's the thing. I don't know, and he won't talk to me. He broods like this a lot lately, his eyes look different, and he looks both angry and scared, but I never know why, and he won't tell me anything. He talks to you, though. I hear you two talking late at night sometimes. Natsu really, really loves you, so he'll tell you what's wrong. I'll stay here, if you want. I don't think I can be around him when he's like this, anyway. He looks … scary!"

Gray hugged the little Exceed and stroked his head as Happy cried. Was Natsu still upset about earlier? He had hoped that all Natsu needed to do was rage a bit and he would be fine.

"Please, Gray. He needs you. Even I can see that."

Natsu _needed_ him. Gray wanted to run right to that forest house and slay all of Natsu's demons. However, Natsu had sent him away. Maybe leaving him alone was best.

"He cheers up a lot around you."

Gray realized that Natsu also felt worst when being intimate with Gray. If he just stopped making love to Natsu, maybe the nightmares and fears would pass. If he just stayed away…

There was no way Gray could stay away from Natsu. Not anymore. He needed that flame-brain idiot, and he would heal that darkness, definitely!

"Please, Gray. There's gotta be something you can do to help him."

There was, but it might make Natsu hate him. It was a risk. This all went back to him trying to get Natsu to touch himself. That fear needed to be addressed, or else Natsu was going to drive a wedge not only between the two of them, but between himself and Happy as well. Even if it hurt their relationship, there was no way Gray would let Natsu drive Happy away. Natsu would hate himself for that.

No matter what it took, even if he had to be the bad guy and Natsu ended up hating him, he would heal the darkness in his heart so Happy would never run to him crying again.

"Happy, I want you to stay with me tonight. I'll fix you a bed."

"But Natsu!"

"I'll help Natsu, but it has to wait. Make yourself tea and help yourself to any of the food," Gray told him. "I need to prepare something, so don't enter my bedroom. Just stay here."

With that, Gray rushed to his room. He was a Devil Slayer, and he had a demon of the past to battle. He opened the notebook Freed gave him, ready to carefully plan his attack.

* * *

Natsu sat by the window, staring sullenly up at the stars. He had gone stargazing with Lucy before. She knew what the constellations were, and even some of the names of individual stars. Natsu had never even known that those dots of light had names before meeting her.

Igneel once told him stars were the souls of deceased dragons. Were the dragons Natsu knew who were now dead somewhere up there in the sky? Was Igneel up there, bright and red and burning? Would Natsu himself end up as a point of light in the sky? Did Dragon Slayers get to become stars, too? Or were those tiny twinkling specks really just balls of gas millions of light-years away?

If he died and became a star, he wanted to be a bright red giant! Lucy talked about twin-star systems, two suns circling one another. He would yank Gray's soul with him into the sky, an ice blue star that would circle next to him, dancing around the heavens for all eternity. The thought of that made Natsu smile lightly.

Natsu knew he needed to apologize to Gray. It was not the ice wizard's fault that Natsu still felt frustrated by his own insecurities.

"Why can't I be normal?" he whispered to himself. His hand drifted up, and he rubbed his throat as the feel of ghostly hands seemed to choke him. "Why can't I just get over it? Dammit, I don't want to be like this. I wish I could just forget it all."

Even Happy took off. Or had he kicked Happy out? He yelled at his best friend. He rarely yelled at Happy, and it showed how messed up his mind was at the moment. If only he could defeat these demons from the past. One day, he would have to tell Gray everything that happened … even _that_.

It made him shiver and feel sick to his stomach.

If he told Gray the truth, it would all change. They could never go back to how they used to be. Gray might never be able to forgive him.

No! He couldn't risk it.

"Just forget it all," he whispered.

He wandered out into the night and back into Magnolia. He sniffed and followed a scent to a small house not far from where Lucy lived. He knocked on the door, and a man with a scar on his face answered already dressed for bed.

Mest's eyes widened. "Natsu? It's late. What's wrong?"

"Erase my memory," he blurted out.

Mest cringed back at the request. "You know I don't do that anymore."

"I know, but it's urgent. I can't live with this memory anymore." Natsu's hands clenched so hard, the knuckles turned white and his arms trembled. "It's devouring me inside. I can't live with it."

Mest frowned to see him so upset. He looked aside, ready to just say no, but then he looked back down at the Dragon Slayer in pity. Memories were such haunting things at times. He knew that better than anyone.

"Memory control works like a charm. If anyone who knows of the event reminds you, the magic instantly wears off. You'll remember again. Do many other people know about whatever you want to forget?"

"Not really. A few. Only four people in Fairy Tail. You can go ahead and erase their memories as well."

"Not without permission. Look, this is a serious thing to do, and I won't do it to an ally without permission from Master Makarov."

Natsu flinched at the name, and Mest caught it immediately.

"Don't tell me: one of the people who knows is the Master."

Natsu frowned and looked aside rather than answer.

"Forget it." He began to shut the door.

"No, wait! Gramps might be okay with me forgetting. He let me forget for years, never reminded me. Hell, he might have _helped_ in making me forget, except I don't remember you doing it."

"No, I only ever erased my own existence from the minds of Fairy Tail members. What you're asking for is a magic that should only be used to aid the guild, not for personal reasons."

"It might _protect_ the guild, or at least certain members of it," Natsu admitted darkly.

That made Mest hesitate again. Just what was this crazy punk hiding? "It won't erase whatever happened. Are there people who could suffer if you forget?"

"No … well, maybe one family, but I've hurt them enough already. They don't need me making amends anymore."

"Like I said, memory control is negated if someone else reminds you of the memory."

"That happened once already, although the memory came back on its own. That's what's screwing me up now. I don't _want_ to remember. At all. I want it blocked again."

"Think long and hard about this, Natsu."

"I have been, and I'm certain about it."

Mest frowned, but he sighed at how determined Natsu looked. This boy really did not budge once his mind was made up.

"See me at the guild in the morning. I'm too tired to do it safely now."

Natsu perked up. "You'll remove the memory?" he asked hopefully.

"If it's causing you this much distress and could harm others, then I will talk to Master Makarov about it. If he says no, then I won't do it. If he's okay with the procedure, though, I will cast the spell."

"That's great!"

Mest truly was curious what Natsu was hiding to make him look so excited to forget. For most people, having their memories erased or even just altered was one of the most terrifying magic abilities in the world. Makarov was especially wary of it, and Mest knew not to abuse the magic, like he used to as a child when he was a thief who made people forget he was ever there, or changed their memories to make the target think Mest was a good friend and simply give him whatever it was he wanted.

Makarov made him swear not to change memories of any ally. Although Natsu was giving him permission, he would also need to warn whoever knew this secret that Natsu wanted to be erased.

"Name everyone who knows."

Natsu nodded dutifully and counted off on his fingers. "Gramps, Gildarts, Porlyusica, Loke…"

"Loke?" he asked in shock. The other three made sense, but Mest barely even knew Loke besides that playboy who always had a girl or five hanging on him.

"Two nurses and some other people I haven't even seen since it happened … oh, and my therapist."

"Ther- … therapist?" Mest was even more disturbed now. This was a memory so bad, Natsu was actually seeing a therapist to help. Of all the crappy things that had happened to them over the years … seriously, what could top all that?

"Can you do it?" Natsu asked seriously.

Mest was still stunned by all this. "Like I said, I have to ask Master Makarov. I need his permission first. If he says yes … it's your memory, I suppose."

"Great. Then I'll see you in the morning. Seriously, Mest, this will be a big help for me. I can't wait to forget it all." With a wave, Natsu took off into the night.

Mest shook his head as he watched the pink hair fade into the shadows. "Seriously, what happened to him?"

Natsu returned home in better spirits. He would need to apologize to Happy first thing in the morning. He wondered if he should tell Gray about this. Would he be okay with Natsu doing it, or would he urge Natsu not to? Gray might see this as a coward's way out, but Natsu saw it as protecting Gray. If he could forget, he would no longer feel the need to kill. If he did not want to kill whoever was pleasuring him, he could make love freely. If he forgot all that horrific stuff, maybe he could finally _take_ Gray. Forgetting would strengthen their relationship.

Natsu flopped into bed feeling hopeful. The nightmares would stop. The triggers would cease. He would feel _normal_ for the first time in years.

He just needed to forget. Easy!

Exhausted from such an emotional few days, Natsu practically passed out and began to snore.

* * *

Gray wondered how Natsu could sleep so hard. He had climbed through the window, almost knocked over a lamp, spent half an hour writing runes around the bed, and still the Dragon Slayer snored. It was still dark, but the sky was fading to a bruised purple. He needed to hurry up and finish his preparation, but he also had to be precise.

_Damn, I don't know about this._

He was doing something that went totally against BDSM's cardinal rule of keeping things safe, sane, and consensual. This was absolutely _not_ safe, not since he knew it would trigger Natsu. It was not sane, since it was being forced by magic. Natsu would never agree to this dirt tactic, so it was not even consensual.

Gray felt it was needed, though. It was a drastic move to battle a demon Natsu refused to see.

_Let's just do it._

Gray looked down to his notes to be sure this final rune was correct. It was a symbol for pleasure. He had only seconds after writing it to get out of the rune circle, activate it, and hide. It had to be done quickly but with no mistakes.

Gray wrote the word onto Natsu's chest. Then he backed away from the bed and added one final rune to the circle. It glowed for a second, then faded. Natsu stirred at the magical light and moaned Gray's name. The ice wizard scurried back to a corner where he had written the runes that would hide him. They activated the instant he stepped inside. Gray felt nothing weird, but he could see in a mirror across the room, he had vanished from view.

Natsu began to twist in his sleep. "Mmm … Gray. Gray! Stop that … mmm, so good. Oooooh, Gray! Yes, there."

Gray bit his lip. Damn, Natsu sounded hot. He could see the erection already tenting Natsu's boxers and the sheet that covered him.

"No, that … _nngh_ … G-Gray!"

Natsu gasped as he woke up. He stared up at the ceiling, and Gray heard him breathing hard.

"Happy?" he called out. Natsu's face drew up. "Happy? I can't move. Did you do something? Happy? It's not funny." Natsu tried to move, but only his right arm, head, and hips worked. The rest of him was motionless. Panic built as Natsu moved anything he could. "Happy! Help me! I can't move. What … what's going on? I'm hot. So hot." He panted as pleasure tingled everywhere, so intense it hurt to ignore it. "H-Happy? Happy! What is this? Fuck, why do I feel good?" He reached down to the erotic pulsing, but quickly drew his hand away. "Happy! _Nnngh!_ Why is only one hand working?" He began to punch the bed, the headboard, his nightstand, anything in reach. Natsu shouted as the feeling of being immobilized terrorized him. "What the hell is going on? I can't … can't move. Happy! Shit, shit."

In the corner, Gray watched with a sinking heart. He knew Natsu would panic at first. Anyone would at waking up paralyzed. "Natsu, come on. Just touch yourself already."

Natsu reached down again, hurting with the intense pleasure, but he gasped and pulled his hand away. "No … Happy? Happy, where are you? Shit. Gray?"

"No, don't call for me," he whispered in anguish, glad Natsu could not see, hear, or smell him. "Just relax. Break through the darkness and do it. Come on. Be brave."

"Gray?" Natsu called out weakly. He punched the bed again. "Dammit! This is a nightmare, right? Just a nightmare."

"Why is it a nightmare? Come on, it should be feeling good. Just touch yourself already."

Natsu flopped back, and a whimper trembled through the bedroom. "Help…"

Gray had to hold himself back from running to his rescue. "Natsu!"

"It feels good. I … I don't want it to feel good."

"Shit, what's going on?"

Slowly, Natsu's hand went down. His erection was so hard, he had poked right through the opening in his boxers. Cringing, Natsu brought his hand closer.

"Yes, that's it," Gray urged. "Come on, you can do it. I believe in you. Just touch a little. Freed said it doesn't take much, so it should be easy. Please, Natsu, fight it. Defeat it." At last, Natsu's finger wrapped around his cock. "Yeah, that's it, touch it."

Natsu sobbed as pleasure stabbed through his soul. He needed to release, worse than any other time in his life. He could tell he was so close, beyond close. It was ready to burst, but it just wouldn't. A touch; he could sense it. A touch would end it all.

"It's just a dream, just a nightmare."

"No, don't think of it as a nightmare. Fight the darkness, realize it's okay."

"Just a dream. This isn't real. Can't … stop … _nngh_!" Natsu stroked down the shaft.

"That's it, come on."

"Ahh!" His hand moved up, and his hips thrust on their own, needing this to be faster. "Oh damn, that feels good."

"There you go. Yes, up and down, just like that. You're doing good." Natsu stroked again and moaned so loudly, Gray had to reach down to himself just to tug his clothes into a looser position. "Shit, that really is hot."

"Oh fuck, that's good!" Natsu stroked up and down more steadily now.

"There you go. That's it. Almost there. It should take only a few strokes."

Natsu suddenly slammed his hand down, thrusting hard into his fingers. He seethed in intense rage, "I hate you."

Gray had begun to stroke himself to the scene of Natsu masturbating, but those three words shocked him out of any pleasure. "What?"

Natsu was stroking vigorously now, dripping thickly. With each stroke, he shouted, getting louder and more fatalistic. "I hate you. I hate you. _I hate you!_ "

"Shit!" Gray could not stand watching this anymore. It was too much, too far. He rushed out of the runes and to the bed. "Natsu! You can stop. I'm sorry, this was a bad idea. Fuck. I'll undo it."

Natsu snarled with wide, terrified eyes, wild and so tense, Gray worried that the gritting jaw might shatter Natsu's teeth.

"I'll free you. I'm so sorr- …"

As soon as the circle of rune restraints around the bed were gone, Natsu leaped off the mattress and slammed Gray to the floor.

"I hate you. I'll kill you!" Flames sheathed his fist, and he slammed it into Gray's face. "I'll fucking kill you, bastard." He punched twice more, and a tooth in Gray's mouth cracked. "I'm gonna _kill you!_ "

His hands wrapped around a neck. He could squeeze. Squeeze and squeeze. He knew he could. This was so familiar.

"Na- … Nat-…"

Gray reached up, but he could not get a good grip of Natsu's arms, not enough to free himself. He tried to hit Natsu instead, fight him off, but his head was growing dizzy with lack of air. Natsu was not just choking him; it felt like he was trying to completely crush Gray's throat in on itself.

"Stop. Get … off."

Natsu was so insane with blood-lust, he did not even try to stop Gray's hands from slapping and clawing at his face. Instead, he squeezed tighter. His nails dug into the flesh. Blood. A scream. The warm red liquid flowed over his hands as he clawed into flesh. He could tear this head off. Just rip it off. He could do it. He could end it!

Gray felt his mind blacking out. Not sure if it would work, he reached Natsu's chest and wiped the pleasure rune off. That shocked Natsu just long enough for Gray to break free out of the strangling hold and scuttled away.

Then something icy slammed into the back of Natsu's head. A frozen hammer had pounded into him. Natsu shook out the stars dancing in his eyes, and then he crouched, ready to attack again. He heard his victim coughing hoarsely, struggling to breathe through a crushed throat. Good! He would rip that head off this time. Tear it off!

"Natsu."

"I'll fucking kill you!"

"Beloved."

Natsu froze at that word. Beloved? This man was anything but that. Who called him _beloved_?

A name involuntarily came to his lips. "Kainushi?"

The red haze of the past drifted away. He saw not that vile man, but Gray scuttled back against the wall, his face a bloody mess, deep bruises on his throat, and his hand up with an icy shield protecting him from more attacks. He huddled behind the shield, a bloody and beaten mess, gasping raspily for air as his crushed throat began to swell.

The flashback left Natsu disoriented. Where was he? Why was Gray there? Why did he smell blood? "Gray, what the hell just happened?"

Gray wheezed at every breath. The cartilage in his throat had been crushed inward, and the skin around his neck was torn from Natsu's clawing. Lines of blood dripped down, and fierce bruises were already darkening his throat. He coughed, but that sent blinding pain through his whole neck and down his spine. Blood spilled out of his swollen mouth and dripped from a crooked, broken nose.

"Sorry … my fault … just thought…" He slumped over.

"Gray!"

Natsu scuttled back. _No!_ He had attacked Gray. He had tried to _kill_ Gray. Just like his nightmares, he had attacked and tried to kill him.

"Oh no. No, no, no," he whispered in horror.

Natsu's hand went up to his mouth, trying to hold back screams and vomiting, but he tasted blood on his fingers. Gray's blood, and still tainted with the taste of himself. His marked mate!

"Dammit, no. Gray?"

Gray struggled just to breathe, and his words faltered through damaged vocal chords as blood began to puddle on the floor. "Are … are you … sane?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm … oh shit," Natsu said numbly. He had almost killed the man he loved!

"I just … thought I'd help." Gray winced as talking and breathing hurt. "I did it to you again. Just can't get it right. Maybe … whole thing … bad idea."

"Gray? What are you saying?"

His eyes began to roll back. "Sorry. I'm so sorry." Suddenly, he toppled over, and the ice shield crumbled to snow around him.

"Gray!" In horror, Natsu raced over and listened to his breathing. It was faint, wheezy, but still at least air was moving. "Shit! I didn't mean … goddammit!" Gray could not hear him anyway. He needed medical help.

Natsu tossed his clothes on in a rush. He carefully lifted Gray into his arms, trying to support his neck as much as possible. Then he raced out of the house and into the moonlit forest.

He did not know this route well, but he had been along it a couple of times, enough to follow the scent. He raced through darkness, past hooting owls and fluttering moths. He leaped over a fallen log, but slowed down when Gray's head shook too much. Even in the darkness, he saw the blood on Gray, blood he normally loved to smell, except now it made him sick. The unconscious face and wheezing breaths drove him onward with a sense of dire urgency.

Finally, he came to a small forest house. He kicked the door instead of knocking.

"Porlyusica!" he screamed.

A minute later, the door opened and the ancient healer looked out with dark, sleepy bags under her eyes. "Do you have any idea…?"

"Please, I might have really killed him," Natsu cried out in hysterics.

Porlyusica saw the terror in Natsu's wet eyes. Then she smelled the stench of blood from the man he was holding. She nodded at him to come inside. As Natsu walked by, flames instantly lit every candle and lamp in the house. The healer looked at the lambent light and wondered when Natsu had learned how to do that. Maybe he did not even know he could.

Natsu was careful as he put Gray on the examination table. The bleeding had almost stopped, but his throat looked even more swollen now. Gray's breaths wheezed out with a sickening sound of struggling.

"Strangled?" Porlyusica asked, seeing the condition and immediately getting to work.

"I didn't mean it," Natsu said, hugging his arms as he shivered with dread. "I didn't. I really didn't."

"Go outside." She hated having a nervous person around her.

Natsu was half-shoved out of the door before it slammed on him. He stood there, staring into the dark night, horrors and nightmares and bloody memories all swirling in his head.

"Gray … dammit, why is this happening again? No. I wanted to forget. I wanted to protect you. I … I can't … not again."

Natsu stomach surged up, and he barely had time to run off to some bushes before he vomited. He had almost killed the man he loved, his marked mate. That name Gray called out to stop him echoed in his mind.

' _Beloved … Beloved … Beloved.'_

Natsu bent over at the waist again and hurled up whatever he had eaten for dinner. Then he fell to his knees and leaned his head down onto the grass, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Gray! Why you? Why'd I do that to you? Dammit, Gray. I never wanted you to see that. Why? Why did you have to dig it up?"

He looked down at his bloody hands, and Natsu roared in grief and rage.

"Dammit! I wanted to _forget_. Now I can't. I can't! Because now … now you've seen it. Shit!" He hiccuped his sobs that would not stop. "Why, Gray? Fuck! I didn't want you to know. I don't want you to realize … but I did it to you. _I did it to you_. Fuck!" He punched the ground with both hands and fell over into the grass. "I'm so sorry, Gray. You'll have to know now … and you'll hate me. You'll hate me and that'll be it. I don't deserve you. Fuck, I don't deserved anyone! Not anymore. Gray … I'm so sorry."

Natsu fell over and curled into a ball. There was no way to hide it anymore. If he erased his memory now, he would not know _why_ he had almost killed Gray. After something like that, Gray had to know the truth.

And telling him the truth was as good as handing back the promise bracelet.

It was over.

As soon as Gray knew what Natsu did in the past, especially after what he just did, how severely he hurt Gray, it would all be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I still have the original ad libbed audio for this made on my phone back in July 2014. That's how long this whole arc has been in my head. Sadly, when it came time to make the actual recording, my neighbors recently moved out and the apartment landlord hired a crew to replace the carpets and vinyl flooring, so there was hammering, chiseling, scrapping, more hammering, for 8 hours straight. I managed to get 40 minutes of recording, but it had to be in between all the construction noise, and the climax of the chapter could not be as loud and vicious as I wanted, since acting out an attempted murder with only a thin wall separating me from a construction crew is probably a good way to get police knocking on your door. I even had to pause the recording because of police sirens and I momentarily wondered if they had called the cops on me, haha! Somehow, I managed to get a viable recording of a scene that has been haunting my mind for years, and now here it is, to haunt yours._
> 
> _<https://chirb.it/vGeBw3>_


	65. The Taboo Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the dark history Gray's been wanting to know about, but is he ready to hear the truth?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _TRIGGER WARNING:_
> 
> _I rarely use trigger warnings—I feel they have no place in literature and ruin a good story—but this time I think I need one, given what I know about some of my audience due to the comments. This chapter is what readers have been waiting for, but it could definitely trigger panic attacks if you have PTSD due to childhood trauma, abuse, rape, etc. Read with caution. If you truly do have PTSD, for one, please talk to a therapist about coping mechanisms so you don't need trigger warnings in the future, but for now, keep a cup of ice nearby. If you feel a flashback triggering, hold the ice. And set an appointment to see a psychological therapist. Actual triggers from trauma need to be addressed and worked on with a professional._

" _Love blinds us, but don't be so blind that you don't see if something is obviously hurting you both._ "

Who said those words to him? Makarov? It felt like ages ago, yet as Gray slowly regained consciousness, those were the words that lingered from some dark dream.

When he fully came to his senses and felt pain, he realized that maybe not all of it had been a mere dream. His throat was so swollen, he could not swallow, and drool had collected on the pillow under him. His nose had gauze shoved up, and a tooth hurt. He felt dizzy, like he needed to breathe more, yet his throat let only a small stream of air through.

"So, you're awake."

Gray opened his eyes and saw pink hair. Natsu? No, a wrinkled face came into focus. Porlyusica? What was she doing here? Where was he? What happened?

"Hnngh…"

"Don't talk yet. Your vocal chords were crushed. I managed to save your life, but it'll take magical healing to fix your voice. Blink to tell me how many fingers I'm holding up." He blinked three times. "Follow my finger with your eyes." She waved it side to side, and Gray watched it. "Can you lift your arm straight up?"

Gray tried, but part of his arm felt like it was asleep. Porlyusica took his floppy wrist and held it. She scratched her fingernail on the palm of his hand.

"Do you feel that?"

"No," he said, but he cringed at the pain of his own voice.

"Don't talk. Blink once for yes, twice for no."

She went through a whole inspection of his body, testing out sensation in his hands, arms, shoulders, torso, legs, and feet. As Gray realized he was numb in many places, dread began to set in.

"Am I … paralyzed?"

Porlyusica stared at him without an movement to her permanently scowling face, and then she turned away. "You'll be fine."

It did not sound like she was telling the truth.

"You suffered prolonged loss of oxygen to the brain. You have multiple fractures in the cartilage in the larynx. You've also damaged the fifth and sixth vertebrae. Wendy should be able to heal it. Your spine isn't broken, just extremely swollen, which is putting pressure on the nerves and causing the paralysis." She paused and looked disturbed. "If he had squeezed an inch higher, the nerve damage could have been fatal. As it is, you'll be fine," she insisted in a cranky tone. "I gave you something for the pain. Sleep if you need."

"Na- … -tsu?"

"Natsu is outside. Don't talk."

"T- … tell him … I'm sorry."

"Funny, because that's what he told me to tell you." Porlyusica went over to a pot and began to mix herbs into some water. "You know, I saw Natsu when he first came in after a really horrific ordeal."

Gray's eyes widened. A horrific ordeal? Of course! _That day._ "You … know?"

"I was the first healer to examine him. He nearly killed me."

"What?" Gray cringed as his near-shout made his throat flash in blinding pain.

"I said don't talk. Your larynx is severely damaged." Porlyusica touched her own neck with phantom memories. "He tried to strangle me. No, more than that. I seriously thought he was trying to rip my head off. I was paralyzed for a month, probably looked much like you do now. I don't know what you did, I don't know what button you pushed, but you pushed it hard."

Gray shut his eyes as pain gave way to dizziness. "I know."

She stirred the herbs, sniffed, drew back in disgust, and added more. "I probably shouldn't let him in. I _should_ ask Makarov to lock him up until we can get him into some professional help."

A tear slipped out of Gray's eye. He could only imagine how devastated Natsu must be now. He was sane again, and he had to live with the knowledge of what he just did.

"It's … my fault," he sighed.

"Maybe so," she said, unconcerned with faults and guilt, "but that boy needs help. He's strong, and strength in the hands of someone mentally unhinged is dangerous."

"Don't … want him … locked up."

Porlyusica glanced at Gray with worry. "Are you mad at him?"

"No."

"Are you scared of him?"

Gray found himself hesitating. He looked aside and frowned in concern over his own uncertainty over that question. "He's sane, right?"

"Yes, he's sane for now."

"Then … it's … okay."

Porlyusica still looked torn between worry and determination, like she was trying to right a wrong of the past but feared a repeat of tragic events.

"Do you want to see him?" she asked quietly.

The dizziness left. Was Natsu there? Was he okay? "Yes. Please."

She got up, walked to her door, and shouted out into the darkness, "Hey, smelly, he's awake."

Feet trampled forward, and Natsu burst into the room. "Gray!" He flung himself on top of his boyfriend, and Porlyusica had to yank Natsu off before he hurt him worse. Natsu had thick tears and snot running down his face. "Gray, I'm so sorry."

Gray took Natsu's hand and held it as firmly as he could muster in his weakness. "It's … all right."

"No, it's not all right, not at all. It's what I was scared of. It's the worst thing … _the_ _worst thing_ for me to do to you. Shit!" He flopped his face back down onto Gray's recovery bed and sobbed loudly. "I'm so sorry. Dammit, I'm so sorry."

Gray dropped his hand on Natsu's head, but he could not really feel anything. "Hey," he rasped out. "You can't hurt me that much. I'm f-fine … _nngh!_ " However, talking finally got to him, and his throat croak. Gray hissed as the pain shot through his nerves.

"That's enough," Porlyusica decided. "You wanted to see him, now you've seen him. He needs to rest." She took Natsu by the arms and pulled him away from Gray's bed. "You, sleep! The medication should be kicking in. You, out, and take a shower before you return here."

Natsu followed her numbly. "Is he going to be okay?"

"He's partially paralyzed. I can't determine if he suffered any brain damage as well, but he seems to have gotten off lucky. On his own, it would take weeks or months to heal, and he might always have a bad voice. He needs a healing wizard."

"Wendy!"

"Yes, she would be helpful."

Natsu yanked away from her and ran back to Gray. Porlyusica rolled her eyes.

"Do I need to get my damn broom to shoo you out? Because I swear, I'll get it."

Natsu dropped to his knees in front of Gray's bed. "Gray, it'll be okay. I'll get Wendy. You stay here. Just … just stay and rest." His face drew up again in anguish. "I'm so sorry."

Gray was on the cusp of unconsciousness, but he opened his eyes. "Natsu?"

He squeezed Gray's fingers. "What?"

Gray realized he could not feel Natsu's grip, and Natsu realized Gray was not holding his hand back. Their eyes met, and they realized the truth. Natsu dropped Gray's hand and covered his mouth in horror.

"It'll … it'll be … okay." He gulped so he could speak clearly enough. "I still … care for you."

Hearing that made Natsu cry in happiness. "Thank you." Gray had every right to hate him, fear him, never want to see his face again, so hearing those words gave Natsu a bit of hope. "Wendy!" he remembered suddenly. "I'll get her."

Just as Porlyusica arrived with her broom, Natsu bolted past her and out into the night. She snorted at him in disgust and closed the door behind him. Then she walked into her medical room to check on Gray.

"He's a good guy."

"I know."

She changed the gauze staunching the bleeding in Gray's broken nose. She tried to sound casual as she asked, "Do you plan to stay with him?"

Stay with him? Gray supposed that breaking up was the logical thing to do, but despite all this, it was not something he wanted to do. "Yes," he answered.

"If it becomes too much, you don't have to stay."

Those echoing words came back to him. "I've been told that before."

"I bet it was Makarov, right?" she guessed. Porlyusica walked over to the herbs she had been brewing. She added a capsule, a burst of magical light flashed out, and the pot frosted over instantly into a slushy beverage. She poured some of the icy drink into a mug. "If Gildarts was around, he'd give you the same advice. He was also there that day. The three of us are probably the only ones who know the _whole_ truth." She brought the drink over to Gray. "It's cold. Drink it. It'll help to take down the swelling in your larynx."

She held the cup for him since his hands were numb, and he sipped a straw. The icy sludge stank of herbs, but it felt good in his swollen throat. "Do you know … whatever Natsu … is hiding … from me?"

"I don't know how much he's told you, but … yes. Yes, I know what happened to him. He totally forgot about it for years, repressed it due to the trauma. I told Makarov to banish that whole blasted memory from his mind, but did he listen? No! Damn him, but I think he wanted Natsu to remember one day so he could apologize properly to me, and to the others."

"Others?" Gray asked, but he cringed as the vibrations ached.

She refused to talk about it. This was something Natsu had to tell him, not her. "I worry about that boy. Now I'm worried for you. You're taking on a big burden."

Gray looked down at the promise bracelet. He could not even feel it against his skin anymore, but it was an injury that would heal. So long as they could both heal, he did not want to lose Natsu.

She saw his stubbornness and shook her head. "I suppose love does that to people. That's why I stay away from love … and _people_ ," she said in cranky annoyance. "Before you fall asleep, I'll change the bandages and put some more salve on the cuts." She unraveled a bandage wrapped around his neck and looked closer at the gouges clawed into Gray's throat. "Damn, he really did try to rip your head off."

Gray stared straight up at the ceiling as she dabbed some medicine onto the wounds. "Do you … think he … would have?"

Porlyusica paused with a jar of ointment in her hands. "I'd like to say no, but I can't." She rubbed the salve onto his throat. It stung, but he tried to hold still. "I'm not the best person to be asking questions like this, since he attacked me in the same manner. You can learn to forgive, but it's not easy to forget." She set the jar aside, and then Porlyusica looked at Gray seriously. "Like I told you, you don't have to stay with him."

Her saying that made Gray even more stubborn. "I'm _going_ … to stay with … him." Trying to talk make him choke on the swelling in his throat, which hurt so badly he almost fainted right there.

Porlyusica stood up and looked down at him. "You don't _have_ to, Gray. Now seriously, sleep before I knock you unconscious."

Gray closed his eyes. He did not recall falling asleep, yet when he woke up from knocking at the door, the sky outside had already turned pink with sunrise. He could not move yet, but he heard Porlyusica open the door, then heard Natsu's and Wendy's voices.

"Wendy is allowed in. You still stink."

"I didn't take a shower, you old hag, because I was trying to get her here as soon as possible."

"I don't care. Go home."

"But Gray!"

"Come back in an hour."

"I'm not leaving!"

"Then sit outside. You can walk Wendy back home after she's done. _Then_ take a shower. You are not allowed in here until you don't smell like a five-day-old musty sock."

Gray smiled to himself. Natsu was being his normal, stubborn self, and it sounded so good. Then he saw Wendy come inside. She looked sleepy and her hair was pulled back sloppily into an unbrushed ponytail. When she saw Gray, despite having been woken up in the middle of the night, she still smiled.

"Good morning, Gray. I hope I can help you."

Porlyusica came up behind her. "He can't talk yet, and he has partial paralysis of all four limbs."

"Just what happened? Natsu said it was an animal attack."

Gray arched an eyebrow. Animal attack? More like a dragon attack!

"I have no idea," Porlyusica admitted with an edge of caution. "Gray hasn't been able to tell me and Natsu ran off to get you as soon as possible." The hard look she shot to Gray did not need words at all. _Don't you dare tell her!_ He merely blinked once. Yes. Wendy did not need to know Natsu had that murderous side to him.

Over the course of the next hour, Gray laid on the bed and allowed Wendy to heal him. Slowly, sensation returned with burning stings to his arms and legs. Then she worked on his throat and the gouges that had scabbed over. Fixing his broken nose was simple, and she managed to mend his cracked tooth. However, he still felt too dizzy to walk.

"You had oxygen deprivation to the brain," Porlyusica reminded him. "Wendy's done all she can. Something like that will hopefully go away on its own."

"Sorry," Wendy said with a deep bow of apology. "Messing with the brain is far above my skills."

"It's not going to be _permanent_ , right?" asked Gray.

Porlyusica shrugged. "Who knows? There may be irreversible damage and you won't even notice it until months later. You could have hazy memories, or trouble focusing. Stay here until you're fully stable. Wendy, your talent is much appreciated."

"Yeah, thank you very much," Gray said, feeling his throat and realizing there were not even scars left behind.

"I'm glad it wasn't worse. Did you at least defeat the beast that attacked you?"

Gray and Porlyusica's eyes met for a moment.

"No," he said cautiously. "Hopefully Natsu dealt with it."

Porlyusica nodded faintly to him. "Yes, hopefully he did. Well," she said as she gently pulled on Wendy's shoulder, "let's get you back home so you can sleep at least a little bit more."

Wendy follow Porlyusica out and saw Natsu still sitting there, shredding leaves in boredom. He leaped up as soon as the door opened.

"Gray—"

"Needs rest," Porlyusica cut in. "Wendy is worn out from healing him. Please escort her back. That _monster_ that attacked Gray might still be out there."

Natsu's face instantly turned grim. "Right," he muttered, and he waved Wendy to follow him. They heard Porlyusica's door shut.

Natsu's keen ears heard the conversation inside the hovel.

"Is he leaving?"

"Wendy really looked fatigued. Plus you need to rest."

"I'm fine now."

"No, you're not. Not psychologically. We don't have anyone in Fairy Tail who can help you with _that_ sort of injury."

Natsu slammed his eyes shut and fisted up a hand. Maybe the physical wounds could heal, but what he did to Gray last night would scar his heart for the rest of his life.

"Natsu?"

He jolted out of dark thoughts and looked down at Wendy.

"Gray's wounds, they don't match any monsters that live around here. If I had to guess, I would say those were made by a human. Did you see what, or who, did this?"

He supposed that it would be pretty obvious. Vulcans and Gorians had larger hands. Goblins were so small, Gray would have been able to throw one off with ease. Weretigers ripped their prey apart, not choke them. Rollidillos simply rolled up and crushed enemies.

"I didn't see it, not really. I'll look into it," he said absently.

"It's kind of scary, knowing something is prowling around that can defeat Gray. He's really strong, so whatever it was must be even stronger."

"Or he was caught by surprise," Natsu muttered, feeling the guilt sink in deeper and deeper.

"I suppose so. He doesn't have the hearing and sense of smell like we do, so even he could be caught by surprise. I'm really glad you saved him."

Her thanks felt like punches to his stomach. "Yeah. I'm glad he's okay. Thank you."

He walked her all the way back to Fairy Hills. By the time they arrived, the sun was just starting to rise. All of the girls living at the dormitory had heard about Gray being so badly injured, they needed Wendy right away. Juvia had even run in her pajamas to the guild, thinking they were there, but no one had seen Gray all night. She was the first one to run out to Natsu as they came up the hill.

"Is Gray-sama okay?" she asked fretfully.

"He's fine now," Natsu muttered, trying not to look at the scandalous nightie she was wearing.

Erza was also in pajamas and stood at the doorway, staring hard at Natsu. "What happened?" she demanded.

Natsu cringed and realized he had to lie. "Gray was attacked. I didn't see it. I heard … something … and he was injured. I took him to Porlyusica since she was closest."

"What was he doing way out there?" Evergreen asked.

"How should I know?" Natsu snapped.

Levy asked, "Did you at least smell what attacked him? Is it still loose? Maybe we should send out a search party."

"I'll handle it," Natsu insisted. "It's my fault, so I'll handle it alone."

Erza's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "How is it your fault?"

Natsu had no answer to her. Luckily, Juvia was frantic and cut in.

"Is Gray-sama hurt? Does he need homemade soup?"

"He's injured, not sick with the flu," Laki chided.

"It was bad," Wendy said, sleepy but still disturbed by what she had seen. "The damage to his neck was awful, like a beast had clawed at his throat. Any deeper and he could have bled to death in minutes. His neck was so damaged, it paralyzed him, but I healed everything. He's just dizzy, because the beast choked him for a long time. I really hope cutting off his air for so long doesn't cause any permanent brain damage."

"Brain damage!" Juvia screamed. "Gray-samaaaaa!" She began to sob, and Evergreen moved her aside so she would not flood the pathway.

"Well, I'm off," Natsu said, feeling more and more guilty by the minute. "I'll talk to Gray, see if I can stop this from happening again."

Levy muttered, "I still think we should send out a search party for the beast. Maybe Gajeel can sniff the scent from Gray."

Erza shook her head. "Natsu said he would take care of it. Let's trust him. Wendy, sleep in as late as you need. There's no jobs today anyway. Back inside, everyone. Juvia! Your nightgown is practically see-through. Get in!"

The girls returned inside Fairy Hills, but Erza stayed in the doorway, watching Natsu trudging back down the hill. After everyone was inside, she shut the door and went running barefoot down the path until she caught up with him. She grabbed Natsu's shoulder and spun him again.

"Was it you?" she whispered, although she was not sure if Wendy could still hear her with those keen ears.

Natsu glanced up the hill, apparently also worried about Wendy overhearing. So instead, he merely nodded.

"Is it really safe? Are _you_ safe? From yourself, for him, for all of us?"

Natsu wished he knew for certain. Was would send him off next time? How long before that dark memory overwhelmed him again?

Erza saw the anguish in his face, and realized that now was not the time to chastise him. Natsu had just attacked his own boyfriend; the guilt was punishment enough.

"I don't know everything," she assured him, "but I know enough about _that day_."

He looked up in horror. Erza _knew_?

"Natsu," she sighed, "you've probably not told Gray, right? You need to, really, especially after this. Gray deserves an explanation."

Natsu knew she was right. After things getting this bad, Gray might probably dump him anyway, so before that happened, he needed to tell Gray everything, all of it, since hiding it no longer mattered.

He blew it. He destroyed the trust between them. He might as well tell Gray, because then it would give him an even better reason to not feel guilty as he broke up with Natsu.

"How … how much do you know?" he asked in dread.

"I know you killed people, and I know you hurt Porlyusica. I was told there was also an incident in a hospital, but Makarov was unclear on the details. Only that you owe a family reparations for whatever you did."

Natsu cringed and gulped down his stomach. "Do you know … _all_ who I killed?"

"No. I don't need to know. Killing a person, even someone who deserves extreme punishment for unforgivable crimes, puts a scar on your soul."

Erza pulled him into a hug. Natsu was crushed against her pajamas and smothered into those soft breasts.

"I'll always be here for you, Natsu," she whispered. "No matter what you did in the past, no matter how that haunts you in the present, I will always be ready to catch you and pull you back up. I've learned to forgive a lot in my life," she said with a fond smile of memories of a certain blue-haired man. "I will forgive you, no matter what. If you need to talk, to get it off your chest, I'm willing to listen."

Tears of gratitude beaded up in his eyes. "Thank you," he said, emotions choking up his throat.

She pulled back and straightened out his frazzled hair. "Get a shower before you head back to him. You seriously stink."

He laughed and wiped the tears away. "Yeah, I will. If you need me, I'll be with Gray … or if not, I'll be at the guild getting as drunk as possible."

She patted his head. "I know Gray, and I think he'll forgive you, even if it takes a little time. Have faith in the bonds between you."

His heart stung again. "I just hope I haven't burned those bonds," he muttered. Then Natsu turned away and headed back toward the woods.

Erza watched him go as the sun rose and brought a rosy blush to the land. "I think you underestimate the durability of those bonds," she whispered, knowing he would hear her anyway. "Gray has also learned to forgive a lot of people in his life. It took time for him to forgive Lyon, and it took time for me to forgive Jellal, but we're Fairy Tail. We believe in second chances. So seek out your second chance with him."

Natsu did hear her, although she whispered. He muttered to himself, "More like my third chance. I'm not sure if those bonds can withstand yet another blow, but … I hope so." He looked down at the promise bracelet on his wrist. "I really, really hope so."

* * *

When he returned to Porlyusica's place, she decided he smelled _good enough_ , but complained about his shampoo scent anyway. She let him inside, and Natsu saw Gray sitting up in bed. He wanted to rush forward, but he also held back, worried about getting too close after what happened.

"I'll leave you two alone to talk," Porlyusica said as she drifted away.

Gray and Natsu stared at each other, neither one certain what to do, what they could say. Gray worried that Natsu might feel so guilty, he would insist that they break up; Natsu worried that after almost killed him, Gray would want to break up. They both realized the conversation they had here in this room would decide the future of their relationship, and they both dreaded that they had crossed a line that never should have been crossed.

"I'm sorry," Gray finally said. "What I did to you, it was unwanted; it was non-consensual. I knew it was pushing into something you didn't want to do, but … I thought…" He turned away and shook his head. "It was wrong of me. I broke your trust. I pushed you into a place I never should have gone."

"You didn't know," Natsu said. "That's the problem. I never told you, so you didn't know. It's my fault. I've kept it from you, because … if I tell you," and he cringed away, "you'll break up with me."

"Let me be the judge of that," Gray snapped. He hesitated, but he saw Natsu anguished about something. "Do you want to talk about it now?"

"No," he said honestly, "but I should." He looked ready to say more, but his face drew up. He tightened his lips and gulped hard. "Damn, I hate to go into this."

"You don't have to."

"No, I _need_ to. We need to clear this up." He walked over to the bed and sat beside Gray. Natsu saw a hamper of bloodied bandages, supplies Porlyusica had used. Gray looked fine now, but Natsu knew just how severely he had injured his boyfriend.

"Natsu?" Gray asked, worried by his distant gaze.

Those narrow, green eyes flashed up. "Can I kiss you?" he asked suddenly.

Gray was taken back by the question. "Sure. Of course."

Natsu held Gray's cheek and looked at his lips. If he really had destroyed their bonds, this very well could be their last kiss. That thought ran through his head as he leaned in and gave Gray a long, gentle, wistful kiss.

' _This could be the last time I feel his lips._ '

He pulled back, and there were tears on his cheeks. Gray reached forward and wiped them away.

"Natsu? Come on. Tell me."

Natsu nodded, knowing he needed to tell Gray, but it was a horrible thing to confess. "During…" Natsu shrank down, instantly losing his nerve.

Gray took his hand to encourage him. "During _that time_?"

"Yes. With…" Again, he froze up.

"With that man."

"Shut up!" he screamed, but his head collapsed into his hands. "Sorry. It's just … not easy."

"Then take your time."

Natsu stared ahead. The past was a beast ready to roar up, and he had to stare into the eyes of that monster without fear. He was a Dragon Slayer, after all. He was trained by Igneel to stare into the terrifying eyes of a dragon and fight it. Some pervert of the past was nothing compared to that.

"With that man … when I killed him, I…" He took a deep breath as he pressed past the horror of the truth. "I got aroused," he whispered in shame. "It was the one and only time I ever jerked myself off. That's why I can't anymore. Touching myself … reminds me … just how bad I got." Tears came to his eyes. Facing this demon of the past was harder than he imagined. "I…" He hesitated. There was more to say, so much more, but that past made him tremble. He could not speak in the face of a horror this intense. He could not even breathe.

Gray wrapped his arms around the shivering shoulders. "Come on, Natsu. I'm here with you. It's safe here."

Natsu found his breath and inhaled deeply. He was with Gray. Gray would keep him safe.

The ice wizard waited, but he still saw the horror shivering in those sharp, green eyes. "Okay, if you can't tell me, then don't—"

"No! I wanna tell you," he shouted. Natsu slumped down, and Gray hugged him tighter. "I wanna, but I don't want you to hate me."

"I'm not going to hate you," Gray whispered loyally.

Natsu let out a weary sigh and smiled sadly. "You might." He took a shuddering breath and let it out as he tried to firm his resolve. "For this one, you might," he realized. That was even more terrifying, knowing that the secret inside him was so bad, he just might lose Gray completely. Still, he needed to say it. He needed to let Gray know how terrible he had been. Gray needed to find out what sort of monster lived inside of Natsu, if only to keep everyone safe.

"I'm not going to hate you. No matter what you did, I won't leave you."

Natsu wanted to believe that. He really hoped it was true. Still, this was a darkness that made Natsu hate himself, so he knew it was natural that Gray might come to despise him also.

"I ripped his head off," he whispered so softly, trembling so much, Gray could barely understand the words. "He … what he was doing … I just couldn't take it anymore. Every day, over and over! Touching me like that, making me do that, _every day_! He broke me, Gray. He broke me until I couldn't get aroused at all, and when he couldn't get what he wanted out of me, he tried to choke me. I got free, and … and all I wanted to do was kill him. I wasn't even thinking straight anymore. I choked him back, I wanted to do everything to him that he had done to me, only … worse. I didn't just strangle him. I tore his head off, and then … I…" Natsu flinched and looked down. In a rush, he explained, "Doing something like that, it's not like _boom it's off!_ It's pulling and tugging and … and slowly ripping. Bones … separating and … a-and skin ripping … muscles … tendons were the hardest…"

He gulped down sickness as he realized he had almost done that same thing to Gray. If the ice magic had not stopped him, he very well could have killed Gray in such a horrific manner.

"When it came off, blood shot into the air. It hit the ceiling. I didn't realize so much blood could be in a body. It showered down on me. I could taste it. He must have been aroused, because it tasted … sweet. I could taste arousal," he said in amazement. "And it made me aroused, just like he had been aroused. How could he have been aroused?" Natsu shouted as tears streamed down his cheek. "I was … _tearing_ his head off his body. How … _how_ could he have been aroused by that?" he screamed.

He shuddered, a mystery that he had never figured out in all those years. His voice fell back down as he continued.

"But he was, and I thought … m-maybe he liked the idea that I would be drinking his blood. Maybe he got off on pain, like some sort of perverted preying mantis. I don't know. I don't get it. I … I can't understand it. Not at all!"

Natsu broke into sobs. He curled up his knees and wrapped his arms around them, like a child trying to hide away from a monster. Gray wrapped him up in his arms and held on as that hot body shuddered without control.

"I told you about that one time," Natsu muttered into his knees. "When I was still a prisoner, he … he had me swallow his cum." He curled up tighter, but the words kept coming, slowly dribbling out of his mouth just as the tears were dripping from his eyes, poison that had harbored in his soul for years, finally being lanced and allowed to drain out. "I got a big cut on my neck from his knife when I refused to open my mouth at first. He … _made_ me swallow. He said, 'Swallow or I'll slit your throat and pour my cum down into your stomach.' So I gulped. I almost vomited, but I was afraid that if I threw up, he'd kill me.

"After that, I was untied and allowed to rest. My neck was bleeding, and I kept wiping it up. When I tasted it…" He cringed down. "I tasted arousal. I know it's just a chemical thing, but I still tasted it. Tasting it within myself is different from feeling that reaction and hating it. It makes you realize more. You're aroused! I was … aroused," he corrected. "Aroused by him. Aroused by stroking him and drinking his cum. That was when I finally threw up.

"So on that day, when I killed him and tasted the arousal in his blood, it turned me on. I … I wanted to pay him back." Natsu shuddered an inhale and growled out an exhale as anger clashed with fear and disgust. "I had his head … in my hands."

Natsu held his hands out, glaring at them as if he could see that detached head even now. Gray pulled back and shook his head. He already guessed what happened next.

"I was holding it," Natsu whispered insanely. "I wanted to pay the bastard back. So I used his mouth … to jerk myself off. I fucked his face," he sneered. "I fucked it until I came. Then later, I fucked his damn neck hole! I pounded right into that bloody throat. I poured my cum down into _his_ stomach, just like he made me do. I was laughing the whole time. It was … so fun. So fulfilling. I wasn't scared anymore. For the first time, sex wasn't scary or forced. I was enjoying it so damn much.

"And the next day, I fucked his face again. Fucked it and gouged the eyes out, and then I just started tearing his body apart, bit by bit, laughing the whole time. I ripped his cock off and slammed it down his throat to hold my cum inside his stomach so he couldn't vomit. I was able to vomit his filthy cum out, but he wouldn't throw up mine. It'd always be in there. I messed up his body real bad. I paid him back. And I enjoyed every minute of it, for three days until they found me."

Gray had fallen a few shades paler while listening to all of that. He tried to imagine it, sick as it was. He couldn't. He just couldn't! Natsu … had fucked a _dead body!_

"I realize now, what I did was really sick, and really, _really_ wrong." Natsu gulped down his sick stomach and sneered in self-loathing. "I know that now, but back then, during that moment—" He gnashed his teeth in hatred, glaring at those empty hands as they shook, as if squeezing a skull to crush it. "—I just wanted to _violate_ him, like he had done to me."

The wild gleam in his half-mad eyes was slow to fade, but eventually his hands dropped, his breathing calmed, and the tense sneer relaxed out of his face. His eyes lowered, filled with regret and disgust.

"And that … was the only time I ever masturbated. That's why I can't do it, because whenever I consciously think about masturbating, I see his head, his mouth, how my cum and his blood mixed together and dripped out of the ragged ends of his neck. I remember … the pleasure, the _mad glee_ of doing it to him." He shuddered and gulped hard. "And it makes me vomit. That memory makes me utterly nauseated now. Just thinking about touching myself to fulfillment makes me remember what happened after I snapped. I blocked the memories for a reason. I … didn't _want_ to remember. None of it. Because, I didn't just kill him. That's bad enough. I raped his corpse! I fucked his dead body. And he wasn't the only person I killed."

"Natsu," Gray whispered in worry.

"No, I need to tell you everything," he insisted. "You need to know how dark it was. I need to know if you can truly handle it, or if not, this will give you every right in the world to break up with me."

"I won't—"

"Don't promise!" he screamed. Natsu shivered and cringed down. "Don't promise things you can't fulfill. Just hear me out. If you need to leave … I'll understand."

Gray kept his mouth shut, but he already looked determined not to let whatever Natsu had to say change how he felt.

"It started with the door." Natsu stared off as he remembered everything. "On the second day, after I mutilated his corpse, I guess I made a lot of noise. I heard a voice behind a door. It was locked, but I searched around and found the keys. Inside was a cell, far better off than what I had been locked in, and chained to the three walls were three prisoners. They seemed … more or less okay. They had beds, they had been fed well, but they had collars around their necks with chains connected to the wall."

"More Dragon Slayers?" asked Gray.

Natsu shook his head. "Normal girls. Not even wizards. They seemed totally average. Except that one of them…"

Natsu gulped hard and looked sick.

"That man was giving my sperm to someone else, a buyer of some sort, but…" Natsu fisted up his hands. "…but he was apparently using a little bit of it on his own. On them. And on one of them, I could smell … my blood. She was pregnant with my child."

Gray's mouth dropped as "Oh my God" breathed out too airy to hear. Pregnant? Natsu had a child?

"Yeah," Natsu laughed, shivering in terror while seeing the ridiculousness of it. Him, fathering a child! "And … heh … I…" Tears poured down his cheeks as he still smiled but also looked ready to vomit. "I didn't like that," he whispered miserably. "I didn't like the idea that what he wanted _worked_. All those weeks of him saying he wanted my sperm, and I would make him rich, and then, right there in front of me … my smell. My blood. My baby." The insane smile was gone, and Natsu almost cracked under the misery. "I don't know if it would have been a Dragon Slayer. Probably not. But I just didn't like … that … she…" He had to stop and wipe his face clear.

Gray was about to put a hand on him, but slowly pulled back, not sure if Natsu needed comforting right now. He wanted to ask so many questions, but he knew Natsu needed to say this at his own pace.

"I killed her."

The words thudded like a carcass thrown into a ditch. Those three words stunned Gray. He had been wondering what happened to her and the baby. Did she have an abortion, or was there a baby Dragneel somewhere out there? He never expected this.

"What?"

"Yeah," he said factually, almost without emotion. "She's dead. I killed her. I didn't like that she was pregnant, I was pretty much fully insane, and so I … k-killed … her. I killed her." He cringed again as he slipped out of cold facts and back into dark memories. "All three of them were complaining that they were hungry. They hadn't eaten since the day before. I went to the kitchen. I think maybe I was planning to bring them food." He sniffed and shrank down. "I didn't. I grabbed a knife. A better knife than what I used on him. I had shoved that knife up his ass just an hour earlier. So I got a fresh knife, and I went back, went right up to her, and … and I…"

Natsu heaved, and his face looked green. He grabbed some random cauldron nearby and vomited into it. Gray surged forward, ready to help him, but once again he pulled back. Natsu needed to get over this on his own.

Natsu wiped his mouth and gulped it down sickly. "I gutted her," he said, and his stomach lurched again, but nothing came up. "She was … shrieking. All three of them were. I ripped out her uterus, and … and I said, 'This is mine. I'm keeping it.' I could smell the blood in it that was mine. It was … my … b-baby. My blood. I took it with me. Then I left. She was still alive, bleeding everywhere. I locked the door because their screams were annoying me. I didn't open it again."

Gray was numbed. He knew Natsu had killed more than just that evil man, he had admitted that much. This, though … this was beyond the horrors he had dreaded.

"She was a victim," Natsu said, shaking his head, "just like me, and I did that to her. To all of them. I made the other two watch, left them in that room to starve." He curled into a ball and burst into harder tears. "They were innocent, so scared, probably more scared than I was. He had only jerked me off, but _them_! To be kidnapped and forcible impregnated! Fuck! Who knows what that man did to them. Probably didn't rape them since he wanted them to get pregnant by me, but … I mean, he made me jerk him off, so what did he make them do? Dammit, I don't even want to think about it. And I killed her. Just because she was pregnant. Because I didn't like it." He ripped at his hair and screamed. "I did that to her!"

Natsu completely broke down into wailing sobs. Gray finally put a hand on his knee. Although he was beyond shocked, Natsu needed him.

"There's … more."

Gray shook his head. He didn't want there to be more. This was too much, _way too much_ for his boyfriend, for _anyone_ , to handle.

"It was the next day. Someone came by, someone who knew that man, maybe a … a _buyer_ or something. Him and five bodyguards. They were shouting demands. It seemed like they wanted more _results_. More of my cum. I realized, they were the ones organizing this. All I went through, it was this man's fault. There was no way I would let that go, so I hid and waited. He walked in with his cronies, and I silently locked the door behind them. He saw the blood, and he turned to flee. I was standing right there, blocking the exit. He seemed to know who I was. He began to scream at his guards to catch me alive. I had the kitchen knife still. I cut them all down. All five. It was … surgical. I knew where to aim. Once the bodyguards were all dead, I pounced on him.

"I honestly don't remember clearly, it's all a blur at that point, but when I came to, he was dead. I think I strangled him; I'm not really sure. By then, I … I wanted more blood. That was about all I was eating or drinking. Blood and flesh. That other man, he had completely bled out. I wanted _more_! So I cut this other guy's head off with the knife, hung him up from the rafters by his feet, and I showered in his blood. I began to … to _gnaw_ on one of the bodyguards. I set up that man's head and pretended to feed him strips of meat.

"Later that day, Makarov found me." Natsu gulped hard to hold back his stomach again. "I was … aware. I knew it was him. He looked horrified, obviously, and I just said … _he popped_. Just like that man said I was a pimple, and he wanted to _pop my pimple_ and get me to come, I popped his head off, popped his eyes out, popped his guts apart … I _popped_ him! Popped them all.

"I was still … _showering_ , and I told them I'd be out in a minute, pretending like I was washing myself in the blood dripping down. Blood and rain. It kept raining through those days, and the ceiling leaked. The blood and the rainwater was all over the floor, and I was _showering_ in it.

"Then they wanted to look at the door. Maybe the girls were yelling since there were new voices. I kept telling them, don't go in there. I was _ashamed_. Not that I had killed a girl, but that I had been weak, I had let that man take my cum, and he had made a baby out of it. It was shameful. So I tried to stop them and warn them, but they went in anyway. The dead girl … it stank. It stank so bad. The other two were starved. Three days without food or water. Porlyusica inspected the dead girl, and when she saw the cut she asked what happened. I … I still had … the uterus. It was in my pocket, drying up, stinking. I didn't even realize it was weird. It was mine, after all. The smell was of my blood. It was mine. Porlyusica threw up; it was too much for her.

"Gildarts grabbed the uterus out of my hand and threw it away in disgust. That made me mad, and … I attacked them. The thing is, I didn't go for Gildarts or Makarov. They would have knocked me out in one hit. I aimed straight for Porlyusica," he said quietly, hoping she was not listening in and reliving something bad.

"Why would you attack her?" asked Gray. "You normally aim for the strongest, not the weakest. Porlyusica doesn't even have magic."

"I was going by smell. She smelled … the tastiest." He lowered his head. "They weren't expecting it. At least, not her. She was still recovering from vomiting. I caught her totally by surprise. You're right, it's not like I would normally attack her, of all people. I … knocked her down. She yelled something, and … I dunno. Whatever she said, it reminded me of _him_. I went totally berserk, all in a flash. I'm sure it didn't last long, but when I regained consciousness, they were prying me off of her body. She was … c-covered in blood. I could taste it! I … I asked her, 'How come you didn't get aroused this way?' Then I said something … something no man should ever say to a woman. Especially not one more than fifty years older." He shook his head is disgust. "Makarov was pissed when I threatened her _that way_. He hit me so hard, I was knocked out. Porlyusica had come along with them only because they were afraid I might be injured. Instead, she needed surgery to heal the wounds I gave her. She still has scars from it."

Gray recalled that Porlyusica had touched her neck and hinted that Natsu had attacked her the same way he had attacked Gray. So, that's what she meant.

"When I finally woke up from Makarov's hit, I was in a hospital. They wanted to … to test me, see if I'd been raped. Normally, they would have a male nurse check a boy that way, but since it was a man who did it to me, they sent in three female nurses. I … attacked them. Badly! I killed one of them. A second one, I threw against the wall so hard, you could hear her bones shattering. The third … I … I…" He gulped hard. "I tried to rape her."

Gray quietly protested. No way would Natsu do something like that. No way!

"The one I threw ran off to get help. The other lady … I hurt her … horribly … before they could stop me. I didn't actually have sex with her, but … but it was bad. Real bad.

"I just wasn't all there. I remember it, but it's like it wasn't me. It was him. Like I was possessed by him. The one I threw needed surgery. They said she lived, but she couldn't use her arm after that day and lost hearing in one ear. The other one … she was messed up. She had to quit nursing because she kept having panic attacks because of what I did to her. The other … she didn't survive. It was probably instantaneous. Hopefully she felt no pain. I killed a young nurse who just wanted to care for me. I was that fucked up, Gray. Before it was all over, I killed ten people, counting the unborn fetus. Ten! And three were totally innocent.

"I can't forgive myself for that. Neither could Makarov. For hurting those nurses so horribly, killing one of them, butchering that girl and her unborn baby—my own baby—and for nearly killing Porlyusica, and then … then laughing about it. Laughing! I was laughing about it for weeks, even after they started therapy. I found it to be funny. I eventually apologized, of course. I was acquitted for killing the girl and that nurse, since I was insane, but I pay both families a stipend as an apology, not a court order or anything, just … I have no idea how else I could ever apologize. However, the man who captured me, and the buyer who organized the whole thing … I've never been sorry for killing them. I've felt guilty, but never sorry.

"That's the big reason Makarov can't let it go, because even now, I'm not sorry about it. If he was still alive, I'd want to kill him. It's a darkness within me that won't go away. As long as I want him dead, as long as I have no regrets about murdering him, butchering him, doing all the disgusting things I did to him … I probably will always want to kill anything that reminds me of him." Natsu gazed up at Gray. "Even if the person reminding me of that time … is someone I love."

Gray squeezed his hand, and Natsu's head dropped.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I simply never told anyone. I'd rather forget it. Especially those girls. All of them, the three who were prisoners with me, and the three nurses. I fucked up the lives of those women. What right do I have to seek happiness after doing that?

"I couldn't face that I had done any of that. Makarov and Porlyusica decided maybe it was better for my sanity if I forgot. I don't know if it was magic or my brain trying to protect itself from going insane even more, but it all got buried away. They never brought it up again, allowing me to move on without that memory. I knew bits, I knew I killed that man, I remembered showering in blood, and I remembered when Makarov showed up, but there were always missing pieces. I simply knew not to think about it too much.

"After that, I didn't want anything to do with sex. All through puberty, I _hated_ the idea of ejaculating. I couldn't jerk off, because it was a reminder of when I used that man's head. I _sort of_ remembered that part, more like a nightmare, just enough to know I didn't want to remember it, so I avoided anything that reminded me. Putting my penis into anything, even an ass, edged toward those memories of fucking his mouth and neck. I would see blood, smell my blood, that baby's blood … and I just can't. I can't risk it. If my cum gets into anything where it isn't instantly destroyed, like a toy or ass or if it's not swallowed right away, I panic, because if that happened again … if my cum got used like that again … I am utterly terrified that I might react the same way.

"It faded over time. I didn't really know why things freaked me out, I just knew they did. I had shadowy memories of _something_ bad happening, but I was too scared to dig into the memories. Now I remember almost the whole thing, all but a few moments where I totally blacked out. I know now, and in a way, that makes it worse, because a part of me agrees with what my brain has been saying all along. _What right do I have to have sex and start a family when I killed my own child?_

"Believe me, I really wish I _never_ got my memories back. I'd rather pretend it wasn't even me. Just last night, I asked Mest to wipe my memory. I don't want to remember all of that anymore. I don't want it to be true. But … I remember doing it. I remember my body moving. My brain wasn't all there, but I felt it with my body. I know it happened, and I know I was the one doing it. Still, it's surreal. It wasn't _me_." His eyes drifted off sadly. "I wish to God it wasn't me. But it was. And it's something I have to live with. I can't take the easy route and wipe my memory. Maybe it would protect you, but it's not fair to forget everyone I hurt. I owe it to those women to know what I did and not forget them.

"Those fears _shaped me_ into who I am. I can't get over those issues unless I first know what I did, and work through it with help. I'm getting help, but … it'll take a long time. It could be years to get over this. Maybe I never will. Still, I can't be a coward and just wipe the slate clean. I need to come to terms with that past, and that means working through the worst of it. It means … telling you … and seeing where we need to go from here."

The room had fallen so silent, he could hear Gray's shallow breaths. Natsu glanced up and saw Gray's horror-struck face.

"Well," he grumbled. "Aren't you going to say something?"

Gray snapped out of his shock and swallowed hard. "No," he answered truthfully. "I'm not even sure what I can say to something like that. I don't hate you; I can say that much."

"You look ready to vomit, and you smell scared," Natsu pointed out, keeping to himself. He wondered when Gray had let go of him and backed away so far.

Gray really had almost lost his stomach while Natsu said all that. "Okay, to be honest," he said, knowing he could not lie to a person like Natsu, "I feel ready to puke. Thinking that you did something like that is … disturbing," he admitted. That was an understatement! "But I know," he added quickly. "I _know_ that man put you through hell. He drove you insane. So the person who did all that, it wasn't you."

"It was me—"

"No!" Gray shouted. "It wasn't _you_."

Natsu looked up firmly at him. "I know what you're trying to do, Gray, but … it _was_ me. It was what I wanted to do at the time. Especially what I did to him. Raping his corpse like that: I had thought about doing it even before I snapped. It … was … me," he said firmly. "I can't say it wasn't. I can't lie to myself, and it'd be even more crazy if I made that out to be some split personality. I was insane, but it was still my actions. It's something I have to live with."

Gray covered his hand over those burning fingers. "Natsu…"

"Just don't make me touch myself ever again. Please! And if I _ever_ warn you that I can't do something, _never_ force me. For your own safety! Seriously, I … I could have _killed_ you, Gray."

He nodded solemnly. "I didn't take things seriously enough, and I broke the boundaries we had set. I thought it might help you. I honestly had no idea. Thank you for explaining it. I won't do something like that ever again."

Natsu's eyes tightened sadly.

"Hey," Gray smiled weakly. "I forgive you."

"How?" he screamed. "How can you forgive me? I attacked you. I nearly killed you."

Gray began to open his mouth, but suddenly he hesitated.

"You don't really forgive me, do you?" Natsu grumbled. "You're just saying that because you're supposed to say it."

"No, I…" He wanted to say he would always forgive Natsu of anything. However, he did not want to lie. "I'm gonna try to," he said. "It was my fault, but it was also something we could have avoided if I knew _why_ this was an issue. We're both at fault."

"And the rest?" Natsu asked. "What happened back then?"

Gray looked aside with a dark face. "I … I need time to think about this. It just doesn't seem real. I know you better than anyone, and … and that's not something you'd do. I want to forgive you, but right now … it's just too much to think about." He leaned forward and rested his head into his hands. "Maybe it's the lack of oxygen, maybe it's just how deep this all was, but I can't think through it yet. I need time."

Natsu slowly nodded, realizing it really was a lot to take in. As Erza had said: " _I know Gray, and I think he'll forgive you, even if it takes a little time. Have faith in the bonds between you._ "

"I don't hate you," Gray said gently. "I know you're not like that. Not anymore. Not the _you_ who's in front of me right now."

Natsu snuffled in anguish. "I … I almost … k-killed you."

Gray wiped away some tears that had streaked Natsu's cheeks. "You'd have to do a lot worse than that to kill me," he said smugly, but he saw that Natsu was not in the mood for bantering. "See if you can stay here for a while. I want to hold you."

Porlyusica shouted from the other room, "Just don't have sex and you can stay."

Gray chuckled softly at the old woman's bluntness.

Natsu still pouted. "Do you really trust me to be close to you?"

"I've trusted you up 'til now," Gray reasoned. "Finding out about all of that changes nothing, because that's in the past. Who we were in the past, what we did: none of that matters. We're not those people. We're _us_ , and we wouldn't be _us_ without the darkness we experienced in the past. I accept you for how you are, right now, right here, the past be damned!" Gray wrapped Natsu up into his arms and whispered into his ear. "I like the man I'm holding right now. Whatever your past was, this is who you currently are. The man I'm holding is my beloved, and nothing is going to change that."

"Gray," he sobbed, burrowing his face down into the broad chest.

He kissed the top of Natsu's head. "Now, lie down. I'm still dizzy and could use a nap. I didn't sleep at all last night."

Natsu slowly lowered himself onto the pillow, still stiff and awkward. Gray spooned into Natsu and wrapped his arms around that fiery body.

"I killed her, Gray," he whispered. "She … she was carrying my baby. I killed my own child."

"I know," he whispered, combing his fingers through the pink hair. "I wish you had never been put into that situation."

"I … k-killed … my own flesh and blood."

"Shh." A tear slipped from Gray's eye as he heard the anguish and felt him trembling.

"I can _never_ have kids."

"You don't know that."

"I don't deserve one."

"Wouldn't it be better to say that you deserve the chance to make amends by showing you can raise a child and be a good father? You deserve that chance, Natsu."

"Doesn't matter. We're both guys, so I'll never have kids anyway."

Gray squeezed him, happy that Natsu was even thinking that far into the future. "Well, we could always adopt. Happy needs a brother, right?" He heard Natsu laugh softly, and it made Gray smile. "You're a really good father to Happy."

"I'm not his dad, I'm his friend."

"Well, if you ever adopted a kid, you'd make a great dad."

"Even though … I killed _—_ "

"Shh." Gray stroked his head soothingly. "That was back then. You've grown up. You're strong, you're caring, and you did an excellent job raising Happy. You already proved you can do it, Natsu. Any kid you adopt would be damn lucky to have you as a father."

"… Thanks," he muttered sleepily.

The Dragon Slayer must have been emotionally exhausted, though. Within two minutes, he was snoring. Gray continued to pet his head.

"I seriously wish you had never experienced that," Gray whispered, running his fingers through the pink hair. "How dark that is … I can't imagine how horrific it was to remember all of that so suddenly." Natsu grumbled and snored again. "I'm here for you, though. I … I care for you … I adore you … and I'm gonna stay by you. I just wish … _really wish_ … that man had never darkened your heart." He nuzzled into Natsu's neck. "Are you awake?" he whispered. "If you are, let me know, because I wanna say it."

Natsu's loud snoring never faltered.

Gray smiled gently. "I love you," he said in a mere wisp of air. "Please get stronger. I've decided … I want to tell you that," he said, half worried and half determined, "but I feel it isn't fair if I do when you're like this. So get better so that I can tell you."

"Graaaaaay…"

He stiffened, and he thought his heart might have stopped for a few seconds. Had Natsu heard?

"Wanna baby wi' youuuuu."

Gray's heart thumped hard as it restarted. "Shit," he sighed, sinking down in relief. "Don't scare me."

"M' not pwegnant. Jus' wanna baby. Baby wi' you."

Gray was unsure how to take this dream confession. Natsu was just talking in his sleep, but that also meant he was being completely honest, more honest than he probably would be while awake.

A baby, huh? For some reason, as crazy as that sounded after everything that night, it made Gray smile.

"Which would you like: a boy or a girl?"

A deep and somnolent breath half-snored through Natsu's nose. "Boy. Dunno 'bout girls … little … boy … son … our son."

"You actually do want to be a father after all, huh?" Gray closed his eyes. "For some reason, although I'm not good around kids, I wouldn't mind. I think, if you were there with me … maybe…" He smiled at the heavy breathing that rose and dropped Natsu's shoulders. "We'd make some crazy parents."

"You th' mama."

"Fuck that, you're the mother."

"Mama…"

"You can go screw yourself."

"Mammmmmmma."

"Am I seriously arguing with a sleeping person?"

"Mommmmm…"

"Forget it," he sighed. He kissed the back of Natsu's neck. "Just have good dreams. After all this shit, have some _good_ dreams for a change."

"Yes, mammmma."

"Fuck you," he yawned, and soon Gray was asleep, too.

**End of Chapter 65**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A/N: People have been waiting for this reveal since Chapter One. Many readers made guesses about what Natsu did, and many guessed parts of it, but no one figured out all of it. I hope I shocked at least some of you._
> 
> _I've made probably five different audio recordings of this big reveal since the initial idea four years ago. (Happy 4th anniversary to FMBM, by the way!) In fact, the first recording was two cellphones ago. Back then, I had a 5-minute limit on voice recording on my phone, so the audio had to be broken up into many parts. While some details got changed with each recording, I've pretty much known this was Natsu's dark background since the beginning. If you've never listened to one of my audio recordings, I highly recommend this one so you can hear the inflection in Natsu's voice, something I just can't capture in writing without an annoying abundance of dialogue tags. For years, I've heard in my head precisely how he addresses each issue, from hesitant and sickened, to cold and factual, to slipping into insane rage and crazed laughs._
> 
> _I deserve an Oscar for acting out Natsu's monologue, haha!_  
>  _ **Audio drama** : <http://chirb.it/G0BpE5>_
> 
> _Now, as you read back through the parts that reveal scenes of the past, all of it will make sense. Showering in blood was in reference to the buyer being hung from the rafters. The pools of blood on the floor were all the bodyguards he butchered. Natsu smelling "his blood" was that hidden memory of the fetus. His fear of the "door" in his memory was how desperate he was not to remember the fact that he killed the girl who had been impregnated with his child. There were also references to the nurses, an incident at a hospital, and the attack on Porlyusica. I've been tossing in hints, both vague and blatant, since Chapter One. If you were to go back and re-read all 65 chapters, you'll now comprehend what Natsu was reliving during those dark moments._
> 
> * * *
> 
>  _ **Also... happy birthday to me.** _ ^_^
> 
> _If you want to give me a gift, I hate to bring this up, but I'm actually in a **BIG** financial crisis. I started a GoFundMe out of sheer desperation. We've had a few extremely generous donations from coworkers and friends, which kept us from getting evicted and homeless, but it's not enough to stabilize us into next month. Any donations would GREATLY help. (Otherwise, cutting my hair and selling it is an option.)_
> 
> **_<http://gofundme.com/help-with-rent-save-my-hair>_**
> 
> _If you prefer PayPal, PM me and I can give you the info. Seriously, I need at least $700 before September, so every little bit is a huge relief._
> 
>  
> 
> _Thanks for all the support over the past four years._


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